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writingwhimsey · 5 months

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Hi!!! Congrats for the 300 followers!!

You are an amazing writer and I love all your stories, really. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your talent with us ❤️

If I can ask for a prompt..... since we just had Motonari being perfect as he is.. Can I ask for Clavis, super fluff Blind Date? 😆💜

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this, but well, real life has gotten in the way. And I know I was supposed to originally work on Mitsuhide smut next, but...well with the way my life has gone these last few weeks, Clavis fluff felt better to me.

Alright so I am back! And here is some Clavis fluff (with a little bit of crack because well it's Clavis). I hope you enjoy!

Ridiculous Man

Emma took a deep breath as she stood outside the tavern. She looked down at the letter in her hand once again. “I still can’t believe I am doing this.” She muttered under her breath.

“Don’t worry, I will be right there should you need assistance.” Cyran reminded her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I still can't believe Clavis agreed that I should come meet this guy.” Emma said with a sigh. “I figured once he learned that I had a secret admirer, he would possibly be ready to fight the guy, not tell me I should agree to this blind date…not to mention what if this guy is a nut?”

Cyran gave her a sympathetic look. “Remember I am here as your guard.” He reminded her. “And if you want me to hit this guy, just give me the word and I will.”

Emma wasn’t sure why, but Cyran seemed VERY eager at that thought. “Well, I appreciate that. Hopefully it won’t come to that, though.”

Cyran nodded. “Alright, are you ready, my lady?”

Emma sighed and then folded the letter up and put it away. “I think so.”

The pair walked into the tavern and Emma headed towards the back, where a lone figure sat at a back table. Emma felt nervous as she approached the table, the man’s face hidden by a large bouquet of roses.

Once Emma stood at the table, she cleared her throat. “Uhm, excuse me…” She began and that was the moment the man chose to thrust the bouquet towards her.

“My darling, it is so good to finally meet you!”

Emma looked up from the bouquet, her eyes going wide upon hearing the familiar voice. She stood blinking as she looked up at that familiar handsome face. Her secret admirer was none other than her own fiance, Clavis…just wearing a fake mustache.

“I see you are speechless by my handsomeness and my token of my undying affection for you.”

“If you would like me to punch him, just say the word.” Cyran told Emma as he moved to stand beside her.

Emma shook her head. She then looked at Clavis. “Clavis, what in the hell are you doing?”

“I am not Clavis. My name is Clovis, though I admit that is very close. Of course that IS quite the compliment to think that I even remotely look as handsome as Prince Clavis…”

Emma sighed and shook her head. “CLAVIS.” She said, sternly. “Will you explain to me what is going on?”

“I am CLOVIS.” Clavis replied, wearing a grin. “And all that is going on is that I wanted to tell you how much I love and adore you and what an amazing woman you are all while enjoying the pleasure of your company.”

Emma sighed and then took a seat next to Clavis. She then looked over at Clavis, who was still grinning at her.

“I am glad to see you have decided to join me.” He was then gesturing to a waiter to bring them their meal and drinks. “I can’t believe that my lady is going to allow me to basque in her presence. And feel free to basque in mine as well.”

Emma started shaking her head and laughing. “Clavis, will you please take off that ridiculous mustache?”

“If you would like me to shave it off, I will, but that will take some time. And once again I am Clovis.”

Emma was then reaching up with her hand and quickly pulling off the mustache.

“Ouch!” Clavis said, frowning at her as the space the fake mustache once was, now began to turn red.

“Now, will you give up the charade?” Emma asked.

Clavis let out a sigh. “I see I can’t fool you. Of course, my lovely lover is so smart.”

“Clavis, you weren’t fooling anyone with that disguise and you know it.”

“She is right.” Cyran said. “Though I really wish you would have done something differently. I was hoping she would want me to punch you.”

“We are good now, Cyran. You can take your leave.” Clavis said.

Cryan looked to Emma. “Are you good?” He asked.

Emma laughed. “Yes.”

Cyran nodded and then exited, leaving the lovers alone. Emma was then looking back at Clavis. “Now, will you please explain to me what this was all about?”

Clavis shrugged. “You’ve just seemed so overwhelmed lately with all of the studying you’ve been doing, I thought I would do something to give you a little break.”

“Can you also explain to me how this letter looks so neat?” Emma asked, holding up the letter. “This is NOT your handwriting. I can actually read it.”

“I had Cyran write the letters. I told him what to write, but it was by his hand.” Clavis explained.

“That makes sense.” Emma replied. “But now I am going to have to study twice as hard to make sure I can get caught up. I mean if we are to be married,I have to be able to play my role in the kingdom well…”

Clavis cut Emma off with a kiss, just a light peck to her lips. “And THAT is exactly why I wrote you these letters.”

“Hmm?” Emma asked, her cheeks reddening slightly from the unexpected PDA.

“Every word I said in those letters is true.” Clavis explained. “How smart and talented you are. How witty and funny and beautiful.”

“I still…”

“I wanted to remind you that you are amazing just as you are.” Clavis told her, his eyes warm with affection. “I wouldn’t fall in love with and marry just anybody you know.”

Emma felt warmth bubbling up in her chest. The premise of playing secret admirer and wearing such a terrible disguise were so funny…but the thought and feelings behind it were warm and sincere and genuine. She smiled and shook her head, laughter escaping her.

Clavis frowned. “What’s so funny?” He asked.

Emma looked up at him, nothing but love in her eyes. “It’s all utterly…but also terribly sweet…just like you.” She was then overcome by her own emotions that she didn’t care that they were in public. She leaned over and fully pressed her lips to his. “I love you, you ridiculous and sweet man.” She said when she pulled away.

Clavis gave her a smile. “Well, I am glad to see that my plan appears to have worked.”

“Only you could pull it off.” Emma replied. “Now, why don’t we enjoy this date you planned for us?”

“Yes, but I hope you know it ends with us going home and you not studying anything but me.” Clavis replied, a devilish grin on his face.

Emma giggled. She was then placing the fake mustache back in Clavis’s face. “Now now Clovis, you still have to win me over.”

Clavis chuckled. It appeared this was going to be a rather fun evening.

I wanted to add that this was inspired by a post that I saw. I think it was from @venulus or @mllorei or both and maybe even @violettduchess was on it about Cyran applying for jobs and it always turns out to be Clavis in a fake mustache.

#300 follower celebration #whimsey answers #ikepri clavis #ikepri #ikemen prince #clavis lelouch #ikemen prince clavis #fluff #cybird otome #cybird ikemen #ikemen series #otome boys #cybird #fanfic #fanfiction

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inshelliesworld · 1 year

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Buckle up. This is long.

Last night after dinner w/my fam I watched the SAG awards so I am a little behind on the conversation around the Chris Evans Clown Show Comedy Hour. However I read a couple of asks received by @nancydrewwouldnever about how he’s been looking like the Raggedy Andy version of his normal self these past few months and I couldn’t agree more.

I thought so watching the SMA videos People put out.

Back during my more naïve days, I just thought he was possibly exhausted and that could very well still be true. But after the rabbit hole I’ve been down for the past couple of months, I am of the opinion he's exhausted for a different reason than work requirements. Which is just that – my opinion: observation mixed with speculation.

I don’t think this RS – if it is rooted in PR like I think it is – was ever intended to last this long. From what I have gathered, the Netflix show and movie for which AB would have benefited the most having a lot of attention were originally supposed to both release in the first half of 2022. One or both were delayed, the show being very delayed -from first/second quarter all the way to the last quarter of the year. So not only did she lose out on a bump for the movie, but by the time her show finally launched it pretty much had already been axed by NF. So when Mr. SMA 2022 does the CP Marathon (horribly) with her, the only project she has going on at the time is hanging by a thread.

That's her fault for being lazy and entitled. A million golden opportunities were missed by her/her team, but I feel like Chris wasn’t going to sell anything very well anyway, as he likely was being pissy about this situationshit lasting so long. Which led me to thinking that “laser focus” press question was a plant to tie back to the earlier article BUT made me think it could possibly have been contrived as a way to signify the end of their "RS" had it gone to plan. The question would allow room for him to insinuate he was single again and “focused on finding the right partner” to “pour himself into” bc ��awe, shucks, I’m just so unlucky in love…” 💀

BUT THAT CAN’T HAPPEN… he can’t signal the end of something that hasn’t yet been announced. So it looked to the viewer, and especially his fandom, that he was signaling his singlehood – and for his fans, to debunk the rumors flying around about his Lolita. NOW he has to stutter around and trap himself in word prisons and go take a quick pap sprint the same time as SMA announcement bc that’s when the show drops and do more photos and BS to sell the OVER year-long narrative when they were really prepped to do a 9ish-mos storyline. All the OG pics and scares (IMO) that were preemptively shot not only look slightly better but they also would have fit in with starting the RS storyline Fall 2021 and, if nothing would have been delayed, the end falling somewhere Summer 2022.

I think this is why he does such a shit job selling it. He struggles to sell intimacy anyway, but he’s not even giving it the ole college try bc he’s pissed off that it’s taken more time than he expected and dragging his feet. I mean…. All these rumors about the same chick for months HAS to have a negative impact on his harem, right?? 😂 Now she’s pissed that he’s dragging his feet – or maybe she wanted it to turn into more than what it is and he’s noped the fuck out – so she throws a hissy fit with the yoga cert mess, her mom’s pic, and her OF shower pictorial.

It's possible had this not dragged along for this long, all the dirt that has surfaced RE: her and her sOuLMaTes being racist, antisemetic, fat phobic, basically all around horrendous ppl that has TANKED his image and lost him a good portion of his fandom would have maybe not surfaced. The mess would have been announced, been annoying, and been over before anyone cared enough to dig that much - or at least make that big of a deal about it, bc he would have been rid of her. I know that this dumpster fire mimics SS a lot but I think that Chris agreeing to a much shorter version in the beginning is why there are SO MANY pictures all at once. He probs didn't want to do this for the 2 years or whatever that SS committed to.

I think he has thrown his own tantrum of “I ain’t doin this shit anymore” and has left it to someone else to handle which is why he is AWOL from everywhere, including going out to dinner with his friend/castmates, and not doing his own SM anymore (I personally don’t think he’s posting anything at all right now himself). Seems he’s also made sure that he/his team control the mass narrative to the GP.

I think they’re riding this shit show out until the end, letting their teams do whatever they need to do. Even if she has the DESIRE to show up for anything like the Twitter reading (was she even invited? Was she wanted by her castmates/showrunners? Hollywood is show BUSINESS afterall so even if she wasn’t wanted she would be expected to show up to make good on production companies’ investments & save face?) the situations aren’t really going to be great for her. There would be – and SHOULD BE – backlash involving the discriminatory posts, which she obvs has no intentions of denouncing. IMO she should have done it anyway for her fans, but her not doing it goes a long way to prove her entitlement, lazy ass attitude, and ungratefulness. But from the looks of those Star Power reports from IMDB that someone shared, it’s not her that’s hurting… it’s HIM. 🤡

He’s suffering greatly, which is also deserved, and he very likely knows it. It has taken a noticeable toll on his looks, his presence, his gait, and his energy. He looks like a shell of his former self bc he is. And he’s seemingly off licking his wounds until he can start his Chris Evans Redemption Tour.

I would like to put it out into the universe that my birthday is next month and it falls within their usual “drop” timeframe so it would be a fantastic birthday gift if March’s bomb was the BUA.

#Chris Evans #PR #shit show #birthday wish #Pisces season #please end the misery

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alfi-always-writes · 1 year

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A Distraction

Summary: Mikey just wants to be distracted for a minute, and Donnie isn't good at talking about feelings anyways.

Author's note: Based on this anonymous prompt! Anon, thank you for the prompt and for being so patient with me! I'm (sometimes) not a huge fan of "cheer up tickles" because I feel like it isn't a cure for problems, and might feel dismissive of the sad person's feelings. However, we support open and honest communication in this household, so I worked that into the story. Enjoy! (also peep the super creative title, I'm so good at this /s)

Warnings: This fic does contain tickling between two characters, so scroll on if that's not your jam :) Also some angst in the beginning, and I apologize for that.

Word count: 1,394

—

"Seriously, Mikey, when are you gonna grow up like the rest of us?"

Mikey still couldn't shake Leo's words from his memory. His brother's angry tone clouded his mind and churned his stomach uncomfortably. It hadn't been the first time Leo had blown up, but it was a rare time that Mikey was the sole target of Leo's anger.

They had talked it out already, twice, and Leo was more apologetic than ever on both occasions. Like, the kind of apologetic where he didn't try to split the blame with Mikey, he took it all. He told Mikey to forget everything he said, he didn't mean any of it.

But Mikey could still hear the words bouncing around in his skull. He worried that he was being dramatic, but as much as he believed Leo's sobered words, it wasn't enough to distract him. For this reason, he was already on his way to Raph's room when he remembered that Raph was out for the night helping Splinter with something. Mikey stared at his feet for a long moment, weighing his options.

Although Donnie wasn't his first choice to go to for comfort—it wasn't really the brainiacs expertise—Mikey knew that it would be far better than talking to Leo about it again. The last thing he wanted to do was continuously remind Leo of his mistakes.

Leo probably didn't need help doing that.

—

Mikey stopped at the threshold of Donnie's lab, showered in the purple glow of the neon lights. He rubbed his forearm and popped up on his toes, trying to spot his brother before he entered.

"Um, Dee?"

"Enter," came the typical, curt response.

Mikey shuffled into the lab, locating Donnie and stopping a few feet away from him. He pressed his fingers together anxiously. "Hi," he said meekly.

"Hello Michael," said Donnie, not looking up from his work, "What brings you to my domain?"

"It's just that, well..." Mikey trailed off and winced as Donnie dropped one of his tools, "I just—"

Donnie finally paused his work to address Mikey properly, flicking his goggles up as he turned to his brother. "Is this about what we discussed yesterday?" he asked in the same bored drawl he often spoke with when his work was interrupted. He mentally chastised himself when he saw his little brother shrink back.

Mikey's shoulders sagged. He was being dramatic, and everyone thought so, he knew it. "I'm sorry I'm still not past it."

"Wh—no no, don't be sorry, I'm sorry for the way I asked. Just—come here." The metal arms from his battle shell whirred to life and pulled Mikey in close. He wrapped his arms around Mikey, resting a tired hand on the back of the box turtle's head. "You know he didn't mean what he said, right?"

Mikey nodded, holding onto Donnie tightly. "I just keep thinking about it."

Donnie acknowledged his comment with a soft hum, placing a gentle hand on the back of Mikey's head. He desperately grasped for the right combination of words that would help Mikey feel better. Raph was always so much better at this.

"You know he cares, he's just an arrogant, selfish, thoughtless—ehm, he's a dum dum. But he uh, cares about us, you know? That's why he can get so... severe. He just doesn't want anything bad to happen to you."

Mikey looked up at Donnie for a moment. The soft shell gave a defeated sigh. "How am I doing at the whole... 'feelings' thing?"

A small smile cracked across Mikey's face. He ducked his head under Donnie's chin and clung to his older brother for a moment longer. For Donnie to say such nice things about his twin, Mikey knew he couldn't just be making it up for his sake.

Donnie patted Mikey's head for another moment before he spoke up again, more awkwardly this time. "Do you... Do you need me to keep saying things?"

Mikey shook his head with a giggle. He pressed his face against Donnie's shoulder and let a moment of comfortable silence fall between them.

"Is there anything else that I can do?" Donnie asked. He felt a pang of guilt. He didn't mean to push his brother away but he did have work to do.

Mikey stayed silent for a beat before he pulled away from his brother. Truthfully, he just needed to stop thinking about the situation. Even though Leo has cleared the air with him yesterday (and then again this morning) he still couldn't stop hearing his brother's angry voice every time he let his mind wander.

"Maybe just a... a distraction?"

Donnie looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Oh so many years ago, that request meant something incredibly specific. Memories came rushing to the front of Donnie's mind: a small, giggly Michelangelo asking for a "distachon." He wasn't sure if the same request still applied now.

Until Mikey took off running toward the arcade. Donnie smirked and took off after him, catching up to him in a matter of seconds. He tackled Mikey to the ground, which earned a scream from the box turtle.

"You asked for this, Angelo! Literally!" Donnie said, struggling to gather Mikey's wrists. Mikey was a lot less coordinated in Donnie's memory—a stark reminder that his little brother wasn't so little anymore.

Mikey was already giggling, grabbing at Donnie's hands to postpone the inevitable. He could only keep the ruse up for a short time before Donnie's frustration was too amusing. His strength was lost to laughter and Donnie swiftly pinned his wrists above his head.

Mikey shook his head, pleading with Donnie's unforgiving glare. "C-c'mon, Deehe, dohon't do this!"

"You can't ask for me to tickle you and then fight me when I try to tickle you!" Donnie said, using his free hand to poke and scratch at the sides of Mikey's shell.

Mikey shrieked before dissolving into childish laughter, kicking his feet uselessly. "Dohohohonald!"

"Yes Michael?"

"Stohop!"

"Stop what?"

Mikey tried to move away from the pokes but Donnie only alternated sides, depending on the way Mikey squirmed. "Yohohou knohow whahat!"

"Is it because I'm tickling you because you asked me to tickle you?" Donnie deadpanned, though he was giddy inside as he basked in Mikey's loud laughter.

"YeheHEHES!"

"I'm failing to see how I'm doing anything wrong here. Please explain." Donnie moved to brush his fingers against Mikey's neck, going right in for the kill and bringing Mikey's laughter up an octave.

Mikey was losing his mind. He attempted to crush Donnie's fingers between his head and shoulders, but his big brother was persistent. His brain couldn't form complete thoughts, aside from the obvious stop, please stop.

"Ihihit tickles!"

Donnie hummed, releasing his brother's hands to flutter all ten fingers against Mikey's neck. Despite now being free, Mikey couldn't muster up the strength to do much more than weakly hold Donnie's forearms and laugh his heart out.

"I see. So, because it tickles, I shouldn't tickle you, even though you asked—"

"DOHOHONALD! Nohoho mohohore!"

Donnie actually had to try to hold back a grin now as he ceased his attack, rolling over to sit next to his giggly brother. It was nice to hear that classic Michelangelo giggle again, completed with the toothy grin and squinting eyes.

Mikey sat up and leaned against Donnie, embracing the moment of brotherly affection. Though the genius took pride in his aloof, "bad boy" exterior, he always had a soft spot for his little brother. Leo always said it was unfair, but Mikey thought it was the coolest thing ever.

"Thahanks, Dee," Mikey said, still overrun with giggles.

Donnie patted Mikey's head. "Of course, Mikey. Now, which Jupiter Jim movie should we watch before bed?"

Mikey gasped, perhaps a bit dramatically. He knew how much Donnie hated changing his plans at the last minute. To be someone that Donnie changes his plans for was an impossibly high honor. "OMIGOSH! I'll make some popcorn, we can watch Seven Galaxies!"

They both knew that nothing but time could really ease the bad feelings, but being able to laugh and not think about anything for a moment was refreshing for Mikey. The tension that previously had a vice grip on him had disappeared for now. It was small, but it was an improvement.

And that was enough for him.

#my writing #sfw tickle fic #sfw tickling community #rottmnt tickle fic #ticklish!mikey #i promise i don't think leo is an asshole #i'm the third of four siblings and sometimes big brothers say mean things when they are scared #but we love big brothers

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thelonesomequeen · 1 month

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As a blog that’s been around a while…..can confirm. Lol 🧜🏻‍♀️/ I like and have been following Chris' work since his fantastic 4 days but only started to be into gossip/his personal life since the pandemic, so I really didn't follow his past relationships much (just what I read in magazines). I have to admit I liked him with Jenny, I bought the - nerdy girl gets the hot guy, that's so cute - narrative they sold but had no idea at the time that the timeline of their relationship was so shady. Since you have been here for a while and followed both Minka and Jenny eras can I ask you what are the main things you think he is doing in this relationship that he didn't do in his previous ones (besides getting married, lol)? In the people's sma interview he said that his age and experience make him a much better partner now than when he was younger. From the perspective of someone that has been following his career and personal life for a while do you think that he was being honest when he said that and didn't say it just to look good?

From the perspective of someone that has been following his career and personal life for a while do you think that he was being honest when he said that and didn't say it just to look good?

No, I don’t think he was just saying that. I do believe that’s a true statement. Not because Chris specifically said it, but because I think it’s human nature for all of us to learn from relationships and grow as we move forward into the next relationship. Even if things don’t end well, I think there’s always something to be learned. For example—I had an ex who only ever wanted to discuss important topics via text. He was awful at conversation and communication in general. I hated having big conversations via text because I couldn’t pick up on his facial expressions or mood and it made it so hard to read where he was at on some things. We got into an argument at one point and I brought it up about how we constantly had miscommunication errors because we could never have face to face conversations and that bothered me. We ended up breaking up for various reasons, but a few years down the line he actually thanked me for that moment of calling his shit out because it made him a more present partner in his next relationship going forward. Even if things end poorly, I think there’s always something to learn about yourself, what you do and don’t want out of relationships/what you’re willing to tolerate or compromise on, or just how to be a better partner in your next relationship. Chris is much older than I am and if I’ve been able to learn that lesson from my interactions, I’m sure he has as well.

As for what’s different, I think that’s hard to answer from a public standpoint because the differences are probably more noticeable in private between those who personally know him. But from what we can see, he’s willing to be public with her. Posting the photo montage and scare video montage he did of Alba was something I never expected to see from him because he had never put a significant other on his social media like that before. The best Jenny ever got was her voice in a video of Dodger. He also brought her on the Vanity Fair red carpet with him and posed at an official/big industry event. Yes, he did take a picture with Jenny at the premiere of Secret Life of Pets, but that was so low key in comparison to an Oscars after party. I also feel like while it sucks to see him disappear on social media, I feel like he’s made that change to protect the people he cares about the most from his more rabid fans by limiting their access to him. He’s not as open about his whereabouts as he used to be back when he constantly shared IG stories or pictures from his life. And his willingness to travel for Alba. I always expected when he got married, the woman would really have to mold her life around him and where he wanted to be. But he’s taken trips back and forth to Portugal with her and they’re getting their own places there, so he clearly intends to keep doing that in their own space there. I didn’t expect to see that from him because there were plenty of times with Minka and Jenny when they needed to be back in LA for things and he stayed home in MA 🦎

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skz317cb97 · 2 years

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Once is All it Takes

Kim Seungmin x Female reader

Word count: 5.2k

A/N: 18+ only! This is my first Seungmin fic. I feel like I had a bit of a hard time writing for him just because he's such a cute puppy but I am happy with how this turned out! I hope I did him justice in this fic and I hope you enjoy reading it! If you do please give it a like, reblog, comment, shoot me an ask what ever! I love hearing back from you! As per usual warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! This is VERY vanilla for me! Strong language/cursing, Fingering, piv sex (protected), I'm pretty sure that is literally it as far as sexual content goes. Other warnings include vomiting, minimal talk of accidental and unwanted pregnancy and sma-smor-shion. If any of those topics can be triggering for you, you may want to skip this story! As always if I forgot to mention something in the warnings, please let me know and I will add it!

“Fuck.” When you saw the pink plus sign you were in utter shock. You closed your eyes and you had almost convinced yourself it wasn’t real, that you had seen it wrong, but when you looked again and you again saw the indicator that you were in fact pregnant, you started to cry. You wished that it was just the hormones or tears of joy but they were not. They were tears of uncertainty and fear and heart ache. It’s not that you didn’t love your unborn baby’s father, no, on the contrary you were madly in love with him and had been for some time. The problem with that was that the father, and man you were in love with, was your best friend Kim Seungmin.

You never in a million years thought that something like an accidental pregnancy would happen to you. You were so careful. You were on the pill and you had used a condom but when you got sick every morning for two straight weeks and your period was late you thought you would take a test just to be one hundred percent sure you weren’t pregnant. Yet there it was clear as day. You were one hundred percent knocked up.

The small town you and Seungmin both grew up in had a lot of people who had nothing better to do than to gossip and they didn’t particularly care for things like premarital sex, having children out of wed lock and God forbid someone even consider saying the words casual and sex in a single sentence. People that did those things, generally, were shunned in the little community and all you could think about was that could be you and Seungmin now.

The two of you together, it had only happened once, but they always say one time is all it takes. You were clearly proof of that. You and Seungmin had been studying, of course you were, that’s all either of the two of you did as the prodigies of your families, toiling away at college to make something of yourselves for different reasons but both to make your families proud. You understood each other in a way no one else did because of your rolls in your families as well as growing up in the same town, even though you had not grown up together.

You sat there with Seungmin at the table you would always post up at in your studio apartment for your study sessions. You were stressed and beyond frustrated with an equation you were trying to factor but failing time and time again. Finally, when Seungmin thought you were going snap your pencil into pieces, he stepped over and leaned down to look at the formulation you had been using. As soon as he was in your bubble you were calmer, he was always warm and you were surrounded by the smell of his cologne and something that was just, Seungmin and it put you at ease instantly.

“Look here.” He pointed to your page and snapped you back into the moment before you were too far gone thankfully.

“You have these parts inverted flip them and try again.” You picked up your pencil and scribbled down on your scrap paper how Seungmin had told you to do it and he couldn’t help but lean in and smell the sweet strawberry scent your shampoo left behind while you worked the problem.

“I’ll be damned! This isn’t even one of your classes. You’re pretty good Minnie!” He tried to get it together and managed to laugh softly. He took his glasses off, looking at you now instead of the work page.

“I... uh I took this course my senior year for extra credits.” Of course, he did. When you looked up from your work again you realized Seungmin was still leaned in very close to you. When your eyes locked, he seemed to go deep into his thoughts. Like he was analyzing something, calculating, just like he’d done a moment before when helping you.

“Min-” Suddenly Seungmin’s lips captured the cupid’s bow of your top lip between his in a soft kiss. It was gentle and quick, but it wasn’t a timid kiss, more exploratory. When he pulled away he looked at you, his ears were red and he was calculating again, his eyes flickering between yours and your lips as he tried to read your reaction.

You had been in shock for about ten seconds before you grabbed Seungmin’s collar and gently pulled him towards you, kissing him again, this time with more behind it. His hands cupped your face as he deepened your kiss further. Things were getting more heated by the second until you were a clash of tongues and teeth. You pulled away and pressed your forehead against Seungmin’s. You bit at your kiss swollen lips as you softly panted and caught your breath.

“Do you have a condom?” You whispered and Seungmin, who had also been a little breathless from the kiss, almost thought he’d misheard you. His eyes went wide, completely surprised to hear you ask but he swallowed hard and shook his head.

“Uh, yea, yes I do.” You stood up and ran your fingers through his hair, his eyes closing at the touch and you pulled him up into another kiss. Your kisses were so sweet to start and then you’d lose yourself in Seungmin just like you were doing again right then. You started to back up towards your bed, Seungmin following, his hands glued to your waist, his fingertips kneading the sliver of exposed flesh, teasing the waistband of your pants. You parted only to pull your shirt off and started working at the buttons of Seungmin’s shirt as he peppered kisses down your neck and shoulder. Once his shirt was open you ran your hands over his shoulders and down his arms, removing the article of clothing from him and letting it fall to the floor.

You pulled away and sat down on your bed, crawling back and laying down. Seungmin got the hint and climbed on top of you, continuing his trail of kisses from before, traveling down your collar bone and chest until reaching your breasts that were covered only by a lacey white bra that did nothing to hide your perked nipples from him. He bit at his lips as his fingers toyed with the edge of the cup of your bra, the tips sending goosebumps erupting all over your body when they grazed your skin.

“Is it okay if I take this off?” You shook your head.

“Please Min...” You were already so overwhelmed by lust, writhing under his gentle touches and soft kisses. He freed your breasts from the cups of your bra and squeezed them together before he gently started licking them, taking one of your nipples into his warm mouth and tenderly sucking on it. He gave your breasts a great deal of attention which after a while had you absolutely soaked for him and that’s when one of his hands started moving down further, towards the buttons of your pants. He flicked one open slowly and then the next and the next. You lifted your hips urging him to remove the clothing from your body.

“Off... god please Seungmin take them off of me...” Seungmin obliged and removed not only your pants but the cute matching pair of white lace panties you had already drenched with your arousal. When Seungmin looked at you laying there he almost stopped breathing at the sight of you, legs spread and your glistening core exposed to him, your breasts spilling from the bra he’d pulled down but not off, his dick twitched in his pants. He cupped your mound. The air had been cool when your wet cunt was exposed and his warm hand felt like heaven against you. You shivered at his touch.

“You’re okay? Is this okay?” You were so needy already, you weren’t sure if you really needed much foreplay but if Seungmin wanted to touch you, you weren’t going to deny him.

“Yes Min, touch me.” With your consent his fingers ran through your folds collecting your essence before he started massaging your clit with two fingers coated in your juices. Between the feather light kisses Seungmin was placing against your burning skin and his fingers deftly moving over your sensitive bud, it took next to no time for him to send you spiraling into your orgasm.

“Oh... Oh my god Seungmin! I-I'm...” You could hardly form words but Seungmin knew and gently worked you through the peak of your climax.

“That’s it... good... just like that, you’re so pretty when you cum y/n.” He whispered against your skin. When you floated back down to the planet you pulled him in for another kiss.

“I need you Seungmin, please?” He nodded a little. He was relieved you weren’t going to try and jerk him off or blow him, he was already painfully hard and he was worried if you tried to touch him that he might cum before anything actually happened. Seungmin stood up and removed the rest of his clothing and grabbed the condom he had stowed away in his messenger bag ‘just in case’.

When he climbed back on your bed, you spread your legs more and Seungmin slotted himself in between them, then started to open the condom. You watched as he took it out and started to roll it down his length. His hands shook a little and it made you feel a bit better knowing he might be a little nervous too but then one of Seungmin’s hands softly slid up your thigh and he started slowly pushing into you. He was thanking God for that condom at the moment because if he had gone in and felt your soft velvety walls raw, he for sure would have cum on the spot. When he fully buried his cock in you, you let out a little gasp.

“You okay?” You shook your head quickly.

“Yea, just... mmfeels good. Keep going please?” Seungmin nodded and gave you a small smile.

“You feel good too.” He breathed out. You ran your fingers down his cheek and pulled him down, capturing his lips in yours for another tender kiss as he started setting a quicker pace, his hips snapping into you harder and the sounds that you made were music to Seungmin’s ears.

“Yes, God... right there Min, please! RIGHT THERE!” Seungmin proceeded to fuck you harder, hitting that spot that sent megawatts of electricity buzzing through your body and yet it all felt so intimate. It wasn’t that it was gentle or slow, he wasn’t afraid to use a little force behind his thrusts but the way his body stayed close to yours and his hands caressed your face and touched your hair, the soft kisses against your lips as he fucked you deeper, the exchanging of breaths between tasting each other. You whimpered his name, the pleasure of having him inside you, on top of you overwhelming almost.

“Please Seungmin, want you to cum with me.” He pressed his forehead against yours and drug his fingers across your jaw, then drew his thumb over your bottom lip as he looked into your eyes and continued fucking you. You took his thumb into your mouth and sucked, swirling your tongue around it.

The action lit Seungmin’s fuse like a firecracker. He removed his thumb from your mouth and started to rub your clit, thrusting harder and faster, rolling his hips and sending you sailing into your second orgasm. When your walls started squeezing and pulsing around Seungmin’s cock he couldn’t take it anymore and came, riding out your climaxes and filling the condom.

“Oh, fuck! Oh my god y/n! I’m... I... I’m coming!” You pinched your nipples as your hips chased his, milking him fully until he started to soften inside you. Almost immediately after, when Seungmin rolled off you to get rid of the condom and clean up a bit, it was like the air in the room had changed and there was definite awkward tension. When you were both putting your clothes back on, he still said next to nothing and couldn’t look you in the eyes. As soon as his shoes were on his feet he rushed out with a quick excuse and goodbye. You were a little hurt and very confused.

You didn’t see Seungmin for about a week after that. You missed him, you had most of your classes together so it was a big void in your day without him there. You wondered when he did show up if he would ever speak to you again or if you had completely ruined your friendship by being so bold and crossing that line. All he had done was kiss you. You were the one that brought sex into it, asked about a condom, maybe you had over stepped.

Finally, after about six days, you saw Seungmin approaching you before your morning class. He looked like he was steeling his nerves as he walked up with a coffee for each of you, he looked like he had something to get off his chest. You were terrified of what he might say, your heart was in your throat. Once he got in front of you though he saw your expression, the worry, he just stopped. All that certainty left him and he just looked at you silently holding the two cups of coffee. You needed Seungmin in your life, he was your only real friend, others, were acquaintances at best. He was the only person that understood you, you couldn’t lose him. You wanted to at least save your friendship if you could. You wanted to give him an easy out.

“Hey. Uh, been feeling under the weather huh? Missed you this week.” Seungmin’s frozen expression finally broke at your words. His eyes got wide. He started to nod and gave you a tight smile as he handed you the coffee he’d gotten you.

“Yea, yea. I... I was feeling sick so you know... stayed home. I’m better now though!” You gave him a small, sad smile when he took the out you gave him, which pretty much told you exactly what you needed to know in terms of what Seungmin wanted to do about the awkward situation between the two of you.

“I’m glad you’re better Min, we should probably get to class.” Swallow the pain, act like it never happened. So, you did and now there you were in your bathroom holding a pregnancy test crying, trying to figure out what to do. Do you just take care of it, get an abortion and never tell Seungmin? Maybe, you weren’t sure if you could when it came down to it.

Adoption? Surly you would have to tell Seungmin then? You were certain in adoption a biological father had to sign off on that. Aside from that, again, when it came down to it you weren’t sure if you would be able to go through with that and you would never want to get some poor woman’s hopes up just to change your mind. Nope, definitely not that then.

Do you leave and have the baby, raise it alone? Your family would be disappointed but they would help you, you would still be ostracized by your small town and it would certainly get back to Seungmin that you had left school and run home because you were pregnant.

You had to figure it out, your options were limited and each seemed like a worse idea than the next. There was one common denominator in every single outline you went over in your head. You were never going to tell Kim Seungmin that you were carrying his baby. Whatever you chose to do, you weren’t going to ruin his life too. He had worked too hard to get where he was for you to destroy that with a baby bomb.

Even though you two had grown up in the same small town you and Seungmin hadn’t met until you both went off to college, the reason for that being that your family was, at worst, considered upper middle class and Seungmin’s family, at best, was pay check to pay check, blue collar. He worked so hard to get the scholarships he was awarded to make it into your school and had to work even harder to maintain his GPA to keep them.

You, yes, had worked hard for your good grades, enough to be accepted to your school and you maintained an impressive GPA but your family paid your tuition. If you failed you would be okay, but if Seungmin failed he was destined to go back to a life he didn’t deserve and you couldn’t take that chance, you couldn’t take his future away from him. The day after you found out about the baby you decided to skip your lectures. After your first missed class you got a text from Seungmin.

It had been four days. You had missed four full days' worth of classes and had not responded to any texts or calls. When you had said you weren’t feeling good again Seungmin got worried and now with each passing day a pit continued to grow in his stomach. The last couple weeks you had been having issues with a bit of a stomach bug. You had been looking pale, on the verge of up chucking whatever was left of your breakfast usually, but he always made sure to say something about how nice you looked. Sick or not it wasn’t a lie he always thought you were pretty and he was trying to make you feel a little better when you so clearly felt like crap.

Even being sick though those last couple weeks you had still been going to class, refusing to fall behind. Now you were missing classes, a lot of classes. After four days, even though you had expressly told him not to the last time you had spoken, Seungmin needed to check on you. So, after his last lecture of the day he went to the convenient store and got you two bowls of your favorite instant ramen, a ginger soda, and then headed towards your apartment.

When you heard a knock at the door you knew there was only one person that it could be. You sat there on your couch under a throw blanket where you had been watching k dramas the last few days, crying and puking. It seemed the first trimester was intent on kicking your ass from the start. When the knocking persisted, you got up and went to answer the door. When you opened the door Seungmin saw you standing there with a blanket wrapped around you. You looked like you hadn’t been sleeping well and you were even paler than you had been the last time he’d seen you.

“Hey Min; what are you doing here?” Seungmin held up the bag from the convenient store.

“Well, I hadn’t heard from you so I wanted to make sure you were okay. I brought you notes from our classes this week and I got you some ginger soda and ramen.” You smiled at the sweet gesture, your heart breaking a little more.

“Thanks Minnie.” You went grab the bag from him and he pulled it away from your grasp.

“Let me come in and make it for you and you just relax.” You shook your head.

“No Seungmin really you don-” Seungmin put a hand up stopping you.

“Just let someone take care of you a little huh. Go sip on that ginger soda and let me make you 3-minute ramen. It’s not that big of a deal.” You sighed heavily but let Seungmin inside and went to sit on your couch while he made his way to your kitchenette and started your noodles. When your ramen was done Seungmin brought it in and sat down next to you. You started to blow on the hot noodles you had pinched in between your chop sticks and Seungmin couldn’t help but stare at your lips. Lips that he’d kissed, lips that had been pressed against his skin. He quickly looked away towards the tv and saw the k drama you were watching.

“Ahh you’re watching without me!” He said jokingly. You quickly chewed the bite of noodles in your mouth.

“Sorry, I’ve just been trying to keep myself distracted.” You took another big bite of your ramen and Seungmin, without thinking, pushed some stray hairs back from your face as you ate.

“Why do you need distracting?” He was being so gentle with you and then you realized what you had said. You looked at him and as soon as your eyes met it hit you.

“I’m gonna be sick Seun-” You couldn’t even get the words out before you were clasping your hand over your mouth and running for the bathroom. Seungmin was right behind you trying to make sure you were alright. You thankfully made it to the toilet before every bit of the ramen you’d just eaten came back up. Seungmin rubbed your back as you hunched over the toilet and dry heaved when nothing was left in your stomach.

He was trying to look anywhere but where you were puking. Seungmin’s eyes scanned the bathroom walls and floor and eventually landed on the trash can by your toilet. At first, he saw the box the little tests came in and then, face up, as plain as day, a pregnancy test and a very obvious pink plus sign staring back at him. His hand remained on your back but stopped rubbing.

“y/n... are... are you pregnant?” You looked up at him wiping your mouth, eyes wide and full of tears from puking. As you were about to deny it, Seungmin leaned down and pulled the positive pregnancy test from the trash can and looked into your eyes with the most serious expression you had ever seen plastered to his face.

“DON’T lie to me. Are you pregnant?” His voice was gentle but stern, he expected an answer, an honest answer. Tears started to well up in your eyes and you shook your head yes.

“It’s mine?” You hesitated and Seungmin didn’t need an answer.

“We... we used a condom; didn’t you say you were on birth control?” Seungmin was trying to process the situation and he didn’t mean for that question to come out like it had. Your eyes fell, still filled with tears and you slumped on the floor feeling utterly defeated and alone in that moment.

“I am. I was but nothing like that is ever one hundred percent. You don’t have to worry about coming up with reasons it might not be yours though, I don’t expect anything from you. I wasn’t even planning on telling you. I’ll take care of everything.” Seungmin’s heart broke hearing how devastated you sounded.

“I didn’t... I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. Why wouldn’t you tell me? No matter what decision you make I would support you; you know that right?” You buried your face in your knees and shook your head no and Seungmin thought he couldn’t feel worse.

“That day, after we... you left, avoided me, I knew then, you didn’t want anything more than friendship from me. So, I just followed your lead and pretended like nothing happened no matter how much it broke my heart. Then a few days ago I found out I was pregnant and I just couldn’t ruin your life Seungmin.” Tears were starting to streak you face again. Seungmin almost interrupted to console you but stopped when he realized you had more to say.

“I already made my decision. I’m keeping the baby but I know you don’t want to be with me and I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want Min. I’m gonna tell my parents I’m pregnant and then I’m gonna drop out and stay with them until I save some money and have the baby and you will stay on your scholarships and focus on finishing school instead of a mistake, no hard feelings.”

He had been wrong; he could feel worse. You had formed this image in your head about the way he felt about you and it was his lack of spine and his lack of communication with you that lead you to believe that you were a mistake to him when you were anything but. He knelt down in front of you, getting at eye level.

“Stop. Stop, stop. First off, if you want to keep the baby, WE’RE keeping the baby. You didn’t make a baby on your own and you sure as hell aren’t raising one alone. Oh, and you’re dropping out over my dead body. Jesus Christ a combined GPA of 8.2 and we both communicate our feelings for shit. I’m sorry for the way I reacted after we had sex. It wasn’t because I was disinterested in you, quite the opposite. I have been in love with you since the day Felix introduced me to ‘the girl that was from my town’.” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Everything just kind of happened so quickly that day and it all felt so right to me. Then I didn’t think I could stay without confessing everything about the way I felt and I was scared you might not feel the same, so I left. It took me six days to figure out what to do and I had decided I was just gonna tell you everything but when I walked up you looked uncomfortable and then you acted like nothing had happened. So, I just did the same.” You sat there with your mouth slightly agape unable to speak for a moment.

“You-You’re in love with me?!” Seungmin shook his head matter of factly but you looked down, picking at your nails as tears continued to rim your eyes and fall.

“I... I love you too Seungmin but that doesn’t change the fact that having a baby with me will destroy your life.” You cried harder and he grabbed your hands trying to comfort you.

“Why is it okay for only your life to be derailed? Why do I get to forgo responsibility when you don’t?” You grabbed his shirt and shouted.

“Because you have more to lose!” Seungmin gently grabbed your face with both hands and made you look at him. He looked you deep in your eyes, his staring back, dark brown and seemingly endless.

“You are the only thing I’m scared of losing y/n!” He pressed his lips against yours. When he pulled away, he had never looked more determined.

“Having a baby with you, even unplanned, will not destroy my life and I won’t let you let it destroy yours either. If you give me a chance, let me prove I can be your partner and support you through this. As a formality I have to reapply for my scholarships every year and I can update them on any changes needed to accommodate my schooling, including family housing.” You couldn’t believe how easy he made it all seem. He had known about the baby for less than thirty minutes and he had already had a concise plan that made perfect sense that kept the both of you enrolled in college. You threw your arms around his neck.

“Seungmin I love you and that big beautiful brain of yours!” You kissed his lips and he laughed as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Here I thought you wanted me for my body.” You laughed as you wiped your tears away and swatted at him. Seungmin pulled you close and grabbed your hand, kissing the back of it.

“So, a baby...” You curled up close as he wrapped his arms around you, neither of you caring you were both still on your bathroom floor and you nodded.

“Yep, a baby. How do you think your family will take the news?” You didn’t know much about his family dynamic so you were curious about what kind of reaction to expect.

“As long as I’m happy they’ll be happy. My mom and dad weren’t married when they had my older sister so it’s not so taboo in our home. What about yours?” You scrunched your nose a bit.

“Well, they aren’t going to be happy about it when I tell them at first but once I mention you’re from our town and they meet you they’ll be okay.” Seungmin smiled and squeezed the hand he was holding onto.

“It will be okay y/n. No matter what we’ll get through it together.” You nuzzled up against his chest, humming in agreement when you were suddenly hit with another wave of nausea. You sat up quickly ready to go for the toilet.

“I wish you could get through this morning sickness for me, the kid doesn’t like anything I eat!” You managed to get to the toilet again before you started heaving and Seungmin resumed rubbing your back and holding your hair away.

“Sorry beautiful.” When you stopped again Seungmin leaned down by your belly as you rested your head on the cool toilet seat and he whispered.

“Hey take it easy on her, you’re gonna get us both in trouble.” You laughed and shook your head.

“Oh, the havoc I can see you two causing already.” Seungmin smirked and grabbed a washcloth wetting it with cool water and running it over your face.

“We’ll try and behave but no promises.” Seungmin shrugged his shoulders as he helped you up from the floor. You rinsed your mouth and then he helped you to bed. When you laid down, he climbed in and held you, resting his head on your chest. As you started to doze off Seungmin leaned a bit closer to your tummy again.

“Thanks for whipping me and mom in line, I can’t promise it’s the only time you might have to do that but I do promise I’ll always do everything I can to make sure you and mom are happy and safe, alright?” He placed a soft kiss against your tummy and settled back to rest when your voice broke the quiet again.

“I love you Seungmin.” He nuzzled up against you squeezing you a bit tighter.

“I love you too y/n.”

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@ughbehavior @starlostseungmin @chansynie @jquellen27 @caroline-ds-world

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gregoftom · 10 months

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That ask about norwegian wood makes me curious if other things in that dialogue has any meaning and then I read that "Arctic fox" apparently mate for life and are monogamous asdhfkskldlfkfjjfkl

STOP ITTTTTT OH GODADMADMA<SMA<SM<Ams,asm,asma,sma,sma,msa,msa,sm,asma,sma.,sm.,ams.a,ms.a,sm.a,ms.a,ms.a,ms

am going to Lose my mind bc now i'm researching them too and they also hunt/work together for a few weeks before mating. and scream, which could be misinterpreted as fighting but in actuality they're just saying FUCK OFF to everyone else and it is their "love song". I HATE THIS WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS TO ME NOW I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT JSDKJDlkwlwkd;lwkd;lwlkdwlwdlkkdwl;lw;kdw;lkd;wldk. ALSO can we remember that in the scripts, greg was a zoology major so like hell he doesn't KNOW about the arctic fox in more detail like the stuff mentioned above. plus look how much wildlife is in norway.

WHY WOULD HE PICK SOMETHING SO SPECIFIC. why not a moose or whale or wolf, something simple like that. but the arctic fox? oh i'm lightheaded i gotta lie down.

#tomgreg #helppp mmmeeeeeee gnawing on the bars of my enclosure #GREG IS NEVER BEATING THE REQUITED ALLEGATIONS HES SO IN LOVE

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fpjaysangprobinsyano · 3 months

Text

The 38th Golden Disk Awards, Indonesia.

Hello, It's JAY from ENHYPEN. It's been five days since the year 2024 began. In this industry, several Korean pop shows have risen to prominence, top of the industry. Throughout history, different generations have passed. In our industry, the younger generations have risen to the occasion of attending several award shows, with an understanding that trophies and honours are the most valuable in the industry. It is viewed as the result of everyone's efforts to continue and aspire to become an emerging artist in this generation. As well as a new year, new artists; more awards, and it signifies greater compassion in the profession. So, first and foremost, I'm here to congratulate everyone on their hard work over the last year.

It is absolutely overwhelming for attending different award shows for the whole end of the month of December last 2023 as well as the beginning of winter. SMA, MMA, AAA, GCMA, GDA and much more award shows for us to appear. In this first days of the year 2024, we attended the GDA ; Golden Disk Awards. A most prestigious event that mostly happens annually for us to bring the festivities more hype on, as well as to celebrate it for the New Year. We expressed our gratitude to ENGENEs for the challenges we faced this year. Numerous awards that we have attended before the year 2023 are coming to an end. This year's Golden Disc Award was streamed live on various television stations and streaming sites around the world in January. Sung Si-kyung and Cha Eun-woo, hosted the event. This Golden Disc award is a fondly remembered day for our group since it only marks our award in the new year of 2024 and our participation in Golden Disc Awards and Orange Blood was nominated for a Golden Disc Award in the album category. And doing the Fate + Bite Me + Sweet Venom combo. Th

ENGENES, it's a wonderful experience to perform. I'm grateful for this honor, as well as the previous year's accomplishments. And it's been an honor to be given this title as the titled bonsang for our previous album. It's a huge success that recognizes our efforts in our beloved ENGENEs. We thank our ENGENEs for recognizing my efforts, as well as the members of ENHYPEN; it feels good to have succeeded so much in such a short period. In other words, I can't even express how grateful we are. I'm retaliating for the contributions you've made to our group. Similarly, ENHYPEN will benefit from this award, which will once again help us achieve success in the future by recognizing the best 4th generation trademark of its best album. The only thing I can think of is how extremely thankful I am that ENGENEs chose us for this significant achievement. I'm still happy and thankful to ENHYPEN and myself for our accomplishment at the start of 2024. We received bonsang for the most well-known award we've ever held, the Best Album. The accomplishments of bonding that we received that we are highly to have this award given to us in the first week of 2024, attending Golden Disc Awards. I'd like to express my heartfelt gratitude to everyone, especially the ENGENEs who helped us win this award.

It would not be possible for me without the help of ENGENEs. I wholeheartedly express my heartfelt gratitude to everyone. In the future, I hope to continue doing my best hard work. Let us keep this in our memories, ENGENEs, and treasure it for the rest of our lives. We, ENHYPEN, have attempted to fulfill my responsibilities to be grateful for receiving this award at one of the most important events that inspire and see our nature in passion. As an ENHYPEN member, let us continue to grow and feel proud of our accomplishments. You're aware of how much I adore ENGENEs, aren't you? Moreover, thank you ENGENEs! Let's keep growing and being a good group!

#jay #enhypen #jongseongpark #engene #rpg

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musette22 · 1 year

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hey! just a lil question in case you know the answer but why did so many people expect the sexiest man alive to go to Seb? I'm seeing so many comments about that and even in the just Jared account, those are two of the top comments "it should've been Seb" but i don't get it. did he mention anything or what did I miss? 😅 as a Seb Stan i feel like i failed this one and I'm only *confusion* ps: congrats to you and the Chris fandom<3

Hi lovely! Thanks for your message. I've gotten quite a few asks about this, but I'm just going to answer this one, because I don't want to dwell on the negativity that's attached to it.

Thanks so much for the congratulations, and thank you for not being argumentative or polarizing in your ask, but let me first of all reiterate, just in case, that I am just as much as Seb stan as I am a Chris stan. I can hear some people rolling their eyes because they're like 'hello you've literally only reblogged chris today' but like........... if it had been Seb, I'd have done the exact same thing obviously, so come on. (I'll put the rest of my reply under the cut because it got long)

Now, I don't know for sure why some people thought it would be Sebastian (I think some people started discussing that it *should* or could be him and that created rumours, but correct me if I'm wrong). As far as I'm aware, there was no real indication that it could be him, beyond that apparently the SMA title is 'supposed' to go to someone who's had a 'big' year in their career, however that might be defined. We can all agree that Sebastian 1000% had a big year, and that he's been doing incredibly well for himself, and that he's looking sexier than ever, so OBVIOUSLY he would have deserved the title, I'm not at all debating that.

But while Sebastian has been doing amazingly well for himself and is much more well known that he was a few years ago, I think he's still not quite at the level of stardom that most people who get 'crowned' SMA are. So to me, it's not a surprise that he didn't get it, and I would have never expected him to get it (at least not this year). Again, not because I don't think he deserves it, but just because I don't feel like he's at at level of fame (yet). And even if I'm wrong, and he is on People's radar, then he'd still have to accept the title, and honestly, I'm not sure if I could see him doing that. Maybe not ever, but especially not at this time in his career. He's focusing on being taken more seriously, and I'm not sure how well a title like this one would help with that. This is just my personal feeling though, and I'll readily admit I might be wrong.

However. That still doesn't change the fact that Chris getting the title does not mean he's stolen it from Sebastian, which is apparently how some people have been acting. That's just complete bullshit. Only one person can get the title every year, and it's a tribute to that one person, NOT a slight to literally every other man on the planet. I personally find it unbelievable that some of Sebastian's stans are saying that Chris doesn't deserve the title because Sebastian should have gotten it. That makes no sense. Maybe if People had announced a shortlist and Chris and Seb had both been on there I'd have sort of gotten it, but that wasn't the case so ???

I've also seen people say Chris hasn't had a big year in his career and he therefore doesn't deserve the title ('what has he had? two bad movies?'), which, with all due respect, get lost. Chris has worked his ass off this year too, he's given us two movies (which I personally genuinely loved, for the record), done two world press tours and given us a whole lot of other stuff too (puppy interview and ASP to name but a few) and in my opinion it's incredibly rude and entitled to say he doesn't deserve the title because his movies didn't do as well as Sebastian's, or because you personally didn't like them. AND THEN, apparently now there are also Chris fans actively mocking and picking fights with Sebastian stans over this, which.... lord help me.

They BOTH did well this year. They're BOTH sexy and wonderful. They BOTH deserve the title, but only one person can get it, and this time it was Chris. Deal with it. Maybe some other year it's gonna be Seb, that would be wonderful!

Pitting these two against each other is something I'll never understand. It's so childish and lame, my god. Do these Seb stans honestly think that Sebastian saw the news and thought 'fuck this guy, it should've been meeee!!!!' or something? Or that Chris is gloating, thinking "I outsexied Sebastian, mwahaha!' Like? Chris and Sebastian are friends. Sebastian is without a doubt happy for Chris, and probably mostly amused about the whole thing. Knowing Sebastian, he'd be embarrassed and upset to know his fans are fighting Chris's fans online, saying it should have been him, and Chris would be disgusted that people are being mean to each other online in his name too. So just... don't do that. Grow up. Stop being negative about literally everything and try and contribute something good and positive to the world instead. In other words: take a leaf out of your faves book.

(just for the record, nonnie, I'm not talking to you here, just the people who are being idiots <3)

#chris evans #sebastian stan #if anyone reading this feels like I'm talking to them and thinks I'm wrong #then I'd say please for both our sakes #just unfollow me #I don't like the idea that there are people following me for 1 of the boys who go on other blogs or platforms to talk shit about the other #okay moving on now #sorry about the rant #minnie answers

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allycat75 · 8 months

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Sorry, this one is long. But the subject has given much to work with.

Proof People's Sexiest Man Alive 2023 really does hate himself, just from other quotes in the SMA article:

"I feel like I have a bit more freedom to take time away from the industry and still find projects that will satisfy my creative appetite when I return" I am sure based on the phoned in performance from Ghosted and on the reviews of Pain Hustlers, it sounds like you must be starving.

"My mom will be so happy," he says. "She's proud of everything I do but this is something she can really brag about". How she feelin' about that incel group also being proud of you?

Of Boston "We've got a lot of good schools. Let's give education a plug, that's damn sexy." I have read the few interviews your "beloved" has given and never before have I read so much and someone said so little. But hey, eyebrows are sexy, too. You can probably talk about that.

"I love the idea of tradition and ceremony, I had a lot of that in my life so the idea of creating that, I can't think of anything better." So I guess some new traditions are never being seen with your one and only without it being breadcrumbed and/or trolled, surrounded by a bunch of people, staged and scripted, all while you look miserable. Oh, and also talking about how you like to be alone and your dog is your soulmate.

Values most in a partner is "vulnerability and humility." I am sure your acting teaching family is thrilled she feels she is such a great actress that she doesn't need classes or coaching.

"I don't like to argue, I don't like to raise my voice, or any forms of manipulation," Yep, I know the feeling Christopher.

"It's wise and mature to be able to say "I'm sorry I made a mistake,' to be vulnerable and not always be looking for the argument or take things to an argumentative place. That takes a lot of maturity and I find that very sexy." I am sure that was the exact thought process when your baby posted her shower pic to deflect from the criticism she was getting for her problematic behavior. And did we miss the "sorry"? But only if it is accompanied by behavior change. Otherwise, it is just one of those pesky manipulations none of us likes.

"I love love". And that is why you feel comfortable taking a big dump on it with this disaster. If you are faking it, you have made love a joke, but if by chance it is real, you have shown yourself to be the absolute worst partner ever.

"The tough questions, you know what I mean? I [asked] a lot of tough questions as a kid," he explains. "'God made everything everything?' 'Is the color red to you the same as the color red to me?' I was a high strung kid and emotional so I'm anticipating those questions to be loaded with a lot of anxiety. And I think [as a parent] not only can you give a good answer to the specific question, but the tools to navigate tough questions like that." I'll just let the reader mull this one over, but I am curious to know the possible answer if asked "Dad, what do I do if I am forced to fake marry someone who represents the exact opposite of everything I have claimed to want in a partner? It will require me to use my family and friends in dumb schemes and stunts that will distract them from their daily lives and make thousands of innocent people look and feel crazy. It may even cause me to compromise my integrity and core beliefs by aligning me with those who represent the most base of our society."

But in all seriousness, there are some huge red flags here and this is unsustainable for a normal, happy life. Please study the lessons of this disaster, because the real tragedy of this mistake would be to just move on. Get help from professionals and seek to understand patterns that you keep falling into. I find the ABC method works well:

Good luck!

#Spoiled meatball #SMA 2023

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sapphic-luthor · 2 years

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Two months ago my friend let me know my favorite band from hs was going to be in town this summer and last week I decided to buy tickets only to find out I missed the show by a whole day. We’re working with a specific kind of luck over here I guess. So in honor I give you 3am and All I Need both by Matchbox Twenty. May you have better foresight for your plans lol - SMA

okay i would actually crawl under my blankets and not leave bed for days if this happened to me that is SO DISAPPOINTING holy god i am so sorry.

i am praying to the higher beings near and far in all the realms for this week to be a nicer one than that because my god that truly is such grim luck

#playing the matchbox 20 songs now and realising i havent listened to them in MANY many many years #thank u for these!!#answered #anonymous #sma

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sagishii · 1 month

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sagishii — a private and extremely selective crime and supernatural oc. permanently slow to medium activity, minimal formatting. please read rules before interacting, memes never expire and can be sent any time. multi-verse/ship and oc friendly. 21+ interactions only as mature and triggering themes will appear. themes of trauma, toxic relationships, sex, violence, body horror, possession and religion will be present.

#A STUDY ON. weaponized femininity as opposed to the femme fatale trope, codependent sibling bonds, black and gray morality, the consummate liar, the scream queen phenomena.

adored by honey (any pronouns, 28, filipino). mutuals can ask for discord. friends and mutuals only, do not follow first unless i do. k.rp blogs are not welcome.

OTHER BLOGS. puremorte (modern and high fantasy oc), destroyedthere (friends only multimuse)

RULES.

01. general rp etiquette is expected and should be reciprocated. don’t pressure me for replies or force anything on me, do not godmod. my activity on here will be permanently medium to low activity. if at any point you would like to break mutuals, please softblock. i curate this space to my comfort and what i want to see and encourage you to do the same. i swear i’m not trying to be a bitch, i just want to keep my dash a place i find comfortable and want to be on. mutuals are free to ask for my discord as i prefer plotting there. you can reach out via ims, as i am not comfortable posting my username on the dash.

02. my primary focus on this blog are chemistry based interactions and interactions with people i’ve already written with. if i follow first though, that means i can see us writing together! please consider all canon characters headcanon and crossover based. if you only wish to interact with my canons and not my ocs, or if you only wish to interact with a muse because of their fc, this isn’t the blog for you.

03. all triggers are tagged as “trigger tw/cw” without censoring the trigger word itself. please let me know if there’s anything i should tag, or if i missed anything. while mature and occasionally dark themes will be discussed on this blog, they will never be romanticized. no taboo plots will be written.

please tag anything to do with rape, suicide and suicidal ideations, self harm (especially graphic depictions), stalking and images of rodents and snakes.

04. the best way to interact with me is to either continue answered memes into threads, or with plotting. we do not have to plot out a full arc between our muses, but i’d like to have some context as i find random, first time interactions hard to go with. reblogged memes have no expiration date and can be sent in at any time. also never feel obligated to match length or reply as fast as i do. my general rule is as long as there’s something for me to work with, then we’re good!

generally, i try to practice reblog karma. you’re not obligated to do the same, though it will be appreciated if you do! if i find however, that you only reblog from me without seeming to want to interact, i’ll softblock. i am open to both romantic and platonic shipping and am shameless about both! for canon characters and relationships, please don’t assume romance right off the bat. it’s always best to ask. do not force-ship with me.

05. i will only write smut with people i am comfortable with. i’m asexual and my interest in this tends to fluctuate. there will be times where i’ll be fine with writing it, other times i will want to skip ahead or fade to black. please respect this. i generally am more comfortable with this with people i already actively ship with. any content with these themes will be tagged usfw, or preferrably moved to a sideblog or discord. i do not want smut to be the main focus of our interactions.

06. formatting on this blog will be very minimal and i will occasionally mirror my writing partner’s style. regular and small text will be used, with the occasional icon or border. please do not overly format our replies with very small text or use purely fancy fonts as i have a hard time reading them. if there is anyway to make my blog more accessible, please let me know!

07. i am on permanently slow activity due to being busy irl and some health issues that will all affect how active or not active i am. i’d like to come on here as a way to relax, and i do not feel obligated or comfortable giving people more details than i want to. please do not pressure me to reply, not even in a joking way. the occasional nudge is fine just to check in, but please do not pressure me or guilt trip me for how fast or slow i reply. speed =/= interest.

08. i really value being able to communicate directly with my rp partners, so that i know whether we are on the same page about something or not. if there is anything that you would like me to know, you are always free to message me or let me know. in relation to this, please do not take my characters’ actions as personal attacks or my own views or beliefs. i write muses that are straight up villains or not great people, but that does not mean i condone their actions or that they influence mine. i am not my muses.

09. i am a believer in using the block button and curating my space so that i am the one who enjoys it. if i have you blocked for whatever reason, do not attempt to contact me directly demanding to know why. it sparks my anxiety and i genuinely do not believe i owe anyone an explanation when i choose to block.

010. i will not interact with any muses, solo blogs and verses from harry potter and all related media, stranger things, 13 reasons why, the last of us and dune. characters taken out of these franchises and treated as ocs, asoiaf, marvel, or dc solo blogs are on a case to case basis. please do not assume you are the exception. for multimuses that feature these fandoms, i just ask that you do not write these characters against any of my muses.

011. i don’t have a lot of faceclaim rules aside from the standard ones (no using minors, the deceased, fcs accused of heinous crimes) those who exhibited racist ideals without any apparent remorse or attempts to learn). for specifics, i’m not comfortable with the following and won’t interact with them: jacob elordi, timothee chalamet, amber heard, johnny depp, jang yeeun, anyone involved in the burning sun scandal, gal gadot and son chaeyoung. i might have some limitations with muses’ faceclaims, either because i’ve fancasted them as siblings or write them myself. check muse bio pages for these.

DNI IF.

you have a wanted opposites tag. i am not here to fulfill them and am more interested in a muse than the faceclaim.

you rp as real life people, write any taboo topics (inc*st, questionable age gaps, a/b/o, etc) smut with and while using minors, fetishize lgbt relationships and poc, and wait for fcs to turn of age to use them.

you are a racist or bigot of any kind (including antisemitic and zionist)

you are racist against and fetishize asians (like participating in the krp tags) if you think asians aren’t ‘poc enough’, and if you are wary of asians in any way because you “think they’re strange”. i’m not interested in being your token poc partner.

if you are a white person rping a poc muse and think this gives you a free pass to speak on poc issues that are not yours to speak on. the best way for you as a white person to be an ally is to uplift voices who are well-versed on these issues, and accept criticism from poc gracefully and with an open mind. claiming any authority over these topics will just give me the impression that you’re doing this for brownie points and i don’t take kindly to that shit :)

you don’t interact with ocs, especially those that are poc, women (either cis or trans) not heterosexual or not cis. i won’t write any taboo plots, think rping real life people is weird and half of my muses are either poc, women or not straight so don’t bother wasting my time!

BLOG CREDITS.

please do not save any writing or edits on this blog. any psds and such that i use will be credited in this section.

CONTENT DISCLAIMER.

i don’t claim any affiliation with the people or content depicted here. all writing including headcanons and threads and edits made are mine unless otherwise stated, so don’t save anything without my expressed permission. all concepts and headcanons are mine. do not steal them.

if you read all this, tysm! i look forward to writing with you <3

#xkit rewritten + beta locked only.#click on blog name for carrd!

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lazzies123 · 3 months

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Good Morning

Ah, finally, it's weekend. I wonder what surprises await me today. God, I feel so blessed. Being responsible for my own place, having my own room, air-conditioned, plus a gaming computer. This feels like a dream of mine 10 years ago. Back then, I had to share a room with my big brother and my father. It was a small rented house after my father's business collapsed. We had a weak computer. All it could run was the Warcraft III game. I played Dota 1 with bots a lot. I thought I was good at the game until one of my best friends invited me to try Dota 2 at his house. It surprised me. As it turned out, playing with real players was super hard. I was not good at all, haha.

Oh, good old times. Now. I always keep Dota 2 on my current computer because it is a medium to connect me with my old friends. One by one, they are gone as everyone gets busier as we get older. Some got married. Some are so busy with work, and some just decided to quit Dota 2 for good. Sometimes, I miss them. I miss playing with my friends and yelling like we own the place. We were young souls who had not found a purpose in life. We had nothing to worry about. We just played the games and had fun. Those times are over now. Now, whenever I open Dota 2, I rarely find my friends here anymore. I guess it is a part of growing up. We are on our own.

Friends. I never show you how grateful I am. I remember many times I ditched my friends just to spend time with a woman I liked. After things didn't go well with the woman, I always went back to my friends. They always accepted me. It was like they knew I would mess up, haha. I wish I could spend more time with them in real life. I really forgot the last time I hung up with my friends. There was one time they said straight to my face, "How can you visit a woman who is far away when you cannot even hang out with us?" Those words stroke harder than any blade. My wound, it's still here. They were right. They listened to me when things didn't go well between my old crush from Singapore. They knew I would not make it.

However, I had my reason. I could not visit her because I had to take care of my father at home. I am really sorry, friends. I cannot. I really cannot leave the house to spend my time with you. I do not know how long this will last, but I am so grateful to have you. You've always got my back. This time, it is my turn to go.

Today, I am leading my own life. I cannot play games like I own the world anymore. I only have a little free time. I need to choose wisely on how to spend my time. If I could, I would rather spend my time with my family. And her, probably. She has the potential to be my family in the future, right? But I do not know. We've never talked about it.

Ah, God. Growing up is amazing. As I grew older, everything I had in the past became so beautiful. Good moments, bad moments, and even heartbreaking events became so beautiful. Whatever I had in the past made me who I am today. I know I have not become the man I wished to be 10 years ago, but it's not a bad life. This house is a dream for people who do not have a home. This job, it is a dream for those who are jobless. As unhappy as it is, my family is a dream of everyone who's had a broken family. You cannot count your blessings, really. God has given us so much. And this morning, I am grateful.

God. You gave me difficulties, so I remember you, always. You gave me heartbreak to remind me of your love. Whatever happens to me, I keep returning to you. I think this is the greatest blessing someone could have. I look around. How many people out there who seem to have everything but always ask more. How many crazy rich people out there cannot sleep at night thinking about how to get richer and richer. How many men out there live an unhappy life with their ideal women. No matter how good a life is, it is meaningless if someone forgets about you. It is not about how much I have. It's about how grateful I am towards God's blessing, no matter how small it is.

God. Today, I am alive, and I am grateful. Thank you for all the blessings you gave to my family. Thank you for sending her to me. She is amazing, just the way she is. Thank you for giving me good friends who never mislead me. This morning, I am a happy man.

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beelzzzebub · 5 months

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hiii i have another polllll <3333

my acappella group arranges our own music and we're in the process of taking rep suggestions for next semester, and i've narrowed down my list to three songs- Someone Gets Hurt and Apex Predator from Mean Girls, and All I've Ever Known from Hadestown

i would sooooo appreciate anyone's thoughts on best options! here's the poll BUT!!! i have some notes about the songs below the poll if you want to read some more specific thoughts before you vote! (i have spent sooo much time listening through these lmaoo :') ok ok thanks, much love <3

Someone Gets Hurt – Mean Girls

The build in the background is just delish

The solo FUCKS

I like the grander background motion, less plucky but with enough movement – prob would really slay live

Lots of fun variation, levels and dynamic shit

Love the big hit moments versus the little pulses ERGH just LOVE

I am sensing some DELICIOUS vocal percussion moments

And then the basses and tenors can come in with those other parts and they would SLAY so hard

And you know what I can already see the aca-bopping, like this would kill onstage

BUT I gotta be real… do we have someone who can pull off the belt ://

Apex Predator – Mean Girls

Intro slaps It’s PLUCKY and ERRR I can hear the little accented beats already

And when it transfers into that bass line you can just HEAR the build of the sma chords

The bit electronic sounding bits and then the little poppy percussive bits ARASDCHADS

Getting into ‘reproductive threat’ OOF the little dm dm dm dm dm dm UMMMM???? FUCK?

the whole end just has me SREAMING

The hits and then then the beat drop just STAB ME fUCK

She doesn’t know yet etc. oooh you hear the belty descant duet yes?

I’m hearing a lot of really nice resonant sma style ‘ah’s on the top

The vision is like intense aca-bop that ends on such a strong note that the audience just freaks the fuck out you know

All I’ve Ever Known – Hadestown

Background is so beautiful, would be lovely sung

Great duet tbh

And ooooh I can hear those soft high sop parts

That string interlude is interesting, could have fun with the layers on that --OHHHH THE LAYERS-- but we’d seriously have to work, likee do I trust us with that… ://

Serious tenor action

Just just just the MOVement – I so love it, but does it translate vocally or no ahh help :’)

But it’s got one of those beautiful quiet endings and I can just feel the impact for the audience like if we can pull it off that would be very moving . and uh. uhm. Impressive

#boink #acappella

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fucking-feelings-man · 6 months

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Hospital Stay and Feeding Tube Update

Well, hello there! I feel as if so much has happened over the last few months. It is kind of surreal to be on the other side of things. I am now trying my best to adjust to my new normal. I wanted to give everyone an update on all that has happened since May. This is the easiest platform to do that as I can update everyone all at once.

As many of you know, last Fall I was diagnosed with Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome (SMAS) and Nutcracker Syndrome (NCS). I have been struggling with severe digestive issues since I was 14, but had always managed it with medications and close monitoring. That was until I got much more ill in 2018 with worsening digestive symptoms and I was eventually diagnosed with severe irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and an unspecified functional gastrointestinal dysmotility disorder in 2019. Then I got a combo bacterial and viral illness in the summer of 2019 and things went downhill quickly. I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) in early 2021 and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) in early 2022.

What happened in May? Why was I hospitalized again? Well, I was doing ok after my last hospital admission in Sept-Oct 2021. I was eating enough to maintain a little bit of weight after I successfully weaned off of TPN. So, we started to change some of my medications as they were interacting and causing some unpleasant nighttime hallucinations and cardiac issues. However, my digestive tract was not happy and I went into the worst GI flare-up I have ever had. After weaning off of some of the medications, I rapidly lost a significant amount of weight and my SMAS came back with a vengeance. This manifested as severe vomiting and horrendous pain. Now, I have dealt with vomiting for the last 5 years and I thought I was used to it. This was nothing like I had ever experienced before, so to the ER for Mae. This was after a full week of me not managing to keep any food or liquids down and none of my emergency nausea meds working.

By the time I got to the ER I was in bad shape and they admitted me immediately. However, not without a few blips. I was originally admitted to an active Covid outbreak unit, so I panicked and signed myself AMA – “Against Medical Advice”. That was honestly the scariest thing I have gone through. I returned home and proceeded to have the worst night of my life. I barely remember any of it. I remember a call with my psychologist, an ambulance ride, and arriving back in the ER. I was then sedated as the vomiting was severe and causing me to go into a panic, which would then make the vomiting worse. I was sent to a different hospital and admitted immediately again. This time on the oncology unit so as to ensure Covid safety for me as I am high risk. I am thankful for the doctors and nurses who made that hospital switch possible and took my Covid protections seriously.

Now, I am in hospital and confused as to what was to be done with me. I didn’t want to be put on TPN again as I had a horrible reaction to my PICC line and I didn’t know how they were going to treat the SMAS. I found out within the first few days that they were not going to let me leave until I had my nutrition stabilized again, which I was relieved to hear. Last time they sent me home prematurely because they didn’t have a special type of feeding tube in stock. So, I found out that during this admission they did have the feeding tube in stock and that they were finally going to trial it. Cue me waiting over a week for Interventional Radiology to find me a spot for the placement of the nasojejunal (NJ) tube.

During the first week of my hospital stay I was kept on fluids. Lactated ringers, potassium infusions, saline, and an attempt at PPN. You can imagine my veins were not very happy. I also received my first iron infusion which went swimmingly and I felt amazing. Eventually I was able to get my NJ tube placed and I tolerated it well. I thought that this is where it would end and I would be allowed to go home with my NJ tube to trial and see how I tolerated it. Instead they kept me in hospital for two more weeks to see how I tolerated it under medical supervision. Then I got the news that they would be placing a surgical tube so I would have a more permanent solution to my nutrition problems.

I was quickly booked in for surgery and I had an initial PEG tube placed. The recovery for that was brutal. I have never been in that amount of pain. I guess cutting a whole through your abdominal wall and placing a tube there isn’t what your body wants. Who would’ve thunk, lol. After a week of letting that heal, I was then taken down to have the jejunal extensions placed so I could start feeds again. Once it was all said and done, I had a beautiful PEG-J successfully placed with no major complications. It was the best outcome after so many things going wrong over the past few years. Once I was tolerating feeds again, I was allowed to go home. That ended my 5 week hospital admission.

I have now been home for over a month and the adjustment to my new life has been difficult. Due to my ME/CFS, the recovery has been extremely difficult. It sent me into a 4 week long crash and I am only just now starting to come out of the fog and return to somewhat of a baseline. I am so thankful for this tube, but the additional tasks it has added to my plate means that other things in my life have had to give. The time it takes to set up my feeds and clean my tube site is something I’m still trying to get used to. However, it has been amazing to see the colour slowly return to my face and to see some of my gastrointestinal symptoms dull a little bit. It’s amazing what stable nutrition can do.

I had a follow-up with my gastroenterologist and feeding tube nurse last week after some worsening site pain and radiating back pain. I basically couldn’t sit upright for more than a few minutes at a time for close to two weeks. They believe my GI tract is just having a bit of a temper tantrum and my abdominal muscles are still trying to regrow around the tube. So, I will be introducing some new medications over the next few weeks and if it doesn’t calm down then another scope and ultrasound are on the table. Fingers crossed my body will cooperate and I can avoid another scope. 10/10 would not recommend.

Now I am hoping that I will slowly have more energy from my feeds and will be able to start getting back to the things I love. I have to be really careful though because of all my comorbidities which make recovery much more challenging. I am just so beyond ready to be able to leave the house by myself and maybe do a couple fun things every month just to escape. You really don’t appreciate the outside world until you suddenly can’t safely access it. In combination with my feeding tube and mobility aids, I am hopeful I will be able to develop a new kind of relationship with the outside world.

I am sending so much love to people who are going through similar situations and who are trying to adapt to life 2.0. It can be really scary. I know it has been tremendously hard for me to get used to a medical device hanging out of my body. It is life giving and life sustaining, but that doesn’t mean it is easy to accept or adapt to. It is terrifying at times to know my infection risk has increased and that I have to factor in my tube to every decision that I now make. I thought for a long time that I might just be able to will my body into being able to eat and that I could avoid a permanent tube, but bodies and health don’t work that way. And now that I have made that jump I am so thankful I was brave enough to go ahead with it. I have already noticed so many positive changes in my day-to-day life.

Here’s to medical devices and modern medicine. It is astounding that we can give people a chance at life. I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t go through with the procedure and get this tube placed. I already appreciate it so much. I will now be properly nourished and that is worth everything. Here’s to life 2.0 and making progress! Xx

#TheChronicallyIllChronicles

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youroldfriendmurkyaura · 1 year

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5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers.♡

I’ve been trying to think of something interesting to answer, I always, like anyone (possibly), have the things I have feelings about crowding the space behind my eyes and yanking me around by my heartstrings, and I try to courteously shut the hell up as much as possible, and I’m always so deeply bored of myself (we’ve been together so long, you know?) and tumblr is the easiest place to read my mind (or possibly Instagram stories, in a way), but I’m gonna try.

1. When people like things I make/give them! I’m deeply inclined to bombard people with things I like to imagine them enjoying (never date me, save yourself lol) or like am curious about what they think of it and know they’ll never buy it for themself and if I give someone a book I have THOUGHTS about they’re that much closer to reading it. Which I know is deeply ridiculous in a way because we’re all individuals and different people get the same feelings from different things, but it’s wonderful to find a likemindedness in someone else and to see someone’s face light up about something you both relate to. I hope it isn’t all just making feel weird and guilty about living with things they don’t want and trying to decide when to throw away letters and mixes. At least I’m older, medicated, and keep a journal now. That didn’t stop me from making a playlist of songs I think D’Arcy might like (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/34Afpmxm0EQSGiMPsjrBGZ) and sending it to her on instagram the other day, though. I read somewhere that she likes I Can Change and I like Ezra Furman’s cover of it, and I’ve been wondering if she likes it too. She’ll never see my message, of course. She’s literally busy.

2. This is just number one continued probably. I love food and when it turns out better than I had expected. I made fudge again recently (which I’m required to bring to winter holiday family gatherings since I brought some slabs I had in the freezer once) but this time I substituted a half cup dark brown sugar and it was better, and in a different batch I substituted in peanut butter for the butter. I wasn’t sure it would work, but peanut butter cookies involve heating peanut butter so I gave it a try, substituting about 6 tablespoons of peanut butter for 2 tablespoons of butter I think. IT WAS SO GOOD. So I’m very excited about that. It’s just carnation’s 5 minute fudge (https://www.verybestbaking.com/carnation/recipes/carnation-famous-fudge/) but it’s really good and easy. I make it with evaporated goat milk and Ghirardelli chocolate chips and whatnot, but it was good and wowed youth group leaders when I made it with the cheapest ingredients money can buy in middle school too. Give it a try! Making candy and boiling sugar intimidates me, but you really do just boil it for 5 minutes and stir, you don’t need a thermometer or anything.

3. Cats! When Sméagol flops down with a sigh on my chest and puts his hands on my arm. When Joan makes me kiss the top of his head before he eats his food. When Vron drapes himself in the trough between my calves (leg parts) after I turn my cpap machine on every night. When Cricket comes running over to curl up beside me for tv time (we’re watching Barry right now and I’m LOVING it, it’s so dry but not gritty, and FUNNY) and smile and smile and smile. When Pancake bleats and runs around, and when you can watch the gears turning for so long before he decides to not be naughty after all, just like I taught him when he was a kitten (we put a LOT of work into learning to find better things to do with our feelings haha). When Samwise is like, “I don’t know who you are but everybody else loves you, for no apparent reason, so hello.” (Smeegs just found a smell haha, little cutie.) Cats are delightful and so smart and warm and fun. I’m amazed by how much they’ve picked up on. I could go on and on about how smart my cats are, but it would sound like I was imagining it. But like, one day, on a whim, I told Vron to sit and he promptly sat? There was no reason for him to know that, unless maybe he lived with a dog at some point before coming to languish on my steps as a kitten one day in the middle of the summer. I gave him water, then let him come inside and we played for an hour, and then I put him back outside. A little while later, I opened the door and he was still there and was like “well that was weird” and walked right back in. I never found where he came from, but I did get Cotton-Eyed Joe stuck in my head for weeks and weeks so his middle name is Joseph now. Probably should be Josef or something like that, actually. Russia, let me know how wrong I am. I’m counting on you.

4. Staying up! It’s so much quieter and cooler. When I first moved here my air conditioning didn’t work, so it just kinda happened that I was awake and sweating whether I liked it or not till at least midnight (I live in the desert lol) so working (in a store) during the hottest part of the day was kinda necessary. But I just love the peace and being by a lamp when it’s dark out. I’m a very quiet person, so silently listening to music with headphones in the middle of the night and letting my mind unfurl is my idea of a good time.

5. I’m trying to think of one last thing that encompasses everything I’ve left unsaid, but that’s impossible, of course. Oh here’s something: when I read something in print that has only ever before been inside my head and I didn’t know other people felt that way or experienced things like that. It happened when I read Annabel by Kathleen Winter and when I read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. (I should’ve named Vron Levin because he’s my favorite but I wasn’t sure how to pronounce it and didn’t have internet when I first read it and immediately reread it when the kitten marched in so I couldn’t look it up. So I was like, “Well, I could call you Vronsky…” and he said “Yeah!” and I said “Yeah? You want your name to be Vronsky?” and he said “Yeah!”) There’s something so breathtaking about… I don’t even know what. Words? Particular words in a particular order that hit a spot in you that no one has ever seen, noticed, understood, or had any clue what you were trying to say about before. It’s amazing. Go through a breakup and be all buffeted about by… things on pages. You can ruin your day every day with just some sheets of paper. I suppose I’m not the first person to notice that. Concepts and memories and the imagination can really have an impact on a person. But you know what I mean, you’ve been alive before.

#my dang self

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