240221 HWANG HYUNJIN ☆

Time for my monthly seasonal twice-a-year (sigh) doll display! (The nice thing about having a large doll collection is that I can show off a bunch of stuff at once. The downside is that it takes forever to get set up)

Anyway! On with the pictures!

My husband and I have a whole room dedicated to our respective collections (his is action figures) so I have six dolls on display there. I made Addy’s dress (I was very happy to find a plaid so similar to the original) as well as Kirsten’s wreath. It’s made from the inside of an embroidery hoop, and covered with faux leaves and berries. The candles are cut-down lollipop sticks. Definitely cheaper than trying to hunt down an official one on eBay, yowch.

The rest of the dolls are set up in our bedroom. Mary Kate (TM21) is my mini-me, and I love dressing her in Maryellen’s outfits. She and Melody are standing outside the OG movie theater.

I have a two-tier display on the wall across from the movie theater. The bottom level has a pajama party because I have a weakness for cute pj’s. The Christmas tree has a remote control to turn it on and off, because it plugs in behind the shelf.

Claudia and Eiji are watching Samantha’s movie, the scene where Cordelia gives her a copy of The Wizard of Oz. One of my favorite bits of actor trivia is that, years later, the actress who played her would go on to play the Wicked Witch of the West in Once Upon a Time.

The top shelf is Santa’s workshop!

A lot of the toys are old Happy Meal prizes, like these mini Cabbage Patch dolls.

I also have a ton of mini AG dolls (including 4 mini Samanthas in different outfits). I like having an excuse to show them all off.

To Marie-Laure and Charles de Noailles Culver City, 2 December 1930 Very dear friends, First, I must thank you for sending the two letters, the one from Drieu and the other one, as well as the press cuttings, all of which arrived in good time. I see the critics are still prattling on and lecturing you about charity (donating that million for a retirement home), instead of promoting a film against charity. My friendship and admiration for you increase by the day. You are unique among those of your class for having produced a work like that. And I hope that when more reviews come out they will confirm what I’ve just said. Let’s hope! I’ve been here for a month now and I’ve achieved nothing. I arrive at Metro at about midday and have lunch, then I leave at around 3pm and don’t go back until the following day. If I had hopes of doing anything they are beginning to fade. All I can say is that there is an immense list of untouchable topics. And all the topics that interest me are on that list. They just go on making the same old films where the star is the only object and the only subject. Eisenstein, to give a fine example, is leaving tomorrow having achieved absolutely nothing. And not because he proposed any overtly revolutionary scripts. They rejected the idea of him making L’Or by Cendrars. There is more talking in films every day and Metro alone has over sixty writers charged with inventing, writing, adapting or translating scripts. And you’ve already seen what they produce. For example: Yves Mirande is the first French writer and Martínez Sierra will be the first Spaniard. All the directors are controlled directly, and at all times, by supervisors whose job it is to safeguard moral values, public taste, political ideas, good sense, and every kind of routine human convention. They are marvellously well set up to quash any new ideas, unless they are purely technical ones. I don’t mean the practical side of things, that is even more impressive than I imagined. However, I am learning to despise such levels of perfection and marvellous organization at the service of the worst kind of imbecility. For my part, in order to justify my salary, I’ve asked to be put in charge of dialogues in Spanish or the adaptation of foreign films. It involves very little responsibility and will allow me to get through the first six months of my contract without being noticed. I shall return to Paris in May. We had no idea how impressive Los Angeles would be. It is ten, maybe twenty times as big as Paris. It is a vast garden with palm trees, lawns and flowers, on which they’ve built avenues where the house numbers go up to seven or eight thousand. Each one is a bungalow. And the standard of living couldn’t be more perfect. Even with my outgoings, I’ve been able to buy myself the latest Ford and live in an apartment I could not have dreamt of. Particularly in terms of the comforts. Even with the garage, monthly payments on the car, etc., I’m still saving almost 100 dollars a month. I play miniature golf every day, which is much more entertaining than normal golf. I spend Sundays at Chaplin’s house. He’s very likeable, but not particularly clever. He never spends any time with the Americans and he’s always with us (us = two young Spaniards and me). When he’s out in public, he only likes to joke around, doing the bread roll dance, miming and performing other charming tricks. When he gets serious, he shows us a postcard from London and tells us all about his childhood with his mad mother begging on the streets. And then he suddenly goes back to performing the bread roll dance. He is only ever still for a moment, at the Turkish baths, perhaps meditating. However, he does have human qualities and a quite straightforwardly warm personality. I’m sending you a magazine with photographs from the police archives over here. It is quite remarkable, completely dedicated to gangsters and their crimes. I hope you find it interesting. I see all the famous stars every day, male and female, at the Metro canteen. They are extremely disappointing. Joan Crawford is truly ugly. Greta Garbo keeps herself to herself and dresses very plainly. Norma Shearer is insignificant. Lily Damita, on the other hand, is very pretty, but she sticks her tongue out whenever she notices people looking at her. Menjou and Lewis Stone are just as they appear in the films. Buster Keaton is not particularly interesting either. And many others. The Metro canteen is like a DEAR LITTLE MALAMPIA’S GROTTO. But the film magazines have fooled us all, one way or another. I honestly envy you when I think of Saint-Bernard. I often remember my visit there and it makes me sad to think I won’t be able to visit this winter. Nonetheless, I shall save your kind invitation for next winter. I can just imagine Charles in his coat and Marie-Laure taking the flowers outside at night. And playing with Laure and Nathalie from 5 to 7 in the evening. Send them both my love. Yours affectionately, Luis Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Culver City, California PS Why don’t you come to Los Angeles and Hollywood in the Spring? The climate is wonderful, and the city is truly beautiful. It would be a wonderful trip… and I would be able to spend a few days with you. So, it’s a very selfish suggestion on my part. If you were to come, I would delay my return to Europe. The photo: my car, Georgia and me (Georgia is Charlot’s friend, the lead in The Gold Rush, where she was a brunette).

Jo Evans & Breixo Viejo, Luis Buñuel: A Life in Letters

Coping with Dementia: The good will of Dementia

We have just finished our annual fund-raising walk for Dementia Education, Inc., a Citrus County-based nonprofit that supports families living with dementia.  As always, I came away from this event in a state of gratitude and wonder! Dementia is our most feared medical condition, even above cancer, heart disease, and stroke.  This is not surprising because dementia lasts eight to 12 years after diagnosis, and it eventually can require years of around-the-clock care.  It is expensive, exhausting for the care partner, and traumatic for everyone involved. Little wonder then that most of us, after we have traveled this journey, want nothing less than to run and hide.  We never want to deal with or hear about dementia again.  This is a natural and justified response, and I would never criticize anyone for feeling this way. This is why I am astonished that so often the horrendous experience of dementia has just the opposite effect.  I cannot count how many people I’ve met who traveled this awful road, then turned to retrace their steps to become angels of compassion and mercy for those who are coming behind them.   Not surprisingly, our Coping with Dementia fund-raising Walk seems to be a gathering place for these kinds of people. The good will of Dementia First, I think of Dementia Education’s board of directors.  Each of these women and men have gone through the experience of losing a spouse or parent to dementia.  Yet they dedicate many hours of their time to voluntary service to create and fund programs that will benefit current and future care partners in Citrus County.  Many of them give additional monetary gifts, then turn out as workers at the Walk to make sure everything runs smoothly. I think of Judy Spencer, a resident of Grand Living who, after losing her longtime friend to dementia, has become the King Kong of team-builders for the Walk.  She relentlessly prowls the halls of Grand Living on her scooter, recruiting residents to join their team.  Three times she has won the Mary Blair Darling Award by creating the largest team, generating upwards of $2,000 each time.  There is a member of one of my support groups whose husband has been diagnosed with early onset dementia.  They are both years away from Social Security and he can no longer earn a living, so she must provide for their family’s needs.  Yet, on a Sunday they put on their purple shirts and set up a table at their church to solicit support for other families living with dementia.  This year, they and their nine-year-old friend proudly handed us more than a thousand dollars in small bills!  You could see the joy on the young girl’s face because she alone had raised over $300! This young lady, and others like her, remind us that dementia is a disease that does not affect only the elderly.   This year, a group of students at Lecanto High School created a Dementia Awareness Club that has recruited more than 40 members.  Many of these young people have already experienced dementia through the lives of their grandparents.  They had a table at the Walk, and they were a hit!  For those of us who have already traveled the road, we saw evidence that our future is in good hands! I have talked about fund-raising in this column, but money is not the point!  It is what is behind the fund raising that counts, and this is the good will, compassion, and desire to ease the burden for others who will travel this road.  Can anything as awful as dementia have good results?  Yes, of course!  I see it all the time. I saw it again this year at our Walk, and I never fail to stand in awe of those who turn their pain into compassion and kindness for others. They too realize that we all deserve the best! Thank you all for your continued support. About Debbie Selsavage Debbie Selsavage is a Certified Trainer and Consultant in the Positive Approach to Care and a Certified Dementia Practitioner.  She authors a monthly column to assist caregivers in coping with Dementia. Her company, Coping with Dementia LLC is dedicated to making life better for individuals living with dementia.  Contact Debbie at [email protected]. Read the full article

1 Year Anniversary of My First Fic! 🥳

Hello everyone! Last year, on this day (Jan 26), I posted my first fanfic! Aka the Prologue to my Mamma Mia fic!!! 🎉

I know I have grown a lot since then as a writer and as a person. I continued the fic and finished it months later, I became more active in the LH fandom, submitted the fic to a live reading, and I made friends here and on the Discord server. Honestly, I would laugh if someone told me this would happen years ago.

So why am I writing this message anyway? I want to share with you all the 1-year anniversary gift for the series! It is an epilogue set over a year after the fic ended. I hope you all enjoy it! :)

Special thanks to:

@fanmoose12 for encouraging me to write it

@immagoudaboi for beta reading the fic

@djmarinizelablog for encouraging me to submit my fic to the live reading

@snudootchaikovsky for beta reading this final piece

And to everyone for enjoying the series. I am still writing more fics, so be on the lookout for that!

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

It was a quiet afternoon in Hotel Hange. The owner, Hange, had just finished cleaning up the place after some guests had left that morning. She began humming another ABBA song as she prepared an upstairs room for the next guest.

If someone told Hange that she would marry Levi, let Sasha go on an adventure around the world, discover a fountain under the hotel, and witness an increase in guests all in a year, she would have laughed in their face.

Levi had been nothing but a devoted husband to Hange ever since they got married. He had packed up everything from Germany and moved in with Hange. Levi was there for Hange’s ups, downs, and everything in between. In the day, the couple worked together around the property, and they occasionally visited Ms. Alexandra to pay their respects. Nighttime was strictly Levi and Hange time. That was when the couple spends time making up for their time dancing, going on walks, cuddling, and a few other things. The couple has dedicated their hearts to each other and anyone on the island can see how in love they are.

It had been over a year since Sasha had left. Hange always looked forward to the monthly photos that Sasha sent of the countries she had visited. The last photo was from the Inca Trail in Peru, and Sasha mentioned that she and her fiance, Niccolo, would be heading to Argentina next. Hange greatly missed her daughter but seeing her fulfill her dreams gave her happiness.

In addition, the hotel had an increase in guests within the past year. There was rarely a quiet moment for Hange and her assistant, Moblit, and as a result, they had to hire more staff. The team, dubbed as Hange’s squad, consisted of her, Moblit, Rashad, Abel, Lauda, and Nifa (who named the team).

Meanwhile, her friends had their own escapades. Rico was apparently dating an architect named Ian. The last time Hange heard from her friend, Rico mentioned how her new boyfriend was designing a vacation home in the European countryside just for her. On the other hand, Nanaba is still together with Mike. The two had also visited different countries together and they had even met up with Sasha and Niccolo in Spain. The couple is also writing a book together. Hange always looks forward to her phone calls with Nanaba and how she always gushes about Mike. Finally, Erwin had written to Hange that he was thinking about proposing to Marie. Hange has quietly been rooting for the two ever since they met on the island. The two were perfect for each other in Hange’s perspective.

Hange had just finished fluffing up the last pillow when she noticed her husband's absence. Levi was supposed to help feed the goats in the barn. He had left over 30 minutes ago but it shouldn’t have taken him a long time to finish. Hange began to walk downstairs when the front door opened. She suspected it could be the people from her squad, who were busy running some errands on the mainland when it was actually her husband and a young boy.

“Levi!” She greeted and walked towards him. “Who is our guest?” She asked, pointing to the boy. The boy looked to be about 13 years old, had black hair and eyes, and wore glasses. His clothes were ragged and torn as if he had not washed them in a while.

“Our guest was actually hiding in the attic of the goat house. It seems as if he has been there for a few days.” He said with a frown.

The boy looked down in shame. Hange smiled sadly and kneeled down on one knee to be at eye level with him. “What is your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you anywhere on the island”

The boy shook his head. “My name is Udo and I am not from here.”

Hange hummed in thought. “I see, so what brings you to the island? Specifically, to my hotel?”

Udo nervously shuffled his feet. “I lived in Germany until my parents died. I had to go to an orphanage because I had nowhere to go. I knew from the start that I was never going to get adopted because no one wants to adopt an older child. The other kids treated me horribly anyway, so I ran away. One thing led me to another, and I ended up on Kalokairi. I heard some locals talk about the hotel, but I have no more money-”

“So you decided to hide out in the goat house instead?” Hange finished and Udo nodded.

“I promise I did not steal anything from you but please do not send me back! I don’t think I can stand another minute at the orphanage.” Udo exclaimed with desperation.

Hange smiled and ruffled his hair. She stood up and held her arms out. Udo did not need Hange to verbalize anything to know what Hange was implying. He ran straight into her arms.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” he cried into Hange’s shirt. Hange rubbed his back in a motherly way.

Meanwhile, Levi was shocked and slightly amazed at the sight. He was surprised at how quickly Hange forgave Udo, and how she treated him as if he were her own.

“It’s okay, Udo. You are safe here. But first you need to get cleaned up. Luckily, I have some friends who should be coming back soon, and they can cook you something to eat. I bet that you are hungry.” Udo’s stomach growled right on cue and Hange laughed out loud. “Okay, it’s settled.”

Hange led Udo to the kitchen with Levi following from behind. She gestured for him to sit down at the dining table so she can find some food. Hange came back with an apple and a small bag of cashews. Udo was a lot hungrier than Hange thought with the way he devoured the food she gave him in a second. Unfortunately, she didn’t have anything else on her than the single snack. Hange needed backup; Udo needed a proper meal, new clothes, and a bath, and she couldn’t do it on her own, so she decided to call her squad to help her with the task.

The door opened again 15 minutes after Hange’s phone call to reveal Hange’s squad. Hange walked over to greet them all. “Right on time! I’m going to need your help with something.”

“What do you need, Hange?” Moblit asked.

“Well, we have a new friend here named Udo.” She turned to Udo. “Udo, these are my friends Moblit, Lauda, Abel, Rashad, and Nifa.” She turned back to her squad. “Friends, this is Udo.”

“Hi Udo!” Hange’s squad said in unison. Udo nervously waved to them.

“I want Moblit and Abel to make him some lunch, Rashad and Nifa can prepare him a bath, and Lauda can get him some fresh clothes. Am I clear?”

“Yes ma’am!” Hange smiled at the response.

“Then let’s move it people.” She clapped her hands and turned to Levi. “I need to speak to you privately,” she said and began walking to their shared bedroom.

Levi could see the excitement pouring out of his wife’s body as he closed the door.

“Le-”

“No.”

“You didn't even let me finish my question!” Hange exclaimed.

Levi sighed. “Hange I know what you were going to ask. You want us to adopt Udo.”

“And I do not see why not.” Hange frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “We have plenty of room here-”

“It’s for the guests.”

“And Sasha is rarely home anyways. We can use her room-”

“What if she comes back for good one day?”

“She can stay at Niccolo’s. I know she would want to stay there for some privacy.” Hange smirked as she emphasized the last word. Levi rolled his eyes before sighing again.

“You’re not giving up on this aren’t you?”

Hange shook her head. “Nope,” she said with a pop on the “p.”

Levi furrowed his brows in thought. Was it a good idea to take the boy in? What would his orphanage think? Levi was positive that they were searching for him as of now. Then again, it seems as if Hange really wants to be a mother again now that Sasha was gone. It’s not like the two could have another child with their age.

Adoption seemed like a better option for the couple.

Levi thought back to Hange’s reaction to Udo and how she took care of him. It pained Levi realizing that Hange raised Sasha all by herself and Levi was not present to see any major milestones. The only one he almost saw was Sasha’s (almost) wedding day.

Adopting Udo could be God’s way of giving him a second chance.

Levi glanced at Hange’s hopeful eyes and smiled softly. “Alright. Let’s adopt Udo.”

Hange immediately jumped up with glee. “Yahooo!” she cheered and hugged Levi.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is the best day of my life!”

Levi scoffed. “I thought marrying me or giving birth to Sasha was the best day of your life?” he smirked. Hange playfully flicked his forehead.

“You know that I mean, Shorty.”

“I know Four-Eyes.” Levi said and affectionately pecked Hange’s cheek. “Now you can go tell the others. I will try to track down Udo’s orphanage and make some phone calls.”

Hange grinned and let go of Levi. “Thank you again, Levi!” she yelled and zoomed downstairs to tell the others about their decision.

Levi’s smile grew wider at his wife’s enthusiasm. Right now, he was glad for making Hange happy. It seems as if their family is growing even bigger now. One of them is going to have to tell Sasha before the next time she visits. Levi glanced at the ring that decorated his left ring finger. He knew the next few months might be bumpy, but everything will be okay because he has Hange by his side.

And he will never make the mistake of letting her go ever again.

©: This is where I insert all rights reserved stuff. This story belongs to me. Do not modify or republish. Hanami is my OC and she belongs to me.

A brown moth fluttered.

  The curtain was down, and the carpenters were rearranging the “No, no, no! I can’t breathe       1       volatile I can’t breathe.” And such a fit of suffocating       2   “I can’t breathe,” she would sometimes say       3 and the minisnever! I can’t breathe it in fast enough, nor hard enough, nor long enough.”       4   and started up up. to return to the tent, only to check him No, I can’t breathe the same air self in the act as often as he started, with ye to-night, but ye’ll go into the he lost consciousness in uneasy dreams       5 meet me at the station. I can’t breathe in this wretched       6   “sickening down there — I can’t breathe!  I can’t stand it, Drewe! It’s killing me!” — Tears       7 struggling to altitudes that I can’t breathe in.  I could help him when he was in despair, but he is the sort who       8   sometimes I find I can’t breathe in it.  Perhaps some folks will say “so much the worse for you”       9 it seems if I can’t breathe in the house. not dared hope       10   “Well, I won’t wear ’em. I can’t breathe” “Sure! Blame ’em!” “I can’t breathe a square breath.” Oh       11 things I regret I can’t breathe.       12   bramble bush. I can’t breathe. I can’t eat. I can’t do anything much. It’s clear to my knees.       13 I can't breathe, I can't talk,       14   lying on its “I can’t stay here I can’t breathe” side, the cork half-loosened. A brown moth fluttered.       15 “I can’t breathe beside you.”       16   the needs of any reasonable young lady. “I can't breathe there,       17 I can’t breathe — I really need the rush of this wintry air to restore me!”       18   I can’t breathe no more in that coop upstairs . tablet ; two he said is what you need.” of flame shoots through a stream of oil       19 no friction. It’s friction—rub- / asthmatically.] “I can’t breathe deep — I can light and of reason. But I’ve a notion       20   out of it. I can’t breathe in the dark. I can’t. I / She withdrew       21 “I can’t breathe or feel in”       22   Up a flight of stairs, and there was the girl, sitting on the edge of an untidy bed. The yellow sweater was on the floor. She had on an underskirt and a pink satin camisole. “I can't breathe !” she gasped.       23 I can’t breathe in the dark! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t live in the dark with my eyes open!       24   One never gets it back! How could one! And I can’t breathe just now, on account of       25 that old stuff, I could shriek. I can’t breathe in the same room with you. The very sound of       26   don’t! I can’t — breathe.... I’m all — and bitter howling.       27  

sources (pre-1923; approximately 90 in all, from which these 27 passages, all by women)

1 ex “Her Last Appearance,” in Peters’ Musical Monthly, And United States Musical Review 3:2 (New-York, February 1869), “from Belgravia” : 49-52 (51) “Her Last Appearance” appeared later, “by the author of Lady Audley’s Secret” (M.E. Braddon, 1835-1915 *), in Belgravia Annual (vol. 31; Christmas 1876) : 61-73 2 snippet view ex The Lady’s Friend (1873) : 15 evidently Frances Hodgson Burnett (1849-1924 *) her Vagabondia : A Love Story (New York, 1891) : 286 (Boston, 1884) : 286 (hathitrust) 3 ex “The Story of Valentine; and his Brother.” Part VI. Blackwood’s Edinburgh Magazine vol. 115 (June 1874) : 713-735 (715) authored by Mrs. [Margaret] Oliphant (1828-97 *), see her The Story of Valentine (1875; Stereotype edition, Edinburgh and London, 1876) : 144 4 OCR confusions at Olive A. Wadsworth, “Little Pilkins,” in Sunday Afternoon : A Monthly Magazine for the Household vol. 2 (July-December 1878) : 73-81 (74) OAW “Only A Woman” was a pseudonym of Katharine Floyd Dana (1835-1886), see spoonercentral. Katharine Floyd Dana also authored Our Phil and Other Stories (Boston and New York, 1889) : here, about which, a passage from a bookseller's description — Posthumously published fictional sketches of “negro character,” first published in the Atlantic Monthly under the pseudonym Olive A. Wadsworth. The title story paints a picture of plantation life Dana experienced growing up on her family’s estate in Mastic, Long Island. Although a work of fiction set in Maryland, the character of Phil may of been named for a slave once jointly owned by the Floyds and a neighboring family. source see also the William Buck and Katherine Floyd Dana collection, 1666-1912, 1843-1910, New York State Historical Documents (researchworks). 5 OCR cross-column misread, at M(ary). H(artwell). Catherwood (1847-1902 *), “The Primitive Couple,” in Lippincott’s Magazine of Popular Literature and Science 36 (August 1885) : 138-146 (145) author of historical romances, short stories and poetry, and dubbed the “Parkman of the West,” her papers are at the Newberry Library (Chicago) 6 ex Marie Corelli (Mary Mackay; 1855-1924 *), Thelma, A Norwegian Princess: A Novel, Book II. The Land of Mockery. Chapter 12 (New Edition, London, 1888) : 432 7 preview snippet (only), at Ada Cambridge (1844-1926 *), Fidelis, a Novel ( “Cheap Edition for the Colonies and India,” 1895) : 289 full scan, (New York, 1895) : 261 born and raised in England, spent much of her life in Australia (died in Melbourne); see biography (and 119 of her poems) at the Australia Poetry Library in particular, the striking poems from Unspoken Thoughts (1887) here (Thomas Hardy comes to mind) 8 snippet view (only) at F(rances). F(rederica), Montrésor (1862-1934), At the Cross-Roads (London, 1897) : 297 but same page (and scan of entirety) at hathitrust see her entry At the Circulating Library (Database of Victorian Fiction 1837-1901) an interesting family. Montrésor’s The Alien: A Story of Middle Age (1901) is dedicated to her sister, C(harlotte). A(nnetta). Phelips (1858-1925), who was devoted to work for the blind. See entry in The Beacon, A Monthly magazine devoted to the interests of the blind (May 1925) a great-granddaughter of John Montresor (1737-99), a British military engineer and cartographer, whose colorful (and unconventional) life is sketched at wikipedia. 9 Alice H. Putnam, “An Open Letter,” in Kindergarten Review 9:5 (Springfield, Massachusetts; January 1899) : 325-326 Alice Putnam (1841-1919) opened the first private kindergarten in Chicago; Froebel principles... (wikipedia); see also “In Memory of Alice H. Putnam” in The Kindergarten-primary Magazine 31:7 (March 1919) : 187 (hathitrust) 10 OCR cross-column misread, at Mabel Nelson Thurston (1869?-1965?), “The Palmer Name,” in The Congregationalist and Christian World 86:30 (27 July 1901) : 134-135 author of religiously inflected books (seven titles at LC); first female admitted for entry at George Washington University (in 1888). GWU archives 11 OCR cross-column misread, at Margaret Grant, “The Romance of Kit Dunlop,” Beauty and Health : Woman’s Physical Development 7:6 (March 1904): 494-501 (499 and 500) the episodic story starts at 6:8 (November 1903) : 342 12 ex Marie van Vorst (1867-1936), “Amanda of the Mill,” The Bookman : An illustrated magazine of literature and life 21 (April 1905) : 190-209 (191) “writer, researcher, painter, and volunteer nurse during World War I.” wikipedia 13 ex Maude Morrison Huey, “A Change of Heart,” in The Interior (The sword of the spirit which is the Word of God) 36 (Chicago, April 20, 1905) : 482-484 (483) little information on Huey, who is however mentioned in Paula Bernat Bennett, her Poets in the Public Sphere : The Emancipatory Project of American Women's Poetry, 1800-1900 (2003) : 190 14 ex Leila Burton Wells, “The Lesser Stain,” The Smart Set, A Magazine of Cleverness 19:3 (July 1906) : 145-154 (150) aside — set in the Philippines, where “The natives were silent, stolid, and uncompromising.” little information on Wells, some of whose stories found their way to the movie screen (see IMDB) The Smart Set ran from March 1900-June 1930; interesting story (and decline): wikipedia 15 OCR cross-column misread, at Josephine Daskam Bacon (1876-1961 *), “The Hut in the Wood: A Tale of the Bee Woman and the Artist,” in Collier’s, The National Weekly 41:12 (Saturday, June 13, 1908) : 12-14 16 ex E. H. Young, A Corn of Wheat (1910) : 90 Emily Hilda Daniell (1880-1949), novelist, children’s writer, mountaineer, suffragist... wrote under the pseudonym E. H. Young. (wikipedia) 17 ex Mary Heaton Vorse (1874-1966), “The Engagements of Jane,” in Woman’s Home Companion (May 1912) : 17-18, 92-93 Illustrated by Florence Scovel Shinn (1871-1940, artist and book illustrator who became a New Thought spiritual teacher and metaphysical writer in her middle years. (wikipedia)) Mary Heaton Vorse — journalist, labor activist, social critic, and novelist. “She was outspoken and active in peace and social justice causes, such as women's suffrage, civil rights, pacifism (such as opposition to World War I), socialism, child labor, infant mortality, labor disputes, and affordable housing.” (wikipedia). 18 ex snippet view, at “Voices,” by Runa, translated for the Companion by W. W. K., in Lutheran Companion 20:3 (Rock Island, Illinois; Saturday, January 20, 1912) : 8 full view at hathitrust same passage in separate publication as Voices, By Runa (pseud. of E. M. Beskow), from the Swedish by A. W. Kjellstrand (Rock Island, Illinois, 1912) : 292 E(lsa). M(aartman). Beskow (1874-1953), Swedish author and illustrator of children’s books (Voices seems rather for older children); see wikipedia 19 ex Fannie Hurst (1885-1968 *), “The Good Provider,” in The Saturday Evening Post 187:1 (August 15, 1914) : 12-16, 34-35 20 OCR cross-column misread, at Anne O’Hagan, “Gospels of Hope for Women: A few new creeds, all of them modish—but expensive” in Vanity Fair (February 1915) : 32 Anne O’Hagan Shinn (1869-1933) — feminist, suffragist, journalist, and writer of short stories... “known for her writings detailing the exploitation of young women working as shop clerks in early 20th Century America... O’Hagan participated in several collaborative fiction projects...” (wikipedia) a mention of St. Anselm, whose “sittings” are free, vis-à-vis “Swami Bunkohkahnanda”... “Universal Harmonic Vibrations”... 21 OCR cross-column misread (three columns), at Fannie Hurst (1885-1968 *), “White Goods” (Illustrations by May Wilson Preston) in Metropolitan Magazine 42:3 (July 1915) : 19-22, 53 repeated, different source and without OCR misread, at 24 below 22 ex Mary Patricia Willcocks, The Sleeping Partner (London, 1919) : 47 (snippet only) full at hathitrust see onlinebooks for this and other of her titles. something on Mary Patricia Willcocks (1869-1952) at ivybridge-heritage. in its tone and syntax, her prose brings Iris Murdoch to mind. 23 Katharine Wendell Pedersen, “Clingstones, A week in a California cannery.” in New Outlook vol. 124 (February 4, 1920) : 193-194 no information about the author. the journal began life as The Christian Union (1870-1893) and continued under the new title into 1928; it ceased publication in 1935; it was devoted to social and political issues, and was against Bolshevism (wikipedia) 24 ex Fannie Hurst (1885-1968 *), “White Goods,” in her Humoresque : A Laugh on Life with a Tear Behind it (1919, 1920) : 126-169 (155) 25 ex snippet view, at Letters and poems of Queen Elisabeth (Carmen Sylva), with an introduction and notes by Henry Howard Harper. Volume 2 (of 2; Boston, Printed for members only, The Bibliophile society, 1920) : 51 (hathitrust) Carmen Sylva was “the pen name of Elisabeth, queen consort of Charles I, king of Rumania” (1843-1916 *) 26 OCR cross-column misread, at Ruth Comfort Mitchell, “Corduroy” (Part Three; Illustrated by Frederick Anderson), in Woman’s Home Companion 49:8 (August 1922) : 21-23, 96-97 (hathitrust) Ruth Comfort Mitchell Young (1882-1954), poet, dramatist, etc., and owner of a remarkable house (in a “Chinese” style) in Los Gatos, California (wikipedia) 27 Helen Otis, “The Christmas Waits,” in Woman’s Home Companion 49:12 (Christmas 1922) : 36 probably Helen Otis Lamont (1897-1993), about whom little is found, save this “Alumna Interview: Helen Otis Lamont, Class of 1916” (Packer Collegiate Institute, Brooklyn, 1988) at archive.org (Brooklyn Historical Society)

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prompted by : recent thoughts about respiration (marshes, etc.); Pfizer round-one recovery focus on the shape of one breath, then another; inhalation, exhalation and the pleasure of breathing; and for whom last breaths are no pleasure (far from it); last breaths (Robert Seelthaler The Field (2021) in the background).

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all tagged breath all tagged cento  

Michael Rosenstein 2020: Seeking Sojourn

What was I doing in 2010? What was I listening to? Honestly, without doing some digging, nothing springs immediately to mind. I’m guessing that ten years from now, thinking back on 2020, that won’t be the case. In mid-March, my wife and I took off on our annual winter/early spring sojourn to Provincetown, Cape Cod. When we headed out, the state of the world was tenuous. But over the course of four days, we split our time between idyllic, cold walks on the Outer Cape beaches and tracking the pandemic slide into lockdown and mayhem. We came back home to an entirely different world which has continued to spiral and swirl. This was a year where I spent far more time walking in a woods near my house, searching out a pair of barred owls and their four fledglings than I did listening to music. Focus for listening has waxed and waned and online video streams just haven’t resonated with me. But still, music has brought me some sense of solace over the course of the last year.

AMPLIFY 2020: quarantine

Without a doubt, most of my listening over the year was spent following the AMPLIFY 2020: quarantine festival. Organized by Jon Abbey, who runs the Erstwhile record label along with musicians Vanessa Rossetto and Matthew Revert, the online festival kicked off on March 20 and ran through September 20, presenting 240 newly-recorded pieces and 80 hours of music by musicians from across the globe. Most were solo contributions, with seven “blind overdubs” where two musicians with established working relationships chose track lengths in advance and submitted their recordings which were superimposed with some light mixing by Taku Unami. While the pieces are all available as free downloads on Bandcamp, that only reveals part of the story. Over the course of six months, the Facebook group grew to 3000 members, acting as a virtual gathering place for online conversations and musings with countless posts a day. Additionally, Abbey tirelessly posted an ongoing playlist which he dubbed “atmosphere” with cuts that ran the gamut from Albert Ayler to Funkadelic to Keith Hudson to Al Green with an extra-heavy helping of DJ Screw. Just tuning in to those choices and jumping on conversations was enough to save some days.

While anyone following the Erstwhile label caught some memorable submissions by expected participants, the organizers and some guest curators had more in mind than that and sub-threads developed early on. Yan Jun recruited fantastic submissions from little-known musicians from China while also contributing two pieces of his own. In addition to delivering three strong pieces, Revert brought in an Australian contingent. Rossetto delivered a festival highlight with her piece “perhaps at some time you have acted in a play, even if it was when you were a child” while also inviting a wide network of sound explorers constructing intimate sonic investigations. Abbey himself cast a wide net, probing for both established and little known musicians who had caught his attention over the years. (I’ve known Jon for a long time and was honored to be amongst those invited, contributing a piece assembled from field recordings from my Cape Cod trip.)

A number of musicians who hadn’t put out solo recordings in years, some who hadn’t had any recent releases at all, were lured back, with highlights by Greg Kelley, David Kirby, Joe Panzner, Annette Krebs and Sean Meehan. There was also a somber thread of homages to musicians who died over the last year, starting with a dedication of the entire festival to Australian percussionist Sean Baxter as well as a stirring tribute to bassist Simon H. Fell by Rhodri Davies, a dedication to Keith Tippett by Mark Wastell, and pieces commemorating Cor Fuhler by Dale Gorfinkel, Marcus Schmickler, Jim Denley, Nick Ashwood (recorded with Fuhler shortly before his death), Clare Cooper and Reinier van Houdt (whose six monthly missives delivered throughout the duration of the festival are all well worth spending time with.)

I find myself still catching up on the overwhelming array of contributions but here are a small sampling that caught my ear, though if I were to assemble this list a week from now, the choices would certainly be different.

Zhao Cong – “Homework”

homework by Zhao Cong

Yan Jun’s choice of musicians from China was uniformly superb and all are worth checking out. But Beijing-based Zhao Cong’s entry, in particular, has continued to hang with me. Her piece, constructed from two bass guitars and objects with its scrabbled detail of electronic hum, grit and glitch shot through with ringing bass strings popped out on first listen and continues to deliver.

Rie Nakajima – “carpet”

carpet by Rie Nakajima

Nakajima’s approach to sound-making, utilizing motors, mechanical devices and found objects proved the perfect tonic for pandemic listening. Her piece for AMPLIFY was recorded in her home in London “with all familiar objects I have been using at home.” The percussive piece is shot through with timbral depth, clattering along with a barely-contained momentum. Her release Karu Karu for Café Oto’s digital Takuroku lockdown series is also well worth checking out. And while I tended not to connect with online video over the course of the year, I found myself returning to Nakajima’s seven days bird songs which unfolded over the course of a week, multiple times.

Ivan Palacký – “Sanctuary”

Sanctuary by Ivan Palacký

Czech-based Ivan Palacký’s “Sanctuary” hit early on in the fest and remained a favorite. Palacký spent the first day of quarantine exploring his flat with an electromagnetic sensor, capturing the buzzes and tremors of everyday electronic devices. A few weeks later, he pulled out three knitting machines which he contact mic’d and used to improvise with the electromagnetic recordings. Palacký deftly interleaved percussive patter with wafts of static, grit and crackles, creaks and sputters and resonant thrums into an immersive piece.

Martin Kay – “Bath Time (2nd Edit)

Bath Time (2nd Edit) by Martin Kay

Through the festival, a thread developed of the pieces constructed as sonic response to the physical surroundings of isolation. Moniek Darge's gutting “Quarantine Child,” assembled from interior recordings and the desperate wail of a child, Mark Vernon's “The Dominion of Din,” woven together from field recordings from outside his Glasgow flat, cataloging exterior sounds that have annoyed him over the years and Kate Carr’s haunting “on every stair another stairway is set in negative” recorded using an old reel to reel tape and instrument recordings captured in her bathroom are three. Martin Kay’s four-part “Bath Time” delves in to that personal, interior realm, composed from recordings made in and around his bathroom during the routine that developed with his daughter’s nightly bath. The use of shifting focus, natural resonances of the room, the tub and underwater recordings transform the private, domestic activity into an increasingly abstracted aural study.

Distant Duos

The Distant Duos project that Mary Staubitz and Russ Waterhouse embarked on was also instigated by a sense of lost community. But here, the strategies employed were markedly different. The two are immersed in the DIY noise/improv New England community, spearheading shows in basements, bars, galleries and ad hoc venues and collaborating with musicians from New Haven to Portland, Maine, with all stops in between. They’ve also been instrumental in developing a network of like-minded musicians and bringing travelers through, some who have become frequent visitors. Unlike the duos in AMPLIFY, Staubitz and Waterhouse curated the 78 sessions, inviting pairs of musicians with a simple strategy. “Two remote artists record five minutes of sound while thinking about the other artist, unable to hear each other. The two tracks are combined into one.”

Released in sets of five on Bandcamp, the first on April 30 and the last on December 9, these bursts served as vital postcards. For those of us based in New England, these were both bittersweet reminders of the pre-COVID world we frequented and exultant celebrations. As someone who organized shows with the two and often played on the same bills, these really connected. (I was asked to participate, paired with Worcester-based Abdul Sherzai.) Some of the duos were longstanding partnerships (Greg Kelley and Vic Rawlings have been working together for over a decade). Some were pairings of musicians who knew each other but had likely never played together. Some participants were drawn from the deep field of regional musicians while others were recruited from across the US and Europe. With only five minutes at play, these served as sketches, vignettes or rough drafts. But keen curation and Waterhouse’s astute mixing and mastering made these hold together. Like AMPLIFY, these periodic missives kept me going through the last year.

Flip through any of the contributions and you’ll find plenty to encourage further listening. This batch, culled from the October 28th releases, provides a glimpse into the broad crew of musicians pulled in and the diverse strategies they came up with.

Adam Kohl and Mickey O’Hara

Adam Kohl and Mickey O'Hara by Distant Duos

Western Massachusetts-based Kohl (better known musically as Arkm Foam) and Worcester-based O’Hara have been performing together for a while now, and experiencing their mix of low-fi cassette manipulation and laptop generated deconstructed clatter and glitch inhabit a performance space is enthralling. This brief snapshot serves as a succinct snapshot of one of their sets.

J​.​P​.​A. Falzone and Hali Palombo

J.P.A. Falzone and Hali Palombo by Distant Duos

This mashup between J​.​P​.​A. Falzone (part of the ensemble Ordinary Affects) and composer and visual artist Hali Palombo comes across as quavering pulsations dialed in from some ethereal transmission. Listening feels like one is tuning in to an hours-long broadcast of hovering tones and fluttering waves which fuse together into shuddering oscillations.

Henry Birdsey and Mary Staubitz

Henry Birdsey and Mary Staubitz by Distant Duos

Birdsey has been developing his micro-tonal musings as part of the duo Tongue Depressor as well as his solo releases under his own name and as S.T.L.A. while Staubitz jumps from the solo sonic onslaughts of Donna Parker to a wide-ranging array of ongoing and one-off collaborations. Here field recordings of rippling water and electric pops and crackles mix with shuddering overtones of bowed metal for an engulfing sonic snapshot.

Lexie Mountain and Angela Sawyer

Lexie Mountain and Angela Sawyer by Distant Duos

Baltimore’s Lexie Mountain and Boston’s Angela Sawyer have known each other for years, so it’s no surprise that their distant connection of broken electronics and found objects clicks so well. Here, everyday detritus is elevated to a compact improvisation imbued with skittering percussive tumult, whirrs and clatter.

New Releases

When I did carve out time to listen, here’s a few that stuck with me through the year.

Toshiya Tsunoda & Taku Unami – Wovenland 2 (Erstwhile)

Wovenland 2 by Toshiya Tsunoda/Taku Unami

Working from basic field recordings, Tsunoda and Unami use the studio as an alchemical laboratory, delving into mixing and mastering tools to explore, process and transform environmental sound. In their hands, the digital artifacts of that process are as intrinsic to the results as the source material they have deconstructed. They sum it up succinctly. “Our goal is to focus on acoustic experiments. No more and no less.”

Here are some more that stuck with me in no particular order:

Rhodri Davies – Telyn Rawn (Amgen Records)

Judith Wegmann – Le Souffle Du Temps II - Reflexion (ezz-thetics)

Clara de Asís & Mara Winter – Repetition of the same dream (Another Timbre)

Takuji Naka/Tim Olive – Minouragatake (Notice Recordings)

Magnus Granberg – Come Down to Earth Where Sorrow Dwelleth –Revised version for sho, koto, prepared piano and electronics (Ftarri)

Tasting Menu – Mueller Tunnel (Full Spectrum Records)

Simon H. Fell & Mark Wastell – Virtual Company (Confront)

Xavier Charles & Bertrand Gauguet – Spectre (akousis)

Pierre-Antoine Badaroux, Seymour Wright, Jean-Luc Guionnet – Solos (Remote Resonator)

Archival Releases and Reissues

Reissues continued to pour out from record labels. Some applied studio wizardry to revive and restore previously issued material and others dug out material from the vaults that rightfully deserves to be heard. But with touring opportunities gone, the ability to collaborate in person evaporated and the monthly boon of Bandcamp Fridays, many artists also took the opportunity to dig in to their personal vaults.

Gentle Fire – Explorations (1970-1973) (Paradigm Discs)

Explorations (1970 - 1973) by Gentle Fire

This one just hit in December but quickly shot to the top of my listening pile. Working in London in the early 70s, this little-known quintet of electro-acoustic pioneers worked at the edges of composition and improvisation, putting out a single, now impossible-to-find, LP performing graphic scores of by John Cage, Earle Brown and Christian Wolff (which, in itself deserves a reissue.) If they hit listeners’ radar at all, it was due to the fact that Hugh Davies was part of the group. This 3-CD box of previously unissued material is comprised of one disc of works by Wolff, Stockhausen, Brown, Cage and Ichiyanagi, another of their own compositions and a final disc capturing an extended improvisation. Five decades later, this stuff is still essential listening.

Rhodri Davies – Archif Series (self-released)

Archif #13: BMIC 17/09/1997 by IST

Currently at number 28 and counting, Davies dug in to his archives and unearthed a passel of gems, documenting live performances and studio experiments from 1995 through 2000. From solos to various group sessions, this is all music well worth spending time with. Particularly welcome are two releases by IST (Davies, Mark Wastell, and Simon H. Fell) and one by Assumed Possibilities (Davies, Wastell, Chris Burn and Phil Durrant). One hopes there is more to be unearthed.

Cor Fuhler Conundrom label

SLEE by Cor Fuhler

The sudden passing of Cor Fuhler was a tough one in a tough year. Whether as a pianist, instrument inventor or ensemble leader, Fuhler was always bristling with ideas. As part of a group effort, the discography of his Conundrom label is now available on Bandcamp with proceeds going to his estate.

Here are some others of note in no particular order:

Albert Ayler reissue series (ezz-thetics)

Phillip Wachsmann – Writing In Water (Corbett vs. Dempsey)

Charles Mingus – @ Bremen 1964 & 1975 (Sunnyside)

Voice Crack – Glasgow 20/11/1999 (scatter)

John Butcher – On Being Observed (Weight of Wax)

Derek Bailey and Mototeru Takagi – Live at FarOut, Atsugi 1987 (NoBusiness Records)

Cecil Taylor and Tony Oxley – Birdland, Neuburg 2011 (Fundacja Słuchaj)

How Fenty’s Beauty Branding Positioning Generated $100 Million In 40 Days

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It specializes in science, and you'll see that within the design components that the logo embodies. You can’t ignore a model whose beauty brand is shiny, daring and dynamic in the way this model is — and you don’t want to. The first store opened a hundred sixty five years ago as a New York apothecary, nevertheless it has advanced right into a model that cares about all-natural merchandise and the shoppers that use them. Glossier is a modern cosmetic brand that is identified for its simplicity and minimalism — in its product providing and its product packaging.

The flowing feel of a script font is inherently feminine and conveys a simple class that might be perceived at a look. What meaning in sensible phrases is that the competitors in the magnificence industry is fierce. The huge cosmetics corporations are continuously engaged in a battle to win the business of more and more subtle customers. And even in the smallest cities, generally two or three hair or nail salons have to compete with one another for a small pool of shoppers. Over the previous twenty years we now have helped manufacturers grow from the bottom up, launch line extensions, rediscover their voice in a crowded market, and create totally new product categories. While public relations, partnerships, events like Indie Beauty Expo, and different advertising tactics may be efficient, Instagram influencers will actually increase your beauty business.

The emblem is a mirror of this magnificence brand’s products, usually described as bold, surprising and vivid. Its aesthetics is immediately derived from Kat’s tattoo artistry in its intricate typography sample even in its retail places which echo stylistic cues from gothic artwork and structure. It balances a regal history with a contemporary energy that can’t be ignored or tamed.

On this day in Royal history

7 January 1536

Katharine of Aragon died

👑 Katharine was Queen of England from June 1509 until May 1533 as the first wife of King Henry VIII.

◼ Catherine of Aragon (Spanish: Catalina de Aragón), also spelled Katherine, she also signed her name as 'Katharine' and for this reason I prefer use this version of her name.

◼ Katharine was  born at the Archbishop's Palace in Alcalá de Henares near Madrid, on the night of 16 December 1485. She was the youngest surviving child of King Ferdinand II of Aragon & Queen Isabella I of Castile. 

◼ Katharine was quite short in stature with long red hair, wide blue eyes, a round face, & a fair complexion. (although in the majority of movies or tv shows you will find she is generally portrayed as having dark brown hair)

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◼ She was descended, on her maternal side, from the English royal house; her great-grandmother Catherine of Lancaster, after whom she was named, & her great-great-grandmother Philippa of Lancaster were both daughters of John of Gaunt & granddaughters of Edward III of England. Consequently, she was third cousin of her father-in-law, Henry VII of England, & fourth cousin of her mother-in-law Elizabeth of York!

◼ Katharine studied arithmetic, canon & civil law, classical literature, genealogy & heraldry, history, philosophy, religion, & theology. She had a strong religious upbringing & developed her Roman Catholic faith that would play a major role in later life. She learned to speak, read & write in Latin, & spoke French & Greek. She was also taught domestic skills, such as cooking, dancing, drawing, embroidery, good manners, lace-making, music, needlepoint, sewing, spinning, & weaving.

◼ Katharine was betrothed to Henry VII’s infant son Arthur, at the age of three. They first met on 4 November 1501 & married 10 days later at Old St Paul’s Cathedral – both were 15 years old. They lived at Ludlow castle where she became Princess of Wales. Just six months later Arthur was taken ill with sweating sickness & died.

◼ When Katharine of Aragon travelled to London, she brought a group of her African attendants with her, including one identified as the trumpeter John Blanke. They are the first Africans recorded to have arrived in London at the time, & were considered luxury servants. They caused a great impression about the princess & the power of her family. Little is known of John Blanke's life, but he was paid 8d per day by Henry VII, & a surviving document from the accounts of the Treasurer of the Chamber records a payment of 20 shillings to "John Blanke the blacke trumpet" as wages for the month of November 1507, with payments of the same amount continuing monthly through the next year. He also successfully petitioned Henry VIII for a wage increase.

◼ In 1507, she held the position of ambassador for the Spanish Court in England, becoming the first female ambassador in European history

◼ After Arthur’s death she was subsequently promised to Arthur’s younger brother Henry VIII, five years her junior, partly to avoid having to return her 200,000 ducat dowry. They married in a private ceremony in the church of the Observant Friars outside Greenwich Palace in 1509. She was 23 years old & the king was a few days away from his 18th birthday.

◼ Her marriage to Henry had depended on Pope Julius II granting a special dispensation because canon law forbade a man to marry his brother’s widow. Katharine testified that her marriage to Arthur was never consummated & as such was not valid.

◼ Katharine became pregnant six times providing two sons & a daughter. The other children died at birth. Both sons were named Henry Duke of Cornwall, however neither survived more than a few months. Her surviving daughter later became Mary I of England, Elizabeth I’s half sister.

◼ Henry appointed Katharine Regent, or Governor, of England while he went to France on a military campaign. King James IV of Scotland declared war on England & when the Scots invaded she ordered Thomas Lovell to raise an army in the midland counties. Katharine rode north in full armour to address the troops, despite being heavily pregnant at the time. After the English victory at the Battle of Flodden, she sent Henry a piece of the bloodied coat of King James who had died in the battle.

◼ Katharine’s badge depicts a pomegranate, an ancient symbol for fertility & regeneration & in the Christian church is a sign of Christ’s resurrection. It would have been seen as a promise of heirs that her marriage should have brought. Her motto was ‘Humble and Loyal’.

◼ The controversial book ‘The Education of Christian Women’ by Juan Luis Vives, which advocated women’s right to an education, was dedicated to & commissioned by her in 1524, for the education of her daughter Mary.

◼ When Henry VIII became tired of Katharine & her inability to produce a male heir he asked the Pope to annul the marriage, claiming the earlier dispensation to be was invalid. Thomas Cranmer encouraged Henry to overrule the pope & so the links with Rome were severed as Henry declared himself Supreme Head of a new Church of England. Newly appointed Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer declared Henry & Catherine’s marriage null & void. Henry then married Anne Boleyn.

◼ Katharine refused to accept Henry as Supreme Head of the Church in England & considered herself the King's rightful wife & queen, attracting much popular sympathy. Despite this, she was acknowledged only as Dowager Princess of Wales by Henry. After being banished from court, she lived out the remainder of her life at Kimbolton Castle, & died there on 7 January 1536, her tomb is situated in Peterborough Cathedral. English people held Katharine in high esteem, & her death set off tremendous mourning.

◼ In late December 1535, sensing her death was near, Katharine made her will, & wrote to her nephew, the Emperor Charles V, asking him to protect her daughter. She then penned one final letter to Henry, her "most dear lord & husband":

My most dear lord, king & husband,

The hour of my death now drawing on, the tender love I owe you forceth me, my case being such, to commend myself to you, & to put you in remembrance with a few words of the health & safeguard of your soul which you ought to prefer before all worldly matters, & before the care & pampering of your body, for the which you have cast me into many calamities & yourself into many troubles. For my part, I pardon you everything, & I wish to devoutly pray God that He will pardon you also. For the rest, I commend unto you our daughter Mary, beseeching you to be a good father unto her, as I have heretofore desired. I entreat you also, on behalf of my maids, to give them marriage portions, which is not much, they being but three. For all my other servants I solicit the wages due them, & a year more, lest they be unprovided for. Lastly, I make this vow, that mine eyes desire you above all things.

Katharine the Quene.

JULY 2020 BC ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULES & REVIEW

Members may earn 3 points each (up to 6 points) for writing, by the end of August 7 KST:

A solo para of 400+ words based on their monthly schedule (does not count toward your monthly limit).

A thread of six posts (three per participant, including the starter) based on the monthly schedule.

Threads and solos do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule for the month and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.

These schedules may be updated throughout the month if new information needs to be added.

Reminder: June schedule posts are due by the end of July 7 KST. Please do not post schedule posts in the fmdschedule tag.

Overall Company

All BC idols are scheduled for a meeting with upper management the day before the news of the upcoming base Culture Complex is leaked to the media. They’re given a more detailed rundown of plans for the facility than the public is, although not all the details are made clear. In the meeting, everyone is informed BC has partnered once again with Dimensions and Gold Star to fund the construction of a new building in Gangnam meant to become the ideal location in the world for fans of idols. The building will include a museum with exhibits dedicated to the history and music of each group and soloist, a handful of theatre venues for intimate concerts and company-sponsored musical productions, a merchandise mall, a cafe, and many other fan experiences. (admin note: For reference, imagine something similar to SM COEX Artium —with over three times the budget.) The idols won’t spend much time there even once it’s finished being built, but content starring them is critical to the financial success of the venture, so the next several months leading up to its opening will have all three companies’ idols working hard to make its opening a success. This month, that mostly involves producing photo shoots: all idols will attend a photo shoot session this month where three categories of photo will be tacked: profile pictures for the artist wall (grayscale, professional and serious tone), images for life-sized cutouts of each idol (wardrobe will consist of jeans and a single-color top for each idol, fun and bright tone with fanservicable poses such as here and here encouraged) and 3D imaging for 3D-printed figures of each idol. 

Important dates:

July 5: base Culture Complex briefing meeting.

July 12-July 31: Photo shoots for base Culture Complex, as individual muse schedule allows, at unspecified photo studio in Gangnam (admin note: muses may encounter idols from other companies while there).

BC Soloist 1

Since everything is filmed and shot for her comeback, most of July is about practicing and perfecting her performance, which has been the biggest praise point since her debut. Upon its release, “Love U” isn’t as big of a smash hit as “Roller Coaster” was, but, as a summer release, the improvement from “Why Don’t You Know”’s already impressive performance is clear. While her true staying power has yet to proven seeing as she’s still a rookie soloist, her future looks promising in a way upper management is clearly pleased with for their first soloist in a decade.

Important dates:

July 29: Release of “Love U” & Blooming Blue mini-album, music show promotions continue through August 29.

July 30: Guesting on SBS Power FM Cultwo Show radio show.

July 31: First debut anniversary.

July 31: Guesting on Arirang Radio Super K-Pop radio show.

Decipher

To promote their comeback, Decipher have a magazine shoot to do for Marie Claire Korea on the first of the month. It’s an inside spread in the issue that will be cover by their juniors WISH. While their maknae heads back overseas to tour with CHAMPION, the rest of the group will keep practicing to make their comeback on the 13th. Promotions are kept to a minimum, without any fansigns to boost album sales, and, unfortunately, the more mellow vibe of the song doesn’t click with the public for the summer as well as BC would have hoped, leaving them with an abysmal chart performance, though the comeback still brings in a profit thanks to their dedicated fans.

Important dates:

July 1: Photo shoot for Marie Claire Korea’s August issue.

July 13: Release of “Love Paint” & Canvas mini-album, music show promotions continue through August 13.

July 15: Guesting on MBC FM Starry Night radio show.

July 26: Release of Mr. Sunshine OST “And I”.

          ↳ Decipher R & V

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A.

          ↳ CHAMPION

CHAMPION has already broken records, soaring to the top of the Billboard Hot 200 album chart last month, a feat only Origin has previously achieved. The achievement has BC and Dimensions quite proud and the lack of significant performance on the Korean charts isn’t considered a big deal to them due to the overseas success. This month, they begin their tour in Texas (flying out from Seoul late on July 5) and hold five US dates total before they fly out back to Seoul in the early morning hours of July 12. As previously mentioned, the two involves all of the songs on their mini-album, two unreleased songs (”Dangerous Woman” and “With You”), and solo stages by those who have made solo debuts before the tour.

Important dates:

July 6: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Dickies Arena in Forth Worth, TX, USA.

July 8: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at United Center in Chicago, IL, USA.

July 9: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Infinite Energy Center in Duluth, GA, USA.

July 10: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at EagleBank Arena in Fairfax, VA, USA.

July 11: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY, USA.

BEE

The members will fly out from Seoul to the US on July 2 to shoot their photo book for their album. They’ll return to Seoul on July 5 and two days later will have another photo shoot, this time for Elle Korea’s August issue. The members will take on a retro photo shoot concept for the shoot. Shortly after, they’ll shoot the music video for “Darling”, and then the rest of the month is focused on preparing for their Seoul concerts. Each member will continue to rehearse their self-chosen solo cover stages for the concert (admin reminder: please avoid choosing songs that could be claimed as points claimed songs and have not been released in-’verse). At the end of the month, they’ll perform “I Like That”, “I Swear”, “Touch My Body”, and “Loving U” at a resort festival.

Important dates:

July 3: Album photobook shoot in Los Angeles, CA, USA.

July 7: Photo shoot for Elle Korea’s August issue.

July 10: “Darling” MV & making videos [2] filming.

July 24: Live Concert: B concert at Olympic Hall in Seoul.

July 25: Live Concert: B concert at Olympic Hall in Seoul.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: Knight, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

          ↳ 2BEE

Though their promotions have ended and they don’t have any major schedules in the future to work toward at this time, they will be giving a sub-unit performance of “Ma Boy” in addition to BEE’s group performance at a festival at the end of the month.

Important dates:

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: Knight, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

Knight

After a photo shoot for Dazed early in the month and following the two CHAMPION subunit members' returns from the US, Knight is slated to begin comeback preparations for an album release in October. After playing it safer the last few comebacks, Knight is returning to something a little more experimental again. The full album should be recorded before they perform at a resort festival at the end of the month. Their set will consist of “Love Shot”, “Enough”, and their older summer hit “Kokobop”.

Important dates:

July 2: Photo shoot for Dazed Korea’s August issue.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: BEE, Lipstick and Gal.actic).

          ↳ White Knight

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A

          ↳ CHAMPION

CHAMPION has already broken records, soaring to the top of the Billboard Hot 200 album chart last month, a feat only Origin has previously achieved. The achievement has BC and Dimensions quite proud and the lack of significant performance on the Korean charts isn’t considered a big deal to them due to the overseas success. This month, they begin their tour in Texas (flying out from Seoul late on July 5) and hold five US dates total before they fly out back to Seoul in the early morning hours of July 12. As previously mentioned, the two involves all of the songs on their mini-album, two unreleased songs (”Dangerous Woman” and “With You”), and solo stages by those who have made solo debuts before the tour.

Important dates:

July 6: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Dickies Arena in Forth Worth, TX, USA.

July 8: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at United Center in Chicago, IL, USA.

July 9: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Infinite Energy Center in Duluth, GA, USA.

July 10: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at EagleBank Arena in Fairfax, VA, USA. 

July 11: CHAMPION: We Are The Future Live concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY, USA. 

         ↳ Knight Light

They’ll film their last music video rather early in the month, after which point, they only need to rehearse throughout the month to be ready for their showcase and music show stages next month. Since the two Knight members don’t have much in the way of choreographed dancing, most of the rehearsal focus is on working well off of each other and getting all three title tracks into their muscle memory.

Important dates:

July 9: “Closer To You” MV filming.

Lipstick

Lipstick finishes their promotions for “Wild” in the first half of the month. While it doesn’t earn them any music show wins, the song has been fairly well-received in comparison to their last release. They’ll make a short appearance on MBC Starry Night radio show before kicking into the last week of promotions, but as an eight year senior group, music shows to connect with fans are the main focus. Near the end of the month, they’ll perform “Wild”, “Glue”, and “Lil’ Touch” at a resort festival, but work on Queendom is also in full force. They’ll be filming the first two episodes of Queendom on July 16 and July 30 (the latter date also happens to be their debut anniversary), and they’ve been asked to prepare a performance of their representative hit song, “Genie”. Full details of Queendom filming for this month can be found here.

Important dates:

July 10: Guesting on MBC FM Starry Night radio show.

July 16: Queendom episode one filming (introductions).

July 18: End of music show promotions.

July 29: Performance at Blue One Resort K-Pop Festival in Gyeongju (also performing: BEE, Knight, and Gal.actic).

July 30: Queendom episode one & two filming (representative hit song stage).

          ↳ Lip Gloss

No schedules this month.

Important dates:

N/A

CHARM

CHARM continues to tour this month, with three Asian dates this time. It’s a rather relaxed month since they only have three tour dates, so the members will have some down time in between concerts, though there are general rehearsals and schedules to be attended to that will prevent them from taking any kind of true vacation abroad. If they’d like and they have family in South Korea, the company will permit them to have enough of a break to take a day trip or two to visit family, but longer trips or trips for other reasons will not be approved by the company this month to keep the members out of trouble and focused on staying focused on their tour.

Important dates:

July 4: Ode To You tour concert at Mall of Asia Arena in Pasay, Philippines.

July 11: Ode To You tour concert at Axiata Arena in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

July 18: Ode To You tour concert at NTSU Arena in Taipei, Taiwan.

          ↳ CHARM U

No schedules for the month.

Important dates:

N/A

WISH

Following a photo shoot for the cover of Marie Claire Korea’s August issue, the members of WISH are back off to Japan shortly after for a series of three concerts, the first since the release of their latest Japanese album. They won’t stay long for any additional promotions and will only be in Aichi from July 9 to July 13. Once they get back, they’ll get some down time, though there are general rehearsals and schedules to be attended to that will prevent them from taking any kind of true vacation abroad. If they’d like and they have family in South Korea, the company will permit them to have enough of a break to take a day trip or two to visit family, but longer trips or trips for other reasons will not be approved by the company this month to keep the members out of trouble and focused on staying focused on their tour.

Important dates:

July 3: Photo shoot for Marie Claire Korea’s August issue.

July 10: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

July 11: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

July 12: WISHlights Tour concert at Portmesse Nagoya in Aichi, Japan.

Faked and Faited

-I know the title sucks, forgive me.- 

SYNOPSIS: Latina!Reader's family keeps nagging her about getting a boyfriend. One day when she was ranting about her upcoming family reunion, Peter jumped in with an idea that was muy loco. 

 WORD COUNT: 2885 

 WARNINGS: Lots of spanish, for obvious reasons. (It's mostly translated, so don't worry!) ((Also bad spanish grammar because I was never taught it as a kid). 

.......................................................................................................................................

 Don't get me wrong, my family's fine. Great even. But when a bunch of the extended family comes it can get a little hectic too quickly. For example, ever since my 13th birthday, they've all been trying to get me to date. It was worse at my Quince when all my tias tried to set me up with boys I invited that they didn't even know. Potential boyfriends now have a fear of my family. It was infuriating sometimes.

"So then, just don't go." MJ threw out boredly, causing my rant to stop. 

 The boys nodded in agreement and made some comment about not going not being a big deal. 

 "Guys, yes it is. Trust me, mexican families are constantly gossiping. If I don't show up, it will cause some big family drama. They'll hold it against me for years. Not to mention..." 

"When is it?" Peter interrupted. 

 "Next weekend." I replied as I absentmindedly played with my food with my fork.

 "I'll go with you." He smiles. 

"You'll what?" Ned and I both asked in surprise. 

 "Yeah, I get a weekend off from the Internship once a month and I'll go with you to keep you sane. Besides, if your family sees you have a boyfriend, they'll lay off of you." 

 I felt bad. I didn't want Peter to use his monthly weekend of relaxation for me. Especially because I knew my family would eat him and his little Spanish II self up. But also I didn't want to go into the lion's den alone again. Besides Peter always asked me to speak to him in Spanish so he could get better, so maybe this could be a learning experience for him. It would come with the added benefit of not being pestered about getting a boyfriend. 

We didn't have much time to discuss the matter further as the bell rang, signaling us to get to class. 

 I walked to class with Ned. We both had a coding class together. He still didn't understand how important a family reunion could possibly be. But he let it go when we sat at our computer stations. 

 Suddenly a vibration in my back pocket pulled me from class boredom. I unlocked my phone and saw Peter sent me a photo. I clicked it open and saw that it was a screenshot of his calendar. It had next weekend marked as "(L/n) Family Reunion." The photo was accompanied with a message: 

 Your reunion is penciled in :) .P. 

I quickly texted out a response before my teacher could see me: 

Peter, seriously, you don't have to go if you don't want to. . (F/I). 

He responded almost immediately. 

 Come on, (N/n), it's not a problem. I love mexican food 🌯🌮 .P. 

I didn't reply because I knew my teacher was watching me. I placed my phone face down on the table. But another vibration slightly shook the table. Once the teacher turned away, I grabbed it again. 

 You're probably gonna have to translate the whole weekend, just a little fyi. Also should I get a crash course in your family, or is that too much? .P. 

Typical Peter Parker. He liked being prepared in advance. If he was going in as my fake boyfriend, then he would definitely need to know a thing or 30 about my family. 

I'll make you a colour coded cheat sheet of my family. .(F/I).

Lmao. You can't have that many family members. .P. 

You'll see soon enough ;) . (F/I). 

 And so the next two weeks were dedicated to making a huge, elaborate story about how we started dating. It wasn't too far off from how we actually met. We decided that we should stick to real life events as much as possible so as to not confuse ourselves. 

The story went like this: We were both called out of class to a meeting about which high school we would be going to. We were 8th graders on a STEM pathway. Naturally, we'd be sent to a STEM focused school. MidTown Tech did group interviews that day. Peter and I were in the same group. We noticed each other from classes, but never really spoken before. Turns out we were quick to become friends. But high school is where the story starts to go off the rails a bit.

 Peter decided his story would be that he developed a crush on me freshmen year. Mine crush wouldn't spring up until the beginning of Sophomore year. By the end of Sophomore year, we found out from our respective friends that we both had crushes on each other. Then that summer, the dating began. First date was simple: a tour of a museum. We're nerds. It's definitely believable. So we had all of our kinks smoothed out, now it was just time to put our plan into action.

 "Alright, who's my Tia Esperanza?" I asked while pulling away from the curb.

 "She's the pregnant one. She's married to Armando, and she's your favourite."

 "Okay, you can leave out that last part." I laughed. 

 "Explain to me the difference between your Nana, Abuela, and your grandmother. I'm still confused." 

 "You and I both Pete." I joked. 

 Truth be told, IT IS SUPER CONFUSING. My nana is my mom's mom. That's simple. But my grandma  (I think) is my Nana's mom. Leaving my Abuela to be either my Grandma's mother or her sister. Our family doesn't just say 'grandma, great-grandma, or Great-Great-Grandma,' so everything is confusing. 

 As we approached the reunion building, it struck me on just how bad this idea was. Peter seemed to catch on to my newfound doubts in the plan. 

 "Hey, it'll be fine. I'm going to be the best fake boyfriend your family has ever seen." He put on a big goofy smile that made me feel better, but the smile fell slightly when I looked away. He almost looked nervous. That's helpful. 

 When I parked, Peter rushed his door open and ran over to my door. He opened it for me. I slyly looked around and noticed family members were already looking at us. 

 "Thanks, Babe." I said a little too loudly and gave him a small peck on his cheek. 

Bad choice. That's how his cheek got redder than the car parked in front of mine.  

"I'm so-rry, are we d-oing PDA now?" He stuttered out. Instead of responding I laced our fingers together and began walking to the building. 

 "(Y/n)! ¿Cómo estás?" A familiar voice called to me before we entered the building. I turned around to see my primo, Carlos. 

 "Quien es?" He gestured to Peter. 

"Mi novio." I smiled and held our interlocked hands up. Peter, little innocent angel Peter looked so lost; but he did smile and wave.

"Sup. I'm Carlos." He introduced as he held out his hand. 

 "Peter Parker, mucho gusto." Peter shook his hand causing my cousin to slightly flinch. 

 "Strong grip." He turned to me, "Un gringo? Estas sería?" He asked with a smile. 

 I pushed him away and pulled Peter into the building. 

 "Okay, wanna translate that whole thing?" Peter said while we were out of earshot. 

 "That was my cousin, he asked who you were, I told him my boyfriend, and he asked me if I was serious." I explained.

Peter had a bit of offence written on his face, but recovered quickly when he saw the back table with food. 

 "Calm down Mr. Speedy Metabolism, we'll eat later." I patted his back. 

 He let out a grumble and a small pout. I ignored him and found us a relatively empty spot at a table and sat us down. I sat on the opposite side of him. I still looked around, anxious that people would put two and two together. Once again, Peter seemed to feel my doubts and placed a hand on mine on the table. 

 "You good?" He asked. I stopped looking around and settled my gaze on him. He had such calming eyes. They looked so full of concern at the moment. Which I'm almost certain was for me. 

 "Maybe some food will make you feel better?" He offered, already standing up.

 "No, dammit Peter. You're so food driven." I laughed and pulled him back down. 

"Oh, and who is this, hija?" 

 Tia Mari. Oh God. I didn't think she was going to come this year. Her son had a recital. But if she's here, then her son is too. 

 "Peter Parker? (Y/n) (L/n)? What are you guys doing here?!" Robert Delmar. 

Fellow classmate and renowned tattle tale. This night just got a whole lot more complex. 

 "Why is Peter here? Aren't you guys just friends, or did Peter finally confess his undying love to you?" 

 What? I'm sorry, what? I looked to Peter for an answer, not presently caring if I blew our story up. My tia also seemed invested in my response. He looked just as terrified and unprepared to answer. 

 "Yeah, he asked me out over the summer and we started dating. We wanted to keep stuff private in case it didn't work out." I quickly explained while trying to remember our cover story. 

"Well, it's about time. Peter's only been pining after you since freshman year. You guys look cute." Robert said. 

We both just nodded and smiled. My tia was eating this up. 

 "Y Peter, ¿Sabes español?" She asked, now focusing on him. 

"Un poco." He cleared his throat. 

She turned to me, "Hablas a él en español, or es un gringo completo?" 

 "Yes, sometimes I speak to him in Spanish." I replied so Peter could understand the conversation. 

 "Well, then you wouldn't mind if I introduced him to some of your tias, no? They will love him. Sabes que ellas le gustan gringos!" She added the second part quickly. 

 Before I had a chance to save him, Tia Mari grabbed Peter's available hand and dragged him away. Once Peter's hand left mine, I noticed how cold my hand got. Robert was about to follow his mom, but my pulled his shoulder back. 

 "Hey, what do you mean Peter's been pining after me?" 

 He laughed, "Seriously? You guys are dating, clearly he likes you." 

 I smiled nervously and nodded. But I was internally screaming. Robert wasn't in on this plan, unless Peter told him, but that's definitely unlikely. So, Peter actually liked me? Since Freshman year according to Robert. I would know though, right? I mean, Peter and I literally hang out all the time. There's no way I've gone through three years of high school and not noticed this. But here we are. 

 The rest of the night went on pretty quickly. Peter was being fawned over my every single one of my female relatives. When  I tried to steal him back one of my tias made a comment about him being nothing but bone. Of course, my abuela was the first to offer him a heaping plate of food. Peter accepted it without a beat. She also said once we were married, I'd have to stuff him right. This was my tipping point. 

 "Perdon." I excused myself from the female crowd Peter had. If I were to hear the phrase, "Cuando ustedes están casado, necesitas...." one more time I was actually going to start ripping my hair out. 

 I decided to talk a brief walk outside the building. The sun was still out, but was obviously starting to set. Today wasn't a complete waste. I guess my family wasn't busy trying to set me up, but now they were busy babying Peter. The only downside was what Robert said. I still couldn't shake the thought of Peter liking me out of my head. If it was so obvious, why hadn't I seen it? 

 I pulled out my phone and decided to text Ned about it. 

 Hey, apparently Peter's liked me since Freshman year. True or False? . (F/I). 

 I hit send and waited. I figured I could pass the time by skipping stones in the lake nearby. 

 "Hey, why'd you leave?" I turned around to see none other than Peter Parker himself. 

 I hummed in acknowledgement. "How'd you even know I left? My tias were busy feeding you."

"I felt your heartbeat wasn't there anymore." He approached and sat on a stone bench beside me. 

 "You can feel my heartbeat?" I asked, now very red. 

 "What? No, not feel. Hear. I heard your heartbeat was gone." He said quickly, rubbing the palms of his hands on his jeans. 

 I didn't know much about Peter's powers. Only that he could stop a bus with his bare hands, he was constantly hungry, he was sticky, and his senses were abnormally good. Good enough to know what my heartbeat sounds like apparently. 

"When everything happened I was freaking out at 3:00 a.m and I could hear a thumping. I thought it was May, but she wasn't home. So I was confused. The next day I found out it was your hearbeat. Everything can be overwhelmingly loud, so I just focus on your rhythm and it anchors me." 

 I don't think Peter realized he switched to the present tense. This implies he still does it. 

 "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. To not one particular question, but to all of them. I wanted to know why Peter didn't tell me about his crush. I wanted to know why Peter never told me about my heartbeat being his anchor. I want to know everything. 

 "Because I'm pretty sure it's not normal to listen to your friend's heartbeat." He laughed as he skipped a stone. 

 I made a face at how far out the stone went. It made it clear across the lake.

 "Cheater, but that's not what I meant."  

"What did you mean?" He turned serious. 

 "Freshman year, Pete, seriously?" 

 He sighed and stared out to the lake. 

 "I didn't want to lose our friendship." He replied blankly, shifting his shoes to mess with the gravel below us. 

 "Well judging by how well received you are by my family, I just may have to date you, Pete." I joked in an attempt to cut the tension between us. 

 "(Y/n), please don't joke about this." 

 I looked up to see the desperation in his face. He appeared to be holding back tears. 

 "Peter, I don't know. I haven't had a good track record with dating…" 

"I know, I've seen. Your family always chases them away, but I'm still here aren't I?" He quipped. 

 Well damn. He's right. Peter was accepted relatively quickly to the family. Some family members even inviting him to hang out outside of the reunion time. I'd also be lying to myself I said Peter wasn't attractive. He certainly is. But not only physically or as his superhero alter ego. He's attractive in the way he is so incredibly kind and forgiving. Flash has literally been a dick to Peter since 6th grade, but Peter still manages to act kindly towards him. Peter truly is a warm and welcoming person. Everybody who's met him can confirm that he's just so nice. He also is extremely loyal to his friends. Even with his heroic responsibilities, he still tries his best to find a balance for us. His eyes crinkle when he's smiling widely, he taps his pencil to his leg during a tough test, and is a killer dancer with such kind and loving rich, deep brown eyes. And oh shit do I like him too? 

 "I think giving this an actual try could be great." He pulled me from my thoughts. 

 "I think I do too." I said, now gazing at him. 

 "I know you do, your is beating nervously fast." He smirked and settled an arm around my shoulders. 

 "Peter! Donde estas! Necesitamos fotos!" I cringed at the heard of women who were all looking around for Peter. 

 "Vamos." I grabbed his hand and lead him back into the lions den. 

 Many photos were taken, phone numbers exchanged, and affectionate insults thrown around as the first might rounded down.

When Peter and I managed to get out of the building, he was carrying a carton of food. Particularly Tia Vani's zucchini tamales. When nobody was looking he snagged 14 of them. We put them in the back seat of my car and waved my family off. My parents and siblings would be staying the night, but we had an academic decathlon tournament the next morning, so we were needed back. 

As soon as Peter hit the passenger's seat, he was knocked out. It left me to my thoughts for a bit. When I pulled up to his apartment he gave me a sleepy smile and grabbed his food from the back. After a tired, quiet "goodnight" he was entering the building. 

I was about to drive to my parking spot, but a vibration from my phone caused me to pause. No cars were around, so I decided to check the notification. A next from Ned. 

 Yeah, he likes you. And you obviously like him. It's about time you guys confessed already. We're so talking about this tomorrow..goodnight. .N. 

I smiled at the text like an idiot. Things were certainly going somewhere. Huh, who could've guessed I would have went into my family reunion with a fake boyfriend, but would be leaving with a soon to be real one? 

I Could Use a Love Song - Ch 1: givin’ up on love, hey love’s given up on me

Summary: Emma Swan, small town orphan and up-and-coming country singer, is known for her voice, her penchant for leather, and her overall (earned) anger toward the world. She’s had a rough go of it – rough enough that every single song of hers is angry or sad – but on the road something (or someone) happens that might change her tune.

(Spoiler Alert: it’s Killian. Cue the gasps of shock.)

Also on AO3.

---

The upside to a truly shitty adolescence? Lyrical inspiration.

Emma Swan grew up a little bit all over the place, but primarily in a small town that was most definitely above the Mason-Dixon line and yet half its population spoke with some kind of southern-esque drawl. Confederate flags were common on Chevy trucks. Friday nights in the Fall were dedicated to high school football and absolutely nothing else. Their town’s only radio station was country, though it played seven different church services on Sunday mornings. To say that the whole town’s dynamic read like a cliché country song… it was more obvious than Emma’s bright red leather jacket in a crowd of cotton camo.

So no one was particularly surprised when the beautiful, damaged orphan with the voice of a (really pissed off) angel hit the road with a country band.

They might not have been surprised, but oh did they talk. After her falling out with the pastor’s son and her quick escape to Pittsburgh, she was every negative stereotype of famous in a small town you could conjure. Lily, the closest thing she’d had to a friend outside of Neal, son of Pastor Gold, would keep her updated on the rumors and the hearsay. Not that she wanted to know, necessarily. She’d rather imagine that her name had simply fallen out of the collective memory of that god forsaken town. But it hadn’t. Her story was on the tongues of every bar patron, Baptist, and boy scout leader north of I-80.

It wasn’t her story, though. Not really. The tales they told of Emma Swan always somehow ended up with her as the villain and not the fairy tale princess, the lost girl with no choice but to suffer at the hands of assholes.

Her parents had been shit. Drug addicts, apparently, and she’d been taken from them. She’d been passed through the foster system from ages 3-12, the best foster parents mostly ignoring her and the worst… well, she couldn’t afford the therapy to even attempt to go there.

She’d wound up with an OK but definitely half-crazy woman by the name of Sarah just before she turned 13 and that’s where she’d stayed, that hick town that just couldn’t get enough of her little sob story. That’s where she’d met Neal, the charismatic son of one of the town’s pastors. His dad had seemed nice enough, did a lot of community work and even owned several businesses, boasting of his commitment to boosting the local economy. For once she’d thought she’d found some people who didn’t suck who might make her life at least somewhat normal.

She, as usual, was wrong. Pastor Gold was… well, off. Way too angry for a dude preaching the New Testament each week. But at least he’d never hurt her. No, that privilege was reserved for Neal, who would beat her to a bloody pulp and then tell his daddy’s flock all about saving his sweet girl from a drug deal gone wrong (poor thing ended up like her parents despite the best efforts of the system, you see).

It was pathetic. And after she went to jail for having the gall to defend her own life from that sociopath, well, that was it. She dropped out of high school during the homecoming pep rally and hopped a bus to the city.

That had been years ago now, of course, but it was her origin story, as they say, and something very important to her on-stage personality. And her internal struggle.

Life had fucked her over and she was pissed. And so for five years after leaving that sleepy, secret-filled little town, all she ever really focused on was her anger. She’d write lyrics on truck stop napkins and sit in a half-stranger’s basement strumming chords on the guitar she’d stolen from the church rectory (she wasn’t sorry). She started out performing at open mic nights and then somehow found some of Her People, those who loved country music but maybe hadn’t grown up in a Dixie Chicks song (if only she could have Goodbye Earl’ed that son of a bitch high school boyfriend of hers before he ever laid a hand on someone new…).

(At least he ended up in prison. You know, eventually.)

(And, hey, her rage got her out there and selling records. But that was on her, not him. Nobody saves me but me, she always said. And she wasn’t about to thank a monster just because she survived slaying it.)

Tonight’s show was in a dive bar in upstate New York and Emma was so damn ready for it. She and Ruby had done a few shots of tequila before slipping on their tight jeans and leather jackets, and David had just finished setting up their brand new sound system that made them sound like they could actually be on CMT and not just playing from someone’s garage. David and Mary Margaret, they were like Johnny and June with their sweetness and Emma could hardly stomach it. But they were her friends, her actual honest-to-god, wouldn’t-rat-her-out-to-the-forest-service-for-underage-drinking friends and she loved them. She loved them and Ruby and even Graham in the only way she knew how: teasing insults, cases of beer, and not running away in the middle of the night even when she was feeling like her whole world could crash town with one wrong word from herself or anyone else.

(She really did need therapy beyond the catharsis of angry singing to half-drunk strangers. Someday, maybe.)

Friend love was a strange, but manageable thing. Well, mostly. But romantic love? Absolutely fucking not. After she left Neal and that town, after she drank away the pain and the frustration, well she thought maybe she’d give romance another try. Turned out the next guy was even worse, somehow, leaving her bruised and bloody when she turned down his marriage proposal at a fancy restaurant in Cleveland (yeah, those exist). The physical pain she had been used to, but the emotional… he called her every name she didn’t deserve and a few that she probably did, and when he finished her off with a few choice comments about the baby she’d lost after Neal threw her out a moving car, well she was done. For good. Never ever would she trust a man again. Preacher’s son or furniture salesman – they were all just… evil. She couldn’t ever again take that chance.

But tonight – tonight she wasn’t thinking about romance or even the past, not beyond the bits and pieces that had made their way into her songs. She was happy, buzzed, excited. Their little tour bus (well, van) family was rising in the ranks and soon she could move far away and get her own apartment overlooking the thriving streets of Nashville. Soon she would be so busy with interviews and music video shoots that she wouldn’t have a single second to spare a thought to those who had hurt her. Soon she would be so rich she wouldn’t ever feel lonely because she’d always have male company in the form of all her Benjamins she’d backstroke through like Scrooge McDuck.

The previous night Mary Margaret had tried to set Emma up with the singer of their opening act, a guy they called August who carried a typewriter instead of a guitar (who she’d definitely seen leaving with a drunk after she’d turned him down, by the way), so Emma had already had her monthly I Don’t Want Love chat with her hopeless romantic friend. Meaning today she was free and clear to just… enjoy this new life she’d spent years building on the bones of all the good girls she could have been.

She high-fived Ruby and David kissed her on the cheek as they took the stage, starting the guitar riff as Emma sauntered out to the opening words of the song. This was one of her crowd favorites, a good one to set the tone for what kind of show to expect, and she was melting into her confident, badass, devil-may-care persona easily by the time they hit the first chorus.

I’m goin’ home, gonna load my shotgun

Wait by the door and light a cigarette

He wants a fight, well now he’s got one

And he ain’t seen me crazy yet

A few people in the front row were singing along and her heart was bursting with pride that she was on this road, that she’d turned such a goddamn nightmare of a life into something positive and productive and while overall it still wasn’t healthy… she damn well was on the road to actually being someone. To finally shutting up the idiots back in Pennsyltucky who were convinced she wasn’t going to amount to anything but a statistic just like her parents (despite having never even tried any drug beyond alcohol and nicotine, the judgmental fucks).

One thing that entertained her beyond reason was listening to Mary Margaret sing backup vocals on the songs Emma wrote. Emma liked to call Mary’s on-stage persona Snow White Trash and Ruby insisted that be the name of the band’s first mainstream album when their big break finally came and Emma actually fucking laughed in the middle of performing her angry song that night because she couldn’t stop thinking about the mismatch.

So when the song was over she apologized to the crowd, told them how much she loved her band and her friends, even the hilariously innocent of them, and asked someone to pass her a beer so she could stop the chuckles from trickling out during the next song.

Next on their set list was one that had been co-written by Emma and Ruby, two girls from two very different small towns, who still had so much shared experience. It used to hurt her to sing it, the depressing nature of where she came from threatening to swallow her whole, until Graham came to her one night after the show, quieted her tearful sobs with a kiss and told her to just pretend it was a movie. She was just telling a story. It wasn’t her town or Ruby’s… it was nothing but fiction.

And that’s how she belted it all out totally devoid of those pesky feelings that made her wish she could just crawl under a rock rather than relive her trauma for the seventy third time this fucking year.

If you ain’t got two kids by 21, you’re probably gonna die alone

At least that’s what tradition told you

This song was a lesser known of theirs so they don’t have as many mouthing the words back, but the energy in the crowd is still so high, despite this song being a little more bummer than banger. So she scans the crowd, watches the faces of the drunk, the joyful, the brooding, and best of all, those who understand.

Off to the left, just at the edge of the stage, she saw probably the hottest man she’d ever seen in real life. Black leather jacket, artfully mussed hair, a smirk that could charm her pants right off if she let him.

It’s not that hot guys didn’t come to their shows. They definitely did. But they were usually more the Jake Owen or Luke Bryan type, the ones that look like they were ready to meet your mama by the third date. This guy, he didn’t seem the take-home-to-parents type (just the kind for her, having no parents and all).

But there was something else different about him. Standing just off stage, standing alone, glancing toward David every so often. He looked a bit too confident, comfortable, like he already had some kind of connection to her makeshift little family, and that set up some red flags.

She was not accepting applications for any new friends at the moment. Or maybe ever.

She’d been staring just a little and people tended to notice stuff like that so of course he eventually locked eyes with her, for just a fleeting moment, and there was something in that one glance that told her he knew what she was singing, how she felt, on a level that most others just… didn’t.

So naturally she broke the gaze and didn’t look back.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Jack burned out on booze and pills.

Mary had a little lamb.

Mary just don’t give a damn no more.

From there, Mary Margaret had taken over lead vocals, her cover of Strawberry Wine a nice balm to the mood-dampener that Merry-Go-Round always was. And every show without fail, she always took that transition to gloat about how she’s most definitely not the Mary from that song because she has David and loves him so much and Emma almost always makes the universal gesture for “gag me” to the crowd eliciting laughter and a few errant woo’s.

She didn’t tonight.

First taste of love, oh

Bittersweet

And green on the vine

Like strawberry wine

(sorry Deana Carter, but there wasn’t always some sweet.)

They closed the show with Kerosene, like they always did: high-energy, twangy, and true-to-form for their actual fans. The whole bar was on their feet, jumping and swaying and shouting and spilling their $4 beers on the guy beside them but no one really cared because they were sharing a moment, Emma and each of them, singing out their anger and sadness and ten years of life’s-not-fair.

Crazy how a three minute song could effectively patch the wounds of a whole life.

And, yeah, maybe it wasn’t really patching anything. Maybe it was just distraction. Maybe she was just as much a drug addict as her parents, but her drug was the stage and the music and the connection she shared with every other person in each and every bar who didn’t get the benefit of a first love like any kind of wine.

She sang her song from the diaphragm – broadway voice – but it was like it came all the way from her toes. It was always her anger that defined her, drove her, made her feel alive.

Why not lean into it?

I gave it everything I had

And everything I got was bad

Life ain’t hard but it’s too long

To live it like some country song

Trade the truth in for a lie

Cheating really ain’t a crime

I’m giving up on love, cause love’s given up on me

Songs sung, merch sold, and bar tab closed, Emma headed toward the crew’s van, ready to sleep off the liquor in the third row seats while the lovebirds took the hotel room above the bar and Ruby and Graham found someone’s bed to put their boots under for the night.

It was odd, feeling like the fifth wheel when truly there was only one couple in the band. But Ruby and Graham, they were so in sync with where they were in their life – jand it was just not what Emma was looking for – that she still ended up left out.

Which was fine. Everything was just fine.

Until her path to the van was obstructed by the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen in her life, the smoldering-eyed, confident guy who’d nearly made her forget her own lyrics before she’d promptly remembered to forget him and any other person who might possibly hold the potential to make her heart skip.

(Hearts aren’t meant to skip. That’s not love; it’s a trip to the cardiologist.)

He was definitely about to annoy her, so shouldn’t he look properly… annoying? Not like a goddamn model. That was distracting her from her annoyance and inevitable hate. Because a girl like her? Every song lyric and leather jacket was a clear message: leave me the fuck alone.

He clearly wasn’t receiving the signal.

“Swan, I presume?” he finally spoke, her eyes certainly glaring daggers at him despite her tiredness and BAC.

“Uh, obviously? What do you want.” (It wasn’t a question.)

“To introduce myself, of course! Killian Jones, at your service.”

She stopped a few feet from him, one hand on her hip and the other reaching for the cigarettes in the back pocket of her jeans.

“I’m not interested in any services beyond handing me a lighter. Can you manage that one?”

He smirked at her and reached into his jacket, the click of the zippo lighter in his hand echoing off the brick alley the van was parked in. With a quick flick of his thumb there was a flame and he offered it to her, his eyes burning with something other than the reflection of the fire.

“Ah, yes, that’s something even a one-handed bloke like me can manage.” He clicked the lighter closed and deposited it back in his jacket, only to reveal his left arm – ending at the wrist – from where it had been tucked behind him.

Emma deflated a little, some compassion left inside her despite the unwanted nature of his approaching her. “OK, Captain Hook, what exactly do you want from me?”

(She had compassion, but also very little candor. For the record.)

“Ah, yes, I’ve never heard that one before,” he muttered, rolling his eyes and finally looking like he was receiving her please-go-away signals, but he still soldiered on. “I was meant to be here before the show started, but I had some trouble finding this hole-in-the-wall. I presume by your attitude that Dave didn’t warn you I was coming?”

“You presume correctly. Can you please get on with whatever garbage is happening here? I swear if they put you up to asking me out or something I’m going to kill them. Mary Margaret especially. Because we just talked about this and I know that it’s not your fault that they’re such meddlers but I swear I’m pretty much the same girl who sings on stage in real life and I absolutely want nothing to do with men. Or women, for that matter… I’m not a person who dates and if they thought..”

“Love, please stop. No, I’m not here to ask you out. Believe me, I know I’m not what you need. I mean, technically I am, but not in the romantic sense.”

He paused and waggled his eyebrows and Emma was too tired to roll her eyes so she just closed them, willing the moment to pass. “I’ve been hired to work for you. All of you. Roadie. Can’t play notes on a guitar anymore, but I can haul them in and out of these dumps you lot perform in.”

Ah. He was the guy David had suggested they hire but the group had then rejected the idea and apparently David decided to overrule them all because why would Prince Charming listen to a democratic band vote, anyway? (Ugh.)

“Can you maybe stop insulting the patrons that pay us since that same money is going to be what pays you?”

Drunk laugher and electronic music pulsed out of the back door of the bar they’d played in not long before. Almost closing time now. Emma needed to get out of the open before she had to break someone’s wrist for drunkenly groping her. Again.

“Ah, of course, love,” he replied, finally seeming to be at least somewhat chagrined. “Now if you could point me in the direction of our sleeping quarters, I’ll leave you to your business.”

“First of all, I am not your love. We’ve covered this already and I need you to keep up. Second, do you really think we make enough to have quarters? I’m not entirely sure how we’re going to both pay you and eat. So.”

“So, what exactly does that mean for you or I, Swan?” he emphasized her last name in an effort to prove he was capable of using titles other than ridiculous British terms of endearment.

“Well, Jones, that means that either you go shack up with David and the missus (10/10 would not recommend; Mary gets very horny while drunk and her voice carries), or you do like Graham or Ruby and find a local to make gross sex noises with. Or whatever they do. Don’t know, don’t ask, don’t care.”

“And you, princess?” His tone was a challenge. He wanted her to object to the sickly sweet nickname. And she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“I sleep in the van. And I do not cuddle.”

“Oh, it’s not cuddling I’m looking for,” he purred, waggling his stupid eyebrows again. (This time she did roll her eyes, annoyed enough to expend the limited energy she still possessed.)

“Then go find someone willing, buddy. Like I said.”

He shook his head and laughed, already turning back toward the van. “Damn. David said you were difficult, but I wasn’t expecting this. I’ll sleep wherever you don’t. Unless you snore?”

“No, I do not snore!”

“Great. Then we’ll get along just dandy.” He waited next to the van until Emma pulled out the fob to unlock it, sliding open the big door a second after the beep-beep to signal entry. “After you, not anyone’s love.”

“Thanks, Captain. I’ll be in the back. Touch me at your peril.”

They each crawled into the van and settled at opposite ends. Emma tossed Killian a blanket and Killian tossed Emma a pillow that had been lodged in the front seat and they both drifted off to the sounds of Garth Brooks on the Pandora radio Ruby had bought her to ward away the nightmares that inevitably accompanied the silence.

The death's-head befall to Smilodon populator

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Lol, nothing to be ashamed of. Lavi's reaction to his relationships is one of the most fascinating parts about his character. I too wonder what his reaction will be post Noah abduction. Is Lavi the type to get that angry/vengeful for himself or just for someone else? It's possible if it was just him he could bury his feelings better and rationalize it's war and the Noah don't play nice. But Bookman is involved too. If something bad happened to Bookman because of the Noah would Lavi get furious-

2 enough to act irrational (for a bookman)? Afterall losing Bookman would also make Lavi the new Bookman (considering all the secrets he doesn’t know. I think Lavi would feel wholly unprepared for the new title). 

we’ll do this by parts because there’s a lot to get through (with love nonny, this is fantastic and now i have a lot of Lavi’s feels thank u) So let’s start there.

But this is a good question and the question i’m wondering as well. And Bookman remains someone important for Lavi, emotionally and in term of rank, in term of what it means for him. The death of Bookman could bring anger, but would that anger be affection based? Would it also be fueled by the crushing duty on his shoulder? The crushing pain they both went through? Would Lavi consider his own pain or only the old man’s? There’s.. so many questions and i guess we just have to wait and see. I trust Lavi’s heart is too talkative for his own good, but it depends how much he decides to dedicate himself to his Bookman part once he has no other choice.

AND I’m gonna put the rest under read more because MAN this is fascinating and it has a lot of asks and Get In For the Lavi Suffering Train my friends!

(if you’re on mobile and the readmore doesn’t work blacklist #long post for ts, or #readmoreundercut to reduce this post, it got very long)

But yeah, there’s no use in comparing one reaction to another in terms of loss. All of them speak to how Lavi views them. From what I’ve observed Lavi hates seeing the volition of his friends violated. He hated how scared Leverrier made her when forcing her to act. He hated Tyki for -

3 trying to kill Allen and taking his future as a exorcist away since he knows how important that is to Allen. He didn’t calm down in both cases until Lenalee made her own choice and Tyki confirmed Allen was alive and coming. He also acts very post close death of someone. W/Lenalee he started to pay more attention to the depth of her feelings and comfort her (before he either kept distant or yelled at her). W/Allen he contemplated his own heart and acted more clingly. Both cases he got more - 4 more protective. 

ooh this is a very, very good point! And even if it’s no surprise it really puts to word how that “bookman got no heart” thing is bullshit. If at least the Tyki’s overreaction was due to the grief and loss (which would be understandable as you say further in, not being as convinced of Allen’s survival) the one for Lenalee and Lveille was entierely on how Lveille was emotionally abusing Lenalee- something that is less “obvious” than litterally killing (geez i wonder how “I’m so heartles” Lavi managed to get pissed at an entierely emotionally based conflict) (is making fun of Lavi’s lack of heartlessness getting old yet? Bc I still will use that against him). 

And you’re also right that there was a real change of action from Lavi the moment he feared he lost them. He was emotionally and physically more available to either of them- and since the most of it was when Bookman wasnt looking, it’s not really a wonder that Bookman made sure Lavi kept his distances when the destruction of the Order ended. Tbh it makes sense Lavi took his distances storywise when he did 

(and it’s only the hiatuses that makes it very agonizing- and i mean it in general because even the pacing of the story had to change when Hoshino went to monthly with the Alma arc and to the current pacing. I remember that she mentioned having wanted to make a 3rd Exorcist centric arc before the Alma Arc but her health was running thin when she went on Monthly so she jumped on the Alma’s arc that was more important for her to tell. That’s why also she found the loophole to get the Thirds to be mindcontrolled by the Earl now and giving Link this side arc focusing on how he’s worried for them in recent arcs. I’m kinda sad we never got to see what that “Third Plotline” would have originally looked like, but i’m kinda curious how she’ll rework it. (tbh I feel like originally there was going to be an arc with more actions of the Third gradually getting the Noah’s interests rather than just their intervention in Paris and unseen missions. An arc to realy set in motion how the Noah came to the conclusions we see them get by the Alma arc. So like, kept the reasoning we got offscreen and keeping the thematic and lore/characters development for a future arc with another plot).Point is, it is possible there were more Lavi’s development planned after the Paris arc that had to be scrapped with the Alma arc was moved forward. (i also think there was a bonus around the Paris’s arc of Lavi mentioning coming back in the plot soon so if i’m not wrong, it strengthen my belief there). Considering also the focus on Lavi and Bookman following the news at that time, it’s possible it wasn’t directly planned to jump into what became of their storylines. Imo i wonder if the political aspect didn’t have to take a major backseat as well. I mean before the Alma arc we were learning about how the Noah (esp Sheryl with his political situation) were manifacturing wars to create the sorrow needed for the Akuma, and we see especially Lavi and Bookman read about it and more seriously mention it. I wonder if that was the set up to something that had to be pushed away considering how Sheryl becomes proheminant in the next arcs not for his political ties (like he was introduced) but for his sadism. THAT SAID it’s also interesting Sheryl’s introduction was directly commented on by LAVI AND BOOKMAN, which imo emphasis even more how much Sheryl was supposed to affect their storylines. It still works with the torture plot though. AND MAN THAT WAS A LONG PARENTETHIS SORRY). 

Erg what was i saying- ah yes, Bookman might have seen that Lavi ended up getting closer to the others the few times Bookman hadn’t been paying attention, and with the threat of the innocence taking Lavi away (which would be fun, losing one apprentice to the Noah and the second to the Innocence…), forcing Lavi to recenter on Politics and keep his distances from the others made sense. Until the Alma arc happened and then it was just bad luck. Point is, Lavi’s emotional balance changed once Bookman wasn’t there to monitor him and i think Bookman is painfully aware of that. I think it’s not even innocent Bookman sent Lavi on Bookman’s duty to record Cross and Allen’s conversation about the 14th. Forcing Lavi into his duty in regard of what was happening to Allen, forcing him to face what caused him emotions and get back to being heartless. Doubt it really worked though but i can see a reasoning there in trying to remind Lavi of his duty.

I think Lavi would get pretty angry on Kanda’s behalf. But I wonder if it’d be on the same level of the other examples? They get along better then most but we haven’t seen them that emotionally availiable to the other. Ex, like Kanda was w/Alma, Lenalee, Marie and Teidoll and now w/Johnny and Allen. when I focus more on Allen (blame Lavi not being present for any of the Kanda plot). We’ll see whenever they reunite. 

It’s a good question tbh. I wonder if the “oh no i’m caring too much” trigger isn’t set on “almost dying companions” and thus Lavi wouldn’t have reacted as much for Kanda (?). I wonder if he would just have gone back too what his mindset was before going to the Order according to his Road’s memories: “Humanity just sucks.” (heavily paraphrazing but he says something similar bc he saw too many wars. Which hell, he is at his 49TH NAME FOR A 49TH RECORDED WAR AT 18, i’m terrified to do the math (bc also i’m terrified of math) but that’s enough to make you lose faith in humanity). I wonder if Lavi wouldn’t have been “Disgusted but Not Surprised”. 

But I like to believe he couldn’t help but be angry still. I want to believe in Lavi’s heart there. Of how much the Order first opened his mind and is now a source of suffering. Perhaps that’s also why he had to be kept away from that plotline. Bc he would have been unpredictable. 

I think I like to focus on Allen’s impact on Lavi the most -

5 because the series does (it is Allen’s story). 

(lmao mood and you play on my bias there and u know it)

Lavi got attached before Allen but the novel w/Dug reveals he was still detached enough to move on (and Dug was probably his closest genuine friend at the time). It wasn’t until Lavi saw an Akuma’s soul and Allen talking Krory out of suicide that something changed in Lavi. How the heck can a kid live in hell and still be so good? Lavi probably thought he had already seen hell in countless wars but one Aluma soul made him sick like nothing before - 6 did. 

This is a VERY GOOD POINT and tbh same I do think the “seeing the Akuma’s soul” was the catalyst for Lavi. Also I think it was mentioned then that “allowing others to see Akuma’s soul” only happened that one time, so between Lavi, Krory and Allen. For Allen it was his “all the time” thing, for Krory it was his very first time even comprehending what Akuma were like, ways to be scared for life.

But for Lavi it also suddenly put emotional weight on what was happening, especially when his introductions is all a bit… teasing about how Allen was relaying on said eye. The whole “can’t trust anyone” speech he tells Allen. Which is even more telling that he JUST CAME BACK from the Dug’s mission when this whole arc happened. Meaning Lavi could have been really bitter about it and become extremely cynical. 

For Lavi who distances himself emotionally from people to start with, who doesn’t even trust humanity all that much, “weapons made from people who cared to the point of being carried away” would probably just emphasis more on how much he’s not supposed to care. Adding fuel on why he is to be heartless, that he cannot trust anyone. And for Allen, who’s so young, so reliant on his eye, “not knowing the horrors of eventually losing someone to an Akuma” (I doubt Lavi knew of the Mana incident back then- if he did know Allen turned Mana into an akuma due to records though I think he might have been cynical bc he just lost someone over “that stupid move” too- would take time to sink in that those feelings even happened), it would just be someone who “got it easy”. While Lavi learnt the hard way what losing a close one to an Akuma would be like (also ding ding ding we got another parallelism between Lavi and Allen I’ve never noticed before of the two of them knowing someone who got turned into an Akuma this is a bingo). (And now that i’m thinking about it funny how Allen/Lavi/Krory all had a closed one that became an Akuma and they were the one tied in that arc: they’re the three who knows what an Akuma’s looks like).

The Eliade incident was Lavi’s wakeup call that Allen wasn’t carefree, he wasn’t having it easy- he was seeing horrors and stood it with a smile, a smile as fake as Lavi’s, fellow fake smile liar. Also it may have also put into perspective how much of a hard time Allen suddenly had when he lost his eye. I also wouldn’t leave it past Lavi to have realized all the sudden that this “soul” was An Actual Person more than a poor decision. To be able to see and conceptualize the mutilated soul must have suddenly put the Dug’s situation into perspective. And if i’m not wrong- it’s that Dug called for Colette’s soul who died right? A Little girl. Seeing Eliade’s soul must have suddenly clicked in Lavi’s head of “Holy hell this is what happened to Colette”. It wasn’t a vague “ye ye tragedy creating weapon yada yada” this was knowing that inside the mutilated body of his friend, there was the mutilated soul of a little girl who didn’t ask for it. I think that definitly added to a sudden punch for Lavi because he could associate Eliade’s situation to Dug/Colette. And while this was an horrifying sight the most horrifying was to realize that Allen was used to it and this was the sort of things that haunted him and that he still carrid it on to the point of feeling SAFETY into seeing those souls. Perhaps that helped a lot understanding Allen’s compassion for the Akuma. 

And exactly like you mention: All this perspective had him more curious toward Allen. Tbh the fact he was even recluent in going to save Allen when the Krory arc started and that the following arc he was in full breakdown at the thought of Allen dying shows how much this incident only had him care for Allen beyond what he expected. It wasn’t just like Dug anymore. And I truly, truly believe it’s linked to how suddenly Lavi had to face Allen’s demons and wonder how he even keeps up a smile and still give himself up for those horrors. 

(I hadn’t read the manga in forever and now i want to again dear kdhkjdf)

Another was inside Roads dreamworld when Lavi was fighting deranged versions of his friends. This was always a peculiar scene to me I haven’t fully decided what it means. All of the Order/companions are attacking Lavi. Except Allen who looks totally normal and unlike the other versions, doesn’t judge Lavi. He instead comments on what Lavi has attached to and gets killed for it. Not by Lavi. But by Bookman jr. Maybe BJr knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even-7 if he knew this Allen was fake? Either way it was seeing Allen’s death that broke Lavi mentally enough to get hurt and fall under Road’s control. Maybe it’s mean’t to convey Allen is put on a pedestal. Allen has seen hell but never became a part of it like Lavi’s seen so many others have (even Lenalee only cares about HER people. Nothing against her. It’s totally understandable. But Allen is different for caring about everyone). That’s why Allen would never become a ‘monster’ in Lavi’s mind? -

8 But that’s a theory. 

Ooh the scene that spilled a lot of ink (ahah geddit, “are we just ink on paper for you” and the ink of the Ace of spade spilling…. Look i need to do Bookmen jokes to cope)

But yes this scene was very good and I do think it’s true. The problem though is that since it’s Road’s illusion there’s a lot to wonder about how much was Road’s (correct) assuptions about Lavi, and the fact she herself has a soft spot for Allen. 

I think it’s possible Road went with Lavi getting to face everyone’s corpses accusing him for “not having feelings” to break him, and realized it didn’t work. Lavi managed to see through the illusion (if only because say, Lenalee wouldn’t have said the horrible things Fake!Lenalee says in his mind). But Road knows Allen. Road knows how sweet and gentle he can be. 

And somewhat she dig enough in Lavi’s brain to… not only know, but she found out the ACE OF SPADE and that goddamn Ace… MAN. LIKE. How important was that thing for Road to manage to tear it out from Lavi’s mind on the same level as him meeing Lenalee or the dude of the Order for the first time? From all the things Road could have picked up upon, it was that Card. That Card that represented how much affection Lavi had for Allen. That Card he linked to the grief of losing Allen (which also, doesn’t it mean Loss in divination reading? also due to the fact it looks like a heart upside down, pierced?). That Card that he kept as a memory of Allen, that he had to hold on to (litterally in the same frame as Anita & Lenalee talks about Cross and Lenalee asks “Do you believe he’s still alive?” (talking about Cross there) and Anita’s answer is set ON LAVI’S WATCHING THAT DAMN CARD thinking about ALLEN while she says “Yes. This is the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The very scene that has to force Lavi toremind himself he has no need for a heart. Also known as the scene that murdered me.).

And Road? Finds out how important that card is for Lavi, and realizes that Lavi “heartless” Bookman let himself cling into that one emotional piece, that ONE THING that kept him emotional. And what does she do? Realize that it means Allen is one of the only emotional things Lavi can materialize. And therefore, she shows Allen, gentle, sweet, kind, taking up the card, thanking Lavi for holding on to it. Lavi knew he was surrounded by illusions but he was frozen upon seeing Allen thanking him. If Allen immediatly attacked him like Fake!Lenalee did, how would Lavi have reacted? Who knows. Because Road went right to the emotions Lavi left vulnerable. The one thing Lavi had looked up to questioning about his Bookman duty and had his Bookman self murder Allen. And when the card fell down, all its ink disappeared, spilled. I think even “Bookman JR” says “what are you so distressed about, it’s only ink on paper?”. Turning how this card emotioanlly impacted Lavi into ink furthered Lavi’s duties due to how material it was.

I think you’re entierely right on “Bookman JR* knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even if he knew Allen was fake”. (* albeit it is also Road digging into his own heart doing so - it is blurry whenever we can just pin it on Road or if his Bookman’s internal self also know and realize Allen is a weakness for himself). I think it might also be linked to how much of an emotional journey Allen had put him through so far and suddenly  it was too much, and Road took the approach of a gentle Allen, a REALISTIC Allen, and it took Lavi completely off guard. It suddenly made it all more painful.

I do think perhaps he considers Allen differently, if only because he saw them far latter and had to come with a lot of different realizations about Allen- especially by seeing under his mask. Lenalee was always sincere about how she felt- he saw her crying on her fallen companions when they first met. Allen fakely smiled, Lavi took him for granted, and had his entiere view on him shifted by the Eliade incident only to then lose him. If Lenalee showed the good of caring for your own people, Allen was confusing, was the opposite of “All humanity sucks” Pre-Order Lavi. 

bc i also think that counts: yes Lenalee cares only about her people, like you say- but Allen went off record to cut himself out from everyone while trying to save everyone: humans and akuma alike. I think that plays too. Lenalee keeps a few people close and she loves them openly. Allen fakes being close to everyone while he actually doesn’t let anyone in, carries all the burden for himself, and fight for absolutly everyone, friends or foes. And not by naivety, like Lavi first assumed, but by knowing too much. And ain’t “knowing too much” exactly what the Bookmen are for? “Knowing too much” is the reason Lavi cannot bring himself to get emotionally attached, and even managed to distach himself before the Order. Yet “Knowing too much” is the reason Allen cares so much despite consequences, despite what comes with it, despite seeing its horrors even more. “Knowing too much” had Lavi look down on humanity. “Knowing too much” had Allen focused on saving it. If only because of how much Lavi can relate to that, and how it links back to the sudden knowledge of what the eye bring, the vulnerability it created is fascinating.

(hell the whole torture does end with this: (translated from french bc it’s easier to grab my volume than look the chapter online sorry about that):Bookman self: Why are you so different from the 48 me before you? why does 49th suffer this much? Do you not want to be a Bookman anymore, “Lavi”? You prefer fighting for passing friendships? You know very well there’s no hope left to have in humankind. It only knows how to create conflicts. You know it well! So forget your self consiousness and remind yourself that “I”, I have responsabilities as Bookman.Lavi: Easy to say. Try to understand “me”. I lost faith in humanity. I wondered “Until when is it going to tear itself apart?” I was convinced that as a Bookman, I was belonging to a whole other species, what bullshit… But… could you light it up for me? In which purpose….. do Bookmen exist? Why the wars don’t end in the world of humankind?Bookman self: Why do you ask “me”? I don’t know!Lavi: I am you, right? There was 48 before. And with me, “Lavi” it makes 49…. 49 for one single person: “me”. And you still don’t have an answer? So if someone has to know….Unclear (probably both as it’s when “Lavi” disappears): The first one who started to change was You. The one who wanted to get out from this dead end. Who looked for answers. 

Those are the questions that arose from Road’s fight. This is the questions that arose from fighting the people he loved, from facing Allen, from facing guilt. I am still fascinated by this monologue to this day because i’m not entierely sure what it means except that Lavi is taking a different approach at being a Bookman, and trying to figure out what it means to be one outside from just coldly recording as a neutral party. He went from “Knowing too much is why I don’t care for them” to “but I have a responsability by Knowing too much to make sense of it”. And that’s something that, to me, seems influenced by Allen. If only because Allen was the catalyst of every step through that nightmare: From what Broke him to what Called Him Back. Of what Broke him by “sticking to the cold Bookman nature” self, and what Called Him Back due to “Acknowledging Emotions” (the Caring Call (erg this section was added after i explained further down what the Caring Call is, details further down), but also Road’s - as he directly then tells Allen when he awakes “dO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THIS GIRL CARES ABOUT YOU”. Lavi’s key to salvation was to acknowledge Feelings. Of using this Knowledge he had to emotionally reccord to know how to emotionally get out. It isn’t for nothing Mister Heartless’s battle was a battle in his own heart this whole time.)

I do think there might be something for the torture of seeing everyone you don’t want to admit you care about hate you, and having the one person you know would care no matter what die in front of you because of the heartless facade you want to believe yourself to be, would break Lavi. Allen himself doesn’t hurt Lavi, Lavi still “gets stabbed” by everyone else fake!self. (albeit we know that Lavi still managed to stab himself first but u know what i mean). Somewhat it was more painful to be the cause of Allen’s downfall than Allen hating him. And this close from thinking Allen died? No wonder it hurt this much.

For Road to pinpoint it… honestly i could have easily said “it’s Road’s own feelings shinning through as well” since she does have a soft spot for Allen (and did hide in Allen) if it wasn’t for the Card and how it was presented beforehand.

… and i’m just realizing, Road hid in Allen probably expecting that Lavi would not be able to actually stab Allen without good reasons. And hell, Lavi didn’t do it until Allen called for him on the other side, what i called Caring Calls earlier (recent chapters say that “just like Akuma the loved ones’s call can be strong enough to bring back your soul from where it wanders”, imo it didn’t man that “Allen is completely like an Akuma” (more layered than that) but directly said that Johnny’s love was enough to get through Allen right? Then there’s no reason not to assume that “Lavi can you hear my voice?” didn’t manage to get through Lavi still. And it would be extremely ironic that the two who had loved ones become Akuma would manage to use the very power used to make Akuma, ie the caring calls, to fight back the Noah, using how they weaponized emotions against them by weaponizing it back. Especially the two who fake their emotions the most.). I think Allen’s voice managed to ground Lavi’s back in reality enough to be able to stab Road and see clarity in her mind game. But the only facts she pulled it that way says a lot about the assumptions she took away from it, and even more so when she was mostly right until Lavi gained clarity of mind.

Lol it’s actually a good thing Lavi’s not around to hear Allen’s backstory. Kanda’s a good first time listener for Allen because I doubt he’ll overreact in a way to make Allen regret it. If Lavi ever learned about how mistreated and abused Allen was I don’t think he could contain his anger (you’d almost pity Cosimo if he’s still around and Lavi ran into him knowing him as Allen’s past abuser). 

Honestly mood. I think Kanda would at least.. work better to catalyze what’s happening. From his own tragic past to how much he knows he can rely on Allen on that matter, I think he’s more likely to have a balanced enough reaction that we can get Allen to tell his full story without being interrupted. I think everyone else would get too emotional to let him finish ahah. But that’s to wonder how much Lavi would react to past hurt… Again, or does he only care when they nearly died. I don’t know if Lavi would get very stormy-pissed off but if Cosimo was still alive and Lavi met him knewing what happened I’d see him pulling Chaotic “pranks” at him in a very bad way? like. Restless. And Mean. But who knows really… tbh now that I think about it considering how he behaved to Lveille.. I think he would only become coldly cruel if Cosimo appeared in front of Allen and Allen showed discomfort. There, all hell would break loose. 

But yeah I could go on about Lavi. He’s a complex guy.

considering this is the length of this answer thus far, I think we found each other nonny and you dug right into my heart. Needs two to cry over one fake heartless boy.

Sometimes I wonder if Lavi even believed Bookman when he said Allen was alive? We know Lenalee eventually did when she stated her belief during the Eshi fight. Lavi however was so furious when he wanted to fight Tyki that he didn’t calm down until Tyki said Allen was alive. Lavi acted shocked to hear that and still seemed surprised when Allen actually showed up. Compare his reaction to Lenalee who was angry at Tyki but not that revenge driven because she believed in her heart already Allen was-

2 alive and would rejoin them. She chose to have a lot of faith in order to keep her going (that says a lot about her strength of character, personal opinion) while Lavi stayed focused on his loss of Allen. It’s interesting how Lavi’s relationship with death itself plays so much into how he functions even inside his own mind. It might be why Lavi shows a fear that Allen will die because he’s too good to last in the world (the whole like the light scene). Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t.

First “Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t” is a freaking raw line, and it fits Lavi’s mindset so much, especially how much he had lost faith in humanity and the moment Allen lightened up (as you say, “you are light, i’m afraid you will disappear in the light”(paraphrazing bc i dont’ have the word for word englih vers and the french vers is more confusing). also this is so interesting that for Lavi there is darkness but for the Light, it’s the fear the Light might take Allen away. esp since he specifically mentions how “the crowned Clown”, that masked innocence is the one taking him away. The Light that is taking Allen away is the Innocence. And he compares the Masked innocence to Allen right after Allen try to smile to lift up people’s spirit: another smile Lavi sees right through as a fake smile, fearing Allen is losing himself in his own light, behind his mask: that while it’s a mask, it remains a light that can disappear. Lavi sees the destruction possibility from Light as well, had lost Allen to the darkness (and we, the audience, saw Allen being dragged away in Nea’s darkness at this point when he almost died) only now to be swallowed whole by the Light. Poetry.)

Also I completely agree on the Lenalee’s reading. I also really believe Anita’s sentence matters there, the one she tells Lenalee (and that is supperposed on Lavi) of believing Cross is alive “because it’s the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The dialogue seems to be echoing Lenalee and Lavi’s need to hold on to the thought of Allen being alive to give them strength.

The Asian Branch was the one to tell them Allen was alive but unable to use his innocence though so, as far as we know, Lavi had nor eason to really doubt Allen was alive. But I do think he was distressed by the amount of emotions it provocked him. Bookman beat him up for caring too much after he got cruel with Lenalee’s grief. Tbh I think Lavi was externalizing his own frustration on her, almost talking to himself. “Get yourself together, people die in wars, you should be expecting it”- all those horrible things he tells Lenalee while she’s crying for Allen, after Lavi ends up breaking a glass out of frustration- the fact Bookman then tells him that he shouldn’t be caring so much makes me think he was talking to himself but didn’t want to admit it. He felt the same distress as Lenalee but where Lenalee knew to externalize her feelings, to acknowledge them, Lavi was distressed to even have them, and instead of facing them, he took it against her. Perhaps there was something “unfair” that she could feel grief while “he couldn’t,” and  by shutting her grief down, he would do himself the service to shut his grief down. Obviously a dick move. But also a personal one.

I really do think it’s a lot about Lavi not wanting to process the grief.  Being unable to process it, and rejecting it completely. He didn’t go to the multiple stages of griefs, he didn’t have to be in denial, he didn’t have to barging: He went straight to anger and didn’t know how to get out of it. Allen being alive meant he didn’t have to go through all those steps but as a result he instead got overprotective. I think there’s this though  too is that when Lenalee almost died, Lavi jumped to Denial first and expressed it with Anger. Lavi didn’t let the possibility of Lenalee being dead sink in, even if he was terrorized by it.But for Allen, Timcanpy showed them as much shootage as he could, and for the trip from the Ace of Spade to the Boat, Lavi and Lenalee had no reason to even hold on hope. I believe too that the fact Lavi managed to hold on Hope for Lenalee was both that 1) Allen’s case showed the Denial was a possibility, 2) that he still hadn’t recovered from the recent grief that he wasn’t ready to go through anothr one. 

Likewise it’s not just Allen’s life that almost got lost: it was his innocence. And Lavi knows how important Allen’s duty is for him. We as the audience get to hear Allen says that he’d rather be dead than not being able to fight in the war, to save poeple. Lavi knows Allen cares about saving humanity and akuma, and for that , he needs the innocence. And he knows Allen gives himself up selflessly entierely for that. If Timcanpy’s recording showed everything, they also saw that Allen died because he tried to bring salvation to Suman, even when Suman was considered a traitor to the Order. And Unlike Lenalee, Allen didn’t know Suman personally. Allen just did it out of his own heart, of what he wanted to save. 

The loss of Allen was a loss of what was good in humanity. Of this Light that was going to fade away. And the fact is that up until Allen arrives, no one knew his Innocence would still work. Tyki took away Allen’s life purpose. Tyki took away what Allen used to save people, selflessly. Tyki took away Allen’s light, the salvation that Allen was offering others, what Allen cared above anything else. 

That adding to how little he processed the grief and how cruel Tyki had been, Lavi’s outbrust is more than justified for me. And even better for me to believe he knew Allen was alive but thought about how much he had lost. Because suddenly not even Allen being alive, not even how much he had to remind himself he had no heart: Lavi couldnt help let his fury take him over seeing Tyki. No amount of reasoning with himself, no possibility to blame anyone else but the person in front of him. And that’s RAW. 

 (also if we go Lavi = Heart theory (which we all know i’m a sucker for) it’s also amazing that both Allen and Lenalee’s innocences evolved. First, both innocence shielded them from Death, Allen’s innocence litterally repairing his devoured heart. (his!! heart!!) : bth while Lavi was freaking out about their death and couldn’t let it sink in. Lenalee’s innocence then remained non-offensive the entiere time (finally answering her wishes to not be a weapon in the war after she almost died in it), the only time she begs for her innocence back is when Lavi is not conscious to hear her, and the innocence accepts her again after she begs for it in the infirmary in front of Lavi (with a lot of Focus on Lavi i might add). For Allen, his innocence evolved when Tyki sent the Akuma to kill him when he saw Lavi’s distress. Lavi’s emotions were all over the place and suddenly he had reasons to fear for Allen’s life again and that’s when the innocence shielded Allen with light. Also note that during that fight against Tyki Lenalee’s innocence shield her in a crystal again when Lavi lose sight of her and panics. Also fair to notice that Allen’s innocence evolved into an innocence “harmless for humans” right when Lavi’s mind was being broken and a fight between the two of them was unavoidable. Allen’s innocence evolved in a way that could protect Lavi right before Lavi needed it. But again it’s Heart theory stuff and y’all know what a sucker i am for it).

ALTHOUGH I do believe that even if Lavi believed Allen was alive, it was a harder belief to hold on to. That he believed in it “only to give himself strength” and seeing Tyki had his strength waver. While Lenalee held on it tightly, put all her faith in it (ironical for a character characterized by her lack of faith in her innocence, yet her full faith into people, her need to have faith that they will be okay (i do think she mentions something like that about Komui too, of having to hold on faith it will be alright.): an interesting tidbits about Lenalee imo), Lavi tried so hard to rationalize all of that that he might have “believed” in the background without holding this thought too hard because doing so would be caring too much, would be reopening thewounds that hadn’t healed and refused to. No need to believe if you don’t acknowledge it right? You can interpret the shape of a cloud any way you want, there is no shape to believe in if you keep your eyes closed. Until you’re forced to snap your eyes back opened and face it ithout being able to have the time to rationalize it. 

Does that make sense? I hope it does.

But yes, I agree, I do think that coming this close from almost losing him had Lavi scared to process the grief again. And scared to lose him to the light like they lost him to the darkness, one extreme to the other.

DGM: Crud. All this Lavi talk and his feelings over loss makes me realize he hasn’t seen or experienced Allen’s Noah awakening at all. What if Lavi’s going to be a observer and he’s helpless watching Allen deteriorate in front of him. How’s he going to talk to Neah? How’s he going to feel about Kanda carrying the burden of killing Allen before Neah takes over for good? Apocryphos chasing after Allen to merge w/him and hurting their friends along the way? There’s a lot of bad waiting for Lavi!

I almost answered this one on its own but i think it ties in perfectly: Isn’t Allen’s current storyline of being torn between the darkness (Noah/Nea) and the Light (Innocence/Apocryphos)? This would be Lavi’s fear come to realization again to see it. To see Allen being swallowed by either, to see him struggle against either side. 

Lavi did hear of at least the whole thing Cross told Allen about Nea/Mana and Allen’s determination of “I am not the 14th, I am Allen, and screw him, i will fight for myself”. Lavi was the only witness of this convo with Cross and the Crows. (which also makes me realize how much Lavi DOES know about Allen at this point bc that was a very particularly vulnerable moment in which Allen completely broke down in front of Cross. His mask fell down by facing his past.)

so if anything, Lavi knows Allen will fight no matter what, he knows of Allen’s determination: But he hadn’t seen how much it had been tested so far. Currently Allen is being tested to some extreme with how much both sides are tearing on him. A lot of set up Lavi is aware about and worried about, but hadn’t been able to experience yet. And with Lavi’s current bad experience with the Noah (with Fiidora drawing his heart broken i’m going to sUE-) I doubt those feelings would be easy to sort out. 

It’s funny how Lavi is forced to be neutral by watching both sides and yet being emotionally involved in the exorcists and physically involved with the Noah, while Allen is forced being Neutral by being rejected from where he wants to be and dragged where he doesn’t want to. I wonder how much facing that would feel like.

OKAY THAT’S ALL FOR THE LAVI’S ASKS I THINK. I think we might have overlooked a few things but that’s a Lot to dig in and… lavi makes me weak. 

Also pour one fam’ that’s litterally a fic update at this point.

I just hope it sort of makes sense wow. 

TAKE CARE AND THANKS FOR THE LAVI FEELS OF THE DAY!

(Jumping on the next one in a minute, it will probably be shorter. hopefully)ligdorm

2017 VESTRY NOMINEE: SCOTT CHRISTIAN

01/10/2017

BY SJECWARRENTON

2017 VESTRY NOMINEE: SCOTT CHRISTIAN

5 Reasons For Wanting To Serve On The Vestry

After six years as a member, I can say that I love Saint James’—you, the individual members; our common mission & ministry; our campus; our history. You are my second family and home.

Ben Maas, our rector. In many ways Ben represents what is so positive about The Episcopal Church– its brilliant blending of faith and reason, and its inclusive theology based on Christ’s love, all of which make our denomination so vital and necessary in this fast-changing world. Ben is grounded in our Episcopal traditions, particularly our liturgy and music, while simultaneously open to the Holy Spirit as we “see your [God’s] plan unfolding, your purpose emerging as the world is made” (A New Zealand Prayer Book). Ben’s love of Christ, his mental acuity, his emotional health, and his compassion for all of God’s children are an inspiration and a blessing. And we love Anna, Elliott, and Lauralee too.  

The school– where faith and reason are interwoven into such an intentionally beautiful mission that all who come into contact with the students, the faculty and the staff are changed for the good. I cannot imagine Saint James’ Church without “and School.” Having spent 35 years working for a number of principals and heads of schools, I can say without any qualification that Stacey Irvin is a jewel- she could cause a fence post to grow roots and a canopy.

Our lay leadership- those who are the servant-leaders of our dozens of ministries and those who serve on vestry. With joy and sweat, dozens of you give so much of yourselves to Saint James’. And a visitor feels that when she walks through any one of our many doors and sees the altar set for worship, or the overflowing bulletin board with ministry announcements, or a Sunday School teacher bent down on a knee talking to a preschooler. As chair of the annual pledge campaign, I have had the opportunity to attend a number of vestry meetings. Bill and Karla have led this dedicated group with a love for God and for each of the members, as well as with dedication, efficiency and humor. We will miss their leadership.

Our faith and our hope for the future is palpable. Our campus is bustling seven days a week, and the time for us to extend our footprint is clearly now, as we begin our third century of ministry in this community. More important than the necessary bricks and mortar is our expanding outreach- the Greeting Ministry, the live broadcast of our worship, our social media communications, Learning Starts Early, the Green Team, the food pantry, along with our Builds, Stephen Ministry, the Free Clinic, the weekly youth group meetings open to any young person, the mission trips, St. Hilda’s embrace of foster children, and our monthly joint church and school service projects. For me, this is why the Church, and Saint James’ in particular, plays such a unique and vital role in our world—we are not just providing food or healthcare or education, we are offering the very love of Christ to our neighbors.

Biographical Information

I was baptized in and worshipped at an Episcopal church for my first 16 years; attended an Episcopal school for 13 years; subsequently worshipped with Unitarians, Quakers and Buddhists for 25 years; then returned to The Episcopal Church on Easter Sunday, 1996.  

I have been actively engaged with two other churches: St. Mary’s, Arlington and Emmanuel, Delaplane, where I was on the vestry twice, and where my wife, Helen, is currently Treasurer and Chair of the Altar Guild. When I told her in 2010 that I felt called to leave Emmanuel to join a larger church, she gave me her blessing but said she was staying!  

I have recently retired from teaching in our school, and I feel blessed to be able to volunteer at our church and school as well as with an interfaith social justice group and the Faquier Free Clinic. At Saint James’ I have worked with the following ministries: Men’s Group, Stewardship, Lector/Intercessor, Spiritual Formation Groups, Video Streaming, Learning Starts Early, Soroti, and the Choir.

I would be honored to serve on vestry.

Fresh spring air is circulating, the sun is shining, and classes at Joy of Pilates & Fitness are safely welcoming students into the studio. “The pandemic was very challenging for our small fitness business,” says owner Ella Barney. Classes may still be limited in size, but the teachers’ and students’ enthusiasm for being on the mat or in a group class fills the studio. You will find a variety of body moving possibilities, including Pilates, step aerobics, yoga, TRX and weights.

You can arrange for private instruction at Joy of Pilates as well as participate in numerous styles of fitness classes. Photo courtesy Joy of Pilates

JOP is a neighborhood favorite located in Sunnyland. Open seven days a week, the studio is staffed by a complement of comprehensively trained instructors. “Our teachers come from a variety of fitness backgrounds with years of experience and a love of exercise and teaching,” says Barney. “As a business owner, I’m so grateful for my wonderful staff who continued to adjust to teaching under unexpected conditions during the pandemic.” Classes took place virtually, which allowed people to continue exercising. Now people are thrilled to be able to work out with friends in the studio.

Barney was a licensed Physical Therapy Assistant and became a certified STOTT Pilates instructor in 2003. In 2008, she opened Joy of Pilates & Fitness. Her commitment to her Bellingham community extends beyond the walls of the studio, being a sponsor of organizations, such as Blue Skies for Children, Roller Betties, and other local non-profit organizations. People are attracted to Barney’s warmth and knowledge.

Take advantage of the talented and varied teachers who love being part of the JOP community. Photo courtesy Joy of Pilates

If you’ve never tried, Pilates it’s a wonderful exercise program! Pilates strengthens your core muscles and improves your posture, flexibility and strength. Classes take place on mats or on an apparatus such as the Reformer. Far more than a recent fitness craze, Pilates has been developed and practiced since the 1920s, when Joseph and Clara Pilates opened their “Body Conditioning Gym” in New York City. It was originally used for dancers and boxers. Taking a regular class can benefit everyone as Joseph Pilates said: “If your spine is stiff at 30 years old, you are old. If it is flexible at 60 years old, you are young.”

Bone density and balance are critical elements to maintaining wellbeing as we age, so JOP offers classes created by researchers at Oregon State University meant to reduce the rate of hip bone loss and the risk of fall. It includes strength exercises, stretching and light cardio. They offer BBS classes five days a week and their schedule is expanding as more students return to the studio with a variety of classes, such as Osteo Pilates and BBS Challenge.

Joy of Pilates encourages people of all ages and fitness levels to get involved. Specific classes target balance and bone density. Photo courtesy Joy of Pilates

“I love the variety of teachers at JOP,” says Elizabeth Bennett, a dedicated student who comes four to five times a week. “Each class feels tailored for me, and they’re always fun.”

Marisa Papetti, owner of Marie’s Bees, is a valued partner and student. Her honey can be found for sale in the studio store along with other locally made products including coffee from Maniac Coffee Roasting and treats from Anytime Toffee. “My favorite aspect of Joy of Pilates & Fitness is that it feels like a family,” Papetti says, adding, “being a small business is difficult enough; having people be supportive makes a world of difference.”

JOP wants to be your neighborhood fitness home where you come to exercise and be with friends, whether you’re in the studio or virtually. Every month offers various specials to encourage your participation. If you already have a body-moving routine, JOP would be a great addition. Experiencing new classes and alternative types of exercise uplift your body as well as your spirits. You’ll find JOP to be a friendly and motivating environment where you’re encouraged to live a balanced, healthy lifestyle. Need a massage? You can make an appointment with JOP’s licensed massage practitioner, Bob Silverman. In need of physical therapy? Brandis Gunderson PT at Baker to Bay PT is in the studio’s wellness room once a week.

“JOP is beyond grateful for our core students who supported our studio and kept our door open during the difficult times,” says Barney. Now it’s possible to celebrate in person. Bring a friend and make fitness your priority for 2021.

May Specials

JOP offers monthly specials to give new students a chance to try JOP and experience the full experience of what they offer. May offers a “buy 2 privates/get 1 free” special, which is a great way to get oriented to the studio and gain one-on-one guidance. There’s also a two-week pass for unlimited classes for $30/month.

The JOP Membership is set up for students who want to commit to exercise and make fitness a priority. Members can come every day to exercise and meet their fitness goals. Memberships range from monthly to yearly and come with a free private orientation.

Join the fun.

Joy of Pilates & Fitness 2130 Grant Street in Bellingham 360.224.1433

Students at JOP enjoy free parking and the large garage-style door opens to let in the lovely weather. Photo courtesy Joy of Pilates

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