#what the fuck is going on in faerieland
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meringue, tofu and processed cheese.....
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given the massive timeskip between when i played neopets as a tiny baby trickster and when i picked it back up as a grownass adult trickster with a job and bills and the MASSIVE FUCKING ONE BILLION LORE DROPS i missed in the interim sometimes for laffs i like to think of myself as the old-ass out-of-touch grandma type individual who still thinks 10 cents is a realistic allowance like
me: hey its jhudora day so im gonna go over to her cloud rq for the avatar
my new gen alpha ipad baby pet lupe: jhudoras what now
me: her cloud? yknow the purple one thats separated from all the other clouds faerieland is on
my lupe:
me: yknow where she hands out her quests? so i can get the avatar on this account
my lupe: hey quick question how long did you say youd been offline again
#neopets#the culture shock i experienced going to faerieland for the first time on my new 2020s account and it was on the GROUND???
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A Quick List of My Best Rereads of 2023
Ah, I remember when I was but a new reader, exploring all the worlds of books and telling myself, "I'm not going to reread books. That is a waste of time. Time I could spend exploring other realms."
Foolish was I.
(Sip, sip)
Happy winter solstice, my friends, a fitting holiday for this list as one book is what changed my whole opinion on the entire "rereading" thing. To celebrate, let's have some nice Apothic Red Wine and briefly talk about my favorite rereads of 2023. My favorite reads of 2023 will be posted on either NYE or NYD.
(Sip, sip)
Well, let's get to it!
Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson
(Sip, sip)
I picked this book up after the announcement for The Mysteries of Thorn Manor, wanting to refresh myself on this incredible world and the characters. I enjoyed everything about this book essentially: the magic system, the characters, the world-building, and---something unique for YA books in my case, especially standalones---I felt the stakes. The dynamics between the characters were fantastic, nothing felt rushed or forced.
It has become a comfort read of mine, as well as The Mysteries of Thorn Manor. There is also the incredible level of creepiness, especially with Nathaniel's nightmares and him projecting those nightmares; that I devoured and always wanted more. Even though The Mysteries of Thorn Manor is a novella, it still delivers heavily on the darkness of Nathaniel's nightmares, which grew more intense following the whole Silas affair. Both novel and novella are exceptional and I will recommend these books any chance I get.
(Sip, sip)
Between by L.L. Starling
I have an entire post dedicated to this book. It is adorable, cozy, funny, heartbreaking, fantastic! The magic is interesting, the characters are treasures, the humor is actually enjoyable, and the plot is engaging. I have scribbled all over the chonk of this book with thoughts, predictions, things I think will be of importance later. I have never done that with a book before.
This book also holds a very special place in my heart as it was the last book I read to my dearly departed cat (yes, he'd snuggle up close and listen to me read, purring in delight, and even hold my page open) before having to watch him cross the rainbow bridge.
Still, I reread it every year as not only does it bring back fond memories, but is also an enjoyable read. It is by an indie author but do not let that dissuade you. It is everything!
(Sip, sip. Pours one out for my baby. Refills. Sip, sip)
Dark Harvest by Norman Patridge
My goodness is the book small but it is written like poetry! Such a silly, creepy idea and yet, I don't know how Norman Patridge did it, but he made it all weave together so effortlessly. You feel embraced by the story, immersed in the culture, like you are a part of it. Lived. in it.
And the October Boy character, ole Saw Toothed Jack, damn is his story and POV one for the ages! What an amazing character! His thoughts, his actions, the mission he is on is such a harrowing journey that I so thoroughly enjoyed reading and it always gives me those sweet, spooky Halloween vibes.
The movie was good, but the book is outstanding! Read it, folks! As is usually the case, the book is a thousand times better!
(Sip, sip)
The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black
Believe it or not my The Folk of the Air lovers, but Severin, that background character that Jude approaches for help in The Cruel Prince and later requests the sword from in The Queen of Nothing, well, he has his own novel. And he is pretty fucking awesome and he was my first faerie love before Cardan came into the picture.
Severin's story is what made me fall in love with Black's Faerieland. The Darkest Part of the Forest reads like a true fairytale and feels so incredibly cozy and whimsical. And the characters are all so precious, even one of the "villains."
Oh, and "scheming great schemes," yeah, that actually came from this book. So, if you love Cardan, Jude, and the rest of the High Court, you must read The Darkest Part of the Forest. In simple words, it is enchanting.
And it was the first time I teared up during a love confession (Severin, you softy 🥺).
Also, no character is sacrificed in power to favor another, which is what I see a lot of YA authors in fantasy do, specifically to favor the female character. What I mean is, that they will write the male character as faltering in some magical way and then have the female character pick things up and save the day. Holly Black doesn't do that. She doesn't take power away and redistribute it to her female characters. She makes them powerful in their own ways. For example, Cardan is more magically inclined than Jude because he is a full-blooded faerie, of Mab's bloodline, and the High King, while Jude is a far superior swordsman because she was trained vigorously at it by a redcap while Cardan was not. They complement each other, and neither is considered weaker than the other. They both have their strength.
It is the same in this book. Never is Severin's power as a faerie lessened for the sake of building Hazel up, and in the final confrontation, it makes sense for it to play out as it did given the circumstances.
Overall, The Darkest Part of the Forest is tremendous! Give it a read if you haven't. It certainly complements The Folk of the Air trilogy.
(Raises glass)
To you, Alderking Severin, my first and always faerie crush. 💕
(Sip, sip)
The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison
This book ... oh, this book ... I will never get over it. I had mentioned previously that I do not often cry when reading books, and that is true.
This one had me tearing up constantly and yes, even the waters flowed at a certain point. But why?
Some of those tears were sorrow.
Others were joy.
The story of Maia is the most inspiring one I have ever read in any book. Ever. Maia, a goblin in an elf-supremacy world, finds himself suddenly the emperor, as the title implies. And that's it. That is the story. Maia is attempting to navigate through this tremendous obstacle; meeting friends, making enemies (though through nothing that he did beyond just being a goblin), and trying to make as many people as possible happy while questioning and discovering his own emotions towards his family and himself.
Maia is a character blessed with unconditional kindness and empathy. He is a person just trying to make the best out of a most impossible situation. The world-building is exceptional, the writing is superb, and Maia is a character that will touch your heart no matter how stone it is.
There are spinoff novels to this book but, truthfully, this one alone is all you need. It has everything a fantasy book should have minus some grand quest. There is none. It is just about Maia finding the emperor buried beneath years of trauma and prejudice. But even with all the hate, Maia and his friends are a beacon of so much hope.
20/10, one of my favorite books of all time and quite possibly my favorite standalone novel ever written.
(Sip, sip)
Last but certainly not least as we bring in the winter solstice, I bow before my High King and High Queen, and raise a toast to the faerie I love most and my beloved mortal warrior.
The Folk of the Air by Holly Black.
I have come to understand the purpose of rereading books you love because of this series. Granted, when The Cruel Prince came out I originally thought I was not going to be interested in it. But Amazon was persistent, always having it appear as a suggestion whenever I opened up that damn website. And I caved one day, figured I could always return it or donate it.
(Sip, sip)
Now I have nine versions of the damn thing (mutters from rim of wineglass: no, I don't have a problem).
(Sip, sip)
Every time I reread this trilogy, I am reminded of why I fell in love with Cardan, why I aspired to be like Jude and related to her so much, why I adore fantasy, what incredible writing sounds like, and what a faerie book has the potential to be. Cardan is not some thousand-year-old, super intelligent, militaristically inclined, muscular faerie king.
He is a moody, noodly, seventeen-year-old teenager who is ticked that he has a crush on the weird girl and doesn't want any responsibilities whatsoever. It. Is. Genius!
There are always new secrets I'm discovering in the trilogy; the lies within the truth, the truth within the lies, character quirks, hidden jests, and foreshadowing small details.
I had heard that for mortals the feeling of falling in love is much like fear.
Jude, are you afraid of me?
Like, come on! Ugh!
Every year since I purchased The Cruel Prince I have reread this series. And I will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
(Sip, sip)
So those are my favorite rereads of 2023. My favorite reads will be posted soon, as will be my most disappointing. But, cheers to you, dear readers!
May your Christmas (if you celebrate it) be merry and bright! May your New Year (if you celebrate it) be inspiring and magical, and may the coming days bring you bliss.
Thank you for sharing a drink with me and reading my silly opinions. It means the world to me.
Happy holidays, friends!
Cheers!
(Sip, sip)
#books#2023#reread#sorcery of thorns#mysteries of thorn manor#the darkest part of the forest#dark harvest#the goblin emperor#the folk of the air#the cruel prince#the wicked king#the queen of nothing#how the king of elfhame learned to hate stories#high king of elfhame#high queen of elfhame#cardan greenbriar#jude duarte#holly black#katherine addison#fantasy books#cozy fantasy#book recommendations#book review
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Me, finally getting into The Cruel Prince by Holly Black: This book has amazing covers, has been redesigned by a million book boxes & special edition companies, is always front and centre on people’s shelves. The author has also done children’s fantasy! This MUST mean her adult books have substance to them. I am allowing myself to be Cautiously Optimistic -
The Cruel Prince, dedication page: To Cassandra Clare, who was finally lured into Faerieland.
Me: O_O Oh no. No, this is fine. So they’re friends. This is fine!
The Cruel Prince, first chapters: ...and the first queen of the Faeries, QUEEN MAB.....
The Cruel Prince, next few chapters: Ah yes, your characters are 17 therefore they must go to “lessons” with the faerie princes. That’s your plot for now. Hogwarts Fairy school! Where you know none of the teachers & nothing is cosy or fleshed out whatsoever but it’s all about the Vibe, the Aesthetic, the Moodboard! Btw the faerie princes are BULLIES. And the coldest and most handsomest one is also the meanest, and he has black hair and wears eyeliner and has a sharp upturned collar - he is called Draco Malfoy Cardan and he has cronies -
ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS IS ACTUALLY AN ACADEMY BULLY ROMANCE. FUCK
Also, The Cruel Prince’s love interest, Cardan:
1st image: literally punches a small pixie child out of his way, for no reason, then rips off the pixie child’s wing to show he’s so mean
2nd image: Kicks dirt onto protagonist’s lunch because he’s a MEANIE
tl;dr I am barely on like page 78 and I’m going to give up. Listen. If you want to write Draco Malfoy 2.0 then you have to build your world, first, which will then shape the character himself. You can’t just give me a Sexy Dood who punches little children. No seriously but WHAT IS THAT.
#hE KICKED DIRT ON HER LUNCH i can't hahahahahhahaha#WHEN WILL THE DRACO MALFOY FANFICTION END#if i wanted draco malfoy fanfiction i'd read manacled#please build your own fucking characters already oh my god#I read these books and immediately i start thinking 'Wow I could be reading that amazing Labyrinth fanfiction or Harry Potter fanfiction'#i am angry to have spent money on this but hey the interior design is really really neat#so i think i might keep it just for design inspiration#indie adventures#book reviews
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hey there,
i was wondering how you see characters apperences in the story. we know like their eye colours, and like remus has his black hair and sharp teeth, virgil has black and purple hair but is there anything else you can tell us? im loving the story so far, youre honestly a fantastic writer man, be proud of yourself and what you have created
Hi! Okay, so one thing to know about me is that I am NOT a visual thinker. Like, I have a lot of trouble just imagining images in my head. But! I have facts about my character's appearances that I know for sure. Some of them are I have to look through my notes and search my memory for, but they're there.
Luckily I do have Virgil's and Remy's descriptions already completely fleshed out because I was talking to an artist who wanted to draw them.
Virgil has a lot of lean muscle mostly obscured by his clothes. Very angular face, sharp jawline and sharp cheekbones. Pale white like a human who doesn't get enough sun. Virgil's scars aren't usually visible. They're mostly on his torso front and back but there are some on his limbs too. He also has self-harm scars on both arms. His hair is black.
Virgil likes to wear pants that are tight around his legs and purple shirts under his black and grey checkered hoodie. In the faerie hill and the forest he doesn't wear shoes.
Remy is more a classic twink. Skinny, thin limbs, twig legs, some muscle but not a lot. Like, you can't really see it. Face more rounded than Virgil's. Pale ivory white that could not pass as human skin. Remy has a verticle scar on the right side of his chin and two scars on the left side of his neck that run parallel to each other and go from the point when his neck meets his shoulder around and down to his collarbone. He often wears pink-tinted lipgloss. He has fangs. Not super long or anything, but there. His hair is black with tiny silver dots like stars in the night sky.
Remy likes wearing white silk-like shirts with v-necks under his leather jacket. The jacket has zippers. Don't ask me where the zippers are, I just know that they're there. He favors black skinny jeans though sometimes he wears white or grey ones. He also does not wear shoes in faerieland.
Fae anatomy can be very different. The royal's anatomy is more humanoid than most. They're among the most likely to be able to blend in with humans.
A few differences all fae have in common:
pointed ears
very sharp canines. Not fangs, just sharp. Remus is an exception in that all of his teeth are sharp.
long limbs
unnaturally long fingers
exceptionally beautiful. Who's to say whether that's magic or they're actually that beautiful.
They don't wear shoes unless they're on Earth for some reason. The exception is Janus when it's cold out.
I would also like to note that they are all strong but don't normally build muscle unless they are ridiculously strong (such as knights and other warriors). Otherwise, they have the muscles of an average person. Also note that the royal family doesn't have scars. They've had access to exceptionally powerful healing magic their entire lives. Also, the royals are all tan, with the twins being tanner than the rest and Janus being the tannest.
Janus has light brown hair. His faerie eye is yellow and his naga eye is gold. He has six arms and scales covering the left half of his body. His left hand and foot have black claws that look like longer and sharper nails. He has a long neck, fangs, and six arms. The fangs are noticeably longer than regular fae's sharp canines. Forked tongue and he can unhinge his jaw.
Janus wears his canon outfit in public. In the privacy of the royal quarters, he wears soft yellow sweaters and comfortable, loose clothing.
Roman has chestnut brown hair and red eyes. He is fucking strong and has the muscle to prove it. Nails are always breaking during training but he tries to keep them well-manicured. He's very particular about his hair which is styled the same as in the show.
Roman wears his prince outfit most of the time. Casually he wears a lot of crop tops and comfortable but revealing shirts.
Thomas looks like Thomas. Casually he wears roughly the same things but more fae. I haven't thought at all about what he wears formally.
Remus looks like Roman except all of his teeth are sharp, his cheeks are slightly sunken in, his hair is black with a white strip and styled the other way, he has a mustache, and his eyes are neon green. They're fraternal twins that just happen to look very similar. That includes muscle, Remus is a warrior too.
Remus wears his usual outfit formally. Casually he wears crop tops, booty shorts, anything fishnet, and just the weirdest clothes he can find that are still comfortable. Well, his definition of comfortable.
Logan has black hair and blue eyes. He wears formal fae clothing, though I'm not sure what that would look like. He wears his color and black a lot. No tie. I haven't thought much about him.
Patton has curly, blonde, shoulder-length hair and light-blue eyes. I also haven't thought much about him. He wears his normal outfit but his shirt and pants are made of different materials and his shirt isn't a polo, it's a more fae design.
That's all I can think of right now! If anyone has more specific questions about the characters' looks feel free to ask!
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Not so long ago a friend of mine saw that I liked Elves and came to the fascinating conclusion that I must be interested in all species with pointed ears in general.
Thus, this book recommendation came: A Court of Thorns and Roses.
DISCLAIMER: If you liked/loved/disliked/hated it, you do you, I support you. This is just my opinion on it. Also, this is just on the first book for now.
A little bit of background. So I read Throne of Glass like a really long time ago, finished the series back in Highschool. I mean I have some issues with it now when I think about it, but I was in my YA Dystopian/Fantasy phase then and everyone was reading it so I read it.
Back to Acotar, it was in my school's library actually but I was never interested in it since my friend said that Throne of Glass was better and I trusted them and their taste in books so I just didn't read it. Fast forward a few years and I decided to give it a chance, particularly because I was damn curious since there are more fanart and edits of the like of it compared to Throne of Glass (Throne of Glass has loads, mind you).
Okay, so at the start I was pretty chill about it. I mean, Feyre is a huntress who comes from a poor family with an older sister who has a stick up her ass and another older sister who just exists, I guess? Man I really don't get Elain and her purpose in the narrative it seems like Nesta has more use and personality by just breathing, but I digress.
Anyways, while out hunting Feyre kills a wolf and Tamlin (probably named after The Ballad of Tam Lin, come to think of it Acotar has a lot of similarities to it and I'd be surprised if it wasn't an inspiration for the author) comes up and demands weregild basically. The weregild is basically Feyre has to come and live in faerie land for the rest of her life while her sisters and father stay in human land and live well.
Now I understand where SJ Maas was trying to go with this, this is a Beauty and the Beast retelling so I get that. But the thing is, I don't think Feyre would be all that attached to her human life? I mean, she and her family lived in poverty where she's mostly just looking to survive each day. We get ultra long monologues of Feyre missing her sisters and father, which I understand because she's in a whole new environment and wants the familiarity of her sisters but I just do not see why she wants to go back to her previous life? Nesta and Elain had prospects of freeing themselves from poverty through marriage and Feyre doesn't. Yeah, Nesta and Elain would try to help I think but they would be tied to a marriage where decision on finances would not be in their control because so far the story has suggested that the world they live in is misogynistic.
Anyways.
Feyre is . . . Feyre cannot follow any instructions basically. She's the typical YA "no one gets to tell me what to do" protagonist but lacks the street smarts of Aelin (if we're comparing tog and Acotar). Anyways, she goes out when she's explicitly told not to during some horny Fae ritual and meets Rhysand.
Rhysand who I used to call Rice-and, but it's Reese-sand (like the chocolate/peanut butter thingy) is supposed to be edgy and mysterious. And I do admit that for a while I was interested in him, and then I realised that he's probably gonna be secretly a good guy. Because there were so many opportunities for him to out Feyre and Tamlin, and he doesn't. Also, the ones who out Feyre to Amarantha are some random faeries. They're unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Well, the end of their lives was probably important to them.
Also, I forgot to mention I forgot that they all wore masquerade masks. Throughout it all, I was wondering how the fuck they got that area of their faces clean? Also, do they get sunburn because if they do that's gonna leave a mark. Faerieland better have some faloe vera for that shit or maybe they use sunscreen?
Amarantha, I did not understand her purpose. And also that riddle? Damn lady, if you're that diabolical and smart then kill Feyre already. Why the fuck are you giving her a chance?
Also, that riddle. That fucking riddle. I just find it so funny that everyone there, and I mean everyone, knew the answer to that riddle. Amarantha's got to step up her game. I get why Feyre would not know the answer to it because girl has basically spent her whole life being a huntress and haggling for the prices of her illegal poaching like a supercharged mother in a discount sale and I respect her for it, but it would have been funner I think, if no one knew the answer. Also besides the fact that Feyre's daily life mostly consists of trying to survive day by day, there's also the issue of her being illiterate.
Going on to the Trials, I am fucking appalled by the fuckery that is Rhysand pimping out Feyre. Was that needed? I'm quite literally questioning why that was in the book. He drugs her and has her doing lapdances. "It's just lapdances", lapdances are pretty sexual in nature cause the lapdancer is grinding against whoever is sitting. I understand that it was 'to protect her', however I just fail to see the purpose of the writer including that scene. What I mean by that is that there are so many ways the author could have gone about Rhysand doing horrible stuff to protect Feyre, but turning her into a lapdancer and Rhysand a pimp is just not it. And about the tattoos so Rhysand can see who touched her so that no one dares to? It's just iffy to me, it reminds me of the Mummy movies (the Brendan Fraser ones) where Anck-su-namun (the concubine/wife of the pharaoh) had these tattoos with the same reason as Feyre and it was very icky to me because it very much treats these two women as objects belonging to someone.
I will admit that I have seen fanart and stuff so I know Feyre is gonna end up with Rhysand and Tamlin is a dick or something. Which is honestly why I feel this whole sequence of events between Rhysand and Feyre is so unnecessary.
That's all I have to say for now. Thank you for reading my rambling.
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Confessions (Cardan's POV)
Summary: It’s just a regular night in Faerieland - drinking, partying, any vice you can think of. Nicasia, Locke, Valerian and Cardan come up with a scheme to embarrass Jude once more by forcing her to take Nevermore. Cardan, however, takes this as an opportunity to let things go his way…
Song Inspiration: Church by Chase Atlantic.
Anything italicized and bolded is a song lyric I’ve thrown in, for fun :)
Link: https://youtu.be/vmM7h2fKdAY
Warnings: Drug use, swearing, Cardan being Cardan, unprotected sex, maybe a little bit of dom!Cardan & sub!Jude
Note: Jurdan is by far, the most captivating couple I’ve ever read in my short life. I’m having fun writing these, even if they are slightly ooc (I’m sorry! I’m trying to do better), so if you’re reading, I hope you have fun too!
Sidenote: I’m aware that I’m kind of twisting the effects of Nevermore in the story to fit my own narrative. I’m just having fun with it!
Nevermore. Some might describe it as intoxicating, hallucination-inducing, or a vice. Others, however, might be more inclined to see the golden powder as simply a party starter. A bringer of pleasure to the body and numbness to the brain. An axe of which will cut down any sturdy tree of hesitation. The Fae frequently enjoyed the use of nevermore, often found lying about revels with it stained on their lips. But here’s a riddle for you: what else do the Fae enjoy more than a good time?
Trickery. Deception. Laughter. In precisely that order.
Nicasia held the bowl of nevermore in her hands, her ocean-blue eyes sparkling in mischevious delight. “I’ve got the stuff,” she snickered. “Are we ready for a spectacle?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Locke pours himself a goblet of wine, then another, and hands the extra one over to me. He smirks up at me in anticipation, tawny eyes set aglow at the premise of adding another chapter to this story.
I wrap my long fingers around the stem of the glass and take a sip of the sticky liquid, sweet as a honeysuckle in springtime. I glance over at Valerian, who might just have the biggest smile on his face I’ve ever seen. After we almost drowned Jude Duarte in the river, he has been looking forward to another scheme.
What is this scheme, you might ask? Well it’s quite simply the most delightful plan we’ve ever come up with! We are going to convince Jude Duarte to revel with us, have a grand old time… and then, when she feels like she is finally worth more than a passing glance to us, we will force her to take nevermore. I want to watch her unravel like a piece of crumpled paper. I want to see her embarrassed, out of control, a mess of herself. I want to…
I shake the thoughts away. Never mind. The party is about to begin.
The stars hang in the sky as if held by tiny strings, a glittery midnight hue on the ground below. All around me, members of the Folk mill about gleefully, spilling drinks and dancing sloppily among themselves. A goat-legged boy plays the lyre somewhere off in the distance. I am offered more wine to which I happily oblige. And just as I am lowering the chalice from my lips, my gaze lifts and settles on none other than Jude Duarte, being painstakingly pulled into the crowd by her twin sister Taryn. Jude is dressed in her usual un-splendid manner, a plain colored dress and cloak. She is nothing compared to the extravagant filth I am bathed in. As Taryn assimilates with some other students from the school we attend, Jude retreats herself to the edge of the revelry, watching with a burning intensity. What is she thinking?
In a moment’s notice, we have surrounded her, separating our group from the party and closer into the gardens. Nicasia, still holding a bowl of nevermore, presses it to her lips, as does Locke and Valerian. The bowl is passed my direction, and with my kohl-lined eyes, I glare at Jude, who is watching us coldly with her head held high, as if in defiance. Fuck her, thinking she is one of us.
Fuck her. Fuck Jude Duarte. Fuck.
“I don’t know why you keep showing your face here,” Nicasia spews venomously while Valerian snickers. Locke says nothing, but watches intently. She stumbles closer to Jude, golden powder streaking her lips and cheeks. “You want to be one of us so bad, don’t you, mortal girl?” She scoffs.
Jude doesn’t answer, but I can see the gears working in her head. A way to scheme her way out of this. She looks like a caged bird, her eyes angry and wild. But alas, still she says nothing to the insults heeded her way, stone faced.
“I wonder what a mortal is like on nevermore?” I jeer, and I can’t help the dark laughter that brews in my chest. “Would you like to find out, dear Jude?”
Stay on the ground until your knees hurt
No more praying baby, I’mma be your preacher…
Without waiting for an answer, Valerian shoves Jude down to the ground roughly by her shoulders, Locke pressing the nevermore forcibly to her lips. Her toffee brown hair has become undone by this tussle, and she squeezes her eyes shut with determination. Her arms extend out from her chest and she pushes both Locke and Valerian away from her, taking a deep breath as the nevermore sinks into her system. “What the fuck?” Jude says, and in a fit of anger she rushes up towards me and grabs me by my shirt. Her face is full of pure fury, her walnut eyes dilating already from the effects of the nevermore. She slaps me. Hard.
“I hate you! I can’t stand you, I loathe you and your group of hellions. I-” Her sentence begins to sound more like a jumbled slur than the careful, calculated Jude I know. I flash a smirk at her, laughing dangerously in her face. I had her right where I wanted her…
Well tell me your confessions, baby, what’s your worst?
Nicasia, Locke, and Valerian had all become bored quickly of Jude, finding entertainment elsewhere. I’d have to admit that I was having more fun than I anticipated. I would never become bored of Jude. I feel like a cat, a predator, with its prey in a corner.
I can see the defiance in her eyes. I can tell that she wants to slap me again, her face ruffled up in scorn. But at the same time, the nevermore almost seems to cancel out the fact that she can lie. As I stalk towards her, ever so closer, she doesn’t move. She doesn’t step back, but instead cranes towards me too, like two opposite sides of a magnet attracted to each other.
“Confess to me, sweet little thing. Your body is telling me what your words aren’t.” I lean towards her face, growling. “Do you like when I do this?” My hand slips to her hip, and I study her face for a reaction. She gasps quietly, her cheeks turning red hot in embarrassment at how she’s allowing herself to be in front of me.
“What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?” I take her chin in my hand, rings glinting in the lazy light of the moon, and affix my gaze on the way her lips part softly for me. Slowly. I know that her world is moving at a snail's pace right now, the nevermore kicking in. This delights me to know. Every time I touch her, I hope that my touch lingers on her skin for eternity. May she feel what I’m about to do next every time she speaks with that beautifully horrific mouth. I press my lips to hers, my dark eyes pouring into hers. I hope she sees the reflection of her blown pupils in mine. I hope she realizes how utterly fucked she is. I lightly suck and bite at her tongue, dragging my sharp canines across the tip of it. She whimpers, and I pull away. “Looks like I have it instead.”
Speaking in tongues, we ain’t done yet
Don’t take my verses out of context
I know it’s weighing on your conscience…
“Cardan…” Jude begins slowly, as if fighting her own words. Her eyelashes flutter over her lids, and she brings her lips back to mine. She’s so delicious. I hate her. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about her. I bury my hand in her hair, wrapping it around my fist and deepen the kiss. I place my free hand around her throat, the little gasps and breaths she lets out like music to my ears.
“How does it feel to have your body betray you? Sing for me, Jude.” I gnarl, pressing my teeth to her ears. They were so round, so foreign. I nibble on the soft edges of her ears and I can feel the shivers going down her spine. Unfortunately, I do know what it’s like to have my body betray me. The way I automatically look for her in any room, the way my chest tightens into a knot when I see her. Fuck, I want this girl to break for me. She told me once she’d never break, but in this moment, it seems like she will. I want to hear her scream. Grovel, whine, and say my name. I want her to tell me how much she hates me, but I also want her to tell me I can have my way wither her. I want so many things at once.
Jude bites her lip, her hands fumbling through my disheveled curls of hair as if she can’t stop herself. “You’re such an idiot.” She says at last. “Why do you… why do you make me feel this way?” A quick giggle escapes her chest, and she tries to stifle it, but not before I could hear. She blushes and I can feel the heat in my body rising as I watch her unravel.
I bring her down onto the silken grass with me, placing a hand on each side of her head and looming over her like a lion over its meal. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” I say devilishly, unlacing her dress just enough so that her breasts spill over the top. I guess I can’t help myself, either. Now is my chance to play. I press my mouth to one of her breasts, nipping at her skin. I flick her other nipple in between my fingers and smile against her skin when she moans quietly. I want her to do that a lot louder. Obviously, I know just what to do. As Prince of Elfhame, I always get what I want. Jude Duarte just took a little longer to get to.
I unbutton my loose white shirt, my pale skin glowing in the moonlight. Slipping off my pants in one swift motion, I pull up Jude’s dress and drop to her thighs, continuing my trail of kisses tasting every inch of her mortal body. I hate to say it, but I’m intrigued by it. The way her breasts and hips seemed fuller than the Fae, like something out of a painting. The way that she quivered when I ran my tongue down her legs, dangerously close to the heat between her thighs. I was so fucking intrigued by this mortal girl, someone who should mean nothing to me, but yet here we are. I press my lips to her swollen center and kiss lightly, sucking on it. Jude squirms underneath me, her breath hitching in her throat as I continue, lapping at her slick juices. She is delicious, like a prized piece of faerie fruit.
“Oh, oh. Cardan, please…” Jude moans, her toes curling in the grass. Her hands released from my hair as I bring myself up to her face, smiling. I pressed my fingers inside of her to feel her wetness, and bring them towards my lips. I suck my fingers dry, relishing in the taste, and stick them into her mouth.
“Is this what you want?” I am trying to hide how riled up I’m getting, but I can’t help the wicked glisten in my tar-black eyes as they meet hers. “Tell me what you want, sweet girl.” I pull my fingers from her mouth and draw circles on her thighs, just barely touching her. I can feel the heat between her legs and it makes me fucking ache for her.
“Yes.” Jude nods, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I want you.”
“Hmm.” My tail wraps around her calf, its furred end whispering across her skin. I press myself into her, but stop just before I go too far. “And where do you want me, Jude?”
Jude looks up at me, her blown pupils meeting mine. Something sparks in them that’s akin to desire, although I cannot be sure. She is a sight to behold, with her dark hair spread across the ground and her swollen mouth swathed with remnants of the golden nevermore. “In me,” She whimpers at last. “I want you in me.”
This confession was all I needed. I gripped my hands on her hips roughly, hoping that bruises bloom where my fingers lay. She takes in the entire length of me, gasping for air. I start to stroke inside of her, and although I’m not under the influence of nevermore, I too cannot control the moans and swears coming from my mouth. “You feel so fucking good,” I growl. “So…. good.”
My strokes become deeper and faster, hitting her in all the right spots. I feel her tighten around me, her legs beginning to shake. My tail tightens its grip on her leg and I lower my body closer to her. Chest to chest, face to face. I suck on her neck, leaving hickeys in my wake. Every time she whines my name, I come closer to exploding.
“You are mine for the taking, pet. Never forget that.” I hiss. “Tell me you’re mine.”
Damnit, she is still so stubborn, even when she is about to come. She looks up at me and smirks, and I bring my hand to her throat, pressing down slowly. “Jude… Who’s.” I drive myself deliberately harder into her, my hips crashing into hers. “Are. You?”
“Yours,” She sputters. “I’m yours.”
“Good.” With that, I release her neck and loop my hands under her thighs, bringing them up into the air and continuing to fuck her. My tail releases from her calf and wraps closer to her thigh, tickling her. She gasps, moans, begs. She digs her nails into my back, crying out as she comes. She shakes, her legs quivering. As if it was perfectly timed, I explode, filling inside of her. I bring a hand to graze my ringed thumb over her lips. “I don’t like to share.”
#jurdan smut#prince cardan#jude x cardan#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#jurdan#the cruel prince#folk of the air#the wicked king#the queen of nothing#jurdan fanfic#jurdan headers
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She kills my self control - Chapter 15
/ This is the last chapter and it’s SPICYYYY. I can’t believe people are actually reading this?? y’ALL. Thank you so much!! I started writing for the first time in close to a decade last fall and the feedback I got on these has made me fall in love with writing again.
When I feel like I finally caught my breath, I lift her face to mine and kiss her. It's slow and careful, as if my tongue cannot lie even when I use it to kiss her. I want to tell her I hate her, too. I want to tell her that this means nothing and that I'm over her now. I want to lie to her like she lies to me, but all I can do is further prove that I am stupidly in love with her.
nsfw as nsfw goes
read on ao3 • previous chapter • all chapters
Chapter 15. You break my heart when you try to play nice
"Welcome to your new quarters, if you would have them."
I lean back against the door, arms crossed. Jude is glaring at me. Finding her when I left the revel had been quite the challenge. I ended up having to enlist a few guards to find her and lead her to Elowyn’s old rooms. I know they connect to the Court of Shadows—Dain would not have missed an opportunity to spy on one of his two main rivals to the throne— and thus make the perfect rooms for Jude.
"Congratulations, Jude Duarte," I drawl, "I hereby appoint you as my seneschal."
"Why," she replies dryly, more a demand than a question.
"I'm offering you a position in court. Isn't that what you always wanted? At least one of us will get what they want."
"You're High King, you can get anything you want."
"I didn't want to be High King," I growl, my anger rising once again at the reminder, "and you knew that. You betrayed my trust."
"And what is it that you want, Cardan?"
The question hits me like a punch in the gut. That is quite the question, isn't it? I want recognition, power, adoring folk at my feet. But I also want to be left alone, without the burden of a kingdom. I want to prove to Balekin and the rest of my dead family that I am not worthless, but I also want to leave Faerieland altogether and live far from the people who rejected me.
I take a step towards her. She steps back. I take another step, and she is against the wall. I run a finger along her jawline to her chin and lift her face to meet my gaze. There is only one thing I want without a doubt, my desire to have her a contradiction in and of itself.
"You already know what I want. You made me tell you."
Jude flinches. I lean in to kiss the fading bruise on her cheek. I kiss her jaw, moving towards the ear.
"Command me to stop," I plead, a breath away from her ear.
I should stop. I cannot.
She stays silent. I tug at her earlobe with my teeth and she lets out a soft gasp that is sure to haunt me for the rest of my days. I feel her hands fisting the fabric of my doublet, like she is trying to keep from touching me, but she does not stop me. I trail gentle kisses down her throat. For all my rage at being betrayed, I cannot help but admire the cunning she showed. How much does she distrust her father, for her to think me a better option for the throne? She knows how unfit I am, she has always seen through my mask.
"Cardan," she whispers softly.
I pull back to look at her, completely expecting her to command me to stop. I believed I would find hate in her gaze, anger or maybe the usual arrogance, but she only looks… tired. Maybe even vulnerable, or as close to it as she lets herself be. Before I can let my mind wander more, her lips brush against mine chastily.
"Distract me," she orders, looking away from me.
I am walking a rope hung between two cliffs. One bad move and I she might push me to my death—and I would welcome it gladly. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, fear and excitement mingling in my mind. A smirk creeps on my lips.
"You'll have to be more precise, I can think of a few ways to distract you," I raise my brows and let my tail trail up her side. She swats at it.
"I hate you."
"I know."
Her hands tangle in my hair and our lips meet again, more urgently than before. Teeth and tongues clash and I can taste the poison once again. It's stronger than last time, as if my body is trying to tell me to stop.
Without breaking the kiss, she pushes me backwards, again and again until my knees hit the bed. I grip her hips and drag her down to sit above me. I am painfully aware that, in this new position, she can feel exactly how aroused I am. I expect her to ridicule me, to mock me like I often did to her. Instead, she surprises me by tearing off my shirt, buttons flying everywhere.
Jude tentatively moves against me. Again. Again.
I have never had someone do this before, fully-clothed.
My hands travel to rest on her hips and I guide her to a faster, steady pace. We're not even touching, how can this feel so good?
Quickly, too quickly, I get closer to finishing. I tighten my grip on her hips and stop her, my head thrown back. I hold her above me and take a few deep breaths.
"You'll be the end of me," I whisper through ragged breath.
I flip us around and pin her to the bed with my body. I kiss her hungrily as I let my hand travel up her leg, under her skirt. Her skin is burning under my touch, the curve of her thigh so undeniably human. I pull back to look at her, questioning, and she nods, her cheeks a bright red.
I can't help the groan that escapes my throat when I slide my finger over her underwear and feel how wet she is. For me, for me, for me. I get off the bed, kneel on the floor and pull her to the edge of the mattress. I make quick work of removing her underwear.
"Cardan, what are you d—," Jude stops herself when I dive under her skirts, kissing and biting the inside of her thigh, making my way up her leg slowly.
The scent of her arousal is stronger here than before, a heady perfume I could get high off. She whimpers as I suck a mark on the inside of her thigh and I reward her by licking up her slit. Though, I guess it is also a reward for myself to finally taste what I have been craving for months. She tastes so sweet and tangy, I could spend hours pleasuring her. I would gladly do it on my knees in front of the whole court, if she let me. I flick her clit with my tongue in short strokes, occasionally sucking at it, but nothing I do gives me those moans I so desperately crave. My hand snakes up to grab one of her breasts. Through the fabric, I pinch her nipple, eliciting a stifled moan. She's restraining herself, I realize.
I push her skirts up towards her waist so I can look at her. Indeed, she is biting down on her hand to silence her moans.
"Sing for me, Jude," I coax, "I want to hear you."
I want to hear you break.
I tease at her entrance with one of my fingers, testing her reaction. She has removed her hand from her face, but is still biting her lower lip. Defiant as ever. I plunge my finger in her and she gasps. Slowly, I stroke her inner walls, delighted at how slippery she is. I keep my eyes on Jude's as I feast, drinking in every little tell that she is letting go of her mask. She breathes out heavily from her parted lips and her brows are slightly furrowed. When I enter a second finger, her eyes roll back and she moans loudly.
I suck at her knot as I curl my fingers towards the spot I know will make her squirm. Her thighs twitch around me, tightening around my head before Jude's hand comes down to grab my hair. She is both pushing my head towards her and pulling me away, clearly not knowing what to do with her hands and fighting her own body.
Her thighs tighten around my head and she stops trying to pull me away, instead pushing me into her. I keep my pace steady. When I feel her walls pulse around my fingers, I suck on her clitoris before biting it once slightly. Her legs kick up as she comes with a cry, her whole body shaking with pleasure.
I keep stroking her slowly through the waves of her orgasm until she stills.
"How—," Jude starts, voice confused and breathless, "That… It never felt like this before when I…"
She lets out a grunt of frustration, pushes me away and gets up. I climb on the bed and lay on it, a hand behind my head. If this is where we stop, it is more than I ever hoped for. But my mouth dries up as she reaches behind her back and undoes the laces of her bodice. She lets the dress drop to the floor, followed by her bra that she miraculously undoes with only one hand.
I swallow as I take her in, standing in front of me completely naked. My gaze trails her every scar and imperfection, admiring every way she differs from others I have seen before. From the hair and bruises on her legs to the way her stomach protrudes slightly and the ripples in her thighs, I know I could spend hours looking and still find more to worship. Her plump breasts fall with every breath she takes and a fine layer of sweat coats her body. I have to clamp my mouth shut to avoid blurting out the first thing that comes to my mind, the only truth I know undeniably in this moment: you're beautiful. With her looking down at me like that, her eyes filled with lust and anger, I cannot ignore my heart pounding wildly. What wouldn't I give to always be the target of that stare?
Jude straddles me once again, her hands making quick work of my pant laces. It turns out, bedding Jude Duarte is more akin to fighting than the frolicking of faeries. Power being given and taken, both parties refusing to let the other win.
"You're so eager, one would think you crowned me just to take a king to bed," I tease, because I'm nervous and I don't know what else to do.
"Shut up," she barks as she shifts to tug down my pants.
Jude takes my cock in her hand and I let out a hiss. Fuck, she's barely touching me and I melt like putty under her touch. She lines it up with her core and I inhale sharply as a knot of anticipation forms in my stomach.
"You always know what to say to piss me off," she slips down on me in one motion, her face scrunching in pain, "I hate you."
I throw my head back as I bottom out into her. I'm in Jude and in this moment, hate or not, Jude is mine and mine only and I am hers and nothing else matters.
"Yes," I groan between ragged breaths, "Yes, Jude, tell me."
I gather some composure to look up at her. Jude is biting her lower lip again, brows knitted together, clearly still in pain. How very typical of Jude to go too fast and hurt herself all in order to keep control. I sit up, desperate to touch more of her, but also to soothe her. I kiss her collarbones and make my way up her neck as my hands rub circles down her back, giving her time to get used to my size.
"I hate that you're so good at hurting me."
She still refuses to look at me, but I keep my attention on her. I would be a fool to miss even a second of this.
"I could show you how good I am at pleasuring you, if you would let me," I nibble at her ear and continue in a whisper, "I have so many ideas when it comes to you."
She glares at me and I give her the best grin I can manage at the moment—which is to say, probably more of a dumb-stuck smile than anything with a bite. Finally, Jude starts moving, slowly. I reach around to rest my hands on her soft buttocks, nails digging in slightly. Yes, this is real, not a dream.
"I hate that you know what you're doing and I don't."
Jude moves up and down in a steady, agonizingly slow pace. It's torture in the best possible way. I can't find it in myself to fight back when her body is pressed so closely against mine, my head buried between her breasts, nibbling and sucking at the soft flesh.
"You're doing amazing."
Her hand shots up and she pushes me back down. Immediately, she wraps that same hand around my throat.
"I hate that you never shut up."
My lips part as I let out a sigh. She's applying just enough pressure for my vision to grow blurry, yet not enough to knock me unconscious. Once again, I am reminded that Jude is something else. Nobody has ever dared put their hands to my throat during sex, no matter how pleasurable it is. Most would assume it a crime punishable by death to threaten a Prince so, let alone the High King. I let my tail brush against her arm and wrap against her wrist, letting her know I want her hand there.
Jude is fucking herself on me in earnest now, her pace fast and even. I reach out to rub quick circles at the apex of her thighs, eliciting a loud moan. I can't take my eyes away from her, breathtakingly beautiful and powerful above me. Using me.
"Judejudejude" I chant in time as I thrust up to meet her pace, my voice broken and weak, "come for me, Jude"
I quicken my ministrations on her clit, desperate to make her cum, to be the one to give her another orgasm. She comes with a cry, one I wish I could devour out of her. Instead, I am still pinned under her with her hand at my throat. As she rides her high, she unconsciously tightens her grip and dark stains cloud my vision. It's enough for me to follow her over that edge, pleasure rippling into me in waves. I grip her hips hard enough to bruise as I spend in her, her name tumbling out of my lips in a strangled whimper.
Jude lets go of my throat when I still and she collapses on my chest. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her, one of my hands brushing through her hair gently. I know she will soon remember herself and pull away, but until then I am determined to enjoy the warmth of her and the contrast of her tanned skin on mine. When I feel like I finally caught my breath, I lift her face to mine and kiss her. It's slow and careful, as if my tongue cannot lie even when I use it to kiss her. I want to tell her I hate her, too. I want to tell her that this means nothing and that I'm over her now. I want to lie to her like she lies to me, but all I can do is further prove that I am stupidly in love with her.
She leans into it for a moment, until I shift my head slightly and my lashes brush against her cheek. Her eyes snap open and she pushes me away. Jude gets up and grabs her discarded dress, holding it to her chest to hide herself. As if the image of her naked wasn’t burned in my mind forever.
"So was this whole Seneschal thing just a weird euphemism?" she accuses with a snarl.
I roll my eyes. Any trace of the bliss I have seen on her face in the last hour is gone, replaced by her usual defiant glare. I love it just as much.
"You will be controlling my every decision, I thought you might as well do it openly."
I watch as Jude turns away from me and puts her dress back on, not even bothering to do the laces of her bodice. She paces around the room for a while, then turns back to me.
"Fine," she barks out and crosses her arms, "I'll do it."
A smile tugs at my lips. For the first time since I have been crowned, I don’t feel overwhelmed. Perhaps with her by my side, I can do this.
Everything will be alright.
As long as Jude is with me.
#the folk of the air#tfota#cardan greenbriar#jude duarte#cardan#jurdan#judecardan#holly black#the wicked king#the cruel prince#fanfic#fanfiction#smut
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Currently Reading...
Ironside - Holly Black
Oh, I loved it, I loved it!
As a kid, I remember starting the Spiderwick Chronicles, and getting maybe two books in. I didn’t like them at all, and it's probably what started my hatred of fae related books. Every “fae” book I’ve read since, I’ve loathed.
And now I can’t get enough of Holly Black’s faerieland. It’s so strange that the author who initially made me dislike fairy books is now the only one who can make me like them! Which I suppose is actually quite a “fae” situation!
Ironside was the perfect conclusion to the series. I was almost geared up for another completely new story about a new girl and her new fairy love, but actually I loved that it connected the two previous books. It was a brilliant ending, and it just rounded off the story perfectly.
Literally as soon as Cornelius was told “there’s a guy in the city breaking curses” at the start, I was immediately like ohhh that’s why Luis wasn’t interested in Lolli. I know it should get old, but I love that you immediately know what the main love story is going to be in all of her books. It makes it very easy to know which couple to root for.
And I am very glad he introduced himself to Luis as “Neil” because honestly I fucking hate the name Corny so, so much. I cannot express how much I hate that name.
I loved them as a couple, I loved the ending, I loved everything about it. I still love Ravus more than anything.
I only vaguely remembered Roiben and maybe Kaye being in the Folk of the Air trilogy. But because I didn’t know they were important, I didn’t pay enough attention to remember much about them - I had to look them up online after to remember the details. I’ll have to re-read those books.
I don’t know which reading order I’d recommend to other people. I think I’m glad I read Folk of the Air, and then Modern Faerie Tales. MFT work nicely as an addition to the world - her writing has definitely developed a lot since writing them, so FotA feels much more like the “main” story.
Bonus:
The Lament of Lutie-Loo (short story)
This might have been my favourite story of all! Folk of the Air and Modern Faerie Tales all mixed together!? I’m now definitely glad I read them in the order I did. I loved the little snippets of Cardan, and I really want to re-read The Cruel Prince now!
And Val’s pregnant! With a little teeny tiny troll baby!! I love that Kaye has her curse-breaking coffee shop, but I hate that it’s called “Moon in a Cup”. Just makes me think of menstrual cups.
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THE CRUEL PRINCE | CHAPTER 10 [spoilers]
You wanted to give
me your oath and your sword. I accept. I need someone who
can lie, someone with ambition. Spy for me. Join my Court of
Shadows. I can make you powerful beyond what you might
ever hope. It’s not easy for humans to be here with us. But I
could make it easier for you.
I know just one thing. If a faerie prince soon to be a King, drops by my house, asking specifically for me, telling me he'd make my dreams come true if only I lie for him while he talks to me with these beautiful words mentioned above, I'd be surrendering myself 🙈
At least, that's what I imagine. While at the same time, my brain would go like: and HOW will I lie? I'd totally forget how to do the easiest of things because A FAERIE PRINCE is asking that of me and I can't make mistakes and I don't know what to do. Omg, my dreams coming true at what cost?! Shit.
SCRATCH ALL THAT SHIT.
Later, JUDE fucking puts a DAGGER RIGHT THROUGH HER HAND for a single mistake. I simply couldn't. Jude is a real Queen. Her story of survival in the Faerieland is just unique!
I've never read anything like this before.
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Sticky ficky 9
~~~~
That’s right hoes, I’m back and bringing you more sticky ficky content. I really set this chapter up expecting to introduce work on a string but it didn’t happen I PROMISE I SET IT UP FOR NEXT CHAPTER THO
~~~~~~
Silence greeted Jude as she stepped, shaking and weak, out of the shower. She could still see bits and pieces of her dream in her mind’s eye, could still feel the sharpness of Cardan’s nails digging into her neck and smell Balekin’s rotting flesh.
She tried to take deep breaths, to swallow around the painful lump in her throat, but she couldn’t find the strength to.
Just as she was about to start hyperventilating again, she heard a knock at the door. It started soft, just three delicate raps. But when nobody answered, the knocking became louder.
Funny, Vivienne and Oak should still be home. Why weren’t they opening the door?
Jude kept her plush blue towel wrapped tightly around her and walked through the apartment, her wet feet threatening to slip on the linoleum floors.
“Fucking calm down, I’m here,” she griped as the person on the other side continued to beat at the door. Still, nothing couldn’t prepared her for what she saw on the other side.
There, out in the hallway, was Heather.
She opened the door, crossing her arms over her chest. “Vivienne isn’t here.”
Heather brightened upon seeing her, only dulling slightly at the mention of her ex before smiling once more and pushing into the apartment.
“I’m not here for Vivi,” she stated. “I’m here for you.”
Jude, who couldn’t stop the puzzlement from showing on her face, merely watched as Heather continued through the apartment she’d once shared. She was carrying a long sleeve of fabric, longer even than her leg, tucked up under her arm.
Heather stopped in front of Jude’s door and motioned for her to enter. Jude raised a brow in response.
“Get dressed,” she ordered. “We’re going out.”
She said it with enough confidence that Jude didn’t even question it. She moved robotically, going to her room and dressing in comfortable leggings and an old concert hoodie. As she laced up her boots, she studied her sister’s ex lover.
“Why are you here?” Jude finally asked.
“I told you, I’m here for you,” she answered, then her face faltered a bit. “I need someone to talk to about,” she sighed, “everything. It’s messing with my head and I can’t figure it all out”
Reasonable enough, Faerie can unhinge even the most sane of people.
Jude, dressed and ready, nodded for Heather to lead the way. It didn’t even occur to her as she walked out the door that it was the first time in weeks she’d left her self-determined prison. After the dream, she was tired, too bone tired to think about her own sorrow.
She was tired enough to try something new.
Neither woman spoke as they hopped on the bus. Being late morning, most people in the city were already at work. It was just them and the bus driver, sitting in a comfortable silence that was broken only by the humming of passing cars.
As they got off the bus and the smell of salt hit Jude, she finally asked what they were doing.
“I always used to go kite flying when I needed to think,” Heather explained. “ I’d go with my dad when I was younger and Vivi when we were together. It helped me talk things out.”
Jude blinked against the sunlight, her body still used to the Faerie timeline.
“I can’t exactly talk this out with dear old dad,” she reasoned. Jude snorted.
It was the first sound that resembled a laugh she’d made in weeks.
When she was a little girl and her parents still lived, they always used to go to the beach during the summer. She can remember days spent building castles out of sand and doing cartwheels down the coastline, searching the water with her twin for any sign of mermaids.
The mermaids she’d imagined were far sweeter than the ones who really lived.
“C’mon, kick your shoes off!”
So Jude did. She tucked her socks into her boots and tied the laces so she could hang them round her shoulders while they walked. Together, Jude and Heather stepped off the boardwalk and into the sand, the warmth of the sun-baked earth seeping into the bottoms of their feet.
They walked in silence and Jude thanked whatever gods existed for the fact that the surf was calm that day. They could barely hear the ocean and hardly anyone was in the water.
“Here looks like a good spot,” Heather decided aloud, dropping her shoes and the sleeve she carried.
“What’s that?”
“My dual-line,” she answered, pulling fabric and strings and handles and sticks out of the sleeve. “I figured I’d bring the easy one, in case you wanted to try.”
“I’ve never seen a kite that looked like that,” Jude observed the mess of black and purple and green nylon as Heather began to unravel the strings from around the handle.
Heather grinned at her, laying out some forty feet of line. “It was handmade by a guy down in Georgia. My dad bought it from the artist. It was my first stunt kite, I never liked mono-lines.”
Jude watched quietly as the other girl set up the vaguely triangular kite, testing the tension on the carbon fiber rods that held the fabric open before using a lark’s head knot to tie either of the handle’s strings to separate sides of the kite.
“Watch this,” Heather grinned, setting the kite down so it was being pushed back by the wind.
So Jude crosses her arms and watched Heather walk her way back to the handles, keeping the kite’s lines taught so it didn’t go over into the sand. Then, when she’d gotten the handles firmly grasped, she took a step back.
And the kite launched into the sky.
For all the beauty Jude had witnessed in Faerie, nothing was quite like this. It flew, nothing like a bird and everything like a leaf gliding through the wind. Though the colors were glaringly unnatural, it still gave off a calming sense of beauty.
Jude had become so used to the terrifying version of pretty that she’d forgotten what mundane beauty could look like. She’d forgotten how much she’d loved it.
Heather whooped as she caught the wind, pulling the line in her right hand towards her so the kite did a spin in the air and laughing at how it oversteered. They squinted together, watching the kite fall and then rise as it lost and caught gusts of air.
Jude smiled. It was small, and it was gone quickly, but she’d smiled all the same.
“Would you like to try?” Heather asked and she nodded, letting her friend hand her the handles and then stand behind her to help her get the hang of things.
“If you want it to turn left, pull the left handle towards you. For right, pull the right. Don’t move the handles side to side. Lift them up for the kite to go higher and pull them down for it to go lower,” she explained, laughing loudly as Jude promptly did exactly the wrong thing and sent the kite smashing into the ground.
“Oh shit—“
“Don’t worry!” Heather exclaimed, running over to the downed kite. “They’re tough!”
She picked up the kite and set the tip back towards the sky, holding it aloft and telling Jude to step back. When she did, Heather launched the kite once more.
What must’ve been an hour passed as she taught Jude the ins and outs of stunt flying. She got talking about her foils and her quad-lines and how her mother knew how to spin a mono-line and keep it in the air. She told Jude stories of competitions she’d watched and festivals she’d been to. She even mentioned how she’d started a kite flying club in her highschool.
“It’s just something about the way the wind whispers through the trees on a good day,” she grinned. “Sets my soul at ease. Nothing quite clears the mind like a kite in the sky.”
“We don’t have kites in Faerie,” Jude whispered, almost reverent in her tone. “I suppose it loses its appeal when so many people can fly themselves.”
She passed the handles back to Heather, who began doing tricks like a seasoned professional.
“Faerie loses its appeal when the people have no appreciation for simple things,” Heather whispered back, sounding perturbed. “Like trust, for that matter.”
Jude snorted as Heather made the kite fly in a square. “Trust? In Faerieland? Vivi didn’t prepare you at all.”
Heather shot her a look and the two stared at each other for a long time until the kite crashed down again.
She walked to grab the kite and launch it for Heather.
“How’d you survive? Back when you were a child, I mean.”
Jude crosses her arms, moving back to her previous spot, keeping her eyes on the kite the whole time.
“Madoc viewed us as his responsibility after he killed Mom and Dad,” she shrugged. “And we were children. The fae are usually very careful with children, even human ones. Babies are so unbelievably rare that to harm a child would be unthinkable for most.”
She allowed herself to look back over and catch Heather watching her.
“I suppose we just got lucky that we had enough time to learn the ways of Elfhame.”
Heather turned back to the kite.
“And we used a lot of Rowan berries and salt.”
The other girl pursed her lips and sent the kite careening towards the sand, saving it at the last possible moment. “I just don’t understand how an entire people can be so unbearably cruel. So evil and manipulative, especially when they can’t lie.”
“They’re self-satisfying,” she offered like it wasn’t a bad thing. “A way of life that you either get used to or get crushed by.”
“Don’t they ever get tired of being selfish?”
“Why would they?” Jude half laughed. “It gets them what they want.”
She let the kite fall and neither woman went to retrieve it.
“Do you ever get tired of playing their game?” Heather asked.
Jude blinked, her fingers tapping a soundless rhythm on the elbow of her crossed arm as she stared out into the calm, glassy sea.
“I get tired of losing it,” she finally answered. “And I tire of the fact that I only lose when my selfishness isn’t driven by destruction.”
Together they sat down and Heather, sensing Jude wasn’t done, waited for the younger woman to continue.
“I’ve killed more people than I care to count, bathed in blood and dug secret graves in the dead of night. I’ve engineered the fall of the eldest Greenbriar child and, unknowingly, helped set the stage for the fall of the others.”
“I’ve dominated meetings and outsmarted countless people I shouldn’t have been able to outsmart.” She finally turned to look at Heather. “I’ve done all this and more. So why is it that it only works when I’m hurting someone? Why is it that, on the briefest occasion I do something out of love—be it crowning Cardan to protect my brother or taking a lover for myself for once or giving myself to a man in marriage because I genuinely thought he cared—why is it that love breeds failure for me?”
Heather blinked calmly, weighing the question in her mind, rolling her thoughts around on her tongue and playing with the handles of her kite as it fluttered oh-so-slightly on the sand.
“I don’t think love breeds failure for you,” she finally started, “merely success that you aren’t comfortable with.”
Jude raised a brow at her before leaning back in the sand, throwing her arms across her face to block her eyes from the sun.
“Jude, I’m serious!” Heather insisted. “I get that ruling through Cardan didn’t go as smoothly as you liked, but Oak got to be safe here. He gets to be a normal kid for awhile, learn some basic kindness.”
She went to respond, but Heather cut her off.
“And yeah that Locke guy was a complete and total tool, but plenty of men are. It wasn’t your insistence on loving him that made him a two-timing whore and your sister a back-stabbing bitch.”
Jude couldn’t help but smirk at that.
“And, while I’ll admit I don’t really know what’s going on with you and Cardan right now, the fact remains that you’re still married. He could’ve tried to divorce you instead of sending you away. That has to count for something, right?”
“He banished me for murdering his brother,” she felt her face sour at the very idea of Balekin. “Never mind that he challenged me to a duel and, per the rules of courtesy and the fae’s slavish insistence on obeying it, I couldn’t turn him down.”
Heather opened her mouth.
“And never mind that he forced me to kiss him in the Undersea—“
“WOAH!” Heather exclaimed and Jude went quiet. “He did what?”
She uncovered her face and opened an eye, squinting up at her friend and raising her brows at the shocked expression that she wore.
“When I was trapped in the Undersea he made me come to him,” she explained, covering her face once more. “I guess he had an idea that I might feel something for his brother so he forced me to kiss him the same way I’d kiss Cardan. He thought me glamoured, I had no choice.”
“Jude that’s assault.”
“Add it to the thousand other things that’ve been done to me. You get used to it after awhile.”
She felt Heather’s hand on her shoulder and started, uncovering her face in shock and finding the older girl staring at her in horror.
“Jude that’s not right. Just because it happens a lot doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
She chewed the inside of her lip as Heather’s face scrunched up in determination. “You should use some of your murdery badassery next time someone tries that shit on you. I’ll help, I’ve got a taser that looks like lipstick.”
Jude wanted to laugh, but the completely serious look that Heather wore stopped her.
How long it had been since someone was willing to go to war for her and her alone. Well, if you ignore what Cardan did to get her freed from the Undersea. But was that really the same? He’d not lifted a finger, and he’d had the power of half an army and magic that could boil the sea.
Heather has nothing, likely not even basic fight training, and she was still ready to back Jude up.
“How are you handling things since,” Jude changed the subject, “y’know, with Vivi?”
Heather’s face soured and she huffed, staring out at the sea.
“I’m so angry,” she admitted. “I could get over her not preparing me, I could get over the whole cat thing. But taking my memories? Deciding that I’m not adult enough or strong enough to remember what’s been done to me? I don’t know if that’s forgivable.”
The way her voice broke at the end told Jude everything she needed to know and she wrapped her arm around Heather.
“But you want to forgive her.”
“You know I do,” she sounded so forlorn. “I love her so much Jude, but I don’t know how we cone back from something this devastating.”
“If you figure it out, I wanna be the first to know,” Jude snorted and Heather cracked a smile once again. “What a pair we make.”
“I’ve never been friends with a murderer before. Or a queen, for that matter,” Heather observed. “Do you get used to it?”
“The murder part? Absolutely.”
Heather shot her a rueful grin. “I have much less of a problem with you getting used to that then the assault thing.”
“What a coincidence,” Jude laughed. “Me too.”
~~~~
The Jude and Heather friendship I always needed in my life. Next chapter will be Jude and Heather go to/have gone to a kite shop and seen the worms on a string. Some WILL be purchased I promise.
I know it’s no Cardan and no sticky hands but I needed some Jude healing. I think we can all agree she needed to talk through her feelings with someone who was close enough to care but far enough away to point out when she wasn’t being treated right.
~~~
Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks @queen-of-glass @b00kworm @doingmyrainbow @andromeddea @jurdanhell @thesirenwashere @sweetlyvillainous @courtofjurdan @clockworkgraystairs @st00pid231
#sticky ficky#tfota#jude duarte#jurdan#cardan greenbriar#the great sticky hand war#heather#jude HEALS#Next chapter:#rise of fweej
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campaign 2 episode 109: is there already an episode called shopping and shipping? too bad, shopping and shipping
he DID forget how to talk
don't be sad, go get a tattoo
how does a horse wear a dress
"why does it look so we- oh, eye saver mode"
this is the d&d version of buying fireworks in the walmart parking lot
Pirate Beauregard
"driving to indiana to buy fireworks" we went to alabama!
"I'll tip an extra....copper." oh veth is THAT bitch
"shhh I'm surprising you!"
I love them so fucking much
matt's doing the vest thing
every time marion is on this show it makes me want to go call my mom
khajit has wares if you have coin
now it's going a little french
travis trying to in-character beg yasha to get more armor
akira bubble
"why are so interested in the owner?" "because you told me I couldn't have it"
"what if we go to hell or something?!"
I refreshed and laura was under the table
in skyrim this is when I break back in after closing and take the ring anyway
fjord: "you can't even eat it" yasha: "not with that attitude"
veth your husband has ptsd be nice
I love one (1) halfling family
I can't believe luc is already a level 5 rogue
they grow up so fast
I gave the child permission to call one of her pen needles a fucker after I jabbed myself with it
yeza: "you DON'T STEAL" veth: "if there is a direct victim"
travis
"it's a goth ring, you can wear whatever you want even when it's 110 degrees"
"lady vd" I don't know if it was sam or liam who said that
I just realized fjord buying the ring is the same energy as travis buying that enormously expensive coin at renfest
the gang hosts a gender reveal party
"is that GROWTH? oh NO"
"opens that circle and makes it wider"
I will be weirdly more okay with it if sam does a new character than I was when scanlan left
mb because it's more telegraphed? and also (hopefully) not the result of a death+screaming match?
they have split the party, what's gonna happen to veth
are caleb and yasha gonna have a ptsd party
wait I take it back, what's gonna happen to caleb and give veth a complex about not going with him
"shit her NAME is alberta she LIVES in vancouver"
have I compared expositors to the foxy assistants from atla on here before
(probably)
broke: not related to gilmore
woke: it IS gilmore
it's just gilmore wearing sunglasses
gilmore's shady commodities
as soon as travis said costco I heard the taz fandom explode a little
thank you for validating me ashley
I am not going to be able to handle this accent until it smooths out
unable to can
magnify materia
matt you KNOW laura is gonna be at your table and you STILL plan these things
the gang buys out a spencer's
laura, jester and vex having a quick business meeting in the back of laura's mind
bureau of balance
I was joking about the ptsd
liam: we are on MY TURF, EVERY SCENE is now intense roleplay and NO ONE can stop me
mala: jester IS the panic at the disco
I accept these widofjord crumbs
"jesterrrr you know I'm afraid of my futurrrre"
"big ridiculous bonfire dancing" I hate when I get really intricate fanart in my head bc I can't draw At All
mala: jester peed in the ball pit at dashcon
ten thousand polished metal surfaces in here and cad does That
"it's how my hair used to be" she sounds so excited I'm cry
"eventually I will be home, and it will be wonderful" caduceus your home is a GRAVEYARD you can't TALK like that
this is the trophy room from kasumi's dlc in me2
"killing a god" is this edda-earth
oh it's dwemer ruins, got it
every time a city crashes into the earth I think of that one faerieland event in neopets
"ICE PIRATES"
DON'T OPEN IT
"you've been served"
MATT
"we know"
deposit yourself directly into the sun
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Don’t mind me, planning out my Neopet accounts/characters lmao. Not accurate to the current state of the accounts~
Main account: Technically in the Lost Desert (story-wise prob won’t be lol). Mostly tired, college-aged young adults living as house/roommates
Kabanshe (Kabs) the female Shadow Krawk: BD pet, the house’s main breadwinner. Not very sociable, with bad people skills (to her annoyance). Secretly wants to take over the world, but is a softy even deeper down. Bi
Grayphe (Gray) the female Chocolate Kougra: Overdramatic, culinary school student. Not born Chocolate, but became one specially bc she dreamed about becoming a sweets chef. Might have bullied you in high school, but she’s changed, bestie!!!! <3 Mean Lesbian <3 (Unironically bffs with Kabs)
Koialias (Koi) the male Darigan Hissi: Kabs’ lazy brother. Doesn’t do much but watch tv and complain, the other housemates have to put up w him, since Kabs pays the rent. Can be nice if he cares about you. Edgy Gay
Desalination (Sal) the female Water Lutari: Commutes to a college a little outside of the Haunted Woods. Uncertain and undeclared, but likely going to go for something to do with environmental sciences. A little awkward and easy to fluster. Lesbian
JadelynnFleetwing (Jade) the female Ghost Pteri: Some fucking child Kabs n Co stumbled upon? She’s a sweet, little girl w/o a home, and their collective sibling instincts kicked the fuck in.
Side 1: Located in more rural part of the Haunted Woods. Edgy/goth, college aged young adults, slightly less washed up than the main kids.
Xeinta the female Christmas Zafara: Goth girl, witch in training. Kinda stuck up and formal. Can come off as cold and uncaring, but she’s very passionate about what she beliefs in and the people she cares about. Hopelessly in love with Dol, and loyally devoted to her. Lesbian
Dolorophobia (Dol) the female Plushie Cybunny: Living doll, created by Xeinta’s former teacher. The two fell in love, and ran off together. She is very uncertain of her purpose in this world, but is finding joy in sewing and gardening. Xeinta is supporting her every step of the way. Bi
Bifv the female (soon to be) Halloween Ixi: A relative of Xienta, who is letting the gals stay at her large farmhouse. Rents out a couple rooms as a bed and breakfast. Kinda rough around the edges, a country gal. Currently taking some agriculture classes at a nearby college. Lesbian
Connected to main house through Sal and Bifv, who met through college, and are interested in each other <3
Side 2: Not really made yet, but will likely be in Faerieland. Cute house for cuter pets, basically lol.
Nisenany (Nise) the male (soon to be) Faerie Draik: Nervous guy. Nice, but kinda weak-willed, and a bit of a pushover. Also runs a bed and breakfast, which is the household’s main source of income, along with a very small restaurant in the building.
Unnamed female Pastel Draik: Nise’s little sister. Spunky and sweet, ends up dealing with people in Nise’s place. Going to culinary school to help with the family business.
If Accetti the Faerie Lenny is still around when my yearly species change come around, she’ll be turned into a Xweetok, and will go here lol
Connected to main through Grayphe and the Pastel Draik being classmates
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Hi, a question here, when all the boys are married and they have Linda, where do they live? Do they have a home in the town? Are they in May's place where she raised Roman? How often do they live at the fae house? Also, i can totally believe that where ever they live, Logan has a celler stocked full of canned goods, preserves and root vegies from his garden, and also that Roman helps him preserve and keep his gardens produce
Right when they got married, Roman moved to faerieland briefly (in the fairy hill Virgil lives in, and where Patton had been living since the end of the main storyline) and did for a couple years. Logan moved in as well once he graduated college and they lived there for i’d say about another year? so until Logan was about 24
but Virgil and Roman (and the other two, really, but Virgil and Roman led the charge on this one) had about two weeks worth of like nausea-inducing anxiety when May switched to a wheelchair from a cane before they employed the help of Dot to essentially invite themselves back into the Gage house.
Now obviously the Gage house is fucking tiny. It got some major updates/renovations done to make it suitable for five people to live in please dont ask me about what those are i know NOTHING about architecture or home design i’ve never even watch HGTV which is a significantly easier feat when Virgil and Logan can use magic and also have like. superstrength.
They do still maintain the living space in faerieland - Patton uses it by far the most, when he goes to spend time with White or get more advanced lessons with his voice (which have by this point decreased in frequency but MASSIVELY increased in difficulty, and he sometimes just conks out right after)
Logan did in fact go ham on May Gage’s garden - both out of his own delight in growing things and the fact that May was no longer nearly as capable of maintaining it herself. the teaching-Logan-to-can thing was actually more of a May Thing than a Roman Thing
and NOW you’ve given me an opportunity to share a very fun fact about the Logan-Garden situation, which is that Logan is actually not fantastic at growing food.
He’s great at herbs and flowers, and some vegetables - leafy greens and early root vegetables usually, as well as broccoli and cauliflower
but fruit (and i mean that in the botanical sense, so things like peppers as well) are not a beginning-of-the-growing-season thing, theyre an end of the growing season thing. they get a boost from Logan at the start, when theyre flowering, but thats it.
So Logan is only a little better at those things than any other talented but mundane gardener.
Or he was, anyway, until he acquired an Autumn daughter and came outside a few days later to find that May’s apple trees along the back property line had gone absolutely cuckoo fucking bananas
So gardening is a fun little father-daughter activity for our local Spring and his little harvest-season daughter (she likes pumpkins!)
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okay so @strange-capers wrote the most adorable fae!steve fic that has ever been and, because of who i am as a person, i have made it sad. so yeah. enjoy!
-
Finally, nearing midnight, Steve predictably starts to shiver and Bucky knows it’s only a matter of time until he abandons his dramatic huffing and comes to join Bucky on the sofa. Bucky makes sure there are several blankets draped over his usual throw in anticipation because, if there’s one constant in Bucky’s life at this point, it’s that Steve is always freezing.
Bucky just has to wait him out like he’s been doing for the past six hours.
Prior to this afternoon, Bucky hadn’t seen Steve in weeks which was unusual but not necessarily worrying. After all, he had returned home with a particularly nasty chill so Bucky had expected him to stay away longer. However, when Bucky had gotten back from an endless day of meetings at the compound and returned to find Steve pacing the living room and muttering furiously under his breath in Gaelic, Bucky had grown somewhat concerned.
Now, having exhausted all attempts to get Steve to talk, Bucky has resolved to let Steve come around on his own. All the same, Bucky is starting to fear for the spot on his wall where Steve has been glaring daggers all evening in furious silence.
Steve’s shivering awakens a protective beast in Bucky’s chest but he steadfastly ignores it. He’s never seen Steve this worked up before but something tells him that his usual fussy boyfriend approach isn’t going to cut it.
So he waits.
And he waits.
Until, finally, Steve stands without a word and settles himself on the couch next to Bucky, instantly curling his thin body into the space at Bucky’s side. Bucky tugs the blankets down from the back of the couch, pulling them tight around Steve’s body in the way he knows Steve likes. As usual, Steve tucks the end of the biggest blanket under his toes where they’re nestled next to Bucky’s knee and presses his face into Bucky’s neck.
“Hi there,” Bucky teases, rubbing his cheek fondly against Steve’s golden hair.
Steve merely grunts in response and Bucky has to bite back a laugh.
“What’s up?” He asks.
“The sky,” Steve grumbles back and, this time, Bucky really does laugh. Steve lifts his head to glare at him but it’s half-hearted and somewhat weary.
“I guess I walked into that, huh?” Bucky says with a grin. “Come on, Stevie. It’s me. What’s wrong?”
Steve is apparently in no mood to talk about it because he shoves his face back into Bucky’s neck and says, “Opposite of right.”
Bucky sighs. “Okay, well, when you’re ready to tell me, let me know.”
So much of Bucky wants to ask again, wants to coax it out of him until he knows everything. But that’s not how Steve and Bucky work. Steve doesn’t trick Bucky into eating food in faerieland and Bucky doesn’t force Steve into corners he can’t talk his way out of. It’s a strange system but it works. So, despite Bucky’s desperate desire to destroy whatever is making Steve so upset, he holds his tongue and let’s his boyfriend fume in silence until he’s ready.
Steve is ready when Bucky has read three chapters of The Night Circus on his kindle app and he signals this by quite suddenly removing his face from Bucky’s neck, face twisted into a frown.
“I’ve told you about the war before,” he says. It’s not a question, so Bucky doesn’t say anything. “It’s been raging for ten seasons now with no end in sight. It’s only getting worse. My queen is gathering an army but...they won’t take me.”
For a moment, Bucky isn’t sure he’s heard Steve correctly. “But you said the war was oceans away.”
Steve nods. “It was.”
Was. Bucky’s heartbeat picks up.
“There was an attack and a knight of the court was killed,” Steve continues and Bucky tries to recall everything Steve had told him about how the fae courts worked. He knows that knights are high ranking, usually incredibly gifted in combat magic. He thinks he remembers Steve telling him that they were handpicked by the queen herself. Steve goes on, “She was killed on fae soil which shouldn’t even be possible. There are enchantments which should have protected her. She should have been safe.”
Bucky remembers Steve telling him that he had a friend in the court and he hopes desperately that Steve hasn’t just lost her but he doesn’t know how to ask, not when Steve looks so furious and devastated all at once. And then, as Steve tells him about how the enchantments work, Bucky’s mind wanders back to what Steve has said before and he practically feels the blood drain out of his face.
“Wait,” he says, interrupting Steve in the middle of a very long word which Bucky doesn’t even want to think about trying to spell. “What do you mean they wouldn’t take you?”
The fear in Bucky’s voice apparently registers with Steve as incredulity because he throws his hands up in the air, dislodging the blankets and exposing his delicate shoulders.
“Exactly!” Steve gripes with a roll of his eyes. “We’ve been attacked on our own soil! I know I’m not exactly experienced in combat but-”
“No,” Bucky breathes, feeling horribly lightheaded. “No, you- you can’t.”
The force of Steve’s glare almost makes Bucky want to shy away but he doesn’t get a chance because Steve is on his feet again, hands clenched into fists but whether in anger or to stem his shivers Bucky isn’t sure. There are spots of scarlet high on his cheeks and over the tips of his ears but Bucky knows he isn’t sick. No, this is something else. This is geuine fury.
“I can,” Steve spits, voice colder than Bucky has ever heard it. “I can and I will. Just you watch me.”
Bucky can hardly breathe. “No, Steve,” he says desperately, jumping up after him and Steve begins storming down the hall towards the front door. “Please wait!”
Steve whirls around, all sharp corners and angles, and Bucky can feel his magic pulsing in the space between them like static. It feels angry and violent - but there’s something else, something more vulnerable and it forces Bucky so off balance that he has to take a step back. There’s betrayal, sadness. Pain.
Bucky forces the panic back down into his stomach. Steve is in pain and nothing else matters.
“Stevie, please,” he whispers. “Please, don’t go. I didn’t mean it like that.”
From where he’s standing by the living room door, Bucky sees Steve take several deep breaths and feels some of the power in the air begin to settle.
“What did you mean?” Steve asks.
He sounds frighteningly calm, and Bucky recognises the moment for what it is: a turning point. He has to get these words right or this might be the last time he ever sees Steve. Bucky can’t bear the thought of it, having his last image of Steve - and Steve’s last image of him - be this.
“I didn’t mean that you couldn’t fight. I know you could if you put your mind to it,” Bucky says carefully. “I meant to say that I’m scared.”
Now that forces a noticeable shift not only in Steve’s leaking magic but also in his body. His entire being seems to shrink as the anger dissipates, and Bucky is left feeling the echo of Steve’s unbearable sadness. He wants to cry.
“Stevie, I- I’ve been to war and everyday I wish I hadn’t,” he says, swallowing around the tears threatening to spill out. “It was awful. Even after everything Hydra did to me, some of my worst memories are still from that war. I saw my friends die. I was captured, experiemented on, and rescued only to be thrown back into the middle of a fucking massacre.”
Limbs shaking, Bucky approaches Steve slowly but without wavering, the desire to hold him so strong it makes his fingertips itch.
“I’m scared, Steve, because I don’t think I could stand it if you turned out like me.”
In movies, Bucky thinks, this would be the moment where they fall into each other’s arms and cry until they can’t anymore. But movies are about humans; they don’t account for the mindset of an impossibly stubborn fae boy who feels like he has something to prove. Steve’s composure is wavering but it’s still there, held together by fraying silver threads.
“I have to,” Steve says, refusing to meet Bucky’s eye. “My friends are laying down their lives for this fight. I got no right to do any less than them.”
Bucky understands. Hadn’t he felt the same way when he’d enlisted?
And then Steve looks up at him with those searing blue eyes and Bucky knows that, if Steve asked, he’d be right there next to him, fighting ‘til the end of the line.
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if Faerieland is part of neopets California do they have earthquakes. imagine getting knocked out of the sky and the earth just starts going like OH are we going FURTHER DOWN? is that what's happening? no? this just happens? what the fuck do you mean it 'just happens'
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