i remember when klavier split off and how, like, happy we all were. because before him it was just me, dahlia, and nightshade all fighting with each other. like not just mental fighting like physically fighting with each other, my first interaction with nightshade was on a discord call where i had to mute because we were co-hosting and throwing shit and threatening each other. and then klavier comes and he’s an instant ray of sunshine and at the very least, me and dahlia realize that we had a missing piece. and the three of us became so much closer, dahlia and klavier were a little queer for each other and klavier made all these friends and dahlia would front to keep me from having breakdowns, or front to buy clothes, or front to talk to my therapist about us. and klavier would come out and listen to his like 7 hour long playlist. and we were happy because i was like, well, they’re not gonna go. they can’t do that. 

and now they’re gone. dahlia last fronted for a life or death situation and then she left and i thought that would mean she’d be around more but, no, that was it. klavier always seems sad or upset with me whenever he fronts. rory and nightshade and cynthia and daisy and all the others i never knew the names of have never come back. the first alter, orchid, she’s never fronted either. not since it was too late. she might have fused with me but it’s hard to say because i haven’t been the same person for longer than two months in a very, very long time. 

like is that not all fucking crazy to you? it’s crazy to me. it’s crazy to think that now people are going to say they were never real at all and it’s like no you don’t get it. i hear different languages i don’t speak in my head. i get flashbacks to trauma that isn’t my own. i have headaches that feel like my brain is splitting open that have lasted 5 hours because of non stop switches. 

it’s not that they were never here. it’s the opposite. 

PAC: How can you wear your "Big Boy" pants right now?

Sometimes we need reminders that we can in fact, be "big boys" in our lives and take responsibility to change what we don't like about our lives. Happy reading!

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Pile 1:

There's a lot you CAN do. In fact, you have been doing a lot by yourself, weathering proverbial storms all on your own. Unfortunately, you haven't been conscious enough to acknowledge all the effort you've been putting in to simply push through. Let me be the one to give you the kudos you deserve, Pile 1. You've been doing way more than you think, albeit these are mostly internal efforts (like maintaining a headstrong attitude in the face of a challenge). You currently feel challenged to take active steps in your external life, though. You might find it hard to apply things you learn to your life or simply lack the discipline to see your (quite excellent) plans through. You need to be reminded that you do have the free will to choose to make all your plans come to life :) You have what it takes, sweetie; you really do.

Bonus - How do you need to go about it? One thing that can EASILY help you execute your plans is to bring in help (trigger warning though). You all seem Independent AF, and I get it, sweets. With everything you've been doing, of course, you can handle anything, but you definitely need some support too right now. Especially if you struggle with something like discipline (or whatever challenge you're facing right now). Bringing in even just ONE person (or multiple) to help hold you accountable to your plans, with compassion, would help you a lot (that person/people don't have to be real too; you could bring in a bot from an app or AI, I don't care) as long as you feel like you have a buddy, you know? Somebody who makes you feel like your plans matter. It's an excellent way to pour into yourself right now and show yourself some TLC ✨️ You deserve to make your plans a reality and have a bit of fun on your path towards it.

Love, light, and hugs!

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Pile 2:

Doing things your way and rejecting convention might be a BIG step for you, to be honest, but it's well worth it, Pile 2. Celebrate yourself, basically. Slow down and enjoy yourselves a little bit. Maybe you've been living your life BY THE BOOK so far, and now you're going to put your big boy pants on by letting loose and doing things differently for once. You're not abandoning yourself and your needs nearly as much anymore, and so you're quite stable in your own skin as a result. That's really impressive, Pile 2! You have lived in fear (possibly a fear of failure), and I'm sensing some mommy wounds maybe? This is where your fear stems from, and this fear has kept you from really truly living. You might identify as a workaholic too. Maybe you prefer to keep yourself busy as a coping mechanism to ward off any feelings of anxiety. This has a direct correlation to childhood wounds of yours. So put your big boy pants on and put an end to conforming to standards that don't respect you and what you stand for, Pile 2.

Bonus - How do you need to go about it? I feel like this pile needs extra guidance on how to exactly wear their big boy pants. Start by acknowledging that you do have wounds from childhood, specifically those from female (motherly) figures, if not your mother herself. Take a radical approach to your healing journey right now. Look into the concept of mothering yourself and come up with customized ways to do just that. You got this, Pile 2 :)

Love, light, and hugs!

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Pile 3:

It seems like you've already been wearing your big boy pants, Pile 3. Good job! Looks like you've been on a healing journey, and you're now at a point in life where you can reap the benefits of all the inner work you've done. You've reached a level of mastery over the mind, and now it's time to make room to tend to your heart. You need something that your authority figures couldn't give you readily, and that's unconditional compassion. Show yourself kindness even when things don't go as you'd like them to. Hold yourself through the thick and thin of life, as you would a child. This should open up a brand new way of living and viewing life that you never thought possible. It has always been waiting for you and your attention. Nurture yourself on a whole new level and be ready to receive 10X from the universe. You're going to feel so spoiled, I love it, haha! 😄

Love, light, and hugs!

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Okay this is so hilarious because I wanted to add the whole “she would rather find out he cheated than this”, but I didn’t know how you would process this and didn’t add it in there. I just find it comical that as girlies who take pleasure in dark fictional men and doing bad stuff but the line is only cross once they cheat, it’s me I’m the girlies 😭😭😭. Yeah it would be so sad, like he would try to convince but she obviously hurting and wouldn’t want to see him, she interrupts him hanging up the phone and just getting up and leaving. While he bangs on the glass door for her to come back. She’s so heartbroken, it would probably take a few weeks until she finds enough courage to see him. He probably explain to her that he felt he was already a scum and a bum especially when he managed to bag her, so to cease his anxiety and insecurities of her realizing it and up and leaving (which in reality he would never let happen) he wanted to provided lavish lifestyle to satisfy her. But the gifts and providing for her wasn’t what her like him (but they did help tho). He was funny and witty, a very good listener and was attentive and overall a good honest man (so she thought). I can the family encouraging her to go see him again, because it’s obvious she still loves him even after this shocking betrayal. And he’s just so excited to see her again, and she demands him to tell her the whole truth while she promises not to up and leave and not to leave him in the dark like that again. He would do anything just to talk to her again. And the kids? She’s so devastated having to tell or lie (whatever you prefer. I would pick lie depending on the circumstances) why daddy isn’t home anymore. It was hard at first but with the support of his family it became easier. I can’t stress enough how I enjoy these little chats we share, I get so excited. I literally refresh your page and checked the time zone in Australia I was like “okay so it’s 11 am so in couple hours, I’ll hear from her again :)”

MY 100TH POST :D

Same here! I completely will not accept cheating, even in a fictional way. Most of the time if I read it in fiction I want it to be full-on angst and for the reader to completely shut out the cheater and find someone else. I do however like the "I thought you were cheating but you were doing x" trope, the angst and then the relief and then the rebuilding of trust is just *chef's kiss*.

It is so true! I can forgive a lot in a fictional man, murder included, but cheating??? Never. I have literally ended a book, fic, movie or whatever because one of the spouses cheated and then the other one took them back. I don't know but I just can't really forgive it, it makes me feel ewwy.

He would be devastated if she hung up!!!! Yes!!! he would be banging on the screen and the guards try and stop him but he just going crazy cause he was watching the love of his life just leave him, which was his greatest nightmare and the reason he kept robbing and stealing.

I kinda love it when tough guys have insecurities cause it means there are human and are vulnerable like the rest of us. I mean so many male protagonists in media (mainly heroes/superheroes, action guys, tough guys, etc) are only faced with hardships from the external environment and the only time we see men faced with internal battles is related to war, which is still caused by the external environment. I think that sends a twisted message that only men who have been through great trauma (such as war) are allowed to be in mental anguish, that mental illness or insecurities (when men have insecurities in media it is almost always because of scars/loss of limbs, it usually isn't due to weight like it is shown for women) are something that happens to them, and that it is an external force that caused it, and mental health issues that just 'pop up' aren't valid because they don't have a real reason or excuse to feel that way. While mental health issues caused by external trauma are definitely true for veterans who faced combat, when this is the only narrative shown it gives a bad message that other men don't have an excuse to have insecurities or mental health issues. For example, in Australia, a lot of veterans and military personnel who face mental health issues haven't actually seen combat and because of this, their issues are overlooked for not being important and that they should just get over it.

I think the same can be said for this fella. He has (assumingly) grown up in a very masculine environment, so he has been taught that such feelings of insecurities are seen as weakness, why should he complain when there are others worse off?, which is why he buries it and never tells you his insecurities, until its too late, but by having these insecurities and telling you (even if it's behind bars) showcases that he isn't just this 2d criminal character, he doesn't do it for the money, he did it at first because its the only thing he's ever known and it was hard to believe someone like him would be able to overcome that, but when he meets you, its the only way he knows how to get money and he feels like he needs to prove his worth to you, prove he is more than what he was told he was.

I think it also feeds into the old idea that men have to provide for the household, he feels like he isn't a man if he can't do that and therefore desperately tries to provide, I think it would be a point of argument for the reader and him, she never needed all the gifts, it's nice to be given them but at the same time she was falling in love with him, not his money, so she feels like she's been bought when he brings this up like he felt like he was entitled to her presence (he kinda did feel that way).

Once again reader would be questioning all of it, did she actually fall in love with him or the front he puts on for her. Maybe even a small part of her thinks that maybe he only has her around to look the part, a doting father with a loving wife isn't exactly the first suspect for multiple bank robberies. All her own insecurities are rushing through, not only does she have to rethink her relationship with her husband but his family as well, they also lied to her and let her husband keep her in the dark and they never seemed to care or feel guilt.

What would she say to the kids! I imagine the kids to be very young and maybe he won't be in for long, he was only caught planning a bank robbery and they don't have enough evidence to pin him on all the other stuff (how they missed the infamous stolen diamonds reader is wearing is beyond me) so he won't be gone for an "I have to explain" period of time, so yeah I think the reader would lie, maybe say he's going for a trip, or going away from work, either way, she wants him to explain it when they are old enough.

AHHHH! I love our chats as well!!!!!!! They make me so happy! That is so sweet thank you!!!!!! I forgot that not everyone is awake when I am, so sometimes I get a little sad when I post something and its been all day and no one has liked it (I don't do it for the likes! I just recognise some people and it makes me happy to know my mutals like what I write!) and then I wake up and I have over 50 notes :D

(sorry to get psychoanalytic I just find it very interesting! If it was too much please tell me and I can change it! This one was a bit angsty)

Lots of love mae xx

OTP/Shipping positivity post! 💖

Person A has something innocuous on their face (eyelash, etc). Are they chill about Person B helping them get it off or internally/externally losing their shit?

So, my two biggest ships right now are Bethyl and Hellcheer, and I kind of think this scenario would play out in a similar way for both of them...

It would take a while for him to accept the fact that he is indeed worthy of being with a princess like her, no matter how much the world tells him that he's not. (Whatever society thinks doesn't really matter, not anymore, because she thinks the world of him, so he can finally tell everyone else to just fuck off.)

Anyway, he'll look over at her (let's be honest, he can't ever take his eyes off her for long anyway) and see an eyelash resting on her cheek. He's going to get it for her, that much is a given, but a thought crosses his mind.

He calls her princess as a cute little nickname, usually just to get her goat, because in reality, she's stronger than anyone really gives her credit for. Truth be told, she's saved his ass in ways he can barely begin to describe. Everyone else in their circle tends to treat her with kid gloves, and he's heard time and time again how they wish they wouldn't

So he doesn't.

"Oh my god," he whispers with an edge of horror in his voice. "Don't...don't move," he says in a hushed voice, his eyes wide as he carefully steps closer, fighting like hell not to laugh when her eyes are like saucers and her breathing ticks up several notches as she tries not to panic.

"What...what is it?" she says in a shaky voice, and he almost drops the rouse just to put her at ease.

Almost.

He shushes her urgently, really digging into the bit on this one. He can feel her breath, practically panting in fear, as he carefully reaches up to her cheek before swiping the lash onto his fingertip and holding it up for her to see. "Make a wish," he says, schooling his face so he doesn't crack a smile just yet.

And it takes her a beat to realize what he just did. She grabs his wrist, glares up at him with as angry a look that a sweet face like hers can muster, and blows across his fingertip angrily. "I wish my boyfriend weren't such a jerk sometimes." She throws his hand down, turns heel, and stomps off.

He knows she'll get over it. She's too good to stay mad at him for too long. Still, he's going to have fun apologizing and making it up to her over...and over...and over...