#this was like . cathartic but also im still so sad for her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mr-payjay · 3 months

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feel free to complain to me about the ii finale <3 i'm all ears

thank you ellie :)

fair warning for ii neg, especially on the latest episode.

prefacing this with saying: I LOVE INANIMATE INSANITY!!!!!! inanimate insanity is my favourite show in the world and every episode leaves me full of joy and excitement. i adore criticizing it not out of hatred but out of genuine love. i enjoy every single episode i watch.

however, i find that iii19 has been the worst episode so far. it has gotten me the least hyped out of any episode in the series, which is saying a lot because i bounce off the walls at every episode no matter how much i end up criticizing it later. there are. so many problems i have with it. im gonna try and organize them the best i can, though i'll probably(?) edit this post later to insert anything i missed or forgot to say.

starting off positively: oj!!!! personally i am so glad he didn't talk in this episode. i was terrified of the idea of him having a new va. the spin was adorable, i loved his signature thumbs ups, and every time i saw him i squealed with delight. him voting for balloon also made me really happy! despite the grudge he's had against him for so long, he still sticks with him on this part. even after laughing at his death the episode before that

in general all the seasonwunners voted for balloon!! which makes me happy!!! paintbrush, nickel, balloon, and oj have all been there for the very beginning of season 1, three of them being there for every season. i love the inherent connection the contestants from season 1 have with each other. they've been together since inanimate insanity began and they're there for the end of season 3 too. very sweet.

onto more negative stuff! I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT THEY DID WITH SILVER SPOON AND CANDLEEE they set up something crazy in the last episode and then did NOTHING with it!!! they had silver spoon beat candle unconscious the second she said something that wasn't coddling him like the manchild he is and she STILL voted for him. where even was she for half of the episode?? they just left her lifeless corpse on the ground in iii18 and then she eventually got up in this episode and just. went back to the competition??? dogshit writing

okay now i wanna talk about cabby. I Don't Like Cabby Anymore. so from the very beginning i have loved cabby. she was extremely similar to me in fact! i have really bad memory issues and i tend to keep files on people and on things that i might forget about, as well as just to organize my thoughts and ideas. i loved her confidence, obsession with knowledge, and analytical personality at the start. i was pretty upset when the characters (mostly test tube lmao) started relentlessly bullying her, and i HATE the whole thing in spring on the breakfast where they try to demonize her files. it was kind of annoying when they tried to remedy it really quickly after that because it was clearly because of the backlash, but i was glad they at least tried to fix it. however, over the course of the series, she just felt like she was... becoming sadder? pitiful, honestly? she went from an awesome smart character who loved taking notes on people's behaviour and using that information to get better at the game into some kind of Sad Little Bullied Victim. she doesn't even feel like a character anymore to me, just a mouthpiece for the creators to write dramatic "cathartic" speeches through to prove they're Definitely Not Ableist. also what was the deal with her parents lmao they never brought that up again

aaaand this episode was generally written really badly. super fucking corny for one. they literally had a little dance party at the end like people make jokes about for stereotypical Kids' Shows. but my issue is more with like... the weird super fast character development? and the way they wrapped everything up as quickly as possible? something that bothered me was the tonal whiplash between zuwie voicing springy super hysterically and dramatically and then springy being fully redeemed within like the next 5 minutes and dying for mephone. Why did they even die for mephone. like as a character why would he of all people die for mephone. thats so fucking stupid. the rest of the voice acting felt completely different from springy's as well so it just made the effect worse. everyone's lines were really corny and felt so manufactured, like they would pull characters to mephone's side (losing my mind over all the contestants rooting for mephone like cmon man that guy sucks i just know oj at least would want him dead) with a short Cathartic Speech and everything would be fixed and lovely and peachy keen. its just painful to watch. everything feels really weirdly disjointed and badly put together, the flow is awful, the "danger" doesn't feel like there's any suspense to it at all, and every character gets fully redeemed for no good reason. even walkie talkie chats casually with mephone at the end as if they're good friends after they were HYSTERICALLY INSISTING ON MURDERING HIM? AND MAKING HIM WATCH HIS OWN DEATH?? idk if this will get explained in s2 but we still don't know who walkie talkie is, what their motive is, WHY they got redeemed, etc. we know nothing about them. and even if it will be explained later, i think it's shitty writing that NOTHING was explained in this season.

some extra stuff

- SO FUCKING GLAD THEY DIDN'T BRING HOTEL OJ INTO THIS I WOULD'VE CRIED IF THEY PUT SEASON 3 CHARACTERS INTO HOTEL OJ OR MADE IT ALL SLEEK AND S3 STYLE

- the "you can do this" thing at the end was fucking stupid man that was so corny (btw corny isn't always bad but jesus christ... this episode was just awful with it)

- could not feel any emotion towards the Emotional Parts but laughter and secondhand embarrassment

- HOW DID THEY GET THE FUNDING FOR A LIBRARY? I THOUGHT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT MEPHONE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING FOR A PRIZE HOW DID HE PAY FOR AN ENTIRE LIBRARY

- speaking of, why isn't oj back at the hotel. doesn't he have to manage it. wasn't paper having a ton of trouble managing it. why are all of them still on that fuckass island. did the library take like 5 minutes to build what the fuck

- ALSO!!! Why did they build a library in the middle of a deserted island

- i liked the short nickloon scene because im a nicklooner

- glad yinyang and candle got to talk

- test tube saying nearly nothing at all the entire episode except for sitting on the ground in a really stupid pose and apologizing to cabby made me laugh

- weirded out by tt and fan not talking to each other at all? not as a ship thing but like they're best friends aren't they

- really fucking annoyed by the fantube family picture at the end i hate fantube family leave that grown ass adult (bot) alone

- glad they didn't canonize any ships i was so scared about silvercandle and fantube

- 4s scene and s1 flashback was cool i love s1 so i got excited

- aaaaand i think my misogyny thread is relevant again. i should update it sometime because ii has only gotten worse about it lmao

- didn't like them making clover stupid for some reason like "is he talking about me?" come on

- oj not talking in these last two episodes is so glaringly unusual because he's never been able to shut his fucking mouth for even a minute

#juice.txt #ii neg #ii spoilers #i love this show but jesus fucking christ #absolute dogshit writing its so embarrassing

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ambivalens999 · 3 months

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hiii hello i have been binging masks over the last couple days as i get back into naruto and can i just say that if you ever released an actual book i would be ALL over that, i love the way you take the inherent darkness of the series that is never really addressed and just go all in it's so satisfying to read and witness a sakura who gets to be just as strong and even stronger as the other boys!! it makes me so happy as a sakura super-fan who was always sad that she didnt get to have her moment -- it feels so cathartic and amazing, i'm only 2/3rds of the way through so far but im loving how they're all together again on one team, i will imagine whatever happens next to be canon no matter how sad or happy it is :)) (crossing my fingers for happy but i love it enough that i can handle anything 💪)

all that aside-- im wondering what your thoughts on sasusaku are? i think you mentioned in an author's note that you might write sasusaku & this isn't to pressure you or anything!! im just wondering how you feel about it? its one of my absolute favorite ships & your take on it would probably be amazing !! :) <3 take care!!

Aw, thank you so much for sending some love @sangomilk. I'm so glad you've been enjoying Masks! I hope the last 1/3 lived up to your expectations too! 😅

Wow! Sasusaku! I will say that when I was writing Masks (and that author's note), I was in a wondrous period of unprecedented, prolific output. I had a decent amount of time on my hands, and the muses were singing to me. At the time, I adored the challenge of writing rare-pairs as well as popular ships I had historically not bought into (the task being effectively similar to me to writing a rare pair). Something like: how can I bend, contort, re-frame, manipulate, etc. these characters to connect, in a way that readers find plausible, exciting, new, but also maybe somewhat believable...? My imagination was truly thriving lol.

Sasusaku did aggravate the fuck out of me in canon, but that only made the prospect of taking it on in a one-shot exhilarating to me--it still is for the same reasons! To be honest, though, my HP fic is taking up all of my brain space right now, and I still have some other ongoing stories I need to tend to eventually (mirage!). If I do attempt something, it will almost certainly occur in offshoots, and it will take some time.

In the meantime, do let me know if you know have any sasusaku recs <3 And, also, SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO RESPOND 😭

#masks #naruto #haruno sakura #sakura haruno #q&a #naruto shippuden #sasusaku #?

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cinnamon-notes · 14 days

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ttpd themed obscured asks with julie!!

tortured poets department: have you ever used a typewriter?

i look in peoples windows: do you like to people watch?

so high school: do you love it or hate it?

Who’s afraid of little old me?: what would you say is your biggest red flag?

what is you favorite song on ttpd?

omg love these questionssssss themed asks with julie never ever disappoint meeeee

ttpd: i haven't :( i mean- i tried out a couple typewriters i saw at the flea market once, but i haven't actually used them like to write on paper y'know. but my mom told me we have a typewriter back in my hometown, in my childhood house, and i didn't know that, and she also told me that she and her classmates used to take notes on their typewriters back to when she was in highschool so she volunteered to teach me how to use it!!!!

ilipw: OMG im the most voyeuristic person i know!!!! i LOVE people-watching!!!! human beings are incredibly interesting and fascinating and it's like drinking coffee and breathing oxygen to me, i cannot not watch peopleeee

so highschool: i enjoy it. not my fav ever just because it's not exactly one that resonates with me that much, but i like it! what i hate, though, is the fact that i don't think most swifties actually got the indirectly hidden deepness of this song, but i shouldn't be bothered, this thing happens all the time in this fandom :/ still- it's sad that its true self is underestimated because it's unseen

waolom: i never know if these kinds of questions mean the biggest red flag i see in people's behavior or the biggest red flag i have and am aware of lol so im giving you both. biggest red flag in people: disrespect, i can't tolerate it, it makes me nauseous, it makes me leave the room or whatever place im in, and if i know i wont be happy with just leaving the room, it sooooo makes me stand up and talk before leaving the room cuz I CANT STAY SILENT IF I STAY SILENT I WILL HAVE STOMACHACHE ALL DAY AND I WILL NOT HAVE PEACE I NEED TO TALK. LET ME BE LOUD. AND IF YOU DONT LET ME. TAKE ME. AS LOUD AS I CAN BE :) biggest red flag in me: i have commitment issues and trust issues, i will have/show no problems at all in loving you endlessly, however, i will go through soooo many struggles with letting you in

Fav song on ttpd: okay, i gotta admit it. im still avoiding most of the album. i listened to it start to end a couple of times when i went for some cathartic long drives last month, but this is pretty much all I do every time taylor releases new music, so it doesn't really count. however, im still kinda coping with those few songs that stuck with me a little bit more, a lil bit too much, so yeah i blatantly avoided all the pain and im processing the songs day by day, little by little. As for now my fav ones among the ones i have/am emotionally digested/ing are who's afraid of little old me, chloe & besties, so long london, the prophecy

#cinnamon answers

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mrcrowblargs · 8 months

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been a little while since I updated my BG3 log and I got lots done aaaa feeling excited and a bit sad that I'm nearing the end. I've really enjoyed this adventure.

After Cazador, took Gale to visit Mystra. Got some big news but I urged him to seek forgiveness and freedom over anything. I like that Gale is on the surface one of the good guys but he can fall into power corrupts as easily as say, Astarion.

On the hunt for the House of Grief I ran into THE WORST FUCKING QUEST EVER OH MY GODDDDDD this haunted ass house handed my ass to me over and over. I hated every inch of it.

Fashion time! It's so late in the game that you find new underwear

got one little tag on my doodle comic like "OP is in denial about the rotting teeth" and im just like I DONT SEE IT HONESTLY??? they just look yellow and like there's a of a snaggletooth.

More plot based stuff under the cut!

Wrapping up Shadowheart's quest was harder than Astarion's by virtue of TWENTY FUCKING ENEMIES I had to restart twice before the first round ended... made liberal use of Hypnotic Pattern. I didn't find it as cathartic an end as Astarion's but there was still definitely like, a release. And I love Shadowheart's last line there.

The reward was great tho. My bard now has 24 CHA baybeeeyyy

time to rescue Lae'zel (she was kidnapped before Cazador) and OH SHIT THATS THE SKULL FROM THE MAIN MENU SCREEN??? AAAA The Baahlists are a bitch and a half with all their murder status effects and I was SO GLAD I respecced Karlach into Barbarian 8 / Thief 4 for that extra cunning action when the "defeat this guy before he casts Power Word Kill at you" fight came up. What a fucking mess that was.

Fighting Orin was easier... I was not expecting her to transform into a big dumb monster honestly! I expected she would be teleporting around or use some shapeshift abiltiy to be all annoying but it was a really straight forward fight.

Oh, aaaaaannnd I did not fight Sarevok, so that was another Weird Ritual to inspire my tav. He's now an unholy assassin and I'm sure Astarion must appreciate the smell of being absolutely soaked in blood. I don't feel too bad about killing Valeria because she seemed like a terrible detective though I did have karlach skip her turns in the fight because I couldn't imagine her being for it. Like it's just pathetic.

Took Astarion to the drow twin courtesans... tbh I appreciate the game showing like, yes he is healing and doing better but some things you just don't get over right away. But I also want to get the spray bottle out like dude!!! don't force yourself!!!

I used a growth elixir on Karlach for the Orin fight which didn't use up that many character resources and the elixir lasted all day so... directly to the House of Hope with Karlarge it was!

Bit of a visual glitch because it reappeared later but it was nice to see Aldrich without the raccoon eyes and veins again. Just went around sitting on things in Raphael's house.

AND THEN UH???? UHH??? This supremely awkward scene with Raphael's personal incubus who looks exactly like him??? I didn't wanna start a fight because I thought Raph himself might show up but I could not pass the fucking Con check afgkdd

"you can have my body but not my soul" AGSFKHDDS???? I'm jelly tho I wish I had these eyes (but more purple) for Aldrich

Reloading and fighting the incubus was absolutely worth it for this Speak With Dead bit. the answer: he bottoms exclusively.

AND THEN THE FIGHT WITH THE BIG DEVIL HIMSELF!!!! I was already amazed when vocals dropped into the fight music BUT THEN HE WAS SIGNING HIS OWN BATTLE MUSIC???? It absolutely slapped. Amazing fight. I had Hope with me and convinced Yurlgirldsbfjs whatever his name is to join which greatly reduced the chaos. The only criticism I have is that it was a big of a slog getting Raphael down from 666 HP. but damn what a great loot payoff!

Getting near the end now. Of outstanding quests I have now, I gotta pass the hammer off to Voss, find/recruit Minsc, see if anything else is in the sewers, then sabotague the Steel Watch factory, infiltrate the Iron Throne, and confront Gortash. Then we'll see how it goes for the finale.

I'm still kinda worried what it will mean for my Tav going partially illithid and also aiming for freeing Orpheus. Seems like freedom really rides on the guy cooperating with us.

#crowbar plays bg3 #aldiirn bg3

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luvlyhyunjin · 1 month

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wanted to send you this ask sooner but i fell asleep 😭😭 but you're so right hyunyn are so i love you it's ruining my life coded it's actually crazy, and my girl y/n is so the prophecy x waolom coded too :-( and i feel like some lyrics of tsmwel fit hyune's pov of the events and so long london fits with y/n's pov kinda, they were born to be the alchemy but are destined to loml (im losing it fr)

as always the written chapter was stunning, i feel like you could really see where each of them stand in this one bc their feelings and povs were so gorgeously juxtaposed at once and it made the entire thing so much more cathartic :-( but i'm a y/n girl through and through so i'll defend her in her rights AND her wrongs, i do think hyune was being unfair to her ngl and it was addressed in the chapter itself but it's crazy that he actively refused so listen to what she had to say and then went out of his way to reproach her for something he knows she had little control over.... plus idk him always assuming she's lying about everything just doesn't sit right with me, her having to literally pass out in front of him for him to realise that he was doing to much was crazy too. ik he's going through many things at once too and it's easier to villainise y/n in his mind as a coping mechanism but most of the things y/n do deserve some grace i feel, especially since she did show him and others that she changed for the better and now has a much healthier mindset, and i feel like we're forgetting that yeosang was the main instigator in this whole situation and it isn't fair for y/n to shoulder his responsibility in all of this either

but i'm so glad they're making amends with themselves and allowing themselves this second?? third?? chance that they really do deserve 🥹 and thank you sm for the update, sending you big big hugs as always 🫂🩷🩷

i agree yn is so prophecy coded and hyune is so tsmwel, stop im lit so sad cus the alchemy is my fav song and i want it to be them so bad but it doesnt fit:( at least not yet (i will make sure to make it fit tho)

i saw a lot of ppl talking about hyunjin and i understand how he might appear cruel specially since we've been in yn pov all this time and we saw/felt her pain and suffering but i think with hyunjin's personality the way hes acting aligns. like him being really strong headed and stubborn when he's hurt or when his values are being tested (example: when him and yeji were on rocky grounds before and he was mean to her bc of the whole yeosang thing where felix was still really kind even tho he didnt agree w yeji either)

another trait of his is that he's really protective of ppl he cares about and even cares for them more than he cares about himself (like when jyp gossip posts about him he doesnt care but when they're hurting yn he's willing to take action against them) and i think that what makes everything complicated to him. its the fact that yeji was the main victim in this which is why when him and yuna talk earlier he also tells her "this would be so much easier if she just hurt me alone"

sorry for talking so much ahdawjw im very passionate as you can tell :D thank you for writing to me this was a blessing to read, sending you big hugs right back <33

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celestie0 · 3 months

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IT’S CELESTIEFAN3000 i have to say i like tumblr way more than ao3 so i’ll be using this to comment from now on 😋 But i would like to personally thank you for writing chapter 9, your author voice is genuinely so appealing and HONESTLY you could pass off as a literal professional author if I didn’t know this was fanfiction!

Now for the uglier feelings: (please ignore typos or other mistakes i wrote a lot. I am very normal about kickoff, obviously)

I SOBBED LIKE A BABY MIDWAY AND BECAME A CRYING SOUND EFFECT AT THE END OK OK OKAYYYYYYY 😭😭💫💫 I’m still dizzy and lightheaded from the effect ur writing gives me (THIS IS A GOOD THING) it’s so addicting i need more😭‼️ UGHHHH the way you build that exact RIGHT amount of comfort to compensate for the suffering you’ve but us through but still managed to EDGE US AT THE END . I WISH YOU WEREN’T SO GOOD AT THIS FANFICTION THING, BECAUSE DAMN! 😭😭😭😭

The scenes were so fucking beautiful, I love the peaceful atmosphere that rain gives and how you were able to contrast that as an escape from that horrible loud and noisy bar to just a horrible man!!!!! You really know how to direct scenes and i can not express in words how much they mean to me 🥹🥹😭😭😭

I feel like I’ve overused the crying face emoji too much in my ask BUT I ACTUALLY MEAN IT HERE EVERY TIME I can fill an entire glass up of my tears that kickoff caused me to shed alone 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Everything was just great vegetables, this chapter will definitely be haunting me while I sleep but it ended with an amazing scenario to build off of and dream about RIGHT?☺️ Anyway, my last words here are that I admire how you’ve been working on this project for around a couple months now nonstop, but the quality has not dropped and has instead improved despite it getting really tiring the more you carry on with it! Maybe that’s just how I feel about finishing what I’ve started LMAO but it’s so impressive every time I see someone able to pull that off, I’ve seen some fics succumb to the tragedy of “i-just-want-to-get-this-over-with-because-the-concept-no-longer-interests-me-anymore”-ness 😔 BUT WITH KICKOFF! I’m so happy that the author is as passionate about the characters and plot in their fanfiction as I am, and hard work really does pay off! (for the reader, hard work is waiting 3 weeks for a new fic— but the read’s always better the longer you wait 😉)

My ADHD really came out here I deeply apologize but my ACTUAL final words are: I wish I had a bf like gojo, Oh My God You Are A Legend Ellie, You are most deserving person of meeting Gojo Satoru FIRST if he ever comes to life, it is 1am haha so i’m sleeping now ☺️🤍 Celestiefan300 out!

MY SWEET ANGEL BB CELESTIEFAN3000 😭🫶🏼💕💕 HI DEAR

UMM CAN I JUST SAY IM AB TO SOB ALR JUST FROM HOW LONG THIS ASK IS ??? PLS FORGIVE MY URGE TO RESPOND TO EVERY ASPECT OF IT

thank you sm for the compliments on the writinf omg i rly feel comin into my own now n finding my voice as i continue to write more so seeing u say that esp as a long term reader is just ssooo dhddldfk 🥺💕 brb gonna cry

PLS IM SO SORRY FOR THE SAD EMOTIONSS aaa yes the baby steps to build their relationship has been……baby stepping indeed LOL but it was so nice to write the scene at rhe end where gojo comforts her 😭💕 so excited to write lovey dovey gojo now

OMG STOPPP w the nice words i will literally eat u for breakfast🧍🏻‍♀️the contrast w the soothing rain & hectic bar scene 😭 u pointing that out just made me soooo freaking happyy and wahh im so glad the scenes resonate w you :””) <33

ME TOO I FEEL IM HOLDING BACK ALL THE 😭😭😭 WMOJIS I COULD USE READING THIS ASK

awhh thanks darling im so happy kickoff has ur continued interest and AW to hear its improving means sm to me 🥺💕 im so passionate ab it, it has been so cathartic to write, and although its also hard to write sometimes bc of the personal aspects, it’s so joyous to me and i look forward to seeing it thru to the end w the same amt of passion. HAHAHA its hard work to read tho damn 😮‍💨 ur not wrong!! and also yes i too will be daydreaming of what happens next 🤣

my final words: i love u sm, YOU deserve a satoru (but i will gladly have him too if u say so🙈), so blessed to have u as a reader, and please get some good sleep my love <33

eeeeeee 🫶🏼💕

#celestiefan3000 #my love my life #kickoff #asks #anon

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evansbby · 9 months

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Heyy ok so its been a week since I read POYT 5 but im still thinking about it!!

I really didn't expect for omega's mom to leave her, I felt so sorry for her when she was having flashbacks to the bullying Steve and his friends did to her. I feel like them bullying her for her financial situation was less focused on than the slut shaming, even though it could be arguably just as horrible. It's clear that she's still troubled by the extensive bullying she endured and the fact she was so ashamed of her house and finances was gut wrenching .

Omega's mental breakdown was really hard to read (I was tearing up), and when she told Steve that she wanted to die, I really felt that. Its like the build up of all those years of suffering and abandonment manifested themselves and was coming out uncontrollably. It was a super raw and vulnerable moment between omega and Steve.

can i also say how much I love Sarah and how she can admit that she fucked up a little in raising Steve to be so overbearing?? It's hard for a mother to own up to that. She was definitely the motherly figure omega desperately needed and it was so sweet to read.

Shower scene was also very intimate and I enjoyed it, especially at the fact that Omega was not ready to say 'I love you'. Steve owning up to it (after being momentarily angry) ultimately being his fault for treating her that way really highlighted his character development and self-consciousness.

I had a lot of parts that I loved, but the epilogue was literally everything it should've been and absolutely perfect. I also LOVED when Sam apologised again and gave omega a hug (ft Steve and his bombastic side eye).

Im happy omega had a little girl that looked just like her, I think it was cathartic for her to see how innocent and pure the little baby is, and how it was never, ever her fault that her dad, and mom, left her.

All in all, AMAZING

Hey! Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Excuse my lack of emojis bc I am on my laptop!!

Yess, omega did feel self-conscious about her childhood house in front of Steve. Only because she's been so ruthlessly bullied by and surrounded by all these rich, privileged people that a part of her just braced herself for the worst instinctively.

And yep, I wanted the part where omega says that she wants to die to be super hard-hitting so i'm glad that it was for you! for someone to be pushed SO far that they actually verbalise wanting to die is just... very raw, very sad and that's what i wanted to capture. And that's what catalyses Steve's sudden desperation, bc he can't lose her!!

Also i want to add that i don't think Steve's mom "fucked up" in raising Steve, like that's not exactly what i intended to convey. She blames herself for how he turned out bc of course she does, she's his mum. But honestly, it's Steve's dad, as the alpha and head of the family, who took over and she couldn't really go against his word bc she's an omega after all and their family dynamic IS quite traditional at the end of the day! I'm sure she tried! Steve takes after his father in a lot of ways, including being bossy and overbearing. (Although i did also mention that Steve's dad has mellowed out now so he isn't THAT much like that anymore)

and YESSS, her having a baby that looked exactly like her was so cathartic for her. and 10000% i love how you put it, it was never her fault that her mom and dad left her :')

THANK YOU BESTIE

#annn-banann #poyt ask #poyt 5 ask #poyt 5 spoiler

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blood-bound · 1 year

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eden!!!!!! 🖌️💖🍽️ (post-embrace for that last one, as in, what's her fave resonance/type of prey)

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies?

She took boxing lessons (hence 1 dot in brawl and melee) and she had particular fun working w dogs at the firehouse, but im not sure if she had any particular hobbies other than that!

💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them?

oh she loves impressing her partner number 1 hobby actually and great flirting technique. how they do it is usually by Uh well other than Muscles ... stories of her saving ppl from fires usually does it, she also go to bat to defend people from major assholes. so yeah stuff like that.

She doesn't have a partner rn so its hard for me to answer the second one? Cause it depends on the person. She's not super smart (1 dot in int) so her partner being Smart would impress her a lot i suppose!

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food?

Favorite resonance is melancholic - she has developed it because of her predator type, she picks out prey others won't miss in case something goes wrong - they tend to be lonely, or even suicidal. And that melancholic feeling i would say is also cathartic for her, because she usually used more of Anger to deal with her emotions rather than sadness.

---

I reserve the right to change her to have hobbies... still working out all details. . hm . .

#eden vtm oc

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rascheln · 2 years

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ST4 pt.2 thoughts under the cut! here’s my post from last month about pt.1

Brenner begging El to understand what he did was “for her” when all he did was torture and hurt her and her not giving him that understanding felt so incredibly good. I was worried they’d make his end this touching moment between them, but imo after all the shit he put her through, trying to actually save her for once (even if it was out of selfishness) was very cathartic.

both the orchestral additions to Running Up That Hill in pt1 and the remix for Separate Ways at the end of ep8 were *chefs kiss* incredible uses of songs while adapting them for the scenes they were used for. Like holy shit, amazing editing!!

jason is supposed to be attractive, but imo the only moments he looked hot were in ep8 when he looks kinda greasy and unhinged lol

the Russians having even more Upside Down shit desperately needs an explanation! where did they get the demodogs from!! the goddamn particles!!!! this doesn’t make sense!!! to be fair though, the whole Russia plot felt incredibly bloated. Loved Dimitri though.

Lucas and Max continue to be the cutest couple out of all the canon pairs tbh. Like, I genuinely don’t care for most of the romance in the show, but these two just have so much chemistry with each other and so much love for each other. Caleb absolutely knocked it out of the park in ep9.

i fucking knew Steve trying to get Nancy back would happen but i didn’t want it and i hate that it was so heartfelt and sweet???? The way Joe delivered that little speech about the camper van was just too charming, even though it was soo unnecessary. Nancy not saying anything later when he revealed that he imagined her at his side and then her just going back to Jonathan at the end was kinda hilarious tough.

Both Steve and Nancy defending the other when other ppl are dismissive of them warms my cold heart though. Please, I just want them to be friendly exes!!!!!

Steve’s little anecdote about him crawling backwards as a baby and then falling down the stairs and hitting his head puts another mark on the “the harringtons are shitty parents” tally. baby your head is more craced eggshell by this point!!!!

can we PLEASE stop with the guy speeches.though!! eddie got one jason got one mike got one even the camper story felt like a mini speech. im tired!!

ppl call Billy racist for threatening Lucas and shoving him around, so i hope everyone really fucking goes after jason bc on top of having to watch Lucas actually threatened by a white dude with a gun and almost beat and chokes to death felt borderline insensitive to, y’know. fuckign everything. same thing with that guy holding erica down.

here’s the thing: while i think it’s shitty writing for the show to leave out Billy being a victim of abuse and to simply get rid of Neil (because the writers would have actually have needed to deal with the abuser still being there), i do think Max gets to hate Billy for how he treated her. more importantly though, in the scene where she admits that she wanted him to die, she pretty obviously makes that speech to access the deepest pit of her depression and her lowest point emotionally to draw vecna in. and i don’t think that negates what she said at billy’s grave. i think she came to terms with these terrible feelings and she was forced to finally put into words both the good and the bad.

genuinely sad about the death flags for Eddie coming true. His guitar scene??? insane. that interaction Dustin had with the uncle at the end? heart wrenching

Max saying she doesn’t want to die while essentially dying in Lucas arms?? hellow??? WHO SAID THIS WAS OKAY :(((((( .

the way will essentially did a whole speech about how much he loves mike while also comforting El was so, so sad. and jonathan of course knew. imo they’ve been handling Will’s feelings really well with this situation. Like, he genuinely loves El and cares for her. He didn’t want her to lie to Mike. He probably encouraged her to make the hero diorama in the beginning of the season because he wanted her to make sth that would make her happy. but man, that whole situation must be so fucking painful. Really, really well acted imo.

To add to that, while I don’t necessarily care for who dates who, I very much love the way a lot of the relationship dynamics are portrayed in the show and I think this season really nailed that. Robin and Steve, Steve and Eddie, Dustin and Eddie, Max and her entourage of Dustin/Lucas/Steve, so many more!!

Jonathan taking Will aside to reassert how much he loves him was also a standout scene. There’s not much I have to say about Johnathan most of the time, but goddamn does their sibling relationship warm my heart.

Hawkins splitting into quarters was honestly an amazing culmination of vecna trying to get both dimensions connected. I had a feeling something like this would happen and I wonder if the upcoming season will lead to more of the public finding out about the Upside Down because it can’t be covered up anymore.

Some overall thoughts on the season: Some parts, especially Russia and the hatemob in Hawkins dragged on for way too long. It’s not a perfect season and for example Eddie dying was a truly shitty move- one they already did with Bob ffs!! Let the nerds have their hero moments!! Despite that, as I said last month, I think the tone and atmosphere, the mix of horror, mystery, humor and relationship dynamics was some of the best stuff I’ve seen since s1. It’s been an absolute blast watching this season tbh

#st4 spoiler #txt #alright time to go to bed haha #come into my askbox if you wanna talk about the season hehe

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vanillagvsts · 4 months

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I was about to write some violent text about what im feeling but then my therapist responded me (i was chatting with her about my feelings in text since my session is wednesday), and she wants me to talk more about [ ] and what [ ] represents to me to see if this is gonna make us feel better,

I hope it does, this blinding rage never ends up well, i never end up making anything good out of it, i understand [ ] sucks and i hate [ ] but i also started to recognise that there's nothing really productive anymore on going after [ ], i already did what i could do, the victim is protected now and that's what matters, my image does not, my rage does not, my violence does not, at least not to the public, it matters to me, so i need to treat those violence, rage and desire for revenge on myself,

I think what makes me most rageful is that the comparisons [ ] make of us never really justify what [ ] did, it's like the most mediocre competition of the world, but one is just trying to finish the task and the other is trying to overpower the other. Literally nothing will change what [ ] did to multiple people, even if i was revealed to be scum of the earth,

So why do I feel so much rage? I think it's repressed rage from years finally coming up, it's pain, it's sadness, it's anger, blinding anger that don't really have more to it, it's the same feelings looping over and over again until they disappear, it's the need to make [ ] suffer, i want [ ] to suffer. That's the end of it, [ ] made me suffer and I don't want [ ] to go away from that cleanly,

Everytime i talk about my rage and desire of making [ ] suffer, i get told i'm okay for having those feelings, even my therapist says it's okay, [ ] made me suffer, so i want [ ] to suffer, but it doesn't feel in character for me, it's like i'm always fighting a rabid dog, which i literally am, our revenge holder is a literal dog LOL

The memory of [ ] is traumatizing, it re-traumatizes me everytime i have an episode related to [ ]. it splits so many fucking people that's why there's like so many introjects of the same motherfucker.

This goes beyond the callout to me now, the callout was a dry cut to me, it was something it needed to be addressed, and it was, now that don't matter anymore, i already did my part on combating what was right to combat, I'm not gonna lose my time repeating the same thing over and over again like a broken disc, the thread exists, people can read it over and over again, the proof is there, the things are spilled, there's nothing about that to speak to anymore, there's nothing else to fight anymore, now it's just feelings left to feel, now it's just rage.

I finished my fight but at the end of the day i'm still the same fight dog, there's nothing else to bite, nothing else to fight, i can't do anything else than what i already did,

The fear of being misinterpreted everytime i write a line still permeates within me and it came to a point i don't care anymore, accuse me of being morally terrible, i don't really care what others think about me if they're not my friends, i want to express my feelings and i will,

I know you will take my words and use them against me, that you will crop parts of my words and use it to tell your 5 boot-lickers of how horrible i am, but yeah i don't really care about being terrible anymore, if there's something i learn about in my new job is that people will give you hell for making a mediocre job, even if it's not anything bad, i heard so many terrible things about myself at work for trying my best from clients who don't understand how it's hard to be in my role, so i guess work did teach me something new that i can carry for life: Sometimes people will say you fucking suck and you can't do shit about it, but who cares honestly

This ramble is not any kind of message, i'm not really trying to start anything, this is more of a cathartic thing for me, after all this is my vent account and i want to be free to express myself, and honestly i don't feel angry anymore after writing this, i feel better, i think writing your feelings really is good for your emotions,

I think if i wanna add something is that i thought (( was gonna hurt me way more, but it really didn't, in the end i don't think i care about (( anymore, (( was kind of an annoying person to be around to me but i never really noticed how much (( was annoying until (( left, sometimes people just fucking suck as friends lmao, i can't say no one misses (( i think some headmates do and still cry over it, but i think personally me i don't really think about (( at all

I've been clean from looking at [ ] stuff for months, and i'm pretty proud of it, i think if younger me could see me today, they would be relieved,

I think thats all, this really made me feel better, thanks for reading my vent

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anonil88 · 6 months

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Wrote a letter to my granddad, I've been in this grief for a while but writing the letter let me get out some of this. It's cathartic in a way so is the secret art project I've been doing as a way to process and cope with his illness. And yet it feels weird to be doing it. I've dealt with grief but this is so very different than my grief surrounding my mother's death. Its a long haul because it's unknown sickness and just holding our breath as tight as he is. But, even though he wasn't himself like 100 percent he's still been him. He's been okay enough for me to show him my sewing projects and he could be like hmm not quite or tell me to keep practicing lmao. But, idk it's like this well of I will miss him if this is it but not a well of unbearable sadness just a weight of missing. I'm like peaceful and he prepped me for this, albeit he wouldn't listen to me about getting affairs in order.

But it's an huh okay feeling at the head of all the other feeling that come with grief. I do have this "I wish I had a partner to hold me" when big life things happen or I'm stressed, like someone stronger than me to help me carry it but someone who gets and sees me. My family judges me a bit for being me in queer and autism in ways my gdad never has. He has his faults trust me but he was trying to learn and he was gentle to my face and understanding to my back. My mom was very similar but less the fun guardian and definitely my mom not my grandparent. And my family isnt big on hugs except one person whose hugs feel too much because of how shes treated me in the past. I know she loves me but shes....very type A.

My friends have their own problems and they will grieve too, but they also have people to turn to, to comfort them in close proximity. I only feel super safe being held for long by one and she's not a hugger. And I really wish for that close comfort and affection on stressful moments or moments of grief. Hugging others feels like im holding them, maybe it's my size, but I so want to be held carefully. Especially in moments like this by someone who my guard is down and I can cry if I want to.

I do have one friend but I don't want to cross her partners boundaries with affection etc. So imma pack on the blankets for weight, put on a movie, and hope he's doing better tomorrow and there's positive progress.

#my thoughts #grief

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neo-shitty · 1 year

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hope you dont mind me popping in to your inbox to scream abt whc1 bc you are truly the only person out of my friend circle that has watched it 😭😭 first of all

facts. he can do no wrong.

second of all its been days and i am still processing like this has never happened to me before ?? usually i am a lil :// until the rest of the day when i finish a sad drama but with this im just so heartbroken still. yesterday during a big mental breakdown (unrelated to the drama i am not THAT crazy ok) i realised why it hit me so hard and i think its bc i somehow relate to sieun (anger issues and all /j) and so i somehow projected into his character and so when it all went down with suho i just couldnt deal w it ?? I LEGIT HAD A MINI PANIC ATTACK it felt like it was happening to me 😭😭😭 like he was such comfort for me. he broke the cycle of loneliness and stereotype for sieun and i just really adored each interaction they had. the fact that they would both kill and die for each other makes me bawl my eyes out.

but when it all comes down to it, i understand beomseok, i really do, but i also dont. i dont think ill ever forgive that character, i just cant. i cant imagine how it must have felt for him and i couldnt be able to deal w life either if i was in his shoes, but my brain just cant grasp the lengths he went to hurt people that did nothing but care for him and tried to help him with everything. he's a complex character for sure, one you have to analyze to get, but i dont have it in me to have a single ounce of sympathy after the ending of the drama.

but to think that the parents and the adults were truly at fault here ?? beomseok being abused, sieun abandoned and neglected, suho not really having parents around either (i read somewhere that they are canonically abroad or something?? not too sure), the policemen not taking sieun seriously at first, the teachers seeing the shit happening and not doing anything to stop the bullying... where were everyones parents when all those kids got caught up w the gang? its truly sickening and heartbreaking to think that this truly could be happening anywhere and to anyone.

and it broke me so much bc i could accept beomseok drifting away from them and stuff, but to gang up on suho on his fucking birthday? sieun cooking and decorating with young yi and taking pics for her insta (i strongly believe her and sieuns friendship is SO underrated they were so cute together) and both of them just hid it from everyone to protect suho,, their sunshine ??? the poor boy must have been so confused and lonely on his bday and it makes me :( and then when he saw sieuns cast and went to avenge him ?? I read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.

also i find it funny how i found the drama through a clip on tiktok where jihoon cried at watching the last scene where sieun breaks the window and i was like oh this should be just the right amount of sad for me rn and then i got emotionally damaged. :,)

yeah anyways my fav trope is found family and FUCK all of those who hurt my sunshine bc now im forever heartbroken.

sorry for the rant toffee but it did felt cathartic to write this all out

bar, please don't worry about it. feel free to come back any time you have to yell about it and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

sooho was just too easy to love. we headed into that show blind HAHA we should've known it was too good to be true! i never saw it coming actually.

same !! took me days to get over this too. *hugs* i'm sorry about the mental breakdown, i hope you're feeling a bit better now !! oh the projection must've made the whole thing twice as hard. again, sooho was such a comfort character :( his happy go lucky nature was such a breath of fresh air esp when the themes occasionally got dark. i want that dynamic for me actually (to kill and die for each other, yes). i usually find it corny but it was so well executed here.

oh bumseok :( i think it's valid to simultaneously understand him but at the same time, find what he did unforgivable. i get where he was coming from and how he was just looking for a place to fit in—where he wasn't looked down on. idk how to describe it but when he started misreading the situation (like that whole bit abt sooho not following him on ig but following young yi), i think something in him snapped. he was so fed up with being helpless at home and at his previous school that when it happened a third time, he did everything to get back and lashed out.

I 100% BELIEVE THE ADULTS WERE ABSOLUTE SHITTIEST NEGLIGENT FUCKERS AROUND. like???? leaving a scamming syndicate to be dealt with by high schoolers?????? bumseok's fake ass politician dad??????? sure, sieun's parents were 'present' but emotionally distant, like check on your kids bitches or not have them at all god dAMN. i thought some of the aspects of the bullying were exaggerated bc from where i'm from it never gets that bad but hearing that to an extent, it was truthful about it just left me dumbfounded. how could parents allow things like this to happen under the radar? it's unbelievable and heartbreaking to me.

yeah, i thought bumseok would just join his cool boy squad but he really had to do whatever the fuck he did :D my girl, i know you read my tags and i was vile as fuck towards him but at the time i was just so angry too. also yes! youngyi and sieun's friendship <3 i wish they had more time </3 and honestly, if bumseok didn't do a whole 180, i think the four of them would make such a cute squad. like the way they would protect each other??? hmp :/

'i read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.' i saw that the other day and that broke me to fucking hell i could sell anyone's soul to see them together again (SPECIFICALLY, with the other one being fine and out of comatose yes i would love that for me.

ohhh, i've been meaning to watch that vid of them reacting to whc1 but at the time it didn't have subs. jihoon's acting was so fucking effective like??? the sadness the eyes of that man has can sway me to do anything !! so sorry that you got so much more than just a little sad bout. heading into this drama blind was like bringing a knife to a whole war.

this show made me realize that tragedy could strike any pairing on any show and i wouldn't bat an eye but have the same happen to a found family and then i'm instantly destroyed. THE SHOW ACTUALLY REMINDED ME OF YOUR CHENJI FIC????? FUCK. please do let me know if you ever get around to writing something related to them haha i'm ready to be destroyed.

please do not ever apologize for ranting especially about this show !! i went through this whole phase ALONE last year (watching it after christmas was the biggest mistake, i ended my year DEPRESSED as FUCK) so i'm offering as much help as i can.

#ah joy finally someone to talk to about whc1 #<3 #toff.asks #mosviqu

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alicemitch09writes · 2 years

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hello once more 🍃 i'm revisiting your blog again in remembrance of your ulma series + spin-offs with suna, and here i was pleasantly surprised with forever person epiphanies!!

i've sent asks in the past praising you for your writing and storytelling, and here i am again. somehow, i always find myself coming back here, and that must be a testament to how good you are, because your work has always left a lasting impression on me. so here's me commending you and showering you with compliments all over again 😅

i'm unsure how to put it into words, but witnessing how everything fell into place for atsumu in forever person epiphanies just.. felt right. unpacking how he truly felt was a hard pill to swallow. he still has his hang ups over it, but somehow it doesn't feel sad. yn might have moved past the chapter in her life when she had loved atsumu, but he takes it in stride. he continued to show support and happiness for both her and suna. it just feels.. right. even if it isn't love in a romantic sense on yn's end, there's still that love shared between them nonetheless. seeing them continue to care and be involved in each other's lives just felt so pure.

it reminds me of how ulma ended— it was bittersweet, but overall there was hope. it leaves you feeling happy. of everyone's character arcs in this series, i felt proudest seeing how atsumu had matured throughout the years. though there were many nails in the coffin for him with how he continues to feel towards yn—and subsequently, suna—it made me happy seeing him evolve from it.

there's just something so wonderful about your writing that keeps me coming back. anyone could have written this story, but because it's you who did so, i always walk away from your stories feeling profound and thoughtful in some way. you've outdone yourself time and time again.

those excerpts and final letter at the end? don't even get me started with those. yn really bore all of herself to atsumu in those letters. i don't know how to best describe it, but it was brimming with raw emotion. it felt very.. cathartic. she did not spare him a single detail in all her accounts of him— even the bad memories.

ps. the last time i revisited your blog for ulma, i was greeted with oli. now, i'm being greeted with fpe 😅 the world of atsumu and yn will never not be one of best i've ever read, regardless of their story being a fic or not. the lives of everyone involved will always be homey. there's a sense of candidness and familiarity. there's so much more i want to say, but it feels like words won't suffice. as always, thank you for sharing your writing with us! i really do appreciate your work. you have a great mind 💖

sorry for practically leaving an essay in your asks! now if you'll excuse me, i would like to catch up with your other works hehe. please stay well and take care of yourself!

(had to rewrite this ask because i'm unsure if the previous one went through due to my crappy connection, so apologies if there are doubles! also fixed this rewrite a bit, so disregard the first one if so ✨)

omo! thank you so much for the words, sweetpea!

truth be told, the three little foxes series still has a very special place in my heart that i just can't seem to forget all too easily. it's one of my most successful fics, and i'm just really grateful that the lot of you enjoyed it!

this story has all my heartaches growing up - especially as a middle child, along with my feelings about certain topics, and it's an exploration of youth through a jaded adult's eyes who had to remember certain traumas.

before i even finished/conceptualized oli, i had already through of 'fpe' and gave it a thought. at one point, i jokingly thought to make it yandere but scraped it (mostly bc, im uncomfortable with it) because it really felt like a disservice to the atsumu i thought in my head and the canon atsumu.

i spent a great deal of research on atsumu's character - from rereading the manga, rewatching clips, and watching this one video essay. to really get to know him and figure out how i would like to work on his story. ofc, there'll be angst bc it's my specialty hehe~

tbh those letters were a complete accident. i planned on just one, but then someone mentioned wanting to read all 14 of them. so i thought, okay why not. i felt a bit cringe writing them, because i recalled confessing to MY first love via a letter.

thanks so much for the compliment on my writing! tbh, i'm still super insecure with my writing, especially because i know i can write, but with how the world is right now and my mental state, i feel like i'm wasting it. most of my writing is mostly inspired, borrowed then paraphrased by a lot - fics, books, anime, series, movies, etc, but i mostly try to keep the core of it. if that even makes sense.

thanks again sweetpea!

i'm currently working on sakusa's fic next and have left some clues in 'forever person epiphanies!' ;D

until the next time~

#alicemitch09 answers #fic reviews #why are you all suddenly after my heart #how dare yall #cries

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samanthadalton · 3 years

Text

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you.

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it)

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊)

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.”

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.”

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk.

“I know you wanted to tell-”

“We need to talk-”

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another.

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk.

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.”

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.”

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?”

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.”

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?”

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?”

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless.

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.”

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?”

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.”

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.”

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-”

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-”

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?”

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.”

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.”

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile.

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all.

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?”

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes.

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?”

“Bea my dad-”

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.”

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.”

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.”

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.”

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.”

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.”

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?”

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.”

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own.

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought.

….

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her.

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender.

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out.

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest.

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion.

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?”

“Bea, I- I can explain-”

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.”

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.”

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.”

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.”

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.”

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.”

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.”

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.”

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow.

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?”

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment.

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.”

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.”

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.”

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.”

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?”

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.”

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.”

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.”

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.”

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.”

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?”

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.”

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing, “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.”

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away.

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!”

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands.

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?”

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.”

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea.

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together.

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention.

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?”

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear.

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.”

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?”

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.”

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?”

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.”

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move.

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy.

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,”

“You don’t think it’s too much red?”

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.”

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.”

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready.

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.”

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests.

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces.

“What the hell is this crap?”

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea.

“We have way better beer in the south side.”

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?”

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters.

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.”

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-”

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.”

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?”

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.”

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her.

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says.

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in.

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends.

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.”

#playchoices #queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #star crossed lovers #thank you for waiting #i promise to be more consistent #love you guys

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