#we shouldn’t listen to their baseless insults and accusations | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-student-out-of-time · 3 years

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((Mod, since you value respecting different opinions and everything, something's recently happened: the Youtuber Kubz Scouts said he didn't like a character and was happy they died, so fans of that character are now screaming insults at him and demanding that he be "canceled". Because if there's one thing that drives Danganronpa fans into a screaming at the top of their lungs frenzy, it's other people daring to have a different, and perhaps unpopular, opinion about fictional characters.))

//Did you want my opinion on this? Because I can’t really give you one, since I haven’t watched his DR playthroughs and I’m not at all interested in internet drama.

//As for that kind behavior, if you do want my opinion on that, I’ll do my best to provide. I’ll put it under here for anyone who’s not interested.

Let’s not pretend this is exclusive to Danganronpa fans or that this is a new development. I remember the days when everyone was playing Undertale and anyone who didn’t go for the Pacifist Run and didn’t do everything perfectly was subject to a lot of discontent. Hell, I remember when Superwholock was a thing and people genuinely and unironically used threats like “You messed with the wrong fandom.”

Someone disliking a game or a character in a game is not a personal attack on you because you like them. We cannot assume that just because someone likes or dislikes something, they are by extension directing their feelings toward people who do not share their feelings on the matter. I examine media on its own merits and never try to list the fandom as a reason why I dislike something. Media and fandom are exclusive things and we can talk about the problems and merits of one, the other, or both.

This is the biggest one: Cancelling is not a real thing, at least not the way many of us think it is. There are people who’ve been “cancelled” and yet still have fans, still talk about things the same way, and still have a voice in public despite doing shitty things or just things deemed “unacceptable” by some group of people. Cancelling is more often than not just momentary outrage followed by mass attempts at character assassination, and it’s often filled with baseless accusations and quotes pulled out of context rather than real evidence for bad behavior. And in most cases, it will fade away. While I absolutely do think that people should be held accountable after saying and doing horrible things, there are people who’ve been “cancelled” for honest mistakes or behaviors they themselves did not realize were bad, or even for very minor things like people not liking the way they draw or for not liking a popular character. And this kind of thing really just takes the form of sending hate mail and demanding that they disappear or die. The kind of behavior people are supposed to discourage in any circumstance. The thing I dislike the most about this behavior is not just that it’s just reskinned cyberbullying, but that it actually makes the problems worse. When you harass and insult people for not holding your opinion, that is not going to endear them or anyone to your side. In fact, it’s probably going to make them stick to their opinions even harder. And when that happens, it makes it so easy for shitty people to co-opt that as a sign of how irrational and cruel your side is. It also hurts that it feels like most people who engage in this stuff think they’re doing the world a favor, when all they’re doing is harassing someone whose reputation they don’t have the power to destroy. I think most people do this either because they’re genuinely ignorant of their inability to really damage someone’s credibility, that they think it makes them a good person for stopping “unacceptable” behavior, or maybe they’re just in it for the drama, because it’s “fun”. But what really hurts the most is this expectation many of us now have, that we’re one opinion or one stupid post away from getting showered with hate mail, doxxed and maybe even pushed to the brink of suicide, and for things that we may not have even meant. To be crystal clear, I will not excuse genuinely repulsive behavior and you shouldn’t either, but this is not the way to handle it. If you want people to change their opinions or understand where they went wrong, communicate with them and help them understand. You need to engage with them openly and kindly. Compassion is the key. I say this not for the people who’ve been “cancelled”, but for the people who think it’s a good idea: it can be so easy, but you will not get anyone to agree with you just by answering hate with hate, and you will never be able to completely silence anyone in today’s world. You simply won’t. Most importantly, this kind of behavior does not put you on a moral high ground, it makes you no better than the people you claim to be standing against. Sending death threats and hate mail to people is wrong regardless of who’s doing it, and if one person does it, you’d be the bigger person by not responding to them. Most of all though, remember Hanlon’s Razor: never attribute to malice what can equally be attributed to ignorance. Some people make mistakes and post things without realizing what exactly they mean- I’ve done this myself and I had people point out how bad they were, so I simply deleted the posts. People are often much better and more understanding than they’re given credit for and I want people to understand that. And if you try and get them to listen, but they still refuse to see things your way, ignore them. Move on from them and try to find people who will. You can’t simply force opposition out of existence, but you can try to at least get more people to see things your way through kind words, sharing of thoughts and understanding alternative viewpoints. I would never ask anyone following me to try and “cancel” people who don’t like my writing. I want to encourage kind communication and open discussion, because that’s how we learn and how we improve. What I do ask is that you be good to others and to yourselves, ignore the drama, and talk openly and kindly with other people. Compassion and understanding is how things truly improve.

#mod talks #mod rambles #a student out of time #Anonymous

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idiot-children · 4 years

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did somebody say u h h more roman angst?

(sidenote: i Very Much Enjoy the headcanon that Janus can make people tell him the truth That Is All)

(i also don't have a title because i'm lazy)

"Roman, I'm sorry."

Roman sat stubbornly in front of his door, listening to Janus's knocking getting louder and louder. He scoffed.

"Roman, I'm telling the truth, just, please listen to me, talk to me, I was upset, I didn't mean it."

"I'm sure you didn't." He muttered, burying his head in his knees.

"Oh, Roman, please don't get like this, childishness doesn't suit you."

"Your... your stupid hat doesn't suit you," he snapped, grasping for insults, "leave me alone."

Janus sighed and massaged his temples. "I'm not leaving until you talk to me face to face."

There was a pause. The door slammed open to reveal Roman, red-faced with puffy eyes and a glare that would have ended the conversation in three seconds flat if looks could kill.

"What do you want?"

"Really? No witty nickname or insulting quip? You must be feeling off." Janus smirked, face falling at the lack of a response. He sighed. "Listen. I told you already, I didn't mean it. You're nothing like your brother. I was upset, you have to understand that-"

"I don't have to understand shit." Roman spat. "You're evil! You're a villain! You're deceiving and manipulating Thomas, so he-"

"Yes, yes, I heard you the first few times. Do you have anything else to say, or are you just going to continue throwing baseless accusations at me while I try to apologise?"

"I-" He paused. "Maybe? Are you leaving yet?"

There was another tense moment of silence, before Janus finally had enough and walked towards the prince, grabbing him by the wrist and looking him directly in the eyes. "Roman," he asked, slowly. "Are you okay?"

The answer was quick and monotone, like he wasn't expecting to speak at all. "No." He looked up in shock and stared angrily at the snake, who was looking insufferably concerned for him.

"Why not?"

"I'm scared that Thomas doesn't respect me anymore-! Wha- what witchcraft is this? Cease your trickery at once!" He yelled, trying as hard as he could to pull his wrist away but to no avail, and now sounding more frightened than angry.

"I'm sorry," Janus murmured, sounding genuinely apologetic. "It has to be done."

"It- does- not-!" Roman was shouting now, tugging on his arm and almost pleading with his eyes to be let go. "Unhand me! I do not owe vulnerability to the likes of you!"

"Really? Then, please, enlighten me, who can you be vulnerable with?"

"Nobody- stop!"

"Why not?"

"I'm supposed to be the protector. I shouldn't be giving them more problems to deal with." His voice cracked as he spoke, using his free hand to wipe tears from his eyes before they dared to fall. "Deceit, please. I don't want to talk about it. No- it's not even relevant! You're evil! You're making me lie for your- your own sick enjoyment?"

Janus sighed. "You and I both know that isn't true. I don't even think you believe it yourself."

"Oh, I believe it alright, you're a villain, and I hope Thomas-"

"Why are you lying to me, Roman?"

He paused. Hesitated. Tried desperately to cover his mouth with his free hand but found it unable to move. "Because- because I don't have anything else!" he sobbed. "Because I needed a villain and I'd rather villainise you than get attached again!"

Janus blinked. He let his grip on Roman's wrist loosen, not being surprised when he yanked his arm away from him. "Get... attached? Again?"

Roman's fear was almost tangible. He nodded slowly, barely knowing what to say. He considered just insulting him and leaving, but-

But he had nowhere to go. He didn't want to see Patton. Logan didn't want to see him. And he didn't exactly feel like increasing his anxiety at the moment. So he settled for attempting an explanation.

"I- uh- You-"

Maybe Virgil was here. He was certainly feeling like it.

"You complimented me! You were nice to me! I- I just... felt wanted. And don't think I didn't know you were manipulating me! I knew! Of... of course I knew. I just couldn't help it. I liked you."

"Roman-"

"I don't want to hear it!" He snapped, wiping away tears before they dared to fall. "Do you think I didn't see the irony in being the only one to get along with the liar? Do you think I didn't know you were spitting out empty, fake, shallow compliments just to get me on side? Did you think I was surprised when you told me you were only flattering me because you needed to? No!"

The poor prince was crying now, unable to stop the flood of angry tears running down his cheeks. Janus couldn't find the words.

"I knew all of that. I'm just... stupid. And alone. And unwanted. And you made me feel... less like that. I knew you didn't really think any of that. But I could dream. I'm allowed to dream! That's all I'm good for!"

"Roman," Janus walked hesitantly forward, cupping Roman's face with one hand. The lack of resistance surprised him slightly. "You aren't any of those things."

"Don't." He growled.

"The others still love you."

"Stop."

"You aren't alone."

"Stop it!" He yelled, pulling sharply away and staring him down.

"We-"

"I said stop!" Roman shouted, finally cracking under the stress and slapping the former dark side so hard that he stumbled into a door, knocking his hat onto the floor. It was silent for an agonising few seconds as Janus realised what had happened and Roman tried to pretend that it hadn't. Roman was the one to break the silence. "Look, I'm sorry-"

"No, I'm sorry." Janus responded curtly, dusting off his outfit and standing up. "I've never been good at empty comforts anyway. Go to Patton if you want that kind of thing."

Roman blinked.

"Listen. I'm not going to pretend I meant any of the things I said at the time, because lying to you wouldn't exactly be helpful. But I am going to tell you that I'm sorry. And that isn't a lie. I mean it."

The prince just sat on the end of his bed, not even bothering to hide his wreck of a face. Janus walked closer, but kept a respectful distance. Just in case.

"Empty compliments won't help, so I'll talk facts to you. You're insecure, you have awful self-esteem issues, and you have an over-reliance on the concept of black-and-white morality. You're incredibly arrogant and self-aggrandising and it's increasingly obvious to everyone around you that you use that as a way to hide your crippling self-doubt from anyone who might actually dare to ask you what you're thinking."

"Way to make a guy feel good..." He murmured, rubbing his arm.

"But!" Janus continued. "You are passionate in everything you do, no matter how much you may doubt yourself. You assert your opinion and make sure you're heard, even if everybody else is against you, and sometimes even if it isn't even your own. Even when you're only acting to hide your feelings, your acting is sublime, and I have to admit that I could learn something from you. You are an asset to Thomas's personality. You are incredibly important to his mental health, considering that you literally represent all of his desires, and that puts a lot of strain on you. You are flawed. As are we all. But you are not as bad as you make yourself out to be."

Roman smiled weakly, still unable to look him in the eyes. Janus picked up his hat and placed it carefully over his tangled bedhead, winking. "My hair takes very kindly to wearing a hat all the time."

He playfully put a finger over his lips. "Don't tell." Roman rolled his eyes and mimicked the motion.

"Well, I'll take my leave, then."

He was just about to exit the room, when Roman looked up, giving what seemed to be (and Janus would know) a genuine smile.

"Thank you. For this, I mean. I needed it."

"Oh, really, it was nothing-"

"No, I mean it." He continued, seriously. "Thank you, Janus."

Janus hesitated, one hand on the door. Then smiled. "Won't see you soon."

"Yeah. You too."

#roman sanders #sanders side fic #deceit sanders #sanders sides #roman angst #janus sanders #sanders sides angst #putting others first #chapter 2 of I Don't Know How To Tage Things #he's my favourite character and therefore he must suffer

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kemeticcalloutsfromthepublic · 6 years

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We’d like to begin addressing this thread:

here

We apologize for this post being so long but there is just...so much here.

@thetwistedrope response:

“ Anonymous When your "joking with friends" ends with a transwoman in pain and bullied and in tears, an abuse victim having massive anxiety attacks, and another innocent commentator being *bullied into deleting their blgo and then gaslight off the server as a scapegoat, it's gone too far. Honestly, it would have been better if you and your friends realized you guys went way too far and stopped trying to double down and just admit you went too far and made amends.

None of you can read for shit, I s2g. The screencap of me being “envious” is a completely separate conversation. “

We would like to address that the Anon seems to be referring to a litany of events rather then listing them in chronological order. We’d like to add that they are making a good point, but would have benefited their position by being chronological.

We‘d like to point out Devo begins with an insult, ironically she and her friends are the ones who have reading issues. We’d like to mention that the anon is entirely correct. The events are going to far.

“My part in the situation with Princess Triangle was not bullying. Full stop. “

We’d like to point out that telling a transwoman her fears are “unrealistic”, and she is making excuses, is wrong, but in this mod’s opinion, borders on bullying, and is in fact transphobic. You told a transwoman her fears aren’t real so she has no excuse to not out herself, stand up and be put in a position of danger as she felt she was in.

“I never told PT to out themself. I mean, they already said that they were out as a trans woman, so how tf you can make someone who is already out, out themself again is a complete mystery to me. “

We’d like to mention, you were among the people telling her to sacrifice her support systems to stand up and “rock the boat” (as she put it). Something she was terrified of and didn’t want to be the only person standing up and end up the object of ridicule. Princess Triangle’s position was one of fear of being left alone and the possibility of being ousted, not from “”comfort”” but from a place she felt she was accepted in and she didn’t want to risk that for a fight not really hers. We’d like to remind you, Devo and her friends, alleviated her of that fear by making it a reality. For the record “PT” said she was visibly trans. Princess Triangle stated they felt like they wouldn’t be safe and they would compromise what safety they had in the group. We’d like to state that whether or not the group would have become hostile is irrelevant to the point that she felt like her life was in danger, and Devo and co. told her to risk it anyways. To her present mind, Pricness Triangle made it clear she feared reprisals, she feared danger, she lived in that fear, irregardless of validity, so for her, it was real, and she was still being told to sacrifice herself. To those reading, this should be taken seriously, it is this mods opinion, her following statements and thoughts were in line with this thinking and fear.

“Repeat: All you fuckers are reading inaccurate, edited screen caps in regards to the PT incident. “

We’d like you to prove that the 200+ screengrabs are “edited” and “faked” since you want to now conveniently claim it. We’d also like to mention that Devo’s friends have tried four different defenses to try and escape responsibility and accountability for what they did. We’d like to discount this baseless claim. They are quite genuine. We’d like to add Devo just doesn’t want to admit her own words are against her own defense of innocence. The screencaps are accurate, and speak for themselves. The reality is not pretty.

You have had plenty of time to post the “correct” screencaps. If these were truly wrong, why haven’t you? (oh yes, of course, smarmy did and they were the same ones we had posted) Of course, Smarmy using them to refute things probably doesn’t help your case.

“And I’m sorry, but shezep acting like it was okay to state, quite literally, that we were calling PT a nazi is, frankly, asinine and too far.“

We bring you back to reading comprehension. We’d like to correct Devo’s staggering inability to read, out of convenience, again, Shezep said you and your friends liken everyone who fails to follow your empty moral leftist platitudes are labeled something horrible like a nazis. Shezep was making a comment about how toxic the left-wing is, how someone must be an evil person because they do not conform to your left-wing ideals. A point they are absolutely correct on. We’d like to state that Shezep did not deserve to be shouted down, shit-talked and ridiculed when they left. Isn’t Shezep trans also? We do believe that is two transpeople Devo and co. have bullied, not a very good look for those who ‘champion the downtrodden, discriminated, and totally support LGBTQ+ people...as long as they obey and repeat the correct thoughts and opinions.

“Again, I wouldn’t have handled it that way, but it’s not my server. I’m sorry (except I’m not), but I have no remorse for calling PT out on their complacency. “

We’d like to express our surprise that “feeling unsafe and like my life is in danger” is now “complacency”. Transpeople need support, they need their support systems, and as Shezep correctly states here, trans people are subject to discrimination. Princess Triangle was unwilling to be put in a position to be discriminated against and you weren’t pleased. We’d like to express our utter shock that her status as a transperson, something the social justice kemetics have stated before is very important (‘listen to transpeople when they tell you their experience because they know it better then you do.’ we paraphrased) An important point Devo and co. conveniently abandon when a transperson doesn’t agree with them.

“Us white folks who are able to stand up should stand up.“

We’d like to ask, are you then saying that you did tell PT to out themselves and be put in danger?

“It hasn’t stopped any of you for coming after me because y’all think I’m not doing enough. Does that make you all transphobic? “

Considering we are correct and haven’t expressed positions such as “listen to trans and poc people when they tell you about their experiences, don’t argue with them, just agree”, toting it as extremely important...No. We are calling out your hypocrisy, when you violate the important positions and moral tenets you espouse to being of import, only to throw them aside like used tissues when they no longer serve you because you can’t use it to brow-beat someone else. We’d like to remind you, you have no place telling a transwoman to expose herself to discrimination and danger to serve your crusade.

“Maybe you should look in the mirror before you toss more bricks at my head. “

We would, but the ample heaps of hypocritical trash you and friends hurl into the mirror, seem to have broken it.

“You can get as mad as you want about how other people talked to PT. Some people went a bit far, yes.“

We must express our utter shock at this statement. Maybe instead of trying to sweep your wrong-doing under the rug you should call ourselves out and lecture each other over why what you did was wrong instead of inventing hollow defenses to try and deflect blame. We’d like to state we are just holding you to your own moral standards you and your friends constantly spew. You seem to not meet the requirements you have set. We’d suggest you stop defending yourselves and stop the mental gymnastics.

“But at the end of the day, you can’t keep acting as if I can magically control what everyone else does or says. “

We’d like to say, no, but they do listen to you and respect your opinion and would fall back and lay off if you told them to.

“And you shouldn’t keep acting like me telling a white trans woman to consider standing up and pushing back in places where its safe to do so is somehow transphobic.“

We’d like to remind you, you participated in beating down a transwoman, told her, her fears aren’t realistic and don’t really matter. She expressed she didn’t feel safe and that really should have ended the discussion right there. You went too far, you know you went to far and you got caught.

“And if it is, you all owe many of us an apology for doing the same goddamn thing to us. I can’t tell you how many times ppl get mad because I’m not out there “fighting the good fight” enough. trans status be damned. “

Considering you tell everyone else they have NO EXCUSE not to ever go out and “fight the good fight”, you’re a hypocrite. You don’t go out and fight the good fight, what gives you the right to demand others do the same when you refuse to?

“Esp because you’re reading edited screencaps. “

We’d like to ask...Does it comfort you to pretend the screengrabs are faked and edited? They are, as we stated, legitimate. Claiming over and over they are edited and fake does not change the reality that they aren’t. You look like a massive transphobic hypocrite. And you are, the only shame here should be yours. We would also like to ask, what proof do you have the images were altered? There is over 200 of them and that is a staggering amount of evidence to edit.

We would address smarmy’s contribution to the post but we will leave that for our cohort if they desire. This mod sees nothing of substance in the addition that merits response.

We will move on to @heofspeckledplumage contribution.

“I remind everyone that the screenshots posted by Kemetic callouts from the public are being posted by two mods with a well-documented dislike of both Smarm and Devo. Honestly, that seems to be the main point of the blog is to throw accusations at Smarm and Devo until something sticks. “

We’d like to congratulate you on your own inability to read. For the record, they all stick. Have you even read our mission statement? Your shimmering ignorance astounds us, it’s right there on the blog, it requires minimum effort to look, but that is probably too much for you to muster. To alleviate your smooth lobes of the strain, we’ve linked it for you, here. We do hope you will be able to understand all the confusing words.

“KCFTP is not a neutral, bias-free entity. They have everything to gain and little to lose by framing the situation on the server as they prefer and by editing screenshots because they post under pseudonyms. There is no connection that anyone is able to draw between them posting there and their Tumblr accounts, and thus no accountability for anything they see on the KCFTP blog. “

We’d like to address that we aren’t, our “bias” is calling out what we see as wrong. Your friends are very loud, and they say alot of stupid things we need to address and dismantle. We have alot to do, and they are the ones who say the most hypocritical and rather foolish sentiments, so we call it out. We’d like to mention the KC blog is anything but impartial and is also run by the same loudmouthed jesters.

We’d like to mention, why should we be held accountable when none of you are either? You don’t police each other when you’re out of line, so it is rather hypocritical of you to pull the victim card and pretend you are sunshine and gumdrops. The point of this blog is to correct the community the social justice kemetics have ravaged and pillaged to the point that it has become a toxic and horrible place. We’d like to point out people leave the community because of the social justice kemetics and not the others you scapegoat.

“It takes about two seconds of thinking before one realizes that this is so they can stir the pot and say whatever baseless things they wish to and enjoy zero repercussions on their main blogs. “

We must say that is beautiful sophistry. We are astounded you are a mind reader and can accurately report on our thoughts and feelings, what an amazing power.

We’d like to state nothing we’ve said is baseless, the proof is there, it’s easy to spot, but continue to shove your head in your ass and pretend it’s a dream. We’d like to state, we never see you address your friends wrong-doing, you never step up and tell them when they go too far. We have to guess you feel they are in the right. Bullying transpeople, scapegoating someone at random on the server to blame for the screengrabs, labeling everyone a bigot and racist when they disagree, sending suicide anons to people. You must be complicit in such thinking that these things are ok.

“They are cowards and everything they say should be viewed through the lens of people who will stop at nothing to twist words to their own advantage. “

We’d like to say, you are confused again. We understand the kool-aid is very disorienting, let us clarify: We don’t need to twist anything, that would be you and your friends. Stop yelling at the strawmen, you’re scaring them.

The advantage is already ours because we don’t lie, we tell you the naked truth and why we disagree with your positions, opinions, and how your bullying isn’t just.

With the number of times you and your comrades have twisted other peoples words to your advantage--to the point where you have created entirely false statements, it is the height of arrogance and hypocrisy to accuse us of doing the same. At least we use your own words against you, instead of lies we made up.

“Stop hounding Devo and Smarm. You all need some hobbies. For all some of you talk about piety to the gods you could surely add some shrine time if you did that instead of trying to make Smarm and Devo responsible for everything the Kemetic community does.Quite frankly, y'all need to stop.“

We find this statement hilarious. We have ample hobbies and shrine time, thank you for your concern. The ones who need to stop are”y’all” not us. “Y’all” have chased so many good people out of this community and made it so unsafe this blog became necessary to try and stem the tide of toxic waste you all vomit into the community. We must say, for all the moral tantrums and hollow posturing you and your friends do, you do little else for this community. All you people do is demand everyone be a far leftist, if they don’t you all squeal “BIGOT!!!” like a paniced pig. You preach morality and commit nothing towards it but armchair activism of the vapidly myopic kind. We’re sick of it.

You are quite right, Devo and smarm are responsible...They caused the rifts in the community. They chased people away. They began the drama with their social justice crusades and demands of kow towing to the groupthink. They turned the community into an unwelcoming place. And you helped them.

What was that you said earlier about accountability? You seem to be ok with dismissing any and all accountability when addressed to Devo and smarm, but you want us to be accountable. How hypocritical of you. Clearly you need to spend more time in shrine contemplating Ma’at and treating people well, but wait, none of you really do that do you. We’d like to tell you to close your mouth and try to really take a hard look at your friends antics.

The hostility they have reduced the community to.

We’d like you to spend less time being an apologist for these abusive schoolyard bullies, and more time seriously considering Ma’at.

You all act like moralizing puritanical inquisitors hunting for heretics to crucify, and that’s exactly what you do.

You vilify good people who love the gods, and when an actual racist bigot sauntered into our community...you were all pretty quiet. We found that very interesting.

For all the posts and comments declaring how you loathe nazis and bigots and racists, when a real one showed up you lot barely spoke on it other then “just block kay?”

Then you continue on demeaning and denigrating everyone but them.

You’re a hypocrite and nothing any of you say should ever be listened to.

The evidence piles up, speckled, and your friends weigh heavy on that scale against them. Before you spread more lies about us (which is against ma’at we believe), sit down and consider if all the people chased away, all the people bullied out of the community, inventing fake racist gods to worship, claiming the Netjeru aren’t really that important to the religion, seeking to escape repercussions by spreading lies, brow-beating people down, corrupting others, and harassing others until they delete their blogs, consider if their actions...are just. We did, and we viewed it is not so. So sit. The. FUCK. Down!

We care about this religion, this community and we’ve seen the diarrhea you and your friends have excreted on it, turning it into a hostile and unfriendly place.

We are here to make sure, you are all held accountable. You’re welcome.

--Memphis and Cairo

#transphobia #kemetic fandom #kemetic community #kemeticism #kemetic #community policing

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cuntess-carmilla · 4 years

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This is just an extremely long vent post sparked by my brother. ^_^

(Reclaimed r slur by the end in reference to myself)

Someone explain to me how my brother can be so smart yet always soooooooooo fucking wrong in everything other than thinking cops and Piñera are scum.

Actually? I know exactly why! It’s because in his colossal immaturity coupled with his trauma of having always been told that he’s dumb because he’s autistic and the combination of mostly STUPID awful teachers and bullying was the actual reason why he did so badly in school after like 3rd grade. Which I get! But the way he ~copes~ with his inferiority complex is by being possibly THE most arrogant person I’ve ever known!

Ok, no, the most arrogant one was my ex-boss who sexually harassed me, but my brother (being actually a good just really frustrating person) comes 2nd. Besides that insecure arrogance, he’s way too driven by his gut feelings without supporting those gut feelings with reason or proper sources. Sometimes AGAINST proper sources. He ESPECIALLY doesn’t inform his gut feelings with other people’s opinions to form any sort of balanced collection of ideas to consider!

Given that he also has really bad anger issues (I’m fucking uncle Iroh post-war crimes compared to him) and represses every emotion that isn’t Wrath, a lot of the time his gut is just going by whatever position, POV or idea causes him the strongest emotional reaction - again, without proper research - that aligns with his like, misanthropy and sense of The World Inherently Sucks, so a lot of the time it’s motherfucking conspiracy theories! And he sticks to the position that took 5 minutes to convince him no matter what anyone says if they don’t passionately agree with him.

AND when someone doesn’t passionately agree with him, or innocently asks questions that could make his position be exposed as wrong or unfounded, he takes it as the grandest personal insult meant to make him feel stupid and if we try to tell him that disagreeing with him or even just not being sure what we think of the positions he adopts, he literally, legit says we’re just saying that to demonize him and make HIM out to be the psycho.

I love him but he’s wrong a lot of the time EVEN compared to my very fascist parents when it doesn’t come to specific local politics (ie. hating cops and Piñera). Don’t get me wrong, they’re fascists so I disagree with 99% of their views (the ones I agree with being stuff like “rape is bad” and “femicides shouldn’t happen”), my mom herself makes up a lot of insane fascist conspiracy theories, and both of them source their information from right-wing mainstream media.

But like... At least they try to form opinions based on (the sadly biased) information they can get rather than immediately making up their minds with NO space for questioning anything based on what aligns with their emotions?

Ok, my mom not so much but she’s only like that when it comes to subjects she thinks she knows well. When it comes to subjects she knows she’s ignorant of, she doesn’t do that. She’s open to asking questions, being corrected and thinking things through in those cases.

My dad is generally capable of all those things that my mom does when she knows she’s not knowledgeable enough in the subject at hand, and actually has a pretty decent capacity to admit he’s wrong when he’s proven wrong by undeniable facts! He knows too that a lot of his own ideas and perceptions can change through time and he’d rather be properly right instead of clinging to past ideas and perceptions just to never admit he was ever wrong. What’s more, he fully accepts that people aren’t always going to agree with him on everything and that’s not a fucking hate crime! What a concept.

So like, yeah I think their politics are wrong almost entirely lol. But I can at least... Think of them as relatively functional adults when it comes to that shit even if they’re wrong and stay very wrong? My mom does take some things more personally but never to my brother’s level.

Just minutes ago my brother was spouting conspiracy theories about COVID (you know the shit, virus was human-made, it’s a conspiracy by some secret society to kill people, etc) like it was objective fact. My dad has stayed away from watching or reading any news for the sake of his own sanity so he doesn’t actually know all the facts, BUT with the facts he didn’t know, he asked him where his information came from in a very neutral way, or filled in the spaces with reasonable logic and distrusting things that are obviously conspiracy-mongering.

Just that my dad didn’t immediately agree with him and put the things he was saying to question my brother started fucking yelling and victimizing himself. I was so fucking annoyed that I committed the crime of interfering not regarding the subject itself, but regarding how my brother was handling not being agreed with. He word by word said “OH, SO YOU AGREE WITH HIM?" I told him I wasn’t agreeing or disagreeing with anyone! Because I wasn’t! I was just trying to calm the dude down and TRY to teach him, for the billionth time, to learn how to take CONSTRUCTIVE gentle criticism and to handle others having a healthy minimum of skepticism regarding the extreme ideas he proposes out of the blue! You know. Like a fucking (by tomorrow) 22 years old guy SHOULD. Ah, yes, he’s not a fucking teenager! HE’S TURNING 22 IN 23 MINUTES FROM NOW.

THEN he started victimizing himself, WITH ME.

ME! THE ONE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE WHO ALWAYS ADVOCATES FOR HIS ASS, HAS ALWAYS TRIED TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY WITHOUT DIRECTLY SHUTTING HIS IDEAS DOWN WHEN I THINK HE’S WILDLY WRONG BECAUSE EVEN THEN I MAKE SURE TO DISAGREE WITH HIM IN A WAY THAT HE DOESN’T PERCEIVE AS ME THINKING HE’S A STUPID PARANOID IMBECILE (paranoid he IS by the way!).

I’M THE ONE CUNT WHO’S ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY UNDERSTAND WHERE HE’S COMING FROM WHETHER HE’S RIGHT OR WRONG, WHO’S TRIED FOR YEARS (AND SUCCEEDED A LOT OF THE TIME!) TO TEACH THE REST OF THE FAMILY HOW TO ACCOMMODATE FOR HIM, HIS DISABILITY AND HIS TRAUMAS WHEN HE DOESN’T RETURN THE FAVOR TO ANYONE, SOMETIMES ASKING FOR MAYBE MORE COMPREHENSION AND PATIENCE FROM THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAN IT’S FAIR TO ASK FOR!

HELL. EVEN WHEN I TELL HIM OFF WHEN I GET PISSED AT HIM AND SAY PRETTY HEAVY THINGS TO HIM? I MAKE SURE TO ARTICULATE WHAT I’M SAYING IN A WAY THAT SHOWS COMPASSION AND IS COMPLETELY CODDLING IN TONE SO HE DOESN’T FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED. EVEN HE SAYS I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO “LISTENS” TO HIM.

THIS EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED DUDE WHO BREAKS FURNITURE AND DESTROYS OUR FOOD WHEN HIS ANGER OR ANXIETY TAKE OVER, WHO DOES NOT LET ANYONE SEE HIM VULNERABLE UNLESS HE’S HAVING A MELT DOWN ONLY BECAUSE THEN HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM CRYING? HE USUALLY TRUSTS ME ENOUGH TO HAVE CRIED ON MY SHOULDER MANY FUCKING TIMES.

AND HE ACCUSES ME OF JUST WANTING TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S THE INSANE DUMB DELUSIONAL AWFUL PERSON, SO I CAN SOMEDAY USE THIS INSTANCE AGAINST HIM IN ANOTHER “FIGHT”, WHEN I’VE NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT EVEN WHEN HE, TO BE HONEST, DESERVED IT? SERIOUSLY DUDE? FOR FUCKING REAL?

I’M THE ONE YOU’RE GONNA ACCUSE OF THAT WHEN I SPEND MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE CODDLING YOUR PETTY ASS, PROTECTING YOU, BEING A SECOND MOTHER AND CHARGE FREE SHRINK TO YOU?

OR PULLING ALL-NIGHTERS TO HELP WITH YOUR COLLEGE HOMEWORK WHEN I’VE HAD CLASSES TOO THE NEXT DAY? SOMETIMES DOING THE WHOLE COLOSSAL PROJECT ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE IF I REALIZE YOU’RE TOO BRAIN FOGGED, FATIGUED OR TRIGGERED TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING SUICIDAL OR SOMETHING? SENDING YOU TO BED WHILE I DO YOUR SHIT AND DON’T SLEEP AT ALL? SOMETIMES GROUP PROJECTS WHERE YOU WERE GROUPED WITH LAZY ASSHOLES SO I’M DOING THE WORK OF 4 PEOPLE ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE? FOR FREE?

M E ?

BITCH, I DON’T EVEN WANT A MEDAL OR TO BE THANKED BECAUSE BEING THANKED FOR ANYTHING MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE! BUT COME THE FUCK ON. I’D JUST APPRECIATE NOT BEING SLAPPED ON THE FACE IN RETURN, YOU KNOW?

*insert gif of Disney’s Hades exploding in red fire then calming down 2 seconds after*

Like you just! Can’t fucking have an adult conversation with this dude if you’re not validating him without question! You can’t! You can’t have any level of healthy friendly debate with him! You can’t beg him to be reasonable! YOU CAN’T!

He was saying “BUT IT’S OBVIOUS”, my dad asked CALMLY “With what proof?”, then it was “WELL, IT’S OBVIOUS TO ME”, then “That’s an opinion, not a fact. We can google the number” and OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Then to ME he was all “YOU JUST LOVE TO BE RIGHT, DON’T YOU?” calling US immature and saying WE are the ones who don’t want to listen to a different opinion!!!!! When I told him he fucking loves being right he victimized himself again with a “WELL, FOR ONCE I’D LIKE TO BE!”

I was about to tell him, with the last dying bit of my patience, that yeah, like most people I do actually like to be right and I like it a lot! But that being right requires actual fucking work and THINKING rather than just going by whatever supports your misanthropic Kill Society angry feelings, and the moment you’re proved wrong YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR POSITION IN ORDER TO BE RIGHT, BECAUSE IF YOU CLING TO YOUR DEBUNKED FIRST BASELESS CONVENIENT OPINION OUT OF PRIDE THEN YOU’RE OBJECTIVELY WRONG AND A PISSBABY.

But I didn’t get to say that because something else interrupted it and then things cooled off while, like a good Scorpio Mars, I’m still endlessly ruminating on and won’t forget about the rest of my life as much as I’d actually LOVE to be able to forget this instance of him being an idiot. 8)

Like, does this motherfucker not fucking get that unless I already know the subject thoroughly and have a fully fleshed Opinion, I don’t often give opinions out loud BECAUSE I try to first shape my thoughts properly and THAT’S why I tend to be fucking right? That that’s why I always have a lot of arguments and am so certain of what I think, because I’m so insecure that I only fucking talk when I’m 99.999999% confident in what I have to say, rather than it being because I’m an inflexible asshole who thinks is better than him!

And he’s seen it. He’s fucking SEEN ME acknowledge when I’m wrong!!!!! Including the times I’ve been wrong TO HIM.

In all honesty I don’t enjoy admitting when I’m wrong (in big part BECAUSE I put a lot of effort into articulating the ideas I’m standing by!), but when I realize that I am, just out of a minimum of maturity and sense of DIGNITY - because I’d find it so fucking humiliating to not acknowledge being wrong when it’s obvious that I am to everyone involved and I can no longer defend my point - I still do it!

Bitch, you said it yourself, I LIKE TO BE RIGHT. I’m going to side with what I genuinely think is right even if I used to think it was wrong! There’s a motherfucking reason that as a teenager I was a Pinochet apologist, Gays Go To Hell, Communism = Evil / Capitalism = Freedom, pro-life, Catholic and now I’m THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF ALL OF THAT.

Does he think it didn’t hurt my pride to discover one-by-one that my views were absolute shit? IT DID AND GOD KNOWS MY PRIDE IS SENSITIVE AS HELL. Does he think it wasn’t depressing to have my whole world views destroyed? I NEED TO STAND ON FIRM GROUND ON EVERYTHING OR ELSE I LOSE MY SHIT, IT WAS AWFUL TO SUDDENLY HAVE MY WORLD VIEW WRECKED. Does he think I didn’t try to argue for my WRONG ideas for as long as I still thought I had decent arguments to back them up? OF COURSE I DID, I BELIEVED IN THEM FOR A REASON, AS WRONG AS I WAS.

But I changed! I changed when I no longer had any space left to think I was right! And I operate the same way with my current positions and ideas now! Dude, I tend to be right over you BECAUSE I don’t immediately get set on the first thing that makes me feel emotionally Validated, unlike you! You ARE smart but you’re SO driven by your own colossal yet insecure ego that you don’t even BOTHER to be critical of your own thoughts and all your potential goes to waste.

I ruminate on every single little thing obsessively, to my own detriment, being my own Devil’s advocate having an ruthless debate against myself in my mind, starting off COMPLETELY insecure about my own thoughts, paranoid trying to imagine in what way I could possibly be proved wrong by someone else if I said my ideas out loud and how to hold my stance in case it happens. I NEVER say my ideas out loud to people who I think know more than me or are smarter than me, to not make a fool of myself in front of anyone because I’m a coward and I was also bullied into firmly believing I’m a fucking retard!

All of that pathological effort because I actually don’t think I’m better than you or anyone else! I think I’m really fucking stupid! So I overthink it all endlessly and by PRINCIPLE I distrust and question my own thoughts and perceptions at every single second. For hours, days, weeks, months, EVEN YEARS.

That’s why when I do speak I’m one of those annoying bitches who have an answer to everything! BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU’D TRY TO PROVE ME WRONG ON THAT FRONT ALREADY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT HUMILIATION SO I ALREADY HAD THAT SHIT COVERED BEFORE I DECIDED TO SAY ANYTHING.

And nothing in that exhausting, paranoid process guarantees I’ll be correct! So even when I firmly think I’m right I keep it to myself some more in case that maybe two years later or something I’ll discover a flaw in my thought process.

It’s so tiring, it’s so fucking tiring how EVERYONE who knows me from afar or from very FUCKING close, thinks that any and every one of the fucking things I achieve just fell into my stupid hands out of the sky by mere luck because God felt like giving me an easy ride that day. They ALL think I’m some arrogant bitch for the very few things I don’t doubt anymore when I try my best to be humble as long as I don’t humiliate myself! But I’m SURE they all think I’m a conceited lucky show off!

EVERY TIME I’m for fucking once proud of anything I achieve, people tell me to my fucking face that I’m just naturally and inexplicably talented, taking away any merit of my fucking own.

Like it’s a FUCKING compliment that, supposedly, everything I’ve achieved by pushing myself to my limits despite being at a disadvantage in so many areas, destroying my already ill body and breaking my autistic little brain, barely sleeping for days, having panicked crying fits where I self-harm because it’s not good enough and I don’t know how to make it right... What I finally accomplish by putting in all that effort, self sabotage and sacrifice?

Oh, it just fell into my hands because I’m THAT blessed, apparently! It’s all just LUCK AND TALENT I DIDN’T DO A THING TO EARN! I’m SO lucky and effortlessly talented! I feel SO fucking flattered!!! :) Thank you SO much! :) I’ve never EVER doubted myself also! :D

#also i know there's typos but you know what there's nothing of?#my shits to give or any energy from how exhausted i already was before all this

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wordlessdreams · 7 years

Text

Temporary(?) Fin

After a full week of open hostility, LL suddenly calls me and RJ for a talk around 4:30. What follows is a 4.5-hour conversation, during which the first 2 were spent on RJ (with me sitting silently by his side), and then the last two dedicated to me. While LL eventually apologizes (ACTUALLY SAYS SORRY) to RJ for keeping him still there while he’s snapping at me, and gives him permission to leave early, I get no such apology nor any recognition that I had wasted 2 hours of my time listening to a conversation that did not concern me. The one consolation is that now it’s over he finally feels it’s okay to start speaking civilly to us again, now that he’s gotten all his complaints off his chest.

Unlike RJ, I had not done anything “grievously” wrong at all in recent memory. So yes, I was honestly VERY confused as to the reason behind his prolonged open hostility. Even after hearing his reasons, I personally find most of it (no, scratch that, ALL of it) unwarranted, and largely baseless. Deep down, he probably realizes it too, and in the struggle to justify his anger, he decides to blame everything on my “attitude.” Even my explanations for the misunderstandings (notice again how I did not assign blame?), and my attempts to explain my actions or words are seen as “talking back” and “defending myself” because I don’t want to admit wrong. Have you tried looking at yourself in a mirror?

It turns out that he was angry for the “grandma-money” incident, as I suspected, and his focus was when I had said “There’s a big difference.” For background, let’s refresh the conversation, because I still happen to remember most of it verbatim:

LL: I will make sure she takes the money.

Me: How?

LL: (some vague and useless reiteration of the above, which does not clarify anything)

Me: I still don’t understand how. Do you mean you will be in the room when I hand it to her, you will take it from me and give it to her, I should hide it somewhere and tell her after I leave, etc.?

LL: What’s the difference?

Me: There’s a big difference. She won’t accept my money if I give it to her from my hands directly.

LL: So you’re saying you don’t want to give it to her then. You just want to keep it all for yourself.

Me: No, that’s not what I meant. I meant (explaining again the above)

LL: (screams at me while not listening to a single word I’m saying)

Me: (quietly, as we reach a red light) I think you misunderstood my intentions in asking the question.

LL: (roughly) Or you just don’t know how to ask a question.

As it turns out, he had assumed (despite my repeated corrections) that when I said, “There’s a big difference,” I was implying that I wanted to keep the money for myself. (NOTICE THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ASKING QUESTIONS.) As “proof,” he references (as I knew he would) the incident from 5 years ago when I tried and failed to give grandmother my paycheck. In his distorted memory, I had only “fake” tried giving it to her, and I secretly wanted the money all to myself and didn’t want to give it to her in the first place. When he asked me to hand it to him, I supposedly said “It’s my money.” I don’t honestly remember saying that, but if I did, it’s probably because I had thought he wanted to confiscate my money from me since I didn’t hand it over to grandmother. He snarls that he was planning on giving it to her in my stead, but after insisting at least 5 times during the present conversation that after he had said give the money to him (NO mention of handing it over to grandmother) and I had said “it’s my money,” he starts snapping that he had told me at that time that he was planning on giving it to her. Yes, I’m sure you said that, and it’s just a tiny slip of memory that you failed to mention it 5 consecutive times just now when recalling the conversation and quoting me verbatim.

He also accused me of being overly defensive when I’m driving, and not willing to accept his advice. Therefore, he snapped, that was why he had stopped giving me advice. (Honestly, if your “advice” consisted of words like “you don’t look at the road, don’t you?” and “You only drive wherever you want, without any regard for the rules,” then I’m probably better without the verbal abuse you call “advice.” For the record, I remember distinctly apologizing and saying, “you’re right” at that time, which he conveniently forgot, since it contradicts his impression of me as some defensive and unwilling-to-listen novice driver.) Even though I repeatedly explained I was not being defensive and gave the appropriate explanations for ALL the incidents he mentioned in a calm, reasonable tone (contrasted with his sarcastic and hostile one), he accuses me of not listening and gives his whole “fine, you don’t want to listen, screw you” spiel. For the counter-incidents I bring up, he dismisses them by saying that what he said about me did not apply to THAT incident. On the topic, I tried (again) to explain how his hostile attitude towards me (which even he admitted he had over these last 2 weeks, since he was pissed at us) was not helping me improve as fast as I potentially could be otherwise, he takes it to be “oh, so you’re saying give and take, is it? You won’t change unless I change, you won’t admit fault unless I admit fault, everything must be 50-50?” And when he accuses me of being black and white when I point out that he had jumped from one extreme to the other and – incorrectly, for the umpteenth time, but who’s counting, right? – made a few false assumptions in the process.

It’s something I’ve noticed for years. He has developed (assisted, no doubt, by his very distorted memory – it’s a never-ending cycle) a very skewed negative impression of me, and whatever I do, or don’t do, just fuels that image. Another thing that apparently had been pissing him off is because I hadn’t given him the reimbursement for the trip to Wisconsin. In reality, it was because 1) I had forgot to check my bank balance for it, and 2) By the time I had remembered, every – yes, EVERY – interaction with him was being received with open hostility, so why the hell would I in my right mind start any more conversations than was necessary? (Not that I said this part.) He basically blamed my silence on my selfishness – “it’s MY money,” I apparently whined 5 years ago – (are you rolling your eyes too?) – and completely failed to consider the fact that I simply hadn’t checked to make sure it was there. He may check his bank statement every day, but as I had said on multiple occasions (of course he conveniently does not remember this), I only check my bank statement once a month, when I’m getting ready to pay my credit card bill. But my not checking my bank statement puts me in too positive of a light, so naturally he went for the conclusion that I am just this selfish, defensive, horrible excuse of a daughter who doesn’t want to help out her family because “it’s MY money.”

Another thing he had accused RJ of (and said I was only “slightly” better about) was being selfish and not thinking of the family. He even went as far as to say we should have helped him mow the lawn, having seen him do it so often. Let me point out the absurdities of this statement:

1. He himself boasted to his friends he only mowed the lawn once a year. I heard it.

2. The one time (in recent memory) he DID mow said lawn, I specifically volunteered to do it for him while outside and got shooed away instead.

3. As RJ very aptly mentioned, seeing as he never showed us how to do it (and, I might add, would get VERY impatient, even downright annoyed or angry if we suggested trying to help or learn), we shouldn’t be completely to blame for not realizing one day, oh, maybe we should mow the lawn starting from now on.

That’s another problem. Sure, he had babied us when we were younger – probably excessively so, but it shows his selflessness, so kudos to him – but to one day suddenly expect us to start doing things ourselves – after discouraging us from helping out or learning – and then blame us for not knowing how to help out – how is any of this our fault??? I tried to prepare myself for driving on the highway: “(derisive snort) as if you’d remember it anyway.” I tried to ask what’s wrong with the car: “(sarcastically) would you even understand if I told you?” Me asking if there’s anything I can do to help out around the house (multiple times) or offering to help prepare his dinner, wash the fruit, take out the trash, anything: “No. I’ll do it myself.” Yeah, I’m definitely the selfish one who doesn’t want to learn, all right. To add insult, he even says we should have suggested taking out the trash and learning where the dumpster is. Oh yeah, I DEFINITELY did not suggest doing that 8 weeks ago. It puts me in too positive of a light, you see.

Finally, at the end of the conversation, we reach a terse agreement to “wait and see.” Without admitting any fault (after all, clearly, he’s perfect and I’m too selfish to take full blame, even though everything is my fault), he says he can think about my suggestions (for giving constructive criticism when I’m behind the wheel), but no guarantees. I wonder if my ultimatum played a role in this – taking the advice of EVERYONE around me who has heard some variation of these woes, I finally flat-out said that if this was how it was going to be, it would be in our best interests (mainly for our safety) if I just stopped driving with him altogether. I said I would just practice on my own time, or with RJ. (I had gone driving with RJ only yesterday, and not only went on the highway and back, but went all the way to Alewife. I never had the courage to make the trip before. Can you imagine me driving on the highway with LL? It’s been 7 weeks and I still can’t.)

He tells me go to make my own dinner, seeming failing to notice that I had been skipping dinner (as well as most of my other meals) and crying instead these last few weeks. From freaking stress. Of course, my stress matters little to him, he doesn’t think he was being hostile, so I guess I must have been imagining it. Or maybe I am delusional and oversensitive, he’s been only trying to help but I have such a bloated head and ego I can’t take any criticism without defending myself. I make mistakes on the road because I’m so self-centered, I think the rules of the road are above me.

That’s the kind of person he thinks I am. As long as HE doesn’t feel he was being hostile, then he wasn’t. However, if /I/ don’t think I was being “defensive” or “unwilling to listen,” it’s because I don’t want to take responsibility and only want to blame others for my mistakes. Sick of being accused and then punished for something I don’t even think is accurate, I try to explain why that perception is wrong, and now get an exasperated “I’m tired of this conversation. I want to finish it,” from him. Yeah, the conversation ends when you run out of steam (and things to blame me for), but my attempts to correct you or change your impression only waste your time. Oh, and I’m a liar. The way he talks about me, I’m such a despicable person I don’t know why he even bothers keeping me around. Oh yes, such a person is definitely prepared to go on the highway. The hypocrisy would make me laugh if I weren’t too busy crying instead.

Oh, and happy Fourth. First time back in years, and this is how I spent my holiday weekend. Remind me again why do I come back home? Aside from missing the fireworks, BBQ, and all the festive things I once taught my kids were associated with the Independence Day, I’m hungry, tired, and perpetually pissed. I wonder how much more resentment a person can take before they implode?

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