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#was already around 10 by that point
zipsunz · 5 months
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every day, sunrise to sunset 🌇
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What's something you always wanted to write into your Eleutherophobia fic that you just never had a spot for?
David. Love him as a character, even if I hate him as a person. But if I were to put him in the series, then:
This'd presumably have to involve him making some kind of deal with Crayak. And I don't want Crayak or the Ellimist in my fic.
The consequences for everyone's reputation would be massive and catastrophic. At minimum Rachel would get canceled by the internet. At maximum, the idea of charging all six kids with war crimes would suddenly be back on the table.
I have no idea what I'd do with him after the first scene or two of him interacting with the Berensons. Killing him would be inexcusable. But if he lives, he's going to do everything from rob banks to stalk Rachel to charge Jake with attempted murder.
Either he's no threat at all (because he's still stuck as a rat) or he's a life-ruining level of threat (because he's not stuck as a rat) to Jake. There is no in-between.
That said, I'd dearly love for him to interact with Tom at some point. Just long enough for them to get into a snake-measuring contest. And then for them both to discover that king cobras aren't cobras; king cobras are called that because they eat cobras for dinner.
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cienie-isengardu · 2 months
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[MK1] Bi-Han & Kuai Liang. Good brother? Evil brother? Nah, just different reactions to trauma, part 3
part 1, part 2
The previous part helped me lay a ground to establish the main difference between Kuai Liang and Bi-Han. Scorpion, as a dedicated follower of father and Liu Kang’s authority is what I had called the Believer. He does not question the nature of Lin Kuei duty, as he built his life around it. Bi-Han on another hand is definitely a Questioner, as he questions and undermines not only the wisdom of Fire God or even his own father but also the reasons why his clan should serve Earthrealm in the first place as he sees such servitude as enslavement. So one brother follows orders of those he considers to be his superiors while the other, the same as all know to us major cryomancers, has a rocky relationship with authority.
Being the sons of Grandmaster definitely influenced their life by how they were raised, because beside the hardship of physical training they, as heirs, needed to be prepared for their future duties to the clan. As the eldest, such additional education was aimed primarily on Bi-Han, and depending on how big is the age gap between brothers, he could be more involved into clan politics - and in result more aware of the inner working of Lin Kuei and the unrest of his people than Kuai Liang or Tomas were. I will expand this thought soon, for now let's talk about the Grandmaster and Mother, as the first authority figures that shaped and influenced both brothers.
FATHER
There is no doubt that their father played a great role in shaping Kuai Liang and he meant a lot to the younger brother. During story mode we had 6 main scenes in which Lin Kuei brothers interacted with each other:
waiting together for Liu Kang
before infiltrating Fortress
after Bi-Han defeated Nitara and Ermac
before brothers separated to carry on their parts of mission
Bi-Han’s betrayal
the second confrontation between brothers that lead to Kuai Liang and Bi-Han fight + Kuai Liang and Tomas talking over unconscious body of Sub-Zero 
Out of 6 examples, four was focused on the ideological conflict between Sub-Zero and his brothers - and in all of those scenes, Kuai Liang was talking about father in one way or another
“His teaching did not pass with him. They should still guide us." “We must honor his vision Bi-Han." “Bi-Han!! How could you?! Father would turn in his grave if he saw this!" "We must chart a new course. One that both honors our Father's legacy and serves Earthrealm."
but outside the importance of father and his teaching, had almost nothing meaningful to say in the presented interactions. What is frankly a pretty alarming detail. Not only because Kuai Liang barely interacted with Tomas before he needed his support (6th interaction scene), but also he does not contribute much to the mission - the only one time he does say anything relative to the job at hand is when Smoke is out of the picture.
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In contrast, Bi-Han and Smoke talked about how to process the mission on two separate occasions - before and during infiltrating the fortress, even though Tomas is the least battle experienced out of the three brothers (confirmed by his BIO and the falling scene) and the one about whom frustrated Bi-Han said to not have Lin Kuei blood.
And this is very surprising choice of creators, as it was Kuai Liang to whom other characters will look up for leadership during battle to close the portals, so A) he doesn’t lack the skills and self-confidence to lead a mission and B) he was no afraid of Bi-Han nor Tomas as he spoke his mind openly around his brothers. 
For the majority of Bi-Han’s chapter, literally all Scorpion has to say was to critique Sub-Zero even for things not worth the scorn[1] or bring father into discussion despite perfectly knowing this will only frustrate his elder brother more. 
Again for contrast, during the same chapter Bi-Han spoke of things not related to his father or ambitious plans for Lin Kuei’s future. As in:
discussing mission with Smoke on two different occasions
enjoying the fight for his own personal reasons (glory, testing his skills against worth opponents)
childhood memory - hearing the stories about Nitara’s people as a child
Sub-Zero’s chapter alone gives us a good hint of differences between Bi-Han and Kuai Liang. Scorpion is all about father and tradition to the point he barely interact with Smoke despite his own assurance “We may not share blood, but we are brothers” and has little to nothing nice or supportive to say to his elder brother despite their close bond (as provided by intro dialogues: Kuai Liang believing their bond couldn’t be broken and Bi-Han wishing to rule with Kuai Liang at his side).
In all fairness there is something almost fanatical in the way Scorpion acted at this point in story mode and it would be easy to claim this blind-like dedication to father is what Kuai Liang was at the core. However, like I said in the previous part, the same as Bi-Han’s behavior was influenced by emotion out of his control, the frustration we were told by Scorpion and shown through Sub-Zero’s angry gesticulation, the same assumption should be made for Kuai Liang. The best hint comes from the interaction between brothers before they attempted climbing on the wall.
Sub-Zero: “We must find a less guarded section before attempting an ascent. Finally we face a worthy foe. Victory will bring us glory." Scorpion: “Glory? We fight for duty." Sub-Zero: “Does our Father's ghost possess you? All I hear is his voice."
Saying someone is possessed is a strong way to emphasize how a person is acting differently than usual. By Bi-Han’s frustrated reaction we can assume that the way Kuai Liang behave and speak mimic the behavior of their parent - and if Sub-Zero was constantly rebuked by father the way he is rebuked by his younger brother over everything, whatever big or small matter, it could be the origin of his growing frustration. 
However we need to keep in mind that Kuai Liang was deeply affected by the unexpected death of their father, so this event could influence the way he interacted with his brothers, especially with Bi-Han. There is no reason to doubt they were once close, but I think the moment when Kuai Liang lost not just a parent but the most important authority figure, he started treating father’s wisdom not as just a guidance but some sort of Sacred Laws he - and his brothers - needs to follow to the letter.
At first in story mode Kuai Liang only says “His teaching did not pass with him. They should still guide us” to which Bi-Han replies that father’s wisdom can guide them but not “shackle” (limiting). But the more conflict escalates, the more Scorpion insists “We must honor his vision Bi-Han” yet he does not provide any real argument why they must do it actually. Like yes, sons should respect their father and be obedient while tradition is an important part of one’s culture, but Kuai Liang never goes out of his way to provide any example of what is good about that wisdom in the first place.
In contrast, the more tense became their interaction, the more vocal Bi-Han was about why he reject their father’s teaching:
Sub-Zero: "Vision is what he lacked. He was blind to our superiority. We settle for defending Earthrealm when we could help lead it."
and later, at his breaking point, 
Sub-Zero:"He was doddering old fool! He did us a favor, having that accident. And I was right to let him die.[...] Father had doomed the Lin Kuei to mediocrity. Now we will achieve greatness."
At the same time, despite the harsh criticism toward father and considering his death as “favor” done to Lin Kuei (brothers) and having no regrets for letting him die, Sub-Zero’s relationship with his parent is not so one sided as it may look at the first glance. 
Through intro dialogues, Bi-Han still considers his father a foolish, short sighted man
Scorpion: Father would be ashamed of you. Sub-Zero: Only because he lacked vision.
and
Smoke: Father wanted us to be brothers. Sub-Zero: Yet another of the old man's foolish dreams.
or
Sub-Zero: My father was a fool to follow you. Liu Kang: He wisely honored Earthrealm with his service.
but at the same time he does not completely reject the notion of the father’s greatness
Sindel: I knew your father. He was a great man. Sub-Zero: Yet he never understood the Lin Kuei's potential.
or that the man’s wisdom had some merit
Sub-Zero: Father was right about one thing: never trust a sorcerer. Quan Chi: Truly, he was a wise man.
nor Sub-Zero's action was motivated by hate or spite
Reiko: Is it true: you let your father die? Sub-Zero: What war's ever been won without losses?
or
Ashrah: What kind of son betrays his father? Sub-Zero: One who sees his father's time has passed.
(And there is something really weird how Reiko bothers to ask Bi-Han about his father’s death yet Fire Lord, who praised the previous Grandmaster as a wise man to serve Earthrealm, has nothing to say about the matter? No anger, no rebuke, not even a simple comment for what Bi-Han did? When he expressed regret on various occasions for the ill fate of Sindel and her husband? I guess this could add to the pile of reasons why Bi-Han resents Liu Kang’s authority for not treating his Lin Kuei allies with the same or similar level of respect he express toward Outworld Royal Family).
Scorpion in his intro dialogues does not question father’s authority at all. He does speak about him with
Sindel
Scorpion: Your husband's murder haunted my father. Sindel: All those close to Jerrod were devastated.
and
Sindel: Both your parents were excellent fighters. Scorpion: I can only hope to live up to their example.
Geras
Scorpion: I want to see the moment my father died. Geras: You are not ready to receive that knowledge.
and Bi-Han (“Father would be ashamed of you”) however I didn’t find any example he directly mentioned father to Smoke, who, like Sub-Zero, had a more complicated relationship with the man[2].
He also expressed to Johnny and his mirror match burning anger at Bi-Han for father’s death:
Johnny Cage: Bi-Han's got you all fired up, eh? Scorpion: He'll burn for betraying my father.
and
Scorpion: I won't be consumed by vengeance. Scorpion: How can your father's death not burn you?
This fierce reaction to father’s death is understandable, as Scorpion’s Bio said, 
Like his cherished father, Scorpion is dedicated to the Lin Kuei and its defense of Earthrealm. When his father died, Scorpion was bereft. 
Now, let’s focus on the choice of words. According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, bereft means:
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suffering the death of a loved one but also being deprived or lacking something needed, wanted, or expected.
Which is why I think the loss of a father is for Kuai Liang something more than just missing a beloved parent. He also lost the guidance that was constant in his life since he was a little kid and he tries to fill the emptiness by honoring and in result, mimicking the authority figure he built his life around. 
Kuai Liang’s character theme is HONOR
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and as much as it is about his integrity and loyalty to father’s teaching (protecting Earthrealm), I think this is also a keyword to what Scorpion dedicated his life: to honoring the past but only through father’s idea of tradition, duty or his legacy[3].
Story mode: "We must honor his vision Bi-Han."
and
Story mode: "We must chart a new course. One that both honors our Father's legacy and serves Earthrealm."
and
Smoke: With you as grandmaster, our new clan will flourish. Scorpion: Only if we honor tradition.
If we agree that Father was the authority Kuai Liang followed and built his life around, then he did not just lose a parent but also a central part of his world, a source of comfort and security. And Bi-Han, the closest remaining blood-relative, the eldest sibling is NOT PROVIDING THE NEEDED COMFORT and/or STABILITY because Sub-Zero does not follow father’s teaching anymore and slowly is building his life around different values and goals than were accepted by previous Grandmaster. 
Which is why I believe Kuai Liang so desperately clings to it, and honors the man’s teaching like it is some sort of sacred code and can’t anymore interact with elder brother the way they used to. Because he is afraid to lose the last connection to cherished father - if Bi-Han casts away their father’s teaching, they will be forgotten with passing time and then lost forever. And the dislike of changes father would not approve and fear of being forced to act against his own brother are part of Scorpion’s BIO:
[...] he took pride in knowing that his brother, Sub-Zero, would succeed their father as the Lin Kuei's grandmaster. But Sub-Zero's unprecedented moves to cast off the Lin Kuei's traditional duties have frozen Scorpion's enthusiasm. He fears that one day he may have to battle his brother for control of the Lin Kuei's legacy.
- even if Bi-Han prior to his betrayal scene did not do anything that cast off the tradition. We could hear him talking about his ambitions to change Lin Kuei, but only between his closest family and never openly questioning or challenging Liu Kang’s authority. Like yes, Bi-Han was frustrated and lacked patience for back talks of Kung Lao who still didn’t figure out Lin Kuei pulled out their punches and acted violently once Johnny grabbed his arm - and how much it was a learned reflex to respond with violence and a simple excuse to hit him is up to debate. But each time Liu Kang got involved in the “conflict” Sub-Zero fell back to his place and obeyed. The same as he did not argue about the mission he and his brother undertook on Fire Lord’s order.
As the story mode provides, the clan was more than ready to reject the past because only Kuai Liang and Tomas refused to follow Sub-Zero’s leadership. Which speaks a lot both about Lin Kuei as a society and Kuai Liang’s dedication for tradition and father. The story mode really made him look to be in the minority in that matter. To the point that he openly admitted to Smoke how small are chances for him to replace Bi-Han as the Grandmaster even though he is the second in line to that title:
Smoke: “What are you doing? Once he's exposed, won't you be made Grandmaster?" Scorpion: "You forget Cyrax and Sektor. Their loyalty to Bi-Han is absolute. They'll sooner abet his corruption than follow me."
At his breaking point, Bi-Han explained to brother he lied about father’s death because 
"[...] you couldn't, and still can't, face the truth. Father had doomed the Lin Kuei to mediocrity. Now we will achieve greatness."
what is of course a very subjective opinion, but considering how sources presented Kuai Liang and how narrow-minded he can be, especially during mourning father, I’m willing to give Sub-Zero some benefit of doubt. Not if father worsened the Lin Kuei situation or not, but about Scorpion and his inability or lack of will to face the truth. Lin Kuei has changed and Bi-Han alone is not the source of problem, because he is the clan leader for relative short period of time while the whole clan rejected the centuries old traditions honored by Kuai Liang’s father despite knowing it puts them on the collide course against Liu Kang, Earthrealm and Outworld. What is more, just because the previous Grandmaster died, it does not erase all the older members who served Earthrealm longer that Bi-Han or Kuai Liang lived and they too support Bi-Han’s independence streak as far as sources implies. Would they reject Sub-Zero if they knew about his part in Grandmaster’s death? Maybe or maybe not, all depending how long and how deeply the dissatisfaction about the Lin Kuei situation runs. Something that Kuai Liang may not be aware of - or quite the opposite, he was in fact painfully aware about it and this is why he feared Sub-Zero's desire for change, because he knew the clan will gladly support it.
The same as for tradition, brothers have a different approach to their father and what he symbolizes in their life. For Kuai Liang the man was a cherished family member and moral guide, the first and final authority while for Bi-Han a source of frustration and limitation. Understandable then, they have an opposite reaction to his death, one is heartbroken and the other sees it as an opportunity for his own growth and realization of ambitious plans. 
The Lin Kuei brothers’ feelings for mother though are drastically different matter and this will be the subject of the next part.
SIDENOTES
[1] The best example happened here: 
Sub-Zero: “We must find a less guarded section before attempting an ascent. Finally we face a worthy foe. Victory will bring us glory." Scorpion: “Glory? We fight for duty."
as Bi-Han can’t even express the joy he finds in fighting without Kuai Liang cut in and bring it down again to duty and in the wider perspective what father trained them for. An excitement that in itself is not inherently a bad thing, especially since the Sub-Zero’s quotes after losing the fight against Nitara or Ermac shows how Bi-Han would graciously accept defeat and praise his enemy (“You are a superb adversary. More than worth the wait” and “You are as formidable as promised. Let’s continue.” respectively) thus his attitude is about something different than bloodthirst or fun. Sub-Zero was warned about the danger Nitara and Ermac posed:
childhood stories about Lin Kuei's effort against Nitara’s people: “As a boy I heard tales of battles against your kind.”
Liu Kang’s warning about Ermac: “You are Quan Chi’s creation. Liu Kang warned about you. I had hoped for the chance to battle your dark magic.”
and so Bi-Han hoped to face worthy opponents against whom he could test his skills. And though it may sound selfish, we can’t forget that Sub-Zero was raised as a warrior - only facing strong opponents and overcoming the danger allow a warrior to make progress. Lin Kuei warriors were always striving for perfection, and if this mindset did not change in Liu Kang’s timeline, it is understandable why the prospect of facing danger after years of idleness pleased the Grandmaster.
Bi-Han looking out for a chance to perfect his abilities, wishing to test himself and earning a recognition for fighting skills he dedicated his whole life doesn’t sound as something deserving such a negative reaction. Especially since Bi-Han at this point has never done anything that put the mission or his brothers at risk. And though he was frustrated about his and Lin Kuei's situation, it never stopped him from doing his duty - until the capture and Shang Tsung’s offer scene. An offer he wouldn’t be otherwise interested to listen to, as was seen during his fight with sorcerer
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and Sub-Zero’s intention to eliminate the enemy for good (even if Liu Kang clearly said to capture the sorcerer not to kill him).
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This leads me to think Kuai Liang’s rebuke was uncalled for but also supports my feeling mentioned in the previous part - Scorpion did not enjoy fighting but was doing it because tradition (father) demanded that from him.
[2] Tomas’ complicated feelings toward Lin Kuei Father are rooted in his trauma - it was Grandmaster’s own people who killed his mother and twin sister. As much as an adult Tomas respect his adoptive parent and maybe even became emotionally close with he man over the years, there is still something in the way he spoke about the past events that indicates it was not always the case - and maybe he still feels some resentment to the man that at least indirectly destroyed his childhood
Kitana: You are Kuai Liang's adopted brother? Smoke: His father's honor demanded that he take me in.
and
Reptile: Lucky for you, Kuai Liang's father took you in. Smoke: It didn't feel that way at the time.
And I guess this is just the nature of intro dialogues, but it feels off to me that when Tomas is talking with non Lin Kuei characters, the father is always connected down solely to Kuai Liang (and not for example to both brothers) and Tomas never corrects them or say anything implying that despite not sharing the same blood, the man became his father too. There is also something to say how Tomas twice brought father in his dialogues with Bi-Han: 
Smoke: Father wanted us to be brothers. Sub-Zero: Yet another of the old man's foolish dreams.
and
Sub-Zero: You were never truly one of us. Smoke: Were Father here, he would disagree.
None of the brothers adds “my” or “our” father - and Bi-Han could do so, if he didn’t consider Tomas part of the family. Interestingly Sub-Zero only once said “my father” in his intro dialogues and between the three brothers, Sub-Zero's ones revolve the most around the man (I counted 8 separate, direct intro dialogues), while Kuai Liang does not talk directly about father with Tomas at all in their pre-fighting interactions. Which is quite surprising, considering how important father is to Kuai Liang and how often Smoke brought the man’s authority in story mode and intros.
[3] At this point I think it is not the burning anger that Kuai Liang shares with the original Scorpion that should concern other characters (and us), but his “blind” clinging to the past that brought Hanzo Hasashi a lot of suffering and made him an easy target for manipulations. Now, I know this may sound too harsh, especially at such an early stage of exploring a new timeline and having no clue what is NRS’ final goal for his character development but hear me out. Kuai Liang’s Shirai Ryu is not an improved version of Lin Kuei, but it's replacement. For now Scorpion needs to find and train willing adepts to secure Earthrealm and his new clan’s safety, so it’s understandable his focus is set on the most urgent matters at hand, but if he is not willing to closely examine past and question it - be it father’s teaching or what lead Lin Kuei to follow rebellious Sub-Zero than following their traditional duties, he will recreate the system that objectively speaking is unfair to people born into it. As far as we know, Lin Kuei members weren’t paid for their dutiful service, they lived in isolation and secret, forced their children to endure hardship since childhood to turn them into superb soldiers (tools) so Liu Kang’s Earthrealm could be safe and sound and even in times of peace, the warriors could die for unspecified reasons that aren’t related to natural death out of old age (presumably what happened to mother). There is much more to talk about, so I’m gonna leave this matter for another part. Just signaling that Kuai Liang’s fierce loyalty to father (past) can be as dangerous as Bi-Han rejecting it.
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meggydolaon · 16 days
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something that bugs me about Frieren is that the adventure of the Hero Party to slay the Demon King famously took 10 years... what about the return trip....?
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home from work
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#if I speak…#one of the girls walked out yesterday#the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already#they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time#micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts)#and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him#bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can#so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO#anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need#it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning#and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today#we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao#and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before#we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day#we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left#it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo#*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having#to wait a long time for their food#and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO#I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take#stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess#I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every#night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had#nothing to make the wraps with <3#I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap#and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used#they’re a fucking disaster like 😭#was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess#this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up#womp womp!!!!!!
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anotherpapercut · 8 months
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CORRECT THANK YOU FOR SHARING
#submission#I actually have seen this meme because someone sent it to my supervisor at some point and she showed it to all of us ajdbkajs#working with a bunch of gay autistic math nerds fucking rules lmfao y'all have no idea#one of my bosses is super into sci fi and is also a math teacher and puts star trek and firefly and buffy and hitchhikers guide etc etc#references in EVERYTHING he makes. I took a math class from him once and all of the test questions were about some fuckin show#whenever he runs meetings he asks us questions based on star trek usually. recently in a meeting he asked us to choose the best captain#I'm one of only like 3 people who watches all of this shit so I looove going to meetings when he runs them#bc he'll ask some fuckin question like who's the best star trek captain. and the 3 of us who knows what's going on will just start arguing#while everyone else looks around like what the fuck is going on right now (this one always gets the newbies)#my ALL TIME favorite Jake moment tho was when I was there one night and there were no students so we were all just hanging out#and Jake walks out of his office and he looks kind of annoyed. and he's a big dude like super tall and broad and loud as hell#so I can hear him like mumbling shit all annoyed and I'm like hey Jake what's up? you doin ok?#and he sighed and was like no. the schools internet filter started blocking my FAVORITE board game forum#and now when I have a thought I can't just look it up to see if anyone's said anything about it. and that's like ALL I do. it's so annoying#and I was like Jake maybe that's why they blocked it akddjkansbdjsdbebs#god I love that dude. and this barely mentions my other supervisor who is autistic and pansexual and married to a woman#and both of them foster several kids. Jake has like 10 fuckin kids or smth bc he was fostering a couple of kids and then he got married#and she already had children and then they had a baby together. idk he's got like a whole baseball team they're very cute
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girlscience · 1 month
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good GOD this trip. I have loved the scenery and the hikes we have been on, but my family is about to drive me bonkers.
#literally none of them are capable of making a single fucking decision without debating it for hours#and none of them communicate clearly so there is an insane amount of confusion#and we have done next to nothing because they cannot do anything in a reasonable time frame#like we were supposed to leave at 8:30 this morning and we didn't leave until 9:15#and then we got to the hike spot and my mom lost her glasses and instead of checking under her fucking seat#we had to spend a good half hour looking for them... guess where they were#and then we spent 10 minutes debating if we were going to do the hike we had already Fucking PICKED#and then my mom passed out halfway through the hike which is not her fault and I'm not upset about at all#but we decided to not do the rest of the hike and instead go to the town and look at the artist shops#which was totally good with me except we got there and they all decided they didn't want to look at the shops!!!!!!!!!#yes they were mostly galleries of art we can't afford but they were cool to look at#but nope. spent idk an hour wandering around OUTSIDE THE STORES#we did get the best chai I've ever had tho at a little shop there DELICIOUS#and then they were like beginning the dinner debate and I decided I was fucking done#so I just picked a place and said we are eating here and called and made a reservation and told them to get in the fucking car#like I Get It. it can be hard to pick things but at some point SOMEONE has to make a choice#we can't stand around going 'idk whatever you want' 'i'm okay with anything' 'what did you say?' 'did we decide?' ALL THE TIME#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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Goddamnit I need a coffee
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twilightarcade · 7 months
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OC-tober day 8 - past
relatively unfinalized designs,, except sabrina I suppose but she's really just here to fill space we love u sabrina <3
left 2 right, top 2 bottom is sabrina, jake, nevaeh, iris, n evie, all from slightly different time frames but pretend they aren't,, just for a second because I don't want to strictly define said time frames yet.. (<- this guy doesn't have a rigid timeline w dates n such in place just yet (point and laugh))
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fuckyeahyukiharu · 5 months
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yOU ALL IM LAUGHING SO HARD
The archive is still there too, and all those fans who created works in the past still deserve some attention too, so please check out the archive if you haven't in a while and if you're also missing Tsuritama!!
Also, if you're interested, please check out my YukiHaru A.M.V \o/ (Made a few years back for YukiHarus shared birthdays specifically!)
{All I did was reblog some old gifs I missed to keep blog active, but I'm glad if people still appreciate this blog existing!!!}
(I may also have another A.M.V. or two planned for future years, if I can finish them in decent time!)
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im so so so so tired of bad things happening
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asleepinawell · 2 months
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hearts game with 25 accomplices is like... did you draw a king of motley card? congrats you win! otherwise your fate is in the hands of the gods (rng)
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aberooski · 5 months
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If I have another breakdown at work tomorrow like I did the last time I worked a Saturday I'm going to kill myself because last time I screamed in the hallway and cried so hard I was shaking because of how stressed I was.
#working at the movie theater sucks I hate people so much#I also hate that the movie theater was the best I could do even with a fucking degree because I've never had a job before#and I haven't even been there a month and I'm already the most fucking competent usher we have#i have to do fucking everything and I'm the only one keeping us on track every fucking day#also the only other ushers I actually like aren't the ones I consistently work with and tomorrow I have to work with the one that I hate#they literally do not pay me enough for this shit#anyway I'm back to considering opening art commissions becauae as I said they don't pay me shit and I really do need the extra money#also another reason I'm pissed about working tomorrow is that I have to miss christmas cookie baking at ny grandma's and that's one of-#-my favorite traditions every year. I'm actually very upset about it I might cry about it at work tomorrow.#alao they're making me come in at 10 am when all the other ushers don't start coming in until like 12 and the first theaters don't let out-#-until like 11:40 so there's literally no point in me being there that early other than to just piss me off#I'll take the extra like fuxking 20 bucka those 2 hours will get me but fuckibg seriously? I know I'm technically available-#-which is probably why but all it's gonna be is me making sure our usher cart is stocked then sitting around for an hour and a half#fuck everything#I fucking hate that this is my life this is awful#I can't have literally anything can I?#abby after dark#abby's having a crisis
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parameddic · 1 year
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@hvndredstories
It - he - hadn't been right since he fell through the ice.
Maybe it was meant to be nice, or relaxing. Have a break, let his body recover from literally dying, give his ribs a chance to heal over the cracks and the bruises and regain some of the weight he'd lost in the freezing. The coma had been, well, close, and maybe not any closer than he'd ever really been before but it was the closest he'd ever felt to it. You know? This was supposed to be time to catch his breath, everyone else was catching their breath about what had happened, and he sort of... it was all ...
grey.
He wanted to be alive, he was grateful to be alive, but he felt a bit like a zombie walking. Fragile. The physical therapy was taking it out of him, and he was still weeks of work away from being cleared again for duty. He -
[Text] Nikolai -> TK: I thought you wanted to talk.
Would it be really, really shitty of him to ask Nikolai to hook up, when that was the last text he'd received, more than two weeks ago? That was over a month of waiting on TK to get back to him. To be fair, a lot of that time had been spent in a coma, intubated, torn between staying alive and freezing to death, but he still... he still had said he'd wanted to talk. And then effectively ghosted the guy.
He hadn't asked Nancy her opinion. It would have been tough to ask her about this guy without it throwing up red flags and that was its own thing and yes he did want to talk and he desperately, really, wanted to feel something.
[Text] TK -> Nikolai: I really do, but tonight I want to f--
no.
[Text] TK -> Nikolai: I do. [Text] TK -> Nikolai: Can tonight just be a booty call?
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It was exactly as promised. All else aside there was a certain predictability to their interactions, save for the advent of flooding emergencies or shelter-in-place orders or bleeding to death in dumpsters: they said what they wanted and then they took it, and gave it, and it was good and fair and the longer TK had spent with Nikolai the more he'd gotten to know about how this man's body worked, how to make him hum that low tone that tugged at something physical, low in TK's chest. It was good.
Nikolai saw TK, saw the lost weight, the paler-than-normal (and that was saying something) skin, the bruises still not fully healed on his chest, and he said nothing. One of the rules, no words, and even more so tonight because TK had in fact pressed him into the arch of the doorway before they were fully inside and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him and TK was not fragile or going to break or "you must be exhausted" by any of it, and -
he pulled away with a ragged breath inward, shaky and lost for a second because he did not know how he had lost his breath, and this was when he realised that if he did not stop now he was going to be crying, and that would be ridiculous.
"Sorry." He forced laughter, over the top of it. This was messy, and stupid, and not at all what either of them had signed up for. He pulled back and away and turned to conceal it, startled by the intensity of the emotion because he had not actually known he was holding onto it at all. He swallowed. Sniffed. When he swiped at his eyes they were dry, which he guessed was less pathetic than it could have been.
Their pants weren't even off yet.
He had asked him here. What TK had wanted out of that, what he'd... he shook his head, controlled his exhale. This suddenly felt very unhot. "I'm a mess."
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