i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
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Beethoven's White Noise・ベートーヴェンのホワイトノイズ — PELICAN FANCLUB
English+Romaji Translation
結局人間が好きだった
kekkyoku ningen ga suki datta
In the end, I liked humans
なぜなら僕は人間だ
naza nara boku wa ningen da
After all, I'm human too
当たり前の手前の理由を探した
atari mae no temae no riyuu wo sagashita
I searched for that obvious answer that was right in front of me
結局人間がわからない
kekkyoku ningen ga wakaranai
In the end, I don't understand humans
次の日はもう別人だ
tsugi no hi wa mou betsujin da
By tomorrow you'll be a stranger
当たり前に名前を変えていつも
atari mae ni namae wo kaete itsumo
So of course you're always changing your name
振り回されてふりだしに来て
furi mawasarete furidashi kite
I came back to the start swinging
振り回していた
furi mawashiteita
I was swinging
心なしはどうかしている
kokoro nashi wa douka shiteiru
Without a heart, I've lost my mind
どの言葉もどうかしている
dono kotoba mo douka shiteiru
And those words make me crazy too
たった一つ信じたのは
tatta hitotsu shinjita no wa
The one thing I believed in
ベートーヴェンの「運命」だった
beetoovun no unmei datta
Was Beethoven's "Fate"
心なしかどうかしていた
kokoro nashi ka douka shiteita
I had lost my heart, lost my mind
堂々巡り どうかしていた
doudou meguri doukashiteita
Going around in circles, out of my mind
たった一つ忘れていた
tatta hitotsu wasureteita
The one thing I had forgotten
ベートーヴェンも人間だった
beeroovun mo ningen datta
Was that Beethoven was human too
結局人間ってなんだっけ?
kekkyoku ningen tte nandakke
In the end, what makes a human?
心かそれか感情か?
kokoro ka sore ka kanjou ka
Could it be a heart, or emotions?
頭を経由しているかどうか?
atama wo keiyuu shiteiru ka douka
Could it be through the mind?
今更 引き戻されて
imasara hiki modosarete
By now I've been brought back
引き返せなくなった
hiki kaesenakunatta
And returning has become impossible
心なしはどうかしている
kokoro nashi wa douka shiteiru
Without a heart, I've lost my mind
どの言葉も泥の中
dono kotoba mo doro no naka
And those words are stuck inside of mud
たった一つ照らしていた
tatta hitotsu terashiteita
The one thing illuminated
ベートーヴェンの「月光」だった
beetoovun no gekkou datta
Was Beethoven's "Moonlight"
心なしかどうかしていた
kokoro nashi ka douka shiteita
I had lost my heart, lost my mind
堂々としてどうかしていた
doudou toshite douka shiteita
Magnificently out of my mind
たった一つ忘れたんだ
tatta hitotsu wasuretanda
The one thing I had forgotten
ベートーヴェンも人間だっけ?
beetoovun mo ningen dakke
Wasn't Beethoven human too?
僕らが見てきた生活は作品の中
bokura ga mitekita seikatsu wa sakuhin no naka
This way of life we've come to see is inside of these songs
いつか終わりが来ることに気づけない
itsuka owari ga kuru koto ni kizuikenai
We won't be able to tell when the end is coming
惑わされているよう
madowasareteiru you
As if we've been led astray
ホワイトノイズ
howaito noizu
White noise
心なしはどうかしている
kokoro nashi wa douka shiteiru
Without a heart, I've lost my mind
どの言葉もどうでもよくて
dono kotoba mo dou demo yokute
And I'm not going to worry about those words
たった一つ 決まっていたのは
tatta hitotsu kimatteita no wa
The one thing I've settled
彷徨うだけの運命だった
samayou dake no unmei datta
Is that my fate was to simply wander around this life
心なしかどうかしていた
kokoro nashi ka douka shiteita
I had lost my heart, lost my mind
堂々としてどうかしていよう
doudou toshite douka shitei you
Magnificently out of my mind
たった一つ大事にしたい
tatta hitotsu daiji ni shitai
The one thing I want to cherish
僕も君も人間だった
boku mo kimi mo ningen datta
Is that you and I were human
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