#this is my therapy and i'm making it everyone's problem | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

linka-from-captain-planet · 2 days

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Power ranking BG3 ladies based on how much I'd personally like to marry them

All main and supporting women: Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Karlach Minthara, Jaheira, Isobel, Aylin, Mizora, Orin

Plus my background babes: Florrick, Talli, Alfira, Lakrissa, Araj, Nocturne, Skoona, Adrielle, Z'rell, Roah, Nine-Fingers, and special guest star Philomeen

*Isobel and Aylin deserve to be regarded as individuals occasionally, so yes I'm wrecking that home (Alfira and Lakrissa too)

*essentially, top 10 is "women I would like to marry" and 11-21 and is "women I would not like to marry"

Quartermaster Talli. Granted she has an unfair advantage due to looking and vibing as a fusion of my IRL girlfriend and the butch lesbian who installed my new garage door 3 years ago whom I'm still mildly obsessed with. But anyway, we'd have a really great life together. We'd be able to communicate, we'd be compatible in the bedroom, we have similar values. Wife material, Grade A - the gold standard comparison for everyone else on the list.

Isobel. We'd have our tiffs (we can both be a little catty and sensitive), but overall we'd be a pretty stable match. We'd put in the work to make it last. I feel like being a cleric counts as a "job" so I appreciate that.

Nocturne. My #1 "I can fix her" pick because I think I actually can. I appreciate a hard worker, so Nocturne having distinguished herself in her uh workplace enough to become an officer is very respectable to me. We could go to therapy together. Not a perfect match, but I think we could make it work.

Lakrissa. Would be an easy second place if she didn't read so young. She's a little immature (a little over-dedicated, a little too self-sacrificing) and so she'd have to do some growing up, but I think we could make it work.

Florrick. Even though she's my #1 beloved and by FAR the sexiest person in the entire game and I would do anything to [redacted], we'd be like two brick walls getting married. We're too similar. But sheer affection and lust propel her to the top 5 anyway, even though we'd probably be married 10 sexless years before one of us finally snapped and filed for divorce.

Skoona. Assuming she drops the whole self-deprecating thing (can't stand that). She has a job, she's sensitive, she's romantic, she's humble, and she's hot. I don't think we'd knock each others' socks off, but we'd be a nice match.

Lae'zel. Extremely 22 years old and that's an issue for me. I'm also too sensitive to make it through her tough outer shell to get to the soft waifu meat inside. However, she does have amazing wife material to uncover, so I think if I could be her second wife, we'd be golden.

Adrielle. We'd have our problems as two neurotic faux-normies, but we're neurotic in different ways, so maybe we'd complete each other? She's very conscientious and thoughtful, though, which are the most important wife traits for me. With commitment and therapy, we'd make it work, but it wouldn't be the smoothest ride.

Jaheira. I don't really want to be a step parent to young kids, so that pulls her down the list a bit, but there's no way I couldn't have her in the top 10. We'd get along great; we have the same sense of humor; we're both not clingy. A good match, but not really the wife for me.

Minthara. I want her so bad but she'd eat me alive and not in the sexy way. I would let her walk all over me for 2-3 years though, assuming she didn't dump me first. Impossible to rank below the top 10, but objectively not the wife for me.

Shadowheart. Like Lae'zel, there's a lot to get through before you get to the wife material deep inside. I would also need to be her second wife. Also, I'm not doing that cottagecore shit and I cannot have that many animals in my house.

Araj. I know I called her bad in bed 2 different ways in two other posts but that's not a problem, she's so sexy and interesting to me that I know I would fall super hard for her. I too love science? We have something in common. I feel like she'd bring out a lot in me, not necessarily good things, but to be loved is to be changed? I would probably come to my senses before really risking it all though.

Alfira. I love her so much but I am no Lakrissa, I could not handle both supporting her while she pursues her artistic goals AND having to top every time. We'd be that miserable couple that lets it drag on forever because nothing is *wrong* even though nothing is *right* and wind up hating each other.

Nine-Fingers. She'd stress me out too much. Running the streets, making enemies... what if a shake-down goes wrong? Admittedly I'm tempted to live out my mafia wife fantasies with her, but realistically, I think I'd have too many nervous breakdowns to make it worth it.

Karlach. The divorce would be so epic that I almost wanted to rank her higher, but I just know deep down that we would trigger/frustrate the fuck out of each other and completely implode long before making it to the courthouse and/or altar.

Aylin. I routinely get over-stimulated by my cats brushing against my leg when I'm trying to multi-task working and listening to music, so there is no universe in which I could tolerate being married to Aylin. She's too exuberant and touchy. I would be scream-crying WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME every time she simply asked me how my day was in her usual volume. An absolute disaster, she'd smother me despite her best intentions.

Z'rell. She can have place #17 to match the 17 husbands which I would not be okay with. I'm not jealous, but I'm not THAT not jealous. She's also just really harsh and I'm a crier, so we probably would not be able to have a conversation, let alone a relationship.

Roah Moonglow. Like Nine-Fingers, but I feel like the Zhent is like, a second-rate criminal organization and so it'd be like being a second-rate mafia wife. All the stress, fewer fist-sized emerald necklaces.

Mizora. On top of everything else, she's also a corporate LAWYER... yuck

Philomeen. I would go on 1 date with Philomeen, let her start a blowup fight with me outside of [regional burrito chain], let her neg me into fucking anyway, go no contact, and let her booty call me 2 years later at 3AM like nothing happened, but I would not even slightly consider dating her, let alone marrying her.

Orin. Ignoring the whole serial killer thing that's neither here nor there, the problem is the combo of overbearing family (my #1 dealbreaker of all time) and lack of communication skills (my #2 dealbreaker of all time). Like I'd be constantly trying to get her to go no contact with Serevok and she'd never listen and she'd always be talking in fucking Dr Seuss riddles and disappearing and pissing me off.

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killian-whump · 2 days

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Hi everybody. Just a quick notice to let you all know there might not be any updates on this blog for a little bit. My mom had a stroke the other day, so keeping up with Colin --- Well, no. Keeping up with Colin is still possible for me, since he hardly does anything we can see anyway and the lovely soul behind @colinodonoghue will surely inform me if he does.

However, keeping up with this blog is gonna take the back burner for a bit, while I help my mom through this tough time and we all adjust to her new limitations and difficulties. I won't be checking my dashboard or seeing posts/mentions/replies on posts (including this one) regularly at all. I only have about an hour or so a day to catch up on ALL my usual things at home (the rest of the time is, for now, spent at the hospital, away from my computer), so please don't be hurt or offended if I don't respond to you here. I'm gonna leave Asks on so you can send me messages if you want to, but please be aware it might take me awhile to see them! I'll also be responding privately to them (or not at all to anonymous ones) so as not to gum up everyone's feeds with my thank yous ;)

I AM on Discord still, as it's the one app I have in the phone I'm borrowing for the time being. Username's the same, and I'm keeping up with the O'Donocrew server (you can join it here if you want to). But again, responses from me are slow and sporadic. Some days I have quite a bit of time to putter around, some days none at all. Please don't be offended if my responses take awhile and/or are a bit short.

As for my Mom's condition... Physically, she's doing pretty good and seems to be on track for a full recovery. There's weakness on her right side, a bit of spatial neglect (sometimes she forgets the right side is there), and some rigidity they're watching out for, but these are all things that are already improving a bit and should improve a lot more with physical therapy. Cognitively, she's a bit easily confused, but her mind is still sharp, her memories intact, and her personality unchanged. However, she's having the most problems with speech and there's a major disconnect between her mind and her mouth when it comes to being able to form words and say what's on her mind. It's highly frustrating for her and worrisome for us, because we want to make sure we're doing everything we can for her, but it's hard when she can't really tell us what she needs/wants. There seem to be improvements in this, little by little, everyday... so we're hoping with more therapy and practice, she'll keep improving and things will get much better. Overall, we're all so lucky and thankful it wasn't any worse, and we're being optimistic about the future.

Thank you for all the well wishes and love I know you guys would/will send. I always feel the love from you all - my mutuals, my followers, my secret lurkers... all of you, my friends. I love you all and will certainly be back as soon as possible to regale you all once again with my crazy hijinks and my immense love of Colin ❤️

Be well, be happy, and be good to one another ❤️❤️❤️

#personal #blog

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violaobanion · 1 month

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ANTHONY BOYLE as HARRY CROSBY in MASTERS OF THE AIR (2024), part nine

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da-proti-toku-grem · 15 days

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why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for -#- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?'#i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy'#but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety??#i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day*#aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all.............#ranting

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thunderc1an · 2 years

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WIP

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astridthevalkyrie · 3 months

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everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh

long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional

#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now #and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him #they're both going to the correct doctors #but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is #jokes that i'm faking it #i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself #which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't #but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was #so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time #and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space #i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me #i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems #i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY #the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS #i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind #and not awkward or mean #i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't #and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this #i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware #but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit #i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone #i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child #my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow #what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it

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gxlden-angels · 5 months

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Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)

It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.

I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.

It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great

#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health #whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart #he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful #I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism #it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick #my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive #cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond #and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable #but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better #Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve #like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable #I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't #control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't #I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it #I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but #they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever #Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too #Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3

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suncaptor · 12 days

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there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music...........#and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma?#the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life.#if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue.#it's the problem in itself.#my ambition SHOULD be smarter.#god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see.#delete

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emmenai-kalliston · 20 days

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no rizz just constantly "jokingly" tell him how fucking hot he is

#it's literally like: 'wah Mizu is soo attractive to me... btw have i ever told you I've always thought he looks kinda like you?'#'you'd look so sexy in that white shirt haha'#which btw it's the kind of stuff I've told him since forever. i '''jokingly''' had a List of Reasons Why You're Sexy lol #(which includes things like 'ive seen you repair a faucet with your bare hands' btw. like woah)#i just?? never realised?? how hard i was crushing?? because i was too obsessed w my former best friend/main crush #another friend of mine told me this is a good sign. i think he's right #still i am panicking over this crush. over liking people in general atm #i want to go to therapy tbh #how did i end up talking therapy?? i was talking about the boy i like??#anyways. thanks to whoever reads this & sorry if I'm oversharing I guess #I just have to retrieve several months of unrealised simping i guess hahaha #personal #cal has a crush and makes it everyone's problem once again

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grandninjamasterren · 4 months

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#ironic that there's certain people in the notes of my vent post still tone deaf enough to pretend like they weren't part of the problem #im honestly wondering if it was planned #it sure seems coordinated enough #but maybe you just don't pay enough attention to the threads of conversation to notice that everyone is snubbing someone #then again that's been a social punishment since before language was invented so its hard to believe you wouldn't notice #its been made abundantly clear that you wouldn't have cared either way since this is the first ive heard from you since then #therapy doesnt magically disappear problems and it certainly doesnt cure “upset because my friends are ignoring me” suicidal ideation aside #i shouldnt have to lead with “how you're all treating me makes me think i'm better off dead” to get people to hold a conversation with me #about our shared interests after they have admitted a friendly relationship

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garden-eel-draws · 1 year

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I'm watching an autistic youtuber talk about stuff right now, and she brought up make-up and how it can be a sensory issue for a lot of autistic people and I had a sudden realization like "Oh! Is that why?"

Because people expected me to start getting into make-up sometime around middle school, and my cousins certainly did, but for some reason I just...couldn't. Make-up was fine as a (very) occasional element to playing dress-up, but that was it. Lipstick could be fun (until I chewed or licked it all off because it got annoying within an hour), but the idea of wearing annoying powdery stuff on my cheeks all the time was unpleasant and the idea of touching my eyes with literally anything was a gigantic NO.

I didn't even think about it; my natural sensory aversion to having stuff on my skin that I wasn't allowed to touch or clean off steered me away without me realizing, like how I regularly forget the foods that set off my sensory issues are even a thing I can buy. Putting on make-up is just utterly outside my realm of usual behavior because of how my brain works, and I only figured that out today!

#fyi i'm self-diagnosed bc therapy is expensive‚ but my brain problems are fairly loud and clear as these things go #my mom was just so good at helping me manage it even tho neither of us knew what autism was that i didn't realize till i was an adult #anyway yeah it's wild to me when i realize i have an automatic sensory avoidance that apparently isn't standard behavior #i guess i lowkey assumed everyone had to fight not to attack their make-up and just had more self-control than me??? honestly idk lol #autism #neurodivergent things #eel speak

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satanfemme · 2 years

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celebrating joan of arc day by experiencing higher than average symptoms of divine madness

#lol in the combination physical+mental pain+brain fog zone and Im making it everyone elses problem today #JUST like my bestie joan from group therapy #<- visualize that image as me + joan + maybe a few other xtian figures sitting in a circle of chairs and saint michael is the therapist and #I'm in the process of suing him for malpractice out of spite but he doesnt know this cause in group I just flirt with him and afterwards me #and joan meet up to smoke at my place and shes like ''girl u should just go for it'' and Im like ''tch u could never understand the complex #mating rituals of the homosexual male 🙄'' and shes like ''couldn't I?'' and then we say nothing.#but the silence says more than words ever could....

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binch-i-might-be · 1 year

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I should have driven home myself

#father has informed me that everyone actually has to work 40 hours a week and i can't live off of 20 #very cool thanks i didn't know this before #said he didn't understand what my problem was. told me to get therapy. as if i hadn't tried #told me to stop clacking my fisget cube #actually maybe i don't want to live maybe i want to die #'do you want to take pills for all your life?' idk man if they make me want to not kill myself MAYBE SO #i'm biting every single neurotypical person ever rn #he also helpfully reminded me that no one want to hire someone who will be unreliable due to mental health #so i guess i'll just be homeless and die then #i guess i should just try harder to be normal and healthy and work 40 stupid hours every week of my useless miserable life #cani get a lobotomy somewhere is the question #maybe then i could be fucking normal #just cut out the diseased lart of my brain and send me off to work ten hour shifts in the fucking salt mines #anyway. i'm a useless member of society and i deserve to die in the streets is what i'm hearing #thanks i wasn't thinking this myself already at all #vent

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1000-directions · 2 years

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characters on 9-1-1 sure love to make gigantic life-changing career decisions without even mentioning it to their spouses and partners. is this about abby leaving without telling buck? maddie quitting without telling chimney? eddie reenlisting without telling shannon? athena returning to work without telling bobby OR athena considering retirement without telling bobby? david agreeing to relocate to a hospital in haiti for months without telling michael? hen deciding to go to medical school without telling karen? yes. this is about all of those, and probably more.

#this is just off the top of my head i'm sure there's been more and will continue to be more #imagine if any of these people actually ever had a conversation with each other before making a decision #this show is so watchable but it also makes me completely unhinged like every single one of these people needs to go to therapy immediately #and the ones already in therapy need to go to more therapy #911 spoilers #9-1-1 spoilers #911 #9-1-1 #i can never remember if tumblr lets you filter out tags with hyphens #anyway i watch this show now and it's gonna be everyone's problem

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astrxealis · 1 year

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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways #humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good #and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up #leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that #me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies #pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm #yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice #and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since #christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure #which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata #and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing #ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that #im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk #and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my #personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am #and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS #anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends #as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho #that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so #sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like #we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids #but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone #who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways #OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god

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neverendingford · 2 months

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#tag talk #I keep getting customers being like “wow do you perform professionally?” and shit like that about my whistling and like..#no how do I tell you that I'm doing this for my own enjoyment and I don't think I'm better than anybody else I just think you all are worse #like. yeah I'm good at whistling that doesn't make me special or cool it just means everyone else sucks ass at whistling #seriously though. I hear people whistling breathy airy off-tune inconsistent note quality and I just.. ughhhhh stop stop stop stop stop #idk I'm tired of being told I should sell my crafts I should sell my art I should perform professionally I should make myself a spectacle #I'm not a thing to look at I'm not an object to pay for my soul isn't a thing you can buy on Etsy my habits aren't a show to purchase entry #I'm glad people enjoy listening to me whistle. I enjoy listening to me whistle. yeah sure I'm good at it. I just. ughhhh #don't tell me like you're leaving a comment underneath my YouTube video. I'm not content for you to consume.#ughhhh I hate public spectacle and maybe being a side show for every church in my parents' mission network had consequences on me #you know it took me until I was seventeen to finally say no when I was told to take off my shirt to display my scars to someone?#fifteen years of being a freak show. a news update. a creature to be looked at. disrobed and examined. displayed.#and I'm fucking done with it. I'm no one's toy I'm no one's property I'm no one's news letter topic.#I'm my own fucking person and I wish I could actually accept that instead of struggling with it constantly.#idk. maybe I have problems besides “you scored highly on our depression questionnaire so let's teach you coping methods”#maybe next time I have a therapy appointment I'll search my tag talks through jetblackcode and take notes ahead of time #I mean. I am blogging. that's like journaling. maybe I should actually use that to my advantage. go back and use the resources I have.#anyway that being said I've been practicing whistling the orange blossom special (Buddy Greene version) and it's very hard #but I'm getting much better at it.#I really started getting into harder stuff when I started college and would wander the campus whistling homestuck music (thanks Toby Fox)#Rondo Alla Turca is a particular favorite of mine cause it's got some really fun quick sequences #anyway if any of y'all have good recommendations on good chapstick/lipbalm brands that'd be sick because I need to start buying more #and like. find a really good brand that'll last longer on my lips and then just buy a case of it or something.#because I go through lip balm pretty quickly because your lips dry out when you whistle a lot and also I live in the desert so it's dry af

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