#while not being spoilery on its own
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"At this rather intimate gathering (intimate enough that the attendance would render the Great Hall hollow…not that there was ever much chance of the King hosting there, the chamber which is visible and accessible from the King and Queen's watching chambers, but here, here said Queen cannot enter without kingly permission), he watches the mingling lead into dance whilst sipping water, the only water safe to drink of this isle, far as he knows (the same, ferried from Rosamund's Spring in Woodstock, for it is certain the King wishes the newly arrived cardinal to believe there is nothing Rome has that excels anything available in England—although of course there is), splashed with just enough cold, crisp ale to flavor."
—Nowe Thus: Chapter 12
#apparently when i know for eight months what the last line of a chapter is going to be it becomes insanely long#things i am learning about myself...#im like. dropping hints. that im like. reading books#(god bless the floor plan layouts in thurley's books for all these blendable settings)#these tumblr updates....what is this text wagywrfeuh#anyway i couldn't decide a favorite quote. i don't think that's one. but it's very informative#while not being spoilery on its own#oh. i keep switching btwn mary howard and fitzroy. OH WELL#another fix. eff
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Its May.
Okay so this is in the same AU I had last year its just changed and evolved while also being the exact same. Except now I have 15,000 words of it written, like 7,000 words of planning and lore and hours upon hours of research that I will be pointedly ignoring. Will be posting more stuff this month about the AU and my hopes and dreams for it
Also slight art improvement check? I’ll put their original mermaid designs below the cut.
It’s Marinette as a mermaid and … its not Adrien or Chat Noir but a third worse thing (Catwalker but in the purest manifestation of it being a curse and not who he wants to be) I will be making designs for mer!Ladybug, and mer!Adrien as its own thing later on.
Okay if you want to indulge me look below the cut
Old mermaid designs first. I am going to be talking about my design thoughts, thoughts and ramblings about this AU and what I’ve been up to. You have been warned
As you can see, some things have changed but neither design I hated, I just wanted to go further with it.
My brain is quite specific about mermaids and how I want them to generally look. I wanted to distinguish biological merfolk from transformed humans by having them being anatomically different. So Adrien has a vertical tail instead which is also way faster underwater. His transformation is quite distressing for him and very chaotic. Of course when he accepts it he’s not so raggedy.
Marinette similarly avoids her life as a mermaid by becoming human and I wanted her mermaid design to hint toward her fascination with humans. She wears a top she fashioned from human fabric she found in a sunken merchant vessel. In general all other merfolk either forgo clothes or wear things fashioned from materials available to them. There’s deep fear of humans and human things so even though human clothes are available to them (off dead bodies but…. Whatever) they choose to difference themselves as much as possible. The same taboos don’t exist for them and their bodies are already adapted from the temperature of their environment. Adrien has stray bits of netting and seaweed on him because he’s not exactly the best at controlling his speed and often crash’s through fishing nets and patches of seaweed resulting in stuff being caught on him.
A lot of their designs are still being worked but I’ve definitely pushed them the right direction!
On to the AU. You might have seem me cryptically talk about something I’m writing the past few weeks. This is because it’s been in my brain since last May and been on and off writing it since then. I decided I’d talk about it once May came back around but and then when I finished writing it, start posting sneak peaks and more spoilery art until it was fully edited and I felt confident in it to post with an aim for it to finish posting once May rolled around again. Oh god.
It’s set in the late 1700s in a fictional version of France that’s actually fragmented over a bunch of islands. I have done more fashion research than I ever thought I’d do and in the end we will still be taking creative license but know I do know what they actually wore! I ALSO did a butt tonne of research about sailing ships and turns out they are super complicated and now I know too much and yet too little still about them. It should be super fun and action packed if I can manage. Have some really good scenes already in my head I know you’ll love. We’re already three ships battle deep and I’ve only written four chapters. (It chills out for a bit after that)
This is entirely self-indulgent by the way. I’m writing this for me, you guys are just a bonus. I literally don’t care as long as it satiates my rabid need for the fic that only lives in my brain at the moment. Saying that, I do want to put my best foot forward.
The next thing I will be posting for this is their human forms and more blabblerings about that. For I am insane and all.
#miraculous ladybug#sizzle sketches#miraculous#miraculous fanart#ml fanart#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#mermay#mermaid au#Ml art
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What Is ORV?
The number one question I get asked on this blog, now answered better than ever. Today I am going to formally introduce you to Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint
To start off this recommendation: ORV might very well be my favorite thing I've read. Ever. If I could only reread one thing for the rest of my life it'd be this webnovel.
My elevator pitch is this: something with the cosmic-scale goofy video game nonsense and intricate setting comparable to Homestuck in its prime, paired with the deft emotional poignancy and emotionally-driven fights of Mob Psycho 100, topped off with the sort of compassionate and heartwrenching metanarrative of Undertale.
ORV is a love letter to it's own readers. ORV revels in the joy of losing yourself in fiction, even when it's the kind of fiction that tends to be considered lowbrow or worthless. It's something that dances the delicate line between recognizing the difficult nature of using media as escapism without condemning it. I've rarely seen anything else that accomplishes everything it sets out to do in its narrative with such remarkable precision. Frankly if you're reading a tumblr media recommendation post in 2023, I can almost guarantee ORV has the kind of meat you're looking for in a narrative, whatever that may be.
The story follow the antics of protagonist Kim Dokja, a 28 year old office worker on an expiring contract, whose only real joy in life is reading his favorite massively long and massively boring webnovel. One day, the novel’s events - worldwide deathmatches aired for the entertainment of mysterious higher beings called ‘constellations’ - begin playing out in reality in a sort of reverse-isekai. Kim Dokja, the only longterm reader of this webnovel, finds himself uniquely poised to succeed based on the advantages given to him by his knowledge of future events, but the webnovel’s actual protagonist, Yoo Jonghyuk, is a violent monster who will stop at absolutely nothing to complete his goals, no matter the cost to anyone else. Kim Dokja finds himself in a delicate dance of guiding the events of the story to play out more favorably than the version he read while trying to avoid being massacred in the fallout, all while trying to see it through to the story’s end.
Below the cut I'll go into a more in-depth (but non-spoilery) explanation of what exactly makes ORV so unique and worthwhile, and what you're in for if you choose to read it.
Clocking in at 550 chapters, and over 1.3 million words in English, ORV may seem incredibly daunting to dip your toes into, but I assure you it's worth every moment. I would read 1.3 million more words if they had them for me. Here are some things about ORV I consider to be selling points, not necessarily in any particular order:
The tone. Its funny, for starters. It is extremely funny, which is very high up on my media priority list. In ORV, there will be incredibly grim things that make you laugh, and incredibly cringe and silly anime bullshit that will hurt you as heavily as any other media you’ve seen. I always love this kind of tonal whiplash when it's well executed, and ORV probably executes it better than anything else I've seen to date.
It’s got fun and fascinating worldbuilding mechanics. the core concept being ‘reality now operates on the rules of a shitty novel’ means that the worldbuilding doesn’t have to function logically, it functions thematically. It’s explicitly stated in ORV canon that some of the internal rules governing this new reality are objectively really stupid and illogical, but they just have to roll with it because that’s what was in the book, and i think it’s a really enjoyable way to do it. This may at first sound like a copout to excuse bad worldbuilding, but I promise it isn’t. The worldbuilding is actually incredibly deeply thought out, but it doesn’t exist for the sake of rational function, it exists for the sake of furthering orv’s thematic arcs. The rules by which this universe operate do a magnificent job of strengthening the core concepts the authors are exploring.
It plays with the trappings of isekai/litrpg in a really thoughtful way. These are genres I'm not super familiar with, so I can't comment on this point too heavily, but with my limited knowledge ORV feels a lot less of a deconstruction of it's genre and more of a celebration/interrogation of it. Despite that, it's still accessible to readers such as myself who are not super familiar with these genre conventions.
It deals with morality in a really wonderful and nuanced way. there are almost no characters in ORV’s extremely large cast who are just explicitly morally condemnable, and almost every conflict allows you to understand exactly why the antagonists believe they’re in the right by opposing the actions of our protagonists. The central conflicts are never pure right and pure wrong; they’re always about contrasting goals, conflicting worldviews, and different priorities between ends and means. this makes the conflicts all feel so much more dynamic and engaging than those where the only stakes are physical harm.
The characters interpersonal relationships are some of the most interesting I've ever seen. ORV is very slow burn and it takes a long time for a lot of these to come out of the woodwork, by design, but by god once they do they fucking hit. Similar to the plot conflicts, the interpersonal conflicts also almost never occur where there’s one side clearly in the wrong. The characters are almost all genuinely attempting to do their best by each other, and the tension comes from the ways in which human communication is fundamentally imperfect and part of our feelings and intentions get lost in translation. it’s very heartwrenching and heartwarming to see unfold, in equal measure.
Following from that, it’s a narrative that really meaningfully prioritizes non-romantic relationships over romantic ones as the central focus. Orv is about love, but not about romance. Obviously there’s shipbait and the ot3 is real and good and my friend but if you’re looking for deep complex platonic, (found or otherwise) familial, and antagonistic relationships that never get ruined with forced romantic arcs, we got em baby!
The pacing is unlike anything i’ve ever seen before. from a purely technical standpoint, it is genuinely a fascinating case study in how to execute a narrative that is almost constantly escalating without exception. there is very little downtime or breathing room in orv, which is insane for something that clocks in at over a million words, and somehow, it still works. i’ve never felt more like a frog in a pot of slowly boiling water than i did when i was reading orv and i can’t believe they pulled it off. it’s so interesting to read something like that.
It is a tragedy without resorting to cynicism and a very adult narrative that’s really steeped in childlike wonder. I’m a big fan of cartoons made for children. Cartoons made for children are some of my favorite things to watch, but of course children’s media will always be simplified and not very relatable to an adult audience. ORV is very much a serious and heavy adult narrative, and a deeply tragic one at that, but it never delves into torture porn. It’s a very compassionate piece of media overall, that holds a lot of reverence and sympathy for the ‘naive’ optimism of children that gets stripped down over time. if you, like me, feel more like a grown up child than an adult some days, I think it’ll hit for you.
It is extremely cathartic and meaningful. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that reading it gave me the closest thing I have ever felt to any sort of spiritual breakthrough. It helped unfuck my head a ton during some very grim times and i think the perspective it offers on the value of human life and our relationship to storytelling is a really really good one.
And if my word isn't enough, here's some reviews from satisfied customers. With that, I'll leave the rest to you, and hope you one day reach the end of the story.
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knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)
Chapter 4, In Which You Attend A Very Special Event (Part 1)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
(you'll see full art when I finish because it's spoilery as fuck I realized (too late))
SUMMARY: You accidentally the whole Coca-Cola bottle summoned Raphael (or so you'd think) to Earth.
TAGS: meta romance, psychological horror, smut, the character is the player, Raphael is after you, you wanted him, you invited him to our world, he accepted your invitation
RATING: explicit
AO3
Chapter 4
“Buonasera”, Raphael leaned against the doorframe, taking in your appearance. "You look ravishing," he said before giving you a brief kiss on the cheek.
You could feel his light stubble grazing against your skin. Notes of cherries and leather wafted off of him. No sulphur.
Ravishing was perhaps too grand a term, but you put in your best effort. You wore a black dress. While choosing, you went through wanting to be extravagant, then classic, then unconventional, then elegant again, and landed on a little black dress because you thought the devil in a suit would like it.
He, for his part, looked immaculate (of course). His crisp white shirt was expertly pressed, a sleek black waistcoat around his torso. His trench coat hung open, and he played with his car keys.
That surprised you. You had imagined he’d have a chauffeur in a black peak cap, driving a long black limousine. Could Raphael even drive a car? Did he learn to drive for you? Is it difficult to learn to drive a car? You had no driving licence and no idea.
"Thank you, come on in," you invited, breathing in and out low and steady. Did this invitation hold any significance, like with vampires? "I'll just grab my bag and I am ready to go. Do I need to take anything? My wallet?"
You were slowly getting used to the thought of Raphael being real, you mused to yourself. Well, real. At least a constant hallucination in your life.
"Only if you are planning to offend me," he replied with a laugh. “And I hope you are not”.
Raphael followed you into your flat, taking in the surroundings with a half-pitiful, half-amused expression that said “I'm not saying anything because I am well-mannered, but I'm thinking a lot to myself." Well, yes. Not the House of Hope, not even an upper scale apartment, just a run-down studio, forty-six square metres, overdue for some renovation. What more could a young professional afford in today's economy?
Raphael briefly glanced at your open laptop with disinterest, then his eyes lingered on your neatly made bed with its white, slightly faded linen. A small smile formed on his lips as if he entertained a certain thought.
You had entertained quite some thoughts about him while lying on that very bed.
Snatching your phone, keys, and card holder, you cleared your throat and put on an "I'm prepared for whatever comes next" expression as Raphael's eyes moved from the bed to settle between your breasts.
Not in a suggestive way.
"Oh...you are Catholic?" His tone suddenly shifted - was it cautious, repulsed, or bewildered?
"No, I am not religious," you responded, shaking your head and taking a step towards the exit. Raphael didn't budge. The raised eyebrow at the cross around your neck hinted that he wasn't entirely convinced. "You mean the cross? My mother gave it to me for protection and… ugh, protection," you added.
“The age gap between us was not lost on me, but I never imagined you were still young enough to seek fashion advice from your mother," he remarked with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
It was clear what he wanted - the cross had to go. You recalled the black screen in the video and your own possessed, sickly face.
The cross stays on.
You didn’t believe in God (well, you did believe a bit more now), but the cross stays on. Even during sex. Especially during sex.
“Does the cross bother you?”, you asked.
"Why would it bother me?", he questioned. "Because I am the devil?"
Oh, there you go. Is it confession time already?
You remained silent, refusing to fall into a trap again. Let him say what he wanted.
He did not say anything, but he extended his hand and gently grasped the cross. Shit. Shit. Raphael traced his thumb along the edges almost as if he was trying to decipher its meaning.
There was no recoil, no burning, no hissing. Part of you hoped there would be. Part of you thought there should be. Then again, there is no Christ in Toril.
"Ah, the agony! It burns, the Holy Symbol, it burns!" Raphael made a half-hearted attempt at a pained grimace before letting go of your cross. "Yes, after you referred to me as Raphael twice, I did some investigating. A computer game devil, is he not?”
Referring to a video game as "a computer game" was a very authentic boomer move, you had to admit.
Two can play this game, Raphael.
"Well, I wouldn't say Raphael is THE devil," you said casually. "He's just A devil."
Raphael tilted his head in amusement.
There was something oppressive about his presence, the way he stood taller than you, the way he took up more space than he should have, making your apartment look tiny.
“To be fair”, you continued. ”He’s not even that. He’s a cambion, half human, one of the lowest beings in the levels of hells. He likes calling himself a devil for effect though; probably gets a kick out of scaring people.”
Definitely gets a kick out of scaring people. There, you said it. Now let's see if Raphael would drop the act.
You held your breath as silence stretched between you - five seconds...four...three...two...one...
Would your screams reach the neighbours?
Would they call the police?
And if they did, would the police even help? What happens if they shoot him? Will he bleed black blood? Why were you even thinking about that right now?
"Well," Raphael finally broke the silence and placed a gentle hand on your waist, guiding you towards the door. "Judging by his many admirers, it seems some people quite enjoy being scared. Shall we depart?"
God damn it.
You gave a quick nod, trying to subtly adjust your right stocking which felt slightly loose. You had bought them on Sunday but hadn't tried them on yet (which you should have done). Raphael noticed but pretended not to, his hand on your back guiding you downstairs.
The door closed and you wished it farewell.
Who knows if you'll ever see it again.
****
Raphael's car was exactly what one would expect from him if he did drive one - flashy, shiny, predatory; a sleek beast painted in blood red. The kind of car that turned heads and started conversations among curious onlookers.
The kind of car that made teenage boys gather around in awe, wondering how he could afford it and why he was driving it in this neighbourhood.
And so they did, and so you stumbled upon it, surrounded by admirers.
"Nice car, sir!" exclaimed one of them. "Is it a Maserati? A Gran Turismo, right? How fast can it go from zero to sixty?"
"In less than four seconds. Work hard and you might own one someday too, boy," Raphael replied. “More than one if you are any good”.
"Uh-huh," the teenager said, not entirely convinced. You couldn't blame him; you were not entirely convinced either.
You considered yourself a socialist and always voted left (well, you voiced your opinions more often than you voted, but still), but a socialist getting into a Maserati was a bit of an oxymoron, so you decided to put politics aside for tonight. Besides, you weren't sure you wanted to hear Raphael's political opinions on... well, anything at all.
"Or you could always sell your soul to me. Is that not right, Anya?", Raphael turned to you with a playful wink. Now it was your turn to say "uh-huh" and adjust your stocking again.
The gaggle of boys took their cue and dispersed as Raphael stepped forward to open the passenger door for you. You tried to sit down as gracefully as you could, but the leather creaked against your skin and your dress rose to obscene heights.
Quickly, you tugged it back down.
Without a word, Raphael started the car and pulled away from the curb. He was no stranger to this routine - following traffic laws, navigating through the city streets. He felt at ease behind the wheel, it’s not the first time he has driven a sports car.
Something didn't feel right. It all seemed like too much effort; the complicated act, blending into society, creating a false background. Raphael knew who he was, and so did you. So why did he insist on pretending to be someone else? Not even someone entirely different, someone so clearly inspired by himself.
He must be testing you, but for what reason, to what end, for what? Loyalty? Endurance? Ability to take psychic damage?
There is always another truth: there is no bloody devil (of course there isn’t). There is a young woman going through acute psychosis in isolation. You might be now banging your head in a room with very soft carpets on the walls, imagining yourself to be driving in a fancy car with a man you fancied-oh-so-much.
You need proof. You need solid proof. For your own sanity. The thing is, when you need to prove that you are sane, you are half-insane already.
"I must say, this is not the safest neighbourhood for a young woman living alone," Raphael said, scanning the area with a wary eye.
Oh, the neighbourhood was fine, he was the most dangerous thing around these parts by far. At times, you would encounter a few junkies asking for spare change or hear about your neighbour getting mugged.
“I am afraid that’s all I can afford. Have you seen the rent prices nowadays?”, you chuckled. “Well, you probably haven’t.”
“On the contrary,” Raphael shook his head. “I am well aware. I have several investment properties inside and outside the city.”
“Well, that is exactly why I cannot afford anything nicer.”
"That can change at a moment's notice," he said and gave you a sly smile. "Quicker than you might think."
You couldn't suppress your coquettish grin; his words reminded you of his generous gift from earlier - a cool grand handed over just like that. Not that you were mercantile (not that you ever had much of a chance to be, either); but if you were living in an imaginary world, might as well imagine yourself wealthy too. Socialism is…
Well, for real life.
"Where are we headed?" you asked as he merged onto a busy street. “Is there an address?”
"Why? Do you want to send it to your mother?" Raphael's eyes stayed fixed on the road ahead. “For protection?”
Still cannot let go of you wearing the cross?
"Yes, I do. Just in case you decide to keep me locked up in chains in your basement," you joked.
Sort of joked.
He glanced at you, and you couldn't help but wonder if you had finally hit a nerve.
"On our first date? I am a gentleman, an old-fashioned one at that," he retorted, feigning insult. "I'll ensure you reach home safely, plant a goodnight kiss and wish you sweet dreams."
Not exactly how you envisioned the night ending, but you chose not to argue.
“The address is Grand Rue 3, the old theatre,” Raphael said. “If you do not make it home tonight, tell your mother to check the basement.”
It’s the centre, the very centre. Nobody gets killed in the centre of the city. In the bushes, in the slums, in the outskirts, but not in the centre. It’s too much hassle.
Right?
“The one at the street corner? I didn’t think it was open.”
“For the general public, it is not”, Raphael said. “For the few who are invited, it is.”
You drove in silence for some time, and then you spoke up:
“So, is there a play there or…”
Hopefully there was also a dinner, you thought as you nervously adjusted your stocking, because you were so bloody hungry.
“You will find out enough”, Raphael said. “Anya, dear, I have seen the lace on your stockings in every little detail already, so do not bother pulling them up.”
You hastily pulled up your stockings.
“They’re new...I think I took the wrong size. Too large.”
"Well then, take them off. There is no use trying to keep them from slipping down, and it is quite a distracting sight."
You gave him an incredulous look; unsure if he was serious.
He seemed pretty serious about it. That’s some old-fashioned gentleman.
"Take them off?", you repeated.
As the car slowed down to halt near a corner street, you contemplated checking if the doors were locked but decided against it - no subtle way to do that.
"You heard me correctly," Raphael confirmed, leaning back and taking his time to examine you.
Yeah, okay. Okay. That’s a perfectly normal and a justified request, or at least you would act as if it were.
With some hesitation, you removed your shoes first and then gradually rolled down your stockings to reveal your freshly waxed legs. You tried to make it look sensual but ended up feeling more like a rookie stripper or a soldier executing orders.
His eyes were glued to you as you undressed. It was the sort of stare that makes skin tingle.
It felt pretty good.
By the time you pulled your stockings off, your panties were much wetter than when you got into the car. Raphael knew it, and you knew that he knew it. He had access to every dirty little fantasy in your browser history.
On the other hand, you were completely oblivious to his kinks; the only hints you got were Haarlep and the debtors in the House of Hope. It's hard to say which of those is the most disturbing.
"Such exquisite feet," he complimented. "Lovely nail polish. I do adore crimson red."
What was it about the way he said it that felt so... dirty?
Raphael then glanced at the scar on your knee and asked, "Now, is there anything else you bought just for me that keeps slipping?"
Everything you wore you bought new for him, panties to bra, except for the cross.
"I am just teasing," he chuckled, cutting you off just as your lips parted to retort. "We have arrived."
Raphael signalled someone outside. A uniformed valet appeared at your side of the door, reaching for the handle with his gloved hand. The door swung open with a soft click.
A cool gust of wind brushed against your bare legs as you stepped out into one of the quieter corners in the city centre. You couldn't exactly recall when this quaint theatre was built but if asked, you'd guess it was a relic from early 20th century opulence. Red bricks and stone columns stood tall amidst modern buildings like a stubborn old man refusing to budge.
Raphael casually tossed the keys into the air with a quick flick of his wrist.
The valet caught them mid-flight.
***
You were not sure what you had expected.
A password in Latin to enter, people in mysterious white masks, cultists chanting in circles around Raphael, hailing him as their new god, something out of Eyes Wide Shut. The reality was much more mundane. Still high-end, but lacking the unhinged allure you might have imagined. Just the private turf of the rich, the only odd thing being the electric entrance sign that read:
"MAGIC THEATER. ENTRANCE NOT FOR EVERYBODY. FOR MADMEN ONLY!"
Since you could pass the threshold, you assumed you were mad enough to pass the bar.
As you stepped inside, your eyes met those of an older man with a rugged face and a thin scar under his eye in the cloakroom. Raphael handed him his pair of identical black iPhones and AirPods, and then it was your turn to do the same.
It took you a moment to process the fact that Raphael had gotten himself not one but two iPhones just to pass himself off as a human, high-profile lawyer. You followed suit, handing over your electronic devices after one last long look. The last hour was the longest you'd gone without looking at your phone.
queen-of-the-bored: look we are all freaking out after what happened to your twitch
queen-of-the-bored: that’s some creepy pasta shit PLEASE write something PLEASE
“E’ un piacere rivederla capo! Che bella ragazza che ha rimediato!”, the man's words were directed at Raphael as he helped you out of your jacket.
“Vero, vero”, Raphael nodded in agreement. “E’ stupenda e non sa nemmeno di esserlo”.
What were they saying? They were talking about you, you could feel it.
“Non c'è niente di meglio!”, the man continued with a sycophantic grin on his face as he took Raphael's trench coat. He had a rose and a skull tattoo on his wrist.
“Beh, è completamente fuori di testa. Pensa che io sia il diavolo, in senso letterale”.
“Le più sexy sono quelle pazze, capo!”
Your knowledge of Italian was minimal at best. The only words you understood were "devil" and "sexy." Neither of which gave any insight into the situation, and that these words fit perfectly together you had known before.
The theatre was converted into a private club and restaurant, keeping the stage, but adding the chairs and the table and the sofas, the leather-bound books on the walls, the mahogany tables, the smell of cigars and whisky in the air. The only infernal or infernal-looking symbol you could spot was a square and a compass sigil on red velvet curtains.
Everyone knew Raphael.
A crowd of well-dressed men and women reached out to greet him; they exchanged words, smiles, kisses on the cheek (was that an Italian thing?), pats on the back. They looked at you as if you were beautiful or interesting.
Was it because you were supposed to be beautiful, accompanied by such a man?
Raphael’s hand never left your back as he exchanged pleasantries. He seldom spoke English to them. French, Italian, German, Russian, Turkish. The sound of a foreign language can be pretty, but it can also be eerie, discerning, the us-versus-them thing. Hearing them speak was rather the latter.
You couldn't guess who these people were. There is very little difference between how a businessman, a politician or a criminal look; besides, these three professions were perfectly compatible.
The debtors, probably; not literally in chains yet, but certainly owing something and in some kind of servitude.
The prime spot in the room was yours—or rather, it was Raphael's. The table had been marked, a lone initial "R" carved into its surface.
When the waiter suggested an aperitif, you selected a Negroni Sbagliato, because you thought it sounded sophisticated (and so did Olivia Cooke), Raphael ordered "bourbon and blood" because of course he would. You didn't even question if he meant actual blood.
As you chewed on your lip, your eyes darting around the room, Raphael reached across the table. His fingers brushed against yours before he lifted your hand to his lips. “Anya, may I make a small confession?"
"Yes?"
A soft kiss was pressed into your knuckles as he murmured, "I am delighted to have you here with me tonight. Believe it or not, I am but a lonely tired man in a dire need of pleasant company."
His genuine sincerity, the lines around his eyes and the hint of sadness in them disarmed you for a moment.
Who the fuck was this man?
Before you could answer, the curtain opened to reveal a small figure behind it.
It was a dwarf. Not the fantasy dwarf, an actual dwarf - you struggled to recall the politically correct term for them - was it "little person?". He was like something from a lucid dream: crimson suit-clad, slick-backed hair on pale skin, moving with an almost rhythmic grace.
Right. Twin Peaks. Could Raphael read your thoughts? Did he know you were thinking about Laura Palmer?
Or perhaps he too was a David Lynch fan?
"Welcome, dear ones," the little man said, his voice surprisingly deep. "I am grateful for your presence tonight. Some of you I have known since the millennia, while others are new to my realm."
He was looking at you. He meant you.
Raphael squeezed your hand tighter, fingers intertwined, an oddly intimate gesture, as if you’d been dating for a long time. You squeezed back, feeling comforted and sheltered in his touch.
“There are rules that govern this place”, the little man continued. “Rules, as well all know, are under no circumstances not to be broken, or there would be consequences. Same rules apply to everyone”.
“What are the rules?”, you whispered.
Raphael flashed you a wide smile, wrinkles in the corner of his eyes.
“Patience, he will tell us”, he whispered back. “They are never the same. If they were, would that be interesting?”
Consistency would be nice, you thought.
“You, little miss!”, the little man pointed his finger at you. “Yes, you, you specifically, little miss, little-miss-with-the-cross. Tell me, how well can you distinguish reality from fantasy?”
Oh, how you despise being the centre of attention. All eyes on you. All of them. These rich, strange, scary people looking at you and your naked legs and your weird knees and your…
“Not very well”, you said. “Not very well at all, I am afraid”.
The dwarf cackled, Raphael followed suit, everybody laughed, and you were not joking at all.
“Yes, she is remarkably honest”, Raphael praised, giving you an adoring kiss on the cheek. “A wonderful quality, is it not?”
“Shall we give it a little try, little miss?”, the dwarf asked.
Why you? Out of all people, why did it have to be you? Because you were with him?
"Come now, don't be shy”, Raphael chimed in. “There is nothing to fear in this place."
(Except me).
"Would you lend a hand, R?" The dwarf turned his attention to Raphael.
“It would be my absolute pleasure," he replied and positioned himself behind your chair. "Eyes forward," he instructed as you attempted to swivel towards him.
Raphael’s fingers gently grazed your cheek before sliding behind your head.
You felt the soft fabric of a blindfold being secured over your eyes and instinctively clutched the armrests of your chair tighter. The room was plunged into darkness, every sound amplified; the rustling of his clothes, the creaking of the chairs beneath you, the whispering and giggling of others in the room, and your own heartbeat thumping loudly in your ears.
Raphael's hands rested on your shoulders.
"I want you to try this and tell me what it tastes like", came the dwarf’s voice from somewhere ahead, as the waiter (you presumed) set the table before you. “Let imagination be your guide.”
Taste? Taste without looking? You heard the sound of Raphael picking up a fork and piercing something in front of you.
“Open wide”, Raphael said.
If you could say no when he would make such a request, you wouldn’t be here in the first place.
So open wide is what you did and let Raphael push something between your lips and onto your tongue. You sucked and then bit down.
The texture was unlike anything you had ever tasted before - bubbly, tenderly sweet with a savoury undertone, slightly slick and a bit challenging to chew.
You didn’t have the faintest clue what it could be.
“It’s an…”, you took a wild guess. “it’s a.. it’s a piece of lamb in some sugar sauce, I think?”
There were a lot of excited laughs and giggles at your response.
What did you try?
What the fuck did you try? Your hands darted to your eyes to remove the blindfold, but were halted mid-way by a soft but very insistent touch.
“Keep the blindfold on until instructed otherwise,” Raphael warned before removing it himself.
You looked down at your plate and let out a loud exhale. Tiny glazed apple pieces, arranged in this typical Michelin restaurant artsy fashion, sat innocently on the large round dish. Why did the thought of meat cross your mind? What triggered that thought?
"Did your imagination run a little too wild there, little miss?" the dwarf laughed. “Seeing things that are not there?”
I know what you are all playing at, you thought bitterly. And I know who the fuck you all are, Raphael from Baldur’s Gate and the little man from Twin Peaks and I am not fucking crazy despite all your insinuations.
“Dear ones, tonight we will serve five courses in complete darkness. Under no circumstance should you remove your blindfold; if needed, our waitstaff will guide you to restrooms. Guess what we serve tonight - at evening's end, we reveal the truth of it all”.
You said nothing while looking at the glistening apple. You never thought so much of an apple before; of how structure and taste and smell should be, of how it would (should) feel against your gums and teeth.
You kept staring at the glazed apples and thought of all the disgusting things it might have been instead. Brains? Tongues? Worms? A roasted dwarf leg?
“Rapha..”, you began and quickly corrected yourself. “Raul, just one thing, I… I do not eat human flesh”.
His response came after two slow blinks.
“Thank you for that wonderful piece of information. What am I supposed to do with it?”.
Not serving human meat would be a good start.
"Oh my little girl," Raphael cooed as he tenderly stroked your cheek.
(why do you allow him to call you his little girl why this is disgusting this is so hot)
"You don’t seriously think…”, he continued. “Even if I had such inclinations - which I don't - cannibalism is illegal in this country.”
Oh yes, of course, he was a very lawful, very rule-abiding devil.
“And if it was legal?”, you asked.
"Anya," Raphael sighed heavily, "Your questions intrigue and frighten me in equal measures. Now, put on your blindfold." He added when he saw your hesitation: "Of course I will do the same - same rules apply”.
You trusted him to do as he said, since you put on your blindfold first.
"As a warm-up, we have something that may bring back memories of your childhood," the waiter announced as he set down a dish in front of you. Your fingers searched and found the accompanying spoon.
You breathed in the scent, which was so mild it told you nothing. Even if it turned out to be terrible or disgusting, you still wanted to taste it; you still wanted to do rather than not do; after a lifetime of not doing rather than doing.
The first spoonful exploded with nostalgia – kindergarten, afternoon naps, finger paints. The creamy texture and subtle sweetness with a touch of honey.
Quite lovely, actually.
On the other side of the table, you heard a strangled gasp as if someone had just been forced to eat live worms.
"You don't like it?" you asked.
"I do not," Raphael responded gruffly. "But I am well aware that was the intention, so my compliments to the chef."
You wondered that a lot about him. The motherless childhood, growing up in hells, an evil bastard for a father. A chanceless, bleak fate, to be born evil, among evil, for evil, all privilege and no hope. If only Raphael would answer truthfully about that instead of spinning tales about some Italian village.
"I remember when we first met when you mistook me for an actor," Raphael mused out of nowhere. "That's when I first thought we had a certain… connection."
“I thought it happened way earlier”, you said, because it happened way earlier for you.
"Ha! True, I thought you were an exquisitely stunning woman the moment I walked into this cafe, if a little... skittish... which, I must say, adds to your allure. But then again, I've had my fair share of beauties... No matter. You see, I do have an affinity for the theatre".
“Oh really? How surprising”, you laughed pretty humorlessly. The ongoing joke about "I am not who you think I am" was getting rather stale for your taste.
"Indeed," came Raphael's self-assured response. "This place owes much to... ever heard of Antonin Artaud and his Theatre of Cruelty?"
"No, but it sounds like something you would love," you said.
"You hardly know me well enough to make such judgements," he said. "And if you're implying that I'm cruel, rest assured that I am not; merely just." He paused before asking nonchalantly, "Do you mind if I light up?"
You shook your head, though he couldn't see it through his blindfold. He proceeded to light his cigarette regardless. You noticed a dance of light behind the fabric covering your eyes as Raphael took an indulgent, addicted inhale.
A twinge of regret stirred you; witnessing Raphael taking a drag would have been a sight. You’d bet that looked very old school and very villainous. Your Negroni was long gone, replaced by overly potent wine which you sipped on nonetheless.
“The problem with art, Arnaud thought, was the distance between the audience and the artist. The safe space. The little cosy chair you sit in, detached, protected, at a comfortable distance; never truly allowing art to flow through you”.
"I thought the purpose of art was to explore dangerous themes in a safe space," you said.
"That's not exploration then; it's voyeuristic entertainment, nothing more," Raphael countered. “Art and safe space should not coexist in the same sentence.”
His cigarette smoke wafted towards you - sharp, biting, pungent with a metallic undertone not unlike rotten eggs left under the scorching sun for too long.
"Does it smell somewhat... off?" You blinked rapidly, trying to clear your stinging eyes.
You never smelled sulphur before, but you knew what it was the moment you smelled it.
“I beg your pardon?”, Raphael asked.
“The main course shall make you think of something - or someone - you crave for”, the waiter’s voice went straight into your ear, and you didn’t even hear him coming.
"I know exactly who it will make me think of," Raphael said slyly.
You took your first bite as if trying to drown out the scent. Spice, cherries, and raw beef so tender it practically melted on your tongue. Delicious. Sinfully delicious.
Just as you were about to enjoy your third bite, something warm and sinuous wrapped itself around your bare ankle and began to crawl upwards. Your meal lodged in your throat causing a coughing fit that rocked your body.
"Is the flavour too intense for your palate, my dear?", you could hear Raphael grinning.
His tail, you realised as it ventured further up. The nerve of that fucking devil! Groping you with his tail and STILL pretending he was fucking Raul from a fucking Italian village!
"So, as I was saying," Raphael continued, his fork scraping against the plate as if nothing unusual was happening under the table. "Artaud wanted to eliminate aesthetic distance."
You reached down for his tail underneath the table. The thing had a mind of its own though; it slithered away swiftly before you could touch it. You tried to grab for it again, but the sneaky little bastard darted away, causing you to stumble under the table and end up between Raphael's legs in your blind chase.
"By transforming the theatre into a place where the spectator is exposed rather than pro..." You felt his hand rest gently on your head, "Anya, may I inquire what you are doing under the table?"
You froze. His hand gave you a light caress.
"You know exactly what I am doing under the table," you managed to say through gritted teeth. "Looking for your goddamn tail."
Raphael's hand stopped in a half-stroke. For a fleeting moment, you imagined him pulling you closer by your hair until you were right up against his crotch.
"A tail?" He seemed genuinely perplexed at this point. "We may be lost in translation(*) here, but I assume what you're looking for is somewhat more... up."
Your mind conjured up an image of him showing you exactly where it was; unzipping his trousers and placing his cock between your lips.
Would you then open wide and give him a head right there, blindfolded, no questions asked, in a room full of strangers (and a weird dwarf) watching?
You would, wouldn't you?
You wanted to touch him so badly, just one touch to see how hard he was for you; just one fleeting touch, maybe he wouldn't even notice?
"I am delighted that theatre talk has put you in such a playful mood," Raphael purred. "I did presume we would at least make it to dessert before…”
A wave of embarrassment washed over you at his words. You tumbled backwards onto the floor, right on your bum; bumped your head, too, pretty badly and pretty awkwardly..
"I wasn't... Damn, that's not what I..."
Raphael chuckled (you hated him in that moment) and your cheeks turned red. How dare he think you'd suck him off like that, in front of everyone?
Your heart pounded against your ribs as you tried to escape the four-legged table trap, bumping into everything you could bump into. The world turned on its axis for a moment as you finally crawled out from under the table, your legs shaking beneath you.
The smell of sulphur again. You lunged for where your glass should be, found it, almost knocked it over, caught it in time and drank the wine. You thought it would make you feel better, but it made you feel worse.
The tail decided to make a comeback and patted your thigh affectionately.
"I...excuse me," you stammered out, pressing a hand to your mouth. "I need to use the bathroom."
“I’ll escort you, ma’m”, the voice next to you said, and you jumped in surprise. Was the waiter here the entire time? Did he watch you stumble underneath the table?
What else was here the entire time? Who else?
Christ.
Well, fuck, no, not him. Anybody but him.
****
"R's new little pet, aren't you?" the words echoed off the marble walls of the bathroom as you entered. You saw a woman in the mirror, tracing her lips with a ruby red lipstick that matched her hair, and she said: "Careful."
She was older than you, but not old, mid-thirties maybe, but she looked like a woman who was thoroughly done with her life. A stale kind of beauty.
"Why?" you asked, your eyes never leaving hers in the reflection.
She laughed, as if you were asking something utterly ridiculous. Without ever giving you an answer, she gestured to four meticulously arranged lines on the marble countertop. "Want some? It's primo stuff. You won’t get any better"
You've never tried cocaine, nobody's ever offered you cocaine, you wouldn't know how to order it and you certainly wouldn't have the money for it.
It's something that other people have done in the movies. The villains, the debauched, the corrupt elite.
"No thanks," you replied, "I'm already unhinged enough, I think."
Her high-pitched laughter filled the bathroom again. "Oh darling, we're all mad here. Absolutely fucking mad. Even me... Especially me."
"Who 'we'? What is this place?"
"The lodge? Why, a private playground." She gestured vaguely with her lipstick tube, as if to encompass everything around you. "His rules. His people. His theatre."
"And by 'him' you mean..."
Theoretically she could also mean the dwarf…
She laughed again, and you wished she'd just stop. "Oh, how sweet! You know exactly who 'he' is. The man who is going to fuck you tonight."
Okay, you hope it’s Raphael.
"I know who he is," you said, maintaining eye contact in the mirror. "But I thought Raphael had just arrived on Earth... I thought I was the one who summoned him here..."
"Summoned him? Like a demon or something?" She put another layer of lipstick on her lips, now facing forward. "'Raul likes them crazy,' they say, and boy they don't lie."
She had just called him Raul.
What the fuck was going on?
"The one to summon him, ha," she sneered, spinning around to face you directly, her face inches away from yours. “We all think we're so special”.
"No, I don't," you said. "I never thought that. Never. Because I never was any special".
"Well that definitely makes you the special one. How about a kiss, special one?"
How about what?
She leaned in closer still; her breath smelled of champagne and burnt caramel. You took a cautious step back.
"Oh-oh, look at her, such a tease. I can see why Raul brought you here."
That name again.
“Tell me about him”, you asked. “Tell me about that Raul”.
"Nah. No kiss, no tell", she replied nonchalantly while returning her gaze to the mirror. “Enjoy your evening.”
Next: Chapter 4, In Which You Attend A Very Special Event (Part 2).
(*) In some European languages, tail = cock (e.g. “Schwanz” in German).
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TnK's Trigun Fic Listing
Ok now that I've got 15 fics out for Trigun (so far) and at least a couple of those are upwards of 20K and some of them are sequels and followups and ongoing, I thought maybe I should do a proper list of things, to make it easier for people who want to read in some kind of order. I'm terrible about talking up my own work but this is also for my own reference so that's fine, right? ^^; All fics are Vashwood-centric (I will get to Nai in a minute I have a backlog) and ratings vary from Gen to Explicit, though all are intended for an adult audience. This list is complete as of September '23, I will update it periodically as needed!
NB: I'm lucky enough to have gotten fanart for some of these and sometime when my head is not full of mud I'll go in and add links to those where I can. (Or please drop a link in the replies if you are one of the wonderful artists in question!)
THE BIG THREE STORYLINES:
Someday Out of the Blue & I Believe in the Kingdom Come
Trigun '98 canon. Reincarnation fic. The first one is a story I started writing over 20 years ago and quit after a chapter because I was just too heartbroken (and did not know it, but was also too young). Picked it up and finished it this April (2023) after Stampede clobbered me and I fell off the "we don't talk about wolfwood" wagon. The second story is a direct sequel to tie up some loose ends from the first one, and also to indulge my need for a proper happy ending. (I think a lot of folks don't realize Someday has a sequel but it does!!)
Black is the Color and Mysterious Ways
Trimax Canon. Resurrection/Fix-it/Angstmance with a much shorter, sillier, smuttier epilogue. Three years after the end of Trigun Maximum, Vash is having some trouble laying his ghosts to rest. (You may have seen this incredible artwork which has gotten around a bit and boosts the story better than any summary of mine possibly could.) Weird things happened when I was writing this, I don't mind telling you. Mysterious Ways was mostly an excuse to explore some of the more interesting concepts brought up by the first one, but saying anything more would be spoilery.
Eyes of the Storm
(Mostly) Trimax canon. Cryptid Vash AU, slowburn romance, ongoing. When Nicholas D. Wolfwood gets roped into being the new caretaker for the now-abandoned orphanage where he spent his childhood, he soon finds out that his own hidden memories are not the only thing haunting him. (What the fuck is a Typhoon?) Wolfwood, Vash, Livio, Elendira, et al. This is the one currently in progress at six chapters out of ??. Pretty SFW so far BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER CAVEAT LECTOR.
List continues with standalone and shorter fics below the cut!
Honeymoon
Generic Trimax/98 setting. Plant Heat, Wingfic, Tentacle Fic, What the fuck is Hay Fever. Wolfwood offers to help Vash out with a personal problem and gets a little more than he bargained for.
Strange Powers
Generic Trimax/98 setting, comedy/smut/potato jokes/fisting with a loaded prosthetic. What if Vash and Wolfwood (accidentally) got really, really hella high?
Hurricane
Trigun '98 Canon.
Vash: Make money? As a priest?
WW: Well. *mysteriously* Not only that.
Vash: (oh my gosh he's a prostitute)
Shortfic. Wolfwood tries to figure out how to offer his services to someone he doesn't really want to be a paying customer. Short and smutty while also demolishing Wolfwood's professional boundaries.
Skin Tight
Generic Trimax/98 setting. The Infamous Red Dress. PWP, Wolfwood needs to be in the Vash Sensory Deprivation Tank, Vash in high heels, the dress gave its life for this fic you should read it and honor its sacrifice. Look. This is just porn, guys. You want the porny fic? This is the porny fic. (just kidding most of them are porny fics but this one is especially so.)
Secondhand Secrets
Generic Trimax/98 setting. Introspective/Vignette/Wolfwood POV. Vash's artificial arm always moves in his sleep, and Wolfwood wonders what he's looking for.
Personal Jesus
Badlands Rumble canon (post-film), Wolfwood has poor emotional coping strategies, hurt/comfort (Wolfwood provides both), first-time. That red hotel minifridge never stood a chance.
A Fool From Any Direction
Trigun '98 Vash's weird horny schtick is a front, and self-respect doesn't save lives. Which is too bad because when Wolfwood finds out what Vash is planning next he's gonna kill him.
Benediction
Trimax but could also be '98; Sometimes being a hero is not all it's cracked up to be. Or maybe Vash is the one cracking up. Hurt/Comfort, Wound Care & Bible Quotes, Noman's Land is a bitch of a planet. Shortfic, feels, non-explicit/no sex.
A Bit of a Tight Spot
Generic Trimax/98 setting. Costume Porn, PWP, No corsets were harmed in the making of this fic. I feel like this one gets missed a lot which is MADDENING because you guys. WOLFWOOD'S DOUBLE Ds IN A CORSET. And like, in a gender euphoria way, not in a comedy drag kind of way (though comedy drag does make a small appearance). I don't know how the good minister tightlaced in cuban stockings while giving Vash a blowjob in front of a mirror in the attic of a whorehouse can get so often overlooked, maybe my title or summary is lacking, but it's one of the hottest things I've ever written and its engagement is just in the basement? When (emphatic baffled hand motions to Nicholas D. Wolfwood wearing a garter like a thigh-holster). Anyway.
The Quick and the Bed
Trigun '98 Comedy, Romance, First Time. The single bed trope. Drunk Idiocy. Wolfwood's vows are in serious danger. (Wolfwood does not have vows.) Readers have let me know that they find this one amusing. Roommates of readers have sent me threats of bodily harm due to badly-stifled hysterical laughter at 3am.
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW MORE STORIES WILL BE ADDED AS THEY OCCUR!
SMALL DISCLAIMER: I'm a full-time working writer and my fanfic is something I give away for free out of love. Please don't copy, alter, plagiarize, feed to AI in any form, fold, spindle, or mutilate. I'm not in the market for concrit, but if you like my stories please feel free to leave me a comment/kudo, download/print/fanbind for personal use, or let other readers know!
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I'm not going to reblog Neil Gaiman's thing about how S2's episodes "don't have any fat on them" but I DO have some (spoilery) reactions to that below the cut-
OK so I already did another post here where I gave my impressions of the writing- but Gaiman mentioning this actually reminded me of something that I didn't put in there at all but kind of wish I had.
Because honestly, I don't think that the episodes not having any fat on them is a good thing.
Here's the thing- Good Omens, the book and the first season of the TV show, is a bunch of set pieces that loosely come together into a plot. The TV show less so, maybe- there's more of an effort to create a narrative- but fundamentally it's a bunch of ridiculous stuff all strung together to create the Apocalypse. (Like, there's a reason why book fans were so upset when the Four Other Horsemen of the Apocalypse didn't show up in the show- they did literally nothing for the plot but they were absolutely hilarious.)
So far, in the first 2 episodes of S2, I have to agree with Gaiman that there's no fat on them. And I think that's one of the things that kind of threw me. EVERYTHING that has happened thus far has felt like it's something that's probably going to lead to something else, like it's connective tissue for the upcoming story that will presumably make more sense later- and while there's plenty of entertainment and humor and sweetness, it's all to the point. You have to be paying attention, you have to take everything seriously (even if it's something that by rights feels inherently unserious) because it could matter later.
In S1, you didn't have to think too carefully about why a telemarketer is being eaten by maggots or even why there's still a witchfinder in the 21st century (for the show) because fundamentally it doesn't REALLY matter. Something will all come together at the end and in the meantime you can just enjoy it in the spirit in which it's given, which is of course an insane one. Each scene is just fun on its own. (I think this is in some ways truer in the book than the show- there were a lot of these scenes that I don't think worked on the show- but that was more about the execution than the concept.)
The fat in S1 was the good part, really. The plot wasn't all that important- it was all the moments along the way.
The closest thing to fat (to continue to use the metaphor) in S2, so far, is the minisode. It's the only thing where it doesn't necessarily feel like you'll be tested on it later. And it's also easily the best part of those episodes! You can just watch it and take all the ridiculousness for granted because it doesn't really matter. It's there to draw out the characters, it's there to give the world more color, and it's there to entertain.
Not that S2 isn't also there to entertain- it very much is, but it doesn't really have time to. It can be silly and random in the way that the book and S1 are, but instead of those being random throwaway moments (like Newt blacking out all of Dorking in the book- which signifies that his tech-unsavviness may be relevant to the plot later but is really mostly just there to entertain because it's so out-there), they are intrinsically tied into whatever the plot will turn out to be. That's really clear, even though we don't actually know yet exactly what the plot is going to be! The leanness of the plot is immediately evident.
I think, so far, that the main negative consequence is that it makes it so much harder to suspend disbelief. When you have a ridiculous moment in a throwaway scene, that's worldbuilding- it shows that this is the kind of world where ridiculous things happen, and then when a particular ridiculous moment ends up being important to the plot, that's fine because it's part of a whole constellation of ridiculous things in this ridiculous world- they've already deconstructed our sense of disbelief. When all you're getting is plot, when something a bit crazy happens you're like "oh, hang on, that doesn't make sense, that's a bit farfetched."
I think that that's one of the things that, so far, is giving "fanfic vibes" to the first two episodes. Maggie and Nina get locked into the cafe? In their first episode?! When we know that they're going to get together?!?! That's ridiculous. In the book and to a lesser degree S1, where like five other ridiculous things would have already happened that aren't heavily signaled to be important to the plot (Gabriel doesn't count because we know he's important to the plot too), this would just be one more ridiculous thing. In S2, it feels like something we need to suspend disbelief for because we haven't really had it suspended for us yet.
Everything I write about Good Omens here is going to come down to John Finnemore in the end because I can't help myself lol, but honestly, my first thought was "well he's really into plotting, so maybe this is part of that." But- he's also done nine and a bit seasons of a sketch show. While he was writing this he was also writing a season of JFSP (the sublime S9) where there was very minimal plot but everything was propelled by character building sketches, very much in the spirit of Good Omens. He knows exactly the power of random ridiculous moments to build the world and explain its ludicrousness. When him being a writer was announced, I saw so many people say "he's definitely got a bonkers enough brain to do this" except that it turns out that, while true, his bonkers sketch-writing brain doesn't really have a lot to do here.
That, plus the fact that I'd be really surprised from everything that I've heard over the last 2ish years if Gaiman wasn't the first and final voice behind everything written for this season, leads me to the conclusion that the issue might just be that S2 may be, as a group effort, over-plotted for its length. There's little room to breathe and live in the world. There are barely any humans, and as such there's not much time to remember that the story is set in a world where humans matter, which, as I pointed out in my previous post, is something that was really important in Good Omens the book and S1. It just doesn't have any fat.
Now- I should be clear- as I said with the other post, it is way too early to tell if GO2 is good or not, because all of the stuff in E1-2 was clearly building up to other things that haven't happened yet. I actually think S2 probably will be good. The above may not be "issues" per se. But I do think that talking about the original Good Omens like the "fat" is the problem kind of misses the point of why so many people liked it- and leaves GO2 with a pretty big burden to overcome in order to convince viewers that it is a continuation of the same world and same story they loved in S1.
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens s2#good omens season 2#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#gos2 spoilers#go2 spoilers#john finnemore#john finnemore's souvenir programme#jfsp s9#because I can't help myself
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Ask Comp 19/10
That's true - we don't know for sure that Trollian can fully emulate Sburb's surveillance capabilities.
If the trolls were sufficiently motivated, though, they wouldn't actually need to. Sollux could probably hack one of the kids' computers, to gain access to their Sburb viewport - although if he did, he wouldn't need a camera to snoop on their messages.
Is there a paranoia Aspect? I think I've finally found my calling.
anonymous asked: heya! ive just finished re-reading your ENtIRE liveblog and i to send asks about some stuff but i waited to finish so im sendind everything at once!
(im gonna send stuff in a bunch of small asks so cat can stop just one instead of the whole thing in case of accidental spoilers)
(aslo hi cat!)
(also its ninnoy, havent sent an ask in a while but i changed my pfp to something slightly more spoilery so im in anon now)
[...] the jade pen pal thing, do you have any new theories on who it could be?
None! I'm sure that it's someone derived from Grandpa Harley, but everything else is a mystery.
I have no particular theories about who he is, how he knows Jade, where he got his hands on so many endgame weapons, or why he's got such an antiquated accent if he's watching movies from the 80s. I assume time travel is involved, but that doesn't really narrow anything down in a comic like this. He (she? they?) is a complete enigma, and I'll just have to wait to learn more.
ALsO WHEREs YOUR sONAs? we havent seen them in so long im afraid sahlle might have actueally died of meteor strike (joking of course)
also have you realized that "sally" and "cat" are both one letter of from a valid kid name? you could lend her one of your "L"s
I've actually been workshopping some Quest stuff for Sahlee this week! I suppose I'd need to figure out her Title first, though, and for that, I'd need to get a more solid idea of her personality, and how her experiences on Alternia have shaped her.
in one of your last posts you seemed to imply that the multiverse exists inside the timeline, but ive always read it as the opposite, the timeline inside the universe
that would explain why the trolls can pick any time from the humans universe to talk to them but cant have private conversations with their own futute/past selves, its not an inherent part of trollian, they are just outside the human timeline (the memos are still trollian being time fucky)
dont know if that makes any difference but its a thought
also i realize the tag may be unecessary due to my quirk, but its too late to stop now
(NOTE: quirk omitted for readability, but the substitutions are [t -> 7, s -> 2] - sort of a variant of Sollux's quirk. I actually don't think we've seen any quirks which add a 7, so the voice here is distinct from any trolls we've seen so far. I like it!)
Originally, my assumption was that each timeline contained a duplicate of the entire multiverse. Doomed timelines don't seem to let you communicate with other universes/dimensions, though, so they don't need to contain other sectors of reality. I'm currently of the opinion that doomed timelines only contain an instance of the dimension they were doomed in. The only timeline which contains the entire multiverse is the Alpha.
This mechanic keeps doomed timelines simple, but in-universe, I don't know why it exists. Much like the Alpha itself, it's a mystery I can only speculate about.
has the shipping chart been updated since the last time we saw it?
also you (at some point) said that equius<>feferi was a controversial ship so i had to go back to check the notes and i was the only person i found talkig about it
so i guess im the whole controversy? if thats the case i would like to thank you for recognizing me as the equius<>feferi number 1 hater (all jokes of course)
I got a few skeptical asks about Equius<>Feferi, but you're the only one who discussed it on the post itself. I guess by some measures, you are the most dedicated hater, because your hate was posted publicly! 🤣
I could make one or two changes, but I don't want to post a new chart until the kids meet the trolls in person, hopefully at the end of the Act!
The Scratch, naturally - but I'm also looking forward to seeing exactly how WV was Exiled. He's currently on Skaia, and Jack has lost interest in him, so who's actually sending him through the portal?
Tavros is barely a presence on the Land he's ostensibly the hero of, and all of his actions are being dictated by a third party who can physically control his body. This third party does not acknowledge or respect Tavros's own desires, effectively forcing him to play the game in a way that she personally approves of.
She claims it will make him stronger.
@bladekindeyewear submitted: That was a long, thorough, and fantastic response! It's fascinating seeing your opinion on these things-- and I'm glad to see that considering the questions we've given you seems to have made you more paranoid. But I'm just not entirely sure you're paranoid ENOUGH. Not yet.
Much like how you just found that "BREEZE" quote in your Breath research, back at around the time you've now reached in the comic, we had dozens of theory-miners combing back through everything that had been said and shown in Homestuck, over and over again, searching for anything we might have missed that might have been of some importance.
[...] So, uh….. how do I put this… Would you prefer to strictly handle that sort of thing all by yourself, as you've said? Which I'd agree is still the best way that you should keep to, for the most part? Or would you mind if I gave you just a CRUMB of an example, only one? A tiny bit of text that we in the theory community only found at about the time you've reached in the comic, even though it was more than a thousand pages earlier?
Shit, this is such a dilemma. I'm honestly really torn.
See, I'd probably find old fandom theories absolutely fascinating to analyze. I'd love to know how closely my ideas align with those of the early Homestuck fandom, and whether I'm saying anything really out-of-pocket. My analysis of Sollux's ~ATH script was apparently an original theory, and it's honestly one my proudest moments.
But that's also sort of the problem, isn't it? If I dive too deeply into other people's fan theories, they'll start to affect my own - and if I'm introduced to a really compelling fan theory, it could end up replacing any homegrown theories that I could have developed in lieu of it. If someone had send me a well-reasoned ~ATH theory before I did my own analysis, I'd probably have been less motivated to make the analysis in the first place. After all, many of my questions would already have been answered by a clever theory I just read.
People are free to send me their own off-the-cuff opinions on what's happening in the comic, or their own takes on any meta I write. I get a lot of asks like that, and they're some of my favorites. There are also asks which spoil a little too much, but I'm still interested in their takes, so Cat's saving them for later. We don't really delete asks - we just delay the ones that aren't necessarily appropriate for a blind liveblog.
Obviously there's a fine line here, and whether a given ask is a theory or just an opinion is a little subjective - but in my opinion, the influence that asks and submissions have had on my analysis has been relatively minor. I don't think many of my theories have been spawned from an ask, or killed by one.
This is a little different, though, because it's part of a theory that was crowdsourced over several years. It doesn't sound like something that could be inferred by an individual, so I'm not sure if it's something an individual liveblogger should necessarily know about? If I start crowdsourcing my analysis, my theories will be less Wertsearch and more fandom consensus, and I don't think I'd enjoy that as much.
I really want to know, but I think I'll enjoy the liveblog more if I don't. When I finish the comic, I'll gleefully analyze any fan theory that anyone sends me - but for now, I'll just have to wonder, and come up with theories of my own!
Yeah, we've really been getting into it with Vriska lately. I've enjoyed trying to explain and predict her actions, and I'm glad people don't think I'm going overboard when trying to analyze her.
When a character does something interesting, I don't like to move on until I have a theory about why they did it. Sure, it may be refuted later, but it needs to be something that's consistent with what I currently know about their personality.
Vriska takes a particularly long time to puzzle out in this way. Her motivations are derived from a complex web (lol) of factors, including Scratch, Spidermom, her rivalry with Terezi, her horrendous relationship with Tavros, classism, teenage hormones, quadrant politics, highblood society and the Alternian culture of violence. They all inform her decisions, and any combination of them could have been the catalyst for the latest Vriska Incident.
I want characters to make sense to me, and Vriska is written to deliberately challenge my attempt to achieve this. Her meta is fun to write, so I'm glad it's also fun to read!
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Hello! I am aware that you are not drawing COTL for the moment, but do you still answer asks about it? If you do, I'd like to ask, if it isn't too spoilery: What gave you the idea to make a reincarnation AU that you are writing right now? Does being the god of cycle also include death and rebirth in that domain? How do you plan on showing Lamb's suspicious familiarity with the Red Crown? How did Narinder became a follower of the previous Red Crown bearer? Would your Red Crown have its own personality or some form of sentience, and would it recognise its former bearer's soul if so?
What is your favourite weapon, fleece, and curse to use in the game? Any OC followers?
Have an enjoyable month, eat regularly.
EEEK HIIII OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST MISSED THIS ASK!!!! HIIII ❤️❤️ (speaking of which, all other asks pertaining to art reqs will be answered eventually!!! don't worry, i've seen em)
longpost and mentions of irl religion under the cut
What gave you the idea to make a reincarnation AU?
- There wasn't really any big "aha" moment when it came to the early stages of trying to find an au that i could write, but I'd been seeing fairly similar role reversal concept art on my dash for quite a while. Eventually, after I'd come up with some logical reasoning for how everything worked, I decided to write it for real :)
Does being the god of cycles also include death and rebirth in that domain?
- Yes! It's also part of the reason the lamb ever made it back to the land of the living in the first place, aside from being a genuine abstract concept.
How do you plan on showing the lamb's suspicious familiarity with the crown?
- Through dreams, primarily. The dreams don't start up until the lamb starts wearing the crown, and after that they're mostly vague bits and pieces that they oftentimes can't remember well enough to understand. On Narinder's end, it's even less certain. He can't recognize them--their soul, while it's the same, has taken up residence in an entirely new body. The possibility of them being his old god doesn't even cross his mind; why would it? He can't remember anything from his mortal life, not after spending however many years trapped in abject agony. However, he does notice how easily they seem to take to the crown in comparison to its previous bearers (ie Ratau). They bounce back almost immediately after being resurrected, and their power is amplified. He can't fathom why that might be.
How did Narinder become a follower of the previous Red Crown bearer?
- I based the worship of the Great Ones off of the worship of the actual Greek and Roman pantheons. While many people were not devoted to a specific god, it was common to leave offerings and pray to one for safe passage/victory in war/fertile soil/etc. For example, if one wanted to guarantee the safe passage of a loved one through the afterlife, they would pray to They of Cycles (although the god would do their best to safeguard deceased souls, regardless).
In contrast, Narinder grew up in a family of devouts residing in a temple to the previous bearer. From the moment he became old enough, he was an acolyte, assisting celebrants in processions and the like. As I've mentioned before, They of Cycles took on the form of a worshiper to observe their followers often. They had a tentative relationship with many in their temple, but they'd made fast friends with Narinder, too.
Would your Red Crown have its own personality or some form of sentience, and would it recognize its previous bearer if so?
- Technically, no. The crowns do not have their own personalities, and they are sentient in only the barest form.
I grew up doing witchcraft with my grandmother, and she had her own beliefs around how wands "actually worked." (And obviously I'm not trying to give commentary on anyone else's beliefs, btw! This is just how I grew up. I haven't interacted with other witches outside of my grandmother's older circle in several years.) A practician is perfectly capable of doing magic on their own, but using a wand is helpful for directing their energy during spellwork.
In the same vein, the gods are extremely powerful regardless of whether or not they posess their crowns, but the crowns are a great help when they want to focus their power toward more demanding tasks.
Where they differ, however, is the vitality of the god's conduit; gods can only last so long without their crowns. When their crown is not in their posession, a god's source of devotion is cut off completely, and they will begin to deteriorate over an extremely long period of time. This is why, by the time Narinder is free, the lamb is able to defeat him. They've had his crown for so long that he's weakened enough to be defeated in combat. Narinder recognized this risk every time he gave away his crown, but there was no other hope for escape, and as long as his vessel remained obedient and returned the crown to its "rightful owner," he would leave his prison more powerful than he entered it regardless.
Anyway, since I'm getting a teeny bit off track. No, the crown is not its own character and functions more like a wand, but it is sentient enough to recognize its true owner and begin funneling what's left of their power and memories back into their soul. Or something like that.
Favorite weapon?
- Dagger.
Favorite fleece?
- Glass cannon.
Favorite curse?
- I don't use curses. </3
Any follower OCS?
- None at the moment, but I have ideas for some that'll probably feature later in the fic!
Thank you for your well wishes! Your asks are always a joy to see in my inbox <3 I hope you have a wonderful month, as well, and make sure to get some sleep!
#cult of the lamb fanfic#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#narilamb#cult of the lamb narinder#cotl bishops
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question can you infodump about your Little Guys (atbb) to me because ive been following for like a year and i still dont totally understand them past papyrus au. they are really cool tho
oh my god ok so. first off atbb is the acronym for my ask blog @ask-the-bone-boys that's been on hiatus for a little over a year now. it was born in 2018 out of the annoyance of everything au-centered being sans and also a way to explore how the classic "aus get stuck in the original universe" fic trope would go if it was somebody from the "original" story leaving their universe instead. and also an excuse to make papyrus miserable to be fully honest
also also im going to preface this by saying i ship selfcest and there is some selfcest in this story ok if anybody has issue with that then uh. oopsies (i can explain the way i view it at another time if anybody;s interested but im already gonna ramble like hell here so not rn)
with that groundwork laid im gonna put this under a cut lmao dont click this
for the sake of organization- part 1: RUSS
STARTING AT THE BEGINNING so some very basic backstory for this Undertale Papyrus specifically is that he and his brother are twins, they grew up bouncing around several foster homes until they decided to run away to live in the woods on their 14th birthday, where they lived in a bigass tent for three years until Papyrus got badly injured and they had to get help from the townspeople, who uh kinda unofficially adopted them and thats how "they just showed up one day"
then more time passed and around 3 years after getting to the surface Papyrus was booted out of his universe by Mysterious Circumstances. he got a very bad introduction to the multiverse because the place he landed was my own version of horrortale, undermunch. there he meets Spooks!
i have a whole side-fic where you can read in better detail how this goes but basically monsters don't turn to dust in this world and also Spooks is a cannibal, which Papyrus doesn't know until he realizes he was fed spaghetti made out of a rabbit monster. IN addition to that, Spooks has very different magic from other aus, that being it's pretty much all concentrated into a kind of blue-magic-venom that comes out of his teeth like a snake.
Long story short Papyrus has to escape from Spooks somehow, and that's how he learns he's able to move through universes by himself. It still takes him a while to learn how to without being in a life-or-death situation, but that's ok because almost every other universe he goes to after that puts him into a life-or-death situation :>
and then FINALLY he gets spat out into a variation of Underswap, where he meets Honey. this one's a bit spoilery because i haven't finished writing this fic yet BUT its ok because this will be so so so disorganized. anyway so Papyrus is scared of Honey at first because he's been getting completely fucking obliterated by the multiverse (his leg is broken and he's wearing a chest plate he stole from a different papyrus who died in front of him) but Honey is relatively patient with him and lets him stay on his couch on the surface. This is where Papyrus gets the nickname Russ!
Russ is dealing with a broken leg when he shows up in this universe, so he stays with Honey for a little over three months while he recovers from that as well as (some of) the multiverse traumas he'd been collecting up to that point. The main things that he still can't shake are nightmares, trust/attachment issues, and EXTREME food paranoia. he refuses to eat anything he hasn't prepared himself, and even that can be a struggle. Also, because of how long he spent without getting it properly treated, his leg never fully heals.
He starts getting really really homesick the longer he stays in this universe. It builds up over his whole stay, but only starts to get Very Bad after he gets the cast off of his leg. Honey's home is extremely similar to his own home, and sometimes just seeing him and his brother interacting with each other makes Russ upset.
OH I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE CODEPENDENCY ok so at some point Russ just starts completely clinging to Honey and Honey doesn't know what to do about it so he just kinda. unintentionally feeds into it and this turns into Russ sleeping in Honey's bed and blah blah blah eventually this becomes a problem for Honey because he doesn't know how to address Russ's homesickness and clinginess without hurting him somehow even though Honey is extremely stressed and actively burning out
Then Russ overhears Honey venting to Undyne and feels. crushed. And he reacts incredibly rationally! By avoiding Honey as much as possible! But it does not take him long at all to break down and the two finally have a chat about boundaries. They work out a plan together that Honey thinks will genuinely help and Russ thinks will get himself off of Honey's back. The plan is that they'll figure out how to control Russ's world-hopping ability and get him back home.
The idea is that if he's able to control when and how he leaves, he can control where he goes. Then, when he inevitably lands in his home, he'll pop back in Underswap and tell Honey how it went. Because he can control it! Of course!
Honey gives him one of his hoodies and a photo camera to remember him by. Russ tries to figure out what it was in the past that might have helped him jump universes, which was the desire to be just about anywhere other than where he was at that moment. So, he just, thought about going home instead!
And it worked! And he left Honey's universe! And then he realized he didn't land at his home at all! And when he tried to go back to Honey's universe, he went somewhere entirely different as well! And he never saw Honey again! Wahoo!
This is the point where he just becomes a complete mess I'm not gonna lie to you, he starts drinking even though he really really REALLY hates alcohol, he only eats enough to stay conscious, he gets into fights just for the adrenaline rush, and only stays in one universe long enough to confirm it's not his home before either leaving for the next one or collapsing somewhere and hoping he doesn't get attacked while he sleeps for two hours
then he lands in Edge's universe and this needs a part two now OOPS
#trousled rambles#EMPHASIS ON RAMBLES#atbb#undertale#papyrus#russ#wasnt gonna use main tags but you know what. the papyrus tag could use this kind of enrichment i think#glanced at it today and must've reported like 10 posts for spam in 15 mins#at least i put my long shit under a read more!!!!!!!!!!!!#ahem. anyway yeah it is slightly embarrassing that i have to break this into multiple parts but i put. so much thought into the lore here o#at least russ has the bulk of it so the next ones wont be so insane#i'll keep going in a bit but i think i need a break from typing and also to. eat somethjing lmao#edit oh my god i forgot ALL of the tws guys sorry#cannibalism //#broken bones //#eating disorder //#codependency //#alcohol //#self harm //#(not outright stated but he does deliberately harmful stuff yknow)#ask to tag
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The Resignation and Resistance of Yukika Nanase, an analysis
Last Friday (September 29th, 2023) was the 15th of the Eighth Month in the lunar calendar, which is the date of the Mid-Autumn Festival/Chuseok/Tết Trung Thu/Tsukimi/Uposatha, festivals strongly associated with the autumn moon in Asian countries.
Since I happened to have some ThoughtsTM and writings on Yukika Nanase (whose release event, "Otsukimi is After an Elegant Tea Party" was about, well, [O]tsukimi, and who's got a lot to do with Yukika in general), I thought this might be a really good excuse for me to finally officially begin posting on Tumblr! So...
Here is the first one out of a few (perhaps?): a little something I first wrote earlier this year, though now refined, organized, and extended by... maybe over 5 times its original length, for posting on here.
(official CG of the full moon, as it's depicted in the Yukika-narrated event Otsukimi. why exactly there is a rainbow around it is solely up to interpretation)
You may or may not be aware that Yukika Nanase is one of my favorite characters and main blorbos in Magia Record, and while I'm sure personal preference (and her being Relatable™️ for me) counts for a good part of it as it usually does, I would personally argue that she is also just an exceptionally intriguing character in general.
Typically, the fandom at large seems to view Yukika as a daredevil ojou-sama of sorts and some thrill-seeking gambler (and a character that her designer Masugitsune really likes), etc, etc. Now, it's clear where that image comes from, and by no means is it totally off either, but once you really get around to watching or reading any of her stories, you basically immediately see an entirely different side to her than what you might've assumed from her fandom reputation. almost like... the back side of the moon, so to speak
Now, in the canon story content itself, Yukika is often treated as a somewhat comedic character by the narrative, especially in stories where she's not the main protagonist. By no means is this a complaint or a criticism: Elements of comedy don't make a character any less well-written (unless said comedy is implemented in a way that's ineffective or distracting, but that's another matter entirely), and with Yukika in particular I've found that she often works with comedy excellently.
Besides, the fact she often has a comedic-ish role is largely in line with (and partly because of) Yukika's own extremely effacing perception and framing of herself—however, it also makes it quite easy for one to simply completely overlook her own emotional complexities and problems, both in-universe and among fans in the community. Which is fair, even she herself does it! ...But I do want to draw attention to it here, since it's an aspect of her that's quite interesting to me.
So today I'm going to talk about... Yukika's fatalistic mindset and her mental health.
Long informal analysis under the cut:
[cw: major spoilers for most Yukika-related stories, vague reference to Ashen Revolution's themes and motifs (nothing actually spoilery aside from AR's short very first opening section, which will be directly quoted), clinical discussion of mental health issues, mention of addiction]
A Magical Girl who has lived without ever straying from the rails laid out for her since childhood. Raised as a young lady, she is able to handle everything with ease, but her self-esteem is extremely low because of all the talented ladies who surround her. Though she was fed up with the boring life she was leading, her life has taken a sharp turn since she became a Magical Girl, and now she is constantly caught up in trouble.
Yukika's Extraordinary Everyday Life
If you're already familiar with any of her canon stories (or have read her official character description above), you must know that Yukika's "main thing" is that she's always involved in all kinds of trouble on an extremely frequent basis.
Like almost any other playable character in MR, she has her moments™️ (and, the fact that she is in constant stress and anxiety due to the passive effect of her wish; when nothing is wrong she keeps worrying something is about to go wrong in no time and she apologizes for it in advance, and when something is wrong, she blames herself for no matter what it is and tries to take responsibility at top speed), but overall Yukika seems generally surprisingly "fine" as in, we pretty much never see her get into any particularly negative emotional outbursts over anything, at all. Despite all the troublesome situations that she never stops finding herself in, she seems decently adjusted and stable (that is, "stable" on the grand scale of things, since everyday instability is her stability), at least among the MR girls we know.
But when you look into why that is the case, you'll kind of see that it's because Yukika actually has her own unique sense of a fatalistic mindset—in that, typically speaking, (there are some notable exceptions, such as when she made her wish) she completely accepts the state of herself and the state of her life as they are, even though they are by no means what she genuinely sees as ideal.
For instance:
[Though with all that said, I am, so to speak, in the role of "Villager A". - Yukika]
Yukika: (As I was one of many “Black Feathers”...)
Yukika: (I didn't have any desire to advance and become a White Feather someday.)
Yukika: (Because those White Feathers who manage the Black Feathers are more suited to shining...)
Yukika: Yes, like the pride of Mizuna Girls Academy, Akatsuki Tsukuyo-senpai…!
Yukika: Even in Mizuna Ward, where many wealthy families produce polished children, Akatsuki-senpai is a genuine charm...
Yukika: ...Just like the full moon.
Yukika: (While I get saddled with Student Council Officer duty almost every year because I seem "sort of" ladylike, whatever that means...)
Yukika: (Akatsuki-senpai has an aura leagues above mine.)
she looks weirdly happy in the last two (pretty self-deprecatory) lines here and then goes on to talk about how her presence is so faint that Akatsuki-senpai still doesn't know she's a Magical Girl yet, whi— ANYWAY I digress
From this early part of Otsukimi, we see that Yukika has a crush on Tsukuyo (for legal reasons this is completely? a joke) a pretty set idea of what her "role" in this world is supposed to be (i.e. she has a "fixed mindset", as some may call it, as opposed to a "growth" one), and that is the role of a "Villager A"—basically meaning an NPC character, to put it in more common terms.
Yukika: (Looking for a substitute for Akatsuki-senpai and being mistaken for Akatsuki-senpai…)
Yukika: (Despite her absence from beginning to end, she's got the sense of presence of a true protagonist!)
Yukika: (It's getting more impossible by the second for a minor role like me to pretend to be her...)
And this attitude is very telling of her outlook on life as a whole.
Student Council President: That’s right. Will you accept?
Yukika: Please leave it to me.
Yukika: Our already-busy President shouldn't have to deal with this kind of hassle.
Yukika: As the lowliest Student Council Officer, I think that I'm the right person for the job.
Girl A: ...Oh, I’ll help you too!
Student Council President: Thank you, it’ll be a huge help.
Yukika: By "the lowliest Student Council Officer", I mean the Student Council Chore Officer, of which one is selected from each class.
Yukika: My job is to gracefully prepare the tea in the student council room, help pour the tea for the exchange parties, and so on.
Yukika: ...That's a tremendously misleading description, of course.
Yukika: But in short, since it's hardly comparable to the Student Council President, who's elected by the whole school, and the Class President, who's elected from her class's honor students...
Yukika: The job naturally gets foisted on me, the vaguely cultured-ish girl with no aura and hardly any presence!
From her rank in the Wing of the Magius as a "lowly Black Feather", to her duty in the student council as the "Student Council Chore Officer", Yukika views her roles and positions of insignificance as essentially predetermined things that she—as a self-perceived NPC figure—is simply matched for by nature; and she never even considers the idea of breaking out of this status quo, because, to her, it is simply a fact of life.
and you may notice this in the way Yukika presents/frames things—anything—in general, too; she's basically got an attitude of "ah well, of course, things are how they are; now let me deal with it so it doesn't trouble anyone else" toward basically everything, ever.
This brings me to my next point...
A Bunny Caught in the Tracks of Orbit
Yukika: Speaking of the moon, I used to wonder when I was a kid...
Yukika: When the moon faces the Earth, it only shows the side with the rabbit and its mochi.
Yukika: Why doesn’t it show the “other face” on it’s back?
Yukika: According to my physics teacher, this is because the moon’s cycle of “revolution” and “rotation” is the same.
Yukika: It’s apparently quite common in space.
Yukika: (I don’t know what the standard of “common” is in space, but...)
Yukika: Ah... I am Yukika Nanase, a first-year student at Mizuna's Girls Academy and a Magical Girl.
Yukika: Yes, I am one of those who reluctantly set foot into the world of Magical Girls—
Yukika: the "other side" of common sense, that most people will live their lives without ever knowing.
(excerpt from the start of Otsukimi, slightly condensed for format)
It is very clear from Yukika's Magical Girl attire that she's associated with rabbits/bunnies—partly for the casino aesthetics, partly for the Alice's Adventures in Wonderland reference, and partly because of the Moon, which is heavily associated with rabbits in Japanese culture. Namely, there is the legend of the moon rabbit, a mythical creature said to live on the moon, as Yukika herself references in the excerpt above.
Now, the next part is going to look like a bit of a stretch if taken to be actual speculation of canon, but to be clear that is not my intention; it is merely a connection I made/similarity I noticed, and I figured it would be interesting to bring up.
(...Actually that does remind me, I should probably clarify here that this entire analysis is, in fact, of my own personal interpretations of the content presented in the game itself, rather than what I theorize to be the deliberate intention of the writers.)
With that out of the way, let's look at the opening section of Ashen Revolution:
Rabi: We can never stop the never-ending movement of the starry sky.
Urara: However much I practice, I can never defy the gravitational pull drawing the diabolo.
Alexandra: No matter how much I raise my voice, without this atmosphere, my melody will never resonate.
Asahi: Yes, we are forever under the control of the unseen.
Asahi: Like this rabbit, it lost its life at the hands of my unseen self.
Asahi: Everything is made by the natural order, and being at the mercy of it is a fate we must resign ourselves to...
I won't go into details about AR here since on a technical level Yukika is entirely unrelated to it, but it is an event about the struggle of Magical Girls, who help people in secret but remain completely unknown, unacknowledged, and not understood. Which...
compare Yukika's previously quoted monologue, in which she compares the world of Magical Girls, which "most people will live their lives without ever knowing", to the backside of the moon.
Coincidentally, Yukika's own character is also all about helping people in the background and never ever being acknowledged (to a higher degree than the average MR girl). Relatedly, she also notably possesses a level of figurative invisibility/unseenness similar to the AR girls, through her entire recurring "faint presence" thing.
So, as seen in the AR excerpt above, the rabbit motif is used to demonstrate their helplessness in the hands of fate—or in their specific case, "fate" as in what they perceive to be the "Will of the Universe".
Well, funnily enough…
[Yes, I believe it's all due to the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe... - Yukika]
Yukika: (Here it is, the new hassle..!)
Yukika: (The schedule has returned to a blank slate…)
Yukika: (Rather, things have actually gotten worse thanks to the passage of time.)
Yukika: (How can I put this? It’s as if...)
Yukika: (It's as if some great and terrible will of the universe is at work,)
Yukika: (and is specifically targeting me and creating trouble.)
…alright, so this is 99.1% a coincidence, especially because the two terms don’t use the same word for “will of the universe” in the original Japanese text, but it’s pretty crazy nonetheless.
In any case, the themes of fate and fortune are indeed actually heavily featured in Yukika’s own character. There’s her gambling motif as seen in her story, design, and gameplay alike, and her entire “keeps getting caught up in troublesome matters” thing, which is the result of her wish.
And how does she see it?
Girl A: Wouldn’t that mean you’d have more work?
Yukika: Please don’t worry.
Yukika: Dealing with trouble is my fate.
Girl A: …Fate?
Yukika: Ah, nothing! Let’s hurry!
Girl A: Yeah, got it!
Yukika: (Yes, I am involved in trouble on a daily basis.)
Yukika: (It’s the “fate” that has been decided for me ever since I became a Magical Girl.)
"Fate". Once again, we see a certain degree of fatalism in Yukika's worldview, especially in regard to herself. Rather than a choice she's made on her own, she sees her behavior/self-imposed duty of helping everyone out as the luck of the draw, something that is "decided for" her.
And this part is extremely significant because it offers us a particularly revealing look into her mindset:
The truth is, in spite of everything she goes out of her way to do daily in order to resolve trouble and help/save other people, without actually being forced to do any of that by anything or anyone, Yukika sees literally all of those actions as passive acts rather than something she's doing out of her own free will (and isn't actually obliged to do, really)—because, no matter what she does she only thinks of it as the predetermined consequences of her own choice, for these issues are always the fault of the wish she personally made (or so she thinks), thus the responsibility to resolve them naturally always falls on her shoulder, which is why there's really never anything to brag about about this, according to Yukika.
As for why and how she made such a wish in the first place, that is explained to us in her MSS:
Yukika: …I do think that I was blessed in many ways during my upbringing.
Yukika: But one day, um… In spite of all that luxury,
Yukika: when I thought of how from then on, rather than moving forward with my own strength,
Yukika: I would instead be riding the train toward the future on the tracks built by my parents,
Yukika: I started to feel like I wasn’t really “living” at all…
Not necessarily relevant, but for a bit of a linguistic context, the word for “tracks” (in the sense of “rails; train tracks”) and the word meaning “orbit” (as in the trajectory of a celestial body around another; the curved course of a satellite) is the same word in Japanese (and various other languages. Which makes sense, since even the English term “orbit” was derived from the Latin word “orbita” meaning “tracks; course”); hence my title for this section. anyway this ties into the motif of gravity as seen in Urara's line above
Very interestingly, the original line here too explicitly uses train and train track imagery as a metaphor for the course of life and fate, similar to how it's used to symbolize these things in Kenji Miyazawa's The Night on the Galactic Railroad, and by extension Magia Record, which takes a lot from Miyazawa's works.
Speaking of which, that brings us to our next, largest, and final section...
A Thin Ice Between Life and Death
buckle up guys, it's got three parts
Pt. 1. The Rabbit with a Death Wish
Earlier on, I said Yukika accepts her life as-is, but really, she also fully accepts her death as-is. While her heart does desire to feel "alive", and it is for that, rather than any active desire to actually die, that she longs to be at the brink of death, it is... actually a bit worrying, how little she feels like she has to live for.
Well, let's look at the part in Otsukimi when she thought she was going to die to the powerful Witch:
Yukika: (Ah… There’s blood coming from my mouth. This is called hematemesis, right?)
Yukika: (I'm... definitely a goner at this point.)
Yukika: (But despite that... No, maybe because of that...?)
Yukika: (My head's perfectly clear, and I'm getting tons of adrenaline.)
Yukika: (Way more than when I bet all of the coins I have…)
Yukika: (I feel like I’m alive!)
Yukika: Hehe...
Yukika: (...Wow. I must be kind of crazy.)
Nanny Witch: …………!!
Yukika: Kwaah…!!
Yukika: Hehehe... I've got plenty where that came from!
Yukika: ...Is what I'd like to boast right now.
Yukika: But my battery is dead.
[the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes]
Yukika: (I’m going to die without being able to do anything…)
Yukika: (I wonder if that unknown White Feather felt the same chagrin…)
[the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes]
Yukika: I’m sorry…
Yukika: I won’t be seeing you two at the moon viewing party.
Yukika: .............
...maybe it's just me, but it strikes me as unusual and almost alarming how little she seems to feel like she has to live for, you know? Like, Rion and Hotori are a pair of girls who she literally just met this afternoon. And they (and her not being able to defeat this threat on other people's lives) are somehow her biggest regrets.
And like, Yukika isn't just like this here. Whether you say it's for thrills or for other people's sake (it's usually initially the latter with the extra bonus of the former sometimes), she never even hesitates to put her life on the line. It's kind of sad, really.
This makes sense, though; this sort of attitude tracks perfectly with the abysmally low value she attributes to herself and her existence (again, in her eyes, she is literally just the most basic NPC ever, and who cares about what happens to a random NPC? well actually several people in this fandom do care, including me, but it's not like Yukika Nanase would know that).
In fact, let's look at the legend about the moon rabbit that I mentioned earlier. A quick online search would tell you that it's a mythical figure in East Asian and indigenous American folklore, based on pareidolic interpretations that identify the dark markings on the near side of the Moon as a hare or rabbit
As a side note, this is (accidentally?) fitting in the context of her own perceived "lowliness" (+ faint presence and all) against Tsukuyo's full moon-like brilliance... but I should probably leave that for another analysis oops (assuming I ever write one)
who (in East Asian folklore) pounds the elixir of life (according to Chinese and Vietnamese interpretations), or rice cakes such as the mochi (Japanese and Korean interpretations).
But how come the Moon Rabbit arrived on the Moon?
There's a story behind it that originates from Tale 316 of the Buddhist Jataka tales, and a derived version of it appears in the Japanese anthology, Konjaku Monogatarishū.
According to the Japanese folklore:
The rabbit, as well as the hare, have long been associated with moon deities, and may signify rebirth or resurrection.
According to legend, an old man who lived on the moon decided to visit Earth. A group of animals saw what they thought was an old beggar who was starving. “Poor beggar, he looks hungry and has no food. Let us give him some food”. First, the monkey plucked some fruit from the trees. He brought the fruits and laid them in front of the old beggar. Next, the otter collected some fish and brought it to the old beggar. The jackal was too lazy to find something that the beggar could eat, so he caught the first animal he could - a lizard, and placed it in front of the old beggar, along with some water.
The rabbit did not know what to get for the old beggar. He was not good at catching animals or fish, nor could he scale trees and get fruit. He only knew how to gather grass, but humans didn’t eat grass. Having nothing to offer, he sat in a corner unhappy. Suddenly he remembered that humans like to eat meat. So he got up happily, prepared a fire and jumped into it, having decided to cook himself for the unknown old man. The fire did not burn the rabbit! The old man revealed himself to be Sakra, the ruler of Gods. “You have been very kind and selfless.” he said to the rabbit. Touched by the rabbit’s selflessness and virtue, he drew the likeness of the rabbit on the moon. “Henceforth, for all ages, all those who will look at the moon, will see your shape in it and remember your kindness.
(the story of Tsuki no Usagi, from here. lightly adjusted for formatting and such)
Most versions of this myth have roughly the same story, with the identities of the rabbit's companions varying. Interestingly, the legends of Moon Rabbits among some indigenous cultures of North and Central America often tell an extremely similar story as well. For example:
According to an Aztec legend, the god Quetzalcoatl, then living on Earth as a human, started on a journey and, after walking for a long time, became hungry and tired. With no food or water around, he thought he would die. Then a rabbit grazing nearby offered herself as food to save his life. Quetzalcoatl, moved by the rabbit's noble offering, elevated her to the Moon, then lowered her back to Earth and told her, "You may be just a rabbit, but everyone will remember you; there is your image in light, for all people and for all times."
(from Wikipedia)
The Jakata version of the tale relates that this event took place on Uposatha, which is the same night as Tsukimi. And while it’s hard to say for certain that this was 100% a deliberate reference, it’s definitely not farfetched to connect this legend to what Yukika does on Tsukimi in her debut event, and in general.
Deeming herself a thoroughly unnoteworthy person with nothing special to offer, she's extremely willing to throw herself into anything from minor inconveniences to life-threatening dangers, as long as it's to help someone else. Because, as noted by Tsukasa and Mifuyu in her MSS...
Tsukasa: I mean, she says she’s "dragged into it" by the effect of her wish...
Tsukasa: But really, isn’t she taking on this lost child of her own volition?
Mifuyu: She’s the type of girl who could never leave someone in need alone, no matter what.
Mifuyu: So, from her perspective, it’s the same as being dragged into things.
Tsukasa: …What a kind girl.
...So, honestly, I have no doubt that she would have no hesitation in doing the same thing as the original Moon Rabbit did in the legend, had she been in his/its situation.
Yet the thing is, as Mifuyu analyzes above and according to Yukika's own words about "fate" prior, Yukika never sees what she does as anything exceptional because, in her eyes, she's only doing what she's naturally supposed to do, and what she probably (incorrectly) assumes to be what anyone in her circumstances would also do. Thus, she never sees any merit in those actions and she refuses to take credit for them, trying to remain in the background because she firmly believes that's just where she belongs by nature. but more on her self-effacement next time.
Now, onto the secondary reason she's eager to throw herself into danger:
Her thrill-seeking instinct.
Though it's a well-known fact about Yukika that she is quite a reckless gambler, have you ever wondered...
Why is she like this in the first place?
Pt. 2. The Psychology of an Ennuyé Bunny
in which I accidentally turned the analysis post into a psych diagnosis of a mostly unspecified mental condition I swear as a distinctly not STEM person I went out of my way to do scientific research this time, please bear with it if you don't mind
Of course, there's a canon explanation for this in Yukika's MSS, where it is discussed.
Tsukasa: …medal games?
Yukika: When I abandon myself in an all-or-nothing, do-or-die game, I can forget for a moment about my boring daily life.
Yukika: So… going to the arcade after school to play medal games became a hobby of mine.
Yukika: I even secretly bought a casino set, and now stare at it at home every night…
Mifuyu: …Your escape from reality, I see.
Yukika: Exactly.
Tsukasa: If that’s the worst you can do, then you really are a true lady.
(Seen in her MSS and personal memoria, this is the casino set she secretly keeps in her closet but only ever stares at, without actually doing anything with it.)
As Mifuyu puts it, Yukika finds in small acts of gambling an escape from her boring reality, and as she said in her wish, what she wanted was "the feeling of being alive".
This is, statedly, due to her boredom* more on this later from following a predetermined life path (hence her wish being an act of defiance against fate, one which she is shown to be deeply ashamed of), but also...
...you know how substance abuse, excessive gambling, and other forms of addictions often co-occur with mental health issues?
Yeah.
In many such cases, said addiction can be the consequence as well as the cause of these issues
because for people with symptoms of depression, anxiety, executive dysfunction (and any other kind of stress or motivation issues, etc.), activities like alcohol and gambling provide them with a temporary source of ease, escape, and/or brain chemicals of the likes of catecholamines* see explanation later, any of which they might lack otherwise.
Besides, executive dysfunction (which is seen in many different mental conditions) can also mean worse inhibition control in both thoughts and behavior, which makes people with executive function issues particularly susceptible to addiction to physiological-rewarding behaviors, in more ways than one.
So... while I'm not going to pin anything particularly specific on her (okay I lied I'll say here she clearly does show symptoms of general anxiety at least, even if that's solely induced by the effects of her wish and not something originally innate to her, but that's mildly beside the point here since I'm more talking about the cause of her wish instead of the consequence), I don't think it's that much of a stretch to speculate that Yukika might have a mental condition or two that contributed to her unbearable "boredom" with her routine everyday life at that time.
Many studies have shown that executive function problems (as seen in various different conditions including neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD and ASD, or mood disorders such as depression and bipolar) may be caused by imbalances and deficits in certain key neurotransmitters, such as:
dopamine, and
noradrenaline (a.k.a. norepinephrine)
...both of which are among the 3 catecholamine hormones & neurotransmitters, alongside adrenaline a.k.a epinephrine.
for reference, common ADHD meds like amphetamine (Adderall, etc.) and methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, etc.) are often catecholamine analogs or serve the same function, that is to say, they're used to increase the amount of dopamine and noradrenaline released by the patient's adrenal glands.
You may have realized that this isn’t exactly the first mention of adrenaline in this post. Indeed, Yukika herself brought it up in the earlier excerpt from Otsukimi where she experiences a rush of adrenaline at death’s door.
Adrenaline and noradrenaline both fall under what's considered “stress hormones”. Along with dopamine, they're a big part of what activates the fight-or-flight response (or to put it in more medical terms, the "acute stress response") in a person, as the catecholamines increase heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle strength, mental alertness and more.
Between the two, adrenaline is released by your body when you experience acute or chronic stress, in preparation to protect itself against real or perceived danger.
On the other hand, noradrenaline is continuously released into circulation at low levels, but the amount produced also increases in response to stress and fright.
(By the way, adrenaline is made from noradrenaline, and noradrenaline is made from dopamine.)
...Right, well, all this neuroscience stuff and I still haven't made my point yet. But basically, what I mean is that there's enough canon evidence for me to believe the odds are that Yukika Nanase is not precisely a neurotypical individual, no matter what her problem(s) actually is in exact.
This is evident in her...
Chronic boredom (sometimes synonymous with "ennui") prior to making her contract, indicative of a depleted reward system
Attraction toward gambling and other risky behaviors that act as stimuli and generate the release of catecholamines in her brain
Possession of a certain level of impulsivity, and engagement in reckless & risky activities
Novelty-seeking attitude and behavior
As previously discussed, those traits above are primarily observed in Yukika's wish, the circumstances and reasons behind her wish, and her thrill-chasing attitude and behavior, including her fondness for medal games.
Like, if you read what Biser Angelov says about the connection between ADHD and boredom (the article is about ADHD specifically, but you can apply this particular section's info to other conditions with cognitive dysfunction as well):
As you can see, the screenshotted paragraphs discuss similar ideas to what I've been talking about in this subsection, and I'm sure you can see from here how the situation described indeed applies to Yukika, especially with her state before her wish.
In addition, let's examine the psychology of a thrill seeker. Yukika fits the description of what we would call an "adrenaline junkie", being particularly into thrills and dangerous situations. But what exactly makes thrilling sensations so appealing to a so-called "adrenaline junkie"?
You may or may not have heard of the Sensation Seeking Scale (SSS), originally published by psychologist Marvin Zuckerman in 1964 as a measure of sensation seeking that encompasses and evaluates an individual’s personality traits of thrill and adventure seeking, disinhibition, experience seeking, and susceptibility to boredom. A study about the brains of people with high scores on the SSS shows that under chaotic/dangerous/troublesome circumstances, these people tend to excrete less cortisol and more dopamine in response to the situations, compared to those who score low.
Now, cortisol is also a stress hormone, but it generally generates more feelings of what we actually consider "stress" compared to dopamine (and other catecholamines), which is instead more associated with feelings of pleasure and attention. So, during those highly chaotic experiences, those with a thrill-seeking constitution are more likely to feel good and elated instead of feeling burdened by stress, and the experiences thus become exciting to them rather than suffocating.
Considering the factors analyzed above, this might be the case for Yukika as well. If her brain suffered from a deficiency of catecholamines on mundane days but could produce much of those energizing neurotransmitters and hormones under stress and fright, it would explain why she enjoys high-risk/near-death experiences (and gambling) and finds being in chaotic troublesome situations to elevate a good portion of her boredom.
Moreover, the need for higher stimulation in children with executive dysfunction is backed by scientific research, according to this article on the link between ADHD and high-risk behavior.
Other studies (Zentall and Zentall 1983 and Douglas 1983) indicate that children with attention problems need a higher level of stimulation. According to the research, children with ADHD are under-aroused by dull or repetitive tasks and will seek out high-interest or high-risk activities to compensate.
Further, (Farley 1981, 1985) children that are under-aroused will search for more intense activities and will be more open to different experiences. They will prefer complex tasks to simple tasks; will seek new and novel experiences that include the need for high energy and high risk. In short, Farley found that children with hyperactivity seek high stimulation. His recommendations for children with hyperactivity included modifications to education to include more interactive and creative experiences to provide the extra stimulation needed.
Many other scientific studies, such as this one conducted in 2021, have also proven that ADHD, a major symptom of which is executive dysfunction, is "uniquely linked to a pervasive pattern of engagement in risky behaviors", spanning across various domains, including gambling.
Moving on, Yukika also has the tendency to:
Ramble a lot (in her head and otherwise) while jumping from one topic to the next, sometimes in ways that would be considered... whimsical?
Accidentally think aloud, or vocalize things that she has no intention of letting the other party hear about, without realizing it until she sees their reaction
Despite her own opinion, Yukika actually stands out to me as quite capable, intelligent, and resilient in various areas (especially when you consider how honestly difficult her everyday life is like).
That said, the way she thinks and talks does sometimes give off the impression of some sort of scatter-mindedness, and when we spend time in her head we see that Yukika kind of zones in and zones out of conversations sometimes because there’s always so much going on in her brain (partly thanks to her full awareness of her own trouble-attracting nature, but I kinda get the feeling she was probably kinda like that even before becoming a Magical Girl), causing her to blurt out to people things she doesn’t mean to tell them about at times.
There are several instances of this in Otsukimi, including the “dealing with trouble is my fate” comment she didn’t mean to let that random girl hear about in the earlier excerpt, and the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe remark (as seen in a previous screenshot) wasn’t meant for the Tea Ceremony Club’s leader’s ears either.
As for her erratic thought patterns in general, you can probably see the way her internal thoughts are always constantly racing throughout the entire event. In fact, one can just look at the very start of Otsukimi for an example. And in a different scene, we see Yukika suddenly wondering to herself, while very sincerely navigating the problems in an attempt to solve them:
Yukika: (This time, I’ll find the cause of the trouble!)
Yukika: (I’ll definitely reveal it...)
Yukika: (Just what the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe (Tentative Name) actually is!)
Yukika: …………
Yukika: (I doubt it'd happen, but just imagine...)
Yukika: (The moment I step into the old school building, everyone yells "Happy Birthday!",)
Yukika: (and this mob of well-wishers swallows me whole.)
Yukika: (If nothing else, please let me be spared the embarrassment of such a turn of events...)
Yukika: (Ah, and maybe even Akatsuki-senpai is in the act.)
Yukika: ...Yeah, I think not.
Yukika: I mean, it's already past my birthday for starters...
...yeah. Doesn't particularly read like the thought process of a neurotypical kid to me, but hey, who knows, maybe that's just me.
Moreover, she also shows signs of:
Anxiety and restlessness (the former of which was either caused by her wish or marginally increased by it)
Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and (debatably) inappropriate guilt
...etc, etc.
Overall, I believe that more than sufficient evidence is present in canon for one to see Yukika as having one or more mental conditions that come with executive dysfunction, and interpret her behavior and thinking through such an explanation.
Pt. 3. The Girl Who Wants to Live
On a note directly related to my conclusion in Pt. 2, I'm going to take a moment to compare and contrast Yukika to one of her better friends, Yuuna Kaharu.
Now, I personally believe that Yukika is quite a parallel to Yuuna in various ways, and Yuuna in The Flower that Blooms in a Hollow Heart definitely reads to me as having depression. I'd say the parallel is most obvious (to me) in like, Yukika's "I feel like I'm not really alive because all I'm doing is living the boring luxurious life to the future that my parents planned for me" (Yukika MSS, paraphrased) vs Yuuna's "I'm an empty shell blessed by the lucky life handed by me by my parents on a golden plate, only living because I'm not dead yet" (Hollow Heart, also paraphrased).
Yukika and Yuuna are also character foils, however, in that Yuuna has an arc centered on growth and she is able to advance forward because she finds herself a clear and defined goal in Mami, whom she sees as a role model that she aims to become like one day. On the other hand, Yukika establishes right at the very start of Otsukimi that she had never any desire to advance upward, whether in WoM or in school, because it was supposedly people like Tsukuyo who were suited for such better roles, and to Yukika, that's simply how it is.
There is another striking difference between them, and that is that Yuuna is unabashed in taking credit for when she's done something good, whereas Yukika times and times again brushes off any help she's offered with an "oh it's nothing special / it's already over with so let's not talk about it" kind of attitude, because that's really just how she sees it.
As examined earlier, this is largely due to her low self-worth and her perception of everything as her own natural responsibility. The unfortunate thing is that this self-effacing attitude, on top of her already faint presence and all, makes her even more unnoticed and her deeds completely unacknowledged.
And then, by further preventing most people from recognizing Yukika and her efforts, it reinforces her mindset about her lowly faint presence and further contributes to her lack of self-worth, which in turn makes her value her life even less, altogether creating a vicious feedback loop.
Yukika speaks of having friends in class, but with the way she talks about it, they don't seem all that close to her and they're definitely not people she could fully open her heart to.
see the fact that she's very concerned that her classmates and school friends mustn't hear about her visits to the arcades; she is never really seen thinking much about them on-screen, going to them for help, or worrying about any particularly important school friend when the whole school is in trouble, etc.
In canon, there are like only three named characters who consistently notice Yukika and actively try to pay attention to and care about her (Rion & Hotori, later Yuuna), and none of them even go to the same school as her.
And because Yukika has this somewhat fatalistic mindset, no defined aims or goals in life, and effectively actively discourages people from noticing her, she is likely to just... stay this way, unlike Yuuna.
Like, Yukika is just a weirdly really static character in her default state. As someone who's tried to work with her as a major character in a story, it's honestly kind of crazy how I always absolutely have to throw her into some odd situation where another character actively tells Yukika that she (and she specifically) should try to change or grow, as long as I want to make her undergo any dynamic character development. Otherwise, her usual mentality typically completely blocks any possible self-development of the introspective kind from happening.
To me, there's something rather... subtly tragic(?) about this, but...
Yeah, so, I for one do believe that Yukika still has the quality for future growth. Not sure if it could happen in the game or not, but like, I do think that can still happen to her as a person. And more than that...
In spite of everything I've been saying up till this point, Yukika's core desire is "to live".
It's in the wish she made. It's why she chases excitement the way she does. Indeed, Yukika is relatively easily self-sacrificial as a result of the "low self-worth + too kind" combo and she seeks to experience the brink of death for a wholly different reason, but truly, her overall main subconscious drive is to feel alive.
And the most paradoxical thing here is the fact that her longing to experience a brush with death stems from her desire to live, rather than a desire to die; not only thanks to the catecholamines rush, but also because it is through the fact that the chance of death exists for one that their life is so meaningful. (or so goes my personal opinion, in any case)
After all...
Yukika: Wow...
Student Council President: What do you think about it?
Yukika: Yes...
Yukika: I'm so glad to have been born on a planet with a moon!
Student Council President: You… you're that moved by it?
Yukika: Yes.
Yukika: I thought that I wouldn't live to see it again.
Student Council President: Okay…??
[...]
Yukika: The same old face of the moon as always. The same boring world as always...
Yukika: Tonight, they both shine brilliantly to me.
...
Even though her everyday life is tedious, her self-esteem dreadful, her mindset somewhat fatalistic, and something's up with her brain chemicals too...
Deep down in her heart, the thing Yukika Nanase truly wants is to be alive.
And I don't know about you but... man. I find that very moving, you know?
And...
That's all, folks!
This concludes my essay. Basically, my big main point is that Yukika is certainly one of the most characters of all time and should be cherished at all costs.
Thanks for reading this (very long) propaganda analysis post to the end, and I’ll see you next time o7
#magireco#yukika#yukika nanase#nanase yukika#magia record#analysis#character analysis#essay#i (ai)#own writing#(can you see I have no idea how to tag yet?)
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So I finished playing Pentiment
and I am lying here face down weeping into a pillow. It broke my heart and then it mended it again. Definitely up there as one of the best stories I've ever wandered through in a videogame.
You start out as an artist in the 1500s trying to finish your masterpiece while doing illustration work for the local abbey to make money, and when a sudden murder occurs you're left to try and solve it, but this is just Act 1. There is so much to see and do and read about in this game, it stretches onto this unspeakably detailed journey centered around this town and its people and its history.
I went in without knowing a thing about it other than what I saw in the trailer, and I. had. a. blast. Along with getting to explore various settings in this town, there are a sprinkling of fun mini games that shake things up just enough to keep you from feeling like you're doing nothing but roaming from place to place and reading all the dialogue and flavor text.
The plot goes places you would never guess in a million years, and every new twist and turn just reveals EVEN MORE INCREDIBLE THINGS. There are dialogue lines that will stick in your brain and parts that will make you laugh and parts that will make you cry and parts that will just wrap you up in everything it is to live in this town--its people, its culture, its holidays, its food, its art, its landmarks, how things change, how things stay the same, you will love it all so much as the game goes on.
All that aside, the entire concept of a game being a story in a manuscript and all the gameplay occurring inside the little illustrations? That was such a visual stroke of genius, just seeing that drew me in right away. The art style is lovely and the music is lovely and the background noises are wonderful and immersive and I feel like you could spend hours just looking and listening to all of it.
And there's enough of the "book" in there that you don't forget it's a book. When you enter different areas, it interprets this through page turnings. Instead of the usual "bidibidibidibi" sounds you get with videogame dialogue, it's scribbly pen noises or print machine clunking. Characters have different fonts and sometimes the font changes in mid-sentence, and sometimes for violent emphasis there's a SCRAWLING sound like the writer is carving the words into the page with the pen. Sometimes in even worse situations there's even ink splattered among the words.
There is an option to see the text instantly, (as well as a nice accessibility option where the fonts are easier to read if it's too detailed to make out) but I found myself liking seeing the words written out for me with an invisible pen, especially since there are little moments where stuff gets crossed out and rewritten or the writer corrects little spelling mistakes.
There's also a ton of replay value--you decide things like what topics your character studied in school, what personality they have, what languages they know, what types of books your character reads, and what skills they have--and throughout the game you can make choices and have special skills depending on what you pick. (Alas, this is not a game that lets you create your own character entirely like you would in, say, FFXIV or Baldur's Gate 3; I'm being a little vague for spoilery purposes, but you'll have fun figuring out what you want to do. I'm already looking forward to seeing what happens in Playthrough 2 when I do things way differently. :D)
It's been an hour since I wrapped up my first playthrough and I'm still reeling at everything. What an incredible, incredible game.
So in short: thank you so, so much @mercurialmalcontent for getting me this for Christmas. <3<3<3
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I'm really intrigued by your automaton au. What's the origin of the hatred with witches? How did it start? What was it like during Sun and Moon's time serving the king? How is it now in Y/N's time?
Also, how did Sun and Moon end up in Y/N's relative's care? Is the body their in Moon's or Sun's (cause of the cracked head)? Was Y/N's relative part of the witch hunts or is he just some crackpot collecting magical junk?
Anyway, hope you get better! And thanks for this au, it's really cool.
Hi so thats a lot of questions you have there, i have mentioned some of that stuff in older posts but ill answer some of them for everyone who doesnt want to dig around for older posts.
So whats up with the hatred for witches? For that we need a small crash course
So the whole world of the automaton au is permiated by magic, its everywhere and in everything.
witches are the link between the old ones and the humans, they have been around forever. Every human can technically become a witch, though some are more naturally talented. The only real prerequisite is that one has to get along with atleast one of the old ones.
The magic of witches is directly tied to the old ones. There isnt really a rule to how because it really depends on the individual witch and the old ones and their ralationship but one thing is always the same, its a give and take situation.
And then there are wizards who developed from a fringe group of witches who tried to amplify their own magical powers without the help of the old ones. Over the centuries that fringe group started to get more and more political power. Turns out people rather just have power without having to also give something in return.
Well the Wizards started to go to war against the old ones and the witches whos purpose it is to keep balance between the humans and the old ones became enemies of the wizards. The wizards started campeighning against witches, calling them traitors of humankind for working alongside the old ones. That escalated until witch hunts became a thing.
Though all this only happened in the "developed" lands which the wizards had fully cleared of old ones (so only around the bigger cities and the capital). And with wizards having a big political power the hatred for witches became the norm around the "developed" lands witch witch burnings happening till a few decades ago. Now witches are still hunted and looked down upon but its less of an immidiat danger to be in the "developed" lands as a witch (still wouldnt reccomend it tho)
How did the guys end up in Y/Ns granduncles hands?
Well at some point Moon kind of went mad killed the ruler that made Sun kill their lover. It was a few years after that had happened tho. In that time the guy had made both of them be in the front line of witch hunting, they had worked as old ones hunters before for other rulers but humans was a whole other thing. Especally because they started executing whole families of witches children included. So yea Moon ripped that guy apart and they got decomissioned. But for some odd (spoilery) reason they were not destroyed but sealed and thrown into a lake on the palace grounds, never to surface again. Until they did resurface around a hundred years later(by that point the palace had been rebuild and the lake didnt belong to the palace grounds anymore), got found by a junk collector and got sold around as antiques for a while untill falling into Y/Ns granduncles hands who kept them for a few years before dying. So yea.
Is their body Suns or Moons?
Its Moons. Sun exploded himself out of grief and despair so yea they are in Moons body but the peple putting Sun in there also installed his rays into Moons head for the aesthetic, Moon didnt have those before. (Im just gonna say this now, they are one being anyways they were allways tethered together even when they didnt have the same body they could comunicate through a shared link. There is a reason for that but its highly spoilery)
Was Y/Ns granduncle part of witch hunts?
Yes he was. The audacity of that guy, really. He even ratted out one of his older aunts to the authorities when he was young. Luckily at that point they had stopped executing whole families for having a witch in them and most witches in the borderlands were just ignored. But that aunt lived stealthily in the "developed" lands and she was taken in and never seen again. So yea that guy worked for the wizard councel and was actually a quite important guy he deffinetly was majorly involved in witch hunts when they still were a thing.
(At the same time some of Y/Ns relatives swear that Y/Ns granduncle actually protected his family and or witches in general against witch hunts, but probably thats just wishfull thinking on their part, not being able to belive that the guy would be so cruel)
#i ramble#ask#automaton au#wow thats a lot of text#if you see glaring grammatical errors no you didnt#i am already dyslexic and also sick so i would be surprised if there werent like a hundred super embaracing errors in there#it be like that#get yous lore yall#fresh looore#banging pans and pots together
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Readmores And You - A Really Great Tumblr Feature!
(this is technically directed at stuff I've seen in a specific tag because of the content of said tag makes it more likely to spoiler things, but it applies to anyone likely learning the ins and outs of a new site. speaking of which, hello! welcome to tumblr!) (this got. longer than anticipated. apologies, I get bogged down in trying to make things as clear as possible. ^^")
I've seen this a lot recently in the VC tags especially, where the post goes something to the effect of "tw bloody animal!" then like six periods and the images of whatever dead thing the post is about.
I recognize this is probably being carried over from some other website (...reddit probably? maybe insta?) but please. I appreciate y'all so much for trying to do what you're doing. but this method of hiding pictures isn't effective on tumblr, but there is an infinitely better option!
"but why? it works fine on other sites?" firstly, a few extra lines typically don't even take up enough space on mobile (let alone desktop) to hide your pics, so even at a glance anyone is likely still seeing at least the top half of whichever picture you posted before even noticing the trigger warning on top. second, because you have to scroll all the way past the images at the bottom of your post anyway to get to the next one on your dash/in the tag/etc. so if someone comes across your post and the trigger warning is applicable as something they want to avoid, unless they have access to a keyboard to use a keybind shortcut that ive been here 12 years and still cant remember, they can't see any other posts after it without either having to scroll through the pics or outright block you. which is... not the most ideal of options I would say.
"but what else am I supposed to do then!?" I hear you ask.
READMORES!
tumblr has a wonderful feature known as a "readmore" that's built into the site! it creates a break in your post, which hides any content - be it words, images, whatever - that you place underneath it, not showing it unless the person viewing it clicks on the words "keep reading" (formerly "read more" - hence the name :D).
Cool, how do I do that?
on mobile you can place one by tapping an empty line and clicking the grey squiggle icon from the selection that allow you to insert an image/vid/link
which will place a squiggly line into the post you're making:
(desktop uses the same icon, it's just in a more compact row of icons.)
you can drag it around after placing it too, just like photos. (note: mobile can get finicky with this and it's usually just easier to remove it -click the big red X- and add it in the new place you want it.)
EDIT: some of the versions of mobile editor are broken and don't show the icons. to add it in manually type ":readmore:" (with the colons, but not the quotation marks) on its own line. Thank you for the reminder, LovingTogetic!
this is also a nice way to keep your blog tidy and not swamped in long and/or spoilery posts (say if you're posting 5k word fics, or extensive meta, or gushing over the ending of the latest game or TV show most people probably haven't seen yet)! it's not required, obviously, but it's generally considered a common courtesy for others that will be seeing your post cross their dashboard.
finally, an example of the readmore in action:
(ta-da!)
have fun out there y'all, I hope this is helpful ^^
as an aside (I wasn't sure where to put this but under the break seemed appropriate), you may also see a lot of personal/vent posts be fully under readmores as well, even if the post is only a sentence or two long. this is mostly so followers don't necessarily see it unless they specifically click, but there's a more frustrating history to it becoming a thing: when a post is reblogged, any content above the break is permanently frozen as it existed at the time, but anything under it will reflect edits made to the post. while not common, a certain type of user sometimes browse the various "do not rb" tags and will purposefully reblog personal posts in order to upset and distress the users. putting those things under a readmore make it so even if that happens, the text can be deleted from all iterations of the post. recently the site rolled out an option to lock a post to reblogs, but you gotta mess with the settings and it's mostly a habit after a decade here dealing with the nonsense.
#tumblr guide#hope it's okay to tag i'll remove if asked but#vulture culture#how to#tumblr how to#readmores#tumblr how-to
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tell me about christopher ecclestons doctor vs david tennats doctor
or explain what the hell is goin on with the daleks
or you could tell me about (insert musician)’s influence on music
just some options for you to lore dump to :)
RAHHHHHHH OKAY THANK YOUUUU this will be um. super spoilery for doccy whomst.
okayyyy so christopher eccleston plays the ninth doctor who tragically only gets one season AND HE'S SO FABULOUS he's really funny and sarcastic and he says 'fantastic! :D' a lot and is also a massive dork and yayyyy i love him - the interesting thing with nine is that we dont see his regeneration. like we don't see him come into being but its implied that the incarnation before him was horribly injured in The Time War and then became nine, who wanders around alone for a bit racked with guilt and lonely and full of regret and all that fun stuff until he meets ROSE :DDD who pretty much says you're super weird & offputting but also the most interesting thing that's ever happened to me and he's like cool uhm. maybe i do need friends after all so then he takes her on a date to the destruction of her planet to show off that he wasnt kidding about the time machine bit. he also has a really cool leather jacket. and a northern english accent and a sliiiiightly butch lesbian buzzcut. anyways he's very fabulous and also kinda tragic but yeah!! i love him.
BUT THEN universe under massive threat from daleks etc the only way to save the world will be massively catastrophic etc etc so he sends rose home to save her. and she is understandably super upset by this so she ABSORBS THE HEART OF THE TARDIS (pro tip : usually people dont survive that) so she can get back to him, resurrect this other guy who kissed them both and rewrite time so that this will definitely always happen & also destroys a whole lot of daleks. this is called BAD WOLF (<- the capital letters are important. to me.) and its killing her so nine kisses her to pull it out of her (she doesnt remember this) so it kills him instead. then *magicical girl transformation* he explodes into golden light and becomes david tennant!!!!!
david tennant is the tenth doctor and I LOBVE HIM FORVER ADN EVER my specialest little scrunkly girlboy pathetic wet cat terrifying alien guy-shaped-being <33333. rose is understandably like wtf who're you (because the doctor Never does timelord 101 and tells them about regeneration and the two hearts thing) and he is sad about it. so he takes her home. then passes out in front of her mother and sort-of-boyfriend who're also like wtf. anyways he's fine and rose pretty immediately is like wow this guy is actually beautiful & way less grumpy now and they go n do a whole bunch of stuff and they very clearly love each other A Lot (like she loves him when he's nine too of course but it changes) and in my head it's teenage lesbian undefined relationship mutual obsession b/c those be the vibes. a Thing happens and she end up trapped in an alternate universe from which she can never return and the doctor manages to hologram himself in there for a minute to say goodbye and HE ALMOST SAYS I LOVE YOU TO HER but the connection runs out. a lot of other stuff happens and ten is actually pretty scary at points in a way that nine never gets to and A Lot happens to him. my beautiful babygirl she has Every Problem.
see cos the doctor is actually massively emotionally repressed and while nine was a lot closer time-wise to destroying his own planet, ten was coping a whole lot less. ten is often described as the most emotional and most human of the doctors and thats probably true but he's also the most afraid of that vulnerability - he just cant help showing it. he's full of love but he's also full of a desperate sadness and guilt. a lot of guilt. nine has this guilt and the love he just has found a way to not be so raw with it. he is far more measured with his emotions. i reallllllllyyyyyyyy wish we could have seen what would have been done with his character had we got more time with him but alas t'was not to be.
like a good example of that is when we meet nine he's been alone for some time and appears to be more or less okay with that, maybe not super happy but more or less adjusted and functioning. when ten is alone for a while he sort of loses it a bit until he find someone..... like after he and rose get separated, and i mean IMMEDIATLY AFTER, he meets donna who I LOVE :D but he's still so racked with grief that he kills a whole race of spider things and canonically would've destroyed himself along with them if she hadn't been there to tell him to stop. (like legitimately there's an episode, Turn Left, about what would've happened if the doctor died and it's uhm. its unnerving to say the least). ten can't deal with being alone but Also can't deal with loving someone. especially when he is so very aware that he has to lose them.
ten has three seasons & then a year of specials, and he has and then loses the most companions of the doctor and the way he deals with this is Fascinating. he is separated from rose, martha leaves of her own volition b/c she realises that she cant spend her whole life living For Him and that she deserves her own life too, and then he has to wipe donna's memory to save her (she gets it back like. fifteen years for her and ~1000 years for the doctor later but thats a whole thing). like nine does the whole 'no one can get close to me because i will always end up hurting when they die/leave and that will usually be my fault' thing BUT TEN. TEN feels the same way he just can't help himself from making friends and falling in love (grayaroace) with everyone he meets and still being emotionally destroyed when they die. nine's way of coping with the guilt of the time war is to push people away in the first place and ten's is Never Stop To Think Never Stop To Examine Feelings. so yeah. lots of fun.
ALSO the daleks!! theres a ton of lore to them as well, but in short they're genetically modified creatures who have been selectively bred by this guy davros (who has major darth vader vibes. down to the voice and the mechanically supported body) to only feel hate and want to destroy everyone who is not a dalek. they're these weird little things that kinda look like rubbery octopuses inside the metal thing (they're not robots they are actually alive) and they suck. also they're really hard to get rid of like. i swear at least five times the doctor says 'this is the last of the daleks' like bestie just you wait about half a season. the daleks and the timelords (the doctor's species) fought The Time War which really really sucked and they're mortal enemies. so yeah!
#heheheeeee my favouritest very expansive fiction universe yippee ^.^#doctor who#hi anon thank you for the ask <3#this kinda long lol#tenth doctor#ninth doctor#rose tyler#<- i love them <3
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Solo Leveling Episode 12 Thoughts
The final episode of season 1 was so good! Spoilery thoughts for the anime, novel, and manhwa below:
The fights were just incredible. The animation was gorgeous, all the voice acting and music were excellent, it's just beautiful to watch. Also really loved the anime version of the manhwa scene with Lee Joohee, Song Chiyul, and Sung Jinwoo himself appearing as mental projections. It looks really good and it hits really hard, emotionally. The visual parallels are also handled well. Jinwoo is getting hammered here, and it's nicely done.
It's also interesting to learn that Woo Jinchul was also at the third Jeju Island raid! Even though he was just handling security, he was there. It's nice to emphasize how big of a deal the Jeju raids are to South Korea, because it helps with how messy stuff is later. I like how the show is focusing on trauma and its effects.
I like the emphasis on how a big part of Jinwoo's survival is luck. And I imagine some folks see this as a cheat, though I also like how it just shows the story is sticking to his own rules. It's not like the daily quest ever stopped being a thing. But also like... a lot of this is luck. When you awaken and what rank you awaken to is luck-based, and you're just kind of stuck with it (which is a good metaphor for how people are born, as well, particularly in terms of economic status; folks are randomly born to rich families/otherwise in places with a lot more resources than others and thus have a way easier time in life than other folks because resources are everything; it has nothing to do with ability, and it's massively unfair). If Jinwoo gets a little extra luck kinda because he's hyperfixated on something and it helps him survive, it's actually kind of fair, because at least that's sticking to a system of rules he ignored. And still a nice reflection on an unfair system.
Even the fights in the penalty room are amazing XD I don't go for stuff with giant insects, so the way this was a pleasure to watch was really awesome. I love the animation with Jinwoo flicking the mana potion away. I don't have any screencaps because I'd take far too many. All of the fights are good.
I still love seeing more of Choi Jongin and Cha Haein interact (with a brief cameo of a silent Lee Bora). Really glad the anime added little things like this. It's similar to what happens later, but it's nice to see them working together more.
The end of knight fight is incredible. All his movements are excellent. It's just really impressive.
It's also just really cute the way the notification window follows Jinwoo around the room as he's pondering lol
It's funny while I was reading the manhwa originally I related to this arc a lot as a former warlock player (loved running around with my army of summons who could just overwhelm any opponents, letting me stand safely in the back) but now I'm thinking of it more in terms of a death knight, particularly when Jinwoo is like, "There's no rule that says necromancers can't fight on the front lines". He is not wrong. Particularly if you've ever played the class in Diablo III, which is fun.
Jinchul just looks really pretty here. I love his relationship with Go Gunhee, and I'm still glad we're getting more of it in the anime.
And the Shadow Monarch arrives XD So happy :3 I also really love the nice touch in the manhwa, which the anime included, that the portal opening is purple, foreshadowing this part in the story with all the purple. It was always going to be this way (for other reasons). But it's a nice little visual touch.
Also framing this with Jinwoo being in front of the throne but slightly below it as well is really neat and also good foreshadowing.
He's so delighted by his ability XD I'm happy for him :3 Especially after he got brought so low earlier. He needs the pick-me-up. The shadow soldiers look really neat.
Distracted by the shadow soldier butt highlights alkdjaldja I just alkdjlaj YES IT'S A REALLY TENSE AND FUN SCENE WITH REALLY GREAT MUSIC BUT ALSO ldkjaljalaj (yes I know what codpieces are, I just lakjdlaj). It's not bad art or anything, I am just... Distracted TM roflmao
I like that Jinwoo still apologizes to the soldiers he dismisses, but he's sadder in the novel, and even in the manhwa. In the novel he has this, “He felt bad about getting rid of any of his soldiers. Even though he’d known them for only a few minutes, he was already attached to them.” (Volume 2, Chapter 4: Shadow Monarch by Chugong, Yen Press English release). In the novel and the manhwa he also looks a bit sad about it after apologizing, and thinks on it longer. It's a really humanizing moment for him, and shows how easy it is for Jinwoo to care about and sympathize with even complete strangers, particularly when they're his responsibility. It's not the worst change, and the anime has plenty of other moments that show his humanity, but it's just one of those little things...
I'm really curious about Gunhee's neck scar: who did that and how? In the novel, it's stated that he was too old when he awakened to ever fight as a Hunter: he's never been in a dungeon. The neck scar is part of his design in the manhwa, and he's just generally heavily scarred. He's a neat character who doesn't get explored enough. Looking forward to them expanding even more on him in future cours.
Shadow Igris looks so pretty. (Also there's a moment where he seems to purr around 20:48, which is I just think the sound of the movement of him standing, but it's hummy and sort of purr-like alkdjlaj and it kills me akdjlajal Purring Igris yes, thank you :3). Also, I love that the cape pops out of his back like butterfly wings alkdjalj beautiful. The way he walks around and the camera focuses on him and the click of his heels, just everything about him is so beautifully animated. I love this so much.
Ahh, I figured Jongin's expedition would find the flying ant. And so it begins.
That was such a good episode. An excellent season. Some leaks have stated that there are plans for like 6 cours or 3 regular seasons (and a PV for the end of the series with some spoilery footage), so I'm not that worried about the rest being animated (with some extra anime-original stuff, judging by how many episodes that'd be), though there will seemingly be delays. But with quality like this I'm happy to wait. I hope the crew get the time they need to make more awesome seasons without straining themselves. Ahh this was so GOOD!!!
Other episode reactions:
S01E05
S01E06
S01E07
S01E08
S01E09
S01E10
S01E11
S01E12 (you are here)
#solo leveling#solo leveling spoilers#fallfthoughts#나 혼자만 레벨업#sung jinwoo#only i level up#igris#woo jinchul#choi jongin#cha haein#go gunhee
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Hey there in reference to Wraith Lore and the Stargate Atlantis Legacy series I copied this from one of the author's LiveJournals ages ago pls don't ask for a link I have no idea about the Wraith and figure Id put it here instead of it laying about in notes. Enjoy!
Long ago, in the first days of the world, there were the First Mothers. Osprey was one of them, nine in all. Nine queens and ninety-nine men, blades and clevermen alike, for that is how people were made. That is how we were born in the ice of the first world, beneath the light of the moon. To each queen were given certain gifts, no two alike, for no two lineages are the same. We all count our names from them, from the First Mothers, and each tells its own story. […] She is queen of mists and shadows, strong in mind, weaving illusions to hide and deceive. She is a white flower, a white bird, a fog rising among the trees. She is the shadow of clouds trailing across the moon.
Q: "How is it determined whether a Wraith child grows up to be a blade or a cleverman? Is it through education and socialisation or is there a genetic component and the children are educated according to their talents?"A: It's based on their inclination and talents. An infant boy may grow up to be either blade or cleverman. It's an educational caste, not genetic. Except of course in the way that intelligence and temperament are genetic! Of course queen's inclinations are different too. In Secrets we'll meet a queen who, as she says, has the mind and interests of a cleverman, who would have chosen to study the Subcorporia if it did not interfere with her duties, sort of a Wraith Sam Carter! (A comparison Teyla does make!)
Q: "If it had something to do with genetics that would raise another question. If the Queen never mates with clevermen that would eventually result in the extinction of this caste and only the fierce and brave blades would survive. In that case, does the Queen have a means of control over her unborn children? Can she influence what disposition her children get?"A: Queens do mate with clevermen if they wish, though it's less common. It's extremely rare for a cleverman to become Consort however, as one of the Consort's duties is to physically protect the queen.
Q: "I'm asking this because in 'Homecoming' on page 34 there's a sentence that caught my attention for its interesting choice of words: 'She had honored him with a son, and then, as his utility had grown, with a daughter, …' If I'm reading this correctly it implies that Snow had indeed control of the gender of her children. I'm just thinking out loud now: we know female Wraith are very rare and no one knows why.”A: Without being too spoilery -- nine out of ten female embryos are inviable. The chances of a Wraith queen naturally conceiving and bearing a healthy daughter are very small. To that end most daughters are conceived by in vitro fertilization. Eggs and sperm are combined in the laboratory and the zygotes are allowed to begin their first divisions. They can then be tested and examined, and if the queen is trying to conceive a daughter, then only a healthy and viable embryo is implanted, while the nine out of ten that weren't viable are discarded. Otherwise a queen might miscarry nine times to bear a single daughter, a tremendous toll both physically and emotionally. The male embryos are more stable, and some sons are conceived naturally, while other queens opt for all their pregnancies to be in vitro, as the male embryos are still inviable at a much greater rate than for humans. Also, it allows queens who have a settled Consort and who do not wish to take a lover to vary the genetic material of their children. A particularly brilliant cleverman or a blade of a certain lineage may be selected to pass on their genes. Certainly it's incredibly unusual for more than two of a queen's children to have the same genetic father. It's far too important to manage the fragile gene pool.
Q. Do blades and clevermen get to interact much when off-duty?A. It depends on the individuals and the hive. Some do, some don't. Whether there are clevermen among the favorites of the zenana depends on the queen. It's up to her to admit whomever she wants. In The Lost, we see Dust and Quicksilver, who are both clevermen, in the zenana among the blades. And Michael (Lastlight) was high in his queen's confidence. But some hives don't value clevermen as much. The problem with that, of course, is that males can move from one hive to another, and a queen who treats clevermen badly will find it hard to keep competent engineers, healers, etc!
Q. Why are the clevermen beyond taking binding oaths? Does their independent thought preclude them from it?A. They aren't supposed to take part in combat, and so cannot be oathsworn to defend. Now, in real life there are clevermen who fight, as we saw with Michael! In The Lost we'll also see that Dust is armed, though he is emphatically not supposed to be! (And of course there are blades who do know something about the sciences, like Guide. Again, Guide and Sheppard. John's not a scientist, but he's no dummy either!)
Q. Cleverman Ember was singled out to be tested by Queen Death. Do Queens have a sense of an independent thought alarm, wary of Wraith who will not be so quick to fall in line with their rule, like Todd mentioned in The Queen?
A. Death could tell that Ember wasn't sold, and so she chose to make an example of him.
So why is Guide not sold either? Teyla asks him this later on. He's very old and very much in control of his passions, and as he puts it, "the memory of Snow is a shield." He has had the things that most blades only dream of, and that memory is not easily supplanted by momentary allure.
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