my period must be coming up soon cuz there is no Way im crying over not being able to mute the discord music bot lmaooooo

They’re a bit worried

i started reading natsume yuujinchou from the first chapter again, and... omg early natori is SCARY. his eyes just so... empty, dude... even worse than natsume

and some of his words just... not good at making him look appealing lol he's so forceful at times over what he think is better for natsume, and to see natsume be like "okay i thought you're a pretty nice guy but don't you dare tell me shit about what's right or wrong!" is just so... admirable. like hell yeah dude, fight that guy just because he's an adult doesn't mean he knows better 😤😤

like usually in other manga with this situation, the adults are actually pretty spot on, but i love how midorikawa yuki didn't do that, and let natori be wrong without him being a bad person, and she let natsume shows how mature his decision making is without the narrative siding 100% to his whims

also i wanna add that i find it interesting that natori is the subversion of the "handsome guy with flowers in the background whenever he appears" trope, like that's so peak shojo of him, but for midorikawa yuki to take that and turns it into "this whole thing is a facade for natori to hide who he truly is" is just... interesting. even better that she really kept at the whole "natori is always in conflict with natsume even though he think he's doing something in natsume's best interest" pretty long in the story, because it means she didn't let us forgive natori so easily, but rather let him earn our... love for who he truly is as a person rather than his facade of the "older, wiser man"

i think one thing that makes sizzy so compelling is the nature of isabelle's individual conflit and arc as a character being so rooted in love and romance. her heart is a major theme for her character, the most prominent plot string that we find ourselves subconsciously itching to see tied up. while plenty of (i.e. most) tsc characters have some sort of romantic plot, i feel like it is rarely so tied to the character's main developmental thread. every relationship has conflicts that each individual character will bring to it to make it difficult and compelling in some way, but when that conflict is specifically "hearts are breakable" ??? idk i think there's something about it.

we are rooting for isabelle to learn that it's okay to let yourself be vulnerable, that love makes you stronger in the long run. etc. etc. and the way to resolve that conflict she was built around is to introduce her to someone who will be deserving of her opening her heart up and letting it be broken. someone who puts just enough pressure on that character arc to push it to the end, where it can be tied up, where isabelle can find herself having grown and developed in the way she needed to. she needed love to get there.. which means she needed simon.

u guys … just had a meeting and i think a guy was trying to flirt with me 😭 he was cute i’ll give him that

If you’re ever wondering what my drafts look like

Feel free to delete if this is TMI, but I just wanted to thank you for your writing, it’s legitimately helped me get to a more healthy place in my understanding of sex. I’m on the ace spectrum, a stone top, and a kinky sub and sometimes those identities feel like they really clash and make it hard to connect to sex at all. But your writing is so full and human and it helps me feel less separated from the part of myself that desires and wants to be desired. I can always rely on your fics to make me feel comfortable getting into a sexual mindset and getting off to other kinky queers is a lot easier than trying to force ‘normal’ things to work for my brain. So thank you, I think you’re immensely talented and I’m so grateful. <3

I 👏🏻 don't 👏🏻 have 👏🏻 words 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 how 👏🏻 much 👏🏻 I 👏🏻 appreciate 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 telling 👏🏻 me 👏🏻 this 👏🏻

I am so thrilled to hear that you feel more at peace with yourself, more aligned, and accepting. It can be so goddamn hard to have a healthy mindset when it comes to sex when you are the "norm" just because of the overall puritanical mindset that's encouraged in the West, so it's totally fucking understandable to struggle when you're queer and kinky, too. I'm so honored to be part of helping you get there, though! I always just think of myself as writing kinky smut, that's for smut's sake (which is totally chill and fun, of course), but hearing otherwise, that my writing goes deeper with some people makes my whole world.

Thank you <3

September Day #17 Instead of drawing another of Guru’s characters- I decided to draw @sugar0612’s character because we were discussing them becoming friends in the future too. I like to think in this picture Sugar’s character is commenting that September has a lot of branches caught in her hair which September didn’t realize- very embarrassing when you walk into a cute shop to get a coffee!

tsc fans im going to be so real with you right now i do hate to say it but rereading tmi is really truly making me realise how much worse the characterisation in tsc got over the years. and yes perhaps the dialog in city of bones sometimes actually causes me physical pain but at least i'm feeling something. like yeah the series that's about 11 different people being friends for 3 books straight where virtually all conflict gets resolved in 10 pages or less to make sure no one possibly comes off as unlikable may have a distinct lack of deeply disturbing vaguely incestual vibes but those horrid vibes, too, are simply a part of the epic highs and lows of city of bones

In every TSC series, there is always one character who has a pet or there is a pet that sticks to them. Think about Matthew and Oscar, or Jem and Church, or Magnus and Chairman Meow and the multiple cats he's owned before it, or Simon and his cat, Ty and his lynx Irene (an animal that still belongs to the family of felines). It is no coincidence that the character with the pet ends up not getting their romantic happy ending until the very end of the story, or even after the main story has ended. Matthew ended up alone, but it doesn't mean that someday, perhaps in a novella, we won't see him with someone, and he'll get that sort of happy ending. Jem could also be with Tessa only in the epilogue after decades. Magnus found Alec more than three centuries after being immortal. Simon found his happy ending only by the end of TMI. TWP still hasn't happened, in fact Ty still didn't get his romantic happy ending, but he will probably get it someday.

hii i don't mean to sound annoying or anything but i just saw your sizzy post about cardigan and i actually edited them to it not so long ago so i thought you might've liked to see it 🥹 also im a BIG FAN of your blog i love them sm it's so nice seeing people enjoy them on a not very normal level like i do 😭🫶🏻 here's the link <3

https://twitter.com/shiniestswheels/status/1746667328576577776

oh i'm gonna need this injected into my bloodstream actually. bro. this is incredible. i literally had to stand up and walk around for a while after watching it just to be able to respond coherently.

linking the video here bc it deserves easy access <3

aksjdfhlas thank you sm for sharing btw i'm gonna watch this a million more times and try not to drown in my own tears <33

i feel like i need to be posting more about how great hrt is. i'm finally getting more facial hair and i'm so happy about it!! i went on t mainly to solve my dysphoria about my voice and i am obviously very glad to have a deeper voice but i also never expected the gender euphoria from becoming hairy and fuzzy :) basically if you think you might want hrt i think you should go for it, you never know how happy you could be until you are

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

i lied there actually are some photos of my cute outfit 🥰shit photos but wahey

watching this episode of sasuke using orochimaru for edo-tensei so they can revive the hokage is... interesting because i remember something sasuke's hardcore fans said about his relationship with orochimaru

like i remember reading something about how they "can't excuse konoha for letting orochimaru roam free in the village and naruto letting it happen is why he's just as evil as any other hokage"... or something like that

but honestly from this episode and how sasuke treat orochimaru in the gaiden, he actually couldn't care less about orochimaru? as long as sasuke get what he wants, he'll use orochimaru's research and taka for his goals, albeit he look much more friendly (if you can say that) with the other three compared to the snake sage

so idk i think from the look of it, orochimaru's existence in the village is actually something of a benefit for sasuke rather than detrimental to him? ofc idk about sarada tho because i only watch the movie and read that one specific gaiden lol

anyone else so detached with being alive it’s almost like i don’t want an identity for myself i just wanna watch everyone else live their lives and be happy for them but i just kinda wanna exist and do nothing else like i’m so okay with nothing happening to me lol