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a-simple-complexity · 3 years

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Things about the creepypasta improv thing my close friend and I have been doing since 4th or 5th grade (maybe longer):

- My character doesn't really have a cp name yet but has been around for 401 years

- My character, when not at the mansion, is roomies with JTK (and he steals cheese its)

- Vivian's (the close friend) character is close to Slenderman and has a older sister bond with Sally

- Aside from the Jeff The Cheeze Itz Snatcher gag we have more running gags

- Such as Masky locking Toby in the closet when he's annoying only to turn around and see Toby standing there.... MENACINGLY (lol)

- LJ punts Mr Widemouth across the mansion weekly

- EJ is no longer allowed to cook for others after the barbeque of 2017. We miss you, Butler Bill

- Tuesdays and Thursdays Viv's character takes pets and children out the mansion for a playdate while everyone else has some fun

- Viv's Hidden Stash of Tuna TM

- My Hidden Stash of Vodka and Rum TM

- My character might have a problem but then again immortals aren't really affected by alcohol like most mortals are

- Speaking about my character: Holy. Pets.

- They have a bunch of guard dogs (despite them all being guard dogs they are pampered like you wouldn't believe)

- Pastas respect COVID stuff. Slender ordered everyone to scatter until it's mellowed out alot. Slender caught it at some point. They say get the vaccine and wear ya damn mask.

- There's a "Community Garden". It's just a few pitcher plants, some Butterworts, a killer cow plant (courtesy of Ben pulling some strings), a small patch of wither roses (courtesy of Herobrine), and a oran berry plant (courtesy of a few poke-pastas), rose bushes, etc

- Holidays are fun too

- Christmas time is filled with my character and Viv's taking Sally, Jane, Clockwork, and Nina out for a "girls" night

- Granted Nina only gets taken along bc despite the love-hate relationship between my character and Jeff, Jeff deserves time away from Nina during the holidays at least

- Also despite Jeff hating Nina he appreciates the knives she gives him (and return he gives her some sort of card)

- Due to staying in the vents constantly and stalking everyone my character gets everyone what they think they like would like

- Christmas lights everywhere. Splendor always gets Offender to put the star on top the comically large tree just bc

- Despite it not being Christmas music, everyone listens to Hotel California by The Eagles

- and watches Christmas movies (what was that Christmas movie with Tim Allen?)

- Everyone plays in the snow. Jeff decides to start a snowball fight and Sally makes a snow man.

- Everyone wears something festive and it's normally an ugly sweater thanks to Trender

- Spiked nog anyone?

- Thanksgiving includes everyone gathering together and having fun

- A small hunting trip is planned instead of a football game (the hunt takes place the day prior bc no one wanna miss the parade)

- Sally's favorite float is the Charlie brown float

- You know how the president pardons a turkey? Slender pardons a victim (and has been doing it since meeting Viv's character bc of a joke Viv made)

- My character makes mashed potatoes or some sort of really outdated dish from the 1700's

- The Slender Bros, Viv's character, Sally, Toby, Smile Dog, Jeff, and Nina all watch the dog show after the parade

- Nina is kinda allergic to dogs and doesn't really like them but bc of her lingering obsession with Jeff she puts up with it

- Offender and Trender argue over what dog they think should have won (funny to watch to grown immortal-ass men argue over this)

- Slender carves the turkey

- The pardoned victim is allowed to stay for dinner granted a majority of memories get changed (not really erased, just changed)

- My character, Jeff, and Ben all walk through the woods before dinner and get fucking plastered (and think no one notices....everyone notices)

- the week of Thanksgiving the tree gets put up (acceptable if it's the week of Thanksgiving, any other time then it's just weird)

- My characters mom, (considered the co-founder of Hell) pops in, steals a couple slices of pie, and leaves

- Halloween is celebrated kind of like Thanksgiving and Christmas

- My character decorates the mansion with various bones

- 31 Days of Horror Movies (at some point it's decided to watch Earnest Scared Stupid and some of the serious dog lovers opt out)

- The Slender Brothers dress up as the three musketeers. Splendor is Porthos, Offender is Athos, Slender is D'artagnan and, Trender is Aramis

- Jeff and my character do a duel costume by dressing of as Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats (musical not movie, duh) alternatively they dress as Rum Tum Tugger and Mr. Mistoffelees.

- Sally dresses as Carrie or a fairy princess

- Jane, Clockwork, Nina, Viv's Character dress up as four of the five muses from Hercules (Viv changes last minute to a cat due to her character having cat ears and a cat tail)

- Toby, Masky, and Hoodie originally wanted to dress as the three musketeers but after slender took that idea they decide to dress up as separate things. Toby dresses as Masky. Masky dresses as the phantom of the opera and Hoodie is a ghost.

- Smile dog dresses as a hot dog :P

- A small hunting trip is planned and Jane and Clockwork take Sally trick or treating

- Everyone finishes the month with A Night are Before Christmas (a classic)

- Not many celebrate Valentine's day

- It's really only the Slender Bros, Viv's character, My character, Nina, Toby, Masky & Hoodie, and Sally

- and by Sally I mean she just leaves candy from the candy bowl everywhere

- Masky and Hoodie make a day of it since Slender gives them holidays off. They eat cheesecake in the woods and just spend the day together.

- Toby spends the day alone but still celebrates in his own way. Eating waffles.

- Offender (in our improv thing he's not....yeah....he's just a hopeless romantic that does consensual hook ups) and my character spend his their leaving roses out at restaurants and going to bars for hookups. They have a bunch of stuff worked out.

- Viv and Slender spend the day in bed or lounging in the living room watching some cheesy comedy.

- Trender spends the day as a self care day seeing as he's alone at the moment. Every day is self care for him but it's even more on Valentine's Day. He goes all out and even treats himself to a fancy restaurant.

- Splendor likes going to neighborhoods and leaving cute little poems on people's doors then heading to the zoo for personal time.

- Nina harasses Jeff who, in return, leaves the mansion and heads to the apartment him and my character share.

- New Years is something everyone celebrates. While some have resolutions others have new quotas they're trying to meet.

- Sally tries to stay up and watch the ball drop (she's only seen it drop twice before falling asleep)

- My character and Viv's character get shit faced

- Jeff normally sits there with a beer in one hand and Smile Dog beside him

- that's really all that consists of New Years

More about our two characters:

My character:

- a 401 year old demon thing

- in our universe hell is ran by the 7 devil's as well as my characters mother. Hells more of a city than a pit.

- Has lived with Jeff as a roommate since late 2018

- Use to be with Herobrine but broke it off with him for unknown reasons.....they're civil and still good friends. He's one of those people that could make a good boyfriend but is best as a close friend

- On their 400th birthday a crackening happened in Hell that enhanced their powers and they were hunted by Zalgo. Luckily a truce was established.

- Has been by Viv's character side since her characters soul was first created. More in Viv's Character's section

- Y'know those dogs that were talked about in the beginning? They primarily stay at their mothers mansion in Hell.

- Also all cats go to hell but they don't get hurt. They like to watch. Sometimes if you're lucky you might get a celebrity's cat. That's how my character got their lovely (and kinda douchy cat) Delilah. She likes to pee all over people's suits just bc she's like that.

- They were born in 1620 but are progressive

- Still liked fashion through the ages

- Maybe not the health damaging ones

- Is able to fly and teleport but due to back pain and migraines prefers to stay grounded and rarely use teleportation

- Doesn't actually kill much but has had souls sold to them (job as a demon....doesn't really need one though....is Crossroads Demon)

- Had a one night stand with Trender about 240ish years ago

- Does have proxies....it's those souls they take and barter around for

- Souls in hell can be used for currency depending on whether or not they sold their soul

- Anyways, was at some point known for having an obsession with chainsaws and hoodies...still has a bunch of hoodies and a chainsaw but doesn't really use them much (is more of a flannel and gun person now)

Viv's Character:

- her character managed to get everyone's favorite dwarfed rag doll cat from the internet

- Her character use to be with Entity 303 and ended up Slenderman

- that makes two of us who were with a Minecraft pasta and ended up with a slender brother lol

- I think her character is called Kat or KC so for now imma call her character Kat

- Kat has an addiction to tuna and milk

- Also has cat ears and a cat tail which are both very sensitive

- when Kat's soul was created my character was created. Even though Kat has been through many many reincarnations my character has always been alongside her. Even though my character doesn't die they act as a guardian towards Kat.

- Has a tendency to sit up in the cat walks and within the walls of the mansion alongside my character

- Gets lost in the forest from time to time and needs help getting out

- Despite being with Slender she has her own room to store her weapons and stash her plans.

- If I'm not mistaken Kat also was with Toby for a short while but doesn't talk about it much. Imagine dating your ex-lovers boss lol

- Disappears for up to a week sometimes without saying where she's going and when she comes back she acts as if nothing happened

- When both Kat and my character started living in the mansion they shared a room for about a year.

- Kat had a personal garden that was completely wiped out by Zalgo before a treaty was established and she still hasn't forgave him

- The garden mostly had marigolds and a few small plants. The only one that really mattered was Audrey the Venus fly trap.

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johannstutt413 · 3 years

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TOURNAMENT ARC 1: CH’EN vs SWIRE

“Now, Miss Ch’en, I can understand wanting to be sure the bracket is fair for yourself and your opponent,” Jessica was explaining to the Lung who’d made a beeline for the Doctor’s office not too long after the announcement was made, “but the Doctor and I aren’t in charge of the bracket-”

“You know who is, though. Give me a fight with that bag-stealing money-grubbing fat-cat layabout Round 1.”

Normally, this would be enough to cow the Feline, but the Doctor was with her and this big-shot was being unreasonable, so she felt a certain amount of power she wasn’t used to having. “Miss Ch’en, you may be one of Rhodes Island’s highest-promoted Operators, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to talk like-”

“Hey, Jess?” The Doctor showed them both the bracket. “It says ‘Swire vs Ch’en’ is Fight 1.”

“O-oh!...That’s convenient.” The Sniper turned back to the Guard with a nervous smile.

In exchange, she received a curt nod. “Good. I hope the audience will appreciate a good thrashing.”

“...I think the best part,” the Doctor continued when the Lung had left, “is that out of the people we could put her against, Swire’s actually got one of the best chances of making the fight interesting. Maybe not long, but interesting.”

“W-why’s that, Doctor?” Still a little shaken after that encounter, the nervous Feline retreated into her brave boss’s arms.

He kissed her forehead with a smile. “Well, my courageous kitty-kat, it’s about their relationship. See, a lot of people - Miss Ch’en included - think that Miss Hoshiguma is a tough woman who likes her women tough, and maybe at some level that’s true. From what I’ve seen, though, she’s more of a case of ‘opposites attract,’ and Miss Swire seems to have figured that out, too. What Miss Ch’en wants this to be is a battle for Miss Hoshi’s affections, but if I’m honest? I think she’s already lost that fight. Not that she won’t use everything within her power to beat Miss Swire, of course.”

“That m-makes sense.” Jessica looked up at him. “So Miss Swire isn’t tough?”

“I wouldn’t say that-”

At the moment, the Feline in question stormed into the office. “Doctor!”

“You’re fighting her Round 1,” he replied. She immediately turned around and left. “Like I said, it’s not that she’s not tough. People just overlook it because she’s a fluffy girl’s girl, but she swings that crescent hammer like a truck when she wants to.”

“Her hair is really fluffy...Do you think I’d look good with hair like that, Doctor?” She pressed lightly against her ponytail.

The Doctor chuckled, squeezing her just a little closer. “I think you’re perfect juuuuuust the way you are, but you’d look good with fluffy hair, too. Although, if you get much cuter...”

-------

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Operators, Staff, and Esteemed Guests! Welcome one and all to the Top Operator Tourney!!! *crowd cheers*

“Thanks, Hung. Ladies and gentlemen, for anyone out there who doesn’t recognize my voice, I’m Click, and joining me in the booth today is the Iron Fist herself, FEater!”

“That’s right, Click, and today we’ll be giving you folks watching at home or in the office the blow-by-blow breakdown of what promises to be a real battle of wills! On the north side, with over 4 years of experience cleaning up the streets of Lungmen with her trusty blade, it’s Madame Ch’en!” *cheers* “And on the south side- hey, Click, babe, calm down, she’s in the ring, not us - it’s Miss Swire!” *more cheers, including one very loud Oni*

“Sorry about that! Let’s look at the numbers, shall we? According to the objective measurements of our Medical Department and the Operator Training Team, Ch’en has a commanding lead in terms of both raw power and experience, especially if she can manage to convince that blade of hers to unleash its full potential for this fight, but despite the disparity, Miss Sw-Swire has one thing going for her: the reach on that ball of pain she’s got in her hands! It’s kind of hard to imagine someone so scrawny throwing that around with enough force to knock a person on their ass, but as everyone knows, Felines don’t care what you think about physics, so she finds a way somehow even so!”

“Uh, right! Thanks for that breakdown, Click. Alright, so back down in the arena proper, the Doctor has taken his position in the umpire’s stand, surrounded by an even crazier number of camera feeds than normal. Seriously, he’s around more cameras than me and Click combined! It’s crazy! He’s counting down now - chant along, guys! 3! 2!1! And here we go!!!!”

“Now, one problem we’re likely to see for Ch’en early is actually getting to Swire-Sama in the first place, as her Feline instinct and predatory cunning in conjunction with her death-ball are going to make closing the gap pretty diffi- Just like that! A solid hit from Swire-Sama into Ch’en chest!”

“I hope her Lungs are strong enough to withstand that kind of hit, Click...Aww, come on, you know you still love me~ The follow-up isn’t entirely there, though, as Swire struggles to swing back around in time to hit her while she’s down. Oh, and Ch’en now running her down in a clockwise spiral, following the crescent hammer’s trajectory and actually closing in! Oof, that’s gonna leave a nasty scar - or at least it would,” “One, two, three” “-if our sponsors in the Medical Department weren’t totally going to fix that once they’re done here!”

“-Seven, eight, nine slashes, and she’s still standing?! Hang on, what is...Is she even hitting with those?”

“Looks like she’s just tormenting her, Click.”

“I know Felines will play with their food, but this is something else! Oh, and the Doctor is calling for the bout to e- OH MY GOD!”

“Swire just punched her in the face! No claws, no knuckledusters, just a single punch to the face in an infinitesimal break in the wall of sword strokes being put up by Lungmen’s former Chief Inspector! That wasn’t nearly enough to knock the breath out of the Lung, of course- hey, I thought that one was pretty good! - but it’s enough to give Swire some time to think through her next move.”

“And it’s looking like she’ll...wait, when did she get a drone out there?”

“She’s using it to blast Lungmen rap songs?! Shit, we might get demonetized if she keeps this up, right?”

“Nah, we’re hosting it on our private network, and our only sponsors are us any- And Ch’en just vanished!”

“No, she’s still on the field, just moving too fast to see with our eyes! There’s a cloud of blood forming around the pair now th- OH MY GAAAAAAA-”

“Holy shit. Medics! The Doctor’s hurriedly calling an end to this fight to try and determine a winner before one of these two actually finishes the job on the other!”

“If this is the level of action we’re gonna be seeing in these fights, ladies and gentlemen, then the front few rows miiiiight wanna invest in some kind of rain gear - like, say, the splash guards currently on sale at Closure’s for over 40% off!”

“And as the dust settles, Madame Ch’en is walking off the field with an easy victory. Wowza, that’s looking...that’s looking pretty bag. Oh, hey, that’s Hoshiguma coming down into the arena, I wonder if- whoa! Babe, she just punched Ch’en in the face! Maaaan, it’s a shame we won’t ever get to see that fight, huh?”

-------

Hoshiguma flicked the blood from Ch’en’s nose off her fist as she approached where the Medics were tending to Swire. “How’s she doing?”

“We’ve got her stable,” Warfarin reported, “and between the emergency coagulants and regeneration stimulants, she should be able to stand on her own power before the end of the night...Nothing too heavy until at least 48 hours have passed, though.”

“Thanks for the heads up. Can I talk to her?”

The Sarkaz sighed. “There’s no way she’s still con-”

“Hoshiiii?” Swire’s voice wheezed from some other dimension; within seconds, the Oni was at her side. “Hoshi...Sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you apologizing? You did great out there.” The Defender took her hand gently in both of hers, letting a tear fall from her face at the sight of her girlfriend in such pain.

The Feline shook her head, which Aak grimaced at and set to work immobilizing her further. “I lost...I can’t see you anymore.”

“What? Why not?” Hoshi kissed her head, causing even more distress to the Medics in the process. “I don’t like her; I love you.”

“...Oh, Hoshi~”

Warfarin tapped the Oni on her shoulder. “I’m afraid visitor hours are closing; we need to move her somewhere not covered in her own blood.”

“I’ll go with you.” She waited for the folks carrying her girlfriend out to have her situated before following them out. ‘Thinking she could beat my Fluffy Cuddles in a fight and claim me like a trophy wife...I’m no one’s prize, damnit, I’m a prize fighter. I hope she wins her bracket, so I can give her a proper beating when I win mine.’

“...You know, if it was that easy, she probably wouldn’t have waited for the tournament,” a shadowy figure observed aloud as they walked past her in the opposite direction. Hoshi turned to confront them-

-but it was like they were never there...nothing but a Phantom of her imagination...

#arknights #arknights fic #TOURNAMENT ARC!!!#swire (arknights)#ch'en (arknights)#hoshiguma (arknights)#jessica (arknights)#FEater (arknights)#click (arknights)#behold the fic that gives us AngieSant at 400 #also yeah since we couldn't do Bagpipe vs Hoshiguma #we got Chen vs Swire

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