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azfellandco · 10 months

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It's about Crowley bearing witness to Aziraphale's desire, about the way that desire is animal and visceral and enormous and terrifying*. And about how Crowley sees that and wants it. Crowley offers the ox rib and watches Aziraphale eat because eating provides them no sustenance, it's purely for pleasure, sensual, selfish. And Crowley introduces Aziraphale to this, and thousands of years later still takes obvious pleasure in feeding Aziraphale, in watching him eat. In watching Aziraphale's pleasure.

And I think it's significant the things we see Crowley put into his body in s2, and why: six shots of espresso, as something bracing before seeing what it is that made Aziraphale call him in his "something's wrong" tone; whiskey, because he has to give Aziraphale some bad news; wine, because they "might as well get comfortable" during the storm coming down on Job, after Aziraphale learns that Crowley is actually pretty unhappy with Job's suffering; and poison, to dispose of it so Elspeth (or Wee Morag, I've fogotten which is which) doesn't die. Crowley doesn't take Aziraphale's "something that calms you down", only consumes things that not only don't bring him pleasure but are an attempt to prevent pain. Crowley, who introduced Aziraphale to this important physical, sensual, selfish pleasure, denies it to himself. He denies himself the eccles cakes, he denies himself partaking in food, and he denies himself Aziraphale.

And we see throughout the rest of the season other things he's denying himself: the comfort and safety of a home in the bookshop in favor of the mobility and ready-made escape of living in the Bentley, the surety of saying what he really means during the confession. He cannot bring himself to admit what he wants, that he wants. Gabriel and Beelzebub "going off together" is not what he wants. He wants Aziraphale, but he doesn't say that, because he's never, in the years and years and years we've seen this season, let himself want or be seen wanting. "Going off together" is as close as he can get to speaking it. "A group of the two of us" is as close as he can get. So he has to watch as Aziraphale leaves and takes his pleasure in the world with him.

#* rilke: 'Who if I cried out would hear me amidst the angels' hierachies? and if even one of them pressed me against his heart:#I would be CONSUMED #in that overwhelming existence. For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we still are just able to endure #and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us. Every angel is terrifying.'#anyway. i have never been normal about this and i will never be normal about this #and what is love but hunger #go spoilers #good omens #meta

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i-need-u-to-be-dope · 1 year

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Uh, back after like a year, what is going on here 😀

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inkskinned · 9 months

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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen

the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"

#my food crime is that i regularly make a “pasta and tuna” situation that has somehow gotten even more evil and degenerate over time.#it is a ''white wine reduction'' (it's just white wine and garlic powder & seasoning)#and tuna from a can.#and plain pasta.#if i have the spoons i will actually chop garlic for it but this tends to be my comfort food for a REALLY bad day #bc its super easy to make:#boil pasta. drain. put into bowl for later. into same pot u used for pasta.#put tuna (with oil/water from can). let fry a little for like 2-3 min. put in whatever amount of wine. season to taste.#the tuna will get a little crisp on it which is nice. important side note:#this began as a Bolognese sauce.#and one day i had to sub for tuna. i know. not ideal. i cried about it too.#somehow over time it is now its own little evil thing. i would never make someone else eat it. it is beautiful.#but yeah i don't even stir the pasta in afterwards i just slap pasta into serving bowl #slap this ''''''sauce'''''''' on top #molto bene #(i really can cook fairly well btw. this is a food crime. not a suggestion of skill or ability)#(i LOVE baking but when i cook for myself. the autism is obvious. bc i just don't understand the point of most of the steps)#(.... i can just eat the deli meat out of the bag. it is protein. i don't even have to like it. i just have to eat enough calories.)#(also i used to cook MUCH more before this apartment which is so small that i can stretch my arms out and overreach the counter length.)#(.... i'm 5.2. so.)

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intheconfessiondial · 5 months

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Redraw of the cape post, because that entire concept deserved better than the illustration I gave it.

#just give 12 a cape it's all I ask #yes I was watching Musketeers again #doctor who fanart #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #whouffaldi #twelveclara #guess who watched Heaven Sent + Hellbent again #I only cried half a tear but I did get Really sweaty #which is an improvement from last time #it took me about 8 years to getting round to watching those 2 episodes because Face the Raven destroyed me so hard #I'm pretty sure I couldnt eat for a whole day after FtR aired #although at that point I had been steadily absorbing Clara's personality into my own for a few years #I don't have a personality I stole it from Clara Oswald #read all of the 12clara books. listened to the audiobooks. Running out of content at a concerning rate #had to buy another comic #one day I'll have consumed all 12+Clara content. Then I'll just have to take matters into my own hands (make it myself)

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tomurakii · 6 months

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I like bloodweave. Okay. But I DON'T like the version of them in fanfic where Astarion is a dick and Gale is like. Whining and pleading for him to be emotionally vulnerable (or just. Nice to him) prior to the relationship being established. Because that is just not accurate. Gale needs the player to express interest in him during his weave-teaching scene before he even considers hitting on them properly. Gale is entirely resigned to his fate and needs someone else to pull him away from it. Gale only starts being sweet and romantic and devoted after you accept his love confession and give him hope for the future. Gale says fuck all and then slinks away to cry privately if you break up with him.

Like he isn't chasing after people lmao. He isn't dropping to his knees and crying about anything much less this dickhead he met a week ago. He is overwhelmingly passive about literally everything personal to him up to and including his own death (provided there are no casualties/there is a good reason) until after the player expresses that they care about him. Astarion is not doing that in any of these fics.

Like Gale is friendly and a dork and doesn't wanna get murdered but he fully has a suicide plan. He thought the artefacts would help him survive but he didn't believe he'd ever truly live again. If Gale confessed and Astarion said/did like one (1) mean thing afterward Gale's romance is closed off forever. He's wandering into the forest to cry. He's killing himself immediately. His fragile ego and self worth can't take it. You have to understand that when we joke about him being pathetic it's not bc he's like. Sopping wet and chasing people down and begging for a scrap of attention. It's because he craves affection but would literally rather die than ask or even hope for it until someone else forces that hope back into his serotonin-deficient tadpole brain.

#i feel like u can tell when a bloodweave fic is written by an astarion stan vs a gale stan lol #because the astarion stans are just using gale as a vessel for like. their sopping wet meow meow #who screams and cries until astarion becomes emotionally vulnerable with them #which gale would not do. realistic bloodweave is astarion tries to fuck him in act 1 and he refuses because of the orb #and then astarion is like “boo what the fuck. change of plans” and gale is like “okay” and they never speak of it again lol #anyway #please god the gale characterisation in this place. half of you make him the soppiest most pathetic loser and the other half make him evil #he's not ACTUALLY a loser. when i joke about it the reason its funny is because its not true #hes just a regular guy with depression lol. hes not out here debasing himself begging for some old twink to care abt him #bg3 #gale dekarios #bloodweave #gale of waterdeep #does this make sense. i havent slept #i just mean that if you want gale to be sappy he needs to have like. prior assurance that his feelings are reciprocated #because if he doesnt have that and astarion is a dick to him he WILL just give up on the relationship #like hes not hunting people down after they deliberately upset him. i see so many fics where they create tension by lime #*like #having astarion openly fuck someone else after establishing a sort-of relationship with gale. for the drama #like hey. gale fully dumps you if you do that in game!! you have no way to convince him not to. he will dump astarion for that permanently

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allyriadayne · 1 year

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“Once someone touched my jaw so softly I cried. Once someone held my hand so lightly I wept —” Sanna Wani, from “Meditation”, My Grief, the Sun.

#aegon ii targaryen #house of the dragon #hotdedit #houseofthedragonedit #don't let this fool you aegon likes it rough too #SO SORRY for the coloring of the second gif. the driftmark dark filter kicked my ass #the only touch he has experienced are from violence or from sex and like which is the kind of power he has over the serving maids :/#alicent only ever touches him in anger and the rest of his family only see him as a wastrel #which he IS don't get me wrong but it's very 'if they see me like this; i will be like this' even if he wants to change (he doesn't)#so so so fucked up this thing about touch #ONCE SOMEONE TOUCHED MY JAW SO SOFTLY I CRIED #I AM THE BLOW AND THE CHEEK #mariana does things #photoset #alicent hightower #otto hightower #aemond targaryen #hehe i forgot #*hotd

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phykoha · 7 days

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I hate hate HATE when people say I'm "having an attitude" with them, bc I'm literally not until AFTER they say that. And thats not even "an attitude", it's me being annoyed and frustrated bc youre saying im having an attitude when im NOT.

Like what does that even mean. I'm just autistic.

#blah blah blah #vent #like i was just responding to my name being called???? i literally just went “huh?” which i do all the time?????#and when you walk off mumbling shit that i cant hear bc we're dozens of feet away from each other in a loud ass store #and i come over and ask what you wanted #and youre like “i said we'll talk when you drop the attitude” or whatever and have the audacity to smirk at me like its a joke and i have #any idea wtf youre talking about #like i got so frustrated and upset about it that i legit cried for like an hour after that. while still doing my work bc i just wanna get #done and go home.#this is about one of my managers btw. if it wasn't obvious #like shes cool most of the time. but she says shit sometimes that make me wanna quit on the fucking spot

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theheirofthesharingan · 2 months

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“Tell me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am, or what I’m not?

Tell me, mother, which should I regret: what I became, or what I didn’t?”

- source

#i realized i almost never do anything with itachi and his parents so this one post is dedicated to them #the regret of killing them would have killed him before his actual death #what kind of child he was to raise a sword against his own parents?#his parents weren't even angry that he'd betrayed them at last #all the nightmares that would have followed him in which they hated him for everything and he would have no defense #who held him when he cried thinking of his mom? who comforted him when he choked on his tears thinking of his father's last words?#who was there for him when memories of his family became too much to handle and he would just collapse unable to breathe #maybe just maybe when the first symptoms of his illness showed he thought #that it was just one of his regular coughing fits that came with the onslaught of the memories of his parents #did he ever want to crawl back to sasuke and tell him how miserable he was and how much he missed their parents #where did the strength to be entirely indifferent and inhuman composure come to him #how much practice did it take? how many days? months? years?#did people around him ever suspect how much he was suffering?#all from thinking about his dead parents whom he killed #whose blood never left his tiny fingers and soaked into his flesh and blended into his own #how much misery was encapsulated into those expressionless features that never gave away even the slightest hint of pain #itachi uchiha #uchiha itachi #itachi #mikoto #mikoto uchiha #fugaku uchiha #fugaku

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stargirl230 · 11 months

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Nimona!!!

I need to go reread the book and then rewatch the movie and then-

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

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chrisrin · 1 year

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JADESOL MOIRAILS!

#jadesol #jade harley #sollux captor #homestuck #hs #i fucking love this pairing no one understands #my rarepair my beloveds #theyre playing stardew valley in the first doodle #sollux is setting up the sprinklers and automating the farms #jade is petting their dog before heading to the mines #second doodle theyre playing outer wilds #thinking about how outer wilds is the Definitive Space and Doom Aspect Video Game of All Time #thinking about how both of them would get something different out of the game #thinking about how sollux actually cries at the ending and jade comforts him #chris doodles #ask me more about them im insane for it #this is all apart of my very elaborate #davekatsoljadearafef multiship #which is the Ship of All Time

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luzeiin · 4 months

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when all the anger has burned out, what's left?

#feeling very emotional about him today #cried when i saw an edit of him #and then cried harder bc all i wanted was to give him a hug #which is u know. impossible lol #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mdzs #mdzs fanart #mo dao zu shi fanart

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moderntimeadventure · 11 months

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Bonnie and Neddy!!!

In this au they're twins and both autistic though Neddy is nonverbal and uses ASL and writing to communicate

#i feel like everyone forgets about neddy hes so important to me #i think i cried the first time i watched bonnie and neddy #also heres a fun game for yall: which is the old art and which did i draw today #hahahah #modern time adventure au #adventure time #mta doodles #princess bubblegum #mta bonnie #mta au #mta neddy #neddy adventure time #bonnie and neddy #misp draws

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randomminty · 2 years

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Just a buncha cynthias

#some of these look out of character but eh #pokemon #art tag #champion cynthia #i draw cynthia so much shes so fun to draw. illl never know how her hair works that wont stop me #ive started watching a bunch of the pokemon anime even though i never liked it before. MAN i was missing out #i mostly just tuned in to see it butched my fav characters but thats the completely wrong mindset to watch it in #ive been watching as somewhat separate to the games and its so much fun #and the dub…… its good but so unintentionally funny #i didnt care abt alain but after seeing him go MEGA EVAAAOLVE like 5 times in the mega special i adore him #if i dont see miarin in the anime again ill cry i miss her #last thing about the anime for now i forgot they kept lances old va for journeys #im used to his pokemas and generations voice which is p different so that was funny. leons journeys va is so good too #ANYWAYS CYNTHIA. cried when i saw her again in journeys. shes so cool

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baylardian-1 · 23 days

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i think about kathryn in a prison escape situation with chakotay while shes in heat for the first time like a normal amount

#chakotay try not to cross parameters with ur super crush whos trying to kiss you challenge #shes like insanely clingy and cries a lot #i like to think when she's recovered later she like kinda remembers some of the embarrassing things she did #and chakotay assures her he didnt read into it which puts her fears to rest about her buried FEELINGS #but also he did read into it U_____U #hes trying to be a gentleman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#she lost her boots somewhere in the dungeon or w/e lmao #and her commbadge and her uniform #SHE GOT A LITTLE HOT...........................#My Art #Threshold #AU #Kathryn Janeway #Chakotay #Star Trek: Voyager #sorry for the cringe it will happen again 😔

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emry-stars-art · 11 months

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Thoughts on prince Riko’s “perfect court” before anyone escaped Evermore ( @thefoxesraven pls remind me if it was you with the branding vs tagging idea on that insta live)

@snazzy-jas-z-is-a-fan-of came up with SO MUCH of the possible politics and family ties of this au, it was incredible to watch and I think I finally understand enough to post about it 😂 there’s a balance of power between the two branches of Evermore royalty, which balance is shifting slowly to the Moriyamas and by the end of the story belongs solely to them with Ichirou as king. I’ll try to explain it in a different post if there’s interest

(And lest we go a day without Abram angst: he does in fact get his brand and more, when he’s taken back to Evermore and Riko takes the chance to reclaim his property ‘like he should have done to begin with’.)

#CRIES I WROTE THIS WHOLE POST TAGS AND ALL AND LOST IT TO THE VOID #hhhhhh anyway. new designs who this #I think I’ve drawn riko maybe like. twice. and i wanted to give Jean curly hair #which 👀👀👀👀 sir #AND he gets to grow it out??#oh but it hurts to think about why Kevin and Jean #who both are closer and spend more time with riko than Nathaniel #would want to keep their hair short while at evermore #in this the ‘long haired men’ au #TOO MANY ANGSTY THOUGHTS TONIGHT #but thank you so much jas for your thoughts and incredible world building #AND I could go on MORE about the unnecessary measure of Riko branding Jean #it was just to be cruel and mock him and cause him pain #AND I COULD GO ON ALSO ABOUT ABRAM AND BRANDING #but I WONT because I learned there’s a TAG LIMIT #so if you want to know. you know where to find me #dms are open etc #im also on discord and insta #30 tags smh #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #royal au #neil josten #kevin day #riko moriyama #jean moreau #perfect court

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yuri-is-online · 6 months

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Well, since you are feeling festive and so am I, could I have request a fic with Ortho? Just doing a little holiday decorating or some other tradition with a homesick prefect? I don’t know, I just imagine Ortho to be the type to be interested in holiday traditions from another world. Thanks!

Oh hell yeah this slaps. Originally I was going to write about tree decorating but then I had a thought and I didn't want the fic to come off as me info dumping for however many words. I hope this is something like what you had in mind, and happy holidays!

notes: they/them used for Yuu, Ortho is the main focus here but the other first years are mentioned, Yuu and Ortho decide to play Santa. I would absolutely love to hear about any personal holiday traditions of yours, dear reader, as I think those are always very interesting. As always, other fic can be found on my masterlist here.

Christmas. Ortho had searched multiple websites, data banks, and even online journals to see if he could find any mention of such a word outside of the few instances he has heard it muttered by the prefect. He initially thought his searches weren't bearing fruit because Yuu pronounced it several different ways (Chrimis, Crisis, Chrysler???) but he has ultimately concluded those were likely jokes based off of their tone of voice.

That had been what finally made him ask, not even his brother liked laughing at his jokes alone.

"Oh that's one of the big winter holidays in my world." You had told him, trying to sound matter of fact but unable to hide the way your voice cracks with the strain of your homesickness. "I made the mistake of trying to remember a nursery rhyme while Grim was around and ended up telling him about Christmas stockings and now he wants one."

And now you have to explain the concept to him, but with much less pressure as Ortho listens carefully with growing excitement.

"Putting presents in socks! That's really silly but I suppose that there are some holidays here you might find really weird too huh?" Ortho can also see why Grim would be so excited about this particular tradition, a gift (in a sock or no) that has the potential to be made up entirely of candy, fruits, and other foodstuffs sounds very much like him. "So do we just need to find Grim some socks he fits in? You already have a fireplace to hang it on... or are you thinking about giving Grim coal?"

“Well-” It had crossed your mind. “Sometimes adults give chocolate that’s shaped like coal but that’s not really what’s bothering me. You don’t usually use socks for this, you make these really big fake socks. I wanted to make one for Grim, but while I was thinking about how I wanted to decorate it I sort of… thought it would be nice to make stockings for the others, y’know like Ace and Deuce and maaaybe Jack, but then I would need to explain it to them and I don’t want to do that.”

“Oh that’s easy, we just won’t.” Ortho laughs and takes your hand to eagerly drag you towards Sam’s before you can question just what he means by “we.” ~~~~ "Operation sock jaw is a go." Ortho mimics rubbing his hands together gleefully, his lab wear feeling deeply out of place in the unofficial official Ramshackle craft room. A small pile of carefully picked out fabrics and season appropriate accents are neatly folded at the corner of the table as you carefully trace out what you think resembles a pattern for a Christmas stocking as Ortho carefully watches.

"You have really good aesthetic tastes," you nod as you look over the drawings Ortho had provided "this one really matches Ace's clown vibes."

"I'm glad you like it!" He laughs. "I figured a harlequin pattern in Heartslabyul colors suited him perfectly! Deuce was a bit harder to figure out... I didn't just want to slap a playing card on it and call it a day. Jack was a bit easier with how often he searches for information on cacti and succulent care. Oh I can cut the cacti out of the felt if you like?"

"With scissors?" You tentatively ask, not entirely sure how your dorm would hold up if he decides to break out the lasers. But the suggestion seems to flatter Ortho rather than annoy him.

"Oh that'd be fun! I've never really had the need to use normie tools before, this will be just like..." his voice briefly trails off as he looks down at the scissors. You wonder if he is capable of zoning out, being a robot and all, but decide that isn't too far out of the realm of possibility as his next words come out in a stutter. "Hey Yuu, does this sort of feel like an anime to you?" It's not too unexpected a question for Ortho to ask, so you look down at your crafts and really try to think about an answer.

"I guess so?" You gently place the pieces you have cut for Ace's stocking down so you can look out at the snow blanketing the world outside your window. The scene isn't too different than one you might see in your world on a card. But then again- "There's a lot of tropes associated with Christmas in anime, there's an entire genre of weird rom com movies about it, so yeah I guess making crafts like this with you does sort of feel like something I would see in an anime?"

"I thought so!" Ortho happily begins to carefully cut the felt with the scissors, mimicking what he had seen you do with the little tuna fish for Grim's stocking earlier. "That makes me glad, if something is a common enough for people to fantasize about it in an anime, then it has to be really important to the people of your world. And yet no matter where I search I will never be able to find data about it in mine!"

"Doesn't that annoy you a little?" It would stress you, does stress you how familiar and yet distant Twisted Wonderland's traditions are to your own. But the smile Ortho gives you is one of such genuine excitement you feel at least a little of that stress fall away.

"It scared me at first, but then when I got my soul I realized that it meant I had a really good excuse to keep talking to you. More data is never a bad thing! You could give me and my brother ideas for a truly unique game or show, so please, tell me everything you can remember about your world. I'll make sure it's remembered." He means every word he says. It's enough to make you cry.

"Alright, but just remember you asked for it. Where to start?"

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #ortho shroud #ortho shroud x reader #i had an idle thought that since no Christmas #that mean no hallmark movie #which i think is something i could see ortho being very interested in because A) film research club #B) we know he and idia like b rated horror flicks so ofc he would go crazy about b rated rom coms #also deuce gets a bunny themed stocking #sebek gets a boring one in diasmonia colors and he cries because he thinks it is malleus themed

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