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twovampswalkintoa · 4 months

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Vitja,

09.10.1920

It is you I struggle most to write a farewell for. Four letters sit beside me with blotted ink and poorly worded well-wishes that you will have no interest in hearing.

You are the oldest of my childer, including mortal years, of which I must. I must acknowledge the many plans I had for you. You were to be my son, but you begged that you become my equal and yet I am still unable to look you in the eye. You, of all the men that have tried to take his place, look the most like him. You have the same curl to your grimace, the same lilt in your native tongue. I wanted to teach you how he wrote, how he spoke, how he walked. I wanted to reincarnate my son in you.

I wish I had done the selfish thing in keeping you for myself. I wanted you to stay with me. I still do. It pains me every time we speak, knowing that you chose this path and became your own man. It is selfish and cruel of me to wish you never had the autonomy to escape me, and yet I wish it regardless.

It keeps me human, this guilt, more than Irina does. More than my boys do. Many of our kind stare at me, now in my sixth century, and cannot comprehend how I can withstand to sleep with mortals in my bed. They are repulsed by my humanity and yet they are desperate for my secret.

You are my secret.

My unliving, unending son. My longest, most agonising love. I cannot extricate one form of affection from the other. I cannot escape feeling. I never wished to.

I will die soon. You will not know when - I know you are the most out of touch with the way our Blood resonates with things yet to come. I wanted one more decade to put my affairs in order. I fear I have made more than one mistake as of late, mistakes I already made with you and Irina. I fear I will not survive the carnage twice.

Things have changed since I wrote the others’ letters.

Stay safe. I love you.

Yours,

Ana.

#two vamps walk into a #vtm #vitja khilkov #anastasia merai #anastasia's letters

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jem-jam · 5 months

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will no longer be reblogging stuff for 'two vamps walk into a' here as i have a blog for it now - if you like the vtm/vampiric aesthetic stuff then i'd head to @twovampswalkintoa.

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twovampswalkintoa · 4 months

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Irina,

19.09.1920

As the manifestation of my guilt, you and I never grew close. I apologise for my inability to reckon with my own melancholy. You could have been a daughter I held close to my heart, but I felt it unfair to you to watch as I always prioritise my sons.

You have grown to be a powerful and capable woman. I am sorry for many things, that you will always be trapped in girlhood, that you must clutch onto your brother for your continued safety, that you were so tormented in your mortal life and that it will haunt you forever due to the madness of my Blood.

Stay strong in my memory. I wish to not be ashamed of you any longer. Young Augustus reminds me of you, though he will be your brother’s age when I Embrace him. He has such spirit and tenacity. I think the two of you will find a kinship together of sorts. I do hope your brother gives you the breathing room to allow another Kindred into your life. Augustus is curious and kind. He will want to protect you.

I hope you can forgive me, child. I never wanted this unlife to trap you in such misery. I only ever wanted to keep your brother happy.

Do not live in my shadow. Move past me, live fully. Embrace the new century, my Irina.

With love and hope,

Anastasia Merai.

#two vamps walk into a #vtm #irina khilkov #anastasia merai #anastasia's letters

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twovampswalkintoa · 4 months

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Gabriel,

29.08.1920

I am sorry to dethrone you as my youngest so soon. You were a project I thoroughly enjoyed, having settled into the hubbub of the colony’s great harbour city. I found you younger than you assume I did and watched, waiting for the crucial moment.

I am sorry to say that your moment has yet to arrive within my lifetime. I am glad I have given you the chance to live forever, as I always saw many great things in your future. It is strange to say how alike we are in that regard - biding our time, cultivating the perfect opportunity. There are other ways in which we are similar. I see my own optimism, I see my own feelings of inadequacy, I see my own manic joy, I see my own guilt and shame. I see you, and unlike many of my childe, in you I see myself.

You have met many Kindred since we last spoke. I hope you have had the chance to build those undying bonds that you spoke of to me, once. I warn you, as I did before, of losing touch. Many Kindred fail to remember how death humanises you. Don’t let the beasts you meet on your path steer you away from generosity, from gentile kindness, from humility. You can be the friend that pulls them back from the cliff, even if you wear the skin of a monster.

I was always very proud of the man you became, the man you are still yet to be. It is a shame that you have yet to meet Edward, Vitja and Irina. I would hope that you all hold onto each other as family, just as Henry dotes upon you. Even when I am gone, my blood binds you all. For as much pain as the madness might cause, I hope it strengthens your bonds to one another and that you are able to keep each other from the loneliness of the night.

I hope the world still shines for you, my dear Gabriel.

Your friend and mentor,

Anastasia Merai.

#two vamps walk into a #vtm #anastasia merai #gabriel joy #anastasia's letters

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twovampswalkintoa · 4 months

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Henry,

29.07.1920

My sweet and simple boy. I do hope that wherever you are, whenever you are, that you are well. That you are safe and comfortable, well read and well fed.

I hope that there will be time before my passing where we are able to meet and say proper goodbyes. I have spoken with you about your touchstone moving here to this city. Whilst you are utterly content with the most mediocre of existences, know that you were always welcome to bring your droll self to my door.

I am so glad to have seen you succeed. I wish for you only happiness and simple, stable circumstances, with your sediments and sacred printing presses. Perhaps in time you will find someone to share your time with. I can only hope that he will cherish you, even when you speak long enough to cajole a room of mortals to sleep.

You entertain me so, Henry. You have always been such a delight. You were my reprieve from madness. I have been a mad woman for so very long. It is most cloying. Now, before I petrify into something bitter and violent like all the rest, I wish to embrace that freedom. You can be mad in life and unlife, but never in death.

Do not follow me so soon, Henry. I have lived a long time. I pass the torch now to my final project. He will be most different from you: teach him well, as I do not plan to live long after his 18th birthday and his following Embrace. Show him how simple the world can be, from dust to dust.

In the wake of my death I leave you my collections. Some we cultivated together, Henry. Some tomes are much, much older than you, by many hundreds of years. Build a museum for me, Henry. Enshrine all that brilliant truth in your mind before the madness grips it.

With all my love and adoration,

Anastasia Merai.

#two vamps walk into a #vtm #anastasia merai #henry bonbleton #anastasia's letters #an evening in leopold manor

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twovampswalkintoa · 4 months

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Edward,

19.06.1920

I do sincerely hope that your unlife has rewarded you in ways your mortal life was unable to. I shall admit that your uncaring and bitter nature made me apprehensive towards you, but Henry’s adoration of you was nothing if not contagious. I always admired your tenacity.

Your betrayal of Henry hurt me deeply. I hoped you would both find success together. I turned the man merely out of fascination - you continued to spurn him - but his truly dreary countenance seemed to grow on us both. I cannot comprehend why you harmed him so by leaving. He encouraged me to bring you into this family. You shunned him, thereby shunning me.

When I leave, I know that no gift shall suffice barring the luxury of many lifetimes lived. As you are still my childe, I still hold affection for you. Thus, I leave you the most valuable but least cherished possession I have.

The deeds to my chateau north of St Petersburg in the Soviet Union will be included within this letter by Augustus when my demise has finally occurred. If you find this letter prematurely, then you shant mention this to me, lest you wish to lose said deeds. Return this letter to its place of concealment, speak of this to no one and continue with your night, my dearest and most fickle Edward.

The time spent with you and Henry in London and on our way south are memories I have cherished for decades. I carry them with me always, in this unlife and in the next.

Yours in death,

Anastasia Merai.

#two vamps walk into a #vtm #malkavian #anastasia merai #edward montgomery frederick #anastasia's letters #an evening in leopold manor

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