#vitja khilkov
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Vitja,
09.10.1920
It is you I struggle most to write a farewell for. Four letters sit beside me with blotted ink and poorly worded well-wishes that you will have no interest in hearing.
You are the oldest of my childer, including mortal years, of which I must. I must acknowledge the many plans I had for you. You were to be my son, but you begged that you become my equal and yet I am still unable to look you in the eye. You, of all the men that have tried to take his place, look the most like him. You have the same curl to your grimace, the same lilt in your native tongue. I wanted to teach you how he wrote, how he spoke, how he walked. I wanted to reincarnate my son in you.
I wish I had done the selfish thing in keeping you for myself. I wanted you to stay with me. I still do. It pains me every time we speak, knowing that you chose this path and became your own man. It is selfish and cruel of me to wish you never had the autonomy to escape me, and yet I wish it regardless.
It keeps me human, this guilt, more than Irina does. More than my boys do. Many of our kind stare at me, now in my sixth century, and cannot comprehend how I can withstand to sleep with mortals in my bed. They are repulsed by my humanity and yet they are desperate for my secret.
You are my secret.
My unliving, unending son. My longest, most agonising love. I cannot extricate one form of affection from the other. I cannot escape feeling. I never wished to.
I will die soon. You will not know when - I know you are the most out of touch with the way our Blood resonates with things yet to come. I wanted one more decade to put my affairs in order. I fear I have made more than one mistake as of late, mistakes I already made with you and Irina. I fear I will not survive the carnage twice.
Things have changed since I wrote the others’ letters.
Stay safe. I love you.
Yours,
Ana.
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will no longer be reblogging stuff for 'two vamps walk into a' here as i have a blog for it now - if you like the vtm/vampiric aesthetic stuff then i'd head to @twovampswalkintoa.
#two vamps walk into a#don't mind this growing list of character names#irina khilkov#righ orm#vitja khilkov#irene sachs#emily sorrel#gabriel joy#lucy oreille#henry bonbleton#edward montgomery frederick#anastasia merai#freya di angelo#Deborah#Logan#Matilda#Matteo#Pete#Dr Bailey#Julie#Adelaide 'Adele'#alan richer
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