love how the main time i feel comfortable socializing is when im talking about some interest im into/passionate about or listening to someone else do the same. i surely do not need to read into this or consider its implications any

in lieu of spring cleaning

11pm monday, april 3, 2023

family in town this week! i've been vacuuming! and cleaned the bathroom! funny how the title of these posts is starting to turn into a pattern, where the X in 'in lieu of x' is becoming an obligation more and more often...i guess as befits a fun little side project that i keep up instead of doing other things? even though it didn't start out with that sense in mind? curious. spoilers for some of the early episodes of dimension 20: neverafter, baru cormorant 3. and the first three episodes of ted lasso season 3!

reading having fun with baru 3 again. the masquerade ball (a masquerade ball! in a series about masks!) was v fun for me. the dialogue lately between barhu and heingyl and iscend and even aminata and shao lune has been great. seeing tau-indi back in action has changed everything. watching aminata fucking evolve and change her position and go against her earlier principles is so really excellently done. i hope to finish this up, since i have a backlog of things now on my phone and piling up next to my bed physically, nona (and rereading harrow) and jasmine throne and the golden enclaves and more, not to mention more victoria goddard and the rest of what we all long for and my various malingering libby loans which i keep asking to be delivered later....

watching caught up on the first new episodes of series 3 of ted lasso this weekend, and oh wow i've missed this show. i have inchoate emotional thoughts about roy + keeley, and about ted and his family shit, about rebecca and ted clashing over the need to 'fight back' as the season progresses, over the nate of it all, but i think none of that has surprised me? i'm here for it, but it's not unexpected (even the roy/keeley situation, that was flagged at the end of the last series). what has so far surprised me, in the sense that, i am pleased to see the show introducing new complications and layers and avenues of inquiry, has been shandy, keeley in management and how that's going, trent's book and watching him relate to roy (that scene with the review, aghhh) and watching them realize that they have the memory, the history of the sport, that beard and ted don't have, the roy and jamie scenes, the way jamie has been really great actually? especially seeing him react to zava? and finally, the chance to get to know colin. we've gotten to know isaac a bit, and sam a lot, and i am here for this deep dive into a new player. and it's not just because he's the welsh player, or the closeted player, i've always had a soft spot for colin and i'm excited to see more of him! and i'm worried for him now, but... not that worried because he is, after all, a strong and capable man. also, because this is apparently the final season, i have some...what's the opposite of trepidation. about how things will go. sure, there will be surprises and probably some heart-wrenching stuff but whatever will happen, will happen with a sense of finality, if that makes sense.

(this is a very silly picture, but it has trent and zava in it whereas most of the cast shots don't, so.)

listening an almost constant stream of dimension 20: neverafter, every time i'm outside the house. i'm still only just through episode 5, trouble in tuffeton, so it's a good thing i'm not waiting to watch these with the video-- having the dropout subscription has enabled me to stream just the audio, which is better for commuting and also is i think good for me this season-- as much as i'd like to see people's faces, the maps and whatnot, the minis are a little immersion-breaking. i may go back to watching alongside an hour or two of stardew, now that i have access to my games again, hooray. anyway i'm obsessed with lou, with zack, with noticing and really appreciating murph? all of a sudden? as a player and as someone playing a character who is flawed and still very funny. ally beardsley my beloved. the premise for this season was exciting to me, and then the multiverse / stories within stories flavor was...less so, it feels like well-trodden fairy-tale territory at this point to get so meta about storytelling, but the more i listen the more i am surprised and pleased by brennan's choices and how these reinterpretations are achieved. i love pitting the princesses against the fairies. i love the overlap between the characters' backstories (pinocchio's mother being the bad fairy!?) and everyone doing so fucking well at being both players who Know Things and unreliable narrators as their characters who Couldn't Know.

playing got to hang out with the lovely @floragraph and play a little stardew valley today! it's been so nice to dip back in, now that my laptop is fixed and functional again. also revisited pentiment with @dimir-charmer and we've absolutely run down the clock on this one bit without a satisfactory solution, and it's stressful! this is a good game!! and finally, d&d yesterday was a riotous delight, a run-in with the fantasy pinkerton detectives, and now a horse-chase. what a good game.

making fucked around in the kitchen yesterday while on the phone with an old friend, and together we concocted an interesting soup, using a quarter of a japanese pumpkin i had. roasted, pureed, mixed with sage and cream and ginger and a bit of roasted carrot...you get the picture. a solid B+ for totally improvised soup. totally improvising soup and adding little things to taste until it arrives at Pleasant, Actually always reminds me of my gran.

working on a bunch of things that aren't actually my work, which is starting to cause a bit of stress. applied for a funding award last week, while also sitting down with a couple of profs to talk about my rejected paper and where to send it next and how to amend it (which i have yet to do), though, so there's that. put several hours into paid work for my RAship though, that felt good. i also filed a bit of paperwork that ended up being easy but was frustrating in the moment, which i can consider a win. i need to finalize and book a bunch of summer travel things, start and finish my taxes, make these revisions and do so in a timely manner so that i can send the drafts to the people who need to read them.... but it all feels sort of far away and dreamy in comparison to the last few weeks of march, for better or for worse. instead, i have begun duolingo dutch and looking up travel phone plans in the netherlands...!

Current Tag Game

I was tagged by @lugarn!

Current Time: 2:50 PM

Current activity: Literally waiting for laundry to dry so I can fold it.

Currently thinking about: Is it reasonable to put up Christmas lights the first week of November IF it’s warm right now and pleasant to do, as opposed to later in the month when it will suck?

Current favourite song: “Strawberries and Cigarettes” by Troye Sivan. One thing I’ll say for Only Friends is that Jojo’s Spotify playlists introduced me to or reminded me of a bunch of great music.

Currently reading: The English translation of the novel “I Feel You Linger in the Air” because the series made me wonder what was up with the book. After that it’s Nona the Ninth which I am extremely excited about. Once I’m caught up with that series and not trying to avoid spoilers, I am going to live in the tags and forums for it.

Current favorite character: Sorry, he’s just real pretty and Taiwanese BL is so consistently nuts and unpredictable and I love it. He started out covered in blood and has spent most of this series cooking, doing math and faking amnesia, what’s not to love?

Currently watching: The Kdrama Little Women and Kiseki: Dear to Me. I’ve also rewatching Our Flag Means Death from the beginning with a friend who has no idea what to expect.

Recently Watched: Only Friends, I Feel You Linger in the Air, and Flower of Evil. Also part of Fall of the House of Usher but I had to bail due to cowardice.

Current WIP: A Rose/Maya prequel to Laws of Attraction that WILL get done as soon as I decide whether it needs a real plot. I’m also already plotting a “Boston hooks up with LoA’s Charn, pre-Tinn,” fic for @technicallyverycowboy’s Boston fanworks idea, because I need to know what a couple of the most amoral BL characters will do if I put them in a room together. (Fuck nasty and not fix each other, I suspect.)

tagging @unhinged-silkshirt, @technicallyverycowboy again, @plaidcladjuno and @pakkornn, please ignore if you've already done it or are doing something more worthwhile than waiting for laundry to dry.

Love and Leather /part forty eight/

Word Count: 6k

A/N: I apparently can’t give you guys, the readers, nice things without making it super angsty. I also wanted to do my version of the diaries since this is fanfiction after all. Enjoy, feedback is truly appreciated! It keeps me going!

Warnings: angst, drug use, language, fluff, a belligerent Vanity

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyes , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @baiabouk @awesomealmostdopestudent, @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy,  @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @malibubarbievince, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles,  @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @emmaelizabeth2014, @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @cranberribread, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @love-struck-aries, @minxtruck, @idumpyourgrass, @lavendersoundbarrier, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @unknownoblivion

September 87’

The Girls album is done as of today. It’s gonna be fucking sick I just know it. Me and the guys put a lot of our own influences into the album. I showed Vanity the album just the other day, she seemed to like it. I know she really liked ‘Wild Side’, ‘Nona’, and of course ‘Girls, Girls, Girls.’ We just have to wait another month or so to finish all the little shit and then it’s gonna be dropped. I’m excited. I’m doing okay. I’m waiting for my dealer to get here, so maybe I’m not doing okay? I don’t know. It’s getting more and more difficult each and every day. It’s like I’m not even getting high anymore, it’s just a need for me to breathe. I’ve noticed I am trying not to be high when I’m around her, I think she notices too. I mean we still do coke together, or I do it as much as I can before I start freaking out. Van knows when I start freaking out, hearing and seeing things that aren’t there. But when that happens I go and shoot up to bring me back down, that’s when our fights happen. Fuck, I wish we didn’t fight the way we do, it’s horrible and viscous. I can’t stand it.

I furrowed my eyebrows, sitting against the headboard as I read all these journals Nikki had wrote in. I had accidentally dropped a box while looking for something and they all fell out, from what I can tell they were written between January 1987 and January of 1988. I squinted as I kept reading more.

April ‘87

We got into another fight again. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with her. She gives me a god damn headache. This time it was about the heroin, but it’s none of her fucking business. So here I am, sitting alone in the house writing in this stupid thing. She just left about thirty minutes ago crying. I feel bad when I make her cry, I really do. But sometimes I just can’t control what slips out of me. I can’t control my mood swings with her, I can with just about everyone else. One minute we’re in bed and I’m holding her and she’s leaving little kisses on my chest, I love when she does that. It makes me feel warm, safe even. And then other times, were in each other’s face screaming almost on the brink of laying hands on one another. I would never hit her though. I could never raise my hand at her no matter how many items she throws at me or if she shoved me like she does sometimes. I just need to sober up, maybe pop up at the diner with some flowers or something.

“What are you doing?” I was startled and sat up in the bed as I saw Nikki standing in the doorway. I didn’t even hear him come in through the door. Anna jumped off the bed and ran over to Nikki, “Hello baby.” He said, petting her head as he put his bag down on the floor and crawled into bed next to me as he kicked off his boots.

“And hello to my other baby.” He stated, kissing my lips as he saw what I was reading. He groaned, gathering up all the papers and moving them away from me.

“They fell out of a box and almost killed me...I was enjoying them actually...” I said quietly as I nuzzled up against him, “How was the studio?” I asked kissing his chin as he wrapped his arm around my hip.

He grinned, “It was fine, just adding the finishing touches to the album. It’s gonna be great, I just know it. How was your day?” He questioned, glancing down at the papers as he flipped through the papers, his face being flooded with distress.

“Well, I got my nails done..see-“ I said lifting my hand up and showing him the deep red paint job, “Nice, they’ll look good wrapped around my cock.” He laughed as I shoved his shoulder playfully. He quickly kissed my hand followed by holding it in his.

I choose to ignore his comments, “How come you never showed me these? You should do something with them.” I suggested as he rolled his eyes.

“Cause, I wasn’t gonna tell you ‘hey Van, not only am I a badass rock n roll god but I also keep a stupid cheesy diary I write in when I get too high or when I’m bored’ no, that doesn’t impress chicks.” He replied as he shook his head.

“They impress me, and I’m not done reading them.” I said, snatching them up before resting against the headboard, “I’m going out tonight too, it’s Lucia’s birthday.” I told him as he yawned and laid back into the bed.

“If you’re gonna read them, you can’t be mad at me. I talked about you a lot and other chicks a lot, and a lot of drug stuff.” He shrugged, resting his hand on top of my leg as his fingers danced around my knee.

“You should make a book out of them.” I suggested as he laughed, “Have you gone mad? No one would read this shit, it’s all fucked up and honestly it’s private.” He shook his head at my comments.

“Well, I’m sure your fans would read it.” I murmured into his skin as I rested my head on his chest, “It’s interesting.” I said, picking up another entry.

January ‘87

So here I am, alone on New Years sitting next to a half dead Christmas tree and a loaded shotgun, maybe I could end the chaos in my head if I just fucking put the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger?

I stopped reading it, “Okay, that one is graphic.” He laughed, “Keep reading it.” He stated as he glanced at the paper.

Happy New Years to me. Does anyone else run around their house naked thinking tiny little people are in the trees outside watching them? No, because I’m fucking insane. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get my shit together, I have a date with Van in a few hours. Well, it’s not a date but we’re going to dinner since she’s back in town, I was gonna take her to some fancy place downtown. Maybe I should get her flowers? No, that would be too much. But I don’t know, maybe I will. I need to take a shower, I should wear something nice. Am I trying to hard? I know she’ll look nice, beautiful is the word, she always does.

“Aw, how cute. I mean, sorta you were probably strung out.” I laughed as I put the paper down, “Keep reading it.” He repeated himself as he rubbed my back.

Dinner was good, I had a wonderful time with her as usual. She’s sleeping right next to me, rightfully so after I fucked her brains out. She was wearing this tight little dark green dress that had rhinestones on the bust line. She wasn’t a fan of the dinner however, she’s such a god damn picky eater it’s ridiculous. But she enjoyed the flowers I got her, they were just a simple wild flower bouquet. I kept driving by flower shops on the way to pick her up, so in her words “it’s the universes way of telling you, Nikki”, I got her some. Everything is perfect when we are doing okay and when there isn’t any drugs involved. I hope one day we can try, me and her being together. I’d be so fucking happy with life when she becomes mine.

I looked up at Nikki with a huge cheesy grin, “Oh stop, don’t even start.” He spoke as he tried downplaying his smile. I crawled on top of him, straddling his waist as he held my hips.

“I love you so much, Nikki.” I whispered, softly pressing my lips to his, he smiled into the kiss.

“You should come with me tonight.” I said, sitting back up as he rested against the headboard, “I’m sure the girls would love to see you.” I continued, fumbling with all the silver rings on his fingers.

“I’ll pass, you have fun with the girls and you can call me if you need me.” He said as I nodded, “I know you want me to go out with you but what’s the point if I’m not drinking?” He questioned as I again nodded.

“I know, I just thought I’d ask to be nice.” I shrugged, meeting his eyes as he smiled at me.

“You being nice? Wow. What a concept.” He teased as I swatted his chest before getting off his lap.

“I was gonna be nice some more and ask if you wanted to shower with me, but I can only be nice for so long.” I teased, as I started walking away from the bed. He quickly got up, making me laugh as he picked me up and carried me to the bathroom.

A short while later, I had a towel wrapped around me as I stood in front of the mirror getting ready as I listened to Nikki ramble while he was still in the shower.

“The album drops next month and we’re gonna have a lot of parties to go too.” He explained to me as I nodded.

“So, does that mean I can go buy new dresses?” I asked as I heard his dissatisfied grunt followed by a laugh.

“Or you can just wear the ones you already have. Ya know, the ones that still have the price tag on them.” He said as I glared at him through the mirror, “Don’t start with me.” I said as he let out another laugh.

“Okay, baby whatever you say.” He replied, turning the water off as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

“I think Dr. Feelgood is going to be a winner.” I told him as he smiled, drying his hair as he leaned against the counter next to me.

“I hope so, we’ve all worked so hard on it.” He expressed as I nodded, “I know you have, it’s gonna be good Nik, don’t worry.” I assured him as he kissed the side of my head before leaving me in the bathroom to finish.

About an hour later, I was finished getting dressed as Nikki stared at me as I walked around the room gathering everything up, “I’m sorry, but does that even count as a dress?” He asked as I looked in the mirror. The black dress stopped mid thigh as the neck line was plunging and it was rather revealing.

“Is it ugly? Should I go with the other black one?” I questioned as he shook his head, “No, but god damn, I can’t wait till I take it off of you later.” He retorted as he stood behind me, placing his hands on the side of my shoulders as he kissed my neck.

I saw in the mirror he held up his black credit card. I smiled as I turned around, “I have received my privileges again?” I giggled as he held it out for me to take, before quickly holding it far above my reach.

“Do not go wild with the spending, have fun with the girls at my expense.” He said, lowering it as I slowly took it from him. I reached up and gave him a kiss on the lips, “You’re the best.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Just call me if you need me. Be careful.” He said, giving me another kiss.

“Always am, Sixx.”

*Nikki’s POV*

I sat in the bed, playing the bass, jotting down thoughts and lyrics. I looked over at the clock on our nightstand, seeing that it was almost three in the morning. Vanity still wasn’t back yet. I hope she’s okay. I told her to call if she needed me. I looked over at Anna who was rolling around on the floor with a toy monkey, “How bout we go outside before Van gets home?” I talked to her as she stood up, before attempting to jump up on the bed, only to get a face full of blankets.

I laughed as I got off, her following at my feet as we went down the stairs, her little paws sliding along the wooden floor as she almost tumbled down them. If T-bone was a dog, he would be Anarchy.

I let her outside, sitting down on a chair and watching her frolic around on the grass. I heard a car door slam, followed by faint giggling and then after that the doorbell ring...over and over again.

I walked to the front door unlocking it, basically having to catch Vanity from falling onto the ground as she stumbled into me. I could smell all the booze radiating off of her, “Babe, it’s almost three in the morning.” I said, holding her up as I closed the door.

She closed her eyes, before opening them as she gripped my forearms so she could focus. “I thought...I thought it was still early.” She giggled, her boozy breath burnt my eyes, “I think the house keys are broken.” She slurred her words as she tried walking away from me, holding onto the wall for support as she finally plopped down on the couch.

I rubbed the back of my neck, staring at her as she leaned over, trying to take off her heels, “You drove like this?”

She looked over at me, pointing her finger, “Yes, but everyone else was more fucked up than I was.” Vanity pointed out as I tried keeping my judgment at bay. It’s fine, she got home in one piece. That’s all that matters. I took a deep breath in before exhaling.

“Doll, I told you to call me if you needed a ride. How much did you have to drink?” I questioned, pushing my hair back as I sat down on the couch next to her, pushing her hands away and taking off her heels myself as she was still struggling with the straps around her ankles.

She hiccuped, “I lost count after we finished that bottle of Jack at the Rainbow. Then Lucia wanted to go to some club, we had a lot of shots of tequila I know that.”

I caught a whiff of a woodsy cologne that for damn sure wasn’t mine, I furrowed my eyebrows as I glared at her. She was completely oblivious as she petted Anarchy.

“Vanity, you smell like a dude...” My breath was stuck in the back of my throat as her hazel eyes, that were almost a light green stared into mine.

She smelt her jacket, “Must be Adam.” She shrugged her shoulders as she took her jacket off, “And who the hell is Adam? You met another guy?” I moved away from her as she finally realized how bad this must look.

“Oh no-“ I glared at her, “Oh no? What the hell does that mean?” I questioned Van as she blinked repeatedly.

“You can’t get mad at me, Nikki.” She stared as I stood up from the couch in front of her as I crossed my arms against my chest.

“Don’t say something that I’ll get mad about then. Did you hook up with this guy or something? What the fuck did you do?” I snapped, feeling my patience running thin with her.

She scoffed, “I’m not some whore, Nikki-“ she rolled her eyes, “I met a guy and he was nice and he bought a few of our drinks, he asked if I would dance with him, I said no. It was completely harmless. I told him I have a boyfriend, and he...Uh...”

Vanity paused as she stared at me, chewing on her bottom lip before pushing her hair out of her face, “And he what? What did he do?” I demanded as she looked away from me and petted the dog.

“He gave me some blow...” She mumbled quietly before looking back at me. Not only did she stumble in drunk. Not only did she meet a guy and more than likely flirted with him, but she took his fucking drugs.

“Some blow? Did you use it?” I asked staring at her in disbelief. I assumed that since I wasn’t snorting cocaine she wouldn’t either, as the only people she ever got it from was us, Motley.

She nodded, “A little at the club...maybe about four or five lines...” she trailed off, reaching into her bra as she pulled out a little baggie of white powder, “He said I could keep the rest...” she mumbled quietly as I was about to scream bloody murder.

“Vanity! Get rid of it...now!!” I shouted at her, trying to grab it from her hands, but she quickly shoved it back into her bra, “I was gonna keep it away from you...” she muttered, trying to pull herself up from the couch.

“And you just think I wouldn’t find it? Throw it out Van, that’s not fucking cool! I’m serious, get rid of it!!” I yelled, shaking my head in disbelief, how the fuck could she just bring it into our house and think it would be okay?!

She stared at me, “I’m not throwing it out, what? No Nikki!” She fought back, beginning to give me pouty eyes, but just like how it was with that god damn car, I’m not budging on this either.

“So, you rather me find it? Use it and go back to where I was? I thought you were done with this shit too Van, what the hell are you thinking!? Are you even thinking?!” I shouted, feeling hurt that she would even do this to me. That she would put me in a situation that would jeopardize my sobriety. She’s suppose to be my biggest support system, and yet here she is throwing one of my poisons in my face.

“You should have enough self control by now...” she said, shrugging her shoulders, “I’m sorry that I’m able to handle my drugs and alcohol unlike you. I don’t over do it like you used too, Sixx.” She continued her incoherent rambling.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking in a deep breath and exhaling. I knew Vanity on coke and blitzed our of her mind was not a nice Vanity to be around. Sure, she was always the life of the party alongside Tommy. However, she was more argumentative and prone to emotional explosions while on it. Hence the reason we’d always fight and clash whenever we both partied.

“Van, baby. Please, just get rid of it.” I begged her, “Doll, you took drugs from a stranger. It was different with me or T-bone. You don’t know that guy, it could be mixed or cut with anything. C’mon Van, just be smart about it.” I pleaded, trying to talk in a calm voice.

“I don’t have a problem like you do, it’s fine Sixx. I’ll keep it hidden from you, it’s all good.” She rambled, clutching the railing of the stairwell. I quickly wrapped my hand around her arm to stop her from leaving.

“Do you think I’m fucking joking? Get rid of it. I’m not having fucking drugs in our house.” I warned her, and I was only giving her one warning.

She scoffed, shoving her hand off of me, “Can’t fucking do anything anymore!!” She whined as she stomped up the stairs.

“Oh cry me a fucking river, I’m sorry I don’t want to see my girlfriend coked out. I’m so fucking sorry you royal pain in the ass.” I retorted, following her down the hallway.

“Fine! You want it-“ she yelled, taking it out of her bra and throwing it at my chest, “Have it!” She shouted again before turning to go to the bedroom.

“The paramedics should’ve declared me dead and you could have all the damn coke in the world inside my hell den too.” I spat back at her, her eyes darting to me.

“Oh stop it, there’s no reason to bring it up! I am sorry I wanted to have a little fun!!” She yelled, slipping out of her dress before taking off her bra and putting on a band shirt of mine.

“I don’t care if you wanted to have fun! You should’ve thought about what would happen if you brought it home! How could you be so stupid Vanity?”

She rolled her eyes, throwing her dress in the hamper, “Nikki shut up, you’re acting like I do it every damn day and night. I’m not, and honestly the last time I did coke I was-“ she immediately stopped herself before she got any further.

I glared at her, knowing what the fuck she was gonna say next, “Just fucking say it! Go ahead and tell me!”

“Just forget it I am-“ I cut her off, “No! Fucking say it! Remind me who you’d be fucking right now if I was dead!” I continued yelling at her as she stayed quiet.

“I haven’t done anything since the night I fucked Slash! There! You happy now!?” She yelled back, “I’m going to bed.” She said, beginning to climb into her side.

“Yeah, in the guest room. I’m not fucking sleeping with you while you’re coked out and smelling like some guy you probably would’ve gotten on your knees for if I wasn’t here waiting at home for you!” I shouted, glaring at her as she shrugged her shoulders at me.

“You can sleep there, I’m sleeping in my bed with Anna.” She said, patting the bed as Anarchy came over and Van lifted her up on the bed. Vanity got under the covers, as I quickly ripped them off of her.

“Don’t think I won’t drag your ass in there either, cause I will.” I threatened, watching that deadly smirk of hers spread across her deep red stained lips, “You aren’t fucking touching me.” She demanded, taking the blankets from my grip.

“Right, I gotta make sure every guy does before I get the chance to touch you.” I growled, watching her eyebrows scrunch together as she glared at me. She got out of the bed, shoulder checking me as she walked out the bedroom door. I quickly followed her.

“What? Are you mad now? You don’t have the fucking right-“ I was cut off when the guest bedroom door slammed in my face, I grabbed the doorknob to open it but then I heard the latch lock.

I stood at the door, jaw clenching as I noticed Anna come by my feet and scratch at the wood. Vanity quickly opened it, letting her in before she slammed it in my face again. I leaned my head against the door, trying to calm myself down. She just needed to sleep it all off and we can talk about it in the morning when she’s awake, sober and coherent.

I walked back to our bedroom plopping down as I picked up my notebook and pen before throwing it across the room. I was too god damn frustrated to finish writing. I shut off the lights before taking off my shirt and going to bed.

*Next Morning, Vanity’s POV*

My eyes blinked open, seeing Anna’s slobbery grin as she looked down at me, “Go away.” I mumbled, pulling the blankets over my head, then she started with her little bark before gently tugging at the blanket with her teeth. I sighed, sitting up in bed as I rubbed my face. I saw the bedroom door cracked open as Anarchy quickly ran out, hearing her paws run against the hardwood floor all the way down the stairs.

I looked around the room, feeling nauseated and with a slight headache, “Fuck me.” I muttered to myself before groaning as I got out of bed. Our fight flooding back into my head as I peered inside our bedroom, seeing the bed perfectly made.

I walked down the stairs quietly, hearing Nikki talk to the dog and putting food in her bowl. He looked over at me before going into the kitchen, not bothering to say anything.

I felt like complete shit, and the hangover wasn’t helping. I mentally cursed at myself, how could I be that stupid and think it would be okay to bring drugs into our house.

He came back out of the kitchen, handing me a cup of coffee, before pulling on his jacket that was hanging on the chair, “I gotta go to the studio.” He mumbled, not bothering to even look at me.

“Nikki, I’m sorry.” I said, sitting down as I watched him walk around, grabbing his keys and a few pieces of paper.

“Baby, I really am sorry.” I repeated myself as he finally stopped and looked over at me, “Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He shook his head, grabbing his sunglasses before heading to the front door. I frowned as he walked away from me.

“Y’know...” Nikki started, walking back over to me, “Just tell me, what the fuck were you thinking last night?” He asked, putting down everything he had in his hands as he stared at me.

“You fucking brought coke into the house, I thought you weren’t doing that anymore since I’m not doing it.” He continued, as I looked down into my cup of coffee, diverting his intense gaze.

“I’m not, I was being stupid.” I said quietly, reaching down to scratch Anna’s back, “Yeah, you think? Couldn’t tell with you acting like I’m a horrible person for not letting you do drugs.” He spewed his anger out at me as I nodded.

“I just, I was having fun last night Nikki, that’s all it was.” I said, finally meeting his gaze, “I am sorry.”

He nodded, “Yeah, next time just stay the night at your friends. Not only were you acting like a bat out of hell, but you drove drunk and scratched the damn car and the front door.” He explained as I grimaced.

“There’s not gonna be a next time...I Uh, I didn’t know I scratched the car...or the door. I’m sorry.” I said, as he rolled his eyes.

“It’s whatever, glad you had a good time.” His voice dripped sarcasm, “When will you be home?” I asked as he started to leave again, he stopped once more, “Whenever I am done.” He was quick to reply as I nodded.

I tried giving him a smile, but his face remained serious, “I love you...”

He sighed, walking back over to me as he kissed my forehead, “I love you too.”

I sat in the quietness of the house as I looked down at Anna, “Guess we have to be an adult today.” I sighed going upstairs to get dressed and take a shower.

When I was done, Anarchy followed me out to the car. I locked the front door, seeing scratch marks into the paint. I don’t even know how I did that. I then grimaced seeing a very noticeable scratch and a small dent on the side of the drivers door of Nikki’s car. I groaned as Anna looked up at me with a smile and wagging tail. We got into the car and I started driving us around town.

“Y’know, Anna. I know what I did was wrong but he was being rude last night too.” I spoke to her as she had her head sticking out of the window, “He can be an asshole just as much as I can be an asshole at times.” I sighed as I started running errands, I wanted to stop at a paint store and attempt to find a match for the front door and then head over to the body shop Nikki uses for the cars. I could surprise him with lunch at the studio, but I know he probably needs his space right now and a moment away from me.

*Nikki’s POV*

“She fucking brought blow into the house? Is she crazy or something?!” Tommy was flabbergasted as I squeezed a stress ball over and over.

“Sometimes she can be. But fuck dude, she just showed it to me like it was nothing and rubbed it in my face that she can do it and I can’t. I know it’s the drugs talking, but it didn’t hurt any less.” I sighed, ashing the cigarette out, “She’s suppose to support me and she completely shitted on me.”

Tommy sighed, “I know man, and she does support you, but we know how she gets when she’s high. For fucks sake, remember how many times we had to break up your guys fights? But I’m sure it was just her having fun with the girls ya know? she’s more than likely upset with herself as much as you are upset with her.”

I nodded at his words, “...And then I found myself being a dick to her, basically calling her a whore without saying it. But T-bone, she just fucking met some guy and took his drugs, god forbid she actually did something with him. She came home smelling like that fucker.” I found myself getting worked up as Tommy nudged my shoulder, I glanced over at him.

“Don’t think like that, Sixx. Vanity is head over heels in love with you. If I know her, she probably just wanted the free drinks. As much money as she has she was probably more than willing to take his.” Tommy said with a laugh as I chuckled too.

“Dude, I didn’t even tell you. Her grandparents gave her part of her inheritance for a birthday gift, the band doesn’t even have that much money she just got combined. It irritates the fuck out of me.” I shook my head, taking a sip of water as he laughed.

“Why? That your girl has more money than you do?” He teased as I threw the ball at him.

“No, it’s not even that. It’s stupid really, but I want to be the one providing shit for her. Not her grandparents or mom. Y’know? I’m her boyfriend. It’s just a pride thing I guess.” I shrugged, I sounded like an idiot. I just, I don’t know, I want to be the provider. It’s a man complex I suppose.

“Well, Sixx. I don’t know what to tell you. Vanity is never gonna change, she’s independent as all hell and she doesn’t need your money. I mean, She might like spending it from time to time but You should be proud of her having that quality. Yeah, she’s spoiled rotten because of all the money, but at least she has her own, in the long run it protects you if anything were to ever happen, I’m not saying it will! But you never know…” He shrugged as he fiddled with his drumsticks.

“I wanna marry her T-bone.” I smiled thinking about it as he rolled his eyes, “We know you do.”

*Vanitys POV*

“Oh, you fucker!” I shouted, popping open the paint can as some splattered onto my face, I wiped it off with the bottom hem of the white t shirt I was wearing. I poured some carefully into a pan as I started painting the door, realizing the whole door now looked splotchy. I sighed as I began painting the whole thing. I noticed I had gotten paint on the glass window of the door, I quickly wiped it off, making the smear worse. I groaned, feeling wet paint drip down my arm and onto the concrete steps, “No, no…” I sighed looking down at it as I leaned over, trying to wipe it off as best as I could.

I heard the security gate open up, seeing Nikki drive in as he parked . I hope he’s in a better mood. I stepped back and looked at the door, it wasn’t a total hack job. I heard his footsteps approach me, I slowly turned around seeing him holding a take out bag and a bouquet of flowers. I stared at him awkwardly as he extended his arm out to hand over the pink and yellow roses to me, “Thank you…”

“I uh…I fixed the door-“ I said, pointing at it as he glanced over, “and I went to the body shop. They said they’d fix the car half priced since you always go there….” I explained, scratching my head as I looked at him.

He nodded, chewing on his gum, “Thanks for doing that. Look doll, I’m sorry for being cold to you last night…I was just pissed off, you really upset me.” He explained softly as I nodded.

“I know I did, I am very sorry Nikki. I shouldn’t have done any of that last night and I for sure shouldn’t have brought drugs home…did you get rid of them?” I asked quietly as he smirked.

“No, I melted it and mixed it with some junk and shot it straight into my arm, can’t you tell?” He joked as I rolled my eyes, “Haha, very funny.”

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we walked over to the steps and sat on them side by side, “I flushed it this morning, before contemplating if I wanted to feel that rush again..” I leaned over, kissing his cheek as he spoke uncomfortably.

“I’m very proud of you that you chose not to do so.” I mumbled quietly as I leaned my head on his shoulder, holding his hand in my lap as he kissed the top of my head, “I’m sorry I put you in that position, I’m not doing it again.” I retorted as he pulled away from me.

He put his hand under my jaw, guiding me to look at him, “Vanity, I’m telling you this one time only-“ the bass in voice dropped an octave as I stared into his eyes, “If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I promise you will not like the outcome.” He warned, and his threat wasn’t empty. I nodded at his words, trying to give him a smile but his seriousness didn’t falter.

“Tell me you love me still.” I mumbled as he finally cracked and smiled at me, “Always baby, you just don’t think sometimes and you’ve always been like that.”

“I’m sorry…” I said quietly as he laughed, “Don’t be, it’s just more fun for me.” He said, I gave him a confused look.

“What do you mean by that?” I questioned, seeing his smirk as he licked his lips.

“Oh, just gives me all the more reason to fuck and spank you harder.” He said nonchalantly as I felt my face grow hot.

“Isn’t that right Anarchy?” Nikki spoke as he petted her head, “You get to sleep in your own bed tonight because Vanity is going to be a dripping in cum mess after I’m done with her.” Nikki continued as I shoved his shoulder.

“That’s disgusting.” I rolled my eyes as he smirked, “You love it though.” He said with a wink, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing my cheek.

“Sixx, I was thinking the other day-“ He laughed as I picked at the Chinese take out he had gotten.

“Oh? Did you hurt yourself?” He teased as I elbowed his side lightly, “Alright babe, what came into that pretty little head of yours this time?”

I chewed on my bottom lip, “If we have a daughter can we name her Arianna? I think that name is really pretty…” I trailed off, taking a bite as I glanced over at him, seeing that grin he had plastered across his face.

“Of course princess, but only if you call me daddy too.” He laughed as I groaned and shoved his shoulder. He took my hand into his and brought it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss against my knuckles as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Nikki, I’m down for a lot of your kinks, but that is not one of them.”

Friday the 7th of July 2017

After 4 days in Zakynthos/Kefalonia I was on a journey and a half to Larissa. Literally travelled by boat, car, taxi and bus over an 11 hour journey. I loved it though because I could just relax after being so busy in Zakynthos. Anyone who knows me well knows that I literally sleep my life away! I can sleep at what ever time, in whatever position and literally be out cold. It certainly has come in handy on this trip I'll tell you that much! So I slept the entire journey no problems asked. In Larissa, I was staying with Jamie's Nouna, Dina, for the week! Larissa is a relatively large town north of Athens. It has it all; amazing shopping, lively night life, and most importantly lovely people. I have a LOT of family there like legit we sat down to have dinner and two of my cousins (which I didn't know I had) just happened to walk past! I spent my first couple of days getting a tattoo (which was an awesome and sentimental experience) and roaming around Larissa doing some shopping and discovering. However on the third day I woke up ill as fuck. Like my stomach was in so much pain so I kept going to bed thinking that I'll wake up feeling better.... which never happened. Ended up realising at 8:30pm at night that it just wasn't to happen and finally got out of bed. After that it's a bit of a blur because my SISTERS GOT OUT OF A TAXI AND SURPRISED THE FUCK OUT OF ME IN GREECE!!!!!! Oh my god it was fkn wild, I literally had no clue they were coming. About a week before this happened I was on the phone telling them to just book their fkn tickets and come and lie with my on a beach somewhere in Santorini. Little did I know the bitches were muting themselves on our phone call and laughing because they HAD ALREADY BOOKED THEIR TICKETS 😆 The joke was clearly on me! Check out on Facebook the video of my jaw literally hitting the floor, the swearing, the scream and the many cuddles that were shared when this all unfolded! What an incredible experience to be able to share such an amazing journey with two of my bestest friends. I still pinch my self when I get their phone call in the morning saying 'what are we doing today?' ☺️ In all seriousness though, thank the lord they have me because A) they were fighting within the first 5 minutes of arriving in Mykonos, B) they are weak as shit and can't carry 25kgs up 50 stairs so I had to do it FOR BOTH OF THEM and C) they have no clue what they're doing so I am pretty much their personal tour guide 🙃 We have already had so many laughs and fun times, and I know these are memories that will last a lifetime. Anyway back to Larissa. It turned out I had fkn drunk the water by accident in Zakynthos and became sick as a fkn dog for the next 6 days. Literally whatever went down my throat came out again within maximum 5 minutes. Couldn't keep anything in my stomach, not even water. As shitty (pun intended) as being sick was, I definitely was very lucky to have my sisters constantly checking up on me and the fact that I was with my family who went above and beyond to get me on the road to recovery. Wouldn't have had it any other way. So my fun in Larissa ended after Tez and Jays arrived 😂 We did go to Karditsa, Farsala and Stomio to see more family which was fantastic. The girls went to Thessaloniki as well but I didn't make it because I was still really sick. Before I knew it (...literally because I had slept my life away!!) we were on our way to Piraeus which is one of the main ports of Greece. Conveniently, Terri's Nona lives there with her family so we stayed for a night before catching the 7am ferry to Mykonos the next day. That night was so much fun, we went for a stroll around town and went to Haagen-Daaz for some waffles and icecream! It wasn't what we did but it was the amazing company we had 😍 The 7am kick off to get to Mykonos was interesting 😂 As per usual we were running late and how we made it on that boat is fkn beyond me. The ride consisted of Terri not allowing me to fall asleep because everything single time I almost did, she would tickle my nose or something ridiculous. Could have punched her square in the face but decided that wasn't the best idea...so I made her buy me a hot chocolate which cost 5.80€ 😂 Our first impression of Mykonos is that it's fucking stunning. Whatever image comes to your head (crystal clear beaches with white houses on hills) is EXACTLY what it was like. However we were fortunate enough to discover the island from North to South and East to West. We hired a car and I, the driver, officially banned Terri from being in the front seat because she almost pulled the handbrake on me twice ❌ While the main town looks picturesque, the rest is actually quite hilly, rocky, windy and underdeveloped. It was astonishing to see the island for what it really is, with some of the most amazing beaches and hidden gems we would have only discovered by hiring that car. Highly suggest it... however there is a funny story that comes along with that 😂 So Greeks drive like fucking crazy okay. That's the perfect and only intro you need into this story. I was going down a really narrow and windy road when another car comes speeding around a corner (how the fuck they didn't spin out idk?) and is pretty much in my lane now still going fast. So I slam on the brake (dirt road btw so skidded instead of halted) and pulled over. In the process, I marked the car with about a 2.5cm BLACK scratch on a WHITE CAR. I was gutted because I knew they were going to notice it when we returned the car and that they were going to charge me a fuck tonne for it. So we go to the damn beach we were driving to when this happened and were then driving to the next beach when I spot a fucking mechanics (and probably the only one on the island) and swerve in like James Bond. And can I say I had luck just like James Bond! I'm trying to communicate in Greek to this guy and he is literally laughing at me stressing #bitch. He tells me to wait a minute and before I know he comes back with a cloth and some charcoal coloured substance. I freak out even more because like I said it's a white car and I'm thinking that he will make it worse #lenthinkingsheknowseverything. He rubs it on the car and then like magic before my eyes, the mark was gone. I literally told him that I love him and that he saved my life and that he is the best person to walk this earth. And before I could even finish we were back on our way dancing like absolute idiots out of pure joy 🙃 Mykonos is by far my favourite island out of the 3; including Ios and Santorini. It is absolutely stunning by day and night, the beaches are crystal clear and is good for a great boogie. My only fault is that it's expensive as fuck. But so so worth it. I met some amazing people in my dorm (you know who you are) and proceeded to go out until the AM partying and bar (that did just get autocorrected to bae) hoping. We had so much luck that night because every place we went to we were treated like royalty. Skipped the lines, skipped the entry fee, got given free shots and drinks. It was to die for 😍 The night ended with Souvlaki's and a really drunk walk home 😂 Next stop was Ios. I fkn loved Ios for its party scene. I FROTH a good time and that's the vibe that Ios had. Funny story: when we rocked up by bus at FarOut I was laughing because we saw teeny ass canvas tents and I said 'that would suck if you had to stay in one of them'. Before I know it I received my keys and found my... MOTHERFUCKING TENT FML 😫 Don't know how I fucked up so bad but like legit this thing had a door that was just about off its hinges, a "window" that was made of a holy mesh (mosquito friendly which means Eleni says ❌❌❌), and beds that should have been bought by a massage parlour. The girls (who at least booked a place with aircon and walls) weren't happy with their room either, so we upgraded to a villa with three beds and a bathroom! Fuck yessssssss! Life in Ios was pretty sweet after the accomodation sitch was sorted. We didn't do much exploring like we did in Mykonos. Partying by day and night was the plan ✔️ Met some sick chickens whilst partying, and also spent loads of time with Jack, Yianni, Emma, Jess and Amy who we knew from home. Bar crawls and wet t-shirt contests were (regrettably) attended. Let's just say... anyone who went on that stage in the wet tshirt comp would have needed a deadly amount of alcohol and a few types of drugs to morally get through. Other then partying double parked, time was spent on the beach or by the pool soaking up grecian rays ☀️ Then came the biggest disappointment that is Santorini. I should have never expected anything and that's why I feel let down. The white walls you see everyone taking photos of are pretty much only in Oia which is ridiculously expensive. It's the place to supposedly see the sunset but what you don't expect is thousands of tourists trying to get through streets which are 2 meters wide. Forget the balcony or castle where people take sunset pictures from. It is gorgeous though minus the tourists. However a positive is that they do have an entire street of clubs and bars so when you get bored at one, the next isn't too far away ☺️ Fira, another town close by where we stayed, was nice and lively but the streets in the centre couldn't compare to Mykonos'. As I'm writing this my time in the Greek islands is up. I'm on a ferry which came 1.5 hours late (welcome to Greek time...it's legit a thing) and is so rocky I think I'm going over board. My next few days include Athens with my Nouna and Nono. Going to take my sisters around to see some sights and then will go to The Ranch (where my god brother works) and say our final goodbyes :( So excited for my family's cuddles and kisses 😍 It's a good night from me xx P.S- wish me luck because the boat is about to tip P.P.S - I can't swim or even doggy paddle. P.P.P.S- the last PPS reminds me of another LOL- in Santorini, the girls and I did a tour to the volcano, thermal springs, Thirasia and Oia. When we reached the hot springs, which is literally in the middle of the ocean next to the rocks, Jamie and I thought it would be a fabulous idea to suss it out. So we jumped off the boat into the water and the waves were going over our heads. We start laughing (out of pure panic) because we can't swim for shit and it made trying to battle the waves so much harder. We looked at eachother whilst all of this was going on and knew what we were both thinking; that we are going to drown. I told Jamie to calm down and just keep your body afloat. Anyway, we clearly made the 200m distance back to the boat because I'm writing this now P.P.P.P.S - don't tell my mum that last story because I'll cop an ear full 😂