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absolutebl · 9 months

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This Week in BL - There's so much airing even I'm struggling to keep up

That's why I'm late.

Aug 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Sat iQIYI) 6 of 8 - Oh no. I am totally in love with the escaped young master & his smitten bodyguard. How did that happen? (Be careful P’Thee the broken ones are the most tempting. Tin understands.) NO SINGING! Trust Thai BL to destroy any moment of sentiment I might have by picking up a damn guitar. And we finally get Charn’s Batman villain origin story. Good use of back hug! This is a GREAT show. Melodramatic as fuck, but GREAT. Gotta say this pair in NOT Thailand’s best kissers but not everyone can be Zee++. Still I think that + singing + a touch of overacting is likely to keep this out of the 10/10 club.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - Rich /poor dynamic with characters & set up exactly as expected. Chimon is great. Perth is good too. A real rich-kid bully, Heirs level or Japanese F4 evil. All the teachers are also corrupt (that’s kinda a Thai thing, I think because they can't call out the government). I gotta say, Marc is doing a bang-up job as the jock friend, too. And the kiss twist was fun. All in all, this is good. And you know me, I love a high school BL.

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Sat YT) ep 1 of 12 - The time travel historical romance many of us have been waiting for. Adaption of y-novel by Violet Rain, from the producers of Lovely Writer. Heartbroken architect is transported to the 1930s. Nonkul (actor playing Jom) keeps reminding me of Cho Han Gyeol from Love Mate. It’s a bit slow to start but interesting when it hits its stride. The pacing feels like a Chinese historical (makes me wonder if this with be 4 or 6 act structure). Nonkul is a wonderful actor. They weren’t sharing the screen for long, but the leads seem good together. I’m in.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 2 of 10 - Well. It’s entertaining, I'll say that for it. Addiction. Manipulation. Queer as folk & all that jazz. (No jazz for you, Thailand. Oh no! I’m giving them ideas.) I would like it to turn out that Mew is actually manipulating everything. This is his revenge con on Top. Mew is, after all, supposed to be "the smart one." Gotta say, this is darn near perfect casting. But honestly? This show could just be about Ray & Sand. Their story (and them in it) is easily the most riveting. Sand better be careful, the wildly broken ones are always the best in bed, because they don’t care ao they have no shame and that's HOT.

Hidden Agenda (Sun GMMTV YouTube) ep 6 of 10 - I like how soft Joke’s version of seme flirting is. It’s mellow, like his voice gets with Zo. I also liked Zo casually chatting to his friends about how he feels about being flirted with. His friends gave good advice & were supportive. Oh no! A boy in a BL went into the rain ALONE. What ON EARTH will happen next? The argument was interesting, because it gave us insight into Zo’s maturity & ability to handle a relationship. I’ve been wondering why anyone would like him, and now I know. Joke & Nita’s backstory is fun. I like the gay boy protecting the straight girl reverse beard action. On a complete aside, I really like Dunk’s makeup in this series. It’s very Kdrama.

Low Frequency (Sat iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - The house ghosts trying to help are cute. The plot is at least... a plot? I don’t know. Dias Ex Mafia is a new one on me. (COME ON THAT’S A GREAT PUN, PRAISE ME!) I’m ready for this show to be over.

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 7 of 12 - Honestly, the whole time I’m watching this I’m just thinking I wish JaFirst got better scripts. Speaking of, I don’t object, but these characters sure moved into sex fast. I really don’t quite understand how Daddy & Hot Doc got together so fast either. It feels like their story was meant to be spread out into the other episodes but didn’t get cut in properly, so it ended up all in this one? Or is it just the pacing is particularly bad in this show?

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI) ep 8 of 10 eps - I have no idea what is going on. What are all of Dino’s friends doing? What do they want? what’s their point in the story? I’m even annoyed by Peak, and love him. Sex scene which they tried to make sexy. Operative word being tried. Although, there was some interesting after sex discussion about mechanics. And there was a cute bathtub chat about pet names. But this show is a lotta work for very little pay out.

Wedding Plan (Wed YT & iQIYI) ep 5 of 7 - I like the sunshine sides? PUNCH LOM 2023! Trash watch here!

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Pushy older bro is Earn from Love Sick, yay! And he’s the hyung of a side couple, which is "best friend’s older brother" trope! My favorite!!!! Have we seen this in BL before? I don't think so. Anyway, DOUBLE YAY! The main couple… eh. You know I loathe stalker characters. And I viscerally HATE this one. Almost as bad as SCOY, not sure I can take it, actually. The squealing of "Tammy!" is worse on my ear than any off-key guitar strumming. I may have to DNF or fast forward through all his parts… but he’s the lead. What to do? I do like the “Chinese” businessman actor. He very cute. (On an aside, I was just reading about commercial real estate as the loophole for foreign property investors in Thailand. Cool plot point.) I’m getting a Taming of the Shrew vibes from this. Just me? For now it's living at the bottom of the list for sheer unadulterated loathing of Phumjai. Not the actor, he was my favorite and only good thing about Our Days. But this character? NO.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Jun & Jun (Korea Thur Viki) ep 5 of 8 - This is basically the gay Boys Over Flowers of my heart. Or as close as I think we’ll get from BL. I like both of the 2nd leads, even though I suspect Simon of actually being into everyone’s fav hyung. Cute to see the Mr Heart boys back on my screen, oh so briefly. Such a Taiwan trick, reusing a beloved couple like that. Nice gimmie to the fans. Meanwhile, Choi Jun - boy sure knows his angles but his motives? Please don’t let this be another arranged marriage beard situation? I can’t take 2 in the same month.

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - The boyfriends ep! JC is biggest simp spoiling his baby EVER. Taiwan = the sappiest of saps. “Owning the same key” is such a cute way of putting it. Also I love the "knew all along" twist, made me happy. The angst is silly but that's normal in Taiwanese BL.

Love Class Season 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 3-4 of 10 - Pair 1: Lee Hyun is such a wide-open, bleeding, no-shame romantic. It’s kinda great. Boy has a poet’s soul & NO artifice. J-Min is startlingly good, very nuanced. I know I keep saying that, but I’m v surprised by his skillz. And… add in creepy stalker, goody. Pair 2: The "other student couple" I’m not into, also NO SINGING. Pair 3: The underwear gift was so fucking funny. “I’m going reap the boxers I sewed” is next level script excellence. These two are brilliant at gayest-of-gay flirt-negging, I'm INTO IT. One of my housemates said, in response to my audible cackling, "You seem to be enjoying your shows extra much tonight."

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - Oh I love love love them. It’s so old school yaoi and SO JBL. No other country could produce this kind of show. I love this little feminist aspect where the weatherman treats his boy like a 1950s housewife & said boy thinks that makes him an indentured servant. Clocks. But also, the way our weatherman LOOKS at his boy. He is so in love. (It looks like we skip next week for holiday reasons?)

Sing My Crush (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 8 - It remains enjoyable.

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - At least we know Minato actually desires Shin, he just won’t do anything about it. Also, Minato chose the perfect person to come out to. That's nice for him. Finally, Shu & Asuka are glorious. Sides are winning these days.

Stay Still (Hong Kong Tues YouTube) ep 3 of 5 - A proper faen fatal has entered one of our couples. She won too, since she ended up marrying the boy. Still not sure about this show (and it should have convinced me by now). I definitely like the tattoo couple better than the reunion couple. Still, not a lot happened in this episode and this is short series, they don’t have time to waste. It remains intriguing but not... erm... good.

In case you missed it

River Knows Fish Heart is leaving Gaga soon. It's a decent little bully romance Chinese BL (pulp) - yes, you read that right. Actual CBL. Not great, but if you're into the CBL stuff, especially the early stuff, this has some of that tenor only made in 2018 (I have a feeling it was shot in 2017 and skated through). Anygay, just staying. Catch it before it disappears because with CBL once they gone, often, they gone forever.

Friend. Boy Friend a new Thai BL pulp was supposed to start airing on Aug 19th. I can't find it. Neither can MDL.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Everything from Thailand seems to be dropping on Sat & Sun this month. It's a good thing I got quiet weekends for a while. Also the BL firehose is upon us, so much content.

Starting this week:

8/20 (tomorrow) My Universe series (Sun iQIYI) 24 eps - This is sampler pack BL, 12 pairs, each pair gets 2 eps, not sure on the order they’ll drop. Known couples include EarthBank from Destiny Seeker and KaownahTurbo from Love Stage!!!, fresh faces otherwise. Jane to direct.

8/22 Kisseki: Dear to Me formerly known as Miracle (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) 13 eps - From screenwriter Lin Pei Yu (We Best Love, H3: Trapped) features a student doctor forced to take care of a gangster. I love the premise and like the writer.

8/23 Why R U? (Korean remake iQIYI) 8 eps - I find everything about this hilarious. I mean if Korea remakes it, we lose all the sexy and then... would we have a story at all? No we would not. Not even for 8 short eps. It’d be like one of those mesh shopping bags.

8/24 Man Suang (Thailand movie, domestic cinema release) - historical drama about Thai burlesque with KP’s MileApo.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Another show reviewing itself. (Dino Love)

Don't insult bastards, Lom. (Wedding trash)

I would like this adorable romcom GMMTV, please and thank you.

See what I mean? Trixy.

Thanks boys. (All Only Friends)

(Last week)

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sketch-twentytwo · 7 months

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"EXTRA EXTRA! Get the latest issue of the Treehouse Tribune™!"

————

The mad lad himself, George Beard! I've been thinking about this kid a lot in this AU and I'm switching things up a bit.

George is the notorious school prankster but he covers up his tracks well. Many teachers and students assume it's him, because duh, but without proof he can't be punished for the campus wide goofs and gaffs.

George credits the pranks to an entity known as 80-HD (going for a Banksy vibe) and 80-HD is beloved by students who view him as a school urban legend.

Mr. Krupp is 98% sure that George is 80-HD but can't do much about it other than try to keep a close eye on him. He CAN, however, give George detention for his makeshift newspaper, the Treehouse Tribune.

See, without Harold to draw comics with him, George needed an outlet to funnel his creative writing skills. So he made a fake newspaper with made up stories, spoof articles, and a hokey advice column à la Mad Magazine but PG and less political.

Since I'm keeping the characters strengths and weaknesses, George doesn't dare try to draw anything as he doesn't think he's very good. Instead, he has taken up a photography elective to help with his newspaper.

Krupp can punish George for the newspaper distribution and George often ends up having to spend lunch in the principle's office, something he has long gotten used to over the last 4-5 years. In this time, I think Krupp has grown a reluctant soft spot for the young lad, as despite all his pranks, goofs, and silly nature, George hasn't made any real friends at Jerome Horwitz.

George is beloved by students, but not liked by students. He's a 9-10 year old in the 7th grade. Kids in his grade either think he's too immature or are jealous that he skipped so many grades, while kids his age are either intimidated by his grade (because grade politics were a thing in American elementary school) or don't want to associate with him on a personal level.

His antics are admired, but rarely does anyone want to help/share credit/notoriety with him.

He's kinda lonely.

The most OOC thing about Krupp in this AU might be that he feels bad for George. I imagine that, underneath all his mean, principle demeanor, Krupp doesn't actually want to expel George, but rather wants to help him succeed academically. (In the movie, all he did was separate George and Harold, not expel them, cuz they were 9-10 years old!)

So yeah. George is cool, fun, and wacky, but he's lonely and eats lunch with the school principle.

That is...until he formally befriends Harold Hutchins and, reluctantly, Melvin Sneedly.

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louis-quatorze · 1 year

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watching the Amsterdam episode now

ongoing thoughts

- why are they even playing Ajax. what level are Richmond at. when is this. if this is the international break why is Ajax playing. you’d assume Richmond would also have internationals (Sam at least, right?). god the actual football in this show drives me fucking insane. (I know the answer is “Sudekis and Hunt wanted to go back to Amsterdam on Apple’s dime” but still)

- this is exactly how all Dutch sports journalists talk and it is so funny to see non-Dutch people deal with it

- graag gedaan

- Jamie’s Facts of Amsterdam

- Rebecca the bike lanes are obvious. Get out of the red! (Also most canals in the center don’t even have those)

- you can swim in the canals but I wouldn’t in the city center (out of it, though, or along the Ij is often fine)

- Johan Cruyff is, indeed, that cool. I miss him

- hehehe herring

- it is extremely funny that Jan’s suggestion is going to Groningen which is extremely Groningen of him. but also what is Martin Garrix doing up there

- if it’s Museumnacht and also possible to see the Northern Lights it’s the wrong time of year for a tulip, sorry Dani. they can probably get you one of those wooden ones though.

- seriously though why are you bringing drugs to the Netherlands the best drugs are here and we’re proud of it

- the himbos are the only part of this show that are still a comedy

- the Dutch is funny though (including the not-translated bits) and hearing Jan talk it is also funny

- niet gezellig, hé

- Jamie’s cute in his little Grealish hair

- hey it’s Prik! I have spent a decent amount of time in that bar considering I don’t even live in Amsterdam. it’s a cute bar, good crowd, my friend used to work there. it’s not on the main street of gay bars, which probably makes it less intimidating to Colin.

- gezellig

- Boat Guy is extremely Dutch (positive)

- oh here’s where they’re using Zij gelooft in mij. It’s cute!

- lmao at Jamie getting some “used bikes” off a junkie on the street. you don’t see that much any more (particularly where they were) but when Hunt and Sudekis used to live there it was pretty common

- everyone’s said this but it is sweet that Colin and Trent’s conversation is at the Homomonument. (also not far from Prik even if you stop for beers.)

- just realizing that this is a very dry night in Amsterdam, not common

- everyone has such great Facts About Amsterdam. good job being the Amsterdam tourist board, cast of Ted Lasso

- what strings did Ted have to pull to get a Museumnacht ticket at random

- Richard is right, they should not try Dutch food, it’s bad. note Jan was not suggesting it. (seeing them all pile into a FEBO would be funny though)

- extremely sweet that they manage to get a discussion of the word “gezellig” into this. if I didn’t already know that they were fond of the Netherlands, that would do it.

- hey it’s Derek! He has lines! (He’s the waiter Ted takes a pen from.) That’s actually pretty exciting, he wasn’t sure he would actually be in the show, it’s his first TV role

- there are American-themed restaurants here and they are often like that and it’s extremely funny. I’m obsessed with all of them

- Hunt showing off his Dutch. I didn’t realize until this episode that he was here for 10 years, that’s pretty serious

- if Beard had got his drugs in the Netherlands they wouldn’t have been duds you know

- Roy is a lot braver than me, I tried riding on the back of a bike once and it sucked ass

- in the end, this is a pretty sweet tribute to Amsterdam - you can tell that they’re affectionate towards the city and the Dutch and wanted to show that. I’m charmed by how much they clearly just wanted to showcase the city and its charms, and I think they did a good job of it.

#ted lasso

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dumbass-tumbler-cryptid · 11 months

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Paz lives modern au part 4

part 1 part 2 part 3

The Quaritch-Socorro household has money. They are firmly upper middle class. You wouldn’t know it though from how the family looks and acts.

They are cheap asses. Not like extreme cheapskate levels of penny pinching but if they can save a buck they will.

Clothes from Goodwill with a few holes that Paz can easily patch up? Hell yeah she got three bags of “new” clothes for her family for $7!

Miles is taking his family for a “fancy” night out? They’re going to the all you can eat Chinese buffet in the Walmart strip mall. Adults eat for $10, kids $6.

If you think Paz is disappointed that this is what her husband considers fancy then think again. For her this is the lap of luxury

They don’t leave until everyone’s had at least three plates because the kids grow like weeds and “mama and papa are getting our money’s worth”

Miles goes hunting with his squad mates and loads up their deep freezer with deer meat.

Paz gardens not as a hobby but because growing food yourself is cheaper than buying it.

She cuts everyone’s hair too, including her own because “why the hell would I pay for that. I can cut a straight line.” (She’s completely unaware that her own curly hair would look like a hack job if she ever straightened it out. Luckily curly hair can hide a lot of mistakes)

Miles has her cut his at the end of every month like clockwork but one time they skipped it.

One of their kids had been born a few days earlier so Miles just let it go for the first time in years.

He was on leave too and helping his wife manage the household so what did he care.

He grew a beard during that time too and Paz was shook.

She didn’t even know her man could look that good, with his curls starting to come in and his mountain man beard.

She pouted for days when Miles went back to work and had to be all “clean cut” again.

We all already know that Spider likes to keep his hair long.

His mom doesn’t care but his dad isn’t a fan.

He blames his wife for it.

When Spider was a toddler, with his long blond curls, he started getting mistaken for a girl

Miles didn’t like that so he started insisting that his wife cut it.

Paz couldn’t bring herself to do it though. Spider’s curls were so pretty. Just like her’s and Miles’ if he’d ever let it grow out just a little.

“It’s not like it won’t grow back”

“Yeah but it’s baby’s first haircut”

“So what! We’re having another baby right now.”

“But he’s my first baby!”

Miles eventually convinces her and they get all set up in the kitchen only for Paz to not be able to go through with it.

She was five months pregnant and overly emotional so can you blame her.

Miles rolled his eyes, took the scissors and just started cutting away himself

Spider was completely unbothered until mama started crying

“He looks like a little man!” Miles just ignored her

But then Spider started crying because mama was crying, which made papa get frustrated, which made them both cry harder.

Miles told Paz to just leave, which she did because she could see how she was affecting her son.

But that only made things even worse because Spider screamed for his mama, trying to wiggle out of his seat, making grabby hands in the direction she’d gone.

Until Spider was five getting his haircut would result in a tantrum.

“It’s because you traumatized him,” Miles would half jokingly half seriously tell Paz. She’d just roll her eyes because yeah he was right but it’s not like she was going to admit that.

No matter how old Spider got he just didn’t like getting his haircut for some reason. He wasn’t sure why. He just liked it long.

To Miles' chagrin his other sons emulated their big brother.

So he’s this gruff clean cut military man, with a wife who despite being ex-military herself wears her curly hair long and wild, dressing like a hippy (loose flowy, comfortable clothes, in fun colors because she had to wear neutrals for too long in the military) his oldest son dresses similarly to his mom, but more skater style. When he gets a little older he starts doing his hair in impressively elaborate braids. Spider's younger brothers more or less copy his style (they also don’t have much of a choice because they get Spider’s hand me downs) and his little sister is mommy and daddy’s little princess and dresses kinda like a nature fairy, all flower patterns, pinks, greens, blues and glitter. So much glitter.

All this to say Miles looks boring while his family looks kinda excentrique.

Some of Miles' work colleagues have caught him out and about with his family a couple of times and if they weren’t scared shitless of the man then they’d probably roast him for having such a “sloppy looking” family.

Miles has more or less made his piece with it though. He might tisk disapprovingly at one of his children's styling choices every once in a while when he’s in a bad mood but after four kids you learn to be less of a control freak

Paz and Miles are low key doomsday preppers

It’s not that they believe the world is actually going to end in some biblical plague or something.

They are just extremely prepared for natural disasters (and terrorist attacks, or World War III)

There basement is loaded with enough food rations and bottled water to keep the entire family going for about twenty years give or take

They run preparedness drills for every scenario they can think of once every three months

The kids hate it

Mom and Dad even ran one while Spider was in school, picking up the ten year old in the middle of the day and taking the entire family on a “camping trip” to a cabin in the woods six hours away

When he was twelve his dad told him that was practice for what they’d do if there was a nuclear attack on major cities.

When Spider was four and really started climbing on things Miles took it upon himself to build his son a “jungle gym” in the backyard

It was really a baby version of an American ninja warrior obstacle course.

Low key Miles was doing military training on his son but Spider fucking loved that obstacle course so it was really a win win.

Miles has a lot of way of “low key” instilling his kids with a military mindset and physical prowess

As a punishment he’ll make the kids do things like fifty push-ups or ten laps around the house

Both parents run the house on a fairly strict schedule, breakfast at 7, dinner at 6, then all the kids do their homework, twenty minutes of the kids cleaning up after themselves, then it’s off to bed.

On the weekends Miles and Paz teach their kids “practical skills” which are really just survivalist skills

During the summer the kids go to “wilderness camp”

Which is really just a rotating cast of their parents' old squad mates taking them into the woods and showing them stuff.

Miles joins in on the weekends or if he can take the days off to teach his kids things like hunting, tracking, fishing all that jazz

Needless to say the Quaritch-Socorro kids are kinda scary because of this.

When Spider was like seven he told a classmate in detail how to shoot and skin a squirrel with a sunny smile on his face. As if he was talking about a cool dinosaur fact or something

The kid cried, the teacher got involved, Spider was sent to the office and his parents were called.

Paz was basically like “yeah his dad taught him that. So what? It’s a good skill to have.”

When dad picked him up from school that day he took Spider out for ice cream as a reward for remembering everything so well.

#miles spider socorro #spider socorro #miles quaritch #paz socorro #colonel miles quaritch #avatar fanfiction

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joels6string · 11 months

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More Than My Father's Son

Joel Miller x f!OC

Chapter 10 - Before It Began

Summary: Missteps along the way come back to haunt both you and Joel.

Rating: E

Word Count: 6.8k

Content: NSFW, high levels of violence normal to the TLOU world, angst, fluff, miscommunication trope (it’s Joel Miller…), slow burn, Joel’s traumatic childhood, getting together, smut, canon divergence after SLC, fix it fic

A dumbfounded stare replied, his knotted tongue remaining silent and fearful eyes staring at you as you awaited an answer you knew would never come.

Chapter 9 || Series Masterlist

Waking up had never been hard. Sleep had always been the challenge. Hours of tossing and turning, waking up in cold sweats with a voice hoarse from unconscious screams, some nights you saw the sun set and rise in the window without batting an eye. You’d grown accustomed to the purple bags beneath your eyes and the sallow coloring of your skin, the weariness settled deep in your bones nothing more than the status quo.

Something was different now.

It was warm, secure, a steady beat thumping in your ear, the smell of leather and sawdust, your fingers squeezing something as if you were holding on for dear life…

“Sssh,” a soothing shush hissed into your hair, the unpleasant visions that were just coming into focus washing away.

The same lazy drag of his fingers along your spine that had ushered you to sleep welcomed you gently into the early morning light. You were gripping his hand, fingers tangled and practically nestled in his hair, your legs entwined so tight you were both effectively trapped. His lips pressed against your knuckles as you continued to stretch and reorient, your nose nuzzling into the coarse hair of his beard as a content smile toyed at your lips. There would be a time for dread and questioning later, for now, you had this.

You couldn’t recall the last time you’d been relaxed enough to meander the hazy lands between sleep and awake. It was a space where dreams were almost lucid, the simplest thoughts vividly brought to life by the remnants of unconsciousness. He was talking, but you couldn’t hear him, the rumble of his voice in his chest nothing more than a lovely roll of thunder on a summer night as you recalled the notes that sang out so beautifully from his six-string guitar.

This is where you remained, tightly swaddled and tucked away from whatever waited when you finally opened your eyes. If you could stay wrapped in naive bliss for a few more minutes maybe the cushion would soften the fall.

“Sun’s comin’ up,” a sleep-roughened familiar tone hummed, your groan of resistance as he began to move pulling a gravely chuckle, your arm squeezing tighter against his side as you fought the mental force trying to shake you alert.

Joel’s fingers didn’t stop their methodical path, his jaw still nestled into your hair and it did nothing to tempt you awake. Maybe that was never his intention, because he had yet to put an ounce of effort into moving either. Why waste this perfect oasis on an early wake-up?

When your eyes finally fluttered open, the sun’s light was now practically blinding, telling you it had been at least two hours since you’d last seen it. Joel was still asleep, his heavy deep breathing and parted lips giving him an almost peacefulness that was unseen in his waking hours. His brow was relaxed, the fine lines around his eyes slightly less pronounced, and it was here you took a moment to study his face up close.

The dark purple bags under his eyes had lightened slightly, the puffiness of them somewhat reduced from eating adequately and getting a taste of the restful, unpanicked sleep that Jackson allowed for. He had small knick scars and sun spots, the deep slit across the crooked bridge of his nose the next place you planned to press your lips. The black that remained in his beard was quickly being overrun by silver and white, he’d let it get a little longer than he had on the road. You noted he hadn’t gotten a haircut since the summer, either, his bangs now falling into his eyes in disarray.

“What’re you starin’ at?” that deep, scratchy voice asked, you’d been too busy concentrating on the dip in the middle of his lower lip to notice his eyes opening.

“How gray your beard has gotten,” you teased, covering up your true reasonings at his expense, the quick breathy laugh through his nose barely noticeable.

He dragged you with him as he sat up, your arms circling his neck as you centered your body to perch on his thighs while his forehead and nose pressed against yours. It felt too good, too easy, sharing this proximity with him. You liked the way his hands felt around your hips, your fingers toying with that unruly hair at the nape of his neck while inching yourself closer to him.

“We should go,” you whispered, knowing that at least Tommy was frantic after losing both his brother and you but wondering if that was the true reason for your attempted escape.

“Not yet,” he practically whimpered, “I know how this ends.”

You knew, too. It’s why you’d both clung to the edges of sleep for as long as you had, because once you walked out into the frigid cold morning air it would be as if it never happened. At least you’d try to act that way, going back to lingering stares and innocent dinners, you’d get by on the way his knee leaned against yours when you joined him and Ellie for a movie night and tiny moments you could steal in the cover of night.

“It’s better that way, isn’t it?” You weren’t sure if you were asking him or yourself.

“I don’t—“

“Millie!! That you up there?!”

The tension surrounding you shattered like glass, Tommy’s voice hammering down like a gavel. Joel’s heavy sigh as he released you back to reality has your words catching in your throat as you went to respond to his brother who had no doubt stumbled upon your horse.

“We can’t find Joel!” Tommy continued, he was at the rope now, “God damnit, can you just answer me!”

“I’m here!” Joel called out after a few moments, his eyebrows furrowing as you stood paralyzed, Tommy’s boots on the walls like a ticking fucking time bomb.

“We got trouble. You need to get back. Now.”

As both you and Joel turned to stare at him, puzzled and confused, downtrodden by your own decisions and trampled by your fears, Tommy said the one word that could spring both of you into action.

Ellie.

Bill’s saddle welcomed you as Joel hopped up behind you, your heels kicking him into gear before Tommy had even made it down the rope. You urged the trot to a gallop, Joel’s arms wrapping around your middle and hanging onto the horn of the saddle as you manned the reins, the icy air stinging your cheeks as you willed the horse faster through the snow.

When the gates became visible, you urged Bill on again, the gates opening as soon as you were spotted leaving just enough space to weave into as you took off past the stables and right to Tommy’s door. Joel’s feet were hitting the ground before the horse had even stopped, his fist pounding on the door and calling for Maria as you patted Bill on the nose for a job well done before joining him on the stoop.

“Maria!!” Joel bellowed again, “Where the hell are they?”

“Med bay!” Tommy called, still atop his own horse, you and Joel once again scrambling and hopping up into the saddle for quicker passage.

Hearing she was at the med bay made it all the worse. Joel’s fingers were digging into your hips now, his lips resting on the top of your shoulder, it was like he was searching for something to cling to, anything to keep him present and focused. His eyes must have been closed because when you halted at the doors to Jackson’s makeshift hospital, he hadn’t leapt down as he had at Tommy’s door, but once he realized his feet couldn’t carry him fast enough, his arm pushing the door open so hard you could hear it slam against the wall behind it.

Tommy was trotting up behind you, and you opted to wait to get the story from him, giving Joel a moment alone with Ellie inside before going in.

“What happened?” you asked as Tommy’s feet hit the grass, your stomach still churning with nerves and worry.

“Chemical burn,” he said softly, “Don’t know how. Or why. Seth heard screamin’ at almost midnight and he found her in the leather shop, arm all blistered up.”

“Was she alone?”

“When he found her, yeah. No signs of…anything else.”

“Okay.”

While you knew Jackson took the safety and well-being of its citizens very seriously, with most, if not everyone, being on the same page in terms of what forms of decency were required and expectations upheld you’d lived in the hellish landscape outside the walls long enough to know the dangers that lurked. Especially for young women. You took a deep breath, pushing your most prominent fear to the back of your mind at Tommy’s assurances, for now, and walked in with the younger Miller to find Ellie still buried in Joel’s embrace, her arms tightly wrapped around him, her right wrapped in a white bandage.

“Arrow!” she exclaimed, eyes watery and red, pulling herself from Joel and running straight into you to pull you into a hug equally as tight.

“Hey,” you sighed in relief, leaning your cheek on her head as you cradled it against your chest, your eyes catching Joel looking at you with wide, endeared eyes and a frown.

When she pulled away, your hands slid to her upper arms as you inspected her face and neck for bruising or cuts and finding none. Joel’s footsteps were heavy as he approached, full of intent, he was a man set on vengeance now.

“What happened?” he asked, his tone harsh now, “Who did this?”

“It was an accident…” Ellie mumbled, refusing to look at the man beside her.

“Like hell. Who was there?”

“It’s nothing. It’s fine. Not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Ellie!”

“It’s not—“

“Jesus Christ… who are you tryin’ to protect?”

She was shaking now, the corners of her mouth turned down as a fresh set of tears began collecting in the corners of her eyes. It was a look you knew well.

“Joel…” you cautioned as he took in another breath, stopping his next train of battering questions, “You’re not helping.”

“Not helpin’? I just wanna know who the hell in their right mind brought a kid around—“

“I’m not a kid!” Ellie interjected, turning toward him with the fire back in her eyes.

“You are a kid!”

“Stop it!” your voice was shrill and loud, snapping them both out of their angry stampedes. “Joel, go talk to Tommy.”

“What?”

“Go!”

His nostrils flared as he deliberated obeying your request or fighting it, but your unwavering stare gave him little to argue with.

“Ellie, go sit on the bed please,” you instructed, not breaking eye contact with Joel, the teen following your request with slumped shoulders, and as soon as she was out of earshot you had more words for Joel. “Do you trust me?”

The question hit harder knowing where you’d left everything that had transpired last night. It was loaded and you knew it, the ultimate measure of whatever budding situation that had taken root. Surrender washed over his face, his body relaxing as he averted his eyes, giving you the victory you had been seeking.

But that was all you got. He marched off without a word, and you deliberated which obstacle would be more difficult: getting through to Ellie or Joel. She sat toying with the edges of the white wrapping on her arm, her hair disheveled and purple half-moons darkening beneath her eyes.

“Can I fix your hair?” you offered, gently brushing some of it from her face, and she gave you a barely discernible nod before turning enough to give you access, “New ones or the usual.”

“Whatever you want,” she grumbled, the realization you knew so little about these waters you were treading in.

It reminded you of being utterly clueless when Joel had been grieving his daughter in your kitchen. All you knew was a pat on the back and a reminder to get the fuck over it, this wasn’t the type of world that could allow grieving, sadness, or fear. But here in Jackson, it was. Ellie could be upset and throw a tantrum typical of an almost 16-year-old, Joel could grieve, you could love…

“We’ll do some new ones, see how you like them,” you finally replied, “Draw anything new lately?”

“No,” her short answer heightened that feeling of failure, her hair soft beneath your fingers as you began to twist and braid, “Nothing happened. I really was by myself.”

“Was it an accident?”

“Not exactly.”

“Was it on purpose?”

You allowed silence to settle again as you tied off your latest creation, her auburn hair growing longer and longer by the week. She’d been talking about cutting it and had to follow through, and selfishly you were grateful for that. You knew the answer to the question already, the guilt etched into her features from the moment Joel had begun questioning her had revealed the truth. But still, you couldn’t explain why it hurt so much she was keeping the secret.

“Ellie,” you began again as she turned back to face forward, “Our conversations are our own. If you tell me something, I’m not gonna tell him a thing unless you want me to. You don’t have to…but, if you want to, you have my word.”

“I…can’t tell you,” she finally admitted, “I want to. I’ve wanted to for so long. But I fucking can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“I can’t. I swear I can’t.”

“Who says you can’t? Joel?”

The lack of response was enough. He and Tommy were outside, Joel’s tone quiet but heated as his brother withstood a barrage of questions he had no answer to. The younger of the two saw you first, the ire etched into your face legible enough for even him to read, his hand smacking Joel in the chest as he flicked his chin in your direction.

“What can’t she tell me?” you spat, the venom thick in your voice as Joel turned to face you, “What won’t you let her tell me?”

A dumbfounded stare replied, his knotted tongue remaining silent and fearful eyes staring at you as you awaited an answer you knew would never come. It was worse knowing it was true, that there was some deep, dark secret he forced Ellie to keep, and while you’d never considered yourself immune to Joel’s stony walls, your bond with Ellie had always been something he’d told you he appreciated.

“Tommy, can we have a minute,” his voice was quivering.

“I’ll go get Ellie some breakfast,” Tommy immediately responded, clapping his hand on Joel’s shoulder reassuringly before heading off towards his house.

“You know why she did that to herself,” you cut right to the chase.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “Millie…this ain’t…easy—“

“I swear to God, Joel.”

“She’s immune.”

It was a furious whisper, his body leaning in towards yours to reduce the need to say it any louder. Immune. It was a myth, an urban legend, the hopes for a cure or vaccine had been thrown out over ten years ago, the world left in rubble as it slowly suffocated beneath a blanket of spores. And she was immune?

As you stood in stunned silence he told you the tale from the start. From Boston’s Firefly leader Marlene recruiting him, to losing his partner in the journey, the trek from Boston to Salt Lake City, and then, he paused. It was like a cliffhanger, you were left dangling on his line like a fish with a hook in its cheek too far embedded for escape. But he couldn’t decide if he was going to reel you in or toss you back out to sea.

“And then I killed ‘em all,” he confessed.

“What?” That wasn’t what you’d been expecting.

“They couldn’t do anything without cuttin’ into her head and—I couldn’t let ‘em do it. So I got her outta there.”

Words evaded you. The fate of the world had rested in his hands and he’d thrown it all away. No more scrounging for food, mending holes in clothes that were barely hanging on by a thread, the gas masks and weapons could be shelved. And he’d been given the chance…

“I told her they’d stopped lookin’ for a cure. She wasn’t gonna give it up otherwise. Kid wanted to save the world. I couldn’t let her die for that. There ain’t no saving this.”

What would it be like? It had taken you months to adjust to life in Jackson, could the men you’d slaughtered just yesterday have assimilated back into an orderly society? As much as you wanted to tell Joel he was wrong, you couldn’t. You agreed with him. There was no saving this. And was Ellie’s life worth the risk of trying to mend this shattered society? Months ago you might have said yes, but today, the answer was easy.

“Can you say somethin’ please,” he begged, the silence gnawing away at him.

“What’s this have to do with her arm?” It wasn’t the response he was looking for, but he looked relieved at least you weren’t firing off vitriol at him.

“S’where her bite is. Right forearm.”

This moment wasn’t about Joel or you, and with the answer you sought now aired out, you pocketed the anger and pity you felt towards him and left him outside again to continue your conversation with Ellie. The barrage of questions you had for him would have to wait, ones you hoped the answers to would ease the ache that had begun in your chest.

You greeted Ellie with a squeeze of her hand, kneeling in front of her as her eyes rose from the floor to your face.

“So you actually are special,” you teased with a soft smile, “And I’m not just biased.”

“Not like it means anything,” she lamented, pulling her hand free and crossing her arms over her chest, grimacing as she pressed down on her burns.

“All right, Ellie,” the doctor interrupted, “let’s change that bandage before you get on your way.”

“I’ll do it,” you offered immediately, pulling the fresh gauze and antiseptic from her hands as the front door opened, two sets of footsteps growing louder as you unwrapped Ellie’s arm.

She winced in pain as you slowly unraveled the wrapping. Joel’s decision to keep the truth about the Fireflies—the vaccine—a secret from Ellie was now yours to bear. And as much as you loathed the idea of lying to her about it, his reasoning made sense. She was too young to be handed this level of responsibility. He was right, all she’d have seen was saving the world. And she’d have sacrificed herself for something that would do nothing to repay the cost she paid for it.

“Christ…” Joel gasped from behind you as Ellie’s raw, red skin came into view, his knees dropping down to the floor beside yours, “There was a better way…”

“I thought you were gone,” she cried, shame and guilt floating with the sadness and pain in her voice but a smile toying on her lips, “But hey, I can wear short sleeves now, right?”

No. The world wasn’t worth losing her.

While Joel took Ellie back home, you walked briskly back to your own home craving a shower and some of the soup left in your fridge. As you scrubbed the sweat and dirt from yesterday from your skin, you couldn’t help but feel the ghost of his fingers and lips along your skin as the warm water rained down over you. However, the blissful memories were soon interrupted by the intrusive thoughts that had taken hold. Why had he not trusted you to tell you about Ellie? He’d forbidden her to tell you. While you understood keeping that information close and well-guarded, had you not proven yourself and your intentions well enough to have him willing to make you privy to the truth?

As the soup gurgled on your stove and your wet hair soaked through the shoulders of your t-shirt, a knock echoed from the front door, and when you opened it you were almost disappointed as Indy came into view.

“Maybe don’t fucking do that to me again,” she snapped, shoving her way past you and inside, “Like, just don’t.”

“Okay,” you agreed, too tired and distracted to argue, “Would you like some soup?”

“No, I don’t want any fucking soup! I spent all night pacing around my house! I want a nap!”

“Well, there’s the couch.”

“Can you take this seriously for a second? Just one second.”

“I am taking it seriously. I’m sorry, okay? You were right. We shouldn’t have gone.”

It quelled her rage for a moment. You were too frazzled, too emotionally spent to argue, and she picked up on it right away. It was hard to imagine that less than four hours ago you’d woken up awash with a contentment you’d forgotten was possible to feel. Now it was uncertainty, guilt, anger, sadness, doubt… Indy wasn’t the only one that needed a nap.

“I heard what happened,” she said quietly, your eyes snapping over unsure of what exactly she was referring to, there was no way Joel had spoken a word, “To Ellie.”

The flip switched, rage flooding over all other emotions, “From who?”

“You know Seth. He always runs his—“

The wood of your bow in your hand felt like home, the bite of the cold unfelt as you ran out into the cold and towards the center of town. Indy was behind you, but you’d always been faster than her, her voice traveling with the wind as Rancher Street stretched on in front of you. A familiar white house blurred by on your right as she became inaudible, your fingers reaching back for an arrow and lining up as the Bison came into view.

Your unlaced boot almost went whirring into the bar after kicking open the door, your ankle hooking just in time as the wood slammed against the wall. Every eye snapped simultaneously to you when the feathers of your arrow finished dragging through your fingers, the shrill shattering of the bottle of scotch Seth had been holding giving everyone whiplash as their necks quickly turned back to him. A hushed silence overcame the space, heightening the crackling of the wooden bar as you drove the tip of your knife into the surface centimeters away from his hand, the fear staring back at you at almost addicting.

“If I so much as hear a whisper you’ve said another word about her,” you snarled through gnashed teeth, “I’ll make sure I don’t miss next time.”

Seth nodded quickly, rigid with terror and uncertainty as a splinter of wood shot up onto his shirt, your knife sliding into your back pocket as another slam of the door rattled what little pieces of decor hung on the wall. Except this time, no one’s eyes dared slide over to see the newest visitor.

“Millie!” Joel yelled, the breath you’d been holding releasing at the sound of his voice.

“Get your girl under control, Miller” Seth dared utter, Joel’s hand catching your wrist as you reached back for your weapon once again.

“Outside,” Joel growled in your ear, his coat slinging around your shoulders as your boots hit the pavement, “You wanna tell me what that’s about?” His voice was hard and impatient, dealing with an outburst of yours certainly hadn’t been on his list of things he wanted to deal with today.

“He’s telling everyone about Ellie,” you informed, a knowing look falling over his face, “And he needed to be shut the fuck up.”

“Okay. Alright. Well, I reckon you’ve gotten your damn point across. Indy’s waitin’ for you at home—“

“Who you shooting now, Deacon?” a taunting guffaw echoed, Joel’s nostrils flaring as his hands fell to his hips.

“It ain’t the god damn time, Paulie!” Joel warned, turning his head just enough to see the man he loathed most within the gates of Jackson entering the bar.

“If she’ll shoot you, none of us are safe! Tommy should have put her out to fend for herself—“

“Enough!” the man in question broke in, arriving just in time to keep his big brother’s feet planted as his arm pressed across a broad chest, “Go inside, Paulie. This don’t concern you.”

If she’ll shoot you… Whatever semblance of control you had over yourself shattered—months of adapting and normalcy caved as your demons once again emerged from the chains they’d been trapped behind. The world faded away as you reverted back into the dark, the patchy memories from that day replaying over and over as you tried to recall the moments that were gone.

You’d known all along. From the moment he’d shown up on your doorstep you’d known. It had been the way he looked at you, like he’d been waiting for you to ask, and then he’d lied.

“You swore,” you babbled, “you fucking swore to me…”

“Millie…” he cautioned, and the sound of his voice made you turn, your feet carrying you down roads you’d thankfully memorized, and you were grateful until you stopped, expecting to be home but finding yourself elsewhere.

The grand white house on Rancher stood tall to your right. It made sense, it was always where you’d felt most at peace, and that’s what your subconscious had led you to—safety. His coat still hung over your shoulders, his familiar scent dancing around you as two hands softly gripped your upper arms, your body instinctively turning and shoving at his chest. But he advanced again, this time holding your shoulders as you shoved again, and again, each one growing weaker.

“Stay away from me Joel!” you screamed, “I’m dead fucking serious.” Your voice was losing its conviction with every brush of his fingertips. “You lied to me! You fucking lied to me!”

“To keep you safe!” he yelled in return, catching your hands this time before they landed another blow, “Cut that out!”

“Safe from what?!”

“Your god damn self!”

The irony of learning the truth about Ellie—and the truth she didn’t know—only to find yourself in the same situation with him wasn’t lost on you.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” you spat, backing away from him and his warm grip before your traitorous body and thoughts gave in to him

“We both know that ain’t true,” he replied gently, “Just…c’mon inside.”

“No. No, you don’t get to…”

His chest was right there, ready to bury into, the fabric of his flannel soft and thick, his hair still curling behind his ears from the shower he’d just gotten out of. Everything you’d thought he was when you met him, he’d turned out to be the opposite. Where once stood someone that was cold, aloof, and guarded was slowly being replaced with the man that had begun battering against your own fortresses. He was warm, considerate, and protective to a fault, the glimpses beneath that hardened exterior something you’d grown to crave. And now you stood in the wake of realization about the lengths he’d risk to do what he saw was necessary to keep you and Ellie safe. Not even you were too much to wager in his quest.

“Stay away from me,” you seethed, your mind simply unable to see anything but his lie, his eyebrows furrowing as he watched all he’d gained slowly slinking away.

“You act like you ain’t ever lied to me!” The cloud of breath shrouding his face made his words all the more menacing, “I found your pendant!”

So he knew the piece of you that you’d tried the hardest to hide. You’d been swindled, you knew that. It was certainly something you’d tried to forget. Aimless and searching for anyone and any place to call home, you’d joined the group willing to take you. It had resulted in catastrophe.

“When?” you whispered, his jaw twitching in tension.

“On the road. After patching your damn leg up.”

Yet he’d still taken you as far as he did. Joel’s hatred of the Fireflies was no secret, of course, now you had context, but it seemed to go deeper than that. Even in his retelling of that fateful meeting with the woman who’d passed Ellie off on him, his disdain went further into the past. For all he knew in those moments, you could have been tied to the group still, but it hadn’t stopped him from saving your life, carrying you for weeks, and bringing you here for a new life. Maybe his plan all along has been to whisk you away from the rebel militia, one less soldier on their side.

“That why you hate automatic gunfire?” he prodded, and you hated he knew that.

It was exactly why. The steady stare you’d maintained finally averted, your chest tensing as the nightmares that plagued you while asleep briefly broke through the barrier. The firefights between FEDRA and the Fireflies, the explosions, the dead bodies of civilians left on the streets without a care…the images were as vivid as they were the day you were subjected to them. You’d countered your aversion with conditioning, subjecting yourself to the horrors day in and day out until you were immune, but still, those days haunted you, the last moments of your innocence stalking you through the years as a reminder of what had turned you into the deadly weapon you’d become known as.

“Fightin’ too many wars that couldn’t be won?” Those words stung. And it seemed that once again you found yourself in the trenches, only this time it waged within yourself.

“You don’t know anyth—“ you began.

“Keep tellin’ yourself that.”

He knew it was a lie. You knew it was a lie. And the words had stopped convincing you that he didn’t know more than anyone else ever had. It was more than just your favorite foods, music preferences, the perfect shade of toast, and your affinity for the goofiest socks you could procure. It was a reassuring hand on your knee when Tommy had inspected you for a bite, taking on the task of cleaning your wounds so a stranger didn’t have to touch you, and that soothing shush and weaving of your fingers just this morning you knew he’d perfected over the course of the night that had led you to get the most restful night of sleep you could remember.

The fork in the road lay before you. It was like that cliche old saying, take the road less followed; on one side was the norm—run—-and on the other was him.

*************

“Are you going tonight?” Indy asked as you threw your backpack onto the kitchen table, your bow and pistol flanking on either side.

“No,” you snapped, ripping your fridge door open to clear it out, you wouldn’t be needing any of it.

“It’s literally for you.”

“It’s not for me. It’s for the team.”

“Which you’re on.”

It had been almost a week since you’d thrown Joel’s jacket at him and left him high and dry standing in the road outside of his house, an assignment coming in that got you out of Jackson for at least six weeks coming the next day that you couldn’t refuse. A group of survivors in Nevada had managed to locate a radio tower, and Maria had intercepted it, assembling a team of three—you, Eugene, and Paulie. There were nine people and an entire crate of penicillin they’d procured as bartering fodder, an exchange Maria was happy to take.

Joel had been furious. Not that you were leaving, but that one of your teammates was one that had tried to kill you. No amount of time would have him letting that go. It certainly didn’t help that the fallout between the two of you had been thanks to Paulie, the rage in Joel’s eyes burning with every look at the man. He’d tried to reason with you, going as far as to promise he’d stay out of your hair, blaming himself for your desire to get back out into the woods and on the road.

“What happened?” Indy asked, noticing your distant stare, “With you and Joel.”

“Nothing.”

“Then why won’t you come?”

Cornered, you were forced to agree you’d be at the church for the going away festivities Maria had planned since the three of you would be missing the holidays, the alternative of fessing up to the truth far less appealing. Indy lingered, taking the bags of food that would go bad in the weeks you’d be gone, promising to think of you when she used it with a smirk.

“By the way,” she sang out as her hand hit the knob of your front door, “It’s nice to be loved by someone.”

“What are you talking about?” you groaned, sighing theatrically as you threw your head back.

“Just saying, it was rare to find someone that loved all the shitty things about you before, it’s damn near impossible now. So, if you ever were to find that, I’d call you a fucking idiot for turning your back on it.”

“Well, I’ll let you know if I do.”

With a curt nod, she left, leaving you to stew in the silence you’d come to once again loathe. When the ire at Joel for his lies had subsided, it gave you the capacity to think. Those thoughts had taken you down one road—you couldn’t risk giving in. It was the realization that the decision wasn’t for you, but for him that had been the deciding factor. You’d shot him. It was pure luck that it had only grazed his arm, the thought of that bullet fired haphazardly in a panic lodging into his chest had made your stomach churn. It was better from a distance, and with this, you hoped he’d back away to a safer distance, one that left him allowing you to be fired upon rather than pulled to safety at risk to himself.

And it hurt.

As much as Indy, Joel, Tommy, everyone assumed that the fight you’d had with Joel was the cause of your hiding, it wasn’t. It was the heaviness of your limbs and the throbbing in your head, all you wanted to do was sleep. A book hadn’t been touched in days, the soil of your plants dry, and a pile of unwashed clothes sat by the basin you scrubbed them in. Now they’d wait for weeks to be cleaned, thankfully your pack fit what few things remained. And what had made it all worse was the visit with Ellie.

Perceptive as she was, she must have noticed a change in Joel, too, coming to see you two days ago to check if your sour disposition matched his, and finding that indeed it did. Her words had stung, you remembered them so clearly.

“It’s so obvious that you love each other!” she argued, “I don’t get it!”

“Sometimes loving someone is letting them go,” you reasoned, that’s what your mind had been telling you for days. It was better this way.

“That what you’re gonna say to me, too?”

A question that had shattered you. No amount of promises had reassured her, her angry walkout leaving you despondent in your kitchen as the reality that you’d hurt the one person you’d sworn to protect. You’d slumped to the floor, sitting against your cabinet in a heap wishing that the one thing you wanted was the one thing you couldn’t allow yourself to have. You were a liability, you’d gone as far as to debate your place in the safe haven walls and the jury was still out.

The church that was never used as such was lit up with lights, the holiday glow something you’d forgotten. The town was in high spirits, food and drink laid out as chairs were set up around a projector and screen someone had miraculously gotten working. Indy was chatting with Sophia, the woman she’d harbored a crush on for months now, beside the dessert spread, ticking her head in greeting at you with a happy smile. Ellie was with Dina, Cat, and Jesse, your stolen glance her way tightening the knot in your chest. And Joel…he was nowhere to be found. It wouldn’t be unlike him to skip the event, especially with that had transpired between you; it was an unspoken fact he came to things for you and you for him, a mutual desire to get the other out into the world and feel some joy being the motivation behind both of your actions.

You took a seat in the back, Tommy’s excited babbling about the working copy of A Christmas Story he’d finally found humming a few feet away. To experience the general cheer in the room was lonely as you felt none of it, only here out of obligation and stubborn will. The only people you’d come to care for were preoccupied, and for that you were grateful. You didn’t need to dampen their happiness.

When the projector lit up the screen and the room dimmed, you settled back into your chair for the two hours of intrusive thoughts that were about to follow. There was a reason you hadn’t watched anything since the day it all fell apart; everything reminded you of the life you could have had and chose not to. It was taunting you at every turn.

Twenty minutes into the film, someone sat in the unoccupied chair beside you, the smell of leather and sawdust alerting you to who it was before your eyes ticked over. Your whole body tensed, you hadn’t seen him in days. The last memory you had of him was the look of despair he’d given as you pushed his jacket into his chest, a beg to please stay quivering on his lips.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered, sliding a small package wrapped in book paper into your lap, “Early…”

He was nervous but prepared for rejection. However, he didn’t move. Whatever you were going to say or do, he wanted it. Your fingers gently unwrapped his gift, a small carved wooden fox peeking out from the faded black prose surrounding him. You’d caught him a few times whittling away at the rabbit he’d given Ellie for her 15th birthday, putting the final touches on what would be a very impressive final product, but never did you think you’d be on the receiving end of one of his pieces of art. Heat rushed to your face, your eyes threatening to soak, it was the first gift you’d received for your birthday in 21 years.

“Saw it on your papers,” he tacked on after nervously clearing his throat, defending his knowledge of the December 5th date you’d never told a soul.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, the figure sitting perfectly in your palm peering up at you.

You’d never been more grateful for the cover of darkness. The taste of copper was faint on your tongue as your teeth sunk into your quivering bottom lip to prevent the avalanche of emotion you were keeping at bay; the road had offered you another fork, and you knew this would be the final one.

The skin of his palm was calloused and rough as your fingers curled around the top of his hand, softly gripping as your cheeks burned crimson. When his fingers pressed as much as they could against yours, you sighed in relief, his body inching closer to allow your shoulders to press together as a week’s worth of anxiety began to wash away. The battle went on in your mind, you couldn’t, shouldn’t, do this, but you had to. You had to.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed as the movie hit its halfway point, wondering if he could hear you at all and unsure of which option you preferred.

“S’okay,” he assured, this thumb squeezing tighter, “I deserved it.”

“Joel, we’re both barely fucking afloat…and…and I don’t want to pull you under…”

“Anchors are supposed to sink.”

You finally looked at him. That soft hazel gaze that few people ever earned focused on you. In it swam vulnerability, trepidation, and affection, the flickering lights of the snow on the screen giving little flashes in the reflection of his eyes to the truth you both knew. If something happened to the other tomorrow, there would be no regret over the things you’d done, only what you hadn’t. The words unsaid, the touches pulled back, the time wasted, that would be the regret. The rest you could figure out along the way.

“I gotcha.” His words finally opened the floodgates that had been cracking since the day you’d fired that arrow between his feet from that window, “Just come on back to me in one piece.”

Chapter 11

Art by @natendo-art 🩵🩵🩵

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #more than my father’s son

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lestappenforever · 8 months

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Something Unholy - Lestappen

I did promise to try and finish this ahead of the race tomorrow in another attempt to manifest a Lestappen podium by writing some PWP, as it seemed to work last time. So here's hoping it works this time, too!

Dedicated to my beautiful @killingevie, who was the literal mastermind behind this whole thing, and the anons and everyone who came into my ask box to share their thoughts and ideas with me over the last few days. 💕

Did I plan for it to end up being more than 10 000 words long? No. Did it happen anyway? Yes.

You can read the full fic here.

Enjoy a little snippet below.

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It’s Lando — because of course it’s fucking Lando — who really takes it to the next level, when Charles chooses dare when Lando next asks.

Max can tell it’s not going to be good before Lando even gets a word out, because there’s a look of utter mischief on the Brit’s face that has never brought anything good with it, ever.

“Dare,” Lando echoes with a hum, rubbing at the non-existent beard on his chin as he mulls his possibilities over. “I dare you to give Max a lap dance.”

The room goes momentarily silent as people look between Max and Charles with wide eyes. Alex lets out a celebratory ‘whoop!’ while Carlos fucking claps next to Lando. Max narrows his eyes and glares at them both, before shifting his attention to Charles, half-expecting to see the Monégasque looking absolutely horrified, or already on his way to flee the room.

But when Max looks at Charles, he sees the other man looking calm and relaxed, leaning back on the couch with his right ankle resting on his left knee, his right elbow resting on the back of the couch and his hand propping up his chin. With his left hand, Charles is balancing his bottle of beer on his left thigh and his attention is fixed on Lando. Then he meets Max’s gaze and raises an eyebrow in a silent question. Max blinks at him, but doesn’t speak or shake his head. Instead, he just tilts his head to one side and cocks an eyebrow right back.

It’s a challenge. And Max knows that Charles would never back down from a challenge. Especially not a challenge from Max.

“Fine,” the Monégasque says casually, as if Lando had just asked him to hand him a napkin or something equally mundane, finishing his beer and putting his empty bottle down on the table. Then, he gets to his feet and gestures for Max to do the same.

#Lestappen #Lestappen fic #My writing

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retr0flesh · 4 months

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i still have no idea how to fathom that my beef, my crested gecko & first pet is gone, after 8 years together. i woke up yesterday to find he had passed overnight. he seemed to be lively & well the night before, so i'm not sure of the cause. i know i will always wish i could have done more for him, like i had hoped to hand build hides and climbs for him. but i know my goal was to give him as enriching and loving of a life as i possibly could before I even met him.

in autumn of 2015 i decided to get my first pet independently. as a kid I was a huge animal lover, unsurprisingly preferring their company over people. my mom was always excited to nurture a common interest, and jumped on any opportunity she could to get us pets to learn about all different kinds of animals, from our cat and dog, to fish, frogs, anoles, leopard geckos, even a rabbit & a pair of ducks.

i knew i wanted a reptile companion, but i wasn't sure which kind i'd get along with well and be best equipped to care for. i spent hours researching different types of geckos, bearded dragons, and beginner-level reptiles, until i decided on a crested gecko. i'd never seen creatures like them before, and i was floored to try something entirely new, but with Lots of information online to sift through if i was stumped.

late December arrived, and I was ready to find my new friend. I had a starter 10-gallon enclosure for a younger crestie, and plenty of fake plants and hides for him to explore and get acclimated. i opted to get him at a specialty reptile shop about 40 minutes away. i didn't have a name planned going in, and i think i immediately decided on "beef" when I saw it advertised at a deli.

my family was as smitten by him as I was. my sister loves trying to handle him as much as i did. my mom squealed in delight after i encouraged him to run across my laptop and he shat on the keyboard.

the next summer, my dad called me from a pet shop nearly frantic, asking what kind of vertical 20-gallon tank would best suit him. I was so grateful for the gift, stoked that he would have double the space to explore, hunt, and rest, and unexpectedly solving the "beef is arboreal in a horizontal enclosure," problem. his new tank was so large, i had to relocate it from a small unoccupied corner in my somehow even smaller room, to a hub right between my desk and my bed, always within my view and my reach. by then I'd decided to forego handling him, knowing it wasn't fair to cause him extra stress for my own entertainment if i couldn't do it consistently enough to make him comfortable with it. keeping him next to me was a much happier arrangement for us both.

from there, he moved with me to my first apartment. from tiny corner, to tiny corner, to Big sunny corner by a picture window with an unfortunately dismal view. later on i took up gardening and started my indoor hub next to his tank, extending his overgrown habitat until it took over the living room within a few months. the plants have ebbed and grown with the seasons and my ability to care for them. beef has watched me tend to them curiously for a couple years now. i was hoping to incorporate live plants into his enclosure, but I worried about pests, parasites, plant disease, and anything that could have harmed him. experimenting would be exciting, but ensuring his health came first and foremost.

everything ends, and all too soon. i find a vacancy in my chest and the joints in my hands aching, as i've spent a few hours on and off piecing this together. i haven't figured out what mourning looks like for me yet. but I know it's important to share the joy he brought to my life, and hope I could have returned a fraction of it.

i am going to bury him in my mom's backyard later this week, after i can prepare a proper little box for him with substrate, moss, and a heart shaped rock i found for him in the river, so many years ago now. i'm unsure of what to with the salt lamp next to his enclosure; it became his the moment i put it next to his tank and hr plastered himself to the glass wall in an attempt to merge with it. i'm going to handwrite this out and bury it with him.

it's been a difficult adjustment. i didn't sleep last night and i have so many memories to roll through. 8 years is a long ass time, and he's been with me through countless stresses & times of turmoil, successes and efforts, people who have come and gone, and gone, and gone. i wonder how many tears he's listened to me cry and vent to him, i wonder how many songs i invented for him on the spot while preparing a meal for him.

he will be the first family member i ever get to properly mourn. @ashtastica suggested holding a service to remember him, and I couldn't be more grateful. years ago, ash doodled beef if he were a dragon. the boy seemed to approve of his likeness when i initially showed him. i hope i can write or share with him, just the Tiniest Little Facsimile of how loved and adored he was by people all over the place. I have no idea how many people's lives he touched, honestly. he's always been a silly goober of a man, expertly climbing up but always tumbling down the heights of his enclosure... especially to the delight of our cat-children. from when I found him sitting at the end of my bed in December 2017, my cat doom was always fascinated to watch him play around his tank. in early 2022 Belmont joined the audience, and very recently Alkaline has, too. even in his absence they look for him.

it helps to share this, and i hope you've enjoyed meeting him through our words, pictures, and encounters. hug and pet your creatures soon, and send em my love too 💞

#locspeak #beef #rip lil man #cw pet death #cw animal death #belmont

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lurlur · 1 year

Text

I've been getting into hockey for the last, like, 16 months. I'm running a little bit of a fever. I'm British so the concept of mascots is a little bit weird to me. Let's do this.

In order of the current whole league standings, as of January 25th 2023:

Rating the NHL mascots

Part 1

Completely arbitrarily! My system makes no sense!

Boston Bruins

Blades the Bruin

Bruin means bear, so this makes sense as a choice. I guess I get what they were going for with the name but it just kinda makes it sound like a low level gangster. Feels like they couldn't decide whether to make a teddy bear or a scary bear and just got an unsettling middle ground. The eyes are very dead.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetic: 4/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4/10. Not awful, but not great.

Honourable mention for methbear from the winter classic this year. That was a design team that knew how to make choices.

Carolina Hurricanes

Stormy

Stormy is, apparently, a pig. If there's some obvious North Carolina/pig connection, I'm not aware of it. Stormy feels very low effort. The design is weak and lacking in character. It doesn't even look like a good fur suit, tbh. Very big eyes so we're definitely not trying to be intimidating here. Stormy must not be one of those 30-50 feral hogs you used to hear so much about.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetic: 2/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Horrible but not for interesting reasons.

New Jersey Devils

NJ Devil

Why does it have abdominal muscles? Clearly, this one is a slut, which I approve of. The name is super uninspired and the design is pretty obvious, but I still find myself on the way to liking it. It's got character and it's not trying to be too human. I know it's not what the New Jersey devil is actually supposed to be, but it looks a horrible kind of fun. What that tongue do?

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 5/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 7/10

Overall, 6/10. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either and that's something.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Carlton the Bear

Carlton is named after the street where the old Leafs arena was. And he's an adorable polar bear. Look at him. He's like the coca cola polar bear without the mischief. That's a face you can trust. Looks like he gives great hugs. I would like to find out.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetic: 9/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10, but the lack of horror is a feature and not a bug. So really he's 9/10.

Dallas Stars

Victor E. Green

There's so much to hate here. The name is a bad pun on the Stars "victory green" colours. The character is supposed to be an alien but the design is so lazy. They could have gone in so many directions with this one and instead they just did this. Why even have a mascot if you're going to put this little effort in? No expression. No character. Just green.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 2/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 1.5/10. Very bad showing.

Winnipeg Jets

Mick E. Moose

Someone's trying to get suuuueeedddd! Nah, it's been over a decade and the mouse doesn't appear to have come knocking so I guess the jorts are getting away with it. Mick, here, looks quite the formidable fellow. I like his flying cap and absolutely unhinged expression. I truly believe that he could find me in my dreams and make me regret decisions I haven't even made yet. There's something wrong with him and it looks interesting.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 7/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. Very respectable. I will see you in my nightmares, Mr Moose.

Tampa Bay Lightning

ThunderBug

ThunderBug is a lightning bug. Sensible choice for the Lightning. I've seen him on broadcasts a few times but never been able to ascertain if his butt glows. I think it should and anyone who disagrees is wrong. The first time I saw him, he had a big fake beard and I was not a fan of that look at all. Unadorned, I think he's a decent mix of cute and goofy. He's definitely got some character and energy to him.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetic: 7/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5/10. Again, lack of horror is not really a negative. This is a pretty good boy.

Vegas Golden Knights

Chance the Gila Monster

Look at this boy. This is what perfection looks like. I think he should be President of the whole world. I would marry him tomorrow. Look at those kind eyes and sweet smile. He could fit my whole head in his mouth and I would thank him. He's literally never done anything wrong in his whole life. You can't see it in this photo, but he even has a very cute tail. Best boy. The only horror would be at the thought that he might not love me.

Vibes: 100/10

Aesthetic: 100/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, perfection. The platonic ideal of mascots.

LA Kings

Bailey

This is Bailey. Bailey is a lion. This is, apparently, a pretty new look for Bailey. He used to look a lot meaner but he underwent cosmetic surgery and now looks like this. I wish that wasn't the story that the Kings used to relaunch a mascot with a difficult history... But here we are. I'm just judging mascots. Bailey looks weird for a lion, too dark, too smiley, not enough teeth. I feel like there's a spark missing here. Something that would bring life and character to Bailey. He's just a bit generic and underwhelming.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetic: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 3.5/10. Could have and should have done better.

Seattle Kraken

Buoy the Troll

New for this season, Buoy the Troll has a lot of attention to detail that I really like. He's got stuff in his hair and ears that tell of a nautical background. I'm pretty sure he fucked a kraken. I feel like "troll" is a cop out in the same way that "alien" is, but Buoy makes it work better. My main gripe with Buoy is that I can't make myself say the name out loud. It's not said the way that I pronounce the word. That bothers me more than it should.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 2/10

Overall, 5/10. Largely because fuckability goes way down if I can't say your name.

New York Rangers

None

Perfect. No notes. Keep doing what you're doing, sweeties. This is the best way to have a mascot: not at all.

Vibes: immaculate

Aesthetic: unparalleled

Horror: unknowable

Fuckability: Schrödinger's fuckability

Overall, no one else is doing it like the Rangers. And they should. (not you, Vegas. Obviously)

Full disclosure, I fell asleep at this point. So now I have to use the standings as of Thursday 26/01. Deal with it.

Edmonton Oilers

Hunter the Lynx

I hate it. I'm saving you from the image, but please know that this lynx also has sculpted abdominals. Again with the bad fur suit vibes, the face is the stuff of nightmares, I'm deeply upset by the jowls. Should the NHL start hiring furries to design their mascots? MAYBE!

Vibes: 2/10 Aesthetic: 1/10 Horror: 8/10 Fuckability: 1/10 Overall, 3/10. Horrible. Soulless. Bad in a bad way, not even a fun way.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Iceburgh

Mixed feelings here, gotta be honest. Love the name and, obviously, it had to be a penguin. He looks pretty fun. But the beak and eyes are giving me "lifeless glove puppet" energy. He could be more penguiny and less flat. Curse the performer's need to see and breathe, eh?

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 5/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 2/10

Overall, 4/10 because he loses out on both horror and fuckability by looking too socklike. Sorry, Iceburgh.

Washington Capitals

Slapshot

Slapshot is a really big seagull eagle. He looks pretty fierce, which is not an expression I'm used to seeing on bald eagles. Beautiful plumage. I like him. Good vibes, I think. No word on whether he also has abs to flash at us, but I'm choosing to believe that he doesn't. It's better this way. I wouldn't trust him not to steal my chips though.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetic: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Really decent showing for this birb.

Colorado Avalanche

Bernie the St. Bernard

That's a good boy right there. Look at his little barrel! The face is missing something that I can't quite put my finger on, but I do like the lolling tongue and droopy jowls. Maybe what's missing is copious amounts of drool? Just something to make it look a bit more alive and engaged? I know it's possible, I've seen it on other mascots!

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 5/10. He's a good dog, Brant.

Calgary Flames

Harvey the Hound

What the fuck is this? Why does it have a metre long tongue? (Not gonna lie, that's points in favour for fuckability) You know those vintage photos of kids meeting the easter bunny only it looks like everyone involved was in hell? That's what I'm getting from this. Dead face. Cheap fur suit. He does know how to accessorise though, check that hat/collar/belt combo.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 4/10. What that tongue do?

Part 2 is here!

#nhl mascots #nhl #hockey #lurlur rates mascots

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radatav · 1 month

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The dungeon meshi was pretty much what I thought it would be.

Pro: the characters are so good and their interactions are so well written that it carries everything else. By a lot. The worst parts of this comic are guilty of being boring, and they are only boring because they are being used as shorthand to make room for the characters. Yeah we all know about Dwarves and Elves and Orcs, and the show doesn't dwell on it. Everything interesting and everything boring is serving the story and I appreciate the ecenomic use of the fantasy elements to get a comic out there.

Con: I didn't like the monster designs but thats probably a me problem. The author is faced with a design issue that is not unique to them; adhere to the classic depiction of a monster, which is boring, or try and present a classic monster with a new twist, which will either be interesting or very annoying. I found the more outgoing design decisions more annoying than interesting, and I don't really have the space to investigate why here - but I do have a lot of thoughts about it.

Pro: The cooking is so much fun. That is the selling point and it doesn't dissapoint. Everything looks good, and the use of ingredients is plausable. I especially liked drying out the slime to make a noodle dish. Man, i really liked all the downtime parts where they turn the monsters into ingredients. It really captures your imagination.

Pro/Con: The worldbuilding is so boring it's funny. People praising it makes me feel insane. It is super derivative by design!!! It is intentionally generic! It is on the same level of the test world I used to run to introduce new players to the concept of TTRPGs. If you were to homebrew a dungeon meshi world in D&D you would not need to change very much about the PHB. It feels like it could be a setting neutral campaign. What the fuck are our standards here? Im listing this as a pro because the author is using this to onboard people into a fantasy setting and it is very effective. The worldbuilding does not matter to the story or the characters very much at all, and thats fine. But I am also listing this as a con because it is such a nothing, white bread, RPG maker world and you can't let this be the thing that blows your mind.

Con: long time knowers of the me will know that one of my fantasy design quirks is Dwarf Beards. The Dwarf women do not have beards. I saw some blog posts that had some concept art, the wiki says "uhhhhh sometimes they do" but I have not seen any in the canon material that I have been exposed to and that is all that counts as far as I'm concerned. I will gladly retract this statement if I am wrong (maybe I missed it, or forgot it, or maybe it comes up later) but until proven otherwise - 0/10 this is the coward's choice.

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fanficfanattic · 8 months

Note

💙: How do they show love when they’re busy, drained, or otherwise unable to show it to the degree they usually do?

?? Regale us with your wisdom please!!

OMG. THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO GO TO THIS LMAO. IT’S FINE. I’M FINE. Lolol.

Roy Was Never Loaned Out (and what that means for season one)

Ask

So I have been kicking this around for ages in absolutely self-indulgent terrible Call Out Post style conversational vignettes. But the missing piece to that puzzle just occurred to me.

Ted knows so little about Football that I am fairly sure that he doesn’t actually know what On Loan means. Let alone what that means for Jamie. And we obviously have no idea the background history for most of the players. But we know that there is no way in hell that Roy was ever loaned out.

So feasibly there is no one there who really gets what it means. Probably Cartwright did for how little that’s worth. But the general idea is that Richmond is not Jamie’s club. He might actually still be getting paid through them rather than Richmond. Man City is his home club. If he’d still been at Richmond, he wouldn’t have been able to play the relegation match.

Ted doesn’t seem to fully grasp the specifics of Jamie’s loan contract. Rebecca certainly wouldn’t have gone out of her way to get Ted up to speed on HR shit. So he was pulling from his existing coaching experience which was at the collegiate level. With students.

He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know about the dynamics of it all. And he does not give much evidence to indicate he sought that out before barbecue-saucing his way in. Like jfc Ted. What the fuck?

Was Jamie a prick and a little shit? Yes, absolutely. (I love him, your honor).

But was he probably confused as fuck about why Ted kept trying to integrate him into a team he wouldn’t be with a few months later? YES! Absolutely!

And this fits into the greater Mind Games concept. Like obviously Jamie’s dad gave him the strongest foundation for that trauma issue. But I’d put money down that he didn’t think Pep was doing that with him. And Roy was straightforward so he didn’t have anything from that end.

Just mysterious Beard. And mental Lasso. And score the goals but pass so others score the goals. Like his contract wouldn’t say Score X Amount of Goals. But the Man City reason behind the loan would suggest scoring goals is the quickest way to moving up the ladder at his home club.

Anyway I have a lot of thoughts, thanks!

Some snippets of the self-indulgent nonsense under the cut.

Multiple Snippets from the cleverly titled Mind Games

“I know how to physically pass a ball. It’s how we get to the box. But I don’t just magically find meself standing there! I put meself in position to take the shot. You know, on purpose! If I’m where I’m supposed to be, with the ball, why am I passing? For fun? To manipulate someone else’s stats? To risk possession switching?”

“No! I’m not done yet, Roy, cause you don’t fucking see it yet, do you?

Not passing to me is more important to you than scoring goals. And you have the gall to act surprised that I don’t rely on you to get me the ball? That I take it from midfield to the box all on me own?

I’m doing everything I can to put points on the table so y’all don’t get regulated! A team I’m not even really on! Why do I care more about that than you? The captain!

Where you stand at the end of this season shouldn’t matter to me because at the end of it, I go back to me actual club. Man City. You might be familiar with them? You play against them in a couple of weeks. Which I am contractually not allowed to play during. Since Man City is me actual club! Remember that?

And I don’t tell anyone where they should be for me to pass to. That’s what you’re supposed to do instead of pretending there are only 10 people on the pitch.

You won’t visualize and tell us where to be. So we have to do that ourselves. And if I am the one telling me where to go, I’ll always choose to go do me fucking job. Which is score!”

It’s frustrating as fuck and Roy’s the only other person who can tell how messed up this is. And you aren’t listening to him any more than me, cause he keeps telling you to stop making me your playmaker! Do you know how fucked it is that the two players who hate each other most are the only two actually in sync?

#jamie tartt #ted lasso #roy kent #tw james tartt #mind games

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itwasthereaminuteago · 1 year

Text

|| Burst Your Bubble ||

Griff x fem reader

Tags/warnings: Griff is annoying(ly hot), oral sex (m receiving). E.

A/n: requested by @munsonownsmyass who wanted him to be a bit mean 😅

Chew. Blow. Pop.

Chew. Blow. Po-

"Would you fucking quit it?!"

You had been sitting waiting for the Doc to show up with your share of the money after the latest job.

You and Griff. He's one of the most insanely irritating guys you had ever worked with, always quick with some antagonistic remark, and he just loved the sound of his own voice.

He turns towards you, slow, head tilting down so he can peer at you over his shades.

"Or what, babe?"

He continues chewing the gum, blowing another ridiculously huge pink bubble which he pops against his teeth with extra drama somehow just to piss you off.

"God Griff, you're so damn annoying! Can't you just sit still for 10 minutes? And I am not your 'babe'."

He grins, chewing noisily as you attempt to shoot daggers at him with your eyes. He's not hard to look at, irritatingly attractive in fact; dark half-buzzed hair, trimmed goatee beard, with dark eyes and tattoos up his arms and on his neck. You couldn't stop yourself wondering where else he might have them.

He snorts. "See somethin' you like darlin'?"

You try not to let him see the way you have to shake yourself out of a stupor from staring at him.

"Yeah, something I'd like to punch." You snap back at him.

He laughs, his hand slapping down on his thick thigh. You're surprised when the sound makes you clench.

"Think you get off on chewing me out baby, I think that fucking pretty mouth of yours needs somethin' else to keep it busy, don't you?"

"C'mere." He crooks his fingers at you like he'd call a dog, laying back on the leather couch and getting comfortable. You curse the way your body is reacting. He looks so fucking good.

You scoff, trying your best to come off as offended. "What? Fuck you." you spit, but it's taking all your self control to stay exactly where you are.

"Oh yeah… you definitely need an attitude adjustment babygirl, and I've got just the perfect fuckin thing for that. Come here. Right fuckin' now."

He orders you, and something deep within you blazes hot at the audacity of him. The self-assured smugness. You can't tell if it's the fire of the job you just finished, anger or desire but you find yourself drawn to him regardless.

"Aw there we go, we're gettin' somewhere now! Just knew you could be a good girl."

You flutter internally at the praise and hope he can't tell you're rapidly losing a battle with your common sense.

"Y'know why I chew gum?" he asks, pulling the shades an inch down his nose, openly looking you up and down.

"S'cos I like having somethin' in my mouth, keeps me calm on a job. See how calm I am right now?" He blows and cracks another bubble. "Get on your knees, sweetheart. "

You can't help yourself, you're being firmly overruled by your now soaking wet pussy and the thought that Griff would be a really good lay. You kneel, your face almost level with his crotch.

"Mm yeah, you like havin' somethin' in your mouth too, huh?" He reaches for his belt, unbuckling it with one hand, the other curling under your chin, guiding you closer as you watch him unzip his jeans, the anticipatory drool almost dripping out the side of your mouth.

"Yeah, you do." Griff smirks when he pulls out his cock and you involuntarily wet your lips as he gives himself a few firm strokes.

"C'mon sweetheart, how 'bout you let me see if you look as good sucking my dick as I've been imagining you do."

You shrug, maybe it would shut him up for a while at the very least.

"Didn't know you felt that way, Griff. Think you can last?"

He winks at you. "Why don't you open up that pretty mouth and we find out?"

Sliding your hands slowly up his denim-clad thighs you wrap one of them around his cock. You're surprised. it's pretty, and thick, and you find you have no qualms about sticking your tongue out and lapping under the head of it. You look up at him through your lashes and he makes a satisfied sound that's all you need to keep going, dragging the flat of your warm tongue all the way along the underside of his cock following the thick vein that pops out from it before taking him into your mouth. He's looking down at you still chewing on that fucking gum as he moans.

"Fuck yes babygirl, fuuuuck… I knew it, just knew that pretty little mouth was made for me." he groans, throwing his head back as you suck. No hope of shutting him up then.

His hands come to your head, stroking your hair and guiding you gently, at first. He grunts as you tease him, swirling your tongue around his tip, sucking just a little and pulling away. If you're doing this you want to make him suffer and he doesn't like that at all.

"You're a minx ain't you, doll? Yeah, dirty little minx…"

He puts more pressure on the back of your head and you've no choice but to take him deeper, jerking off with your hand what you couldn't fit in your mouth, your saliva starting to run down his shaft and drip over his balls.

You moan around his cock, relaxing your throat as much as you can as he pushes you down till your nose is brushing the dark hair at the base.

You hear the loud snap of the bubblegum bursting above you.

"Fuck baby, fuck that's it, yeah yeah… oh shit- goddamn it!"

He's fucking your face now, slow, but still thrusting his hips up, shoving his thick cock down your throat making you gag and your eyes start to water.

"Mm fuck, does that feel better kitten, having me all the way in your smart mouth, keepin' you busy?"

You hear him breathing loud through his nostrils, jolting everytime you bob your head down and his cock hits the back of your throat. When you tease your fingers over his balls, stroking and tugging at them he spits his gum across the room.

"Fuck fuck fuck! Oh m'gonna blow baby, any fuckin' second. You want it? Fff-uck, you want it kitten? Cos I'm gonna fucking give it to you…"

He grunts deep and curses long as you swallow around his pulsing cock and his load hits the back of your throat, his hands holding your head still until he's spilled every drop.

He lets you go and you pull off, licking your lips and wiping your mouth, catching a look at his blissed out expression as he gasps and pants.

You get to your feet.

"Oh, poor baby, you lose your gum? Looks like you need something else to keep your mouth busy now, huh Griff?" You crook your finger at him just as he did as you unzip your pants and as he's emerging from the post-orgasmic haze he twigs what you're saying.

"C'mon and have a taste, I promise it's way better than bubblegum..."

You kick off your shoes and he very enthusiastically helps you tug down your pants and underwear, grabbing you by the hips and throwing you on your back on the couch beside him.

"Well shit, s'that so?" He quirks an eyebrow at you as he removes the stupid shades and throws them aside.

"...and maybe," you purr when he dips down between your spread thighs.

"just maybe it'll shut you up this time."

#griff x reader #griff x female reader #baby driver fan fiction

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gavfleetout · 3 months

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I will never shut up about this, but I cannot for the life of me understand why Ezra did not join Thrawn, or why they didn’t have thrawn not just be on a random planet, but command it. Or even if not that why they didn’t do literally anything other than what they did for the latter half of ahsoka s1.

My main issue is they had almost nothing happen to these characters for 10 years beside growing a beard and getting leveled up. I have specific changes I would make, but that’s the crux of it.

Thrawn is afaptable, and I believe if he was stranded on a forbidden land, he would secure the situation and make sure things were safe, and plot a course back home. Only Thrawn and his men had TEN YEARS on this planet. Thats a lot of time to just be chilling in your start destroyer. It feels like it’s more in character for Thrawn, who plans for every contingency, to amass and expand his forces. Recruit warlords and organize the planet in a way where he has more control over the situation, and more allies and resources to draw upon. He can still be looking for a way home, but after all this time, you can’t tell me he wasn’t trying to make sure that if return was truly impossible, he would still have his backup plan ready.

That brings me to Ezra. Ezra, at his core, is all about protecting people. He is full of compassion. So why do I think he would willing side with Thrawn? Because while Thrawn is not overly considerate of preserving lives, he is not wasteful with them either. And considering the planet they arrived in was so lawless, I can see a version of events where Thrawn convinces Ezra (who quite literally has no other options and probably expected to die after s4 let’s be real) that if they bring order and justice, different from the empire’s version of it, they can truly help the people of the planet. Even the Victorian snail guys.

But why would Ezra believe this? He’s seen Thrawn’s destruction first hand. Except that was when Thrawn worked for the empire. And Thrawn doesn’t care about the empire per se, he cares about ensuring a safe galaxy for his own people, the Chiss, who are not involved in galactic affairs or even known by most of the galaxy. I feel like if Thrawn made a concerted effort to empathize in order to win a desperate, victorious Ezra over, he could. And I think Ezra’s own want for justice and control and his own past temptation to the dark side would make the offer seem more appealing. HOWEVER I believe that Ezra would do his best to ensure a morality so applied to their new planet’s mini empire. He would do his best to limit thrawns abuses and probably look out for farmers and the little guys especially.

Thrawn would look out and see world that needs to be corralled and materials to be used, Ezra would look out and see a world suffering, and I think the two could make their efforts align.

But why do I think this is better? While I don’t know if it is better, it is more complex. 10 years change a person, and I don’t think Ezra would be the same after all those years when the only remnant of his home are the imperial forces. (Not that every character should be gritty and dark after a time skip, that’s stupid) I don’t think this change contradicts his character, and only adds to the dissonance when he and Sabine reconnect. To her, him joining Thrawn is a betrayal of their entire space family. But to Ezra, in that situation, it could have been the most Ezra thing to do. I also wish they’d expanded on Ezra and Thrawn relationships more, because Ezra being one of the few people to ever defeat Thrawn so utterly is an accomplishment, and I think Thrawn would value him as an ally and not just let him wander off with the snail men.

So yeah, I think having neither Ezra nor Thrawn having done or changed in any primary way over the span of 10 years is dumb and they should have had them be doing something. Preferably something angst and character drama building. Like they didn’t have to go tHis route, but they could have done something more interesting. Like cmon, you telling me Ezra just letting people get attacked by bandits and Thrawn hasn’t organized this misshapen planet into an efficient system?

#fix it fic #kinda #thanks for coming to my ted talk #star wars ahsoka #ezra bridger #thrawn #star wars

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ifidiedinadream · 5 months

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I feel like Tommi would be so gentle and soft when it comes to first times. Given his size and strength he probably would be afraid of hurting his partner especially if they are much smaller than him.

Could you maybe write something about it? Can be a reader insert or something shippy with Olli or Aleksi maybe, it’s up to you. I just love the concept of our bear going soft when making love for the first time.

went for reader insert, hope you enjoy!! 🩷

also on ao3

Tommi is wearing a black sleeveless top that perfectly shows off his tan shoulders and arms, and upon seeing it, you couldn't resist sitting in his lap on the couch to make out with him, the movie you were supposed to be watching forgotten if one doesn’t count the meaningless dialogue coming from the TV, only partly covering the sounds of your kiss.

Tommi is gripping your hips firmly, and when he goes to nibble at your bottom lip, you can't help but grind your groin against his thigh, back and forth, loving the friction it provides.

Tommi pulls away, panting slightly. He's trying to keep you still with his hands.

"We better stop now," he says, his expression calm and serious, but you can see something urgent in it. Feeling sassy, you don't stop, on the contrary you capture his lips back into your own, and one hand snakes in between your bodies, going to cup at his bulge.

His huge bulge.

"Baby, I'm serious, stop this."

It's not that you haven't had any sort of sex before. You've had him in your hand (and it's when you figured out The First Actual Time would be much more difficult than you thought, because, as it turned out, cocks like that don't only exist in porn) and Tommi even went down on you once (he was resisting the urge to simultaneously put his fingers inside you with great effort, which only led to his hands clutching your thighs so hard you had purple bruises the following day).

However, you never had penetrative sex. Because it's a new thing for you, the relationship is fairly new, and Tommi most definitely is a level 10 boss at that.

"Why? You don't like it?" you ask with a grin.

"Fuck yeah I do," Tommi breathes out, "but then it would be harder to resist fucking you."

You lean in and kiss him again, so slowly it surprises even yourself, both hands keeping his face in place. The grip on your hips loosens.

"What if I want it? What if I want you to fuck me?"

Tommi looks back at you with earnest eyes. His hands start gently massaging your sides.

"Are you sure?"

Your heart is beating fast. You haven't really thought this through - it came out of nowhere, although it's something you've fantasized about many, many times before, something you really want, and today, with Tommi looking like this (messy hair, few days beard, the fucking tank top), your need is almost unbearable.

"Can we... try?" you ask at length, not quite as confident as you were some moments ago. Tommi offers you a gentle smile - the tenderness in his gaze tells you you can trust him, so you smile back and accept another kiss.

"Let's go to the bedroom," Tommi says softly, "it'll be more comfortable."

***

Tommi undresses you slowly. It's not the first time you see each other naked but somehow it feels like it is, and no amount of praise from Tommi can calm your nerves when you're reminded of how big he is. There's no way your body could ever contain that.

"Babe, we don't have to." Tommi steps closer and caresses your cheek with two fingers, evidently noticing your hesitancy. Your first instinct is to hide yourself in his chest, wrapping your arms around his back, silently asking to be held close. Tommi does exactly that, brushing your hair with his fingers until you're not as nervous anymore. His slow heartbeat is calming. You inhale his scent.

"No, I want it," you say when you finally pull away, "you're the only one I wanna do this with."

Tommi takes your hand and leads you to lie down on the bed. He gets on top of you and suddenly he's everywhere - he's all you can see, all you can smell, all you can touch. He's looking down at you with profound gray eyes, and even if scared, you can't help but feel safe and looked after.

"I'm gonna be as gentle as possible," Tommi whispers, "stop me if it hurts too bad."

As you nod, Tommi's face disappears in your neck, where he starts kissing slowly, barely pressing his lips to the skin. It's almost ticklish and you giggle, but then the kisses turn wetter, teeth and tongue are added to them, and your eyes roll back in pleasure.

Your legs spread. The butterflies in your stomach make you bite your lip, and you even buck up your hips once when Tommi's fingers find your nipple, teasing it with a feather-like touch.

So far, so good.

When Tommi sits up, you try to push him back down on top of you with your hands on his shoulder blades. It makes him snort. He kisses the tip of your nose.

"We'll use lube. It's better."

"But I -" you start but then feel your face flush. You're sure Tommi understood what you were trying to say nevertheless.

"I know, but the wetter the better, honey, trust me on this."

You nod and let your head fall onto the pillow, trying to relax as Tommi covers himself in lube, kneeling right between your open legs. When you overcome the embarrassment and glance his way, you must admit it's a pretty hot sight - you can't help but feel lucky, that monster cock will probably make you feel the best you've ever felt; maybe not today, but once you get used to it, for sure. Tommi said he will be careful tonight, but maybe tomorrow he won't have to be, maybe tomorrow he can use his big dick without restraining his force and break you in half in the process and maybe it'll feel like heaven...

It's just that it's so big and you're so tiny in comparison.

Today, however, you're thankful he's being gentle, because as he slowly pushes the tip inside (after asking if you're sure twice more), you wonder if it's even supposed to cause so much pain. You hiss, making Tommi halt multiple times, but you don't want to give up; you take his head and pull it closer to you, hoping it'll give you the strength you need to endure the pain. Having him this close is amazing of its own and you're sure it'll be perfect once the pain subsides.

"We don't have to keep going," Tommi says when he's halfway in. You've been chewing at your bottom lip so much it started bleeding. Tommi laps at the blood and then kisses the small wound. "Honey, this is clearly too much for you right now. I'm hurting you. The last thing I want is to hurt you."

"I know." You kiss him, savoring how intimate the moment feels, just you and him in a tight embrace in the entire world, closer than you've ever been; an immaculate piece of eternity, except for the stinging pain between your legs.

You can do this.

"...But do you know how much it means to me to be doing this with you? The love I feel for you right now? I could burst from it. I love you all the time but this is something else."

Tommi leans in to kiss your forehead. "I love you too. So much."

With that, he tries to go a little deeper. It's not really the length, you think to yourself, it's more the girth that's causing you trouble, so when he pushes deeper it isn't much worse. You tell him to keep going. At some point he's all inside, and that's when he stops again, covering your whole body with his as you hold him close.

It's silent. All you hear is his slightly ragged breathing, the beating of his heart centimeters from your face. He's caressing your hair. You close your eyes. It feels like you have all the time in the world.

After a while, you get used to the intrusion, and it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

"Baby. I want you."

You could've phrased it better, but Tommi knows you well enough to know what you mean. He lifts his face, looks into your eyes gravely, making sure you're okay. You nod to him, he nods back, and then he's slowly, carefully, pulling back just a little and pushing back in.

You hiss. It doesn't hurt, not as much as earlier at least, but it's still a very intense feeling.

"Okay?"

"Yes, baby, please - more."

Tommi's pace picks up. Just a bit, enough to be sure he isn't hurting you too bad. The uncomfortable feeling soon gives way to some sort of pleasure, it's weak and it sits in a different place than you're used to. You're curious. You tell Tommi he can go a little faster, which he does, and your nails sink into the skin of his large back. He's groaning lowly, the sound alone making your insides twist, the unfamiliar pleasure in your lower stomach grow.

You're hugging his head close to the crook of your neck when he stills deep inside you and comes. It's warm and you feel extremely proud of yourself. And oh, so in love.

You stay like this, embraced, tied, for another moment. Tommi kisses your cheek before pulling out and rolling to lie beside you.

"You were perfect." He tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, looking deep into your eyes. "I hope it wasn't too bad for you."

You can only smile softly. "You were amazing. Thank you for being patient and careful."

"Of course." Tommi grabs your hand into his huge one, brings it to his mouth and kisses it. "Let me make you come now."

It's the last thing he says before lowering on your body.

#my writing #blind channel fanfiction #blind channel rpf #rpf #blind channel imagines #tommi lalli x reader

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