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acowardinmordor · 9 months

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My brain won't shut up about this, so maybe if I write it my brain will let me finish working and get this massive work project off my plate.

Warning for Accidental Drunken Pregnancy

Fandom loves, correctly, the idea of Girl!Steve Harrington, either as an 'always a' or trans, we're a fan. And that's good. No arguments from me there.

But I was thinking about Always a Girl Eddie. And the impact that would have. Because see, Eddie is already Wrong in a lot of ways. She's poor, she's loud, she's a freak, she sells drugs, and starts shit with bullies. She's too much in every way, and she refuses to be a girl properly. Has ever since she was old enough to express an opinion.

She didn't want to play with dolls or play house. She wanted to run through the park chasing dragons. When her parents fought, she wanted to run away and get found by the Addams family where no one would be mad at her for liking black and reading about blood and fights and monsters.

By the time she's in high school, everyone's decided she's a lesbian. She isn't. She thinks she isn't, but she doesn't get a chance to try or test or find out before the whole damn town has made it Known. Eddie doesn't wear skirts, and she doesn't style her hair, and she doesn't listen when the counselor sits her down to talk about her behavior and how she needs to try to be a bit more like other girls if she wants to get married one day. That's her junior year, which is when she snaps and, true or not, goes on a rant about being a carpet munching butch who never wants to have a husband.

Her friends don't care. They've talked to her and agree its all bullshit. Her only regret about it is that her outburst becomes fodder for the kind of bias that makes her fail two classes her senior year. It makes her fail four her second time around. PE is one of them. The teacher won't let her participate if she isn't 'dressed appropriately' which suddenly requires that all the girls have their legs shaved. Surprise surprise, Eddie is the only one that has an impact on. Wayne gets into a shouting match over it, and he wins, but not in time for Eddie to pass.

And every time someone pushes her to be more ladylike, Eddie doubles down on being a freak because she's a lot of things, but she's not a quitter. The one good she knows she manages is that barely any other girls in Hawkins get bullied all that much. Eddie pulls too much attention, and Eddie is so far off the end of the scale, it makes the minor mistakes easy to ignore.

All her friends are guys because the girls of Hawkins are scared of the witch/lesbian/succubus/whatever bs they came up with this week. There are some girls who Eddie thinks want to come talk to her, thinks she'd be friends with if she could, but any girl willingly hanging around the Freak is going to get painted with the same brush.

She showed up to every single class in her third go around, daring her teachers to fail her again when she was getting perfect scores on anything with a straight answer, and doing so well on the subjective stuff they were giving her passing grades. She had a new flock of sheep who didn't care about the rumors because she ran Hellfire for them.

After Spring Break, after they accuse her of seducing and murdering Chrissy, after Eddie walks into Mordor and is dragged out the other side. After Eddie gives everything she has for a town that hates her, the school gives her the diploma. Maybe its just because they're terrified that she'll come back for a fourth try if they don't, but she has the damn thing.

Or maybe they don't want the new freshmen to start crying when they see her scars.

After the hospital lets them all leave, and after El and Will do whatever it is they do and promise it's over for real this time, Robin, Eddie, and Harrington sit around and watch crap movies and talk. It's still June when Robin comes out to her, and Eddie has to awkwardly explain that she isn't. Supportive, in favor of it, but not sure if she's like Robin.

"But everyone heard about what you said to--"

"Yeah, she was telling me I should start curling my hair and wearing makeup so I could find a husband."

"She did not."

"Yeah. I kinda snapped."

A few minutes tearing apart that kind of thinking later, and Steve asks, "So you like dudes?"

Eddie shrugs, because she's never tested that either. A bit of leftover enmity from when he was the King and she was the Freak keeps her from admitting she's a virgin. Instead she gestures to her face and neck, the part of her chest visible around her tank top.

"Don't think that's going to matter, Stevie, not now that I look like the Wicked Witch midway through melting."

There's nothing either of them can say about that. Between her status as a murder suspect, the infection from Upside Down dirt, and how efficient the demo bat fuckers were, her scars are ugly. Not the sort of thing she's read in books that a hero learns to take pride in. Just a mess. Her smile is jacked up on the left, and while she does have both of her nipples, the one boob is significantly smaller, and lumpier than the other now.

But they're friends, and its nice. Robin didn't find a fellow lesbian, but Eddie can understand the way she feels, and they bond over it. Where Robin goes, so goes Steve, so intentional or not, Eddie and Steve get close. Help each other with scar cream type close. It would be weird if there was any universe in which Steve would ever be interested in her. Instead they're good friends, and co-conspirators against the gremlins.

Robin is starting college in the spring semester in Chicago. Steve is going with her. Obviously. Eddie hasn't agreed to anything, but she's considering it.

They have one last party at Harrington's place. The kids leave around seven. The Hellfire guys leave around nine. By eleven, all three of them are plastered, and Robin is lamenting that she's leaving Hawkins and still hasn't kissed a girl. Eddie rolls her eyes and smacks one on her. Get it over and done with, right?

After an hour of Robin flustered and babbling about 'yes, yes, yeah, I do like girls! Kissing! Kissing girls is great! Steve! Steve-o! Did you know kissing girls is great?" she passes out on the couch.

Steve and Eddie, just sober enough to know that they're all going to be hungover in the morning, close blinds and lock doors. They leave water and asprin by Robin, then chug down a glass each.

"So, did it help you figure it out? Kissing my Soulmate with a capital P? Did you figure out if you like kissing girls more than guys?"

Eddie giggles instead of answering.

"I know Rob's not kissed anyone, but if you liked kissing her you probably could tell, right? So if you liked kissing her as much as you like kissing guys, or if its not like kissing guys, then you know!"

Steve's not a dumb as the kids joke. When Eddie doesn't answer, he puts it together. "Oh. Oh shit. Eds. You and Robin were each others' first kisses? Thats so -- you didn't have to do that! And now you don't know if you like kissing girls or guys or both or neither or -- Oh!"

Eddie watches Steve come to his decision and turn, and she decides to let it happen. Steve is the only guy her age who doesn't wince looking at her face. This is probably the only chance she's got until she's old enough her skin gets all wrinkly and no one can see the scars are there anymore.

It's better than kissing Robin. There's a lot of reasons why that might be true, but none of them matter, because after that first one. After a few seconds pause. After she leans a little closer like she's asking, they don't stop.

She wakes up naked and sore, with a blinding headache and the tight-skin pain that comes from forgetting the scar cream.

Awkward doesn't cover it when they look at each other in bed. When Robin trips on her way to make coffee, it gives them an excuse not to talk about it. It's bad enough that Eddie keeps thinking about it, and excavating the fragments of memory she's got. Probably the only chance she's going to get, and she remembers barely half. She does remember liking it, and Steve liking it, and neither of them being weird about the scars because they've been helping each other with them for months now.

Once they're sober enough for it, they talk, both of them apologizing, but not really. Neither of them regret it, even if it wasn't their best idea, and Eddie starts quoting Robin's rant about antiquated concepts of virginity when Steve tries to apologize for that. It's definitely weird, but they're not going to freak out about it.

By Wednesday, when Steve and Rob are loading up the beemer to drive north before the holidays, so they could get a place with a rental discount, everyone turns out to say bye. Eddie winks at Robin again, because it still makes her blush, and it still makes Eddie and Steve laugh when she does. She gives Steve a hug, and a promise to make a decision soon about moving up with them.

Six weeks of scheduled phone calls with them, and uncomfortable talks with Wayne, Eddie has finally, finally decided to go for it. She'll still be a freak, but according to Steve, no one in the city will bother her about it unless she asks them to. He's working at a diner, and swears the bookstore across the street will totally hire Eddie if she applies. Robin loves her classes, and her part time hours at the library on campus.

It's while Eddie is looking around and opening drawers, trying to plan how to move with more detail than 'throw stuff in the van' that she notices. There's a box of pads, mostly empty, in the corner of the bathroom cabinet. It's been mostly empty since November. And yeah, her period has never been predictable, and this isn't the longest its gone, and Eddie has never cared since she wears black all the time -- but. This time she had sex.

The odds are tiny, and the image of it is ridiculous. Eddie isn't any kind of a mom. Harrington is more a mom than she is. Anyway, all that shit in sex ed about it only takes once is crap. And she remembers Steve getting out the box of condoms. She doesn't remember anything between that and getting fucked, but she definitely remembers how concerned he was about opening the foil. So there's no way. No chance. Absolutely none.

The test comes back positive, and the nurse at the planed parenthood in Indianapolis asks if she wants to hear about her options.

It's pretty easy to choose as it turns out. Easier than quitting smoking cold turkey is for sure. Hell of a lot easier than telling Wayne. It's not something she ever wanted, ever thought about or considered, but Eddie knows this is the only chance she's got. Well. Sperm donors maybe, not that she'll ever have the money for it, unless she paid a guy to keep coming around until she got knocked up.

At first, she keeps it quiet because the nurse told her about the potential problems, especially with how much Eddie drank and smoked. It's not certain, so she stays quiet. Stalls the topic of moving up. She waits an entire day for the doctor to slip her in between appointments to get an ultrasound and check. Everything looks good. Healthy. and Eddie gets on their weekly scheduled call, hears Robin and Steve laughing as they tell stories, and Eddie breaks it to them.

"What do you mean? You said you were going to move up here. I thought you said you -- Eds, what the hell? You're going to leave me alone to watch Robin's attempts at flirting? You - I thought you promised."

"Excuse you, Dingus, she needs to come up so we can watch your attempts at flirting. I'm great."

"Fun as that sounds, me and Wayne are getting out of Hawkins. Wayne has some family in West Virginia, and I can't leave him at the mercy of all those spinsters. I'll still have a phone, you know."

They move before she's showing, and Wayne never asks, and Eddie never tells, but her uncle knows who it has to be. They land in Summersville, which is a damn lie since its a blizzard when they arrive. It isn't hard to use moving as an excuse to cancel a few phone calls. Then uses a boss moving her hours working at motel as an excuse when hormones means she knows she'll start sobbing if she gets picks up the phone.

Steve gets accepted to a community college. Robin aces her exams. Eddie finds out she's having a girl. She wouldn't have spent the money to find out since it wouldn't change anything, but the planned parenthood was still worried because of the alcohol at the start.

Wayne brings it up. Eddie considers it.

Steve gets a girlfriend. Eddie stalls.

Robin calls solo because Steve is on a one month anniversary date.

Eddie abandons the idea.

She never makes a choice to hide it from anybody. It's always one moment at a time, needing to get through one more thing, one more problem, one more checkpoint, then she could say it. By the end of July it's been too long, and it would be too weird. They didn't have some great tragic romance. They were good friends who got drunk one night. And Eddie is just living up to the warnings all the guidance counselors scribbled down about her.

She's never going to be anything special. She's not going to go chase her dreams and become the Joan Jett of metal music. She's coming up on eight months pregnant, can't hide it or pretend its something it isn't. She's still loud and obnoxious. She still wears all black and chained pants and refuses to style her hair in anything more complex than a ponytail. She's still mauled by monsters and scarred.

She's never going to be marriage material, and never wanted to be anyway. She can be a good mom though. Not a normal mom. Or a traditional one. She's probably going to end up punching someone at a pta meeting. But she can be a good mom for her daughter, whoever her daughter wants to be as she grows. And if that means she has to learn about ballet and glitter and my little pony, then she will.

Steve and Robin ask about a visit before their classes start since they'll have to do calls every other week now. They offer to drive to West Virginia, or buy Eddie a bus ticket. Eddie manages to dodge that bullet.

She dodges another when she starts contractions while on the phone with them, and plays it off like she has heartburn. She cries when she holds her daughter thirty hours later, smiling broad enough that the scars on her face hurt nearly as bad as the rest of her.

She gets good at sewing together a patchwork lie. Gets Wayne to take Lulu out for a walk during calls. Swallows the guilt when Steve talks about his girlfriend, Amy, who wants to have kids. Stares down the pediatrician who raises an eyebrow at her daughter's name.

It's awful. It's wonderful. It hurts more to do it alone than Eddie could have imagined, but she still can't bring herself to say it. Not because she thinks Steve would hate her for it . He wouldn't. One look at Stephanie Luthien Munson -- Lulu -- and Steve would know. And Steve would stay. And Steve would give up his classes and his girlfriend and his hope for his perfect family. Eddie has always known she's not what anyone is looking for.

So Eddie gets good at dodging questions, and explaining away noises in the background, and finding very reasonable excuses not to come out to visit. Very good at it.

She makes it to June of 1989, when her best friends decide it's been too long, and show up for a surprise visit.

Eddie was right though. It only takes a glance at the toddler on Eddie's hip as she opens the door for both of them to know.

#Female Eddie Munson #apparently #this is neither the thing I wanted to be writing (FTB)#nor the thing I needed to be writing (Massive Spreadsheet)#so file complaints with whatever muse popped in with this infection #and if its your muse who did this to me #come collect them #I do have strong feelings about Eddie as a girl though #bc the extra layer of societal expectations she would flip off?#the layer of predatory lesbian they'd paint her with #also im pretty sure this Eddie's gender is “Why does everyone care so much?”#and her sexuality is somewhere on the ace spectrum #Accidental Pregnancy #Pregnancy

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sweetestofchaos · 2 months

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You know the really cute found family anime where there will be a group of gangsters/killers and they end up with a child for whatever reason? They are all so freaking tough and badass but just turn into giant oversized pups when the child is around??

I wanna write a fic like that so damn badly. I'm watching Buddy Daddies on crunchyroll and it isn't helping the urge at all.

I wanna write Namson (namjoon/jackson) as ruthless hitmen who only smile at their kid. I wanna throw all the members of Monsta X into the middle of a heist gone wrong because they found a kid instead of a grand jewel. I wanna see all of Ateez's freeze like dial up when they get called uncles while their legs get hugged tightly by little arms!

Damnit, am I might really have to fucking create a daddy gang universe just for myself to scream about...

And of course while writing this an idea hit me. What if I create a daycare/school for children of different gangs? Like it's the one place where none of the hard killer bs is allowed and everyone agrees to follow the rules because they want the kids to stay innocent for as long as they can 🥹

Ateez' Mingi is dropping off his son when he sees that Got7's Jaebeom has parked in his spot. Mingi is ready to throw hands and before anything bad can happen, Mingi's son and Jaebeom's son run to each other with their arms wide open for a hug. Now Mingi and Jaebeom are just standing there glaring at each other while their kids are talking about making playdates at each other's house...🤭

Monsta X's Shownu is at parent's day and is eating a brownie with his daughter when he over hears that Stray Kid's Felix is the one that made them....👀

BTS's Jimin is trying to get his daughter's friend to stop crying because the poor kid tripped over his shoe laces. Well here comes Shinee's Taemin ready to murder whoever made his son cry 😠 but he ends up thanking Jimin for cleaning the cut on his son's knee and putting a bright pink Hello Kitty bandage on it....

...Someone stop my brain. I can't keep creating whole ass universe in my mind 😅

#i don't get why my mind has to do so much #this is a while ass series #it would be really cool as a collab too #a lot of moving parts #but it would be really fun #soc talks #writer life

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hussyknee · 5 days

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Does reading a lot of books "count" if they're all only popular light-read novels? As opposed to classics and literary fiction and whatever 600-page in-betweens are called. I can tear through all of Cat Sebastian (who's either hit or very, very miss for me) before I can pick up, like, Sharon Kay Penman, even though they're both popular historical novellists, because SKP's are about real historical figures and wars where a lot of horrible things happen to people. So of course my brain is convinced that SKP's novels "count" more than CS's, because it only counts if you have to struggle through an emotional morrass that makes you feel glad to live in climate collapse because at least nobody is sticking people's heads on spikes anymore.

This is also why I can only stand well back from literary fiction and poke it with a stick like I'm waiting for rats and snakes to jump out because, afaik, most of them are about people being sad and ruminating on the Human Condition. I don't get why I have to read about that, given I'm a sad person who's trapped in the Human Condition.

(I sometimes think the people that write these things are either so removed from the unwashed masses that they can look at them like a science experiment or five inches from offing themselves at all times. Presumably some of them are those mythical Normal People who have somehow emerged from the existential soup without any mental illnesses. Idk. How tf do you write fiction about real human pain that isn't even self-indulgent whump fic? I'm still trying to recover from having read Ninety-One Whiskey four years ago.)

You'd think the solution would be to just read some escapist fantasy, except the serious non-YA adjacent stuff that get submitted for Hugo awards (or Netflix and HBO adapations that shit all over the source material) are also about Bad Things Happening To People. I suppose this is better than white Christian manifest destiny bullshit like Lord of the Rings* where Bad Things Only Happened to Boromir, whose fans are the kind of people who think Gone With The Wind is a literary classic instead of Ku Klux Klan propaganda or people like me who are pathologically obsessed with conservative white bullshit**. And yet have I ever picked up NK Jemisin, who seems to be for all intents and purposes the queen of decolonial high fantasy? Of course not. Better to bear that media where Bad Things Only Happen To Imbibers Of This Racist Bullshit, than fly to others Where Bad Things Happen To The Characters that we know not of***.

It's really fucking hard to be extremely mentally ill and have OCD that won't let you DNF stuff that bores and distresses you and makes you think anything that lets you have safe, happy fun is just easy mode riffraff of no nutritional value.

***Still trying to figure out where Guy Gavriel Kay fits in. Without, you know, just reading the damn books.

**Tbh the reason conservative white bs is so appealing is because conservatives genuinely believe in the Just World theory. They rationalize the chaos of reality by assuming that the world used to make sense and work the way it should until Bad People happened to it, and it can be restored to its rightful glory if we can just root out all the shit that upended the old order. That's fascism in a nutshell and why its so deeply seductive even to people suffering under it.

*No, I'm not going to explain why LoTR is smuggling white supremacy. Y'all care more about defending the intentions of white men living in the fading era of the British empire than understanding how they could possibly have internalised white Christian supremacy that informs their writings about Fair, Enlightened Folk of the West yearning for a mythical past where they reigned supreme. Figure it out.

#actually ocd #hyperempathy #reading #books #high fantasy #fantasy #historical fiction #decolonization #knee of huss

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maelstrom007 · 10 months

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bestie i need a snippet of that hades fic “be around me”

AAAAAAAAAAAA I'm so excited to actually talk about these WIP's of mine! I might need to add the WIP tag game post to my master list so that it doesn't get buried under my regular reblogging bs. I might also reorganize/annotate that WIP list, because there are other Hades fics in that list that are hidden in a different folder cause of how my brain works.

So 'Be Around Me' is part of what I like to call my 'Not Your Momma's Songfic' collection, where I write fics based off of or inspired by a song, but have very little or ideally no lyrics quoted in the fic. This is in direct contrast to traditional songfics, where paragraphs may be broken up by italicized song lyrics, or song lyrics are directly quoted in speech or text.

Unfortunately I don't actually have a blurb for this one, but I'll give a bit of a summary of what I was thinking, the stanza that inspired the fic, and a link to the song!

Link to the song: Be Around Me - Will Joseph Cook

Stanza that inspired the fic:

Oh my god did you call me baby?

Maybe?

Is that okay?

Yeah it's cool . . . I liked it

Cool

SPOILERS FOR HADES GAME. IF YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE GAME, OR OTHERWISE DO NOT WANT SPOILERS DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thoughts:

So this is going to be a Zagreus x Thanatos fic, and I really like this song because it's super sweet, and I felt like it captured really well the dynamic and path of their relationship (if you chose to romance Thanatos). Cause Zagreus continually reaches out to Thanatos (Hey, Hey, How was your day? Mine was wack but I thought about you n felt alright) but sometimes falls flat, and Thanatos tries his best to open up and let Zagreus in (Yeah it's cool. . .I liked it). I dunno, to me the song feels like it's about two people caught in each others orbit, and every time their paths cross they get a little closer, which I think perfectly sums up Zagreus and Thanatos.

Thank you so much for asking about this @lululandd, I hope you like my rant! Please feel free to ask about my other WIPs, and damn maybe I'll actually get around to writing a blurb for this one. . .

#fic wip #wip talk #my wips #wip game #maelstrom speaks #maelstrom wip #hades #hades game #hades wip #zagreus #thanatos #thanatos hades #zagreus hades #zagthan #thanzag #zagreus/thanatos #zagreus x thanatos

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sayakxmi · 4 months

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[Magi rewatch] Episode 7: His Name Is Sinbad [Part 1]

Oh, yeah, it was definitely the right call. I already feel less exhausted having to watch this. Should've done this from the beginning, but, well, a Pole is smart after a mistake, not before it.

Me for, like, half of this goddamn year. Hot as balls. For how long, actually? October or November. Jesus. I think October, cuz November/December I was on-and-off sick. What a fucking time to be alive.

The characters tend to look kinda eh at times, but man, are the backgrounds cool.

A bunch of characters nobody cares about, but in the manga they thought they'd be able to get people to join them in Balbadd, but here they're just. Going there, I guess.

He does look good.

Also SQUIRREL. And a BIRD

She looks good in here.

"You don't have to thank either of us! Alibaba did it, because he's a kind person!" Like, you're completely right, but also gets me how much Aladdin trusts and believes in Alibaba. And, the thing is, he isn't wrong to do so - Magi can kind of read people's Rukh, so Aladdin gets the kind of person Alibaba is on instinct. Still, F.

Also, gfdi, why does it all look so pretty. The colors get me, too.

What a character introduction. What a legend.

It kind of reminds me. You guys know, Magi is like one of the series that's the dearest to my heart. One of the few. Which is why I get so critical of it. And it's hilarious when I think about the fact, that this AMV is the reason I watched it in the first place. I'm not kidding.

"Why are you freaking out? :("

Also, gdi. Magi rewired sth in my brain, and whenever I hear Daisuke Ono I immediately think about Sinbad, it'll never stop. Did you know Jing Yuan from Honkai: Star Rail has Daisuke Ono as VA? And Wriothesley from Genshin Impact. I'm still processing that, lol. Other one I'll always recognize bc of Magi is Kaji Yuki (Alibaba). Funnily enough, he voices one of my fav Pokemon character - Clemont. Imagine my surprise. Man, maybe I do have a type.

I love low quality Magi.

He looks normal in the anime. Kinda nostalgic, good. Also, the wording seems to be a bit different, but mostly the sentiment remains.

Agh, look how excited he is to meet another adventurer! You get it, mister, you get it!

What if Aladdin became Sinbad's Magi, hmm.

There's some yt channel that posts Kimetsu no Yaiba videos, what ifs, and then offers like three scenarios. Lastly it was what if Muzan was a Demon Slayer. Can't help but think abt it whenever I consider some what if.

She smelled Hakuryuu's cooking.

It really looks nice. From afar.

Huh, in the anime they don't mention how various races mingle here.

Paper money. Something that Sinbad notices. Good characterization moment + good hint at what the porblem might be. Neat.

Reminded me abt one of the fics that I'm writing. These goddamn towers. Two fics, actually. Though one of them is just recalling the events from the other.

Anyway, back to the ep, I do think it's cool. Lots of show don't tell.

Yeah. In the previous arc we've heard that Balbadd wasn't doing well, and now we get to see it.

Down with the monarchy.

This entire scene is still hilarious.

"We're going to have to help him out, Masrur." "Damn."

I love Ja'far. What a pro.

Since I had to delete it from the chapter post bc of the photo limit. Here. Morgiana & Masrur noticing each other.

The Sinbad experience.

Pffff

The sound he makes, lmao. "Ahhhhh". He's so not getting paid enough to deal with this bs.

Also, sad: we don't have Masrur helping him :/ That was such a nice moment : (

White eyes. You killed him, Sinbad. You killed your future husband.

"You're Sinbad, the King of Sindria!"

#saya's magi rewatch #ja'far #sinbad

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celicett · 1 year

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silent treatment - itto x reader

a/n: YALL i JUST REALIZED i have 100 followers? where did y’all come from LOL i glad y’all enjoy my bs writing. take a itto fluffy/kinda nsfw brain rot fic . he ain’t out yet so oops if he’s ooc

a/n i wrote this in like december of last year LOL and I haven’t caught up to genshin at all since then so im sorry if this is out of character :>

warnings: none?

you were cleaning up itto’s cuts and bruises from another fight he got into today. apparently someone gave him a strange look that ticked him off.

if you didn’t happen to be passing by the same place one of them could’ve been seriously hurt. you were telling his ears off while fixing his last bandages when he finally speaks up.

“could you be quiet” he sighs exasperated “you’re giving me a headache”

you looked at him baffled, you’re giving him a headache? you? the AUDACITY.

“me? i’m giving you a headache?” you scoffed, immediately dropping the cotton ball you were using to clean out his cuts.

“well i’m sO sorrY, i’ll shut up as you desire.” you put your tools on the table and stood to leave the room.

you hear itto call out, “wait babe i didn’t mean-” before he could finish you already left the room.

itto was hot on ur trail calling out for you, “babe. baby” you of course didn’t give two damns.

“you know you can’t walk away from me forever.” WATCH me

“you’re seriously gonna ignore me? babe. y/n.”

the way your legs stopped immediately at the sound of your name. if only you could see the smirk that was currently plastered on itto’s face right now you’d know exactly what you got yourself into.

the small set back in your step was enough to let itto sneak up behind you. not my fault his strides are fucking ginormous

“caught you” his arms snaked around your waste trapping you in his embrace. you tried to push away his arms but you’re literally putty in his hands.

he dips his head into your shoulders, lips trailing down neck, feeling the way your body shivered when his tongue touched your skin, he knew exactly how to break you. you tried to best to not give in and just deal with it, but itto isn’t that nice.

“don’t ignore me baby. let me hear your sweet sweet voice.” after leaving a mark or two he sunk his canines into your neck.

you couldn’t help but yelp at the sudden pain. “itto!”

“that’s a good girl”

#genshin itto #ataraki itto #genshin headconon #genshin oneshots #itto my beloved #itto x reader

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alexa-crowe · 1 year

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Oh, 100%. And young starry-eyed Scully in love with her professor, while adorable, is EXTRA creepy when you realize she didn't even know he was still married (at least that was GA's intention) and left after she found out. YIKES. And yes about Maggie. And I totally get your point about 30+. I differ slightly (25+ is my range, because the brain is fully formed at 25, etc.); but I don't think all the precautions in the world would have helped the disaster that was the Waterston situation.

I think GA was going for redemption arc and closing up old wounds and insecurities, but needed a two-parter to resolve it all. Or, hot take, I think it would be better to cut out the tea shop lady-- she really only exists to give Scully the moral. I love it more when Scully comes upon the answers in her own agency: her decision for Emily in the Emily arc, letting Emily go in All Souls, not killing Ruiz Cardinale in revenge for her sister, etc. There is usually no handholding for Scully, and it shows her moral strength and practical wisdom in sorting out the threads of her life in ways that she can live with. That's another thing-- Orison ended too soon, not showing Scully's important growth through that episode's conclusion. Or maybe she didn't resolve it yet, and carried that pain through En Ami and into All Things; in which case maybe mention it a little.

BUT, for a first time script? It's really good. So props to GA-- she's got more guts than I would for a first time writer on a highly successful show. AND DIRECTING?? The girl was left w/ all the blame if it plopped or succeeded, and she took that all on her shoulders willingly. You gotta admire that she takes on challenges that could daunt a lesser man.

Oh, yes, for a first time script it’s super good! And, honestly, it’s really rare to have the first draft of any script be all that great, either, haha. It takes a lot of revision and critiques to get it right. I think it would’ve been better to tackle this issue + Mulder and Scully finally getting together in a two-parter just so everything could have the time it needed to really work right. Gillian (and David) writes Mulder and Scully in such a unique and beautiful way and you can definitely see that. I absolutely love the last scene (except for that outdated music). After all those years of pretending that she’s fine in front of him, Scully finally opens up with no qualms and feels so comfortable that she can fall asleep next to him on the couch. That trust and security.

I can’t take “Orison” seriously, honestly, but I think that’s just my personal bias talking. (Damn, I hate Catholicism.) I just don’t think it makes sense for Scully to fall back on her religion and assume that it had to have been the devil because she’s never before shown any indication that she would feel that much guilt for shooting such a terrible person. And it’s like, if he was able to escape once, the prospect of locking him up again doesn’t very well make you feel safe and secure??? Like, if she’d been like, “I think the devil was influencing my actions,” I could’ve accepted that, but the impression I got was that she was saying he fully took control of her in that moment. Idk, I generally just leave it as “blegh, Catholic bs” lol.

Anyways, yes, I think the fact that after all that, we didn’t really see Scully make an active choice between Daniel and Mulder was a disservice. (I also passionately despise the teaser for the episode but I’ll let that sit lol.) Like choosing to trust Mulder and be by his side is a big difference between the choice to have sex with him for the first time. Those are different intimacies. They’re not dependent on each other, you know? I think the teaser would work if we saw them snuggled in bed together. That implies the deliberate and continuous choice to be together—to be intimate in that way.

And, yeah, Gillian Anderson steps up to bat a lot. Very much a role model in that respect.

#ask #txf

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dreamwritesimagines · 2 years

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before reading this chapter i was fully resolved to do a less detailed commentary on it to focus on school (i'm writing my essay on reason and passion in pride & prejudice and tbh this fanfic may have had something to do with it-) but honestly so many things happened and i could not help myself because PROPOSAL!! god it WAS time elias got his shit together and i'm so glad he did right in time!! i would kill to see the actual conversation between him and hugh btw (mostly whether or not hugh got to punch him finally) and also the duke's reaction to it all- but ANYWAY, on to the chapter

“Well anyone who cares about that is a fool and seeing that I’m quite smart, no I do not,” you stated, and she let out a breath, then pulled you into a hug again, making you giggle. once again friendship goals but also i'd like to add that cherie is very much a fool herself just in different ways- also wtf that was one VERY VERY lucky card game??

“You should marry my rake of a son even if you deserve better?” cecily being the most iconic friend ever as always

“Oh I didn’t know we had a guest,” he smiled as you waved at him. “Have you come to further our courtship, Lady Y/N?” hugh im literally in love with you- marry me at your earliest convenience pls we don't need anthony anymore

“I think considering everything, I will accept.” CECILY NO!! i will not stand for this bs

“I must hasten a plan,” you called out and stepped out of the room. “I will be damned before I let either of you marry anyone you’re not in love with—Lucie! We’re leaving!” im gaining more and more respect for lucie and her ability to deal with cherie's bs at any given moment in time 😭😭

You got momentarily distracted and awwed at the baby playing with his toys right beside Daphne, and Eloise tilted her head, staring at you. i love cherie once again giving off major adhd vibes with her momentarily forgetting her goal of murdering her brother as soon as she saw the baby

“I asked him before I made his list, he said it was just a rumor.” oh elias is gonna get murdered TWICE. stupid stupid man

You were so angry and in a hurry that you couldn’t even let yourself be distracted by Anthony, instead you went straight to Elias. lol not getting distracted by anthony but a baby is fine- alright cherie i can see you got your priorities straight

“Why did you not tell me you were in love with Miss Cecily?” Elias’s jaw dropped and he turned to you. “You tattled on me?” love violet being their mother figure even in things as childish as this bc i, too, would tattle on my siblings if they were pulling bs like this

“Well, I—” he stammered. “Anthony said—” “No, you’re not dragging me into this.” Anthony cut him off before he could even finish his sentence and you pursed your lips, glaring at Elias. anthony bestie you DESERVE to be dragged into this it was partly your fault also im once again imagining this exact scene with mr darcy and mr bingley explaining why tf he suddenly seemed to have lost interest in jane

“May she rest in peace.” Anthony pulled his brows together. “Lady Miriam is not dead Eloise.” “Might as well be, socially speaking.” let the girl speak anthony!! she's right!!

“I will ask her to marry me today, I will go to her house—wait, what if Trenlove is there?” “It’s his house and you have to talk to him first anyway.” Anthony reminded him and you frowned. “No he doesn’t, he needs to talk to Cecily first.” honestly these two are just the two halves of my brain going back and forth because yeah it's probably better to speak to her brother first but also CECILY- the romanticism of it all!! also i love elias rightfully being scared of hugh

“You should elope!” honestly i had two initial reactions and they were both yes and no and i'm still not sure which one was right

“You know, you seem to have a lot of audacity and too many opinions about this situation considering this whole mess is completely your fault—” yknow what cherie is right and anthony should get bullied for it more by his family. i mean cecily almost married mr randolph because of him ugh 🙄🙄

“I can’t believe the ton thinks you two are courting,” Colin’s voice stopped your bickering, making you both turn to him. “Lady Whistledown must be blind.” colin darling i love you but you're literally the only blind person around

“My dear sister Cecily, the kindest and nicest lady in the ton.” when i tell you that i laughed out loud- at like 12 am too might i add 😭😭 this fic is driving me crazy but like in a good way that has me laughing to myself in complete darkness on my bed-

“Young man? Trenlove is my age in case it has escaped your notice, Y/N.” once again this has no right being this hilarious and also this is definitely a comedy instead of a romance fic

“I’m not doing that.” Anthony scoffed and you pulled your brows together, blinking up at him. Anthony’s gaze stopped on you for a moment, a fond light crossing his eyes and he heaved a sigh as if he couldn’t believe himself, then motioned at Elias. lol cherie is just making sure anthony isn't about to ruin her plans AGAIN also i can definitely just see him doing this like all of the entire interaction the bridgerton writing team should hire you

“Alright, I think we should first talk about the marriage settlement—” i want to say his impression is better than cherie's but i can't even do that he's actually the worst 😭😭 also if he's been imagining his conversation with elias that way i'm sure he's in for a rude awakening-

“And why would he try to be romantic with her brother, exactly?” Anthony asked you, making you huff out. i'm on cherie's side here but he DOES have a point- the fact that i and pretty much anyone would take any chance to be romantic with our dear hugh doesn't mean elias should considering he's in love already

Elias nodded with an excited smile on his face. “I think I will get down on one knee, do you think she would like that?” actual golden retriever i'm telling you

“You’re not getting down on one knee Elias, why on earth would you—” he was cut off when you reacted almost automatically, reaching up to cover his lips with your hand without even thinking about it while keeping your gaze on Elias. honestly should have been like that for the entire conversation if he'd listened to like any of anthony's advice he probably would have failed i very much hope anthony won't be like this when proposing to a certain someone

“Flowers are a good idea, I’d love to get you a book on love poems but we cannot lose any more time in case Cecily changes her mind, and yes you should get down on one knee,” you said and stole a look at Anthony who was just watching you with his brows raised, so you instantly dropped your hand. cherie bestie he was merely contemplating which flowers and love poems you would like best for YOUR proposal

“I’m going to marry the love of my life,” Elias breathed out and swallowed thickly before snapping his fingers at you and Anthony. “You two are coming with me.” i love elias he really just is mr bingley and it's incredibly cute!! also tbh i'm sure if he invited all the bridgertons to come with they all would have-

Anthony rolled his eyes. “He’s not going to do that, Eli.” well you don't know that for SURE anthony- and i bet that he wouldn't mind the opportunity to duel hugh himself after seeing cherie spend so much time around him

“Well I have to admit,” he said. “This is going to be a score for you, not me.” is this just their default subject of conversation or something-

“Well you helped,” you said. “Even if you did sort of sabotage my carefully prepared plans and had that tragically ill-considered idea of him keeping his proposal straight and to the point without getting down on one knee, I don’t think he would have done it without your support. Back at dinner and today even.” i love how she's still complaining about that even when complimenting him (as she should!!) and also once again their brotherly affections are the cutest

“We’re all invited for tea,” Elias said as he pulled Anthony into a hug, then clapped him on the back. “Thank you. For everything.” well you should be thanking your SISTER but also this is cute and the tea!! i am begging you i want to know how the tea went bc hugh and elias and anthony and cherie being in the same room should be hilarious

“No I do,” she cut you off. “You are the reason that all of this is happening, and without your support, I wouldn’t have known… I wouldn’t have known what real love is. This is the happiest I've ever been, so thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I’m very lucky to have the privilege of calling you my best friend.” okay but this is the actual cutest 🥺🥺 they really are the best friendship goals i know i also said that about anthony and elias but this!! this is amazing and i love them

“Do you wish to hear my ideas about your wedding gown?” you asked her. “I’ve been planning it ever since that dinner party, I think you will like them.” lol if they existed back then this is the exact moment cherie would've gotten out a whole binder and several pinterest boards to show her the entire wedding she's been planning in her head- probably even more so than her own

okay this was the absolute greatest and i do not regret spending too much time on this instead of precious essay writing time bc it was all worth it!! they are ENGAGED!! it feels so surreal after the struggles but i could not be more glad- only a bit of fear that the conclusion of this angst may make way for cherie/anthony angst and i am NOT ready- either way i can't wait for next chapter!! i hope you have the most wonderful day <33

Omg Merel loveeeee! ❤

Wait I would love to read that essay, it sounds very interesting! ❤

Cherie is definitely a fool on some things, like for sure 😂

Cecily has a zero tolerance to bs policy when it comes to Anthony 😂

hugh im literally in love with you- marry me at your earliest convenience pls we don't need anthony anymore HELP I’M DYING AT THIS😂

Cherie is so lucky to have Lucie in her life 😂

Oh she gets distracted so so easily 😂 It will come up in the story a lot 😂😏

She is a great mother figure to all of them!❤

Anthony totally deserved to be dragged into it and Cherie had no problem whatsoever with dragging him right into the middle of it 😂

honestly i had two initial reactions and they were both yes and no and i'm still not sure which one was right Elias had no idea who was right either 😁😏

Cherie adores Cecily, like she so adores her ❤

OMG YOU’RE SO SWEEEEET! ❤❤❤

i want to say his impression is better than cherie's but i can't even do that he's actually the worst 😭😭 also if he's been imagining his conversation with elias that way i'm sure he's in for a rude awakening- Lollll I mean it was more rational than Cherie’s that’s for sure 😂 But if/when that conversation happens with Elias…Things will get very complicated 😏

actual golden retriever i'm telling you HE IS! HE REALLY IS! ❤❤

i very much hope anthony won't be like this when proposing to a certain someone Merel honey, remember this for the following chapters 😈😏

cherie bestie he was merely contemplating which flowers and love poems you would like best for YOUR proposal Ooooh my God 😂

Anthony will get very jealous of Hugh for sure….😏

A HC with that tea time is coming soon! ❤

Chérie basically planned their whole wedding 😂 Like, she will spend hours telling Cecily about it😂

Honeeeeey you’re absolutely amazing, thank you so much for this! I LOVE IT! ❤❤❤

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risingsouls · 2 years

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Anonymous asked: I like to come up with my own hc's for Bulma, she's a great character but poorly written by canon. Same goes for Chichi too if you ask me. They all deserve much better! What is your personal take on Bulma? Your own hc's?

[Oh absolutely. The writers of Dragonball can’t write women to save their damn lives and it’s a god damn tragedy because all of the have REALLY interesting bases to work with that could have made some really good female characters, even if they remained as side characters. But instead we get sexist garbage and, especially in the case of Bulma, oversexualization and being turned into arguably the grossest, most annoying character behind Master Roshi. Thanks, Super.

Anyway, I could write an essay on how badly the writers fucked up with Bulma from basically the OG series, and how the fandom is just as responsible for this crap in the newer content as the writers for not holding them responsible for the egregious bs they’ve been pulling with her, but that’s a tall order and I’ve probably gone into a good chunk of it here and there when my rat brain gets started on the topic.

As far as my own personal HCs, I can’t say I have a ton or anything like...super concrete? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve considered picking her up as a muse to do her some damn justice to even a small degree, but I just...can’t. Her character has been THAT ruined for me, and slogging through the mess of what I want to do versus what the fandom expects of Bulma at this point would be exhausting. In short, my personal take would be just...letting her actually grow up. Super, as it is wont to do with pretty much all the characters, basically turned her back into teen Bulma and it’s really just not great. Where she was in the Buu saga made sense but I guess that doesn’t sell as well as immature brat that fans still try to call a queen and boss bitch.]

#.:ask:.#.:ooc:.

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golbrocklovely · 11 months

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Out of topic but I’m having my final exams rn and I’m so burnt out that I can’t bring myself to study but I have to if I want to say in collage but the professors are really being so damn annoying and unhelpful

hey, i'm sorry to hear that anon. i was in the same boat as you years back, and i know it's difficult as hell to make it thru finals.

if professors aren't helping, maybe try to contact some classmates and see if any of them want to study as a group. and if not, look up the subjects you were taught and see if there are study guides or quizlets online that can help.

and if you need to, only do chunks of studying at a time. don't try to study for everything all at once. your brain can only retain so much in one sitting.

i don't know if this advice will do you well or not, so don't take it if you don't want. but i personally, thru-out all of my schooling, accepted that at times there were things we covered that i was just never gonna understand. and as long as i got the general idea, i might have been able to bs my way thru it. it didn't work at all times, but it did help when i was studying.

if you didn't understand it before, trying to force yourself to understand it now ain't gonna work. so your best course of action is to get really good at the shit you do know.

if you're taking anything that's a written final that has to be turned in, please don't wait until the last minute. i know that's easier said than done, but do not be like me where you end up staying awake for a full 10 hours just writing. not even taking breaks in between, just 10 straight hours writing and writing and writing.

the only benefit i had back then was that i was young and writing is something i've always been good at. if either of those things weren't in my court, i would have been royally fucked.

and if for argument's sake you do fail or have to take a class again, just know you aren't stupid for that. tons of smart, intelligent ppl have had to retake courses. life happens, and you are not dumb for not being able to work under immense pressure brought on by general life and schooling. life is really hard for everyone right now, you're not an exception to that.

i wish you all the luck on your finals. believe in yourself. you made it this far, you got this !

#ask #personal

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acendemartwork · 1 year

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Journal Entry 1 April 11 2012

It’s the dead of night as of when I am writing this, the burn still stings when I brush my hand up against the scarred flesh, thinking of the incident makes me want to vomit or pass out. The pain of the molten plastic burning my face and the nauseous smell it left behind was enough to make me pass out only to wake up in a hospital with needles and tubes connected to my body. I suppose having half my damn face burnt was a danger zone for how it went over my eye. I've been having trouble with seeing out of my left eye but I can make out objects and sometimes faces, if the person is still enough. I’ve been biding my time in my bedroom occasionally getting something to eat if necessary, Ada has been stopping by pissing me off with her damned questions “how are you feeling?” or “you need to eat more” it’s all bs and I know it. I barely remember what happened that day. It all just happened so fast that my brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me. I'm going back to work tomorrow so I suppose I should get some sleep.

Journal Entry 2 April 12 2012

Today was very hellish with the way it went, no one ever sees me because I work in the actual garage but seeing what I was doing was very hard to do, luckily I didn’t mess up on someones ‘precious GMC truck’ that’d be a bitch to deal with. Some of the fake assholes at work had questions on what happened and gave me false sympathy. And the snarky remarks continue “well now you look like a real nazi.” God, I’ve heard that so much when I first moved here from Deutschland to Amerika, the whole reason my family moved was for work, Ada fit in because she forgot who she truly was hell she never speaks our language! She was never made fun of because she fit in, she dyed her hair, she wore normal clothes, she joined cheer. And I grew my hair out and dressed in Nintendo or band t’s and joined robotics. Me and Ada never got along and I’m sick of hearing “she’s your sister, you should love and respect her” I have never loved a person. I have never cared for a person. I tolerate others, but that will not stop me from wanting to kill every fucking thing talks to me. I just wish to remove the virus of this world, humans, the stupidity of these creatures kills me slowly. Very painfully and slowly.

Journal Entry 3 April 15th 2012

I remember that one valentines day junior year. Bethany Smithon, she was an interesting girl, popular, friends with Ada, rich, and so damn annoying. Bethany had come over for sleepovers for Ada and she would bother me with annoying fucking questions when she did so. But it turns out she just liked me, so she asked me out that February the 14th and I said no, obviously. Bethany had been my first and only kill, her body was dropped into the river and to be found with her flesh deteriorating and slit throat, I remember what I said to her before slitting her throat with my pocket knife “love does not exist, it’s a made up factor to make you feel better about your pathetic self to compensate what you didn’t receive growing up.” She ended up crying of course which annoyed me more so I killed her. I'm aware most people would find that horrible but I removed one person from the factor of this world. Police never thought to question me, they ruled it out as a suicide but could never find the knife so they believed it sank to the bottom when I had it the whole time. Good times that year..

Journal Entry 4 April 17th 2012

I’m writing these at random for a reason, work and I don’t need to write as much. I fixed up my 1969 camaro I’ve been meaning to fix up, it still needs a repaint but it drives and that’s all I care for at the moment. Most of the richies aren’t a big fan of it but I don’t care. It’s a thing of mine I picked up from my dad, he could work on cars so I learned, Ada was never as fascinated as me. She focused on useless things like meeting people and liking people. As for me, I stayed in my room designing shit and being a pointless honor roll student with the best grades. It was all pointless, “you’ll go to a good college and become well known.” I work in a garage fixing cars for a living. The whole point of the bs was you’d feel “special” it made no sense and it still doesn’t. I was more superior to my sister in every way possible, she is nothing but a weak bitch that should just die already, wait…

Journal Entry 5 April 18th 2012

I did it, I actually did it. The headaches have stopped, I feel right once more. No one to bother me anymore, there’s still more I can do. My hands are covered in her blood as I write this, hell the blood is running down the pen to paper, it’s all over. I’m hiding in my car that’s right outside her house, I’ll be heading somewhere soon I don’t know where though. But Ada Keller is finally dead. I’m sure her wife will call the cops when she gets home but I don’t care, I’ve never cared. This is what I’m meant to do. Kill the living, humans are the reason for EVERYTHING, as they fight for things they caused. Ada and Bethany were just the start, it all will soon make sense in time of my plans..

#artwork #digital art #art #creepypasta #my story #orgin story #my oc stuff #creepypasta oc #oc art #oc story #Wesley the waxer

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brutal-nemesis · 3 years

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Helpless

Seeing that Whumpee had finally fallen asleep, Caretaker stroked their head one last time and left as quietly as they could. They finished cleaning up in the kitchen before finally going upstairs to their room and shutting the door.

And then they finally broke.

Whumpee was getting worse, Caretaker could tell, and it was so hard to watch them struggle and not really be able to do anything to help them. And they couldn’t cry in front of Whumpee, no, they had enough to deal with as it was without feeling guilty for their lack of progress. But it hurt so, so much to see the person they cared about struggling, pained, failing. They felt so powerless, they were doing what they could for Whumpee, but it was never enough to fix things. And they knew that, they knew things would never be the same again, but they wished, just for a moment, that they could have the old Whumpee back. That wasn’t selfish, was it? Whumpee wanted to be like that again, too, didn’t they? Caretaker just wished they wanted it more for Whumpee’s sake than their own.

When the tears dried, that was it. Break over, off to bed, and tomorrow was another day of smiling as they helped Whumpee, their pain hidden beneath the surface.

#i wrote something #whump prompt #vent writing i guess #oh damn vent writing again what happened this time nemi?#well you see my senior sem prof was like ''please write about a time you've cared for someone''#oh sir do you mean my entire life?#my entire home existence?#it did not help that mom said dad was getting worse the other day #so in conclusion i was like hmmm yes there are emotions i would like to throw them in an on fire garbage can #hnnnnngggggg im...fine. i just need to get my head out of my little bitch hole and write the essay #i dont have time for this bs brain. so take your vent writing and begone we got shit to do #everyone is drowning and i cant do anything to help and i am also drowning this is fine #god shut up and do your damn homework stop wasting time with this

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hiphop-rap-and-basketball · 3 years

Text

Ya lil’ Glasses | LaMelo Ball One Shot

Pairing: LaMelo Ball x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,588

Summary: You and LaMelo Ball both attend UCLA for undergrad. Of course he happens to be that hype kid the class that’s loud with his friends. You both get paired up to do a project together for the class. He’s kind of mean and pokes fun and although he gets on your last nerve, you may or may not find him just a little tiny bit cute. Maybe.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, smut, mentions of sex, female and male anatomy, orgasm control, possibly cliche, M/F.

A/N: damn forgive me it’s been a while since I’ve written smut, butttt I’m on a roll with writing lately soo that’s not stopping me. Let me know what y’all think ;) enjoyyyyy and happy reading

•••

You cannot believe you were paired up with Melo Ball for the most important assignment of this course for the semester. Yeah, it’s UCLA but they really just let any good sports player in and you cared about your education. He did not. All he did was mess around and crack jokes

with his friends in the class. Imagine acting like that in college, couldn’t be you.

When it came down to finally finding a time to work on it together, you could not wait to get it over with.

The first time you met with him for the project was in the common hall. You both settle down in your chairs and you pull out your laptops. As soon as Melo pulled his stuff out, he hopped on his phone.

“Can we just come up with an idea and be done today?” You ask, not really in the mood to ask for his full attention.

He looked at you before clicking his phone off and licking his lips.

“Yeah sorry, sorry, I gotchu.”

You cannot help but roll your eyes. He sits there in silence for a moment and actually starts shooting out ideas. You start writing them down until you finally agree on one.

“I think that’s a pretty good start,” you say, proud you guys at least got something down.

“I think so too. What you doing after this?” He asks, running his hands over his curls.

“Track practice at 4, shower, hopefully dinner after,” you say as you close up your laptop.

“You run track? Running is gross,” he laughs.

“How you gonna say running is gross when all you do is run up and down the court?” You ask, a little too loudly, someone shushes you and you both crouch down and begin whispering.

“Basketball is more than that,” he shot back, “you wouldn’t know.”

“Oh here we go, you all say that,” you respond, flicking your wrist at him.

“You all?? What that mean?” He asks.

“As in all the basketball players,” you laugh.

“Yeah yeah, you let me know when track become a real sport,” he fires back.

“It is!” You slam your fist on the table and he smirks, as if he is happy to get you all riled up.

“Mhmmm,” he replies.

“Over this conversation,” you say, getting up and throwing your backpack over your shoulder.

“When you trying to meet next?” He asks calmly, standing up close in front of you. You were looking up at him now, him being more than a foot taller than you made you feel small.

“I’m free all afternoon Wednesday, my class ends at 12:45p.m.”

“You would know when your class ends, nerd.” He responded.

You cock a brow at his attempt at a roast.

“Shut up,” you responded.

“Wednesday at 2p.m. Your dorm. How’s that sound?” He smiles.

“That works,” you shrug. He smiled at you before walking away. You both go your separate ways.

Wednesday came around quickly. Your head hurts today, so you decided to put your glasses on instead of wearing contacts. Even though you knew that would not help you deal with Melo’s bs. He was extra unfocused today.

“How was your dayyy?” He asked as he walking into your dorm room. He looked huge walking through the door it was kind of funny actually.

“Fine, and yours?” You ask, feeling obligated to do so since he asked you first.

“It was alright, better now that we are here working on our project together bestie,” he jokes, plops himself down on your bed to make himself comfortable. You sat on your desk chair facing him.

You caught up with a couple ideas and worked on some your work, actually getting something done, for now.

You had to show each other your screens, so you awkwardly sat next to him on the bed. He sat up. The two of you now with your backs up against the wall and feet hanging off the bed. You sit in silence for a moment.

“I like ya lil glasses, can I try them on?” He asked, smiled and looking in your direction now.

“N-“ before you could answer, he already swiftly pulled them off your face and put them in his anyway. You roll you eyes.

“Do I look smart?” He asked with the cheesiest smile on his face.

“You look stupid,” you reply coldly, although you secretly kind of liked how they looked on him. They fit his face well.

“I think you’re mad they look better on me,” he replied with a scoff.

“You’re sooo annoying,” you reply. Surprisingly feeling yourself fight a smile. “Can you focus please?”

He does the opposite of focusing, eyes looking around your dorm room for a moment.

“Have you ever had sex with a guy? Are you even straight,” He asked, catching you off guard. You took full offense to his question. Not because of him questioning your sexual orientation, but rather him thinking that was his business.

“That’s a personal question,” you respond quickly.

“Seriously? You have this single dorm all to yourself. You don’t even use it to its full benefits. You know how many girls I’d be bringing over if I lived in a single,” he tossed his pencil up in the air and caught it as he spoke.

“I’m here for my sport and to learn, not everything in college is about seeing how many people you can have sex with, Melo.” You responded, typing away at your computer.

Melo slowly lifted your computer off your lap, placing it on the opposite side of him.

“Hey-“ you reach out your hand to it. The room suddenly feeling a lot smaller than it was now that his face was right next to yours and you had nothing to do to keep your hands busy.

“Have you ever even kissed a guy?” He asked, you loosen up at his tone, which oddly enough seems a bit more sincere now.

“Um, no, no actually I haven’t,” you responded quietly, looking down on your lap.

“I don’t believe that.” He responded. “Stop lyin.”

“It’s true,” you shrug, throwing your hands up in defeat.

“You’re so pretty,” he smiles, making your heart skip a beat or two, but you’re usual chatterbox brain was too nervous to agree.

“Beauty standards have nothing to do with the fact that I haven’t kissed anyone yet. I simply choose not to settle-“

He cuts you off by grabbing the back of your neck with his large hands and pulling you in for a kiss. It lasted for what felt like forever but it was only about 10 seconds. Although you were surprised, you did not want to fight it, and you even found you hands settling on top of his shoulders before he pulled away.

You stared at him for a moment, wondering what in his right mind made him want to do that.

“Anyway, I’m ready to focus now,” he smiled, got up and sat in desk chair you were sitting in first.

You sat there eyes wide, trying to process what just happened.

“Um.. yeah… yeah okay,” you say slowly.

You sat there and decided to not acknowledge what just happened as well. Trying to focus on your work, you could not help by to continue replaying that moment in your head. The kiss on repeat for a while. A couple days even. You saw him in class and he was so nonchalant about it. It started to bother you.

It took everything in you not to ask him about the kiss. Not wanting to seem desperate but at the same time what the fuck. That caught you off guard completely.

The next time you too worked together, you worked in his dorm. His roommate was in there with you guys, engaging in the occasional conversation with the two of you.

This time, you actually cared about how you looked, wearing a little make up and wearing a floral sundress that stopped midway on your thighs.

When you walked up to the door, Melo looked you up and down for a moment before letting you in. He had shorts on with no shirt. His athletic build made your cheeks turn hot and look at the ground quickly.

“Welcome in,” he gestured. You walk in and it looks just as you thought a guys dorm room would look like. A damn mess.

You watched him with his back turned as he stood by his closet of clothes, muscles taut as he pulled a new shirt over his head.

You shuffled to get your stuff of your backpack out before he caught you staring and got to work.

His roommate was cute, and you did not care that you were flirting it up with him right in front of Melo. He kissed you with no explanation. You were determined to figure out why.

“Alright, I’m heading to the gym,” his roomie stated and you smile.

“Have funn,” you reply. You watch him walk out the door, looking down at your lap to flatten your dress then look back up at Melo. His face very clearly annoyed and unamused.

“What?” You smirk, asking in an oh-so innocent tone.

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head in response.

“Oh yeah?” You ask. “You sound a little pressed.” You push, big smirk on your face as you spoke.

“I’m good,” he replied coldly.

You confidently put your hand on his shoulder and replied. “Okay,” in a sarcastic tone.

He was not fucking with that. He pulled your arm down from his shoulder and pulled you into a kiss, this being your second time feeling his lips on yours. This one was more intense. You remember thinking of his lips and how they felt from the last kiss. Feeling them again made your heart pound with excitement.

“Shut up and don’t make me admit to jealousy,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction.”

His hands gripping the back of your hair and he spoke, eyes bouncing from your eyes and lips.

“Hmmm, I think you just did,” you nod your head and shrug your shoulder. He was not having your sarcastic tone. He pulled you closer to him, this time he was laying down and you were sitting top of his lap. He refused to break the kiss, hands from down your neck to your lower back.

In your mind, you were strategically making sure you were right on top of his dick. His lips felt so good to feel again. You were so lost in the heat of the moment now, as he began using his tongue in your mouth, you let out a small moan for the first time.

He let go of the kiss for a moment and smirked.

“I wanna hear your beautiful moans,” he admitted, voice deep and full of lust.

He flipped you over and now your body was underneath him on his bed. You lied down flat on your back. He hovered himself over you.

Kissing you a couple times more, before kissing his way down your neck and stopping at your breast.

“You knew what you were doing wearing this shit,” he stated sternly.

You roll your eyes, “shut up.”

“You gon stop giving me that smart mouth,” he replied, smirk on his face before making his way down further. Your heart beating even fast now. He lifted up your dress to find you only in a thong.

He quickly looked up you with a smirk on his face, shook his head and carried on. Yanking your panties off, his lip made their way to your clit like a magnet.

You moaned softly at the pleasure, in fear that someone might hear the two of you.

“What if he comes back?”

“I don’t give a fuck, he could watch,” his voice low and eyes hooded, way too focused at the task at hand to even look at you.

Licking and teasing at your folds, you feel yourself getting closer due to all the tension you had built up since you arrived to his dorm, your mind flashing the sight of him when you walked when he was just no shirt on. His dick print very clear through his shorts.

As you felt yourself getting close to the edge, he stopped, and looked up at you.

“Whyyy,” you groaned put your hands over your face in frustration.

“Because, you was talking all that shit,” he said with one finger in your folds as he rubbed it slowly.

“Please,” you said and his surprised eyes look into yours.

“Nope,” he smirked. Now you were not having it.

You reach down to his shorts and very clearly feel his hard member. You looked up at him with pleading eyes as you began to rub it slowly.

He leaned down and started kissing your neck. You and him both knew he did not want this to stop, and he was fighting with every ounce in his bones not to rip your dress off and fuck you right then and there.

But you knew how to get what you wanted.

“Then it’s my turn,” you smile, pushing him off you and getting down on your knees on the side of his twin sized bed.

Knowing you have never done this before, you were slightly worried you would not be that great at it. You moistened your mouth as you pulled his shorts down, you did not have anything to compare his size to, but you were guessing it was bigger than average.

You admired it for a moment before taking it into your mouth. You heard him suck in his teeth as you took a few licks.

“What’s the matter?” You ask innocently looking up at him through your lashes while you swirled your tongue around the tip.

He bit bottom lip threw his head back, you knew that no answer meant that shit was hitting.

“Keep doing that shit with your tongue,” he groaned quietly.

You keep going at it for a while, and stopped when you felt him starting to thrust into your mouth.

“That’s it,” he groaned as he pulled you on the bed, you watched as he began to slowly push himself inside of you, wincing at the pain, he went slow and you warmed up. He looked so good while he stroked you. You started to feel better and better. He watched you as you took all of him now and proudly.

“I told you to stop talking all that shit,” he groaned.

“I don’t regret it,” you smirk.

“You bout to,” he stated as he began to speed up the pace.

You moaned louder as he continued to thrust into you. You could not believe this moment was actually happening. Him giving into it fed into your pride.

You watching at he admired every ounce of body, gripping and tugging at your soft spots. He held your hips as he picked up the pace.

He pulled out and finished himself off on your stomach. You lay there feeling a mess, he gets a towel and you guys get yourselves together throwing the occasional smirk at each other.

“You look so pretty taking this dick,” he stated, grabbing your neck and kissing you slowly. You smiled into the kiss.

“I’ll do it again,” he confirmed, both hands holding your face as he kissed you hard, tonguing you down.

“Chillll,” you laugh. “Let’s get this damn assignment going already.”

#lamelo ball #liangelo ball #lonzo ball #hornets #basketball #lamelo ball fan fictions #lamelo ball imagines #melo ball fanfic #melo ball one shots #ball in the family #by melo ball #ball family

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ao3commentoftheday · 3 years

Text

The comment: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FKHDSNAKJFNDSKAJDNSKAFJSDNKJSANDFS HELLO AGAIN YOU JUST KEEP MURDERING M E EACH TIME LIKE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK YOUR HONOR ILY!!!!!!

BUT OKADSJNDFAK MAN FIRST OFF!!! FICRST OFF THANK YOU FOR HAVING SO MUCH COMFORT I AM SO SOFT FOR EVERYONE HERE I CANT NSDKJFSD I AM SO SOFT THIS IS SO WHOLESOME IT FEELS LIKE THE LOOSE ARMS OF A HUG THIS IS SUCH A CUTE CHAPTER LIKE OK O O K K JINOK HAVING TO EXPLAIN HYUN'S JOB UPSTAIRS TO THE KIDS I AM SGOING TO SOB THAT DIALOUGE WAS SO GOOD ESP THE KIDS NOT BEING DETERRED

LIJFNSDKJFD "He turned, messy hair and soft voice contrasting his usual stoic demeanour" HE'S !!! HES BEING HIMSELF AND CHILLING OUT I LOVE HOW THEY'RE SO COMFY WITH EACH OTHER DHM U

AND THEN!! THIS PIECE OF DIALOUGE "“Damn you complimented him… good luck getting him to do anything now." LIKE!!! SO TRUE BANGER!!!! I LOVE UR CHARACTERIZATION SM AND FUCK YEAH FOR THE RETURN OF OVERSIZED CLOTHES LETS GOOOOO

AND DSNKAFASDNK I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR JAEHUN HYUN INTERACITONS LIKE!!!! THEY ARE LITEARLLY FAMILY UR HONOR, kokoko im gonna breathe but the soft check in has me just afjdnskafjndsf so bs i am crying sm i love them i love the familial interactions ur honor

and then the kida ajndsakjfnds i , man you write them so so increidbly well i litearlly feel adoration for these words on my screen bc of u bc!!! its them and theyre so babey!!!

AND THEN YOU JUST AFJKDNDSKF RIPPED MY HEART OUT WITH THE!!! THE MONSTER FDJKSANK FCKING HELL LIKE HYUN TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP AND FINSIHED THE PUZZLE DJNDSJKAFDS I AM ,,, M A NNN

and then the casual comfort like,,, god your pacing is amazing jus t the way you make this seem like a normal day and all intertwined these scenes throughout the day msdjanf lovely

AND TFHASDKJFDS FUCKING THEN

THE ENDING,,,, BYE

IM DEAD, LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME I READ IT I THOUGHT THAT LIKE THE GANGSTERS WERE HERE FOR SOME REASON??? BUT NO YOURE SO BIG BRAIN MY GODD YOU BROUGHT IN THE PAST MESSAGES IVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE DO THAT BEFORE YOURE SO SMART WTF!!!! IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HWERE THAT GOES!!!

SO YEAH TYSM FOR WRITING I REALLY LOVE IT!!!! (sorryr if this is a lot fkadjsnajfds ) have a nice day :D

End comment

It’s been a couple months since I got this comment and I can’t tell how many times I’ve gone back to it, honestly the best comment I’ve ever received and I wanted to share it. They’ve left other comments like this on previous chapters and each time it motivated me to continue :(

The fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585232/chapters/72716676

#submission #ao3commentoftheday

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fangirlwriting-stories · 3 years

Text

Star-Crossed

Summary: Virgil has known since he was little that some day he's supposed to meet his soulmate and fall in love with them. You're supposed to date, then fall in love, and eventually ride off into the sunset to the sound of wedding bells and a happy life in front of you. You're supposed to look forward to meeting your soulmate. You're supposed to plan your life around them, because you're supposed to want to.

He's not sure what exactly you're supposed to do when someone else gets there first.

There’s a way these things work, Virgil knows. Of course, everyone’s story is different, because people aren’t made with perfect cookie cutters. But there’s a general way that these things work. It involves meeting your soulmate, getting to know them, dating and falling in love, ending with a wedding at an appropriate age. You’re supposed to be tailor made for each other, your love story written in the stars, to the point where communication is easy and problems aren’t hard to overcome. Now, that’s of course not how it always works in real life, because people are complicated and problems can be just that. But it’s supposed to be relatively easy to ride the wave to your happy ending, wedding bells and cheers and riding off into the sunset.

For most of his life, Virgil had craved that ease. Relationships that didn’t come pre-packaged for success were hard, and he wasn’t very good at them. It took him until eleventh grade to make any friends. But even when he did, they were proof that soulmates made everything easier.

Roman, Patton, and Logan had the kind of soulmate story people dream about. The three of them had been best friends since childhood and started dating in their early teens. They’d had their general share of problems throughout the years, but overall they were good. Their story made them popular too, and Virgil couldn’t imagine why they’d taken him under their wing, but here he was.

With popularity-by-association came pressure, though, and Virgil couldn’t name the number of times he’d panicked about what would happen if he didn’t live up to the soulmate story of his friends. It was what they expected of him, in the way that they never said outright, but Virgil could tell they were thinking it. He knew for a fact it’s what his parents expected of him, as unlike his friends, they had said it outright. He wondered why exactly they felt the need to make that clear. Did they know something?

Because in the end, that was the point, wasn’t it. Nowhere in the general “way these things work” did your soulmate story allow you to be here, in your crumbling backyard treehouse, wrapped in the arms of someone you love but shouldn’t as they kissed your damn brains out.

Virgil couldn’t give an exact name for what he and Janus were. They weren’t quite dating, but they definitely weren’t just friends, if the way Janus’ hand was tangled up in his hair and pulling him closer had anything to say about it. He did know that Janus made him feel alive, in a way he’d never quite gotten from anywhere else. He wouldn’t trade Patton, Logan, and Roman for anything, but there were times the expectations they came with made him terrified. His parents made him feel more trapped than anything else, though he didn’t think that’s what they intended. But here, with Janus, he felt like the world could burn, and as long as he had Janus there with him, he would be perfectly content to just watch.

Virgil shifted enough to see the outside of the treehouse, and pulled his head up slightly. “Janus,” he murmured.

“What, I’m busy,” Janus murmured back, shifting his lips on Virgil’s neck. Virgil gasped and pulled in a breath.

“Janus,” he said again, though his voice sounded significantly higher than a second ago. “The sun’s rising.”

“Oh, my, alert the media,” Janus said, moving up from his neck to capture Virgil’s lips again.

Virgil pulled back. “You can’t keep kissing me to shut me up,” he said.

“But it works so well,” Janus crowed, leaning back in.

“Janus,” Virgil groaned, but wrapped his arms around him anyway, letting them both move back slowly onto the floor.

“You have to go, you know,” he murmured in a moment he pulled back to breathe.

“Mmm, I can’t convince you to stay just another half hour?” He kissed the corner of Virgil’s mouth and Virgil held back a whine.

“You are very persuasive,” he muttered.

“Ah, one of the many reasons you love me,” Janus said, moving to the other corner of his mouth.

“I’ll love you less if we get caught out here,” Virgil said. “You know how early my dad gets up.”

“Really? Getting caught during one makeout session, that’s all it takes?” He pulled Virgil up closer to him, wrapping his arms around his back.

“Janus,” Virgil said, pushing him backwards. “It’s not about that and you know it.”

Janus sighed, dropping his head onto Virgil’s chest. “You ruined it with seriousness, Virgil,” he whined.

“It’s going to be ruined with a lot more seriousness if you don’t go,” Virgil said, trying to ignore the way that Janus’ lips still looked so very tempting.

Janus had to have noticed his staring, because he smirked and leaned back in. “Yes, and it seems like you want me to leave so much,” he whispered, right before connecting their lips yet again.

Virgil heard the soft click of a lightswitch, easy to hear with nothing else going on— well, with only one other thing going on.

Virgil pushed Janus back more firmly. “Janus,” he said. He looked over towards the house, where the kitchen light had just come on.

Janus sighed, and laid back down on top of Virgil. “Curse your early bird of a father.”

“Yeah, he’s the worst,” Virgil said, only half joking. “I’ll see you on Monday, alright?”

“How ever will I last,” Janus said with a smirk, leaning in one last time and kissing Virgil much more gently, the way he did goodbyes.

Virgil returned the kiss as Janus sat them both up, and pulled back a second later. “Text me when you get home,” he said.

“I will,” Janus agreed, moving to climb down the treehouse ladder. Virgil watched him go for a second before leaving himself, climbing across the tree branch that led through his open window. He made it just in time to look out his window and spot Janus leaving through the gate towards his front yard. He paused and looked up at Virgil first, giving him a sloppy salute as if saying “There, I did what you wanted.” Then he turned and vanished into the early morning.

Virgil smiled to himself and sank down against his windowsill. God, he loved that idiot.

He waited until he got a text half an hour later that Janus made it home before climbing into bed. It would still be a while before he fell asleep, though, the buzzing feeling Janus left him with made him feel too alive for that.

Not for the first time, Virgil wished that the “way these things work” was something different.

…

“I’m just saying,” Roman said, his arm looped through Logan’s as the three of them walked to class. “That if you’re going to give students an assignment over break you deserve nothing less than death.”

“Agreed,” Virgil said.

Logan shook his head at them both in disbelief. “We are students,” he said. “Our entire job is to learn. If the teachers have assignments to grade over break, shouldn’t students have something to work on too?”

“No,” Roman said. “It’s the teachers job to grade assignments.”

“Did you miss the part where I said learning is our job?”

“I don’t see myself getting paid for this shit,” Virgil muttered. “And I don’t want to write a whole damn essay over break. I don’t care if ‘learning is my job’ or whatever you think. The whole point of a break is a vacation.”

“It’s just one essay,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. “You can get it done and still have a vacation.”

“Logan, your ‘I can write essays in an hour’ thing is kicking in again,” Roman said. “It takes most people longer to write an essay than it takes you.”

Virgil didn’t catch Logan’s response, having instead caught Janus’ eyes on the side of the hallway. Janus looked at him as he passed and smirked, giving Virgil just enough time to think about how absolutely gone he was for this boy before he passed behind them.

“Virgil?”

Virgil jerked around to face Roman. “What?”

“Don’t you agree?”

Virgil blinked. “Oh, yeah, absolutely.”

“See!” Roman exclaimed, spinning to Logan like that won the whole argument. Virgil was happy to help.

They both continued the argument that Virgil had lost all interest in until they reached the lunchroom, where Patton was already sitting at their usual table.

Virgil pulled his phone out as he sat down, because if he’d passed Janus… yep.

Janus: So how are the universe’s favorite love birds doing

Virgil rolled his eyes.

Virgil: You don’t always have to act like you hate them you know

Janus: Excuse you? They are the worst. I despise them and everything they stand for

Virgil: They also happen to be the only people who actually tried being my friends

Janus: Ugh

Janus: You and your hatred of loneliness

Virgil: If you want to talk to them they wouldn’t hate it you know

Janus: And surround myself with soulmate perfection stories all the time? Please

Virgil sighed. They both knew he could see right through Janus. While Virgil now had three close friends and gained the friendliness of everyone else by association, he remembered the things that you said when you didn’t have anyone and were trying to convince yourself you were okay with that. “As if I want to surround myself with soulmate perfection all the time” was up near the top of the list. Virgil had said it more than a couple times himself before he realized the soulmate perfection people were actually pretty nice.

“Hey, Virgil, whatcha looking at?”

…About most things.

“Nothing,” Virgil said, putting his phone back in his bag. “Just making notes of assignment stuff. Roman’s right, an essay assignment over break is BS.”

“Right?” Roman said, and started launching into his complaints. Virgil sat back in relief and listened to him start to rant, rubbing his thumb over his phone case in his pocket.

He had other reasons to hate the essay assignment. He and Janus had been planning what to do over spring break for months. Janus had gotten his mother’s permission to take the car and go with a friend on a couple of day trips, so long as they didn’t like, leave the state or something. Virgil had been looking forward to going somewhere fun with Janus, exploring the places Janus had picked out, finding places to be alone… maybe pretending to be soulmates.

Virgil looked down at the name on his wrist and sighed, wishing once again that it said something other than Ethan Baker.

Virgil went through the rest of the day trying to figure out a way to finish that essay before break. He had a week, but he had other assignments due before break. He could probably ask Logan for help, come to think of it. He texted Logan after school as he was heading out to Roman’s car. Logan stayed after most days to tutor.

Virgil: Hey, could I maybe stay after Thursday to work on my essay with you

Logan: Sure, I don’t have any tutoring on Thursday. Try and have an outline and an argument decided on by then, okay?

Virgil: Will do

Virgil slipped his phone back into his pocket and glanced up as he approached Roman and Patton, who were standing outside Roman’s car waiting for him.

“Sorry,” he said as he ended up in front of them. “Trying to figure out how to get an actual break.”

“Do you have a plan?” Roman asked, getting into the driver’s seat as Patton took the passenger and Virgil got into the back.

“Yeah, I’m meeting up with Logan on Thursday to write the essay.”

“Oh, can I join?”

“You should ask, but I’m sure he won’t mind,” Patton said. “I need a treat. Anyone else want ice cream?”

“Sign me up,” Roman said as he started to back up. “Jenny’s?”

“Absolutely,” Virgil agreed. Jenny’s was their favorite ice cream place. He wanted to find a way to take Janus some day.

Patton texted Logan to meet them there when he was done with tutoring, and then they all headed there.

Virgil grabbed his notebook once they got there and started writing down ideas for his essay in between bites of ice cream. By the time Logan got there, he had a couple ideas to narrow down, and he pulled out his phone to text Janus.

Virgil: You don’t have any assignments over break, do you?

Janus: Fuck no. What monsters do you have as teachers?

Virgil: Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it handled. Just making sure you’re ready for our trips too

…

Turns out, Janus had quite a few good spots to go to, with different goals in mind. They went to ice rinks, outlet malls with Hot Topic, and a state park all within the same week. The park ended up being Virgil’s favorite. It was filled with giant rocks that people were encouraged to climb on. They found a high up rock tucked in between trees overlooking a river, and stayed there for hours appreciating the view, and appreciating… other things. If anyone saw them, the names on their wrists were covered, and people were much more likely to assume they were soulmates than otherwise.

It was as they were getting into the car to leave the park that Virgil turned to Janus. “Janus?”

“Hmm?”

“We can’t pretend we’re not dating anymore, can we?”

Janus huffed a laugh. “I don’t think we can,” he said. “Not really.”

“Should we talk about that?”

“What part of it?”

“You know what part, Jan.”

Janus sighed. “No, Virgil,” he said. “I’m not going to force you to tell everyone now just because we’ve admitted we’re dating. Believe it or not, I like things as they are.” He leaned over and kissed Virgil as if to make his point. Virgil’s hands drifted to hold the sides of his face as he kissed him back.

“Hey,” Virgil murmured as Janus pulled away to breathe.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Janus replied easily, like he barely had to think about it, and Virgil pulled him closer as sparks lit inside his chest. It was going to be awhile before they left the park.

…

“What about that hotel, we could stop there.”

“We are not stopping at a hotel, dumbass,” Virgil said, shoving Janus’ head from the side. “These are supposed to be day trips.”

“Oh, Virgil, how could you deny me the chance to spend a night with you?” Janus asked, throwing a hand up to his forehead as if this was some huge betrayal.

“Don’t you have to be 18 to be able to buy a hotel room anyway?” Virgil pointed out, crossing his arms and smirking.

“Hmm. Fair enough. I know a motel a couple miles away, we could try that.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the same deal.”

“I have a fake ID in the glove box.”

“You what?” Virgil laughed, pulling open the glove box to see that Janus was right. “Why are we going to a motel and not a hotel if you have a fake ID?”

“So what I’m hearing is we can go to a hotel!”

“Janus!” Virgil groaned, trying to stop smiling.

“What, it’s not like we have school again tomorrow. We’re not needed anywhere.”

“Yes, well as technically true as that is, tomorrow is still the day we all meet up at Roman’s house to set up the pool and swim.”

All of the mirth faded instantly from Janus’ face. “Oh.”

“Hey, what?” Virgil asked, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

“Nothing. You’re allowed to have other friends,” Janus said, sounding sincere in that.

Virgil sighed. “Except I never get to see you as is,” he muttered. “Right?”

“Well… yes,” Janus admitted.

Virgil reached over and grabbed Janus’ hand on top of the steering wheel. “Come with me, then. I’ll ask them if you can come. I’m sure they’ll say yes.”

“Oh? And what will you say? ‘Hey, are you three with your perfect fairy tale story ending cool with me bringing my boyfriend that isn’t my soulmate over to your house?”

“Well of course I wouldn’t say that,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll probably say you’re a friend I’ve met.”

Janus sighed and shook his head.

“Janus,” Virgil said, checking to make sure no other cars were around before pulling his hand onto the middle console. “Come with me. You can wear a swimsuit and look hot and make me wish I could come over and kiss your face off.”

Janus gave him a look, and Virgil could see his answer before he said it.

“Maybe another time, Virgil,” he said, pulling his hand away and putting it back on the wheel.

They made the rest of the trip home in silence, and after a while Virgil leaned on the window and fell asleep.

…

“LOGAN, LOOK OUT!” was all the warning that Logan got before Roman landed right on top of him and sent them both underwater. Virgil started swimming over to them instantly, but both heads popped out of the water before he got there, though Logan was rubbing his and looked in pain.

“Do you never look before you leap into pools?” Logan asked, glaring at Roman.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Roman said, grabbing Logan’s head and starting to look it over. “Here, I can kiss it better.”

“That is not how medical care works,” Logan said, as Roman kissed the area of his head he’d landed on.

“Oh for goodness sake, specs, I’m being sweet.” Roman said, continuing to look his head over. “You look okay. You want to get out for a minute?”

“I am alright. I think a headache is forming after that, but I don’t feel I need medical attention.”

“Medical attention? What happened?” Patton called, emerging from the house with a platter of various snacks.

“Roman was being the idiot he usually is and leapt right on top of Logan instead of just into the water,” Virgil said, swimming back over to lean against the side of the pool.

“Oh my goodness, are you two okay?” Patton said, setting the platter down and rushing over to the side of the pool.

“We’re alright, Patton,” Logan reassured, catching Patton’s hands before they could start fluttering over him in worry. “Neither of us are seriously injured.”

“Good,” Patton muttered, kissing Logan quickly, and then moving on to do the same for Roman. Virgil looked away, trying not to feel bitter. He looked over at his phone, sitting over by his clothes, and debated going over to call Janus and make him get his ass over here.

He missed his boyfriend. How had he gotten so used to seeing him every day so quickly?

The sound of people climbing out of the pool roused his attention, and Virgil saw Patton waving him over for the snacks he’d brought. He pushed himself out of the pool and headed over to eat them, trying to push Janus out of his mind.

“You know, I heard there was going to be a new student coming to school after break is over,” Logan said.

“Ugh, of course you care about stuff like that,” Roman said, rolling his eyes and giving Logan an endeared smile.

“No, there was something about him. His name sounded familiar, but I’m not sure why.”

“What’s his name?” Patton asked, popping a grape in his mouth.

“Um… Ethan, I think. Ethan Baker.”

Virgil’s blood ran cold. “What?”

Logan glanced over at him. “What?”

“Oh my gosh, Logan!” Roman exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say anything? That’s Virgil’s soulmate, you dummy!”

Logan’s confused look cleared. “Oh, that’s why it sounded familiar,” he said. “Well, congratulations, Virgil. Unless it’s a different Ethan Baker, it sounds like you might get to meet your soulmate soon.”

Virgil stood up suddenly and stumbled a few steps back.

“Virgil?” Patton asked, standing up and looking concerned again. “Are you alright?”

“Um,” Virgil said, still moving backwards. “I—”

Roman jumped up. “Virgil, stop, you’re going to—”

The ground disappeared from under Virgil’s feet and his heart leapt into his throat a second before he hit the water, thankfully in a deep enough part of the pool that he didn’t hit his head on anything.

Maybe he could just stay down here and never have to face the reality that Logan just presented him with.

Unfortunately, a hand reached down into the water and pulled him upwards until he was above the surface and looking at Roman’s concerned face.

“Are you alright?” Roman asked, helping him out of the pool and sitting down next to him.

Virgil yanked his hand away and wrapped his arms around himself. “Fine,” he muttered. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton said, sitting on his other side. “I get it.”

Virgil looked over at him.

“It’s okay,” Patton said, smiling. “Of course meeting your soulmate is scary. I was scared when I met Roman and Logan.”

“You were a kid,” Virgil pointed out.

“And? You’re not allowed to be scared because you’re a little older than I was? Virgil, it’s alright. No one is going to blame you for being scared. You don’t even have to meet him right away if you don’t want to.”

Something in Virgil’s chest lightened at the thought. “I don’t?”

“Well, I wouldn’t conceal it from him,” Logan said, sitting down on the other side of Patton. “You should tell him who you are. But if you’re not ready for a relationship or even a friendship you can tell him that.”

“I can?” Virgil asked, as his heartbeat continued to slow.

“Oh, kiddo, of course,” Patton said, grabbing Virgil’s hand and squeezing it.

“This is your soulmate, Virge,” Roman said, and Virgil glanced over at him. “You’re matched up for a reason. He’s going to understand if you’re not ready. And even if things are bumpy, it’ll be alright eventually. I mean just look at my parents.”

Virgil wasn’t sure what Roman’s parents had to do with anything. Roman had two dads who seemed as in love as any other soulmates Virgil had ever seen.

“Just relax, Virgil,” Roman said with a smile, cutting off his thoughts. “There’s no reason to freak out before you even meet the guy. You don’t know what he’ll be like. Just keep that in mind.”

Virgil leaned forward and rested his head on his knees. “Okay,” he murmured. “I’ll do that.”

“These things tend to work themselves out, kiddo,” Patton said. “That’s what soulmates are all about.”

Virgil’s test tightened again. That’s kind of what I’m afraid of.

…

“Okay, I got your frantic text,” Janus said, pulling himself up into the treehouse. “What’s going on? Why are we meeting tonight when school starts again tomorrow?”

Virgil was grateful in the moment that he must have looked outwardly anxious in his position of being tucked against the back wall with his arms around his knees, because otherwise Janus definitely would have made some kind of joke about him being just that irresistible.

“There’s a new student coming to school after the break,” Virgil said. “Named Ethan Baker.”

Janus shut his eyes and let out a long, slow breath. He clearly knew what that meant. He moved across the treehouse and sat in front of Virgil. “Okay. What do you want to do then?”

“What do you mean what do I want to do?” Virgil asked, staring at him. “Janus, I want him not to come.”

“Yeah. I figured. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s coming. So what do you want to do?”

Virgil didn’t have an answer. He didn’t want to think about it, or have to make this decision. He didn’t want his parents to reject him. He didn’t want Patton and Logan and Roman to hate him. He didn’t want to go back to being alone and friendless, and especially not while dating someone who wasn’t his soulmate. He’d be ostracized, and even when he was lonely, he hadn’t dealt with any level of vitriol. But the issue was that, at the same time…

He wanted Janus. He wanted this, stolen nights in a broken down treehouse and day trips over spring break and Janus’ wit and sarcasm and hatred for all things soulmates. He just didn’t know if that want was strong enough to override all of the things that he didn’t want.

“I want…” he said after a moment. “I want to meet him. Who knows, maybe he’s an asshole who can fuck right off.”

“Maybe,” Janus said, in a tone that said ‘hopefully,’ but also in a way that meant he didn’t really believe that.

“Look,” Virgil said. “What I want is to not decide anything before I meet him. Let’s just do things like normal. I’ll see you here on Friday.”

Janus looked at him for a moment, and nodded. He turned as if about to leave, and suddenly Virgil wanted to scream at him to stop. That would have been incredibly stupid, though, so instead he reached out and grabbed Janus’ arm.

Janus turned back to face him.

“What was that you said about wanting to spend a night with me?” Virgil asked, trying on a wobbly smile.

“I meant under different circumstances,” Janus said, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, yes, but…” Virgil tried to figure out a way to say Don’t leave me like this without using those exact words.

Janus seemed to read it in his face. “Okay,” he said, and he turned back around, thank god. “But I’m not sleeping in a treehouse.”

Virgil nodded. “Follow me,” he said, and climbed back across the branch into his bedroom, showing Janus where to put his hands and feet.

Janus dropped quietly down into the bedroom after him, and suddenly soulmates were gone from his mind, and the only thing Virgil could think about was that Janus was in his room.

When was the last time he’d cleaned up again?

Janus was smiling as he looked around. “Wow, Virgil, you’re a regular neat freak, aren’t you?”

“Shut uuuup,” Virgil groaned, shoving his shoulder and stepping over various items as he started towards his bed. Janus followed, and toed off his shoes at the edge.

“Here,” Virgil said, taking a short detour to his dresser and handing Janus one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants to sleep in. He crawled into bed as Janus changed, and then joined him a minute later, wrapping his arms around his waist. Virgil leaned back against him.

“I set an alarm so I’ll get up and leave,” Janus said.

“Okay,” Virgil murmured. He was quiet for a minute. “Hey Janus?”

“Hmm?”

“I still love you.”

“I love you too,” Janus whispered, kissing the top of Virgil’s head, which made Virgil feel warm in an entirely different way from how he felt after a makeout session. He fell asleep still warm all over.

…

Virgil recognized Ethan by finding his name on his wrist, which really just felt like one more way for the universe to laugh at him. But Logan was right. He couldn’t just hide from Ethan the fact that he was his soulmate. So instead, he walked up and tapped him on the shoulder, feeling like he was sealing his fate.

Which he supposed, in a way, he was.

Ethan turned with a slightly curious smile. “Hello,” he said.

“Ethan Baker?”

Ethan nodded, looking more curious.

“Uh,” Virgil waved his wrist. “I’m Virgil Storm.”

Ethan’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh, my goodness!”

“Yeah,” Virgil muttered, trying to make his smile look happier than he felt.

“Well, hi!” Ethan said, starting to smile much wider. “It’s so lovely to meet you, Virgil! I never would have thought—” The warning bell rang overhead.

“Oh, damn that thing,” Ethan muttered, looking up at it. “I wish we had more time to talk.”

“What class do you have?” Virgil asked.

“Uh… Holden. English.”

Virgil tried to smile wider. “Well, I’ve got good news then. That’s my class too. Want to walk with me?”

“Oh, awesome!” Ethan said. “Yes, please! It’s so good to meet you!”

“You too,” Virgil said, falling into step beside Ethan as they started down the hallway.

Come on, Virgil. Give the guy a chance. Maybe this will all work out fine and he is an asshole. Maybe he’s about to say something super dick-ish right now. Here it comes.

Ethan beamed over at him. “I should have known you’d be even more gorgeous than I pictured,” he said.

Goddammit.

…

Ethan wasn’t an asshole, by any stretch of the imagination. Virgil really tried, he tried so hard to hate him. It should be easy, he was an expert at hating people for no reason! He tried twisting all of Ethan’s words and actions into the most despicable light he could manage. But Ethan was just too damn sweet.

He was gentle and caring. His smile could light up a room. He got along perfectly with all of Virgil’s friends. Virgil was pretty sure he tried harder than anything else he’d ever done in his life, but he just couldn’t hate him. Why couldn’t he hate him? Was this the universe fucking with him? Was there some kind of genetic thing that kicked in that made people incapable of hating their soulmates?

Or was Ethan just that fucking nice?

Either way, Virgil couldn’t hate the guy. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Maybe that was why he was hiding here. Virgil looked up from the stage, glad at least that the auditorium was big as well as empty.

He just couldn’t go back to class, where everyone would be staring at him and Ethan like all of their future problems were solved now. He buried his head in his knees. He wanted to get out of here.

He didn’t register any kind of bell ringing, but one must have, because doors opened and people started coming in, and Virgil remembered that there were drama classes in the auditorium. He jumped up and headed backstage, trying to control his now much worse breathing. He’d be fine, he just had to last until everyone starting doing things and then he could—

“Virgil?”

Of course. Of course he would be here.

“Hey,” Ethan said, coming backstage. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Virgil shook his head. “No,” he choked out. “No, I don’t want—” He yanked his hood over his head and pulled hard on the strings until his face was obscured.

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to tell me. Just come here, alright? People are going to be coming back here soon.”

Virgil grabbed onto his hand when it was offered because he didn’t know what else to do, and they ended up in what looked like a prop area underneath the stage.

“Hey, breathe with me, okay? I’m gonna count to four, try and breathe in. It’s okay if you can’t make it all the way there.”

He started doing that, and waited so damn patiently until Virgil finally managed to calm down, and the whole time he didn’t make a single sudden move, and Virgil wished that he wanted him to leave.

When Virgil was breathing normally again, Ethan just smiled gently and leaned back. He didn’t ask a damn thing about what happened. He just said “You okay?” in a way that meant it would be totally fine if the answer was no.

Virgil took a shaky breath and nodded. “Thank you,” he whispered, because Ethan was good at that, and he hadn’t met another person who knew how to do anything like this before he told them.

“Of course,” Ethan said with a nod.

“How did you know what to do?” Virgil asked.

“My little sister gets panic attacks sometimes. I wanted to learn how to help her, so I did some research.”

Virgil nodded. “Guess that’s lucky,” he muttered. He looked up at Ethan. “Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you want from this?”

Ethan looked confused. “From what?”

“Me. What are you looking for?”

“Well, a soulmate,” Ethan said, like that should be obvious. “I don’t want to start dating you if you’re not ready, of course, but eventually. I— I like you, Virgil,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as he started to blush. “I’d love a relationship with you once you’re ready.”

What if I’m never ready, Virgil didn’t say. He shut his eyes and leaned back against the wall behind him.

“Virgil,” Ethan said, and Virgil opened his eyes again. “If you are not ready to date me, we don’t have to date yet. Is that what you’re panicking about?”

“I… don’t know,” Virgil lied.

“I’m not going to rush you,” Ethan said, taking a small step forward. “Or push you. I want to move at a pace we’re both comfortable with, and if that means I have to wait, I’m okay with that. For now, I would be more than happy to be your friend, Virgil Storm.”

Virgil looked back at his soulmate, with the universe stamp of approval. It was the ‘for now’ part of that statement he was going to have issues with. But then again, maybe for now… that would be fine.

…

Virgil’s entire body melted with relief when Janus appeared in the doorway of the treehouse.

“Janus,” he said, climbing up and moving across to meet him. He started to pull Janus down into a kiss, only to be stopped by Janus pushing back a second later.

“Janus?” He stopped moving when he noticed the look on Janus’ face. “Janus, what’s wrong?”

“Virgil, we need to talk,” Janus said.

“Oh, hardly,” Virgil said, starting to smile. “I have good news. Ethan says we don’t have to date if I’m not ready. And I’m not. So…” He leaned up to pull Janus down to him again.

Janus sighed and pushed him back. “Virgil.”

Virgil stopped smiling. “What?”

“Did you miss the not ready part of that sentence?” Janus said, sitting down across from him. “He definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with you dating other people in the meantime.”

Virgil scowled. “I don’t owe him anything.”

“Yes, you do. He’s your soulmate.”

“And since when does that kind of thing matter to you? Part of the whole damn reason you fell for me is because I’m not your soulmate. You hate soulmates.”

“But you don’t,” Janus said, looking firmly at him. “Virgil, I saw you with him. You don’t hate him.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him! I love you.”

Janus sighed. “Virgil.”

“What?”

“You can’t possibly see yourself falling for him? There’s no chance you could end up in love with him even more than you are with me?”

Virgil leaned back. “What— Janus. It’s not about that.”

“What’s it about then, Virgil? Come on, he seems made for you. That’s what they say soulmates are supposed to be, don’t they?”

Virgil narrowed his eyes. “I don’t care.”

“Oh, so you don’t care about whether or not your family wants you to be with him? Or your friends? Or everyone else?”

Virgil winced. “That’s different.”

“I’m not going to push you into the limelight like that, Virgil. You seem uncomfortable now, when you’re doing what everyone expects of you. If someone found out you were dating me, I…” Janus shook his head, looked more helpless than Virgil had ever seen him before. “I can’t do that to you,” he finished, shifting backwards slightly.

“Don’t you think that should be my decision?” Virgil said, crossing his arms.

“Well, I’m making it. I’m sorry.” Janus stood up and started for the ladder.

“Wh- wait, Janus!” Virgil moved and started climbing down after him, catching his arm before he could run from the backyard.

Janus sighed, then turned and faced him. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’ll be okay. Don’t try and stop yourself from falling for him, Virgil. I won’t even be a little mad, I promise.”

“Janus, please.” Virgil tried to pull him back, but Janus wouldn’t budge. “What— what if I don’t see you again?”

Janus smiled sadly. “How ever will I last,” he whispered, leaning in one last time and kissing Virgil gently.

The way he did goodbyes.

He pulled his hand out of Virgil’s and ran for the back gate, slipping through it and into the night.

…

When Virgil had no reason to try and dislike Ethan, liking him was much easier. He was sweet, and very cute when he was excited, which tended to happen whenever he talked about theatre, which was his favorite part of school (he got along well with Roman). He knew how to help Virgil if he was panicking, and he took an interest in the kinds of things Virgil liked. Virgil tried so hard to return the favor, but he couldn’t make himself interested for very long. That… that was okay. That would change with time.

For all of Virgil’s fears about what having a soulmate would do to his relationship with Janus, now that the worst had happened, having one actually having one wasn’t so bad. Ethan was easy to care about, and easy to spend time with, even if their interests didn’t always line up. Virgil would fall in love with him. He just needed a little more time.

These things worked themselves out, Patton said. That had to be true.

Virgil’s parents were thrilled to meet Ethan. His mom got along with him really well, and his dad seemed approving, if his smiles and nods to Virgil were anything to go by. His mom was astounded when Ethan mentioned they weren’t dating yet.

“Why in the world not?” she asked, looking over at Virgil across the dinner table.

“It’s just… a big step,” Virgil muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know.”

“Hmm,” his mom said, in the way she did when she thought Virgil was being too anxious about something. “I suppose that’s fair. Take your time, of course.”

“It’s not just him,” Ethan said suddenly. “I don’t want to rush things either. We both decided to just take it slow.”

Virgil smiled gratefully at him, glad for the save. Ethan gave his hand a quick reassuring squeeze under the table.

They went up to Virgil’s room after dinner, and Ethan seemed concerned. “Is your mom always that pushy?” he asked, as Virgil shut the door.

“She just… wants me to push myself,” he said. “She thinks I would be more satisfied if I took more risks, went after what I want.”

“What if you don’t know what you want?” Ethan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“And therein lies the main problem in my relationship with my mother,” Virgil sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

Ethan chuckled a little, moving to lean against the wall next to the door.

Virgil worried his lip between his teeth, and looked back at Ethan. “You’re really okay with moving slowly?”

“Virgil, I told you,” Ethan said, smiling genuinely at him. “I want you to be comfortable.”

“You want to be with me though,” Virgil said.

“I… do,” Ethan admitted. “But if you’re not ready for that, I don’t want to rush you.”

Virgil looked at him a moment longer. Ethan wasn’t bad looking. Virgil liked him as a person. Maybe in order to make the switch into liking him romantically, he just had to force it a little.

He took three steps across the room and kissed Ethan square on the mouth. Ethan made a muffled noise of surprise, and Virgil pulled back instantly. Idiot, you need to ask before doing something like that, you moron.

“I’m sorry!” Virgil said, stepping back. “I’m sorry, I just— I—”

Ethan cut him off by reaching up and pulling him back in to kiss him again, and in the moment, all Virgil felt was relief that he hadn’t freaked him out or pissed him off.

He could do this. He’d done this a hundred times with Janus, he just had to… go through the motions. Come on, Virgil. You know what you’re doing.

He pulled Ethan with him as he stumbled back across the room and pulled them both onto his bed, wrapping his arms around his back and trying to push himself a little farther. He’d start feeling something any second now, he just needed to—

“Okay, okay, woah,” Ethan pushed him back, panting. “I need to breathe.”

Virgil leaned back. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no apologies necessary,” Ethan said, grinning at him. “You… you’re very good at this.”

Virgil felt his cheeks grow warm. “You wouldn’t guess, huh,” he muttered.

“Absolutely not a bad surprise,” Ethan said. “It just might be my turn to ask you to slow down a tad.”

Virgil nodded. “Okay. You’ve got it.” He looked down and fidgeted with his fingers. “Want to watch a movie?”

“That sounds nice,” Ethan said, still looking very happy with the situation. Virgil leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed his laptop as Ethan sat up.

It’s okay. It’s okay. You’ll fall for him. You just need a little more time.

…

Time passed, and Virgil didn’t fall for him. He didn’t know what else to do. He tried to come up with something to make it better, some kind of “at least” to work off of. At least Ethan was nice. At least he was pretty. At least everyone else was happy for him. At least Janus didn’t hate him. None of them seemed to work.

Virgil was quickly becoming the soulmate envy of all just like Patton, Roman, and Logan, and feeling absolutely miserable because of it. He hadn’t shown it, of course. He’d beamed at Ethan and kissed his cheek before classes and smiled and rolled his eyes in endearment whenever someone asked him how knowing his soulmate felt.

He couldn’t stand it. He was pretty sure he’d never felt less like himself. But Patton and Logan and Roman all smiled at him like they thought he was happy, and so did his parents, and so did Ethan, so Virgil tried to brush aside the miserable feeling in his chest and fool himself like he’d fooled everyone else.

He hadn’t expected a change to come from Roman. With his general romanticism and his perfect soulmate story, he’d expected Roman to be the last person to be able to tell when someone wasn’t happy with theirs. He’d noticed the occasional suspicious look sent his way by him, but he’d managed to brush it off. He certainly hadn’t expected Roman to say anything.

On the day he did, Virgil had already been feeling pretty shitty. It was around lunchtime, Ethan was sitting next to Virgil and smiling at him as they both ate, riveting them all with a story about what had happened during drama class. Virgil had mastered the art of smiling and nodding along, and that’s what he was doing when he turned at just the wrong time and met eyes with Janus, who looked as miserable as Virgil felt.

His eyes widened when their gazes met, and Virgil tried to think of the last time he’d seen Janus in any way. Janus was very good at disappearing.

As if proving his point, Janus looked away and disappeared into the crowded room like a ghost.

Virgil stood up and pushed his chair back, saying something about going to the bathroom before all but sprinting from the lunchroom.

About halfway to the bathroom he realized that was a mistake, because it was just going to make Ethan come looking for him, so he veered right to head out to the football field. He sat on the bleachers and buried his head in his knees, trying to quiet any of his rushing thoughts.

“You are going to seriously hurt someone.”

Virgil jerked upwards and saw Roman walking up the side of the bleachers towards him, arms crossed and looking firm.

Virgil swallowed, recovering his bearings as Roman stopped in front of him. “What?” he asked.

“Virgil, if you don’t love Ethan you need to tell him that.”

Virgil’s mouth went dry. “What are you talking about, I do—”

“No. You don’t.”

Virgil looked away. “But I have to.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Virgil. You clearly don’t.”

“But he’s my soulmate. What… what else is there?” Virgil asked, like he didn’t know the answer to that question by heart.

Roman didn’t reply right away.

Then suddenly, Virgil was pulled up off the bleachers and into a hug.

“Oh, Virgil,” Roman whispered. “Virgil. There is so much more if you want it.”

Virgil blinked quickly, trying to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. “What?”

Roman leaned back. “Virgil, what on earth made you think that all soulmate bonds have to be romantic?”

“What— but you— but they are,” Virgil insisted. “That’s just how soulmates work.”

“Well, that doesn’t seem very fair,” Roman said, smiling gently. “First of all, aromantic people would be shit out of luck if all soulmate bonds had to be romantic.” Roman’s look turned curious. “I have told you about my mother before, right?”

“Your mother, what— don’t you have two dads?”

“Not always. My mother married my father before she realized she didn’t experience romantic attraction. She ended up divorcing dad, but they’re still close friends. That’s how their soulmate bond works, but my dads aren’t soulmates. And mom lives with Remus. He and I are soulmates, but that’s definitely not romantic.”

“Who’s Remus?” Virgil asked.

“My brother,” Roman said, waving his hand dismissively. “He and mom live a couple districts over. He’ll come over here more often on summer vacation and you can meet him. Point is, soulmate bonds aren’t inherently romantic, nor should they be, in my opinion.”

“But… but you’re in love with Patton and Logan,” Virgil said weakly.

“Because I choose to be, Virgil. The three of us don’t have to be dating. I know that’s what most people tend to do, but it’s not fair to expect that of everyone. What if you don’t want a partner right then? Or ever? What if you fall in love with someone who isn’t your soulmate?”

Virgil’s blood ran cold, and he took a step back, almost stumbling into the bleachers. “Who told you?” he whispered.

Roman’s face fell. “Oh, Virgil,” he said. He moved forward and pulled Virgil into a hug again. “No one told me, Virge. I’m so sorry.”

Virgil’s breathing started to shake, and he pushed himself back from Roman. “I thought— I thought you wouldn’t understand,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around himself. “Because your soulmate story is so perfect. I thought you wouldn’t—”

“A lot of people don’t,” Roman said quietly. “I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong for being afraid. But right now all you’re doing is hurting Ethan, and yourself, and the other person you love.”

Virgil sat down on the bleachers and buried his head in his hands. Roman, after a moment, sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

“I have to break up with him, don’t I,” Virgil muttered.

“I’m not going to tell you what you should do in that regard,” Roman said. “But I think you should strongly consider telling him what’s going on.”

Virgil nodded. “I thought I could make myself love him,” he whispered.

“Love doesn’t work like that, Virgil,” Roman whispered.

“It would be easier if it did,” Virgil muttered.

“Yes,” Roman agreed. “But then you wouldn’t get to have the person you love now. Is that what you want instead?”

Virgil shook his head instantly. He hadn’t wanted to lose Janus in the first place. He didn’t want to trade him for anything.

“Do you want to stay out here for a while?” Roman asked.

“I want you to go get Ethan,” Virgil said firmly.

Roman blinked, seeming surprised. “Right now?”

Virgil nodded. “Yes.”

Roman still looked hesitant. “Are you—”

“I’m sure.”

Roman must have seen he meant it, because a second later he nodded. “Alright. I’ll be back. Um, advice, don’t dance around the subject. Be straightforward and genuine, but also gentle if you can.”

Virgil nodded. “Okay,” he said, and Roman left. Virgil leaned back against the bleachers and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be fun. It may not be romantic in nature, but he did love Ethan, and he didn’t want to hurt him. He leaned forward and buried his head in his hands again. Why had he thought this would last?

“Virgil?”

Virgil jerked upright and spun around, because that wasn’t Ethan’s voice.

Sure enough, there was Janus, standing just at the edge of the bleachers and looking concerned.

Virgil leapt to his feet. “Where the hell have you been?” he snapped.

“I saw you run off, I wanted to make sure you’re okay—”

“Not what I meant. You completely ignore my texts and then you avoid me at school? You asshole.”

Janus turned his hands upwards, looking a little offended. “What, did you want me to hang around all the time?”

“I didn’t want you to leave in the first place you idiot,” Virgil snapped, jumping down from the bleachers and storming over to stand in front of Janus. “You were clearly miserable on your own.”

“And you were fine,” Janus said, stepping towards him. “I was trying not to be selfish for once.”

“Oh, I was fine?” Virgil said, throwing his hands to the sky. “Janus who’s spent most of these past months avoiding me thinks I was fine. Never mind then.”

“I thought you wanted to do what everyone expected of you,” Janus snapped. “It’s not like you ever wanted to fight for me.”

“Oh, fuck you, Janus! I wanted what everyone expected of me because that made me feel safe.”

“And you don’t want that?”

“No, right now I just want to feel alive again,” Virgil said, moving forward until he was nose-to-nose with Janus. “Which is kind of hard to do considering I’m starting to spend my whole life going through the motions.”

“Why would you need me to change that?”

“Moron,” Virgil said, and pulled Janus into a kiss, desperate and passionate and making up for all of the months he’d been gone.

They both pulled apart when a gasp came from nearby.

Virgil spun around to see Ethan standing at the edge of the walkway leading up to the field.

“Wait,” Virgil said, stepping towards him. “Wait, that’s not how this was supposed to happen. Ethan—”

Ethan spun around but didn’t leave, and Virgil moved across the field until he was right behind him.

“You’re never like that with me,” Ethan murmured.

“I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to be how I did this—”

“But you were going to do this. You were going to leave me for him. He’s not even your soulmate.”

“I know. I… I’m sorry. I do love you, Ethan. Just not…”

“Not like I love you,” Ethan said, looking over his shoulder at Virgil.

Virgil winced. “I’m sorry.”

Ethan laughed a little and looked down. “I think I kinda knew it, you know? I just wanted… I wanted to be enough for you. But I was never going to be, was I?”

Virgil started to reach for him, but stopped and dropped his hand. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “You can… you can hate me if you want.”

Ethan looked up at him again. “But you don’t want that.”

“Not everything has to be about what I want,” Virgil said quietly.

Ethan turned to face the school. “I… I’m going now, Virgil,” he said. “I’ll call you if I’m ever ready to talk again.”

“Okay,” Virgil whispered. “Take care, Ethan.”

“You… you too,” Ethan said, and then he walked away.

Virgil watched him until he was gone, and then turned around to face Janus, who was casually looking around back in the middle of the field. He looked back at Virgil when he started walking across to meet him.

“All good?” Janus asked, like he already knew the answer.

Virgil shook his head. “No.”

Janus nodded. “Yeah,” he muttered.

They both looked at each other for a moment.

“Janus?”

“Virgil?”

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Janus started grinning, and held out his hand. Virgil grabbed it, and they both started running. They made it to Janus’ car, and both got in, and drove. And drove, and planned to drive some more.

Nothing was fixed. They’d have to come back and face the music eventually. Virgil had to tell Patton and Logan what happened. He’d need to tell Janus about Roman’s parents. They’d have to figure out a way to make this work, actually work, work in the way they both wanted.

But for now, they rolled down the windows, and drove out of the suburbs and out under the open sky. Virgil screamed My Chemical Romance lyrics at the top of his lungs. More than once throughout the drive he checked to make sure no other cars were around and leaned in to kiss Janus’ face off. He had a lot of lost time to make up for, after all.

And now, hopefully, a lot of time to do it.

Part 2

#sanders sides #anxceit #virgil sanders #janus sanders #soulmates #except not really #my fic

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