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#uhhh I don't even know I just forced myself to use some of the arts n crafts stuff I have lying around
kimtaegis · 9 months
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I take my hands and trace your lines
SEVEN X tracing paper studies
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the-fiction-witch · 4 months
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Little Sister
Media The Artful Dodger
Character Jack Dawkins
Couple Jack
Rating Sweet
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Requested Y/N is a 20 year old young woman, who moves to her brother from London, because her mom died because of a tumour in her stomach. Her brother's best friend is Jack and she's going to fall in love with him, when she meets with him for the first time. Y/N's health is not the best. 
I hummed my little tune as I worked in the kitchen, I was still so new to the house so I felt like baking some nice cookies, as they always helped me feel better. This house and I were still strangers as I only moved down here a week or so ago, to come and live with my brother Samus, he moved down here for business a year or so ago just before my mother got so sick. I tried to force the thoughts of mother and her quick and sharp sickness away and focus merely on my cookies. It was nice to be here with family again even if I did still feel so lonesome sometimes which Samus working so much. 
I stopped a moment and did my best to keep myself level without falling over, 
"Where's the whiskey y/n?" Samus asked as he came through into the kitchen,
"Cabinet," I told him gasping a little, 
"You okay?" He asked checking on me,
"Fine." I forced myself to steady and get on with my baking, 
"Alright so long as you're okay," he said as he fetched the whiskey, 
"What's the occasion?" I asked, 
"Ohh Freind of mine's coming over."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, we play cards together, works at the hospital, he's a nice guy," he explained, 
"Could uhh.. could I meet him?"
"Why?"
"I just... I haven't really met anyone here yet." 
"Yeah alright, you should start meeting people around here I guess."
"He a local?"
"No, uhhh London I think... Maybe you ask him." 
"He's your friend why do you not know?"
He sighed, "Men don't ask each other this kind of thing Y/n." 
"Alright," I rolled my eyes, 
The door knocked so he kissed my head, "Bring the first batch when they're done, Please."
"Course," 
He then headed off to fetch the door with his whiskey, I didn't want to intrude but as soon as the cookies were done I loaded the best onto a plate and headed to the living room, I fixed my dress and hair a little before I headed inside,
"As requested Samus," I smiled bringing the cookies to the table,
"Ahhh yes! you're an angel!" He smiled immediately grabbing one from his seat on the sofa,
I set the plate on the table and stood up adjusting myself again as I saw the man. 
He was... devilishly handsome. 
He stood in our living room, in worn brown shoes, a pair of brown trousers high on his waist, a white shirt with tattered and stained sleeves, a blue waistcoat and a matching blue tie, a youthful well-sculpted face and this fluffy head of dirty blonde hair. 
My goodness, he was handsome! 
I almost felt like swooning over him if not for my brother in the room. 
He turned as he sat his jacket over the chair and was pushing up his sleeves to his elbows he caught my eye and seemed surprised but also intrigued. "Who are you?" he asked with a smirk to his voice and a sly smile across his lips, 
I couldn't answer so I glanced to Samus, who looked between us and it clicked, "Ohh right introductions." He nodded, "Jack, Y/n." He said, "Y/n, Jack." 
Thanks, Samus that's helpful, 
"Doctor Jack Dawkins," He smiled offering his hand,
"Y/n Y/l/n," I smiled taking his hand and letting him give my hand a gentlemanly kiss,
"Y/l/n?" he chuckled, "Ohh now now, there's no way Samus bagged himself a girl as pretty as you."
"she's my sister," Samus interjected, 
"Ohh, that certainly explains it." He nodded, "Miss Y/l/n I take it then?"
"Yes," I nodded with a little blush,
"I must admit it's a little hard to believe a young lady as beautiful as you could be a Miss so long."
"Jack." Samus glared, 
"what?"
"Down boy. she's my sister."
"I'm merely asking." He winked at me before he took a seat in the chair, I tried to go and sit on the sofa so I could be close to him but Samus immediately grabbed me by the bustle and moved me to the other chair across from Jack, so Samus could sit on the sofa between us. 
The boys began their conversation so I smiled and listened politely for a while, 
"Umm these's are fantastic." Jack commented having had a cookie, "These your doing?" He asked me,
"That they are, our mother's recipe. English toffee cookies." I smiled,
"She bakes too." He smirked, "This is getting more and more unbelievable." He said, "There lovely Y/n."
"Thank you Doctor Dawkins," I blushed,
"Just Jack it's alright we're in your house."
"Alright Jack," I blushed, 
"Why has it taken me so long to meet you?" He jokingly smiled leaning his elbow on the arm of the chair and his hand on his chin, 
"I only just moved down here."
"Ohh? How long have you been here?"
"Just a week or so,"
"Aww still brand new." He smiled, "You must let me show you around someday."
"I'd like that very much,"
"Of course, it would be my pleasure." He smirked, 
"How long have you been here Jack?"
"Ohh a few years now, London originally." 
"As were we."
"Aww That's sweet,"
"What brought you here may I ask?"
"I fell into it I suppose, spent ten years in the navy." 
"Ohh that's impressive."
"As a surgeon's lieutenant," Samus added,
"Yes, I was. spent ten years travelling around and I found here to be the most peaceful place to settle down after everything."
"I can see why," I nodded, "You work in the hospital then?"
"Yes, at the Port Victory Royal Hospital,"
"Oh my, that's very impressive Jack."
"It's the only hospital," Samus added,
"Well yes, you uuh you two moved down here then?" 
"Yes, Samus moved here for business I remained to care for our mother."
"Ohhh aren't you a sweet little thing." He smiled, "But your here now?"
"Yes, she uhh she passed away a few months ago." 
"Oh. Forgive me I didn't know."
"It's alright," 
"I am very sorry for your loss, both of you." he said, "You are a very kind little thing to take care of your mother."
"Thank you, Jack,"
"Perhaps you should come down to the hospital some day, maybe your sweetness could rub off on the nurses." he said and I couldn't help but blush, "and of course I'd love you to visit." 
"Perhaps I will." I smiled, 
"so anyway!" Samus interrupted clearly annoyed at us so he and Jack continued their conversations and I sat politely even if many times Jack and I met eyes across the room. I had to blush most of the times, unable to stop myself looking at him.
I rather think I may be in love. 
I stood doing some work on this damn ambergis Fagin had us pick up, trying to get this new stuff to match it, it was hard, and long and boring, but I kept getting distracted. My mind kept wandering to thoughts of y/n. I had been like this since I met her, unable to get that sweet little thing out of my mind.
"Jack..." Samus spoke up, as he had popped in to help out with stuff as he often did, and I admit I had kinda well... "Jack, why are you staring at me?"
"Nothing..." I shrug unable to stop looking,
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He glared,
"No reason..."
"Are you?"
"What?"
"Ohh hell no-"
"What!"
"Oh my god, are you looking at me and thinking about my sister!"
For a moment I was unsure how to answer him I mean... he's not wrong, that's kinda exactly what I've been doing, 
"...Kinda" I gulped, 
"You're kidding!"
"No."
"You are a gross little man."
"What! I'm not doing anything I'm just looking at you.
"Yeah! Looking at me and Imaging my damn little sister!"
 "it's clearly genetic you look similar... enough."
"Stop!" 
"what it's a genetic trait you both have fantastic legs... and I don't get to see her's that much in those big petticoat dresses... ummm" I smirked looking at him a little imaging Y/n's cute little legs, 
"Jack! cut it out!"
"Samus. Relax."
"No, I won't. Cut. It. Out." He warned as we got back to work, 
"You know I like your sister don't you?"
"I'm well aware." He rolled his eyes,
"You think she-"
"Yes, she likes you."
"S-she does?"
"Yeah. She hasn't bloody shut up about you." He sighed, "And you can't shut up about her,"
"Awww, she's so sweet."
"Yeah, she is. leave her alone."
"What is your problem?!"
"My problem! You're the one perving on my little sister!"
"I'm not perving on her!" I complained, "I've been nothing but a gentleman."
"Yeah only because I'm in the room with you" He said, "You don't wanna admit if I left you two alone you'd try something with her?"
"...I'd certainly see if she-"
"See!" He yelled, "That's exactly why I won't let you be alone with her."
"Don't you trust me?"
"No!"
"Why not I'm your best friend?!"
"Exactly! I've been down the cat and bagpipes with you I know exactly what you would do to her if I left you alone with her," He said, "Jack. She's my little sister. Back. Off." 
"She's an adult Samus. You back off." 
"Jack. it's not happening. get that thought in your skull."
"Ohh come on, you know I'd make a good brother-in-law." I teased,
"Like hell, you would!"
"what the hell is wrong with you! I've been nothing upstanding with y/n, and don't you think my intentions kinda have to be good because I know you're gonna be watching us, and looking after her, You think I'd risk our friendship over just trying to screw your sister." 
"I don't care about your intentions your not getting near her!"
"Why not!"
"Becuase she's sick!"
I froze up, "What?"
"she's sick. she's sick. She's always been sick..." he muttered his anger fading, 
"Samus... what do you mean sick?"
"Look I don't know exactly what it is... but she's always been like this, she get dizzy, loses her balance, faints, she barely keeps food down she just.. she's always been like this, always been sick. Our mother used to care for her but,"
"What did your mother die of Samus?"
"Tumor. Found it in her stomach."
"Had your mother been sick like Y/n before she died?"
"Yeah, her whole life," He nodded, "Just like Y/n." he said, "The last thing I want is her to be mistreated in whatever little time she has. Or your little medical experiment. Just drop it Jack."
"what if I could fix her?"
"You can't-"
"Will you let me examine her at least!"
"No!"
"Samus! Please... I really do care about y/n." I admit, "If you let me examine her, I might be able to help her."
"...that's a pretty big might." 
"I know..." I told him, "But do you really wanna sit and do nothing."
"I take it you'd want something in return if you do help her?"
"...If I can help her. Would you let me marry her?" 
He stood fighting his anger and his sadness before he spoke up, "If. and only If. You can fix her." 
"And if I can't? if there's nothing I can do for her?"
"Then it's not happening."
"Samus, if I can't help her, don't you want the time she has left to be happy? for her to get married, to feel the sweet embrace of someone who loves her?"
"You can't expect me to just give you my sister. If you can't fix her. You can't have her. That's the deal Jack." He snapped grabbing his jacket, "I need to get back to her. I see you near her before I say you can examine her... we're gonna have big problems."
"I know..." I nodded, "Tell- Tell her would you?"
"Tell her what?"
"I think you know what I want you to tell her."
"You can tell her that yourself. When you fix her. and not before." He snapped before he left, 
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some-pers0n · 1 year
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Uhhh....Bio Post?
Hey! Hi! Hello! Any other synonym for ‘greetings’! Nice of you to stop by and read this. If you have, give it a lil' heart so I know you've read it. Means a lot.
INTRO
My name is Some Person, though you can call me Some, Person, or just SP. The SP stands for "Science Party" of course; what else could it possibly be?
They/she pronouns. Don't wear 'em out, alright?
I’m a blog that just is mostly here to gawk at beautiful art and reblog it. It’ll be just about anything, but mostly as of now it’s going to be TF2, WoF, Will Wood, memes, etc and etc stuff. I do reblog a LOT, just keep that in mind.
I am a fanfic author who mostly just dabbles in TF2 and WoF, though don’t be shocked if I post anything from any other fandom.
BYI
I am a rambly person. I can’t really help myself but run my mouth off on just about anything. I’ll frequently post rants and gargle up nonsense about anything, though mostly WoF (I have way too many thoughts on that series). Often times it’ll just be me talking to myself.
If you couldn’t tell already, I do genuinely type like this. It’s force of habit now, I guess. I always sort of worry that I come off as rude or insensitive, so I'll infrequently use tone tags just in case. You don’t need to use them for me though.
I'm also very awkward. I'll say a lot of things randomly or just be really sort of...off in a way. Keep in mind I'm autistic lol
I am a minor. I don’t mind if you make NSFW content or anything, but I’ll do my part to try not to interact with you (even if your art is very pretty and cool–)
I am also an argumentative person. I try to catch myself before it gets bad, but sometimes I get carried away. My deepest apologizes if that happens.
I have a lot of opinions. I swear to God you can press me on just about every topic and I'll have something to say about it.
If you go to follow me, just know that I am a very reblog-heavy person. If you do so, there's a good chance your dash will be flooded with TF2 characters and whatever else I'm incredibly obsessed with at that point. I'm sorry to anybody who follows me and is immediately hit with gay old men holding hands.
I LOVE ASKS!! I love talking with people! Feel free to DM, ping me in posts and tag game, or just...talk to me about anything. No need to be shy around me. Ask me about my thoughts on something and I'll answer as soon as possible. Wanna talk about something else? Sounds great!
INTERESTS
(Legend: Highlight: The Interest | Bold - Special Interest | Italics - Moderate Interest)
TF2
Wings Of Fire
Will Wood
Writing
Astronomy
Psychology
Disco Elysium
TLOZ
Pokémon 
The Magnus Archives
Jerma985
Omori
Persona 5
Deltrarune/Undertale
FNAF
Portal 1/2
SOCIALS
Ao3: SomePerson5
Discord: s0me-person
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sockori · 6 months
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shmupdate 🧦
very long, hastily written, but a look is appreciated
greetings- to those who are somehow still lingering around this account or came up upon it during my desolate time off. it is sock. or sockori.... or raven... my name is actually raven (they/it, 20 yo disabled autistic goth nerd whatever the fuck). howdy
im still on the 'undetermined hiatus' so to speak that i described in my leaving post, but i will say right now that i have no near future plans on returning. in the tags on my newest art, i mentioned my naruto hyperfixation (of like. 6 years i think) finally died out and other interests have long since captured my autism full force. for me personally, when i lose a special interest like this so drastically, i just full on abandon it for as long as it stands. however, this isn't the only thing that made me leave, and i think its time for me to be completely honest & get some weight off my chest.
i made this account around the cusp of turning 14, during a god awful pubescent era where i acted as any other edgy teen does and i'd much rather like to forget these days. what im saying is i was not in the right mindset at all when i exposed myself that much & got the attention that i did. a dismayingly giant coping mechanism i had in my youth was being online 24/7 because i had no one in reality to lean on let alone feel comfortable talking to about anything that was happening at that time. this of course leads to what the kids call these days being 'chronically online'- desperate for some sort of assurance or interaction, i crawled into internet spaces i shouldn't have been for an also incredibly unsupervised child using the dangerous worldwide web.
yes, naruto was apart of this, as well as other interests i had at the time. throughout my journey i met unsavory people, suffered abhorrent things like stalking & gr---ming, saw things i didn't deserve to see, did a bunch of stupid shit an angsty teen does, i believe you understand the rest. i am in no way proud or gleeful about any of these years and have some very sour memories tied to fandom as a whole, not just naruto, and i really don't like reflecting on them. so, unfortunately, this account sorta became a bitter reminder of what i went through as i grew up & finally matured and sought to recover. that's the first part of why my activity fizzled away & i began backing off from internet use entirely.
the second part is sasori. yes, the puppet man. sorta the sole reason i made sockori in the first place. as the sasori enjoyers following / who followed know, this puppeteer has an incredibly unhealthy philosophy and worldview (if the carefully preserved corpses turned puppets and complete lack of humanity didn't give that away), and is safe to say entirely detached from his reality to a nhilistic and suicidal extent. when you autistically fixate on a character like how i did, sometimes this character's rhetoric can seep into your own without you even realizing; Especially when you're a spot where you are incredibly vulnerable and psychologically unstable, as i was in my youth. now i didn't go around believing you should uhhh murder people and preserve them Obviously- actually i began to believe that perhaps there was some peace in obtaining a robotic existence. maybe emotions were useless, perhaps nothing truly mattered, my life didn't matter, art in eternal in the sense that death is scary and i should avoid it at all costs, why make connections with people when they just die or leave, cant trust people at all to help me, xyz. anything in these lines. without going too uncomfortably deep for everyone's sake and mine, it fucked me up severely. i suppose in a way it relates to how he uses poison. his toxins got right into my nervous system, but the pain i felt from those toxins was the only thing i could really rely on at the time, so i just let it happen. such is the depressing case of coping in the worst spot of your life.
cant help but feel incredibly strange telling the tale, as it sounds so obscure doesn't it, but media can truly get inside your psyche like this if a consumer isn't careful. not sure if anyone else out there fell into a similar headspace dealing with interests in this nature- but regardless. what i mean to say is, sasori is now a kind of content i cant consume anymore. i am in a way better place now, have grown wise and balanced with careful recovery and patience, and of course have grown out of whatever teenage nonsense i was on. sasori, who was once the only thing my autistic traumatized ass could lean on, is now an extremely dark shadow on my life. yes i see this homicidal anime puppet dude from a fantasy ninja anime and get psychological distress. he's somewhat of an aggressor or abuser to me now, which is tragic. ive been actively avoiding everything even vaguely relating to him, be it the art of puppetry, anime clips, robotic/sci-fi genre, whatnot cause i just. man. i dont wanna go back there. shouldn't have to explain why at this point. ptsd at its finest
feel like ive been honest enough. sasori enjoyers out there who were just around to enjoy what i made, anyone i happened to be good friends with during my time on this account, this doesn't have anything to do with you guys. i appreciate everyone dearly for supporting me and cheering me on in whatever i made despite all the hell & anguish that was taking place beyond the keyboard. im just glad that i managed to find some way out and get the help i need before i gave up & took my own life, which depressingly i almost did a handful of times. carrying the horrors is an exhausting burden to bare sometimes, but that does not mean i can't look back on the good parts of the era too. and seeing you all happy and sharing my memes or whatever made me ecstatic and at least a little bit hopeful for the future. fortunately that little spark of hope grew into something more. thanks for being a light in a very, very dark room.
that being said, i leave you all with this: i am not dead, just greatly changed, a new person at last freed from apathy & exhaustion, with now enough room to finally grow. the memories will never truly fade & my disabilities will be a part of me until i pass on, but at least now i can manage them a lot better than ever before, surrounded by way better people who love me for who i am. i will hang on the best i can. i wish for you to do the same. find freedom and happiness wherever you are. take care. happy trails
trans rights. i eat fascist souls. free palestine
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anne-phibia-fan · 3 months
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Do you draw or write
Hai! Yes, I do draw! I've been drawing, or at least learning how to, draw for over 8 years. I have learned the basics of drawing humans within 2 years.
Idk if you'd be interested in what pushed me to draw humans, but just in case, I'll tell anyway (just to let you know, i might be inaccurate one dome of the more specific details because my memory is really bad). For my drawing class around one or two years ago (2022, im pretty sure), in my junior year of high school, my teacher had to leave because of health issues. We ended up having a sub that was.... interesting, to say the least.
I don't think he really knew much about art or drawing, and he ended up finding drawing books for us. He was one of those subs older who didn't like us using our phones and what-not. Anyway, to make this shorter than it already is because I can't explain things properly, we ended up using those books to do gesture drawings. My drawing teacher ended up being gone for about 2 months, I think, smth around there. Everyone in that class got bored and sick of it as hell, and just ended up using their phones anyway. Last thing I remember about that sub was that he, for some reason, was on my teachers computer doing who knows what, and I never saw him again. I think my poor teacher had to get a whole new computer so uhhh- 🤨
Oh yea and he also somehow bent a ruler really badly???
But yea then I ended up forcing myself to learn how to draw humans because I sucked at gesture drawings and didn't understand shit of them.
Besides humans, I've mainly just been drawing animals and ponies, and that stuff so ye. I am still trying to learn how to draw, basically ive just been trying to learn how to just get the basis of anatomy and trying to find my art style and stuff. As for writing, I really struggle with it, and I don't really see it as fun to me that much. I don't know how to put my thoughts onto paper, yet alone how to just even get it out of my mouth in convos without just being weird and making things awkward. I still have to use organizers to organize my thoughts whenever I have to write.
Sorry if this answer dissatisfies you in any way and its too long. I'm at a time in my life right now where I'm just really overwhelmed, and I don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore.
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theworldsoul · 3 years
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Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol
:readmore:
Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.
I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.
I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!
I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.
And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???
What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???
Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?
Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????
I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...
Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...
Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.
And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.
But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????
They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.
Why.
Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!
you wanna know what he made me?
dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?
He made me feel.
That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.
It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"
ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS
Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.
My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.
Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!
Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!
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Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)
.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.
I think I would cry.
Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...
Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???
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the-fiction-witch · 20 hours
Text
Sugar Lump
Media - The Artful Dodger Character - Doctor Jack Dawkins Couple - Jack X Reader Reader - Y/n Rating - Sweet AF + Smutty Word Count - 3278
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I hurried my way up the stairs of the Port Victory Royal Hospital, when I reached the familiar brown door I adjusted my little Y/E/C dress perfectly picked out to match my eyes, I fixed my hair a little and headed inside the room. Seeing it much like usual filled with his dusty trinkets and books tools and clothes strewn about, Jack lay in his bed still dressed his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. 
So I gave a sweet smile, "Evening," 
"Not in the mood Y/n."
"Oh... why not?"
"I have had a very long day, and night, and... week at this point," He sighed,
"Oh," I sighed, "You poor thing," I sat down on his bed and set my hand on his waistcoat gently massaging his chest as he laid there and slowly a content smile slowly crawled onto his lips, 
"How are you so good at this?"
"At what?"
"Dealing with me honey,"
"Men are simple creatures, rub their bellies, give them treats, scratch behind their ears." I laughed, "you're like a puppy," I teased,
"Careful I might start slobbering all over you?" he raised an eyebrow,
"I'd rather that than you trying to hump my leg, Jack," 
We both laughed for a moment but it settled into the usual tense silence, I wanted to say so much but as usual, I didn't say anything.  But I forced myself to break this silence after what felt like an hour, "So..." I said, "What's troubling you, my little sugar lump?" 
"it's complicated," he sighed sitting up putting his elbows on his knees and picking at his nails which I quickly stopped by taking his hand, 
"You can tell me anything you know that,"
"I know honey," He squeezed my hand back, "... I have a twenty-six-pound debt on my head, and if I don't pay it back by Friday... I get my hand chopped off," 
Silence settled again this time more understandable, I glanced down to his hand in mine and I perished at the thought of such a loss. I tried to break the silence with a joke in the hope to cheer him up,
"Which one?"
"My choice," 
"Well... that's something," I nodded, "Any thoughts on which hand you might choose?"
"Y/n," He pulled his hand away from mine picking his nails again, "I'm a surgeon honey, no matter which hand he takes I'm fucked. I need both my hands."
"I know sugar lump, I know," I cooed resting my head on his shoulder a little, "How much money do you have?"
he chuckled, "Two pounds, eight shillings and fourpence," 
"Ah... well... that's a problem," I sighed, "How long would it take you to earn twenty-six pounds?"
He rubbed his face, "Uhhhh four hundred years," He said, 
"What? But you always have money? I mean... you're never rolling in strawberry baths eating roast duck on truffle salad," I joked, "But you always have some money kicking around?"
"Honey I get paid in buttons and fimbles," He sighed, "I make a... float of money of poker but thats what got me into this mess, everyone knows I've got a debt with Darius so they won't play with me. Besides I'd have to be doing some kinda mad three-card tricks to make twenty-six pounds of the people in this town," 
I sighed, "It'll be okay sugar lump, you'll figure it out. You always do." I encouraged, 
"Thanks, Y/n," He took my hand again, 
"You're welcome Jack," I smiled giving his forehead a small kiss which turned us both a little red,
"Did uhh did you mean do to that?"
"Uhhh no, no I uhh just wanted to cheer you up is all," I shrugged,
"Well, it did work," He nodded, "Why do you call me what anyway?"
"What?"
"Sugarlump?"
"I don't know, you're sweet, sugary sometimes, you feel kinda square to hug,"
"Hey!"
"And you're kinda expensive,"
"Can't really fault your logic,"
"Why do you call me honey?"
"Because your sweet, always around whenever I get the desire to see you, you always seem to stick to me," he chuckled moving his shoulder a little to move my head, "Plus your hair," he smiled running a hand through my Y/H/C hair, 
I blushed and for a moment we met eyes I wanted to lean forward and kiss him as I had wanted to for so long but we broke away both blushing a little more. 
I felt my stomach sink to my feet, and my heart rise to my throat. This was a terrible idea but I was out of ideas, I had been doing everything I could to help Jack find some money, having to go off on wild adventures while he was working trying to earn what little he could in the surgical theatre, but options where low and so where the funds. I held my breath a moment as I stood behind the hung sheets from the laundrette, I watched the target I had picked out. The glimmer of her gold and emerald necklace and bracelet glinted in the Australian sun, ripe for the taking as she walked with her parasol in one hand and her arm with her husband. I let out a breath and began my walk down the street holding the hem of my dress as I did, I counted the seconds and saw them stop at a market stall selling fresh fruits, so I took my chance, I kicked the door off the bottom crate beside the stall across from them, setting loose the six chickens mad from their tiny enclosed crate. They squealed and began to run around the market pecking at anything in their reach, everyone panicked and began to get away from them, I ran across the street and squealed.
"Ahhh!" I screamed faking like I had been pecked, 
"My goodness!" The woman gasped, "Harold darling, help the poor girl," she demanded,
"Come here young lady, you'll be safe," Her husband ushered me up onto a market stalls box with his wife, 
"Thank you, sir," I told him accepting his help, quickly in the panic I snagged her bracelet off her wrist, and into my pocket, the necklace was a little harder given the clasp under her hair but the clasp was cheap recently replaced so I snapped it and stuffed it down my pocket before I could be caught, Once I had them I kicked the box we stood on sending a woman and me tumbling into the dirt, of course, her husband came to help her and in the panic, I scampered away as fast as I could. 
Once I knew I was safe I took a breath, I did feel bad about what I had done the guilt seemed to burn in my pocket but she was a wealthy woman with a businessman husband, he could just buy her more fancy jewellery, she would never miss these. Jack needs the money and his hand more than she needs a necklace. Maybe one day god forbid one of those two needs surgery, they'll be begging Jack to have both his hands then. I made my way through the streets to the Cat and Bagpipes where I saw Rotty at the bar.
"Afternoon," I told her,
"Afternoon?" She raised an eyebrow, "What are you after?"
"I uhh wanted a word," I told her, 
She nodded and brought me back to the rooms where her girls live, the many barmaids and lap warmers she employed, "what is it then? not often we get a girl like you around here,"
"I uhhh... I uhh I need some money," I told her,
She looked me up and down once more, "I can get you work, ready too... pretty thing like you," 
"No, no I uhh..."
"No shame in it girl, you'd be surprised the coins you'd make on a good night with a fresh load of sailors in the bar," 
"No, thank you," I told her, "I have this," I revealed the bracelet, 
"Ohh... I see," she nodded trying to take it but I held it back, "Let me see little girl,"
I begrudgingly handed it over, she looked it over a few times and smiled wickedly, 
"Very beautiful, real stones too... How much where do you want?"
"How much would you give me?"
"...I'd give you a solid seven pounds. Maybe eight."
"What about twenty-six?"
"You must be joking!" She scoffed, 
"What about now?" I asked showing the necklace, 
"Twenty-six will be just fine," she nodded, handing me the bracelet back and heading to fetch the money, "Where did a pretty little thing like you get that then?"
"That's my business,"
"Alright, what do you need the money for?"
"That's my bus-"
"I know, but come on young thing like you coming in here ready to sell off some emeralds for twenty-six quid? something tells me you're not after a new wardrobe?" she laughed, 
"No, I'm not," I answered,
"You know... I heard about a debt of twenty-six pounds floating around town. That doctor's got his hand in for it for betting what he didn't have ... so I heard?" I didn't answer her, "And correct me if I'm wrong... old lady, my eyes are going but... I could say I've seen yourself around the doctor Dawkins more than once?" She smirked at me, 
I gulped, "Well I uhh I umm..."
"That's your business," She smirked, Handing me the money so I could give her the jewellery, "I'd hurry up if I were you, his debts with Darius and he never waits to get his money," 
I nodded and quickly hurried my way back towards the hospital but I heard a familiar voice,
"No! No please!" Jack was yelling out, 
So I turned on my heels and bolted in the direction of the building work on West Street, where I saw Darius, his men, and Jack. 
Darius stood as pompous as usual, his men had Jack pinned to the floor with his hand on a block ready for the chop, 
"For god's sake, Man! I cannot perform surgery without both of my hands!" Jack protested, 
"It's a shame you didn't factor that before you took up cards, Jack," Darius smirked, "You owe me what you owe me, and it's considerable... 
"I give you my word, I will have the funds... soon," Jack reasoned,
"You think I trust you?" He smirked grabbing another taken hand, "I took this hand from another welcher this morning, I have rules see. So do you or do you not have my money, in full?"
"I do not.... but-"
"Take his hand,"
"No!" Jack tried to squirm away as Darius' men readied the cleaver, 
"No! Please!" I bolted over and stood between them, 
"Y/n!" Jack yelped as he saw me, "What are you doing here!"
"Helping," 
"I don't think you are going to be much help here,"
"And you are?!"
"I'm... working on it, honey,"
"Badly." I snapped, "I know you are a stubborn little sugar lump but sometimes you need help," I told him off,
"I don't take pleas, sweetheart, he owes me a good deal. And as sweet as your words maybe they won't repay his debts," Daruis told me,
"I know," I gulped, 
he chuckled, "Come to offer yourself then? I'm sure I could figure out some ways to get Twenty-six pounds out of you," He smirked fixing some of my hair behind my ear, 
"Don't. You. Dare." Jack warned him through gritted teeth, 
"I have come to clear his debts," I nodded,
"Have you now?" Daruis smirked, 
"Y/n... no... you, you can't," Jack pleaded, 
"You hand or her hole," Darius growled, 
"Hand! Hand. Take my hand." Jack answered,
"Jack!" I yelled, 
"I am not letting that happen to you honey," He told me, 
"If you just-" I began, 
"Well then, make your choice... left or right Jack?" Darius smirked, "Personally I'd pick whichever hand you slap her on the ass with," He smirked pinching my bottom and making me squeal, "Or whichever of her tits you prefer," 
"whichever hand I have after this I am going to deck you with the other," Jack told him, 
His men once again went to move the cleaver but I again stopped them,
"No! I can pay his debts," I said, "His debt is twenty-six pounds right?" 
"Well..." Daruis glanced at one of his men,
"Twenty-five pounds nine shillings and six pennies," his man answered,
"So Twenty-six for easy maths," I sighed, "Here," I told him handing him over the money, 
He raised an eyebrow and so did Jack honestly, Daruis counted it all up and seemed disappointed, "Fine, debts paid up. Have a nice day." he smirked taking his men and heading away, 
"There all done-" I smiled helping Jack to his feet but the moment I did he held me tight and kissed my lips with a firey passion, I blushed hard but happily kissed him back with a wide smile, until we pulled away, "did uhh did you mean to do that?" I asked, 
"Yes, yes I did, I very very much did," he said getting teary and kissing all over my face, 
"Jack!" I laughed pushing him back,
"How did you get that much money!?"
"It doesn't matter,"
"It very much does honey,"
"Don't worry your sweet little head about it sugar lump," I smiled cuddling into his chest,"
"You didn't have to... you know, did you?"
"No, I didn't,"
"Good, it would break my heart to think you went through that for me, but what did you do?" He cooed stroking my hair, 
"Borrowed some things,"
"Borrowed?" He raised an eyebrow, "That my kinda borrow, or your kinda borrow?"
"...Yours,"
"My- Ohh... You- stole... for me?"
"Of course I did, I couldn't let you get your hand chopped off,"
"Awww I love you, honey!"
"You- you do?"
"Of course I do, I should have told you years ago," He smiled, "sorry I uh..."
"I love you too,"
"You- you do!"
"of course I do!" I giggled almost crying I was so happy we shared another sweet this time a tears of joy-stained kiss before we pulled back unable to leave each other's arms, 
"I love you so much honey," He rubbed his nose on mine,
"I love you too sugar lump," I cooed,
"Come on, we have a lot of time and kisses to make up for," He cooed as we began our way back to the hospital, 
I woke with a long yawn as the morning light forced me awake but I felt so happy and warm wrapped up in the bed with Jack beside me, his arms around me tightly peppering little kisses against my skin,
I chuckled, "Good morning,"
"Good morning," He muttered between kisses, "Um come here honey," He cooed pulling me into a kiss, I happily kissed him back enjoying the soft gentle laziness of morning kisses, until I noticed his wandering hands one slid under my nightie and grabbed my ass the other down my shoulder and cupped my breast, I pulled away and glared a little at his wondering adventurous hands, 
"Excuse me?" I chuckled,
"What?" He smirked, 
"What are you up to sugar lump," I teased him,
"Enjoying... still having both my hands," He smirked as he squeezed me,
"Jack!" I giggled, "That is not a reason to go fondling!" 
"Humm yes it is," he smirked returning to our kisses, 
But we both stopped short as a loud clattering came from downstairs, 
"Oh shit-" he sighed, jumping out of bed and getting some clothes on, I got my dress on too and ran down with him braiding my hair as I went the hospital was filled with soldiers who were upturning the place.
"What the hell is going on!" Jack complained, 
"Ahh Doctor Dawkins, just the man I was looking for," Captain Gains smirked on approach, 
"Captain, would you like to tell me why you are tearing apart my hospital!" 
"I'd be delighted, Take her!" He ordered,
"What?!" I gulped and two soldiers grabbed me by the arms making me scream, 
"Get off her!" Jack tried to pull me away but they were too strong, "Unhand her immediately!" he demanded, "What is going on!" 
"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your... female companion, is a theif," 
"You have no proof of this! How are you arresting her on this lie!" Jack yelled, "Now let her go now!"
"Oh, we have proof." Captain Gains smirked, as he pulled the necklace and bracelet from his pocket, "This familiar to you Miss?"
"That doesn't prove anything," Jack attempted to defend me,
"We have a trusted source she traded these in for twenty-six pounds cash. for unknown reasons,"
Jack looked at me and we both knew, I didn't answer I knew I didn't have a case, "Doesn't mean she stole them,"
"Mrs Oslington?" Captain Gains called, 
She came down the corridor and we met eyes, the woman I had stolen them from. "That's her. That's the little theif." 
"And as you full well know, thieves in my colony hang." Captain Gains smirked at me, "Take her away,"
"No! No please!" I begged,
"No! Let her go! Let her go! I demand that you release her! you are not taking her!" Jack battled with the men as they forced me out Jack followed behind trying to please them, stop them, anything he could but it was too late "... Y/n!" 
I sat in the small stone cell watching the moon move across my window, soon it would be gone completely, and when the sun rose... I'd go to the gallows. I hadn't stopped crying to think this would be my end, but... I was somewhat happy, I didn't regret what I did. Not for a moment. I'm just happy Jack's okay. and safe. or at least as much as I can make him. I didn't feel like a horrid little theif as they had labelled me. I did what I had to do, and my soul felt clean. 
I heard footsteps so I perked up a little confused how it could be so late, but I saw Jack.
"Hi, Honey,"
"What are you doing here!" I jumped to the bars and we shared a sweet kiss between them,
"I couldn't just leave you," 
"Thats so sweet of you sugar lump, but... you should go the soldiers-"
"We have time.," He said moving to his knees, his hands moving my dress a little "Chloraphom," he shrugged,
"... I don't think we have that much time Jack, I know you're going to miss me sugar lump but I don't think these bars are quite going to make this work,"
"... I adore your enthusiasm Y/n, but not what I'm doing," he chuckled using my dress as a cover as he began picking the lock,
"Ooh..." I nodded, "What are you doing?!"
"Getting you off." He said, "Well out." he corrected, "I can get you off later honey," He winked as he worked, 
"You mean it?"
"Of course, I am not going to let the woman I love rot in a cell for stealing some old cunts necklace just because she was trying to save my hand, Let alone Hang for it." He explained, 
"But what are we going to do they'll just arrest me again!"
"Not likely," He said, "I've packed our things, all of them. There is a ship bound for the Pacific islands on the tide." he explained cracking the lock and opening up the door to my cell where I all but fell into his arms, "You and I are leaving, going where no one knows anything about our past, a whole fresh start, in the sunshine, we can start our hospital, get married, raise little adorable children by the crystal blue water." He explained stroking my hair, "Come with me honey, Please."
I teared up and pulled him into a sweet kiss, "I want nothing more in this world my little sugar lump," I cried,
"I love you, Y/n, so so much,"
"I love you too Jack,"
"Come on, before the guards wake up." He smiled, "We have a whole new life to build," 
I nodded and we linked our hands tightly sneaking our way out of the jail, and out of Port Victory. 
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