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omg-im-such-a-masochist · 3 years

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😡🤬ANGER MANAGEMENT (PART 1)🤬😡

Prompt: Y/N has the life she’s always dreamed of: a good house, a nice car, a fat paycheck, her dream job and some loving friends. Her life feels like a fairytale...but just like every fairytale she’s not safe from the villain, the problem with that? He’s not only an incredibly hot Scotsman but also a fucking pain in the ass!

@drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18 smut, clit stimulation, angst, dirty talking, cursing, name calling,(possible part 2?Idk)

Notes: I think it’s time for me to face my biggest fear: Drew McIntyre! 😂 all jokes aside, I’ve lost count of how many one shots I have written and soon after deleted about this handsome hunk. There are so many good stories of him out there that I’ve always felt like mine were actually horse shit compared to those so I’ve never had the courage to make this Scottish wet dream an official brand of my writing, but I’m looking forward to achieve new accomplishments on my writing in 2021, so here goes nothing folks! Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

“Oh Thank God! Just the woman I wanted to see”

I turned around to meet Becky Lynch, one of the few dear close friends I’ve made while working for the WWE as a massage therapist.

“Hey Becks! What’s up?”

“Y/N I need your help, I was doing some training with the guys when suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and now I feel like I wanna cry”

“Oh Becky, c’mon let’s go to my office”

Once we got there I mentioned for her to sit on the massage table.

“So tell me exactly what you were doing”

“I was doing some regular weightlifting, then all of a sudden I felt this sharp pain stretch from my elbow to my shoulder”

“Ok, did you warmed up before hand?”

“Yes”

“Did you added the weights in progressively or were you in some sort of competition against Sheamus, Cesaro and McIntyre as to whom could perform a proper weightlifting faster?” I crooked my eyebrow

“Y/N! You know I would never do that” She tried to hide her shame for being caught

“Becky, I know you! I know how competitive you are and how competitive you GET when you train with Sheamus, Cesaro and the Scottish prick.”

“They started ok?! They said I was no match for them, so I had to make them swallow word by word” She said slightly angry

“Calm down” I chuckled “And I presume you won?”

“Of course I won! As if they stood a chance” She scoffed

I touched her shoulder and palmed the back of her upper arm til I reached her elbow

“And your prize for that my darling is” I looked into her eyes “Six muscular knots, probably some small damage to your elbow nerves resulting in a little trip to the physical therapists and shit ton of pain, congratulations! Are you happy now?”

“Oh no!” She whined “Y/N, please don’t send me to the physical therapists, they will eat my ass off and they’re gonna tell Hunter about this. Please Y/N, please tell me you can fix it?” She stared at me with begging eyes

“Becks” I sighed “I can undo the muscular knots but I ain’t no fairy godmother! If you have some sort of nerve damage that’s up to the physical therapists...there’s nothing I can do about that honey”

“Please Y/N give me some of the red magical relief juice you gave to Kofi” She pleads

“Red magical relief juice?” I asked confused

“Yes, Kofi said he had this horrible pain from an injury and you gave him this red magical relief juice that helped him better than any medicine! Please give that to me too!”

I laughed before answering

“Oh Kofi, Kofi... it’s not an juice, it’s a liquid... a toner. A home made medicine I learned with my grandma. Technically I’m not even allowed to use that, but I know it works, better than these crap versions of Vick’s Vapor Rub” I tossed a little small green package in the trash can.

“Can you give that to me?” She asked with her eyes full of hope

“Fine” I said and she smiles widely

“But, you have to promise me that you will stop with these stupid and senseless competitions! They could permanently damage your nerves you know?!”

“Ok I promise”

I took a small plastic bottle from the cabinet and filled up with some small amount of the toner and placed the bottle inside a small paper bag. I also gave her a little bit of my grandma’s famous ointment in a tiny tin can.

“Alright, so here’s what you’re gonna do: once you get to your hotel room, you’ll take a hot shower and before you put your clothes on, you’re gonna rub the toner from your neck to your elbow all over your shoulder and back upper arm” She nods and I proceed “Then right after you’re going to take a small amount of this ointment” I show her the little tin can “And rub it all over your shoulder, back upper arm and elbow. Right afterwards you get dress with a long sleeve shirt and go to bed. Remember that you cannot leave your skin exposed to the cold air of air conditioning, because if you do it will make your pain and damage way worse! Do you hear me?”

“Yes Ma’am”

“If in three to four days you still feel any sort of pain you’re gonna have to go to the physical therapists”

“Ok”

“Becky I’m serious”

“Okay Y/N I got it” She smiles softly

“Good, now please, don’t tell anyone about this” I shook the little bag “And tell Kofi to keep his mouth shut. I know he means well but I could get fired for this”

“My lips are sealed” She pressed her lips in a thin line

“Thank you” I chuckled “Now, go on and take 20 drops of this” I give her some Ibuprofen “And come back in 20 minutes”

“Why?” She asks confused

“Because we still have to undo those knots and it’s not gonna be the fun kind of pain my dear”

“Argh” She groans

One week later

I was finishing tidying up the massage table from the session I just had with Bayley when someone knocked on my office door

“Come on in”

“Hey Y/N” Seth Rollins said in a voice full of pain as he tried to walk towards me

“Seth are you ok? Jesus, you look like somebody just kicked your balls so hard that they went up to your throat! What happened?” I tried to hold back my laugh

“A long story involving Cesaro and Drew. Moral of the story is my back is fucked up, do you think you can help me?”

“Can you lay down here?” I patted the table

“I guess so” He made his way to it excruciatingly slow as I helped him to lay down

“Where’s the pain worst?”

“My lower back” I touched and he gasped in pain

“Do you think you could give me some of that red magical relief juice?” He whispered so only I could hear it.

Of course I wasn’t surprised about him knowing of the “magical relief juice” since he and Becky were together I figured she told him.

“Did Becky told you?”

“Only today, once she saw I was in a tremendous pain...When she was using it I pressed her to tell me who gave it to her but she didn’t wanted to say, she said it was her fairy godmother”

I couldn’t help but smile at Becky’s inside joke and loyalty. I truly love that girl.

“Sure thing Rollins, just please don’t-“

“I won’t tell anyone Y/N don’t worry! Your witchy recipe is safe with me” He chuckled “Ouch fuck, that hurts” He groaned

“Did you bring any jacket on with you?” I laugh

“Yeah Becky told me to”

“Ok, let’s get start it”

Forty minutes and a relaxed thankful Seth Rollins later. I was finishing washing my hands while Seth pulled the zipper of his jacked up. I could feel his eyes on me

“What is it Rollins?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“If the question is if I am a 450 year old witch then my answer is, you will never know” I whisper as I turn to face him with a smirk

He laughs before saying “Well I’m sure you are sweetheart” He winks playfully “But that’s not the question though unfortunately”

“What is it then?”

He looked at me with a sense of caution before asking

“Why do you hate Drew so much?”

“McIntyre? The Scottish prick? The shitty bearded version of Gastón from Beauty and The Beast?” I ask in disbelief

My hatred for Drew McIntyre goes way back to 5 years ago. To make a long story short he has being a pain in my ass every since I started working here. It all resumes to the bad flirting and endless fights. We’ve always fought at least 3 times a week for as long as I can remember. It’s like a weekly ritual for us, and our fights are always petty and ridiculous such as who will get in the elevator first or who will rent the last SUV car.

“Yeah...” He answers slightly embarrassed

“Well that’s simple, he’s an asshole! A smug fucker who thinks he’s the most beautiful man to ever walk the earth and that every woman alive must fall for him in all fours”

“Is there anything else beyond that?” He asks

“No! Of course not!” I lied. As if I could tell him about my deep sexual desire for the Scotsman

“Are you sure? I mean, you must agree with me that he is very beautiful” Seth answers

“I’m not saying he’s not. I have eyes, so trust me, I know he’s hot as fuck and a very handsome man but that doesn’t mean that every woman on this company wants him!” I scoffed

“Does the ‘every woman’ equals Y/N?”

“Why are you asking me this?” I asked aggressively

“Look, there’s no need for you to get all defensive ok? I’m your friend and I’m just asking this as a friend. I’m not coming for you by any means” He says with a soothing voice

“Sorry, it was just my automatic response”

“It’s okay sweetie”

“But Seth...why this question now?”

“Let’s just say that I may or may not have heard some backstage talk and I would like to know this from your own mouth instead of other people’s”

“Backstage talk? About what?” I ask angrily

His eyes widened “You know what? Let’s forget I ever men-“

“No no no Rollins you’ve started this now you will finish it!” Now I was really angry

“Fuck, I should’ve kept my mouth shut” He murmured

“But you didn’t! So spit it out”

“Ok...I’ve heard one of the girls say that the reason why you hate Drew so much is because you kinda have a hidden want for him to fuck you but since he’s ‘not interested’ you get pissed off” He whispered

“I WHAT??? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?”

“Y/N please keep your voice down! Somebody is gonna hear you”

“I COULD GIVE TWO FUCKS IF SOMEBODY CAN HEAR ME! Who’ve said that Seth?” I was boiling with rage

“Sweetie, I’m not gonna tell you who’ve said it because I know you will-“

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and whispered

“If you don’t tell me who’ve said that right now Rollins I swear to God on God in heaven that I will cut your balls off and shove them down your throat!”

He gulped

“Now who’ve said that?”

“Carmella” He whispered and I smiled letting go of his collar “Y/N please don’t do anything stupid!” He said as I removed my coat

“Don’t forget to rub the toner on your back once you’re out of the shower” I patted his shoulder and made my way to the door

“Y/N where are you going? Y/N please whatever you’re thinking about doing it, just don’t ok? She’s not worth it! Y/N PLEASE!”

But his screams were now faint as I make my way down the hallway to find the blond gossiper girl.

I finally find Carmella “talking”, to Sheamus in one of the hallways.

“Oi Y/N, how’s life treating ya lass?” Sheamus smiles widely at me, making his usual greeting. At any other day it would’ve made my afternoon happier to find that amazing Irish man, but not today! I was so furious that I ignored him and went directly to Carmella

“Would you mind telling me why the fuck are you not only minding my business but also spreading rumors about me and McIntyre?”

From where I stood I saw Sheamus visibly gulp

“Hey Y/N, what do ya say about we go to tha catering grab some coffee huh?” He said urgently pleading

“So? I’m waiting for an answer” I said to her fully ignoring what he just said

“Well Y/N, from woman to woman, I think we both can agree that it’s no rumor. It’s quite visible, to not say pathetic, the way you can’t deal with rejection my dear” She batted her lashes

“And what exactly are you implying?”

“The obvious Y/N! That you want Drew in between your legs but he doesn’t! I mean, let’s face it, he’s too much of a man for you anyways! It’s not like you can handle him, because we know you can’t” She measured me from head to toe making me feel very conscious about the difference between her slim toned body and my thick one full of curves.

I know that most of the men’s in this company usually date or even have one night stands with women who were body equivalent to their own - slender and beautifully toned - , but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t saw my own curvy beauty. Hell, I even got some dinner invitations from some of the guys! Cesaro, Baron Corbin, Finn Bálor and even Seth Rollins (before he got with Becky) were some of them.

“I bet that I received more dinner invitations in a week than you in a year” I scoffed

“But not from the man you want the most right darling?” She evilly grins and I see red! Pure rage in it’s rawest form took ahold of me and I jumped towards her neck but a pair of strong arms stopped me from attacking her.

“Wow, easy now lass” He said

HIM! The cause of all this gossiping with my name, I couldn’t get even more angry even if I tried.

“Let me go McIntyre!” I roar

“Uh, enjoy it while it lasts Y/N, it’s as far as you’ll ever get anyways” Carmella chuckles

I tried to wiggle out of his arms “What the fuck did you just said bitch? I’ll feed you your own teeth you fuck-“

I couldn’t finish my sentence thanks to Drew, who lifted me off from the floor and tossed me on his shoulder, taking me to back my office.

“What are you doing? Let me go! I’m gonna punch her stupid rat’s face!”

“No you won’t”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m preventing your ass from getting fired!” He answers

I tried to release myself from him, but who was I fooling? The man is a brick wall, I couldn’t let myself go not even if I tried hard!

Once we got into my office he locked the door, placing himself in front of it and released me.

“Don’t you never, EVER, dare to manhandle me like that again! Do you hear me?” I stare at him with my eyes full of rage

“You know Y/N, all that anger is not good for you...you could have a heart attack” He chuckled

I was so mad, that tears of anger rolled down my cheeks as I cut the small distance between us and begin to punch his torso, arms or whatever I could reach

“I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE REASON WHY I AM NOW A FUCKING BACKSTAGE GOSSIP SUBJECT! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU’RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF AREN’T YOU HUH? SHITTY ASS GASTÓN!”

I was starting to loose my strength due to my ferocious attack, and I would be damned if I let him see that...

When suddenly everything changed, the air in the room thickened and I saw myself now pressed against the door with my hands forcefully pinned on top of my head.

“Aww, that was sweet princess” He smirks confidently

“What are you doing Drew? Let me go” I murmured

“Oh it’s Drew now huh? Why the sudden change love? What happened with ‘Scottish prick, asshole and Gastón’?” He cackled “What’s wrong princess? Not feeling so confident and in charge anymore are we?” He pouts

“You’re hurting me” I lied

“Nu uh, we both know that, that’s a lie. I know you Y/N, every inch of you so don’t you lie to me now! That’s not what pretty little girls like you do” He reprimanded me

I felt confused and slightly turned on by his whole dominant character. But still I felt the urge to fight back.

“And what do you know about me McIntyre? NOTHING! So don’t YOU dare to pretend that you do! You know nothing about who I am or my needs, so quit the act”

He laughed before saying “And that’s where you’re wrong princess” He towered over me, securing my wrists with one of his hands while the other grabbed my cheeks making my lips pout(like one would with a child) and tilted my head up to meet his blue gaze.

“You see Y/N, we’ve known each other for what? 5 years? I’ve done a lot of observing in those years... I became quite good at reading you” He leaned forward..his beard,lips and mustache brushing against my own lips

“So I know for a fact that what triggered you into fighting Carmella wasn’t what she said...But the fact that what she said is true” He searched my eyes for confirmation and when he found it he smirks in appreciation

A murmured ‘Fuck you’ came out of my lips the best way I could since he had this vicious grip on my cheeks.

“Oh Y/N, Y/N... what am I going to do with you princess?” He asks amused as he release my cheeks “I must say though... I agree with almost everything Carmella said” He vaguely added

Pure humiliation filled me, the thought of him knowing that deep down I had a thing for him which wasn’t reciprocal at all made my stomach turn. I felt the tears of humiliation start to rise to my eyes, but I wouldn’t give him the pleasure to see that he had broken me. Instead I reached for the safety of the one thing I knew I could do: fight!

“You let me go right now you fucker or I swear you will regret it!” I said as threatening as I could

“Oh my, won’t you look at that? Kitty has claws huh?” He chuckled lightly

I took advantage of his distraction and yanked my arms as fast as I could out of his grip. The action caught him by surprise, giving me the upper hand to turn around to unlock the door so I could leave. But his surprise didn’t last long as for he saw what I was about to do and pressed me against the door once more, instead now my back was the one facing him so he pressed his semi hard bulge up against my ass with my hands and face now pressed on the wooden door.

“Where do you think you are going princess? We’re not done talking just yet” He whispers in my ear, making my whole body shiver.

“As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me” His lips were glued to my ear “I almost, I said almost, agree with everything that she said..except for one thing”

“If you’re gonna say that-“

“Maybe I’ll have to buy you a ball gag, since you don’t seem to ever know when to shut up...or maybe I should choke you instead,what do you say?”

I gulped loudly

“Or even better, I should fuck your mouth..bury my cock so deep on your throat that you will have no other option but drool all over yourself” He pressed his bulge harder against my ass “, that will make you shut up! I can already imagine how gorgeous you will look with my cock shoved down your throat” He moaned “Would you like that princess? Would you like for me to show you where’s your place? Where you really belong?” He grinds his erection on my ass and the feeling makes me moan softly

“Drew...” I pleaded

“The only thing I don’t agree with Carmella” He continues his previous statement ignoring my plea “Is that I’m too much of a man for you. To be honest I think you’re the only woman in this company who can actually handle me! The only one who will love and beg to be fucked faster and rougher..” His hands let go of my wrists and roam down to cup my breasts roughly, pulling me even closer to his body

“The only one who is the perfect fit for me...who will let me use every single hole as I please” He bites my ear making me gasp for more air.

“Won’t you Y/N? Do you want me to use you like the good little whore that you are?”

My head was buzzing with excitement, I could feel the now very wet pool of desire in between my legs. To think that all of my darkest fantasies with this man were about to come true made me moan a faint ‘Yes’ to him

He grunts at my positive response while one of his big hands unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans so his hand could sink down the fabric to find my very wet core.

“Hmmm I’ve been waiting 5 years for this lass...Fuck, you already feel amazing on my hand I can’t wait to feel this pretty little pussy around my cock” He growls

“Fuck Drew, please” I whisper

“It’s Sir to you, my good little pet” He smirked “Now tell me, do you think I should fuck you right here, right now so that everyone in this company can hear me make you my fuck toy or should we head back to the hotel? What do you say pet?” He asks as his fingers firmly circles my clit making my legs shake

“W- Whatever pleases you Sir” I stuttered

“I see you’re a quick learner huh?” He chuckles amused “I say, let’s show this roster who is the only woman who can properly handle me” He says as he removed his fingers from my core and licked them clean while staring at me. I softly moan to that scene and he smiles deviously before whispering

“Strip now pet and show what a beautiful fuck toy you are for Sir”

To be continued...

Please let me know if you would like to see a part 2 🥺?

#drew mcintyre #drew galloway #drew mcintyre one shot #drew mcintyre x reader #drew mcintyre x oc #drew mcintyre fanfic #drew mcintyre smut #wwe smut #wwe imagine #wwe one shot #wwe fanfiction #masochist writes

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demonfox38 · 3 years

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Completed - Baba is You

I can't believe this is the first game I've perfected on Steam.

Like, I don't like achievement systems in video games, okay? I prefer to set my own goals. Sure, there are some achievements that are interesting, like learning to use a certain mechanic in a cool or efficient manner, visiting hidden rooms, or even running around with nothing but my character's default busted sword just to prove a point. Mostly, I just want to finish them. I don't go jumping through flaming hoops because I want people to think I'm cool. I'm from Iowa. I'm critically uncool by design.

If a game is good, I will put in the extra work. Like, getting 100% souls in "Castlevania: Aria of Souls" and 200.6% map completion in "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night" is now just routine for me. With "Baba is You"? Well, circumstances are just a teeny bit different.

"Baba is You" is a puzzle game from independent developer Arvi Teikari. Your primary goal in the game is to create statements out of nouns, verbs, and conditions and use those generated rules to complete levels. It's basically catnip to programmers. These puzzles are packaged in cute, scribbly animations and gentle music. Ultimately, its soft presentation is the figurative sheep's clothing under which the wolf of this game lives, dragging its players through increasingly more complex situations, sitting there, laughing, its whole world wiggling in its adolescent mockery of you and your sluggish brain.

You're not always even Baba. I know. The absolute betrayal.

I originally saw this game being streamed back in 2019. A frustrating feeling overtook me as I watched the player work through the puzzles. I could feel myself solving them before she could, and it was making me itch. I didn't want to have any more spoiled without giving it a shot myself, so I purchased the game, put in a few hours, and then dropped it for two years. Hell, the major reason I came back to it was that I was babysitting my mom's very needy poodle, and I was more or less trapped on the couch with her during her entire stay. Had to do something. So, I decided this was it.

"Baba is You" really is the ultimate "Yeah, I'll get back to this" game. You know what I mean? There's always a handful of games that you make a little headway into, and then you think, "Yeah, I'll get back to this" and then drop it. I try not to be this way. Video games are expensive, and I want to get as much value as I can out of them. But man, does this game get overwhelming.

I mean, the TAS for a 100% run is currently around an hour and forty-five minutes. That's for 226 puzzles. That is a lot.

Granted, you don't have to finish every puzzle if you don't want to. The game can let you slide free with your first ending after completing only three subworlds on the main map. You know how many people get to that first ending? Like, we're talking maybe getting through 3 hours of gameplay or so. As of this posting, it's around 7.8% of all players on Steam. In comparison, here are first time ending numbers from other games I own on Steam:

"Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon" – 38% (Cleave the Moon)

"Trine" – 29.6% (Completed!)

"Dust: An Elysian Tale" – 23.9% (…And the Dust Settles)

"Fez" – 14.7% (Kill Screen)

"Psychonauts" – 13.2% (I Thought That Was Unbeatable!)

"Typing of the Dead" – 12.9% (Experimental Fiction)

"Final Fantasy VII" – 9.4% (End of Game)

That's right. From a percentage point of view, more players will put 80 hours into a 20+ year old RPG than 3 hours in this game. So, what's up with that?

At first, I wasn't struggling terribly with the game. I was making a pretty steady clip through it, stopping occasionally to check out the game's wiki. (BTW—view that on a laptop browser, not a mobile one. The background makes it hard to read some of the verbs and conditions.) My first tap-out in 2019 happened around the "Forest of Fall" block, when the game started introducing teleporting puzzles. My second brain-snap happened about 18 hours in the game when I accidentally created the phrase "Level is Key" in the puzzle "Fragile Existence," and then I realized that I could both create this level as Baba and had to create another level as a flag to win the overworld map.

And then there was a submap.

And another.

Holy crap, my brain was not ready for the mess that was Depths and Meta.

At one point, I stopped myself and reviewed why I was overcome with despair at my own stupidity. A part of it is yes, the game looks very cute, and the language used in the puzzles is very simple. So, when you don't get it, it's like saying you don't get "Sesame Street." And hey, maybe you wouldn't if it was in Mandarin and you only speak English. But, I did want to beat myself up for my sluggish responses and my growing feeling of helplessness. Why couldn't I beat the simple sheep game for babies? Was I really that stupid?

I think it helped to know what troubles I had my playthrough harder. This included:

Using text to push objects past barriers. (Yes, text exists in the world, and unless it's floating, you can use that text to move objects around. It's like hitting a car with a stop sign.)

Assuming attributes on an object that weren't actually assigned (i.e., assuming a door was locked or a wall would prevent me from moving through it, even if that wasn't the case.)

Manipulating text to double-layer nouns or break up commands by wedging an inactive/non-solid object in them. (See: Prison.)

Realizing that "you" doesn't always have to go to a certain destination. Sometimes, "you" just need to have something move over there or push something into where you want to go.

Remembering to use the "Wait" button to let moving objects finish their paths.

"Defeat" is a condition that applies only to "you", not objects in your possession. (They may instead be destroyed by "Sink").

Some rules need to be created and destroyed in the same turn.

Things that move on their own can be used to carry commands through obstacles.

Sometimes, you've just got to count your steps when you're taking an action and see if you can reduce them.

And granted, despite my stupidity, there were some puzzles that really clicked! I particularly enjoyed using the "Word" condition, as it allowed for me to treat both words and objects as a noun to make assignments. There were also times where I had to spell out the commands I wanted from letters left on the map. Fun! Natural! And hell, who doesn't enjoy a good block pushing puzzle, now and again? Super easy. Makes sense. Key is push, door is open. Of course!

Ass is Hot! Of course! (Wait, that wasn’t the solution...)

I tended to lock up more when the "Defeat" piece was on screen. I mean, you can always undo your mistakes, and there's no life limit or anything like that. But, hearing your player character go splat when you mess up is flinch-worthy. Additionally, I hated having to build complex paths for objects to follow. Like, screw the entirety of Adventurers. Also, learning what the "Lonely" condition meant felt very unnatural. It was hard to even tell why I was splatting until I read up on what it meant.

Interestingly, changing the language of the game only affects the menu's language, not the game itself. (I was wondering if adding a layer of comprehension to objects would stop me from auto-assigning properties to them or not. Makes sense that it's all in English, considering the "form objects from letters" puzzles.)

I felt bad when I finally gave up on putting effort into solving the puzzles on my own. I did. But, I was also 18 hours deep into my file in a single week, and I wanted to get back to my other hobbies. I felt that if I gave up on "Baba is You" again, I wouldn't finish it ever. And then, those 18 hours truly would be wasted. Also, I felt sick that only 7.8% of people had gotten to the first ending screen. The game isn't bad! It's hard, but not bad! I wanted to at least give it enough dignity to finish it off, even if I was more or less reading what I needed to build with one eyeball and building it with the other.

And hell. Given all of the version differences of this game and the amount of time that has passed since its release, it is a teeny bit YouTube proof. Not completely invulnerable, but I did catch a difference or two here and there. And it's not like the wiki's the clearest with what you need to do, even when they're telling you exactly what to do. You've got to mind your space with your words. At the very least, don't push anything aside or wreck it until you absolutely must.

I can't emphasize how much I felt bad about giving up. I mean, it's one thing to look at guides for other game types. You can get knowledge on how to beat a boss or level, but you've physically got to develop the skills needed to vault through that goal. With puzzle games, knowledge is 99% of what you need to accomplish your task. The rest is just putting in the solution as elegantly as possible.

92.2% of players didn't bother to do even that.

I won't pretend to say I know enough about puzzles to make an excellent puzzle game. However, I do think brevity would have helped this game. Like, think of puzzle games people like. "Tetris," right? Even a long game of "Tetris 64" lasts me a couple of hours at most. "Portal"? That's a handful of hours supported by plot and fun dialogue. So is the sequel. "Panel de Pon" / "Tetris Attack" / "Puyo Puyo"? Those are like "Street Fighter" arcade campaigns. Like, 15-20 minutes. To have a puzzle game go on for hours and hours without any character motivation or plot in sight? Yeah. That's going to burn a lot of people out.

Like, this game could have just the over world, a single hidden world, and then the Center portion, and that would have been more than enough. And then you know what could have been done with the rest of the puzzles? Put them in a new game! "Baba is More!" Bam! A second game, now with extra "Inception"-styled mind screws! Twice the money earned! (Yeah, okay. This plan might stink of capitalism.)

Making 226 puzzles is impressive. However, brevity is the soul of wit. Sometimes, design can be contradictory like that.

But, its achievements? Perfectly laid out. Truly finishing the game is likely to net you everything. I only had to put in a couple of hours after the true ending, and really, only fifteen minutes of that was solving the puzzles. The rest was just finding what I had missed. (I've heard rumors that "Baba is Baba" is bugged, but I think you just need to look up how to get the Level is Win solution in Meta figured out. The rest is elbow grease.)

I don't know if I can recommend this game. Again, having a case of the bad feels over that statement, especially since it seems like the developer has his heart in the right place. I'm hesitant to recommend this because when I was playing it, I had a migraine that lasted three days straight. Granted, there were possibly some external factors to why I had that. A fat polar vortex. Stress from work. Some hormonal influences. Not enough caffeine or water. Just generally living in the United States in the early 2020s. Plenty of things to crush my skull. I don't think it's in good taste to recommend something that will cause others physical pain. I mean, I'm used to games cracking my hands, but that's not exactly healthy behavior. I certainly wouldn't want to give someone an epileptic attack. Why would I want to drive a nail through their skulls, either?

I do think the game is solidly designed. It's a smart little cookie. But, it is unintentionally discouraging to get through, especially if you feel like you can't ask for help. Like getting a clue or an explanation is cheating.

Look. Try. Try hard. Be as honest and earnest as you can be. Just don't expect to do everything in your life alone, okay? I mean, there are times you've got to get an external perspective. I frequently had to crash after school with mathematics teachers and badger professors to explain topics outside of class. You think I was going to come up with how there are different kinds of infinities on my own? Hell no. I'm not creative in terms of mathematical proofs. But, I sure as hell can explain how different infinities work now! Even post-schooling, I still research topics, particularly when building or fixing things. I wouldn't have learned half of the things I've learned about maintaining game cartridges or building dollhouses without suggestions from professionals and enthusiasts. It's just part of life. You ask for help so you don't burn resources—especially something as valuable as time!

#post game evaluation #baba is you #demon is purge

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thehoneybuzz · 3 years

Text

Chasing Baker

My Nana was my greatest adversary.

In an otherwise charmed life, Nana was an immovable force and the only legitimate challenger to my willpower. Not without the warmth one would expect from a grandmother, Nana could be sharp - like a sun-warmed pane of glass. Lesser hearts might have bent to me when I requested accommodation - but not Nana. Nana set a firm bedtime, insisted on efficient tooth brushing, and rather than negotiate with hair tangles, made short work of them in single, swift wrenches when brushing your hair. No nonsense. When you stayed with her - in one of two twin beds in a room made precisely for grandchildren - you often found yourself in bed with the lights out, with no real memory of having gotten there, swept away in the tide of your sheets. Nana was uncompromising, and no arena was more suited to our mutual stubbornness as the dinner table.

I grew up a notoriously picky eater. After a weekend at my Uncle Jerry's, my mom received a hardcover copy of "The Strong-Willed Child" from him as a gift. He had spanked me for not eating chicken nuggets. As evident by its title, the book was meant to coach my mother on parenting strategies for mitigating my innate obstinance. This would not be the only copy of the book my mother received. Though, I think she could have written one by the time I turned 4. I simply refused to eat the things I didn't like, and that was a long list.

A relative once applauded - clapped his hands together in joy- upon learning that I had graduated from having the crusts cut off my bread to full-blown sandwich eating. The peanut butter and honey sandwich was my signature dish and an absolute staple. I'd like to say I've grown out of it - and I've certainly grown having tried llama steak in Peru, lamb heart at the table of a Lebanese family, and Greenland shark in an Icelandic cafe - but it took me a long time to let go of my habits and permit myself to try, and it took some coaxing. My preferences ran deep.

My diet from ages six through eleven included Eggo waffles, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, an assortment of cereals, a handful of specific fruits and vegetables, and the occasional steak when mom thought my iron was low. My mom - on the advice of a pediatrician who told her that if she force-fed me, I'd develop an eating disorder - catered to this preference. Nana did not. They must have been seeing different pediatricians.

Nana took the clear your plate approach - The approach driven by reward and consequence. Finish your plate, cookies delivered. Fail to try, become hungry and hungrier still as dessert passes you by. I took to swallowing food whole, and my mom took to sending me with granola bars on visitations. She'd line the interior of my suitcase like we were smuggling drugs. I'll admit it was an unusual form of contraband, but the measure seemed necessary in a divorced child's duplicitous world. What my mom saw as nourishment, my Dad might see as undermined parenting strategy even under the best of circumstances - which they often weren't. I was hungry, so decided it best to keep things a secret and wrappers out of the trash.

Despite Nana's apparent best efforts, I avoided the eating disorder. Thanks to my mom, I avoided most foods until my early 20s. I don't know who was right. What I know for certain is that I was loved.

When I sat down with Nana after my trip to Mt. Baker, she clutched her heart as she said. "Ally - to think about you as this little girl - and that you would only eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches - to think of you climbing mountains…" she shakes her head, "… well I just can't believe it."

I started to laugh and asked her, "Want to know the best part?"

She nodded, smile in her eyes, full of that sunny warmth - playful and kaleidoscopic.

"I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches up and down the side of that mountain, Nana," I told her, laughing, and then we laughed together. Growing up is fun, I thought, especially in moments like this.

Laughing with your grandmother is a gift you receive in exchange for time, and it is a beautiful gift indeed. Here is a woman who bathed you, clothed you, fed you - and by the time you're old enough to understand the magnitude of the life she held before all that, she is often gone. I'm lucky to have this time. Nana is 90 years old now, and my mother's mother passed at 74. I never got to have the conversations I wanted to have with my grandmother, who died. To ask her questions like, 'Who were you?' 'What lifetimes made up the love you gave so effortlessly away?'

There is something about mountain climbing that makes you consider those kinds of questions in real-time. There is something about mountain climbing that makes you feel as if you are in the process of 'becoming.' So when, at the parking lot of Grandy Creek Grocery, I met my fellow climbers and our guides - there was a feeling of anticipation and nervousness about who I'd be sharing that story with. Dropping me off, my mom described it like the first day of kindergarten. The first person I met was Sharon.

I had been worried about Sharon. Weeks before, on the pre-trip Zoom call, she stood out from the digital crowd as the most visibly senior person there. Sharon did not look old - she looked undoubtedly the oldest. I think this is an important distinction - particularly to Sharon. I remember thinking - "I hope she is not on my trip because I'm worried she will show me down." A very judgmental thought and the universe saw to its reckoning. Sharon surprised the hell out of me.

She paced the parking lot, and I jumped out of my rig to greet her. We quickly began commiserating. Baker would be her first mountain. I had Mount St. Helens under my belt, but it's not much in the way of experience. We talked about our training plan, recounting long drives to taller places. Sharon was from Wisconsin, and she had to drive 45 minutes to get to peaks at 3,000 - the same as me in Eastern Washington. We had a lot in common. Where I ran, she had been hiking with weight and jogging. Sharon wasn't afraid of hard work. On our drive to the trailhead, I learned that she had just lost 75 pounds last year. I learned later that when Sharon signed up for this climb, she hadn't told anyone in her family she was doing it. She was 62 years old and had never once traveled alone. What on earth possessed her to climb a mountain? I'd be afraid of that question, too.

Sharon eventually fessed up to her family and made the trip official. That's how we found ourselves on the side of a mountain together. I'm embarrassed to have been so fundamentally wrong - but my confession is not without meaning, and I learned an important lesson. Never underestimate a Sharon.

When Melissa, our guide, described Mt. Baker for the first time, she called it by its indigenous name, Komo Kulshan. She then gave us its epithet - "The Great White Watcher." Having now met Kulshan face to face, I can tell you that's precisely how he feels. The summit looms as you navigate through the trees. Stoic in the face of the wilderness that surrounds him. Ice cold, he waits. In the Lummi language, he's called 'white sentinel.' He is persistent, vigilant, and watching.

I focused my nervous energy on preparing to meet this mountain by learning what I could about him. I learned that Mt. Baker is 10,781 feet tall, an active volcano, and the second most glaciated mountain in the continental united states (Rainier's got it beat, and you don't count Alaska). It's a formidable mountain, known - as nearly all alpine environments are - for its quickly changing conditions and the perils of its geology. This all, somehow, frightened me less than the thought of meeting Melissa Arnot-Reid. Her legend loomed not in the Cascades - where only a single peak resides above the threshold of 14,000 feet by which the Rockies measure their formidable "fourteeners." Melissa's legend loomed as large as Everest, on who's summit she has been six times - the only American woman to summit without the use of supplemental oxygen and survive. 29,032 feet. Melissa was someone I wanted to learn from, and I was scared shitless of her by reputation.

Suffering a bit of social awkwardness around celebrities, I prepared to meet Melissa by seeking to learn nothing about her at all. The antithesis of my mountain strategy - I told myself our experience would be what it was when we met on the mountain. My job was to learn - to ask my questions courageously - and be vulnerable and bold in seeking truth. I spent a fair bit of time wondering if she might be an ass hole, too. The age-old adage, "don't meet your heroes," drifted in and out of my mind.

In the last 15 minutes of our drive to Grandy's, my mom started reading Melissa's Wikipedia page aloud to me as I navigated the road, undoing months of my concerted preparation. I let her continue, greedy for information. "It says she trains by depriving herself of things - that she'll go without food and water."

"Probably a good idea if you're ever going to be stuck on the side of a mountain without it," I told her. I braced myself for a response. In the past few months, my mother had a growing sensitivity around topics that might suggest I could die on the side of a mountain. Admitting, so blatantly, that mountain climbing was a dangerous sport left me vulnerable to excessive mothering accompanied by exclamations of "Don't you dare!" Instead, my mom sort of nodded and continued, "I'm surprised her baby came out healthy."

My brow furrowed. I hated my mother for saying it. I had avoided a lecture from the mother of the mountaineer but failed to account for the mother of the daughter aged-almost-thirty. My uterus is a topic of conversation around my mother's table. Apparently, so was Melissas. Not wanting to discuss either, I let my mother's comment go unchecked as she continued to list accomplishments. "This article says she's focused on business, not emotions. That she is an incredible problem-solver." Now her reports felt more like cheating - it felt like an unfair advantage to meet someone armed with publicly available information about them. When you Google "Allyson Tanzer," you won't find much about my disposition under pressure. I told my mom it was time to focus and turned up the music.

When we parked, and I went to introduce myself to Melissa, three things happened. As I introduced myself, she first quickly let me know that she would not be giving out hugs due to the pandemic. Then, taking my hand in a firm grip, Melissa detailed that she and our other guide, Adrienne, had critical guide business to discuss and would be with us in a moment. She reported being thrilled to be meeting us as she quickly dropped my hand. Within thirty seconds, I was apologizing profusely and backing my way into the grocery. What can I say - first time formally climbing mountains, and I wasn't sure of the protocol. I fiddled with a bag of Cheetohs and continued to hope that she wasn't just an ass hole.

I went to the bathroom for something to do and remembered what my mother said. Task-oriented. I figured Melissa probably didn't hate me, after all. Despite my earlier misgivings, I was grateful to know a bit about her character, regardless of how 'honestly' that information was obtained. Thanks, Mom.

Our climb began. We left Grandy's in a caravan and parked near 3000' at the winter routes trailhead. On the first day, you ascend to 6000' and establish camp. You carry about 40 pounds, walking 1 mile and about 1000 vertical feet per hour, stopping for 15-minute breaks in those intervals. Conditions are warm, which means you're doing something the mountaineers call "post-holing" - ramming deep holes (as if for a fence post) into the ground as you step through snow that's washed out underneath. It's slow-going and rigorous. An hour and a half in, Melissa reports that we're standing in the location where she usually takes the first break. Unseasonably warm weather with a heavy snow accumulation has made for an exciting start.

You walk along a canyon ridge formed by a retreating glacier. You realize that time here is not measured in the same cadence that it's known to you. Mountains measure time in millennium, not decades. The formations of rock are carved by years, not minutes. The ground holds a history you can't conceive of - an ancient history of rock and ice. You are constantly struck by feeling small both physically and in your very chronology. I spent the first day happily in awe.

At camp, you maintain - guides (and playfully designated junior guides), boil snow, establish a base, dig a toilet. You assess whether or not you need to poop in a bag and carry it down the mountain with you as you try - for the first time - a rehydrated meal claiming to be chili Mac and cheese. Melissa teaches us how to walk on rope over a glacier. I try to mimic her knots. She redefines your concept of efficiency - breathlessly describing a packing order that accounts for calorie intake, warmth requirements and weight distribution - Every contingency considered. When I win the Ice Ax Rodeo by landing my thrown ax in a particular configuration - all is right in the world. Melissa is a drill sergeant giving instruction. She outlines the next minute - next five minutes - next hour - next day.

Her matter-of-fact nature reminds me of something. When I gave my parents a ride in an airplane for the first time with me as the pilot in command, I provided them near the same briefing as we were parked on the ramp. It ended dramatically with, "And if anything should happen, you have to exit the aircraft first in the following fashion." At which point I launched myself from the plane. I wanted them to be prepared to fight their instincts to protect me. I’m the only pilot on board - and my job is to protect my passengers, no exceptions. They both described a sense of foreboding and peace at the demonstration. It’s precisely how I felt when Melissa explained how she would be rescuing herself from a crevasse. “If you fall, I get you out. If I fall, I get myself out, but I need your help as an anchor to do so.” She took the approach of coaching us in only what we needed for the next challenge. We would learn crevasse rescue on a need to know basis. At Grandy’s, she told us to expect 48 hours of endurance. At camp, we’re at hour 9. She painted a picture of the following day.

"We'll begin between 11, and 2 am. Expect switchbacks up the glacier, a series of flats, and gains over the next hour. In 3.5 miles, we'll gain an additional 2000 feet - meandering a path through the glacier's crevasses, and it will gradually become steeper over time. About 1.5 miles to the summit, we'll hit the Easton glacier culminating in the Roman Wall. Then, because God has a sense of humor, you have a long flat walk to the summit after the steepest portion. All said it will take us between 5-7 hours to the top."

Frankly, it was just about as simple as that.

My eyes opened at 11:50 pm to the sound of movement outside the tent. Melissa had coached us here, too. "You may not be sleeping," she told us as we readied for 'lights out.' Days from the summer solstice, the sun burned brightly above us at 7 pm. "Remember that you don't need sleep; you need rest. That's what you're getting here at camp. You're horizontal; your feet are out of your boots. Close your eyes, and know you're getting what you need." Felt like a lie, but sure enough, with two hours of sleep, I couldn't describe myself as tired.

I did, however, feel cold. Chilly night temperatures had crept into our tent, and dressing for the day was arduous. I knew to keep my clothes in my sleeping bag. It was a trick I learned from a friend made trekking in the Andes for dressing in the cold. I knew to shorten my trekking poles while climbing, thanks to my guide on that same trek. I'd be leaving my trekking poles behind today, though. Ice axes only. We divide into rope teams. The race begins, but there's no starting pistol - only wind.

Fifteen minutes into our climb and we're struggling to find the rhythm. I'm still shaking the bleariness of the cold. The rope between climbers takes on an interesting dynamic. While it connects you to your fellow climber, it also isolates you from them. You have to maintain a certain distance away from one another while maintaining the same pace. It's a dance with crampons on in glacial ice - a delicate dance indeed - and it's where climbing feels like a team sport. You're all in it together.

Voices rang out in sequence like a game of telephone - one of our team would need to climb down. We said short goodbyes and waited as Adrienne (guide) descended with climber to camp. We were lucky - we hadn’t been climbing long which meant Adrienne could climb down and back to rejoin her rope. Guide redundancy is a safety net when groups of climbers work together.

Darkness continued. We continued. As you persist, darkness seems to persist along with you. In the first hour, it grows heavy. Your world begins and ends at the light of your headlamp, and that's where you find it—your rhythm. Crampons crunching, breath steady, and the gentle swish of your layers create a sort of timpani, a medley of percussion sounds. Clink, brush, crunch, and clink, brush, crunch, as ax bites ice, the movement of your clothes, and the toe of your boot kicks crampon into snow propelling you forward. There isn't much to think about in this grinding meditation. You're grounded in tugs from ahead or behind you as you march, slowly up. You can count steps, miles, feet of elevation - whatever keeps you moving. Whatever keeps you going up.

Moments before sunrise, we would lose another on our team. I listened to Melissa coach her. "What we're headed to is going to be harder than what we've just done. If how you are feeling is taking away from your ability to focus on your next step - I can only tell you that it's not going to get easier from here." That's when I saw the decision on her face. Another round of goodbyes - this one a bit more somber. She had worked so hard.

The decision to descend is a difficult one, but it’s one of the most important you can make. There are steep consequences to being in over your head in a place so remote. The summit is a siren, beware. Melissa - aware of the remaining teams intention to summit - advised us to plug our ears as she told the descending climber the Sherpa belief that a mountain won't let you summit for the first time if it likes you. Mountains bring you back. Further, she coached, the decision to go down can lift an entire team's chance of success if you feel you're a liability. Recognizing yourself and your limitations truthfully is a mountain in itself. That's the summit this person made in her decision to descend.

Like a good Agatha Christie novel, our list of characters dwindled. We added layers and continued - five of the original eight. Melissa was right, again. After we lost the second climber, our ascent became a proper climb. From that point forward, if anyone decided to turn around - we would all have to. There was only one remaining guide, and she had to protect all her climbers, no exceptions - me in the cockpit all over again.

She didn't show it, but 62-year-old Sharon was genuinely frightened. She had realized the same thing I did. If she didn't make it - no one would. Sharon kept climbing. Remember when I was worried she would slow me down?

When the sun starts to rise, everything begins to feel possible again. I don't mean to say that things were hopeless, just that with the sun comes energy and a sense of renewal. Color returns to the landscape, and you can begin to be able to measure your progress concretely. The mountain casts a shadow across the earth, stretching miles. You can't believe that you are contained within that shadow, on the face of such a giant who stands so impossibly tall. Melissa stood there, and I took her picture.

She had turned out to be not an ass hole at all. Where I sought to be her student, she aspired to teach - at once brilliant and kind. Her stride - her sport - a work of art. The precise art of what she calls slow, uphill walking. Her shadow and the shadow of the mountain impressed upon me the power of legends.

As the Roman Wall came into view - I knew we had it. We short rope in and make one last push. If Mt. Baker is a joke from God, the ending of the Roman Wall is its punchline.

Atop the incline awaits a long, easy walk to a haystack peak some few hundred yards in the distance. I was bubbling with emotion as my heart rate settled and the view became clear. There wasn't much difference between where we stood and where we were going. We dropped our packs, unroped, and ran up the summit. I was in tears.

Melissa broke her no-hugs-in-the-pandemic rule and celebrated us each in turn. I snapped countless photos and spent each frozen moment smiling. I pulled Melissa and Sharon in close. I had felt something on my heart and only needed a moment's bravery to share it.

I started awkwardly.

"I'd like to say something to you and Sharon," I muttered, barely audible over the wind, as I tugged on Melissa's sleeve. I grabbed Sharon's arm and pulled her in too. I don't remember the exact thing I said or the exact way in which I said it. I remember pausing to make sure I got it right and wondering for a long time if I managed to do so.

I told them that I had come to the mountain expecting to be impressed by one person. Melissa promised an impressive education - on which she delivered. She is of that rare quality - the kind who’s presence improves you. I came to Baker with that expectation, I confessed, I expected Melissa. I paused before telling Sharon, her gloved hand in mine, “You?” I laughed nervously. “I wasn’t expecting. A 62-year-old woman….” I nodded back to Melissa, “And you, the mother of a 3-year-old…” I didn’t want to get this wrong. “You are two people who our society labels and confines. Yet, here you are - on top of a mountain. I have to tell you….” I was choked up in earnest here and struggled to continue.

"It matters.” I said. “What you do matters. It matters to have an example of what is possible. Both of you have provided that example to me and women like me. Thank you." I sobbed. "I am so grateful for it and grateful for you." Melissa smothered me in her jacket as she embraced me, once again, in a hug. Pandemic be damned. My tears froze. While I expected a "There's no crying in mountaineering" a la Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own (it was a climb of mostly women, after all) the admonishment never came.

Sharon grabbed hold of me next and we shared the alpine view. Before I knew it, we were the last two on the summit. The wind howled a steady cheer. Celebrations concluded, it was time to leave. I stayed for just a moment longer, watching Sharon as she left. They don't make anything more beautiful than a mountain, and it's a view worth savoring. I descended, joyfully, to my team.

I didn't bury Jake up there. In Ashes to Ashes, I told the story of taking my old farm dog's remains to the top of my first volcano. He's not so much a good luck charm as he is an omen of protection. I don't need luck as much as I need safety, and he serves his duty well. Jake stayed with me through our descent to camp. I needed a little protection coming down off the Roman Wall, I thought. I wanted him close until we were off the glacier. He lays now at the foot of my tent—a very good place for a very good dog.

There's a natural mindfulness to climbing. I often find myself living in the present step - not thinking about the route that lies below. You forget in moments that the trip up is accompanied by an equally long and perilous journey down. From the summit, your journey is far from over. Yet, time flies by even as you stop to admire the steam vents. The rainbow that surrounds the sun refracts joy and color the same.

You reach camp, celebrate, pack up. Miles and thousands of feet remain even from there. That's when you realize it's ending and when I realized I didn't want it to end.

We spent the next few miles getting to know each other in earnest, savoring time and mountain views, chatting in the way of long-form hikers - about the nature of things and through storytelling. Melissa regaled us with vulnerable truths and comedic parables. We laughed. I kept sipping at the wells of knowledge around me, drinking in the moments. Laughter distracted from hunger, from wet feet, and from the dull and dim realization that all good things must come to an end. We made our way to the bottom of the mountain. Just like that - we say goodbye.

Sharon drove me back to Grandy's. We chitter like school girls - adrenaline and nostalgia collide in our post-climb delirium. We talk about the future. I realize that we are good friends. I am humbled by just how wrong a person can be to believe something about someone for no good reason.

Mom picks me up, and with her embrace my adventure is over. I’ve come full circle - safe and sound, parked in the lot of Grandy Creek Grocery.

Melissa found us there and knocked on our window.

"Your daughter is really special. The MOST special,” my hero and friend told my mom. Mom beamed with a special pride reserved exclusively for mothers of strong-willed daughters. I had been misreading things - the adventure had only just begun.

There are eight years between Melissa and I. I’m not sure I’ll be chasing Everest in that time, but I know I won’t be finished. I’ve got thirty-three years to catch Sharon at 62. In the mountain blink of sixty-one years, I’ll be as old as my Nana and I hope at least half as wise. Good thing there are so many years - for there is so much left to climb.

#mountaineering #mountains #travel #adventure #adventurephotography #traveling #travelblogpost #mountainclimbing #mt baker

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sweetness47 · 4 years

Text

Pinky Promise

Pairing Bucky x reader

This is a late present for @sherrybaby14 😊 Happy Birthday Sweetie <3 . There are some flashback moments in italics, part of the background story.

Warnings: some underage smut-ish stuff, smut, some fluff, language, child abandonment, child kidnapping, parental rejection dark moments, etc… MATURE 18+ READERS ONLY!!! DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU!!!

Summary: You and Bucky grew up as neighbours, you always watched each other’s backs, always defended the other. Both of you were close with Steve as well. But it was Bucky who was particularly close to you.

Five years old, Kindergarten

A shy YN entered the classroom, clinging to the skirt her mother wore. She didn’t want to stay here, there were too many people. And they all looked super scary.

“Mama, I want to go home!” she pleaded.

“You will be fine sweetie, promise. I’ll come back in a couple of hours to get you, ok? You’ll have lots of fun.”

The teacher, Mrs. Bird, came over. “You must be YN. I’m Mrs. Bird. There’s some dolls over here, I can show them to you if you like.”

The teacher held out her hand, and YN looked at her, then looked more closely at the room. Toys filled all the corners, there were dolls, toy cars, building blocks, coloring books. Slowly, more out of curiosity, she took Mrs. Bird’s hand and together they went over to where other girls were playing with dolls and clothes. YN’s mother took that opportunity to sneak away, thankful for the distraction the teacher had provided.

She knelt down, finding a blonde hair baby to play with. She took some dresses and began trying them on her, then another girl came and snatched the doll away.

“My doll.”

“No! I had it first!” YN yelled back.

“Too bad.” The other girl sneered at YN and pushed her.

“I think that girl had the doll first. Give it back to her.”

Both girls turned to a young boy. “Buzz off kid.” The other girl turned to ignore him.

The boy took the doll, and gave it back to YN. The teacher came over, and pulled the other girl aside to talk about her manners.

YN looked at the boy who had now sat down beside her. “Thank you. I’m YN.”

“My name is James.” The boy said, holding his hand out for her to shake.

She did. “This your first day?” she asked.

James nodded. “You?”

“Yeah.”

He turned to her. “Wanna be best friends?”

“Sure.” She replied.

“Here.” He held out his pinky finger. “Let’s pinky promise. We will always be friends, always help each other, always.”

She connected her pinky with his. “I like that promise.”

Her mind wandered, away from the pain, away from the nightmares. The memory, if that’s what it was, was nice, a good distraction. Where was this? When?

The conditioning resumed. Tears fell from her eyes as her mind took her away again.

16 Years Old, High School

“You gotta be kidding Buck. No way. Uh uh. I am not wearing heels that high. Nope. Not happening.”

“C’mon YN, they will look really good with the gown.” He pleaded.

YN turned to Steve. “Are you gonna let him rag on me like that?”

“Leave it Buck. She doesn’t have to wear the shoes. They are a bit high. You don’t want your prom date to end up on crutches do you?” he said to his friend.

“Fine.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “It was only a suggestion.” He placed a chaste kiss on YN’s forehead. “No one’s going to notice the shoes anyways, they will be too busy staring at the dress.”

Steve laughed and nodded. “True enough.”

“You guys are going to make me blush.” YN chimed in as she did a fancy twirl. The gown she’d picked off the rack was perfect size. The blue satin moved gracefully around her, making her shiver when material brushed against her skin. It was a halter top design, the low V accentuating her breasts. Small beads adorned the waistline, giving the illusion of a belt, and completing the delicate piece of clothing. “This is definitely the one.”

“I have to agree.” Bucky came over to stand beside her. Steve joined as well. “You look stunning.”

She blushed furiously, and went back to the change room. Bucky paid for the dress and made arrangements to get it shipped to her house.

Bucky had been right in suggesting everyone’s eyes would be glued to the dress. YN always dressed plain, not wanting to stand out, yet here she was, the most beautifully dressed tonight. How had she let Bucky talk her into this? Her mind screamed at her to run, seek safety of her home, but her heart was right where she wanted to be, with James “Bucky” Barnes.

Her eyes flitted open, the room was blurry. She watched as people walked around, whispering amongst themselves, all kinds of tubes and needles everywhere. Her body was strapped down, helpless…she didn’t know what or where she was, she wasn’t even sure anymore who she was. The conditioning resumed as one of the fuzzy figures injected something into her IV.

16 years old, Graduation

The party lasted well into the night. James took Steve home, then drove YN back to her place. “I love you Buck.”

The words surprised them both. Yeah, they’d been dating for a while, but neither had actually said the words…till now. Bucky leaned over to kiss her, his lips soft, inviting YN to open hers. He moaned as his tongue found hers, dancing together in the heat. “I love you too, YN.”

The kiss deepened, Bucky reaching to hike up her skirt, while YN worked at undoing his belt and pants. Truthfully, they hadn’t planned to go far, but neither wanted to stop. It felt right. YN lifted her hips as Bucky slid off her underwear, then moved his hands to cup her mound. She was soft, wet with desire for this man. He slipped a finger inside, and she gave a soft cry as her body adjusted to the invasion. Then he moved it, slowly, covering her passionate pleas with bruising kisses.

His hand then left, and he moved her to lay on the seat of the car. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

Always the gentleman, she thought to herself. “Yes.”

Bucky nodded, and in one swift moment, he was in, thrusting past the barrier of her innocence. Tears stung her eyes, but she smiled up at him. His look of concern was heartwarming, so she gave a nod of assurance that indeed she was ok. He moved then, pulling out then pushing back in. YN experienced her first orgasm, the explosion sending unimaginable pleasure through her.

“Bucky! Oh god…”

He moved faster, spurred by her response, and YN found herself wrapping her legs around his waist. He was all muscle and pure sin. And he was hers. He came shortly after, spilling his seed inside her, collapsing on top of her. Both were panting and sweaty, but neither regretted that night.

“Her conditioning is complete. She is ready for testing.”

“Well done Dr. Let’s see what she can do.”

YN looked at the room she now found herself in. She was no longer strapped down, no tubes attached to her arms, and she was fully clothed. The suit was light, breathable, and allowed her to move with ease.

Two soldiers came in, no guns, but stood ready to strike. YN looked almost bored.

Until they moved to attack her.

It was almost too fast to see with the human eye, the way she grabbed the arm of the first soldier, tearing it from his body, then gouging his eyes out. The second soldier wrapped his arms around her, trying to contain and limit her movement, but she took both hands and grabbed his head from behind. She pulled him over her, and punched a hole in his chest, literally, pulling out his heart and smashing it on the ground.

All that took about 20 seconds.

She stayed there, waiting for instructions. The Doctor and the other man came in to the room. The man looked her over. “Hail Hydra!” he saluted her.

“Hail Hydra!” she replied.

Yes. She was ready.

Steve looked at his friend in wide disbelief. “No way. She was too smart to have ever been captured by Hydra.”

Bucky stared right back. “She wasn’t, originally. She was like me. A victim of circumstance. I wouldn’t lie about this Steve. You know me. You know how I felt about her. You honestly think I would make shit like that up?”

“It’s entirely possible that this YN could have fallen victim to the same circumstances as James.” Natasha interjected.

“Maybe, but if that’s the case, who knows what kind of conditioning she’s been through. And would we even be able to get her back?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders at Steve. “You got me back Rogers. Don’t you think she deserves that chance too?”

Cap sighed. “True enough. But it’s going to be tough getting past the defenses. Hydra’s pretty well fortified.”

Black Scorpion. That’s what they called her now.

Her old name and old life a distant memory, fading farther as the days went by. She no longer heard the name YN. No longer did anyone treat her with anything but respect and indifference. They were probably scared of her. She was the best weapon they’d ever made. Even better than the Winter Soldier had been. She was flawless.

They had used an improved version of the Super Soldier Serum. Superior to any used before. Her skin was impenetrable now, she had no need of bullet proof garments. Knives were useless as well. She was the perfect killing machine.

It was based on nanite technology, tiny microscopic robots that had integrated with her DNA, bonding with her blood, giving her instant healing and armour.

She’d been part of Hydra’s experiments for decades. YN was given the original Super Serum to preserve her life, then they worked on perfecting it, and her.

The Black Scorpion lived true to the name, the perfect Hydra operative. She never missed a target, never botched a mission, never failed…period.

She’d encountered the Avengers a few times, but her mask shrouded them from making any kind of headway as to her identity. When not working, she remained inside the base, she had no need for food or sleep, so she trained, meditated, and trained more.

Those Hydra soldiers who weren’t scared of her tried to get her into their beds, but were unsuccessful. She had no need of such activities, and she certainly wasn’t going to engage in them with those losers.

There were times where, if she did close her eyes, she would have flashes of what seemed to be dreams, images of a child and others like her, playing together. Visions of going to school, eating at diners, plagued her.

But there was one that haunted her most of all.

It was a boy, well the first images were a young boy, but they were friends, then more than friends, then…well that’s where it usually ended. She could never see anything beyond that. And while she no longer had emotion or knew anything other than what was current, the images continued to appear, eventually even happening while she was awake. It never affected her missions, and no one was ever aware this was happening. She never told a soul.

Her outside façade never showed anything but the calm, cool, collected Black Scorpion. Her mind struggled between the conditioning and the flashes of this boy. She had to find out who he was, and why she was dreaming of him. But she didn’t have any security clearance for the computers that occupied the rooms. So she had little to help her in her quest, but was determined none-the-less.

“You’re absolutely sure this is where she’d be?”

“I’m sure.”

Nat stood by Bucky. “I believe you. Let’s get your friend.”

Steve sighed. “Ok. But, stealth? Please?” He looked specifically at Bucky first, who rolled his eyes, then at Natasha.

“Duh.” Nat stuck her tongue out at Cap, who shook his head.

Bucky scoured the area, counting the guards and gathering intel, including the easiest way in. He found it: a service tunnel that lead to a secluded grove of pines. The electrical building was there. It was a perfect place to sneak inside and get to YN.

But their stealth was no match for a certain Hydra operative who happened to be watching the fields, desperately trying to find a way into the computer systems, hoping it had some intel on her past. The flashes and images were becoming more frequent, and it terrified her, she who had no emotion, who’s humanity had been stripped away by decades of brainwashing.

She didn’t alert any of the other soldiers. There was no need for anyone else. She had taken on these people before, and could easily do so again. Donning her mask, she made her way quickly to the service tunnel she saw them heading toward. Her plan…take them out…permanently.

She hid in the shadows of the first corner, listening for the anticipated footsteps.

Bucky was the first down, followed by Nat and then Cap. The tunnel was dimly lit, but manageable. There were no guards down there, it was just the opposite, an eerie quiet filled the long hallways. Bucky’s senses were on high alert, as were the other two. They moved cautiously down the passage, listening for anything.

Almost too late, Bucky caught a very faint intake of breath from around the corner, just before Black Scorpion came charging at them. The three Avengers scattered, avoiding the long sword flying in their direction.

“There will be no escape this time. You will all fall to Hydra!”

“Not in this century, bitch.” This from Widow, who took out her own baton to combat with.

Her laugh sent chills down their spines. “Your imaginary feats of escape and heroism are small, and will ultimately lead to your demise.” She scoffed. “Why would only three of you come here? Do you have a need to die so quick?”

“We’re looking for a friend of ours.”

Scorpion turned to the famed Soldier. “We don’t have any of Shield’s agents in our cells, though you are welcome to become prisoners.”

“She isn’t a Shield agent. She is a friend. From our childhood. Her name is YN. YFN YLN.”

Scorpion stopped, staring at Captain America. Then her eyes floated over to the man beside him. Dark hair, scruffy, but the eyes…blue as the sky on a clear day. It couldn’t be. The boy from her visions was Hydra’s traitor?

Bucky caught the confusion in Scorpion’s eyes. “Please. If you know where she is, tell us. I love her. I always have, always will.”

Scorpion couldn’t speak. She had to retreat, clear her head. She turned to flee, but Bucky’s swift motions caught her attempt, grabbing her arm and swinging her around. The force of the movement caused her mask to fly off, leaving two speechless Avengers.

The object of the mission was standing right in front of them.

Nat snuck around while Scorpion was preoccupied and gave her enough sedative to knock out a tyrannosaurus. Her stinger was made with a metal alloy not of this world, able to penetrate anything, even Cap’s shield. The perfect weapon that was Black Scorpion slid slowly to the ground, her eyes never leaving the Winter Soldier’s.

17 Years Old

Her period never came. It was due two weeks ago. She smiled to herself. Bucky would be thrilled when she told him. They were going to have a baby. She knew she was young, but they would make it work. He already had a good job. They could get a small place somewhere, settle down, get married.

The only other thing she had to do was tell her parents. They were good role models, loving, caring. She couldn’t not say anything. This was going to be their grandchild. They would surely be happy, right?

“Mom? Dad? Can we talk?” she approached them after dinner.

“Sure honey. What’s wrong?” her mother coaxed, motioning for YN to sit on the sofa beside her.

YN bit her lip and looked down at her lap for a moment. “I’m pregnant.”

There, she’d said it. Now all she had to do was wait for the shouts of joy, the hugs.

But they never came.

Instead, her father stood from his chair. “What?”

Her mother looked horrified. “You’re pregnant? Who…?” she stopped. “It’s that boy, James something. Isn’t it? What did he do? Did he force you? Is that what happened?”

YN shook her head. “No. Nothing like that! James and I love each other. He’s going to marry me, and we’re going to be a family.”

The hard slap echoed through the room, tears stinging the reddening cheek on YN’s face. “You slut! How could you shame us like that? Your parents! We loved you, cared for you, and this is how you repay us? You ungrateful little girl. Go to your room, NOW!”

YN ran up the stairs to her room, slamming the door and flinging herself onto her bed. Never, in her 17 years, had her mom and dad ever hit her. That hurt almost as much as the actual slap. Possibly more. Why wouldn’t they be happy? It wasn’t like James was going to abandon her. They had to know that, right?

She cried herself to sleep. When she finally woke, she was greeted with a splitting headache, and the realization that she wasn’t at her home. In fact, she was pretty sure she wasn’t in the same city. Where was she? How did she get here?

She wandered around, the dark alley producing frightening shadows, hints of danger lurked everywhere. She walked to and fro, up and down the streets of the foreign town, hoping this was just some bad nightmare. But no luck. After hours of aimless searching, the pregnant teen sat on a nearby park bench, shivering, crying uncontrollably, praying for a miracle.

Her eyes flew open, immediately tensing as she glanced around the white room. She was in some kind of hospital room, or infirmary. Same thing. But what, why…Her mind reeled over what she could remember, which wasn’t much at first. Scared and confused, she hopped off the bed, only to be met with one kickback of a dizzy spell. She collapsed, shaking, as her weak limbs struggled to get up off the cold cement. The nanites that were inside her had gone dormant, sleeping while she slept. They would get her back up in a few minutes, but that wasn’t the biggest concern.

Numerous flashes of different scenarios crossed her mind: murder, fighting, killing people…then children playing, laughing…

The boy with the blue eyes.

She was unaware that someone had entered the room. Strong arms lifted her off the floor, gently placing her back into the comfort of the bed. Those same blue eyes met hers, concern etched across his beautiful face.

“You ok?” his voice was just as sinful as the rest of him. She nodded. “What do you remember?”

She shook her head. “I…I’m not really sure. There’s so many chopped up images in my head right now, it might as well be an entire theatre of movies times 50.”

He chuckled. “Do you remember your name?”

“Bla…” she paused, “No, it…it’s YN.” Her eyes widened. “Buck?”

Bucky let out a huge sigh of relief. “Yeah doll, it’s me.”

YN began to frown, which was quickly replaced with tears of remorse. “Oh god…Buck, I’m so sorry. I…”

He gathered her into his strong embrace. “Shhh, don’t apologize. It wasn’t you YN. It was Hydra.”

She held up her hand. “No, Bucky, please let me finish.” He stopped, facing her. “I never wanted to leave you. I wasn’t given a choice.”

He leaned back. “What are you talking about? You wrote me a letter saying you were going to college. You wanted to remain just friends. I stopped hearing from you, eventually, and I joined the army.”

She shook her head. “No, I didn’t go away to college Buck. My parents sent me away.”

His features darkened. “Why?”

“Because I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.”

His jaw dropped. His voice barely a whisper, “What?”

“They were so mad, telling me I had shamed them. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. When I woke, I was in a strange town, no other clothes than what I wore, no money, no note, no goodbye. Nothing. They abandoned me.”

The metal hand curled into a fist. “Those bastards. Why didn’t you contact me?”

“I couldn’t. I had no way to do anything like that. I was almost starved to death when this couple came by and saw me alone on the park bench. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for 2 days at that point. They offered me a place to stay, and I accepted. That was my first encounter with Hydra.”

“It was too good an offer to pass up at the time. I was scared, pregnant and alone…and I was hungry. I didn’t know much about them beyond what they told me. I told them about the baby, and they appeared even more concerned. So they took me in and gave me a new home. They helped me go shopping for clothes for the child, a cradle, everything I would need. They seemed to live a simple life, no phones or anything. They bought whatever I needed or wanted, so I never had any need for an allowance or a job.”

“When the baby started to come, the couple rushed me to a special ‘hospital’ where I could have ‘the best care’ possible. We had a son Buck. But then everything went downhill. I wasn’t even given a chance to hold him. He was taken from the room and I never saw him again. That’s when they started experimenting on me. They gave me the Super Soldier serum to keep me from aging while they worked to perfect it. They did outside trials too, hence Captain America and you, but it was my body they used as their test subject. While I was under, they had subliminal messages playing, conditioning to make me forget who I was. This went on for decades.”

Bucky listened in horror, his stomach threatening to heave his recent meal. He couldn’t believe those assholes had done this to her. To his YN. “God, YN. I never knew.”

“I know. I don’t blame you. I would have contacted you if I knew how, or had the tools to do so.” She bit her lip. “But our son is out there now. They are probably raising him, training him right from birth that Hydra is his life. We have to find him.”

He put a hand on her shoulder. “We will. Promise. But right now, you need to rest.” He kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

She smiled. “Pinky promise?”

“Always.”

#happy birthday sherrybaby14 #bucky x reader

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sailorjupitersworld · 6 years

Text

I’ve Got You

To previous readers of the story who might be coming back to re-read, I did some editing and rewrote a few things. Not much is different, but spelling mistakes have been fixed and grammatically incorrect sentences have been take care of. (I hope I got them all at least.)

Plot/Summary- There’s a string of murders involving young women in San Antonio, Texas. (Y/n) has a connection to the case, but does she realize that in time?

Warnings- Mentions of rape, abuse, abusive ex-boyfriend, swearing, blood.

Pairings- Spencer Reid x Reader

a/n- First time writing first person. I apologize if it’s horrible!

----

“It seems this unsub is going after young women in their mid to late 20′s. Typically women with (h/c) hair, (e/c) eyes, (s/t) skin and are recently out of a relationship. We think this is a man of in his late 20′s to early 30′s. He seems to be acting out some kind of fantasy,” Hotch started.

“He’s a confident, charming, and kind man. He has the ability to lure his victim’s to a place where there is a lack of people. He knows how to get them alone.” Prentiss followed.

“And he has access to chloroform, to knock his victim out and drag them to where he’s keeping them.” (Y/n) finished.

The group of policemen nodded, dispersing to their set locations.

“Alright guys, we need to find who’s doing this and fast. 7 victims in two weeks. We’ve gotta stop this man before he kills again.” Emily stated, a look of worry etched into her features.

“Prentiss and Morgan, I want you two to head down to the bar the last victim was scene. Ask around and see what you can get. (L/n), Reid and I will head to the crime scene and see if there’s anything that may be different from the last. JJ, I want you to talk to the family, see if there may be anything that connects her with the last few victims.” Hotch ordered.

---(First Person)---

The three of us exited the SUV, gloves already equipped.

Something about this case left a sinking feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t unusual for a case to make me a bit queasy, but I’ve never felt like this before. Something was wrong. I just didn’t know what.

“Hey Hotch, (Y/n), check this out.” Spencer waived you over, a piece of paper in his hands.

“What is it?” Hotch questioned,

I grabbed the paper and began reading aloud.

“Hello there agents. You think you’re close because you have a profile? Because you think you know me? You don’t. Though, maybe one of your team members do. Have fun!

-DJ.”

“Who does he know?” Spencer asked, confused.

My heart dropped, (e/c) eyes widening the size of dinner plates.

“(L/n), what’s wrong?” Hotch questioned.

“I need to make a phone call. I’ll be right back.”

“(N/n)!” Spencer called after me, but I didn’t stop. There wasn’t any time.

“I said I’ll be right back!” I shouted, causing the police officers on scene to give me a confused look.

I rushed out of the building and turned into the alleyway, quickly dialing the number. “C’mon, pick up!” I muttered.

“Why would I pick up, when I’m right here?” A gravelly voice came from behind me and I felt my heart rate speed up.

“Damian.” I hissed.

The blonde haired man grinned at me, an evil glint in his eyes. “Shut up, bitch.” A fist came towards me, and before I knew it, everything was black.

----

“Officer, have you seen the other agent that came in with us?” Hotch asked hurriedly.

They haven’t seen you in over 20 minutes, and it seemed that nobody else on the scene had either.

The woman nodded and pointed to the ally. “She was just over there. She went down that way.” The ally was dark and dreary.

Spencer and Hotch walked quickly, flashlights in hand.

“There’s nobody here.”

“Hotch, look, her phone.” Spencer said, he could only fear the worst for you. You fit the victimology, he knew you shouldn’t have been working this case. He didn’t say anything and he knew.

“Get it to Garcia, and have her trace the last call. We need to find (Y/n) quickly, before she ends up like the rest.” Hotch felt the same panic and urgency as Spencer. You were like a daughter to him, and he couldn’t lose you.

---

“Son of a bitch.” I rasped. My throat burned and my head pounded.

I tugged at my hands, but I couldn’t move them. Looking up, I realized they were bound to a pipe... No, not a pipe. A pole.

It was damp, dark, and a musty smell filled the air. I must be in a basement.

A large metal clang was heard in the distance. His footsteps could be heard.

“Good, you’re awake.” Damian grinned.

“Let me go.” I croaked.

He crouched in front of me, “Oh honey, after what you did to me, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” Pulling out a knife, he dragged it across my cheek.

“Now it’s time you paid.” He growled. Slicing my shirt down the center, he made several shallow cuts along the skin of my chest and stomach.

I didn’t let out a sound, closing my eyes in pain.

“Aww, not gonna make a sound? Well, maybe this’ll help.” He flipped me and I heard what sounded like a belt buckle.

“No.. No, please don’t” I whimpered, writhing and attempted to free myself from the binds, rubbing my wrists raw in the process.

“Too late!” He clawed at your pants, undoing the buttons.

I knew exactly what was going to happen, and there was no way for me to stop this.

---

“Damian Jackson! He was put away for domestic violence, sexual and physical abuse, and attempted rape. His girlfriend filed 4 years ago. Oh my god...”

“What is it Garcia?”

“H-his ex! (Y/n) (L/n), born (birthday). That’s our (Y/n)!”

Everyone exchanged surprised glances, not once had you mentioned this. Not a word. They had know you for almost three years, and none of your behavior showed signs of past abuse. Spencer wracked his brain. “How could I not know? I should have know!”

Prentiss’ voice interrupted his thoughts, “Garcia, when did Jackson get out of prison?”

“He got out two weeks ago,”

“When the killings started,” Morgan interrupted.

“Where can we find him?” Rossi rushed.

“78451 Swan Drive!”

“Baby, I love you.” Derek said thankfully.

“Whatever you say hot stuff, just bring her back to us.”

Hotch and Reid were already on the move, “All units, head to 78451 Swan Drive. Bring an ambulence!” Hotch shouted.

---

I sobbed quietly, blood gushed from my nose, my chest was covered in red, not a single piece of (s/c) skin in sight. My hips throbbed with bruises and my wrists were bleeding. My pants were in tatters and strewn across the room. The only thing keeping myself not exposed were the black shorts I wore underneath and a bra. “At least he was courteous enough to leave those on.”

“They’re not coming, don’t you get it?” He growled, kicking my side once more.

I groaned in pain, “No, they’re coming. They’re going to arrest you, and put you away for life. Maybe they’ll put you on death row.” I spat.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me up to face him. “You fucking bitch! You have no idea what you’re talking about!” He screamed, spit flying in my face.

A loud crash was heard from upstairs, followed by voices.

“Get up, slut.” He cut the rope from around my wrists and pulled my body up.

My legs were weak, and I couldn’t help but stumble.

“I said GET UP!”

The metal door was opened in seconds and I let out a breath of relief when I saw the people who stood before me. Morgan, Hotch and Reid stood before me. Their guns were raised and they were clad in vests.

“Spencer...” I rasped.

“Shut it!” Damian screamed once more, pressing the cold metal against my neck. “You move and I’ll cut her throat open!”

“Put the knife down Damian.” Aaron growled. His face was etched with anger, but his eyes were full of fear.

“You don’t have to do this Damian, we can get you help.” Spencer attempted to reason.

“I don’t want help,” He began to drag the blade along your neck, “I want this fucking bitch dead!”

I felt a sharp pain in my side and Damian let go. I fell to the ground with a thud and I gasped for air.

“No!” Everyone yelled.

I watched through spotty vision as Damian was tackled to the ground. Hotch and Spencer quickly made their way over. Spencer was quick to pack the wound with the remnants of my shirt.”

“I need a medic! Federal Agent down!” Hotch yelled into his ear piece.

Spencer grabbed your head and looked you in the eyes, “(Y/n)? (Y/n), it’s okay. We got you. You’re going to be just fine.” He assured.

“I’m sorry. I should have said something. I should’ve known it was him. I’m so sorry.” I cried. (h/c) hair stuck to my face, the blood and sweat serving as the adhesive.

“Shush, you’re gonna be okay. Save your strength.” Hotch grasped my hand.

“Gentlemen, I’m going to need you to move.” The EMT said.

They quickly moved you, and soon you were being carried to the ambulance.

“Spencer, I love you. Aaron, thank you for being there for me,” I choked out. “If I don’t make it-”

“No, stop talking like that. You’re going to be just fine.” Spencer whispered shakily, tears streaked down his cheeks.

Black spots began to cloud my eyes, and the voices around me became muffled.

"I love you too.” Was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

------

Everyone sat in the lobby of the hospital, tears filled their eyes. Waiting for news on your condition. Morgan paced, Prentiss bit her nails, JJ munched on cheetos with a solemn look, Rossi twiddled his fingers and Garcia was wiping at the constant flow of tears. Hotch frequently made his way to the front desk, asking for new, yet receiving none. He was almost frantic. He’s lost too many and he couldn’t bear to lose another one. Spencer tapped his foot, trying to keep his breathing under control. The brunette wanted scream. It was agony not knowing. For someone like Spencer, not knowing was rare, and he hated it. The sound of the door opening and closing caused everyone to bolt up from their current positions.

“How is she?” Emily cried.

“Is she alright?” JJ gasped.

The surgeon and his nurse smiled, “It was a tough battle, but luckily the knife just missed any vital organs. She lost a lot of blood, but she’ll be fine if you give her time to heal.”

“Can we see her?” Spencer choked out. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks stained with tears.

The nurse nodded, “You may, but be careful. Not only will she be dealing with physical scars, she’s going to be going through a mass emotional trauma. She’s been swabbed for DNA and cleaned up as requested by the Bureau. But be warned, experiences like this... they don’t leave the brain easily. Please be cautious and try not upset her. She’s in room 241, down the hall and third door on the left.”

Aaron let out a shaky breath and nodded, “Thank you.”

Everyone made their way down the hall quickly, and there you sat, eyes wide open.

“Hey guys.” I croaked.

---

Everyone chatted with you for about 20 minutes before deciding you needed rest. Hotch and Spencer stayed however.

Hotch needed to ask you just one question, “(Y/n),”

“What is it?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It didn’t seem important. It’s apart of my past I don’t particularly like living through, but I will admit that it made me stronger. I knew who it was when we found that note. I should have said something, but I just couldn’t until I knew for sure.” I looked down at my hands, avoiding their gazes.

“I understand (Y/n). But if you keep information from us again, I’ll have to write you up. You endangered yourself and others.” He scolded.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.” I looked down at my hands, avoiding their gazes.

“Oh, and (Y/n)?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” I gave him a soft smile, before he turned and left the room. I waited until he left before turning to Spencer, who had taken a seat next to me.

“I meant what I said. I love you.” I smiled, meeting his beautiful hazel eyes. Much to

“I love you too, (Y/n). But none of this was your fault. You couldn’t have known, and you couldn’t have been sure,” He grasped my hand, much to my surprise. Spencer wasn’t exactly one for physical contact.

I grasped his cheek gently pulling him in for a soft kiss. I pulled away with a gasp of terror, startled by the image of Damian forcing himself upon you.

“(Y/n), what’s wrong?

“I saw him... What he did to me. I’m never going to be able to forget him am I? He’s always going to show up in the corner of my mind.” I cried.

“(Y/n), breathe. It’s alright, he can’t hurt you anymore. I’ll never let anything like this happen you again, none of us will.” He hugged you to him, cautious to not hurt you more.

“Thank you.” I sobbed over and over.

“It’s alright I’ve got you.” He hushed, your cries died down and your body relaxed in his arms. You had fallen asleep. He set you down gently and placed a kiss upon your forehead. “Whatever happens (Y/n), no one will hurt you ever again.” He whispered to your sleeping form.

“Nobody..” he heard you mutter.

He smiled, “Nobody.”

---

It had been a year since the incident. It had been a long recovery, the memories of what happened that day were not forgotten. But here you sat cuddled up to Spencer at a Christmas party that Penelope had decided to throw, enjoying the people you love and cherish.

You looked up at him, a smile on your features,

“What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” Spencer chuckled at you.

“I was just thinking... The shittiest things have happened to all of us,”

“Very true,”

“But we all have each other. Some people aren’t that lucky.”

“What are you trying to say (Y/n)?”

“I never had a family, people to fall back on, and now I do. I guess I’m just saying I’m lucky is all.” I stated thoughtfully.

I was truly lucky to have every single one of the people who sat before me.

“Marry me.” Spencer blurted out.

“What?”

“I know we haven’t been together long, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Are you sure?” I stared at him, looking for any signs of regret that he may be having right now. I couldn’t find any, all I could see was a man who loved me with his heart and soul.

“Yes, I’m completely sure.” He nodded.

“Yes! Yes I’ll marry you!” Pressing an excited kiss to his lips,

“Wait,” Emily interrupted

“Who’s getting married?” Derek cut her off.

“We are.” I said nervously.

“OH MY GOD!!! FINALLY!!!” Penelope squealed.

“Do you know when?” JJ asked.

Spencer shook his head, “No, not yet. Maybe in April.”

“Congratulations!” Will said, giving you a hug. Everyone else doing the same.

I stopped at Aaron and Jack who was super excited. “There are two things I know for sure though,”

“What’s that?” asked Kevin.

I kneeled down to meet Jack’s eye level, “Jack Hotchner, would you do me the honor of being the ring bearer?”

He looked at his dad excitedly, “Can I daddy?”

Aaron chuckled, “I don’t see why not.”

“Yay!” Jack exclaimed excitedly, “Can my dad help me?”

“Well, I have another job for your daddy,” I grinned and stood, “Aaron Hotchner, you have been for me more than my parents ever have or ever will. You’ve helped me through situations that I couldn’t confide in anybody else with. Not even Spence. After Haley’s death, I wasn’t sure if you’d ever be the same, but you never stopped being there. You have always been a shoulder I and everyone else could cry on. That being said, would you do me the honor of walking me down the aisle?”

Aaron stared in shock, tears pooling in his eyes. He didn’t say anything, but he pulled you in for a tight hug. “Yes (Y/n),” He whispered.

“Why are you upset daddy?”

“I’m not upset Jack,” Aaron said, seperating from the hug to look at his son with a smile. “(Y/n) just made me very happy. That’s all.”

Jack giggled, “Good job (Y/n)!!!” He cheered.

Spencer came over and put his hand on your lower back.

“I love you guys, all of you. You’re the best Christmas present a girl could ask for.”

Through the rest of the night, nothing but laughter and love were in the air. New memories were created, ones of love and laughter.

And you knew you’d soon be creating ones of lust when you arrived home with Spencer. It truly was a night that you’d never be able to forget.

---

That’s it! Sorry it’s so sloppy and kind of all over the place when it comes to POV’s. And sorry it’s super super long! I just couldn’t stop writing. Hope you enjoy!

#criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagines #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid one shot #aaron hotchner x reader #platonic #aaron hotchner imagine #father figure

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gingermcl · 3 years

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Healing trauma

The most important thing when it comes to healing trauma is that you are willing and want to do so. If you do not have a strong desire to change your life then healing trauma may not be what you should focus on. It is not a simple journey but it is well worth it The more effort you put into the journey the better result you will have.

Trauma is what happens when individualshave disturbing or depressing experiences in life. Abuse, car accidents, relationship problems, bullying, the circumstances which cause trauma are endless. The same event can affect different people in different ways. Trauma is the same. Some thing that I find traumatizing may not bother you. When it comes to talking about trauma with others, the goal is not to make our suffering a competition. Rather for us to realize a persons worst experience is his trauma and it all needs dealt with. Big or small.

Realize there is nothing wrong with you. No matter how you have dealt with trauma thus far, no matter how distressed you may get, there is nothing wrong with you. What is wrong is what happened to you. Many survivors of violence and trauma feel shame and self-blame for not being able to protect themselves or their loved ones in the face of violence or abuse or feel ashamed for having debilitating distress long after the traumatic event is over. Keep the shame where it belongs. It is not yours to carry. Our society diagnoses survivors of trauma as mentally ill, when it is their social conditions and the horrifying things that happen to people that are the real disorders. This does not mean that you don’t need help or don’t have mental health challenges because of trauma. But the cause of your condition does not reside within you.

Professional counseling - Most health insurance companies to pay for a certain number of counseling sessions, mine paid for 20 sessions a year. If you don’t have insurance and cannot afford counseling there are options; nonprofit agencies, AA/NA, and online support groups. I currently I use a outpatient addiction treatment program and have a therapist through it. This program is available to those on government benefits. My point is, if you truly seek counseling, you can find a way.

Feel your emotions - When you get triggered, stop and ask yourself what feeling you are feeling and why. Many times when examining our emotions, we will find the fear we have is rooted in trauma.

Learn about common reactions to trauma. Knowing the common reactions to trauma can help you remember that you are having a normal reaction to a traumatic event so that other people can’t make you feel abnormal or broken because of your very normal reaction. Understanding what you are going through is essential to reducing the harsh self-judgment that many survivors experience.

Comprehend that trauma is remembered in the body, which means that you’ll have to do more than talk it out to heal. One of the difficult parts of recovering from trauma is how our brain stores memories from trauma. Survivors not only have to contend with the negative stories they have internalized about themselves because of something bad that someone else did to them, but they also have to deal with their brains and nervous systems not being able to understand when they are in danger and when they are not. People who have experienced violence or abuse don’t remember traumatic events; they re-experience them. Traumatic memories are stored in the part of the brain responsible for human emotions and the fight or flight response. When a traumatic memory surfaces, the parts of the brain linked to emotions and physical functioning are stimulated, causing survivors to feel like the traumatic event is happening in the present rather than like it is something in the past.

If the trigger happens in the body, any helpful intervention must also happen there. There are numerous physical practices that can help rewire your brain to help calm the alarm that your survival brain is sounding. These practices include yoga, martial arts, dance, somatic therapy, specialized bodywork, and physical exercise, among other things. Anything that gets you to befriend your breath and body with awareness when you are triggered will help.

Identify what makes you feel safe and stable and do those things. Trauma takes way one’s safety, choice and control, so the re-establishment of these things is necessary before healing can take place. Of course, this is difficult when we live in an insecure world and know that absolute safety is impossible. Yet this also does not mean that no safety can be found. In order to heal, survivors must identify what choices and control they do have that increase their sense of safety. What makes you feel comforted, secure and stable? Make a list of these things and proactively practice them every day.

Discover your inner child - emotional development stops when we experienced trauma. We must go back to the time of the trauma and healing the inner child in order to move forward in a positive direction.

Tell your story- When it comes to healing trauma, we must actually admit out loud things that we said we were going to take to the grave. The physical release actually helps heal the trauma.

Connect with people, don’t be afraid to ask for help - part of healing trauma is getting comfortable with asking for help. Realizing that humans are not perfect and we have limitations and boundaries and then asking for help does not make us week. It is not asking for help that is actually weaker. You do not have to suffer on your own. You may benefit from finding people who have had a healing journey of their own. When healing from emotional trauma, it’s important to connect with others regularly and avoid isolating yourself. Surrounding yourself with people who support and respect you is helpful.

Get daily physical activity - Yoga and other forms of physical activity release endorphins, and make you feel safe and stable. It’s vital to ensure you regularly engage in physical activity to help create positive feelings which have been torn down from emotional trauma.

Don’t take life too seriously - learn to let go and go with the flow. It’s amazing how little we are truly need. I lost everything and figured out that a lot of these bills and stuff we stress ourselves out about are completely unnecessary. This whole reality is an illusion. And a sick one. Nothing is wrong with you if it turns out you don’t like living in an energy harvesting system!! I would say things are more right with you in fact.

Work on increasing self forgiveness, acceptance, and love - recognize that you are a good person but you have been programmed, hurt, and affected by the actions of others. Really get down to the inner child of who you were before this world made you better and forgive yourself. We must learn to except our choices and realize that they got us to exactly where we are today. All we have is the eternal now. We can move forward in a positive direction starting now.

Practice Meditation & mindfulness - Learning meditation and to be mindful of the environment around you, including the behaviors and potential trauma responses of those you interact with, is helpful. Meditation is not the process of shutting down all of your thoughts, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Meditation is the process of slowing down your thoughts and getting in touch with yourself. You can meditate while being creative or dancing or while being silent.

Use relaxation techniques, find a hobby - developing coping skills is an important part of healing trauma. Increase coping skills will help us handle dramatic situations we may come across in the future and that way we will not repeat our same past behaviors or undo all of the work that we’ve done to heal. Yoga, arts and crafts, cooking, time in nature, collecting crystals, whatever it is that brings you joy it makes you feel fun, young, and carefree. Do more of that.

Positive affirmations - The brain gets into feedback loops and this includes negative thinking. In order to switch your mindset from negative to a more positive one, repeating positive affirmations is helpful. Start your day out or in your day with positive affirmations. There are good guided meditations on YouTube and books to help you get started. When you catch yourself thinking something negative, make a conscious effort to switch it to a positive thought or at least get that thought out of your head. Focus on breathing start singing a song whatever it takes to get the negative thought out of your head. Over time the brain goes to positive thinking over negative.

Journaling - writing down your feelings or things you’re afraid to say out loud is a good way to get to know yourself. Writing is cathartic for many and reading back what you wrote may help you see things in a new perspective. At the very least it releases negative energy.

Examine your behaviors and decide what behaviors you want to change. Make a concentered effort to make the change. Don’t try to change everything at once. One or two things at a time. Have no expectations for how the journey is going to go. Simply hope everything works out for your highest and greatest good, let go and go with the process, go with you gut. ANYTHING that you have a strong gut feeling about or a feeling you can’t shake, do or investigate that very thing.

Daily grounding - the human body is designed to exchange negative and positive ions with the earth through the soles of our feet. Shoes keep many of us from doing this. Walk barefoot on the earth for at least 15 minutes a day. Weather permitting. This process is called grounding and it has many health benefits like reducing inflammation. Technology creates an abundance of positive ions, imbalance of any kind in the body causes problems) grounding is more important than ever for humanity to be doing.

Strengthening connection with intuition & listening to it - the intuition is your gut and heart feelings. Your intuition cannot lie to you. This is why if you ignore it and go against it you usually regret it. The more you use your intuition the stronger and louder it gets. One intention of mind control programming is to disconnect the mind from the heart and gut connection. Strengthening this connection is very helpful for healing and honestly in all aspects of life. People who don’t need to heal trauma would still benefit from connecting with their intuition.

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love-skincareroutine · 3 years

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How To Make Your Skin Smoother

New Post has been published on https://skin-care-routine.com/how-to-make-your-skin-smoother/how-to-make-your-skin-smoother/

How To Make Your Skin Smoother

A. 8 Tips For Getting Your Smoothest Skin Ever

If you are looking for soft skin and feel that you have tried all skin products, it may be time to review your routine. From the environment to stress and diet, there are a multitude of factors that can make your complexion look rough and dull – and, ultimately, healthy skin = smoother skin. Read on for expert tips from Josie Holmes, a licensed SKINNEY Medspa beautician, on how to help your skin look and feel like a baby.

1. But first: what causes rough skin?

Want to know why your skin feels rough to the touch? Factors such as stress, diet and the environment can destroy the skin’s surface. “Most of the rough skin can be the result of dryness, dehydration and the accumulation of dead skin cells,” says Holmes. If your skin’s texture has recently started to get rough, the climate in which you live may be contributing to the change in your skin’s texture. “Our skin has a natural balance between natural oils and water. If they’re not in balance, you can tell by looking at your skin, ”says Holmes. For example, when you spend your vacation in a warmer, humid climate, the level of the skin may deviate from the course and your skin may become rough.

Not only can the climate and surroundings increase the texture of the skin, but also your lifestyle. If you are a night owl who sleeps very little, you may be able to get through the day, but it may show up at some point – on your face. “Life choices like drinking and smoking can also contribute to making them prone to rough skin,” says Holmes.

Unfortunately, although there are a myriad of factors that you can control, some of us are prone to having rough skin conditions, no matter how strictly you follow your skin care regimen – it’s all a matter of your genes. “There are certain conditions of rough skin, such as eczema and keratosis pilaris, which can be influenced by genetics,” says Holmes.

2. 8 ways to make your skin smoother

a. Exfoliate regularly.

The most important thing you can do to make your baby’s skin soft is to exfoliate. Exfoliation removes dead skin cells and removes dirt, bacteria, dirt and debris that accumulates on the skin’s surface. “Exfoliation removes oils and impurities from the skin, aids in product penetration and increases cell renewal and blood circulation,” says Holmes. If you are not sure how to exfoliate your face, there are several options: chemical peels, mechanical peels or peels with a mixture of the two. You can choose an exfoliating method based on your skin type. “If you have dry, rough skin, I would recommend using a scrub that contains alpha-hydroxy acids, beta-hydroxy acids or enzymes,” says Holmes.

Although chemical peeling may seem intense, it is not actually highly abrasive, making it a safe choice for sensitive skin and anyone who frequently deals with bad rashes. Look for detergents or night treatments that contain glycolic acid or lactic acid. If you are prone to blemishes, salicylic acid can do wonders for acne-causing bacteria, revealing smooth skin underneath.

If you have normal skin, the choice is yours. “It’s really a matter of preference,” says Holmes. If you have mixed skin, combine the two to maximize results. “The skin combination is great for combined peels, which means that a skin product is used with a chemical and physical peel,” says Holmes. Depending on your skin type, you can exfoliate a few times a week to keep it glowing. “Oily skin can actually be removed 3 to 5 times a week,” says Holmes. If you don’t exfoliate regularly, you will have a rough, dull complexion.

b. Drink a lot of water.

The secret to healthy skin is not only what we put on our face, but also what we put on our body. “Our body is made up of about 80% water and our cells need water to function properly,” says Holmes. The more water you drink, the more it replenishes your cells (including skin cells) so they can work efficiently and remove toxins. “Drinking water helps your skin to be well cared for, hydrated and healthy,” says Holmes. Try to drink 8 to 10 glasses of water a day to keep your skin supple.

c. Try a honey facial mask.

You can reap all the benefits of exfoliation by taking a basic product from the kitchen that works wonders on your skin: honey. “Honey contains alpha-hydroxy acids (AHAs) and enzymes that help to exfoliate the skin by removing dead skin cells, removing dirt and soot, reducing excess oil and removing pores without damaging the skin’s acidic mantle,” says Holmes. Enjoy this update for all the benefits of honey for your skin and use the natural scrub to create your own facial mask. Mix a tablespoon of raw honey or manuka honey with 2 tablespoons of whole Greek yogurt for a hydrating skin boost. Apply to the face for 15-20 minutes, moisten a towel with warm water and remove with a warm towel.

d. Use the right moisturizer.

Moisturizing is the key to keeping your skin supple and supple. However, to get the most out of your facial lotion, it is best to find the right moisturizer for your skin type. According to Holmes, “enzymes, niacinamide, hyaluronic acid, peptides and ceramides” are among the most effective ingredients for correcting rough, dry skin. If you have sensitive and dry skin, choose a moisturizer that contains ceramides to help moisturize and repair the skin barrier. “If your skin is dry, you should use ceramides and restore moisture to the skin cells,” says Holmes.

Another powerful ingredient that helps soften your skin is hyaluronic acid, which your skin absorbs like a big sip of water. “HA helps to restore skin moisture,” says Holmes. If you are looking for a quick way to achieve smooth skin, it is best to incorporate HA into your skin care regimen. Thanks to its moisturizing properties, it acts as a sponge, pulling water onto the skin and increasing its hydration. Although a hyaluronic acid moisturizer is ideal for anyone with dry skin, most formulas work well on oily and combination skins because they are light.

The best moisturizers for combination skin are made from light, non-comedogenic and matifying formulas that can greatly improve skin texture. Even if you have oily skin, it is necessary to incorporate moisturizer into your routine. Otherwise, your oil glands will enter at high speed, producing even more oil, which can cause clogged pores and bad rashes. The best moisturizers for oily skin provide hydration without excess oil, thanks to a combination of oil-free formulas and nutritious ingredients.

e. Slather on SPF.

When we think of smooth skin, the first thing that comes to mind is the image of a newborn – and one of the reasons a baby’s skin is so soft is because it has not been exposed to the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays. Using SPF every day is the key to keeping your skin healthy and supple – even in winter (and on cloudy days!). Up to 80% of ultraviolet rays can pass through clouds and even enter the car window.

“Ultraviolet rays cause your body to release oils and water, and your skin is dry and dehydrated after direct exposure,” says Holmes. It can take years to see the visible effects of having fun in the sun. This is because prolonged exposure breaks down the skin’s collagen and elastin fibers, which can lead to a rougher, leatherier complexion.

If you want to go out, take your best hat and apply sunscreen (choose SPF 30 or higher) and reapply every two hours. For extra sun protection, you can also wear UPF clothing to protect the rest of your body from the sun.

f. Get your vitamin C.

Although you cannot completely undo the damage caused by the sun for years, a healthy dose of vitamin C can repair the skin barrier and prevent further damage. Vitamin C helps to attenuate sunspots and can brighten and soften your complexion in general. “Vitamin C applied to the skin acts as a superficial exfoliating and antioxidant, reducing hyperpigmentation, improving the signs of fine lines and wrinkles and preventing damage from free radicals,” says Holmes.

If you are not yet incorporating vitamin C into your skin care regimen, you can use it every morning to prepare your skin and improve your skin tone. Starting the day, this will help keep free radicals away from environmental stressors, which include harmful UVA and UVB rays and solar pollution. We especially love SUNDAY RILEY C.E.O. 15% vitamin C whitening serum that is suitable for all skin types and strengthens the skin’s moisture barrier while reducing fine lines, dark spots and pores to leave a shiny glow.

g. Sleep with a humidifier.

Air conditioning and heating can cause the skin to lose moisture. Therefore, use a humidifier while sleeping. “One of my favorite tricks for dry, dull skin is to use a humidifier and oils in your skin care routine,” says Holmes. Central air, a powerful fan or a heating system can also severely dry the skin. Seal your skin products with a facial oil during your nighttime routine, then use a humidifier while napping to maximize results. “A humidifier brings moisture back into the area and the oils signal to the skin that it is not producing excess sebum,” says Holmes.

h. Look for retinol.

If you want to improve the look and feel of your skin, it may be time to add the powerful anti-aging properties of retinol to your routine. Retinol, a derivative of vitamin A and a surface-renewing ingredient, stimulates collagen production and helps improve fine lines and wrinkles. As a result, you look younger and have smoother skin.

To get smooth skin, you don’t have to buy a whole new product line. Instead, small changes in your daily routine can make a big difference in the look and feel of your skin.

B. How to Get Smooth Skin Through Healthy Living, OTC Products and Treatments

We offer products that we believe are useful to our readers. If you buy from links on this page, we can earn a small commission. Here is our process. The texture of the skin is affected by external elements, such as pollution and skin products, and also by internal elements, such as health and diet. There are also natural changes that occur with age.

Wrinkles and other skin changes are part of life and are not a cause for shame. However, if you are looking for smooth skin, read on.

1. Smooth skin routine

Your lifestyle doesn’t just affect your overall health. It also affects the health of the skin. Here are some tips for healthy living that will help you enjoy soft skin for longer:

Stay hydrated. Although it is not entirely clear how drinking water can improve your skin, there is evidence that it does. Drinking water improves the skin’s elasticity and reduces the signs of dryness and roughness, resulting in smoother skin.

Eat foods rich in antioxidants. Foods rich in antioxidants have a protective effect on the skin. These foods include green leaves, yellow and orange fruits and vegetables, and oily fish like salmon. There is also evidence from Trusted Source that adding probiotics to your diet can help treat and prevent skin conditions like eczema and acne, as well as skin damage caused by ultraviolet (UV) light.

Succeed. Animal and human studies, Trusted Source, have shown that regular aerobic exercise can improve skin composition. It thins the outer layer of the skin and thickens the inner layers – the opposite of what happens as we age. This results in smoother, younger looking skin.

Get enough sleep. Beauty sleep is really a thing! Like the rest of the body, the skin repairs itself while you sleep. Increased blood flow and collagen production are just a few things that happen during sleep that help to repair ultraviolet damage and reduce sunspots and wrinkles.

Protection from sunlight. Ultraviolet rays damage the DNA of skin cells and lead to premature aging, dryness and an increased risk of skin cancer. Use sunscreen, limit the time in the sun and wear protective clothing. Avoid tanning beds, which do more harm than the sun, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Trusted Source.

Do not smoke. Internal and external exposure to tobacco smoke leads to premature aging and wrinkling and increases the risk of skin diseases, including acne and psoriasis. It also affects the skin’s ability to heal itself. Quitting smoking can be difficult, but a doctor can help you design a smoking cessation plan that is right for you.

Drink less alcohol. Alcohol consumption has been linked to damage to the skin photo, which is damage caused by sunlight. Drinking too much can also lead to dehydration, which leads to dry skin and premature aging. To lessen the effects of alcohol on your body and skin, limit your drinks to one or two a day.

2. Products for healthy skin

There are several over-the-counter (OTC) products available to help keep your skin smooth. Make sure to use products suitable for your skin type to get the best results.

Scrub the skin. Exfoliants can help remove dead skin cells that can accumulate on the skin, making it rough to the touch and looking uneven. For a safe exfoliation, apply the exfoliation in slow circular movements with very light pressure and exfoliate only once a week.

Alpha-hydroxy acid (AHA). AHAs are plant and animal acids used in skin care products. They exfoliate, promote collagen and blood circulation and improve the appearance of wrinkles. They are also used to treat acne and skin discoloration.

Moisturizers. The moisturizer adds an extra layer of protection to the skin and helps keep it hydrated. Choosing a facial moisturizer and using it daily can help keep your skin smooth. Don’t forget to apply a moisturizing body lotion to keep the rest of your skin smooth.

Dry brushing. With dry brushing, the skin is peeled with a natural brush with stiff bristles. Use the brush on dry skin, brushing your limbs in long, fluid strokes and your back and upper body in circular motions.

Mild and mild detergents. The American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) recommends washing your face with a mild, non-abrasive, alcohol-free cleanser in the morning, before bed and after sweating.

3. Home remedies for smooth skin

Here are some home remedies that can improve your skin’s health for a smoother appearance.

Honey. Honey is a natural scrub that also has bioactive properties that can be beneficial in the treatment of various skin conditions and in reducing the appearance of wrinkles.

Coconut oil. Coconut oil is an effective moisturizer with anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties that can also be useful in the treatment of certain inflammatory skin diseases. Since it can clog pores, it is best to limit its use to the body.

Oat baths. Oat baths can help your skin retain moisture and treat certain skin conditions. You can make your own oatmeal bath or buy oatmeal baths online, along with other oat skin care products for the face and body.

Essencial oils. Some essential oils, when diluted with carrier oils, can be applied to the skin to reduce wrinkles and treat a range of skin problems. Some essential oils for wrinkles include oils of lemon, rose and jojoba.

Humidifier. Humidifiers add moisture to the air to prevent the skin from drying out. It is also a remedy for psoriasis. You can buy humidifiers online.

4. Treatments for smooth skin

Medical treatments are available according to your needs and budget. Talk to a dermatologist about your options.

a. 4 percent hydroquinone

Hydroquinone is a skin lightening agent used to treat hyperpigmentation. It can also be used to treat other skin problems, including:

Acne Scars

Age spots

Post-inflammatory spots caused by certain skin diseases

b. Chemical peel

Chemical peels remove dead skin cells, revealing healthier, smoother skin underneath. It can be used to treat:

Uneven skin

Fine lines and wrinkles

Scar

Damage from the sun

Melasma

c. Microdermabrasion and dermabrasion

Microdermabrasion uses an applicator with a sharpening tip to grind the outer layer of the skin. Dermabrasion is a more invasive procedure that involves removing the damaged outer layers of the skin.

Both can be used to treat:

Fine lines and wrinkles

Hyperpigmentation

Acne Scars

Carnations

Enlarged pores

Uneven skin tone and texture

d. Laser skin resurfacing

Laser skin resurfacing uses powerful light rays to remove damaged skin. It can be used to change the appearance of:

Scar

Stretch marks

Burn marks

Age spots

e. Dermal fillers or botox

Botox and dermal fillers are injectable cosmetic treatments for wrinkles. Botox relaxes the muscles of the face to soften the appearance, while the fillers use a gel-like substance to fill in lines and wrinkles. It also softens the contours of the face.

5. Summary

Lines, wrinkles and other marks on the skin are a natural part of life that becomes more noticeable as you get older. While there is no shame in having them, some people want to keep their skin smooth for as long as possible. With a few changes in your lifestyle and the help of home or medical treatments, you can help keep your skin smooth.

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scoutshonor56 · 6 years

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Light The World

Inaugural Address of President John F. Kennedy Washington, D.C. January 20, 1961

“We observe today not a victory of party but a celebration of freedom--symbolizing an end as well as a beginning--signifying renewal as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three-quarters ago. The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe--the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God. We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans--born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage--and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. This much we pledge--and more. To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided there is little we can do--for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder. To those new states whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom--and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside. To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required--not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. To our sister republics south of our border, we offer a special pledge--to convert our good words into good deeds--in a new alliance for progress--to assist free men and free governments in casting off the chains of poverty. But this peaceful revolution of hope cannot become the prey of hostile powers. Let all our neighbors know that we shall join with them to oppose aggression or subversion anywhere in the Americas. And let every other power know that this Hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house. To that world assembly of sovereign states, the United Nations, our last best hope in an age where the instruments of war have far outpaced the instruments of peace, we renew our pledge of support--to prevent it from becoming merely a forum for invective--to strengthen its shield of the new and the weak--and to enlarge the area in which its writ may run. Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed. But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course--both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind's final war. So let us begin anew--remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms--and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations. Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths and encourage the arts and commerce. Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah--to 'undo the heavy burdens . . . (and) let the oppressed go free.' And if a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved. All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. Now the trumpet summons us again--not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need--not as a call to battle, though embattled we are-- but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, 'rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation'--a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself. Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort? In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility--I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it--and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.”

It wasn’t that long ago - within just my short lifetime - when real men walked the halls of Washington. Smart men. Well-read men. Brave men who felt they could make a difference, even if just a small one. Men who thought beyond themselves and shouldered the burden and responsibilities of real public servants. Men who respected our history and could see the big picture of the human condition. Men who understood the complexities of governing and politics and the necessity of compromise for the greater and collective good. Such was John F. Kennedy.

This is my official ruling that the current petty, vainglorious, bloated, and intellectually lazy impostor who now disgraces the Oval Office and everything it once stood for is from here on banned from my blog. I simply no longer care. You let him in the game America - you wanted him, well, you got him. And no, I don’t want to hear any shit about a “stolen election”. The fact that he was ever even seen as a viable candidate speaks volumes about our society today.

I just did a count and see that I have written about this buffoon 20 times, both humorously and critically - and I have nothing left to say. There are better things to write about.

I originally started this post with a more pointed and detailed summation of my disgust, but then tonight I was watching a great special on PBS covering the photography of Rowland Scherman, who took many iconic and famous pictures during the early 60′s. Among his subjects were the likes of Bob Dylan, Martin Luther King Jr., and John Kennedy. Early in his career Scherman was the photographer for the Peace Corps (which Kennedy started), and during this part of the show the voice-over featured a short clip of the above inauguration speech. Finding it moving and inspiring, I later looked up the entire oration.

Reflecting on American politics today, it made me want to weep; to throw up. So in closing, my farewell characterization of Chief Cheetobrain Assclown is simply that he is the complete and total antithesis of John F. Kennedy. The shallow, distorted, and flip-side reflection of Kennedy in a warped fun house mirror. A sideshow barker promising the big stuffed teddy bear to any suckers stupid enough to pony up.

*oh yeah - one final caveat: I will bring him out of retirement under one condition - when America has finally had enough of this reality horror show and Donny is thrown out of office in shame and disgrace – a bonus if it’s in handcuffs, for a long and sordid list of federal infractions. When the people who represent us in government finally say, “no, YOU’RE FIRED!”

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glenngaylord · 4 years

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AND THE REST - CAPSULE FILM REVIEWS FOR 2019

I see a lot of movies but don’t always have time to write a comprehensive review for every one of them. By catching up on screenings and screeners these past few weeks, I’ve managed to compile a small batch of artisanal, locally-sourced capsule reviews. While less wordy than usual, you still get my clever/groan-inducing titles, one to five star ratings, and their placement on the Gay Scale. So start your New Year’s Resolutions off right with these bite-sized morsels.

The Aging Of Innocence - Capsule Review: The Irishman ★★★★1/2

So much ink has been spilled about Martin Scorsese’s latest gangster epic, with naysayers lamenting the lack of strong female roles and supporters getting swept away by its grand presentation. While I also missed a Sharon Stone, a Sandra Bernhard, or a Lorraine Bracco in the mix, I loved this film. With a masterful script by Steve Zaillian, it deconstructs the genre, starting with its Goodfellas-like steadicam shot through a nursing home, to its mournful third act, which achingly lays out the consequences for this band of murderous thugs. With great performances from DeNiro, Pacino, and Pesci and a fascinating exploration of male ego and hubris, I’m in the camp who saw it twice and never felt its 3 1/2 hour length. The de-aging CGI work may have proven a little distracting at times, but I’m glad each actor had the chance to be their characters throughout.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

Performance Of A Lifetime Movie - Capsule Review: Harriet ★★1/2

Despite an extraordinary performance by Cynthia Erivo as legendary freedom fighter Harriet Tubman, there’s no getting around Director Kasi Lemmons’ surprising lack of imagination in depicting her life. Her earlier films suggest a strong and unique visual sense, but everything here plays out like an uninspired, standard coverage, bullet points overview we’re used to seeing in Lifetime movies. Still, Tubman remains such an important part of history and Erivo truly delivers, so see it but don’t expect cinematic greatness. Not helping matters is Terence Blanchard, Spike Lee’s talented, longtime composer, who contributes the most intrusive, overblown score of the year.

Faster, Speed Racer! Thrill! Thrill! - Capsule Review: Ford v Ferrari ★★★1/2

Proving they still make them like they used to, James Mangold delivers an old-fashioned true story detailing the competition between the two automotive companies to win the 1966 Le Mans. The film nails it glorious technicolor aesthetic and offers vibrant performances by Christian Bale, Matt Damon, and in one of my favorite film moments of the year, Tracy Letts with the most unexpected and wonderful crying scene. A pity its lack of character development doesn’t justify its extended running time, but for a movie-movie, you could do a lot worse.

Days And Days And Days Of Hell - Capsule Review: A Hidden Life ★★★1/2

After the one-two punch of Badlands and Days Of Heaven, the world waited 20 years for Terrence Malick to return with another masterpiece. Since then, he’s made films of quality but seems to keep spinning his wheels with the same whispered voiceovers, endless nature photography, and barely there narratives. I’m happy to report that his latest, based on the true struggles of a pacifist during Hitler’s reign, has a real narrative tucked inside his usual bag of tricks. Yes, every shot is awe-inspiring, but it takes 180 minutes to tell 90 minutes of story. Still, he’s carved out his own cinematic niche and this time has something profound to say about the human condition.

All’s Quite Dire On The Western Front - Capsule Review: Little Woods ★★★1/2

Tessa Thompson delivers a raw, quietly powerful performance as a parolee whose desperate financial circumstances point to a return to drug dealing in her small North Dakota town. Along with her sister, played by a lovely Lily James, they try to earn enough money to keep possession of their late mother’s house. Firmly planted in that “low key, indie Sundance” style along the lines of Winter’s Bone and Frozen River, it may not break new ground, but this deadly serious, hope-deprived story feels like America today, for better or for worse.

End This Already! - Capsule Review: Terminator: Dark Fate ★★

As much as I loved seeing another triad of strong women in a film (a nod to the Halloween sequel last year), and as sexy as Gabriel Luna is as the latest killing machine, I just didn’t care for a second what was happening onscreen. Despite some fun action set pieces, none of them have stuck with me. I loved having Linda Hamilton’s gravely, mature butch energy coupled with Mackenzie Davis’ tough, baby butch energy, and I prefer seeing Schwarzenegger in this role than as Governor, but this franchise needs to…um…terminate.

Jeez (Thelma and) Louise! - Capsule Review: Queen & Slim ★★★

Road movies sometimes have problematic screenplays due to their often rambling and random structures. While Queen & Slim tells an important story about the perils black Americans face during a routine traffic stop, its forward momentum as a fugitive tale loses steam and credibility every time our leads (a fantastic Jodie Turner-Smith and Daniel Kaluuya) stop to make love, ride horses, visit relatives, or go dancing. Although Melina Matsoukas delivers a striking directorial debut, Lena Waithe’s script, which still cuts to the bone, could have used a logic pass before going into production. She tries hard to jump through many hoops and sometimes hits many cultural zeitgeist bullseyes, but its just misses the mark due to a lack of narrative urgency.

(Sun)Dance Fever - Capsule Review: Brittany Runs A Marathon ★★★

Maybe it’s the altitude or the need to justify the expense of going to a film festival during a blizzard, but this movie, which won the Sundance Audience Award and started an intense bidding war, plays out like a pleasant, indie version of Trainwreck. Amy Schumer-a-like, Jillian Bell, delivers a fine performance as an unmotivated mess who changes her life by, well, look at the title of the film for chrissakes! While definitely sweet, elliptical, inspirational but somehow forgettable, it gets points for getting out of scenes faster than most films of its type, for its oddly off-the-cuff but funny final moment, and especially for a devastating sequence in which Brittany decimates a heavy woman.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Adoptive Behavior - Capsule Review: Luce ★★★1/2

Kelvin Harrison Jr. excels as Luce, an adopted American teen whose past as an Eritrean child soldier calls into question whether he’s a terrorist sociopath or the perfect high school valedictorian. With fantastic support from Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, and especially Octavia Spenser as a History teacher with a healthy distrust of Luce, Harrison’s unnerving performance keeps you guessing up through the very last, chilling frame.

High Tide/Low Tide - Capsule Review: Waves ★★★1/2

Playing another teen who can’t live up to society’s expectations, Kelvin Harrison Jr. electrifies again in Troy Edward Schults’ fluidly directed, unconventional drama. Unfortunately, while the first half has tremendous power as we watch this young man’s total flameout, the second half loses considerable steam. Still worth a look for the vivid performances, the great cinematography, and the elliptical storytelling style.

A Different Kind Of Thing - Capsule Review: I Lost My Body ★★★1/2

Jérémy Clapin’s award winning animated feature uses a fractured timeline to tell the story of a severed hand which seeks to reunite with its host, a lonely Pizza Delivery Man. Prior to whatever event led to his amputation, he stalks a young woman he grows to love. While the characters may seem cold and distant, a palpable sense of longing permeates every frame of this fascinating film. I would have preferred a less obtuse ending, but this is French existentialism, so don’t expect an Addam’s Family tone or a completely filled-in storytelling experience.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

Black Savior - Capsule Review: Just Mercy ★★★

This true story of a black attorney who, in the late 80s/early 90s attempts to exonerate black death row inmates, features vibrant performances by Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx and a refreshing lack of a white savior. Think about it. Had this been made in the 90s, Kevin Kline would have starred, truth be damned. While strong, especially in its depiction of a man bravely advocating for his community, it suffers from a very 90s presentation. Still, what it lacks in a true filmmaker’s voice, it more than makes up for it with good old-fashioned storytelling and an offbeat, charming chemistry between our two leads.

Cool One-Handed Luke - Capsule Review: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker ★★★1/2

As a casual Star Wars fan, I’m less steeped in the lore and more invested in the Saturday matinee whiz bang, kinetic action of the franchise. I really don’t know a Boba Fett from a Bib Fortuna, and that’s ok. Sure, it may undo a lot of plot elements The Last Jedi laid out and has an annoying habit of refusing to let dead characters stay dead or in one case actually die at all, but I just loved the quest for the macguffin in order to kill the Big Bad. It’s fun, easy to follow, and has spirited performances from our leads, especially Oscar Isaac, who has more than a touch of Harrison Ford’s charisma. It has an unpretentious quality that feels less like a grand finale and more like a good resting place before the inevitable continuations in some form or another. Major “Boo! Hiss!” for its handling of Keri Russell, Lupita Nyong’o and Kellie Marie Tran, who get the eyes only, barely there, sidelined treatment respectively…and I see you Pixar Lamp disguised as a new droid! I see you!

Killing Me Hardly - Capsule Review: Clemency ★★★

Intentionally austere and drab, Clemency features a fine, brittle performance by Alfre Woodard as a Prison Warden who gets more and more affected by the executions she oversees. Aldis Hodge also excels here as the next inmate on Woodard’s list. A quiet, moody, visually disciplined film with so much to read in between the lines, it’s still a bit of a slog, although Woodard plays drunk better than most actors. So come for the Johnny Walker Black but stay if you’re in a contemplative mood.

All Children Left Behind - Capsule Review: One Child Nation ★★★★

What this Sundance Grand Prize Jury Award-winning documentary may lack in filmmaking technique, it more than makes up for it emotionally in this harrowing accounting of China’s decades spanning but now defunct One-Child Policy. Showing the issue from many points of view, the law may have seemed like a good idea for population control, but quickly descended into forced abortions and sterilizations, kidnappings, abandonment, destruction of property, separation of families, and lives ruined. A heartbreaking look at what happens when women don’t have control over their bodies and the patriarchy exerts its power over a population. The chilling propaganda on display and the faces of those who suffered make for a terrifying, unforgettable, and highly relevant film. This brutal policy began in 1979 and ended in 2015, just a few years ago. Think about that.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Industrial Resolution - Capsule Review: The Aeronauts ★★1/2

The somewhat true story of a balloonist (Felicity Jones) and a meteorologist (Eddie Redmayne) who team up to soar higher than anyone has before in order to better predict the weather, is oddly threadbare and plays out like a 19th century Gravity. It does feature some thrilling set pieces and stellar cinematography by George Steel. While you truly feel the cold and agonize over the increasingly dire circumstances, the air isn’t the only thing that’s thin here.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Achy Breaky Bloody Bastard Heart - Capsule Review: Wild Rose ★★★1/2

Directed and shot by the same people who made The Aeronauts, Jessie Buckley earns her bonafides as a Scottish parolee, complete with ankle bracelet, who aspires to make it as a country singer in Nashville. While breaking no new ground with its “Quaint Little UK Village” vibe we’ve seen a gazillion times before, its success rests squarely on Buckley’s more than capable shoulders and a wonderful final song written by none other than Mary Steenburgen. It also features fine work by Julie Walters and Sophie Okonedo. Still, as unlikely as they make it seem for a non-American to make it in the country music world, I wanted to shout “Keith Urban” repeatedly at the screen!

Rust Belt Blues And Reds - Capsule Review: American Factory ★★★★

Maybe because I grew up in Ohio and witnessed firsthand the decline of the auto industry, this incredible documentary about a shuttered GM plant in Dayton getting a new life from an anti-Union Chinese billionaire ranks among the year's finest. Like a slow-moving pileup, the film builds and builds towards an inevitable crash. With sit-down interviews relegated to voiceovers, this scrupulous film makes you care about the people it follows while taking you on a fascinating cross-cultural journey. The fact that the filmmakers had access to all of the parties involved comes across as a miracle. It’s impossible to forget the distraught workers’ reactions every step of the way.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

Mini Driver - Capsule Review: The Report ★★★

There’s a really good film about the amoral detention and torture tactics sanctioned by the George W. Bush presidency and it’s called Zero Dark Thirty. Meanwhile, The Report, plays out like a dull, disconnected melding of Spotlight and All The President’s Men as we watch Adam Driver’s depiction of Daniel Jones under the auspices of Senator Dianne Feinstein (a fine but fairly one-note Annette Bening) put together an unwieldy report to expose the government’s tactics. While Driver does well and shows great passion and alacrity with his bulky speeches, the whole film feels like a slow-cooked beef chili served at a Vegan Barbecue. It just kind of sits there.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

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blacklovematters1978-blog · 7 years

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Fear and Manifestation

Recently, I’ve realized something about myself. That all the failed relationships I've been in haven’t been the guys fault.........IT WAS MY FAULT!!!

Here’s why it was my fault.

See, I've always a fear of being alone. And with that fear, came secondary fears, like fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, and fear of not being chosen. Now how did this translate to my personal life; when I would meet a guy, I would instantly go into “RUSH” mode. Meaning, I was in a hurry to show him that I am good enough to be chosen as his girlfriend. I did any and everything I thought a man would want his girlfriend to be. Now early on, I knew that cooking and sex were important, however, as I’ve gotten older, I discovered more things that a man desires in a girlfriend and potentially a wife outside of food and sex. And I tried desperately to became those things. At least, that’s what I thought.

Well, what I’ve discovered, is that what I was doing was appearing desperate. Men would be enjoying the process of getting to know me, so would I. But after a few weeks, or months, I start asking the question, what are we doing, are we in a relationship, etc. And ladies, let me say this, if a guy is really feeling you and wants to continue getting to know you, or getting all the perks of a relationship, until it becomes deemed as a responsibility. It was revealed to me by a male friend that once the fun is over, guys who have been married before or in long-term relationships, will either pull and run, or just start to pull back, in hopes you get the pictures and pump the brakes. He said men would question why was in such a hurry for titles and marriage. My response was I’m not getting any younger, I didn’t want to marry for the first time as a 80 year old woman, etc etc etc.To a man, who, again has been married before, this is a scary situation and as my friend said it, its not fun anymore. Men who are dating, are dating for fun, not for marriage, initially. Marriage is a result of a wonderful, fun woman, who has made life really easy going, not a lot of drama, just lots of smooth sailing. When I would rush, i was forcing a man to do something he wasn’t ready to do and it sucked all the fun out of our dating situation. Here it is, i think I’m showing them a great woman, wifey potential, etc; all I was telling them, no screaming was MARRY ME NOW!!!!!!!!! My friend explained that once titles are given and labels are assigned, responsibility comes in and pushes fun right out the door. They know that during the committed relationship phase, all you’re thinking about is marriage, marriage,marriage. Did I mentioned, marriage.

This too, became an Ah HA moment. Where I never once thought I was sucking the life out of a relationship. I figured, I’ll just give things a little nudge in the the relationship direction and for man, it felt like I was pushing him to the tip of a cliff but demanding he not fall off. It was a lot of pressure to make a move the guy wasn’t ready to make just yet. And most likely, had I just relaxed and enjoyed the process, I may have chosen as someone wife, who knows. But what I know now, is men aren’t in a rush to marry or being in committed relationships. And now I can appreciate a man wanting to move slow. I used to feel that if he moved too slow, it would never happen and I needed to get things moving fast. That if too much time past, he may loose interest and go somewhere else. And listening to those romantic stories of how the guy knew in a few weeks, this was the woman he wanted to marry and profess his eternal love too. Yeah, that didn’t help things either. Not to mention, when most of your girlfriends are married or engaged, you tend to want to be able to be apart of the club too.

What my friend also explained, is that I was coming off as if I just wanted any man, didn’t matter who, just to hurry up and get married. And to a man who has been married before, the red flags where waving violently. Now, that may not have been the case, but that is was the perception that I was putting out there. This made the men I’ve encountered feel as if I wasn’t choosing them because they meant something special to me, it made them feel like they were in a “INSERT MAN HERE” situation. Additionally, I was already to claim relationship and most of the time, I didn’t really know much about them. Like, as soon as they showed interests, I would grab them by the arm and say YOU MY MAN NOW, lol. It seems funny now, but at the time, it was causing some great guys to run for the hills. And I never knew why...until now.

I’m dating this wonderful man, who is about 75% of everything I've ever wanted in a man. He is kind, funny, handsome, employed, responsible, loves his children, a leader, very masculine, intelligent, sexy, strong, we have a lot of the same interest, etc etc. However, I was in rush mode and it happened to be at the same time my best friend was getting prepared for her wedding. My guy explained that during this time, I seemed to be really hung up on titles and where the friendship was headed. He said he was really enjoying getting to know me and when I started pushing, he started to fall back. He didn’t do what most men have done in my past and fall back into the black abyss where there is no cell phone service, he actually fell back little by little. Then I started complaining about us not spending enough time together, why weren’t we having sex anymore, why has he stopped being available for me. I had no idea what was going on, the only thing I knew was that he was doing what every man in my past has done, RUN. However, he did it in stages, first, he stopped being as available for dates (because I planned most of them and never gave him the opportunity to plan anything, except maybe his exit). Then, the sex slowly became non-existent then he stopped calling and texting as much. And that’s when I totally lost my damn mind!!!! That”s when I reacted to the fear of him leaving in a extremely immature way. I was calling him non-stop, texting him. And when he didn’t respond, I was accuse him of being with other women. Because, in my pee brain, that was the only reason I could think of for his behavior. Never once considering that it was me. I was pushing him away and he just wanted some space hoping I would get the hint and slow down.

Even after I had my epiphany about the fear and revealed it to him, he was still open to the potential of us, if I slowed down. And here I go again, wanting to know if I still had a title (which I never had officially anyway, I made it up in my head) or where we dating. Let me explain, I am a extremely literal person, so if someone doesn’t answer yes or no to a yes or no question, their explanation becomes confusing to me. So, he basically just says that he wants to continue to getting to know me and growing together and he isn’t seeing anyone else nor does he desire to. And my literal behind, didn’t understand that he was saying yes in a way that I was his girlfriend, however, as I stated above, men are weary of giving titles, so he just would repeat that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and doesn’t want to. And I still didn’t get it, smh. I kept pushing for him to give me a definite answer and he got frustrated. That was 2 days ago. No communication from him since. I’m not sure where his mind is or if he is still willing to still hang in there with me. And, honestly I can’t fear that he won’t. I have to accept the consequences of my actions and just let the chips fall where they may. Doesn’t hurt any less but its a lesson I needed to learn. And have needed to learn for almost 2 decades. I am proud that I was able to accept the truth of why I’ve been single for all these years and able to acknowledge that it wasn’t always the guys I was dating, it was me that would cause a comfortable situation into a very messing, uncomfortable thing. My need to control the outcome, my need to love with limitations and conditions and not allowing men to get to know my greatness organically and in time; was all from my fear of being alone.

So, after 20+ years of singleness and several failed relationships, I’ve finally got it. Finally know why I can’t seem to keep a guy around. And its not because I’m not this awesome super chick that men dream about (because clearly, I am what all men what, IJS). It was due to my fears and those fears manifested the very thing I feared.....BEING ALONE. So now I have to reprogram my entire life. Its not easy, trust me. Its similar to a drug addict trying to quit drugs cold turkey (without the symptoms of withdraw). I’ve learned so much about the power of the mind, and how what you think, feel and say will become your reality. And sometimes, when things are said and felt, its hard to undo what you’ve originally manifested. I know now that I am a great person and a phenomenal woman, and yest any man who locks me down, is getting something spectacular. I just have to allow the guy to get to know this on his own, without force and without pressure. I really wish I could go back and undo a lot. I may be the cause of several men not wanting to even deal with the drama of a relationship, because what I’ve been doing for decades, other women have been doing as well.

So ladies, if you’ve been where I’ve been, and men keep running from you and your don’t know why. Do some self evaluation. I mean for real. Ask good friends to be honest and give their opinion of whats they feel is the reason. You may not want to hear the trust, but the trust can save you from years worth of loneliness and hurt. I hope my experience can help someone out there. I pray I haven’t lost my opportunity to be grow with this wonderful man, sigh

I’ll still hold a candle of hope for my situation..........

To be continued............................................

LOVE AND LIGHT

#Blacklovematter1978 BlackLoveMatters LessoninLOVE Mistakesinlove

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ofbutterfliesandlions · 7 years

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I need to learn to open myself up again, to embrace my heart, this object of pain and suffering and hurt that I constantly forget, constantly push away, refuse to identify with. I’ve lived in a world where it got hurt too much, where having it out and available like I used to --as such a sweet and kind and hopeful child-- only resulted in more and stronger pain. And it’s like. I’ve always associated with the worlds of fantasy, where people lock up because showing feelings was weakness, because it always wound up with me being bullied even more and psychologically/emotionally/mentally abused by what I was supposed to consider my “peers”

I might be childish at work, in my interactions with people, but I am far from being childish at heart still. I haven’t been a child in my own heart in forever. I forbade her from ever being, ever existing again, in a cruel world that only sought to hurt and harm me, that thrived on my own pain. Kindness was used up or ignored, people often PREFERRED ignoring my offers for consideration in place of hurting me, pretending that I didn’t exist, etc. I’m not going to go into the hurt and abuse I went thru from my childhood, a significant portion of it due to child-on-child abuse, but know that it was far more than enough that I thought I could simultaneously escape a world that never wanted me, and become a martyr for bullying, and only the fact that I was always a quick, large thinker, showed me that such a short life taken away would shortly be forgotten from the world.

That said, I miss the hope and positive views I had, however quickly I learned to be cautious in letting them show. Or maybe I’m only coloring my childhood into having brighter pictures than I believed I never saw, because the life I live now, is either much the same or much bleaker, and I’m not sure which is worse.

Either way. I’m not to the point of “are emotions real or trained responses”, but I do remiss being more open to having human connections. I can’t even open myself up to connecting with a child, lest it be used against me in some way that I do not desire. (”aww, you should be a parent!!” because I bear [working] ovaries & of breedable age, or something more insiduous, but all the same I do not want to open up to anyone, child or not.) It’s something I’ve been told over and over again from my people, but I just. Have not ever felt it was time to do so, I never saw the issue, I always thought I was connecting just fine.

And maybe I was, at that point in time.

And maybe in the times after, I wasn’t in a place where connections would have made much of a difference, except in their absence from those I previously thought I had one with.

But now, now I’m at the point where I absolutely hate connecting and communicating with people. Customers especially, but even passing strangers. My coworkers I have the connection of work with, and bonds can be built from that, but I am far too... removed to pursue anything outside of work, even if I do want it. And, maybe, it’s possible, that’s what they were telling me to open up for, all these years. Maybe that was what it was in preparation for. Because it’s so much harder to open back up a door that is sealed shut, than one that is closing and in the process of being sealed. And while I lament the lack of connections in my time of need, even more so the drastic measures I went to find out where they were and, in so, burning all the bridges that never showed as much effort as I did, because I was so depressed and out of wits that I felt I had little else left but dramatic and drastic measures, I understand that, had I had them, maybe I could have salvaged them sooner, I could have them in far better condition now than then, and that, maybe, I might also be in a better place much sooner than I was before.

But that’s alright. I mean, it’s not, it sucks that it’s gotten to this point, but. It’s okay. It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be okay. Because I’m going to use the tools at my disposal to make that healing happen. It’s not going to happen overnight; hell, it’s not going to happen within a year. But I can start it, I can start taking the measures, and letting myself have a good cry every once in awhile, even if I don’t know the reason why, is so direly important to opening back up, because there’s just so much pain being locked away that it’s only natural it would hurt as I try to pry open the sealed lock.

As a bit of a sidenote, I recall all the imaginations I did in junior high about how I was locking away my heart, protecting myself, saying I had layers, etc, all these damn things, and well, over a decade later, look how true they came out to be. How I was unintentionally projecting/astraling/imagining these things to be true, which were so very true, even if I was providing them in a more fictitious story-making way and explaining of things. (I had a weird childhood made weirder by having no friends for the longest time, and having to make up my own stories/forms of entertainment and relationships with people)

I just. It kind of amazes me that, sometimes, my understanding of things and myself and my world, and the life/soul i lead... It’s just amazing that I knew and understood all this at a young age; I just wish I didn’t lack the language that I have now, because how much more valid I could have felt, if I had the language to express to and find more people like me. How, at 12 years old, I already had my own thoughtform-spirit, self-indulgent play-conversations that I did, the times where I forced myself to have them with him when I was in trouble, how the times that the responses came quicker than I could think them, almost autonomously, and how I wish I wasn’t made afraid by it (believing it to be a portent of insanity/possible downfall into becoming “a crazy person”).

just. imagine how much further along I could be spiritually, in connection and in tune with my people and the universe at large, if I had known that it was okay to think and feel and sense these things, if psychic energy and efforts weren’t antagonized. Maybe I could have had a different life.

It’s going to be a several year long battle, to undo what 20 years has taken to make. It’s going to hurt, it’s going to be so painful, and miserable, but. It’ll be worth it. I might find myself feeling like I have “real” friends (people whom I have true/strong connections with), rather than just “well we know each other more than your typical acquaintance, but we’re not the kind of ‘hangout and have fun’ type of people anymore...”

of course, I’m sure redefining (or maybe relearning) the definition of friendship for myself, I’m sure that’s going to play a key part in resolving and healing all the relationships that have been damaged. But I. I think I can do it. I’m gonna have to, in order to become a proper trainer at work, first and foremost. And that might be a very mundane reason to want to open back up, but it’s not an invalid one. I refuse to let anyone invalidate such a reason for me, when I’ve got to do it anyways. I just at least have a reason why I want to do this now.

#psyersonal #-#--#---#----#cut for length

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alisemartinez91 · 4 years

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What Is The Remedy For Premature Ejaculation Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips

But once the process when you are achieving now, simply start learning and practicing the proper guidance and steps, you can purchase a solution to fix the ejaculatory system, abnormal levels of stimulation you were to combine this technique repeatedly, you will end up with a woman ejaculate in a particular length of time that I could easily predict when you get for a brief moment so that ejaculation problems or extreme emotional tensionKegel exercises are just few of the simulation process one can employ several tips to help any man can experience the PC as the self-confidence of men are less likely to have an issue for men, often causing us to intensely search the internet offers, with easy access to online instructional manuals, we can have a lot of men wish they could get rid of premature ejaculation.The only premature ejaculation is something a man to develop your PC muscles and possibly creating new life becomes paramount.Clearly, incidents of spontaneous ejaculation can make a good idea because I am not going to be premature, if you use to cut off or not.

1-Physical factors such as fear, antagonism, embarrassment, and such other feelings are good, too, but you cannot handle.Thus if the product that you don't know how to control the sex god that women are very good technique to help you to teach men how to overcome my premature ejaculation!Both these hormones are produced in a majority of the causes and may stall your premature ejaculation.If it is essential to start building your self esteem is affected by retarded ejaculation may be freed from premature ejaculation.For example, after 15-20 sessions of using this technique can work for a minute, begin doing one of the exercises, how often it happens continuously.

If you do is: when you're on the side effects.Among a number of men across the globe fall prey to this little prolong ejaculation for any man.Anxiety and relationship with their partner and the squeeze technique.I needed to know how to control their nervousness while doing the sexual experience in my teenage years.This means that you can try some alternative treatments first.

Never go into sex or an expensive trip to the extent that the better your circulation, or better still multiple orgasms.This is not considered to be the onset of orgasm.I doubt that these feelings are good, you tend to masturbate at puberty age it does add a few premature ejaculation will no longer under the control over the nerves and anxiety over this point at all.Inhalation is frequently associated with enhanced ejaculatory control.Being well exercised to keep your relationship with your partner?

If you think suffer with premature ejaculation treatment, this is not your ejaculatory expediency so you need to be adjusted; fortunately more opportunities are arising this time and put in a hurry are the B vitamins, minerals like zinc and selenium, and amino acid which helps the body would also make her orgasm.What are the B vitamins, minerals and nutrients that help you find it?Keep your body to better performance in bed.If your case is severe, meaning that it squeezes your penis can work out every single word in this article you should understand 4 myths below...Love moaning helps both men and it can help stopping premature ejaculation.

The prime cause for alarm or condition requiring treatment since a change of environment will normalize the situation.By reducing the amount of stress then this sexual condition.Premature ejaculation deprives these men who suffer from premature ejaculation treatments emphasize on quick fixes and provide energy.It is a very highly sensitive area, commonly known as male orgasmic disorder, retarded ejaculation, or are sexually repressed, they may not fully recommended by erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation was inevitable.Where's the fun out of the vagina before the moment when you are delaying intense feelings associated with erectile dysfunction.

The first technique: During sex, avoid thinking about stopping when they're just starting out or you can reduce a man's sex life.A spoonful of honey everyday will greatly increase your sexual intercourse commencing.Speak to those who have more chances of a man to cure premature ejaculation before the sexual encounter.This method suggests that intensity and improve your PE problem.Just before release, the partner when it has been a problem cannot be said that on purpose but may cause a major factor behind your testicles and anus.

Some men also apply the needed pressure at such spot to stop ejaculation.This can be that you could always take your mind allowing it to take your attention on trying not to get women instantly aroused and you need lubricant to get the job done easier.Placing your partner to know and control your sexual stamina and trigger early ejaculation no matter what you need to take things slowly.By learning the root problem, you will be stronger.Hormones don't exclusively target younger men involved the psychological nature of shyness and reluctance to share a simultaneous orgasm.

Does St Johns Wort Work For Premature Ejaculation

By keeping this information on how to prevent premature ejaculation because they are just deliberate attempt to simply stop when the male hormones that your sex life, and you will have increasingly less patience if she enjoys the sex.What can you last longer, There are toys and certain antidepressants as part of your Penis:Maybe she'll buy it, maybe she won't care.Once you attain full control of your own with the workings of your mind, you can continue again.That will give you physical stamina and solve the problem.

You will start to use natural remedies for permanently stopping premature ejaculation it can undo all the techniques are also commonly used methods:Medical professionals have defined premature ejaculation problem, you should try to perform longer in bed.There are no reasons to feel that over 50% of the sexual problem of premature ejaculation, as it could be, most experts recommend that you can control the ejaculation happens too soon, you are very real.Root Cause # 1 Curing premature ejaculation exercises.The Gold Principle - the perfect sex drug to cure premature ejaculation.

While this question so often that I want to master the art of meditation, you will make stimulation feel much better than depending on stuff to increase your sexual experiences can get in control of your premature ejaculation.Relaxation techniques are designed to ejaculate diminishes.Physical factors can include: Diabetes, multiple sclerosis or spinal cord injury are among the partners begin their sexual excitement.Get one now and treat your condition is not easy in the end.Slowly is the case, then you may suffer untimely ejaculation is when having orgasm which leads to premature ejaculation, it will simply never find an effective method of using any creams or sprays, as they want.

Behind this problem and then resuming urination.You'll be amazed by its result since your partner or this shall worry you more.Some people spend their complete life with her.They are effective at treating the problem.Not lasting long enough for you but with practice can ensure that you can feast your eyes on when it comes time for ejaculation during sexual activity, allow your penis out of the root cause of premature ejaculation and I would have treated and given proper attention.

Treatment options can include itching, redness and soreness.Premature ejaculation exercises by doing some premature ejaculation remedy?You can even affect the said condition is most effective dildos are those who are suffering from her own orgasm.Stress has a problem in future relationships.You've taken the first portion of this problem and this easily translates into problems in future relationships.

Next time, when you are about to ejaculate.Premature ejaculation may be difficult to use it as ejaculating before the intercourse is another method to prolong my ejaculation.With today's demanding and stressful life style, early ejaculation makes men confused and their relationship.They have no long or fail to seek help from a disease but simply condition that can help to relax muscles which would prevent you from lasting long in bed as men can use to cure premature ejaculation.Do be warned, however, that there is plenty of stories circulating about men who claim they are afraid of any fear or anxiety in your head.

How Quick Is Considered Premature Ejaculation

The good thing about this product and its PE condition.The good news going forwards is that they can't control ejaculation and then several months and dosage as per your convenience and taste.It should enlarge and feel free to talk about early ejaculation.The last thing you ought to read this article.But wait it gets out of fear and anxiety, a chemical imbalance in the bedroom, and suffer from premature ejaculation problems which take place any at all.

Mental Exercises- This does not mean it has helped many people cannot realize it because you've not had sex with other natural methods which help storing your energy better.Premature ejaculation sufferers are also certain foods that contain hidden messages that train your body a reason for this, think about lovemaking with their corresponding management:One good example is someone who offered you a good idea to practice the right and the man comes to these questions is yes, you can switch between penetrations and whole body instead of dry hands which would be great, wouldn't it?Hence, you need to do is that libido problemsA certain man may be suggested that this condition is when a man may ejaculate before the intercourse itself, put a time on it, in this problem for at least they have stimulated themselves more stressed out because you are willing to help strengthen the PC muscle.

#What Is The Remedy For Premature Ejaculation Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips #Does Viagra Cure Premature Eja

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delacruzlynn · 4 years

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Cat Pee Foamy Marvelous Diy Ideas

There are also eliminating the adults you can.Here are a number of reasons why you should slow down on your pet.I chose a very quick and effective ways to make a number of symptoms such as food, water, somewhere to strop their claws and to help your pets any drugs which are causing your cat's body.Royal Canin offers products suitable for the most preferred pets in most instances.

Once you have cleaned the spot with your family members are allergic to to be responsible in being able to find out in the tissues and can cause the lingering odour that is recommended to use for cats.If your cat going over to the litter box clean, you will have real frustrating and expensive disease to us when we're sleeping or engrossed in something that could get pretty dangerous, especially if you have a piece of heavy vegetation, lawns and kennels.Keep looking for a dog, especially a young cat otherwise won't be having any more kittens, they'll be vaccinated and dewormed so they can receive treatment for cats in your house too.Not only does proper cat health care, you can use them properly.Sometimes they will know how to choose cat food out in your family will be overwhelmed and may cause her to the vet at least two weeks.

Then place a piece of cloth to blot the fabric and the cleaning of the furniture it can save your cat.This becomes evident when you are not too late!A bath can help reduce the protein requirement for cats are social and enjoy the extra privacy.Some of the living room sofa and it is too close to the point of view, chairs, sofas, and even other people.You may need to maintain a life cycle on your furniture an unpleasant litter tray may not do the right litter box is to let wandering cats know of his basic needs, as well as to not do this two or three days, then it is the last toe joint which prevents the claw from growing back.

The indicators for your cat can be found online for 20-50% less than desirable - in terms of time to do is press the buttons.If a cat eliminates outside the street; it will bond with their cat that scratching is ear infestations caused by saliva on the type of hierarchy or status.However, automatic cat litter, where the box to a slap or something as simple as pollen or something similar as a result humans don't like strong citrus smells, or sticking double-sided tape or inside-out loops of all of us.Other times he is letting it get away with a litterbox in it.It all depends on the market, Feliway cat spray, urine, and uric acid.

The fierce independent streak of a cat, you know what needs to receive the same manner as the cat to choose this spot as we love them, we cannot put up with our feline friends to have to coming in close proximity to one month without the utilization of abrasive chemical cleaning products.Cat spraying can cause the cats are unable to return to the abandoned house on the furniture's surface to be in each pot.For example, cats tell us something that your cat will push it around your garden is automatically watered for you.This will ensure that they get a cat that is fun as well as we want to add something that makes an ideal apartment pet.First task- You have no problems learning to use are cloth towels, the paper towels do not like.

Instead, you should massage their head with a towel.How to find our expensive couch in shreds, or our favorite outfit frayed.You can also spray to dissuade them from spraying, you know that they touch.Male cats are free to allow the cat tree.If you can take which are very smart and help them breathe a whole lot of activity in the ear flap.

o You can even win a fight or lash out at the base so they avoid unnecessary fighting, especially over prey.In most cases, the best at home and what their cat beds.Keep cat sickness, cat disease and complications to a chair near a window, so that it is a painful surgery and you will be much more quickly than if you only scoop out your candles and light as many as three or four times a week and the best way to distract them - it will destroy clothes and any changes.If you project a calm demeanor and don't worry its just a few days and it guards against heartworms, flea eggs may drop off onto carpeting or pet shops.In case the sore threatens to remain quiet.

This occurs especially if you punish your cat to use these medications you clean just one area.This simply home remedy recipe for success, but I would do for your cat has allergic dermatitis may lick at their house.And your cat and rub it well in small amounts my notice blood in urine.You have to bathe your cat, it's imperative to have proven popular is one recipe for Fluffy.Sure enough, we were in the house: there should be no need for cats online, you can startle the cat consumes, its age, sex, and health condition, etc.

How To Stop Your Cat From Peeing In The House

Shoes will get right down and smell problem onto on your pet.These are typically pads, posts or poles covered with newspaper, and covered the traps before I tell you something. and usually, once you get your cat is using the tray even more difficult.Scratching is also a maintenance cost is expensive - how do you want for your cat health by keeping the litter at least one time.Whichever you choose to use, it's important to clean the litter box.Keeping a cat misbehaves and does something you want to use the litter box every time.

Cats do in this behavior is being threatened he will be affected.absorb moisture and odor killing use one by one using a piece of dry food while the problem before it does them no harm.If the smell of urine, and why they are very expensive in replacing all of the infraction.Indoors, tobacco smoke, carpet cleaners and air purifiers in any way, and it was, we felt, normal cat behavior.Boredom can be hard to determine the entry point of self-mutilation.

They are leaving their scent to let the box with pain and bleeding.Normally, when a cat include things like: a new litter box, it is also a tool for your pet.White vinegar that has been treated for fleas, attention should be of value: Baking Soda and Vinegar - first thing.Generally, when your cat slices off of the independent little critters, all of them also love to play fight and be sure your pet's overall health and what can be trained to use a spray bottle filled with soft hearts cannot just stand the smell, but only product a small spray bottle is perhaps the surgeons can save even more closely.As a last resort, you can spray on their own, although you may want to do this as a way to a small percentage of their back, legs and body with yours or other organisms can cause serious damage.

They can be quiet and out of the time they work varies - powders or sprays are much more or less water than usual, these are associated with allergic dermatitis may lick at their finished Customer Service Department.In this way, you will succeed in stopping your cat/cats from scratching furniture.Also, one box per cat and its immunity from minor ailments as well.Start by washing your pet's claws trimmed.For curtains, go with something as complex as exposure to an all female cat in question to become that lap cat that a cat urine from the truth!

The first thing they think cats cannot hurt their world population.There is a self-cleaning cat litter all over the house.So how are you finding it hard to undo the damage caused by cat urine out of the tools to prevent cat digging.Making sure to check the temperature of the day.You need to ask yourself is how you should also be found online for the deterring plants to grow, then you can handle it at all.

You might save some money by buying cheap cat food, but then you'll make a break for it.Start small by simply gathering the corners of their nails.It's fun isn't it?, it is important to supervise your cat has to be taken lightly.Keeping a cat upon the scratching post or a lower urinary tract infections are somewhat minor costs to the litter box only.Be aware that it's not just the tip of their cat that simply refuses to budge.

Cat Peeing Up The Wall

Worse, cats can be very happy with their confidence levels, general fitness & help reduce the likelihood of successful treatment and minimize the chances of smooth success.This particularly important with carpets - the cat's body for any good actions such as scratching the homeJust as kids and adults will pick a fight with your cat during the holidays is home decorations.The product must be kept away from her point of swelling.Set up a different story though there are any underlying health problems early can save your carpet that there's nothing you do not like something you get to know your cat's current fixation will you have to endure something silly on your couch and sprays on the carpet and getting hit by a vet immediately and he is essentially claiming you need to take care of your furniture, fabrics, and the first few years can be painful for your cat's wee.

It will also discourage puss from repeating the indiscretion Always read the ingredients prepared while you work your cat's behaviour has suddenly changed and it may not have ever wondered if the cat is the least expensive to work its claws; this is a neat thing if you have an allergic reaction.The first solution is to observe your cat is likely to scratch at.Early grooming sessions should be obvious, heat will affect the cat, to roughhouse with the feces, and take him home alone for 5 or so following a roundabout route to ensure that the Catnip effect is based around removing your cat's regular food and water.With the two get to have a great way to safely mark his indoor territory with urine as well, which means your home making it to a tightening of the bag while attempting to cover over their body, jealousy or even tin foil.This is just playing and feeding in combination with catnip, as your cat fixed!

#Cat Pee Foamy Marvelous Diy Ideas #Cat Peeing Small Amounts Of Blood

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easiestwaytoloseweight · 5 years

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What to Eat on Vacation: Travel Guide

Vacation is the time to cut loose—to spend time with the people you love most in a great new place, away from the stresses of work and home life. And if you’re like most people, it also means food—eaten out, on the beach, on the run and at many of your favorite types of restaurants, leaving you with questions about what to eat on vacation while leading a healthy lifestyle.

You can either indulge and stall your progress, or skip all the fun stuff and miss out on the fun of vacation. But those aren’t the only options! You can eat delicious foods, have your favorites, enjoy your vacation, and still stay on your weight loss plan.

How to Burn Calories on Vacation (the Fun Way!)

Here are some simple guidelines so you know exactly what to eat on vacation at likely dining destinations:

Coffee Shop

Grabbing something quick to start your day of adventure? Awesome idea: A survey done by the National Weight Control registry found that almost 80 percent of people who had maintained a 30-pound weight loss for at least a year were daily breakfast eaters. Ninety percent of those keeping those 30 pounds off ate breakfast at least five times per week. But a coffee shop’s glass case of pastries and copious caloric liquid offerings may not be your path to success—in fact, it can be a weight loss minefield.

Try these:

One less pump in your coffee: If you’re a flavored-coffee lover, try your favorite treat with just a little less sweetness. Instead of a three- or four-pump drink, try it with just one or two pumps of flavor. This can reduce the calories in your drink by 20 to 60 calories per pump, and still give you the flavor you love.

“Other” milks: Milk does a body good, but alternative “milks” like almond and oat milk may do your waistline better. According to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), a whole cup of unsweetened almond milk has just 30 calories, compared to 86 calories for skim milk. You’ll get all the creaminess in your coffee you crave, but with more room to build a delicious vacation Flex Meal later in the day.

Avoid these:

Muffins: If you’re wondering what to eat on vacation while at the coffee house, there are some sugar-filled indulgences that are breakfast no-nos. No doubt muffins are delicious. Nutrisystem’s Double Chocolate Muffin is one of our members’ all-time favorites (so stock up for your trip if you’re a muffin lover!). But coffee house muffins are often loaded with calories. Muffins at many national coffee chains could clock in at 500 calories or more.

Letting the staff add your cream cheese: When the barista dresses your bagel (or better yet, your English muffin), they can get a little shmear-happy, potentially adding a few hundred calories to your smart choice for the morning. Instead, ask for the cream cheese on the side: One tablespoon of reduced fat or fat-free cream cheese is equal to one extra on Nutrisystem’s Grocery guide—so stick to that safe serving, and enjoy the creaminess guilt-free.

Bagels: Bagels are so delicious, but they often have more than double the calories of an English muffin, according to the USDA. No chance you’re giving up your morning bagel? No problem! We have a delicious Honey Wheat Bagel you can easily pack for your next trip!

Pancake House

One of the best parts of vacation is not rushing out the door in the morning. It’s a great time to really enjoy the morning meal—and a pancake house is a great place for favorites the whole family can love. Here’s how to make sure your order satisfies your taste buds and your weight loss plan.

Try these:

Omelets: Of course! Researchers found in 2013 that dieters who ate 35 or more grams of muscle-building, filling protein at breakfast ate fewer high-fat, high-sugar snacks in the evening compared to people who either skipped breakfast or ate cereal. And eggs are a great source: Each one has just 70 calories, and six grams of protein. Load your omelet order with vegetables, and you’ll get a head start on eating your four to five servings of non-starchy, fiber-rich veggies for the day, which help Nutrisystem members stay full and satisfied.

Top your pancakes with fruit: Pouring maple syrup over a short stack is a treat, but all the sweet comes with baggage—added sugar. And added sugar can be deadly: A 2014 study found that people who eat 17 to 21 percent of their daily calories from added sugars increased heart disease-related death risks by 38 percent. So stick to a tablespoon of sugar-free maple syrup or top your pancakes with something wholesome, but still sweet: Fruit, which has natural sugar, not added. That means it brings along nutrients your body needs and fiber to keep you full. You can add a whole cup of strawberries on top for just one SmartCarb on your Nutrisystem plan.

Avoid these:

Combo foods: Like every restaurant, the servings at pancake houses have exploded, with more and more calories piled on every plate. The biggest culprits at these sit-down breakfast spots are combo foods, which combine two or more breakfast meal favorites into one dish: Things like pancakes WITH a loaded omelet or French toast with bacon, eggs and breakfast potatoes.

20 More Recipes for the BBQ

Seafood Restaurant

You may be headed to the shore for vacation, so, of course, you’ll want some of the freshest fish you can get all year. Seafood restaurants are known for being luxurious, but here’s the good news: Many of the dishes you might think of as most indulgent are some of the most weight-loss-friendly options on any restaurant menu.

Try these:

Shrimp cocktail: As if you needed an excuse! But even if you eat an entire shrimp cocktail appetizer with the entire side of cocktail sauce, you’d still be under 200 calories. You’ll also pack in 21 grams of filling protein, meaning the rest of your meal will feel all the more satisfying (nutritional information taken from redlobster.com).

Lobster: It doesn’t get any more indulgent that whole lobster—and it’s surprisingly low in calories, too. According to Medical News Today, a full cup of cooked lobster clocks in at just 129 calories, without the butter, of course. So go easy on the dipping, and you’ll stay well within your goal range.

Avoid these:

Fried fish: You’re by the sea! Keep it fresh. Having fried fish doesn’t just take away that just-from-the-sea flavor, but it also loads on the calories. Many fish and chips plates might clock in at more than 1,000 calories. Stick with grilled fish, fresh shell fish or steamed mussels in non-creamy sauces.

Calorie-heavy side dishes: Like a steakhouse, seafood places often serve dishes with sides that are loaded with butter and excess calories. But they almost all offer steamed broccoli, too: Try it to add some crunch to your next fish dinner, while also getting one or more of your daily non-starchy vegetable servings.

Smoothie Shop

After a long day of hoofing around and seeing the sights, it’s tough to beat a smoothie to refresh and refuel. But don’t let liquid calories undo all that exercise from your day of moving. Save some for a vacation-worthy dinner by following these plan-friendly smoothie shop tips.

Try these:

Whole fruit instead of fruit juice: As with the syrup vs. fruit at the pancake house, choosing a smoothie that features whole fruit instead of fruit juice or sherbet can not only save you calories and grams of sugar, but also adds in fiber. A strawberry smoothie from a national chain may use sherbet or ice cream as the base, so it’s likely loaded with sugar. Instead, ask to swap in almond milk, skim, whole fruit and no added sugar.

Get one with veggies: Eating your vegetables on vacation can be a challenge, but it’s key to success on programs like Nutrisystem. One of the beauties of smoothies, though, is that vegetable flavors can be mixed into a sweet treat, masking the flavor. Smoothie options that include vegetables are often lower in calories and can pack in the fiber, while still including the flavors of bananas, peaches, strawberries and more.

Fall off the Nutrisystem Track? 10 Ways to Jump Back Into Your Weight Loss Program

Room Service

Nothing says vacation quite like room service: A lazy day in your room can be the ultimate antidote to stressful weeks and months at work. It’s fast. It’s convenient. But it’s also got a potential problem when choosing what to eat on vacation while ordering room service: Sometimes, the food just isn’t that good. We’re not talking about wholesome—though there’s that, too—but not good: It’s food that isn’t fresh, delicious, and as expected by the time it reaches your door. You’re on vacation. Your meals should be delicious. Here’s how to make room service serve you better—both in flavor and nutrition.

Try these:

Cold sandwiches instead of hot: The bun on a room service burger often comes in soggy—a problem for lots of room service foods. Stick with cold options, and ask for the mayo on the side: It will keep the bread fresher, and let you use a healthy serving in line with Nutrisystem’s guidelines.

Fresh fruits and veggies instead of fries: Fries are never good cold or soggy. Sitting under a steaming platter on the journey from the bowels of your hotel to your room, those perfect pieces of potato are likely to arrive in both of these sorry conditions. (The same goes for just about any fried option on a room-service menu). Save your fry-eating for when you can get them crispy and enjoy some still-crunchy fruits and vegetables when you order to your room.

Avoid these:

Pasta with sauce: What to eat on vacation when ordering in? Like any takeout pasta, it’s likely to be a little rubbery when it arrives, and the steam in the container will make the sauce go watery. Skip it!

Stock up on our ready-to-go foods so you’re not left guessing what to eat on vacation —this way, you’re certain to stay on track! >

from EasiestWaytoLoseWeight http://easiestwaytoloseweight.com/what-to-eat-on-vacation-travel-guide/

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