i love my mom :)

The Forgotten Family

February 10th Harry had hold of my hand under the table, thumb circling over my skin, acting innocent as we sat waiting for our food at PJ’s, enjoying a bright Sunday morning with Niall and Lincoln.

I was enjoying being so sly with him. Before, our secret had been locked within our homes, rarely pushing boundaries or acting at all suspiciously when we were out in public. I liked that we were now holding hands and our friends who were right there with us were none the wiser. “So how was your date last night?” I asked Niall. “C’mon. I wanna hear the gory details.” “Y’know what, it actually went well.” “What?” Lin cried. “Why do you sound so shocked?” “I don’t think you’ve ever been on a date that’s gone well!” He cried. “You usually come back with some hideous story and never see them again.” “Fair point.” Niall looked both smug and coy. “Oh shit.” Harry piped up. “You got laid.” “No I didn’t!” Niall cried. “Yeah you did, you got laid. I can see it in your devious little eyes. You got a shag.” Me and Lin waited for Niall to confirm it, Harry absolutely sure of what he was saying, and the look on Niall’s face seemed to say he was onto something. As we waited, our food arrived, our Full English Breakfasts being placed in front of us, Harry saying thank you on our behalf as me and Lin waited with wide mouths, whereas Niall was just smirking. “That’s the face of a man who got laid.” Harry said after giving my hand and squeeze before letting go and taking hold of his cutlery, ready to tuck in. “C’mon. Admit it.” “Fine. I did. You can see right through me.” He admitted. “Niall, what the fuck?” I squealed. “Tell us everything! I want details.” “Well, I was the bottom, and he-” “NO, not those details!” I stopped him quickly, Lin and Harry almost choking on their food as they laughed. “Just like… how the date went, how it all came to be. I don’t need… those details, thank you.” “We went out for food and then… It just went really well, and it’s been a long fucking time since I had a shag. He invited me to his for a nightcap and it just happened. Natural.” “Nice, man.” Lin spoke between mouthfuls. “So are you gunna see him again?” “Maybe not in a romantic way, but for sex, probably.” “I get that. There are very few chances of getting laid in Rosebury. It’s a downfall.” “Don’t you date?” Harry asked Lin. “Date who, exactly?” Lin sniggered. “Fair point.” Harry laughed with him. “But like… what Niall does. Someone from the next village over, or whatever.” “But Niall likes his dating apps and stuff, he’s good at that shit. I wanna meet someone in a really… organic way, as pretentious as that sounds. With apps and stuff, I feel like it’s forced and all about appearances and shit. I dunno, it just doesn’t appeal to me. I’d rather just meet someone, but it’s so rare. Can’t win.” I understood that completely, and I thought I would likely be the same if I was in his situation. Dating in a small village like ours was almost impossible. It was such a small area, a loving and familiar place; we knew old married couples and small businesses and everyone knowing everyone, and I suppose those ideals reflected in us across a lot of different aspects of our lives. “Yeah, I get that.” Harry accepted. “How’re you finding it?” Lin asked. “What?” “Being here. The lack of… options.” “Lin’s asking if you’re sexually frustrated.” Niall put it bluntly. “I was trying to be tactful about it,” Lin rolled his eyes. “But yeah, pretty much. It’s not like there’s a lot of options here, and I imagine you were doing pretty well for yourself in… the bedroom… before you moved here.” “He’s saying you’re sexy.” Niall put it bluntly once again. “Niall, you do not need to keep talking on my behalf. I’m sure Harry is perfectly capable of understanding what I’m getting at.” Lin chuckled. “He’s asking if you wanna fuck anyone.” Niall ignored him still, talking directly to Harry until Lin punched his arm, and then he backed down. “Maybe Harry doesn’t wanna discuss this stuff.” I tried. “There’s not much to discuss.” Harry shrugged it off casually. “I guess I haven’t thought about it too much. I’m not really… into dating, I never have been.” “I guess that helps.” Lin answered sensibly. “I bet you’re into shagging though.” Niall didn’t. “You’re not one for approaching things tactfully, are ya?” Harry laughed. “Never.” “Can we stop talking about sex over breakfast, please?” I asked, really wanting to avoid the conversation, then deciding to make the most of it. “It’s been ages since I had sex.” “Same.” Lin agreed. “Yup.” Harry lied along with us rather weakly. “Less than twelve hours for me.” Niall was ridiculously smug. “Be jealous.” Harry nudged my knee with his beneath the table, because it had actually been less than an hour since the two of us had had sex, so there was really no need for us to be jealous. I dropped my head, quickly trying to hide my smile by eating, nudging Harry back. I loved spending time with everyone. My friends were my world, and any time I could spend with them was a blessing, but at the same time, I was enjoying my alone time with Harry so much that even then, a few bites into our breakfast, I was already looking forward to being back at his place. We tucked in, thankfully no longer talking about sex, though I was definitely thinking about it. The bell for the front door chimed, my eyes instinctively shooting upwards, seeing Tom let himself into PJ’s, spotting us right away. We never saw much of him, really, especially without Sam by his side. He kept himself to himself and was the total opposite of a social butterfly, so it’d been months since I’d last seen him. I knew it wouldn’t be the best atmosphere. “Alright.” He greeted us awkwardly. “Alright, Tom.” Niall was the only one of us to answer. He was just about to walk past us to go to the counter, but then he stopped, right beside our table, right next to Harry, looking down to him and sniggering arrogantly, before he slowly moved on. Harry rolled his eyes and his shoulders, Lin looking over our heads so he could continue to scowl at Tom. “Fuck him, mate. Pay him no attention.” He huffed. “He’s always been an arrogant little prick that one. He’ll be on Sam’s side no matter what.” “But if he knew why I’d done it-” “He will know why.” I interrupted Harry. “But he’s a sexist fucking prick. He will not care. He’ll honestly think it was Sam putting me in my place, he won’t think anything of it, I’m telling you. The boy isn’t worth the breath.” “Don’t say that shit, Alfie.” He was losing himself in his own frustration. “I’ll get fucking worked up. Don’t tell me he’s like that because I’ll lose my head.” “I don’t know why we ever put up with him.” Lin groaned. We’d all put with him because I’d been with Sam, and I knew that. It was so strange looking back on my whole relationship with Sam and realising just how toxic it had been, and it wasn’t restricted to me. I hated that. I looked southwards, only able to feel down for a matter of moments, before my friends did what they always did and picked me right back up, even without meaning to. “Remember when Louis kicked him in the balls?” Niall tried to hold in his sniggers. “What?” Harry whelped, also holding in laughter. “Why’d he do that?” “He made a shit comment about my dreads.” Lin told him, tense over the memory at first before he thought of the aftermath, then he smiled. “Louis just went at him, without a second thought. As soon as he’d said it, it was like a magnet.” “He was almost sick, it was fucking hilarious.” Niall laughed. “Louis’ a fucking legend.” Harry sniggered. We all started laughing, and I looked over my shoulder to gage Tom, let him know that it was him we were laughing at, seeing how uncomfortable and uneasy he looked. He knew we were laughing specifically at him but he had no idea why and I loved it. He’d tried to make Harry feel small, and it had only wound him up for a couple of seconds before we’d gained the upper hand again. Not only that, we’d calmed Harry down, and that was important too. I think we were good for Harry. Even better than I knew.

“How is she?” I asked my dad down the phone, sat in Harry’s kitchen watching him make us a meal. “Not great. She had a big anxiety attack yesterday. She didn’t know who or where she was, completely freaked out.” “Shit. Is she okay? Are you okay?” “It was rough for a while, but it wasn’t too long until they’d gotten her sat down and then… she forgot that, too. She’s okay now, I suppose, just very quiet. Hasn’t spoken to me properly for a while now.” “Dad, are you okay?” I asked again. I couldn’t help but be concerned for him and his happiness. Every single day he was in emotionally taxing circumstances, exhausting and agonising conditions that must have been chipping away at him, no matter how slowly and no matter how strong he was, how strong their love was. He was such a positive person, but I knew how tired he must have been, how hard it would be to see the woman he loved disappearing before his eyes more and more every day. I just felt like he didn’t have anyone there looking after him, and he needed it. He might not have known it, but he needed support and strength from someone else and he could hardly accept it. There was only so much I could do from Rosebury, and I’d never been good at removing myself from the situation so I could simply be there for him. I struggled too. “I’m fine, Fee. Don’t worry about me.” “I can’t not, I just… It’s a lot for one person to take on, dad. That’s a lot for one person to handle.” “I’m used to it. I’ve been here for almost five years now.” “That’s my point.” I dropped my head into my hand, wishing there was a way that he could be fully happy, but it didn’t seem like it existed. If he wasn’t with her, he’d be unhappy, but being with her so much clearly wasn’t healthy for his heart. I thought maybe it would be better if he found some kind of middle ground, where he could give himself a break for a few days of the week, do something else and be somewhere else and get back into hobbies he’d once had, but after four years of the same routine, I felt like even that would be too much of a change for him to feel comfortable with. “Will you please come and see me soon?” I asked, trying to stop myself from crying. “But-” “You could bring her too, I dunno.” I tried. “If that’s what it takes, bring her. But you need to… get outside and do something different. Please, dad. Please.” “If she could leave the house that easily, I wouldn’t live here in the first place. To take her out for the day, I’d need a specialist nurse to be with us at all times, and that costs money, Fee! I can’t afford that right now.” “I will find the money, if that’s what you need. We’ll figure it out. But… I dunno, I really feel like you need a break. Give yourself a break, I promise it’ll do you so much good.” Harry left the food to approach me, leaning across the counter to pull my hand away from my head and push his fingers between mine, holding tight. My dad was quiet for some time, unsure what to say. I knew he was wonderful for what he did for my mother, but sometimes being selfish is showing your own heart the love it deserves when it can’t be offered by others, and he’d stopped doing that at some point. He'd been so busy taking care of her that he’d forgotten how important it was to take care of himself. I could tell he didn’t have a clue what to say, and I didn’t want to pressure him or fill him with guilt, so I decided to end the conversation, give him some space to consider what I was saying. “Just do me a favour and think about it, okay?” I sounded as defeated as I felt. “We could walk up Traits Hill, I could show you how the shop is, we could go to The Railway and just… have a day or two doing really nice stuff that we used to do. I think it’d do you a world of good, so just think about it.” “Okay, I will.” “Promise?” “I promise.” “Alright. Speak soon.” “Take care, speak soon.” I hung up and dropped my phone on the counter, chest aching, mind racing, now using my other hand to hide and prop up my face as Harry continued to squeeze the other, still looking at me. “Just keep pushing.” He encouraged. “If you don’t drop it, he’ll have to come back at some point.” “It’s just frustrating.” “I know.” “He can’t accept that it’d be good for him. He just can’t do it.” “I know, I feel your frustration, but… it’s hard, y’know… when people get into routines like that. All he needs to do is break it once, and he’ll see how good it is.” “I just don’t know how to get him to that point, he’s so stubborn.” I groaned, moving my hand and looking at him. “It’s shit because I’m finally at this stage where I feel better, and it’s like I’m trying to find this way where my family can be at its best and be happy, but it feels fucking impossible.” “Mm.” He dropped his head, seeming reflective somehow. I kept my eyes on him, witnessing him disappear into his own head, quite obviously thinking about my words and aligning them with his own situation. I bit at my lip, still unsure of his boundaries and whether he needed a push or if I should just wait it out, wait until he was ready and he spoke off his own back, but I worried I’d be waiting forever. “You wanna talk?” I asked calmly. “No.” He replied swiftly. “You sure?” He let go of my hand, nodding slightly as he headed back over to finish cooking for us, his mood having changed rather rapidly. I had no intentions of pushing him; all I’d wanted him to know was that if and when he was ready to speak, I would listen. All I had wanted was for him to be aware that I would accept any section of his soul that he chose to share with me. I sighed, maybe a little too loudly, dropping my head and messing on my phone for a matter of seconds before he snapped. “Y’know it’s fucking weird,” He scowled miserably, abandoning the food once again. “The way you lot are with each other, how you share everything. It’s fucking weird, and not everyone is like that. Not everyone has to talk about what they’re going through and how they’re feeling all the fucking time with every single person.” “When did I ask you to do that, Harry?” “I’m just saying!” He carried on. “I don’t wanna talk about it, that’s way out of my fucking comfort zone, so leave it!” “I didn’t push it!” I cried, wishing I could have kept calm but his raised voice made that difficult. “All I did was offer, and if that is enough to make you flip at me like this, then fine, I won’t fucking offer again.” “Good, don’t. I don’t need to talk. I don’t need your help. Just drop it.” “Fine.” I felt awful. I hadn’t wanted him to feel that way, and suddenly I was questioning all of it. I was wondering if he actually had felt any better about opening up to me about his father or if I’d just told myself he did, convinced myself it had been good for him when actually he’d been feeling bitter about the whole thing. And I didn’t like arguing with him. I didn’t like seeing him worked up, because even at the times where I’d gotten worked up at him, he hadn’t gotten like that, like he was angry at me. It certainly wasn’t the first time I’d seen him angry, but I didn’t want to be the source of it. I understood it was all very sensitive for him, but I didn’t want to find myself in the firing line whenever the mere mention of families or being open came up in conversation. I had lost my appetite. I got up to my feet, through the door to the living room by the time he’d caught on. “Fee-Fee, what’re you doing?” He asked, sounding weary, already well aware it was him who’d driven me away. “M'not hungry, I’m just tired. I’m going for a nap.” “Please stay and eat with me.” “No.” I simply replied. I headed upstairs, hearing the clattering of cutlery as though he’d just thrown something in a outburst, but I didn’t want to stay downstairs and continue arguing with him, or put up with his annoyance. I knew this was all new to Harry, all of it. Not just the sharing himself, staying in one place and being so settled among a group of people, but even this sort of relationship we’d found ourselves in. I knew he didn’t know how things were meant to be or how to handle himself and the feelings he was experiencing, but he should have known under any circumstance that that was not the way to speak to anyone. I didn’t want him yelling at me and scowling, talking down to me and treating me like I’d really crossed a line when I couldn’t possibly know where the line was or what he considered crossing it. I went upstairs and climbed into bed, kidding myself if I genuinely thought I’d be able to sleep it all away.

The sun was bright, bursting through his bedroom window as it began to set, warming his room and softening the atmosphere. I lay reading, not having heard very much from Harry over the past hour or so, however long it had been. I thought he might leave it for the night, just to prove a point, but when he quietly pushed his bedroom door so it would creak open, I felt incredibly relieved. I hated being on bad terms with him. He stood in the doorway, chewing anxiously at his bottom lip at the same time as trying to shoot me an apologetic smile. I placed the book down. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I dunno why I snapped at you, I’m sorry.” “I don’t wanna argue with you, Harry. And I’m not trying to push you.” “I know.” He dropped his head. “It’s just… everything with my family is such a fucking mess. I get… I get kinda pent up about it, and I’m sorry. You’re the last person I wanna take that out on.” I nodded, lifting up the sheets as an invitation for him to join me, and he seemed almost shocked that I had. Looking reassured and thankful, he removed his clothes until he was in his underwear and then got himself into bed with me, clambering over to me to land on my side of the bed since I had occupied his in his absence, the two of us tucking ourselves close together. I caressed his cheek, sensing the way he soothed beneath my touch, kissing the tip of my nose. “I missed you.” He told me. “It’s only been a few hours.” I giggled. “Yeah, I hated it.” He grinned, making me laugh even more. “Can we not fall out again, please?” “You’re cute.” I bustled. “Okay, no more fighting.” “Ever?” “Depends. We’ll both have to be on our best behaviour.” He smiled, taking my jaw in his hand and pulling me that little bit closer so that he could kiss me, only for a moment. He looked over my face, speaking softly. “Can I talk to you? About… About my family.” “Only if you want to.” I whispered. “I wasn’t annoyed because you didn’t wanna talk, Harry, it was more the way you… handled the situation.” “I know that, I’m sorry.” “You don’t need to keep saying you’re sorry. I’m just saying, I’m not rushing you into talking.” “Alfie, I know.” He chuckled like he thought I was foolish to think that way. “I… I want to talk about this stuff with you, I do. I just… I find it so hard.” “Why do you think you… struggle so much?” He took a deep breath in, still with his face mere inches from mine, looking right at me, appearing strangely confident considering. His voice didn’t sound quite as assured. “I think it’s… after everything that happened with my dad, and what that did to us. My dad struggled to open up too, and I guess I’m like him in that sense. And then with me moving about so much, and… removing myself so much and not making friends and… everything. It’s just everything. I’ve had like, the opposite of what you grew up with.” I’d always had people to rely on. I’d always had a solid network of people around me, a sense of home and familiarity and trust, not solely in my friends and family, but even the whole village. I had always been aware of my luck when it came to how blessed I was to grow up there, to have the support I did, but I suppose hearing Harry word it so plainly then put it into perspective further. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for him, because it was so different to how things had been for me. “Do you… find it easier talking to your mum and brother?” “Well, my brothers in prison and my mum doesn’t want anything to do with me, so…” “What?” I cried, alarmed, distancing from him in shock. His confidence dwindled then, turning to face the ceiling and placing his hand across his forehead, pinching lightly at his temples. I didn’t know what to think, what to expect. “How? Why is… What? Why wouldn’t your mum want to see you?” “I fucked up. I fucked everything up.” “How?” “After my dad died… I think trauma either ties people together or tears them apart. For us… We couldn’t find a way to be stronger. It broke us. It fucking broke us.” I understood that, because in ways, losing my mum in the way we had, it broke me and my dad too. I was still trying to fix the damage it had done and that way I’d handled it for the past few years. It seemed Harry’s situation with his family was one that they hadn’t been able to heal. “Jack, my brother, he… He couldn’t seem to move on. I think because he was the one to find our dad, it was harder for him. As he got older, he became hostile, angry. He changed. I dunno, I guess I found my comfort in art… a-and music and literature, but he couldn’t do that. And it was… me and my mum who he could take his anger out on.” I hated that they hadn’t been able to find a way of healing together. I hated the thought of a loving family who had once protected one another, looked after one another and done all they could to keep one another fighting and happy, had fallen apart when they deserved to be happy. They deserved to find their peace. All I had known of his brother before this was that he had sheltered Harry from a sight that would have scarred him deeper than the loss of his father had anyway. It was heart-breaking to think that in time, their loss had shaped him so harmfully. “As he got older, it went from him being just a difficult kid to him… being violent. First with other people, kids at school, strangers who pissed him off. Then when he got older still… I think he was like sixteen the first time he hit our mum.” “What?” “Knocked her cold out.” “Why?” “Over something or nothing, I can’t even remember. I just remember seeing red and trying to make him stop, but he was so much bigger than me then. It wasn’t… a constant thing, him being like that, but it was like every few months something tiny would happen and he’d flip and if she was there, or… It was me a few times too, but usually her.” “That’s awful. I… I understand him struggling but… I don’t know how he could turn that round on the two of you. You must have been the only ones who could understand.” “I think it’s easier to take out your anger, your pain... on the people you love.” He sighed. “I dunno if it’s a subconscious thing, that hope that they’ll always be able to forgive you. That the love is strong enough to make everything forgivable.” “And was it?” He looked so broken even thinking back to all of it, slowly shaking his head. I stroked though his hair, whispering that I was sorry, already so proud of him for how well he was doing. “That was when I started working out. I dunno if it was necessarily with the thought of fighting back, but at least… being stronger. I hoped he would back down. By the time I was like, seventeen, I was in pretty good shape.” “Did he stop?” “No, he got worse. He’d been kicked out of college, not accepted into any uni’s, so he was stuck. Then when I got accepted into uni, that just pissed him off even more. We started fighting and… it just gradually kept getting worse until we all reached breaking point.” “What happened?” “I think… I snapped. I saw him hit her one day, and I snapped.” He was getting worked up, rambling. “I just snapped, I-I… I don’t know what happened, but I snapped and I couldn’t stop and-” “Harry, it’s okay! Stay calm for me, okay?” He took a few seconds to gather himself, tears forming in his eyes before he managed to bluntly say what had happened, why he was so worked up. “I almost killed him, Alfie. I didn’t mean to, but… I completely lost myself. I just kept hitting him over and over and… I… I beat him within an inch of his life. I’m so fucking glad I stopped because if I hadn’t… I fucked up. I fucked everything up.” I didn’t know what to say. I felt sick over the thought of Harry doing that to another human being, especially someone he’d once had so much love for. He seemed categorically ashamed, the scar of the memory more garish than the scars on his hands. He was crying, heavily, not even able to look me in the eye as he continued. “I broke his nose. His collarbone. He was… a mess, and I did that. I hate it and I hate myself for it but I did it. I did that to my own brother.” I sat myself upright hoping it would cease the curdling of my stomach, running my hand through my hair, trying to swallow the information he’d just shared. I had always had some idea that the situation with his family wasn’t stable, due to his views on families, how lonely he was, how he’d spent however many Christmases on his own. I knew things weren’t right, but I hadn’t been expecting that. He sat up with me, hysterically reaching for my hand, his tears falling heavier. “Please don’t be scared of me.” He pleaded. “M’not scared of you.” I shook my head, grasping at his fingers in the hope of reassuring him, sedating his sorrow. “I’ve changed so much since then, I’ve learnt. I’m not… I don’t do that. I’m not like that!” “Okay.” “You have to believe me.” “I… I want to, but what happened with Sam-” “I know, I… Fuck, I lose my temper sometimes and I know I shouldn’t but… I’d have never taken it that far. I wouldn’t make that same mistake again. I promise. Please, please believe me.” I believed him. Despite the evidence I had that should have probably made me think otherwise, I believed him. I was aware that his temper could get the better of him sometimes, and I thought that may be another reason he ran his classes and why he exercised in the way he did. I thought back to those times I’d seen him in his gym working out on his own, taking that energy out on punch-bags rather than people, and I felt that was his release. It was all just so overwhelming to hear. He squeezed my hand tighter, continuing frantically. “I was a stupid, heartbroken kid! I took all of it out in those fucking moments rather than… dragging out it over years, like Jack had. I kept it all in and then I just broke and… This is why I hate fucking talking. I hate trying to deal with my emotions because I’m scared that I’ll just snap again and deal with it horribly. I-I’d rather just numb it.” “That’s the exact reason you need to talk, Harry!” I cried. “You can’t let it all build up. That’s what makes you snap. It’s not the dealing with it that hurts you, it’s the bottling it up! Look at you now, look how well you’re doing!” He just about nodded, reaching up to wipe his tears away. I helped him, cupping his cheek and using my thumb to clear his damp skin. I didn’t want him to feel any more guilt than he clearly already did, I wanted to show I was there supporting him, not judging him or fearing him. Even when he was quiet, it was somehow still clear that he’d come a long way since his teenage years; he was kind, thoughtful, gentle, far much more protective than he was violent. Even those situations where he had completely lost himself, it always seemed to be for someone else’s benefit rather than his own, it was always in an attempt to protect someone else. I wanted him to feel better, not worse. I had to be as understanding as I could be. He was trembling, looking down to our hands as though seeing our joint fingers was calming him. “What happened after that?” I asked gently. He wiped away a few more tears, laying back down with a heavy thud, staring up to the ceiling. I looked down to him. “My mum kicked us both out.” “What? Why you?” “After what I did to Jack, she thought I was as bad as him, and… I don’t think she was wrong. She was scared of me. Nothing I could do.” “Where did you go?” “I stayed with a mate for a few weeks, but then I went off to uni. Kinda started a new life.” “She must have forgiven you by now.” “I don’t think so. I think… I think I fucked up, because I left and… I didn’t try, y’know? I didn’t… reach out to her, I didn’t apologise… I didn’t do anything. I just left it, because I was scared and I felt so bad so I just tried to forget the whole thing. And then the longer I left it, the worse it got and I felt like I couldn’t and… I just handled it all so fucking terribly and then I felt stuck.” I suddenly understood why it was that Harry had been so fixated on me repairing things with my own mother and father. I felt like he’d almost projected his own failings onto me, in the kindest way possible. “When I finished uni… I tried. Four years later, I went back to the house where we used to live, but she’d gone. I don’t blame her. We had so many… horrible memories in that town, that house. I think she wanted a fresh start, so she left.” “I… I just can’t believe she never tried to reach you.” “She couldn’t! I didn’t have the same number I’d had. She didn’t know where I lived in London at uni, and then after that I moved around too much. She wouldn’t have known how to find me, so like… I dunno if she tried. I hope she did, but then I dunno if it’d actually make me feel worse.” “Have you tried to reach her?” I lay back down with him. He nodded, taking a little longer to form his reply this time around, seeming almost nervous about what he was about to reveal to me. “This house… This is where my mum grew up. She was born here in Rosebury.” “What? Are you serious?” “Her mum died in childbirth, and she lived here with her dad. I never met him, he died when she was quite young. She went into care, had to leave here, but she always wanted to come back. She used to speak about this village, this house. She always wanted to be here. Her and my dad spoke about it, but with him being so ill… I think they were scared of the change, what that would do to him, so they stayed in Lytham. That’s where I grew up.” “Holy shit. That’s why you moved here.” I spoke absently. “That’s why you thought being here would bring you peace. What the fuck.” “The room, upstairs, the one you saw,” He went on. “It’s her room. The house was abandoned when her dad died, and it hadn’t even been touched since she lived here. I dunno why I kept it like that, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring myself to paint over the top of it. Some of her happiest memories are in this house and I just wanted to keep… some of its history alive. That’s why I’m so… touchy about it.” When I’d first found that room, I’d asked him if he had a child because there was that impression that it was a child’s room, and now it made so much sense why I’d jumped to that conclusion. I’d thought the peace he was talking about before was simple peace and quiet, somewhere quant and calm and different to the other places he had lived before. The peace he sought was so much more complex than that. “You bought the house for her.” I whispered, and he nodded. “I thought she might live around here. I thought maybe I’d find her here, but…no joy.” “Have you managed to contact her at all?” “When I first got here, I wrote to her. I hired some guy to find out where she is, and I wrote to the last address she was at, a few weeks after I moved here. I told her how sorry I am, that the house is here for her if she wants it. She… She never replied.” “She won’t have seen it. If she had, she’d have replied, I know it.” I had a gut feeling about it. I could understand that things got difficult and complicated and why she’d resorted to kicking the two of them out of her home, but I couldn’t accept the fact that she still didn’t want contact with him. They’d had years to recover and learn and I just knew that if she could be in touch with him, she would. He didn’t look convinced. “Have you spoke to anyone in Rosebury? Anyone who remembers her or her mum and dad? There are people who’ve been here all their lives, they’re bound to know her.” “What difference would it make? They wouldn’t know where she is now.” “But maybe they’d know her, and it’s a start! Do you have a picture? What if she visits? What if I’ve… seen her!” His eyes filled with hope for a few seconds, considering what I’d said. He moved quickly, clambering off the side of the bed to retrieve his wallet from the pocket of the jeans he'd been wearing, routing through to find a picture he stored there, one of him and his mother, arms around each other, smiling, happy. Gently, I took the picture from his hands, sitting back up and looking over the image to see if I could gather any sort of memory to attach to the woman. She was small, slim, short and light brown hair that didn’t even reach her shoulders. I was trying. “What’s her name?” “Julia.” He told me, watching my face. “I… I’m not sure. Nothing’s… coming to mind, I’m sorry.” I passed the picture back to him slowly, seeing how disappointed he looked whilst taking it back and placing it back into his wallet. “S’okay. Long shot, wasn’t it.” “Mm.” I kept my eyes on his face, wanting to cheer him up as much as possible. “She’ll want to see you, Harry. You made a mistake, she’ll see that. You’re so different now.” “I dunno. I hope so.” “I… I can’t believe you bought a house for her.” “I want her to be happy and I know this place makes her happy. Everything was so hard for her, with my dad and then me and my brother. I really want her to be here. You probably think it’s stupid-” “I don’t.” I cut him off firmly. “At all.” He had such a big heart. It seemed his whole adult life was shaped around trying to make things right, trying to make amends for his wrongs and trying to do everything he could for others. For too long, his life had revolved around pain and hate, and he’d done what he could to make sure that the life he built on his own was focused on love and support, even with how much he struggled to open himself up to others. I was utterly infatuated with him. “When the last time you saw your brother?” “I visited him in prison.” “Why’s he there?” “Burglary.” It seemed his brother hadn’t been able to learn and develop in the way Harry had, instead he’d stayed on that dark path, unable to find the light. “Are you on… better terms at least?” “No. I tried but… I think there’s too much anger there. He didn’t wanna see me, so… I left pretty quickly. I haven’t bothered to try since. I think that was like a year ago.” “I’m sorry.” “Some relationships can’t be saved.” “I hope that’s not true, but… I get why you feel that way.” He threw his wallet to the bottom of the bed, laying himself back down, miserable for a few moments before he spotted my smile. I couldn’t hold it in. “Why’re you smiling?” He asked. “I’m really proud of you, Harry. For… talking. I’m proud of the person you’ve become. And I know your mum would be too, so… keep looking. Keep trying.” Managing a smile in return, he ticked his head back so that I’d join him. I placed my chin on his shoulder once I was horizontal, kissing his cheek before he turned his head to look at me, raising a hand to brush the backs of his fingers against my cheek. “She might not be here,” He hushed. “But at least you are.” “I’m proud of you.” I whispered back to him, blushing brightly. He kissed my forehead sweetly, pulling my body a little closer to his, his own body finally relaxing. I was obsessed with the couple we were becoming, however slow our progress. There was a wonderful trust between us, an excitement and a delight that I had not felt previously. We were a secret and we were strong and we were good for each other. We were so fucking good for each other. He held me close, lips lightly tracing my forehead as he spoke. “Thank you, Fee-Fee. My world seems a bit softer with you in it.”

Sides Effects May Include (Tony Stark x Daughter)

Side Effects May Include (Masterlist)

Warnings: Mentions and descriptions of rape, bullying, swearing

Word Count: 1,550

Part 11

No amount of scrubbing could make that feeling vanish, I realized this after standing in the shower for over thirty minutes, trying to scrub away the feeling of him touching my arm, kissing my neck. It wasn’t until Nat had knocked on the bathroom door asking if I was alright that I had got the message. No amount of scrubbing will take his touch on my body away. It’s embedded in my brain. In my skin.

My mind kept wandering back to the video, the way he lingered in the background, watching my every move. He knew the drugs within my blood were taking over and he loved every second of it, waiting to feast on me later on when everyone around them has finished having their fun with me. I couldn’t help but wonder how long after that video was taken did he take me up to his room.

The more I thought about it the more of the aftermath I felt the morning after came back to me.  I tried my hardest to forget the feeling of the burning pain between my legs, the rough kisses on my skin, I don’t remember any of it but my body can’t seem to forget his touch. My body, my temple, it was demanding to be shed of its sins that it did not ask to partake in. My body shouldn’t be held responsible.

I heard a soft knock at the door, “almost done in there, Hon?” Pepper’s voice was so soft, she reminded me so much of my mother. My mother. I just wished she were around so I can run up to her and cry in her arms.

“y-yeah,” I said softly as I turned the knob to turn the water off, “All done,” I called out as I wrapped the towel around my body. I looked at myself in the fogged up mirror, gently wiping with a cloth to get a better look at myself. But all I saw was a girl with red skin from attempting to rub away the pain that she had to carry.

“Well, breakfast is ready and Peter should be here soon,” Pepper announced.

“I’ll be right out,” I began to dry my hair.

Once I was finished I made my way over to the kitchen area. I’m not mentally prepared for today, I knew that if I went to school I would hear the rumors, the laughter behind my back. Even worse since I know Jasmine wouldn’t be by my side.

I walked over to the table where everyone was seated, Pepper placed my breakfast in front of me, immediately I pushed the plate away.

“Everything okay, hon?” Pepper asked, catching the attention from Bucky and Steve that sat across from me.

“I don’t feel so good,” I stated as I placed my hands on my stomach.

“Sounds to me like someone got used to staying home from school,” Dad said with a smirk as he sat down next to me. “Just yesterday you were begging to go to school, what happened to that?”

Well, yesterday I had friends, I thought.

“Tony,” Pepper gave my dad a small warning as she glared at him, she placed a hand on my forehead, “well, you do kind of feel warm,” she sighed. “I think it’s better we stay on the safe side and let her stay home, Tony.”

Dad sighed, “Friday, can you check my daughter's temp please?”

I rolled my eyes, I knew he wasn’t going to let me stay home, “Miss. Starks temperature is at a normal range.”

“Normal range, see! She’s healthy enough to go to school,” dad said as he clapped his hands. “Now eat your breakfast before spider boy gets here.” Pepper gave me an apologetic look as she sat down next to dad. I stared at my food in front of me, “Olivia, I am not joking, eat your food.”

I gave him a small glare, “Good morning!” Peter said as he walked into the dining area.

I shoved my plate even further, getting up from my seat, “let’s go,” I said to Peter as he gave me a confused look. I grabbed my backpack from the couch and walked out with Peter.

“Everything okay?” He asked silently as we walked towards Happy.

“Peachy.”

He tensed at my tone of voice, “why didn’t you go to school yesterday?” We got into the car, I sighed as Happy gave me a small smile.

“Didn’t feel well.”

Peter hummed as he gave a small nod, we both stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. I guess he can tell from my vibe that I wasn’t in the mood to speak. Yet all I could think of was how bad I wanted to scream of the pain I was enduring in the inside.

Happy dropped me off, I stared at the school for a second, “are you sure everything is okay?” Peter asked. Everything in my body just wanted to break down crying, wanted to tell Happy to get me the fuck out of there.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” I smiled at Peter, “I’ll see you later, okay?” He gave me a nod and watched as I got out of the car. I watched as Happy drove off.

I made my way into the school building, soft whispers surrounded me as eyes watched my every move.

“Can you believe she slept with Bren?” I heard one girl whisper to her friend.

“I heard she’s saying he raped her, but we all know the bitch was asking for it,” I cringed as I listened in to their conversations, wishing I could just block all hearing for the day.

I made it to my locker, catching a glance at Jazmine who was walking towards her, I wanted to call out to her but I held my tongue. She looked up from the ground and saw me, instantly shaking her head as she angrily walked away.

There was no hope in her, I lost one of my only friends in this school. Once I was into class, I could feel some of the students staring at me, our teacher announced that it was a catch-up day, to just do homework for the class period. But I couldn’t concentrate, I could hear the whispers of the girls behind me, the way they giggled at the mention of me wanting sex. The way they called me a whore, who didn’t know what she wanted. I felt my breathing begin to increase, I closed my notebook and stuffed it into my backpack as I stood up, “Ms. Stark,” My teacher began to say, I didn’t say anything, I just made my way out of the close, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I left the classroom. The halls were empty, it felt strange to see them this way, so wide and big. Yet, with it full of students these very same hallways seem so small.

“Well, well, well,” that voice sent icy chills down my spine. My body wanted to flee as fast as it could but it stood still, my mind blanking itself, not sending the signals to my body for it to move. “If it isn’t Olivia Stark,” Bren spit out as he walked over to me.

“Get the fuck away from me,” I growled as I attempted to walk away but Bren pushed me towards the wall before I could even get very far.

I gasped at his touched, “Now now, where do you think you’re going, Livia,” I winced at the nickname he had for me. I hated it with a passion. He stared at my body like it was some kind of feast for him, my neck like it’s his to claim, “did you not enjoy our night together?” his whispers were sharp, causing me to wince.  

“I have to see you every single time I walk through those damn doors! Like that night wasn't torture enough!” I glared at him, “so, to answer your fucking question, no! I didn’t fucking enjoy that night and you know damn well that I didn’t!”

“Come on, Livia, you know you wanted it,” he whispered as he placed his hand gently on my cheek, flashbacks of that night instantly came to my mind from his touch. My body burned from the instant contact. He lifted his hand showing his phone, a video then began playing, a video of that night.

“S-stop,” You could hear me begging him as he climbed on top of me, I watched as I tried my hardest to move but the drug was too damn strong. I placed my hands on his chest in order to push him off but he grabbed them by force and placed them over my head as he placed filthy kisses on my neck, “no!” I yelled out, “stop, please.” I began to sob.

I looked over at Bren as he had a smirk on his face, “please stop,” he mocked as he brushed my hair out of my face, I slapped his hand earning a glare from him. “You’re gonna regret that, Stark,” he snarled as the bell rang, causing students to begin to walk out of the classes and filling the halls once more. The walls felt like they were closing in as the more students came out of the classes rooms, Bren gave me a small smirk before he disappeared within the crowd.

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Hijikata’s Holiday

by impracticaldemon for @nollatooru ~ from Your HakuSanta

fandom:  Hakuouki  words: 1500 (laugh track)(oops, no)  ~ 5100 words read also on:  AO3 | FFN [added December 27, 2018]

Author’s Note:  This story is intended to take place in the winter after my story Do As I Say (also for nollatooru, so this isn’t just a shameless self-reference). I was thinking December 1865, which could work; however, although Itou and his faction joined the Shinsengumi in late 1864, they are not mentioned in this story.  The word count was already out of hand with the original cast alone.  Nollatooru requested Hijikata, HijiChi, Okita & cats, or anyone & cats.  I’ve tried to deliver.  Posted first on tumblr!

tags: @shell-senji @eliz1369 @rainylune @nalufever @petri808 @hidetheremote @resshiiram @kondo-hijikata @hakuyamazakisensei @flower-dragon @shibuemiyuu @writer-appreciation  @sabinasanfanfic @eheartangel @hakuokisecretsanta2018

Hijikata’s Holiday

It started with an absence of noise. Still half-asleep, Hijikata turned puzzled eyes on the window screen. How odd. Judging by the light filtering through the thick paper, it was past dawn—in fact, it was past his usual time to get up. Today was a festival day, but that usually meant more of a clatter, not less. There wouldn't be captains and sub-officers nursing hangovers until tomorrow.

He sat up reluctantly. Winter in Kyoto was cold, and he felt no inclination to leave the warmth of his futon to go find out what could account for the strange silence. Given the time, he'd probably missed his chance to write, which dimmed what little enthusiasm he had for facing the chill weather, today's major and minor headaches—Sōji usually accounting for both—and the dinner meeting he had with the new Sub-Comptroller of Kyoto to discuss the Shinsengumi's urgent need for extra rations over the winter months.

It took several moments to register that the room wasn't cold. In fact, it was quite pleasant, if not precisely warm. A glance at the brazier told him that somebody had tended it during the night. The fact that he hadn't woken was worrisome, but he wasn't altogether surprised. He'd recognized the tea that Chizuru had brought him last night as Sannan's 'special' blend, which meant that it was laced with soporific. He would have objected, but the girl had poured it with a soft smile, and murmured that "Kondō-san sent his best regards, and would Hijikata-san please rest well this evening." The last time he'd refused the evil brew, Kondō had brought it himself, tricked him into drinking it, and then refused to let him work late for a week straight. (1)

A quick—and slightly apprehensive—look around the room gave him a modicum of reassurance that although somebody had been in his room, it was more likely Saitō than Sōji. He'd like to think that he'd have woken for anyone less familiar, or less soft-footed. The whole thing was idiotic anyway—what kind of military force gave their Vice Commander a sleeping draught?

Huh. He'd misplaced his inkstone yesterday, but now it was sitting on his desk. And... there was a small bowl containing an evergreen sprig and something leafy with red berries. He doubted—really doubted—that the arrangement was Saitō's. Not that the art of flower arrangement was necessarily beyond Saitō, but there was an air of subdued festivity about it... if there was such a thing. He refused to accept even the possibility that Sōji might have made it for him. For Kondō maybe. If he lost a bet. And even then, he'd cut the greenery with his sword.

It was quite a quite an attractive grouping, actually—

The enduring fir supports the crimson berry that braves winter's chill.

He was out of bed and reaching for his writing materials before he realized it. Well, damn. He glanced again at the window. Nobody had come for him yet—or been sent by Sannan, in a fit of hypocritical concern. The man had once told Yukimura to wake him, on the pretext that he was late for breakfast. He'd been dressing when she'd arrived, which had annoyed him and flustered the hell out of her. Although... her comments to herself in the immediate aftermath had been pretty funny, poor kid. Yeah, but you didn't mind the admiration, did you? He had found it very... honest... after the careful flattery of the Shimabara geisha, and the half-fearful simpering of the city girls.

Hijikata couldn't see, and would have denied, the reminiscent smile that hovered on his lips. Meanwhile, he had drawn his writing book from his desk, and was quickly preparing ink in the ceramic tray. Minutes passed, while he inscribed his new haiku. Satisfied, he set aside his materials, replaced the book under the patrol log kept on top in the (so far utterly vain) hope of keeping his hobby from prying eyes, and took out fresh linen and his carefully folded hakama.

He was half-way through changing when there was a polite "Shitsureisimasu, Hijikata-san, Yukimura desu," at the door. (2) For one, wild moment, he was overwhelmed with déjà vu, and some part of him contemplated not saying anything just to see what would happen. Happily—probably—the moment passed. A second, soft, "Hijikata-san?" got him out of his fugue.

"Just a moment, Yukimura." Then, impelled by the gods knew what: "Unless you'd prefer to come in while I'm dressing?"

There was a pause—the kind of pause that you can hear—and finally, "I will wait, Hijikata-san."

Unlike last time, there was a murmur of conversation, and he realized that somebody—presumably one of the captains, was with Yukimura. Annoyingly, that brought a touch of heat to his cheeks, but it faded quickly, and he stalked over to the door and slid it open with a snap.

It turned out that Yukimura had been expecting him to call her in. She was standing just outside the door, a tray with tea and breakfast—both still miraculously hot and steaming—clasped tightly in both hands. Thanks to her lack of inches, and his expectation that she'd be farther from the door, he saw Saitō before seeing Yukimura. …Not only Saitō. Yamazaki was there as well. They stood behind Yukimura on the engawa, looking for all the world like retainers to some under-dressed, underfed princeling.

"Saitō? Ohayo, Yukimura, Yamazaki."

Fortunately, Saitō didn't seem to mind, or care, that he'd been missed from Hijikata's "good morning." Indeed, Hijikata rarely found Saitō's lack of expression to be off-putting; most of the time he found it a welcome calm in the daily drama that running the Shinsengumi entailed.

"Ohayogozaimasu, Fukuchō. I will come in with Yukimura, if I may."

Hijikata stepped out of the way, but his gaze was irresistibly drawn to the garden beyond the wooden walkway. There was a fine layer of snow on everything, but it lay completely undisturbed, with the exception of the footprints of—presumably—his companions. He observed that Yamazaki had taken up a position not far from his door, but the whole morning was beginning to take on such a surreal aspect that he couldn't quite bring himself to ask about it just yet.

Once the men were seated opposite each other, and Yukimura had set down his breakfast tray—he felt his eyes widen a little at the carefully-prepared meal—Saitō began his report. Not that it was precisely a report, it was just that Saitō made everything sound like a report. He was a first-rate swordsman, and an excellent officer, but he couldn't tell an interesting story to save his life. Nagakura swore that he loosened up when he was talking to inanimate objects, but that only happened when he was very drunk, and Hijikata was rarely around for that kind of serious drinking these days.

"The Commander was concerned by your absence at dinner, Vice Commander. As you requested, I told him that you were speaking with officials at the Comptroller's office in order to set up a meeting to discuss the current shortage of rations."

"Did you remind him that the last load of rice we received was not only short-weighted, but full of freaking weevils?! We had to toss out four bags, and decontaminate the kitchen storage area!"

"Commander Kondō remembered the incident, Vice Commander."

"Excuse me, Hijikata-san—your tea. Saitō-san—your tea."

Hijikata automatically thanked Yukimura for filling his cup, then felt his brows contract inward—well, further inward—when he saw her look furtively at Saitō, who clearly blinked in return. It reminded him to pursue his original question, once he'd wrested back control of the conversation.

"You flirting with Yukimura now, Saitō? Didn't expect it from you."

"No, Vice Commander." Saitō left it at that, but Yukimura reddened and leapt at the bait.

"Oh no, Hijikata-san, o-of course not! But Kondō-san said that Saitō-san shouldn't let you get too worked up—I mean, too worried—about the rice, because—"

"Colonel Sannan has already agreed to pursue the matter on behalf of the Shinsengumi," interposed Saitō, in his uninflected voice. "He said that he would be delighted to attend the dinner meeting this evening."

"Delighted," muttered Hijikata.

"Sannan-san said that he hadn't had the chance to meet the new staff at the Imperial Comptroller's office. He truly did seem very pleased, Hijikata-san." Yukimura smiled cheerfully, and just as Hijikata was concluding that she had no idea how scary the soft-spoken man could be, she added thoughtfully, "I realize that the last official quit after Sannan-san investigated the Shinsengumi's rice allocation, but we didn't have problems for many months after, right?" Her expression had become unusually serious. "Sannan-san said he would do whatever was necessary to protect the needs of our men, and Kondō-san agreed that healthy food was very important."

Hijikata risked a look at Saitō, who met his gaze without comment. Yukimura could be surprisingly fierce when it came to looking after the Shinsengumi, and Hijikata should have remembered that she'd taken the latest food shortage to heart.

"Fine. But why are you two here explaining all this to me anyway?" He gave them both a 'don't mess with me' look, or tried to. Chizuru was too busy pouring him more tea to notice—she had a way of making it just the right temperature from the start, so that he tended to finish it quickly.

"The Commander suggested that you would appreciate a holiday," said Saitō. "Yukimura, Sōji, and I were given the task of ensuring that you are able to enjoy the day." Being Saitō, he stopped there, having expressed the salient point.

"A holiday?! No, wait—Sōji is supposed to make sure that I enjoy a holiday?" Hijikata automatically looked around for the green-eyed… man. Menace to my existence is more like it… Not even Kondō would expect Sōji to—well maybe—no, surely not?

"Hai. Along with Yukimura and myself." It took Hijikata a moment to recollect himself and realize that Saitō was answering his question.

"But everyone is helping out," Yukimura rushed to reassure him. If 'reassure' was the right word. "Kondō-san was worried when you missed dinner—as Saitō-san mentioned—because it was the third time this week." Hijikata thought there was a disapproving edge to her voice, but her expression was as sweet and earnest as ever, gods help him.

"Yukimura noted the frequency of your absences," murmured Saitō, gazing down into his tea.

"R-right! But Sannan-san agreed to go to the dinner, and Nagakura-san and Harada-san said they'd conduct an early morning patrol today, and no drills, so that nobody would be around this morning—but also because it makes sense to check that things are safe for the holiday crowds—"

"Uh-huh." Fascinated despite himself, Hijikata began to calmly eat his breakfast. The room was warm enough that his delicately flavoured miso soup was still remarkably hot. It was obvious that Sōji's help—whatever it was—hadn't extended to breakfast, thank the gods.

"And I asked Heisuke-kun if he'd be willing to hunt ducks or geese this morning so that I could make us all a nice holiday dinner later this afternoon before everyone goes out for the evening. He thought that was a great idea until—um…" Yukimura suddenly stopped talking.

"Sōji reminded Heisuke of the last time that we shared a meal of Yukimura's duck hot pot." All three people present shared a moment of silence as they each visualized Heisuke's piece of duck flying through the air and hitting Hijikata square in the middle of the forehead. It had not gone well for the cheerful Eighth Division Captain after that.

"Y-yes, well, Okita-san just said that this was Heisuke's chance to make up for it, and so—and so, that's all settled!"

"Really, now?" Hijikata couldn't quite visualize how such a comment would settle anything, but he was willing to bet he would find out.

"I needed to discuss a scheduling issue with Sōji at that point, and I believe that Yukimura arranged any further details with Heisuke, Vice Commander."

"I see. So Harada and Nagakura just happened to volunteer for an early patrol—"

"That is correct, Vice Commander."

"And Heisuke's off hunting ducks, or geese—are you sure he'll be safe? The marsh area is very cold this time of year." Heisuke was a lot tougher than he looked, but he was also a magnet for disaster—according to his own view of things. Most people felt he invited disaster in with open arms, although he was ably aided and abetted by his brothers in idiocy.

"Shimada-san went with him, Hijikata-san. He said that he would be happy to spend time out bird-hunting with Heisuke-kun. I made sure to pack them a good lunch, and I included a few sweetened rice cakes."

Saitō didn't bother to elaborate on this, since Shimada was known for his love of sweets, and was very fond of Yukimura. He also adored Kondō, and had probably stepped in quite willingly to help out with this wild scheme to "give" Hijikata a holiday.

"I'm still a little puzzled on a few points," Hijikata said, with an air of polite inquiry. Like, what the hell is Sōji up to?

"I made sure that this courtyard was secure overnight," noted Saitō placidly.

"Oh—oh yes. And Yamazaki-san will be on duty this morning. To… to make sure that the courtyard remains secure—and peaceful, as is proper for a holiday."

"Needed to get some use out of the scarf, Saitō? Or did it dawn on somebody that leaving me defenseless to assassins for the sake of a few hours of sleep was less than optimal?"

Yukimura looked suitably concerned by the mention of assassins, but Saitō obviously felt that he had already dealt with that topic. He addressed Hijikata's first question with no trace of the sarcasm with which it had been asked.

"I was adequately equipped for the cold. The Commander allocated me extra coal for a brazier." Saitō bowed. "Please excuse me, Vice Commander. Sōji and I will be sparring together this morning over at the Mibu Temple grounds, and then we plan to visit a swordsmith who is reputed to be better than average at sharpening blades."

"You won't be sticking around Saitō? What will Yukimura do if I suddenly try to exert myself by doing my job?"

Saitō said nothing, and Hijikata finally relented and waved at him to go. Yukimura was very slowly tidying his now-empty tray.

"Since I have my writing things, am I at least allowed to get through some of my back-log of reports?"

Yukimura shook her head, looking anxious, but determined.

"Kondō-san asked me to bring him your list of reports to be filed."

"And?" How did Yukimura even know that he had that list, or where to look? Although technically she was his page, and these days she managed to spend some of her time running errands for him, despite his original plans for her (or lack thereof).

"He said that only the marked items were to be dealt with today." She brought out a piece of scrap paper—his scrap paper—and handed it to him.

There were only two marked items, and one of them had clearly been added by Kondō: 'finish summary of important points to make perfectly clear to the goat-fucking asswipes at the comptroller's office'—that hadn't been meant for Kondō's eyes! Or Yukimura's, now that he considered it—and 'buy a new coat'. Seriously? Buy a new coat? They needed food! And they were still dealing with the reputation as deadbeats foisted on them by the late, unlamented Serizawa Kamo.

"Yukimura."

"Hai!"

"Did you see this list?"

She obviously had. It showed in little ways—such as how she was practically staring at the admittedly threadbare haori he'd brought with him from Edo. But if he didn't let its condition bother him, then what was the problem?

"Kondō-san told me which items to point out to you, Hijikata-san."

"I don't need a new coat. The coat I have is fine. And when I'm out on patrol I've got my blues."

"You never wear your coat when you go out, Hijikata-san, even though you dislike the cold."

"I don't mind the cold."

There was a long silence, during which both combatants reconsidered their tactics. As a junior, and a subordinate, Yukimura should not contradict Hijikata. Or as a woman, especially since she wasn't his wife. Another good reason not to get married, as if I needed another one. Anyway, it had been tactically unsound for Yukimura to say that he disliked the cold. A true warrior didn't let the elements bother him, and he knew that she didn't want to offend him.

"…Hijikata-san?"

"Yes, Yukimura?" He held out his cup for more tea, feeling that he could be gracious in victory.

"I asked Kondō-san whether it would alright for me to improve your old—I mean, current—coat, by adding a new lining."

"You asked Kondō-san? But why—" Hijikata broke off, perturbed.

"Well, Kondō-san and Inoue-san were discussing the time you all spent together at Shiei Hall, as they sometimes do, after dinner two nights ago, and I happened to be cleaning up the dining hall, and Kondō-san asked me if you still had the haori you used to like so much. I asked him what it looked like, just to be sure, and then Inoue-san described it, and he told me that it was made especially for you by a good tailor, and that you were very fond of it."

Hijikata resisted the urge to smack his hand into his face, but it was a near thing. Unfortunately, Yukimura continued on, nearly tripping over her words as she tried to get it all out.

"And I was surprised to hear that, because you never wear that coat, so I asked Kondō-san if maybe I should fix it up a little, but Inoue-san said that you preferred to wear nice clothes, that weren't patched, and then Kondō-san agreed. So I suppose that's where it all started." She was slightly breathless, but added: "And even if you don't mind the cold, I worry that if you don't wear a coat in this weather, then you will get sick."

Many words floated through Hijikata's head, mostly unprintable. He drew a deep breath, and tried to ignore the half-anxious, half-stubborn look on Yukimura's face that always reminded him of—oh, his sister, his sister-in-law, his aunt, and the countless other women he'd grown up with. It didn't work, so he reined in his temper—because at the end of the day he was a practical man—and turned and examined his old coat. The truth was that he didn't wear it because it looked shabby, and fucking Serizawa—he rarely thought that name without an epithet—had been right about appearances, but he really didn't like being cold, even if he wouldn't say so.

"So I'm supposed to buy a new coat?"

"Yes?"

"Because to hell with rice, you're worried I'll get a cold?" He was giving in, but determined to go down fighting.

"Sannan-san will deal with the rice situation, I believe in him. Also, he is taking Okita-san with him this time."

"…As long as they don't tell me where they hide the bodies."

"Hijikata-san?" Yukimura had that reproving look again. "Okita-san said that he would smile and be very polite. He knows that we don't want you to worry."

He stared at her, but she seemed genuinely confident about the whole thing.

"And is that Okita's contribution to my, ah, day off?"

"Okita-san said that he wanted to help in any way that he could."

"Uh-huh."

"And Saitō-san said that the best way to help would be to stay out of the compound."

"Good man. I'd give him a raise, but I need to buy a new coat."

"…Yes? So I'll go get ready then?" Yukimura looked both relieved and pleased.

Hijikata debated telling her that he could damn well shop for a coat on his own. But the look on her face… She'd be crushed, probably, and he had a feeling that Kondō had already told her to go with him. So for her sake, and Kondō's—since they'd obviously spent so much effort on all this—he'd take her along. She'd slow him down by staring at all the people in town for the festival, but he'd manage. And if he was going to spend the money it would cost for a decent coat, then he could afford to spend just a little on a couple of sweets for her, and maybe a small souvenir.

"Right—go get ready, and I'll meet you at the gate. I need to add a couple of things to this memo for Sannan-san on the… rice situation." And I want to tell him to make damn sure Sōji doesn't 'accidentally' kill anyone.

"Hai!" Yukimura immediately stopped fussing with the tray, and hurried off as though Hijikata might change his mind if she didn't leave fast enough.

Chizuru spent a blissful morning and early afternoon out shopping with Hijikata. She made sure not to talk too much—although Hijikata-san didn't seem to mind her questions, for once—and she tried not to skip—something that Okita-san had teased her about in the past when she'd been excited about leaving Shisengumi headquarters—and whenever they stopped to look at coats she tried to remember to behave like a boy, and not a girl. She was extremely embarrassed when one shopkeeper told her that she obviously admired the Vice Commander a great deal, but that he, for one, didn't think that boys should be recruited so young.

They saw both Harada's and Nagakura's patrols in the distance a few times, but somehow, they never actually crossed paths with one. Even Chizuru began to suspect that this was not just by chance (or mischance). Fortunately, Hijikata-san seemed to find it amusing, so it didn't turn into a problem.

Eventually, Hijikata-san chose a coat. Or rather, he chose a style, and a material, and paid to have a coat made for him, which impressed Chizuru a great deal. After that, they stopped at a shop for tea, and although Chizuru meant to serve the tea, Hijikata-san said not to bother, so she didn't. He said that if others found it strange for the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi to stoop to having tea and snacks with his page, then so be it.

"I suppose you should get back so that you can cook dinner," said Hijikata, when they left the tea shop. "Although it's optimistic of you to believe that Heisuke can catch anything but a cold. I predict you'll be trying to find yet another way to cook salted fish."

"Heisuke caught two excellent ducks last time."

"Ah, but flailing around in the water I can see. It's the patience required for winter hunting that I'm not so sure about."

Chizuru firmly quelled a momentary qualm or two. "He'll be fine. He has Shimada-san with him. They'll come back safe and sound, with food."

"Hm. Well, Shimada is very reliable; but he's with Heisuke, so who knows what will happen."

When they eventually returned to headquarters, they discovered that they were both wrong, or alternately, both right. Heisuke had caught not one, but two birds—migrating geese—and poor Shimada had slipped and fallen into the swampy muck. The big man brightened up considerably when Heisuke assured him that nobody needed to know about the incident—other than Chizuru, who wouldn't tell—because he could keep his mouth shut, and knew what it was like to be teased by certain people who should be kinder to their fellow officer. Chizuru declined Heisuke’s help with dinner, but praised him so effusively for catching the geese that he left to warm up in excellent spirits.

Harada and Nagakura popped their heads into the kitchen part-way through the afternoon, to say that all was well, and that Hijikata was sitting calmly at his desk writing—though whether it was personal correspondence, or work, they didn't know. Chizuru bowed to both of them, and thanked them earnestly for their hard work that morning. They exchanged knowing looks over her bent head—they'd seen her out and about that morning—and when she straightened, they were both grinning affectionately at her. As tired out as she was from all the walking, and now the dinner preparations, she had to smile back.

"He was in a damn good mood just now, Chizuru-chan," Nagakura told her, "so maybe we're the ones who owe you—he even said not to worry about curfew tonight." He paused in the act of turning away, to add, "Although I still don't know how you kept Sōji out of his hair all day, especially when he was so annoyed over the whole coat thing, and Kondō-san fussing about Hijikata-san not coming to dinner."

"Um, I—I'm not sure what you mean."

She looked so uncomfortable that Harada grabbed his friend's bicep and hauled him away. "Come on, Shin—let's go congratulate Heisuke on providing dinner without either getting hurt, or ticking off the boss."

"Yeah, fine, but you're curious too, Sano."

Their voices trailed away, and Chizuru turned back to her cooking, feeling relieved. She'd promised not to tell, and even if Okita-san thought he was just threatening her, she knew it was very important to keep her promises to him. And he had been a bit upset over Kondō-san saying that Hijikata-san should have a new coat. She didn't completely understand why Hijikata-san and Okita-san didn't get along, since both of them cared so much about Kondō-san and the Shinsengumi, but for now it was enough that she was learning not to be so alarmed by their disagreements.

In the few minutes of quiet time after dinner was prepared, and before it needed to be served, Chizuru took advantage of Inoue-san's offer to watch over things, and slipped away to a smallish gardening shed near the wall of the courtyard. The door slid open before she could knock, and Saitō pulled her quickly inside.

"They're all fine," he said, tilting his head toward the back of the shed.

There against the wall, and carefully concealed from the door by a rack of large burlap sacks, was a kind of nest made up of discarded rags and soft paper. In the center sat a thin black cat with a white muzzle and a white belly. It couldn't be called an attractive cat, since one eye was swollen shut, and it appeared to be missing part of one ear. The four kittens nestled around it—or rather, her—didn't seem to care. They mewled and gently bumped her with their heads, and periodically peered around her legs at the quiet, green-eyed man who was holding out a dish of meat scraps to her.

"It's quite a feast you got her, Chizuru-chan," commented Sōji, watching as the black cat delicately picked out another morsel of goose innard. "Just what she needed."

"I'm glad she's doing better, Okita-san. And oh—the kittens are so sweet!"

"Oi, don't move so fast, or they'll run again. They're not too quick, but it's a pain to catch them, and then mama here fusses."

"Sumimasen, Okita-san." Chizuru put her hands behind her back to keep herself from scooping up one of the fuzzballs for a cuddle.

"Ehn, it's okay—they'll probably be more up to playing tomorrow, ne, Neko-sama?"

Chizuru laughed a little, then quickly covered her mouth. "I'm sorry, Okita-san, but she doesn't look much like a court lady…"

Okita shook his head at her. "You shouldn't be so quick to judge, Chizuru-chan—you don't look much like a lady either, you know."

"Um… that's true, I suppose."

"Anyway, she's a fighter, like the onna-bugeisha."

Chizuru just nodded. She wasn't especially familiar with the women warriors of the samurai caste families, and she still thought the mother cat looked more like street fighter than a noble lady. Not that Chizuru minded, though. She thought the little family needed all the help they could get—and if Okita-san wanted to look after them, then she would help Okita-san.

"Yukimura must return to the house, Sōji. And Sannan-san will be expecting you soon."

"I know, I know." Okita turned to Chizuru.

"You promise to come by with food again later? I don't want to leave any because I don't know if she's up to handling another fight right now."

"I promise."

"And you'll check the water?"

"Hai!"

"Sōji."

"Fine, fine. But we have a deal, right, Chizuru-chan? You don't tell anyone, and you help me look after them while it's so cold."

"It's a deal, Okita-san. And I haven't told anyone."

"Well, I guess we'll see how it goes."

Okita stood up and stretched, his green eyes glinting in the faint lantern light. He almost asked about Hijikata's new coat, but then decided it wasn't worth it. He'd gotten to save the cats—plus a chance to go out with Sannan-san, which might be entertaining, although there were sure to be some dull bits—and Chizuru and Kondō-san were happy, so… he could let it go. Besides, the spar with Saitō had gone well, and he hadn't felt too out of breath, for once.

"Okay, oyasumi, neko-sama."

They all filed out of the shed, careful and quiet in the cold, dark courtyard. And if Hijikata happened to see them returning to the house, and happened to check in the shed before going in to dinner, well, almost nobody knew about it. The one silent observer had been aware of the whole thing from the start, having watched the various comings and going of the headquarters' inhabitants throughout the day. However, since Saitō-san already knew about it, and Hijikata-san didn't seem inclined to interfere—had even appeared to be smiling, just now—Yamazaki certainly had no need to do more than wish, very briefly, that he too were getting a new coat.

End Notes:

(1) See Do As I Say (not just shameless self-referencing, since nollatooru did say she'd enjoy another similar story!)

(2) "Excuse me, Hijikata-san, it's Yukimura"

A/Note: As always, your comments and reviews are very much appreciated. Please never think "I have nothing interesting to say." While a detailed review is a wonderful, precious thing, you can make an author's day with a simple "This was great!" or "Thanks, really enjoyed this!" or even "Eep!" Knowing you're out there, and enjoying my work helps so much! (To those on tumblr: yes, I read all the tags)

I'm taking the time to say this now, because I'm seeing fewer reviews and comments than ever, whether it's on tumblr, FFN, or AO3. I know it can be hard to figure out what to say, but if you can find a minute or two to type some positive feedback, it can help a writer to want to write again. And if you have constructive criticism, or you've seen a typo? All the authors I know, myself included, are grateful for that kind of feedback as well, although it's even better if you can do it directly by private message or something similar.

Note to reviewers/ those who comment: I try to write back to everyone, but it's taking me longer these days. If I haven't written back, I sincerely apologize. If you comment on Anon or Guest, I can’t write back directly, but thank you! Please know that all of your feedback is important to me, regardless.

four

when did you last see someone you know in public? today at work.

do you enjoy going to the dentist? not really.

when did you last eat something you didn’t like? i’m eating a sandwich right now that doesn’t taste that great.

do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? if i had a little help around, like Keith or my dad.

when did you last hang out with a bunch of friends at one time? not my friends but i guess the last time Jackie and Erik had people over. me and Keith got done working out and then hung around them upstairs for, like, an hour. i think it was only a total of maybe six people, including us.

what kind of music is your least favorite? i can appreciate almost any kind of music but i guess i would have to say that most rap is super annoying.

are you and your best friend complete opposites? not complete.

would people around you say you’re regularly a mean person? i don’t think so.

do you like the color yellow at all? sometimes. rarely.

if you were to write a novel, what would it be about? post-apocalyptic aftermath caused by a new politician introducing a law enforcing the chemicals that have been “polluting” our earth to be removed. however, these chemicals were actually helping us -- by blinding us to the creatures that exist that were thought to have only been myths. they don’t like that we can see them. 

how many times have you logged in to Bzoink? i don’t think i’ve ever logged in but i’ve definitely used it.

are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? no.

are you an impatient person? i can be, but not typically.

are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? no.

who sings the last song you listened to? i unintentionally just listened to Celine Dion’s version of Ave Maria.

why do you think some actors don’t want to see their movies/shows? it’s probably super weird and awkward to see yourself on a big screen, taking on a role entirely different from your true self.

do you think fortune tellers are the devil’s messengers? no. but most are fake.

would you rather use napkins or paper towels? napkins.

do you go to the pool in the summer time very often? i have a pool in my backyard, so i go there in the summer.

have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? nope.

have you ever watched South Park? who’s your favorite character? yes, but i don’t think i have a favorite character.

do you have sensitive teeth? yes.

do you enjoy or hate snow days? why is this your choice? when i was a kid, i liked snow days because it meant we didn’t have to go to school, but now snow is just generally annoying.

do you turn pale when you get sick? yes.

does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? does it hurt? it’s definitely more intensive than a shot anywhere else, and i do feel like it hurts maybe just a little bit more.

when did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? my mom, a few days ago.

what is the day of the week currently? it’s Friday.

is anything exciting coming up in the next three months? Halloween, end of the school semester, Christmas.

do you ever borrow money from someone? sometimes. my mom or Jackie.

when did you last kiss someone on the cheek? who was it? i don’t know exactly when. probably yesterday. it was Keith.

do you have a lot of enemies, or not so much? i don’t care enough about people to have enemies.

can you count backwards from 100 without a mistake? maybe.

do you have any friends you’ve had since birth? if my siblings count, then yes.

do you care if your friends talk badly about you? i would but i don’t really have friends.

would you rather drink out of a straw or just the cup alone? the cup alone. unless i’m at a restaurant, and then i wanna use a straw. sometimes i think straws make things taste differently, though.

does anyone ever say they miss you often? yeah, my mom. :(

would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? wizard.

is there anyone out there who has made you feel miserable? this person has the ability to.

do you have a problem answering personal questions? not really.

what color is the vacuum-cleaner in your house? ummm.... red and black??? i actually have no idea.

have you already moved out of your parents’ house? i live next door to my parents. i live in my uncle’s house.

are your parents divorced, married or separated? married.

have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? yes.

do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? if it’s an important text, then no. but otherwise, yeah.

what is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? probably They Came Together.

what are your views on our current president? yuck.

has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? were you sad? i was so sad when Xanga changed and became something you had to pay for. that’s where i used to take all my selfies, and also where i roleplayed.

is it awkward to see your best friend’s parents out in public? no.

who is the person you talk to the most in your house? Keith.

is there a television show out there that you never miss? i used to love watching So Weird.

what movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? either Mean Girls, Stand By Me, or Dazed and Confused.

what are the last two digits of your phone number? 10.

does it creep you out to see people with mullets? it doesn’t creep me out but it does make me feel some kind of way.

what is your biggest responsibility in your household? keep the peace. try to pick up after everyone else because they can’t do it for themselves for some reason.

how cold did it get where you live last winter? i don’t remember.

do you ever wish you could go back in time to redo something? not really.

ever accidentally pull out a filling from your tooth? no.

do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? nope.

have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? probably, although i’m pretty sure i’ve gotten away with most of the huge lies i told my parents.

do you ever listen to the radio anymore? not really.

does it bother you to have personal conversations with people? sometimes, when i don’t really feel like communicating with anyone.

ever ride in a limo? when did you last do so? i rode in a limo for my eighth grade graduation dinner with my Grandma Nancy and her boyfriend, Don. we went to the city and ate at the restaurant on top of the Sears Tower (i think).

do any of your body parts hurt at this moment in time? not really.

are you sober at the time being? yes.

do any of your friends constantly do things to annoy you? not really.

when did you last eat a Starburst? what color was it? i feel like maybe Keith got some a few weeks or a month or two ago. i don’t remember the color.

have you ever lied to someone and said they could sing when they couldn’t? no. me and Jackie did lie to this one guy who thought he could make beats and compose music when we were at JJC, though.

do you ever call backstabbers out on what they do? sometimes. depends on who the backstabber is.

how many people in the world do you trust? maybe three.

Memories on Water - On the Subject of Nothing

I wish I had a good way to summarize this story without giving too much away. Maybe eventually. For now, Papyrus deals with the aftermath of the Royal Scientist’s disappearance.

----------------

Undertale: Memories on Water Chapter 2: On the Subject of Nothing

The first thing he did when he returned home was hug his brother. Sans smiled in that delighted way he always did when he was swept up in his brother’s arms; Papyrus surmised that he got the brief impression of flying every time he lifted him up like that. It was a typical greeting between them, a bit of playfulness in which Papyrus took full advantage of their height difference, but today he let the hug linger. “Uh, bro? Something wrong?” Maybe he let the hug linger a little too long. Or maybe he was standing a bit too still as he held his brother. Whatever the case, Sans was peering up at him with a raised browbone. “Nothing! Nothing at all.” He very briefly wished he was better at lying, cringing under his brother’s scrutiny. “…Well. ‘Nothing’ might be the problem? If that makes sense?”

Confusion glimmered in Sans’ eyelights, but he said nothing until he was back on the floor. “You look tired. Go sit down and I’ll put something together. Nothing’s worse than dealing with nothing with nothing in your stomach.” Papyrus groaned, his fingerbones clacking against his skull as he covered his face with one hand. “We don’t even have stomachs, brother.” Regardless of his own mutterings, he wandered over to the couch that took up the majority of their living room. He considered turning on the television as a distraction, but it would be a short-lived one with Sans already scurrying around the kitchen. And so he settled, mind churning with what he could possibly say to his brother on the subject of … ‘nothing.’ “Do you remember our time in the royal labs, Sans?” he inquired, looking over his shoulder in an effort to project his voice in Sans’ direction. “Sure. Of course.” The voice came from his immediate vicinity, and he turned his head to see Sans perched on the arm of the couch with a plate on his lap. The proffered plate held two stacked slices of bread, a stray piece of potato hinting that Sans had sandwiched yesterday’s potato salad into a makeshift snack. “You make it sound so ancient though, bro. Like you didn’t just go to work today.” Papyrus quickly shook his head in the negative, not yet touching the sandwich. “It’s nothing like that! I, er… Work is…” His shoulders slumped under the weight of his growing distress. “Something happened. I cannot recall what, but there is a distinct memory gap. And yet, apparently, nothing is out of place. Hence my earlier answer of nothing.” Sans made a considerable effort to not look perplexed by the explanation, especially with Papyrus all of two feet away. His perpetual smile tightened at the corners. “That was as clear as mud, bro. Sorry.” “Yes, yes, I realized as soon as I started.” Papyrus sighed, shutting his eyes in thought. “…I distinctly remember there being only one Royal Scientist. But apparently that is not true, and there is instead a group of royal scientists. That is why I asked what you remember.” With his piece clarified, Papyrus finally busied himself eating the sandwich. The fact that Sans did not answer right was a good sign; it meant he trying to puzzle out what he had been told, jaw resting on his knuckles as he stared into the middle distance. When he spoke, the concentration was evident in his voice. “I remember being in the lab a lot. Lots of tests to, y’know, make sure I was healthy. The tests were always done by the same doctor.” It wasn’t the definitive confirmation he was looking for, but a question was quick to form in his mind. “Do you happen to remember who?” Again, there was no immediate answer. But this silence was more discomfiting than the last, and Papyrus looked up from his plate in time to watch his brother’s eyelights gutter out. “…Who?” The silence stretched on, unhindered by any explanation attempts, seeming to freeze everything in their small home. Sans looked like a strange bone statue, far beyond any form of sleep as he sat stock still on the arm of the couch with his empty gaze pointed at the far wall. Grimacing, Papyrus shook his head and reached over to pat Sans’ shoulder, unsure of what else he could possibly do. The touch seemed to snap him out of his daze, though there was still confused tension to the corners of his mouth. With a slow blink and a scratch of his elbow, Sans muttered, “Huh. Must’ve zoned out there for a sec. Sorry, bro.” Papyrus did his best to smooth out his distress, ignoring the internal screech of dismay at such a potent reaction. That was even worse than his coworkers completely brushing off his comments about a singular Royal Scientist. Sans stretched, scooting off of the couch arm to sit cross-legged next to his brother. He stretched an arm out to the empty plate, tapping on its rim. “Looks like you polished off that sandwich. Wanna talk about, uh, ‘nothing’ now?” It was as if something had just … hit the rewind button, like on their VCR. Papyrus boggled, unable to stammer out a response as his mind tried to accept what had just happened. “Oh. Uh. Hm.” Beyond his sense of panic, Papyrus knew he shouldn’t stoop to lying to his brother. He wasn’t good at it, for one, but he also knew that they were their best support for each other. Especially if what little he recalled about the Royal Scientist was correct and they had a hand in helping them to where they currently lived. “Still not sure how to put nothing into words?” But he didn’t want to tempt fate and see Sans react like that again. He seemed fine right now, but what if further talk triggered it again? Or what if it was even worse? Another time. Yes. After he had recovered a little. After he had digested this situation more. “Oh-- I. I did not feel like staying at work. I left early and took a walk.” That much was true, at least.   “Yeah? I guess I’m not surprised. The lab’s pretty stuffy.” Sans quirked a browbone at him, giving him a measured look before continuing. “But so’s Hotland in general, being hot and all.” Papyrus could practically hear the follow-up question forming in Sans’ head, and he tried to steer the conversation away from anything related to the lab. “It’s much cooler by the river, actually. I spent some time there with the Riverman. Quite a mysterious fellow!” Sans blinked, clearly not having expected that aside. “The Riverman?” “He ferries monsters around the Underground! You are forgiven your confusion, as I was not aware of him until that moment as well.” It was easier to muster up exuberance once he pushed past the subject of the Royal Scientist, even as he found himself immediately thinking about his embarrassing display in front of the Riverman. If he ever wandered by the river again, he would have to apologize. “It was rather odd, as he seemed somewhat familiar? But I don’t believe we had met before.” “Now that you mention it, I do remember hearing about ‘im.” Sans leaned back against the couch, looking thoughtful as he cupped his jaw. “Some of the teachers were talking about improving public transport. Mentioned there was a boat going up and down the Underground for years and years. That’s gotta be your Riverman, yeah?” “Yes, that sounds right. And that would account for what he said about not having seen a skeleton monster in years!” “Well, yeah. Pretty sure we’re the only ones, and that’s because of the lab.” Papyrus shot his brother a careful look at the casual comment, trying to gauge whether or not he could expect a strange reaction. But Sans seemed unaffected for the moment, eyes half-lidded as he relaxed. “…Speaking of teachers.” He reached over and rubbed the top of Sans’ skull, grinning with the corners of his eye sockets. “What say you tell me about school while we make a proper dinner?” “Heh.” Sans’ eyelights glowed warmly at the affectionate touch, and he took the plate from Papyrus’ lap before scooting off of the couch. “Sure thing. I’ve been wanting to do something with those taco shell things you grabbed from the store.” “They were bright yellow and shaped like those pictures of the rising sun. Very appetizing!” Sans snickered in agreement, waiting patiently for Papyrus to stand before ambling into the kitchen. Papyrus did not follow immediately, giving himself a moment to compartmentalize his work concerns for now. Until tomorrow. …Or maybe the next day. Undyne said she would see to him getting tomorrow off, after all.