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writingblock101 · 4 years

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Old Memories (Jason Todd x Reader)

Request for anonymous: “I didn’t want you to see me like this.” and “You’re proud of me?”

I hit 700 followers? Holy shit? Thank you! Enjoy!

Word Count: 3,000 words

Warnings: Gore, violence

Tags: @idkmanicantenglish, @mayahoelland2013

Red Hood grimaces under his helmet at the sound of the familiar, maniacal laughter. His hands tighten into fists as his skin burns with the heat of a bomb and stings from the blows of a crowbar. Keep breathing. You’re not in Ethiopia. His fingers ghost over the word “HA!” carved repeatedly into skin that isn’t his. The memory makes Red Hood’s stomach boil with rage.

His hands brush over one of his guns strapped to his thighs. The heavy metal brings him comfort, knowing he’s not a scared kid, beaten and chained to the ground in an abandoned warehouse. He’s highly trained and heavily armed with a chip in his shoulder. While Red Hood may have agreed to not kill in Gotham, he’s certainly going to deliver some pain to the Joker.

“Help patrol Gotham, they said,” Red Hood mutters to himself. “B would appreciate it so much, they said.”

“You good, Wing?” Nightwing asks over the comms.

“Peachy,” Red Hood growls, his teeth grinding at the sound of the laughter again. “Where the fuck is this crazy son of a bitch?”

“Dunno. The upstairs classrooms are clear.”

Red Hood grumbles under his breath as he checks an empty kindergarten classroom. While he’s happy Joker decided to hole up in a school at night when there weren’t any kids present, there are about twenty million different ways he’d rather be spending his evening than hunting for the Joker with Nightwing and all of them include you.

You and Dick, of course, were the ones who talked him into helping patrol Gotham. With Batman and Robin on bed rest after getting caught in an explosion and Red Robin abroad, that left Nightwing and Red Hood to make sure Gotham didn’t go to hell. And of course, just with Red Hood’s luck, Joker decided tonight was a beautiful night to break out of Arkham.

“I hate this fucking city,” Red Hood grumbles.

“Clearly not that much ‘cause you never left,” Nightwing quips back.

“Yeah, well, sorry for not fucking off to a completely different city because B pissed me off,” Red Hood snaps.

“We’re not all dramatic enough to die instead.”

Red Hood grins under his helmet, glad that his siblings are finally catching on to how much fun it is to make death jokes.

The intercom crackles to life, Red Hood’s grin melting off his face.

“Looks like old Batsy seems to think he’s too good for my games,” The Joker sighs. “Instead, he sent me Old Boy Wonder and the Defective,” He laughs loudly. “I’m sure we’ll still have some fun!”

Red Hood grinds his teeth, but finishes checking the last classroom.

“Downstairs is clear, anything upstairs?”

“All clear,” Nightwing confirms. “That just leaves the gym.”

“Great,” Red Hood sighs. “Meet in the west stairwell.”

Nightwing swings around the railing, dropping onto the floor next to Red Hood. Show off.

“Shall we?” He asks.

Red Hood grumbles but follows Nightwing out the stairwell and toward the large gym. Red Hood shoves open the door to be immediately met by gunfire near his head. He curses, ducking left while Nightwing sprints right.

“Hiya, boys!” Joker exclaims, firing another round of bullets into the wall above the bleaches Red Hood is hiding under. “I thought you two would never find me!”

“I’d rather find you in a cell in Arkham!” Nightwing yells from opposite bleachers.

“Arkham?!” Joker sounds deeply offended. “Boy Wonder, when did you turn into such a party pooper?”

“You want an alphabetized list?” Nightwing growls then his escrima sticks crackle to life with electricity and he leaps out of his hiding place, hitting a nearby goon in the face.

Red Hood takes that as his cue and comes out shooting. They make quick work of the goons, sending the Joker sprinting toward the back of the gym.

“This party isn’t over yet!” He exclaims, pulling out a different, strange-looking gun.

“What the…” Red Hood frowns at the toy looking weapon then Joker points it at him and fires. “Shit!” Red Hood exclaims, rolling out of the way from a dart that’s sticking into the floor.

Joker fires again, this time hitting Red Hood in the shoulder. He curses, yanking the dart out, but feels strange. Joker laughs again.

“I hope you like my new concoction!” He exclaims.

Jason feels the room spin around him for a moment, a floating feeling rushing throughout his body. A giggle builds in his stomach then comes tumbling out of his lips. Another follows, spilling like bubbles out of Jason’s mouth. Bubbles, that’s funny. He laughs more, the idea of bubbles coming out of his mouth seeming hilarious.

He looks down at his chest, expecting to see bubbles. Huh. He’s on the ground now. Isn’t that funny? Jason thinks so.

He looks down at his chest, wanting to find the bubbles. Maybe they’re a pretty color! Wouldn’t that be funny? Bright green and purple bubbles spilling out of Jason’s mouth. That would be hilarious!

Jason laughs more, tilting his head to see the bubbles, but he doesn’t see bubbles. Dark red blood gurgles down his chest, oozing from his split open stomach. Those aren’t green and purple bubbles. More blood gushes out of his stomach as Jason laughs harder. Blood? He’s bleeding? When did he start bleeding? He needs to stop the bleeding, but he keeps laughing. What is so funny? Jason isn’t sure, but he keeps laughing.

Deep cuts on his arms begin dripping with blood. HA! HA! HA! HA! carves itself into his skin. Jason laughs harder, feeling tears rush down his face. He hears the smack of a crowbar against skin, the ticking of a clock, the smell of gunpowder. He feels the burn of an explosion, a sheen of sickly green covers his eyes. It bubbles around him, forcing his skin back together.

“Jason?” You stand in front of him, blood spurting from your slit throat. “Why did you do this to me?”

It’s not funny, but Jason can’t stop laughing.

“Why did you do this to me?” You hiss, more blood spurting from your throat.

As blood dribbles from your throat, it catches the scars on your arms. HA! HA! HA!

“You did this!” You scream. “Jason! You did this! Jason! Jason! JASON!”

“Jason!” Nightwing exclaims.

Jason jerks awake with a gasp. He shoves Nightwing away from him and rips his helmet off, breathing heavily. His hand flies to his chest to find it perfectly dry. He isn’t bleeding, you’re not here. He’s on the ground in the gym. The Joker is tied up and unconscious. Isn’t that funny?

A familiar, maniacal laugh escapes Jason’s lips. His eyes widen at the realization.

“Hey,” Nightwing puts a grounding hand on Jason’s shoulder. “It’s okay, breathe through it. We have the antidote, let’s just go to the Cave--”

“No,” Jason cuts him off. “I’m not going to the Cave,” He giggles at the thought of bats, his anger quickly flushing away.

Nightwing sighs, probably not surprised by Jason’s resistance.

“Okay, fine. I can go to the Cave. Do you want me to take you back to your apartment?”

“No!” Jason laughs again, his chest tightening at the familiar laughter. He feels a crowbar smack his skin. His hands go to his hair, tugging. There’s no crowbar. Another laugh spills past his lips. “I can’t,” Jason manages as another laugh forces its way out. He tugs harder on his hair. “I can’t do that to Y/N… Not when I’m like this.” He laughs again.

Dick frowns, squeezing Jason’s shoulder.

“Okay, Jase, just breathe. You’re okay.”

Jason nods shakily, his heart rate speeding up with each laugh.

“My apartment is too far…” Nightwing frowns.

“I have a spare key to Tim’s apartment,” Jason giggles, his fingers tightening in his hair at the sound.

Nightwing narrows his eyes.

“Does Tim know this?”

Jason rolls his eyes.

“He’s the one that gave it to me, birdbrain,” The usual bite is wrecked by another maniacal laugh.

“Okay,” Nightwing helps Jason to his feet. “Let’s get you out of here.”

. . .

It’s not just Joker Venom. Dick curses under his breath. It never is easy with Joker, is it? He looks over at his brother on the couch. The crazed grin has forced its way onto Jason’s face as more and more maniacal laughter forces its way out.

With each giggle, Jason’s nails dig into his hair. Luckily, Dick was able to get Jason out of his gear, but the sight on Tim’s couch was truly heartbreaking.

Jason is hunched over, curled in a protective position Dick guesses Jason used a lot before meeting Bruce. His hands are knotted into his hair, tightening with each giggle. His eyes are squeezed shut, tears streaming down his face through the laughter.

“No, stop!” He begs. He murmurs something low and panicked that Dick doesn’t catch. “Stop! Leave Y/N alone!”

Dick clenches his fist, his chest tightening at hearing Jason say your name again. If he had to guess, Joker laced his Venom with Fear Toxin. Because Joker Venom wasn’t already hellish enough.

Jason whimpers again, curling tighter on himself. Dick needs the antidote. This isn’t the first time Joker has combined his Venom with Fear Toxin so making the antidote won’t take long, but Dick can’t bear to leave Jason alone.

Kori is off-world, Roy is on the other side of the country, Bruce and Damian are the absolute last people Jason wants to see… Kyle is off-world, as is Donna, Tim is in Europe, Cass is in Hong Kong with Steph, Babs is helping the Birds of Prey with a mission, and Dick doesn’t have a single clue about how to get in touch with Jason’s friend, Artemis. While Dick understands why Jason doesn’t want you anywhere near him, Dick doesn’t want Jason left alone for any period of time… Which leaves you as his only option.

Dick sighs and fishes out his phone.

. . .

You stand outside Tim’s apartment, staring at the door. Dick gave you the full rundown. Jason has been hit with a mixture of Fear Toxin and Joker Venom, giving him terrifying hallucinations while laughing like the man who murdered him.

The sound of maniacal laughter, muffled by the door, sends chills down your spine. Your arms burn where the words HA! HA! HA! HA! are carved. The sound of screams echo distantly in your ears.

Although it has been years since you were trapped in that 3rd-grade classroom with that deranged clown while watching him carve into your classmates’ bodies, the memories still haunt you constantly. Some kids got Glasgow smiles carved onto their faces. Others got the Joker’s name carved across their chest. You got his laughter carved down your arms. Years of therapy is the only reason you can stand in front of this door without running.

Another laugh fills your ears. You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling the sting of the cuts running down your arm, but you pause, taking a deep breath. Although the laugh sounds dangerously close to the Joker’s, underneath the high pitch noise you can hear Jason’s low timbre. He is in there, forced to be producing the last sounds he heard as a scared, beaten sixteen-year-old, and you’re not going to let him suffer alone.

You knock on the door.

Dick opens the door, looking a bit disheveled. He’s still in his Nightwing costume, mask and all, but judging by his messy hair, he’s been tugging on it and running his fingers through it, a nervous habit you’ve noticed most of the family doing.

“Hey,” He pulls you inside quickly. “I’m sorry to drag you into this--”

“I’m glad you called me,” You cut him off. A familiar laugh interrupts you, causing you to tense.

Dick frowns, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder.

“Hey, just breathe. You’re not there. You’re in Tim’s apartment.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, nodding along with Dick.

“I’m okay,” You promise.

“Y/N?” Jason says quietly.

You break away from Dick and slowly approach Jason on the couch. He looks exhausted and terrified, dried tear tracks on his face along with the frozen, crazed smile.

“Hey, Jaybird,” You begin quietly. “You okay?”

“You’re...You’re not real…” Jason slowly backs away from you, curling against the couch’s opposite arm with a giggle.

“No, Jay, I’m here. I’m real,” You reach out to run your fingers through his hair.

He sighs, melting into the touch for a moment, then a deranged giggle forces its way out of Jason’s mouth. Your hand tenses slightly in his hair. It’s not Joker. This is Jason. Joker isn’t here. It’s just Jason. He would never hurt you.

Jason notices your sudden stiffness and slips away from your touch.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Anger tries to overtake his features, but the fixed smile makes Jason look even more demented. He glares at Dick. “I told you not to call! What the hell?!” He laughs loudly, his hands closing into tight fists.

“I didn’t want to leave you here alone and Y/N was the closest person,” Dick explains calmly.

“I would be fine!” Jason protests, another laugh forcing its way out.

“No, you wouldn’t be,” Dick responds tightly. “I have been watching you lose your shit on the couch for the past twenty minutes! I need to go make you the antidote.”

“I’ve survived worse!” Jason protests with a loud, maniacal laugh. “I’m already living through hell, I didn’t want someone else to be dragged in!”

Your face softens.

“Jay,” You reach out to touch his arm, but he jerks away from you.

“No!” He protests loudly with another laugh. “I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Tears form in his eyes. “I don’t want to… to turn into him.”

“Jase,” Dick frowns. “You’re nothing like the Joker. You’ll never be the Joker.”

“You… You don’t get it!” Jason yells with a laugh.

Dick opens his mouth to say something else, but you interrupt before he can.

“Dick. Go to the Manor, I’ll stay here,” You order.

Dick shoots a worried glance at Jason but nods and walks out of the room. You turn your attention back to Jason.

“Jay,” You cradle his face, wiping your thumbs under his eyes. “You’re not the Joker. You never will be.”

“I know, but I didn’t… I didn’t want you to see me when I sounded like this,” Jason giggles again, your shoulders tensing for a moment. “See! I know you’re scared of me! I never want you to feel like that around me!”

“I’m not scared of you,” You tell him sharply. “I know you would never do anything to hurt me. Yes, the laugh brings back some bad memories, but you don’t bring back those bad memories. You help me replace them with something better.”

Jason’s eyes squeeze shut for a moment, his hands coming up to hold your wrists.

“I saw myself standing over you so many times. You were bleeding and I was holding the knife,” He pauses, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I saw myself hurting you,” He giggles, his hands momentarily tightening on your wrists at the sound.

“Jay, have you ever had any desire to ever hurt me?” You ask.

Jason’s eyes fly open.

“No!” He quickly says.

“Then what makes you think you’re suddenly going to start now?”

Jason says nothing, looking down at the floor. You move a hand to his chin, forcing him to look at you.

“I’m proud of you,” You tell him.

His eyebrows furrow with a crazed laugh. Both of you tense for a moment.

“You’re proud of me?” He asks hesitantly.

“Every day,” You tell him. “You never cease to amaze me. You’ve experienced the worst of the world, but still put yourself in danger to help others. You have so many reasons to be angry, but you still find some way to love everyone around you. Tonight, you faced off against a man who has hurt you and so many people that you love. He tried to break you, turn you into what you hate, but you are still standing here strong. I am proud of you.”

Tears freely flow down Jason’s face then he pulls you into a tight hug, holding you close to his chest.

“I’ll never hurt you,” He promises into your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I know,” You whisper back, despite the giggle that escapes him.

. . .

By the time Dick makes it back to the apartment, you had coaxed Jason on the couch where he was fast asleep against your chest. You idly run your fingers through his hair, whispering words of reassurance to him when his body goes tense from nightmares.

Dick holds up a syringe.

“How is he?” Dick asks.

You shrug, glancing down at Jason fondly.

“About as good as he can be, given the circumstances,” You look at the syringe. “Antidote?” You ask.

“Yep,” Dick nods. “Let’s wake him up.”

“Jay,” You whisper to him, running your fingers down his back. “I need you to wake up.”

Jason jerks awake, looking frantically around the room for a moment, but your hand in his hair directs his attention to you.

“Hey, you okay?” You ask quietly. “We’re in Tim’s apartment.”

Jason nods with a giggle.

“Dick got the antidote.”

“Thank God,” Jason groans, rolling his sleeve up.

Once Dick injects Jason with the antidote, you two move to Tim’s bedroom for the night. The smile is finally starting to fade from Jason’s face.

He collapses onto the bed and pulls down you with him, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“Thank you,” He murmurs into your hair. “I love you.”

You tilt your head up and give him a sweet kiss.

“I love you too,” You whisper back, making Jason hold you tighter.

Everything is okay.

Thank you guys so much for being patient! My parents are currently moving, I am transferring colleges, starting my summer job and trying to sort out summer classes. Those other request are coming up! I’m really excited to write the next one!

#jason todd #red hood #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #dick grayson #nightwing #joker #panic attacks?#gore #tw: gore #violence #tw: violence #dc #batman #dc fanfiction #reader insert #request #dc request

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