#this is actually my first serious attempt at non-pixel art animation
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Silly little anim I made while messing around in CSP
#Malroth#Builder#DQB2#Dragon Quest Builders 2#Dragon Quest#godroth#my art#animation#this is actually my first serious attempt at non-pixel art animation#went okay the main important thing I figured out is how to arrange layers/cels#protip: if you want layers for your frames assign a folder as a cel instead of assigning a single layer as a cel#the tutorials I watched didn't mention this???? but it makes it so much easier to copy paste reference shapes and move them around
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Kintsugi
Kintsugi (n) – The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold
Characters: Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst
Word Count: 32,683
Warnings: Depression is a constant theme in this story, so if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable then please keep it in mind!
Author’s Note: The Taekook version is now up on AO3 if you’re interested!
Summary: Jungkook never expected to meet her, the girl that shone as bright as a million suns yet carried a darkness so heavy in her heart that it left her soul shattered, scrambling to pick up the splintered pieces and put herself back together again before she fell apart once more. He never expected to meet her, but he did, and he wouldn’t change it for a thing.
Fridays nights were supposed to be a student’s greatest sanctuary – a time for winding down and finally breathing after the weight of a week that seemed to be never ending had been lifted from their shoulders. Some chose to party until they no longer remembered who they were, some chose to have movie marathons until the sun was high in the sky and their eyes were burning from the pixels that were now ingrained in their brains, and some chose to bask in their solitude and block out the world until Monday came around and forced human interaction again. Whatever it was, it was supposed to be that one moment of freedom before reality came crashing down once more.
It was supposed to be relaxing.
It was supposed to be calming.
It was supposed to be rejuvenating.
So what, pray tell, was sitting curled up on the floor against the wall in the hall, shivering in nothing but pyjamas with murderous thoughts as her sole company?
Anything but that.
All she had wanted was some peace and quiet in the comfort of her own bed after close to forty hours of being awake, but what had life gifted her with instead? A now-ex-best-friend and said now-ex-best-friend’s boyfriend who, despite being wonderful people most of the time, could not for the life of them control their hormones. So now, Y/N was wide awake at 2 o’clock in the morning, freezing, fed up, and quite frankly, scarred for life.
The obnoxiously loud music had long seeped out of the confines of the four walls of the room that was third from the end of the hall, with the party-goers not far behind as they slipped out of the door and into the surrounding area, any consideration for the those trying to sleep long lost amidst the radiating heat of bodies far too close for comfort. Almost half an hour had passed in Jungkook's attempt to locate Jimin, with his search remaining unfruitful as he belatedly realised that his absent roommate and host of the party had most likely meandered off with his girlfriend Nari, taking flight soon after the buzz of intoxication had rendered anyone capable of realising their absence.
Frustrated at the lack of his only comrade, Jungkook managed to stumble out of the stuffiness and claustrophobia of the party, not to mention the… questionable actions of the people that were there, into the slightly less stuffy and slightly less claustrophobic air of the hallway, which, in all honesty, was really not that much better. He had planned to abide his time by walking around the building until everyone had left so he could peacefully go to sleep, but what he wasn’t expecting to see was a seemingly sober girl sitting on the floor all by herself, hands raked through her birds-nest of a hair as her head repeatedly slammed against her knees.
“Umm, excuse me? Are you okay?” He questioned, slightly concerned at the angry muttering and the state of the girl that was before him.
“Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a rough day.” She responded, somewhat startled by the unexpected company.
“I can tell, though most people just go to bed rather than curling up in the hallway. Is it alright if I sit here?” Jungkook asked, not sure himself why he was so intrigued.
“Go ahead. I don’t usually do this, by the way,” she clarified. “Trust me, I’d much rather be in my bed right now.”
“Why aren’t you then? Better yet, how come you're not at the party? I thought everyone on this floor was going.”
“Parties aren’t really my thing. My roommate was trying to get me to go but I was planning on sleeping early since I was up all night finishing my lab report and then had to go to my lectures all day. I only managed to get an hour or so in though before her and her boyfriend decided that now of all times would be the perfect moment to contribute to society and further the human race. Needless to say I was not amused in the slightest, so I ran out as fast as I could, leaving all traces of warmth, comfort, and sanity behind in my now tainted room.”
“…Wow, that’s rough.”
“Yup.” She replied slowly, enunciating each letter with a final pop at the end. “What about you? You look like you're dressed for a party, why are you here? And I mean that in the most non-confrontational way possible.”
“I was there before but it got really claustrophobic and I couldn’t even hide in my room since there were people all up in my bed, so I came out for some space. Well, as much space as you can get in university accommodation anyway.”
“Wait, you're roommates with Park Jimin?” She asked, any traces of weariness rapidly disappearing in surprise.
“Yeah, you know him?”
“He's the reason I'm out here.”
“Hold up, your roommate is Nari?” Jungkook replied, equally as shocked.
“Yeah, small world I guess.”
“Definitely. How have I never seen you before? You live down the hall from me and our roommates are dating.”
“I'm not really into the whole ‘socialising with strangers’ thing, I mostly just hang out with my friends or stay in my room. Kinda lame right?” She ended sheepishly, bringing her knees closer to her chest.
“Not really, parties are pretty overrated if you ask me.”
“Really? Why do you go then?”
“Hmm, I don’t really know. Because everyone else seems to go to them I guess? It’s kinda what students do really isn’t it?”
“Well yeah I guess, but why would you do something you don’t like just because other people want you to? It doesn’t make much sense to me.”
“Yeah I know, I guess I just hadn’t given much thought to it before. I've always just kind of done what people expected me to.”
“Not that you asked for life advice from a stranger or anything, especially not when you only said that you go to parties even if you don’t like them because people want you to, but I am unbelievably sleep deprived and delirious right now and my brain isn’t functioning properly enough to provide me with a filter, so I'm gonna tell you anyway. Doing things because other people want you to do them, regardless of whether you actually want to do them or not, is probably not the best way to live your life. It’s your life to live, so what other people want from you shouldn’t really affect the decisions you make. Yeah they can tell you this and that, but ultimately you're the one that has to do them, so if you're not happy with it, then what's the point? I know that you probably want to please people and make them happy, but if they really cared about you, then you being happy and doing the things that you enjoy and want to do would be more important to them than anything else.”
It was one of the things Jungkook hated the most about himself – his constant need to please people and the desire to fit in had meant that he had spent most of his life doing things he didn’t necessarily want or feel comfortable doing. The people around him had never bothered asking if he was okay, instead just pushing him further into things he hated purely because he was good at everything he put his mind to, providing them with the reputation they craved and him with the validity he so much desired. Yet here he was, in the middle of the night with a girl he had known for no more than five minutes, questioning for the very first time why he cared so much about what other people thought, and he couldn’t help but wonder, if this was how she made him feel after such a short amount of time, maybe getting to know her more would be a good thing.
“What’s your name by the way? I'm Jungkook.”
Introductions complete, Jungkook couldn’t help but smile at Y/N constantly mentioning how she wanted to hurt Nari in a multitude of ways, because even in this short amount of time he could already tell that she was all bark and no bite.
“I'm being serious! This is going to cost her an arm and a leg!”
“I don’t think Edward Elric would appreciate that very much.” He blurted before he was able to stop himself, his heart resultantly palpitating at the thought of her finding out that he was a giant anime nerd and that she wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore.
“This is nowhere near the same thing. Ed and Al tried to bring their mother back from the dead whereas I'm trying to kill Nari. Two completely different situations.” He finally released the breath he had held in fear, heart rate easing after realising that she wasn’t going to judge him or think lowly of the interest that he had hidden from so many people.
“Okay but original or Brotherhood?” He questioned, a smile growing on his face at the discovery of a common interest.
“Oh, by far Brotherhood, Pride legit gave me nightmares.”
“God I know. That show is an actual masterpiece.”
“I'm glad you appreciate true art. Ooh, rapid fire round: which host from Ouran High School Host Club would you be?”
“How could you ask me such a difficult question?!”
“Because I am the devil incarnate, now quick, quick, time is running out!”
“I have no idea who I’d be, but I definitely think you’d be Haruhi because you're a midget and a girl.”
“I should be offended because you called me a midget, but Haruhi ends up with Tamaki senpai and he is the actual love of my life so I'm really not complaining. I think you'd be Honey senpai.”
“Wait what? WHY?! I am not short! If anything I think I’d be Mori senpai because he's tall and cool and athletic which is exactly what I am.”
“Wow.” She replied, with her eyebrows raised and that look in her eyes. “The amount of humility you have is unreal. Also you look like a bunny so you have to be Honey senpai, end of discussion.”
“Should I be offended?! How the hell do I look like a rabbit?”
“I don’t know you just remind me of a bunny and really, you should be thankful because bunnies are adorable.” Though he would never have admitted to it, his heart may have ever so slightly pinged!
“I swear to god that I am going to kill Nari the next time I see her. She owes me big time, I can't believe she did this.” She suddenly said, demeanour changing as abruptly as if a switch had been flicked.
“Are you still on that?” Jungkook replied amusedly, enjoying Y/N's sulky face far more than he should considering the amount of time they’d know of each other’s existence
“Listen, I have been sitting for who knows how long on this floor that was probably last cleaned in the thirteenth century, my legs are completely numb, and I'm so cold I can practically feel my blood turning to ice, yet I can't go back in my room to get anything to warm me up for fear of needing to burn my eyeballs and brain afterwards. Yes I am still on that.”
“Fair point. Here,” he said as he began removing his green bomber jacket before offering it to the girl before him. “Take this.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t!” She exclaimed, hands waving in denial.
“Just take it – you need it more than I do.”
“I'm really okay though.”
“You were just saying how your blood was turning to ice!”
“I didn’t actually mean it though! I’ll be okay, I promise.”
“Please? You're very obviously shivering and besides, in case you haven’t realised, you're only in your pyjamas and drunk guys keep walking past and staring at your chest because guys are jerks and they suck.”
“Your faith in the male species astounds me.”
“I'm a guy myself okay? I know what we’re like. Please take it?”
“Okay fine, I’ll take your jacket – but only because I'm being polite.” She muttered as she took the oversized garment and draped it over herself. “Won't you be cold though?”
“Nah, I'm always overheating.”
“So you're a werewolf?”
“Umm… I guess?”
“Cool, my parents say that I'm an alien.” She said with such a conviction that left Jungkook utterly astounded, but before he could ask her what she meant, she'd fallen asleep with her head leaned back against the wall and he couldn’t help but laugh because honestly, what even was this girl and what kind of crazy situation was this? He was already so enamoured by her, yet also confused because although they hadn’t spoken for long, there was just something so mesmerising about her that made him feel comfortable around her and like he didn’t have to pretend or hide the things he liked. After what felt like an eternity, fatigue finally took over, with Jungkook falling asleep by her side, his jacket covering the both of them like a blanket.
By the time they had woken up the next morning it was past 10AM, and despite knowing that people probably gave them strange looks and thought they were drunk as they walked past them, Jungkook really couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. Whilst Y/N woke up to find a post-it note stuck to her knee from Nari saying that she was really, really sorry about last night but I promise to make it up to you somehow but right now I've gone out with Jimin, I love you, you're the best!, Jungkook was left with a haha lol soz m8 scribbled on his forehead, courtesy of one Park Jimin.
(“See? I told you guys were jerks! I really hope this comes off…”)
“Hey,” Jungkook began as they got up to stretch out their creaking bones, “do you want to go get brunch together? I know this really nice place that has the best waffles and milkshakes.”
“I don’t mind but, don’t you think it would be a bit weird? We hardly know each other.”
“We slept together, Y/N, I think we’re close enough to get brunch.”
“Excuse you, we did not sleep together!” She cried, Jungkook laughing at her exasperated and rapidly reddening face.
“We fell asleep next to each other and stayed under the same jacket for the whole night. Technically we did sleep together.”
“…You raise a valid point.” Y/N replied, embarrassment quickly disappearing and face returning to its natural hue.
“So, are you in?” Jungkook questioned, hoping that she would accept his proposition and allow him to spend more time with her.
“Sure, why not?”
“Great!” He replied with a slightly excessive overenthusiasm that should have been considered inappropriate for the length of their companionship. “Just meet me here in like an hour and then we can go.”
“Wait! What about your jacket? I’ll wash it and return it to you as soon as possible okay? Thanks for letting me borrow it, by the way, I really appreciate it.”
“It’s no problem at all, just take your time. I feel like we’ll be seeing each other often enough anyway.”
After spending most of the hour trying to scrub off the ink on his head, and consequently struggling to hide the fact that he looked like he’d been mauled by an angry cat with a vendetta, he somehow managed to make himself look somewhat presentable, though the smell of sweaty students and alcohol from the party still lingered despite his best attempts.
“Woah there!” Jungkook exclaimed, not only because Y/N opened her door just as he was about to knock on it, his fist mere millimetres away from accidentally punching her in the face, but also due to the fact that she actually looked somewhat human in comparison to how he’d found her the night before. Cute.
The walk to the café, despite being almost half an hour away, felt only momentary as they chatted away, the two of them already feeling like best friends and getting along as if they had known each other for their whole lives, an unusual occurrence for Y/N, who despite her best efforts, couldn’t help but feel isolated around new people. Jungkook was different though. He made her feel comfortable and at ease – Jungkook was safe, Jungkook was good. Jungkook also almost melted upon seeing how cute Y/N became as her eyes lit up after seeing the menu for the first time.
“Seriously, how have I never come here before?! This is truly heaven on Earth, thank you so much for bringing me here.”
“It’s great isn’t it? I think it’s one of my favourite places in the world.”
“If it tastes as good as it smell and looks, I really don’t blame you! I hope you know that I'm planning on taking your spot as number one loyal customer.”
“How could you?! I trusted you with top secret information and this is how you repay me?”
“It’s just the way the world works my friend, no hard feelings.” He almost answered back, but their order had just arrived and with the way that Y/N's eyes looked as if they were about to fall out of her head in pure ecstasy, he didn’t think she would hear a single word he said anyway. Their conversation had resumed from the street, so between bites of decadent waffles and sips of velvety milkshakes, they had shared almost every detail about themselves, including the fact that Y/N had never been in a relationship before.
“Oh really? Why’s that?” He asked in surprise, the idea that someone as wonderful as Y/N always being single entirely confounding him.
“I just wasn’t interested I guess. I've never met anyone that I liked in that way, and my main focus was to get an education – I mean, that’s what we’re in school for.”
“True, true. You must’ve left a long trail of broken hearts though.”
“I think you highly overestimate my people abilities.” She remarked, eyebrows raised as if Jungkook had told the worst joke humanly possible. “Anyway, how about you? I'm sure a young man as dashing as yourself has quite the number of broken hearts to your name.”
“I guess? I mean I've had a few girlfriends in the past but to be honest I didn’t really like any of them.” He mumbled, pretending that her calling him ‘dashing’ didn’t affect him as much as it actually did.
“Why would you date them if you didn’t like them?” She questioned, genuine confusion written all over her face.
“I don’t really know, probably because it’s expected to date? People said that we looked good together so whenever they asked I just went with it I guess.”
“How does that make sense? What does what other people think have anything to do with you? It’s your life to live not theirs, you shouldn’t have to do things you don’t want to in order to please people who don’t care.” Once more, in the less than twelve hours that they had known each other, Y/N had bestowed her wisdom upon Jeon Jungkook, making him re-evaluate his life yet again. Even in this short space of time he was already able to gauge that she didn’t really care what people thought about her, and even if it meant that people considered her to be a bit strange, she did whatever made her happy, and he really admired that about her.
“What do you study by the way? I don’t think I ever asked you. I do neuroscience and psychology.” Although his initial reaction was cute and smart? I have yet to find a flaw, he couldn’t help but suddenly become very self-conscious, his feeling of inadequacy peaking as he mumbled a soft “Business and art”, though any thoughts of self-doubt plaguing his mind promptly deteriorated upon seeing the gigantic grin of genuine interest that was etched on her face, a series of rapid questions about his studies thrown at him.
“You're so smart and talented for being able to do art and business at university.”
“Literally how? You're the one doing fancy science stuff.”
“Well yeah, but business is hard and being creative is difficult, so to have that much passion about something so challenging, and that too enough to want to make a career out of it, is really wonderful and inspiring.”
“I guess it just depends on your perspective of difficultly then, because whilst art always came fairly naturally to me, I always struggled with science. Also you're probably the only person who thinks like that since art isn’t an important subject.”
“What are you talking about?!” She almost screeched, horror plastered all over her face. “Art is so important! Whether it’s drawing or dancing or music or writing or whatever form it’s in, art is the lifeline of humanity. It’s how people express themselves and share their thoughts and feelings to the world. It conveys a message and inspires people and gives them hope. Art makes people feel things, it gives them solace and comfort without judgment, and that is so unbelievably important.” Jungkook couldn’t help but feel his heart swell in pride at her words, as for the first time, he wasn’t ashamed of the fact that he studied art. For the first time, he actually felt good about himself.
Suddenly remembering the very one-sided conversation they had last night about her… lack of human-ness to put it politely, he questioned her on what exactly that was about, because in all honesty, despite the extensive exchange of information they’d had he was still exceptionally confused. She began to tell him that her family always called her an alien because she was so different to the rest of them. She was really quiet and mature – “Hold up, you're the quiet one?” “Yes now let me finish” – whereas everyone else was loud and constantly teasing each other and making jokes, resulting in them becoming convinced that she was actually an alien sent to Earth to spy on humans and collect information on the most effective way to invade and report back to headquarters.
“How loud must your family be for you to be considered the quiet one?”
“Oh shush. I'm not usually this talkative, for some reason I just feel really comfortable around you and this side of me comes out.” Although Jungkook tried to convince himself it was just air trapped in his oesophagus, his heart most definitely did a loop de loop at those words – words that he would keep hidden in his heart, tucked safely away for a rainy day.
The walk back to the dorm was a lot more lethargic, the heaviness of their saccharine consumptions weighing them down.
“I may have over eaten just a smidge.” Jungkook groaned, body almost doubled over in nausea.
“We may be on the verge of collapsing in hyperglycaemic shock, but I can't say that I regret a single thing. Is that bad?” She questioned, joining her new friend as they momentarily perched on a wall to catch their breath.
“It should be, but I'm in the same boat so I really can't say anything to you. Whatever makes us happy though, right? Isn’t that what this generation’s all about?”
“Whatever floats your goat my friend.”
“What-”
“I'm cold.” She hastily cut him off, standing up to continue their journey without ever realising that Jungkook was staring at her with the most incredulous of expressions. She really is something isn’t she?
“Here, take this.” He said as he started to take his jacket off, with Y/N frantically denying and hitting Jungkook with a full bout of déjà vu.
“Oh for god’s sake just take it, knowing you you'll probably start shivering any second.” He argued, placing it on her jumper-laden shoulders, trying his hardest not to squeal in adoration at the sight of her practically drowning in his oversized jacket, the sleeves long past the tips of her fingers and the hem brushing past her thighs. Thank you God for influencing my life choices and making me buy way-too-big clothes. Amen.
“You say that as if you’ve known me a lifetime.”
“I'm a fast learner. I must ask though – is your body in some other realm that’s in a permanent state of winter or something? Because you always seem to be cold.”
“It’s because I'm a reptile.” She replied nonchalantly, struggling to close the zip with the lengthy sleeves constantly getting in the way, although much to Jungkook's dismay she managed to get it just as he was about to offer his assistance.
“I thought you were an alien.”
“I'm both. A reptilian alien?” Honestly by this point Jungkook wasn’t even phased. “A bunny and an alien, what an unlikely friendship!”
“For the last time, I'm not a bunny!”
“Yes you are! You are literally the human embodiment of a bunny rabbit, you cannot fight me on this.”
“Why can't I be a werewolf?” Jungkook whined, his brows furrowing slightly and his lips pursing in the slightest of pouts.
“Because you don’t look like a werewolf, you look like a bunny.”
“I'm still not sure if I should be offended at that. Also, you don’t look anything like an alien yet you still say that you are one.”
“I don’t know about that, I think I looked pretty extra-terrestrial last night, and anyway personality is more important than appearance. Besides, it’s a compliment! I love bunnies.” Well would you look at that, Jungkook suddenly had a new favourite animal. Note to self: Google how to look more like a rabbit.
“-Not as much as I love elephants though.” And now he had to compete with an elephant. Great.
Returning to their dorms and exchanging their numbers, they agreed to keep in touch as they genuinely enjoyed hanging out and already felt like best friends, despite the fact that they’d known each other for all of 12 hours, most of which they were asleep for.
Ever so suddenly, Y/N wasn’t quite as mad at Nari anymore.
***
The next couple of months were spent constantly messaging each other between lectures and meeting up for study sessions, with what would normally be strenuous hours of attempts at studying turning into joint hatred of academia (“What the hell is a pedunculopontine nucleus?” “How am I supposed to know? You're the one studying brains.” “Why are we in university again?” “Because society sucks are you aren’t deemed of any worth unless you drown in debt and throw years of your life away for a piece of paper” “Well that’s not very fair” “Life isn’t fair, honey, get over it”) and laughing over the stupidest of things – because who needs drugs when you can get high off textbook fumes and a beautiful new friendship?
Though most days were spent holed up in Y/N's room with notes splayed out on every possible surface, other days were devoted to hours in the art studio, with Y/N laying on the floor surrounded by a multitude of open textbooks and packets of gummy worms (“It’s for health purposes, Jungkook, we can't have me going into hypoglycaemic shock now can we?”) and Jungkook trying to focus on finishing his paintings for his class, but goddammit was he struggling to pay attention to the actual piece of art rather than the girl that so effortlessly shone before him.
Every moment spent with her left his heart aching with an exponentially increasing amount of adoration, the only accompaniment to the alacritous beating drum of his heart being the melodious symphony of her honeyed words as they trickled through his ears, setting his body ablaze as the everlasting flush painted his body a permanent shade of carmine. So quickly she had rooted herself in Jungkook's life, a presence now so vital to his existence that the mere thought of not seeing her left him writhing.
To him, she was perfection – in every smile lay pockets of sunshine sewn along the curve of her lips, the delicate flutter of her lashes putting him in such a trance that he felt as though his soul would ascend right then, her gaze sending such vicious shockwaves through his body that he soon lost count of how many times his breath had escaped him, fist beating on his chest to restart the organ that had so frequently betrayed him. She was every bit a realisation of his dreams, placing her on a pedestal so high that not even the deities could dream of reaching, an entity that in his mind was so radiant that even the universe would bow before her.
But even the brightest of stars begin to fade eventually.
As the semester came to a close and the looming deadlines of numerous assignments and exams grew exponentially, so did the fears and anxiety within Y/N's mind. Responsibilities became priority, and so the two of them were only able to spare a fleeting glance in the hallway, even a simple ‘hi’ seeming too long to spend away from studying. There was too much at stake, too many people they couldn’t afford to disappoint. It felt like she was drowning, and she could no longer remember how to swim.
What little motivation she had left began depleting, leaving her drifting from day to day, wondering why she even bothered with anything anymore. She didn’t understand anything and she couldn’t do anything, so what was the point? She was completely, and utterly useless. By this point she was running on stress, adrenaline coursing through her veins where blood should have flown, wearing her away faster than she was able to heal. Her existence was laced with emptiness, reduced to nothing but a hollow casing that was so broken and helpless that it was incapable of controlling her own emotions. Y/N felt herself relapsing into depression, but no matter how hard she tried there was nothing she could do about it, and she absolutely hated it.
Soon Jungkook began to notice as well – from the way that she became much more subdued and wasn’t smiling as much as she used to, to the way that she just seemed so empty. It was as if the light from her eyes had completely disappeared, and it was terrifying. Every attempt to ask if she was okay ended with a peppy “I'm fine, just a bit stressed!”, though they both knew that that was far from the truth. Perhaps he should have pressed further, pushing until the words of deception she so easily wove from the tip of her tongue tore away, leaving nothing but an open wound of honesty – raw, and blistering with the brutality of reality. Perhaps Jungkook had convinced himself that he trusted her words as he did not wish to pry. Perhaps he convinced himself that it was just normal exam stress, that given a week or so she would be back to her normal, happy self. Or perhaps, when it came down to it, he simply did not wish to believe that his star was not as bright as he had hoped it to be.
So he didn’t.
He believed her when she said she was okay.
He believed her when she said she was just tired.
He believed her when she said she wasn’t crying.
And he believed her when she said she would get better.
It wasn’t until he was walking back late one night and saw Y/N running out of her room with tears streaming down her face that he realised the severity of the situation.
“Nari, wait!” He called after the girl, stopping her as she barged out of door in attempt to chase after Y/N.
“Jungkook not now, I have to find Y/N.” She pleaded, tears of concern pricking her eyes.
“Please, just tell me what happened.”
“Jungkook-”
“Please.” He begged, face awash with worry.
“I don’t know,” she conceded. “One minute she was just sitting in bed and then all of a sudden she started crying and ran out. I don’t even think she took anything with her. Where could she be going?”
“I’ll go find her.”
“But-”
“Please, let me do this.” Jungkook pleaded, the fear of him not being there when Y/N needed him the most tearing through his mind.
“Hurry.” She whispered, a silent plea to bring her best friend back safely.
Jungkook raced out, thoughts of where she could be wreaking havoc in his brain. He searched around the courtyard, finding some solace in the knowledge that in such a short amount of time she must have been within the vicinity, though with nothing but the moon illuminating the frozen path, he couldn’t help but worry that he wouldn’t be able to see her and that with her lack of warm clothing she would freeze in the icy temperature of the darkening night.
A breath hitched in his lungs as he found her sitting on the steps in an isolated corner of the courtyard, his heart shattering into infinitesimal shards of ice upon hearing the agonising sobs that sent shockwaves through her body. She had always seemed so strong – with her smile that was brighter than a million suns and a playful energy that was a force to be reckoned with – but now… now she looked so vulnerable; and completely, utterly, defeated.
“Y/N…” He whispered, voice barely audible in fear of splintering the decaying branches that were trying so hard to hold her heart together. She startled at the warmth that was suddenly wrapped around her shoulders, trying to hide the tears that she knew the boy sitting next to her had already heard. But still, she tried. She always tried, so, so hard.
“Keep it,” he murmured gently as she attempted to return the thick winter coat. “You need it more than I do.” It was a scenario that was all too familiar to them, although nothing was the same now.
“I'm okay.” Lies.
“Take it, at least I have a jumper.” He insisted, eyeing the flimsy pyjamas and slipper-clad feet of the girl in front of him.
“What happened?” He asked, hoping that maybe this time she would tell the truth.
“Nothing.” Lies.
“It doesn’t look like nothing to me.” He urged.
“I was just feeling a bit sad so I came out here because I didn’t want to disturb Nari. That’s all, I'm sorry for worrying you.”
‘A bit sad’ didn’t leave people with swollen faces and bloodshot eyes.
Lies.
‘A bit sad’ didn’t leave people running out in the middle of the night in sub-zero temperatures with no warm clothing, hiding in a corner as if they wanted nothing more than for the dark to consume them.
More lies.
“Are you sure that’s all it is? You don’t have to tell me exactly what happened if you don’t want to, but you know that you can tell me anything right?”
She remained silent for a while, eyes trained to the ground as she struggled to console herself a little, wondering whether she could share such an intimate part of her life with boy that cared so much about her. Wondering whether she should share such an intimate part of her life with the boy that cared far too much about her.
I can do this, she decided, if there's anyone I can trust, it’s him.
The boy’s gaze remained fixed on her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head, marvelling at how even in such a state of despair, she still managed to look as if the heavens had blessed her with all the beauty and grace in the world.
An eternity had passed, and finally, the truth was spoken.
“I have depression.” She whispered, noticing the sudden change in Jungkook's face, but knowing that it was far too late to go back.
“I've had it for years and for the most part I'm better now, but every once in a while it just hits and as much as I hate it there's nothing I can do about it. I guess I just got overly stressed and had a relapse. Stupid right?” She laughed bitterly, hoping that the silver luminescence of the moonlight would mask the tears that threatened to fall.
“No, not stupid at all.” He paused momentarily, not sure what to say in a situation like this, eventually settling for “How did it start? In the beginning.”
“I'm not really sure to be honest. One day I was perfectly fine, and then the next day… it was just there.”
“Just like that?”
“Yup. Nothing dramatic, no big, life changing event. It just seemed to appear out of nowhere.”
“What is it like? You know, the…”
“The depression?” She helped, sensing his unease in openly saying it out loud. He nodded, prompting her to continue.
“It was as if all of a sudden I wasn’t myself anymore, like I’d been put in someone else’s body. It’s so bizarre that I can't even explain it. I no longer had control of my thoughts and feelings and it was scary because it felt like I was being controlled by a monster. Sometimes it felt like I was the monster. It just… it felt like I was trapped in my own mind and no matter how much I screamed and shouted for help, no one could hear me. I'm not sure how to describe it other than like being trapped in a dark room. You can't see anything and you become completely disorientated. You try so hard to escape, to just try and find the light and be set free, but every time you think you're almost there you get dragged back into the darkness and a part of you breaks, again and again until all that’s left of you are the broken piece of who you once were, trying so hard to hide your scars from the world but knowing inside that you're no better than an empty shell, drifting from one day to the next just barely surviving. After a while you become so used to the darkness that it seems normal and you no longer try to escape – why bother when you know that you'll just get dragged back down again? You forget who you used to be and the constant feeling of numbness becomes normal and you lose hope of ever getting better because honestly, you don’t even remember what it’s like to be happy anymore. You start thinking that you deserve the pain, and you start believing that that’s all you're worth.”
Tears fell freely down Jungkook's face, heart wrenching at the thought that Y/N had ever felt like that and he never even knew. Y/N began crying once more, realisation striking that she had ruined everything and Jungkook probably hated her and thought she was a freak now and would never want to speak to her ever again and why can't I do anything right? I'm pathetic and everyone hates me and I can't even blame them because I hate myself for being so messed up.
“H-hey, why are you crying?” He panicked, hands wrapped around her shoulders as he tried to calm her down.
“Y-you prob-probably hate me-me now.” She hiccupped, sobs becoming more agonised with every word she spoke.
“Why would I hate you?” He questioned softly, hands moving to cup her face, thumbs sweeping the fallen tears from her eyes.
“Because I'm a broken mess.” She whimpered. “Why would you want to be friends with someone like me?”
“Look at me.” He responded. “You are not broken, and I am most definitely not leaving you. Not now, not ever. I could never even think about doing something like that.”
Her first instinct was to dismiss his words – why would anyone willingly stay by her side despite everything she had told them? But then she looked into his eyes, and once she saw the sincerity flickering through his irises, she realised that he truly meant it when he said that he wouldn’t abandon her. This was Jungkook, and Jungkook was safe.
“Please, tell me how I can help.”
“It’s okay.” She gently shook her head, removing Jungkook's hands from her face and tenderly placing them on his lap. “I've never told anyone before so I always dealt with it alone. It’s hard for a while but eventually it goes away so please, don’t worry about me. I can handle it.” His eyes glistened once more at the image of her suffering alone for all these years, so he made her vow to talk to him whenever she was feeling down, no matter what time it was.
“Kookie-”
“I'm not taking no for an answer, Y/N, you have to promise me.”
“But-”
“No. Promise me right now that you will tell me whenever you're hurting, irrespective of the time or how stupid you think it is, promise me that you'll tell me.” He begged, lip quivering in distress.
“Fine, I promise.” She accepted, a slight smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she saw Jungkook visibly relax at her words.
“Why did you never tell anyone?”
“I didn’t want to bother anyone. Everyone is already so busy with their own lives, they don’t need my issues added to that – it’s not fair on them.”
“But then that’s not fair on you. Your problems are just as valid as theirs.”
“Maybe, but I guess when it comes down to it I just don’t want people to think I'm weak. I don’t want them to pity me.”
“I don’t think you're weak.”
“You're only saying that because you're my best friend and you have to.” She whined, glimpses of her normal self peeking through the clouds of anguish.
“I mean it, Y/N, I think you're the strongest person I've ever met. It isn’t easy going through what you did, and the fact that you did it alone and are still able to be such an incredible human is amazing. I'm really proud of you, and I'm so glad to be able to call you my friend.”
For the first time in what seemed like forever, she finally, genuinely smiled.
***
Jungkook noticed himself becoming more perceptive to her emotions as time moved on, picking up on the subtlest of differences in her smiles and the look in her eyes, that whilst to other people may seem no different than usual, to him it meant everything, because it meant that this beautiful, precious girl that he had grown to care so much about was hiding again, locking everything away in her heart in fear of hurting the people around her. He wished she would stop lying and pretending to be okay when they both knew that she was anything but okay, but he also knew that this wasn’t as simple a situation as he would have liked it to be. For so long she had survived alone and built up an impenetrable fortress around her heart to protect herself from anyone finding out the secret that she locked so deep inside of her, so to expect her to suddenly let her guard down and share how she felt would be foolish.
He felt so useless, unable to do anything but hold her tight when it felt like she was falling apart, but he was trying. He’d never experienced anything like this before, let alone when it came to the girl that had managed to build a home in his heart, filling it with a love he never knew was possible, and it was terrifying. For a while it felt like he was constantly walking on eggshells – he didn’t know what to do or what to say, and he didn’t want to risk doing anything that would hurt her, but at the same time he knew that there was nothing she would hate more than him pitying her and treating her as if she was incapable. More than anything else though, he was afraid that if he closed his eyes for too long, she would simply vanish, leaving behind no trace that an entity as magnificent as herself had ever existed.
But then there were the times when she opened her heart, hand reached out for the one boy she knew would never hurt her to take, and it was these moments that put Jungkook at ease, assuring him that given time, everything would be okay.
>>Sent to: bunkook
Love me please
<<Sent to: Y/N
Real or not real
>>Sent to: bunkook
Don’t you dare pull a Peeta on me
But real
I'm feeling sad
<<Sent to: Y/N
I’ll be there in a minute
I'm gonna give you the biggest hug ever
>>Sent to: bunkook
Please don’t
I think I’d start crying if you hugged me
<<Sent to: Y/N
Well then that’s even more reason to hug you isn’t it?
Also
Jimin bought loads of snacks
>>Sent to: bunkook
…congratulations?
<<Sent to: Y/N
No
I mean
Jimin just bought a load of really nice snacks
>>Sent to: bunkook
I heard you the first time
<<Sent to: Y/N
LET ME FINISH GDI WOMAN
Jimin bought loads of snacks and he isn’t in right now
>>Sent to: bunkook
So?
<<Sent to: Y/N
My god you are so dense
So
I can bring them over and we can eat them
>>Sent to: bunkook
But that’s mean
<<Sent to: Y/N
I think it’s only fair considering how many times he's taken my food
If it makes you feel better I’ll buy him more
>>Sent to: bunkook
Fine
But come quick
I'm lonely
Placing the obscene amount of food on her bed after struggling to get through the door, Jungkook enveloped her in the tightest of embraces, a few tears shedding just as she had predicted, though they were only short lived as Jungkook soon began to press his fingers into the flesh on her sides, all sadness dissipating as laughter filled the room upon commencement of a tickle attack, and truly, how could it not when she had the biggest doofus in the world as her best friend?
Hours were spent curled up on the small bed, binging on anime and gorging their faces with as much food as was physically possible, although Jungkook could hardly focus on the screen with Y/N wedged so closely to his side, a blush burning so bright that he couldn’t blame it on the heat radiating from her body and inching all the way to his face even if he tried. Just seeing her giggle at the characters on the screen, eyes bright with the innocence of a child as the story before them unfolded was enough to make his heart lurch and his stomach fill so dangerously close to the brim with butterflies that they threatened to overflow, fluttering up his oesophagus to break free from the confines of their cage, ready to scream out to the whole world that he, Jeon Jungkook, was helplessly, and irrevocably, in love with Y/N.
The peace of their miniature fort was only disturbed when the door to Y/N's room was slammed open by a very angry Park Jimin and an apologetic looking Nari in tow.
“JEON JUNGKOOK!” He yelled, veins ready to burst in his reddening face as Jungkook's eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights.
“Jimin-”
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”
“I didn’t-”
“YOU BETRAYED ME, JUNGKOOK, HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU AFTER THIS?!” Jungkook attempted to hide behind the slightly confused girl next to him, fear of what his roommate might do to his life overtaking any pride he may have had.
“THEY WERE JUST SNACKS I’LL BUY YOU NEW ONES!” Jungkook cried, throwing a pillow at Jimin’s head and attempting to run away, all efforts futile when the very angry young man grabbed him by his arm, twisting it behind his back and knocking him to his knees, face shoved sideways into the bed and eyes staring directly at an incredibly amused Y/N.
“Hewp me pweej.” He begged as his head was squashed further into the duvet, knowing that if there was anyone on this godforsaken planet that could save him, it was her.
“Sorry, no can do. I warned you that something like this would happen but you didn’t listen – now suffer the consequences my friend.”
He was doomed. All hope was lost. This was it, this was the end. He would never grow old or get married and have a family of his own. He would die at such a tender age, and that too at the hands of his best friend and official love of his life! Oh, destiny, she is but a cruel mistress. But alas! All hope is not lost – if he must sink then she shall go down with him, for he was not a lone perpetrator in this act of defiance.
“She ate them too!” He managed to voice, head somehow able to escape the vice like grip it was held captive under.
“Excuse you, Mr Jeon, I did no such thing!”
“You filthy liar! You ate just as much as I did!”
“Mr Park, I believe you not only have a thief on your hands but also a liar.”
“You absolute monster.” Jungkook spat, pretending that the cheeky grin plastered on her face didn’t make his heart palpitate more than the thought of his punishment for stealing Jimin’s coveted snack collection.
“I think,” Jimin snickered, lips far too close to his ear for Jungkook's liking, “that the only reasonable sentence for high treason such as this is to be my slave for a whole week.”
“A WEEK?!”
“Shall we make it two weeks?”
“No! A week is good, Sir.”
“That’s what I thought.”
(“I can't believe you sold me out like that.”
“I had no choice! If I got in trouble too then how would I manage to hide some of the snacks for us to have later on?”
“You didn’t.”
“I did.”
“Well I’ll be darned. I’ll make a rebel out of you yet.”
“Don’t test me, Mr Jeon, I might just take you up on that offer.”
“I’ll look forward to it. It still sucks that I have to do my punishment though.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about that, I’ll tell Nari to convince Jimin to go easy on you.”
“You're a sweetheart, darlin’, you really are.”
“Anything for my partner in crime.”
“Should I be concerned that you'll turn into a psychopathic megalomaniac after this?”
“When I become ruler of the world I’ll make sure to make you my right hand man.”
“I would be honoured.”)
The problem with Y/N becoming a lot more open though, Jungkook quickly came to realise, was that whenever she spoke to him about how she felt she continuously brushed it off as if it wasn’t important, even if it was. What hurt him more though was the fact that she had an incredibly self-depreciating sense of humour, and it saddened him to see how little self-worth she had. He wanted to be able to tell her how much he loved and cared about her, how she was so much more important than she believed herself to be, but he knew that he couldn’t do that just yet. She needed time to heal, and right now what she needed was a friend, not a lover, so that’s what he would be. Even if it meant that he may have to spend his whole life with nothing more than friendship, he would be okay with that, because that’s what you do when you love someone – you do whatever it takes to make them happy.
***
“Y/N!”
“Oh hey!” She replied cheerfully, smile widening at the striking resemblance between the five bodies that stood before her.
“This is my family,” Jungkook smiled. “Remember I told you they were coming over for a couple of days?”
“Yeah of course! It’s so wonderful to finally meet you.” She spoke, turning to face them.
“Oh, so this is the girl that you're always talking about.” The woman teased, eyebrows raised at the boy that whined an “Eomma please” and turned an alarming shade of crimson, eyes avoiding the girl that also felt the heat rushing up to her cheeks.
“Sorry Y/N.”
“It’s okay Kookie, don’t worry about it.” She assured as his family smiled at the nickname, leaving Jungkook unable to do anything but blush even more, suddenly regretting ever inviting his family over and telling them about Y/N because he just knew that his brother and grandma were going to tease them about this for the rest of his life.
“I have to get going now since I have to meet up with my group for our project, but please feel free to use my room as well if you need to since Nari and Jimin are away for the weekend, I can imagine it would get quite cramped with the five of you in one room!” She handed Jungkook her keys, telling him that she would just knock on his room when she was finished to get them back, and that if they were planning on going anywhere then to just text her so she could collect them from him. With the way she trusted Jungkook so much and tried to be as generous and accommodating as possible to them despite meeting them for the first time, his family couldn’t help love her even though they had barely seen her for two minutes.
“Y/N!” His mother quickly added before she could walk away. “We’re all planning on going out for dinner later tonight and we’d love to have you there. It would be lovely to get to know you more.”
“That’s so kind of you, really, thank you so much for the offer, but I would hate to intrude. You haven’t seen Kookie in a while, I'm sure you all want to catch up.”
“It’s really not a problem, I think my cute baby brother would much rather prefer the company of a pretty girl such as yourself than with us to be very honest.”
“Hyung!” Jungkook exclaimed, face so red by this point that he looked more like a sunburnt lobster than a human to be very honest, though as mortified as he was he was also happy at the proposition, because why wouldn’t he want the girl he was desperately in love with to join him and his family for dinner?
“Kookie? Would that be okay with you?” Y/N asked gently, sensing how nervous he was.
“I-I guess? I mean… s-sure… i-if that’s what you want?” He managed to squeak, his family having an absolute field day at the sight of their normally confident baby so flustered because of one girl, trying so hard to hide their ever growing grins but spectacularly failing.
“But what do you want?”
“Umm… please come? We’d really like it if you joined us. But only if you want to, of course!” He clarified hastily, knowing well that Y/N had a lot of work and didn’t particularly enjoy socialising with people she didn’t know.
“Well in that case, I would love to join you for dinner.” She said as she turned to face his family again, four bright smiles greeting her as she replied.
“I’ll meet you tonight then yeah? Bye Kookie, bye everyone, I’ll see you later!” She waved as she skipped down the hall, making her way to the library.
Once inside his room he was immediately bombarded with mischievous giggles and taunts at his strawberry like complexion and hesitation around Y/N.
“Aww, is my little Kookie embarrassed?”
“Hyung! Don’t call me Kookie!” He yelled as he batted away the hands that pinched his cheeks, sure to leave marks on his already flushed skin.
“Why? You seem to like it when Y/N calls you that.” He smirked, shirking away as Jungkook lunged to swing at his head, only being stopped by their father as he glared his sons into submission.
“Junghyun-ah, of course he doesn’t like it when you say it, I'm pretty sure that nickname’s reserved for his girlfriend, don’t you think?”
“Appa, not you too!” Jungkook flopped onto his bed, face buried right into his pillow because he was one hundred percent convinced that he had never been so embarrassed in his life, although his ostrich-esque behaviour may have partly been due to the fact that he couldn’t contain his smile at the hope of his family’s words becoming true one day.
“Stop teasing my baby, I think he's been tortured enough for one day.” At least he could always count on his mother. “Isn’t that right Kookie?” Never mind. It’s official, he hates his family.
The sun had begun to set by the time Y/N returned from the library, hues of clementine and lilac bleeding through the window as she arrived to collect her room keys.
“Did you end up using my room?”
“Only to steal food.”
“Of course you did. I wouldn’t expect anything else from you.”
“You know me so well. Anyway, go get ready, we’re leaving for dinner soon and I don’t want to be embarrassed by your stupid face.”
“Have you seen yourself? You look like an even bigger idiot than you usually do. And that’s saying something.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“So you're not denying it.”
“I don’t like you.”
“I don’t like you more.”
“Stop distracting me with your ugly face and go get dressed, I'm hungry.” She stuck her tongue out at his less-than-appreciated comment, but left anyway, the promise of food supressing any desire of retortion.
“Ah, I see you two possess the flirting abilities of a seven year old.” Junghyun chuckled as he leaned against the open doorway that Jungkook was still stood at.
“We were not flirting!” The younger of the two brothers glared, slamming the door before storming off to change his clothes.
>>Sent to: bunkook
What should I wear?
I need to know
A N S W E R
M E
C H I L D
I don’t want to be over/under dressed
<<Sent to: Y/N
You're making yourself sound like a salad
>>Sent to: bunkook
I’m being serious
What are you wearing
<<Sent to: Y/N
If this is some bizarre attempt to sext me you're not doing a very good job
>>Sent to: bunkook
You can literally go to hell
Seriously though just help me out
What are you wearing
<<Sent to: Y/N
Clothes
>>Sent to: bunkook
I swear to god Jeon Jungkook I am *this* close to coming over and strangling you
<<Sent to: Y/N
Ooh someone’s kinky
I had no idea you were into that kind of stuff
I'm learning so much about you
>>Sent to: bunkook
I hope you know that if your family weren’t here right now you would already be dead
<<Sent to: Y/N
Alright miss feisty pants
But seriously
I'm just wearing like a dress shirt and nice trousers
So maybe wear a dress?
Do you even own any lol
>>Sent to: bunkook
Okay
And of course I own a dress
<<Sent to: Y/N
Do you actually???
I've never seen you wear one
>>Sent to: bunkook
I only wear them if I'm feeling fancy or on special occasions
So like never lmao
But okay I will wear a dress
<<Sent to: Y/N
I'm excited
I can't believe my best friend is actually going to look like a girl for once
>>Sent to: bunkook
Have I ever told you how much I hate you?
Because I do
I hate you
A lot
But seriously please be nice
I always feel a bit self conscious in dresses
<<Sent to: Y/N
Don’t worry I’ll be good
I'm sure you'll look pretty no matter what
Also idk if you noticed but in the like 5 minutes you’ve met my family they’ve already fallen head over heels in love with you
They wouldn’t stop talking about you all day
Like
I'm pretty sure my grandma wants to marry you
>>Sent to: bunkook
Omg
Really??
That’s so cute
I love them too
They seem so nice
What happened to you
<<Sent to: Y/N
I lowered myself to your standards
>>Sent to: bunkook
I will literally punch you in the face
<<Sent to: Y/N
You can try
If you can reach
When they arrived at Y/N's room the door opened to reveal a very timid looking Y/N donned in a simple black dress, flares from the waist emphasising an elegance and grace that practically rendered Jungkook unable to breathe, so much so that he couldn’t even bring himself to fight his brother and his sniggers for not want of looking away from her for even a second.
The journey to the restaurant was split into two cars – Jungkook's parents and grandma in one car, and Jungkook, Junghyun, and Y/N in Jungkook's car. The entirety of the ride there was spent with Junghyun revealing the most humiliating of incidences of Jungkook's childhood, and whilst Jungkook seriously contemplated becoming an only child and swore that this was officially the worst day of his life, he couldn’t help but think that with how bright Y/N was beaming, maybe it wasn’t so bad of a day after all.
Dinner arrived not long after being seated in the ambient establishment, warmth rushing over their bodies as heat emanated from the dishes, the succulent smells stimulating every sensory receptor. The usual small talk was carried out between mouthfuls of piping hot food and Jungkook couldn’t help but smile at not only how easily she fit in with his family, but also how ethereal she looked. He had never seen her in anything other than casual clothes on excursions to the cheapest of food places because you know, hashtag student life, so he couldn’t stop his mind from wondering whether this was what his future entailed – fine dining with his beautiful wife in the most exquisite of locations and his family all around him – he didn’t think it could get much better than that.
“-kook? Jungkook!”
“Huh?” He snapped out of his daze, ears flushed at being caught daydreaming in the middle of a family dinner in a high class restaurant, all eyes around the table trained on his blank face.
“Sorry, what were you saying?” Jungkook asked awkwardly, nails pressing half-moons into his palm in attempts of bringing him back to reality.
“We were asking how you both met, despite how much you talk about Y/N you never actually told us.”
“Oh.” Jungkook started, ignoring his brother’s jibe and thinking how to explain their bizarre first encounter without having to go into detail about their roommates’ personal lives. “Our roommates are dating each other and we live down the hall from one another, so we just happened to meet one day and got along really well.” So it may not have been the full truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. That’s acceptable right? Right, Jungkook thought. Some things are better left unsaid, he figured.
“Well that’s boring.”
“You're boring-er.”
“Your face is boring-est.”
“You're stupid.”
“Your existence is stupid.”
“Alright kids stop fighting.”
“Sorry Halmoni.” The siblings mumbled in unison, knowing full well the repercussions of arguing with their grandmother.
“As uneventful as their meeting may have been-” uneventful my foot, Jungkook muttered internally, “I'm just glad they got together. They make a beautiful couple, you're lucky to have her Jungkook-ah.” Mouths widened at the words of his grandmother, two pairs of hands vehemently denying being in a relationship as four lips stretched into eager grins.
“Is that so? Oh, I get it! I know all about what the kids are doing these days. You're friends with benefits aren’t you? There’s no shame in that, times are changing and we must change with them. It’s okay, I understand!” Water spluttered as the two youngest choked in mortification, bodies shutting down completely under scrutiny from the eight eyes that held nothing but malice (it was actually amusement but shh, they're embarrassed, let them have this.)
The rest of the night was spent with the two of them avoiding eye contact with one another, flinching at even the slightest of accidental touches until they started making their way back home.
“Honestly, I promise I’ll be okay. Please don’t worry!”
“Dear, it would make us feel a lot more at ease if we knew that Jungkook dropped you off safely.”
“But…”
“Please? It’s not safe to be alone this late at night.”
“I don’t want to be a bother though…”
“You're not a bother Y/N, I can drop you off and then meet them at their hotel. It’s seriously not a problem.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Come on, let’s go.”
“Alright.” She finally agreed, saying her goodbyes to Jungkook's family before joining him in his car. The drive back was silent, any awkwardness from dinner easily being replaced with peacefulness, the soft lull of passing cars synchronising to their gentle breathing until the engine quietened to a halt in front of the dorms.
“Thanks for coming tonight.” Jungkook mentioned as she twisted the key to open the door of her room. “It really meant a lot, especially considering how you tend to feel uncomfortable around people you don’t know.”
“You don’t have to thank me Kookie, I really enjoyed myself.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Even considering how much they embarrassed us?”
“Yes, even considering how much they embarrassed us.” She chuckled as she leaned against the doorframe.
“Wow. You must’ve had a lot of fun then.”
“I did. Your family are so sweet and funny and I genuinely had a good time. After meeting them it’s not so hard to see how you turned out so great.” He blushed for the god knows how many time at her compliment, trying to keep himself together much like he had been doing all night long.
“I was actually surprised to see how free you seemed. You aren’t usually like that around strangers.”
“I know, I was surprised myself to be honest. I don’t know what it is but there's something about the Jeon family members that makes me feel at ease. Especially that Jeon Jungkook kid, you might have heard of him?”
“Oh yeah, he's a great guy.” Jungkook smirked, eyebrows wiggling in the way he knew made Y/N squirm.
“Nah, he can be a bit of a brat sometimes, but I like him. He makes me feel safe.” Jungkook's heart was so close to bursting right then and there, because all he had ever wanted was for Y/N to feel safe and happy, so for her to say that he made her feel like that? He couldn’t ask for anything else.
His family left not long after midday the next day, his grandma whispering a stern “if you don’t make her a part of our family one day I'm disowning you” in his ear as she pulled him into an embrace that was far too powerful for a woman of her age, his ribs so close to caving in from the pressure. Whilst a part of him was slightly afraid at the small but mighty lady that stood before him, he was ecstatic at the knowledge that his family loved Y/N enough to want her to be a part of their family and that they would wholeheartedly approve of their marriage – although of course there was the minor issue of actually confessing first, but details, details.
(“I can't believe you asked them if they were friends with benefits.”
“What can I say? I love to tease him.”
“You're pure evil.”
“Hey! If I don’t humiliate my own grandson then who will?”
“You actually terrify me.”
“Look, I'm old okay? What else do I have to live for if not for making my grandson’s life miserable?”
“Does that mean I'm next?”
“Be afraid my child.”
“I'm never introducing anyone to you.”
“You don’t have to, I will always find a way.”
“You're a monster.”
“This monster carried your father for nine months and gave birth to him and is therefore the reason you exist, be grateful.”
“Yes Halmoni.”)
***
Life is cruel and despite the many pleas of destitute students to the universe, the universe just laughed at their pitiful mongering and slapped more ruthlessness in their faces, chortling as it tip-toed away into another dimension and plotted how to torment students across the space-time continuum. TLDR; exam season had descended once again and no amount of bribery or prayer could change it otherwise.
Jungkook was no exception, unfortunately, with every exam he had had so far thrusting him further into contemplation of resorting to ‘MUSCLE PIG – CIRCUS EXTRAORDINAIRE’ as his future life path. The only thing keeping him going was the knowledge that this exam, albeit the hardest, was his last one, after which he would be a free bird ready to spread his wings and soar across the sky – aka sleep all day every day except for the few extra classes he stupidly signed up to attend, because once again, his need to please everyone got in the way of his laziness and would be the ultimate cause of his demise.
Jungkook startled at the buzz of his phone, eyebrows furrowing at the name displayed on his screen. He contemplated ignoring the call, but answered it anyway figuring that Y/N wouldn’t call when she knew he had an exam unless it was important.
“Y/N? Is everything okay?” He questioned, eyeing the students around him as they prepared themselves before entering the room.
“H-help me…” She breathed feebly.
“Y/N? What happened?!” He panicked, paying no attention to the people now staring at him with his raised voice.
“It-it h-hurts.”
“What hurts? Y/N, listen to me, I can't help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” He responded, trying to keep as calm as he could despite the tears that were pricking his eyes and the fear that ran rampant through his veins.
“It h-hurts s-so bad Kookie.” She whimpered, breath hitching with each word.
“Where are you? I'm coming okay? Don’t go anywhere I'm coming as fast as I can.”
“H-home.”
“Okay just stay there yeah? Don’t worry Y/N, I'm coming. You’ll be okay I promise.” He raced out of the building, getting a nod of approval from his lecturer after overhearing the conversation and seeing how distressed he was. He kept her on the phone as he drove back to the dorms, afraid that if he hung up something bad would happen to her.
“Y/N? Are you listening to me?”
“Mmh.” She mumbled, voice barely audible.
“I'm almost there okay? Just hold on a bit longer.”
“I'm t-tired.”
“Hey, no, listen to me. Don’t go to sleep okay? Stay with me.” He begged, fearful that she may slip into a state of unconsciousness considering her already faltering voice.
“Y/N? Damn it!” He cursed at her lack of responsiveness, praying as he parked the car that her door was unlocked. Jungkook sprinted through the building, thanking every deity as the door gave way easily, his eyes frantically scanning the room for Y/N, heart stammering as he saw her curled up on the bathroom floor, still, and completely unmoving.
“Y/N…” He murmured as he fell to his knees, hands shaking the overheating body in front of him, trying to get even the slightest of responses.
“Hey… wake up…” He tried once, again with minimal response. Hospital. I have to take her to the hospital.
The journey to the hospital was frantic, with Jungkook obsessively checking Y/N in the passenger seat every few seconds as he sped down the roads, blinking his tears away and hoping that her condition wasn’t too serious and that she would be okay soon. He carried her into the hospital in his arms, not wanting to hand her over to the nurses that approached soon after their entrance, but knowing that there was nothing he could do now except trust the doctors and wait. Minutes dragged on endlessly, the nauseating smell of the sterile air making him lightheaded, eyes blurring as he tried to fill out the required forms in between calls to her family and the university, the assurance of being able to take their exams at a later date somewhat lessening the worry.
“Is anyone here with Miss Y/L/N?”
“Me. I'm here.” Jungkook called, jumping up at the arrival of the doctor.
“What’s your relation with the patient?”
“I'm her friend.”
“Are you the one that brought her here?”
“I am.”
“You did a good job bringing her when you did. She has acute appendicitis and requires an appendectomy immediately. If she arrived any later her appendix might have burst, which could potentially become life threatening.”
“I-is she okay though?” Jungkook stuttered, still concerned about her being in pain.
“She’ll be going into surgery soon and we’ll need to keep her overnight to monitor her, but if everything goes well then we should be able to discharge her tomorrow.”
“What about recovery?”
“If everything goes according to plan then it should take around one to three weeks. There’s nothing to worry about.” He added whilst patting Jungkook's shoulder, nodding in his direction before walking off to begin preparations for the surgery.
Jungkook slumped back into the uncomfortable plastic chair, relieved that Y/N wasn’t in any serious danger, but still trying to tame the thought of everything going horrifically wrong and never being able to see her again. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t fight the fatigue that overcame him, the late night revising for today’s exam and the stress from Y/N suddenly taking ill spreading over him like a cocoon, pacifying him into a hazy sleep, only to be woken hours later by a nurse letting him know that the surgery was successful and that he could visit Y/N in her room now.
He pushed the door open gently, eyes twinkling at the sight of Y/N propped up in bed, lips puckering into a small pout at the sight of her best friend.
“Hey,” he smiled as he made his way to sit on the hospital bed, “how are you feeling?”
“Groggy.” She croaked back. “It feels like my brain is covered in a thick fog and I keep forgetting things. I couldn’t even remember my own name before.” She frowned.
“Well I can help you there – your name is Mr. Fatty Fat Fat Head and you're the CEO of Fatterson Incorporated.”
“I said I was groggy, not an amnesiac. I haven’t forgotten my identity.” She snapped, giving him a pointed look.
“Fine, but at least I made you a CEO and not some shady drug dealer. You should be grateful.”
“You flatter me, really.”
“I try. Wouldn’t want to offend the head of the fastest rising company in the world now would we?”
“You're insufferable.”
“And you're still a fatty head, but I still put up with you.”
“Are you sure you're not just a toddler trapped in the body of an adult?” As if to prove a point, Jungkook proceeded to stick his tongue out at the girl who was rapidly losing her patience.
“Whatever.” She continued. “I just hope the anaesthesia wears off soon, I feel like I'm missing something.”
“Could it be, perhaps, your appendix?” Jungkook sniggered slyly, jumping out of the way of the arm that attempted to punch him in the face but couldn’t in fear of ripping all the wires and tubes out of place.
“You can actually get lost right now. I hate you so much. Go. Go away and never come back. I don’t need you anymore.” She whined as she repeatedly tried to swat away the annoying pest that wouldn’t stop hovering around her, pretending that she didn’t realise that he was only doing this to make her smile.
“Okay but in all seriousness,” he started as he sat back down on the bed after being assured he wouldn’t be attacked by a certain someone, “how do you feel now? You really scared me back then.”
“I know, I'm sorry.” She apologised, knowing well how afraid Jungkook must have been.
“It’s okay, it’s not like you did it on purpose. But tell me, how do you feel?”
“I’m still a bit sore but I'm pretty okay now. It’s definitely nowhere near as painful as before though, that was excruciating.”
“I could tell, it sounded like you were dying on the phone. I think my lecturer thought you were being murdered or something with the way I reacted when I ran out!” He chuckled, contemplating whether he should give his lecturer a gift or not as an apology for almost giving them a heart attack.
“I really am sorry about that, I can't believe I made you miss you exam.” She mumbled, fiddling with the edge of the sheet to distract her from the guilt that was bubbling up.
“You have nothing to apologise for Y/N, I wasn’t about to leave you there to die just so I could take a stupid exam.”
“It wasn’t stupid it was important, and I wouldn’t have died.”
“Actually you might have.” He corrected. “The doctor said that if I brought you in any later then your appendix might have burst and it could have been fatal. So really, I'm am your one and only saviour and you should worship me for the rest of your life.”
“I always knew you were a megalomaniac.”
“This megalomaniac carried you in his bare hands and saved your life.”
“So you admit you're a megalomaniac? Also you drove me here and the doctors saved my life.”
“So you admit you almost died?” He retorted, adding “I still carried you to the car and from the car into the hospital so therefore I assisted in saving your life and therefore you should thank me for ever and ever.”
“Thank you.” She spoke as she took Jungkook's hand in hers, suddenly becoming serious. “Really, Kookie, you're always there for me when I need you the most, and I'm so, so grateful to have you in my life. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You don’t have to thank me you silly, you know I would do anything for you. I didn’t realise the surgery would make you all sappy though, I might have reconsidered saving you if I knew that’s what I would have to put up with.” He tagged on, hoping to return the smile on her face.
“By signing up to be my friend and putting up with me for this long you agree to deal with my emotional baggage, either take it or leave it.” She threatened to snatch her hands away, but Jungkook grabbed them tight before she was even able to escape his grasp.
“I take it! I’ll take it all.”
“You sure?” She questioned.
“I'm positive. I will gladly deal with all of your emotional baggage as long as you let me stay by your side.” He replied, knowing that she didn’t understand the extent to his words, but hoping that she would at least feel his sincerity.
“Hmm,” she pondered, finger tapping her chin, eyes full of far too much mischief for someone who just had an organ removed, “what’s in it for me?”
“A best friend who is willing to do anything you want whenever you want for the rest of your life? Come on Y/N, you don’t get offers much better than that.”
“True… Okay, I accept.” She extended a hand out for Jungkook to shake, his hand slotting into hers before pulling her in for a tight hug.
“I'm really glad you're okay.” He whispered, hand stroking her hair as the other wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his chest.
“Me too.” She answered, head nuzzling into his warmth. “But you don’t have to worry about me Kookie, they're letting me go home tomorrow.”
“I wish they would let me stay overnight, I don’t like the idea of you being here alone.”
“As fun as it would be to have you here with me, I don’t think the nurses would appreciate it very much. One of them has walked past the door like ten times already. I think she's trying to telepathically tell you to leave because visiting hours are almost over.”
“Are you sure she's not just checking me out?”
“I would hope someone as educated as a nurse would have better taste than that.”
“Well with spending all her time surrounded by bland hospital food I wouldn’t be surprised if her taste buds are long gone by now.”
“You literally just insulted yourself. You realise this right?”
“I had to choose between my dignity, or making a pun. I made the right decision.”
“You really are a living meme. You better change your name to Memekook before you finish your degree or it’ll be a pain to change your name on all your certificates after that.”
“Aww, you're so concerned about me. But don’t worry my dear, I am well ahead of you. I’ve already submitted my application and they will get back to me in three to five working days.”
“You’re an idiot. Why do I put up with you?”
“Because deep down you aspire to be just like me. The sooner you accept it the easier it will be.”
“As if I would ever choose to be a walking meme like you.”
“Let’s get one thing straight – I didn’t choose the meme life, the meme life chose me.”
“Go away.”
“They chose me as their king!”
“I hate you.”
“It was prophesised!”
“Bye.”
“It was written in the stars, Y/N! Who am I to deny destiny?!”
“I'm calling security.”
“Security can do nothing against the will of the universe.”
“I'm calling the nurse to tranquilise you.”
“Why must you hurt me so?”
“Can I just bribe the doctors to remove your voice box instead? That’s a thing right?”
“Just you wait and see Y/N, one day I will be ruler of all the memes in the land and then you'll regret it!”
“NURSE!”
“Alright, alright, I'm going! God, youths these days have no respect for authority.”
“NURSE!”
“I'm going man! Calm thyself child.”
“LEAVE. What time are you picking me up tomorrow?”
“As soon as the hospital decides to throw you out because they can't stand you anymore.”
“Will you bring me food?”
“No. What do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll buy you the fanciest chocolate my pitiful student budget can accommodate.”
“You're the best!”
“Obviously. Look after yourself okay?”
“Mmh. Bye!”
“Bye Felicia.”
“JEON JUNGKOOK!”
“Fine! Bye.”
“Bye.”
Sleep came fleetingly to Jungkook that night, his mind fervid with thoughts of Y/N being in an uncomfortable hospital room all by herself, writhing in pain, even though he was well aware that his head was just playing games with him and that she was no longer in extreme agony. The sun had already begun to rise by the time his eyelids fluttered closed, the rays piercing through the curtains and illuminating the purple bruises that had found home below his eyes. Giving up on trying to get more rest, he decided to get out of bed and study until he had to go pick Y/N up instead, sighing at the idea of still having an exam left, but knowing that it was worth it as long as Y/N was okay. The drive to the hospital this time was significantly less frenzied, the view so much clearer without tears that blurred his sight and needed blinking away every few seconds. He made a quick pit stop to pick up snacks for Y/N, knowing well that any bland hospital food she may have been given would have left her grumpy and craving for food that was at least remotely edible, especially for foods that were most definitely not recommended by healthcare professionals for a healthy lifestyle.
(“‘Healthy lifestyle’ has the word ‘healthy’ in it and to be healthy you must be happy, and since chocolate makes me happy that means eating chocolate makes me healthy.”
“That’s not how any of this works and you know it.”
“It is too.”
“Are you sure you're a scientist?”
“I'm the greatest scientist this world has ever seen.”
“I'm beginning to doubt your credentials.”
“You're just afraid that I’ll become too sweet for you to handle.”)
Y/N looked a lot better when Jungkook arrived in her hospital room, her skin already displaying more of its natural shade in comparison to the previous day.
“Ready to go?”
“Definitely. This place makes me feel like I'm some weird science experiment.” She exclaimed, hobbling off the bed and leaning on him for support.
“Can you walk to the car?” Jungkook questioned, trying to balance Y/N's weight as they started making their way out of the room.
“Yup. I'm a bit wobbly but if we go slowly I should be okay.”
“Tell me if you want to stop for a bit and rest okay? This hospital is like a maze.”
“I'm sure I’ll be fine. Oh, remind me to call my parents when we get home. I spoke to them yesterday after you left and they were freaking out and asking if they should come over.”
“What did you say to them?”
“I told them not to, obviously, it’s not something that warrants them coming all the way here. They worry far too much for their own good.”
“Their child just had an organ removed, I think it’s acceptable for them to worry.”
“Can you stop with the organ thing? It was just my appendix – you're making it sound as if I got my lung removed or something.”
“What can I say? It’s not my fault I take your breath away.”
“You're awful.”
“Well would you look at that, it seems like they removed your humerus as well.”
“That’s terrible even by your standards.”
“Cut me some slack okay? I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Why?” She asked, attempting to sit in the car whilst causing as little discomfort to her abdomen as possible. “Was it because of me?”
“Kind of? Not really though, yesterday was very hectic for more than one reason and my brain just wouldn’t shut up.” He replied, starting the car and making sure to drive extra carefully to avoid any sudden movements to her body.
“Sorry.” She mumbled. “I ruin everything don’t I?”
“Why would you say that? I already told you that you have nothing to apologise for. You didn’t intentionally get sick.”
“But still. I shouldn’t have called you when I knew you had an exam. That wasn’t fair on you.”
“Well who else would you have called otherwise? Nari was still at her internship and Jimin was in his dance workshop.”
“Still…”
“‘Still’ nothing. You did the right thing by calling me Y/N, please stop feeling guilty.”
Jungkook assumed that that conversation had ended there, but a few nights later when he was trying to get her to sleep after feeding her (he swears, it was like looking after a child) she brought it up again, the extreme guilt she was feeling incredibly evident.
“How are you not angry with me? I made you miss an exam.”
“Seriously Y/N, can you stop worrying about it? The university said it was fine so why are you still upset?”
“Because you missed an exam!”
“Yes but it was a hard one and now I have more time to revise, so if anything I should be thanking you.”
“You're the worst.”
“I know, now go to sleep will you? You might be out of hospital but you still need rest.”
“I don’t wanna.”
“If you don’t sleep right now then I'm never speaking to you again.”
“That’s mean! You can't emotionally blackmail me like that.”
“I can and I will.”
“Fine. You're such a meanie.”
“It’s for your own good.”
“I know.” She pouted, and with it being one of Jungkook's biggest weaknesses, he fought so hard not to melt right then and there and give in to let her stay up, but he knew that above anything else she really needed to rest.
“Also don’t think I don’t know about you secretly studying.”
“I still have to take my exams too you know!” She cried. “If I don’t study now, then when will I?” Jungkook grumbled, but realised that she had a point.
“Alright, but we’re going to study together so I can keep an eye out for you okay?”
“Fine.” She paused for a few moments, nibbling on her bottom lip whilst pulling the duvet snug up to her chin. “It’s lucky that my last exam is on the same day you're taking yours.”
“Yes it is, now stop procrastinating and go to sleep. I’ll come back tomorrow yeah?”
“You realise you don’t need to look after me all the time right? Believe it or not I can look after myself. Also you seem to have forgotten that Nari is my roommate and can also look after me just as fine.”
“She's never here though.”
“That’s because you're always here!”
“I'm always here because she's always in my room with Jimin!”
“What am I supposed to do with the two of you? My goodness.”
“Stop procrastinating and GO TO SLEEP!” Y/N grunted at being nagged at, but after a few minutes of throwing a hissy fit she gave up and finally went to sleep, Jungkook sighing a breath of relief that she was at long last listening to him.
The next couple of weeks saw it becoming routine for Jungkook to go to Y/N first thing in the morning and leaving after he was sure she had fallen asleep, making sure that she was eating properly and doing everything she was supposed to after surgery, a gargantuan feat considering the amount of resistance Y/N had to following instructions from the doctor, all amidst studying like crazy whilst trying not to be jealous of the people that had finished their exams and were enjoying their break before resuming lectures once more. The days that Y/N had exams and Jungkook didn’t were spent attempting to calm her down, Jungkook reasoning that if she hyperventilated she would faint and then have to postpone her exams once more, which promptly convinced her to take deep breaths and try not to wheeze herself half to death.
When the day arrived that Y/N's final, and Jungkook's only exam was over, Jungkook had insisted that they have a movie night, resulting in them snuggling under duvets and devouring as many snacks as was possible before the crumbs that settled inside their clothes became too uncomfortable to handle.
“If you had to choose between me and Iron Man who would you pick?” She asked, eyes rolling at the movie that she had watched too many times to count since befriending Jungkook.
“…You?”
“You hesitated.”
“No I didn’t.”
“I can't believe you hesitated.”
“I didn’t!”
“You did!”
“No I didn’t! I was just in awe of your beauty.”
“What a liar. How could you pick Iron Man over me?”
“For your information I've loved Iron Man long before I met you.”
“I feel so betrayed right now. Is this the only reason I was put on this Earth? To be treated like this by the one person I care about the most? Oh, dear Lord, take me now before I die of heartache. I don’t think I can take much more pain.”
“You're such a drama queen.”
“I might be a drama queen but at least I'm not a peasant like you.”
“Ouch. Why must you hurt me so?”
“Tis the way of the world, my dear. Beat the world before the world beats you.”
“So what you're saying is that you think of me as your world?”
“…Yes. That is absolutely one hundred percent what you should get out of that conversation.” She deadpanned, eyes narrowing at the mischievous smile that lay beside her.
“Anyway, I need to tell you something.”
“That you're a secret spy? I already knew that.” He replied, gaze still focused on his true love (i.e. Iron Man.)
“What? No. I got a job. Well, two jobs.”
“Wait what?” Jungkook suddenly jerked, knocking bags of puffed rice on the floor as he suddenly sat up.
“I got two jobs.”
“Yeah, I heard. Why?” His eyebrows furrowed.
“Surgery is expensive. I won't have to work for that long since most of it can be covered by my savings and stuff, but if I work two jobs then I can get the money faster.” She mumbled as she buried her face further into the pillow, not wanting to make contact with Jungkook's eyes that she knew would be full of disapproval.
“Do your parents know about this?”
“As if I would ever tell them.”
“Why not? They're your parents, they’ll pay for it without question.”
“That’s exactly why I'm not telling them. They have enough on their plate as it is, they don’t need the extra worry of having to pay off my hospital bills.”
“Do you not think they’d wonder how you got the money though?”
“They don’t know the exact amount in my account, I’ll just tell them that I had enough saved up.”
“You can't lie to them, Y/N. If you don’t tell them then I will.”
“Don’t you dare.” She spat as she sat up as fast as her body would allow her. “I will actually never speak to you again if you do that, Jungkook. I mean it.”
“Fine.” He reluctantly agreed. “But don’t think that means that I'm happy about this. You still aren’t completely back to full health and if you exert yourself like this then you could cause some serious damage.”
“I’ll be fine, I'm stronger than you think.”
“Yeah, but you're not as strong as you think.”
“I'm not a baby, Jungkook.”
“No, but you're as stubborn as one.”
“You know, you don’t have to have a say in every aspect of my life.” She snapped, hurt flickering across Jungkook's eyes at her words.
“Oh I'm sorry Your Highness.” He hissed. “It’s not as if I missed an exam because of you or anything. It’s not as if I took you to hospital and took care of everything so you could be operated on. It’s not like I looked after you all day for weeks just to make sure that you recover properly or anything. No, it’s not like that at all. What right do I have to tell you anything? I'm no one at all.” Jungkook threw the covers off himself as he jumped out of bed, storming towards the door before Y/N gently called him back, his feet trudging back towards the bed where he sat facing away from her.
“I'm sorry.” She whispered, hand moving delicately to Jungkook's shoulder to try and turn him around. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. That wasn’t fair.”
“You really hurt me, Y/N. How could you say that to me?” He muttered, nails picking at the fraying edge of his sleeve.
“I know, I shouldn’t have said that. You always do so much for me, Kookie, we both know I’d be long dead without you.”
“Don’t say that. I don’t like thinking about you dying.”
“Sorry. I keep messing up don’t it?”
“It’s okay, I messed up too. I shouldn’t have said all those things to you, that wasn’t fair either.”
“It’s the truth though. You missed an exam because of me and you did so much to make sure that I was okay. You have every right to tell me what to do.”
“I didn’t mean it when I said that it was your fault, I was angry. It was no one’s fault, I told you that before and I still mean it. As for the rest of it, I did it because I care about you. You're my best friend and you know I would do anything for you, and I know you would do the same for me.”
“Yeah I know. Am I forgiven?”
“Only if you forgive me too.”
“Deal.” She smiled softly as she pulled him in for a brief hug, his familiar scent calming her down.
“Are you sure you won't let me give you money?”
“I'm positive. I'm not taking any money from you, especially not after everything you’ve done for me.”
“You're not going to change your mind any time soon are you?”
“Nope.”
“Fine. At least let me drive you to work, I don’t want you walking too much.”
“You're too nice for your own good.”
“Only for you, darling. Is that a yes?”
“I don’t exactly have a choice do I?”
“Nope.”
“Then yes, I’ll let you drive me.”
“Never did I think I’d live to see the day I would be happy at being someone’s chauffer.”
“There's a first time for everything.”
“Evidently. Where are you working by the way? I didn’t even ask.”
“There was an opening for the campus shop and also that fast food place that everyone’s convinced drugs their food.”
“Does this mean you get employee discount?”
“When food is so cheap and low quality things like employee discount don’t exist, so to answer your question, no, I will not be able to give you free food.”
“You saw through my plan.”
“I see through everything.”
“Stop staring at my chest you nasty.”
“The only nasty one here is you, now get off my bed, you're rubbing all the crumbs into the mattress.”
“When do you start?” Jungkook questioned, hands trying to dispose of any remnants that would expose their consumption of food that may not (definitely not) have belonged to them.
“Tomorrow, so while you get to lie in before you have to go to your extra classes, I have to wake up bright and early to serve people that most likely have been raised by wolves.”
“You might have to work but at least you don’t have classes. I curse past me for trying to be a proactive student and signing up for this even though most people are enjoying some time off.”
“I might not have classes but I still have to finish all the assignments and catch up on the lectures I missed when I was recovering.”
“Are you sure you’ll be able to handle everything?”
“I’ll find a way. I don’t exactly have a choice.”
Jungkook was right when he said that it would be too much for Y/N, not that she would ever admit to being wrong in this matter. Although she had fully healed from surgery, her body was still quite weak, and spending so many hours standing and serving people, especially people that seemed to never have learnt the definition of the word ‘manners’, not to mention trying to complete school work in every break she had, was really taking a toll on her body. Sleep had become a luxury that she could no longer afford, with education taking priority over resting, particularly when proper lectures started up again and she now had to juggle two jobs and keeping up to date with what she was currently learning and what she had yet to catch up on. Simply put, Y/N felt like her body was going to fall apart any second and there was nothing she could do about it. Just a bit longer, she would console herself, I only need a bit more money and then I can quit.
Seeing Y/N work herself to the bone was driving Jungkook crazy. As the days went by he could see the violet speckles beneath her eyes growing deeper each time he saw her, her figure becoming more and more gaunt with the food he knew she wasn’t eating, because, in her words, there isn’t enough time. All he wanted to do was swaddle her in a blanket and kiss everything better, but knowing how persistent she was the only thing he was able to do was force her to eat every time he went to visit her.
“I don’t have time Jungkook.”
“You can sit down for fifteen minutes and eat.” He insisted after making her close her laptop and take a break.
“I'm not a baby, I can look after myself.”
“You obviously can't because literally the only time you’ve eaten these past couple of weeks is when I've forced you to.”
“Kookie…”
“You can't keep behaving like this Y/N.”
“Kookie I'm fine.”
“You're clearly not though.”
“Look, this is only temporary okay? In a couple of weeks I should have earned enough to combine it with my savings and pay the bills. I only have a few assignments left to submit as well so everything will be back to normal after that. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Jungkook softened at her words, holding her tightly in his embrace as he stroked her hair, lips gently finding purchase on her forehead every once in a while.
“How can I not worry about you? You're so delicate but you work so hard and never accept help from anyone. I'm scared you'll get hurt again.”
“I promise I won't get hurt.” She assured him, burrowing further into his neck.
“How can you be so sure though? You're working crazy hours and barely getting three hours of sleep a night. I'm surprised you haven’t collapsed already.”
“I know because you're here. You keep coming to check up on me and making sure I eat properly. How could I not be fine after all that?”
“Just… just look after yourself okay?”
“Okay. Thank you for always looking after me Kookie, I love you.”
“I… I love you too.” He whispered, praying that she couldn’t hear the anguish that was inflicted in his words. His heart was restless because he was just so afraid. He was scared that she would push herself too hard and get hurt, and he was scared that she wouldn’t ever love him in the way he wanted her too. He was scared because he knew that he was so irrevocably in love with her and that he could never ever love someone else in the same way, but he also knew that she didn’t see him as anything more than a friend and it hurt so much. Yet he would do absolutely anything for her, and if that meant staying by her side as only her friend, then he would do it without even a shadow of a doubt.
By the time she submitted her assignments and caught up on all the material she had missed, all she had left to do was count down the days until she got her next pay cheques, after which point she would have enough to cover all of hospital bills and be able to quit. When that glorious day arrived at long last, she all but slumped in her bed after Jungkook dropped her back to her room, a Cheshire cat grin painting her face despite the built up fatigue threatening to take her before she had even gotten under the covers.
“Someone looks happy.” Jungkook laughed as he pulled her back up before pushing her into the bathroom so she could change into her pyjamas, knowing well that if she went to sleep in her outside clothes she would wake up in an uncomfortable and cranky daze.
“This someone is finally a free bird. As are you, in case you forgot. Your chauffeuring days are officially over.”
“I'm glad. Not because I don’t have to drive you around anymore, but because you can finally get back to having a normal person schedule.”
“That’s where you're mistaken, my dear bunny, for I have never been remotely normal for even a second.” She called from the bathroom, walking out soon after and throwing her clothes to the side for another day.
“Whatever, you know what I mean. What’s your plan now that you’ve attained freedom?”
“Sleep myself into the next millennium.” She groaned as the plush mattress all but enveloped her body.
“Do you want me to stay?” He offered, folding her clothes properly and putting them away, aware that once that the sleep had left her system she would berate her past self for being so messy.
“No it’s okay, it’s not like you'd be able to do anything anyway.”
“Okay, promise to text me when you wake up?”
“I promise. It’ll be quite a while though I can tell you that.”
“Take as much rest as you need, you’ve definitely earned it.” He smiled as he started making his way out of the door.
“Hey Kookie?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for putting up with me. I know I've been quite the handful lately, but I really am grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”
“It’s fine, Y/N. Just go to sleep.”
“Okay.”
>> Sent to: bunkook
I have risen from the dead
I slept for over 18 hours this is a record
<< Sent to: Y/N
She lives!
Praise the lord!
I was just wondering when you were going to wake up actually haha
I'm psychic O_O
>>Sent to: bunkook
Ooh spooky
Everything hurts
I don’t think I can get up
<<Sent to: Y/N
Do you require assistance
>>Sent to: bunkook
Never mind I got up
Woah everything just clicked
<<Sent to: Y/N
Was that you???
I thought it was a bulldozer crashing into the side of the building
>>Sent to: bunkook
Meanie
I'm hungry
Feed me pls
<<Sent to: Y/N
I'm not surprised seeing as you missed dinner and breakfast
Why should I?
What’s in it for me?
>>Sent to: bunkook
I will promise to cover up any murder you commit in the future
<<Sent to: Y/N
You would do that for me?
My heart is crying
But why is it a definite that I will murder someone?
Do you know something that I don’t *shifty eyes*
>>Sent to: bunkook
I am sworn to secrecy *shifty eyes back*
FEED ME
<<Sent to: Y/N
You're so grumpy when you're hungry
But seeing as you have sworn to aid me in my future criminal activities I shall forgive you this once
How do you feel about drowning in obscene amounts of sugar?
The cool leather of the seats in their self-proclaimed second home eased the aching of Y/N's joints, the extensive time spent in a state of unconsciousness leaving her with stiffness in places she didn’t even know was possible.
“Control your noises please, people are looking.” Jungkook grimaced, eyes avoiding the concerned look of patrons that didn’t even attempt the art of subtlety.
“I can't help it,” she groaned, lying down along the whole length of the seat. “Everything hurts and this seat is the only thing keeping me remotely sane right now.”
“Everyone’s staring.” He whined, gulping down the icy milkshake to cool his burning face.
“I'm in too much pain to care.”
“Well can you get up at least? Your food is here now and I swear, if you even try to eat it lying down I'm leaving you here by yourself.”
“Fine.” She grumbled, the promise of a sugar rush temporarily masking the cries of her joints.
Placing another bite of the sweet confection between her lips, her eyes caught a glimpse of what was very obviously a couple that was extremely in love sat a few booths away from them, hands permanently linked to one another and eyes radiating nothing but pure adoration for the lover that sat before them. I wonder what it’s like, she pondered, to have someone that can make you that happy. Jungkook's voice pulled her back from her thoughts, his nonsensical chatter carrying through the air until there was nothing left but crumbs and rings of condensation to prove that they were ever there, though the image of the smiling strangers never left the forefront of her mind, weighing heavily as it burned itself into the back of her eyelids, an ever present reminder of what she would never be able to attain.
“Okay, what’s up?”
“Hmm?” She jumped slightly, focus rushing back to the concerned looking boy in front of her.
“You’ve been awfully quiet for a while. Is everything okay?”
“Wha- oh yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I've just been a bit lost in my head, that’s all. Sorry.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“There isn’t really anything to talk about. I've just been thinking a lot.”
“Okay, well then just tell me what you're thinking.” He replied, arm propped against his chin as he leaned on the table between them.
“Hmm… It’s just… What is it like? To be in love.”
“W-what do you mean?” Jungkook asked in confusion, not quite sure where this conversation would lead them
“I mean… it’s weird don’t you think? That someone who has no obligation to even acknowledge your presence cares about you so much that they would do anything for you. That you're the only one they think about. Out of all the people in the world they chose you and they wouldn’t have it any other way. They love every part of you, flaws and all, and when you ask them why they don’t have an answer – they just do. It’s an inexplicable feeling and they have no control over it. They just love you. I think it would be nice to know that someone loves you; surreal, but nice.” Jungkook gaped at her words, heart racing at the fact that everything she had just said perfectly described how he felt about her.
“D-do you love anyone?” He questioned hesitantly, unsure of what her answer would be.
“No, I don’t think so. But even if I did it wouldn’t matter.” He felt his heart drop when she said that she didn’t love anyone, because that meant that she didn’t love him, and that was a truth that Jungkook didn’t want to accept.
“Why not?” He wondered, unsure how it wouldn’t matter if someone loved her.
“Think about it, why would anyone love someone like me?”
“Why wouldn’t they?” Jungkook's forehead creased, distaste at the direction her thoughts were travelling in rising.
“Because I'm broken, and no one ever wants a faulty product.” The only thing broken was Jungkook's heart at the thought of Y/N seeing herself as broken – as nothing more than a faulty product worthy only of being discarded.
“I don’t think you're broken, I think you're beautiful.” And he meant it, every word of it filled with sincerity and the love he so desperately wanted to give her, if only she would let him.
“Yeah? Well you would be the first.” She gave a small smile that was so evidently full of pain and self-loathing and acceptance that this was the way her life was supposed to be, and by this point Jungkook was so close to tears because there was nothing he hated more than seeing her like this. He hated that she couldn’t see how incredible she was and how beautiful and kind and intelligent and talented and loved she was by everyone that she met. She was like a ray of sunshine piercing through the darkness and lighting the way for everyone, but because she was the sun herself, she couldn’t see her own light – instead all she saw before her was darkness.
“You need to stop doing that.” Jungkook muttered.
“Doing what?”
“Putting yourself down like that. You always do it and I hate it.”
“There's nothing wrong with telling the truth.”
“Yeah, except this isn’t the truth. You're not broken and you know it Y/N.”
“It’s okay Kookie, I've accepted it. It really isn’t that big of a deal anyway, let’s just forget we ever had this conversation, yeah?”
“You keep doing that,” he lamented. “You brush your problems aside and pretend that they aren’t important but they are.”
“Jungkook, there are so many people in this world that are suffering far more than I ever have – what right do I have to be upset over something as stupid as being depressed? I literally have no reason to hate my life yet I still have the audacity to feel sorry for myself? That’s not okay, Jungkook, I can't behave like that.”
“You being depressed is not stupid! Just because some people have suffered more than you, it doesn’t mean that your pain and sadness is any less valid. You are a human being with emotions and you have every right in the world to cry and be upset. This isn’t a competition Y/N, you're not competing to see who has the worst life. There will always be people that are suffering more than you and there will always be people that are happier than you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to ignore everything you're feeling. Your pain is just as valid as everyone else’s, regardless of whether you believe it or not.”
“It’s just, I don’t see the point in being upset over something that’s already happened. I have no control over it, so why bother?”
“I get that, Y/N, I get that and I think you're so strong for being able to have that mindset, but all I'm saying is that you need to stop shoving your feelings into a corner and pretending they aren’t real. Okay?” He spoke softly, head moving to beneath her downwards gaze until she finally raised her sight.
“…Okay. I'm sorry for making you sad.”
“It’s okay, I'm sorry for making you sad too.”
“Are you my friend again?”
“I never stopped.”
That was what Jungkook loved about being with Y/N. No matter how many times they argued, no matter how big or small the fight was, they would always make up straight away. There was no pride or ego when it came to their friendship – someone would always apologise immediately regardless of who started the fight, because nothing was more important to them than being together without any negative emotions between them.
Though their conversation may have ended, the words of her best friend never once left the fissures of her mind, his remarks of her ignoring her feelings and being beautiful taking over her every train of thought. She began wondering why he would say something like that, and even more so why he would get so upset over something as insignificant as her mentioning how no one would love her. Her attention shifted back to thinking about what it must be like to be in love, and she realised that every time she pictured being in a relationship, all she could see was Jungkook. Y/N was already well aware that Jungkook was incredibly important to her – he was the one person in the world that she trusted more than anyone else, and she was confident that he knew her even better than she knew herself – but she couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he was becoming something more.
Summer came around far too soon for Y/N's liking, her heart and mind still trudging through a swamp of confusion by the time she had packed up her belongings and began her journey home for the holidays. Last year’s summer came and went without significant care towards the absence of boy that now plagued her mind, and while she still missed him dearly it was nowhere near as agonisingly painful as the thought of not seeing him for the entirety of summer this year. Being back home with her family and her school friends was something that she loved and thoroughly enjoyed, but no matter how much time she spent with her loved ones, no matter how many times she laughed herself to tears, a part of her constantly felt incomplete, and nothing seemed to be able to fill the void.
Despite the distance that separation brought between them, and despite the consistent unease that lay over Y/N, they still made it a point to keep in touch, with random texting sprees and late night skype sessions spanning far past the early rays of dawn peeking through the curtains, reminding them that oh, there is a whole world outside of you.
>>Sent to: bunkook
I went strawberry picking with my family and saw a dead bunny and immediately thought of you
<<Sent to: Y/N
Idk if I should be happy that you're thinking of me or be concerned that dead rabbits remind you of me
>>Sent to: bunkook
I mean you practically looked like twins so idk what you're expecting from me
<<Sent to: Y/N
You're the literal worst
Why are we even friends
And for the last time I don’t look like a dead rabbit
>>Sent to: bunkook
Whatever helps you sleep at night
I must say though you look pretty great for a decomposing mammal
<<Sent to: Y/N
I hate you
Goodbye
>>Sent to: bunkook
Bye
Have fun in bunny hell
<<Sent to: Y/N
Excuse you
I’ll have you know that I am an angel and I will be going straight to bunny HEAVEN
>>Sent to: bunkook
I KNEW YOU WERE A BUNNY PRETENDING TO BE HUMAN
AFTER ALL THIS TIME YOU FINALLY ADMITTED TO IT
PRAISE THE LORD
<<Sent to: Y/N
Calm thyself child
Did you inhale toxic pesticide fumes or something
>>Sent to: bunkook
Nope
I stared too long at your decomposing corpse and now my brain is rotting
I took a picture would you like to see
<<Sent to: Y/N
No I would not like to see a picture of a dead rabbit
You're such a weirdo
I hope you know this
>>Sent to: bunkook
So I’ve been told
You're pretty weird yourself mr memekook
<<Sent to: Y/N
Do not slander my legacy that is memkook
>>Sent to: bunkook
I shall slander you as much as my heart desires
But not now
I need to go stuff my face with strawberries until I never want to see one ever again
<<Sent to: Y/N
I have been saved by the strawberry gods
From now on I shall devote my life to thee oh saviour
>>Sent to: bunkook
And you say that I'm the weird one
<<Sent to: Y/N
Whatever
Let me know how the strawberry expedition goes!
>>Sent to: bunkook
Will do!
Missing Jungkook wasn’t the problem for Y/N – as her best friend it would have been weirder if she didn’t miss him. The cause for concern, however, was why thinking about him made her so despondent and left her lungs feeling like there were metal chains constricting her every breath, why it left her heart physically aching in her chest each time she remembered that he wasn’t by her side.
“Are you feeling any better?” Nari questioned over the phone, words slurred from the ice lolly that was hanging between her teeth.
“I don’t know, maybe? Not really?” Y/N replied as she squirmed around on her bed, annoyance at her confusion being taken out on the innocent sheets beneath her.
“Okay, well tell me exactly how you're feeling.”
“Urgh… I just… my heart is constantly heavy and it hurts to breathe sometimes and every time I talk to Jungkook or think about him I feel sad, which isn’t right because he's my best friend and best friends are supposed to make you happy not sad right? He never made me sad before… Why am I like this Nari? I was perfectly fine not seeing him all summer last year.” She whined, legs aimlessly kicking into the air.
“A lot can happen in a year Y/N. Have you considered the possibility that maybe he's not just your best friend anymore?”
“…What do you mean? Does he have another best friend now? Who is it?” She jolted up, reams of names running through her mind of who her replacement could be.
“What? No!” She groaned at her friend’s idiocy. “That’s not what I mean Y/N.”
“…Then is it because I don’t think of him as my best friend anymore? I'm pretty sure I do though…”
“Seriously?!” She cried, hand repeatedly whacking her forehead at how she managed to procure a friend as stupid as Y/N.
“…It’s because I'm having a heart attack isn’t it? I knew I should’ve gone to the doctor when my heart started hurting-”
“OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE Y/N! For someone that’s supposed to be so smart you are quite possibly the most oblivious person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting in my entire life!”
“Hey! That’s mean.” She pouted to no one, mentally making a note to withhold the present she was planning on giving to Nari once university started again.
“Look, you haven’t seen him in person in two months and it’s driving you crazy. You think about him all the time, your heart starts hurting at the thought of being around him, and it hurts even more when you think about being apart. Every time you're doing something or going somewhere you think about what Jungkook's doing and what it’d be like if he was with you. You think about how if he ever comes to visit you'd take him to see all these wonderful places and introduce him to all your friends and family. Your day begins with thinking about Jungkook and it ends thinking about him too. He’s probably taken over your dreams as well, right?” The silence at the end of the line perfectly answered her question.
“Y/N, what I'm trying to say is… maybe you're in love with him, as more than just your best friend.”
Nari’s words swirled around her head, clouds of turmoil fogging her days and haunting her nights as she thought about whether there could be some truth to what she had said. Although deep down in her heart she knew that she truly did love Jungkook, and probably had done for a while now, she kept on lying to herself and saying that she didn’t because she was so, so afraid that he wouldn’t love her back, convinced he wouldn’t, even, and the last thing she wanted was to risk never getting to speak to him again.
To her, being alone and miserable for the rest of her life would be worth it if it meant that she could see his beautiful smiling face, even if one day that smile was meant for someone else – someone that deserved it. So, she kept on supressing her feelings once again, and although she could feel it eating away at her, chipping away at her heart every time she thought of him, she accepted it. The rational part of her brain told her that Jungkook must have had some sort of romantic feelings for her too – he must do considering the fact that he literally spent every moment with her, time permitting, and did so much for her. He’d never been anything but supportive and understanding and was just so kind and caring and loving and wonderful and-
Yeah, she had it bad.
She’d never been in love before, her yearning for education and growing as an independent person taking precedence over any other desire, but she knew how she felt about Jungkook, and that was a feeling that she could never experience again.
Yet she would do nothing, because the irrational part of her mind kept telling her that she was not worthy. It told her that she was a despicable human being that had no right to love or be loved, least of all not by someone as incredible as Jeon Jungkook. He had the whole world at his feet, a plethora of suitors lined up for him to choose from because that’s just how amazing he was, so why the hell would he ever want to be with her? She tried to ignore it, telling herself that Jungkook wasn’t like that, that he was a good person with an even better heart, and that the monsters were lying, but when those voices are the only thing you hear, day in day out, you start to believe them. And she did. She believed that she was worthless, she believed that she was disgusting, and she believed that she did not deserve to be happy.
The recommencement of university did not bring her as much relief as she had hoped it would. Though the excitement of reuniting with Jungkook was present, it was overcome by the fear of how it would be to see him in person after coming to terms with the feelings she now knew she had towards him. She tried her best to be the way she was before, with playful touches and light hearted words that danced from her lips, but it was so difficult when all she wanted to do was hold him and kiss him and love him forever – things that she knew would never be hers to do.
Jungkook, as much as he may not have seemed like it, was a very perceptive person, especially when it came to Y/N. Being as ecstatic as he was to see her in person after so much time apart, he realised almost immediately that something wasn’t right between the two of them. He could tell that even though she was laughing and smiling and joking around with him like she did before, it wasn’t as natural or easy as it used to be. There was an element of forcefulness and unease, and he simply didn’t know what to do.
He was confused because on one hand it seemed as though Y/N was distancing herself from him slightly – she didn’t hug him as often or for as long as she used to, she didn’t sit as close to him anymore and she didn’t look him in the eye for as long she did before. But at the same time he would catch her staring at him from the corner of his eye when she thought he wasn’t looking, and whenever he laughed he would see the gentlest of smiles gracing her face with her eyes looking so at ease that he could just feel the warmth radiating from her. Even when he couldn’t directly see her face he knew that she was looking at him and it made his heart feel like it was soaring, but it left him in a permanent state of disorientation because even though he realised that there was a good chance that Y/N had some sort of romantic feelings for him, it didn’t explain why she was behaving in such a contradictory manner.
One night Jimin had walked into their room to see Jungkook flailing around on his bed like a fish out of water, whining incomprehensibly like the baby he would never admit that he was.
“Calm down, you'll get friction burn.” Jimin frowned as he threw his pillow at Jungkook's head, resulting in Jungkook burying his face into the pillow and grunting, and Jimin questioning why this boy was so confusing and how he had managed to put up with him for so long.
“Are you gonna tell me what you're whining about or are you going to keep drooling on my pillow?” Jungkook mumbled a reply as he remained face down, but Jimin started poking him and forcefully took back his pillow when the boy came up for air. He slumped back down on his own pillow with his face squished and pouty, rendering Jimin somewhat disgusted at the soppy state his friend was in.
“How about instead of moping around you actually tell me what’s wrong?”
“Y/N.”
“What about her?” Jungkook started whining again, Jimin’s eyes rolling so far back that for a second he was sure that they would permanently remain like that. At least it would be better than seeing Jungkook like this he thought to himself.
“Oh for god’s sake Jeon, stop acting like a baby and tell me what happened!” Jimin said, repeatedly hitting Jungkook with his slightly damp pillow.
“FINE I’LL TELL YOU! STOP HITTING ME IT HURTS!” Jimin sat back on his bed expectantly, staring at his friend in hopes of finally finding out what had been bothering him.
“I think-”
“That’s a shocker, I've never heard you say that before.”
“Shut up I'm not telling you anymore.”
“No, no I'm sorry! Please tell me.” Jimin replied quickly upon seeing that Jungkook actually looked a little upset.
“It’s just…” he sighed heavily, the weight of his thoughts close to becoming too much to bear. “I think Y/N… I think she might like me?”
“Well she's your best friend, obviously she likes you.”
“Not like that! I mean, I think she likes me, you, like romantically.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Are you the one that’s been thirsting over her practically since you first met?”
“Okay for starters, I have not been ‘thirsting’ over her-” Jimin gave him a condescending look, because if that wasn’t the biggest lie Jeon Jungkook had ever told-
“And secondly,” he added forcefully, ignoring the daggers Jimin was sending him through his eyes. “Yes it is a good thing.”
“Then why are you so upset? Shouldn’t you be over the moon since your dream is finally coming true?”
“Of course I'm happy. I'm just… confused.”
“Why is that? You're head over heels for her and she likes you too, which if you hadn’t noticed already, she has done for a long time – so what’s the problem?”
“Wait, what do you mean she's liked me for a long time?”
“It’s pretty obvious to everyone that’s ever seen the two of you together that you both like each other. Most people think you're already dating as it is.”
“…Really?”
“Yes really.”
“But… how do you know she liked me?”
“It was so obvious by the way she was around you. She prefers being alone but she spends every possible second with you, she goes wherever you want to go and does whatever you want to do, she's always smiling around you and is a lot less guarded when she's with you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out Jeon. What I want to know is how you figured it out.”
“It’s just a feeling I guess. Ever since we came back she just seems a little different, that’s actually why I'm so confused. Sometimes I catch her staring at me for ages from the corner of my eye and when I look at her she quickly looks away, and every once in a while when I start laughing like a lunatic she has such a big beautiful smile on her face and her eyes light up and she just looks so happy and like she's about to melt.”
“Okay so she's obviously madly in love with you – I'm not seeing the problem here.”
“The problem is that she only does that when she thinks I'm not looking. Other than that she hardly looks at me and she seems likes she's trying to hide the fact that she's constantly on edge and she doesn’t touch me like she used to.”
“How exactly did she touch you Jeon?”
“Not like that you perv, I mean like she doesn’t hug me as much or sit as close.”
“You obviously know her way better than I do so correct me if I'm wrong, but she doesn’t strike me as the type to openly confess her feelings. Do you not think that maybe she's just too afraid?”
“Afraid of what?! It’s not exactly a secret that I love her! I mean I've never told her how I feel but she knows that I care about her so why would she be afraid? Even as her best friend I would never do anything to hurt her.”
“I know that, and deep down she probably knows that too, but sometimes people don’t think rationally. Especially when they're scared.”
“So what do I do?”
“Talk to her.”
“…When did you get so wise?”
“I spend a lot of time with Nari.” Jimin said with a soft chuckle.
“Jimin…” Jungkook asked gently, face almost completely hidden in his pillow.
“Hmm?”
“When did you know you loved her?”
“One day I just woke up in the middle of the night and realised that I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without her, so I ran out of my house all scruffy in my pyjamas and started calling her to meet in front of her house and as soon as she opened the door I told her that I loved her and wanted her to be my girlfriend.”
“You were friends first right?”
“Yup. We were neighbours with each other since we were little and were friends for as long as I can remember.”
“You seem good for each other.”
“You and Y/N seem good for each other too.”
“You think?”
“I know. When are you going to talk to her about it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to rush her.”
“Okay, you know her best. All I'm saying is that don’t spend forever waiting for the right time, if you take too long you might lose your chance, and that’s a regret I don’t think you want.”
“Jimin?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Any time Jungkook. I just want you to be happy, we all do.”
***
As winter approached, the harsh winds chilled Y/N's bones and dragged her further into the depths of the darkness that plagued her mind and shackled her body, reminding her with every step of her worthlessness. Things had been getting worse for her, with her mind becoming foggy and losing track of time. She could stare at the page of her textbook and look up after what seemed to only be a moment, but in actuality was hours later. She had no energy to do anything, just the thought of smiling bringing her so much grief, but she did it anyway because the last thing she wanted was for Jungkook to worry and have to deal with her nonsense, especially when he had his own school work and life to worry about. She had already bothered him enough when she got sick, she didn’t need to be a burden to him again.
But it was hard.
All the pain that she was pushing down inside of her was eating her alive, every step she took tearing away at her insides as the thorns of the lies she had so intricately woven pierced her flesh and bones, marking her, reminding her of who she truly belonged to. She did not belong to herself, oh no – she was but a caged bird, wings clipped and feathers plucked, one by one, song stolen one note at a time, until there was nothing left but stygian ashes – remnants of the fiery phoenix that once flew as high as the stars themselves.
Winter arrived far too soon, and Y/N was the worst she had ever been.
She was trying her best to put on a happy face around everyone, really, she was, especially around Jungkook – but even she knew that with the way she was right now, she wasn’t fooling anybody. Her heart physically hurt every time she thought about him, the sight of his ethereal existence and the melodic hum of his voice making it feel like it was being ripped out of her chest with a blunt knife, severing the connections in jagged movements that caused more pain and damage than anything else.
She so desperately wanted to tell Jungkook how she felt and just get it over with – she knew that he must have had some sort of feelings for her, and even if he didn’t, then at least she could get closure and move on.
But the voices.
Every time she came up with a rational thought they intercepted and convinced her that she was just being foolish – someone like Jeon Jungkook would never ever love someone like her. He deserved someone so much better, not someone that would bring him down and ruin his life, and so once again the voices came out victorious, and she was left with nothing but fear of telling him how she really felt.
It was an icy night, with pearls of frost draping over everything like a blanket, and Y/N felt so suffocated that she dropped everything and just ran. Nari hadn’t even been in the room, but she felt so claustrophobic that all she could think of in that moment was to just get out. So distraught and out of it, she left with her body covered only in measly pyjamas and slippers, not even caring that she had left her phone behind. She took residence once more on a step in the courtyard, her knees curled into her chest, and just sobbed. It wasn’t as if her intention was to cry, but there was so much happening all at the same time that she couldn’t cope and was so overwhelmed that tears wouldn’t stop streaming down her face, no matter how much she tried.
She had no concept of how much time had passed, but after what seemed like centuries she felt Jungkook put his coat around her and carefully sit next to her. Her hands automatically raised to wipe the tears that stained her cheeks, but she knew that it was futile as he had probably heard her long before he made himself known.
“Hey.” Jungkook said softly.
“Hey.” She whispered back, voice cracking from crying so hard. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for you.”
“Why?”
“I was worried. I tried calling you but you didn’t pick up, and when I went to your room everything was there except you.”
“How did you know I would be here?”
“After last time I figured you might be here.”
“I'm sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“You must be freezing, here, take your coat back.” Y/N said as she tried to shrug it off, but Jungkook put his hands on her shoulders and stopped her from moving it any further, putting in on her properly and zipping it up instead.
“You need it more than I do.”
“I'm okay, really, I don’t need it.”
“Be quiet and wear it please. You'll get hypothermia if I let you stay out in what you're wearing.”
“What about you?”
“I'm dressed warmer than you.”
“I'm sorry, you should go inside.”
“I'm not leaving without you.”
“You should go, I don’t feel like going inside just yet.”
“Well then I guess I'm staying out here too.”
“You're impossible.”
“I learnt from the best.” He said cheekily as he nudged her with his elbow, a small, but genuine, smile appearing on her face even if only for a brief moment.
“So… do you want to tell me why you're out here?”
“I don’t even know myself. I guess… I think everything is just happening at the same time and I couldn’t cope so I lost it. No big deal, I’ll get over it eventually.”
“You're doing it again, brushing over your problems like they don’t matter.”
“Because they don’t.”
“If they’ve affected you this badly then they do. Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling? I thought we agreed that you would tell me everything, no matter how insignificant you thought it was.”
“I didn’t want to bother you, you’ve got your own stuff to think about…” Y/N replied meekly.
“You're never a bother to me Y/N, you're way more important to me than anything else. I thought you would’ve realised that after all this time.” Her heart began to flutter at the subtle implications behind his words, but she tried her best to supress those thoughts.
You have to push him away, the voices whispered. You can't ruin his life, he deserves so much better than you.
“I shouldn’t be.” Y/N whispered back, her voice cracking once more.
“Why not?” Jungkook asked as he turned to face her, concern beginning to lace his voice.
“Because I'm messed up, Jungkook.” She whimpered as tears began to freely fall from her eyes once more. “I'm messed up, and nobody wants that.”
“I want you Y/N, you must know that by now.” Jungkook replied, deciding that he had to tell her how he felt – she needed to know that she was loved, and if he didn’t tell her now, he feared that maybe it would be too late.
“But you shouldn’t. Why can't you see that I'm not good for you? You could have literally anybody you wanted in the entire world, so why would you want me?” Y/N mumbled dejectedly, tears still marking her face.
Jungkook's heart splintered hearing that she thought she wasn’t good enough for him, so he gently held her hands that were folded in her lap and looked softly into her eyes, seeing his reflection in the tears that had welled up once again.
“Listen to me Y/N; I don’t want anyone else, I want you. You're the one that is perfect for me, and you're the one that I want.”
“But I'm not worth it.”
“Y/N please,” Jungkook practically begged, his voice choked by his sobs. “Please don’t ever think that you're unworthy because it’s not true. If anyone deserves to be loved it’s you. I love you so, so much, I just wish you would let me show you.”
“But all I do is hurt people, you don’t deserve that.”
“No you don’t! Please see that. You are so wonderful and kind and talented and beautiful and it blows my mind that someone as amazing as you exists, but you do and I'm so honoured to be able to say that I know someone like you.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you and even if you don’t love me back, you need to know that you are worthy of being loved and that you deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else does.”
“I do, I do love you, but I just can't. I can't do this to you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want you to suffer.”
“What are you talking about? How could you possibly make me suffer?”
“I'm messed up and broken Kookie, you know that. This isn’t something that’s going to go away – if you stay with me then you'll have to deal with this for the rest of your life. That’s not fair on you.”
He moved his hands to gently cup her face and bring their foreheads together, perhaps deep down hoping that if he got close enough he could breathe her pain away, for he was willing to face all the pain in the world if it meant that this beautiful girl that sat before him could be at peace and live the pain free, happy life that she so rightly deserved.
“Y/N… I love you, and that means everything that comes with you. I don’t care how many nights I have to stay up to console you as you cry yourself to sleep and I don’t care you many times I have to hold you to stop you from hurting yourself, all I care about is being with you for the rest of my life and making you happy as is humanly possible. I love you, and nothing can ever change that.”
Y/N was completely sobbing by this point, with Jungkook not far behind, for how could she not when for the first time in her life she felt like she was loved and may actually deserve to be happy? How can she not, when the person who was showing her such a fantasy was the one person that she loved more than anyone else in the universe?
“I'm scared…”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know. Everything?”
“You don’t have to be afraid, I'm right here. I’ll always be here.”
“Promise?”
“I promise?” Jungkook whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before placing their heads back together again, just softly breathing each other’s presence in.
“Let’s go back inside. I just got you, I don’t want to lose you to hypothermia.” Jungkook smiled as he slowly stood up, his heart skipping a beat when he heard Y/N finally giggle.
“I'm all numb though, I might fall!”
“I’ll catch you, I’d never let my princess get hurt!” Jungkook said as he put his fists on his waist like Superman.
Y/N laughed at how adorable he was and just looked at him with so much love in her eyes. This was real, really real. Jungkook loved her and she loved him back, and for the first time in her life, she wasn’t lying. Not to the world, and most importantly, not to herself. Jungkook gently held Y/N's hand as he took her back inside and walked her to her room, a huge smile plastered to his face because how could it not? The one thing he’d wished for the most had finally come true. The walk was relatively silent, but not awkward at all – the two of them just basking in the aftermath of their conversation and the realisation that they love each other.
Once reaching Y/N's room she opened the door after whispering a sweet “goodnight” and was about to go inside when Jungkook stopped her, suddenly hugging her from the back and holding her tightly, closing his eyes as he rest his head on the back of her head and breathed in her scent, a frosty smell infused with the outside air and Jungkook's own scent from his coat. She slowly turned to face him, his arms still wrapped around her waist and forehead now moving to rest on her shoulder. Although hesitant at first, Y/N slowly put her arms around Jungkook too and found solace on his shoulder, trying to get used to this peculiar, but not unwanted, sensation of being in the arms of someone that loved her with all his heart.
“I love you, Y/N, you know that right?”
“Mmh, I know.” She said as she felt his arms squeezing tighter, as if he was afraid that if he let go, she would vanish.
“Good, because I really do.”
“Kookie?”
“Hmm?”
“You know that I love you too… right?”
“Yeah, I know, and I'm so happy Y/N, I'm so happy right now.” She pulled away from the hug slightly to look at his face, and she could clearly see that he was every bit telling the truth. He had a huge smile on his face, with his cute bunny teeth on display for the world to see, and his eyes, his big beautiful eyes, were tearing up again, much like her own, and within them she could see how much genuine adoration he had for her.
“Me too, I'm so happy.” Jungkook chuckled and pulled her closer, this time kissing her forehead once more and keeping his lips there for a few seconds before finally looking at her face again.
“I'm glad. That’s all I want, for you to be happy.”
Y/N was about to reply when a shiver ran down her spine and a massive yawn erupted, at which Jungkook internally squealed because god, this boy was so whipped for his girlfriend that it wasn’t even funny.
“All right sleepy head, I think it’s time for you to go to bed now.”
“But I don’t wanna, I want to talk to you.” She pouted, causing Jungkook to enforce every ounce of self-control that he possessed to not give in to her and melt into big fat gooey puddle right there.
“Hey, as much as I’d love to sit and talk with you all night, you’ve had a long day and you need to sleep. We can spend all of tomorrow together okay? How about we go to our usual spot?”
“Ooh, is this going to be our first proper date?”
“I guess you could call it that.”
“Really? I'm so excited!” She squealed as she started bouncing up and down – at least as much as she could with Jungkook's arms still around her. It really was amazing how much Jungkook could affect her mood.
“Alright missy, save some energy for tomorrow. Go to sleep now, okay?” She nodded and gave him a soft smile and a quick peck on the cheek before whispering a hasty “I love you good night” and running into her room and closing the door, leaving a dumbfounded Jungkook waddling back to his room wondering if he was in a dream or if this was really happening. They both had the stupidest of smiles on their faces as they got ready for bed and attempted to go to sleep, the numbness from the cold winter air long forgotten amidst the warmth that enveloped their heart.
The next morning found Y/N being greeted by a very excitable Nari shaking her viciously, screaming at her to “GET UP GET UP YOU DON’T WANT TO BE LATE!”, causing her to pull the covers as far over her head as was physically possible, because as much as she loved the daytime, she despised waking up with a fiery passion that would rival that of the sun itself.
“Oh come on Y/N, you don’t want to keep your boyfriend waiting.”
“What?” Her eyes shot open at that, any traces of weariness immediately dissipating.
“The door was open you idiot, I heard everything!”
“Oh…”
“Yes ‘oh’. I'm so happy for you Y/N, do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to not jump out of bed and start screaming right then and there? You should be grateful that I didn’t ruin the mood.”
“Umm, thanks?”
“You're welcome my dear! But my goodness, that Jeon sure knows how to woo a woman doesn’t he? I was melting at that back hug and I was just watching! And then he was snuggling his head on your shoulder and I DIED Y/N WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?!”
Before Y/N could even reply Nari had flopped on top of her, crushing her bones and knocking the air out of her with her spastic flailing.
“Please get off me.”
“NEVER!” She screamed as she brought her face right next to Y/N's, so close that she could see the finest of details in her iris. “You cannot possibly comprehend how long I've been waiting for this, don’t ruin my moment!”
But it’s my moment, Y/N wanted to say in return, but she valued her life far too much to try and argue with Nari, especially when she was as excited as she is now.
“Now get up! We need to get you ready for your first date!” Nari exclaimed as she hopped off the bed and made her way towards the wardrobe.
“It’s really not that big of a deal Nari.” Y/N said as she sat up in bed, with Nari stopping dead in her tracks and turning around in slow motion like the drama queen that she was.
“‘Not that big of a deal’?! Are you insane Y/N? This is your first date with the man that you’ve been lusting after for so long, of course it’s a big deal!”
“Okay first of all, I have never lusted over him, and two, it really isn’t a big deal. He's my best friend, we’ve known each other for ages and he's literally seen me at my worst. I really don’t think he cares.”
“He might be your best friend but he's also your boyfriend now. Things have changed.”
“Nari-”
“Listen, I'm not telling you to go full on princess mode or do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or not yourself, all I'm saying is that you should put a little bit more effort than you usually do. It’ll make him happy.”
“What’s wrong with how I usually dress?”
“Nothing at all, and I know that Jungkook loves you no matter what, but what I'm trying to say is that if you dress up, even if it’s a teeny tiny bit, he’ll feel special.”
“Why do I bother arguing with you? I never win.”
“I'm not a law student for nothing! Now come on, you don’t want to keep your Prince Charming waiting now do you?”
Jungkook knocked on the door not long after Y/N finished getting ready, Nari just about throwing her out of the door and into his arms before screeching “HAVE FUN!” and slamming the door in their faces. He blushed when he saw her, and she could clearly tell that he was trying to hide his nervousness, but it was so adorable and endearing that she really didn’t mind it at all – not to mention the fact that she was a nervous wreck herself, so really, who was she to judge? He reluctantly removed his arms that were previously resting on her waist to steady her and motioned for them to start walking.
“I'm guessing you told Nari?”
“Nope. The door was open last night.”
“O-oh…” Jungkook replied, eyes wide with shock, slightly embarrassed that someone had witnessed his sappy state the night before.
“Yeah… She almost broke my ribs this morning when she jumped on me and started screaming at me to wake up.”
“She must’ve told Jimin as well then because he practically gave me a concussion with how hard he hit my head with a pillow.”
“They really suit each other don’t they?”
“Yup. A match made in heaven if I ever saw one.” Jungkook replied with a soft chuckle, happy that despite how annoying Jimin might be at times, he had someone that he loved and loved him back just as much.
“You look nice, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Jungkook said, internally thanking Jimin for forcing him to wear something somewhat decent. “You don’t look half bad yourself. Going somewhere nice?”
“Oh yeah,” Y/N answered cheekily, playing along with the game they so often played with one another. “Believe it or not, I'm going on a date.”
“Oh really now? The great Y/N who was so opposed to dating is going on a date? Who’s the lucky guy?”
“Hey, I never said I was opposed to dating, just that I had never found the right guy.”
“And have you? Found the right guy, I mean.” Jungkook questioned, gingerly taking her delicate fingers between his own and tenderly caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.
“Yeah,” she replied with a soft smile, eyes shyly glancing over to Jungkook. “I think I have.”
Any awkwardness they may have had over their new relationship completely disappeared, and by the time they reached the café they were chatting just like they did before, talking about the most obscure of things as they ate their waffles and sipped their hot chocolate to forget the icy chill that seeped in every time a customer opened the door. As the warm mug approached Y/N's lips a question arose in her mind that she was too overwhelmed to think about before.
“C-can I ask you something?” She asked uncertainly as she gently put the mug back onto the table.
“Anything.” Jungkook replied, concerned at Y/N's body suddenly tensing slightly and her eyes unable to look directly into his.
“Umm-” she stuttered. “W-why?” He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows, not quite understanding her question.
“I mean…” She gulped hard, taking a deep breath. “Why me? You said yesterday that you loved me, but I… I don’t quite understand… why?” She finished quickly, her voice rising an octave and ending in a question rather than the statement she had intended it to be.
“W-where’s this coming from all of a sudden?”
“I dunno, it just kinda occurred to me…” She replied hesitantly, hiding her hands under the table as she fumbled nervously with her fingers before curling them up within her sweater paws and pressing them into her thighs, hoping that the discomfort of the pressure would somehow help to calm her nerves.
“Hey…” Jungkook said gently, placing his hand face up on the table so she could place her hand in his. After a few moments of indecisiveness she tentatively placed her fingers in his, still not fully at ease with another’s hand in her own.
“You don’t have to be so nervous, just breathe, okay?” Y/N nodded and slowly calmed her breaths.
“Why are you so scared? It’s just me.”
“I don’t know. I just… what if you change your mind and decide that you don’t love me anymore? What if you realise that you made a mistake yesterday and you just said all that because you were emotional?”
“Listen Y/N, me loving you is not a mistake, and it never will be. Yes I was emotional yesterday, but I meant every word I said. I love you and I have done for a very long time now, so if I wanted to change my mind then I would have ages ago.”
“Wait… ‘Long time’? How long?” Y/N asked in surprise, not expecting to hear that Jungkook – the Jeon Jungkook – had loved her for a long time.
“Umm…” Jungkook started shyly, a blush creeping up his face as he nervously scratched his head. “Honestly, I started liking you the first time I saw you.” Jungkook avoided her eyes as she frowned in confusion and took in his words.
“But… but I was sitting on the floor in my pyjamas in the middle of the night looking like a crazy person spouting nonsense about how I was going to kill Nari. Literally what part of that is attractive?”
“You were endearing okay! Leave me alone.” Jungkook mumbled, retracting his hand from Y/N's and crossing his arms like a child.
“You fell in love with a lunatic, I'm not letting that go.” Y/N replied with a slight smirk appearing on her face as her previous nerves rapidly dissipated, happy that she was discovering more material to tease Jungkook with.
“Listen, in my defence I wasn’t in love with you at that point. I was just incredibly attracted to your stupid face and found you very intriguing.”
“Telling your newly acquired girlfriend she has a stupid face probably isn’t the smartest move.”
��True, but said newly acquired girlfriend is also my best friend and knows that I say stupid face out of love and affection.”
“Fine, but how did you go from being enticed by a madwoman to being a sappy lover boy? Now I'm intrigued.”
“Stop!” He whined, sinking further and further into the cushioned seat of the booth they were currently residing in, face flushing a bright shade of scarlet at the memory of last night, because truly, he was the sappiest of lover boys that could ever exist, and although part of him was embarrassed, he really couldn’t say that he regretted it – especially not when he could see Y/N sitting in front of him with a beaming smile, any prior trace of uncertainty wiped away.
“Please? I'm really curious.” And of course Jungkook couldn’t say no to Y/N, so he begrudgingly sat up and rest his chin in his hands, his cheeks being slightly squished in the process.
“At first it was just simple attraction – I thought you were pretty and interesting, despite the crazy situation I met you in, and I had fun talking to you even though you were a complete stranger. Then when we came here the next day I really had a good time with you and I was just amazed at how well we got on. From there I probably started liking you, but I really loved being your friend so I didn’t think too much about it. The more I spent time with you the more I was just amazed at how wonderful you were and I just kept falling for you more and more I guess, but I don’t think it was until last winter that I really realised that I was in love with you. Every future I had planned out, every eventuality I could think of, you were the one thing that was constant. I thought a lot about it and I realised that I really couldn’t imagine my life without you, nor did I want to. And then when I found you huddled on the steps and you told me everything you'd been through, all I wanted to do was to hold you and never let you go. I think I fell in love with you a little more every day since then.” For the first time since he started talking Jungkook looked up from the table and at Y/N's face, seeing a whirlwind of emotions swirling around her eyes.
“You… you really feel like that?” He gave a small nod.
“And for that long?” Again, he nodded.
“I had no idea…”
“Yeah, I figured.” He replied with a chuckle.
“How did you deal with it though? I barely managed to survive this long, I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to feel like that for over a year!”
“I didn’t, I can't even tell you how many times Jimin threw pillows at my head telling me to shut up and stop whining.”
“Jimin knew?!”
“Honey, everyone knew but you. You're not the most perceptive when it comes to how people feel about you.” Y/N furrowed her brows and pouted heavily at that, and Jungkook had the strongest of urges to just lean over the table and kiss it off her face, but no, not here, not now.
“Now it’s my turn to ask you.” Jungkook smiled with a grin that would put even the Cheshire Cat to shame, leaning back against his seat with his arms crossed, an eyebrow raised with joy at the thought of exacting his revenge.
“How about no?” Y/N asked meekly, hoping her puppy eyes would convince him otherwise.
“My dear, this relationship was founded upon equality and mutual respect – if you embarrass me, it’s only fair that I embarrass you back.”
“You and your equality can get lost.”
“Me and my equality will stay right here, thank you very much, and whilst we’re here you might as well tell us why you love me and when you realised it.”
“Who said I loved you?” Y/N grumbled as she grumpily crossed her arms and turned her head to the side.
“You did. Yesterday. After you kissed me on the cheek. Have you forgotten already? I didn’t realise I was dating a goldfish.” She stuck her tongue out before returning to her grumpy position.
Jungkook was having way too much fun with this, although he was still not satisfied enough with his teasing, so he tapped her leg with his foot and pretended nothing happened even when she looked dramatically at him in fake horror.
“How dare you.”
“I don’t know what you're talking about.”
“You kicked me!”
“I did no such thing!”
“Oh yeah? Who did it then? Equality?” Jungkook threw his head back and cackled, not caring that the people around them were staring, because really, why should he care when the girl sitting in front of him was making his so unbelievably happy, even if she was being snarky? Once regaining his composure, well, what little he had around her anyway, he trapped both of her legs between his, holding them captive under the table until she finally looked at him again and muttered a “fine” under her breath.
Letting go of her legs, he reached his hands out to hold her own after she took a sip of her no-longer-hot chocolate, watching with adoration as she lay her face on her arms and occasionally glanced up at him, as if despite the fact that he was holding her hands, she needed further confirmation that he was really there.
“Well it hasn’t been as long as you, although you already know that.” Jungkook confirmed with a nod, prompting her to continue.
“I probably fell in love with you a long time ago if I'm being honest, but I don’t think I realised until I went back home for summer. Well, Nari made me realise – I think it’s a well acknowledged fact that I'm pretty dense when it comes to myself.” She chuckled softly.
“Yeah, just a little.” He taunted, making a mental note to thank Nari when he saw her next. “Is that why you started acting weird when the semester started again?”
“Yeah, I was just really confused and unsure about everything, as you kinda heard yesterday…” She ended quietly, still embarrassed about the state she was in the night before. Sensing her embarrassment, Jungkook rest his face on his arms as well to be level with Y/N, looking into her eyes with their hands still intertwined with one another.
“I hope you're not confused and uncertain anymore.”
“Not so much, I'm working on it.” She replied with a soft smile, her whole demeanour completely different to the girl he found shivering on the steps last night.
“I'm glad.”
“Me too.”
Although the next few weeks were spent studying for the remainder of their exams together as they always did, everything just felt different. Yes they had each other’s support before, but knowing that they loved each other, knowing that they would be there for each other no matter what, it made them feel so much safer than they had ever felt before in their lives.
“Y/N?”
“Hmm?” She replied, looking up from her notes at Jungkook who was no longer reading through the chapter in the textbook.
“Seeing as our last exam is tomorrow, do you want to go somewhere on Friday?”
“Sure! What did you have in mind?”
“It’s a surprise, but I just wanted to ask you first in case you didn’t want to go.”
“Kookie, when have I ever said no to going somewhere with you?”
“I know, but still. I wanted to make sure.”
“You're so cute.” Jungkook reddened at her cooing, mumbling a soft “get back to studying” before burying his face in his textbook.
Y/N was all bundled up in a thick winter coat, with a scarf swaddled around her neck and gloves covering her hands, so much so that she practically waddled when she walked, looking an awful lot like a penguin, much to Jungkook's pleasure.
“You look like I'm taking you to Antarctica or something.” Jungkook laughed as he started the car, surprised that the seatbelt even managed to buckle considering the number of layers she was draped in.
“You said to dress warm so I did. I need to be ready for all eventualities you know!”
“What eventuality could possibly require you to dress like you're out in the middle of a blizzard?! It’s really not that cold!”
“It is to me! I'm a cold blooded reptile I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, yeah. You're lucky you're cute.” Y/N stuck her tongue out at him before burying her face into her scarf as an attempt to hide the crushed rubies that were blossoming on her cheeks.
“Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going so late at night?”
“That would ruin the surprise now wouldn’t it?”
Y/N pretended to be grumpy, but seeing Jungkook looking so happy whilst driving them to their destination, and seeing the city lights slowly fade away as they went further into the countryside made her feel such a sense of calm that she couldn’t help but smile.
“Close your eyes and don’t open them until I say you're allowed.” Jungkook ordered not long before they arrived, rolling his eyes at the glare that was directed at him.
“Are you going to kill me?”
“Oh no, you figured out my plan. Whatever will I do now?” He replied sarcastically, happiness evident in his eyes.
Once the car had stopped, Jungkook went over to the passenger’s side and guided her out, his hands folded carefully over her eyes as he walked her to where he wanted her to be, his front pressed carefully against her back. He placed his mouth close to her ear and whispered a quiet “open your eyes” as he removed his hands, gently enveloping her in a back hug as she took in the view surrounding her.
“Kookie…” She whispered, awe lacing every icy breath that escaped her lungs, dancing in the crisp night’s air before disappearing into the sky above.
“Do you like it?”
“I love it… It… it’s so beautiful. How did you find this place?”
“I stumbled upon it a while ago when I was just driving around, and I figured that I should bring you here someday. I know how much you love the stars.” Y/N turned around, burying her head deep in Jungkook's embrace, whispering thank you thank you thank you over and over again like a mantra, hoping that if she squeezed her eyes tight the tears that threatened to fall would vanish.
“One second,” he said as he reluctantly pulled away from the hug and went back to the car, only to come back out with a smile that was just as soft and warm as the blankets he carried in his arms. “I thought we could lay under the stars.”
Y/N knew that if she opened her mouth all that would come out would be soft whimpers and tears rolling down her cheeks to accompany them, so instead she just nodded and began helping to spread the blankets on the grass beneath them, wondering how on Earth she managed to get so lucky and have someone like Jeon Jungkook love her back and treat her as if she were the most precious thing to exist in the world.
They sat leaned against the car wrapped in the warmth of the blankets as they stared at the open sky ahead of them, basking in the light of the stars that shone upon them from distant galaxies, the whispers of the sky dancing through their hair, reminding them that you are not alone, you are never alone – for how can you be when the light of a billion stars are watching over you?
Y/N's head was leaning on Jungkook's shoulder and his arm around her waist, a comfortable silence between them as they felt the energy of the universe seeping into every fibre of their being. But there was also uncertainty – Y/N knew that she was happier than she had ever been before, but she couldn’t help but worry that it was only fleeting, that it was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down and she was left all alone again, that it was only a matter of time before Jungkook realised that he could do so much better without her.
She shifted slightly in her position and made a soft sound, as if she were about to say something but thought against it. She sat upright as Jungkook turned to face her slightly, tilting his head to the side in confusion when Y/N met his eyes. Sighing deeply, she averted her eyes to their hands instead, tracing every line of his palms with a touch as soft as the flutter of a butterfly’s wings.
“Jungkook…”
“Hmm?” He whispered tenderly.
“Are you… are you happy?” She asked hesitantly, finally meeting his eyes.
“I don’t think there are words to describe just how happy I am, Y/N. You know that I've wanted this for a long time, so for it to finally be real is an indescribable feeling. But… are you happy?”
“Of course I am, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. You being my friend was more than enough, so this is better than I could’ve ever imagined.”
“Then?”
She sighed hard again.
“I just… I can't stop thinking that maybe this is all just a dream, or some cruel joke that the universe is playing on me. I can't help but feeling like one day you'll wake up and realise that you were wrong and that you don’t love me anymore. And you know what the sad thing is? I honestly wouldn’t blame you. How can I expect someone to love me if I can't even love myself?”
“Hey, look at me.” He breathed, hand delicately cupped around her cheek, holding her as if she were made of glass, for given her fragile sense of self, she may as well have been. “I'm telling you now that that will never happen. I know that sometime you might find it hard to believe me, but I love you so, so much. I know that it won't always be easy, and I know that there may be times where we don’t understand each other and we’ll argue, but I know that it’ll all be worth it because you are more important to me than anything else. I genuinely can't imagine a future that doesn’t involve you, nor do I wish to. And as to loving yourself, it’s not something you can magically do overnight, but we’ll work on it together, okay? In the meantime, every time you start to doubt, just remember that I'm the one that’s real, not the voices in your head. I'm here, and I love you, and that’s all that matters.”
“I know, it’s just… sometimes I can't help it, you know? As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, there are time where I just can't help but feel like I'm hopelessly inadequate.”
“Well if you're inadequate then the rest of us have no hope.” She gave a small chuckle at that, leaning in towards Jungkook's hand as he brought their foreheads closer together.
“I know I keep saying it, but I really do love you Y/N. You're always so harsh on yourself, and I just wish you could see what I see.”
“Tell me then, what is it that you see?” She whispered, voice barely audible despite the wind softening to almost a still – waiting, watching as the two lovers bared their hearts with the heavens as their sole witness.
“When I look at you, it’s like I'm looking at the most exquisite creation to have ever existed. It’s like all the stars in all of the galaxies are captured in your eyes alone, swirling in the most mesmerising of ways that make me fall deeper and deeper into them every day. When I look at you, I see forever, entwined from the wisps of your hair to the veins that keep you alive, reaching through my heart and taking root in every crevice of my being. When I look at you, I'm home. My love for you swims amongst the stars and dances through the galaxies – and there is nothing in the entirety of this vast universe that could ever surpass how much I love you.”
There was a shift in the atmosphere then, as if the forces of gravity had changed, pulling them closer, closer, closer, until there was no space between them, their soft lips finding solace in one another, their beating hearts the only sound that reverberated throughout the vast cosmos. Only when they came up for air did their eyes flutter open, seeing the sparkling sky reflected in the glistening eyes of their love before them. There was a sense of peace in the silence that encompassed the two of them, heavy breaths mingling with one another before being breathed back in, taking a part of the other with them, planting seeds of eternity in their lungs.
Laying beneath the stars, huddled up in a cocoon of blankets with their arms wrapped around each other as their lips repeatedly pressed together, it felt as though they were the only two people in the world, with the stars shining down on them and baring the secrets of the universe that had never been spoken before. They remained enveloped in each other’s warmth, drifting in and out of blissful sleep until the stars began to fade, sunlight peeking through the clouds as the rays kissed the ground around them, bathing the Earth in hues of iridescent gold and yellow, warmth breathing life back into their frozen limbs.
The days got better, nights got easier, and Y/N felt like she was smiling more now than she had in her whole life.
It was the way she no longer felt like she was alone in this world, for she had Jungkook by her side, and everlasting presence reminding her that he would always be there for her.
It was the way he would just know whatever she was feeling simply by looking at her face.
It was the way he would drop everything in an instant and wrap her up in his arms, squeezing away the pain and the hurt and replacing it with love and kindness and all things good in this world.
It was the way he would pull her back to reality when things got bad and she would get lost in her head, a never ending maze that she didn’t have the strength to escape from alone.
It was the way he shone like a lighthouse, a beacon of hope amidst the towering waves crashing against the rocks, the one lifeline that kept her from drowning.
It was the way that he would do the smallest of things to make her smile, thinking that he was subtle – but she knew, she always knew.
But nothing could be perfect forever.
Doubts of insecurity began wiggling their way back into the crevices of her mind, wreaking havoc despite her best attempts to destroy them, knowing that her worries were unfounded.
There were days when no matter how much she tried to convince herself, she just couldn’t see any good in the world.
There were days when no matter how much Jungkook tried to make her believe, no matter how much she tried to make herself believe, she just could not accept that he stayed with her because he loved her and not because he pitied her.
There were days when Jungkook couldn’t understand that Y/N was trying, so, so hard to be normal, but it just wasn’t working.
There were days where nothing but silence was spoken between them, the icy chill of winter spreading throughout their hearts despite the burning heat of the sun beating down on them.
But there were also those days where apologies were sputtered left right and centre, despite the fault lying in no one’s hands but the universe’s – for pride was nothing in comparison to the love overflowing from their chests.
“I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the situation.”
“I know. I'm trying my best.”
“I know, I'm sorry. I'm trying too.”
“I love you, you know that right?”
“I know. You know that I love you too, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
And just like that, things would go back to the way they were, with soft kisses on cheeks and gentle touches reminding each other that no matter what happens, no matter how difficult things may get, I'm here for you.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Getting my organs crushed by my princess. What are you doing?”
“Crushing the organs of my prince.”
“Well could you maybe not? I would quite like to not have mushed up insides.”
“You should be grateful that I'm lying down on you rather than just sitting, at least this way my weight is distributed evenly.”
“As much as I appreciate your attempts to minimise crushing me to death, I would really rather you got off me, dear princess.”
“You say that, dear prince, yet you're the one that’s holding on to me and not letting me go.”
“I can't help it, I love you too much.” Jungkook mumbled as he pressed his lips delicately all over the face of the girl that made his chest burst at the seams, breaking through and entwining strings of love around each rib, encasing his heart in the most beautiful of chambers.
“Kookie?”
“Hmm?”
“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?”
“I was thinking-”
“That’s a shocker- OW DON’T HIT ME!”
“Listen! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was thinking, maybe you should talk to Jimin more.”
“He’s my roommate, I talk to him more than I would like to thank you very much.”
“No, I don’t mean it like that.”
“What do you mean then?”
“I mean, you should tell him how you feel… and… stuff…”
“I'm still not sure what you mean princess.”
“I mean, I know that dealing with me can be very stressful and difficult, and it’s not good for you to keep it all locked up inside. Aren’t you the one that’s always telling me that I should share my feelings more?
“Well yeah but…”
“Look, I know that you probably felt like you couldn’t talk to anyone about it because of confidentiality and all that, but I'm telling you now that I'm okay with it. Whoever you want to tell, whether it’s Jimin or someone else, that’s perfectly fine by me. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to keep everything to yourself. I want you to be able to talk to someone freely without sugar-coating anything in fear of hurting my feelings.”
“Y/N…”
“I just… I worry about you, you know? I know how isolating it can be and I don’t want you to ever feel like that. Keeping it all inside is only going to make you angry and is going to lead to misunderstandings and rifts between us, which is definitely not something we want. We’re all in this together.”
“Did you just quote High School Musical?!”
“No! …Maybe? My point still stands though! We’re a team and we have to work together to get through this.”
“That’s true. Alright, I’ll try talking to Jimin.” Once more, Jungkook was utterly overwhelmed at how understanding and caring Y/N could be, for she was still concerned about Jungkook and his state of mind despite everything she was going through. It was that same night that Jungkook decided to talk to Jimin, figured that now was as good a time as any.
“Jimin?” He asked hesitantly, half of his face buried in his pillow.
“What do you want?” Jimin replied as he made his way into his bed, covers wrapped around his body until he looked like nothing more than a floating head.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Are you breaking up with me? Because we’re married with five kids and I don’t think I can't handle this amount of heartache.”
“Shut up, I'm being serious.”
“Alright, alright. What is it my young Padawan?”
“I was talking to Y/N today-”
“What a shocker-”
“Shush!”
“Fine. Please continue my lovely sweet precious Jungkook whom I adore with all my heart and soul.”
“I hate you.”
“Yet you still come home to me every night.”
“You're my roommate, I don’t have a choice!”
“Same difference. Anyway, what’s up?”
“As I was saying, I was talking to Y/N today and she was telling me that I should talk to you about any frustrations I may have with her whole depression stuff.”
“Wow, that’s… that’s really considerate of her.”
“I know right? How did I get so lucky? But yeah, if it’s okay with you, would I be able to talk to you about it?”
“Why are you being so formal, you idiot. I'm your best friend, of course you can talk to me about anything.”
“Thank you.”
“So, what’s on your mind?”
“I'm just… frustrated?”
“Okay, frustrated in what sense? At Y/N?”
“No of course not. I'm just frustrated at the situation I guess. I know she's trying her best, trust me, I really do, and I appreciate how hard she's working, but there are times where I just wish she didn’t think so lowly of herself you know? I just wish she would believe me when I say that I love her.”
“But you have to remember that that’s not her talking, it’s the depression.”
“I know that, and I understand, but it’s like… like… I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“No, I get what you mean. You understand why things are the way they are but you wish they were different.”
“Yeah, I just wish that I could fix everything you know?”
“It’s not that simple though, Jungkook. Like it or not this is a part of her life, and by being with her it’s a part of your life now too. You either have to learn how to deal with it, or leave her.”
“I'm not leaving her Jimin! How could you even think of saying something like that?!” Jungkook yelped, the distance between them the only thing preventing him from punching Jimin in the face.
“Hey, calm down! I'm not saying that you should leave her, I'm just telling you what your options are. And since you so vehemently declared you aren’t breaking up with her then the only option you're left with is to try and come to terms with her depression and figure out how not to let it ruin what you have.”
“How though? I don’t know how to fix it.”
“That right there, my friend, is your problem.”
“I don’t get it.”
“By saying that you want to ‘fix’ her you're implying that she's broken. Is that what you think? That she's broken?”
“Of course not!”
“Then what is it that you're trying to fix?”
“I don’t know okay? I just don’t want her to be sad anymore. It hurts me that she's always in so much pain and she deserves all the happiness in the world but I hate myself for not being able to give that to her. I hate myself because I know that sometimes I'm the reason she cries.”
“You can't blame yourself for that though. This isn’t something you’ve ever had to deal with before, and it isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Unless you’ve actually been through something like that yourself, you won't fully be able to understand why she thinks the way she does. That’s nobody’s fault, it’s just an unfair fact of life. You're trying your best, and she knows that. That’s all anyone could ask for.”
“So what do I do?”
“You keep supporting her like you have been. You try to be a bit more understanding, and realise that it’s not a problem for you to fix. This is Y/N's battle, and it’s something that she needs to fight herself. Yes, be by her side and give her strength, but she needs to do this alone. She's not as weak and fragile as you might think she is.”
“I had no idea you were so wise.”
“You just realised that now, you punk?!” He yelled, throwing his pillow at Jungkook's head, before grumpily begging Jungkook to pass it back because he was tired and wanted to sleep, to which Jungkook most definitely kept hold of it, until Jimin threatened to sleep in Jungkook's bed and cuddle him all night if he didn’t give it back right this second and – “ow that hurt don’t throw stuff at me!”
“What a hypocrite.”
“No one appreciates me around here.”
“Your ego’s big enough as it is, you don’t need me to inflate it any further.”
“You're lucky you're cute, otherwise I would’ve kicked you out a long time ago.” Jimin muttered as he turned around to face the wall, hiding his growing smile as he pretended not to hear the soft “thank you Jimin” that was whispered by the boy across the room.
***
“So,” Jungkook started as he placed his milkshake back on the familiar table of the café, waiting until Y/N finished sipping her own and looked at him before he continued. “I have to begin thinking about my final art project.”
“Oh yeah! This is the one that is going to be displayed in the showcase right?”
“Yeah, and if the teacher likes it enough it’ll be the centrepiece.”
“That’s so exciting! Do you have an idea of what you want to do yet?”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted you to be my model.” Y/N choked in surprise, milkshake sputtering everywhere.
“What?!” She screeched in surprise, taking the napkins from Jungkook's hands to try and clean up the mess she had made. “You want me to model for your final art project?!”
“Obviously? Who else would I ask?”
“I'm sure if you advertised there’d be plenty of people lining up to model for you!”
“But I don’t want other people, I want you.”
“But why? This is your final art project Kookie, it’s like 60% of your grade.”
“Exactly, so who better to ask to be my model than the one person that inspires me the most in this world?” She blushed heavily at that, hoping that the rose petals kissing her cheeks would be attributed to the scorching heat rather than her heart beating at a rate that was most likely far too high to be healthy.
“I have no idea what to do though, I've never modelled before.”
“You don’t have to do anything, you just have to be yourself.”
“Still…”
“I'm not going to force you to model if you don’t want to, I mean I look at you so much that I've practically memorised you enough to not need you there, but I think it would be nice to have you there in person. At the very least so that we can spend more time with each other before we have to go home for summer.”
“No, I’ll do it. I'm just worried that I’ll ruin your project.”
“I promise that you won't ruin it.”
“Okay, but what are you actually planning on doing?”
“It’s a surprise, you're only allowed to see it at the showcase.”
“But that’s ages away!” Y/N pouted in dismay, to which Jungkook leaned over the table and kissed it away.
“Patience is virtue, my dear. Besides, you made me wait so long to go out with you, this is the least you can do.”
“My god, that was so long ago, let it go.”
“Never! I will hold that against you for the rest of our lives, but if you dare start singing ‘Let It Go’ I am leaving you forever.” He quickly added on after seeing her poised and ready to start singing the song of his demise.
“You would never leave me, no matter how much I annoy you.”
“That’s true, you're stuck with me forever.” Jungkook chuckled, relieved at how far Y/N had come in terms of believing in his love for her.
The end of the semester came by in the blink of an eye, with endless all-nighters being pulled to finish not only Jungkook's art project, but all of the other assignments and exams that had been thrust upon them in the flurry of year end deadlines.
But it was all worth it when Jungkook was told that his project had been chosen to be the centrepiece of the showcase.
“I'm so excited! I can't believe I'm finally getting to see your project!”
“What if you don’t like it?”
“Are you kidding?! You put so much time and effort into it, and your teacher liked it enough to make it the centrepiece, I have no doubts whatsoever that I'm absolutely going to love it!”
“I hope so.”
“I know so, now hurry, hurry, it’s almost time for you to present your work!” She squealed excitedly upon seeing how close it was for the finale of the showcase.
“What if I mess up? Just thinking about all those people staring at me is freaking me out.”
“Hey,” Y/N said whilst cupping his face and gently bringing their foreheads together. “Forget about all those other people okay? I’ll be right there for you, so just focus on me. Pretend that you're talking to me instead, and everything will be alright.”
“Okay. You promise you'll be there?” Jungkook asked hesitantly, his nerves evident in the way he held Y/N's waist so tightly to him, scared of letting go of the one person that was capable of making him feel completely at ease.
“I promise. And I’ll try to be as close to the front as I can, but even if I'm not, just know that I'm right here for you.” She replied as she kissed his forehead, visibly seeing him become more relaxed at her gentle, familiar touch.
Luckily she had managed to get a spot near the front of the stage, knowing that standing under the midday sun was one hundred percent worth it when she saw the relieved look on the face of the boy she loves so much once he had spotted her amongst the steadily growing crowd. Not long after, she spotted what she realised to be Jungkook's project being brought to the stage, and she was awestruck, for never had she imagined that something based on her could be capable of looking so beautiful. It was a sculpture of her, curled over one knee and crying, shatters spread throughout her body – but instead of ugly scars holding her together, there were seams of glistening gold, making her even more magnificent than she was before.
“First of all, thank you all for coming to the showcase today.” Jungkook started, interrupting Y/N's train of thought and bringing her now teary eyes’ attention back to the artist on the stage.
“There are so many amazingly talented artists’ work displayed throughout the showcase, so to be chosen as the centrepiece is a great honour. This piece of work that you see here is incredibly special to me, and it’s probably the most important thing I will ever make. It was inspired by Kintsugi, which is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. Its aim is to show that just because something is broken, it doesn’t mean that you have to disguise it or throw it away – by incorporating gold into the cracks whilst repairing it, you are able to show the history of it without hiding its past, often making it even more beautiful than it was before. Kintsugi is not only an art form, though, it is also a philosophy that can be followed in life. It embraces the idea of celebrating our flaws and imperfections, and recognising that it is these things that make us who we are. We are only human – we fall, we hurt, and we break, but we get back up and put ourselves back together again. Although some people may see it as ugly, I don’t see that at all. I see perfection, and I see bravery. I see someone who is stronger now than they ever were before. I see someone who is beautiful, not despite of their scars, but because of them.”
Tears streamed down Y/N's face as she went to greet Jungkook behind the stage, brain not even registering the deafening roars of the applause around her, for all she could see was her prince before her, running to pull her into the tightest of embraces, not even caring that their tears were soaking each other.
“Did you like it?”
“I absolutely loved it, it was beautiful. Thank you Jungkook, thank you.”
“I love you so much, Y/N, so, so much.”
“I love you too Jungkook, more than you could ever know. I'm so glad I have you in my life.”
“Me too, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Thank you for not trying to fix me.”
“Why would I fix you when you were never broken to begin with? You are beautiful, Y/N, and all I did was help you realise that. Your scars have made you who you are, and I love you – all of you.”
(“I just remembered, you still owe me big time for spending all those hours modelling for you. How are you going to repay me, good sir?”
“Hmm, how about long drives under the stars and an endless supply of ice cream?”
“That sounds absolutely delightful.”
“Is there anywhere you'd like to go in specific, Your Highness?”
“I don’t mind. Anywhere is good, as long as I'm with you I'm happy.”
“How about right now? Are you happy?”
“Yeah, I think I'm the happiest person in the world.”)
#noonanet#bts#jungkook#bts fanfic#bts fanfics#bts fanfiction#bts scenario#bts scenarios#bts fluff#bts angst#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfics#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook scenario#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst
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