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1864reruns · 8 months

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤimmortalisted friendshipㅤ౨ৎㅤ3k

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ2023 ©jwhoozi

synopsis. After you meet your bestfriend's girlfriend, you feel content with your decision to give up your feelings for him━ nevertheless, it hurts all the same.

warnings. gn! reader, angst, unrequited love, onesided crush, highschool besties, non idol au, hurt/kinda comfort?

from vyon. not edited at all!!! sorry ab it. anyways, vyon angst debut :D hello to all the followers i got from my svt crack oneshot, i think it's funny that this is content im posting after that but this has been a wip longer than the reddit confession 😸 ❲trc blew up so i might make it a short smau or smth, maybe after i get a few more chapters of npc out❳

do not repost / copy / translate.

It's strange to say you felt relief when Lee Seokmin introduced you to his lover, the love you had for him cracking like rusted 18th century armor. Over the years of knowing the boy, you've been collecting pieces of him to fill yourself up━ immature and eager to have him in any way you could, romantic or otherwise. Every platonic exchange that frequented between you two was churned into hope that you held carefully in your palms like water from a running stream and gulped down like air, it's not surprising to you nor anyone that knew the two of you that you drank yourself into sickness. You can't say for sure when these feelings started, all you know now is Lee Seokmin, who has forced you to don your love for him like a metal suit so that you are safe from his attacks even though your bones ache and creak with every move. Lee Seokmin, who you are so full of want for that it oozes out the cracks of your armour and turns silver to rust, making it hard to move.

Lee Seokmin, who was known to everyone as akin to the sun. In the way that his entire face would shift through phases when he'd smile until he was practically beaming, his personality made to soak in the imperfections of those around him and break it apart to reflect it back in ways to be loved. Something as mundane as your name leaving his mouth is spoken in a way that you've never heard: dusted in gold, dripping with ichor, punctuated with the breath of a shooting star━ like the sun, you remember, just like the sun. Syllables making up your name orbited around him as everything of yours did as soon when they left his mouth, letters forever strung into a line and stuck in that heliocentric orbit until gravity wastes away.

"Y/n━" He speaks your name and it's the first time it's ever felt so empty, stripped of its previous greatness; your name has lost its shine, turning from silver to a copper, turning flesh into colours of zombie-ish hues. ❲Still, there's something inherently freeing about this moment.❳ Then he shifts to her, his entire body moving just to accommodate his eyes to her in her great entirety and even with just a glance, he's already beaming. '"━ Eunhye," the way he says her name, you have to imagine its the way the sky has always encompassed the sun, taking on its light even at the risk of burn. Her name is one you've heard several times, in both passing and long anecdotes when Seokmin would share intimate stories of the two of them on their latest endeavours. Her name leaving Seokmin's parted lips is different to the way he says yours each syllable of her name making his lips open in an exaggerated, twisting his tongue into the oddest shapes just so he could have the taste of her name on his tongue for longer. Her name leaves his lips and then he, the sun, starts orbiting around the word that encapsulated her being, you can see it in his eyes now━ even though you're the one he's meant to be speaking to. His lips are tugged into a smile directed towards her, he stands with one arm prominent on her waist and you can't help but stare until he calls your name again.

Eunhye is pretty, she has that softish air about her that you think suits Seokmin; her eyes are round, her lips are pink, she has long hair━ you don't know what else to think other than she's pretty. You smile and extend a hand, repeating your name to her. She takes your hand, breaks out into a similar smile and then her name is spoken for the third time; you test it in your mind, chanting it slowly so that you can try to speak it as pretty as Seokmin does.

"Eunhye, it's nice to finally meet you," the words feel like a breath of fresh air and her name is awkward around your swollen tongue, there's an itch that grows on the roof of your mouth when your tongue hits it to say her name, it shoots down to your throat and lodges somewhere near your heart. From then on, Seokmin is uncharacteristically quieter as he lets you two get to know each other, often chiming in with comedic comments that embarrasses either of you or to defend himself when your conversation derails to stories about a much younger him, from either high school or from just yesterday. Eunhye is not someone you can hate━ you can practically feel why Seokmin fell in love with her to the point that you're frustrated.

If he was the sun, she had to have been the sky; everything about her was simply mundane. You won't deny that she was a girl with boring visuals, perfect to the point of blandness but once you fell in love with her, you irrevocably fell. You could only imagine that Seokmin fell in love with details that made her up, her sweet gestures, how easy it was for her to care for someone who was a mere stranger only an hour prior. Walking around aimlessly with her felt like you were meeting up with an old friend you had not seen in a long time, awkwardness and shyness contaminated your every word and interaction but still, you were full of affection for the girl. It's nice that Lee Seokmin had found a girl that suited him.

The day you meet Eunhye━ the day you decide to give up on your feelings, is a day comfortably slotted right in the middle of spring. That time where the trees have completed their transition from winter, where the flowers that have died the year previous have began to blossom again, shedding beautiful colours amongst the sea of green, where each unbearable ray of sunshine is accompanied with a gust of wind and the shadows of never stopping clouds. Far away from it's last cycle of winter and its next. It's the same as every other spring, with its vague brightness and warmish days all bleeding into each other, accompanied with the voices of friends and their laughter.

By the time the hour is over, you have not a single thing to hate about Eunhye from the way she stomps her feet when she laughs and covers her smile to the way she is uselessly stubborn and made Seokmin physically carry you off into a corner whilst she paid in that cafe you guys rested at. The close interaction between you and Seokmin made you flush━ how natural it came for him to simply touch you as if you were his, how your arms instinctively snapped around his to keep yourself safe as you were dragged away from the counter. The intimacy of it all made you feel guilty but when Eunhye returned and her and Seokmin shared another look, you knew you were nothing but an overactive fool. Because Lee Seokmin does not see you any more than a friend and Song Eunhye knows, she relishes, in that fact; she knows you are no competition to her and that's why she had turned around and simply laughed when she saw Seokmin's arms around your waist as you tried to wrestle your way out of his hold.

He's never been one to shy away from physical touch, it comes to him all too naturally like he was made to hold another person; it was all comfortable to him: holding hands with people he was walking with, hugging anyone whenever he felt a burst of emotion from either himself or them, to even repeatedly patting someone as he laughed, he seeked out touch in the same way the rays of sun would seek out the earth━ maybe that's why Eunhye didn't care too much about the way you two were wrestling. Either way, he's always been like that.

It was during highschool that the two of you met, spring it was. Except you remember this spring so much more vividly, full of beautiful flowers all the same but always drowned in rain; even on days where the rain would ease up for the sun, it was impossible to ignore the puddles that had collected on the paths, the roads, how sunshine would split into halves as they reflected off the droplets that hung from leaves. On the day that you and Seokmin met, it was not a day where there had been an allowance for the sun. The sheer amount that it rained that day led you to the belief that God had been trying to drown you; it had interrupted the cram school session you were at, your head turning towards the windows as the other students did, gasps falling out their mouths and eyebrows creasing as they thought about the way back home in the unforgiving weather when the rain began a faster, harsher descent, like it were trying to unearth something. The sound of thunder cracking against the asphalt interrupted your thoughts, a frown displayed on your face as you substitute mathematical expressions in your mind for the rounded corners of your walk home, worrying over the possibility of getting wet and sick over the missing 'x' plastered all over your work sheet. You pray for the rain to ease up for the journey.

Your prayers are not heard. By the time cram school ends, it is still raining heavily and you are holding your bag under your blazer, stuck at the door of the building where you've yet to become a victim to the weather. Several of your classmates were smart enough to have umbrellas stuffed in their bags or absent-minded enough to always leave an umbrella in their bag from the rainer seasons or were comfortable enough with the adults in their life that they'll call anyone they know with a car to come and get them. Maybe Lee Seokmin was sent your way as an apology from whatever greater entity there was out there for the shitty day you'd been having━ the idea of it honestly makes you laugh. You're still stood outside the building of your cram school, looking out uselessly into the street as rain continued splattering the puddles infront of you and seeping through the split of your shoe and its soles.

The sound of his shoes hitting against the pavement melodically make a nice beat with the rain, thudding against the asphalt, you'd soon learn enough about him to know it's strange that such a bright human would make such a good baseline with the dreary blues. The first time you meet Lee Seokmin drenches your socks in rain water; he skids to a stop right infront of you, his feet striking the large puddle you've been entertaining yourself with for the last ten minutes. Watching the sole of his boxy school shoes send a dramatic ripple through its body and breaking droplets away it as the small bullets of water attacked everything around it━ including your feet.

"Oh━" The stupid sound that leaves you when you feel the water seep into your shoes replayed in your head again when you look up to see the boy who has just half drenched you. He apologises so profusely that you start to get annoyed and then suddenly, you are no longer alone as the rain continued splitting the earth open.

Your eyes slowly move over to the boy stood beside you, attempting to wring all the water out of his shirt. Water clings to his hair like the sea swallowed the hues of the setting sun, stuck to his temples and forehead like streaks of fresh paint. Unconsciously, you follow the tracks of a water droplet that falls from the hair that's curved so that it has fallen onto his nose and slides down the steepness of his nose. It catches at his cupid's bow and you think it's stuck there for a second before it moves again, taking his face as an amusement park of slides until he puckered up his bottom lip; you watched as his bottom lip moved over the top, effectively catching the rain water and you accidentally snort.

The sound is just as noticeable behind a hand, you can see his embarrassed smile in your peripherals. Though maybe embarrassing himself was enough to make him feel comfortable around you because he somehow shuffled his way from the little corner he'd huddled himself into to the middle, closer to you and further away from the rain. Your eyes glance over just to check what he was doing and then quickly snap back to ahead of you when he thinks to do the same as you.

"Horrible weather, huh?" He speaks for the first time without lowering his head repetitively.

You can't help the way the corners of your mouth began tugging upwards at his attempt of conversation, "you don't have to make conversation, y'know." And then you find there might be something wrong with you because you suddenly have enough confidence to tease this guy like you've known him a while when you couldn't even answer a question in a class full of people you've known for years. If someone had passed you two now, they might have thought you were friends.

The guy doesn't seem embarrassed, "but I should be allowed to, no?"

The answer leaves you impressed, eyes blinking wide as your lips tugged downwards into an amused smile. "Sure," you shrugged; you're still talking to this boy like you have a immature crush on him and you're trying to impress him and the thought of it later that night when you're in bed will make you want to rip it your hair.

"Lee Seokmin," he timely introduced himself. His head turns to you, his entire body swivelling so that he could dedicate his entire front to listening to you introduce yourself.

"L/n Y/n," you indulge in the strange boy whom you felt the strange need to impress. The urge doesn't ever stop, it grows and grows, hitting against your bones and dribbling through the system in your body that was meant to carry your blood. It had started off with tickling your feet, the sand uncomfortable between your toes until Lee Seokmin continued his reign in your life and completely drowned you with the need to always impress him.

By the time you truly are fortunate enough to get know Lee Seokmin, the time you spend with him is but a constant of needing to impress him━ not because he is just an attractive guy on the street that may remember you whenever the rain gets a little heavier and his shirt clings to his chest uncomfortable but because you know him and you want him to know you.

The lie that you don't remember when you fell in love with Lee Seokmin was only that: a lie. In truth, it was a rehearsal for a universe in which you didn't need to remember when you started loving him because it wouldn't have ended, it was you preparing for that pretty fairy tale retelling in which you told your friends that you didn't remember when you fell in love with him, when you came to the realisation he was 'the one'; in a universe in which Lee Seokmin loved you back, you wouldn't have remembered that dreary spring day in which you began loving a boy that would never love you back.

Perhaps the universe had always been in favour of Song Eunhye because her and Seokmin live near each other so you split off at the road with the cofffee shop where you watched the barista try and get Seokmin's number. You cross the road, thinking that you love Lee Seokmin, even though he is currently walking away from you whilst holding another girl's hand. You're on the other side of the street as you think about how much you love Lee Seokmin and you think about how much you'll think of him when it rains, when it's spring, when you look at paintings with texture and remember the way his hair streaked against the tan of his skin. When you stop and turn to glance back at the two, you think about how much you'll forever love Lee Seokmin, even when you don't love him and your affections go towards someone that will love you the way you loved him.

When you turn around to finally go home, you think about a day when the rain will be just rain and spring will be just another season that will pass; you'll think of the relief you felt when Song Eunhye became an obstacle in your affections for your bestfriend. You'd think about the way your lungs swelled with air from the world, turning larger than your heart and you'll remember that the reason why humans don't go staring at the sun is because it will hurt. And finally, instead of thinking that the universe favoured Song Eunhye, you'll remember that the universe loved you the same and could not bear to watch you fall like Icarus. You'll finally, finally take off that rusted armour that you've been wearing to protect your fragile heart from the boy always beside you and fall in love with the way the rain falls on your skin instead.

When that time comes, you'll confidently say that you no longer love Lee Seokmin but you'd still go the long way round to avoid the places you two used to frequent, where everyone who knew you two, knew that you liked him. You'd look down a familiar road and turn around to avoid that ramen shop where the owner's daughter knew that there had to be something going on and would press even when you two corrected your relationship as platonic, where you two had been forever immortalised as friends and just that.

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