#this love is alive back from the dead this love came back to me
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love me harder | m. verstappen
hypothesis - max is on the brink of losing you. however, after a fatal accident…
pairing - max verstappen x fem!driver!reader
[fic is inspired by “love me harder” by ariana grande ft. the weeknd
“baby, in the moment, you’ll know this is, something bigger than us and beyond bliss”
“could you just look at me?” you yelled as max just kept walking a few steps ahead of you.
“can’t. race is about to start.”
stepping into a quicker pace you place yourself in front of max and the garage door, “when was the last time you told me you loved me?”
your eyes searched his face, desperately trying to find a glimpse of the max that you knew, the max you fell in love with, the max you married. the hand you placed on his chest, you could feel the steady rhythmic thump of his heart.
“you really want to do this now?”
“yes! i never see you anymore!”
max scoffed, eyes rolling as he looked back down at his phone, “sorry that i’m busy.”
your hand fell back to your side, “i’m busy too max, yet i still try.”
he nodded his head, eyes not lifting from the rectangular square. you sighed, your hands landing on your hips. is this what you’ve become now?
“is our marriage still worth fighting for, max?”
he looked up. eyes piercing through yours. you cannot believe the words just left your mouth, but it felt relieving to finally utter the words that has been haunting you for weeks.
“i’m not doing this with you right now, y/n,” max steps around you, “good luck with your race.”
~~
it was a millisecond.
you missed the turn by a millisecond and hamilton came crashing into you, sending your right wing and two tires flying. the car skidding across the track and landed upside down.
the force of the impact shoved your head against the steering wheel, hard, bouncing back against the seat.
damage had been done. to you and your car.
to lewis’ as well.
unbeknownst to max, who was in the lead, adrenaline coursing though his veins at the thought of his fourth podium for the season.
he was thriving, the car succumbing to his every command. the engine roaring sending shivers throughout his whole body.
the grin on his face turned devilish. he’s so close.
“max,” christians voice in his ears broke his train of thought, but his eyes never once lost sight of the track in front of him.
“the car’s doing great, no need to worry. podium is secure,” max declared excitingly. he took the turn, groaning at the strain it took on his body.
“though, sainz is on my tail the whole fucking time.”
christian sighed, not at all what max had expected, but he couldn’t be bothered by his team principal’s pms at the moment.
“max, there was a crash.”
another turn, another groan.
sainz could be spotted in max’ peripheral vision. he pushed the car harder, engine roaring, sending max flying away from carlos.
“who crashed?” he asked as he fiddled with the buttons on the wheel, checking if everything is still steady. he has at least seven more laps to go.
“y/n.”
dead silent.
heavy thick as your name registered in his mind. the grin that has been on his face had been wiped down. his lips sticking to his teeth.
“max?” christian asked, waiting a few moments. there was no response from the dutch.
he felt as if his body went numb, limb for limb. his arms felt wonky - not like the grip he had on the wheel mere moments ago. his breathing became shallow, his lungs struggling to capture enough oxygen, his brain malfunctioning.
next thing he knew he was crashing into sandbags.
the impact knocking sense back into him. sand dust flying everywhere.
“max!” christian exclaimed, “are you injured?”
“how’s she? is she alive?” max frantically asked. you didn’t have a choice - you had to be alright. you couldn’t be hurt, max would loose his head if you where. who crashed into you? how hard was the impact?
max got out of the car, “christian, fucking answer me!”
the line was silent for a couple of moments, “she’s stable. unconscious, but stable. no further news yet. she has been rushed to the ER.”
cars blasted past him, deafening noise drumming his ears.
“i need to get to her.”
“max, the race -“
“fuck the race, that’s my fucking wife!”
~
the doors of the ER bursted open, a very sweaty, and breathless max stood there, his eyes frantically looking around for anyone who could assist him.
he still had his suit on, christian hot on his trail.
“y/n, i need to know where y/n verstappen is,” he asked, accent thick as he slapped his hands on the receptionist desk.
she looked up at him, “any relation?”
max scoffed, “my wife.”
her fingers made quick work on the keyboard, “your wife is in surgery.”
max’ shoulders slumped and christian took hold of it, shooting a quick thanks to the nurse and led him in another direction. he swiped his hands though his hair, pulling at it, feeling his frustration grow and bubble at the bottom of his throat.
he could scream.
max paced the hallway, up and down. maybe minutes - maybe hours. he didn’t know. all he did know was that he’s staying.
why didn’t he tell you he loved you. with every fibre of his being he loved you. he craved you, constantly. the thought of you was all that he needed to survive - but knowing that you were his wife, made him whole.
you were the person who stood by him whilst he was working through his troubles with his father. on the nights when fear surrounded him, the comforting hand of you, his wife, brought him peace. on the days when he was on his happiest, it was on the days he spent with you.
you made him. you showed him to be max verstappen.
his wife.
~~
news spread around the paddock, like a wild fire. sky sport tv airing out to fans and viewers to keep you in their prayers and thoughts.
some of your and max’ closest friends took off straight away to the hospital, supporting max even though he didn’t even acknowledge them.
they were still there.
an apology from lewis was sent out world wide, and he even made an appearance to max, but the dutch only glared at him, taking hold of his collar, making his friends jump and take hold of max.
“if she doesn’t make it out of here, you’ll regret ever setting foot on a paddock again. i’ll kill you.”
his voice was icy as he spat the words at lewis, baring his teeth. daniel stepped in between the two and pushed max back by his chest.
max’ eyes never left lewis’ retreating from.
~~
“verstappen, y/n.”
max was in front of the doctor in a second, his eyes pleading his for good news. the doctor smiled at him and gave him what he was searching for.
“she’s asleep, but she’s an extreme fighter. you’ve got no worries, mr verstappen.”
he swore he could cry.
the doctor told him the room you were in and max wasted no time rushing towards it.
he searched the numbers above the doors for room one-o-one. his number. a bit of pride bursting in his chest, fate really had put you two together.
max stepped into the room and his heart broke.
machines connected to your heart, the beeping sound being the only indication that you are in fact alive. various cuts and bruises formed along your face. a neck brace adorned. oxygen mask on your beautiful face.
max stifled a sob as he crashed into a seat near your bed, scooting closer and taking hold of your hand. his thumb drawing patterns on your knuckles.
even in your unconscious mind your body still knew that it was your max, the heart monitor speeding up slightly.
it caused him to chuckle, “mijn schatje, mijn alles, i am so sorry. this should’ve never happened to you.”
he squeezed your palm, pressing a tender kiss to the flesh, “fight, stay strong for me, yeah? so that i can love you right this time.”
~~
a gentle knock at the door roused max from his sleep. his hand was still tucked in yours.
max turned towards the door, lando stood there.
a soft smile on his face with a gym bag in his hand, “mate, i brought you some clothes - the suit can not be comfortable.”
he chuckled and motioned for his muppet friend to come in. lando placed the bag by the door and walked closer to stand next to max. he placed a firm hand on his shoulder.
“how’s the missus?”
max looked at you, a lump the size of a bull frog lodged itself in his throat, “she’s good, doc said she’s a real fighter.”
“she is a verstappen, ey?” lando nudged max’ shoulder who just chuckled in response. he felt guilty, ashamed, contrast to who he was. he shouldn’t have had to treat his wife like shit. you just wanted to know he loves you.
“look, mate, don’t beat yourself up about what happend, see this as a new beginning.”
max nodded, “she just wanted me to say that i love her. shit, i should’ve just said it to her. the crash-“
“is not your fault, you couldn’t have possibly predicted an accident to happen.”
he shook his head and looked at the bag by the door, “i’m going to change, would you mind maybe staying here. i don’t want to leave her alone.”
“yeah, of course mate.”
~~
two weeks later
“don’t strain yourself so much, schat,” max’ voice was gentle as he looked at your from his seat on the couch. within mere moments he stood in front of you, large palms pressed to your hips to help you walk the last few remaining steps.
this last couple of weeks changed. your marriage changed. max changed.
he was waiting on you hand and foot, even though you have told him multiple times that certain things you can do on your own, he still insisted.
the one noticeable change for yourself and everyone surrounding you was the fact that max openly, whenever he got the chance told you he loved you.
whether it be when you’re making dinner, doing dishes, walking beside him on the paddock - he’d say he loves you with a kiss pressed to your temple. it was and still is absolute bliss.
your recovery went by fast, splendid as your doctor had put it. with time and patience, he said, you’d be back on the track in no time.
when your socked feet took the last step, max couldn’t help the face splitting grin that adorned his face.
“look at you go, speedy,” he smiled as he took hold of your head and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. speedy. the nickname max had dubbed you the moment you overtook him when you first met.
speedy. the nickname max had dubbed you the moment you stole his heart.
speedy. the nickname max had used in his vows the moment you took his last name.
max made sure that you didn’t strain yourself too much in the recovery process, he treated you like you were his fine china, bubble wrapping your heart and by God, swearing that he’d never let his actions and words ever hurt you again.
he poured so much love into you. you practically glowed in comparison to when the argument had occurred.
his love.
his wife.
max made sure you knew how much he adored you, loved you, craved you.
“ik hou van je, mijn schat.”
and you knew he did.
fin.
#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen#world championships 2024#formula 1#formula one#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 one shot#f1 x reader#f1 2024#x reader#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo
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The Devil is Real (Part 1)
Summary: Your troubled older brother disappeared two years ago, vanishing without a trace; that is until one day you receive a letter from him. He’s living in Spain after having joined a religious group called Los Iluminados, his life seemingly changed for the better. He would love it if you came to visit him. Who are you to refuse an invitation from your beloved big brother, right?
Word Count: 4.2k
Pairing: plagas!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader (afab)
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Actions depicted in this story are not condoned in real life. You are responsible for your own content consumption. If any of the following warnings trigger you, please read at your own risk. Minors do not interact, this story is 18+ only.
Warnings: drug abuse mention, abusive household mention, religious cult, religious trauma, body horror, noncon, dubcon, unprotected p in v, creampie, oral (m and f receiving), kidnapping, yandere tendencies, somno, extreme violence and gore, human sacrifice, murder, blood play/kink, breeding kink, pregnancy, pet names, stockholm syndrome, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT [More warnings may be added in future parts]
A/N: I want to give a shoutout to @d10nyx, who's bot heavily inspired this new series. I had been wanting to write plagas!Leon again for so long, but I wanted to do something I hadn't seen done before and my interaction with her bot planted the seed (breeding kink go brrrrrrrrrrrr). This will likely be my darkest series yet so if that's not your jam, I kindly ask that you keep scrolling. It should be noted that any of the Spanish seen in this series is either from my extremely vague recollection of the language from my youth or from Google translate, so I apologize if there's any weird grammar in any of the Spanish, it is not my intention to butcher the language.
I hope you guys like thrill rides :3
The title is inspired by Bad Things performed by I Prevail
April 22, 2008
Sis,
I apologize for this being the first time I’ve contacted you in two years, but I promise you, it was for good reason. I finally got help. I moved out to Spain to this lovely rural area called Valdelobos to live with this wonderful community called Los Iluminados. I’ve been sober for just over two years because of them. I would really love it if you came to visit, you would absolutely love it here, sis! I would love more than anything to share with you the community that has made such a huge difference in my life. I don’t have access to a computer, so you’ll have to send me a letter to reply. You can find the return address on the envelope. I eagerly await your letter!
With all my love,
Vince
You sit on your old saggy couch, gently holding the handwritten letter in your hands like it’s going to disintegrate. Your mind is in turmoil; your older brother Vincent, or Vince as most people call him, had disappeared about two years ago. He struggled with drug addiction when he reached adulthood, always chasing his next high. When you had reported him missing, police searched everywhere for him for weeks until you finally had to come to terms with the fact that he was most likely dead.
This letter, however, says otherwise.
“Who’s it from?” your boyfriend asks before sitting beside you, seeing the strained look on your face and growing concerned.
You don’t answer him at first, your eyes locked on the weathered piece of paper. Realizing your boyfriend, Mark, had asked you a question, you blink a few times and shake your head, snapping yourself out of the shocked daze.
“It’s from Vince,” you reply, looking over at Mark.
Mark looks at the paper you’re holding, then back to you, “are you sure it’s from Vince?”
“Of course I’m sure! That is definitely his handwriting. He’s alive!”
You hand the letter to Mark, who takes a moment to read the letter himself, adjusting his glasses as he does so, “he wants you to go visit. What are you going to do?”
“I have no idea…” you say softly, burying your face in your hands as you continue to struggle with your emotions.
Growing up, all you had was your brother, having lost your parents at a young age. Growing up, the both of you lived with your grandparents, but they were very abusive. As soon as Vince had turned 18, he fought to become your legal guardian and the two of you moved out. Unfortunately, Vince had turned to drugs to deal with his trauma, but could you blame him? Your grandfather was especially hard on Vince; there were many nights you could remember falling asleep to the sounds of the two of them shouting and throwing things at each other.
There’s a ten year gap between you and your brother, so naturally Vince had become something of a father figure to you, especially considering you were only two when your parents had died. A car accident you had been told; hit by a drunk driver on the way home from a New Year’s party. You felt like life always dealt you a shitty hand. First your parents, then your brother. But now, your brother seems to be back and he’s ok; he’s sober. You should be happy, so why are you so conflicted?
“I’m going to do some research on this ‘Los Iluminados’ group,” you finally say before standing up from the couch to walk into your bedroom, “make sure it isn’t some Jim Jones bullshit…”
“I’ll get dinner started then,” Mark says, also standing up, making his way over to the kitchen, “I’ll holler when dinner’s ready.”
You nod at Mark before walking into the bedroom, sitting down at your desk in the corner of the room, opening your laptop and powering it on. You open up Internet Explorer and open a new Google search window, typing in Los Iluminados which unsurprisingly yielded zero results; with them not having computer access, it makes sense that there’s no trace of this group on the internet by searching their name. You then search cults in Spain and skim through the results. Again, there’s no mention of Los Iluminados anywhere. Drumming your fingers on your desk, you begin to question the letter’s legitimacy. Whoever sent it knew where you lived and that your brother had been missing for two years. No one would go through that much trouble just to prank someone.
“Babe, dinner’s ready!” you hear Mark call from the kitchen.
Letting out a sigh, you reluctantly stand up from your desk, walking out of the bedroom to join your boyfriend in the living room, who just finished putting both your plates down onto the coffee table. Laying in the middle of the living room, your 8 year old brindle English Mastiff, André, lifts his head lazily, sniffing the air upon smelling food. You can’t help but let out a chuckle as you sit down on the couch, grabbing your plate to start eating.
“Even in his old age, André has a one track mind,” Mark says, watching as the large dog gets up from the floor. Mark gently pats him on the head, “don’t you buddy?”
“He sure does,” you reply, reaching over to pat the gentle giant before returning to your meal.
“Were you able to find anything on that group in the letter?” Mark asks, looking over at you before taking a bite of food.
“Not a damn thing. Which I guess makes sense but still…” you say, your voice trailing off as you let out a heavy sigh, “something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.”
“Then we go to Spain, find out if this group is real or not and bounce if it’s just a wild goose chase,” Mark says, weaving his left hand through the air as he speaks.
“And who’s going to watch André?”
André’s big brown eyes look between the two of you, letting out a soft whimper. Mark mouths the word ‘fuck’ before taking another bite of dinner.
“Right,” Mark says quietly, giving André another pat on the head.
The two of you finish eating dinner in silence, afterwards helping each other clean up the dishes. You let Mark know that you’re going to write a response to Vince’s letter, heading back up to the bedroom to sit back at the desk, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.
May 15, 2008
Vince,
First, I just want to say I am relieved to see that you’re ok and that you’re doing better. You had dropped off the face of the earth and I couldn’t find you anywhere; I thought you were dead! I’m so incredibly glad I was wrong. And, of course, congratulations are in order for your two years of sobriety. I know that’s something you really struggled with and I’m glad this community was able to help you. Is it a religious group? I think Los Iluminados roughly translates to “The Enlightened Ones” if my vague recollection of Spanish serves me right. Regardless, I would love to come visit you and see where you’ve been living these past two years, just let me know where I need to go.
Sis
May 31, 2008
Sis,
I was so excited to see you had written back that I practically ripped the envelope open. Los Iluminados is a small religious community and, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not a cult, so you have nothing to worry about there. They’re really big on living a traditional, almost pagan-like lifestyle and for me, being able to unplug while I got better was exactly what I needed. I’m hoping after experiencing Los Iluminados yourself that you’ll feel the same. As far as getting you here goes, you’ll want to fly into Valencia Airport, we’ll come pick you up from there. Call the enclosed number once you have your flight booked and tell Maria what day you’re coming. I’m looking forward to seeing you!
Vince
You tuck the letter back in your carry on bag, leaning back in your seat on the airplane and closing your eyes. You land in Valencia Airport in less than an hour and you are doing everything in your power to keep your nerves in check and not get your hopes up. You did as Vince had asked, you called this woman named Maria and with really broken Spanish, you had told her you were flying in on June 17th. At some point you must have dozed off because you’re jolted awake when the plane lands on the tarmac.
The plane pulls into the dock and you along with the other passengers file out. You head down to baggage claim to grab your luggage; you had packed about a week’s worth of clothes since you didn’t know how long you were staying. You low key were hoping to talk your brother into coming back to the States with you, but that’s a bridge you’ll cross when you get there. That thought is far from your mind, however, when you get through airport security and immediately spot your brother holding a large sign with your name on it. Your mouth hangs agape as you stop in your tracks. The last time you had seen him, he was a 33 year old who looked almost 50 due to his years of drug abuse. Now? He has color in his face, he’s gained weight and actually looks healthy. His clothes are a little disheveled and covered in dirt, but he’s smiling, probably the first time you’ve seen him smile since you were children.
Dropping your luggage, you run over to your brother, throwing your arms around him and hugging him tight, tears freely flowing from your eyes as you cry out, “it’s you, you’re real! You’re alive!”
Vince tightly hugs you back, rocking you both back and forth before stepping back, smiling down at you as his hands remain on your shoulders, “look at you! All grown up; 25 has treated you nicely!”
You playfully scoff before walking back to grab your luggage, “hardly.”
You return to Vince, who then takes your luggage from you as the two of you begin to walk out of the airport, “how’s Mark? You two are still together, I take it?”
“We are! He’s doing good, he’s at home watching André.”
“André is still around? That’s nice to hear!” Vince says as the two of you walk up to a very beat up looking sedan, “here’s our luxury limousine!”
You playfully smack him with the back of your hand, “very funny, Vince.”
You watch as Vince opens the trunk of the sedan, putting your luggage inside, he looks up at you as he closes the trunk, “go ahead and get in the back seat, Sis.”
You nod in acknowledgement, climbing into the back seat, your brother joining you shortly after. An older couple sits in the driver’s and passenger’s sides of the sedan, promptly driving away from the airport once you and your brother put your seatbelts on.
“We have about a three hour drive ahead of us, you must be exhausted from your flight,” Vince says, looking over at you and giving you a warm smile.
You nod, feeling your eyes grow heavy from jet lag, however you force your eyes to stay open; you desperately don’t want to miss a single moment with your brother.
“Hey,” Vince lays a hand on your shoulder, “it’s ok, get some rest, I’ll wake you up when we get close to the village.”
“If you say so…” you reply softly.
You hesitantly let your eyes close, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. It feels like only a moment has passed when Vince shakes you awake.
“Hey Sis, we’re here!”
After getting out of the car, there was still a considerable hike until you got to the village proper. Once getting there, however, you find yourself pleasantly surprised. You weren't sure what you were expecting of a small village at the center of a religious community but what you’re seeing wasn’t it. It is a bonafide village, with actual houses, a town center, a watchtower and a large brick structure towards the back. In the distance, you can see a windmill slowly spinning. You chalk it up to the large number of documentaries you had watched on cults leading up to this trip that painted a picture in your mind of what this village would look like; the small, white cottages of People’s Temple immediately coming to mind. A part of you is glad you were wrong.
“So, what do you think?” Vince asks me, gesturing one of his hands towards the village, “this is where I’ve been these last two years.”
“It’s nothing like what I expected, it’s… honestly really peaceful,” you reply, looking around the village in awe.
You watch as several of the other villagers stop what they’re doing to look at you and your brother, an older woman over by a well giving both of you a warm smile before pulling a bucket of water up from the well.
“My house is over here,” Vince continues, pointing to one of the houses on the left before leading you towards it.
Vince’s house sits next to the watchtower, he opens the door and walks inside. Before you enter, you happen to turn around and look towards the large brick building in the back of the village. Standing at the door is someone wearing a black cloak with gold trim, underneath his clothes you can tell he’s wearing cargo pants and a tight fitting athletic shirt of some kind. But that’s not what grabs your attention; it’s his azure eyes locked on you, causing your blood to run cold.
“Vince,” you say, your voice trembling as you reach to grab his wrist, stopping him, “who is that over there?”
Vince turns to look where you’re looking, letting out a soft chuckle once he sees who you’re looking at, “him? That’s just Leon. He’s the right hand of our Lord Saddler. He’s probably here to check on things, don’t worry about him. Come inside.”
Vince practically pulls you, shutting and barring the door shut once you’re inside.
“Why are you blocking the door?” you ask, raising an eyebrow as your brother turns to face you.
“We tend to have an open door policy in the village. Where you and I haven’t seen each other for awhile, I figured it’d be best to have some privacy, wouldn’t you agree?”
You nod as you take in your surroundings. There’s a staircase leading upstairs and around the corner, a dining table and a kitchen area. Several candles are burning; they definitely don’t have electricity and running water in this village. Behind your brother is a worn couch.
“Is that where I’m sleeping?” you ask, pointing at the couch.
“Nope, you get the bed upstairs. I can live with the couch for a while. Nothing but the best for my little sis.”
“Thanks Vince,” you reply, grabbing your luggage, “I’ll bring this upstairs, then maybe we can talk. You know… catch up.”
You grab your luggage, dragging it up the stairs. You spot the bed at the end of the bannister next to a window overlooking the village center. As you’re staring out the window, you spot the cloaked man, Leon, again. He’s standing in the center of town, looking right at you. It sends a chill down your spine. You turn around and scream a little when your brother taps you on the shoulder.
“You ok? You weren’t answering me,” Vince says, his face full of concern.
“Sorry… it’s that guy. He’s right down there staring at the window,” you reply, turning to point out the window, however, Leon is gone, “oh, nevermind. It must have been my imagination.”
“He’s like… a guard dog of sorts. He’s probably just making sure you’re chill,” Vince explains, gently grabbing you by your upper arm and leading you back downstairs, “he’s like that with anyone he doesn’t know.”
“Right, of course…” you’re still uneasy, but decide to trust your brother.
“I’ll get started on dinner, have a seat at the table,” says Vince before walking over to the large wood stove, which is already aflame.
“Can I help with anything?” you ask, still standing by the table.
“No, I got it. Been doing this for two years. I can handle it. You’re the guest of honor, you just sit back, relax and let your brother take care of you.”
While your brother prepares dinner for the two of you, you make small talk, getting him caught up on the two years worth of stuff he missed. You told him about Mark and André, told him that your horrendous grandfather finally passed away a year ago; you had caught a smirk on Vince’s face before he turned his attention back to making dinner. Once dinner is finished, he sets both plates down at the table and the two of you dig in.
“Earlier you had said Lord Saddler,” you begin, taking a bite of food before continuing, “Vince… are you sure this isn’t a cult?”
Your brother bursts out laughing, reaching over to put his hand on yours to comfort you, “Lord Osmund Saddler is the patriarch of Los Iluminados and the speaker for the Holy Body. I’m not held here against my will. I promise you with every fiber of my being, this isn’t a cult, Sis.”
“I’m sorry I just… I may have watched a bunch of documentaries before coming here on cults and I just want what’s best for you, that’s all.”
Vince smiles, “Don’t worry, no one is going to drink any Kool Aid here.”
“Vince, that’s terrible!” you playfully smack him, “also it wasn’t even Kool Aid!”
You can’t help but laugh, slowly letting your mind be at ease. It’s clear your brother is happy and healthy here in this village. Before you can continue your conversation with Vince, you hear the chime of a church bell in the distance and you watch as your brother immediately stands up.
“What’s that all about?” you ask, slowly standing up.
“That is the sound of evening service. Come! I’d love for you to see one of Father Méndez’s services.”
Taking your hand, Vince unblocks the door and takes you outside. You see all the villages are filling into the large brick building you had seen Leon standing in front of earlier.
“That’s the meeting house, we have to pass through it to get to the church,” he explains to you as he leads you to follow the other villagers inside the building.
Upon walking in there is a large room, shelves of food and supplies lining the walls. In the back of the room was a large painting of a robed man; not Leon, but someone else, Vince notices you staring at the painting.
“That is our Lord Saddler. Hopefully you’ll get to meet him during your visit; he’s a wonderful patriarch, I think you’ll like him.”
There is something about the painting that unsettles you, but you can’t put your finger on it; nor do you have time to because before you know it, Vince is leading you into the adjacent room. This room has a large table lined with chairs on both sides. You both proceed around the table exiting out of the door on the other side with the other villagers. The door takes you out to a winding path which opens up to a cemetery with the church sitting just at the top of the hill.
You and your brother make your way up the hill, following the rest of the villagers into the church where you and your brother sit in one of the pews in the middle. There is an extremely tall man standing at the altar, wearing a black leather trench coat and a large brim hat. His dark beard has subtle white hairs, indicating to you that he’s much older than you and your brother. In fact, now that you think about it, you realize you and your brother are probably the youngest ones in the church.
Behind the imposing man is a large stained glass window decorated with red, blue, green and white. The white glass makes a pattern. You’re not sure what to make of it; it’s almost like a crude insect-like cross with four appendage-like parts extended out with a tail pointing downwards. Once everyone is seated in the pews, the man at the altar addresses the villagers.
“My brothers and sisters,” the man begins, his Hispanic accent thick, “before we begin tonight’s sermon, I wanted to welcome the visitor that Vincent has brought to visit our village.” The man gestures one of his hands towards us, “if you would do the honors, Vincent.”
Your brother stands up, “Gracias, Father Méndez. This is my younger sister,” he says before telling everyone your name, “she’ll be staying with me for a while, we haven’t seen each other since I first came here. I hope you all can join me in showing her what makes Los Iluminados a special community.”
The other villagers clap softly as Vince sits back down. After that, Father Méndez begins the service, which is in Spanish, so you strained your brain to try to pick up bits and pieces of what he’s saying. This doesn’t last long, however as your eye catches movement in the darkness in the back of the church. You feel your heart skip; it’s Leon again, his azure gaze once again locked on you. His expression is cold and emotionless, but there is no doubt in your mind that he is staring at you.
As if sensing your unease, your brother nudges you with his elbow and whispers, “what’s wrong?”
“It’s Leon again…” you reply, nodding your head in Leon’s direction.
Vince’s gaze follows yours, spotting Leon staring at you from the back of the church. Vince lets out a soft sigh.
“I’ll talk to Father Méndez after the service.”
For the rest of the service, you steal glances towards the back of the church, where Leon remains, still staring at you. At the end of the service, however, when you look back, Leon is finally gone, much to your relief.
Father Méndez’s booming voice draws your attention back to him, “¡Gloria a Las Plagas!”
“¡Gloria a Las Plagas!” the villagers, including Vince, repeat back.
Gloria a Las… Plagas? you think to yourself, glory to the… plague? Plagues? Pests? What? That makes no sense…
Before you can think it over further, your brother stands up abruptly, pulling you up with him.
“Pablo,” Vince says as he approaches another villager, “¿Puedes llevar a mi hermana de regreso a mi casa? Tengo que hablar con el padre Méndez.”
The man nods, “sí, claro.”
Vince turns his attention back to you, “Pablo here is going to take you back to my house while I talk to Father Méndez about Leon, ok? I won’t be long.”
“Alright, thanks Vince,” you reply as Pablo gently takes you by your upper arm, leading you out of the church.
You turn back, watching your brother approach Father Méndez before the church doors close behind you.
“Vincent,” Méndez begins as Vince approaches him, “what can I do for you, my brother?”
“It’s about Leon,” Vince says, crossing his arms, “I want him to leave my sister alone.”
“What do you mean? You do remember what you agreed to, no?” Méndez presses straightening his posture.
“I do remember, but he is scaring her. All he’s done since she got here is stare at her.”
“And? Are you saying you’re defying the will of Lord Saddler?”
“No, of course not!” Vince exclaims before lowering his voice, “but if we want any chance of her staying in Los Iluminados, he needs to chill out with the staring, ok? Is that too much to ask, Father?”
Méndez brings a hand to his beard, stroking it as he contemplates Vince’s request. After a few moments, he gently nods, “fine. I will speak with Lord Saddler on this.”
“Thank you, Father.”
She is perfect.
Leon stands at the end of the bed that you’re sleeping in, completely oblivious to his presence. Bringing his hands up, he lowers the hood of his cloak. The exposed skin on his neck and face are completely covered in inky black veins and seem to pulse under his skin. He gently crawls onto the bed, being careful not to wake you as he cages you with his body.
Leaning down so that his nose is nearly pressed against the side of your neck, he breathes in your scent deeply, opening his mouth slightly to lick his sharpened incisors with his tongue. He moves away from your neck, staring down at you as he watches your chest rise and fall gently as you slumber. Unable to help himself, he leans back down, his lips hovering above yours when he hears the unmistakable sound of the front door opening downstairs.
His head snaps towards the stairs, crawling off your bed with the grace and stealth of a panther. He brings his hood back up over his head, walking silently over to the open window at the head of the stairs where he had let himself in, climbing out and shutting the window carefully behind him, not leaving a single trace that he was even there.
#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy x reader#plagas!leon kennedy#leon kennedy smut#dead dove do not eat#dead dove#gigabyte writes
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IWTV S2 Ep1 Musings - LDPDL smdh
My daughter Claudia is NOT. PLAYING. AROUND.
I had to giggle here, cuz it just reminded me of what she said in S1:
Claudia will drag Lestat AND Louis each and every chance she gets, bless! 😂
Aaaaaaaand the racists. 😒 Eat ALL of these mofos, YAAAAAS~!
I am SCREAMING at the cinematic poetry--Louis is talking about not burning Lestat, as Lou & Claud can't get warm enough at a fire where they're burning the dead Soviets they just ate.
While Claudia sits there giving Lou the cold shoulder & the silent treatment, icing him out so Louis only talks to himself--I HOLLERED.
My daughter KNOWS!!! DRAG HIM, CLAUDIA!! ^0^
But then I cried, cuz WAIT. If Louis is talking to himself, is this also factoring into why he's seeing DreamStat? Cuz Lou's also desperate for connection, which he can't get from Claudia anymore either! 😭
Louis said DreamStat "came by invitation," as a colorful & vibrant "distraction" (read: comfort) from the dull monochromatic grey Eastern European land. But Lestat is bloodsplattered & filthy just like everyone else.
The question of his guilty conscience: what does Lestat feel/think about Louis? And what is Louis projecting?
That's all Louis wants to hear--that Les misses him and forgives him.
"I'm glad it was you...a la fin." We still need confirmation that Lou slit Les's throat, not Claudia. Cuz this will also point to how much Lou is lying to himself about how betrayed Lestat really felt--that his death would be better by Lou's hands than Claudia's. Is Lou making himself feel better by giving Les the coup de gras, and thinking Les is grateful to him for it?
Cuz he's clearly scared to death that WHEN--not IF--they reunite, Les will be pissed and hate/kill him.
Cuz Lestat's love was what kept Louis alive--Lestat loving Louis saved/damned Louis' life. (The Merrick of it all, istg.)
So it's WILD that Louis thinks this. That the split second Louis finds happiness, the boogeyman Lestat will come and kill him, or take it from him--or just be there as a hallucination constantly reminding Louis of what he left behind.
As an aside:
It was a BAT--that's cute! XD
Louis in denial as he tells himself choosing Claudia over Lestat was worth it. And Dream!Stat chanting "I do" like frikkin wedding vows, then choking on the words/vows as a vampire bat claws out of his throat--I CANNOT with this show anymore.
This is interesting--the 7000 people he killed in Eastern Europe were a necessary evil--Lou calls them "souls," when Les called them "the Meat" and Claudia called them "Kill Juice." And in Paris he only kills once every other day. They ALL feel like murder to Louis. But Louis KNOWS he never killed Lestat!
He put Lestat in the dump the same way Grace put his name on that tombstone--it's the DISTANCE that's killing them.
It's separation & absence, which they HOPE will make the heart grow colder--when we all know that's not how the saying actually goes.
So who are you REALLY fooling, Louis? Cuz it for sure ain't Claudia!
She said "you slow us down!" 💀 But Louis warned you: "I can barely speak French and English. I'd just hold you back.... You don't need me. You think you do, but you don't. You're smarter now. You see trouble coming a mile away." If only they'd've BOTH remembered that bit once they got to PARIS. 💀💀💀
This dude, I swear. No wonder he never joined the Theatre; he can't lie for ish! 😅
And I OOP! 👀
By the end of the episode we get Louis' BEAUTIFUL "You and Me" monologue to Claudia, and she finally accepts his apology and promise that he won't kill himself like Draciana did.
MERRICK COME THROUGH! 😭
Which nearly made me cry when you finally see DREAM!LESTAT SITTING RIGHT THERE. 😭 Who is Louis REALLY talking to!?
As he always does when in denial & running from his problems (all the way to effing Romania, ffs), alcoholic!Louis "runs to the bottle and to bad beds."
I REFUSE.
I CANNOT.
I SHAN'T.
Louis, if you don't stop right this moment ISTG! 😭😭
I love this effing show, omg what a great start to the season!
#louis de pointe du lac#louis de pointe du black#interview with the vampire#loustat#lestat de lioncourt#justice for claudia#must see tv#the hype is real#iwtv tvc metas#iwtv season 2 spoilers
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izzy as the eight of cups - giving up and moving on, courage and loss, letting go of friends, lovers, and old ways of being
(that's the inn in the distance)
eight of cups description from Little Red Tarot:
#is this ghost izzy on a ghost ship? alive izzy on the revenge? alive izzy on his own? ghost izzy on the revenge? yes :)#im so so pro Izzy living his own life and not haunting Ed and maybe coming back to visit and learning how to be actual friends with Ed#i came to this pairing for the x rated violent fan fic#but all I want for them post season 2 is learning how to be gentle with th each other#become trustworthy#learn how to love each other better!!!#Izzy is both dead and alive in my universe thank you for understanding#description from little red tarot is exactly what I am going for#(is this about my relationship w the show? maybe a little)#I’ve had this idea in my head for months now but when I heard the show was cancelled it was like well now I gotta make it RIGHT NOW#my horse girl past serves me well when it’s time to draw the hoof#izzy hands#ofmd#our flag means death#our flag means fanart#israel hands#edizzy#blackhands
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god. the buildup to the bellarke reunion in 5x03 is............. so well executed. the drama, the tension, the suspense, the angst??? the payoff???? the "she must be pretty important to you." "she is." ??????? hello???? the way clarke recognizes him by voice alone after an entire six years not hearing from him at all !!!?? the way she's both so relieved he's actually here and alive with a plan that she literally sags to the ground, and absolutely terrified she's about to lose him at the same time........ i could go on bc what the hell man. what the hell.
#bellarke#the 100#iz watches t100#the100rewatch2023#CLEAR BLUE WATER HIGH TIDE CAME AND BROUGHT YOUU IN!!!!#THIS LOVE IS GOOD THIS LOVE IS BAD THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!#THIS LOVE CAME BACK TO ME!!!!!!#and#BUT I KNEW EVEN THEN I'D FIND YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!#what the fuck!!!!!!!!!#ON MY KNEES
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1989 is so ScarletQueen coded and I will die on this hill.
#taylor swift#once upon a time in wonderland#scarlet queen#will scarlet#anastasia ouatiw#will x anastasia#Welcome to New York is about Will going to Storybrooke#Out of the Woods has the line 'we were built to fall apart and fall back together'#'ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY' is basically a summary of Will's entire feelings about Ana#I Wish You Would is literally just them in a modern au. 😭😭😭#BAD BLOOD IS THEM TOO#'say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress' and then when Will makes Liz into his Ideal Woman she's wearing a dress that resembles the#dress Anastasia was wearing when he last saw her#'THIS LOVE IS REAL THIS LOVE IS RED THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD WOAHOHOH' IN ALL OF WONDERLAND THEY WERE THE ONLY THING THAT WAS#REAL FOR EACH OTHER!!! AND SHE'S THE RED QUEEN!!! AND SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭#'i know places' is them pre-wonderland. the place they ran to hide from people judging them for choosig each other was wonderland.#Clean is a song Will thinks he can sing now that he doesn't have his heart anymore#WONDERLAND. NEED I SAY MORE?#(i will. listen to that song. it's literally the story of their relationship. i still don't believe it wasn't written about them.)#You Are In Love is kinda generic but yes they are in love#and they COULD build a castle out of the bricks thrown at them. the universally hated queen and the universally wanted thief.#also that one mentions SCARLET letters and PLAYING CARDS and CASTLES it's literally about them. Heartbreak IS wonderland's national anthem.#and i know i didn't mention all of 1989's song so here's a bonus.#Will Scarlet was Sunshine and Anastasia was Midnight Rain.#(he wanted it comfortable. she wanted that pain. he wanted a bride. she was making her own name. chasing that fame. he stayed the same.#and both of them changed like midnight rain.)
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Flu Game by Fall Out Boy is a kevjean post break up song
AGH i love failcore songs like this for kevjean because there is nothing more amusing to me than the two worst people you know suffering from loseritis after a break up... you're right of course (of course!)
another kevjean song from fob conversionally is i don't care from folie a deux like to me it's THE jean @ kevin song. "say my name and his in the same breath / i dare you to say they taste the same" "i don't care what you think as long as it's about me / the best of us can find happiness in misery" "these friends, they don't love you / they just love the hotel suites" I MEAN COME ONNN!!! i'm always thinking that the no hard feelings ending they got is just not feasible....... or at least that jean should make sure kevin never forgets of his existence even if it's better for both of them if he does
okay okay not to drag this ask out but here's my kevjean song proposal for real. i <3 country music
#and im growing olderrr i know that were over the way wed always have been... but then i see you and i know you all over again#kevjean songs of all kevjean songs. no?#if it isnt too bad im already writing something about it#actually im between this one and this love - taylor swift but i feel like drag queen country music represents us better#but just so everyone knows this love is good this love is bad this love is alive back from the dead woooooah these hands had to let it go#free and this love CAME BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!#asks#kevjean
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i dont think you guys understand. even when he had NOTHING. he had bucky.
#the way steve is so suicidal without him. jumps out of a plane no parachute. jumps out of the elevator. the entire escape from shield really#‘then finish it’#even when he had nothing he had bucky. without bucky he truly didn’t have anything left.#bucky is the only person who ever saw steve. not captain america. STEVE#the two of them lived in that gayass neighborhood in brooklyn. they saw each other through everything#you used to wear newspapers in your shoes#THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD#THESE HANDS HAD TO LET IT GO FREE AND. THIS. LOVE. CAME. BACK. TO. ME.#marvel
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I cant wait to read twp so i can picture actual KitTy quotes when I listen This Love by Miss T Swift.
#its just perfect for them#like#THIS LOVE IS GOOD THIS LOVE IS BAD THID LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD#THESE HANDS HAD TO LET IT GO FREE AND THIS LOVE CAME BACK TO ME#THIS LOVE LEFT A PERMANENT MARK THIS LOVE IS GLOWING IN THE DARK#its just perfect#cassandra clare#the shadowhuter chronicles#shadowhunter chronicles#cassieclare#cassandraclare#shadowhunters#cazadores de sombras#cassie clare#kit herondale#christopher herondale#ty blackthorn#tiberius blackthorn#kit x ty#kit and ty#kitty tda#kit herondale x ty blackthorn#kit rook#the wicked powers#twp#the dark artifices#the shadowhunters chronicles#the shadowhunter chronicles
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Im never shutting up about Peacemaker showing up in BB2006 with a bunch of tattoos and shit after being dead for over 10 years real time. Amazing character work. Captain Jarhead gets freedom over his own body for the first time in like 20 years and immediately gives himself a awful haircut and gets a bunch of piercings and tattoos. And hes still in character. I can accept nobody realizing it was him because everyone expects Chris to wear his ugly costume forever it really is all worth it
#I guess we dont know it was immediate we dont know how long he was running around before BB2006 but#you know all the mentions of all the crazy shit he was doing offscreen does imply he'd been alive again for a while#I think it was immediate though I think he came back from the dead and immediately stole a box of bleach#Also dont entirely know if it was the point but the character development redesign making him unrecognizable and therefore like#Not Iconic At All I think is also cool in a meta way. Like showed how he was done doing his own shit and just#blended into being a Jaime supporting character#Dont get me wrong here I focus on Peacemaker because my brain is broken and I love him but a huge part of what I like#about him in BB2006 is how useful he was For Jaime#Like I think he was written perfectly in a way to make sure him being there was for Jaime character development and not like#Peacemakers Keith Giffens Blorbo So Hes Here Stealing The Show#I think I said this before but its tragically something that kind of worries me about like#I really want them to reunite but due to the way DC clearly sees Peacemaker as like Popular now (HES FUCKING NOT) am worried it'd turn into#like. Jaime playing second fiddle to this freak. Ok anyway
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no WONDER betty knew james was coming back because james kept coming back !!!!!!!!!!!!
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me, every time i hear some cute lil love song and i just want rhea to fall in love and have a comforting girlfriendhood:
#THIS LOVE IS GOOD#THIS LOVE IS BAD#THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD#THIS HAND HAS TO LET IT GO FREE#THIS LOVE CAME BACK TO ME#you get me? (crying)#GENERAL: OUT OF CHARACTER.
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...
#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with#it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home#but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man?#after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me#was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most#i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here.#But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it#how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was#how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!!#i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50#physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt#a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it#yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min#physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have#i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go?#to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already?#and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief#because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life#Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever.#I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again.#They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything.#Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please#They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary#I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here.#Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want
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I have been having fun all in all with the series, it has given me more of Anakin/Vader which is really all I want of Star Wars. And this episode was amazing in that regard, it gave us more of the fact that Anakin is Vader, Vader is Anakin. How the flashback cuts to Vader, its Vader remembering Anakin waiting for Obi Wan to do a training duel, those are Vaders memories. The guy ruminating about all of Anakins memories, as Vader. I loved that!
Also they are giving us true Eldritch Abomination Anakin, Vader, just bringing down the ship and ripping it apart. Yes! That is the cosmic horror, the nightmare of the galaxy, an actual offspring of the force. I was sooooooo afraid, because before watching I saw some spoilers, and my One (1) fear is a watered down Vader, the fun of this guy is that he is the worst with god like powers, just rampaging and doing evil with forces nobody comprehends, while staying enslaved, to the guy who is evil incarnate, through the power of apathy, guilt and self loathing. So I was cheering him on! Look at my rampaging guy go! Allow him to go batshit crazy!
And the duel, him just playing with his food! No effort on his part, just perfection! But here is where my griping starts: whyyyyyy didn’t he kill Reva?….besides her having now plot armor….just snap her neck, cut off her head, anything, he is normally so efficient in disposing of people. The falshy burning and then letting escape stick is reserved for his special obsession of obi wan. But if this would have been XY employee of him he would have killed her. I know he is trapped inside a mobile torture device and is just apathy in person, full of rage, pain, guilt and self loathing, but if he excels at ONE thing it’s freaking MURDER. So letting her live makes so no sense….
And not only him, but the Grand Inquisitor, who is alive, because why not, will it be explained how he survived a lightsaber through his thorax? He also just taunts….and lets her alive…and its just the absurd trope of ‘evil guys are dumb’ that just….meh.
#kenobi spoilers#I am back at#my star wars nonsense#and seriously even if I always tend to whine and complain I am loving this#so much Anakin Vader this is for me star wars#but I will forever be annoyed at the trope of evil guy is dumb and lets the hero escape and live in situations where it is logical to kill#and yes plot armor and they possibly have a reva spin off in the works and what not#and thats cool and I hope they develop an interesting story line for that#but her method of staying alive here was nonsensical#when the ‘reveal’ came that she is seeking revenge on Anakin for order 66 I was already expecting the ‘she turns to the light’ etc#but I seriously thought that when obi wan said ‘we can defeat him together’ he would like stick around? he would be distracting vader#while reva tried to kill Anakin and then with deus ex machina situation they BOTH would escape#but obi wan truly went just LOL laters youngling you deal alone with the eldritch abomination with god powers my padawan is#and in this situation I don’t understand why she is not dead…apart from the obvious trope
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i just want to stop feeling suicidal so constantly and i want to stop having my paranoia spirals and i want to have peaceful sleeps without night terrors and i want to feel safe in my body and in my own space and i want to eat and i want to not be so overwhelmed by my psychosis and i want to be over everything that kennedy did to me but i also really wish i could contact him again so i could deck him in the fucking face and then i call c and ask her what the fuck why the fuck did she do that and beg beg beg my family to leave the church that is so clearly harming them and dooming them to tragedies.... and so on...
#why did i write about that pregnancy why did i use my abuse for an assignment why did i delve into these memories such a mistake#whenever i remember it happened im like oh my god i could have had a 9 year old maybe i did want to be a mother#maybe i am suffering now bc i was supposed to be doomed to the same narrative like most women in my community#like maybe it was a fluke that i got here bc i don't fit in i hate myself so much i feel like everyone hates me and wants me dead and gone#if i knew any of their numbers still i would ask for ativan again i cannot fucking sleep my anxiety is never ending#i cannot tolerate the weight of the emotions i want to be numb i want to be high i want to be dissociated again#i broke out of my constant dissociation and now im here and i can feel my feet on the ground and i am living pov and it hurts so bad#i want to be in the arms of my best friend i want to be on her floor stroking the fuzzy carpet while we eat penne together#ever since she came back into my life i am so happy i have that anchor again but oh my god it makes me realize how distant i am from everyo#and how little i trust#i also miss my other best friend that i never get to see but i want to hug them tightly and we never have enough time w each other but ever#moment is so vivid and strong and they make me feel so alive and aware of the world we are in and its such a blessing that they decided to#talk to me the day they did and the friendship that came after like idk#i dont have many close friends but oh god the few i have i love th#them so much and they make life worth living but ugh yeah im fighting voices and spirals and theres a lot happening inside#ill be fine i have a lot of feelings my life is nonstop chaotic bc i have 5 bpd/bipolar women in my family and all emotionally absent men a#and our narratives weave together so close so tightly i cannot separate myself but i want to but can i? do i want to?#ezra.txt
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tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:
plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."
contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."
on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."
rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."
"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."
"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."
rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."
"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."
"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."
plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."
before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.
on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."
"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."
a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.
she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.
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