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iknowicanbutwhy · 3 years

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Heads up we got an

Adult Hikikomori Sunny AU

I've been waiting to find an AU after the neutral end of the Hikikomori route for a while. What happened to Sunny? How did his life go on after that? Did he go to college? Did he get a fulltime job? Did he figure out what he wants in life?

these are all very good questions because literally anything could be the case. So this AU is just gonna be stuck in a hospital setting for a while.

Here's what I got so far:

Past:

Hospital Psychiatrist (practicing? Training?) Doctor Hero

I imagine after Basil's death, Hero would (eventually) turn to learning how to identify and help people with suicidal tendencies, if he's gonna be a doctor anyway.

In a choice between psychologist and psychiatrist, Hero went psychiatrist. Hero's parents would pressure him into getting a more lucrative job. PLUS psychiatrists go to college for 8 years, then take four more of psychiatry residency. Hero might feel just a little more accomplished, just a little better about himself for earning a higher degree, just to reassure himself that he's working hard and doing his best towards helping people.

Hero did extra studying in psychotherapy. He tried doing it at the same time as he did medical college. He's not.. the best at it because of that, for several reasons, but he knows it's better to combine medicine and conversation. When he has his head on straight, he can manage it.

I have.. no idea whether to put Hero into practice or residency. He'd have to be at least around.. 31, if he were in practice. That's a long time to have unresolved trauma. That's a nice hunk of research i gotta do.

That's it that's all for Hero. His goals are set in the present and focused around other people, as per usual.

Sunny is... not doing so well. He lied about going to college when he moved into some hole far away from his mother. He has no reason to get up in the morning when he can just lie around. He doesn't enjoy whatever hobbies he used to have.

He doesn't even know Basil is gone and he's so bad off.

He's honestly convinced himself that he doesn't care about anything. He still cares about people, however. He'd have stayed with his mom and burdened her with himself if he didn't. When they had moved from Faraway, it was to a cheaper, smaller place. That meant Sunny's mom didn't have to work so much. That meant more time with Sunny. He decided it was.. preferable not to stay.

The only times he does anything is when he tries to remember the past and relearn the person he used to be. What did he do? What did he like? He'd play games, and read comics, and would get frustrated? move on to something else when those did nothing for him, searching for.. some feeling to occur. And then he'd question why, why, why.

Why can't he enjoy anything? Why does he want to feel enjoyment? Why can't he just do something and be happy? Why can't he just do nothing and be fine? Why does he need to exist? Why does he want to move? Why does he want, but can never have, can never get by himself?

If there's nothing he can do, then what is he waiting for?

Vague memories would become clearer with introspection, until he would feel something, finally. An old guilt aching from deep inside his bones. A haunting self hatred, ripping away whatever minuscule strength his limbs had to try anything fun. A sense of iron resignation blanketing and anchoring his body, reminding him that it's much too late to try getting up now. Ironically, apathy got him up in the morning, as much as it keeps him from enjoying anything enough to stay up.

He was always a little too thin, but he used to force himself to do things like eat and work enough to survive. Mostly because to sleep means to not have headaches, and to not have headaches means to eat well enough, and to eat well enough means to have food, and to have food means to have money from a job.

But it's not as if he was all too desperate to sleep, anyway. His dreams have stayed the same for years. They're more eventful and colorful than bland reality, but it's a mix of the same thing every day. Staring at the swirling kaleidoscope of his dreams is exactly like observing the same beige ceiling for hours on end, until it all mixes together into the same shade of empty grey.

It probably doesn't help Sunny's mood that he thinks dramatic things like the previous point, just to pass time.

He only got worse once he was forced to move into one of those really bad apartments. You know the ones, with the rusted metal stairs nobody wants to risk their life on, and practically no privacy with four-to-five thin-walled neighboring rooms, and bad heating in one corner of the apartment. But it was cheap. Too bad he had to go up and down the stairs all the time.

He didn't have a problem with them when he just moved in. Generally, the most he notices is starting at the top, teleporting to the bottom, and a slight shaking of his hands that he barely glances at with empty curiosity.

As it is, some part of him knew this was going to happen. That he'd have one of those terribly introspective weeks, when he just so happens to have his new job with a boss ready to fire him and his sullen face and poor (somehow complete neutrality is offensive) attitude. He's emotionally vulnerable, and the memories on top of the stairs are devastating.

A week goes by. He's fired. He doesn't look for another job. He hasn't gone for groceries in a while. He's exhausted.

He was waiting for death, he guesses. He still wants, still feels that urge in the buzzing of his fingertips, the ghost of movement from his limbs, the phantom shiver in his back - the intent of every muscle in his body one after the other pleading with him to move, but never all at once - and Sunny laments that the human body is pretty stupid. Moving wont help. What would he do, make the end come quicker? He's already thrown away too many chances for that.

He'll stop wanting once he's gone. That's what happens when you get what you want, right?

His landlord finds him. He forgot the rent. He's taken to the hospital. Ugh.

Present:

Sunny is stunted and underweight. He wears baggy shirts stuffed into slightly less baggy hoodies, and sweats. Warmth. He couldn't find his hoodie after they took it off to put in an IV on his first trip to the hospital.

Usually nurses do things like bring food to patients, but Sunny only ever interacts with Hero and Hero wants to make sure Sunny is okay anyway. Not that it's much easier for Hero to encourage Sunny to eat.

Sunny stresses Hero the hell out. But Hero kinda missed Sunny, and his depressing and concerning reappearance brings with it a deadpan, world-weary, often childish humor that fails to take anything seriously when everything in Sunny's situation should be taken seriously. It's as much a relief as it is incredibly frustrating. Some days Hero loves it. Some days it makes him angry. Some days it makes him want to cry.

I tried doing research into the conduct Hero should display regarding patients/clients in general but it just. Any professionalism quickly devolves between him and Sunny.

As in, at one point, him and Sunny were whaling on each other about having no lives. Hero felt really bad afterwards; he had no idea what came over him. It was a great way for both of them to let out some hidden frustration, though, and they turned out fine afterwards. They even lowkey pick on each other every now and again.

Sometimes one or the other gets a bit too accurate in their teasing, however.

Psychiatrists are supposed to be able to understand, diagnose, and treat mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. So, if Hero were a completely capable psychiatrist, which he is, he wouldn't break down in front of his client. But Hero's late teenage years are wrought with so much grief and trauma, so to see Sunny and not just another client in this state is.. something i imagine he'd break down about eventually. There's also the fact that Sunny is mostly closed off to any help, which only makes things harder.

Hero is trying his best, but after years of never understanding why Mari died, years of thinking and wondering and second-guessing himself, years of guilt after never visiting Basil before he died, years of doing what he was told was "best" yet failing in what's most important to him (his friends) - his best never feels good enough around Sunny. It feels too little, too late. For this reason, and possibly because even if Hero were able to keep himself together he may just not be the right psychiatrist for Sunny, it would be better for him to find another psychiatrist for Sunny. He won't, though.

Hero really needs some time to himself to just think, or perhaps he needs someone else to talk to. Kel is nice, but Aubrey would have better experience handling emotions.

I have a very limited idea of what Aubrey and Kel are doing. Aubrey is a childcare instructor to parents and works in child services. She has studied child psychology. She has studied how childhood affects adulthood. Kel's off trying to make a name in basketball while giving kids high fives and heartfelt support.

Hero, in fact, does not like to be called Dr. Hero, but his shyness (feeling of unworthiness) about it only endears everyone to call him that more. He tells the kids that everyone calls him Hero, but the adults merely find out from the other doctors and nurses. Hero tried introducing himself as Henry to the other doctors, but Kel told them his nickname, and it stuck for obvious reasons.

Sometimes, on days when Hero has to wear his lab coat, he ties it around his neck like a cape. The kids like it, say it makes him look like a superHero.

Hero doesn't really cook. His schedule is always too busy to make anything that isn't quick. But he does eventually figure out that cooking for Sunny is the best way to entice him to eat, so when he makes something, he makes enough for both of them. They eat together.

Hero had to gather Sunny's change of clothes from his apartment when he found out that the reason Sunny has been in the same clothes for the last week is because he's had no one to visit him. Not even his mother. Why?

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blue-bird-lamentation · 3 years

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this the story post: melohax[.]tumblr[.]com/post/639167543643340800/warning-spoilers-ahoy-only-read-this-if-youve the game has like so many secret scenes it shocked me

Thank you so much for the link!!!

I really liked reading it. I tried to skip the hikikomori route part as I will try to calmly play it, but I‘ve read a few and, as a person who saw that seen of a man trying to cut a tree and saying “you’re not my son” it intrigued me a lot what kind of information I will get from there.

I’m still puzzled and still didn’t try to see what would happen if I collected the wrong letters and if I has opened the door to Mari.

I went far on this answer and wrote a lot of random topics that are also mentioned in that post and other things I remembered too. It’s still too messy, but my memory is fresh and I decided to write about what I was thinking, even if not organized. Sorry for using your ask, but I was inspired by the link, which I think it’s a very interesting reading. I’m also sorry for the mistakes and I may come back later to correct them. There are so many fascinating things in the game, and so many others I haven’t yet explored, besided I feel good writting all of this as it is kind of asfixiating to thing about it and not having anyone to discuss it with.

This game was a rollercoaster. I knew from the begining that the cute artstyle and the pastel colours in the begining were deceiving, especially when you start in a weird whitespace room and take a knife. Omori as a black and white coloured character among the other paster colours also felt weird.

One really interesting comment I received from my brother when he watched me playing a bit, in a fight, was “oh your character is the real neutral one, the others seem happy” while all of them were in neutral mode. Also his happy expression was scary and he was the one who got to maniac aside from villains (at least for me). The fact he has a knife intrigued me a lot if I should really fight but at first it looked like there were no consequences (aside from feeling tremendously bad for being called bunny killer. Also about these little enemies, it’s interesting how many of them were bunnies when the person we find who has a bunny is Aubrey, which is also the girl from the group that is now “against us”, at least most of the time in the real world).

Also about the knife, there are two other moments that totally hit me:

- the suicide in whitespace, which could foreshadow his suicide in some routes, but is also the means to wake up;

- Kel and Aubrey in the real world who call us out for bringing a knife, which, since the begining, was the correct thing to do.

I really wonder a lot about his family and their decisions.

It’s been 4 years. I wonder if Sunny’s mom ever put him into some kind of therapy, I wonder if her absence was on purpose because she wanted him to say goodbye to his old friends one last time. I wonder if Kel’s visit wasn’t a coincidence. I wonder if Hero coming back was also part of a last chance to bring Sunny back. I don’t know if the other route answers it, but seeing the notes and messages that mother leaves, she seems to be worried about him. I would say a mix of worry and fear, so there must be some strong reason why she’s not there besides going to buy some furniture or whatever.

Saying this, I think only Sunny’s parents know more or less what happened, but not from their son’s mouth, from autopsy report perhaps. The house was adapted to the changes: no family picture, as opposed to what I saw in Kel’s house (and I wonder if it’s only because of Mari or also with his father too as described by the cutting tree scene. I had thought this was directed to Omori and not to Sunny, but this is also part of the dream realm, so it could be Sunny’s interpretation to the end of his parents marriage which was related to Mari’s death), Mari’s bed is gone (which made the scene when she knocks the door even creepier. I never got to open the door because I was scared, but I’m also curious). Also about the 4 years, I liked the detail of the 4th floor sign in Last Resort, which was resting there on the floor, as the number is also cursed because it symbolizes death.

I find fascinating how the complexity of the situation is represented in the dream world. His team is composed by his old friends, which are human. Mari and Basil are also human but they weren’t totally present. Mari is the safe point and overprotective of Omori, but she is also the element who encourages him to face his fears. As he faces his fears, he unravels more information about what he repressed, also helped by the presence of the blackspace Basil. But it’s ironic as the more he unravels, the more corrupted the story seems to evolve, but also the more they lose the main purpose of rescuing Basil, which is more evident in the deeper well.

I believe the human figures are the most important to him, and then there are the elements that combine real world figures with fantasy, as the candyshop girl and the fiction space boyfriend. Each story is fascinating but it also makes you lose focus on what you were supposed to do. And in my case, there was a point where I just wanted to wander around in these stories because I was to afraid to face the real story that was masked by this fictional colourful world.

These olde friends represent perhaps what Sunny never wanted to have lost, but also what he does not want to face.

When Sunny woke up in the hospital, I first followed the kids, and no, that wasn’t the right path. That was the safe path, where there is no confrontation with reality. As it was when Sunny was with company. I think it is Aubrey who says he doesn’t like to be alone, and well, that was me the whole game, imploring to not be left alone, because once the character was alone, his world seemed to be corrupted by the black space, which was also a stepping stone to reach the truth, the dark truth.

And I really like how this is all Sunny’s mental effort, which, I would say, it’s helped by him leaving his house and meeting his friends once again, as well as facing Basil one more time.

I was really sad with how the story developed. What started I was assuming it was a facing your fears story, transformed into an overcoming someone’s death, which at first I thought it would be Basil’s, to go to Mari (which was a total mystery to me why had she died (my ingenuity believed it could have been some traffic accident or something else) at first), to go to save Basil again, but now with some dark remarks about the character himself. In the middle of this development, first time the character wakes up, it is clear that the dream world character is not the same as the real world one, age wise, but is part of him.

I had written that at first I was reluctant about the fights, but well, they were necessary to me to face the villains of each arc. But at the same time thery were never too difficult (I think the most difficult part to me was to be strong enough for the Dino Dig and the rest was pretty easy). When, at the end Sunny had to face Omori I was shocked. So, the guy I had been training which was very seemingly sadistic, did I simply train him so that if Sunny wanted to face his trauma, he would hunt him with his strenght? Like the stronger I made him, ther bigger the reluctance to overcome the past. And while this sadistic character seems to be what I would compare to a Chara in Undertale, to me it was the harsh self conscious, critical part of him who could never forgive for what he had done. And which was also manifested as the monster surrounding him and Basil. It was their perception that what they had done was unforgivable, but at the same time neither of them wanted to carry that burden alone: Sunny “forgot” it, Basil manifests it by making those toxic remarks like “you aren’t going to leave me alone again, are you?”.

I don’t know if we get to see more of Basil’s backstory but he also got me curious. I think that what both of them did was bad, but given what happened between Sunny and Mari, it was really hard to know how to face it. I don’t think it makes them willingly villains, but scared children who were very self conscious and didn’t know what would happen if people found it out.

However, hadn’t Basil been there, Sunny would have been found right away next to Mari’s corpse. So I wonder what led Basil to propose such idea and to make Sunny’s burden heavier, which made him ambiguity of his disappearance with the will to save him as a friend.

I don’t think it was an ill intention, but Basil created excuses to protect Sunny because he was important to him and to the group. As the photo album showed, Sunny was the younger element, seen as the baby of the group, and he was shy, but he loved his friends even if he looked the most expressionless.

I think these elements awoke in him the need to protect Sunny from the darkness that lied ahead his actions, but he didn’t realise how heavy of a burden that would be. At the same time he probably had some issued regardin expectations and self worth which probably told him that they could never be tied to such a cruel action, even if it was accidental.

In my perspective he didn’t see the dark shadow surrounding Sunny at the time, but he engraved the memory as an act not commited by Sunny but by something surrounding him, pretty much like when he started attacking him at the end.

I like to think that, good ending wise, the malevolent side, Omori is not necessarily a potential evil that was always within Sunny, but the self guilt and lack of self worth. The fact the Sunny wouldn’t leave the house and didn’t even take good care of his health shows it. He is self destructive, because guilt consumes him, not a person who needs to apply suffering in the outter world for his own satisfaction. The whole struggle is within Sunny and not ot become a bad person per se.

Some of Basil’s dialogue was too much for me, mainly when he kept repeating for Sunny to not leave him. However I totally understand why. Sunny covered the what had happened while Sunny had to live those years knowing what they had done, as if he was the only one carrying the burden.

It’s a real complicated story where everyone was the victim.

It was so hard to see how sad and angry Aubrey was, and how she had to make new friends to overcome, how alone she was all the time. How Kel kept being such a good person, however had to move away because he didn’t know how to face the others, afraid of being misinterpreted. Hero’s pictures with Mari break me everytime. “A match made in heaven” Basil had written in the description of one of the photos. The fact that he is the element in the group that cooks, but 4 years later he had given up. The fact he can’t face Mari’s grave. The way Kel describes his struggle over Mari’s death. The way he didn’t make new friends in college, although he says it was lack of time. Basil is completely broken and can’t even touch the camera anymore and tries to “destroy” the old memories, which Aubrey discovers. Sunny’s parents, as their life turned upside down. And probably everyone around was too afraid to know how to act around them.

I really like how despite everything, the human figure that Sunny creates of Mari is forgiveful and so cheerful. Mari is such a good influence that wants to help him overcome the trauma for himself (especially when she helps him overcoming the fear of drowning and calls him Sunny for the first time. The ways she asked for his forgiveness for pushing him so hard into playing the recital. It is still part of Sunny’s dream but it’s so in Mari’s character. I believe this part is also connected to the scene where we see her saving Sunny in the real world).

I will end this text here. I will eventually come back to it, and to the omori tag, because this is certainly a very good game with a lot of space for debate and reflection.

#omori #omori spoilers #tw: knife #tw: suicide

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fortheheavenssake · 4 years

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MM Anon 5

Dec 1

MM ANON, I’m watching series 1 of the crown, BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN AND EDITED. The filming is so accurate and attention to detail. I remember Norman Hartnell designing the Queens wardrobe for the commonwealth tour. My mother was a dress-maker so I watched everything she watched. Methinks the Queen had something to do with this because it’s so accurate. Reason, she’s 92 ‘ what a visual legacy. I can imagine her throwing a ashtray at Philip, and HIS secret dalliances. EPIC!!

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Dec 1

MM ANON ……… the king in waiting ……… “Mmmmm , not many diversions left”……… in need of some TLC. ……… financial scrutiny ……… financial mutiny !!! ………… “ Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining!!!!!!”………… “Catherine ‘ it’s HM” ……… “ Catherine, I want your discretion”………… “ it would be my privilege ma’am”……… “ That’s a tough one, old thing” ……… “she can do it!! “…… “makes you proud old thing, he looks the part” ……… “backseat ,a Philip?” ………… “ dot The Is…………”

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Dec 2

MM ANON … “when we are born, we cry , that we are come”…… “your RH. that’s why you didn’t go” ……… “Four” ……… ahhhhhrrr , I hate mornings!! ……… “give a dog a bone …” ………… “ yes , we’re all watching it! It’s very addictive “ ……… “ How the f***did they know that!!!”………… “ I told them Philip!!” ……… “bloody snoops” …… At the last count sir , all was Ticketyboo.

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Dec 3

MM ANON ……… “Darling’ please pass the Wrinkle cream” ………”she’s on this blog I read”💜……… “ we’ve been invited to the Boxing Day shoot” …… WoW ‘ that’s a beautiful photo Kate …… “he’s to young ‘ good grief William!!”…… ‘This cobra has no fangs ……… “The service, maybe bring C&G.” ……… “ The spring diary ma’am’ was thinking they could do The America’s and Canada” ……… “ the Children too”…… “what say you Philip?” …… “indubitable , old thing” …… “ Settled!!”……” Sidney’ more refreshments”

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Dec 4

MM ANON ……… lovers not-on or emerald??…… Alexander McQueen green machine??……… Clean sweep!!!……………Trump wants his ball back…… Banquetiquette ……… “ One has to watch the hot mike Donald!!”……… Meanwhile’ crying in a corner……” a clash of Wills”……… “come on old thing,tell me all the gossip”………” Sydney ‘ gin and Du……” “ Ones a tad exhausted “…… “ you looked stunning Catherine “……… “yes ‘ I saw your killer 👀side eye “…… 👑👑💕💕And so to bed Zebedee!!……… “ Lottie ‘turn your pad off!!”…George’ sleep!!

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Dec 5

MM ANON …… “ no, not the service”……… Strip and rip…… IRSt in peace……” I think you’ll find it best ma’am”…… “ exactly ‘ peace and quiet”…… Distant thunder ……… “On Her Majesty’s secret service”…… No!! Not the whole enchilada………… The dossier, almost complete!!…… “Yes!! It certainly is personal”……… “she lived by the sor-did…… “gather thee rosebuds …………”…… “ not a word,old boy”. ……… “ Mmmm, unfortunate name for a club”……… “a sticky wicket,what!

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Dec 6

MM ANON … BREAKING NEWS ……… ‘ PGs WRINKLE CREAM FAILED MEGHAN-MARKLE AFTER EXHAUSTING APPLICATIONS. 😱😱😱😱 . Beautician suggests plastic surgery, no hope on skin care ……… laser treatment doesn’t cure problem. 🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 6

MM ANON …… megbots in crisis …… megs spotted on ISS…… megs searchers internet for archificial upgrade …… megs still breastfeeding …… frogcott staff witness meg and Harry in screaming row 😱……… meg accused of bugging KP……… meg and archbishop in risqué photo shoot …… Archbishop denies clergy gossip …… meg ,VF interview ‘ I hate my chicken legs ‘…… Harry in GQ interview, I want a divorce ‘…… GQ, shock ‘horror, Harry’s OK’…… meg pens, ‘confessions of my yachting years’. … $20 million advance.

Thank you MM Anon😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

MM ANON, todays post is a light hearted look at the relationship between M&H. ……… to all who interprets, my sincere apologies. 🤣🤣🤣 KEEP CALM AND MEGXIT.

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Dec 6

MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻Prayers for victims of shooting at navy base in Florida. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 God grant the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. God bless the families involved. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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Dec 6

MM ANON …… Muffin the mule…… looby loo & Andy pandy …… 95 , time!!…… “no’ not chaz”’……… “ I’m Meghan Markle and I indorse this massage” ……” An American Christmas card”…… betrayal in B&W……… “ it’s HMTQ your talking about!!!”…… “ tell her to PO ‘ it’s the Boxing Day shoot”……… 🎼I’m dreaming of a right Christmas 🎼…… a shortie but goody.

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Dec 6

MM ANON …💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜DEAR SKIPPY, WE HAVE EARTH ANGELS IN OUR HUMBLE MIST. GIANTS OF FORTITUDE, GODS OF DIVINITY AND LOVERS OF QUIET HUMILITY , TO ALL WHO WALK THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED WE ARE BLESSED BY YOUR AURA OF PROTECTION AND LOVE.

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Dec 7

MM ANON …… subpoenaed to swim uphill…… “withdrawal with notoriety”……… “pony!! “ she has no fear Catherine”……… “wherever did she get this wilfulness ?…… YOU!!!!…… “Philip will help me write it!!”……… “caution ma’am”……… “no colourful language”…… “ are you pensive LG”…… “frighteningly apprehensive ma’am”…… “I trust my subjects”………”one communicates with Netflix” ………”OMG😱😱”……”The Diana Years”……” it’s confidential LG!!”

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Dec 8

MM ANON …… not an engaging situation …… my LITTLE pony……… WOC-less……… We’re just mild about Harry …… a charitable laundromat ……… expenses,expenses ………”it’s a Multi million business, trim it”…… hangers OFF!!……… ‘‘twas the night before Christmas”……… a conservative Royalist ……… 12th night ……… morning sic -ness……… “ say goodnight Gracie.

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Dec 9

MM ANON ……… Re-Hab-itual behaviour ……” Gone In sixty seconds”…… ( six weeks?) ……… no sight, sound or visual,no optics???? …… old photos, photo shops and disinformation!!……… “ there OK, ma’am!!”…… “ones duty is, keep muddying the waters”…… The Peoples Princess, WHAT!!! ……… “capitalise on it ma’am”…… “AMERICA”…… “are you a gambling man LG?”……… “ only on absolutes”…… Charlotte’s wish-list Web 🤣🐴🦄🎼💕……… “what’s that racket basil”… “It’s Brahms, Brahms 4th racket”🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 9

MM ANON, Dearest skippy, your blog is a cutting-edge example of investigative information and in depth research by your helpers. This community YOU have created is visited by world tabloids , broadsheets and cable TV. Some even associate royalty and the establishment. How many times “ RIGHT HERE,RIGHT NOW!!” has the SKIPPY 20. been spot on. EPIC POSTING,EPIC INVESTIGATIVE DIGGING. ‘JUST EPIC!! BRAVA SKIPPY.

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Dec 10

MM ANON, Soooooo, Nutmeg … The merchandisers whore, has been reprimanded after 2 years of pimping out anything she wears for financial gain …… NO OTHER MEMBER OF THE FIRM DOES THIS, the salacious saleswhore and professional grifter has soiled the monarchy enough!! “ listening H !!! ‘ the public see right through this obnoxious interloper, the gathering of unhappy people are testimony to this couples blatant disregard of royal prerogative. This nonentity must go. ⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️Justice must prevail.

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Dec 10

MM ANON …… Predictions Guaranteed …… W&K increases commitment …… 🎼”no other love have i”🎼……… mummy serves a Christmas ace……4-0-tee-love…… advantage HMTQ …… nutmeg, FAULT!! …… DOUBLE FAULT!!…… Game, Set and scratch🤣🤣🤣…… “ these are actors,as I foretold you “………” thar’s gold in them thar Hills”………… 🎼”HOLLYWOOOOOOOD”🎼……… “An exit strategy LG.”……🎄 seasonal Sandringham🎄…… “I WANT A POOOOOOOOONY” ,please.🎅🎅😘😘😘………… “ ask your father!!……… ask your mother!! ……… ask Gan Gan. !!😂😂😂

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Dec 10

MM ANON, The first with the most news breaking!!!! The DOC is with child. PG said back in Nov. did I give a clue????? Can’t remember what yesterday’s riddle was 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m a mess of jumbled messages,and perhaps a little nuts. RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. speculation of course.

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MM ANON! ……… TRIBUTE TO TRUTH!! 💜💜💜💜 SALUTATIONS PG. TO SKIPPY AND THE BLOG COMMUNITY OF DEDICATED CONTRIBUTORS AND HELPERS. FOR HMTQ AND GBHMTQAOGC. TO THE curious who visit skippy, royal family,establishment and aristocracy. Thank you for your support. even the intellectually challenged misguided sugars who visit the bloggers blog. SALUTATIONS ALL. the truth will out. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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Dec 10

MM ANON , re-Full work mode. Don’t loose track of the fact that this full on grifting colonial carpetbagger has Sunshine Sucks!! It’s a desperate juggernaut of spin , lies and everything in between. That’s why they call it “pubic relations.” ……… just think ‘ sex lies and video tapes. So PLEEEEEEZ. take this bull$h!t with a pinch of salt. Nutmeg lives and dies swimming in PR turds. It’s the nature of that particular beast. It’s simple physics, shit floats to the surface. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 10

MM ANON …… Dear anon, a big juicy revaluation?????? Well dear friend,I give what ,and all information I’m given by my esteemed sources. Those sources are well under the establishment radar. Total anonymity,TOTAL!!! The wonderful information is sometimes current,sometimes elaborate and embellished sometimes “spot on!!!” So’ I’ll continue to inform and enlighten as is my want and skippy’s indulgence. GBHMTQAOGC

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Dec 10

MM ANON. , dear hearts , The loneliness of the long distance grifter, the isolation and contempt of the family “ she never had” and desertion of former associates in crime are deserting her in proverbial droves. The lifetime gravy boat she contemplated has listed ,and is rapidly sinking beneath the sea of turds she created for her self centred indulgence. This is our observation and her reality. NB. There is video evidence of her “ habits” from the , “ good old snorting days”. Allegedly!! 🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 10

MM ANON, Trolls have one positive point, they validate the existence of those they resent , they justify that resentment by insults and jibes infantile name calling and illiterate smears. Trolls are degenerate operatives of fallen social climbers,those sad creatures of the ones who once tolerated them but now have nothing left but contempt. Nutmeg is such a creature, an abysmal product of her own greed and failed dreams. How the might have ,have fallen. 🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 11

MM ANON, The anomaly that reportedly exists called archificial is a mystery of unfathomable proportions. The vision of it at the Tutu audience is somewhat baffling, nutmegs obvious unease and awkward stance when trying to hold the poor child,who reaches for… somebody it knows. The whole situation has never been experienced within a minor Royal situation. Nutmeg & Harry are causing ripples 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣’ will the Christmas card explain more?????? Curiosity awaits!!!!

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Dec 11

MM ANON ………🎼 jingle smells, jingle smells 🎼……… 🎼” I’m dreaming of a POC Christmas”🎼…… “ no Christmas chemicals or alcohol in re-hab”……… “ on a whiter note”…… “ come on Lottie ‘ aunties found a little pony” …… “ So !!! You caved darling.”…… “well ‘ it’s Christmas!!”……… “not turkey ‘ Dover sole!!”… “ but it’s tradition Philip”……“ f**** tradition !!”…… “I’ll inform Sydney”…… “are you going to announce it old thing?”…… ANOTHER COUNTRY … “He’s a brilliant speech writer” …… “you’ll bloody need it

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Dec 11

MM ANON, 🎼she wore blueeeeeeeee velvet 🎼 and the lovers knot,and HMTQ In emeralds

Ok you all! These are hints she gave us….now let’s match to the riddles…..and of note…..she kept talking about the Emeralds….we presumed Kate……she never said Kate…..❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Dec 12

MM ANON ………emeralds should do the trick …… they certainly did…… W&K the lovers knot ………💍 a ring (Rock) of ages…… No Sin-ders you WON’T go to the ball😂😂……… 🎼”re-hab’ I said ,know know know!!!”🎼…… “ we ALL KNOW nutmeg!!”…… “GOD’ she’s in all the papers Philip”…… “ I see, she’s beautiful old thing”…… “she shines Philip”……… Wanta Konta and Kate🎾🎾…… Boris the spider…… “ doesn’t matter who you vote for, the government get in !!”…… sneezing ponytails 🐴🐴

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Dec 12

MM ANON, …… Princess Margaret’s Limerick at President Lyndon Johnson’s dinner party ‘ I quote … “ there was a young lady from Dallas, … Who used dynamite as a phallus,… blowing her tits to bits , Her vagina to China ,and her @sehole to Buckingham Palace. …… forgive the colourful language, but it is funny. 😂😂😂😂😂

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Dec 12

MM ANON , We all remember Fergie and the toe sucking/ pool screwing photos so for her to aligned herself with nutmeg is probably a “ girl’s of a feather “ both are ageing slappers , and who in God’s dear sweet world takes Sarah bloody Ferguson seriously , really REALLY !!! She’s always been an embarrassment to the firm , hated by PP and PC/Camilla PA. so it’s all a smoking mirrors BS-fest. And her association with Epstein, ……… give me a break!!!!!

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Dec 12 - Election Day, UK

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Dec 12

MM ANON, WELL ‘WELL ‘WELL …… nutmeg is apoplectic in re-hab after this mornings papers are FULL of photos of The fragrant Kate and HMTQ in Vlad & lovers knot tiaras. Her sugars are like Lemmings jumping of off Beachy Head 😂😂🤣🤣 and Fergie facedump is identifying with the old slapper because they both caught shagging by the poolside. 😂😂😂. EPIC

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Dec 13

MM ANON …… Cor’ bin a long night!!…… “ Darling ‘ it’s an allagee-gee” ……” majori-ty and crumpets ma’am”…… “ “That’s all ,I’m orf to Sandringham”……… George&Kate set and match…”that’s it Lottie ‘ walk on !!”…… “ I did it auntie Zara”…… “ Ducks in a row then Netty?”……… “Nurse!! What’s the bleeding time”?…… A little procedure!!…… “ the lids screwed down ma’am”……… “ones writing ones screech”…… “he’s coming Philip!!” …… “backlash old thing?”………… “it’s a Norwegian Blue Philip 😂😂”

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Dec 13

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Dec 13

MM ANON, NEVER A LONELY CHRISTMAS 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄Dear hearts , never will the soul that is Skippy abandon you this Christmas ,or her community of spiritual warriors, there love is endless, this is the land of earths angels 👼 and animal amazements. Join the fellowship of friends and hugs. God bless you all ,thank you Dearest skippy, no lonely soul this Christmas. 💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️💚💚💚

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Dec 14

MM ANON ……… Blueeeeeeee velvet …… pop pop Poppins ……… she met Mary ………” Mmmmmm , a bit sneeeeezy”……… “ we’ll go and get something really silly for her” …… it’s not a phone, it’s a MPC…… “ it’s all very Cloak & dagger”…… “ Catherine, I’m deadly serious!!”……… “meals on bloody wheels!! piss orf”……… Shut down everything!! ………… “A new broom,old thing”…………… “ well, ones not amused “………… “I’ll inform Sydney”……… From Cromer!!……… “Cromer???”

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Dec 15

MM ANON, sidebar’ thank you skippy,my favourite colour ROYAL BLUE / INDIGO mix. or blue velvet ‘ a joy. as you inform all the community in a couple of weeks we won’t remember anything else. I have a question dear heart ❣,are you broadcasting over Christmas 🎄 ? My Christmas is spent with a few friends of likeminded opinions. Belgravia is alive and festive. We shall wander into Chelsea to people watch and mull the wine and mince the tarts. Looking forward to wishing all a healthy Christmas 🎄.

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Dec 15

MM ANON ………… 🎼” give a little, take a little”🎼…… “Mary, Mary, quite …………”……FBI , (under the stones)……… “ very succinct old thing”…… “ blunt’ Philip!”……… “its a beautiful yacht ma’am” ………… “ I fear 20, more than 19” ………TO THE VICTOR……”………… a little late dear friend ……… WHITEHALL NOW!! …… only one came ……… IF , dear boy IF”……… “ you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”

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Dec 16

ANON, OMG’ something every royal father and mother dread…… “ can’t we take them back to our house, it’s HUGE!!” ( homeless inquiry’s by G&C. ) it’s like “ what’s electrickery” …… or “ why is the sky blue?”… so , Catherine’s response, “ I’ll ask Gan, Gan darling, maybe they’ll find a safe space for them ……… “ I know mummy, they could all live in Gan gans house” 😒😒😒😒 side eyes to William, William changes subject to pony’s and tennis.

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Dec 16

MM ANON, Sooooo’ Nutmeg And himself won’t be At Wednesday’s Turkey nosh at BP ,Mmmmm , no surprise there Ma’am. The insolent obnoxious self indulgent hoe and her now husband see’s it fitting to snub the invitation. Truth be known everyone is waving flags that she’s staying with her Calipornia besties , if they exist?? The anomaly in this puzzle, no comment from himself?? WHY? One would expect one to” come clean” and stop the speculation, strangely strange!!! On the fence? What’s happening?

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Dec 16

MM ANON, praises, salutations, respect, recognition, I stand in awe of the interpretations that anons gracefully post when sifting through the mine field of riddles. It’s an almost psychic melt of another’s thinking 💭 🤔 THANK YOU DEAR ANONS , AND MAY YOU CONTINUE INTO 2020 WITH TENACIOUS DILIGENCE AND APTITUDE. 💜💚❤️

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Dec 17

MM ANON , There used to be British comedy called Kevin and Perry…… two obnoxious teenagers, Kevin always used the argument “ it’s soooooo unfair!!” , this reminds me of that self pitying tw** nutmeg crying over perception of her importance!!! HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO IS IRRELEVANT BE IMPORTANT ???? THEIR PR IS IN OVERDRIVE DESPERATELY SEEKING EXPOSURE AND DEAR K&W IS KNOCKING THEM BACK EVERY DAY. nutmeg hiding in a cubicle screaming and kicking “ it’s sooo unfair” 🤣🤣🤣

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Dec 17

MM ANON , Methinks anon may be on the right track. Nutmegs Christmas card will be something that flips the bird at the establishment. Giving the middle finger to the royal family and her critics, bet whatever it is it won’t be subtle. The vacuous tart is resentful and insecure so she’ll be out to insult and justify her existence , although we all know it’s irrelevant, expect the unexpected. Tutu, B&W , archificial playing football, tits and bums , expect anything and everything

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Dec 17

MM ANON, A very Mary Christmas,has knocked the irrelevant one from the tabloids and broadsheets. W&K are right,left and centre of ALL stories today. What seems to be obvious is that William and Kate come across as relatable and normal, unlike the portentous and phoney nutmegs. Forgive my observation ,himself looks like he’s shot himself in both feet, all the stroking,touching claw holding, is sickening to observe. You could have fooled me he’s not with her. BUT!!! we’ll see at Sandringham.

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Dec 17

MM ANON …… The Christmas Royal choreography ……… Homeless hope……… “not just for Christmas”…… quiet compassions ……… Brits rage at nutmeg……… “ it’s Harry Jim,But not as we knew him”……… “ what’s the answer Spock?”……… EST…… “ eat your vegetables!!”……… “ but mummy, that’s sooooo unfair” ……… “no veg, no pony!!”……… “well from a PR standpoint, it’s an annual thing now”………… “ front and centre ma’am”……… “quite agree!!” ……… “Philip ??” ……… “people identify old thing”……… “ The Sandringham songbirds”

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Dec 18

MM ANON, Today The HMTQ will retire to the warming confines Of Sandringham. Reunited with PP and relaxing evenings in front of a real log fire 🔥. Sydney will be on call to deliver copious amounts of ones favourite tipple. Writing her speech and watching back episodes of Downton Abbey. Occasionally taking trips around the vast estate in the royal Land Rover. A relaxing few days before the tribe descend on them for the festivities 🥳. CHRISTMAS CARDS PLEASE !!!!

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Dec 18

MM ANON …… we are in the age of fast transport. Depending on what mode of royal conveyance Sandringham is one hour from London. ( to anon stuck in the 18th century). A cool Yule to all anons 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

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Dec 18

MM ANON ……… 🎼tis’ the season’ ……… 🎼……… “Tighter than ones ducks @ss under water ma’am”…… “indubitably LG, send the letters!!”……… “ Netty has it stitched!!”……… I think they were spotted on Elba……… someone saw them in Calvi ……… “Hmmmm, the historical significance doesn’t escape me”……… “ what say you Philip?”……” who gives a sh**, fancy a drinky?

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Dec 18

Anonymous asked:

MM ANON, The dynamic trio’ GC&L , these three children are about to embark on their life adventure, and yes’ I can see them taking over the world, first George, moulded by and coached by his father he will be diplomatic and educated in high tech and security of the family ,think oxford illuminati crossed with Bond. He will grow into a handsome man , followed and pursued by bright well educated beautiful women. He’ll be guided by his parents on who is a suitable girl friend, there will be many.

skippyv20 answered:

Oh yes indeed! Thank you😊❤️❤️❤️❤️

skippyv20

MM ANON / Part 2, Charlotte, Now this young woman to be will become the conflict within herself, opinionated and self willed she will be a laser focused neutral beauty of formidable character, mindful of her station she will develop compassion and empathy with her loving public, this will be a PRINCESS OF AND FOR THE PEOPLE, much loved in all circles of society, willing to get down and dirty and attend diplomatic banquets on the same day. Versatile perfection and stunning looks, 👀. Look out!!

MM ANON. Part 3/ Louis, this young man to be will find himself in a singular activity, I can see him as an explorer of his chosen passion. Space will become very important in 2040. and this young man could well be a pioneer in his chosen field. There may be a conflict and he will be part of that environment. No fear this soldier of fortune, And Again a handsome man followed by swooning beautiful young ladies. He will be advised once again to choose wisely. Speculation of course.

Sounds so wonderful! Thank you😊❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Dec 19

MM ANON …… Kate’s Christmas present to nutmeg …… Wrinkle cream!!😱😱…… new year getaway W&K……The Firm views pre-recorded QS. ……… A Royal decade, the 20,20s. …… “ up a gear ma’am”…… “ Keep calm and ostracise LG”…… 🎬it’s a wonderful life 🎬…… “ FROZEN mummy!!!”………”STAR WARS daddy!!”……… OMG ‘ it’s her Christmas card ……… “ we never received one” …… “ bloody lucky you!! “…… 🎼bye bye miss American pie🎼……… Kate’s tabloid cull…… “ what’s your 20?”

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Dec 19

MM ANON, THE CAMBRIDGE CHRISTMAS CARD. The M/ Cycle is a Triumph engine in a Rickman-Mettisse frame/ sidecar. Circa, 1955 ish’ The Duke being an ardent Biker, (photos of him sitting on a Norton Brietling at the IOM last year.) I’m sure he still goes on “race days at Brands Hatch”. Fast and safe ,all of this is testimony to a visionary CCard to show the world a relaxed and tight family unit. Unportentous and normal. It could be any family in any decade.

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Dec 19

MM ANON, Spending two thirds of your life with your legs open is a consequence of ones occupation, nutmegs stance has been an open book (legs) since we first saw her trundle into KP gardens. At every photographic opportunity she has her legs apart it’s a habit of the life she chose. ‘S’pose life transactions that include money in your hand ,smile on ones face and legs apart can only suggest what your occupation was ?? Yachting takes its toll, only speculation 🤣🤣🤣.

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Dec 20

MM ANON. BREAKING NEWS/ PP TAKEN TO KING EDWARD VII HOSPITAL IN LONDON THIS MORNING. OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS🙏🏻

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Dec 20

MM ANON ………an unwelcome intrusion ……… “ and it was all going so well” …… “ sweeping the the whole bloody house!! “…… fun and games ……… C&G play charades …… Def-Con 4……… “150 million expected ma’am”…… “ my little Pony”…… mini scrambler,🏍Wow!!…… “grouse for the grown-ups”…… “dial it back ma’am?”……” what happens in Sandringham, stays in Sandringham”…… “Charles, see to the RPOs”…… “ night before Christmas,and all round the house “………… Great Expectations

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Dec 21

MM ANON ……… “ it’s a tad cautionary ma’am”……… visiting hours only!!! ……… “ no bloody fuss, piss off” ……… “ and SYDNEY!! no drinks !!!”……… she’s here until January …… Diplomatic immunity…… one way in, one way out!!……… Full cover’ face recognition and sleeper van. ……… “ 🎼the kids are alright!!👀🎼”……… “ to start with’ it’s a 50cc Yam.”……… “ a pony has more torque” ……… “stop worrying Catherine!!”…… “It’s His Decision”……… “ I’ll meet, just say when!! “.

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Dec 22

MM ANON ……… George in the mix. …… a royal blackout …… pensive at the Forth Bridge …… “ Royal Bostic sir”…… “ unity ma’am!!”……… Done and Dusted ……… No Card???……… Christmas IG word salad and virtue massage …… …… rapidly dissolving PR……… “ when in doubt use mental health” ……… “we need a distraction ma’am”……… it’s a win, win !!……… “that’s a silly jumper William”

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Dec 24

MM ANON …… yesterday’s riddle?? ……… Christmas Eve prayer’s …… 2.09 pm in England …… not on my watch. ………… Father Christmas 🎄 comes to Sandringham …… nutmegs not here 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳…… Mike incognito ……… Lost in Space ………” Yes , but dress them warm”. ……… A long wait for the faithful …… everyone is vetted and counted. …… it begins for little royals……” Andrew!!!”…… “Bloody hell’ I’m here you know!!” ……… “Ahhhh, Lobster 🦞 Bisque!!” ……… “Overtired!!”

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Dec 25

MM ANON …… Security , at church service is stitched up like a kipper. RPO is unobtrusive but very present. Notice HMTQ never left alone, always surrounded. GBHMTQAOGC

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Dec 25

MM ANON …… Lottie kills it with pink flamingo … 🥳🥳absent madam🥳…absentee ginger …… K&W now it’s a new monarchy!! …… happy Christmas to all our readers …… UK migrant terrorist alert …… PA on silent running …… skippy breaking news about Lottie on Christmas walk way back……… right here, right now!! ……… DM follows skippy …… dogs behind.

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Dec 25

It’s the time lag. ……… MM ANON ……… to all on the bloggers blog!! 9.26 am. At time of post. A Very special day to all , Christmas, pets , those flying, those being cuddled. Happy Christmas 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 skippy Family, 💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻LK🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜to all 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜

Thank you dear MM Anon! Merry Christmas💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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Dec 25

MM ANON 💜💜💜 HAPPINESS TO ALL THIS CHRISTMAS 🎄 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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Dec 26

MM ANON ……… Morning paper!! ��…… OMG………… she’s a superstar ………… “ your the one who wanted this” ………… “we’ve started a monster”……… 🎼I’m alumberjackandimOK🎼………… don’t go and tell them……… just friends!! ……… 🎼Substitute 🎼……… tumblr is a crap site……… you’ll miss me ……… stop listening to the static. ………… we need the space

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Dec 27

MM ANON …… Right here,Right now!! …………… lots of faithful followers ……… Skippy for news going into New year ……… sales of wrinkle cream skyrockets ……… Vancouver, Smancouver ………… DISINFORMATION …… “ May the force be with you “……… “ Lies, she tells, grifter she is!!”…… hiking,shmiking ……… Archificial in-samination…… happy new lies ……… PR incredulous …… Canada turns its back!!……… “ not another bloody photo!!”…… “ stupid bloody card!,”……… “ another Snifter old thing?”

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Dec 28

MM ANON ……… illusions of grandeur ………not in my Restaurant ……… Canada snubbing you. …… Britain will boo you……… LA New Years …… go to Alaska!!! ……… C&G new found fame ……… W&K , curb there enthusiasm ……… mid-wife’s helper……………United monarchy ………New Years at the Middletons. ……… “who said it.” … “he used to be more accommodating” ………… an empty £4,000,000 joke……… “ he’s not impressed” ………… “ that ship has sailed

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Dec 28

MM ANON … Many thanks for your input in 2019. Wishing you a happy new year. ❤️❤️❤️

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Dec 29

MM ANON, …… Thank you for all you diligently working on the riddles. 💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️ You are the real stars of MM ANON, you are the ones the skippetts look forward to reading. You’re there ( make it easy) day. To understand the riddles and give us the answers is a selfless action of altruism. Thank you all , especially PG and LK 💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️ God bless you all and a happy new year.

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Dec 29

MM ANON …… I have a minor task……… Due Diligence ……… 🎼And here you go again 🎼……… “ They will encounter a heavy work load”…………”it’s not impossible”………… The one thing we can’t take for granted ……… SNAKES and ladders ……… “she only comes out at night” ………… A challenging time ahead …… not their best decision ………… They have all the answers ……… The return will be difficult, if they return??………… make or break!!

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Dec 30

ANON , On New Year’s Eve Eve , we give thanks for the tribulations of 2019 because without them we couldn’t face 2020. We know what to expect, more two faced lies , action and disinformation via their PR. So expect more of the same and more of us with skippy’s help and the help of anons can plough through the coming year. Mutual support and tenacity demands our continuous vigilance. Joyous new year.

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Dec 31

MM ANON …… “ happy new year to all our readers”…… 20.20. predictions ……… MM implosion ………Keep it quite!!………G&C in the viralsphere …… K&W keep it real ……… C&C relax duties ……… The best of the best……… 🎼if your sweet heart sends a letter 🎼………🎼 keep on runnin 🎼………… lack of vision ……… “ she’s blind as a BAT”……… Times Squared…… “ ring out the old, welcome the new”

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27 notes · View notes

sunsetscurving · 5 years

Text

honey, you should see me in a crown [modern royalty AU]

CHAPTER 3 || ao3 link

Lucas Lallemant, crown prince and heir to the throne, never needed someone to protect him. He never needed someone to protect him until the day he nearly got stabbed by an assassin.

Now he has to deal with an annoying bodyguard named Eliott Demaury who is, to the chagrin of Lucas, fucking handsome too.

As if his life isn’t difficult enough already.

lucallemant: guys, I swear, I felt like being in a fucking movie

y4z4s: this is straight out of a romantic film

basile_simple: I cannot believe that he literally followed you from the club and saved your ass

monvoisintuturo: the following thing could also be considered as stalking???? Just saying

lucallement: shut up arthur & @basile_simple yeah, me neither. I thought I would never see him again

monvoisintuturo: setting the stalking plot aside: yeah ofc, you guys made out over the whole dance floor and you think it was unbelievable that he didn’t follow you?

lucallement: well, my flirts usually do not save me from the police

basile_simple: he has a point arthur

Lucas was still laying in his bed, shirtless, smirking up at his phone which he held above his face. He told his friends the whole story as soon as he got into his room again. The guards hadn’t caught him that night and when his parents came breathless into his room, searching for him everywhere, he was pretending to be asleep, shocked that his parents disturbed him this late at night. But this was not the first time he snuck out and his parents finding him in this situation as if nothing happened. And regarding the events and the near-death of Lucas, he had to endure a long, long speech about how dangerous his nightly adventures are and how the bodyguard will finally keep him in check. Cece, who was also awake to that time, had only chuckled.

It was morning now and in some hours, he would meet his new bodyguard for the first time. His parents told him that his bodyguard actually wouldn’t arrive until the end of the week, but considering Lucas being way to careless, they ordered him into the castle and into duty already today.

Lucas looked back onto his phone and their chat. The stranger, Eliott, hadn’t left his mind since their encounter in the night. And he desperately wanted to find him again, only to see, if the vibes he felt between them were also real in a sober state of mind.

lucallemant: you guys have to do me a favor

basile_simple: 100% yes

y4z4s: 100% not

monvoisintuturo: could you please stop with your bantering and let the man speak?

Lucas quietly chuckled to himself about the dumbness of his friends.

lucallemant: since the nightly adventures have to stop now…

basile_simple: rip nightly adventures :((((

lucallemant: you guys have to find Eliott for me

There were no new messages for some moments and Lucas asked himself if he did something wrong. But suddenly, his phone didn’t stop to vibrate from all the incoming messages all at once.

y4z4s: as if we will find him again under thousands of people

basile_simple: omg we’re playing cupid YESSS

monvoisintuturo: gimme a description of him and I will find him in less than 24h

Lucas loved the enthusiasm of his friends. They acted like Lucas was going to marry tomorrow.

lucallemant: he was tall, messy hair, bright eyes with a… idk how to describe their color, it seemed to change all the time and yeah, he wore black clothes and he looked like a guy who liked to wear black clothes? And his name is Eliott… And he likes to dance… kinda dorky…

Lucas stared at this message and just realized now that all of these things were true for every second young man on the street.

basile_simple: well…

monvoisintuturo: gotcha. we will just visit every club in this town and find every man with the dorkiest dance move, hoping to find your man that way.

y4z4s: this will be the worst mission of my life.

lucallemant: I appreciate every effort, love you guys <3

basile_simple: nawwwwwwww

y4z4s: we love you too, mec

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. Time to get ready and meet his new rusty and old grandpa bodyguard. But at least he knew that someone was looking for his disco boy now, that he would eventually find him and endure this special feeling inside of him again whenever he glanced his way.

lucallemant: time to meet grandpa bodyguard now

basile_simple: let him know who the real boss is here

lucallemant: that would be my dad……….

y4z4s: just show him that you’re no kid who needs protection or something else, maybe he’ll disappear magically from the surface somehow then

monvoisintuturo: “magically” *pulls out mask, ready to kidnap lulu’s bodyguard*

lucallemant: you guys are unbelievable, I’ll miss you all

y4z4s: we’re not out of the world, mec. tell us how the meet up went

basile_simple: yeah, we wanna know everything

monvoisintuturo: go slay ‘em Lulu!

lucallemant: will do, arthur

Lucas smiled and locked his phone. He was glad to still have the support of his friends, also when things seemed to go southward way too fast. But maybe this whole bodyguard thing wasn’t as bad as he thought right now.

Lucas got out of the bed and laughed out loud at his own thoughts.

As if. This will be hell on earth.

His mum wanted Lucas to wear the best clothes he had. As if any of his clothes weren’t the best things in the country. Lucas found himself in front of the mirror, wearing a black suit with a white shirt underneath and a black trouser which matched his suit jacket. He looked good, he had to admit to himself – like a prince. He drove a hand through his messy hair and he asked himself if there would be ever a day where his hair decided to cooperate with him. Today was definitely not that day.

When he emerged from his room, Cece already waited for him, sitting on a bench opposite from his room, her little legs dangling. Her eyes lit up and she ran towards Lucas as if the both of them hadn’t seen each other for years.

At least his little sister would always be on his side.

“Princess, you’re looking stunning this morning”, said Lucas with a grin as he lifted Cece up and sat her down on his hip. She was wearing a pastel blue dress with matching hairbows which made her blonde hair look golden. He was walking down the hallway with her now, the guards slightly bowing their head whenever he passed one of them. Cece giggled and kissed Lucas’ cheek, Lucas’ mood lifting up a tiny bit in this moment of affection from his sister.

“You’re also looking good, Lulu.”

“Mum would’ve killed me if I didn’t.”

“That’s true.”

She giggled again and as long as Cece would live in this castle, there would always be light and joy.

“Have you already seen my bodyguard?”, asked Lucas, curious about what was awaiting him at the end of the hallway and behind that big wooden door. Cece only grinned, making a motion as if she was locking her mouth with an unseen key and tossed it away, behind her.

“So, you’re not going to say anything?”, asked Lucas, amusement playing in his eyes. And Cece’s grin only deepened while she nodded and her blonde curls where jumping up and down at this motion.

“Oh, come on”, sighed Lucas and leaned back his head in a theatrical gesture, “Well, then I maybe have to torture you…”, said Lucas now and started to tickle his little sister. Her bubbling laughter filled the otherwise empty hallways and Cece begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t until she said something.

“Okay, okay! I will tell you everything I know if you stop”, said Cece breathless while trying to wind herself out of his arms. Lucas stopped, his eyes sparkling with laughter and he looked expectantly at his sister.

“Well?”

“I—”

“Cecille.”

Lucas and Cece turned their heads at this firm and strong voice. His father was standing in the doorway to the throne room now, looking at them with raised eyebrows. Lucas set down Cece and kissed her head.

“Our guest is already waiting”, said his father with a serious voice and inclined his head towards the room behind him. Lucas had enjoyed the bantering between him and his little sister which had distracted him from the end of his freedom.

But also a prince must face reality in the end.

“Go”, whispered Lucas towards his little sister and she ran towards their father and into the room behind him. Lucas took a deep breath and followed his sister with slow and steady steps, walking past his father, trying to ready himself for what, or better, who, he would find now. Who would be responsible for the end of his already limited freedom.

The first thing he thought when he saw him standing with his back to him in front of his mother was:

Definitely not old and rusty.

He only saw his back for now, he was apparently in a conversation with his mum. His mum hadn’t seen him either and when he walked towards the both of them, he took in the other one’s appearance: he had to be around Lucas’ age (are people so young even allowed to be a bodyguard?) dressed in a black suit, messy hair, tall and—

Wait.

Lucas stopped in his tracks.

No fucking—

“Lucas! My darling”, said his mum now as her gaze landed on him over the shoulder of his new bodyguard. She was walking towards him but Lucas kept staring at the man who now turned around.

Lucas’ jaw dropped.

Someone is definitely mocking me here.

And the other one’s jaw dropped also as he finally faced Lucas.

This is a joke. A fucking joke.

“Honey, this is your new bodyguard”, said his mum now, pointing to the young man whose eyes Lucas would never forget.

This was some kind of dream.

In front of him stood the boy who hadn’t left Lucas’ mind since the past night. He looked refreshed and still more beautiful in the sunlight than under the night sky.

“Him?”, asked Lucas with a high-pitched voice as if this question would solve all the problems on this planet. Lucas was very glad that not only he seemed to be shocked, his opposite looked equally pale now.

If Yann, Arthur and Basile would have been here now, they would already lay on the floor, laughing so hard that they ended up having breathing issues.

But this was real.

Eliott, the beautiful boy who he magically felt so connected to, was his bodyguard.

And Lucas felt some kind of anger surfacing.

“Yes, him. We thought that someone around your age would be more… accessible for you”, said his mum now, apparently not realizing what was going on between Eliott and Lucas here right now. And well, how could she? She didn’t know that the both of them nearly jumped on each other the past night.

And now Lucas was supposed to listen to him like he was a little child? That Eliott-dorky-dance-boy was supposed to keep him in check?

No fucking way.

All of the sexual tension he felt between them was overlayered by some feeling of anger. Out of all the men in this universe, it had to be him?

Great, universe. Thank you.

Eliott seemed to find his composure again after some seconds where just pure shook took over his face. He took some steps towards Lucas, bowing before him, like he was supposed to, looking Lucas’ straight in the eye. There was nothing left of the love-drunken look on his face, this blissed out expression from last night. His cheeks weren’t flushed anymore after their run through the dark and Lucas also didn’t saw any longing in the face of the other one anymore. There was just pure professionality and Lucas was now sure that yesterday night was a dream or a product of the both of them being drunk as fuck.

“I’m honored to be in your service, Prince Lucas”, said Eliott now and Lucas was this close to laughing out loud at this ridiculous situation. If it hadn’t been sad and infuriating to the same time, he would have lost it by now.

“My name’s Eliott Demaury.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock”, mumbled Lucas under his breath although he didn’t want to. It just slipped past his tongue and his mum cleared her throat, reminding Lucas about his behavior.

And well, if Eliott didn’t want to continue where they left off last night, Lucas would also act like the prince he was supposed to be.

“Pleasure to meet you”, said Lucas with an ice-cold voice, never breaking eye contact with Eliott.

This is not hell. This is worse.

#hellooooo #the third chapter is here #and it‘s where lulu and his eliott meet #skam france #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #skam france fanfic #skam france fanfiction #elu fic #elu fanfic #elucrownfanfiction

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clownsgobeepbeep · 5 years

Note

(Chest) Cosmos X3

Now, to continue on with the angst in the future uwu Not very angsty however

@grotesquegabby Since Lennie is in this

After yet another afternoon of searching with the help of Mana, Lennie had returned home quite tired.The axolotl was rather melancholy, giving a whimper as he nudge Lennie’s leg whilst he opened the front door to their home. Lennie gave a sigh, gently patting his head in an understanding manner.

“Don’t worry bud...we’ll eventually find her, or she’ll come back. I know it.” he whispered to Mana who looked at him sadly, but that sadness slowly faded away once his head was inside the house. He gave a sniff of the air before rushing inside, Lennie being forced to release his leash before closing the door and running in after him.

Mana was finally able to smell the scent he had been missing for a few days now, his little one’s scent. Finally, she was back! But then, Mana skidded to a stop as he reached the scent that was found in the kitchen as Lennie now stopped behind himself as well.

“Oh! Mrs. Jelly said you guys would be coming back soon.”

“Flora?” Lennie asked, somewhat confused as he found the little girl standing on a stool in front of the stove, cooking something up from what he could tell. “What are...where’s Jelly?”

“She’s in the backyard with who I believe is her brother and his husband.” Flora replied after hopping off the stool, Mana sniffing her from the tips of her flats to the highest point of her he could sniff. This was too weird for him, he could have sworn it was Ula he smelled.

“I suppose you’re visiting, huh?” Lennie asked with a small smile before Flora gave a nod, petting Mana’s head before he lay on the ground, pretty disappointed.

“Oh yes, I heard the news and felt very bad, so I came as support.” she slightly shrugged before feeling Lennie’s hand on her shoulder. “Besides, I could use a bit of a distraction right now.”

“Distraction?”

“Yes...there are some, troubling things going on back at home.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am, but some of my family isn’t. My brother, my mother, and our new baby brother are all sick, hence why Basil didn’t come to visit today.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry kid.” Lennie pat her shoulder before bringing her into a hug, Flora accepting it before they pulled away. “If there’s anything we can do to help, you just tell us.”

“Don’t worry about me Mr. Lennie, I think your daughter is a lot more important right now.”Flora managed to smile at Lennie who looked at her quite sadly, returning a halfhearted smile. “But anyways, you should go with your wife right now. I told her not to worry about dinner and am almost done with it!”

“Thanks a lot Flora.” Lennie pat her head which made her smile, and he looked down at Mana. “Come on bud, let’s take you to Ula’s room.”

Mana instead dragged himself closer to Flora, nuzzling his head into her legs as he felt some comfort in doing so. Lennie realized this and decided to leave the axolotl, maybe Flora just reminded him of Ula.

_____________

“So, we’re currently missing three of the kids?”

“They’re not, missing. One of them kind of is, but the others just...disappeared to look for her.”

“How is this supposed to make me feel any better?” Jelly sighed before taking a long sip from her lemonade.

“She’s right Space Man.” Vespers nodded while swirling his straw in is own drink, placing his head on his palm.

“Alright then, how about we just go out Jelly? To the beach maybe, or your park. Somewhere that’ll bring you a tiny bit of happiness.”

“How is one supposed to be happy when their daughter hasn’t returned in days, her ex probably hates her entire family, her little sister is so sad and worried, and her brother regrets having said and done things?”

“You’ve...got a point there.”Cosmos then groaned before rubbing his temple. “Look, Jelly, we-”

“We understand that you still feel bad about what happened with Davey, Ula and Schrader the other night.” Vespers interrupted before holding one of Jelly’s hands in a comforting manner. “You nor Lennie should feel bad about that, and neither should Ula, which I imagine is the reason why she hasn’t returned yet. She had good intentions, but they unfortunately fell flat.”

“Yeah, exactly. Ula’s not a little girl anymore and she’s got her same spirit from before, but even stronger.” Cosmos nodded before Jelly shrugged. “She’s always been tough and scary despite being tiny.

“Hey Jelly-Bean.” they all heard Lennie’s voice, turning to the backyard door where he walked out, seeing Jelly and their guests. “Hey Coz, Vesp.”

The husbands waved at Lennie who sat next to Jelly in front of the outdoor table, giving a sigh as he turned to Jelly.

“I’m sorry Jelly, we didn’t find Ula.” he muttered out to her, holding her hand like Vespers had been doing earlier.

“That’s okay.” Jelly breathed out as she squeezed Lennie’s hand. “She’ll...eventually pop up.”

“Atlas and Ama are looking for her, even Phoebe has tried escaping at night with the twins and Luna to find her.” Cosmos commented before hearing little footsteps, and he turned around to the backyard door again. “The kid’s coming with...plates?”

Jelly looked behind her brother and there was Flora, walking with a large tray in hand with four plates that she proudly presented while Mana now sat beside her.

“Flora, you actually made dinner.”Jelly was surprised as the child placed a plate in front of everybody.

“Of course I did Mrs. Jelly! It’s the least I can do for you at the moment in your time of need.” Flora grinned before Jelly offered her a seat next to her. The child then accepted and sat by her, placing her hands on her lap while tapping her fingers as the adults stared at her.

“So, Flora, how have things been at home?” Jelly asked to distract herself from the reality of things.

“My brother, and mother, and new baby brother haven’t been feeling very well.” Flora shrugged. “Basil had a violent...coughing fit,and my mother is still sleeping after giving birth too soon. She hasn’t woken up in a while.”

Cosmos and Vespers then turned to look at each other, feeling a little awkward as they didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” Jelly pat Flora’s back, and the little girl looked up at her as she was now embraced. “Let’s talk about something else. Would anything make you happy?”

“A hug and kiss on the forehead from my grandparents always makes me happy, but...if you could please...do that this once...”Flora whispered to Jelly who did just those things, making Flora give a smile.

From Jelly’s other side, Lennie slightly squinted his eyes as that sight seemed too...familiar.

“Hey Jells...”Cosmos tapped his chin as a thought now came into mind. “How about you do that thing you do, where you touch and feel or something?”

“For what?”

“To make you and the little girl feel happy for some time.”

“Oh, that.” Jelly bit her fingernail. “I don’t, I’m not always able to do that when I’m not in a good mood. And it certainly doesn't work on me."

“Do what?” Flora asked.

“It’s a power of mine where I can touch somebody and feel what they’re feeling, and manipulate them to think or feel something else.”

“Oh! My grandmother can do that!” Flora smiled before lifting one of her hands. “She taught me how to do it!”

“You can do that?” Vespers now jumped back into the conversation. “Like, change emotions and all?”

“Yes, and I can even bring back memories and use the emotions from those memories too.” Flora nodded as she removed one of her gloves to reveal a black hand. “Please don’t mention this.”

Everybody stayed quiet before she reached over to touch Cosmos’ chest, and her fingers turned into roots that sunk into his skin.

“It...doesn’t hurt.” Cosmos stated in surprise before he saw the roots glow, and he gave a loud scream of pain. “Oh, FUCK.”

“Cosmos!” Vespers exclaimed as Cosmos grabbed his hand and squeezed so hard, making Vespers yell as the feeling was all too familiar. “Dude! What the hell!?”

Soon enough, Flora removed her hand from Cosmos who finally let go of Vespers, both having to take a breather.

“What happened?” Lennie turned to Flora who motioned to Cosmos, so he turned to said clown who was now flustered.

“I literally felt like...I was giving birth to the twins again, but I also felt like...the emotions and everything...”

“And I felt that too.” Vespers rubbed his hand before looking over at Flora. “You...that...that was...pretty impressive...”

“What other things can you do?” Lennie questioned, now curious but feeling strange...

“I can do those same things, but with my friend Twoey.”

“Twoey?”

“Is that the creature living in your basket?” Vespers pointed to the basket nobody had really noticed was even there, and Flora turned to him.

“How did you know something was living in there?”

“Just a hunch.” Vespers muttered out as that confirmation made him feel the same way as Lennie, like something was indeed off.

“Who’s Twoey?” Jelly now looked at the basket before a green tendril slithered out of it and towards Jelly, a tiny flower popping out of it as it offered it to her.

“Twoey is a giant plant that my mother gave to me.” Flora tapped the tendril before Vespers was the one now squinting his eyes at her.

“What’s your mother’s name?”

“Huh?”

“Your mom’s name.”

“Sage.”Flora answered before Vespers gave a nod as that name actually struck him familiar, he just couldn’t remember from where.

“And, your dad?”

“Lilian.”

“Are they from around here?”

“Nope. We’re kind of just vacationing here for a while, take a break from life. Perhaps to write a book or something.” Flora shrugged as a teacup now appeared out of thin air in front of her and she drank from it. “Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.”

“Jules de Gaultier.” Jelly claimed. “Right?”

“Yes, often mistaken as a quote from Lewis Carroll.” Flora nodded, never realizing that Lennie stared at the way she held her teacup. Rather than using all her fingers or lifting just one, she was lifting two fingers. He had see only one other person do that.

“The author of Alice in Wonderland.” Lennie looked Flora directly in the eyes, green eyes... “Do you like that book, Flora?”

“Hm, I guess. My grandfather on the other hand adores it.”

“I see. And-”

“Oh!” Flora interrupted Lennie as everybody now watched her looking down at her hand where there was a watch. “ I believe it’s time that I go now! I am truly so sorry.”

“That’s alright, don’t worry about it.” Jelly smiled and ruffled Flora’s hair before she hopped off the chair she was on, then reaching into her basket before handing Jelly a clear, glass bottle containing a light blue liquid. “What’s this?”

“Make yourself a cup of tea with this, add three drops and drink it. It’s my mother’s tea, and I trust you to use it only for yourself and whoever you think really, really needs it.” Flora whispered to Jelly. “It’s a very secret recipe only a few of my relatives know how to make, my mother being the one who made it.”

Jelly gave a nod before Flora backed away and pet Mana’s head as he stood up to nuzzle against her side.

“Anyways, I’m leaving now. Good day and luck to you all.” she waved to everybody who watched as she sunk or shrunk to the ground where in her place, there was now a simple, white rose. Everybody was quite confused and looked at each other, wondering what had just happened and that Flora was quite suspicious. Jelly on the other hand kept looking at the glass she had been handed, watching the blue liquid splosh around before Cosmos spoke.

“I’d say she’s weird, but you guys have already met her brother.”

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thisislizheather · 5 years

Text

March Magic

Forgive the lateness of this post, but March was a busy month so LET’S TALK ABOUT IT.

So after leaving Ipsy last year (for various reasons), I’ve missed receiving a little package every month full of makeup samples. I was all set to try Birchbox, but they wouldn’t accept a Canadian billing address so that didn’t work out. Instead I opted to give PLAY! By Sephora a chance. I was a member for three months before cancelling last week. My reason for ending it was mainly because I barely got any lipsticks or highlighters or anything FUN. I don’t know if it’s because they know that I’m in my mid-thirties or because they just have an influx of specific products, but a bitch doesn’t need twenty sample size cleansers. Not this bitch, anyway. Also, sending out a foundation sample (no matter the luxuriousness of the brand) makes ZERO sense because finding the right shade makes all the difference in the world for foundations. Also, I barely wear foundation. So I ended it. Also, am I the only one who hates getting tiny perfume samples? I feel like I have so many that I feel bad about throwing out, so I just keep them in the washroom and then use them instead of air-freshener if someone (or myself) stinks up the room (#lizadvice).

I was briefly intrigued by Frank & Oak’s clothing subscription box but decided after an hour of research that it’s probably too expensive for what you’re getting, even if the clothes are gorgeous.

Of course it was upsetting to hear that Luke Perry passed away. He was definitely one of the first men that I loved on television (god, I remember every single detail of that 90210 when his wife Rebecca Gayheart was killed). Such a good actor. So wildly attractive. And man, he was one of the best parts of Riverdale. I hate thinking about that show without him.

I absolutely love spring peas, so I made this Lemon-Basil Orzotto and it was really good.

I tried this charcoal that’s supposed to clean your makeup sponge and it was kind of annoying to use. It just takes too long to get a good lathering, and my foaming hand soap does the job much better and quicker.

I’ve only used it once so far, but I think I’m really into this Bliss Jelly Glow Peel Exfoliator that I got at Target for $10. No irritation at all and my face felt crazy smooth afterward.

I have a mini version of Sunday Riley’s Lactic Acid and it’s kind of really good, too. Only a million dollars more expensive than other good facial products! Sweet! Also, you’d think having “acid” in the name would frighten people away but I guess not. Obviously never going to buy the full size because it’s not magical or anything, but happy to have tried it.

Ate at this Mexican place Pulqueria in Chinatown that was pretty good. The location is pretty cool (very NYC out of a movie) and the inside is gorgeous. The food? Pretty decent! All in all, nothing to write home about but definitely worth remembering if you’re in the neighborhood.

Got some ice cream at Taiyaki and it was the definition of plain-as-a-dick. Nothing special here.

Finally ate at Lilia in Brooklyn! Honestly, it was really great and I can’t wait to go back. I made Nathan get the spicy lamb fettuccine so that I could try it and I got the mafaldini with pink peppercorns. His was fantastic, but mine was only so-so (it was way too al dente) - I think I just ordered badly because everything else we had was incredible. They had this herbed focaccia with ramp butter special that blew our faces off. I’ve never heard of a bread special before and it’s a brilliant idea, more restaurants should do this, people go nuts for fancy bread (myself included). The cauliflower appetizer (with spicy soppressata, sicilian pesto & majoram) was amazing and the dessert soft-serve swirl was wild. I already know what I’m ordering next time: the sheeps milk cheese filled agnolotti with saffron, dried tomato & honey. The service was of course great, and the space itself is gorgeous. No idea it used to be an auto-repair shop. Is the pasta better at L’Artusi? I’ll have to order the agnolotti before I answer that question. One must be well informed before making such declarations.

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On my birthday, I took advantage of a free-facial offered from Smith & Brit in the city and it was beyond lovely. Claire (the owner) is such a fantastic woman who really knows what she’s doing and she made it such a wonderful experience.

I also took advantage of the free birthday brow arch they offer at all Benefit locations and whoa. I almost exclusively thread my eyebrows every few months, so I was excited to have them waxed for a change. I have pretty sensitive forehead skin, so I did have tiny bumps around my eyebrows for a few days afterward, but it still was worth it. They do an “eyebrow map” of how your eyebrows would best look and then wax them accordingly. And then they follow that with filling them in with Benefit products. I usually use a combination of Colourpop’s brow pencil and Milani’s waxier eyebrow pencil, but when she used the Benefit eyebrow gel wand, I was floored at how much fuller they looked. Really considering buying the mini and seeing if I can achieve that same look. Look how full!

Above Photo: Excuse the horrifying closeness of the above photo

I tried both 2019 birthday gifts from Sephora and Ulta, and talked about both of them here.

I watched all of Shrill in one evening and I can’t imagine not watching it that way. It’s perfect. I can’t stop playing this song on repeat, WHY IS IT ONLY ONE MINUTE? Other thoughts: I had no idea that the morning-after pill doesn’t work for women over 175 pounds, that’s insane!? The mother/daughter storyline is so well done it hurts. ALL of the outfits on pretty much every single woman are so fucking lovely. I rewatched that one part with the woman in red walking and buying flowers over and over it just made me so happy, I can’t describe why. And the pool party episode? I may have sobbed through some of it, and not in a sad way but in a cathartic way. It just made me feel so many things at once. Mostly about how sometimes you feel invisible if you’re self conscious or self-loathing about your body, and you feel like you don’t matter unless you fit into this idea of what you think people expect you to look like and how if you don’t fit into that, then you’re essentially a worthless piece of garbage, so you treat yourself that way on a daily basis. And how this type of thinking can last you a lifetime because it’s all you’ve allowed yourself to believe for years and years. There are so many ways that a person can feel inadequate or less than, and it’s so internally normalized because you truly believe that you’re not good enough and you never will be. It’s a depressing way to live and so many women especially live this way, myself included obviously. So that whole episode really just felt like a fucking dream of a reality. I really hope there will be more episodes of the series, I’ve never related to a television show more in my life.

I tried the watermelon makeup wipes from Sephora and even though they smell amazing, they don’t take off all of your makeup. Pass. The Avon one is still my all-time favourite.

I tried the cleansing pads from First Aid Beauty and they’re tingly, fun and great. Perfect alternative for when you don’t feel like washing your face. I don’t know if that’s their intent, but that’s how I’m using them.

Nathan’s second album came out on iTunes! Buy it! Love it! Or not! Do you!

I’ve been having trouble sleeping and one thing that has helped? Taking a hot shower before bed. Is this such common knowledge that I’m a moron? Maybe. In any case, very happy to have learned this.

Started and finished watching the final season of Broad City and it was really, really good. I always forget how good this show is. I wish it existed when I was a teenager.

Practically in LUST with Trader Joe’s Everything But The Bagel Seasoning. I’m so late to this party, but at least I finally got there. I’ve only even tried it on top of some buttered bread and I was floored at how good it is.

Can’t stop rewatching all the old Ready or Not episodes on YouTube. Also, Degrassi Junior High.

You know how sometimes you have irrationally dumb opinions on things you know nothing about? That was me with dry shampoo. I didn’t really understand it. Also, I thought it was exclusively for white women, I don’t know why? Obviously I tried some (this Amika one) and I mean… it’s kind of spectacular. I maybe shouldn’t have discovered it because I might never wash my hair again.

I visited the Everlane store in Soho (because apparently YouTube ads really do work on me) and even though it’s beautifully minimalist, it’s way too overpriced.

Tried the pizza at Lions & Tigers & Squares Detroit Pizza and it was really good. They don’t offer single slices, but it’s the perfect place to go with someone to split one. So in love with Detroit style lately. (Also, can I accept world-wide-credit for the massive amounts of pepperoni pieces you’re seeing on pizzas these days?! I’ve been ordering triple-pepperoni-well-done pizzas for DECADES and I’ve been harshly judged endlessly because of it and LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE NOW! Full credit.)

Above Photo: Pepperoni pizza from Lions & Tigers & Squares, NYC

The penultimate episode of this season of This Is Us was wildly good. There was so much relatable couple stuff, it’s so hard to even get into if you didn’t see the episode/don’t care about the show, but if you did? Email me. I could talk about it for an hour, it was so well done. It’s essentially about the give and take in a relationship and about how it’s rarely equal, and man… so, so well done. Loved every minute.

Remember how I tried and liked Bumble & Bumble’s Thickening Spray? Well, I still do but definitely don’t spray it on your roots, it works much better if you use it sparsely on the rest of your hair when damp. Maybe that’s already obvious but I’m very new to using any hair products, so forgive my stupidity.

SO excited for Jenny Slate’s new book.

I went to Beacon’s Closet for the first time and whoa. I didn’t find anything I loved, but it’s definitely one of those places you should stop in every once in awhile to see what’s there. The space is a little overwhelming, but the things that I’ve seen people get from there are gorgeous and so inexpensive.

I tried to find my colour in the Fenty collection of concealers and nothing matched, but it’s not a huge deal since I’m happy with the NARS one I’ve been using. And speaking of concealers, Colourpop just released their own and they were kind of good?? Again, I still prefer the NARS one, but the Colourpop one is actually kind of good, especially for being $6.

Finally ate at Raclette and I don’t think I’ll be returning. There are basic rules for making a good grilled cheese. I mean, I’m no scientist but you should be able to hold up the sandwich. And that just didn’t happen here. I had to use a knife and fork, which is… sad. Astoria Bier & Cheese understands these rules and still remains the best place to go if you’re in the mood for one.

I accidentally tried smoked salmon for the first time and it was really good, who the hell knew? Apparently everyone but me. I’ve never ordered it because I really only fake-like cooked salmon, so why the hell would I like it uncooked or *shudder* smoked? Also, it looks so gross! I should’ve known better though because it’s almost always true that if something looks gross, it probably tastes amazing. That’s a thing, yeah?

I tried samples (because I own a million fucking samples of every cream on planet earth) of Kiehl’s avocado eye cream and passssssss. It left my under eyes crazy red and zombie-like, so never again.

Bought a new white living room carpet from Carpet Factory Outlet on the Upper East Side and it was so cheap and great, have to keep this place in mind.

Absolutely hate this Tarte mascara, it stays on your lashes for days after you think you’ve washed it off and I don’t know why anyone would want that.

Since I’ll forever love Trader Joe’s, we tried the new broccoli and kale pizza crust and it’s even better than the cauliflower crust that we love. This one also doesn’t burn as easily in the oven as the cauliflower one, so I think this is the new favourite.

There’s a new flavour of banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery: chocolate hazelnut. It was sold out when I tried to get it, but I did get a sample and yikes. Obviously it’s the greatest.

Ate at Al Di La in Brooklyn and it was not fantastic. Their version of “gnocchi” was confusing and 1000% too spinachy. The tagliatelle al ragu (below) was obviously good, but, like, it’s so hard to fuck that up.

Above Photo: Tagliatelle Al Ragu at Al Di La, Brookyn, New York

Found this lovely-as-hell store in Park Slope, Habit. Literally everything felt and looked beautiful. In love with this one specific brand they had.

Went to a Mortified show with Harmeet who was visiting me, and it was good! We only stayed for the first half because honestly my feet hurt and we were standing and I think we both just decided, “Yeah, we get it… we’re good” and then went to Ample Hills Creamery around the corner. Love it when friends decide to leave an event early together for something more fun, not enough people do this.

FINALLY made it to Daily Provisions. Maple cruller? Heavenly. Everything-bagel-flavoured croissant injected with cream cheese? Delightful. Danny Meyer continues to do no wrong. Favourite breakfast place in Union Square.

Above Photo: Maple Cruller from Daily Provisions, Union Square, New York City

Still very much in love with this song, and as I was listening to it one day I started reading the comments as I was listening and this one YouTube comment… my god. So sweet. Maybe parts of it are definitely corny or too much or something, but my god, in the moment, I loved it:

“I heard this song when I woke up un-groggy for the first time after an abortion. It was the first time I heard it. And riding in the car beside my Mom, who had been pro-choice her entire life until the moment she was staring that decision right in the face, both of us were silent the entire song. Through every lyric, it was as if Sara had written a eulogy of my life. Everything we had been through, everything I had suffered. Everything I had seen. Every time I had to grow up sooner than I should have. Everything I had to push to the back of my mind so I didn’t lose myself completely. Everything surfaced through these lyrics. This will just be another comment lost among this thread. But if someone happens to read it - if someone who NEEDS to see this comment see’s it - know that things will always be better. TIME HEALS ALL. Even if it seems as though no one would care if you were gone. Even if it seems as though you have no purpose in this world. YOU MATTER. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you have made. It doesn’t matter how many times you have sworn to God “you’d change” if he just forgave you for this one mistake. Hell. Even if you don’t believe in God. If you don’t know what to believe, if you’re lost, if you don’t know what to do - just keep going. Keep doing. Keep moving in any direction that is away from the heartache and pain that keeps you tied down. Let go of the past. Let go of the fear and hurt your heart endures on a daily basis. Just keep living. Keep going. Forgive. Never forget. Learn from your mistakes. Better yourself. Live for you. Find your happiness. Love unconditionally. Live.” — Shelby Grimm

Went to Momofuku Noodle Bar for the second time and it was so much better than the first time. I also ordered better. The chilled spicy noodles with sichuan sausage, thai basil & cashews (shown below) were incredible and I tried some of the broth of the spicy beef ramen that Harmeet ordered and holy shit, it was good. I’m still too… not into the idea of ramen, but that broth was fucking nuts. ALSO, their dessert special (caramelized white chocolate pie with hazelnut and puffed rice was F-U-C-K-I-N-G memorable (also below). Christ.

Above Photo: Chilled Spicy Noodles from Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

Above Photo: Caramelized White Chocolate Pie from Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

A few months ago I got dinner at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side and since it was good, I stopped in there for lunch recently and it’s probably the best lunch I’ve had in that area for sure. There’s a $4 happy hour sangria special and their lamb sliders are incredible. The fries are maybe my favourite restaurant fries in the city, they’re so crispy and drizzled with this spicy aioli and they also have a chocolate-hazelnut dessert cake that is unbelievable. I know it sounds like I love everything everywhere, but I swear I don’t.

There is a place in NYC where you can rent out really nice digital cameras for 24 hours FOR FREE and no one knows about it (the only hiccup is that you need to have state-issued ID). Sony Square is a “public space committed to showcasing innovations in products, music, movies and gaming” - which essentially means that every few weeks they change up their aesthetic to showcase new Sony products, but the camera-rental service is an always-available option. Insanely cool thing to offer.

Found amazingly soft and comfortable leggings (cheap too!) at Aerie (thank you Marla!) that I will exclusively buy from now on. (No more trash Aritzia leggings that disintegrate every three months!) Bought some of their workout pants too that have pockets (!) that were incredibly soft, too.

I saw the movie Us and really liked it. Mostly because yeah, it’s a good movie. But also because IT’S AN ORIGINAL MOVIE. I’m so sick of remakes and superhero movies that I love it when movies like this get made. I know it’s classified as a horror movie, but it’s not really, in my opinion. Plus I love when you finish watching a movie and you want to come home immediately and research as much about it as possible. It’s good, go see it!

Harmeet and I went to Manhatta for lunch (because apparently I have a Danny Meyer obsession) and it exceeded all expectations. First of all, it’s not crazy expensive despite the fact that it’s in the fucking sky (60th floor). We got the mushroom soup, the scotch snails with pork sausage in garlic butter and the French onion burger and everything was amazing. Service was perfect. Views are insane. Perfect place to take someone who’s visiting, especially for lunch. Will definitely go back.

Above Photo: View from Manhatta, NYC

Above Photo: Harmeet! In all her beauty!

Above Photo: French Onion Burger from Manhatta, NYC

Lastly, I watched the Leaving Neverland documentary on HBO. I also watched all the episodes of Surviving R. Kelly. I watched both of these within a few days and I don’t recommend anyone viewing all of these things in such a short amount of time unless you want to cry endlessly and (irrationally? Or understandably?) loathe an entire gender for a few days. And look, if you know anything about me, you know what a huge fan I am of Michael Jackson. From his music to the connection of meeting Nathan, I’ve forever loved this man in the way that all of his fans love him. For years I would think (and sometimes, ugh, say) “I don’t know that man personally. I don’t want to know about his personal life. I can’t judge him if I don’t know him.” And I’d say these things as a way of deflecting from the fact that I didn’t want those beautiful songs tarnished in my mind, as dumb as that sounds. And in an extremely similar way, I acted the same with R. Kelly. I didn’t WANT to take “When A Woman Loves” off of my iPod for years because I didn’t want to believe someone who could sing so beautifully could be some kind of monster, which makes zero sense but seems like a rational thought to people who still don’t believe these victims. The way that we worship these artists/abusers, without actually knowing anything about them (or sometimes knowing complete details of their abuse), wanting them to continue to achieve success no matter what the cost, is so unhealthy and odd and is part of a larger culture that is already designed to idolize anyone with status or more money than us. I didn’t want to watch Neverland. I knew it’d be bad. I only took down my Woody Allen poster in my childhood bedroom last year (to be fair, I don’t live there, but this should’ve happened years ago). I rarely spoke up in favor of these men, but I did stay silent when they were discussed because that was easier to do and basically what most everyone else was doing and made it feel acceptable, which is awful. I feel horrible that it took this many years for victims to be believed and it makes me sick that I’m apart of the group of people who made it impossible for victims to be heard. As hard as these things were to watch, I think they’re wildly important to see.

This one part from Surviving R. Kelly sums up one of the problems so well.

“Our society tends to compartmentalize the things we don’t want to look at, and magnifies and glorifies the things that we do. For example, if an individual is providing something to the society as music, cinema, politics - we’re more likely to compartmentalize the negative behavior and minimize it, as a way of accepting what they’re contributing.”

Jesus, a lot happened in March. Excited for April! Some upcoming things that you can expect in next month’s post: I’m going to start taking collagen (I’ve heard it helps hair growth), a family trip to Niagara Falls, a Best of Astoria post & thoughts on the new Twilight Zone. Hello, April!

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cctaehyung · 6 years

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vii. secret garden

in his garden, everything has already happened.

the gardens in his heart have changed in so many ways over the years since his first visit. it was still bright and colourful, of course. the philia garden has gotten so many additions and the storge garden had gotten so much brighter and bigger than it originally was. in his past visits at those gardens, he would often walk with his father through storge. when he goes through his philia garden, he walks with the first two friends he has made in that december of 2016. it was always nice going to a garden with someone he loved, but there were times where he would go alone himself.

he’s never had a dream where he and yoongi would walk in the one garden dedicated to the both of them together. taehyung doesn’t think he could ever have the courage to ever talk to him about it because the idea of it would probably sound so silly to him. he had a conversation about it in a dream once with rikiya and it leads to ricky saying that he’ll tell him if- when they get married.

there were a lot of promises that were made for the future, but taehyung had never succeeded them because most of those promises involved yoongi. though taehyung’s body, mind, and soul were brought back in 2016, his heart was still in 2020. he was still grieving even if yoongi was alive now. his heart could accept the fact that his family and his friends were all in 2016 with him, but he couldn’t force his heart to believe that yoongi was alive as well. perhaps, if they dated again, it would be a different, pleasant feeling.

with the condition his heart was in, any person who has visited the garden would believe that the whole heart would have bad weather like it did after basil. though, to be honest, even if the weather was worse than it was usually, it didn’t stay like throughout the rest of the area but the agape. it was as if everything about him and his life went well and was going perfectly except for the fact that taehyung still couldn’t move on from witnessing yoongi’s death.

the forget-me-nots are in their original form. they were not growing, nor were they wilting away. in fact, if anything, they stayed the same as they always had since they bloomed. the first time he had seen them in that state, he felt such overwhelming joy that the moment he woke up from his dream, he called up to check on yoongi to tell him about how much he loved him and they spent a whole entire day together. now, when he looks at them, he feels as if they are just harsh reminders of his pathetic life holding onto a time that didn’t exist. he knew the deep meaning of the flowers, but he can’t get rid of the definition of complete loss when he sees them now.

when he enters the agape garden, he was unable to see its purple color. in fact, he could not see any sort of colour in the garden whatsoever. after the incident, every time he visits this place, there was no hint of colour or light anywhere there. he’s gotten used to it, as he was always used to black and white. he just wished it went back to the way it was before.

he sits in front of the flowers and examines them carefully, afraid to touch them in case they were to be damaged right away. it was obvious that taehyung was one person who was definitely not forgetful, but even if he tried to, he wouldn’t be able to forget the meaning of the small flowers: true love. he never really understood why that would be his flower until the one moment when he realized that yoongi was the one. at that sudden moment, everything in the world made sense and it felt as if pieces of the puzzle were put together to end any form of confusion.

memories with him play in his mind as he continues to stare, barely even noticing the small figure walking up to him. “ricky-ah…” the high, but soft voice calls out to him.

he looks behind himself to see the little fox stand behind him on the floor. he can’t see the red on him because everything looks gray, but he is able to recognize his friend. “rikiya… what do you want?”

“staying here won’t do you any good,” the little one says. “you can’t stay here. i know your heart and your mind both agree that they can’t completely move on from this, but it’s so gloomy over here. you should hang out in the other gardens where it’s much brighter.”

the statement makes taehyung feel a bit of discomfort. with awkwardness, he declines his offer. “i’d rather stay here, but thank you for the thought.”

“ricky, please. your father and nari agree with me too-”

“just,” the boy interrupts the other from speaking any more. “please leave me alone for some time to think.”

rikiya stands there in silence for only for a few seconds, perhaps thinking to himself on what to do. in the end, he sits next to taehyung’s left leg and looks up at the boy who was looking down at the flowers in front of him.

“these flowers are not that big,” rikiya comments.

“i know,” he responds, “but they are very important to me. despite its size, i see it as much bigger because of who they are for.”

“i know, it’s just… weird,” the fox says with a nervous chuckle. “i know you’re not a fan of big flowers because of the past, but i never understood your fascination for the smaller things… besides me, because i’m small and wonderful.”

taehyung doesn’t respond. he simply just looks out and sighs. it’s a sign of a plea, but rikiya doesn’t seem to notice it.

“he means a lot to you, huh?” rikiya asks. “i personally don’t think i will experience something like that, but it seems that min yoongi means a lot to you.”

taehyung nods. “almost the world, you can say.”

“almost… so he’s different from basil?”

“obviously,” he says, later moving his body a little so that he could properly face his friend, his friend doing the same. “i mean…. when i liked basil, it was… an unhealthy desire. an obsession. there was no love for anyone else other than him and only him to the point where it was hard to actually love myself even just a little. for yoongi, i loved- i still love him a lot, but i am able to love myself and other people as well. but in the end, he was still an important person in my life who i really care for and would do anything for. so, it hurt a lot to lose him. it still hurts.”

“ah…” rikiya replies, nodding his head. “well… like i said, i’ve never experienced it. but i want you to know that no matter what, i’m always here for you if you just want to rant.”

it’s a sign that rikiya doesn’t know what to say anymore to keep the conversation going, so he accepts it and gives a polite sign for rikiya to leave. “thanks. i’ll see you later.”

once left in silence, he moves his body back to how it was before, facing the flower once again. from the distance, it looks as if taehyung was sitting alone with nothing else but darkness and a field around him, but that wasn’t the case at all. it was as if this was the tiny portion of reality peeping in to this side of his heart.

he doesn’t want to cry. he’s already used up so many tears over something like this at this point, he doesn’t want to waste anymore. it’s not as if crying would do anything useful to him except make him feel even more miserable. he didn’t come back in time just to only make life worse for him again.

the sound of footsteps on the grass make taehyung look up. assuming who it could be, he speaks out to the person before turning his head. “rikiya, i thought we already had a-” he looks back to see no small fox plush, but rather a familiar human boy who was still shorter than him, “discussion.”

taehyung is greeted with a smile that makes him feel warm even when taehyung eventually sees nothing but a white coloured ceiling.

his excuse to his brothers was that he was stopping by to visit family. before he walks out the door, he hears danny warn him to not face the step-douche as if taehyung was planning to visit that house today. he wasn’t too off, but taehyung would never go to that house willingly even if his youngest brother and his only sister were there. though, to be fair, taehyung was technically meeting with family today. he just didn’t specify who.

after spending a good few minutes at the closest supermarket, he ended up with a random bouquet of flowers that looked the best and a random bag of chips that he would munch on when he would get home. his next trip was to a place that he would visit often alone, but he would visit with any other family members if they wanted to go along with him. this time he visits alone, but only because he wasn’t able to ask him something in his dream. taehyung thought it would be better to ask him now.

the moment he finds a parking spot near the graveyard, he walks out of his car and brings the bouquet with him. after he closes the door, he walks around to find the specific grave when he eventually spots it ahead of him. he has to thank his good memory to be able to remember where to go and where to look in order to find it, but that wasn’t important.

he always bought cheap bouquets. it’s better than bringing an expensive one that someone made with their heart and care and having it thrown away by the people who worked there. besides, this person knew taehyung’s love for him. flowers were just something nice to show his appreciation, but his heart says more than his actions ever do. after he places it on the grave plaque, he walks back a little and looks at it while he does the sign of the cross.

“father, son, holy spirit, amen,” he starts it off. usually when his mother was here with him, he’d have to do an “our father”, “hail mary”, “glory be”, and end it from there. but since she wasn’t here with him, he makes up a random prayer to talk to his father.

“hi dad… uh…” he thinks on what to say next, “i didn’t get to see you last night in the garden, so i thought it’d be cool to see you now and talk to you… now. is that okay?” that was a stupid question. of course it’s okay. “uh. i wanted to ask you about my mind, since you seem to know everything about me the most. do you think it’s in a good state? depression is obviously there, but do you think i have something else? something serious that i don’t know about yet? because i have speculations, but the thing is i’ve never met a professional psychologist and asked them myself. and uh… i don’t know. you were practically my best friend growing up, so did you notice anything then and do you notice anything now?”

“i feel… worried. because i feel aware, but i think of shit that’s so bad that if anyone knew about it, they’d probably want to stop talking to me. is that normal?” taehyung inquires. “can you… give me a sign? let me know if something is fucked. tell god to help out with that, too since he’s in charge of everything around here.” he hesitates. “just… i don’t even know what it could be, but i know something is wrong. just try to let me know what it could be? … amen.”

after doing the hand motion once again to end the prayer, he walks away from the grave only to later feel a vibration from his pocket. reaching for his phone, he looks over at the screen to see a text alert from the league.

(txt; league!) CARD NEEDED TO BE CAUGHT AROUND THE AREA: team nightshade required; experienced and special class may help. Please meet at the hideout for more details.

taehyung thinks it over for a little and he sighs before putting his phone back in his pocket and heading to his car, his next destination being the clamp cafe.

it’s not a difficult card, thank goodness. in fact, if anything, he was sure all of the male rookies could catch it on their own without any help. but he was fortunate enough to give it a few hits and wounds. but seeing it be completely obliterated was taehyung’s goal. he was desperate to be the one to finish the job, even if the rookies wanted to be the one to do it first. he knew gyu was going to be furious at him if he finished it himself, but he could really care less about what the man does. he always thought the old man was good at being a father and leader, but he wasn’t good at changing ricky’s mind.

he watches the naive heroes as they try their best to defeat it, struggling a little even after they heard the support of their leader. they’re pretty tough thanks to sunggyu. however, he was barely looking at their overall skill. in fact, if anything, he was just waiting for the moment where they all would collectively give up and go to him, their “lord and saviour” for help. but for now, he could always just go on instagram and check how his favorite celebrities are do-

“VINNY HELP!” a familiar voice screams out for him, immediately making him look up from the ground to see his youngest triplet struggle in one of the card’s tentacles, watching as his other brother run to him for aid with the brass knuckles in his hands. taehyung sighs with a look of disappointment. his brother’s basic knowledge still wasn’t surprising.

well, if one brother wasn’t going to save him because of his failure to think before he acts, taehyung was happy to be the one to save his poor brother from getting into a mess. already out with his weapons and his outfit, all he really needed to do was get the show on the road. he grabs both of his rifles with him and makes his way to the large card, making the other heroes stop from fighting it any more as he runs to it. one of the card’s eyes was already shot thanks to some random rookie hero on the team, and there was one tentacle already chopped off from sunggyu’s scythe. all that really needed to be taken care of was where its heart was and the tentacle danny was in.

thank goodness for the fact that these weapons were magical. he didn’t plan on using much if that were to happen to him, but in the end it wouldn’t matter since he wouldn’t ever be able to run out of them. with the rifle’s bayonet, he uses it to make a large cut on the card’s ankle. however, as he does it, he notices something strange about the ankle while the card roars. there was some sort of solid with a bit of a squishy texture in it. assuming what it could be, he looks at the rookies and points at it, mouthing a word that caught their attention. getting the generous hint, a random magical boy makes his way towards the familiar with a sword while ricky runs to his brother.

vinny widens his eyes at his brother for some reason as if he had just seen something incredible on his mediocre triplet. “ricky! you’re-!”

taehyung ignores it and interrupts him. “okay, vinny, assuming the heart is in the ankle, once the hero stabs it, the card might let go of danny. run to the shadow of the tentacle danny’s in and when the card lets go, he should fall into your arms. that way, it’ll look like you did all the work when it was actually just me. just the way you want it to go in your hero business.”

taeyong shows an insulted look at him. “what the hell?!”

“you’ll thank me later,” he replies before running off to sunggyu’s side to join the rest of the rookies, looking at how his plan goes into place. even if he shows a neutral facial expression, he prays to god that this goes well because this was all just assumption. he didn’t even know if everything would happen the way he said it would.

he searches for sunggyu’s hand and holds it tightly before he hears the other yelp once he touches it, letting the hand go as he does so.

“cheezus louisus, ricardo! your hand feels like a pan that just got out of the hot stove!” he shouts, jumping back from ricky before later having his jaw drop. “oh my god! you’re glowing!”

hearing the first statement, taehyung is confused but the second statement, he wasn’t sure if it was a fitting comment to say after his last one. “... i know i like good, but it’s kind of weird for you to say that after talking shit about my ha-”

“no! you’re literally glowing! and you’re hand is hot!”

taehyung smirks. “sunggyu, you have a wife-”

the sound of a camera shutter goes off at the same time the card screeches from being defeated, letting go of a screeching danny who stops when he eventually falls onto vinny, letting the older of the two land hard on the ground while the other uses his body as a cushion. the rest of the heroes watch as the beast turns into its actual paper card form, letting the boy who killed it hold it with a large smile on his face. taking his attention from the special hero away, sunggyu runs to the rookie and congratulates him.

taehyung’s confusion doesn’t last for long as he sees a hero around his age, daniel(? he thinks that’s his name), shows him his phone with the front camera showing the hero with his usual appearance with something different: his entire body was surrounded in solar energy and the strange thing was that he wasn’t even sunburnt. in fact, it felt as if the light wasn’t even touching him, despite being around him and having him in it.

“see! you’re really glowing!” he hears the rookie, amazement in his voice as taehyung stares at himself in awe.

“... what the flying fuck?!”

want to see the rest of his story from this point? take a trip: @tangerinewrites

#( * FORGET ME NOT SERIES )#&& eternity series #( * solo )#and with that i say adios! it was great being here.

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thespacebetweenus2017kenya · 7 years

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An Open Heart

My peers, supervisors, and I all stood around a fire outside Servants of the Sick Training Center last Friday. We each held two different lists in our hands. The first was a compilation of those people who have positively impacted us; the second was personal inventory of those people who have hurt us. Father John told us to place both in the fire; this was a symbol of gratitude for the lessons, love, and healing. As we did so, I noticed life's greatest paradox. Love and wounds coexist.

I watched the coals of the fire burn and our papers turn to dust. My mind was distracted by images of my patients; people who have suffered burns and are using all of their strength and energy to heal. Unsurprisingly, fire has a new meaning in my life due to my patient's experiences and my experience with them. I see destruction and pain in the flames but I also see goodness and life...how in the midst of suffering, many of my patients keep their hearts open with the willingness to give and receive love.

Keeping an open heart has been one of my greatest lessons throughout hospital chaplaincy. Prior to my Kenyan experience, I was convinced my heart was open. I love people and meeting strangers. I love coffee shops and deep conversations. I love adventures and trying new things. I was convinced that how I spent my time was evidence of my openness. But the external does not always match the internal...and inside me beats a heart that I have worked hard to protect.

Revisiting my definition, I have learned that an open heart involves facing pain and integrating it into life. Simultaneous with pain, I have learned that humans need to deconstruct the greatest lie in life; that is that everyone will love them. I have learned that an open heart means breaking down barriers and loving with a forgiving heart. Such a heart means loving people freely without expectations and conditions. People love people but people also hurt people. The beauty of this reality, according to Father John, is that every human being is redeemable.

I saw evidence of this redeeming grace last week. A 2 year old girl is a main character in my chaplaincy story. Her background involves an abusive mother who most likely caused her burns. For 5 weeks, this little girl has sat in her hospital bed alone. She is characterized by her wide eyes and observant nature. She hears the screams of other patients and endures her own pain but never cries. She shows the world her resilience every day. I have become a frequent visitor. I have grown to love this little girl.

Early last week, I saw a woman at my 2 year old’s bedside. I was eager to see who it was as I scrubbed my hands, put on my hair net, and walked towards the bed. It was her first visitor in 5 weeks. Much to my surprise, it was her mother. I felt so angry and bitter towards this mother at first. I wanted to ask her, "Where have you been? How could you leave your child alone? Why haven't you comforted her pain? How could you hit her?" Refraining from these, I smiled and said, "Jambo! I love your daughter." I was convinced that I would not see this mother again. After all, she has been nonexistent for the past 5 weeks. But the following day, I met her again...and the day after that...and the day after that...I met her again. I looked at my favorite two year old and she showed such expressive signs of happiness. I thought to myself, "We all want love and this relationship deserves a redeeming chance." I felt my anger and bitterness lessen. I saw life's great paradox again: wounds and love coexist.

Little girl, you have shown me your open heart, shaped by wounds and love. Thank you for the profound opportunity to spend time with you each day. Oh, how I'm going to miss you. I love you very much.

Next week, I will be home. I have had mixed feelings about that reality. Before being able to process those feelings though, I had to present my final evaluation to the class; an assessment of who I have become (a hard project to tackle since I, and all humans, are always becoming).

One of my favorite moments from this summer was seeing Mount Kilimanjaro. It's tall peak in the distance was beautifully captivating. I keep thinking about that moment. Metaphorically speaking, I feel like I am on top of a mountain--full of happiness and enjoying the view. As I shared in my final evaluation, Kenya has been a transforming, mountain top experience for me. In response to this acknowledgement, Father John said, "The true test of transformation is if you can be happy when you go back down the mountain."

I want the descent to be just as beautiful.

Today I had a glimpse that I think it, indeed, will. Morris, my classmate and Holy Cross Brother, took me to visit Dandora Parish, a Holy Cross community within Dandora Slums. Within its compounds, there is a church, primary school, and hospital founded by the order of the Holy Cross.

The words "Spes Unica" characterized the property with images of Blessed Basil Moreau. I walked through the school in awe that once again I found Holy Cross in a different part of the world. I had flashbacks to Ghana and my time with the Sisters as children ran out of their classrooms for recess. When I stood in the chapel, my imagination was transported back to Saint Mary's College, the place that educated my mind, heart, and spirit. In exactly one week, I will start my new job at Saint Mary's. While a piece of my heart is staying in Kenya, I get to return to my favorite place in the world and share my experience with those I love. Not ignorant to the fact that their will be challenges during the journey, home is at the bottom of the mountain. I'm determined to make the descent beautiful.

Meanwhile, I have a few more days (and graduation!) to soak in the love I've found here. No doubt that in the time remaining, my patients will continue to use their wounds and love to teach me more about life's great paradox. I will embrace it with an open heart.

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flatteredhim · 7 years

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‘I am so glad I have found you, Dorian,’ [Basil] said, gravely. ‘I called last night, and they told me you were at the Opera. Of course I knew that was impossible. But I wish you had left word where you had really gone to. I passed a dreadful evening, half afraid that one tragedy might be followed by another. I think you might have telegraphed for me when you heard of it first. I read of it quite by chance in a late edition of the Globe, that I picked up at the club. I came here at once, and was miserable at not finding you. I can’t tell you how heartbroken I am about the whole thing. I know what you must suffer. But where were you? Did you go down and see the girl’s mother? For a moment I thought of following you there. They gave the address in the paper. Somewhere in the Euston Road, isn’t it? But I was afraid of intruding upon a sorrow that I could not lighten. Poor woman! What a state she must be in! And her only child, too! What did she say about it all?’ ‘My dear Basil, how do I know?’ murmured Dorian, sipping some pale- yellow wine from a delicate goldbeaded bubble of Venetian glass, and looking dreadfully bored. ‘I was at the Opera. You should have come on there. I met Lady Gwendolen, Harry’s sister, for the first time. We were in her box. She is perfectly charming; and Patti sang divinely. Don’t talk about horrid subjects. If one doesn’t talk about a thing, it has never happened. It is simply expression, as Harry says, that gives reality to things. Tell me about yourself and what you are painting.’ ‘You went to the Opera?’ said Hallward, speaking very slowly, and with a strained touch of pain in his voice. ‘You went to the Opera while Sibyl Vane was lying dead in some sordid lodging? You can talk to me of other women being charming, and of Patti singing divinely, before the girl you loved has even the quiet of a grave to sleep in? Why, man, there are horrors in store for that little white body of hers!’ ‘Stop, Basil! I won’t hear it!’ cried Dorian, leaping to his feet. ‘You must not tell me about things. What is done is done. What is past is past.’ ‘You call yesterday the past?’ ‘What has the actual lapse of time got to do with it? It is only shallow people who require years to get rid of an emotion. A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.’ ‘Dorian, this is horrible! Something has changed you completely. You look exactly the same wonderful boy who used to come down to my studio, day after day, to sit for his picture. But you were simple, natural, and affectionate then. You were the most unspoiled creature in the whole world. Now, I don’t know what has come over you. You talk as if you had no heart, no pity in you. It is all Harry’s influence. I see that.’ The lad flushed up, and, going to the window, looked out on the green, flickering garden for a few moments. ‘I owe a great deal to Harry, Basil,’ he said, at last,—‘more than I owe to you. You only taught me to be vain.’ ‘Well, I am punished for that, Dorian,—or shall be some day.’ ‘I don’t know what you mean, Basil,’ he exclaimed, turning round. ‘I don’t know what you want. What do you want?’ ‘I want the Dorian Gray I used to know.’

-- Basil visiting Dorian after finding out about Sibyl’s death, The Picture of Dorian Gray

#sibyl vane #dorian gray #basil hallward #tpodg #** like if u cry every tiem

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witsyo · 4 years

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Sun and Moon 6

Year 17, Month 9, Day 30

Razz tucked his hands behind his head, closing his eyes as the sun warmed him from above. The smell of grass filled his nose, and he took a deep breath to catch a whiff of the nearby flowers. You couldn't tell, looking at it from the town, but the temple had a massive garden, carefully tended to by more than a few silent priestesses. He would have assumed that a picnic on the hill would have been frowned upon, but the only reaction the women had had to their approach had been to nod a greeting and return to work.

Adrian was unpacking their food, a few hunks of bread and cheese as well as the treat of one of the same sweet rolls they’d bought on their very first day in the town.

When Razz had shown up at the docks that morning, the only ship in port was one they had loaded the day before, so he had been waved off without work. It was obviously not ideal, with their money still slowly dwindling, but he hadn’t been able to help being relieved for a day of rest. It’d been easy to convince Grelda to give Adrian the afternoon off, and it’d been the boy that suggested visiting the temple.

Apparently, Halle had been visiting Grelda’s shop often, and had suggested the picnic to Adrian. Razz’d met her a few more times, quickly growing comfortable around this companion to the queen of moons even on days he wasn’t exhausted. He sighed, opening one eye to watch Adrian lay out their meal. “Do you want any help?”

“I’ve almost got it!” he said cheerfully, handing Razz a slice of bread and a piece of cheese. “Eat this.”

Razz raised a brow, then obeyed, chewing slowly as he watched the other. “Thanks.”

“You need someone to take care of you for once!”

Snorting at that, Razz patted the other’s knee, continuing to eat as he enjoyed the atmosphere. “Will your new friend be joining us?” he asked, referring to Halle.

Adrian frowned, then glanced at the temple. “Do you think she’d like to?”

“Maybe. Not like we can ask her.”

“Ma’am?” Adrian called, and Razz jumped, looking quickly to see who he was talking to. One of the priestesses had made the mistake of wandering too close, looked up at Adrian’s call with a squint.

“Did you need something?”

“Do you know Halle?”

Razz huffed, laying back down and trying to wipe the embarrassed flush from his cheeks. It was one of the things he loved most about Adrian, the absolute willingness to engage with anyone, but it could emerge at the worst times.

Laughing, the priestess replied, “Yes, I should hope so.” She seemed young, probably around Razz’s own age. He wondered if she’d come here in the hope of being the queen of suns, stayed anyway to serve the goddesses when she hadn’t been. “Did you need something from her?”

“Is she here?” Adrian asked.

“Do you need someone to ask her?” came a voice from Razz’s other side, and he jumped violently, looking up to see Halle herself standing over him. She was raising her brows at him, but quickly shifted her gaze back to a now-grinning Adrian. Her smile softened, then she waved casually at the priestess. “Thank you, Hiela. I don’t think these hooligans are here to cause trouble.”

Hiela laughed, and Razz looked to see her moving further into the garden, leaving them alone as Halle plopped down in the grass beside him. She was sweating lightly across her forehead, leaving Razz to assume she’d just hiked up the hill from the town. “Make yourself at home.”

“I live here!” she protested, opening the basket she’d had slung over her arm. “Grelda told me the two of you would be on the mountain. Could I join you? It’s been a long day, and Basille will be in town until tonight.”

“The queen of moons?” Razz asked, interested despite himself. He couldn’t help it, the legend was one he’d grown up with. It was still hard to believe that she was a real person, living and breathing so close to him.

“Yes, as opposed to the other Basille,” she snarked, pulling a bundle from her basket and beginning to unwrap it. “Adrian, I will trade you some of that cheese for these grapes.”

“What’s a grape?” he asked, sitting up on his knees and looking at her with interest.

“They’re a fruit from the south. Here, try one.”

Adrian popped one of the purple fruits into his mouth, chewing slowly at first, then faster as his eyes widened. “Oh, by the goddesses, that is good!”

Narrowing his eyes, Razz held out a hand.

“No samples,” Halle said with a grin, and he scoffed, then stole one before she could block him as Adrian forked over some of their cheese.

“The queen of moons came into the shop yesterday,” Adrian said excitedly. Razz had already heard the story numerous times, but he smiled anyway, picking up another piece of bread as Halle got out some kind of a dark salted meat wrapped in paper. “She’s gorgeous, and was nice. She knew my name!”

“I’ve mentioned you once or twice,” Halle said, handing a slice of the meat to Razz and snatched away the bread he’d just picked up. He looked down at the forced exchange in consternation, then shrugged, deciding just to eat it. The food would be good for the both of them. As much as he always tried to prevent it, weight had started to slip from Adrian’s stout frame, and certainly from his own. This always happened when they were staying in a city, where food cost money instead of time.

Adrian seemed flabbergasted. “You have ?!”

“Of course!” Halle laughed, nudging some of the food into Adrian’s hand. “You’re quite talented, and she’s a famed healer. Grelda can’t seem to get enough of raving about you, either.”

All at once, Razz realized Halle wasn’t eating a bite of the food in front of her. She just seemed to be piling the contents of her basket into their laps, distracting them quite easily with her talk. He’d never been one to be shamed by charity, but he felt his cheeks redden. Was it that obvious that he couldn’t provide for Adrian?

“She did ask me where I had studied!” Adrian said excitedly, grabbing onto Razz’s arm. “She seemed very surprised when it was nowhere! Imagine, the queen of moons believing me to be skilled! Perhaps I could study under her!”

“Not to disappoint you, young master, but she’s not much older than yourself,” Halle said. "I don't think she plans to take an apprentice."

Adrian wilted, then perked back up as he asked, “How old is she?”

“Seventeen, and it’s nearly the tenth month, isn’t it?” Razz asked without thinking, and Halle blinked.

“Yes. Not many people outside of the temple keep track of the month.” Her question was obvious in the tone of her voice, and Razz shrugged.

“I was born in the same week as the queen of moons. It was a thing of pride for my family.”

She considered him for a long moment, then grinned. “I don’t suppose you’re trying to make your pilgrimage? I could easily be wrong, but you don’t look much like a Reinne from here.”

Laughing, he sat back, turning his food in his hand and taking a quick bite, speaking around it. “Is that the queen of suns? I’d never heard their first names before.”

“Oh, her name could be anything right now,” Halle said mysteriously, and Razz saw Adrian hanging on her every word. “That’s just what it was, long ago, and what she goes by whenever she returns. Shouldn’t be long, now.”

“You excited to meet her?”

Halle just chuckled, finally picking up a piece of cheese and tearing off a small piece to eat. “Maybe, just to find out what the fuss is all about. I’ve grown up hearing about her.”

“That’s something I’ve been wondering about,” Razz asked, sitting forward to peer at her. “I’ve never heard of the queen of moons having a companion, and I thought all family was banned from the temple during that life.”

“They are!” she said. “I’m not family by blood. My mother was a friend to the priestesses, and when she passed, they took me on. I think that since Basille and I are of a similar age, they thought it could be good for her to have a companion."

"Is that weird?"

Halle shrugged. "I was raised for her, I suppose, but we’re friends by our own decision.”

Someone called Halle’s name, and she cringed, looking in the direction of the temple. Razz followed her gaze, spotting a wrinkled old woman rounding the corner. She looked kindly enough, but Halle groaned at the sight of her.

“Who--”

“Caroline. She’s the teacher to the queen of moons. Probably wants me to visit someone in the town,” she muttered, seeming to half-consider hiding in the grass before she seemed to accept her fate. Quickly, she grasped Razz’s shoulder, nodding towards the food. “Keep it. We have plenty.” He hesitated, but she was already standing, waving to the priestess as she grabbed her basket, calling back a goodbye and crossing the gardens.

Then Adrian hummed happily, popping another grape into his mouth, and Razz decided to ignore his bruised pride.

~~~

Year 17, Month 10, Day 5

They couldn’t stay here any longer.

It was becoming a harsh reality, the longer Razz stared at the pile of coins on the table. He’d gotten them out to add today’s pay, tears jumping to his eyes as he saw how small the stash had gotten. He was laying in the bed now, blanket pulled up to his chin and hearing Adrian’s slow breaths behind him as he stared at the money.

There wasn’t even another option. Staying on the streets was an impossibility, with guards patrolling, and that was no life for Adrian even without the illegality. It was bad enough when they stayed in workers berths and piles of hay, but then at least they had a place .

He wasn’t sure why the thought of returning to the roads hurt him so much. Razz didn’t want to leave, which was a feeling he was incredibly unfamiliar with. They usually came into a town for no more than a week or two, but they’d been here for nearly two months.

It was like the pull to travel had been snatched from his blood, adventure paling next to what? A few nice people? Adrian’s happiness to work under Grelda? He’d been happy working for other healers, and they’d made friends at other places. Razz had even found a girl, once, one that he’d thought might be worth staying for, but not even she had been able to beat his urge to move on.

There was nothing here that was unique, no reason he should be risking so much to stay. They would have plenty if they continued to travel, went to the next city where they wouldn’t have to stay in an inn and Razz could be paid a bit more for even less work.

Why were the goddesses urging him to stay?

He’d considered asking Adrian what he thought, but Adrian had wanted to stay in every city they’d laid eyes on. Maybe that was part of it. He was getting older, getting to the age where he needed to find a place to settle, and Adrian, he knew, was tired of the traveling. The kid would follow him to the ends of the earth. He had to stop exploiting that at some point.

But even the next town over--

He was interrupted in his thought by the creak of the door opening, and he went entirely still, eyes squeezing shut as his heart started to hammer. No, no no. Had he not locked the door? How could he be so stupid?

The clinking of coins made his eyes fly open, cursing himself again for leaving the money on the table. The shadowy figure of a man was scooping the coins into his hand, reaching for Razz’s open coinpurse as if to check for more.

That was all they had, and no matter how stupid it was, how unarmed Razz may be, he couldn’t just let him take it.

He sat up all at once, tossing the blanket over Adrian and throwing himself at the figure. The coins rained to the ground, and there was a grunt of surprise as he sent them both to the floor.

“You little shit --” Razz heard an unfamiliar voice grunt, and a blow to his face made him see stars.

His head hit the floor. The man was over him, holding him down easily. The glint of a knife made Razz gasp for breath, desperately clawing at the hand on his shoulder as he kicked upwards. It made no difference. The knife arced down, and he flinched.

At the last second, it jolted to the side, as though stopped by an invisible barrier. The man cried out as his wrist twisted, keeping hold of the knife even as he gasped in surprise. Razz’s eyes went wide, but before he could do anything, the man grabbed him by the collar, lifting him slightly before slamming the back of his head against the floor and making his vision go blurry.

He still couldn’t see the other’s face, hidden beneath a deep hood. “Please--”

“Shut up!” He hissed, pressing the knife to Razz’s throat and making him go very still. “You brought this on yourself, boy. I had no intention of killing either of you.”

“It’s all we ha--” he choked as the knife tightened, feeling a bead of blood welling up around the blade.

“I said, shut up . Or do you want me to have to kill the kid, too?” That made Razz’s mouth snap shut. The man drew back the knife, aiming the point at his chest and adjusting the fingers around the blade “That’s what I thought. Now, keep your mouth shut, and I’ll-- oof! ”

Razz gaped, the man disappearing from his sight. Adrian was yelling, the sound of fighting reaching Razz’s ears as he tried to sit up. He gasped for breath, rolling over to come up onto his knees and looking over just in time to see the knife sink into Adrian’s stomach.

The man laughed disbelievingly as Adrian gasped in pain, and Razz’s vision went white.

He was on his feet before he knew how he had done it, fingers curling into the back of the stranger’s shirt and yanking him into his front. His free hand wrapped around the other’s forehead, and a pulsing anger filled his body, arcing through him like fiery electricity until suddenly, it shot out of him.

The fire concentrated to the place where his hand met the other’s head, burning its way so fast through the man that he didn’t even have time to scream. The smell of burning flesh filled the room, and as Razz let the body fall from his grip, he caught sight of Adrian’s horrified stare.

Razz’s legs went out from under him, and the last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Adrian choking out his name.

#writingyo #sun and moon #demigods #violence tw #reincarnation #magic

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yespoetry · 5 years

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Here's What Resonated With You in 2018

While we don't believe in best of lists, we went through our content over the past year and saw what resonated most with you, our readers, across our different genres and sections. Here's what you loved:

Photography: Viktorsha Uliyanova - “A World in Black and White”

Fiction: Cameron DeOrdio - “Watch”

“They hadn’t found anything, just as Nat had suspected they wouldn’t, but Nat had come up with the idea for her thesis, and they did get drunk enough that having broken into a condemned building full of outdated, rusty, sharp equipment had the potential to be an even worse decision than usual. They’d called Henry, Nat’s boyfriend at the time, a straight-edge visual arts MFA who was certain he did his best work after midnight – that is, someone who was bound to be awake and sober enough to drive – and got home safe. But Henry was long gone from her life now, even more long gone than the factory building.

She slowed, ensuring a smooth stop before parking, one eye on the lot and the other flitting between the Coke bottle pressed between her thighs and the large stoppered Erlenmeyer flask wrapped in newspaper and buckled into the passenger seat. Once the car was parked, she slipped the rubber gloves, also on the passenger seat, back on. She got out of the car, taking the Coke bottle with her, and went over to the other side to unbuckle and remove the flask.

Standing next to the car, she guided the Coke bottle slowly, gently into the flask – the narrow neck was a tight fit – and restoppered it. She took a deep breath, exhaled.

Nat threw the bottle as high and far as she could. It sailed through the night air – the stars so much clearer here than by her apartment, she noticed – for what seemed like forever. Eventually, finally, it met the pavement. The first sound was that of shattering glass, as the flask and the Coke bottle both became hundreds, if not thousands, of sharp shards. In that instant, Nat wondered if she should have stood behind her car. Before the thought was fully formed, the second sound came to erase it: BOOM!”

#NotTrump Series: Amy Strauss Friedman - “The Woman’s March / The Ivory Tower Is Coy” (This poem is an erasure of one of Trump's tweets during his first 100 days in office.)

#MeToo Series: medina - “#Me Too”

“i die a thousand deaths,

his wet mouth slobbers all over my neck and face

he’s aroused

as he presses up against me

he smells my hair

quickly fixes his pants

and washes his hands before sitting for dinner.”

Chapbook: The Voices of #METOO

Neurotic Dope series: Joshua Byron - “Between Love Stories”

“I stared at the Manhattan skyline while chatting up a boy. He was, it turns out, straight. But it felt nice for a time to feel like someone was interested in my own vibe, or story. Whatever that story is. The next night, I went to a poetry reading and told the story I use to ward off intimacy: “I’m just really busy right now.” I crack jokes about coming to meet men. It’s the story I have been telling myself to understand where I’m at. It’s true, sure, but it’s also a cop-out. I’ve been afraid to listen to my feelings. I called my friends who wouldn’t bullshit me and they told me I was overworking myself. I needed to feel human. But feeling human is often choosing to feel the hurt. It can be easier to tell stories.

When I encounter men, I tell them an abbreviated story.”

Music: This Playlist Will Get You in the Writing Groove

Poet of the Month series - Dujie Tahat - “In a Mosque”

“No vaults of heaven—

only unadorned a-frames.

No discernible patterns

in the tapestry of backs

facing the sky at jumu'ah.

A fence went up

around the yard

by Citizenship Day

& dad, it would

be so funny now

if it weren't

so ordinary then—”

Essay: Liz Howard - “Flesh of My Flesh: On Motherhood and Survival”

“The months of my pregnancy continued in very much the same way. Every few weeks, there would be another episode. He would grab and twist my arm if I tried to walk away from him, shove my stomach when I tried to walk past him, choke me if we were arguing. Every time, I knew it had to be the last time, but it never was. Every time, I made plans to leave him, but I never did. I didn’t know how to leave my husband or the father of my unborn child, and I didn’t have anyone to lean on. I knew that it was statistically common for domestic violence to start when victims became pregnant, but I didn’t know what that meant for me. When I would visit my doctors they would take me back into the room with the little butterfly stickers on the ceiling and I would lie back and they would say, “Is anyone hurting you at home?” and I would say “No” and then they would let my husband back. Eventually they stopped asking.”

Poetry: Jody Chan - “Not a Woman, Not Not a Woman”

“I had a crush once & a dream

I beheaded her to plant a flytrap in her throat / boyfriends can’t compete

if they’ve been digested / my insecurities are more photogenic

than my face / my only picture of my mother was also shown

at her funeral, but I know we share her nose & taste

for bad men / my father raised me to sit with my ladylike legs

clamped around my mouth / I swallowed my depression

& now I can’t stop smiling / to show off the well-fed lizard”

Art: Bunkong Tuon & Joanna C. Valente - “Under the Tamarind Tree” (part of DEAD TONGUE)

Interview: Lisa Marie Basile on Witchcraft, Social Media & Daily Rituals

“Later, when I got into foster care, and when my family split apart and we'd suffered homelessness and poverty, I turned to the library. I read hundreds of books about magic, witchcraft, mysticism, philosophy - and somewhere in all of that I found autonomy in developing my own practice. I really tried to do this for the reader in Light Magic for Dark Times - I make it clear that although what I've written is one way of doing things, they are fully able and encouraged to adapt to their needs and beliefs. It's even made for folks who are secular or atheist. I know that spiritual practice and magical living can be intimately tied up with our cultures, how we were raised, our identities, our needs, our finances, our interests, our creativity - and I really tried to honor this in the book.”

Writing Prompts: Using Persona

Review: Adedayo Agarau - “A Mystic Journey into a Woman Loving Herself: A Review of Savannah Slone's Book”

“Slone wakes up into the sense of time and brings us into the reality of adulthood. It is quite exquisite how art does it all, how the sense of time, place, and season can be shoved down the spine of its readers with very singular words. In the now from the verse in “Venal Exodus”, playing sex quickly transforms into Real sex. She takes us further into the grief that unfolds with reality, believes that innocence dies with adolescence. Don’t we all sometimes envy little kids, in how everything seems to be right with them? Their innocent laughter at the burial ceremonies of their uncles; I didn’t prepare for this adulthood and Slone knows that so well.

She pounds self into being within the pages of this book. While she teaches us to hear the silence gulping itself out in the underwater, she tells us I’m going to tell you a truth and a lie: I love myself in “A (Self) Love Story.” The magic of body is an undefeatable one, and Slone, from the poem, wrote a reminder that I hate myself for hating myself. Her brilliance did not leave out a place for recognizing mental illness. She puts every piece on this slate to create a book flying, wearing the colors of the rainbow.”

Reading: Kristin Garth - “Your Body Is His Blessing”

Dear BFF: Episode 1 - Witchcraft, Poetry, & Spirituality in the Modern World (hosted by Joanna C. Valente, featuring Andi Talarico & Stephanie Valente)

#review #poetry #art #interview #music #photography #fiction #essay #chapbook #neurotic dope #Dead tongue #poet of the month #writing prompts #dear bff

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thesassybooskter · 6 years

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LEFT by Mary Hogan: Release Spotlight & Excerpt

NOW AVAILABLE / HARPER COLLINS

In this beautifully crafted novel from the author of the critically-acclaimed Two Sisters, comes the story of a woman who retreats into a fantasy world on New York City’s Upper West Side as she slowly loses her once whip-smart husband to dementia—perfect for fans of Still Alice.

When life falls apart, a little fantasy goes a long way…

It started as a dream vacation in Spain, with Fay and Paul Agarra enjoying all the delights of a European holiday. A respected New York City judge, Paul has always been the man Fay can rely on, no matter what. When he inexplicably disappears from a Barcelona street corner, Fay knows something is terribly wrong. Once reunited, Paul shrugs off the episode as a simple misunderstanding—but Fay suspects her almost perfect life has taken a dark and sudden turn.

Soon there are more signs that Paul is beginning to change. Bouts of forgetfulness lead to mistakes in the courtroom. Simple tasks cause unexplainable outbursts of anger. Fay’s worst suspicions are realized when she learns her husband—her rock, her love, her everything—is succumbing to the ravages of dementia.

As her husband transforms before her very eyes, Fay copes with her fears by retreating into a fantasy life filled with promise instead of pain. In Fay’s invented world, she imagines herself living a glamorous life free from heartache, with a handsome neighbor she barely knows rescuing her from a future she can’t accept.

Poignant and beautifully crafted, Left is an unforgettable tale about life’s aching uncertainties—and a woman who discovers that somewhere between hope and reality, an unexpected future will find its way forward.

Buy Online: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iBooks

Add to Goodreads

Excerpt

I’d pushed for sightseeing. Of course. Málaga—the birthplace of Picasso—is an artist’s dream. Color everywhere. The Persian blue Mediterranean Sea, butter yellow high-rises, marmalade rooftops, basil green mountains, air the color of honey. Paul would have been happy relaxing at the cottage, puzzling over words like “spork” in the New York Times crossword. Not me. I needed to see color the way other women needed to eat chocolate.

“Orange.” It’s what John—Paul’s teenage son—had answered when I’d asked him what color he wanted to paint his bedroom.

“Carrot, pumpkin, or cantaloupe?” My face was as inscrutable as Mona Lisa’s. Back then, John was in a Trainspotting phase. Peroxided hair, black turtlenecks, Lou Reed, heroin

chic. He liked to test us. In those early days, I was a young stepmother learning on the fly.

Stupidly, Paul and I bought a run-down duplex apartment on Manhattan’s Upper West Side when we were newlyweds. Marriage, I learned quickly, was hard enough without Sheetrock dust all over your clothes. Still, the moment I set foot in that space, I knew it was my home. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a bricked garden on the ground floor. And, its own special gift: a sunny nook for my easel. It was everything I ever wanted. Worth our sweat and tears.

Every other weekend, Paul’s son lived with us. When it came time to paint his room, he smirked when he replied,

“Carrot.”

Paul weighed in from behind a newspaper. “N.O.”

“It’s my room!” All teenage grimace and pimply flush, John stamped his foot like a child.

“In my apartment,” said Paul.

“Our apartment,” I gently reminded him. “And it’s John’s room. Why not let him pick the color? It’s only paint.”

Paul shot me a dark look; I helped him lighten up.

In the paint store, John chose a sickening nacho color. Paul opened his mouth to protest, but I silenced him with a tented brow. What did it matter? John was a good kid. A teenager, yes—moody, slouchy, occasionally reeking of hormonal funk—but tolerable. He chuckled when I said, “We should get two dogs named George and Ringo. You know, round out the band?” I loved him for not groaning. When John was with his dad, Paul, I’m sure he heard comments like that all the time.

Seriously, I could have done worse. Paul could have had a daughter.

“It’s not like he’s doing heroin,” I quietly told my brand-new husband.

In the screech of a Primal Scream CD, the three of us painted the walls—and ceiling!—of John’s bedroom. Afterward, sitting on the floor eating pizza, Paul’s son looked around and said, “This is the ugliest room I’ve ever seen.”

We all got a good laugh out of that.

John is a coder now. He lives in Boston with a beautiful wife and amazing daughter. Like I said, it was only paint.

“Fay is wise beyond my years.” It’s Paul’s favorite quip. Or was. Whenever he said it, he threw his head back and howled at his own cleverness. My husband’s laugh was an invitation to join his party. What I wouldn’t give to hear that sound one more time.

***

“Grilled sardines on the beach in El Palo?” I suggested on our cottage patio, in Spain’s afternoon light.

“Too many Speedos.”

“A trek up Gibralfaro?”

“So darn uphill.”

“How about a stroll along Calle Larios in central Málaga?”

“Watch every Latin lover ogle my wife?”

“Paul.”

“Spoon and fork!” he yelped, filling in the crossword. Then he set the puzzle aside and joined me in touring Málaga. Because he loved me.

I loved that city. It felt like warm bread to me. Irresistible. The sort of city a person could devour when she felt cold or empty.

Each day, Paul and I strolled the avenidas. Leisurely, like Spaniards. We left our New York pace at home. In the nave of La Manquita, we blessed ourselves with holy water and sat in dark pews to soak up the angelic rays slanting down from the heavenly stained glass windows. My husband lassoed me into the crook of his arm, pressed a kiss on my temple, and whispered, “Seeing you in this light is worth the trip.”

I grinned, blissful. Wrapping my arm around Paul’s soft waist, I quietly leaned in to kiss the baby skin under his chin, the spot I owned. My body fit so snugly into his I almost heard a click as we interlocked. In Paul Agarra’s devouring hug, the world and its perils were safely caged away.

Our life is a postcard, I thought, clueless. With a contented smile, I rested my cheek against my husband’s strong shoulder.

Love as it should be.

Not once, not ever, did I regret my choice. Not after our first anniversary or our last one: our twenty-second. In the early days of our marriage, I raised my right hand in the air and vowed, “I, Fay Agarra, do solemnly swear to allow my husband to be exactly who he is.” Paul promised, too. Our word to each other. We’d never expect the other to be older or younger. Paul wasn’t my dad; I wasn’t his midlife crisis. In the shower, Paul sang obscure blues songs about somebody doing somebody wrong. I danced the Macarena in our living

room. I added blond streaks to the front of my brown hair; Paul let his temples go peppery gray. I tolerated his Tom Selleck mustache (for a while); he patiently waited for me to blow-dry my “Rachel.”

After two miscarriages, my husband consoled an inconsolable me. He softly said, “Okay, love,” when I refused to try again. After my mother, my brother, my dad, I couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.

Men my age seemed like boys, heads bent over their cell phones as if the present moment was never riveting enough. Eyes roaming the other tables in a restaurant; brows cocked when a woman asked a waiter, “Do fries come with that?”

Paul is different. He’s a grown man. Words of commitment never get trapped behind overly bleached teeth.

I love you. You’re mine. We’re us.

Yeah, it shouldn’t have worked. Yet it did. Until it didn’t.

About Mary Hogan

Mary Hogan is the bestselling author of Two Sisters and the historical novel, The Woman in the Photo. Previous novels include the young adult titles, The Serious Kiss, Perfect Girl and Pretty Face (HarperCollins). Mary lives in New York City with her husband, actor Robert Hogan, and their Catahoula Leopard rescue dog, Lucy. Visit maryhogan.com to find out more!

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads

LEFT by Mary Hogan: Release Spotlight & Excerpt was originally published on The Sassy Bookster

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fvisualvomits · 6 years

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my highest ever uni mark (74, a presentation)

Virginia Woolf’s ‘Into the Lighthouse’: A psychoanalytical reading

Pessimistic picture of a culture in disarray. This despair often results in an apparent apathy and moral relativism.

Modernist lifestyle themes -

Changing attitudes to narrative perspective and novel form

No modernist agenda or outline: but with Freud’s ideas coming into popularity it was impossible to ignore their impact on literature and art. Modernism possesses multiple and perhaps unreliable narrators, subjectivity, and stream-of-consciousness narrative. Symbolism James p.138: Nothing was simply one thing!

The novel is not concerned with the plot but rather the interiority of multiple characters.

Psychoanalysis conscious/unconscious: Descartes and ‘I think therefore I am’ instead of physical actions – what is not revealed is true. By its very nature, the symbolism of literature in Modernism was incapable of being simply stream of consciousness – notably in the titular symbol of the lighthouse. despite Woolf stating:

‘I have not studied Dr Freud or any psychoanalyst – indeed I think I have never read any of their books: my knowledge is merely from the superficial talk. Therefore any use of their methods must be instinctive.’ (Letters v. 36)

Freud’s idea of the conscious/unconscious is vital in reading ‘To the lighthouse’ in terms of the Lighthouse and Mrs Ramsey herself. However, his theory of the Oedipus complex presents itself within their children in relation to Mr Ramsey.

Into the Lighthouse and Woolf’s own life:

Father rented Tallad House in St Ives, Cornwall, from 1882, as a summer retreat.

Woolf’s mother died when she was 13.

Leslie Stephen (Woolf’s Father) became deeply depressed following this death

‘Transfixed by the portrait of their mother, her sister Vanessa wrote, ''It is almost painful to have her so raised from the dead.’ (Lily Briscoe on page 110 (3.2) ‘Perished. Alone The grey-green light on the wall opposite. The empty places’ – Lily is not physically alone, but psychologically without the mother figure of Mrs Ramsey)

Woolf thought of painting as did Lily Briscoe – an exploration of creative output.

Woolf’s brother Adrian was not allowed to visit the lighthouse, similar to young James Ramsey.

Alix Strachey, a practising psychoanalyst and an old friend of the Woolfs, discussing why Leonard had not persuaded Virginia to see a psychoanalyst about her mental breakdowns, concluded ‘Virginia’s imagination, apart from her artistic creativeness, was so interwoven with her fantasies – and indeed with her madness – that if you had stopped the madness you might have stopped the creativeness too… It may be preferable to be mad and be creative than to be treated by analysis and become ordinary.’

The Oedipus complex - 1899 book The Interpretation of Dreams (1910 official)

James Ramsey is infuriated by his father’s presence due to the love he possesses for his mother.

‘Had there been an axe handy, a poker, or any weapon that would have gashed a hole in his father’s breast and killed him, there and then, James would have seized it… his wife, who was ten thousand times better in every way then he was (James thought)’ (1 Woolf) – the murder of Basil Hallward in Dorian Gray

‘The mad passions of a hunted animal stirred within him, and he loathed the man who was seated at the table, more than he had ever loathed anything in his whole life.’ - Knife

Implying his mother is ‘better’ is clearly a sign of this, yet his fellow brothers and sisters are not fond of Mr Ramsey. While the boys have grown out of their Oedipus complex, the females perhaps feel neglected by their father, as Cam later confirms (I shall return) the next quote goes further:

‘But his son hated him. He hated him for coming up to them, for stopping and looking down on them; he hated him for interrupting them… but most of all he hated the twang and twitter of his father's emotion, which vibrating around them, disturbed the perfect simplicity and good sense of his relations with his mother’ (27 Woolf)

Here James goes further: indicating that not only does he hate his father and love his mother, but here he recognises the disturbing nature of this: guilt in association with his confession. This ‘twang and Twitter’ may not only allude to this but his fear that his father recognises his attachment to his mother.

‘Tyrant’ (125 Woolf )(Both children refer to the father as such) ‘Well done! James had steered them like a born sailor. There! Cam thought… you’ve got it at last. For she knew this was what James had been wanting, and she knew that now he had got it he was so pleased that he would not look at her or his father or at anyone… His father had praised him. (153 Woolf)

This is the resolution of the Oedipus complex, as James, in particular, finds resolution within his father, allowing him to develop a mature sexual identity under Freud. Cam’s feeling of neglect by her father is also resolved (a strong theme in Woolf – Walter Pater absent father. (superego formed)

Mrs Ramsey & The Lighthouse

As a lighthouse guides those lost at sea to safety, Mrs Ramsey is the pivotal character representing emotional security to those around. She harbours her guests in their times of emotional distress:

‘She looked out to meet that stroke of the Lighthouse, the long steady stroke, the last of the three, which was her stroke, for watching them in this mood always at this hour one could not help attaching oneself to one thing especially of the things one saw; and this thing, the long steady stroke, was her stroke… ‘it seemed to her like her own eyes meeting her own eyes… ‘she was searching, she was beautiful like that light’ (46)a

Caroline Ramsey projects her character onto the lighthouse. This is perhaps an escape from the emotionally damaged characters that surround her namely in the form of her husband, a key scene of her fragility is chapter 8 when she asks ‘going somewhere, Mr Charmichael?’ and he ignores her, causing her to reflect on her interior trauma – ‘never did she show a sign of not wanting him’ – internalised guilt

The ego, driven by the id, confined by the superego, repulsed by reality, struggles to master its economic task of bringing about harmony among the forces and influences working in and upon it; and we can understand how it is that so often we cannot suppress a cry 'life is not easy'! If the ego is obliged to admit its weakness, it breaks out in anxiety regarding the outside world, moral anxiety regarding the superego, and neurotic anxiety regarding the strength of the passions in the id. (78 Freud 1933)

The struggle of the ego constantly to maintain a happy persona. She immediately returns to reading James the fisherman and his wife in order to please her son. Depression?

The portrait painted by Lily Briscoe of Mrs Ramsey, although abstract, reflects that of Oscar Wilde’s own Portrait of Dorian Gray. A once beautiful portrait reflects events that have occurred – In Dorian’s case his increasing corruption, but in Lighthouse it is the but perhaps it is not the physical portrait itself that changes greatly but the perspective of Lily, much altered that heightens the portrait in aesthetic value.

‘It was done; it was finished. Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision’ (154)

Resolution – of the Oedipal complex, perhaps Lily is projecting her affection onto the portrait. Or perhaps, using Freud further, this has all simply been a dream or series of dreams – short time span of novel (afternoon) / (10 years later) (Afternoon)

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parents-baby · 7 years

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Great Mouse nation

I specifically did not read any pre-materials about the musical "Cinderella's all about." I love to watch a new production with fresh vzglyadom.Vsё still have a special passion to go there do not know where. Some fabulously enigmatic perspective. So frosty autumn day we went to the musical "Cinderella all about ..."

The event was at 19.00.

We took time to booolshim margin. We left at 15.00, hoping along the way to visit one entertaining show room. The track, as it were with us agreed. But the Ring still whispering in our ears with a loud bass something like: "I plan they will, yeah." Having stood in a traffic jam 4 cartoon "My Little Pony" we still got there in about 1 hour and 20 minutes before the start. And here waiting for our mini-bummer - security inside is not empty, timid attempts to hint at the fact that a child with us and she would visit the ladies' room, nor to no avail. But this sadness does not bother us.

Vagrants entering into the building we enjoyed quite a spacious and simple interior. We have to taste it. No more terrible moldings, hanging from the ceiling and nothing is hung from the top. In short - enough space, waiting area is on each tier. We even had time to have a cup of coffee and teapot tea. While wee enjoyed binoculars - yes, again a compliment to the institution for the issuance of binoculars.

Next will be a piece of tar. Such relish. Always we tell ourselves approaching the next building, "turn off the builder." Useless. He wakes up and does not sleep at all. And then going to the lavatory of the theater has covered me. What a gifted person could come up with such a door there, I do not know, but handed him a hot, fiery right again, hello. The details will not be. Here go themselves to the theater and watch.

Upon entering the room with the first bell and took its place we suddenly realized that the toilets are generally ideal. I even understand why we are now easily able to purchase a ticket for the third place with us. Theoretically, there is an entire row could redeem. View all of our three locations was like this:

At first, I wanted to run after validol husband - the artist on metal. He really poplohelo. Then we found protruding fastening handrails, and I thought that suddenly will remain a widow. "Turn off the builder." It has been our mantra for the evening. But this is mere detail.

No, it never claims! I bought tickets for these places? Never. The message is this.

Fumbling through the hall with six pairs of eyes we have calculated your ideal place. And they remained free after the third ring. Now, our review was ideal. The truth is we were sitting next to the hardware and security. But the cons in this was not enough, but rather one - to photograph even from under the floor was impossible.

And then began the most delicious.

To begin with, I note that our daughter did not respond very well to the song. Let's just say she loves informal music, carefully avoiding the melodious tunes and children's songs. I was worried that her reaction will be very negative and we have to leave this action. But no, surprisingly it went over great! The reason became well-chosen voice actors, great music, and of the general atmosphere of the play.

In the first part we liked everything. The costumes, the acting, scenery, light computer graphics, moving scenery - everything was perfect. On our amateur taste.

Before beginning my daughter asked me why Cinderella such long hair and if they have accidentally some magical powers. But the musical "all about Cinderella" and originally did not pretend to be the standard fairy tale, therefore, all questions disappear by themselves. It should be easy to see. Something between Rapunzel and Cinderella. There is something there and from our beloved Alice. The same girl's kingdom, surrounded by broom in grain mountains and mice. Eats bald red hair: darmoedki - sisters, conjoined in the most unexpected place (it would be more logical in the area of the head to be shared by a), step-mother, surrounded by skinny macho father, crawling at the feet of her stepmother and her lean macho with, and fairy podkachala . Later I realized that I was reminded of "Alice in Wonderland". Our Cinderella helped mouse. "The Great Mouse nation." Yes, this is clearly not a rabbit, but something like that languished in the head.

The Great Mouse Detective

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Stepmother, with all its bitchiness, the audience did not disappoint. And it macho dance altogether tore ovation. I must say that these guys have become popular with the public. I guess the director knew about it.

Fairy same character is the comic in all this musical tragicomedy. We are so accustomed to see and feel her savior, but then she saves herself and the shaky peace which ended up on his own stupidity.

The Great Mouse Detective - Here's Toby HD

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It was foolish to believe that the pumpkin will be used for its intended fairy fairytale destination. Whether the mood at baseline was different fairies, or insanity covered her gray head - with pumpkin fairy and has not left.

While Cinderella was singing dreams of a prince mouse did for her all the work. Even the one that is not necessary. Straight model of modern ladies. "I want to pryntsa, and let the house mouse run, grains considered. And I'll just beautiful. "

A rolling stone gathers no moss. "You want the ball, so do not sing songs, and necks dress, master coach," - thought the mouse and put the unfortunate bezdelnitsy in the most beautiful dress, by the way, once the wedding to see if that drag pryntsa would not be so far from the registrar's office. Singer hoisted into the carriage and began ... intermission.

Intermission was a destruction of all stocks of edible theater. It seemed that people come here just to eat at the intermission. But I was just as honorable lover nudezha.

The second part, on my personal taste, somewhat oversaturated details that there were absolutely not the topic. In fact, well, why do we need people-chairs ?!

But our five-year child was just in the wild delight of those dancing stools. This musical is a definite plus - it is interesting and everybody sees it as something pleasant to him personally. We are in many places there are also usually the same opinion, but then each ordered something different from the auditorium.

My husband still can not solve the mystery papa scarf. Why is this scarf deserve separate arias, we did not understand, but this is clearly somehow refers to a leash and collar strict. However, papa Cinderella alternatively gifted on all sides, therefore, this part of the musical have to just watch, just like the square of Malevich. At about the same thoughts.

I will not reveal all the secrets of the musical - is not interesting. You have to see who will be the prince, why the king so distorted with objects of domestic interior, what choice do crazy papa and romantic, a woodcutter, who make use pumpkin fairy, and of the final ...

But a final is much more complicated. I decided for myself that this story should end tragically, and it has received. Further sugary drink offerings have not made any impression on me, I think I have somewhere hovering in my mind. My husband sincerely believes that the tragic part of the musical was completely useless, although it was so artistically. But the child fair to say that mice were "holding the bag". And it is also a variant of the tragedy, too-at least half of the kingdom it could Cinderella unsubscribe kindness. And yet, the tale in a new way never has no end.

I would go again for the musical? Yes, I would go. And right at this very Cinderella. There was an impression that the same step-mother did not need make-up - it was too good an actress herself. But there is a back-up, and suddenly they play otherwise. I would have looked. Three hours passed quickly. The final story was predictable and it is a bit disappointing. But in general, it is interesting to diversify, catchy statement. In fact, one could make something for himself. And maybe find yourself in one of the heroes. In fact, the director managed the most important thing - to combine with the reality of a fairy tale and get people to make the right conclusions. Here and red thread throughout the play about the loss of time in his youth and the bitter sadness about this in adulthood. And the age-old mistake of our souls - we do not seek to bring the self and how often suffer from it, and the search for Prince ... lumberjack fact also able to love, it may well, prince, then? Especially when you're just a very lazy Cinderella tending to put pressure on the pity for assistance. Greed in its purest form. Each tale hero has found his destiny. Many managed to fix what had time to mess things up. But Cinderella is unlikely to get at least some lesson and clearly won the first prize due to its bright appearance, loving protection, a little hysterical character. Although what I mean? - Just the end of the performance I sometimes wanted to be on the site of the stepmother, and give her a magic cakes and love.

The Great Mouse Detective - Meeting Basil HD

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And the main idea, oddly enough, Cinderella belongs to papa: "If you think that all is well, it's just come to pass." Enjoy watching!

#great #mouse #nation #Great Mouse

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