light wears this at the task force hq everyday (they still don't believe he's kira)

based on this shirt which I can't stop thinking about and want really badly

TIME FOR A PROCESS POST let's talk abt getting from this (client sketch - which, btw, i know other artists have talked about this plenty, but i LOOOOOOVE a client sketch as early direction on a commission. LOVE it)

to this!

at first we didn't know if the title was going to go across the desk, or over the central figure (emara's) head against the back wall. so there was a 1st version where we were favoring a higher title, then we started favoring the desk so we scrapped the clutter + centered it more

i used clip studio's 3D models (particularly for the chair, guard, + weapon crates) and perspective rulers to help with laying everything out at this stage, tho i abandoned the 3D pretty early on bc it's a bit too clunky for me. maybe i'll find it quicker to use w more practice!

(the rest under the cut!)

once the basic layout was approved, i threw together a value study to explain how in the final image all the clutter of the bg detail would be unified and pushed back. lately i find myself thinking abt value earlier + earlier in the process; planning ahead saves me a lot of time!

i fiddled with starting to refine things digitally, but then i got A BRAND NEW LIGHTBOX delivered in the mail with perfect timing (lmao) so i just ended up printing off the digital sketch, finalizing in pencil, + scanning back in

then comes five billion different steps of locking in values, again. i did everything greyscale first, but i didn't worry abt getting things super polished at this stage bc i knew color would factor in a lot to later decisions

this is the point at which presenting these wips "step by step" is kind of misleading; i didn't do these stages one at a time, but rather had a BUNCH of different lighting/shading layers that i kept toggling on and off as i worked to make sure everything was coming along well.

(to get some of these caps i actually went into the main file again and turned a bunch of stuff on/off just for the sake of getting specific examples, because actually when i was actively working on it there was rarely a point where i was actually working on something with "all lighting turned off and just the shading on," or anything like that; but i AM interested in showing what effects different lighting/shading changes had on the base colors, even if i wasn't really making these changes in a rigid order.)

i.e., just for the sake of interest, here's how the flat colors look without those adjustments!! but i honestly never looked at it like this on its own for long...i had all the shading/lighting turned off so i could see what i was doing while flatting, but i was constantly checking back and forth.

then tones added on top (which were actually just two copies of the tone folders in the above posts, set to linear burn and overlay) -

which makes it get HORRIFYINGLY dark, but that's when we go in and add a bunch of lighting adjustments.

the most obvious lighting change above is the big burst of hot pink light from the corner, but there was also some masked overlay + burn layers to pop out the guard + emara and make sure they were pulled out from the bg. if this were a standalone illustration, i maybe would have let the bg (and all that painstakingly drawn detail..........) stand out a little more, but a cover functions differently, and i wanted to make sure the eye goes to the title first. that means sacrificing bg detail even if it looks sick lol

then final touches! a lot of my very last touches are things that are close to invisible; gradient maps on very low opacity, noise, a little bit of scribbling on upper layers. the typesetting was all by the client, except for the lettering for "emara king's," which i did myself!

finally, here's a comparison of ⬅where i left off one night close to the deadline thinking "it's probably done, but i'll sleep on it just in case," then all the adjustments i made the next day with fresh eyes.➡ and that's it!!! phew!!! that's how i make a cover!

7, 8, 13, 20?

thank youuuuu

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

I feel like I always ideas bouncing around, due to the agonies and an attention disorder. While walking the dog tonight, I was thinking about how it would go with Thomas Bordeleau in a winner's room, like that little freak would love it and Logan Couture would have a psychological breakdown and retire from hockey forever after one season of dealing with it... also thinking abt what if the Philadelphia Phillies experienced pronouns. You can't tell me Brandon Marsh and Garrett Stubbs wouldn't get silly w it. You can't tell me they wouldn't be havin' a blasty-blast. I won't write either of these, but they're bubbling around up there, like a little witch's brew.

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

Well right now I am currently devoting my life to the joys of Roope Hintz giving Jason Robertson his hot boy make over and by joy I mean I'm in hell bc like. Something is TERRIBLY wrong with it and I CANNOT figure out what and it is due in 13 days lmao. I'm determined to finish by the deadline bc I CANNOT fail at pod-together again but I also. Hoooo something's gone terribly terribly wrong and I lack imagination to figure out how to fix it.

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

Really good question. if it's less than 10k, usually zero planning, if it's over 10k, I usually have an outline that varies between very detailed to just vague sketches of how I want each act of the fic to go...actually this is maybe the answer to problem I just presented to myself in the last question lol. If I'm really committed, I handwrite the whole outline and my research to-do list first and then put in a google doc. Also for some fics, especially fics I do not have a good grasps on the characters for, I will do a fair bit of amount of research on players to get their voices right. But not always which is. why my writing is so deeply deeply inconsistent lmao.

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

This is so hard bc most of my titles are garbage song lyrics and all my good creative ones are by Beryl in collaboration with them for pod-together. "I know a (Scotia)bank where a wild thyme blows" for the Midsummer Night's Dream AU has gotta be the best one we've ever come up with tho. Pretty fond of "Fragments" and "How To Have A Good Time While Growing Old On The Front Range Urban Corridor" too, just because they both get at the heart of the fics and also bc I just really like the imagery that Front Range Urban Corridor evokes lol.

Thank you for asking I appreciate it!!!!

yknow how every once in a while there'd be funny grad yearbook posts,, i just saw some and i thought he was gonna sincerely thank someone but it went like "i want to thank my arms for being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and finally my finger because i could always count on them"

it's not that funny but i went hAA! *Insert snort noises* 😂 i disturbed my cat's beauty sleep and now he's looking at me funnyyy

nyway, how are you? I hope this week is goin easy for you and that you're properly resting too!! 🧦

BABE !!!!! 😭 Pardon my short answer (I gtg soon), buT I SWEAR I GOT YOUR PREVIOUS ASK (regarding your personalized hcs!) !! 🥺🤗

I wanted to give you a lonnng answer bc I love, love, LOVED everything you told me in your submission for my match up event, but alas I’ve also felt overwhelmed every time I’ve intended to finally answer you. 😅 I pull up your event Ask in one tab, your other Ask in another tab, and then I’m like Ahh how about I do this tmro. 💀

I didn’t include a quote under my yrbook photo… I missed the deadline to do so. 🤪 My friend (whose photo was actually beside mine) had a decent quote tho (which I currently can’t recall lmao).👌🏽

YOU HAVE A KITTY ?!?!?! Idk if this is new info to me, or if I’m just being reinformed, but- 😻

I just finished my last day of summer work! 🤪 Aka back to school and my school job this weekend. 🥴

Sending you soft cheek kisses and pink lemonade vibes !! 💞🍋

P.S. YOU’RE GYO ANON?! 😳 TYTYTY FOR STICKING AROUND !! There’s no adequate emoji for how much affection and appreciation I feel !!!!!! You’re very dear and near to my heart — I’m grateful for you !! 🥰

Thank you for tagging me @pretty-dianxia, even twice ;D (@fismoll7secinv is my main). Much love 💚

Rules: Tag nine people you want to get to know better.

Favourite colour: green 💚 tho prolly my fav combination is blue + warm sunset-like gold 💙💛 Really, I love so many colors it always feels inadequate to choose just one or two T^T I want to wrap them around my shoulders and take a bite

Currently reading: qi ye, finally ✨ Tho I’m a bit on hiatus since I went into mourning some time ago and a lot of things piled up, same with watching cql. I hope to come back to these two soon because daym was I enjoying it

Last song: hah, kinda embarrassing to admit but my own old improvisation A demon inside. I listen to it sometimes on loop as a background noise to get into a calm mood for writing, somehow inspiration often strikes for me with that

Last movie: the conjuring 3, it was okay even if quite predictable and typical for horrors. I enjoyed pretty scenes and I adore the main couple, so it was light and fun for me, not very challenging

Sweet, Savoury, or Spicy: spicy 🌶 I can’t handle too much sweetness and savoury is a no <3 (vegetarian 🌿)

Currently working on: fjvhbdkv SO MUCH, I have around 30 ideas in drafts and like 10 wips 😭 Among these are poems, fics, and memes. But the most recent things I touched would be a short drabble for one person who followed me and was instantly attacked with a message if they have requests because I felt like it ;D I am so sorry for taking so long, I will get back to it soon T-T Another thing was some fengqing (or more like qingfeng xd) short make-out session lmao. I’m also taking part in mxtx big bang where am beta-ing a fun fic for a fun person 💚 There is also one artist who I asked if I could share their beautiful art here but never actually got to it and it’s been months?? since then. Plus I have so many artists to catch up on here. Also another semester on my uni started and projects are soon due. And at work we’re reaching a deadline for a huge project where I’m leading a big portion of it so I sometimes stay late at work and end up v tired. 

So yeah, I have a lot of responsibilities and promises while my free time is very short, so all of these private and creative things take up whatever tiny bit of strength and time I have and thus take so painfully long :’) I don't remember the last time when I had much time for myself instead of helping someone out or doing responsibilities or just lying mindlessly because of exhaustion xdd so ye that's one of the reasons why I'm significantly less active and not up to date in the fandom recently. But I’ll manage

Edit: oh yeah also that one nandermo ficlet bc I acquited a new brainrot recently akejbrbdbd

Tagging: @qd-archives @pomodoroidk @orchisailsa @linaflorow @snake-and-mouse @wrrinkl @vitaminbean @ashenlights @apocalyptickoala @uweiy ofc if u feel like it

/// end of the semester post again + long rant oops

I have an undefined extension for my paper but I self imposed a deadline for Monday night/Tuesday morning. I did this with the realistic thought of working on it Sunday night for a few hours (thinking I would be 90% done), and then working on it for a few hours Monday night (then being fully done). Wellllll I didn't work on it yesterday so now I gotta do everything in one night. I got to sleep at least all day, but I'm like,,,, so overwhelmed. I genuine could not work on my paper last night/this morning bc I was so anxious and depressed and tired and every time I mustered up the ability to just re reread my draft the babies needed food. I think I could finish it all tonight, but I'm going hiking/hanging out with a friend tomorrow morning so regardless of whatever happens, I won't get to sleep more than an hour or two. And the faucet still isn't fixed. I tried last night and the whole sink may need to be removed bc there's so much rust I can't tell if the raucet fused to the sink or the sink fused to the faucet. Anyways, me and my mom are fighting again bc she was discouraging me from doing anything last night in case it turned into a huge project (and ofc it did) and I couldn't handle it in one night and we would have to call a professional. Changing a faucet is pretty damn easy,, when there isn't like an INCH of rust surrounding the base. Well, i can change the sink myself (that part doesn't have any rust), but we just need to buy one and ofc our house has a giant single sink that may have been custom made so we would need to call a professional to resize our sink hole to fit in a new sink. But she needed to call to find out who sells our sized sink (if they do) so we know if we can just go buy a new sink I can change it, or we buy a new sink then call a professional. So she didn't do that. And that's understandable and everything bc she's busy, but the point is, I said I needed to at least attempt this faucet change last night bc when else would it get done???? (hint: it will not be done until at least Wednesday, realistically at the earliest Frday, probably this weekend). Plus in attempting it, I got to see it's impossible to change and we can reasses what needs to be done. She said we would just handle it tomorrow when its not the middle of the night, which in a deluded idealized world would be perfect, but she works until 3:30 and nothing would get done until 4, and then we have no time to really do anything huge before 5:30/6 when we waln the dog,, then put the chickens to bed,, then need to feed the kittens again, and now its dark out just like yesterday and wow nothing got done. This happens every project and I'm sick of her saying "tomorrow" and MONTHS of not YEARS go by and nothing gets done. I have to do it myself while I have time and energy otherwise it genuinely will never be done. My plan is to measure, buy a new sink and keep it in the box, call a handyman/plumber, then make sure the old faucet can't come out and then they just replace the whole thing. Even tho I can probably figure out how to do it myself (the sink easily unscrews), it would be difficult and I'd rather sleep lmao.

I'm also slaty bc the neighbor was over when we argued a bit last night, and they both "deal with teenagers" (but her son is....really bad and not comparable to me at all) so every time I voice anything or call my mom out or anything she rolls her eyes and the neighbor agrees and thinks I'm irrational. Like, the neighbor only ever hears testimony from my moms side so of course she will think I'm an ungrateful insensitive child who needs to chill bc she doesn't see how my mom doesn't follow through on anything she says will happen, and it's a cycle of this until I blow up and do everything myself for years. I'm 20, almost officially a grad student, I know I'm young but I am certainly in no capacity a child anymore. Especially if you consider the responsibilities and real world adult roles I've taken on since I was 15. Even if I was a child, moms arent god and 99% of the time they are at fault for something in the situation.

This week I got my 2 finals too, so hopefully after this paper is done TONIGHT, I can hang out with my friend, sleep, do my first exam, then go to work Wednesday, then work and take my second exam on Thursday, and then work and do the faucet fiasco Friday. Until then, I will still not be eating much bc its such a big issue to wash stuff in the bathroom sink. But I'm surviving -- I'm eating enough calories, it's mainly just in potato chips and popcorn and cashews.

its been 84 years but im finally continuing our convo aldjdlafjwl ! sorry it took me so long ! but i hope ur doing well 💗

i haven't found the alice in borderland manga anywhere but i also haven't checked many sites, so it honestly might b !

& i completely agree, a good plot >>>> jumpscares any day

i also have a favorite manga series that is like a psychological thriller/"survival" game kind of thing, its called ARISA ! i absolutely love it and have read it so many times :") and its available to read online too !

i'll add ur recs to my list as well ! tho i've been a bit hesitant to watch us bc it looks a bit spooky

i definitely did not stay up for the comeback show either lol but i watched maybe half of the reupload and clips on twt too

but omg that would've been so fun 🥺 for halloween i just hung out w some friends and watched halloween movies and had way too many sweets :") wbu?? did u do anything fun or dress up?

i didn't watch road to kingdom but i may have gone through a phase where i watched all of tbz's performance every single day in order to function 😳😳😳 & i did watch all of kingdom ! from rtk i love: sword of victory, checkmate & quasi una fantasia. from kingdom i love: the red wedding & the stealer epic ver. wbu?? did u watch rtk or kingdom? and which performances do u like the best?

i broke...and ordered the storybook ver :") i saw all of the scans and i just needed one 😭

but overall ! thoughts on maverick???

ohhh i see 👀 ! but tbz is really just... taking all of my energy too (in a good way) lol

omg NO WAY I ORDERED THE STORYBOOK VER TOO

anyways dw about it!! i've been staying busy with a bunch of incoming fic deadlines HAHA but time really flies??? almost 2022 😭 i hope school/work are going well for u!! oh and ur new smau too that's exciting 🤩 (i'm still very curious as to what happens in ur ateez smau if u ever decide to continue that tho!!)

wait for alice in borderland does this site work? i clicked the last chapter to see if it's complete and uhHHH might've seen a spoiler OOPS LMAO i'll probably wait for s2 of the show to come out first tho. but arisa sounds so good??? the concept of impersonating a twin is already interesting omg ok i'll dive into this after my deadlines!! and yeah i agree, us was definitely spooky, not in so much in a horror way but it kinda just lingers in ur mind LOL

omg i ended up staying up for the mv alkdfjk but tbz really had so much content this time that i can barely keep up, like dnd and timeout? plus the comeback stuff :') how do u survive as a multi?? but ur halloween sounds like it was fun!! i watched some movies but really just did nothing LMAOO

aggressively watching their performances is... relatable tho... each time u watch it there's probably something different to notice anyway AHAHA :') i watched kingdom first but then went back and watched rtk right after!! really liked checkmate, quasi una fantasia, and reveal catching fire for rtk (though the reveal mama version is still my fav 🥺), and atz's from the wonderland and btob's blue moon for kingdom!! excited to see what they do for this year's award shows 😍

OKAY SO I ORDERED THE ALBUM omg it's my first album in all my 10 years of kpop adlkfj. the pics are just so cute 🥺 i liked all three songs, wbu?! the maverick mv was hella cool but kinda wish they did a little more with it? if they had more time i guess BUT ANYWAY i've been mindlessly looping it for the past while :') the prechorus and bridge have my heart but i do love sunwoo's rap at the beginning 😍 did u see their stage outfits tho!! everyone looked so good 😭

10/28/2020

writing this in the middle of a class session per usual, but we’re going over a midterm exam from monday that we had 24 hours to work on and turn in. and well guess who’s the person who didn’t even LOOK at the midterm until around 9-10pm my time (it was due at 11am my time) so I pulled an all-nighter to do it ... anyway listening to the professor and some students discuss the midterm answers during this class session and i’m like LMAO ... i am so fucked because while my thoughts may be in the right direction, my answers were definitely not as developed bc 1. i literally worked on it in the wee hours of the night when my brain is basically shut down and 2. I have only been watching lectures and not doing ANY of the readings. and the latter point is important bc legit the last midterm question most ppl apparently referenced the latest class reading we were supposed to have done and i just said some underdeveloped bullshit not referencing anything.

i mean i’m fucked for all of my classes basically bc i’ve been putting off doing all work. i’m behind on like 2-3 lectures in one class, i have a midterm essay due friday that i haven’t even STARTED thinking abt or working on at all (only 2 pages tho so i’m not AS fucked as i could be), and i have a graded discussion for this class above that closes tmr that i still haven’t added to bc 1. i still haven’t finished the reading and 2. ppl be writing goddamn ESSAYS and also seem to know shit and i’m just like idk anything at all. and like i see all this and i’m like ok i need to take time to work on it but yet i just be on twitter and youtube and IG basically 24/7 not doing work even when deadlines creep and eventually barrel closer.

i mean part of it is anxiety, i’m too nervous to do it bc i know i won’t get it done perfectly (bc i haven’t been doing any readings and shit) so i just put it off and then end up having to submit crap anyway. but part of it is just me being a fucker bc i’ve managed to scrape by the last 2-3 yrs with this bare minimum mentality so theoretically i can do it again for this next year but the issue is now it’s starting to show in my grades bc before i could manage A-B grades but now it’s going into lower B-C range aka actually reflecting my lack of motivation and low quality of work. and also i’m getting no sleep so maybe that’s impacting the number of brain cells i can rub together for warmth. i just don’t feel motivated to do work even when the deadline is breathing down my neck, and i get easily distracted/lose focus when i’m actually attempting to do the work. idk if it’s unaddressed adhd cropping up more (context i’ve never officially been diagnosed with it but i’ve been reading cases of ppl struggling with adhd suddenly in higher edu situations lately and it just sounds a lot like what’s going on with me) or if it’s me with shit health habits. i’m not even motivated to do things i feel like i’d enjoy doing, like art projects or whatever idek. i’m just going by each day scrolling through twitter and IG uselessly, watching youtube videos when i should be doing schoolwork or actual work at my part-time job, and feeling miffed abt the state of affairs and the world yet doing nothing abt it (like volunteering or reading up on theory or etc).

starting to think maybe i seriously do need to see a therapist. i feel scared of saying all this bc i literally put myself in this situation and i don’t really want to hear a therapist telling me what i already know aka i need to do the work to get out of this hole, it’s not all gonna get solved by continuing to bury my head in the sand. but since i don’t have any close friends or friends in general to talk about this with, and i don’t really want to unload on my sibling or academic advisor... i really need to get an outlet to just spill all this out and maybe get a new, fresh view on it. the thing abt therapy is tht it feels exhausting to have to do multiple intakes to try to find the right therapist though ... i just want the first one to be good for me and then go from there. i did one intake sometime last year and that therapist was aight so honestly maybe i should just go with her for now so at least i got SOMEONE... god getting it all down makes me realize how fucked and unhinged i am fr. i didn’t mean for these diary entries to be like this but my academics are so tied up with my mental health so it makes sense.

Episode 11 - “i am the balrog elder gay” - Kait

i am the balrog elder gay 

Losing Chloe BROKE ME. listning to Bye Bye mariah carey and crying!!! this is for the people who just lost somebody... SHOOT. I wanted her to blurt out more of her votes in tribe chats. RIP. a fallen Goddess...

SWEET BABY JESUS I GET A SECOND LIFE IN THIS GAME!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! OMG I LOVE THE LAGOON RN! BUT HOPEFULLY I CAN MAKE IT TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN RETURN BECAUSE I HAVE A FEW PEOPLE TO STRIKE BACK AT.

I’m so dumb, completely missed the voting deadline, in my defense i was teaching, but still. Never again, its merge (maybe) and im not gonna jeopardise my game like that.

I'm glad we merged but two people are returning to the game? This has been the most cracked game I have ever played.

Renee and Chips have a chance to return. Between the both I hope Renee comes back. She was an ally for me and most probably work together again.

Go rennee!

---

boo chips

MERGEMERGEMERGEMERGE!!!! glad my zodiac sign is known for being loyal cause I sure ain’t. 

This challenge is always weird but i think if people tell me the truth i may have cancelled out some of my stuff im getting. M&M&M are good standings hopefully. I also trust kait thomas and timmy. Hopefully i can make itndeep in the game.

---

This challenge was a total meh i guess this works. Hopefully i win immunity. If not hopefully im not a target. My relationship with Madison may be rocky right now cuz i blindsided her tribe friend in another game. So im kinda nervous. Hopefully she doesnt pass it her vengence here and tries to take me out.  Im slightly worried a but for this tc.

This merge is a little different from my norm game, I usually have 2-4 alliance chats going but I don't have a single one so far this game.  All my deals have been side deals so far, I do not know if that is a good or bad thing as of this moment in time.  Corey did fill me in that there was an alliance being formed that included him, at least it's indicative of him wanting "The Bull and the Lion" to continue to work. I am also way to mentally drained to give a damn, I just needed to make a confessional to not strike. I worked for 14 hours today but I made 325 dollars and now only owe 4k on my student loans.  Thassss a win in my book even if I get voted out, I'm just gonna drink some beer, hold Jenifer and go to bed.  Good night Moon.

THANK GOD I WON IMMUNITY. You have no idea how good it feels to not have to stress out too much this round. Considering there are 14 of us, really anything could happen, but it's great to know that I will make it through at least one more round. The only key here is just making sure that I stay on the right side of the numbers. The line will most likely be drawn in the sand, so it's important that I stay on the right side of it. So far, I think the people that trust me the most are Ian, Corey, and Matt. I talk to them the most out of everyone, and I do trust them all to an extent, Corey and Ian the most. I would love to find a way to get all three of them on the same page, but I know that will be a heard feat. Next in line would probably be Maynor, Madison, and Kait. I talk to these three a good amount, but for some reason I am having a hard time putting my full faith into them. I talk to Owen a good amount too, but he is a MAJOR threat, and someone that I do not want to be in the game for too much longer if I'm going to have a chance to win. For this round, in an ideal world, Thomas would go home. But that seems too easy. I am hoping someone starts throwing names around, but if not, I guess it will have to be me.

WHY DOES MATT HATE ME SO MUCH?!?!  I genuinely wanted to work with him after first impressions, I bet he was the one who voted Taurus now.  My idol now has a name attached to it, so thanks for that Matt.  In a way, I guess you did end up working with me in some fashion.  Ideally this round goes down with a clear majority on Stephan and Corey can get his save a vote activated and I play the slow burn on good ole Matteo, I wanted to butt heads with Owen at merge, but Owen has been a delight while Matteo has been nothing but a thorn in my side.  

Phew child this merge! 14 people is so so so many and I did in fact vote out Adrian and Chloe, both people who I’ve worked with. I’m left in a really interesting spot because of the warzones it’s still hard to see who has a pattern of voting together. I feel that I’ve positioned myself to be in a lot of threesomes, and hopefully nobody really catches on to that? I know Kait is my number one currently and I have trust with Madison and Devon and Corey. But I’m also fully aware that everyone is a huge threat, and I have to downplay myself as one as well. Hopefully a stepehen vote will provide me with good positioning, as we’re removing someone I personally can’t reallt work with, and lessening the numbers. I also wanna really work with chips but I’m sure everyone was chomping at that bit! Who doesn’t want a bite of chips!

I wish I could put an image in this form bc the joke I’m about to make is so funny Anyways lol I told Kait about the idol I felt like I had to or else I’d break her trust if I ever used it. But THEN LOL SHE TOLD ME THAT matt also has one LMAO THAY HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT!!!! So that meme I linked above is literally me and matt with our idols Here’s my prob tho I like l.... I have to tell matt bc he knows I guess the coordinate. So I guess that’s a thing that’ll happen

Finally have an alliance chat with Kait and Owen...it’s been so many rounds in the making tbh, it just needed to actually be made. I feel safer having that as well as us going to make one with Matt and Maynor as well, making sure that Matt is okay with it...Maynor already seems to be on board. The only name that’s been going around is Stephen so that kind of sucks because I wanted to work with him, but he isn’t around enough to try and rock the boat for in this game unfortunately. 

I found a hidden immunity idol which is awesome! Also, everyone has been silent this round after we decided on Stephen so that’s a bit suspicious 

This is a really hard round because I really like everyone. If any good came from it, it's that I solidified myself into a strong alliance that should be able to keep me safe for at least a few rounds. Corey did not seem to bite on my idea to vote out Owen. Matt says he is most threatened by Ian and Timmy. And everyone just seems to want to vote Stephen. I think this round will be pretty easy, but from this point on it just gets harder. I assume that Chips is in a bad spot and most likely will go next. But at final 12, it's going to be a doozy to see who can stay on top of the vote.

So thisrounf there is an alliance of 6 however I have 0 faith in Thomas. He is a wild card and will be hard to judge and work with. No idea what’s going to happen tonight. 

Aight a lot happening this merge!!! Fourteen people we losin our minds. First of all let me say half these ppl were kinda boring to talk to but I’m liking it a little better today. I came in wanting Stephen GONE because I lied to him during the taylor vote and we haven’t clicked since and I promised I would get out whoever lied to me in this food challenge and his bitch ass didn’t submit so I didn’t get my perfect ZERO!!!! So I was all ready to press him but suddenly Devon had already thrown out his name! Easy as pie. I rlly trust Kait and her and corey get along. I was branching out to some others too like madison is bae, Devon is fun, I like talking to Ian. My FAVORITE is Maynor I rlly like him but I’m scared matt has a hold on him. Anyways I helped set up some alliances today that I hope are solid. One is me Kait madison corey and then they wanted to add Devon and tommy which is cool. Still kinda pressed at Thomas because yesterday I said ily to him and he replied with lol but other than that it’s a good group. But then suddenly Timmy wanted something with Kait and I so I took that as an opportunity to solidify something with Maynor! Precious angel. Kait and I are worried because the tension between corey and matt lmao which is honestly kinda stupid. Matt was sus about corey after he spearheaded the renee vote which like I understand. And I stirrred the pot a little because I told corey that matt was after him lmao. But for now I’m rlly working hard to keep them from targeting each other and so is Kait. Idk how long that can last tho. Ummmm trace’s THOT HOE ASS told corey he wanted me out?!!! So he gotta GO! And Kait and matt think Ian is dangerous which I’m like ok maybe..., sure. Ummm Cullan is just mind boggling. He ate tater tots for breakfast who does that. But he’s sweet I guess. Id prefer him and Ian and trace gone soon but corey likes all those people oop. I rlly think Kait wants to stick with going to the end with me and matt which like.... I rlly will keep allegiance to Kait but matt? Idk. He kept his idol secret from me and it’s clear he doesn’t trust me as much which is fine, I wasbsure Stephen would target me tonight but apparently now he’s going for Thomas. Hopefully it’s an easy vote and Stephen goes and I get what I want and next round I’ll figure out what to do when it gets harder

Well. Tonight the vote is Stephen. Well, for the majority of us. For little young me, I will be voting for nobody! We acquiring a save vote. Hopefully, at our next tribal, Timmy leaves! Woo! I am in 2 alliances: Mighty Happy Meal (Owen, Kait, Madison, Devon, Thomas) and Queer Eye-ish (Madison, Matt, Trace). Period... I am loyal to my own people. Madison, Owen, Ian, Devon. Kait too, to an extent. The rest need to go at their time. I do what I can. Matt is a priority for me to get rid of. Unless Timmy wants Matt gone, I want him gone too for next time. x

Ep 11: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-fEEBtT8R4hk_587qknbxwLmB8yhN_lt/view?usp=drivesdk

This is my placeholder confession for until I am at a computer and able to type something out. I got back in the game!

alyssa said put ep 11: just a quick recap bc i have to play this silly flash game now before i pass out - corey and matt allegedly not liking each other is still a problem - owen found an idol - i told owen matt has an idol bc i have a big mouth - corey told owen all this shit about the vote and idk just other game sensitive stuff and not me and - there's an aliens of trace, matt, madison, and corey that trace allegedly made. this is a big question mark bc either it's just really random and people that trace wants to work with despite what they said or this beef??? between matt and corey is fake which i wouldn't be too surprised by - corey told all of this to owen before tribal but told him that he was going to wait until after tribal to tell me like.... i don't appreciate that. - i think that kind of solidifies that if/when corey v matt happens and i have to pick a side i wanna go with my matt. - im sure i will think of more tomorrow oh also i want ian to get deleted from skype thx

EP 11 Confessional: I got an idol this round which is cool. I heard the vote was stephen however it’s been kinda quiet. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. 

Aight a lot happening this merge!!! Fourteen people we losin our minds. First of all let me say half these ppl were kinda boring to talk to but I’m liking it a little better today. I came in wanting Stephen GONE because I lied to him during the taylor vote and we haven’t clicked since and I promised I would get out whoever lied to me in this food challenge and his bitch ass didn’t submit so I didn’t get my perfect ZERO!!!! So I was all ready to press him but suddenly Devon had already thrown out his name! Easy as pie. I rlly trust Kait and her and corey get along. I was branching out to some others too like madison is bae, Devon is fun, I like talking to Ian. My FAVORITE is Maynor I rlly like him but I’m scared matt has a hold on him. Anyways I helped set up some alliances today that I hope are solid. One is me Kait madison corey and then they wanted to add Devon and tommy which is cool. Still kinda pressed at Thomas because yesterday I said ily to him and he replied with lol but other than that it’s a good group. But then suddenly Timmy wanted something with Kait and I so I took that as an opportunity to solidify something with Maynor! Precious angel. Kait and I are worried because the tension between corey and matt lmao which is honestly kinda stupid. Matt was sus about corey after he spearheaded the renee vote which like I understand. And I stirrred the pot a little because I told corey that matt was after him lmao. But for now I’m rlly working hard to keep them from targeting each other and so is Kait. Idk how long that can last tho. Ummmm trace’s THOT HOE ASS told corey he wanted me out?!!! So he gotta GO! And Kait and matt think Ian is dangerous which I’m like ok maybe..., sure. Ummm Cullan is just mind boggling. He ate tater tots for breakfast who does that. But he’s sweet I guess. Id prefer him and Ian and trace gone soon but corey likes all those people oop. I rlly think Kait wants to stick with going to the end with me and matt which like.... I rlly will keep allegiance to Kait but matt? Idk. He kept his idol secret from me and it’s clear he doesn’t trust me as much which is fine, I wasbsure Stephen would target me tonight but apparently now he’s going for Thomas. Hopefully it’s an easy vote and Stephen goes and I get what I want and next round I’ll figure out what to do when it gets harder

do all the get to know me questions you haven't yet have fun :-))

I hate you right now
2. How old are you?16
3. When is your birthday?November 16th
4. What is your zodiac sign?Scorpio
5. What is your favorite color?Dark grey or Dark wine red
6. What’s your lucky number?12
8. Where are you from?British Columbia, Canada!
9. How tall are you?5'9
10. What shoe size are you?10-11 depending on brand
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?like 3-4
12. What was your last dream about?Go karting
13. What talents do you have?I can sing, play guitar, play ukulele, play bass guitar, play saxophone, play some piano, draw, do makeup p well
14. Are you psychic in any way?I don't think so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
15. Favorite song?Right now it's Advice by Jesse Ruben
16. Favorite movie?Deepwater Horizon
17. Who would be your ideal partner?@danmoth
18. Do you want children?maybe idk children piss me off 90% of the time
19. Do you want a church wedding?no
20. Are you religious?no
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?yeah, I had to get an X-ray a few years ago because we were worried I'd broken a few fingers in a roller derby accident. luckily it was just a really bad sprain that had me in a tensor for a few weeks
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?no although I've done things worthy of legal trouble lmao 
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?I've met Jesse Ruben and i think someone else that I'm forgetting??
24. Baths or showers?Depends on my mood, usually showers
25. What color socks are you wearing?I am in bed my feet are naked 
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?Honestly like?? yeah?
28. What type of music do you like?pop, musical theatre, 90's punk rock, indie
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?negative
31. What position do you usually sleep in?On my side or the stereotypical girl position on stomach with one leg kinda up 
32. How big is your house?I think it's over 1500sqft
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?I don't
34. Have you ever fired a gun?yes and it was so fun omg
35. Have you ever tried archery?yes I was horrible omg
36. Favorite clean word?Moreover 
37. Favorite swear word?whilst technically a string of words 'vapid fucking whore' is a fav
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?3 days 
39. Do you have any scars?A decent amount yes 
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?yeah I'm pretty sure??
41. Are you a good liar?I can be when I need to be 
42. Are you a good judge of character?I'd like to think I am
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?I can do a bit of a British accent and a bit of a french accent 
44. Do you have a strong accent?I don't think so but I'm sure some people would disagree 
45. What is your favorite accent?RUSSIAN OMGG
46. What is your personality type?INTP-T
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?Either my $45 panic merch from the 2016 summer tour or one of my pairs of jeans I forget how expensive they were
48. Can you curl your tongue?Depends like I can't twist it but I can make a 'u' and sometimes a 'w'
49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie
50. Left or right handed?Right
51. Are you scared of spiders?Yep
52. Favorite food?Cottage cheese or feta cheese
53. Favorite foreign food?Schnitzel 
54. Are you a clean or messy person?I can be clean when I want/need by I'm generally messy bc depression
56. Most used word?fuck
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?anywhere from under 10 minutes to over an hour depending on what I'm doing
58. Do you have much of an ego?I mean, a little bit but most of the time I hate myself
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?depends on the kind
60. Do you talk to yourself?sometimes to remind myself what I'm doing lol
61. Do you sing to yourself?any time I'm alone pretty much
62. Are you a good singer?I don't think so but my producer does ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
63. Biggest Fear?existential meaninglessness
64. Are you a gossip?you bet
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?Dunkirk was amazing
66. Do you like long or short hair?On myself I prefer it short/medium but on other people idc

68. Favorite school subject?English
69. Extrovert or Introvert?Introvert
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?Once, while I was in Mexico 
71. What makes you nervous?Crowds, tight deadlines, tests, friends being distant, plans being disorganized, plans changing last minute, parked cars while it's dark out, plane landings, loud men, big red ford trucks and teal 54 meteors
72. Are you scared of the dark?Outside yes, inside no
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?depends on the person and the mistake
74. Are you ticklish?you bet
75. Have you ever started a rumor?probably tbh
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?probably at some point??
77. Have you ever drank underage?literally a few days ago ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
78. Have you ever done drugs?literally a few days ago I was drunk and high uhh 
79. Who was your first real crush?I had a crush on a boy in kindergarten and I had a crush on him until like 3rd grade bc in kindergarten our class went to the pumpkin patch and I was sad bc I didn't get a big pumpkin and he gave me his large one and found the tiniest one he could for himself 
80. How many piercings do you have?2, I have snakebites
81. Can you roll your Rs?henlo I am fluent in french
82. How fast can you type?very, not sure exactly wpm
83. How fast can you run?now very, except in short sprints I'm pretty fast
84. What color is your hair?purple
85. What color is your eyes?blue
86. What are you allergic to?grass & hay
87. Do you keep a journal?I'm supposed to but I don't ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
88. What do your parents do?My mom is a self employed accountant, my dad is a foreman at an oil company, my step dad is either a parts manager or a sales manager at a car dealership, my step mom is a hospital unit clerk, (and while technically not parents of mine yet) my step dads gf is a bookkeeper and my moms bf works security at an airport and is a producer for myself and a few other artists as well as producing and selling his own music!!
89. Do you like your age?this is one of the worst times in my life due to my declining mental health so No
90. What makes you angry?so many. so many. 
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I definitely have even tho I don't really want kids, I really like Micah, Skylar (alternatively spelt Schuyler) and Aylin
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?I've always handled girls better when it comes to babysitting and stuff sooo
94. What are you strengths? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ no results returned
95. What are your weaknesses?all the things - I'm depressed n have anxiety and I'm nervous and I spook easily and I have no self confidence or motivation and I cry a lot
96. How did you get your name?my parents really liked Shelby Cobra's so I was named after the Shelby Cobra/Carol Shelby
97. Were your ancestors royalty?uhm i fucking hope
99. Color of your bedspread?
My sheet is black, my pillows are purple and blue, my blankets are whatever works with the temp that day. I want a black and white and gold theme tho

1-50

this was long and i’m not formatting it like i normally do skdkfkf its under the cut

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

always baby!

2: What is your full name?

jean nehja [redacted]

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

18 and most of the time like 13ish

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

yeah i actually did it this year but the color did fuck all on my hair

5: What’s your eye color?

dark brown

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

people say it’s nice but i honestly hate it like there are so many things i would change

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

i have my both helixes done and i have my lobes pierced. i should be getting my nose pierced soon and i’m probably gonna get a tattoo when i get to college and go with my friends that are out there

8: What would you say is your best quality?

i think i’m really caring and that’s food!

9: What are you really bad at?

keeping up with deadlines

10: What talent do you wish you had?

i wish i was better at the arts! like i wish i could act, sing, write, and play instruments!

11: Are you nice to everyone?

i try my best to be if i haven’t been nice to you i apologize

12: What do you think about the most?

my friends and going to college

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

i dislike everything but how much i care

14: What is your least favorite word?

tbh i don’t know dkkdkfkf

15: What is your favorite word?

i have no idea actually

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

i have no idea?? probably my mom though

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

always! i feel like it can make someone’s day!

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

my friend got an ugly haircut that she was in love with so i lied and said i like it dkfkkf

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

on this no

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

:/

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

idk i haven’t had a situation like that’s happen to me

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

yes! and they don’t always have to be romantic either!!

23: Are looks important?

if i’m gonna be honest nope! bc like i feel like you fall in love with personality or maybe that’s just me but looking back i have had crushes on people who aren’t that attractive

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

i don’t think anyone 18-24 should be with anyone older than them by 2-3 years

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

yes! ;))))

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

yes and i would slap past!jay if i could

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

yeah have you seen calum hood?

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

;) yup but i’m keeping that to myself

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

nah i don’t think so

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

yup and i think i’ve regretted it everytime!

31: How does someone win your heart?

being kind and funny and just have a good heart and a level head on your shoulders man dkfkkfk

32: What turns you on?

i do not want y’all to know how kinky i am so i’d rather not! but one big thing is looove love looove when someone is really into me and it shows yknow

33: What turns you off?

gross stuff like poop and pee for instance

34: Do you get jealous easily?

nope! i used to though! i mostly get friend jealous bc of my abandonment issues tho

35: What is your definition of cheating?

getting intimate with another person/acting on romantic feelings while you’re with someone else

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

it depends on how bad it hurt me dkfkkf

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

yeah :/

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

nope! proud to say that

39: How often do you listen to music?

every day

40: First concert you attended

i like to say it was jobros bc i watched the 3D concert experience but realistically it was 1D during the where we are tour

41: Last movie you watched

miss congeniality

42: Favorite type of movie

tbh i mostly watch disney ones so like maybe comedy or romance???

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

i feel like i am but i’m probably not lmao

45: Do you fall in love easily?

i don’t think so?? like i have no idea if i do

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

i don’t think i love you can be said too much if you mean tbh like let the people you love know you love them!!

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

halloween!!!!!!!! i already have what i’m gonna be this year i’m doing three different costumes

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

yeah i think so and no i hate it because i’m constantly giving people multiple chances when they don’t deserve it or i’ll see a picture of them and i’ll be like hmm should i start talking to this person again and then put myself back in that bad situation

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth? anywhere the beach is tbh but to be a cunt i’m gonna say disney

50: What’s your “type”?

someone that is really funny and caring and passionate and i want to be able to share what i care about with them yknow like they don’t even have to like it but when someone takes the time out to actually listen to me when i talking about all the random things i’m into i know that they’re like someone worth going after??? does that make sense?? also i tend to love dark eyes and dark hair