Western Pacific tonguefish (Symphurus thermophilus)!
This hardy flatfish makes its homes in the active hydrothermal vents of the western Pacific Ocean! They seem to prefer hydrothermal vents with great amounts of sulfur, resting near pools of molten sulfur with no issues.
Brought to you by a marine biologist and a bunch of weird flat bois...
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Olive Flounder Meuniere
In ACNH: 1. Get Turkey Day Recipes - Franklin will give you this recipe after you've helped him cook all of Turkey Day's meals. Funny that on Turkey Day, the main ingredient is Sea Bass + a random fish from 3 choices (for Northern Hemisphere players) or Squid and Sea Urchin (for Southern Hemisphere). The recipe you get is for Olive Flounder.
2. Cook on the stove with 1 Olive Flounder and 2 Flour.
In Real Life: from France
Species of Choice: It can be any flounder species - the more native to you, the better. Flat fish come in many names and many species, as I'll explain below, but most of them available for people to eat present flaky, white meat that most people associate with a "good fish".
Other Ingredients:
Butter
Parsley
Lemon
White or Corn Flour
Get the recipe. and serve with a hot veggie and bread.
This will be long because of pictures. A long, long time ago, in an article far away, we covered how flatfish, like the Olive Flounder, become to look so ridiculous. I also pointed out and explained the differences between left-eye and right-eye flounders in the article covering the Dab. These things will be important as we move on to our next lesson about flatfish.
With over 800 species, the Order of Pleuronectiformes, the flounders, has a lot of diversity. Even though most* of these fish are flat and have both eyes on one side of the head, they come in some interesting shapes. We'll start with the tame and end with the weirdos.
Flounders - SubOrder Plueronectoidei
The name "flounder" is used for many flatfish that are important to fisheries/seafood. Even still, these are also quite diverse, not just because both right-eyed and left-eyed flatfish are called flounders, but because they also occupy different niches. Some of them have tiny mouths great for eating tiny fish and plankton, and then some are higher-trophic-level predators with huge mouths and teeth!
^These two fish are native to my neck of the ocean. Big differences in the mouth, right?
There are also 4 special flounders in this group called "Plaice".
Halibut - Genera Hippoglossus & Reinhardtius
The term halibut is reserved for the largest flatfish species, of which there are 3 - the Atlantic Halibut and Pacific Halibut in Genus Hippoglossus, and the Greenland Halibut in Genus Reinhardtius. They are absolutely massive, growing to 9 feet (3m) for some individuals. When you eat halibut, you're getting a very tiny portion of that fish. But size isn't the only way to tell them apart from other flatfish - they also have tail fins with longer, sharper points for fast swimming, and all 3 are "right-eyed" flatfish.
By Jlikes2Fish - Own work, Public Domain
Turbots - Family Scophthalmidae
Okay, now we're getting away from special flounders, and into new Families. The turbots are also called windowpanes or brill, but the biggest difference between them and other flatfish is their more rhombus or stout shape, rather than the elongated oval-shape of most other flatfish. Their shape is not really a scientific trait, but we're going for "first glance" here. These are also eaten widely.
By I, Luc Viatour, CC BY-SA 3.0
Soles - Family Soleidae & Achiridae
The fish in Soleidae are the true soles, with fish in Achiridae known as the American Soles, once classified within Soleidae. Either way, soles make up about 180 species and here's where we start to get weird. They often have more tear-drop-shaped bodies (but some can be really kind of square or round like a turbot) and very tiny or non-existent pectoral fins. These are also commonly eaten and they "right-eyed". They also have these weird mouths...just look at the picture...
It's all, like, lip-less? And beak-shaped? They have jaws - of course - but whenever I've had to handle our tiny, native sole here on Long Island, I'm always a bit surprised at it. But yeah, that's a thing they have in common with the last group.
Tonguefish - Family Cynglossidae
Here we are - the last group and the weirdest of the bunch. I think these take the flatfish body plan to the extreme and they have a number of traits that set them apart from other flatfish. These guys also have that beak or hook-shape to the upper jaw, but it's flabby, so it's weird. It's like its body is slowly trying to turn the mouth with the eyes (who knows...maybe in millions of years, it will be!) These guys are "left-eyed" and have no pectoral fins at all. They're just...really weird.
It doesn't even look like a fish anymore. I hope ACPC makes one someday.
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Teta pa los manes
for no reason at all... 4, 9... also, 7, 12, 18, 27 :3
4. any aquariums on your bucket list you’d like to visit?
ohhhhhh my goodness. quite literally any aquarium i haven't seen already!! but as far as the US goes i would die to see the monterey bay and georgia aquariums! georgia has whale sharks!!!!!!!!!
9. if you could keep any aquatic animal as a pet, with all the space they need and perfect care, what would it be?
first of all i'd genuinely do anything to own a benthic fish. a tripod fish or a chimaera... a tonguefish... also, squat lobsters!! comb jellies!!! but in the realm of actual possibility? any of the fish from the parosphromenus genus; i absolutely adore them and i think everyone should read up on them. OR, a mudskipper :3 they're so charming and goofy
7. what aquatic animal do you relate to most? why?
this is an incredibly hard question. it's hard to describe myself this way without feeling like i'm full of myself, but maybe a wrasse? like paracheilinus mccoskeri? they're colorful and sunshiney. it's comforting to look at them and know something so pretty can exist <:) they're a kindness of nature. and i think i'm pretty kind and sunshiney .... my other answer is epaulette sharks!! they've got some really really cool adaptations and i like to think i'm pretty flexible myself <3 also i also walk on land HEHEES
12. you are now a werebeast! what aquatic animal shall you choose to be your wereform?
hmmmmm yes helloes.
18. share your most prized marine-themed possession!
well, i had these sweatpants from the shedd that i absolutely adored and all of a sudden i completely lost them <:'( and they've been gone ever since <:'( i'm genuinely so sad about it, i really want a replacement pair <:'( other than them? the octopus slap bracelet You bought me<3
27. you can only invite three deep sea scavengers to your whalefall feast. who?
mr. sleeper shark, grenadiers (or rattails), and the BONE WORMS!!!!!!
The neural network meets its match: Fish biologists
(Drawing by Max Graenitz)
I train machine learning programs called neural networks - they work by looking at lists of data and then deducing their own rules about how to generate similar data. They’re used in everything from ad targeting to facial recognition to self-driving cars, but I use them for humor by giving them very silly datasets.
Usually in my experiment, I give the neural network an unfair dataset - like paint colors - and it tries its best, but ends up with something unintentionally weird, like a brownish color called Stanky Bean, or a bright blue color called Dad.
Fish biologist Colin Gross sent me a new dataset for the neural network, a list of the common names of 37,265 fish from fishbase.
I gave the list to an open-source neural network and let it start trying to generate more fish.
Here’s a snapshot of its early attempts, as it tried to spell common words like “butterflyfish” and “shark” and “snapper”
But then, it got good at this. I mean, really really good at this. You may think these names are the neural network being weird? No. They are pretty much indistinguishable from actual fish common names because, let me tell you, fish biologists are the weird ones.
The rest of this post is going to be the neural network’s ode to its new best friends, the fish biologists. And, I am very lucky to have excellent drawings by the talented Max Graenitz who wanted to get in on the weird-fest.
Black Sea sweetlips
Eastern Dear eel
Oastern nose sucker
Vermillion assfin
Cuban fork head sucker
Gempofloise sand flaky
Vumberfish
Gerpike dwarf monocle bream
Wrink clown-shark
Bluebanded smooth-eet
Bluebacked tube-spot skate
Wallare pipe-eyed parrotfish
Moon-lined wad
Kascopcan tonguefish
Highfin stonebasher
I’ve posted the original dataset so you can see I am NOT KIDDING about how weird fish names are.
Want to help with neural network experiments? For NaNoWriMo I’m crowdsourcing a dataset of novel first lines, after the neural network had trouble with a too-small dataset.
Go to this form (no email necessary) and enter the first line of your novel, or your favorite novel, or of every novel on your bookshelf. You can enter as many as you like. At the end of the month, I’ll hopefully have enough sentences to give this another try.
“It is understandable you would want to come back as yourself into a wonderland with the sharpness of color of the Queen of Hearts in a newly opened pack of cards. But coming back as yourself is resurrection. It is uncommon. It may even be greater than the scope of mathematics. We cannot talk with definition about our souls, but it is certain that we will decompose. Some dust of our bodies may end up in a horse, wasp, cockerel, frog, flower, or leaf, but for every one of these sensational assemblies there are a quintillion microorganisms. It is far likelier that the greater part of us will become protists than a skyscraping dormouse. What is likely is that, sooner or later, carried in the wind and in rivers, or your graveyard engulfed in the sea, a portion of each of us will be given new life in the cracks, vents, or pools of molten sulphur on which the tonguefish skate. You will be in Hades, the staying place of the spirits of the dead. You will be drowned in oblivion, the River Lethe, swallowing water to erase all memory. It will not be the nourishing womb you began your life in. It will be a submergence. You will take your place in the boiling-hot fissures, among the teeming hordes of nameless microorganisms that mimic no forms, because they are the foundation of all forms. In your reanimation you will be aware only that you are a fragment of what once was, and are no longer dead. Sometimes this will be an electric feeling, sometimes a sensation of the acid you eat, or the furnace under you. You will burgle and rape other cells in the dark for a seeming eternity, but nothing will come of it. Hades is evolved to the highest state of simplicity. It is stable. Whereas you are a tottering tower, so young in evolutionary terms, and addicted to consciousness.”
― J.M. Ledgard, Submergence
Humfish tonguefish. This original drawing is now listed on littleworries.com and it will ship with a free print and will keep you calmly. (If there is a particular original you are interested in do let me know here or email me: [email protected] or find me on instagram: instagram.com/littleworries