Anachronisms are fascinating elements that disrupt the chronological flow of time, bringing elements from different eras into a single context. These temporal oddities can manifest in various forms, from historical inaccuracies in literature and film to unexpected juxtapositions of technology and tradition.

In literature, anachronisms can be unintentional errors or deliberate artistic choices. Let's make an artistic choice.

In the bustling city of 2024, where holographic billboards painted the skyline with neon brilliance, Joe Joe found himself amidst a sea of self-driving cars and hoverboards.

One day, as he strolled down the hologram-lit streets of Tuscon Arizona, he couldn't help but feel like a fish in a tree. "This tech stuff is the cat's pajamas, but damn I miss the good ol' days," he mumbled to himself. Joe, a devotee of vintage vibes, sported a fedora over a Beatle wig and a pair of blue suede shoes that stuck out like a typewriter in a world of touchscreens.

His quirky expressions didn't go unnoticed. A hipster cafe owner named Loretta, who had a fondness for vinyl records and retro décor, overheard Joe talking about the "cat's pajamas" and couldn't help but be intrigued. "Where's the beef, my man?" she quipped, a sly smile playing on her lips.

Amused by the unexpected but welcome comeback, Joe chuckled. "Well, darlin', the beef is right here in this dirty new city But sometimes, I miss the beat of yesterday when our troubles seemed so far away and wanna get back to where I once belonged.

Loretta with her rainbow-colored hair and a peace sign necklace, felt an instant connection. "You know, we've got this place a few blocks down. It's a haven for those who dig the past. Peace, love, and a killer jukebox spinning 45s. You might just find your groove there."

Checking out Loretta's mini-skirt, textured stockings and long legs, Joe figured out that her boots were made for walking and she knew how to use her legs.

Intrigued, Joe followed Loretta to the "cafe", stepping through a green door and bamboo curtains to find what he had been looking for. The aroma of fresh coffee mingled with the crackling sound of vinyl records. "This place is the bee's knees!" Jake exclaimed, taking in the retro ambiance.

As the two chatted over cups of artisanal coffee, Joe couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging. The cigarette machine in the corner and the jukebox playing Gene Vincent classics made him feel right at home. Loretta sharing stories of her love for all things vintage, resonated with Joe's sentiment.

"You know what, Loretta? This spot is truly something else. Feels like a step back in time," Joe remarked, sipping his coffee from a mug adorned with retro patterns.

Loretta grinned, her eyes reflecting the soft glow of the neon signs. "Glad you think so, Joe. It's all about creating a haven for strangers who grok the classics."

Feeling a sudden sweet tooth craving, Joe decided to go all out. "How about making it a real blast from the past? I'll take a banana split, extra cherries on top!"

Mia chuckled, "A banana split, huh? Now, that's a choice I can get behind. Make that two, Jazz my man. Sock it to me."

Jasper Febrey said "oh yeah" and split to whip up the splits.

Jasper Febrey's inspiration to start "TimeWarp Brews & Bites" stemmed from a deep appreciation for the charm and character of eras gone by. Growing up surrounded by his grandparents' stories, their album and 45 collection plus classic movies on VHS Jasper developed a fascination for the aesthetics, music, and culture of the past. Jazz liked to rock.

As he stumbled into adulthood and the trust fund matured. Jazz noticed a longing for nostalgia among people in the fast-paced, technologically advanced world of 2054. Recognizing the power of blending the old with the new, Jasper imagined a place where cats and chicks could escape the hustle and bustle of contemporary life and immerse themselves in the timeless allure of bygone decades.

Jasper's passion for creating a space that harmoniously brought together the best of different eras led to the birth of "TimeWarp Brews & Bites." His love for retro aesthetics, coupled with a desire to share the joy of half-forgotten times, inspired him to create a joint where patrons could enjoy not only delicious treats but also the ambiance, spirit and vibes of a journey through time.

As Joe indulged in his banana split, the vibrant colors of the ice cream scoops contrasted with the sepia-toned nostalgia of the cafe. The Ginsberg on his typewriter in the corner tapped out a rhythm that harmonized with the jukebox, creating a symphony of eras colliding.

Jukeboxes in 2054 had been replaced by Holihuulias. You swiped your card and a hologram of the performer took the "stage" and performed whatever you chose. A new feature had been added. The hologram would perform a brand new song that you had created with AI after you had swiped your card.

At TWBandB, Jazz still had a Wurlitzer. Joe slipped a coin right into the slot. He chose Rip it Up, I Wanna be Sedated, Get Back and Be Bop A Lula. Inside the juke, a mechanical arm would pick up the chosen record, remove it from its carousel and placed the selected 45 RPM platter on the turntable which rotated allowing the needle to make contact with the grooves in the record and the sound was amplified through the speakers of the jukebox. After Rip it Up the mechanical arm returned it to its place in the carousel and picked out the the Ramones

Following Gene Vincent, Petula Clark started in on Downtown. Loretta and Joe no longer down nor lonely hit the floor and jerked until Chubby came on the Wurlitzer and they twisted and then they twisted again like last summer.

Jazz slipped a coin into the slot and Wonderland by Night started playing. Joe asked Loretta if she wanted to dance. She looked in his eyes and nodded. He brought her in. She put her hand behind his neck. He put both his hands behind her back. He whiffed her Ambush perfume and she his English Leather.

When Wonderland ended, they gently kissed. It seemed like they had done this before but neither could remember where or when.

Perfect

They said goodbye.

"See ya later, alligator" Loretta whispered.

"After while, crocodile, Joe responded.

As they hit the street heading in opposite directions, Joe turned to watch her go. Loretta turned as well.

"We'll meet again Don't know where, don't know when...." Joe predicted.

"I know we'll meet again, some sunny day", Loretta agreed.

They knew they would and they did.

They were where they belonged.

The selected record was placed on the turntable.

The turntable then rotated, allowing the needle (stylus) to make contact with the grooves of the record.

The amplified sound was then played through the jukebox's speakers for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Return and Rest:

After the selected song finished playing, the mechanical components would return the record to its storage location.

The jukebox was then ready for the next selection.

Inside the jukebox, a mechanical system would engage, moving the selected record from its storage location to the turntable.

The jukebox typically held a carousel or magazine with a collection of records, and a mechanical arm or gripper would pick up the chosen record.

In 1965, the most popular jukeboxes were typically produced by well-known manufacturers that dominated the market during that era. Some of the prominent jukebox manufacturers of the time included:

Wurlitzer: Wurlitzer was one of the most iconic jukebox manufacturers in the 1960s. They were known for their stylish designs and vibrant lights. The Wurlitzer 2800 and 2600 are examples of models from around that time.

Seeburg: Seeburg was another major player in the jukebox industry. Their models were recognized for their sleek, modern designs. The Seeburg LPC1 and SPS160 are examples of popular models in the mid-1960s.

Rock-Ola: Rock-Ola was known for producing high-quality jukeboxes with a focus on both form and function. The Rock-Ola 434 and 435 are examples of models from the mid-1960s.

AMI (Automatic Musical Instruments): AMI was a significant jukebox manufacturer, and their models were known for their distinctive styling. The AMI Continental 2 and AMI K are examples of popular models around 1965.

Jukeboxes during this time often featured colorful lights, chrome accents, and a variety of song selections, reflecting the vibrant and dynamic music scene of the 1960s. Keep in mind that the popularity of specific models could vary regionally and among different establishments.

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how did the Wurlitzer workChatGPT

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Wurlitzer jukeboxes, like those from other manufacturers, worked through a combination of mechanical and electrical components. Here's a simplified explanation of how a Wurlitzer jukebox typically worked:

Song Selection:

Users would approach the jukebox and browse through a catalog or display of available songs.

Each song in the catalog corresponded to a specific location on the jukebox, usually identified by a combination of numbers and letters.

Coin Insertion:

To select and play a song, users needed to insert the required amount of coins into the jukebox.

The cost per song was predetermined by the establishment or the jukebox owner.

Mechanical Selection System:

After coins were inserted, the user made their song selection by pressing the corresponding buttons or keys on the jukebox, indicating the desired song's location.

Record Retrieval:

Inside the jukebox, a mechanical system would engage, moving the selected record from its storage location to the turntable.

The jukebox typically held a carousel or magazine with a collection of records, and a mechanical arm or gripper would pick up the chosen record.

Turntable and Playback:

The selected record was placed on the turntable.

The turntable then rotated, allowing the needle (stylus) to make contact with the grooves of the record.

The amplified sound was then played through the jukebox's speakers for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Return and Rest:

After the selected song finished playing, the mechanical components would return the record to its storage location.

The jukebox was then ready for the next selection.

Wurlitzer and other jukebox manufacturers incorporated various technologies and improvements over the years, but the basic mechanism of record selection, retrieval, playback, and return remained consistent. With advancements in technology, jukeboxes eventually transitioned from vinyl records to other media formats like CDs and digital files, but the core principles of song selection and playback remained similar.

Loretta joined him, holding a banana split that of her own.

With a grateful nod, Joe dug into the dessert, savoring each bite time tripping his ass off.. The combination of the banana's creaminess, the rich chocolate syrup, and the grooved out atmo made the moment truly special.

With a satisfied grin on his face, Jake leaned back in the retro cafe chair, his Ed Sullivan Beatle haircut adding an extra touch of vintage cool to the atmosphere. Mia, the epitome of 1960s chic, sported a mini skirt, knee-high boots, and textured stockings, channeling the birds of a bygone era.

"Joe, you sure know how to pick a dessert " Loretta teased, a playful twinkle in her eye as she adjusted the hem of her mini skirt.

Joe chuckled, running a hand through his Beatle-esque hair. "Well, Mia, if we're going for a blast from the past, might as well go all the way. The Beatles had it right – a little bit of nostalgia goes a long way."

The jukebox, seemingly inspired by the conversation, switched to a classic Beatles tune, filling the air with the iconic sounds of the '60s. Mia couldn't resist tapping her foot to the beat, her knee-high boots adding a rhythm of their own.

As they continued to chat, sharing stories and laughter, the cafe became a sanctuary where the flavors of the past merged seamlessly with the technology-driven present. In that quaint space, surrounded by the eclectic mix of old and new, Jake realized that sometimes, the most beautiful moments are the ones where different eras collide, creating a tapestry of memories that transcend time itself.

As the evening unfolded, Mia bid Jake farewell with a wink and a classic sign-off, "Peace, love, out!" Jake, walking back into the neon-lit city streets, couldn't shake off the feeling that sometimes, amidst the dazzling advancements of 2024, the past still had its own timeless charm. And with a swish of his blue suede shoes, he embraced the fusion of the old and the new in this ever-evolving metropolis.

However, deliberate anachronisms can be employed as a narrative device. Writers may use them to draw parallels between different historical periods, highlighting similarities or ironies. For instance, a story set in ancient Rome might feature characters grappling with issues that mirror modern societal dilemmas, emphasizing the timeless nature of certain human experiences.

In the realm of cinema, anachronisms can be unintentional production errors or intentional stylistic choices. For instance, a film set in the Victorian era might accidentally showcase a modern car passing in the background. On the other hand, filmmakers may purposely incorporate anachronisms to infuse a historical setting with contemporary flair, creating a unique and visually striking atmosphere.

Anachronisms are not confined to the world of storytelling; they also find their way into art and technology. Consider a steampunk-inspired creation that blends Victorian aesthetics with futuristic technology. This deliberate mixing of eras results in a visually captivating anachronism, challenging our expectations and prompting us to reconsider the boundaries of time and creativity.

In everyday life, anachronisms can be humorous or thought-provoking. Picture a person dressed in period-accurate clothing from the 18th century, casually browsing a tablet in a coffee shop. This juxtaposition of historical attire and modern technology is a playful way of challenging societal norms and expectations.

The study of anachronisms provides insights into how societies perceive and interpret time. They remind us that history is not a static, linear progression but a dynamic tapestry where elements from different epochs coexist, collide, and influence one another. Anachronisms, whether intentional or inadvertent, invite us to explore the boundaries of temporal imagination, encouraging a deeper understanding of the interconnected nature of human experience across time.

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Set a story in 2024 using expressions like the cats pajamas...where's the beef....peace love out....a typewriter and blue suede shoesChatGPT

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In the bustling city of 2024, where holographic billboards painted the skyline with neon brilliance, Jake found himself amidst a sea of self-driving cars and hoverboards. He was an old soul navigating a futuristic world, often using phrases that seemed like relics of a bygone era.

One day, as he strolled down the hologram-lit streets, he couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. "This tech stuff is the cat's pajamas, but sometimes I miss the good ol' days," he mumbled to himself. Jake, a devotee of vintage vibes, sported a fedora and a pair of blue suede shoes that stuck out like a typewriter in a world of touchscreens.

His quirky expressions didn't go unnoticed. A hipster cafe owner named Mia, who had a fondness for vinyl records and retro décor, overheard Jake talking about the "cat's pajamas" and couldn't help but be intrigued. "Where's the beef, my man?" she quipped, a sly smile playing on her lips.

Amused by the unexpected throwback, Jake chuckled. "Well, darlin', the beef is right here in this city of the future. But sometimes, I miss the simplicity of yesteryear."

Mia, with her rainbow-colored hair and a peace sign necklace, felt an instant connection. "You know, we've got this place a few blocks down. It's a haven for those who dig the past. Peace, love, and a killer jukebox. You might just find your groove there."

Intrigued, Jake followed Mia to her cafe, stepping through the door to find a haven of nostalgia. The aroma of fresh coffee mingled with the crackling sound of vinyl records. "This place is the bee's knees!" Jake exclaimed, taking in the retro ambiance.

As the two chatted over cups of artisanal coffee, Jake couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging. The typewriter in the corner and the jukebox playing Elvis classics made him feel right at home. Mia, sharing stories of her love for all things vintage, resonated with Jake's sentiment.

As the evening unfolded, Mia bid Jake farewell with a wink and a classic sign-off, "Peace, love, out!" Jake, walking back into the neon-lit city streets, couldn't shake off the feeling that sometimes, amidst the dazzling advancements of 2024, the past still had its own timeless charm. And with a swish of his blue suede shoes, he embraced the fusion of the old and the new in this ever-evolving metropolis.

You

beautiful when they are in the coffee shop, Jake orders a banana split .ChatGPT

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As Jake and Mia continued their conversation in the cozy retro cafe, the air was filled with the warm hum of conversation and the nostalgic crackle of vinyl. Jake couldn't help but be drawn to the vintage charm of the place.

"You know what, Mia? This spot is truly something else. Feels like a step back in time," Jake remarked, sipping his coffee from a mug adorned with retro patterns.

Mia grinned, her eyes reflecting the soft glow of the neon signs. "Glad you think so, Jake. It's all about creating a haven for those who appreciate the classics."

Feeling a sudden sweet tooth craving, Jake decided to go all out. "How about making it a real blast from the past? I'll take a banana split, extra cherries on top!"

Mia chuckled, "A banana split, huh? Now, that's a choice I can get behind. Coming right up, my man."

As Jake indulged in his banana split, the vibrant colors of the ice cream scoops contrasted with the sepia-toned nostalgia of the cafe. The typewriter in the corner seemed to tap out a rhythm that harmonized with the jukebox, creating a symphony of eras colliding.

Mia joined him, holding a banana split that looked straight out of a 1950s diner. "Here you go, Jake. Enjoy the sweetness of the past!"

With a grateful nod, Jake dug into the dessert, savoring each bite as if he were transported to a simpler time. The combination of the banana's creaminess, the rich chocolate syrup, and the nostalgia-laden atmosphere made the moment truly special.

As they continued to chat, sharing stories and laughter, the cafe became a sanctuary where the flavors of the past merged seamlessly with the technology-driven present. In that quaint space, surrounded by the eclectic mix of old and new, Jake realized that sometimes, the most beautiful moments are the ones where different eras collide, creating a tapestry of memories that transcend time itself.

You

give Jake an Ed Sullivan Beatle haircut and dress mia in a mini skirt with knee high boots and textured stockingsChatGPT

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With a satisfied grin on his face, Jake leaned back in the retro cafe chair, his Ed Sullivan Beatle haircut adding an extra touch of vintage cool to the atmosphere. Mia, the epitome of 1960s chic, sported a mini skirt, knee-high boots, and textured stockings, channeling the spirit of a bygone era.

"Jake, you sure know how to pick a dessert and a look!" Mia teased, a playful twinkle in her eye as she adjusted the hem of her mini skirt.

Jake chuckled, running a hand through his Beatle-esque hair. "Well, Mia, if we're going for a blast from the past, might as well go all the way. The Beatles had it right – a little bit of nostalgia goes a long way."

The jukebox, seemingly inspired by the conversation, switched to a classic Beatles tune, filling the air with the iconic sounds of the '60s. Mia couldn't resist tapping her foot to the beat, her knee-high boots adding a rhythm of their own.

As they enjoyed the banana split and the timeless tunes, the cafe became a tableau of eras colliding – Jake's Beatle haircut and Mia's '60s-inspired ensemble creating a delightful contrast against the backdrop of holographic billboards and futuristic gadgets.

With a mischievous grin, Jake lifted his coffee mug in a mock toast. "To the past and the present, Mia. Who knew a banana split and a trip down memory lane could be so groovy?"

Mia laughed, clinking her mug against his. "Groovy indeed, Jake. It's like we've stepped into a time machine, and I'm loving every minute of it."

As the Beatles played on and the neon lights of the cafe cast a warm glow, Jake and Mia found themselves lost in a moment that transcended the boundaries of time. In their own way, they became living anachronisms, a testament to the enduring allure of the past in the ever-evolving dance of the present.

You

After they finished their treats, they left the place (name the place). Mia said Donke schoen to the owner and Jake added see ya later alligator.ChatGPT

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After savoring the last delicious bites of their banana split and finishing their coffee, Jake and Mia decided it was time to bid farewell to the nostalgic haven they had found. With content smiles, they strolled towards the exit of the retro cafe, aptly named "TimeWarp Brews & Bites."

As they reached the door, Mia gave a friendly wave to the owner, a fellow aficionado of all things vintage. "Donke schoen for the sweet treats and the groovy vibes!" Mia exclaimed with a grin, using a touch of German to express her gratitude.

The owner, a bearded gentleman in suspenders and a newsboy cap, returned the smile. "Anytime, Mia! Keep the retro spirit alive!"

Jake, with his Beatle haircut and a wink, chimed in with a classic touch. "See ya later, alligator!" he called out, adding a playful spin to the traditional farewell.

The owner chuckled, giving them a thumbs up. "After a while, crocodile!"

As the door closed behind them, Jake and Mia stepped back into the neon-lit streets of 2024, leaving the TimeWarp Brews & Bites behind. The juxtaposition of the vintage expressions and the futuristic cityscape seemed to capture the essence of their unique encounter. As they continued their journey through the city, the echoes of a bygone era lingered in the air, a reminder that sometimes, the past can weave its magic into the present in the most unexpected and delightful ways.

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name the owner and he shopChatGPT

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The owner of "TimeWarp Brews & Bites" is Jasper McFly. His shop is a hidden gem in the heart of the city, where nostalgia meets the future in a delightful blend of vintage decor, classic tunes, and, of course, delicious treats. Jasper, with his passion for all things retro, has created a haven that transcends time, inviting patrons like Jake and Mia to experience a slice of the past in the midst of a modern world.

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What inspired Jasper to srat the placdeChatGPT

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Jasper Febrey inspiration to start "TimeWarp Brews & Bites" stemmed from a deep appreciation for the charm and character of eras gone by. Growing up surrounded by his grandparents' stories, old records, and classic movies, Jasper developed a fascination for the aesthetics, music, and culture of the past.

As he ventured into adulthood, he noticed a longing for nostalgia among people in the fast-paced, technologically advanced world of 2024. Recognizing the power of blending the old with the new, Jasper envisioned a place where individuals could escape the hustle and bustle of contemporary life and immerse themselves in the timeless allure of bygone decades.

Jasper's passion for creating a space that harmoniously brought together the best of different eras led to the birth of "TimeWarp Brews & Bites." His love for retro aesthetics, coupled with a desire to share the joy of simpler times, inspired him to curate an environment where patrons could enjoy not only delicious treats but also the ambiance and spirit of a nostalgic journey through time. The unique fusion of past and present in his cafe became a testament to Jasper's belief that the beauty of history could enhance the richness of the present.

With a satisfied grin on his face, Jake leaned back in the retro cafe chair, his Ed Sullivan Beatle haircut adding an extra touch of vintage cool to the atmosphere. Mia, the epitome of 1960s chic, sported a mini skirt, knee-high boots, and textured stockings, channeling the spirit of a bygone era.

"Jake, you sure know how to pick a dessert and a look!" Mia teased, a playful twinkle in her eye as she adjusted the hem of her mini skirt.

Jake chuckled, running a hand through his Beatle-esque hair. "Well, Mia, if we're going for a blast from the past, might as well go all the way. The Beatles had it right – a little bit of nostalgia goes a long way."

The jukebox, seemingly inspired by the conversation, switched to a classic Beatles tune, filling the air with the iconic sounds of the '60s. Mia couldn't resist tapping her foot to the beat, her knee-high boots adding a rhythm of their own.

Yay lasertag!!! Janus you should totally go visit Remus on the weekend and hang out! Also, maybe invite Remy too, if they wanna come. Then (specially if they don't show) you can plan with them both to maybe go on another hangout with Remus but to somewhere you like and let Remy tag along for the ride if they wanna while u're at it.

(Words: 3153 words)

Janus: "Ah yes! I will let you know that after hanging out with Remus I managed to use my incredible totally very good texting skills to ask the Rems if they wanted to go to an art museum and they both for some reaosn, maybe they are being blackmailed, said yes! I hope it will go g-"

He cut himself off as he saw the two Rems come towards him. He had been waiting outside the museum. (Honestly half the reason he had choosen it was because he knew Remus liked art)

Remus waved at him while grinning. He had on sweatpants, a way too large t-shirt and a necklace made out of animal bones. Remy had their arm swung around him. Even though they had sunglasses on their eyebags were still visible.

“Aight gamers! Are we ready to do an epic art heist!! I got my sunglasses ready!” Remus exclaimed. He didn’t, he was planning on stealing Remy’s sunglasses.

“Partner you’re forgetting that we must first observe the security measures of the museum before we can even start to plan the heist” Janus replied.

“Oh!!! That’s what we’re doing today isn’t it??”

“Correct partner!”

“Babes I dunno why you gotta steal art when I’m standing right here” Remy added while posing.

“Good point. Good point” 

Janus had on a yellow bowtie he’d gotten from Logan, a loose purple shirt and black dress pants. People had to look fancy when they went to museums right? Remy had a skirt short enough to fool god and their boyfriend’s hoodie on (it looked oversized on them but with how skinny they were Everything looked oversized on them).

As soon as they got in Remus started to bounce up and down as he looked at the posters showing all the different exhibitions. There was a modern art one, classical and one smaller exhibition for specifically mosaic works.

“So whatcha you wanna look at Snakey?” Remus asked.

Janus was caught of guard “Why are you asking me?”

“Well you chose how we would hang out. C’mon you deserve to choose this too”

He looked over to Remy who shrugged “Uhm okay. Well. The classical paintings would proably give us the most money on the black market so lets look at those”

“Yay!” 

Remus quickly took on his noise canceling headphones and a chew necklace before doing thumbs up. He firmly took Janus’ hand in his. He sent him a soft smile which made Jan’s heart spin before dashing of with him into the exhibition.

A few big paintings from the renaissance hung on the wall. Remy came a little later since with the cane they walked pretty slow. Remus eyed the paintings from a distance before squinting at them up close. He flapped the hand he was hoding Janus with around.

"Oh!!! This is so cool!!!! This is from the renaissance but it's not using the chiaro oscuro technique like everyone did 'cause Da Vinci would eat their newborn if they didnt!”

"Is that why it's looking flatter than me?" Remy asked.

“YEah!! Augh I love the renaissance!!! Mostly because they were dissecting bodies so much!! sometimes for the sole purpose of drawing anatomy better!! I wanna do that! Or watch someone do that! Getting to see one of those old classrooms where they dissected corpses would be so awesome!”

“Huh good way to get rid of bodies. Great time for serial killers” Janus commented.

He let out a dreamy sigh “It truly was. They’re doing serial killers dirty nowadays”

They went through some more rooms of renaissance paintings. Janus made sure to hold Remus back a bit so Remy could keep up with them. The duke kept rambling about different shading techniques.

They stepped into another room and the style changed. Remus continued to flap his hand nonetheless. Janus was definitely going to have pain in his wrist tomorrow. It was worth it if he could hold his hand though.

Remy leaned their elbow on top of Janus’ head “This is like the baroque time right?”

“YEah!” Remus’ eyes went huge “Bean you didn’t tell me you were into art history??! Do you know about Ruben too?? I like how he paints butts!”

“What? Nah. I just- I can like see it on the clothes in the paintings. Can’t you?”

“Do I look like a time traveling fashiong guru” Janus replied sarcastically “That is honestly impressive”

Remy sunk in on themself and a hint of red appeared on their cheeks “No. Nah. I’m like a total airhead! Completel idiot! hehe I’m like tots sure everyone knows this stuff. Y’all are just bad at fashion. I uh anyway Rem you were gonna rant?”

“I was?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh....Okay!!” He looked around the room before getting caught on a small painting in the corner. He dashed over to it “HANds!”

The painting depicted 2 bloody hands over a table. They were holding onto each other. the red stuck out against the dark background. It was hard to see if they were supposed to belong to two people who were fighting or in love.

Remus looked down at Janus’ hand while playing with his fingers “I think my favorite body part are hands” He mumbled “I mean they’re horseshit to draw but they can do so much”

Janus looked away from the painting as well. He let his crush do whatever he wanted with his hand as long as he kept holding it. the way he held him so lightly but kept rubbing his thumb up and down his skin made him melt.

“Yeah they can do a lot of fucked up shit” Remy butted in. Jan nearly jumped. He’d completely lost himself in adoring his crush.

“Well hands can also be used to give snakes small berries! And to make coffee!”

“Girl I wasn’t starting an argument. But you sure did won it!”

Remus was staring down into the floor as he said “When I become a cannibal I would wanna try eating human fingers first. I’m sure they would be tasty”

“Why was there a when in there?” Jan asked in a small amount of terror.

“Oh yeah babe totally. I will like actually eat a dick” Remy agreed.

“Why is there a will in there? What kind of time tenses are you people on?? Does english grammar mean nothing to you heathens!?”

Remy got a smug look on their face. They poked their finger right into Janus’ chest “C’mon say what you will eat when you become a cannibal”

“Yeah Snakey” Remus squished his cheeks “Say it! Say it! Say it!”

The two of them kept going on while Janus looked like a sour lemon until he finally caved in.

“Fine. I would either eat the stomach or....the buttocks since they would have the most fat and sustain me the longest”

The Rems looked at each other before bursting out into laughter. “He said butT!” Remus cackled out. The other Rem nodded along and pretended to wipe away a tear from laughter.

“Aight babe let’s put the guy out of his misery” 

They motioned for Remus to go ahead. He happily skipped into the next room and grabbed Jan’s hand to take him with him. The snake couldn’t help but notice how Remy stayed behind for a monent.

“Oh cool!! We’re onto impressionism! The first real art style!” He sighed “From impressionism to cartoon furries. How magical the journey of art is” 

(Jan who had a scaley phase in high school chose to not reply)

“I love the music as well. Crazy lads. My favorite lad?” Remus snickered “De bussy!!”

“That’s my porn name” Remy instantly replied, coming up behind them. “Hey that paint lady kinda like looks like Terra” They pointed at a painting.

“....Hey YEaH! I guess my art is timeless!”

Janus looked between them “who’s Terra?”

“Well girl” Remy playfully ruffled Remus’ hair “She’s just Rem’s tots cool like cartoon character. She’s like all over his sketchbook. Makes it look kinda straight if you ask me but she does have like a very cool design so I get it!”

“Oh......Yes...Sounds very....cool”

The group kept going around looking at art. While it felt like lead was filling Janus’ chest. He’d never heard about Terra. He’d never seen his sketchbook. Meaning they had spent time with each other without him.

He pierced his nails into his palms to stop the thoughts. He refused to be some jealous person who didn’t allow his friends to hang out without him.....Still he wish he could have seen the drawings as well....seen them smile together...heard their shared laughter....

Oh. Oh what if they thought he was annoying. What if they preferred being without him. What if he’d forced them to come here today. What if-

“Hey snakey wanna look at the modern art as well?” Remus interrupted.

“What?” 

Without realizing they’d gone through all of the classic art. Now they were in the last room with not much more than a giant painting the size of one of the walls and a bench.

“That sounds horrid!”

“Yay!”

Remus quickly continued of into the next exhibition. Janus still had the taste of lead filling his throat as he went to follow. Until he realized Remy wasn’t there. He turned around and saw them sitting on the bench in front of the painting. They were leaning their arms on their cane.

“It would probably give us a lot on the black market” Jan said while sitting down beside them.

“Mhm. It’s pretty. I just like wanted to look at it some more” They lied.

“Understandable” 

The painting was pretty much a big flower field with a summer sky shining down on it. Janus noticed how Remy forced deep breathes through their gritted teeth. Their brows were furrowed and their hands kept shaking.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course!” 

“I have some painkillers with me. Would that help agains the pain you’re totally not in?”

They glanced over to him “Girl what you doing walking around with painkillers?”

He looked at them with the most deadpan expression “Remy I’m overweight. You can not phantom how often I get knee pain" He took out a pill and held it out to them "Here"

"There's really like no need! I can like handle it"

Even more deadpan "You shouldn’t have to ‘handle it’. It's 1 painkiller dear. I'm not exactly becoming a saint because of this"

They hesitantly took it "Thanks"

He did fingerguns "No problemo"

They stayed sitting for a bit so the pill could kick in. Jan shuly glanced over to admire them every now and then. Remy kept looking down into the floor while picking at their skin.

“I’m sorry” They said it in a much quieter voice than their usual high pitched one “I tried to do everything right so I wouldn’t ruin everything. I even went to bed early so I wouldn’t get tired....I...I really looked forward to getting to be with you two”

Janus heart beat faster. He pulled himself together to comfort them “You haven’t ruined a thing”

They hid their face in their hands “I’ve been tired and out of it all day. I keep like slowing you down. Don’t think I haven’t like noticed how much you have to hold Rem back from going faster! I’ve just been making this all much worse than it should have been”

“Well you’re here aren’t you? I for one appreciate you simply being here. You don’t have to do anything to make me appreciate you, don’t even have to talk. I hope you know that”

“....really?”

“Oh no darling I totally expect you to win the nobel prize while in a kind of pain I can’t even imagine being in on a daily basis”

Remy chuckled “Thanks”

“There’s really no need for that. I am at any and all times doing the absolute minimum to be counted as a decent human being”

“Sure snakey-babey” They had a soft smile on their face.

They moved to hug him. Their arms wrapped around his back and they muffled their head right between his man titties. Janus sat still for a few seconds, too flustered to think before moving his arms around them as well. A hand on the back of their head, another on their lower back. Their skin felt so cold against his.

Remy closed their eyes and let themself calm down. They could feel Janus’ breathing against their hair.

“I think my fav like human part is the chest” They mumbled out “‘Cause I can hear the heart beat. It reminds me I’m- we’re still like alive”

“Like a bloody biological seashell”

“Exactly” They pressed themself closer. “I like being with you” It was nothing more than a whisper, like it was a secret “When you’re here I feel a bit less like a rotting corpse”

Janus held onto them harder “Well I-I try my best”

“I know babe”

His heart was beating out of his chest. The people around them must think they were a couple. He closed his eyes and focused on Remy’s touch, on Picani’s words from their last session. He managed to push enough of the shame away and focus on the happy butterflies in his stomach instead.

Remy moved away. The moment broke.

“We should probs go find Rem before he starts like eating the art”

“haha yeah” Janus did thumbs up but kept sitting. He’d gone full idiot.

It wasn’t until he saw Remy straining to stand up even with the cane his brain kicked back in.

“Is there some way I could help?”

They didn’t answer. But they did lean their arm around his shoulder to let him carry some of their weight. They slowly but surely made their way to the modern art exhibition.

Remus was sitting crosslegged in front of a weird statue, he was doodling in his sketchbook but shone up into a smile when he saw them.

“There you are! I was starting to think that either the zombie apocalypse had started or you were making out somehwere”

“Oh yeah babe. Full tounge” Remy joked back. Jan let out an inhumane noise.

He closed his sketchbook “I think we’re done here. You’re looking tired beanie. We can come back some other day”

Remy held back the urge to lie that they were fine. Instead they weakly nodded.

The gang left the museum. Right beside it was an ice cream shop. Remus got 3 scoops of a worryingly weird mix of flavors. Janus got 1 scoop of lemon. Remy didn’t feel like eating.

They sat down on a couple of benches right outside. Remy laid down with their head leaned onto Remus’ thigh. He chewed his ice cream while calmly moving his hand up and down their back.

Soon enough they were deep asleep. Janus quickly laid his jacket over their legs. He didn’t want to accidentally see anything under their skirt without their consent.

Remus stared at him like a blood sucking eagle while smiling “Soooo now when beanie is in dream land.......Do” He stopped to giggle “Janny. Janny. Do. Do you like someooooonnneee??”

Janus just blinked at him for half a minute. This was too much. This whole day was too much. He was a wreck. His crush was asking him THis?! While his other crush was laying in his crush’s lap?!?

“Why- Why- What- Who are you working for?! The fucking FBI??? Are they after me?” He desperately tried to joke it away.

“No. No. But seriously JanJan!” He wiggled his shoulders around in a stimmy way “Do you happen to like anyone with a name that starts on R????”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Janus kept glancing between his two crushes while his blushing could be seen out into space. He wanted to lie but his mouth wouldn’t move.

Remus leaned closer and whispered “You’re into Remy right?”

He nodded. A breathe of relief went through him. At least Remus didn’t know he liked him.

“OH I KNEW IT!” Remus yelled out in excitement while flapping his hands.

“Shh! Shh!” Janus scrambled to cover his mouth as Remy stirred for a moment. “Shhhh!” They cuddled closer to their friend and fell back asleep.

“I knew it!” He giggled “Or I mean Remy knew. They told me they thought you were into them”

“WHAT?!” 

Now it was Remus that covered his mouth. He was full on cackling “Yeah! They said it was really obvious! But good for you snakey! I’m sure if you murder their boyfriend you can get them in no time! Or you can become a fab homewrecker!! I can help you buy a nice sexy dress and all!!”

Janus paled in terror “How- In- What- In what way did they say it was obvious?”

“Oh y’know-”

The notif on his phone went off. He checked and his eyes went wide. He carefully moved Remy’s head onto the bench before standing up.

“Sorry snakey! Ro needs super duper emergency help! Gotta go!! See you later! Don’t die!”

Remus left him just like that.  Right after dropping THAT bomb on him. Janus sat unmoving. His mouth was slightly agape in shock. His thoughts were runnig around screaming nonstop.

He sat like that for over 20 minutes until Remy let out a yawn and slowly woke up. They took off their sunglasses to rub their eyes. Just seeing their vibrantly green eyes made Janus panic even more.

“Did Rem disintegrate?” Their voice was hoarse from sleepyness. Janus pinched himself to hold back the uhm feelings.

“He- he uh he went he went he sure did went yeah”

“....Cool!”

They stretched their joints, they all cracked. They looked to Janus and moved closer. He couldn’t breathe. They knew. They knew. They knew.

“Girl are you feeling okay?” They pressed their palm to his forehead “You’re like super hot. In both ways! Maybe you should like go home and rest. I gotta get home before my boyf gets home anyway”

“Y-yeah” Was all Janus could get out.

“Cool. OH! By the way! Girl!!! We haven’t like hung out just the two of us right?? We should tots do that! Just like tell me whatever you wanna do and we can do it!”

“Yeah”

“Awesome! Well I’ll see you on that hang out then”

They hugged him for just a few seconds but for those seconds Janus felt like he was in heaven.

They got up and left. Janus slumped over on the bench. His heart was going crazy. They knew. They knew and now they wanted to hang out alone with him. He turned to you. His eyes were wide and panicked.

Janus: “W-what am I supposed to do? I don’t know any good hang out plans! Do you know any??? I’m- this is all- how did they even know I like them! Oh I’m sounding like an overdramatic 13 year old.....This totally isn’t really overwhelming. I would hate getting Logan cuddles right now!”

My Favorite Albums of 2019

It’s that time of the year again folks! 2019 was year filled with exciting new releases by some of my all-time favorite artists being dropped left and right at an overwhelming rate. Not only that, there were so many debut full-length projects from artists that had been simmering in the EP zone for years, or had otherwise gotten onto my radar from their shorter efforts in years prior. Needless to say, I found this year to be even more enjoyable and enthralling than last year, and last year was pretty great. I’m going to stop rambling. Like last year’s list, this is in no particular order with the exception of the final album, which is my favorite album of the year. 

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen: Part of me was nervous for this album’s release. How could Queen Carly Rae possibly follow up the modern pop masterpiece that is E•MO•TION? However, my nervousness was sated when I heard the single “Now That I Found You,” which, I’m going to say it, is the best pop song of the year. Hands down, no competition even came close. It slams every single time I put it on. The whole album is a lot of fun to listen to, from the glimmering sugar-rush synths on the opening track “Julian” to the playful Popeye sample on “Everything He Needs.” If for any reason you’re still a Jepsen skeptic stuck on her being the “Call Me Maybe Girl,” give this album and E•MO•TION a try and you will realize just how much she has to offer.

My Top Tracks: Now That I Found You, Party For One, Happy Not Knowing

Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers: This album dropped in January and it’s safe to say it was my first favorite album of the year. I’d been counting down the days to this since falling in love with Now That The Light Is Fading early last year. I made an entire post reacting to this album, and while some of my thoughts have changed since then, I can still say that this project has an array of great folk-pop songs with excellent vocals and lush production. Classics like “Alaska” are always fun to return to, but the deeper cuts are what really shine on this project. The bounciness of “The Knife” cements it as an essential Summer bop, “Say It” is an achingly relatable and sensually delivered unrequited love song, the fluttering opening chorus of angels on “Retrograde” gives me chills every time, and “Back In My Body” reduces me to an emotional wreck.

My Top Tracks: The Knife, Retrograde, Back In My Body

Sucker Punch by Sigrid: Sometimes you just need to listen to something that will make you happy, and this album offers joy in spades. Sigrid’s vocals range from fleeting and emotional to raspy, but are always charming. The production is vibrant and colorful, from the flurry of strings that open “Sight of You” to the splashy sound effects that pepper “Business Dinners” or that giant, stomping chorus on “Mine Right Now.” The hooks on this album are catchy as ever, crawling their way right into your brain and making a home there in the best kind of way. Sigrid is such a reinvigorating presence in the pop world, and while I do wish that she could have made more of a splash stateside, seeing her European success gives me hope for the future.

My Top Tracks: Sight Of You, In Vain, Don’t Feel Like Crying

Keepsake by Hatchie: If I had heard Hatchie’s debut EP Sugar & Spice last year, I’m sure that it would’ve made it onto my year end list. Thankfully, this year we’ve got an album, so I can continue to gush about Hatchie and give her the notoriety she deserves. Her vocals are filled with genuine, love stricken euphoria as they drift over fluorescent, guitar driven soundscapes. Listening to this album feels like floating away on cotton candy clouds, it’s a sugar rush of dreamy indie rock that will sweep you clean off your feet.

My Top Tracks: Stay With Me, Without A Blush, Her Own Heart

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish: Listen to this thing with a pair of really good headphones and you’ll be in for a whole experience and half, the production is amazing. Not only that, it’s creative. Take the vocal warping on “xanny” and “bad guy,” or the knives scraping along “you should see me in a crown,” or the sample of a dental drill used on “bury a friend.” (The only exception to this is that first track where she takes out her Invisalign. Those slurpy sounds make me cringe every time.) The rest of the albums is pretty great though. Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell went and crafted one of the most lyrically tight and sonically textured pop albums this year had to offer, and for that I have nothing but respect.

My Top Tracks: when the party’s over, all the good girls go to hell, bury a friend

Jade Bird by Jade Bird: Jade Bird has been one of my favorite up-and-coming artists of the past year or so, dropping not only the wonderful Something American EP but also a slew of firecracker singles in anticipation for this album. This project contains not only rock bangers that showcase the firepower and grit in Bird’s voice, (“Uh Huh,” “I Get No Joy,” “Love Has All Been Done Before,”) but also softer, somber ballads that allow her lyricism to shine, (“17,” “If I Die.”) This album is a strong debut that showcases not only promise, but prowess as well.

My Top Tracks: Uh Huh, Love Has All Been Done Before, I Get No Joy

Pang by Caroline Polachek: This album transports me to another plane of reality, melding frosty art-pop soundscapes with glistening synths and captivating melodies. Polachek’s vocals are some of the most expressive and impressive of the year, gliding through runs and jumps with ease. Each song feels like its own little world, whether it be the wistful seas of “Ocean of Tears,” the flitting pianos on “Go As a Dream,” or the funky groove of “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings,” the most instantly addictive song of the year.

My Top Tracks: So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings, Hit Me Where It Hurts, Look At Me Now

Cheap Queen by King Princess: Everything about King Princess’s music and aesthetic is so self-assured and cool that I feel slightly unworthy of being in her presence. That doesn’t mean that this album is devoid of relatability, however, as the lyrics still touch on themes of self consciousness, (like on the opening track, “Tough On Myself,”) and the trials and tribulations of relationships, (”Prophet,” “Ain’t Together.”) The production on this album meshes King Princess’s modern feel with vintage flourishes, such as old vocal samples or record crackles, that come together to give the record a sense of timelessness. 

My Top Tracks: Tough On Myself, Cheap Queen, Hit the Back

Cuz I Love You by Lizzo: From the very first note of the very first song of this album, you know that Lizzo is putting in 1000%. Can we just sit back and thank the powers of good for allowing us to be in her presence? We truly don’t deserve her. This album has everything, from empowerment anthems, (”Like A Girl,” “Tempo,”) to heartbroken ballads, (the title track, “Jerome,”) to roof-raising bops, (”Juice,” “Exactly How I Feel.”) Every element of this project, from the vibrant production to the powerful vocals to the lyrics, emulates such a sense of confidence and love that by the end of each listen I have no choice but to stan both Lizzo and myself. 

My Top Tracks: Cuz I Love You, Juice, Jerome

Atlanta Millionaires Club by Faye Webster: This album is one of the most charming listens of the year, I heard the very first line of the very first song and fell head over heels in love. Faye Webster’s tear-stained R&B-infused folk pop walks the line between catchy and melancholic, joyful and melodic, just perfectly. “Kingston” gets my award for dreamiest song of the year, I can’t think of any other song that is able to put me at ease faster. Whether she’s lamenting about her best friend being her dog or letting Father jump on a track to deliver the chillest rap verse ever, she’s got something you’ll love up her sleeve.

My Top Tracks: Kingston, Jonny, Room Temperature

Norman Fucking Rockwell! by Lana Del Rey: As soon as I heard “Mariner’s Apartment Complex” last year, my expectations for this album skyrocketed through the roof. Needless to say, this album didn’t disappoint, and is in my opinion Lana’s strongest work to date. Norman Fucking Rockwell! features some of the most mature and sharp songwriting, beautiful performances, and sweet melodies of her whole career. The title track works like a diss track, as Lana roasts the subject in question with beautiful eloquence. The lilting syllables on the chorus of “Bartender” allow the song to nestle deep in your brain and stay for a while. The atmosphere of the album reminds me of a cool day in early September, driving down the coastline of rural California, and I adore it.

My Top Tracks: Norman fucking Rockwell, Cinnamon Girl, Mariners Apartment Complex

Don’t Feed The Pop Monster by Broods: What a fun and refreshing listen this turned out to be! Whether it’s with a Summery synthpop jam on “Peach,” the 90s-eque grunge of “Old Dog,” or the heartbroken pleading on “Why Do You Believe Me?” Broods always deliver. While the sound of this project is a bit all over the place, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t cohesive, as it is grounded by the creative force that is the Nott siblings. If you’re on the hunt for some pop that’ll keep you on your toes, then this should be right up your alley. (Also, get some good headphones, wrap yourself up in a fuzzy blanket, and really take in “Life After.” You won’t regret it. That song continuously brings me to tears. Just beautiful.)

My Top Tracks: Peach, Sucker, Life After

Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary by Tōth: I think I’ve finally found an album that can finally help define as “warlock music.” I stumbled across Tōth due to his involvement in the band Rubblebucket, (whose song “Fruity” made my favorite songs of the year list last year,) and what a hidden gem his music turned out to be. There’s a kind of sweet peacefulness that inhibits this album that always keeps me coming back for another listen. The lyrics follow a painful breakup and the healing process after, and the tone of the music wonderfully matches the fragility of that state of mind. The instrumentals are soft and somber, but also have some unique elements sprinkled in, (take the trumpet solo on “No Reason” or the clip-clopping groove on “Copilot.) If you need an album to put on to just unwind, give this one a try, I really love it.  

My Top Tracks: Copilot, No Reason, Picture Of You

Good At Falling by The Japanese House: Let’s contextualize my love for this project. When I heard the single “Follow My Girl” last year, it literally made my jaw drop with its beauty. Now, it’s not even my favorite song from this album. The plucky guitars on “You Seemed so Happy” gets me smiling from the very first chord, and the rhythmic rush that follows each chorus in “Wild” makes my heart skitter. Amber Bain’s vocals are coated in their signature layer of slick vocoding, allowing them to drift over the icy soundscapes with ease. Just lovely.  

My Top Tracks: Follow My Girl, We Talk All The Time, You Seemed so Happy

LÉON by LÉON: And here we have it folks, my favorite album of the year. After years of only releasing EPs, LÉON finally delivered her first full-length project, and it did not disappoint in the slightest. This album’s got it all, both the ever-bouncy bops and the heartbroken ballads that make me miss a relationship that isn’t even mine. LÉON's vocals are as warm and smoky as ever, the melodies are instantly catchy, and the lyrics are to-the-point yet endlessly effective. “Hope Is A Heartache” discusses working through possessive feelings following a breakup, and hits like a gut punch every time. Her voice shines on the “Cruel To Care” voice memo, where she sings in one take over a simple plucked guitar. Other favorite moments include the airy, vocoded “Pink,” (an excellent unrequited love song that tunes into my clownery,) and the doo-wop “ooh-woo”-ing add-libs on “Baby Don’t Talk.” 

My Top Tracks: Baby Don’t Talk, Falling, Pink

Also, if Saved by Now, Now had come out this year it would be #1 on this list. 

What were your favorite albums of 2019? Did you listen to any of these albums? Leave your recommendations and thoughts down below.

Doctor ... WTF?

An impassioned rant about the steady decline of Doctor Who, the trajectory of the Thirteenth Doctor, and the righteous indignation after The Timeless Children, not only as a Whovian, but as a woman-

I love how certain people are spinning The Timeless Children as being good, yet the BBC has released (2)TWO statements basically telling fans the following:

“Doctor Who is a beloved long-running series and we understand that some people will feel attached to a particular idea they have of the Doctor, or that they enjoy certain aspects of the programme more than others. Opinions are strong and this is indicative of the imaginative hold that Doctor Who has – that so many people engage with it on so many different levels.

We wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers and we feel that creating an origin story is a staple of science fiction writing. What was written does not alter the flow of stories from William Hartnell’s brilliant Doctor onwards – it just adds new layers and possibilities to this ongoing saga.”

Creative freedom, huh? Ask Joe Hill about it. Or Gaiman. The writers, including Chibnall, are only free to do what the Beeb and the other show investors tell them. 

They go on:

“We have also received many positive reactions to the episode’s cliff-hanger. There are still a lot of questions to be answered, and we hope that you will come back to join us and see what happens, but we appreciate that it’s impossible to please all of our viewers all of the time and your feedback has been raised with the programme’s Executive Producer." 

Uglylaughing.gif

There is a huge, monumental difference between 'not being able to please everyone all at the same time' and basically making a whole fandom, New and Classic, young and old, come together with the same level of disgust and disappointment.

I also find the people arguing "Canon? What canon?" about the Doctor now being the Lord and Savior of the Shining World of the Seven Systems to be foolish at best, and disingenuous at worst.

No canon?? So what have I been steeping myself in for years  - a vague approximation of a tale? Please. Of course, writers have embellished and alluded, but tampering with the unspoken but well-known 'no touch' rule about the Doctor's origin is ... well, it's canon, in and of itself...

...which Chibnall completely wrecked, and I can't imagine why. Hubris? By all accounts, he was a fan. I thought Moffat was a dick for bringing back Gallifrey, but now, to me, my disappointment then vs now is like comparing a fart to a shitstorm.

Please excuse the scatological references, but I'm using it deliberately. It is a swirling turd, which I and many others wish we could flush down and forget forever.

In another RadioTimes article - which basically is the BBC - amongst the usual apologetics, Huw Fullerton drops this little gem:

“The glory days of David Tennant et al were in a different TV landscape, and if the Tenth Doctor touched down now it seems unlikely he’d command anything close to the ratings he did over a decade ago.”

Yeah, you can all take a break to have a hearty laugh. Or throw up. Whichever. Did they just hint that, basically, the incarnation of the Doctor who continues to get as much love (if not more) than Four, who still consistently gets thousands of butts in seats in conventions worldwide, and has made the BBC hundreds of thousands of pounds sterling in merchandising “wouldn’t command the ratings he did in 2008?”

As Gary Buechler of Nerdrotic said in his response to this article: “Actually, if David Tennant had been given as many chances as Jodie Whittaker, it would’ve had Game of Thrones-level ratings.”

And I agree. Not because I’m a Tenth Doctor stan, but because it’s just ... categorically true. His seasons consistently got average rating of 7.5 to 8 million viewers - and this in a time before BBCiPlayer, so 7-day catch up ratings meant nothing. It was butts on sofas then, which, to me, speaks of a massive, sustained interest.

But Huw goes on to say that such things mean nothing. And that the huge, telling sink in both overnight and 7-day ratings between the 11th and 12th seasons, and the dismal 4.69m 7 day ratings for The Timeless Children - the lowest for a NewWho finale since its reboot - shouldn’t be taken as a loss of interest from the fandom.

Then, pray tell goodman, what does it mean? Does it mean that fans are following the Thirteenth Doctor’s adventures in spirit? Ratings are tanking. Outside of the precious few who blindly tweet and write articles about the show solely based on its now female protagonist, people are notoriously furious, especially after the execrable season finale.

Yet BBC’s Piers Wenger, who once produced the show, says “I don’t think it’s been in better health, editorially. I think it’s fantastic and I think that, the production values obviously have never been better.”

Right. Okay. So, putting Tom Ford makeup on a pig makes it haute couture, huh? The writing is appalling, and after two excruciatingly painful to watch seasons, the Doctor has failed to appear - all I’ve seen is borderline sociopathic navel gazing from an ‘alien’ wearing a pastel duster.

How dare you besmirch the unfailingly cool reputation of the long coat, Chibnall? Jodie? How?? 

I will not let someone piss on my head and call it rain ... ‘because it’s a woman.’ Assuming I’ll accept it just adds insult to injury. Who do they think we are, as female fans? I will not cosign garbage to further an agenda that is ultimately damaging one of my favorite things ever, Doctor Who. I agree that politics, and a positive moral, have always been a part of DW, but at it’s best the writing was so good that it only added to the entertainment. Now, the BBC is feeding us all the bitter pill, without the kindness to hide it in a piece of tasty cheese. It gives the impression that they believe we are already so indoctrinated that we no longer need artifice!

Well, not only am I not indoctrinated, but I refuse to ingest.

I refuse to allow people to silence me because the Doctor is now a woman, and so am I. That, I shouldn’t say anything, or complain, because it’s an act of rebellion on womankind, not only in entertainment, but in general. Well, to that I say ... er ... I disavow.

Disavow. Disavow.

And this from a woman who once criticized Peter Davison for saying that casting a woman was “a vital loss of a role model for boys,” taking it as a sexist comment when in truth, it was just a relevant narrative concern about gender-swapping the traditionally male-presenting Time Lord. Just changing a character from male to female doesn’t do anything but demonstrate a tone-deafness about the emotional and physical differences between men and women, which exist whether we want to address them or not. This is why genderswap reboots are terrible. They are trying to further the feminist agenda, while surreptitiously painting traditional, every day femininity as weakness, and something to be avoided at all costs. I reject the modern Hollywood representation of what a ‘strong woman’ is meant to be. I can be clever, yet sensitive enough to comfort a friend when they confide their fears about a cancer relapse. I can be funny, and not at the expense of the man in the room. I can be brave, but not at the expense of my friends. The mind boggles as to why they thought their current tack with the Doctor was going to be any good. The Doctor is a woman, but more importantly, she’s a Timelord. Where are they? Is the alien that we’ve known and loved for the last 60 years truly gone away, and Thirteen is from a whole different timeline? If so, I don’t want to know her. 

And it breaks my heart.

Why continue to support a corporation who thinks of me, the fan, as no more than a heartless, thoughtless consumer? A drone? A sheep who has no conscious idea of what I like or need?

I’m done. It’s been two seasons of absolute dreck, with absolutely no sign of a course-correction due to the overwhelmingly negative response. I may be many things, but I’m no masochist - even in the name of love. And Chibnall, knowing that many fans would go back to the classic stories to cleanse ourselves, went back to the beginning and took a giant shit there too. 

Oh, the cleverness! the absolute schadenfreude of not only tampering, but rewriting the Doctor’s origins! I suppose that tells me he truly was once a fan. But no longer. Even if it turns out that the Master is as full of crap as Chibnall and it’s all an orchestrated lie, I don’t care anymore. Every inexplicable, terrible thing that happened before has already exhausted my patience with the narrative.

As veteral DW writer and script editor Terrance Dicks said:

If you’re concentrating on putting forth a political message, rather than on doing a really good show, I think there is a danger, maybe, you can do both but it would be hellish difficult, and I think that there’s maybe a danger that the show wouldn’t as be as good as it could or should be, because you’re not looking at the right aims.”

It seems like all that has been lost in time. Big corporations are buying up beloved science fiction properties, and systematically destroying them by trying to mix their politics into the mythos. [see ‘the fandom menace’]

I say, don’t support things that make you unhappy, in the name of nostalgia. That’s how they continue to upset us, while lining their pockets with our hard earned money. Complaining amongst ourselves, writing emails, or making angry Youtube videos no longer works anyway. Now is the time to just ... let it go. No more special edition DVDs, novelizations, or pretty action figures. Hit them in the pocketbook. We will still have fond memories of better times. I will not let them hijack, retcon, and retool them too.

There is a telling paragraph hidden in the depths of the article, which makes my DW fangirl sink:

It’s not as simple as “the ratings are down so Doctor Who will be cancelled,” as for the publicly-funded BBC there’s an interesting question about exactly what ratings are for beyond bragging rights. Obviously they need to make TV that people want to watch – but which people?

Not us, Huw. That’s who.

Michael After Midnight: Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You?

So here’s a neat little bit of trivia: back in the 80s, my grandmother actually had her own video store. Obviously a little indie video store wasn’t gonna survive competition from something like Blockbuster or all the other options that began popping up around the time, so she ended up closing it, and my parents ended up with a lot of the VHS tapes, which of course I ended up watching. A lot of my favorite films and movies I’m really nostalgic for came from those VHS tapes, such as Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, InHumanoids: The Movie, and Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend - all great candidates for reviews. Frankly, not sure why I haven’t reviewed InHumanoids already… but I digress. I bring this all up because there is one specific VHS I want to talk about.

But first, let’s talk about Dr. Seuss.

Dr. Seuss, as you may know, is one of the greatest children’s authors of all time. The guy churned out classic after classic, creating timeless works featuring wondrous landscapes, fantastical locales, and colorful characters like the Lorax, the Grinch, and the Cat in the Hat. He’s also known for having extremely crappy films based off of his books, but that wasn’t always the case; back in the day, Seuss worked on animated specials based on his stuff, working with everyone from Chuck Jones to Ralph Bakshi. Dr. Seuss was truly a creative genius whose works have stood the test of time.

[Except this one]

Tonight’s work is one that is actually not based on any sort of preexisting book, and was one of those bizarre VHS tapes I watched over and over as a child. And tonight’s work is one that I’m not going to review in the traditional sense; oh no, this one is getting something special. Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You? is akin to Freddie as F.R.0.7. in my mind as something it is far more fun to just explain than to truly dissect, so instead of a true review, I am going to do a sort of recap of the plot before giving you a verdict on whether this insane special is worth your time.

So, let’s get right into this:

Pontoffel Pock, our titular hero, has a job at a pickle factory, and he has the simplest job you could possibly imagine: he pushes the lever “Pushum” and pulls on the chain “Pullum” and the pickles go into the jar (as the song helpfully informs us. Oh yeah, this is a musical. That’s somewhat important). So with such a simple job, it would be pretty inconceivable to fuck it up, right? Well, that’s because you are most likely not a colossal failure on the level of Pontoffel Pock, who SOMEHOW confuses the Pushum and Pullum and ends up destroying the entire factory, which leads to him getting fired. Did I mention this was his first day and immediately before fucking up he was explained what his job was?

[You had ONE fucking job, Pontoffel Pock]

Dejected and alone, Pock goes home and plays basketball on his roof as an homage to Clerks. Please ignore that this animation came out nearly two decades before Clerks. I would like to take a moment to point out that Pock’s house is exactly as weird and impractical a homestead as any you might see in a Seuss work - and the fact it’s a dilapidated mess because Pock can’t hold down a job only makes it even more odd. In his misery and sorrow, Pock wishes he could get away from it all… and he gets his chance, because the Amalgamated Do-Gooding Fairies come down from the heavens and grant him a magical flying piano that will take him anywhere in the world if he plays the proper notes (C, C, C, D, D#, E, for those wondering).

Gifted with this incredible magical gift, and with the entire world at his disposal, Pontoffel Pock does what any normal human being would do: he shows off and acts like a douchebag. Teleporting to Groogen, a sort of German-Switzerland mashup country, Pock freaks the locals out with his flying piano, and gets shot down by their paint cannon known as the Goomy Gun, because nothing in a Dr. Seuss work can have a normal name. Pock returns home, and naturally McGillicuddy, the head fairy, is pissed as fuck at Pock for being a douchey show-off and nearly wrecking the piano right off the bat.

[Dunno what he expected from the moron who wrecked a pickle factory]

Thankfully, McGillicuddy is a kind and merciful fairy, a bit more Seelie than Unseelie. He gives Pock one more chance, so the question now becomes: How can Pock fuck this up? Well let’s find out as he travels to Casbahmopolis, the Seuss version of the Middle East. Considering what a colossal moron Pock is, it should surprise absolutely no one that he falls in love with the first scantily clad belly dancer woman he sees; that girl is Neefa Feefa, who contrary to the previous sentence is NOT a belly dancer, but rather an… eyeball dancer. No, she doesn’t dance on eyeballs, she’s just dressed in an outfit that covers everything but her eyes. It’s kind of an amusing parody of belly dancers.

[Behold, the greatest waifu of all time]

Lucky for Pock, Neefa Feefa is the only woman in the world as stupid as him, and she immediately falls for him as well. Unfortunately, she’s stuck fucking dancing for the king, a job she hates, and she wishes she could get away from it all. To her credit, she actually has a real, genuine reason to want to get out of her current position, unlike Pontoffel “First World Problems” Pock. Pock seems to realize this, and in one of his exceedingly rare moments of badassery, singlehandedly infiltrates the palace of the king to save this girl he barely knows. Sure, it’s stupid and cliche, but so far Pock has been nothing but be a showboating weenie; here he goes Solid Snaking his way through a palace full of armed guards to save a woman, that takes some pretty big balls.

Of course, this is Pontoffel Pock we’re talking about; he manages to fuck things up somehow. The guards manage to bust the Homing Pigeon Switch of his piano, which would allow him to zap right back to the dump he calls a house, and when he tries to go somewhere else Neefa Feefa slips into the clutches of the guards and the piano goes on the fritz, leading Pock to desperately try any keys he can in an attempt to get back. At this time, the fairies are getting worried, seeing as they haven’t heard from Pock in ages, and so set out on a massive manhunt to find him, singing “Pontoffel Pock, Where the Fuck Heck Are You?” This is the part where our hero finally triumphs. Pock suddenly out of the blue remembers the proper switch and zaps back to save his imprisoned beloved, so of course… he crashes the piano into the tower.

[Pictured: A man who can do literally nothing right]

Neefa Feefa sends out a prayer, and thankfully it is heard by the fairies, who descend from the heavens and save everyone’s ass. Pontoffel Pock’s quest to get some poon seemingly impresses the boss at the pickle factory, because not only is Pock rehired, but Neefa Feefa gets hired there too, and apparently the dress codes are extremely lax there as she gets to wear her eyeball dancer outfit to work. Pock manages to get away scot free despite fucking everything up and manages to get a hot girl and a stable job, so I guess the moral of the story is “Going to great lengths to get pussy will make up for all of your constant fuckups.”

[Huh. I guess The Lorax was right]

So that was Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You? and I think it goes without saying this is one weird, quirky, and unique animated story. It’s not very long and is a bit corny and cliche, and the shortness doesn’t do much favors to the story as it leads to things feeling a bit rushed, but quite frankly it all adds to the silly, Seussy charm. The animation, the designs, and just all the wacky creativity on display here is Seuss at his best, and frankly it’s hard to hate a story of a man who fucks up his pickle factory job and gets a magical flying piano from fairies so that he can score with a belly dancer.

I really wish this was more well-known than it is. God knows this deserves it. It’s just so charmingly weird. If you like weird and silly animated things or the work of Dr. Seuss, this is something to check out, though if you’re a huge fan of the latter you may already know this. I don’t think this is really something that deserves to be held up alongside the greats like The Grinch or The Lorax, but I think it deserves an honorable 3rd place alongside those two; this is an underrated obscure gem if there ever was one.

Now I’m going to sit back and pray that this review becomes popular enough to get people to draw Neefa Feefa porn.

[Real talk: This is the only reason I wrote this review]

Hey buddy, you and your racist/sexist friends are just becoming a joke. That person went ahead and was like, muh, white people CERTAINLY face this shit, and males and whites face ooooooh so much more racism and sexism. I said nothing of the sort, and regardless, its still sexism and racism, which you people can't quite seem to grasp. This is coming from a person of color who's experienced sexism and racism(Far more then some) my whole life. And assuming I was white? timeless, truly a classic.

youre still here huh,

Naive: Intro

A/N: Hey guys! So I’ve been dying to do a mini series reader insert story for a while! I got this idea while I was reading some Tony/Daughter fics and I thought I’d put my own little spin on it. I really hope you guys are able to connect with this, I picked her moms name just because I thought it flowed better to actually have a name instead of putting something like (your moms name) everytime she’s talked about!

Word count: 1k+

Warnings: Disclaimer- I have the dirtiest vocabulary and my stories will probably always have cursing in them. Other then that this chapter was pretty vanilla!

Summary: As the goddaughter of Tony Stark you were no stranger to the Avengers, but when you meet the newest member- you’re a little more then intrigued. Unfortunately for him, Bucky Barnes has caught your eye.

💘💘💘💘💘

There weren’t many things that Tony Stark truly got excited about. Actually, he could tick them off on the fingers on one hand. New scientific discoveries, adding to his classic car collection(but only when it was a real timeless model, something he really had to hunt for), Pepper looking at wedding dresses- and you.

His god daughter was always something he could gush, embarrassingly, about. About how you’d graduated from college with top grades because obviously any god daughter of his was a fucking genius. About how you’d spent the summer in Europe, he’d laughed and showed your videos of Amsterdam to the team repeatedly. About how beautiful you we’re cause god damn it, you looked just like your mom, just like his late best friend and he could never get over it. But what seemed to be all he could talk about lately, was the fact that you we’re moving to New York.

“Finally, I’ve been trying telling her that the only way she’s getting any where with that degree is in this city” Tony had sighed to Pepper. Really, he’d been desperately attempting to convince you to come stay with him ever since the funeral three years ago. “I told her she might as well move into the Tower, since rent is so fucking insane here”

Even though he refused to think of it this way; the truth of it is that you we’re the only link he had left to Jamie, and trying to accept that his best friend of thirty years was gone was something he just couldn’t accept. The three years she had been dead hadn’t done anything to sway that. He still expected a phone call from her. Still expected to hear her bitching at him and worrying about him being the only one he’d ever really been able to count on.

Isn’t it sad? What he’d give to hear your mother bitching at him again?

It was highly amusing, watching the usually snarky Stark wade knee deep through not only wedding plans, but renovation plans for the entire fifteenth floor for the last month.

“Hey Nat, do you think this rug goes with these throw pillows? Or is it too much fur? This kid loves faux fur, what is she a Gotti?!” Tony had been barraging everyone with questions like this, trying to get his “graduation present” ready for you without you finding out about it or being able to put your input into it was hard. But would he ever admit he’d bitten off more then he could chew?

Hell no.

“No, it actually looks really sheik with the geometric gold table. Y/N’s gonna love it” Natasha had reassured, trying to hide her smirking laughter by taking a drink from her mug.

If Tony had noticed she was slightly making fun of him he didn’t say anything, he just went back to fretting, threating some interior designer on his iPhone.

“Between the wedding and Y/N’s homecoming, he’s going to run himself bankrupt” Sam snorts, from the table. Where he sits with Steve and Bucky.

It had been an… odd few months. The team was back together after the whole Sokovian Accords fiasco- but they we’re all still trying to figure out how to mesh right again. Tony being as distracted as he was had been some kind of god send, had given everyone some room to find their place.

Bucky, for one, was happy that the Billionaire’s mind seemed to be pulled in all different directions. It kept Tony from focusing all the hate on him. Because even though it was unspoken, and Tony had agreed to have him join the team- only after Steve gave the ultimatum that the two we’re a packaged deal- everyone with eyes could see the tension was still there. The way that Tony would never really meet his eyes.

Bucky couldn’t blame him. He’d done…what he’d done and Tony had every right to hold a grudge.

It didn’t make it anyless uncomfortable living in the mans house though.

“I don’t think that’s possible” Natasha reasons.

“You’re right. The man pockets are fuckin’ bottomless . Lucky bastard” Sam swirls his protein shake.

“He’s seems happy, which is good. A happy Tony trumps an unhappy one any day” Steve points out. Steve knew what the consequences of unhappy Tony looked like. The drinking, the downward spiral.

“He really loves this kid, huh? Who is she again? His goddaughter, right?” Bucky inquires, his eye brow raised.

“Yeah, her mom was his best friend, he’s always spoiled her rotten” Steve chuckled a little “She’s a real good girl though. A bit of a spitfire, but the sweetest thing once you get to know her”

Bucky’s eyebrow raises even higher at the way Steve regards the girl. The small smile on his best friends face as he talks about her.

“Really? You sound like you’re a little sweet on her, punk. What is she some kind of grade A dime piece?” Bucky teases, expecting the rest of them to at least smile at his sharp joke. When his laughter is the only one that rings through the kitchen his nose quirks “What?…I was just kidding”

Why we’re the three of them looking at him like that?

“Nah, don’t joke around like that, man. Not if you value your thawed out ass” Sam’s tone is warning.

“What?”

“Tony is really protective of her, like real protective. If he caught any of us lookin’ at her like that he’d fire us” Steve’s tone matches Sam’s. Total seriousness.

“Screw firing you, He’d toss you through one of the windows and watch your body hit the cement is what he’d do. Y/N is a hundred percent off limits. Head this warning” Natasha gives him the little “I’m watching you” signal with her fingers before she walks out of the communal kitchens.

“You guys cant be serious” Bucky scoffs, a small smirk on his face. The reaction they all seemed to have about his little joke was entertaining…“Wait? You didn’t try anything with her, did you, Steve?”

That tell tale blush creeps up Steve’s neck and Bucky shakes his head. That little horn dog he’d grown up with was still there, under the righteous Captain America mask he wore.

“It’s not even like that. She’s just- a little flirt. You’ll see” Steve sputters, trying to defend himself.

“She really is. She’s probably one of the most charming people I’ve ever met in my whole life” Sam laughs in agreement “I’m just not the one who got caught cuddling with her on the couch in the middle of the night”

Bucky gives Steve a shit eating grin as the blonde gets even redder.

“Fuck you, Sam-”

“Oh woah, Cap. Watch your language!” Sam and Bucky are both laughing at Steve’s total dismay and the broad shouldered man gets up from the table.

“Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Tony threw me through a wall for that. I could have been killed!” Steve exclaims, walking away from the men who just seem to laugh louder —- You’d never been a morning person and you walked through the air plane ramp in a little bit of a daze, balancing your tote and your laptop bag on each shoulder.

Why you’d chosen to take a 5am flight was now a foreign thought to you as you make your way through the crowds of people, just wanting to find Tony, get to the Tower and sleep for a sold twenty four hours.

Your phone chirps and you look down at the screen.

Tony calling blinked in bright lettering on the iPhone and you your thumb across it, answering it, not able to keep the large smile off of your face.

“Hey Tony!” Your voice is excited and your mood instantly lifted.

“Hey kiddo, how was the flight?” Tony’s smooth voice comes from the receiver.

“It was okay, I tried to knock myself out but couldn’t. Since when are airplane cocktails so weak?” You tease, your eyes desperately scanning for a Starbucks. You knew JFK International Airport had to be littered with them. You could practically smell the sweet, sweet caffeine beckoning you.

“I’ll have to file a formal complaint. We didn’t pay extra for first class for nothing” Tony uses his best ‘haughty taught white soccer mom, I want to speak to your manager’ voice and you cant help but laugh “But listen, I was going to come pick you up myself but the whole team got called into this spur of the moment meeting. I would try to ditch it but it’s with the director of the secret service so I don’t see myself getting out of this-”

Tony rambles, his voice so apologetic its almost pathetic.

Had you been hyped for him to be waiting for you at baggage claim like he’d always done when you we’re younger? Yeah, but you we’re an adult now. You didn’t need him feeling bad for things he couldn’t control.

“Tino stop!” You laugh, using the nickname you’d always had for him “It’s fine, I promise. I’m a big girl. I’m just going to find a Starbucks and caffeinate and then I’ll grab a cab, okay?” You reason with him.

“Uh, no. Find your coffee but Peppers waiting for you at baggage claim and you guys will take a car back. A cab- Cab? Who do you think I am?” You roll your eyes at your god fathers ever flamboyant nature.

“Alright, I’ll text you when I find her. She still like’s skinny white chocolate mocha’s right?” You question “Have fun at your meeting, see ya’ soon Tino! Love you”

“Bye kid, love you”

After grabbing a pair of venti drinks; a triple shot Pink Drink for you and Peppers white chocolate mocha you maneuver yourself through JFK, down escalators and around the travelers that seemed to forget their manners in the hustle of traveling. Your shoulder get’s bumped more then once.

You know you’re a bigger girl, shorter and wider then most but could they at least say sorry!

“Dick!” You hiss at the man who’d almost knocked the coffee out of your hand.

All of the irritation is let off your shoulders when you see Pepper standing tall, a sign in her hands that had your name scrolled on it prettily.

Jeeze.

You’d missed her. You realize, you hadn’t been in New York since your mom…

“Y/N!” She calls for you, grinning widely and you power walk to the red head, nearly bouncing with happiness as you get to her.

“Pepper!” You cry joyously as you hug her, well as much of a hug as you could give her with your hands so full. It’s mostly just you leaning into her as she wraps her arms around you.

“Oh my god, look at you! Look at your hair! You look so goregous” Pepper fawns over you, cupping the side of your head and looking down at you with dancing eyes.

She couldn’t believe how…old you looked. In her mind you’d always be the cute, chubby twelve year old with long curly pig tails. And yet here you were, looking like a grown woman.

“You’re making me feel so old right now” she admits, only half teasing and you roll your eyes.

“Oh shut up. You know you’re still hot. Here, this is for you” you hand her the latte and she gives you a soft look. You were still a sweetheart.

“Now let me see the rock!” You exclaim and she waves her ring finger at you as you two begin to make your way to the car, both of you giggling- your squeals earning you some side ways looks.

You couldn’t remember the last time you were so happy.

-----

I’m so excited for this story y'all! If you wanted to be tagged in the next chapter just ask!😬😬😬

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166573773564/naive-part-1 PART ONE

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166595772104/naive-part-2 PART TWO

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166629591854/naive-part-3 PART THREE

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166664664834/naive-part-4 PART FOUR

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166703266654/naive-part-5 PART FIVE

https://xgminigypsy.tumblr.com/post/166903805364/naive-part-6 PART SIX

Live Picks: 10/29

Kishi Bashi; Photo by Max Ritter

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Two sides of hip hop, baroque pop, and a disco jam.

Sex Cells tour, Thalia Hall

Marc Almond (Soft Cell) headlines as part of the Sex Cells tour for an In The Round performance. Also performing are Andy Butler disco project Hercules and Love Affair, leather band Plack Blague, DJ Matt Pernicano, and Danny Lethal.

JPEGMAFIA, Bottom Lounge

Barrington DeVaughn Hendricks is still getting used to verified life, but he’s not retreating. On his third studio album All My Heroes Are Cornballs, a highly anticipated follow-up to 2018 breakout Veteran, rapper JPEGMAFIA doubles down on what made him stand out: darkly humorous and direct socially aware lyrics, products of an intimate knowledge of both alpha and beta toxic masculinity, combined with production that switches on a dime between aggressive and dreamy. 

Peggy’s ability to put himself in various mindsets is partially responsible for his lyrical success. He sings from a female perspective on opener “Jesus Forgive Me, I Am a Thot” and “Thot Tactics”, comparing the upfront nature of sexual promiscuity to his take-no-prisoners mentality; “Your shit don't bump, you was not proactive / Sneak dissin', that is not attractive,” he explains on the latter. More difficult, he inhabits and subsequently destroys incel culture. “Shitpost, n**ga / When I die, my tombstone’s Twitter, Twitter,” he raps on “Beta Male Strategies”, referring to the various all-talk online threats he faces on a seemingly daily basis. Really, Peggy’s lamenting his appeal to these types of people. “I made rap my job, it’s sacred,” he declares on the title track, decrying white America’s inability to understand where he’s coming from. On closer “Papi I Missed You”, he’s brutally honest, rapping, “Ha, I'm a terrorist (Yeah), I don't spit raps, bitch I spit rhetoric / And I be in your kid's mind, gettin' leverage / I hate old white ni***s, I'm prejudiced (Yeah).” He’s not an alpha himself, he admits on the Helena Deland-featuring, self-reflexive “Free the Frail” (instead comparing himself to Carly Rae Jepsen), but when it comes to defeating the enemy, he’ll call upon his army training. “One shot turn Steve Bannon into Steve Hawking,” he quips in admittedly bad taste on “PRONE!”

Yet, it’s not just white supremacy that Peggy’s fighting against. It’s the whitewashing of culture in general. “They want me Kevin James, bitch, pay me like Kevin Hart,” he differentiates on “Rap Grow Old & Die x No Child Left Behind”. The “Black Brian Wilson” he labels himself elsewhere, a fitting title considering his production and curation prowess. Only half of a song is NOT produced by Peggy here, and he even goes so far as to include a “JPEGMAFIA TYPE BEAT”, alternating between pummeling drums and lilting synth lines with embedded hand claps. It takes Peggy’s self-aware black excellence--a creative and intelligent mind like his combined with his life experiences--to combine so many disparate elements into a cohesive, forward-thinking, Internet-conquering album that’s punker than most punk and bangs harder most rap. 

Album score: 8.8/10

All My Heroes Are Cornballs by JPEGMAFIA

West Baltimore rapper and producer Butch Dawson opens.

Kishi Bashi, Metro

Kishi Bashi’s Omoiyari project centers around Japanese incaceration during WWII, something he was inspired to explore in the context of white supremacy rearing its ugly head yet again. There’s an upcoming documentary (due out early 2020), but for now, he’s released the music, his fourth studio album, and his best because it provides some weight to the usual indie pop preciousness to which he succumbs. Listen to any previous record of his, and you’re bound to think of the usual touchstones, Sufjan Stevens, The Shins, and Andrew Bird, and more recently, Bon Iver, Local Natives, and Darlingside. This time around, you hear those bands in the Laurel Canyon breeze of “Penny Rabbit and Summer Beat”, layered vocals and violin plucks of “Marigolds”, and whistling and cooing of “A Song For You”. But much of the album avoids spot the influence because it’s so personal. 

For instance, the lush instrumentals of “Summer of ‘42″ soundtrack an improbable love story at an incarceration camp, while the sweeping cinema of “Violin Tsunami” and non-lyrical singing of “A Meal For Leaves” provide emotional heft. On the string, piano, and banjo-laden “Theme From Jerome (Forgotten Words)”, Ishibashi sings of “forgotten words from Japan”, a possible reference to the fact that Japanese literature was banned in the camps; his inclusion of Japanese in the song feels like a rekindling of heritage. Perhaps most stirring is “F Delano”. It starts out portraying a friend’s bad experience at the Delano hotel in Las Vegas but takes a turn, ultimately critical of a President heralded as a true bastion of progressive policies who nonetheless oversaw Japanese incarceration.

Yet, criticizing FDR would be too easy. “Angeline” centers around the Jim Crow practice of convict leasing, which wouldn’t be that notable of an inclusion on its own. But convict leasing was ended by FDR, and in context of “F Delano”, it reads not as Ishibashi’s attempt to upend who we think of as progressive, but his attempt to stand up for the freedom of all. Taken as a whole, Omoiyari is a truly noble effort.

Album score: 7.4/10

Atlanta pop artist Pip The Pansy opens.

Skyzoo, Promontory

Okay, this is the complete opposite of JPEGMAFIA on the rap spectrum. The decidedly old-school Skyzoo teamed up with Pete Rock last month for an album called--wait for it--Retropolitan. Pete Rock takes beats from his Illmatic sessions on “It’s All Good”. Nas’ “The World Is Yours” is sampled on Griselda crew posse cut “Eastern Conference All-Stars”. “Glorious” starts with a recording of a Miles Davis interview segueing into an old soul sample; “Eastern Conference All-Stars” ends with a snippet of MLK’s Selma speech. These are tropes well-done but well-worn.

Thankfully, as with most Skyzoo records, it’s the lyrics that cement the album’s various times and places. “You couldn’t take the Brooklyn outta me,” he declares on “Glorious” before swiftly describing life as an upwardly mobile, socially aware black man in two rhyming couplets: “Moved out of the Stuy and bought yard space / But still dressed like I'm outside ducking a car chase / Still a black fist in the air quick as a heart rate / Nikes over Yeezys, Kaepernick over Kanye.” He opens “Homegrown” with a depressingly timeless line: “I’m America’s worst nightmare, huh / I’m young, black, and too intelligent to be cared.” On “One Time”, which features an indelibly smooth vocal hook from Raheem DeVaughn, he harks back to 1997 with swiftness and simultaneous nostalgia and exhaustion. “One time we was being followed by 12 / Quoting ���Ready to Die’ so we was probably twelve / Boys pulled us over like we had product to sell.” If the somewhat stubborn classicism of the production frustrates, it’s the clarity with which Skyzoo illustrates the social ills that continue to pervade America that provides a worthwhile connection between the past and the future. Ultimately, he and his friends keep on keepin’ on however they know how. Benny the Butcher gets rich off of selling dope on “Eastern Conference All-Stars”, even richer talking about it on rap songs. The Obama-referencing title of the final track on Retropolitan speaks for itself: “The Audacity of Dope”. Your move, Pusha T, because our elected officials certainly won’t make any to improve people’s lives.

Album score: 6.7/10

eLZhi opens (and presumably joins Skyzoo for “Eastern Conference All-Stars”, on which he, too, is featured).

Headhunters Nyc - Popular Ice Hockey Bar In Manhattan And New York City

Applying for fashion jobs huh? You're finally reading this. You are near your computer getting in order to start submitting resumes and waiting around for interview call buttocks. But wait! Don't do one thing else if you read pertaining to of clues about and issue into google that you've the dedication required to try for and work in vogue. There are several crucial anyone must know before attempting to get fashion perform. Sure the movie "The Devil Wears Prada" shows us several of the craziness of the fashion industry but let's just discuss this injury is a bit as well as give you some realistic expectations a person begin decide to proceed. 

Image Source:

Nyc Headhunters - The Ultimate Secret Of Nyc 

If an individual might be willing to the change that you need to see the actual world world, you will need to to look a little out belonging to the ordinary. To your seem a little off-center. Wind up be called crazy.

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Headhunters In Nyc - The Secrets To Nyc   

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Listening to Music - For me the music needs to stop barking with a light tempo that is conducive for reflection. Truly like my show tunes nevertheless i can't for you to "You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray" without taping my toes and singing. Chopin's piano music would work well for me. What would work for you? 

Hire Headhunters Nyc -  13 Secret Things You Didn't Know About Nyc

When researching terrorism, Experienced the opportunity examine close up and even touch C-4 explosive. Automobile demonstrated by drawing a line around a 3 in x 3 in section and told me that has been created enough to blow up a whole city obstruction. As I recall, the C-4 explosives were the proportions a brick and slightest gray colored and the feel of professional molding clay.

The job didn't last - regarding a month or so, as i decided we was more appropriate behind a receptionist desk instead associated with kitchen. I Headhunters Nyc didn't touch the wok for years, but later when i found myself out of college, along with a hectic jobs in nyc and often no period for cook, the stir-fry became my messiah. 

14 years later Discovered myself still fascinated in this particular industry as the young engineer. It is overwhelming. Most of time I will not clue what i am . There are a great deal of codes, circumstances, and Headhunters In Nyc owners preferences to understand exactly to be able to do in every situation. Is actually a saying in the industry sector that together with time whining everything and can be good and your job, it is time to retire. My pops has visited the sell for 30 years more than I have and he still doesn't know everything he needs to know. He is however not bad at his job when he knows what mistakes could be made because he has seen it all happen. Exactly how can I be finest without 30 years of experience?

All in all, you will discover several avenues one might pursue for autism treatment for adults. Only one of least difficult and easiest is providing them with an involving emotional customer support. In the end, treatment for adults with autism can encompass many different things, but finding friendship and emotional support won't be overlooked.

We have watched a roller coaster of an '08/'09 season that five weeks ago saw the Birds just about nailed shut in their coffin, swept away for the rest from the season almost as much ast they has become last year, and the entire year before that, and the season before which in turn. Then head coach Andy "Big Buddha" Reid benched quarterback Donovan McNabb, and also the team has literally risen like Lazarus from the dead. McNabb has been playing through his mind; grizzled defensive genius Jim Johnson has shaken the bones of his aging D-line until they rattled and shook. There's hope in metropolis of Philadelphia that this football-crazed town hasn't obtained in too long of some time. 

The main benefit which are then found in the region of Albany is the living financial impact. If a person wants to rent an area in Albany, then the rent it costs low as opposed to rent cost in the urban cities like Ny and several parts of the nation. A three bedroom house could be rented at a cost of $500 excluding the utility fees. Even with the utility bill the maximum rent can sum doing $700. Compared to a three bedroom house on the inside urban cities, the costs are low.

I remember riding the train from New Jersey to The big apple to my day piece of work. I was journaling in a notebook and that i thought,"Gosh, how am I going to try this?" I had bought into the mantra, "Build it and they will come," if I first started my business, I was struggling to obtain clients

Swayze plays James Dalton, a guru in the field of doorway security (bouncing). When he's hired due to his jobs in nyc, he's entrusted with the care of the most troublesome roadside bars to all of Mo. When not training other bouncers at the Double Deuce, failing for each other and fighting off a nasty local businessman, Dalton can be a cerebral threat who holds certain amount in Philosophy from NY 

However, Ralph Lauren's primary objective has remained to make the quintessential American look, together with clothing he designs. He created the costumes for a couple of major films in the 1970s: "The Great Gatsby" (1973), and "Annie Hall" (1978). Ralph Lauren's goal isn't generate "fashion" as such. Instead, his mission might be to create clothes that might described as "timeless classics." Such clothing doesn't go out-of-style from one fashion season to the subsequent. 

Jeff Slate: So I'm of course curious concerning story behind Long Wave, but I'm intrigued on your revisiting the ELO material too. As i listen to those new ELO recording just sound dazzling. They still retain that magic that they had when When i first heard them as a kid, nevertheless voice sounds phenomenal and it is also really well recorded, that this sounds maybe better as compared to old days, and it will do seem like from a producers standpoint that you've taken might help to prevent knew back when you made the original records and imbued the actual recordings with 30 years worth of expertise. So let's talk about the ELO record and good reason.

The announcement of Keflezighi, Abdirahman, and Ritzenhein provides race two members within the 2012 Oughout.S. Olympic men's marathon team and one member of their 10,000-meter team, respectively. Boosting the depth for this American roster are talented pros Jason Hartmann, Guor Marial, Janet Bawcom, Serena Burla, Maegan Krifchin, Adriana Nelson, Molly Pritz, Stephanie Rothstein Bruce, and Lindsey Scherf. 

Resources:Information to do this article comes from following the careers of artists listed, news stories, magazine articles, reading biographies and autobiographies, in addtition to talking to public opinion on a personal level. I verified data I remembered by visiting websites and at Wikepedia over the web.

Author Name:- Shreya Mehta

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Christmas Eve Eve Stream

Hello! Somehow it seems very recent that we last watched the Futurama one. It does, doesn't it? But it's tradition and it gives people time to funnel in if they're funnelling. Video works, sound works! It's a Christmas miracle! Relaxing! R E L A X I N G. That dog's face You never know what you're going to get with these compilations and I appreciate that this one seems to be mostly screaming. ...Are those your discord notifications or mine Fixed. Comes with the emulator. hahahha Ahhh Ditto. Hi everyone, merry pre christmas Hello! Been a while Merry pending Christmas! 👀 OH BOY

oh That's not even blue My god Hmm.  HMMM. I like the one that's on fire. sorry about that, I keep coming and going Not to worry! Yikes Very. Bring back the backwards talking demon cake. And this is from two years ago DEmon Santa returns It's not Christmas until he makes an appearance. Apologies for any typos, the text antry box is below the bottom of the screen so this is a total guess Bender why. Is this how Megatron used to give out mission assignments, I wonder? That is *exactly* how he used to give out assignments. This whole episode brings back memories of the last days of the war and that's why we all watch it despite having it memorized. I think it is naughtier to not pay your protection money Rackets need to eat too! Pictured: physics, probably Never drown yourselves with rye Always demand proper scotch preferably from Islay Honestly, what did they expect ...Who arrested the devil, though short shorts need no explantion you know who else dreamed of a red xmas? Stalin. Think about that. little old political joke there Ew. Heheheheh My favorite bit. the best Alright, onto new material! I've never seen this before, but I hear it's attrocious. Oh boy! ooh rankin bass, these are always the weirdest things "Because he's dead!" Starring anemic children and parents who may or may not be siblings. probaly shouldnt have sent those letters cash on delivery did mid 20thC america have severe vermin problem? all these mouse things... That town is riddled with hantavirus. this guy is about to pitch a monorail Ha~ Hah! i love democracy This guy's going to run off with all the money. I would. Oh jeez But Ugh. I mean no, just no This IS one of those universes where santa is real and gives everyone presents, right?  Presents that mysteriously appear every christmas? i thought evidence led treatment was the best medicine? Real and a petty, childish tyrant -- oh by the Allspark, he's Primus. Whoop. monorail, monorail, monorail Please, if I make any more of a sarcastic jerking off gesture I'll sprain something keep him out This is dreadful. "winter came" sorry when WAS the beginning of this Why is everyone starving now, does Santa also bring them food i feel no empathy for the antiscience mice this is what happens when you move to happy thought based economy Santa brings them food, heat, light, and all he asks is unflinching devotion and a yearly sacrifice via wicker man. Hah! Oh right, it's just them that's starving, because nobody's giving him business Please don't widdle. That family tree does not branch. "Santa's angry because you all widdled too much." i think it loops hahahah soooo, put down more mousetraps? this makes less sense than why santa was banned from narnia This is the most messed-up santa I've ever seen uh, he's smoking?  indoors? "Santa" spends the rest of the year underneath the bridge. this santa looks to be both drunk and on meth Well, a red nose IS a sign of alcoholism It would explain so much. Alright, just working out some technical difficulties with RiffTrax... tis the season for technical issues There it is! But first... Can't forget our other holiday tradition! Oh boy THIS Rhyming remember with remember.  How dare. what pod people are those kids? I can't tear my eyes away from that bow. There's the drugged, kidnapped children! Here we go! Hooray! "Spunky" Awww he made the joke before we could Hhahaha That owl is possessed Owls... They're all possessed. all owls are Wait isn't Santa's whole deal that he delivers the presents himself did you read the news story at the weekend about the family who found an owl in their christmas tree when it was in their living room? No, but my condolences to their surviving loved ones. that is why i have an artificial tree this year has been light on owl news, clearly they are plotting something big it is dumbledore where is Snape when you need him? Did.  Did the animals want a christmas tree They live in a forest Hooverville That's a weirdly flat hammer toys for budding psychopaths Breakdown says he can see the appeal. The decapitation game "A real KNOCKOUT" ... "A real--", haha. The emotions are conflicting. still more impressive than the current royal navy fleet roster ... That certainly is...something? ?? fifty shades of grey, the game Not An Orgy more from meth santa? It's tonight's theme. america really loved the great depression, didn't it gaaaah That mouth animation i think i preferred the mouse's meth santa is santa going to eat him? Absolutely. That's a predator's mouth. hooo boy Normal dog mouths with normal dog teeth is this cartoon really happening or am i having a bad acid flashback? Oh, it's happening. it is the live action nightmare before christmas This certainly is Christmasy. Pffff Oh no!  haunted! lucifer looks better after he is replaced by Tom Ellis hahahah Don't break into people's houses, kids. who is afraid of a little felony house breaking? one of those kids will betried as an adult, lets guess which There it is. Pffff head injuries which cause alterations of sensory states always need brain scans Huh. "a secret compartment for POISON" this Harry Potter prequel needs work, but at least doesn't star Jonny Depp Hah! "okay, let me write this down" "not telling you which kind I am tho" I'm serious though, if you get a head injury and start seeing colours or hallucinating witches, get a brain scan asap even if it is only transitory oh god yes you are hallucinating, kid. see a doctor! Okay that does not seem like an appropriate habitat This all has so little to do with Christmas. https://external-preview.redd.it/uzUWdKH11awsRkfQFArl8KhcKQC5XiMMZrMYtMXxZG0.jpg?auto=webp&s=929d814cd06688484059aff9629a617d842b8da4 brain trauma and animal abuse, truly the real meaning of christmas uh or rather http://i.imgur.com/DFqlhuz.jpg Aladdin rubbing his lamp is just a metaphor for masturbation I bet his parents won't have any questions about the new tree in their yard whereas a kid playing hide the turtle and planting his ring seed is.... I have no idea. That's not really how mowing works. I miss when this movie was about bolgna and meatloaf, and made sense Those were good tims. *times What is he even doing she' s calling a divorce lawyer, right? Was he... not looking where he was going? And people got paid to write and make this too This scene feels like it's been going on for years. So he just has a grudge against this tree because he ran into it like a dumbass, right I can't remember when this scene wasn't happening this family is really half assing their christmas GAH! WELP did he just say "enter you" seriously kid, get a brain scan hahahah So... his dad's going to come back and find a tree already there "hey, THESE aren't our decorations" you are a nightmare made real I would have fragged this tree at a certain stage in my life. kid uh you really wanna be a tree ...Stages. It's the voice, isn't it. if you ddon't get that brain scan kid, you'll end up being a plant for life That and I have a thing for haughty, awful Seekers. It is. yes kid, go towards the light Yikes when does he  turn someone into a jack in the box? what is going on? murder suicide? hahahah "Uh, no further questions" wish for infinite wishes, duh He... wants Santa for his very own Kid No ...Oh. Well. could they not have hired an  actor with a real beard? Uh "belong to" He could have just wished directly for whatever dumb toys okaaaaay that was genuinely disturbing there stroking the gun like that Yeah ....What. What. what the? UH??? UGH, HE'S SQUATTING. So... if it's morning... wouldn't his parents have gotten up and found Santa trapped in that chair Wow. Ha santa might forgive him, but i will never forgive the director Agreed. I feel like I could have made a much better job of three wishes. Oh so it was alllllll a dreeeeaaaaam see, I said he he had a brain injury get a brain scan, now though I'm sure you would. continued hallucinations and altered sensory perceptions... this kid is bleeding into his brain Ha! Oh boy Hahahaha was this guy on the epstien jet too? OHH That face Killer?? And one more for the road! Pfffff A classic. timeless classic And that's all I've got! okay, well it has been an experience as always thank you and merry christmas to our host And an exceedingly merry Christmas to you as well! Thanks for hosting! and I guess i'll see you all again next christmas too Season's greasons :) bye all and to all a goodnight Good night!

from 'RittenhouseTL' for all things Timeless https://ift.tt/2DPhrPh via Istudy world

The Devil You Know

Fandom: Timeless

Pairing: Garcia Flynn / Lucy Preston

Summary:

AU. Dr. Lucy Preston is sick of all the invasive questions she gets at her parents’ yearly Christmas dinner party. As much as she can’t stand her work nemesis, Dr. Garcia Flynn, she spots an opportunity when she finds out he has no Christmas plans. What better way to avoid questions about your love life (or lack thereof) than to pretend you have one?  

(Fake-dating Christmas AU. Fluff ahoy.)

______________________________________

“I’m sorry mom, I might have to work.”

“The university closes over the holidays, Lucy - I ran the department for a decade, I know how these things work.”

“Not teaching, just…working on my first draft edits, catching up on grading-”

“Lucy.  Absolutely not.  You will come to dinner, and that’s final.”

Lucy sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.  She is, of course, completely bullshitting, as her real plan for Christmas is a pitcher of eggnog and some TV binge-watching, but unfortunately her mother is seeing right through it.  It isn’t that she doesn’t enjoy Christmas dinner - the food is always great, enough free booze for everyone to need cabs by the end of the night, and her parents are fantastic hosts. The part she isn’t as much of a fan of is the questions.

“So, Lucy, are you seeing anyone?”

“How long until you give your parents a grandbaby?”

“Are you gay?”

The last one she’d gotten the year previous, and she’d nearly spit her drink in Aunt Edith’s face when she heard it.  Her aunt wasn’t known for having much of a filter (or any filter at all, really), but the leap of logic was impressive, to say the least.  Okay, so she’d never brought anyone to family dinner, that much was true. It wasn’t for lack of trying, of course. She’d had a steady stream of dates over the past year, absolutely none of them panning out.  Most of the men she showed even vague interest in ended up being a massive disappointment in the end - couldn’t keep up with her intellectually, or felt threatened by her position at Stanford, or just plain didn’t get her jokes.  So she’d tried to date other history professors exclusively for a period of time, but that turned out even worse, as most were just interested in correcting her any chance they got. And she was getting really, really sick of hearing ‘Well, actually…”

She’d hoped to avoid dinner this year entirely, but leave it to her mother to anticipate all her excuses.  And her mother wasn’t much better than her extended family when it came to the invasive questions around Lucy’s love life.  If anything, her mother was even worse, as she also loved to try and set Lucy up with anyone eligible she happened to meet anywhere.  Just last month she’d set her up with a guy she met in a lineup at the bookstore. The guy had been buying one of her mother’s books, so it wasn’t particularly shocking she’d jump at the chance to matchmake.  It was only once she was roped into an awkward dinner with him that Lucy found out he was a staunch Republican, and she had to spend two hours listening to his views on illegal immigration. Her mother’s screening process had always been a bit lacking.

“Fine, mom, I will…make time to attend dinner.  For a bit.”

“That’s better.  And don’t hesitate to bring a friend with you.”

“Let me guess - a male friend?”

“Well, that would be ideal.”   Her mother laughs on the other end of the line.   “Honestly sweetheart, you can bring anyone. I’d just like to see you smile for once.”

Lucy rolls her eyes. “Alright, mom. See you then.” Hanging up her cell, she slips it back into her pocket and picks up her coffee cup from the counter, and she’s mid-sip when she catches sight of him over the rim.  She quickly swallows and sets the mug down, then gathers her folders into her arms and rushes toward the teacher’s lounge door as quickly as she can without making it obvious that she’s fleeing.

“Dr. Preston!”

No dice

She’s nearly at the door when he calls her name, and she pauses, sighing, before plastering a civil smile on her face and turning back to him.  “Good morning, Dr. Flynn.”

Her most recent date in the string of bad dates had happened to be the very man now striding toward her with a grin on his face.  Or, technically, it would have been, if they’d made it that far. Instead, Garcia Flynn had asked her out for a drink, and then hours later humiliated her at journal club with a classic, “Well, actually…”  And then he’d had the gall right afterward to approach her for that drink. Her eye roll and lack of response had sent a pretty clear message, she thought. If not, avoiding him in the weeks since then should have done the trick.  Either he was bad at taking a hint, or he was more stubborn than her.

“Merry Christmas, Dr. Preston.”  He’d almost be handsome with that bright grin creasing the laugh lines around his eyes if she wasn’t fully aware of what a dick he was.

“You too.”  

She tries to turn and leave again, but before she can he quickly adds, “Have any plans for the holidays?”

“Dinner,” she says as she turns back.  “Parents. The usual.”

“Sounds nice,” he says, and there’s a pause where a normal human would then ask And you?  Unfortunately for him, Lucy doesn’t give a damn how he’s spending his holidays, who he’s spending them with, or anything else involving him, either.  She gives him a tight-lipped smile, eyebrows raised, waiting for him to say something more, which he doesn’t.

“If we’re finished, Dr. Flynn, I have a class to get to.”

“Of course, sorry, don’t let me keep you.”  He steps around her and reaches for the door, holding it open for her.  Lucy gives him one more thin smile and leaves.

She finishes her final class for the day at 5:00 PM on the dot, and chooses to stay in the lecture hall while she grades papers, savoring the silence and soft lighting of her desk lamp in the dark room.  She’s wrapped up in a particularly interesting paper when the door opens quietly, and she looks up, still chewing the end of her pen, and squints through her glasses to see Flynn standing in the doorway.

“The light was on.”  When she says nothing, he steps inside, taking her silence as a tacit invitation.  It boggles her mind a bit, how little he seems able to read her signals (or lack thereof).  “What are you still doing here? It’s getting late.”

She sits back in her chair, sighing, and sets her glasses on the desk.  “I could ask you the same question, Dr. Flynn.”

He meanders toward her with his hands in his pockets, comes to stop just behind her so he can peek over her shoulder at the papers on the desk.

“Culper Ring, huh?  One of my favorite units.  As soon as they hear the word ‘spy’ they’re all suddenly model students.”

She smiles - this one genuine - and slides her chair back so she can face him.  “I thought your teaching focus was the Cold War.”

“It is now.  I did a few years around the Revolutionary War, back when I was a grad student.”

Before either of them can say anything further, Lucy’s phone vibrates on the desk.  She lifts it and reads the text on the screen quickly, rolls her eyes and sighs. Flynn raises an eyebrow, the hint of a smile on his face.  “Everything okay?”

Lucy nods.  “Yeah, just…my mother.  Reminding me what to wear to dinner.  And what to bring.” A pause. “And who to bring.”

“Who?” he repeats, curious, both looking and sounding amused, which kills any goodwill she may have been feeling toward him.

“She’s insisting I bring a friend this year.  She’s been ‘helpfully’ making suggestions on who that could be.  Never mind the fact that all of them are either spending time with their own families or aren’t on speaking terms with me anymore.”  The latest suggestion was a real doozy, as her mother was now pitching ex-boyfriends whose families she knew lived out of state. Ex-boyfriends.  She’d really hit a new low if her mother was dipping into that pool of candidates.

“Sounds like an interesting woman.”

“Oh, she’s a treat,” Lucy says, voice dripping with sarcasm.  She loves her mother, she truly does. She just can’t stand her sometimes.  Or most of the time. It helps when her father is around to buffer, but texting directly with her mother doesn’t afford her that luxury.  She rubs her eyes in exasperation. “I wonder if I can convince Jonas to come with me.”

“Jonas?  As in, Jonas Hughes, head of the department?”

“We, uh…had coffee once.  Didn’t go anywhere. But he’s one of the few I’m still on good terms with.”

“Seems like you get around a bit, Dr. Preston.”

Lucy lets her hand drop and fixes him with a glare.  “Excuse me?”

Flynn blanches, stammering as he says, “That came out wrong, I didn’t mean-”

“Oh no, Dr. Flynn, please go on about how I get around.”  She stands abruptly and starts angrily shoving her things into her briefcase as she speaks.  “I didn’t realize how scandalous it was for a woman in her mid-thirties to be actively dating.”

“Lucy-”

“No, no, it’s fine.  If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to head home and die alone.”

She doesn’t give him a chance to respond, shoving past him with her briefcase held tightly in her right hand, her knuckles turning white around the handle as she channels all of her anger into her grip so she can resist clawing Flynn’s eyes out instead.  He’s still stammering behind her as she whips the door open, and she doesn’t glance back as she slams it behind her.

Read the rest at AO3

One subject that I always seem to be reading about is the “Capsule Wardrobe”.  This wardrobe is built around a few essential, classic and timeless items.  Google this term and you will find hundreds of articles and variations of this collection of clothing.

My wardrobe is full of classic and timeless pieces. But I can’t pare down. I just can’t!

It didn’t hit home for me until one of our Atypical60 friends, Angelin2014 (you know her ladies—she gives great replies to the blog posts and is a great friend of Atypical60), wrote about this subject in her blog, Age Is Just A Number. (click on the name of the link to read!)

Reading her two posts about the capsule wardrobe got me to thinking.  Should I pare down to a capsule wardrobe?  Hmmmmmmm.

Well, SHOULD I????

And for me, the answer is that I probably should pare down to this minimalist wardrobe, but I don’t want to.  I love the clothing that I have.  Many of the items, I’ve had for years.  I try to do a seasonal weeding and place summer clothing in plastic bins during the winter and vice versa for the summer. But the way the heat index is still at an all-time high, it looks like my summer clothing will be sticking around for a while.

But as much as the thought of a capsule wardrobe is enticing, I like to think of myself as a person with Capsule Brands. It’s true. I’m loyal like a dog.

It’s true. I’m loyal like Chippy. He’s into my clothes too. When I was taking a photo of my tee shirts, he tried to eat one of them.

These are the brands that I can trust.  They are the brand items that I will have for years.  I just about rely on these brands because of the quality, the construction, the feel, the fit and they never fail me. I’m a minimalist when it comes to brands. I  have few.

Let’s have a look at the brands and what I love about them.

J. Crew. Ain’t gonna lie. I love J. Crew and J. Crew Factory.  In my opinion, both are interchangeable. Sometimes I can find better quality at Factory while most times, J. Crew is the place to shop.   Ordering clothing online is no issue either because the shipping is quick.  The online customer service is freakin’ stellar!!

May I present the latest addition to my J. Crew blazer collection?  The Double-breasted Dover.  It is such a rich, intense dark navy that it can look black. The lining is beautiful. Striped and almost looks like a club tie.  I love the collar popped (Hey. I was in my 20’s during the Eighties. OK?) A bit longer in length and less fitted than the Schoolboy,  it will look stunning both on job interviews and for casual wear.  It’s a winna!!!

The Schoolboy blazers—God knows I have more than enough of them, are my winter staple. If I want to make a pair of jeans look polished, the Schoolboy is worn with them.  And—even though J. Crew discontinued (the story of my life) the Schoolboy, another version that is just as good, if not better is available at J. Crew Factory.

Two blazers in this photo are NOT schoolboys. One is the chambray with the ruffles. The other is the wool camel Regent blazer.  All others are either from J. Crew or J. Crew Factory. And there’s more!

The plaid schoolboy I purchased last year at J. Crew Factory.

  Other Jackets—the Lady Jackets are a dressier option, but boy—Crew’s blazers and jackets have always been top quality for me.

  What a difference a new phone makes–huh? This black Lady Jacket from J. Crew is another favorite-I’ll have to get a better photo with my new phone at some point!

Rather than pare down, I build up.

99.9 percent of my sweaters are from either J. Crew or J. Crew Factory.  It’s to the point that I’m just not comfortable in any other brand. Call me crazy—but I know what I like when it comes to sweaters and I feel J. Crew knows me.

Same with skirts. I am in love with the Number 2 pencil skirt. Timeless and always looks good.

Three Number 2 Pencil skirts. Both sweaters are also from J. Crew. That yellow skirt is one of my favorites. Wool. Beautiful fit. I love it!

Now—that’s not to say that everything from J. Crew is perfect for me.  I have an issue with Crew’s jeans.  For some weird reason, the brand’s jeans just do not fit me well.  The rise is either too low or, if higher, just looks odd on me.

No big deal because after years and years of searching for the perfect fitting jeans, I found them last year at Nordstrom Rack. AG Jeans.  Yes. They are on the pricey side but at Nordstrom Rack, the brand can be found for a fraction of the price.  I’ve also discovered 1822 Denim Jeans which I purchased at Marshalls but are also available at Nordstrom Rack.

I was introduced to AG Jeans last year at Nordstrom Rack and I now have five pairs. I LOVE this brand!

The fit. The different washes.  The cut. These are perfect for a curvier shape and AG’s jeans hold their shape after a long day of wear!

AG Jeans. J. Crew Breton striped shirt.  J. Crew Schoolboy blazer. I’ll get to the shoes later on in the post!  I’m pretty much a Capsule Brander!

It so wonderful when you find that brand of jeans that fit so well!

Here’s another Capsule Brand look. AG Jeans. J. Crew shirt. Repetto ballet flats and Rondini sandals. I don’t stray too far from my favorites!

Can I just say that I’m also very loyal to Old Navy for their tee shirts? The Old Navy Fitted Tee is one of my very prized basic possessions.  Might I add that I have a penchant for the white crew neck fitted tee?  I am telling you that this tee is everything and a bag of chips! I’ve written about this tee many times. In fact, I was so upset when ON discontinued this shirt I wrote to them and now it’s back—even if it is only back online!

I kid you not. This is just a small number of the fitted white tees from Old Navy. I hoard them. Notice the ones that still have the tags on them. The need to be ironed.  And when these tees get old and stained and wonky looking, I rip them and use them as dust cloths. Multi-taskers these shirts be!  See Chippy’s paws at the top of the photo. He was ready to snack on some cotton!

Word to the wise—for a truly fitted look, order a size down.  I size down from a Medium t a Small and the fit is so beautiful under a blazer or cardigan sweater.   This tee is currently selling for $8.00 on the Old Navy site but watch for sales when you can get the shirt for five bucks.  You’re welcome!

Old Navy’s Tee Shirt dresses are another item I have plenty of.  And their jersey swing dresses– I’m telling you when Old Navy has a winner—they hit gold!

My most-worn dress this summer.  I’m still wearing it.  Ten bucks at Old Navy. I went back and bought four more!

Shoes are another item that I’m brand loyal with certain styles.  You are all well-aware of my love for Rondini for sandals.  Even if I don’t make it to St. Tropez, I can order this brand online because I have the measurements for the custom-made fit.  Honestly, these sandals are the best value for the money.

Check out how well these mold to my feet. I stand with my weight toward the inside of my legs you can tell from the sandals. OMG. I love my Rondini sandals so much.  My Capsule brand for sandals.  My ONLY brand for sandals.

The cost? Comparable with name-brand sandals you can find at higher-end department stores. But the difference is that the sandals are custom fit and made. All leather and they wear beautifully. The sandals mold to your feet and they wear better with age.  It’s become a tradition for me to treat my feet to a pair each summer.

Repetto is another brand I’m loyal to because the ballet flats fit my narrow feet beautifully.  I have three pairs of Repetto’s and am in the market for a new pair, preferably in navy.  These shoes wear well and I only purchase them if I happen to be in Paris during the winter or summer sales because the discount is deep!

Repetto is another favorite brand!  Perfect for my narrow feet, they make my foot look pretty!

Loafers anyone?  The only brand of loafer I will put on my feet is Bass Weejuns. Don’t even try to get me into another brand because I won’t do it.  I’ve been wearing Weejuns since my days at St. Patrick Grammar School. That’s a lotta years.  I love my Weejuns!

My beloved Weejuns. I still lean toward the old, worn, pair to the left!!!!  It would be a sin if I wore any other brand loafer!

I’m not brand loyal, nor is any one heel within the confines of my Capsule brands.  I think it’s because the right heel is so hard to find.

I stick to what works—even with heels!

I did have a brand of heel that I was somewhat loyal to. It’s because the heels had the perfect pointy toe. The perfect height of the heel. And beautiful toe cleavage. The brand…Ivanka Trump.  Hey. I know, I know. I have no idea if her shoes are still sold because everyone knows how I feel about her daddy.   If her shoes are still sold, I would never purchase another pair.  But, I spent good money on the shoes that I do have, so I’ll just wear them until they fall apart—much like…. um.umm. I’m gonna be good.

There are two brands of bag that I’m encapsulating.  Longchamp and Nat & Nin.    I’m especially fond of the leather Longchamp bags because, like Nat & Nin, the bags are soft and pliable. I love me a buttery soft bag.  If you are in Paris, you can make a stop at Sophie Sacs on Rue du Rennes where Nat & Nin bags are sold at a discounted price, or you can visit the Nat & Nin boutique on Boulevard Beaumarchais.

Leather Longchamp bags.  All but one were purchased at deep discount.  The red one was a birthday gift from Bonaparte!

Left side:  Longchamp’s Le Pliage. This brown bag is so worn and so old but I can’t stop using it. I love the color and when we are away, it doubles as a beach bag.  Multitasker!  To the right is the Planetes tote also by Longchamp. This bag is filthy!  I love the orange and I use it mostly in the fall and spring.  I’ve lent this out to friends and co-workers because everyone just loves that color!

I haven’t used this travel bag yet, but I got it at CDG this past summer on sale. I can’t wait to use it. It’ll hold a house for cryin’ out loud!

Remember this deal I got?  The cream-colored Longchamp weekender at CDG for 43 euros?  I’ve gotten more than my money’s worth with use!

See how well my Repettos go with the Longchamp bag?  Now you have an idea of how brand loyal I am!

My nat & nin bags. Yes. I have three of the same kind in different colors. These bags are like butta.  And they are unstructured which is what I like!

One of our friends and readers, Lidia, was in Paris and sent me an email about Groom Paris bags.  I swooned.  I. Literally. Swooned.  There are some strong feelings stirring inside me because I know that if I get my hands on one of these bags, they will be a part of my Capsule Brands.  I had a dream about their website last night. Who does that???????  I do.

This. Bag.  I. Covet.  And I did not know this brand is sold in five stores in the USA. In Florida, San Francisco, DC, and Oregon. Oregon?????? 

So, I may be a few miles short of a capsule wardrobe, but these are my capsule brands.  And note—I am not sponsored by any of these brands.  There is no click and bait.  These are brands that I love and trust and I also buy EVERYTHING on sale!

Brand love.  J. Crew Factory blazer. J. Crew Tippi Sweater. Gap (not AG) jeans and Bass Weejuns.  There’s not much going out of my comfort zone here!

Old Navy Tee. J. Crew Scarf and Loft Jeans (This photo was taken before I discovered AG Jeans)!

J. Crew has sales all the time and so does Old Navy. You can usually get a good deal on some of the Longchamp leather bags during Nordstrom Anniversary Sale—but my favorite leather Longchamp bag was purchased at Nordstrom Rack. You gotta search!  In addition, I’ve gotten great deals on Longchamp travel bags at CDG airport in Paris.  Same with Repetto.

Rondini never goes on sale—but it’s fine because the price for the custom fit is everything—and Rondini’s staff is incredibly knowledgeable, helpful and nice!

How’s your brand loyalty?  Do you have Capsule Brands?  Do tell!

I can’t stop thinking about the song “Brandy” since I’m writing about brands.  Remember this trinket of greatness?  Looking Glass and Brandy!

My Wardrobe May Not Be Capsule—But I Have Capsule Brands One subject that I always seem to be reading about is the “Capsule Wardrobe”.  This wardrobe is built around a few essential, classic and timeless items. 

The Traffic Machine Gun - Building Streams Of Free Traffic To Your Webpages

When attempting to start an online organisation, the majority of us are on a footwear string budget. This suggests the large time of paid website traffic and also hefty ad experiments are out of reach for a great deal of novices. So producing website traffic (at the very least to begin out) ought to mainly be from free resources. Since does not imply that you cannot obtain excellent web traffic free of cost. You can! Free targeted website traffic that transforms. If you recognize specifically what to do. I will certainly list 5 methods of the best ways to tackle securing free web traffic for your business/website. I would certainly additionally like to recommend that even if you are already at a point where you like making use of paid web traffic, you will still discover these methods functioning well for you together with your paid resources. Anyways, exactly what's free is incredible (I like the * free * things!), so why not assert it for yourself? So, let's obtain right to it, will we: # 1: EMAIL SIGNATURES Okay, the easier resource initially. Now I know people are going - "Oh no! Not those ...". Below's a little understanding: People use email trademarks the upside-down! That's why they backfire. I'm not speaking about email you send from your auto-responder. Use this in mails that you would certainly send out to a normal individual, out your listing. Every email you send is a website traffic creating opportunity. Do not lose it! Individuals on planet send and receive numerous e-mails a day using their free email solution. But bear in mind, it's a web traffic obtaining tool, not a tough selling device. What lots of people think about when they utilize email trademarks is a classic calligraphy of their name or text based contact details as well as service cards at the end of an e-mail. No no no. Prevent those. Go to your web site as well as select up your logo. Use that as your signature. A picture!! It's classy and specialist. After that after it's in your e-mail, use it as a hyper link, i.e. a click-able e-mail trademark picture. In this way, they come directly to your site from their inbox. And also it amasses attention and interest. I understand that you do not desire to sell things to your mother, or make your buddies seem like you're considering their budget. So you could constantly remove a signature from an email at the click of a button. Currently when you do send mails with your image trademark in them, people keep in mind that picture! And also later on if somebody they recognize requires a service like your own, they discuss it. " Oh you need that. I have a good friend ... who I think does specifically that ... well I saw in his email there was something pertaining to it." Voila. There's your traffic, with social evidence. Trademarks will work extra on such social design. Yet they do sometimes send out prompt traffic as well, little by little. # 2: FORUM LINKING This is a timeless and also age-old method that is shown to function. At online forums connecting to your market, start addressing concerns and also give out help completely free. Yeah, aid others. This WILL take work however it constructs trust. After that, once individuals begin to describe you, put a referral or web link down at your character. They'll be desiring to look into exactly what you found or exactly what it is you use. This is likewise effective for SEO functions as it passes some web link value to your site. # 3: FORUM PARTNERING This develops on discussion forum connecting. Inside the online forums, discover people with greater ratings and also "given thanks to proportions" by searching for their profiles. This tells their level of respect and exactly how numerous times their advice has been practical to others. Such individuals with high regard have effective businesses as their recommendations comes from functioning down in the field. Contact them and also build a connection. After that, examine out their characters and also the areas they suggest. It's bound to aim to one of their own services too. So look into those organisations from your particular niche that compare with your own as well as would be fascinating to have a look at for individuals on your list. Currently below's where PARTNERING with them comes in. Your checklist is getting fed up with you if you continuously pound them with your very own site as well as it's links. Yet you can't just distribute totally free web content all the time and have it go waste (which is what takes place a lot of the time). So after every few e-mails, have your partner from the discussion forum treat your listing to an unique incentive email session, and allow them go on as well as link to their product as opposed to your very own. And tell them to do the same for their list. As in, YOU be their guest for a change. Testing has shown that these e-mails get higher open-up ratios as well as higher click-backs. So where previously, you were just sending out free material, you currently have unique guest material and also you reach take advantage of fresh website traffic from your companion's list. # 4: iTunes-TRAFFIC Well that's what I call iTunes website traffic . If there's two precious decisions that have truly assisted my on the internet career, it's these: > Buying a Mac > Exploiting iTunes - to the max If you're not songs right into iTunes already, ensure you do that once you complete reviewing this. It is THE place for the coming generation - of youngsters, of web newbies, of BUYERS !! You could share your opinions and also web content as both free as well as superior information on iTunes. It's called podcasting. And as opposed to popular mistaken beliefs, you could put anything in your podcast - songs, audio messages, video, pdf documents, files, zip files - almost whatever your mind intends to produce - so long as it's legal web content. What's excellent concerning podcasts is that iTunes will immediately upgrade individuals that're subscribed to your podcast, unlike RSS feeds where you're left to the passion of the consumer. iTunes produces that interest for you, thanks to it's excellent style and also innovative web content distribution. I've tried also setting up babble on iTunes once or twice as well as still procured some traffic. No initiative whatsoever. # 5: SEARCH ENGINE TRAFFIC, ANYONE ?? Okay, I maintained the bomb for completion. Fighting internet search engine as well as attempting to rank well in Google lacks a shadow of a doubt the very best kind of totally free traffic out there. But, unlike exactly what much of us would love to hear, it's a pain in the butt!! It's a pain not just for the average on the internet business owner, however also for skilled computer engineers and IT geeks who're tired of Google behaving like their ex-girlfriend who maintains providing wishes and afterwards shatters them all at the critical moment by providing an unwanted upgrade. Not pretty, huh? Truth be told, if you were a quality partner who understood how to deliver high quality material every so often, without there being many spammers that destroy the ready you, Google would never dispose you! But alas, jerks constantly make it hard for the bad nice person, so till Mr. good person could find his real feeling of masculinity he's mosting likely to wind up nowhere. Sorry ... I digress. Well right here's a secret few people are speaking about: Google acknowledges flowing web page ranking. You could use that to your benefit. What I suggest is, if there's a website with a high Page Rank worth (higher than 5), it commands in Google's eyes. And you need to discover a web site that has high web page rank along with permits others to obtain that Public Relations. This occurs when a new sub-domain made on that site will certainly have the ability to share the Public Relations (as a result of rel='dofollow' linking in it's HTML code ..."dofollow" implies the Google bot does follow linked web pages and also ratings them on a similar Public Relations worth). So in brief, construct your web pages on a web site that has dofollow connecting as well as permits you to produce subdomains on it, or add your very own domain names on it, without needing to own the entire website. I'll conserve you the trouble on this set. I found a location called webstarts.com, where you could build your personal internet site and also it'll have a webstarts subdomain if you're using it absolutely free. Now, webstarts has high web page ranking, so your pages on webstarts will crush your competitors and hit the top of Google rather promptly, sometimes following a meal. now if you desire to own your pages on that particular site, it does cost a small fee, however hey ... you can use the totally free pages initially then make some money off it. then, go for the paid domain name. I wish you enjoyed these complimentary internet site traffic generation methods. Currently it's up to you to go out, implement them, build your website traffic, and earn money from all that totally free targeted site web traffic! ALL THE BEST.

i’ma yell at the songs that debuted on the billboard hot 100 this year okay

So I’m gonna try to make this post every week because I’m trying to establish some routine for the tumblog, have some point to my social media? Which basically means I’m gonna keep track of every song that blows up enough to get on the Billboard charts and update the Top Ten of 2017 every week so I don’t have to endure the nonsense that was a Hot 100 of 2016 chart that didn’t have “Black Beatles” or “Bad & Boujee” YA GOOFED, BILLBOARD so anyway this’ll be a fun thing to do for two months

i’ma skip the 1/7 chart because there’s still christmas music on there? but i’m considering everything from that point on a 2017 track.

14 January 2017

71) "Moves," Big Sean

The more time I spend with Big Sean, the more I understand what other people might have been seeing in him that has kept him in the collective consciousness this whole time. Like, we gave him enough chances to practice, and he got good! It's impressive! Not everyone gets good!

79) "Seein' Red," by Dustin Lynch

I was gonna make a stink about how typically red lights mean 'stop,' and that is a notable omission in a song about a dude who fantasizes about red, but you know what, this is about as inoffensive as bro country gets. It's not good? But it's not obnoxious, and that hits the ceiling I have for bro country. I would like to point out: in the pre-chorus, bro says "drive this Chevy like a Cadillac." Fun fact! The Cadillac-brand automotives are manufactured by General Motors, which also manufactures Chevrolet-brand automobiles! That is so weird how, in this simile, two cars being manufactured by the same company are being compared! Probably just a coincidence.

80) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty

This is the bounciest trap single I've heard since "Trap Queen." "I'm just like DeRozan/If I shoot it, it goes in." And just like DeMar DeRozan with his anachronistic game based around an elite mid-range jumper, I don't know how this song works so well, but goddamnit if it's just a pleasure to hear! Both parties have really nice self-deprecating senses of humor, and the hook is the sort of daffy most novelty singles could only dream of achieving. This song is charming! I never thought I'd describe a trap song as charming, but I absolutely fucking love this. What a peculiar little treat!

90) "Think a Little Less," by Michael Ray

I was gonna do this whole thing where I inferred certain beliefs Michael Ray has about women's right to their own bodies given that he has a 100% serious song called "Real Men Love Jesus" and wonder why someone who isn't pro-choice would insist a woman "kiss a little more, think a little less." But you know what? Maybe Michael Ray's cool. Maybe we owe Michael Ray the benefit of the doubt. So I'm not gonna do that whole thing. I'm just not gonna talk about this song anymore because hoo boy is it ever not worth talking about.

95) "No Flockin," by Kodak Black

Imagine making the beat for this song and realizing it has to go to Kodak Black. Hey: I have an idea for a reality show, and y'all can tell me if this has been done, but it's 14 unsigned rappers in a battle to determine who gets to be the first to rap over a new Just Blaze beat, and like in the first episode Just Blaze brings out whatever hip-hop luminaries are at a stage in their career that they have to appear on reality shows (P. Diddy for sure, I bet they could get Cee-Lo, and I can't imagine Salt or Pepa saying no) to affirm that this isn't just some beat Just Blaze made ten years ago that he's pulling out for that executive producer credit, anyone who gets this beat has a hit on their hands, and with the right rapper, it's a no-brainer instant classic. 14 unsigned rappers fighting for one Just Blaze beat in the reality rapping competition we so sorely need.

96) "Timeless," by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING

The way the drums come in is really cool. The way he goes off-beat in the bridge, I don't know how into that I am? But I respect that he is making choices.

98) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo

Gotye 2017 is pretty cool! Nothing will ever top the original, of course, but still a far sight better than Gotye 2015.

99) "Hate U Love U," by Olivia O'Brien

...wait is this j -- okay, well, i guess it's enough to know we can calculate gnash's VORP. this song goes from a 3 to a 6 without that dude.

100) "Shaky Shaky," by Daddy Yankee

This is garbage, but it is incredibly acceptable garbage. It's jubilantly insipid.

21 January 2017

92) "Sober Saturday Night," by Chris Young ft./Vince Gill

So as far as bro country dudes go, this one actually has a decent voice. If pressed, I might be able to pick his voice out of a lineup a week from now! That doesn't mean this song isn't dreck -- oh wow, you stopped partying because a girl left you, how terrible, he's not even drinking! you guys! so sad! -- but, y'know, it's nice to have some variety.

93) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott

Hey! A song I already know and mostly enjoy! Awesome time-save, right there!

94) "I Got You," by Bebe Rexha

...no thank you

95) "The Weekend," by Brantley Gilbert

oh god this chucklefuck. "Tick tock, I'm on the clock, and I feel like this job's just 9 to 5'n my life away." Brantley Gilbert is 32. He released his debut album when he was 24. Assume he went to all four years of high school and graduated at 18. His Wikipedia page says he has been an active musician since 2005, when he would've been 20. I never knew any 19-year-olds with office jobs but, okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt, afford him the chance to have worked a shitty temp job while he was gigging or trying to make songwriting happen. He has six years, from when he was 18 to 24, to have worked a 9 to 5. Like, you would think this wouldn't matter to him these days, right? Because he's 32 now, and he has a job he probably likes as a county music star, he has a purported net worth around $10 million, you'd figure he wouldn't be thinking about the time he wasted at his dead-end job. So unless he's just had this song hanging around since he was 23 and is just now getting around to it, how am I supposed to believe this tattoo boy truly ever felt miserable at a 9-5? See, the problem with bro country is, it's dishonest. It comes from a deeply cynical place. This song does not come from a place of deeply felt experience or bold artistic statement, it is a song about something that happens to other people that he and Big Machine can then sell to those other people, and that is just such a profoundly disappointing thing. I promise one day I'm going to talk about something I love as much as I talk about something I don't much care for.

100) "Water," by Ugly God

I love this name you have chosen for yourself! The song... Well, still. What a good name to have picked! You are wearing a sweatshirt that says Hentai and I am proud of what you have been able to achieve in your life's time.

28 January 2017

1) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran

"Hey, 2010 Bob!" "Well, hello, Bob! from the future! Been a couple days!" "Been a couple years, actually." "Ha!" "Time travel jokes." "Well, what'd you come here to tell me? Last time, you came from the magical world of 2013 to tell me about all the new Pokemon you had. What does the future have in store?" "In 2017, the best male pop stars alive will be, in order, Bruno Mars, The Weeknd, and Ed Sheeran." "...Um?" "Also Trump becomes president." "What, like Donald?" "I also have new Pokemon for you!" "Oh, dope! But like Donald?" "Oh yeah, and he like instantly becomes a monstrous dictator, too." "...The Apprentice dude?"

6) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran

Like legit tho, it's 2017, Ed Sheeran dropped a song with heavy (heavy) U2 influence, and I 100% don't mind it. I also laughed out loud at "Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, we're so grown." Like this is all he's ever been, but he's a lot better at it now than he was when he started, and he’s become, like, kinda dope?

77) "Location," by Khalid

Always good for someone's long-term prospects when the song gets a Wikipedia page before the singer or any of the five other credited writers, or the three producers. Are the three producers and six songwriters all separate entities? I don't know and won't bother verifying, because all Wikipedia tells me is that nine people worked on this song, and also that when Khalid "heard the beat play, the words flew out," two information bitlets that don't conflict at all. The end product isn't the worst thing I've ever heard, I might end up with this dumb song stuck in my head for a jillion years, but it is just kinda... like, there. There's no climax or anything, it's just, "Send me your location. I'll wait. ...There it is. Coo'." Like fuck, dude, have an emotion or something.

89) "Drinkin' Too Much," by Sam Hunt

There is no way of knowing if I actually heard Sam Hunt's "Drinking Too Much" or not. All's I know is, I'm like 90% sure I heard a bro-country/trap song, and I am not okay with it. Absolutely not. Fuck you, and fuck whoever gave these songwriters a Future tape. This is unacceptable. I don't know who told you you could, but you shouldn't have.

100) "If the Boot Fits," by Granger Smith

BRO COUNTRY CLICHE COUNT Well the word boot is in the title of the song (1), and it's also a part of the chorus so we’ll make that (2), and apparently people come to his shows holding fucking cowboy boots (3) uh-huh yeah totally real America right there, the song begins with the phrase "small town" (4) and a patriarchal admonishment to have the daughter home by midnight (5). Granger Smith, you are 38, you should not be dating women with CURFEWS. Christ. "I wanna watch the sun rise through the pines with ya." Campin' sounds country as fuck (6) and watching the sunrise, it's not specifically a bro country cliche? But it's still a cliche (7). "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." Are yo -- okay, (8), and you know what (9) because he specified the horsepower and (10) because he specified the brand, ARE YOU... sure? Granger? Jordan Schmidt? Andy Albert? Mitchell Tenpenny? Frank Rogers? Are you guys okay with what you're doing? Do you go to bed satisfied that you have put good in this world? Are you sure this is what you were put on this earth to do? "My carriage is a 4x4 400 horse Chevrolet." My stars! "Let me show you how a country boy treats a lady." (11), man, that's just a classic. This song isn't even three minutes long, and it manages to pack in that much bad. I don't even care that I spent so much time thinking about something I hated, because you know what, bro country is still a scourge must needs be purged from this earth. Bad things happen when people like me say nothing. MAYBE THERE ARE BETTER FIGHTS TO START BUT THIS 38-YEAR-OLD BOY IS WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME.

4 February 2017

7) "Paris," by The Chainsmokers

Consider Armando Galarraga. He had, quite literally, a negligible major league career from 2007 to 2012. There is a statistc called Wins Above Replacement, or WAR, which purports to calculate exactly how many wins any major league player is worth as opposed to some schmoe a team could pluck from the minor leagues. Armando Galarraga ended his career having accrued 0.4 WAR, going by the website FanGraphs' calculations of the stat. For four years, Armando Galarraga essentially was the replacement player, the guy teams played because they didnt have anyone else. But on 2 June 2010, he was perfect. Not perfect. FanGraphs assigned his game a score of 94, Galarraga only posting three strikeouts, getting most of his outs via grounders. But perfect in the way that baseball defines it, in that he pitched a complete game and retired all 27 batters he faced, plus an extra batter because Jim Joyce made a mistake and baseball, in 2010, didn't afford opportunities to review close calls. No one disputes that Galarraga retired every batter he faced, we all collectively agree Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect game, and this player, who otherwise had a completely unremarkable career, never even pitching in the post-season despite playing for a highly competent Detroit Tigers team for three seasons, did this one beautiful thing and made himself unforgettable. The next time he pitched, he threw five innings and gave up a two-run home run to Mark Kotsay, and no one was disappointed because they were pretty sure they had an idea of Armando Galarraga's true talent level. This song is meh, is what I'm trying to say.

43) "T-Shirt," by Migos

Fun fact! Production of this track was handled by an entity named XL and the duo of Nard & B, who also produced a track for Future's 2014 album Honest called "T-Shirt!" This "T-Shirt" is a different song from Future's, I listened to both and can confirm that they are different, but my question to you is: are they?

77) "Not Afraid Anymore," by ft./Halsey

Why does having sex with Halsey sound like God and Satan fighting for control of all that is? Like, the grand sense of self-importance which Halsey brings to the table really served "Closer" well, because that song needed someone to insist that we're NOT. EVER getting older. The way she growls those words to the end? I could cry, it’s so good. But on this song, it's like, y'all know sex is fun, right? It doesn't always have to be like this? You're prolly gonna have it again, maybe calm down about it for a second? And more importantly, was I supposed to come into this song knowing what "hit the sin" means? I Googled that phrase. It doesn't even yield the AZ Lyrics page for this song. This phrase doesn't exist, dawg. Is. Is it the butt? You need to explain these things which did not hitherto exist!

88) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee

The thing about Latin pop is, it's a world I only understand through what gets shown to me on the Billboard charts, and that's unfair to that world, because Latin pop is a much nicer vision of the world than American pop. This is such a nice song! The way he sings DES. PA. CI. TO. is incredible, Daddy Yankee doesn't get too "Shaky Shaky" on this (I'm not even gonna try to judge Daddy Yankee as a rapper given how out of my depth I am in terms of any music evaluation, but he seems on point), it just, it hums along at a nice clip. Also the English translation of this song I found says this song has the line "We will do it on the beach in Puerto Rico 'til the waves scream 'Dear lord!'" THIS IS A SONG ABOUT FUCKING SO RIGHT THAT YOU MAKE THE OCEAN NERVOUS. GOD YES.

95) "Not Nice," by PARTYNEXTDOOR

So, here's the peril of wanting to listen to and have opinions on all the new pop music, apart from forcing myself to have reactions to things that may not be reflective of my true feelings: I will sometimes have to look at this and think, well what do I do about this? It's a nice song. I really dig the beat. I don't mind the dude's voice. The lyrics aren't wholly offensive. But like. I gotta say something about it, right? "Um, maybe I will try the party next door, thank you for the suggestion." That'd be a killer line, but I don't dislike this song! But no one wants to hear “don’t dislike.” I have to go one way or the other. Kaizo level or troll level. 1000 degree hot knife or Frozen Ana Elsa Trolls. I can’t just be a person who hears something and forgets it. Everything has to matter. This needs to matter for it to be content.

98) "Black," by Dierks Bentley

I've long defended Dierks Bentley as one of the good ones, but, um, you know it takes two people to fuck, right dude? Okay, insist she make your world go black. What are you gonna do for her? Whatcha bringin' to the table, Dierks? I used to work guest service at a Target store, and my man, if you wanna do an even exchange, best believe you oughta bring your receipts. "DRUNK ON A PLANE" NOTWITHSTANDING I do not for a second think the quality of your dick is so unimpeachable that you can make demands like this!

99) "Down," by Marian Hill

This is nice! Like, in the alternate universe where Harry Potter didn't blow all the way the hell up but still got big enough for a CW adaptation, this would definitely be the theme song. That's what this song is, a quirky jam for a very British teen soap. I really dig this, this is a refreshing change of pac -- Oh. Oh, okay, so that's a thing you decided to do. Alright. Well, we had some fun here. I appreciate that you are trying to accomplish things, and I acknowledge that others may find you succeeded.

So these are the top ten singles of 2017 so far:

10) “Seein’ Red,” by Dustin Lynch (yeah it’s bad, but there’s only like 17 songs, there’s one song on this list i’d be 100% okay with still seeing in the top ten in december) 9) “Moves,” by Big Sean 8) “Down,” by Marian Hill 7) “Timeless,” by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING 6) “Beibs in the Trap,” by Travis Scott 5) “Castle on the Hill,” by Ed Sheeran 4) “Way Down We Go,” by Kaleo 3) “Shape of You,” by Ed Sheeran 2) “Despacito,” by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee 1) “iSpy,” by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty