#uni is sucking the life out of me
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doodle. not particularly fond of this one but my academic overlords gave me 30 seconds of free time for the weekend and the urge to draw was strong
#jaytim#jason todd#tim drake#red hood#red robin#im gonna collapse in bed now#i've been awake for 26 hours#uni is sucking the life out of me
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Sorry guys for neglecting you recently but memes are not memeing rn 😔
#uni has been sucking life out of me#just dance#just dance 2024#just dance 2023#jd wanderlust#jd jack rose#wanderrose
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Y/N is the daughter of the family that owned Venus and Jungkook is the son of the family that owned Uranus.
Just like Venus is the brightest star of the sky, Y/N is bright and lovely whereas Jungkook resembles Uranus for being a cold person.
Jungkook's mother loved Y/N's cheerful personality and pushed Jungkook to marry Y/N.
Unfortunately Jungkook thinks you are the culprit behind the murder of the Jupiter clan's youngest daughter and his lover - Joo yeo Ha, thus he willingly married you to exact his revenge on you.
What will you do when you discover your cold husband can smile too.. except it's not for you? On top of that he's feeding you small portions of poison everyday without your knowledge. What will you do now?
#trying to come out of writer's block dammit#wip♡: veus 🎀#me when i wanna write but my uni likes to suck the life outta me
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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I love you media interpretation, I love you overthinking things, I love you hyperanalyzing tiny details that may mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things but they mean something to *you* in that moment in time, I love you metaphor and allegory, I love you logical and completely non-logical thought process, I love you joke and serious conversations of meaning, I love you looking too deep into media that is constantly framed as “not that deep”, I love you contextual and non-contextual readings, I love you comparing and contrasting noticed details with friends who get excited about them with you, I love you putting thought and energy into things that seem small just for fun, I love you critical conversation, I loVE -
#i literally love putting unnecessary amount of thought into things i consume#i love reading into things#i love wondering what something might have meant and what it ends up meaning to others#i love talking with my besties about analytical things and comparing observations#i love deconstructing meaning and intent#like?? i find it the most fun to be like: okay i could put no thought into this or take it at face value#*or* i could have a bunch of fun and see what i can do with it and hear what others do with it#jibber jabber blabber bluff#anyway for as much as uni sucked the life outta me it was just so nice to talk interprety things and find out cool stuff#also this is semi aimed at my irl besties who constantly listen to my blabbering about nothing ilu#also also I love when other people hyperanalyze stuff they love even if I have no idea what it is or never consumed it#like yes tell me everything even if I don't see it or read it or understand it I want to hear it
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got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D
#delete later#sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree#and theyre desperate#and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out#bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people#and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary#and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn#cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time#😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances#didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate#uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation#and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after#and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it#there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over#time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19#yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x
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okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks
#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i#love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg#like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the#uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up#whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im#hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany#i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭#partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we#went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year#insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make#it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu#and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no#real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my#shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀#i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest#and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel#it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND#STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND...#i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a#place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another#bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad.#canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf#they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful#barking#ok to rb#eastern europe#like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that#but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means#getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn#i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick
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just emailed last years college secretary, looked into signing up for 2 other colleges, got the details for a job im interested in + texted the friend whose sister works there to see if she can get me Connections and i got another job offer from the place i interned at im soooo cool and adult
#shut up dave#passes out and explodes!!!#its stiiiilll like. so scary#aaand overwhelming#the uni stuffs most stressful once thats over with itll probably be easier to like. deal with having a job#cause even if i dont get the bookstore one i can still go work w the kids ( plus i dont rly wanna like. leave them.#their other young teacher goes on maternity leave this week. so if i dont go there theyll b left with#teachers that not even one of the kids considers their favorites#and thats kinda sad!!#but also i DO need money and. the other month i worked 30hr weeks for a total of $200 a month#so like 50 a week#and current offer is for like 2 hrs a day? thats 3 times less#also it takes me almost an hour to GET there. but i love the kidsss its like worth the effort sometimes. but not rly. every day i think#BUT if i MANAGE to get a part-time thing like a 4 to 10? since my work would end at 2-3 and it takes an hour to get ANYWHERE from there#its be like having a full time thing except i go work in 2 diff places!#sigh. adult life sucks tho i wanna stay inmy room and draw
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computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;#ok so. story time sure why not#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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the 2010s sure were a time in my life
#there's just....... there's just something about that time#it might have something to do with 2011 being the year i started high school and 2019 being the year i finished my BA#and also the last year before the pandemic#I DON'T KNOW I JUST. THINKING BACK ON IT THERE IS THIS MYSTIQUE TO THAT TIME. THIS STRANGE EXCITEMENT#which is most likely a result of me finally beginning to feel like i can shape my own life and who i am and daydreaming abt a better future#and like exploring myself. in 2010 i turned 14 and fully realised i'm bi and throughout the decade#i experimented with a variety of different like...... identifications and imaginations of who i am#some of those were quite consumer identities (e.g. i strove to be and was a very hipster teen) but nevertheless#i don't know dudes like. the pandemic took a lot from me in terms of ability to be excited about what's to come i think#even though my life is pretty good i'd say#but also maybe that's just what it's like to grow into adulthood and get a job etc. SIGH why am i writing an entire fucking essay#abt my 2010s teenagehood nostalgia#like majority of those years also SUCKED because i had zero real irl friends and was really lonely lmfao#it felt like life didn't really start for me yet#and i was constantly waiting to burst into it. maybe that's the mystique. constantly hoping i am on the precipice of smth extraordinary#is nostalgia for one's teenage yrs inevitable? even if you feel like you missed out on most experiences considered quintessentially teenage?#i only started having Teenage Experiences™ when i went to uni lmfao (i.e. early 20s)#but idk it's such a loaded period psychologically and it's horrible and frustrating when you're living it but then you think back on it#and you're like man..... sure was a time huh. wow#but idk my experience could also be influenced by so many other variables#e.g. smartphones and social networks becoming widespread and common#that was also a pretty significant thing that happened#anyway i think i'm abt to run out of tags so. that's it#sry this shoulda gone into my diary probably but i inflicted it on you instead#neptalks
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Dear grown man who just walked by singing the lyrics to Jessie: Thank you. You have made my day a bit better.
#so basically if you want to know about how much today sucks read on#my best friend is dropping out of uni#two SROs physically assaulted them#basically because they were sleeping in the student counseling department#(they hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and they know the people in that office)#and like I know they have it worse#but they're my safe place#and it just... sucks#plus I got chewed out by my roommate for waking up too late to take the dog out properly#it's a joint custody thing#she bought the dog#and doesn't have any classes today#she can take the damn dog out herself#and to make it worse she's kind of a mother figure to me#(she's twice my age bc she's getting another degree (she wants to follow her passion for history))#and we were pretty close after about three months of living together#but then#fucking everything went downhill#and i'm so done#anyway basically life fucking sucks today#and a grown man singing the theme song to Jessie made it a bit better#/rant
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I'm writing btw, if you were one of the few waiting for Book 2... I'm writing on multiple chapters at once but I'm kinda going through a depressive episode and I can't focus much... I'm sorry this is taking so long. Rant about my insecurities in the tags
#there will be a book 2 I promise#uni sucked the life out of me#and I forced myself to be less obsessed with Pedro bc subconsciously I don't want to grow his anxiety#is it logical? no#is it working? also no#i like to think I'm not toxic while writing an rpf but I'm telling myself it's just a motivator to write books and then change characters#I'm a bit of a garbage person...
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.
#it's been a while that I put something in the tags but Im very lost atm for reasons i don't know#i don't know if Im nervous to see my friendgroup from uni again because my ex crush is going to be there and I have to pretend everything is#fine while also not getting frustrated by that toxic friend that I can't stand anymore#or if it's because im feeling so damn empty from getting on a dating app after being rejected by said ex crush#i don't know know why Im on there my friend said it was an good idea but Im already regretting but I can't just delete it or whatever#because I actually have some people I have been talking to but why do I feel so empty then??#why does it feel like my life has been sucked out of me today? it can't just me the amount of interaction im sure that's not it.#i thought ... i thought this would make me happy to try bew things to get more attention from people get more confident#but why can't I shake this depression like feeling off#because I know this feeling well but I hope it doesn't stay please don't stay#how will I get better like this? am I still healing? i know I am but I was fine just yesterday just yesterday I didn't think of him#so why can't I shake this?#i have no answers I have nothing and I can't talk to anyone about it either because I don't even know what's going on#please just let me understand so I can heal this fix this#please just make me okay again#i can't start the year like this#please
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back in my pissy at some people in my friend group a little bit era!!! ✨✨
i am just gonna, not be online and social until new years i think. (might be online a little. Just want to get away from everything though. Still will be active and spreading info on twt so maybe /maybe/ it’ll get thru some of their heads.)
just, dont want to talk to some of em again. In my evil era. All I see is the worst in people era. Tired era. 🙄 In my wish I was ignorant again but i cant even wish that because of everything era.
#ker talks#broskies is 0230 like#i just wanna sleep#and get thru xmas and then get on a bus and go to my dads and disconnect from my stupid life in this city#more and more it seems appealing to restart my life in another city#and just leave all my friends behind#theres like. 1 i want to keep.#and they wanna move out anyways so LMAO#it sort of sucks the one person who i actually think would be healthy to keep in my life is just about to graduate hs.#I would fucking love to keep my friends in uni but y’all suck.#>://// need to get new friends. how does one do that idk im not very socialblr#literatly my entire friend group rn i made friends with thru my bestie#who im sort of :/ at#but feel a strong sense of loyalty towards to the point i think its detrimental to me#and i have no idea how to make friends outside of mutual friends#id really like a responisble friend group who was out creating thing and i could help with creative projects#really thinking im being held down.#God I just want to sleep man#like just i wsnt to go to my dads rn#i need to talk to him bout all this or like reset while im there
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#its always the fucking chemistry projects that ruin my life#not ready to go back to school ... getting home late & eating the same food everyday & having less free time & hanging out with the same few#people i honestly! don’t even like that much.. zzz i don’t wanna receive my test results either – esp not for math#and i KNOW it gets 100x worse in a college/uni/work environment i think i’m just being a bit of a crybaby but i can’t bring myself to#look forward to anything at all. pass my exams & graduate yay ^__^ -> immediately go back and study some more#then i’ll have to get a job and afhjdkf... maybe i’m thinking too far ahead but it all feels inevitable anyways so does it matter if i am?#i don’t know why i’m struggling so much compared to my peers who don’t see any of this as an issue at all#was i cursed to be sad since primary school#i can’t even talk to anyone about it because my dad [ though he has good intentions ] almost always ends up feeding me a variant of#think about your future Or thats just how student life is. meanwhile my mom will begin a competition of Who Has It Worse?!#my sister has her own stuff going on and my religious aunt will say something along the lines of [ have faith & go with the flow ]#i wish i had someone to confide in but i only ever really have myself i think. it sucks cuz no one seems to get it at all#i know objectively thats probably not true but. ahh i feel so disconnected from everyone#cw negative#cw vent#i didnt intend for this to become a whole thing but i got carried away#💭
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You don't understand I need this dunes pin and mcr stickers I ordered to arrived asap (pretty sure they are just blocked at customs right now) to give me some kind of serotonin bc my job is dragging me into a deep depression hole
#so a couple of days ago the most unpleasant ungrateful bitch of a coworker managed to make me cry out of anger and frustration#sure this was aided by me being on my period but i'm still so mad at myself for letting that happen#anyway i'm so deeply burned out by this job#sucking the life out of me on shift and on my free time too#the constant pain and soreness of my muscles! the fatigue! the fucked up sleep schedule!!#i don't have any energy left to do anything fun at best and i have trouble feeding myself properly at worse#i can't have a social life or even attend any kind of course ever with the shifts i do bc this isn't a 9 to 5 job#i'm so so deeply exhausted by it and i don't know how to get out of this hole#can't change job when i don't even know what to look for i'm just a uni drop out with no particular skill#personal
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