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angelmalocaris · 22 days

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Emeryfession

Hello NEN Tumblr! Tumblr NEN fans! NENblr! Whatever you are!

There are like 5 of you at most, even when rounded up, but I have a confession to post.

This shrine, you see this “shrine” right here? From the NEN website? (CONT. under cut)

That is MY shrine. I made that. Those objects are in my possession.

This image is sort of old. I haven’t cleaned my bedroom in awhile so I will hold off on taking new ones for the time being, but here are my Emery related trinkets I have and projects I have worked on. This is not a complete list by any means, mostly just my biggest or most well known ones.

Lets get the big stuffy fluff-filled elephant out of the room, the pillow. Yes that is an Emery body pillow! (Or dakimakura I suppose.)

YES it is hand made! YES I do sleep with it every night! and YES my mom did help me make it! While it has become SIGNIFICANTLY more faded over time, it is well loved. That is my wifey! Of course I take care of her!

It's almost completely homemade, my mom prints t-shirt so we just printed on some fabric. There is a heart-shaped button and a few feathers in the stuffing, think like a BaB plushie.

Enough of that, time for a walk. Here’s the Emery engraved collar!

Real metal! After saving a bit of money and walking and hour or so, I purchased this at a store to be made by an engraving machine. Why? Because I can! And have you seen Emery? That’s definitely a critter.

I'm hungry... so hungry I could eat... an Emery!!!

Here are three separate Emery cakes I made! Left to right in order. They're all box mix but I baked them and frosted them on my own.

My grandma made this one. Goo Goo Gah Gah...

By now, all the cakes are long gone.

First Cake Death

Second Cake Death (My favorite!)*

Third Cake Death

*(also a remake of the first.)

Quick time event!!! Here's some Emeries I made in video games.

Note, while I did not make the Emery Mii (Hal did) I am including it here because I think it's notable that I got to marry Emery in the game.

I have lost my membership in this time so the full outfit is not possible for me anymore, but feel free to recreate it. Its simple and the items shouldn't be too hard to acquire.

It's just 1, the Square Glasses (members only) from Jam Mart Clothing in green for 350 gems 2, the tie from Jam Mart Clothing in red for 100 gems, and the Rare Crimson Topcoat (members only). While the topcoat is marked "Rare" its quite common for a rare item and IIRC I may(?) even have more than one.

I want to update the Petz 4 Emery. I could probably make it better now and I want him to be a dog when I decide to remake it.

I have lost my old save for tomodachi life but someday I will get married to him again... just you wait!!!

You know what games are made of? Code. So are webbed sites... Usually not the same code, but you get the idea.

This is my Emery web shrine! I will not link to it because its very old and not very good by my current standards. You can see its age by Emery being called "Telly" and some of the older artwork ( being by Hal of course.) Someday it will be made better and strong...

and yes. I did help with some (a lot) of the code on the NEN site. I'm blaming any of the messy stuff in there on Hal though because she's the one doing most updates. Sorry Hal! Maybe learn more than some HTML and I won't throw you under the bus. I need to log on and fix up some of that in a bit. I am sure it looks like a tornado hit it from the inside.

I have been at this for months, even years now. Longer than the NEN official site even existed. A lot of this is hand made and if not that, completely out of my own pockets. I plan to continue being crazy even if my pockets are reduced to nothing but lint and moths (they have, more than once.) I love Emery Phone.

Peace and Love (except for the french, that being Emery. I will get you Emery.)

Tschüss! Buh-Bye! Until next time! Au revoir! (Eww... French...)

#speak boy speak #emery phone #long post #this is a very long post I'm warning you #WIFEY #nen webcomic #new england nightmare #emeryfun #can you tell I am autistic #shrine #Emery shrine

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sercj · 2 months

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Alright, I'm finally typing it out. Gather around, all, for the tale of the time my friends and I kidnapped a blueberry and drug them into the Vault of Glass.

Once upon a time, I used to have friends I would play Destiny 2 with regularly. None of them that feature in this story still do, to my knowledge, but at the time we were pretty cracked on the PvE side of things. At the time, we were raiding semi-regularly (when schedules lined up), and as Vault of Glass had just been added to D2 recently, it was our raid of choice that one, fateful evening.

We, like any sane PC player, were using Discord for comms, and so I had hopped into the channel to wait, and headed to the Cosmodrome for my favorite time-killing passtime - blueberry watching. For those of you unfamiliar, blueberries is an affectionate term for new destiny players, named after the color of the low rarity gear they end up decked out in, blue. The Cosmodrome, being the first public area a New Light ends up in, is often a place where you can see adorable new players getting the hang of things.

At this time, the voice channel began to fill up, and one of my compatriots joined my fireteam. We initiated some hug emotes with a blueberry and were just all-in-all chilling when we got word that one member of our team would be unable to join us. Then someone (I forget who) suggested 'hey, what if we took this blueberry along with us?'. It was a patently absurd option - we had no communication with them. Their mishmash of blue armor and crappy weapons would clearly be outclassed by the raid, leaving them unable to damage enemies and likely to die instantly if any of the vex even looked in their direction. But we started to plan a bit - really, we could do every encounter with just 5 people. We'd have to protect the blueberry, but that could be done, theoretically.

I think, in the end, we came to the conclusion that we'd try it, but they weren't likely to stick through it. After all, we weren't (and never did) using the in-game VC, or text chat. The two of us hanging out with them in the Cosmodrome sent a fireteam invite. And the blueberry accepted. So we joined the rest of the team in orbit, and launched Vault of Glass.

I could go into our specific strategies for each encounter, but for the most part it was pretty same-y. We'd use emotes and shooting to get the blueberry into a defensible position, then 5-man the encounter. And somehow, this worked. I have taught many, many people many raids in my time (including many people from this friend group!), and I have never seen someone pick up so quickly on what we needed them to do. With no actual words passing! An absolute, biggest-brained legend of a guardian.

We did get this guy all the way to Aetheon. And with some tricks (and good RNG), we were able to even defeat Aetheon. With some random blueberry nobody knew, or talked to! Unfortunately, they didn't get Mythoclast (can you imagine, though!), but they did celebrate with us with their default dance emote, and we all went our seperate ways. Nobody friended them, we just re-released them into the Cosmodrome like they hadn't just helped us save all of time or whatever the point of Vault of Glass is.

Now, perhaps this was a returning player, or someone on a new alt, who already kinda or entirely knew what was going on. But there's no real way of knowing, and it's just as (if not more) likely that this was a brand new player. Can you imagine what kind of a 'first experience' that new player had with the game? How puzzlingly odd to begin with, developing into concern as the activity we brought them to was clearly beyond them, to the 'fuck it we ball' attitude to stick with it all the way through. A true champion.

And imagine the lore perspective too. Fresh guardian, still got gravesoil in their armor, hasn't been to the tower yet, and they get scooped up into the Vault of Glass? Battle Aetheon? AND WIN!? The reaction from Shaw, or hell, the Vanguard as a whole would be amazing. Our guardians getting reprimanded for taking some fresh new light and dragging them through such a crazy difficult experience they weren't prepared for. Fun stuff to think about.

I wonder how that player is doing now. If they still play, how this particular experience flavored their perception of the game and its community. I know the community at large can be extremely toxic (and worse), but I still strive to embody the community impression we made on that day. Patience and Understanding, being goofy and silly about it, inclusive and kind. Dunno, maybe that's just me being sappy about a fun memory with friends gone by.

#destiny 2 #d2 #vault of glass #aetheon #story #long #i hope this tale brightens one persons day #the original occurence was a very fun night #i miss having people i loved to play destiny 2 with #now i just have to lfg everything #which is okay about 60% of the time #genuinely enjoyable maybe 10%#and the remainder is just bad #and that's AFTER screening lfg posts for ones that seem more chill #pro tip: if it says 'KWTD' skip that shit #buggest thing the new system lacks is a definite warning label like that #anyhow i'm just rambling now #shoutout to all the blueberries #i love you guys

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dangerous-advantage · 11 months

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throughout usagi yojimbo, there is this running theme of fatherhood, with usagi generally enjoying interactions with kids. if possible, he tends to seek them out (this is just as adorable as it sounds, btw)

as somebody who has long been iffy about the subject of kids/kid fics and media with a big focus on this, i'm surprised to find just how much i like sakai's exploration on the subject.

so, i've decided to delve into (a part of) why i think this works so well for me. for this, i'm focusing on UY issue #54: the return of the lone goat and kid.

(beware spoilers <3)

(caption: a cropped image of the cover of usagi yojimbo issue #54.)

within this issue, we witness the return of the lone goat and kid, betrayed samurai turned legendary assasin mercenary, with his young son, gorogoro.

i immediately liked these characters when first reading, not only because of the general badassery that they tend to exude, but also because they are very autistic-coded (/pos /lh), and gorogoro is depicted as non-verbal.

(note: he could be very young, but i'm fairly certain he just prefers not to talk, and saves his words for very specific occasions. either way, i love him a normal amount totally definitely /j.)

seeing their return was a welcome surprise, and though usagi and yagi are very autistic when interacting (/pos), usagi's soft-spot for kids plays a big part in their relationship, having saved gorogoro from falling to his death the last time they crossed paths.

even more welcome of a surprise was the plot and focus on gorogoro and usagi's relationship. i love to see usagi allowed to just... hang out with kids. you can tell he really enjoys doing it w/out the story putting a huge emphasis on that fact, which is part of why i enjoy it so much.

(the kid in question.)

now, to break this all down nice and simply, sakai's comics are generally so well done that i think you could just read the comic yourself and glean the same idea, probably in a better, more meaningful way than i can explain it.

but i've already committed, so here we go.

when we first meet gorogoro, he's being chased by a bunch of henchmen who intend to use him as bait for the capture of his father (being a very, very, very wanted man. er, goat.)

usagi stumbles upon him being threatened by one of the few other rabbits in this series and proceeds to suplex him after his hat is ruined. after that, we get the first good-parent-role-model-usagi moment:

(usagi participates in 10 out of 10 parenting/responsible adult behavior. to avoid writing this out ten million more times, i will simply be referring to this phenomenon as usagi being 'father material.')

he (re)introduced himself, puts himself in the (well-earned) position of "trustworthy adult" and then tries to figure out where tf yagi is. gorogoro, of course, does not speak, but instead of pushing him for an answer, he comes up with a conclusion and offers a solution.

usagi: "i guess you two have been seperated, huh. well, it's dangerous in these woods. there could be more of those guys around."

usagi: "there's a town not far away. your father will have an easier time finding you there."

he then invites gorogoro to come with him, saying he can escort him to the town. gorogoro seems unconvinced.

this might be the point where a lesser protagonist would try and convince/force the kid to come with them, or even manipulate them in some way (i.e. offering false promises/reassurances or just straight up lying.)

usagi, however, is not a lesser protagonist.

(several more panels of father material usagi content.)

quick side tangent: you could argue this is somewhat irresponsible, but i disagree.

usagi has met yagi and gorogoro before, and he knows that gorogoro is a smart kid. he doesn't have the full story for why gorogoro is here. for all he knows, gorogoro is on his way to meet up with his father somewhere farther on in the forest.

the point is: he doesn't try and make a decision for gorogoro or try and coax/force him into making one. he instead treats him like an equal and offers him the choice of whether to follow him or not.

when gorogoro doesn't seem to actively seek his help, he walks away, giving gorogoro full reins of his decision while also respecting an unspoken boundary that gorogoro has made.

(though, to be fair, he did assume gorogoro would follow him-- an assumption that paid off.)

("i see you decided to come along after all.")

what's important here isn't that his guess paid off, it's that he allowed gorogoro to make the decision. not to mention, he still hasn't quite figured out how to best work with gorogoro, as is showcased in the following panels:

(usagi participates in ableism /j /lh /not serious)

usagi is shown to be "good at kids." he gets along with them, and they tend to like him in turn. but that's not just an innate talent (though aptitude to kids does play a big part of it.)

he invests in positive relationships by treating children not as we often see/think of in parent-child or adult-child platonic relationships, but by treating them like equals. simply, he offers them the same respect he would offer anyone else.

which is so fucking important.

anyway, they get to the town and go to an inn inside, where usagi buys gorogoro food. once again, he exhibits king and father material attributes.

gorogoro doesn't look interested in eating the food. this is the exchange that follows:

and then:

(the 'king shit' in question)

now. let's break this down.

usagi offers food, but gorogoro is distrustful. he employs a tactic that may have worked on other children to try and convince/reassure gorogoro that eating it is fine. gorogoro is, in fact, unconvinced.

then, instead of getting irritated, or continuing to try and (unsuccessfully) convince gorogoro the food is convinced, he uses what he's observed about gorogoro/what he knows about gogoro's life to understand what he is actually saying.

he does not force him. he doesn't get annoyed. when he calls him 'weird,' it feels less like an insult and more like a neutral observation, one that he then uses to better work with/communicate with gorogoro.

('does [he] know kids or what,' indeed.)

in the space of two pages, usagi was able to figure out how to better work with gorogoro, not by changing gorogoro, but by changing his methods.

his outlook is not the one we see depicted in much of modern media-- "the parent is always right, and the child must do as they are told."

instead, it introduces a sense of respect, and therefore trust, into their dynamic. i thought i could only get something this good from roald dahl's matilda, but of course, i should've known to never doubt stan sakai /lh

this of course, isn't the end (but we are close!). a bunch of plot stuff happens, and in the search to reuinte gorogoro with his father, usagi ends up on a bridge, with enemies after gorogoro's head (and associated reward) flanking either side of it.

gorogoro, while still maintaining his distance/boundaries, shows that he trusts usagi by running behind him when threatened.

not only that, when usagi orders him to stay behind him (for reasons of protection,) he does so and continues to do so. because usagi has earned his trust, he feels comfortable entrusting usagi with his safety, where he was less comfortable doing so at the beginning.

(the bridge show-down, with the addition of usagi's killer clapback of a line. 10/10, i laughed.)

there's only one other moment i want to mention, but despite how small of a detail it is, it's what got me thinking about this whole thing.

after usagi realizes he's been flanked on either side and will need to fight his way out in order to keep gorogoro safe, this exchange happens:

one of the very first things usagi must have noticed is the silent boundary that gorogoro put up, one that he's been maintaining this entire time. he prefers space-- i.e., he would rather not be touched, at least not without permission.

in this scene, a lesser protagonist would have snatched gorogoro up by the arm, let loose some feral battle cry, and then rushed all seven henchmen using only one arm.

usagi is not a lesser protagonist.

he takes a moment, however small, to communicate his intentions to gorogoro. "i need to carry you" doubling as a silent question: can i carry you?

while he probably would have had to either way, usagi already built up trust between himself and gorogoro. so, gorogoro obliges.

and then usagi single-handedly (literally!) fights his way through seven guys.

ok, well, that's not quite true-- yagi, the 'lone goat' of the duo (more like G.O.A.T -- yes, i have been waiting for a time to make that godawful pun, and no, this is not an appropriate time, but i had to make it. you don't understand /j /nsrs) shows up on the other side pushing gorogoro's cart, and also contributes to the slaughter.

which leads to this epic, two-page panel:

(its so good ITS SO GOOD--)

after this, the story is wrapped up, the kid is returned to his goat, and usagi and the lone goat and kid go their separate ways (for now.)

as you can probably guess, this depiction of platonic child/adult relationships is very, very important to me, not only because i feel we need more of this in the general media, but also to me, specifically, as a member of the neurodivergent community.

seeing a character that i genuinely like respecting the unspoken boundaries of a nonverbal child character means a lot to me. whether he meant it to be interpreted this way or not, it really feels like we get to see an autistic character having different needs/wants and not being shamed for that by the narrative.

this is only one aspect of what makes usagi yojimbo so great, but it showcases some of the many details that sakai uses to create a well-paced, interesting, and engaging narrative.

gone are the annoying, one-dimensional kid characters and the terrible tropes that usually follow them. instead, sakai treats the children in his characters the same way that usagi treats them: as people, characters that have motivations and reasons and that deserve time and respect as well.

as i stated before, i have long shied away from kid-related stories, especially those with younger kids. but lemme tell you. UY has won me over.

i would happily pay away my livelihood to read 700 more panels with usagi toting around a 6-month-old while he talks about conspiracies with the town inspector (see: usagi yojimbo issue [blank]: [name]), or usagi letting the kid of the family he's staying with admire his blades [insert comic here.]

sakai just gets kids, and now when i'm faced with the question of: is this an example of positive parenting/guidance?, i just ask myself, "would usagi do that?"

and it answers my question.

bonus: usagi and yagi being absolutely not in any way incredibly autistic at each other during The Exchange.

(note: their smiles in that end panel make it all worth it, i think.)

#(fair warning: this is *long*)#i'm giving in to the hyperfixation #when my uy sideblog is presentable i'll rb there #for now this is fine #usagi yojimbo #uy #miyamoto usagi #usagi yojimbo analysis #usagi miyamoto analysis #uy analysis #as you can tell i am very normal about this character #long post #tw long post #analysis #undescribed #i meant to make those captions accessible but i wanted to just get this out there before i lost motivation #so i'll come back in later and add actual descriptions haha

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cuddlytogas · 21 days

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an incomplete list of terrible but extremely popular Our Flag Means Death takes that I would like to never see again please

(and I do mean popular, as in, lots of people seem to think they're canon, to the point where I feel slightly insane and like I was watching a different show to everyone else)

1. Ed's mum was loving and nice and supportive, if hampered by her bad situation

this comes up more in fic than analysis, to be fair, but good god, what show were some of you watching? this isn't to vilify her, because yeah, she's clearly a product of colonialism, white christian supremacy, and domestic abuse, but like. that doesn't make how she raised Ed good. clearly she was trying to keep him safe, but "we don't deserve nice things", and especially "it's not up to us, it's up to god", speaks to me of someone who squashes down any ambition on her son's part, has fully bought into the lies of christian colonialism, and tries to pass them down to her son.

as does happen in colonised communities, particularly among older generations. I know us white people like to think that every indigenous person is a perfect left-wing anti-imperial activist, but that's simply not the case, and Ed's mum is so clearly an example of an older conservative christian indigenous parent who had to believe the lies told by their coloniser in order to survive, but is now passing on that trauma to their children. and I just...

if I read one more fic where Ed's mum is a perfect loving supportive angel who always believed in her kid and always supported and protected him, I'm gonna scream. yes, it's sweet, and it's fun to sometimes veer from canon and give your blorbo nice things, but it's still veering from canon. and yet, I see very few people acknowledge that, or actually talk about the nuances of Ed's mother, and how she definitely tried to protect him, but was far from sweet, doting, and unconditionally supportive.

2. Ed's loving look when Stede is picking food from his beard in 1x07

like most of these things, I enjoyed it as a joke or exaggeration at first, until I realised that people were actually being serious. but every time I watch that scene, I see Ed looking absently-mindedly over Stede's shoulder, because a) that's what you do when someone leans in to pick something off you, and b) surely the point of the scene is that they're so comfortable and easy together that they don't notice the intimacy of what they're doing, but Lucius, an outside observer, thinks it's obvious. right?? I can't be the only one seeing it???

[sigh]

anyway. finally, the really really big one:

3. Ed is a soft uwu babygirl princess femme bottom sub who loves her cat collar and is teaching Stede how to dom him in the "say you're the captain" scene

I mean, there's not much to say except to link to duke's absolutely phenomenal twitter thread about "how the 'babygirlfication' and infantilization of ofmd ed teach is an extension of racist perceptions of indigenous men being inherently violent and thus needing to be emasculated to be considered sympathetic"

but especially That One Fucking Scene, good lord. talk about taking shit out of context. everyone looked at a slowed-down gif of one shot in the trailer and cried "babygirl!! he's such a simp, he just wants to be dommed!!", when actually that scene is about how a) Stede is cringefail and terrible at being a typical harsh, commanding pirate, and b) Ed is lovingly embarrassed by this. he encourages Stede to assert himself (and give Ed something to do during his probation/help him make amends with the crew), but like. normally. he's acting perfectly normal in that scene, and mostly annoyed by the outfit and embarrassed by how badly Stede fails. but just because he's sitting down while Stede is standing, and he happens to take a breath in that one shot (because, you know, people breathe sometimes), everyone's doubled down on their "submissive babygirl" bullshit, and I can't get the fuck away from it.

which - listen, it's fun for me, too! it's fun to explore exaggerated aspects of a character, it's fun to read/write/draw that angle in smut, I get it! but I keep seeing people keep claim it's literally canon, and I cannot stress enough that that is Straight Up False. for the love of god, please just watch the show without your (potentially kinda racist) bias glasses on, and remember to treat the characters with respect instead of projecting onto their every interaction a shallow dom/sub binary just because you find it hot.

Our Flag is a show very specifically about masculinity, and what it means to be a man; how assumptions about that can harm and restrict men; and how men can grow beyond them. it's a nuanced and sympathetic examination of this. the whole point is that Ed is allowed to like nice fabrics and be tired of violent piracy and still be a man. the point is that two men fall in love - equal, honest, sincere love - and are still men, still exactly who they are.

(on that note, insisting that Ed is canonically trans or femme because of these things often ends up just leaning into gendered stereotypes: men are harsh and active and dominant, and women are soft and passive and submissive, and if Ed's not the former, he must be the latter, right? it also tends to hetero-ify the central relationship, casting Stede as "the boy" and Ed as "the girl", needing one to be masc and one femme. not always, and again, I understand and have enjoyed transformative works that take those elements and run with them, and explore what the story could be like if Ed were trans/nb/etc - but it's still a transformative interpretation. it's not canon.)

relatedly: those fucking wedding toppers! it seemed blatantly obvious to me that half the point of those scenes was that Ed is distraught and blaming himself for Stede leaving because he wasn't the ideal partner. it's his entire arc for the first half of season 2! Ed hates himself and believes there's something wrong about him that makes him unlovable. so he keeps and then discards the wedding toppers, painting himself onto one of them, because he's projecting himself onto an image of ideal/successful romantic love that he thinks Stede wants, and in which he doesn't fit. he's trying to mould himself into someone else to make himself lovable, not realising that Stede already loves him for himself.

like, it's important that the groom figure isn't actually like Stede, either. yes, it's blond and has a nice, peach-coloured suit, but a) Stede was very specifically unhappy in the posh, heterosexual, married state the figures represent, and b) Stede by this point looks nothing like that figurine. it's directly contrasted with the image of him in the rowboat, scruffy and plain and earnestly in love, rather than fancy, cold ceramic.

so it's important to the whole narrative that Ed's yearning for/projection onto the wedding toppers is false, and born from his insecurity. he gets drunk, and play-acts a stereotypical image of romantic happiness into which he doesn't fit, but real love looks nothing like that, because real love isn't found in stifling hegemonic cultural structures, but honest, emotional connections between people allowed to be their whole, vulnerable selves. Stede is not like the groom, and Ed is not like the bride, because they shouldn't have to be. Ed should not (and does not) have to warp himself into a demure bride in order to be worthy of love: he's already lovable and loved exactly as he is! that's the point!! of the scene!!!!!!

but no, I have to wade through swathes of art and fic and meta about how badly Ed wants to be a sweet little demure kitty princess, how he wants a wedding night and a ring to prove he's Stede's property, and acting as if this is somehow canon, because people on the internet have zero reading comprehension and are scared of brown men.

the whole point of Our Flag is that you don't need to compress yourself into prescribed social roles, and in fact, doing so will only make you miserable; and that racist, patriarchal, colonial institutions should be resisted and dismantled at every opportunity.

so tell me again why the ultimate message is that Ed and Stede should get married under an arch in front of an altar and their lined-up friends, with flowers and rice falling around them, all dressed in white, one in a suit and one in a dress, with rings and a kiss and a honeymoon after, before they move into a detached house with a yard and a fence and re-adopt the kids that Stede abandoned? and this isn't about promises, fidelity, or even monogamy - I'm specifically talking about everyone in this fandom who seems to think that the ultimate goal is the most stereotypical 20th century cisheteropatriarchal christian wedding, but with the name "matelotage" slapped on top, as if that takes away all of the underlying baggage.

just - I know we're all meant to hate men and masculinity and yadda yadda yadda, but actually, to be earnest for a second, men deserve respect too, because all people and all genders do. and two men are allowed to be in a relationship and still both be men - complex men, with their own, layered relationships to their gender - without having to fall into neatly-arranged dom/sub masc/femme roles, or seal the deal with a hegemonically-approved ceremony.

so please, stop reducing an indigenous lead character to a caricature of a femme uwu princess bottom just because he has long hair, wore a robe once, and you're too scared of brown men to imagine him with proper agency. and then please, for the love of god, stop claiming that that interpretation is canon.

#I can't tag this for my own blog organisation without putting it in the wider fandom tag so uuuhhhhhh #sorry to everyone who sees this but fair warning I'm being very critical of some popular fandom trends. dnr if you wanna avoid negativity.#Our Flag Means Death #gender stuff #Togas does meta #it's not an accident that all of these are about ed -_- i s2g some of y'all just CANNOT be normal about that man...#this was actually going to be a fairly concise post but then i decided fuck it i'm putting that whole last rant in writing #it's been building for a long time. and i've said lots of it irl before lol #it always feels sorta vaguely transmisogynistic but i s2g that's not the point #again i'm all here for trans reinterpretations and you can get off to whatever smut you like but they remain that: reinterpretations #they're not canon and stop saying that they are.

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 4 months

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a good reason to leave for me:

i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.

Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.

P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)

Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.

Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.

The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.

Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.

It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)

Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.

Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)

#please be safe #if you are interested in p-shifting feel free to approach me but I'm not going to be as open as i used to be #this whole post isn't to claim that the p-shifting community is incredibly dangerous #i can be full of the most amazing kind people #the only issue is people forget how dangerous it can be to not remember the warnings that follow the community #many young people toss them aside because they think it's gatekeepers or a “cool kids only club”#(like i did)#but it's for safety and making sure you take it slow enough so that you can back out without being permanently damaged #p-shift #I will always tell anyone interested that you have to spend time researching thinking evaluating the list goes on #And it's nobody's fault #when you've been a p-shifter for a long time (like me) you forget the warnings that you followed in the beginning that protected you #from spiraling mental issues depression etc.#p-shifting can be done and practiced safely #hey i did it and I'm doing fine. I've lived with it for so long and don't hold onto it like a lifeline anymore #it's more of an aspect of my identity #im just trying to help others understand that it can be fun and safe but it's not something to joke with or play with #it is something that is serious and if the warnings are ignored usually very risky.#bro it's like rock climbing almost #“WEAR THE HARNESS. If you fall you won't plummet to your death!! Remember rules ABC and you will be okay!!”#it's sort of the same thing in that matter.#we do unsafe things all of the time but since we know the dangers and the warnings we will go about to be much safer in practicing it #Im just trying to say p-shifting from the “learning” side of it - these warnings should be heeded and taught.#Or else you get whats been happening lately with people wandering into places that are too lax with teaching the dangers #and people are traumatized and damaged from it #Many new people who I've seen wander onto my Amino don't even really know that there is even a process before p-shifting itself #it's scary and I'm afraid even more people will have to deal with the rough bumpy road of understanding that they aren't p-shifters #yeah so uh #this might not get any likes or anything but I still wanted to put this out there.#Please don't crop this and use this for out of context hate against p-shifting and p-shifters

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lucyvaleheart · 5 months

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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

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smimon · 7 months

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Don't talk to me today guys, there is only one thing I can think about and it's that damn hug from Häärijä

#just kidding please talk to me #it's one of those days again omg #i have never learned how to deal with positive experiences so i will just talk about it to get it out of the system so it's a vent post now #vent post #last warning!#i have never realized just how much i crave and yearn for a simple warm welcoming tight hug until after it happened #like what if i tell you the very reason i started writing giant ocs 20 years ago was because i was longing and yearning for a hug #yes there is a long and complicated thought pattern behind that but without a doubt one leads to another #my troubled mind constantly amazes me with its ability to find unnecessarily complicated ways to tell me what i need #and sometimes life just gives you just that sometimes you can just have good things like it's nothing #🤯#it's been three weeks and i'm still there #häärijä fixed me without even trying #(and with häärijä i mean his real name ofc)

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 7 months

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oh my god what happened?? are you alright? do you need any help?

alright i will preface this by saying that physically, i am COMPLETELY FINE. please don't worry about me too much, i promise i'm physically okay and it's not that bad

the rest is under the cut not for length but in case people want to skip past it (warning for people being unpleasant)

so the short story is that someone i thought was an online friend suddenly sent me a pretty awful DM before blocking me. they said a lot of genuinely hurtful things which wasn't really good for my mental state since they preyed on a bunch of my insecurities, and i thought that i could trust this person. i'm doing better now thanks to my irl friends, but recovery is a process as usual. i'm not sure if you can really help apart from being emotional support, but your concern is appreciated nonetheless <3

#not brainrot #anon #btw if anyone wants me to put any trigger warnings just tell me and i'll get right on it #and people WONDER why i have trust issues especially with people online #they also had the gall to bring up my Foul Legacy addiction which is just so low #in case you haven't noticed i'm not the most confident person in the world and this whole debacle made it worse #it was also very out of the blue i kinda spent the first morning in shock #nor was it accusations it was just 'lol here are all the reasons i hate you' so that's. nice.#guess they've been holding onto these feelings for a long time. wish they could've been a bit kinder about it #not to mention that some of the stuff they said was straight up untrue #but my irl friends helped me a bunch so big thank you to them #anyways if i seem distant to people online these types of situations are why #i know this isn't a SUPER bad thing to happen from an outside pov but i sure didn't feel good after it #just a tad sad #unpleasant things #uhh dunno if i'll post anything else today but we'll try

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anothermonikan · 9 months

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IDK whether I'm objectum or not but I believe in their beliefs, I think

#I scroll through the tags and some stuff I'm like...Wow....This is so me! And then some stuff I don't relate to at all #You guys have some discourse though. It really is something #I know. That my laptop is my babygirl and I love her very much <333 #Thinking about some of my feelings about my old huawei phone.....Like it ran like crap and it was half-broke but it was my baby <//3 #It took me so long to replace it and I didn't know why. people offered me better phones and I'd be like. No <3333 #But. Looking at it through an objectum lens. Maybe it was that. lol #But I think. I don't feel as strongly as I should to be considered objectum. maybe? idk?#I followed a few blogs so I guess we'll see #This is your formal warning before I start objectum posting and reblogging btw #objectum #Android.txt

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thegreenisles · 10 months

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I've put together a spreadsheet that contains every line of dialogue in the game, written out.

This INCLUDES lines of cut dialogue that were left over in the files!

Additional information below the cut.

The cut dialogue is at the very bottom of each chapter's sheet. However, if you would like to mix them all together and see them in sequence, you can filter the leftmost column (with the file names) by A-Z

(I should note that in chapter 1, a lot of the files are named inconsistently, so a lot of lines should go together in-game are named separately. They get better at naming them in the other chapters, though there are still a few inconsistent ones)

You can also search for lines from a specific character by pressing Ctrl+F and typing their name with a - before it (ex. -Graham, like in the picture I'm using). That way, it won't include lines of dialogue or file names with their names in it, it'll just be their lines. Or just filter the character names column from A-Z, but searching will keep it all intact and highlight their name, so you can see the related lines of dialogue from other characters in context with theirs.

I basically just dug out all of the subtitles from the files, and put them with the audio file names that they go with. You want to know why the file names have .mp3 on them? Because I copy and pasted them in one big chunk straight from my audio files directory. No way am I going to do that individually, or edit each one to remove the .mp3. The cut files do not have .mp3 at the end. This is a good companion to the voice line audio files in the google drive.

There are also lines of dialogue that were not subtitled. I manually went in, listened to them, and transcribed what I heard. It's a lot of [grunts], [yells], [groans], and [goblin noises], but I did it! I also included the ice guards from chapter 4's reverse audio transcription, so it says what they're actually saying there.

The way to tell if a line is ripped straight from the game or transcribed by me is to look for quotation marks. If it has quotation marks around the dialogue, it's straight from the game. Anything I typed out myself lacks those.

There's also a few times where the 'cut' dialogue is just repeats of what made it into the game. I've included everything- with no exceptions, so they're all there anyway.

This was a huge project so I hope others find this useful! Even while it was unfinished, I liked to scroll through it or search for specific lines I remembered. The cut dialogue is really cool too, so check it out if you're interested!

#king's quest #kings quest #king’s quest #kq 2015 #kq #sorry it doesnt look very good on mobile unless you have the sheets app!#i have the app but if i open it in browser i cant zoom out so. warning for that #it's been a YEAR since i last posted here? i was working on this back then too!#there was a huge hiatus for me with this because chapter 1's files were sorted so terribly it made me mad and i took a long long break #i've still got other things i'm (slowly) working on in the background as well #so. uh. see you next year? (I HOPE I FINISH THEM SOONER THAN THAT)

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andersunmenschlich · 3 months

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An Utterly Unsurprising Confession

I am a pedant.

This is partly because I'm autistic, and partly because I was raised and educated by an English teacher. To make matters worse, I was reading the Bible and Shakespeare and so on before I hit double digits. All of this gave me some rather outdated ideas about how English ought to be used.

My entry into the wider world of the internet gave me a terrible grammatical shock. Not only did I have trouble understanding other people, they had trouble understanding me!

I spend a fair amount of time searching Google to learn how to use English the way modern people do.

One night, in the course of this googling, I ran across a Tumblr post.

Now, I don't know who @how-to-write-horror is. They haven't provided any pronouns in their blog header (neither have I; this isn't an uncommon practice), so I'll be referring to them neutrally until I learn their actual pronouns… which I am assuming are most definitely not they/them. "He or she" is so clunky, however, that I refuse to use it.

I could refer to them as it, but that seems rather dehumanizing, don't you think? When I'm fairly certain, based on their opinions about pronouns, that they're either a he or a she?

And yes, I did visit their linked website—it doesn't give their pronouns either.

So "they" it is. Onward!

First they proclaim that "they" is NOT a singular pronoun, and appeal (as proof) to the fact that "they is not singular" sounds absolutely horrific grammatically. They're right, it does.

"You is not singular" sounds equally bad.

This part of their article could easily be rewritten to condemn the singular you, and because that amuses me, I'm going to do it.

The Pronoun "You" is Always Plural.

If "you" were truly singular, it would be interchangeable with the singular pronouns "he/she/it." I can easily prove that to be false. For example:

Peggy is wearing a sweater because she is cold. Let's substitute "she" with "you" to prove that "you" works in this sentence.

Peggy is wearing a sweater because you is cold. "You" and "is" don't work well together. The verb "are" is traditionally used with "you," so let's try something else.

Peggy is wearing a sweater because you are cold. Nope, it still doesn't work. The verbs "is" and "are" don't work together in this sentence. The verb "is" is singular and "are" is plural, so if they're both referring to the same noun, they have to agree with each other.

Peggy are wearing a sweater because you are cold. How many Peggys are there, and how many can wear the same sweater at the same time? Items of clothing are usually designed for single-person use.

Peggy is one person, not a crowd of people. In order for "you" to correctly—in a grammatical sense—refer to a single person named Peggy, the entire English language would have to be restructured.

Strangely, different pronouns work different ways. "You are wearing a sweater because you are cold" works just fine despite the grammatically plural yous and ares and the singular sweater. So does "they are wearing a sweater because they are cold." Baffling!

In their next section, How To Write Horror insists that "they" has not been used as a singular pronoun since the Middle Ages.

To summarize their preliminary arguments:

・In the Middle Ages, people spoke Middle English, not English as we know it today. Even Shakespeare didn't speak modern English, he spoke Early Modern English. The grammar rules of English have changed hugely since the Middle Ages, and so it's patently ridiculous to appeal to tradition in this area: we can't go backwards grammatically (why, I'm not sure).

・Middle English's grammatical rules were inconsistent and depended on location, so you can't appeal to them (a baffling non sequitur: if a rule was the rule at one time, in one place, of course you can point at it and say "see, this was the rule there and then"—and if you like, of course you can go on to say "let's resurrect this one and use it again here and now").

・Most of those old time English speakers were illiterate, which reduced them to using more casual, less grammatically correct English. We modern folk can do better. (Holy superiority complex, Batman. The shortest rebuttal possible: not everyone thinks grammatical excellence is the point of language. Helpful to the point, yes—but not the point itself.)

This, I realized when I finished reading, was a set-up for the astounding move they made at the end of the article.

Next they accidentally explain that while "every person in the room has his own car" is grammatically correct, that does not make "his" a singular pronoun. Since "his" is referring to both singular individuals as well as a group of people, it's plural.

…Or could it be that a sentence which refers to both a plurality (every) and a singularity (person) is correct with either singular or plural pronouns? Hmm.

How To Write Horror's next point involves actual historical examples.

"And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, they wol come up and offre in Goddes name, And I assoille him." —Geoffrey Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, The Pardoners Tale

Translated to modern English, that's: "And whoever finds themselves guilty of such things, they will come up and offer in God's name, and I will absolve them."

Of course, we could also translate it, "And whoever finds himself guilty of such things, he will come up and offer in God's name, and I will absolve him." That's not really Modern English, though—it uses the neutral "he," which pretty much nobody is used to seeing anymore. Even men today might find themselves wondering, "What about the women?"

(Thus far it's pretty much only enbies who notice their own exclusion, but I gather that's changing.)

What is How To Write Horror's point here? Well, they argue that the original "they" was probably a mistake… and even if it wasn't, since "whoso" is both singular and plural, and the singular "him" is actually a hypothetical singular and therefore plural, the "they" in this sentence refers to a plurality rather than a singularity and is itself plural, Q.E.D.

This doesn't actually change the modern usage of the singular they.

None of their arguments do, if you were waiting for that. .

"Somebody left their umbrella in the office. Would they please collect it?"

"The patient should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay."

"But a journalist should not be forced to reveal their sources."

"This is my friend, Jay. I met them at work."

All of these examples from Wikipedia can be rewritten to avoid the singular they. But why should they be? They're not confusing, and not inaccurate by the grammatical rules of modern English in 2024.

(I personally might rewrite 3. I think "but no journalist should be forced to reveal their sources" more accurately expresses the feeling of the sentence—and it's still a perfectly good example of the singular they. You can swap their for his, her, or its without grammatical issue. This is a slightly different subject to the one at hand, though.)

"This is my friend, Jay. I met Jay at work."

Why on earth would you go out of your way to refer to a person like that when there's a perfectly serviceable gender-neutral pronoun available for them and, presumably, they've told you that they like it when you use it for them?

Are you an asshole? That's the only reason to refuse to call a person what they want to be called that I can think of.

Catch me refusing to call Ted "Ted" because his legal name is Theodore and what he likes to be called is technically incorrect. Pedantry forbid I should taint my speech just to make another person feel respected.

My speech isn't even tainted! I'm playing by discarded rules! .

How To Write Horror lives up to their name in the next section by revealing that they see nonbinary people as egotists (or possibly egoists) who insist on the pronouns that feel right for them because they think they're specialer than everyone else on the planet.

Special People Use Special Words to Illustrate Their Special-ness.

See? I wasn't exaggerating. They list people (and characters) who use/d plural pronouns: Yahweh Elohim, Queen Victoria, anyone of high social status back in the days of Shakespeare.

They mention that "you" used to be solely plural, somehow miss the fact that grammatically it still is, and carry on to argue that people who use they/them pronouns should also employ the Royal We in order to remain grammatically consistent. Given that some people undoubtedly call How To Write Horror "you," perhaps How To should also use the royal we. If you, an individual, are referred to with a plural pronoun, then, grammatically….

Or perhaps they'll start insisting nobody point at them and say "you" anymore. For the sake of the English language.

Next they take a 1759 quote from the Earl of Chesterfield:

"You will say perhaps, one cannot change one's nature; and that if a person is born of a very sensible, gloomy temper, and apt to see things in the worst light, they cannot help it, nor new-make themselves."

They argue that the "a person" in this sentence is a hypothetical person, and therefore actually more than one person.

Let me rewrite the quote and their argument about it.

"He will say perhaps, one cannot change one's nature; and that if a person is born of a very sensible, gloomy temper, and apt to see things in the worst light, you cannot help it, nor new-make yourself."

"You" and "yourself" are used hypothetically in this sentence, making them plural.

The Earl of Chesterfield moved from using directly singular words, "he will" and "one cannot change," to the hypothetical phrase "if a person." "A person" is singular, but it's a hypothetical singular because the determining article "a" is non-specific; "a person" means one person among many and is, therefore, plural.

Using the conditional word "if" supports hypothetical use. Chesterfield is including other people with the same temperament as his son under those who are unable to "new-make yourself." If "you" were a truly singular personal pronoun in this example, Chesterfield could've said something like this about his son:

My son, Philip, you is such a gloomy gus.

The fact that certain pronouns are grammatically plural and so cannot be used with singular grammar even when being used singularly seems to have escaped How To Write Horror.

In fact they declared that "you" was a directly singular word, despite its inescapably plural grammar!

They also decided to use a sentence that sounds weird with a pronoun in it at all. "My son, Philip, he is such a gloomy gus"? Who says that? "My son, Philip, is such a gloomy gus." There you go. Much better. If you really want the pronoun in there, all right—let's shove it in. But keep it grammatical!

Talking about Philip: ・"Oh, Philip, my kid. Yeah, they're such a gloomy gus."

Talking to Philip: ・ "Oh, Philip, my child. You are such a gloomy gus."

Less unnatural and strained uses of the singular they and the singular you, How To Write Horror can look for throughout this post (assuming they take the time to read it). I'm sure they'll find a few!

Next, How To Write Horror hedges their bets with a claim that this letter was written informally, much as emails are written today, and so can't possibly be used to show how people were using the word "they" in the past anyway, even if Chesterfield was using it singularly. Bit of a contradiction, that. Of course it shows how people were using the word "they" in the past. It's a record of past use of the word "they."

I think their assumption is that only the strict grammatical rules of the time apply, where "strict grammatical rules" means "the grammatical rules I personally think count as valid."

Otherwise why would HTWH go out of their way to disparage the grammatical rules of Middle English? .

They bring up Thackeray's "A person can't help their birth" to claim once again that "a person" is plural (and so, logically, if you write "a person can't help his birth" that makes "his" a plural pronoun too), and move on to try and explain away Shakespeare:

"There's not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend." —William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors (1594)

A modern English speaker would translate this as, "Everyone I meet greets me like I'm their best friend."

A couple decades ago I might have translated it "there's not a man (meaning a human) I meet who doesn't salute me as if I were his (gender-neutral) well-acquainted friend." What do you suppose How To Write Horror thinks this does to the pronoun "his"?

To substitute:

"There's not a man…" is a hypothetical reference, which is further supported by the hypothetical phrase "if I were." Shakespeare is not saying one man saluted; he's saying that many men saluted individually. One man among many men in plural, making "his" plural.

If Shakespeare were calling out one man then why didn't he say "that man saluted me"? Why would he be vague when talking about a specific person?

Well, they must be right. That's all so very convincing. This must prove that "he" and "him" and "his" are all plural.

Certainly it can't be the case that singular pronouns work just as well, grammatically, in a sentence like this. No. That would be ridiculous, and make this attempt at proving "their" can't be singular a complete waste of time. Surely How To Write Horror wouldn't do that. So "he" must be a plural pronoun!

How odd that it's written with singular grammar.

But there—"you" is written with plural grammar, and yet How To Write Horror insists that this doesn't make it plural. I guess that just happens sometimes.

Pardon the heavy sarcasm: I hope no one's being crushed under it!

They repeat the same argument in a different form (the "he" in each one in his craft is wise is plural, apparently), stumble upon an actual plural they (a group of sacrificial animals in the KJV)… and then, finally, they wrap the whole thing up with the most thorough rejection of possible future evidence that I've seen outside Christian apologia:

If anyone finds a historical example of the singular they which How To Write Horror can't explain away, it's because that historical writer was breaking the rules of English.

Fin.

#Isaiah is pedantic #I like writing long—very long—posts #and this is one of them #Reader #ye be warned.#and no #I'm not going to reveal my pronouns here.#whether I'm they/themmed #he/himmed #she/herred #or dehumanized with it/its #will tell me a fair piece about the people who respond.#ye be warned about that too...#if you read these tags.#that's ''read'' past tense #pronounced like the color red #dontcha love English?#colored text #for which my apologies #the post hurt my brain without it #competing needs are a bitch #if people are actually using the passage from Numbers as an example of the singular they they need to stop #essentially what that verse says is ''you need to do THIS sacrificial ritual as many times as there are animals''#the singular they is not in there #now I'm going to hit post #I'm sure a million typos will smack me in the face later #but don't they always?

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jackredfieldwasmyjacob · 9 months

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btw i am gonna talk about la elección interna but the songs were released while i was on vacation so now i'm slowly going through them (for now i've listened to 65/100). they are now choosing the final 12 songs (the second semifinal ends tomorrow) and i've voted in the last few polls, but i am also planning on making a post about the final 12 songs cause those theoretically represent the kind of artists / songs people are more excited to see represent spain in eurovision this year

#there's a lot of cool stuff !!! i will make a post with my personal favourites / standouts so you don't have to watch/listen to 100 songs #but it might get a bit long i'm warning you beforehand lol #very varied as well so :)#but yeah. the final 12 will probably be announced this week so i'll make a post about them as if those were the songs participating in #benidorm fest #once again on the importance of la elección interna: these two past years the 2 representants of spain were in the top 12 of la elección #interna #in 2022 the winners were tanxugueiras (nothing to add there)#and in 2023 was mar��a josé llergo (an artist very similar to blanca paloma)#let's see who wins this year! i fear aitana will win cause she's gonna be in the final for sure and has a massive fan following #so that might skew the results unfortunately #like i would love her to go to benidorm fest but thats... highly unlikely lol #i was gonna reserve my faves for my post but whatever. my favourite is fillas de cassandra <3

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charlotte-liddel · 9 months

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"...Well, ma'am, since you asked... I have had my fair share of experiencing love. I've learned a few things over the years too. The worst has been learning for myself if anyone ever wants to speed run a relationship into ruin with me they only have to say two specific words in a statement to kill any romantic feelings I might have had left for them..."

"...I want to try an Open Relationship."

Charlotte sets down a teacup on the table, speaking to a curious elderly woman. She was willing to talk about this with some when her café was this empty at this hour. Better to speak about such topics with the quiet customers of the evening who had far more respect than the more rowdy kids during the day.

Entertaining patrons conversations was second nature in this business, and this woman was keen on speaking about young love after spotting a couple enjoying a nice dinner in the private booth on the other side of the café. Since the woman was alone too, she decided to be a more attentive hostess in carrying her conversation with her. It also helped to pass the time for the evening.

As the customer questioned what she meant, she spun the serving platter in her hands to rest it against her chest. It wasn't hard for her to share her opinion on this, given her first hand experience of someone saying those words to her. It scarred her heart deeply, and left her guarded to anyone who approached her that was interested first.

It also left the words she wanted to say about it like biting daggers if she wasn't careful.

Eyeing the door for a moment, watching the shadows pass by outside, she looks back to the elderly woman while offering a small smile before she speaks carefully chosen words, "I've had it happen before. Had someone I gave my heart to just turn around and say those words to me while showing me his new fiancé."

"...Only reason I found out that they were his fiancé, and a shotgun one no less, was because that stranger ran their mouth about it. It became pretty obvious my ex wanted to keep me around as a side piece and take advantage of me. Even if the fiancé was nice to me, cordial even, what they were presenting me with wasn't something I ever wanted." Charlotte let out another sigh as she moved her wrist to clear a table with her magic behind her while the elderly woman was cleaning her glasses. She didn't want to spook the kindly patron with the sight since she was still new to the café.

As the elderly woman put back on her glasses, giving her condolences, Charlotte gently stopped her with a soft touch to the woman's aged hand. She'd already heard enough sentiments from others about the experience, and appreciated every one. It didn't hurt like a raw wound anymore, but she accepted the painful scar of it would always remain.

"I'm alright, ma'am, really. It was years ago now and I've left that fool behind. I won't lie and say that it doesn't sting sometimes when I remember it. How worthless it made me feel to him because it became clear I suddenly wasn't enough for him. That he didn't love me, care for me, the way I did for him. But it also showed me the truth about who he was. What sort of man he was, and it wasn't someone that would ever be happy no matter who or how many loved him."

What she held back on was speaking of how that spouse he took made their marriage polygamous with another woman that they were already involved with while getting involved with her ex. The strain it caused as then her ex wasn't at the centre of being loved by the partners anymore, but now his new spouse. She saw at a distance how her ex vied for more attention as the new wife didn't really have eyes for him. How the relationship became a competition of affection once her narcissist of an ex wasn't at the centre of receiving adoration. How two narcissists in that relationship strained everything.

Two of them wanted to be at the centre, but her ex lost her being involved and couldn't get what he wanted. She wasn't going to be there for someone else's selfish satisfaction of being more worshipped than truly giving another person their love. Her choice helped to reveal that blaring flaw of what she knew to her was a false romance. To reveal the trap to feed narcissists egos that it truly was.

The truly relieving fact was she didn't need to, as she saw that glimmer of understanding in the elderly woman's eyes at her words. It was enough to let Charlotte know that she understood too well in some manner what she shared. That her years made for that sage wisdom that she enjoyed so dearly from the older folks.

As she listened to the woman ramble to her about how foolish her ex was, she smiled. Those words reminded her of how she saw that farce of a relationship fall into ruin as it couldn't sustain the greedy egos of two narcissists both wanting to be in the centre of the affection. How there wasn't actual love or adoration from them to one another, creating a black hole between them that all too quickly destroyed everything they tried to greedily have.

They both wanted to be at the centre of the others universe and that clashed violently.

"...Believe me, I know. Things fell rightly apart for them. Explosively. Permanently. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't satisfying to watch as they finally stopped trying to hang around near me. It helped in a way for me to get over it. Though it doesn't men I didn't see others with roaming eyes years later, even recently, who thought I could somehow be an addition to their harem." Charlotte lets out a sardonic chuckle at the thought.

"It's like an odd blight. Seeing people who want to be the centre of someone else's universe, of multiple peoples universes in affection, to try and satisfy their own ego. That their attention, their affection, is conditional to each partner they take on. If any one partner is too enthusiastic when receiving their attention isn't doing it at a convenient time for the narcissist in the centre they ignore them. If they want to maximize their time management of their harem, they try to get some on board to have a time share of two or more spending the same time with that narcissist. Hell, the recent one was rather aggressive when rebuked by me." She stops herself, letting out a short chuckle, "Sorry for going a bit off there."

The elderly woman smiles and waves away her worries, assuring her it's fine as she's glad to have the cafe owners company while she enjoyed her tea. Her gentle sentiments of hoping Charlotte didn't encounter another person sizing her up like something to be collected that way were warming to the heart. It felt like the first bit of sane conversation she'd heard from anyone about this rise in narcissism masquerading as a sexual identity in the world lately.

She knew in other worlds, with beings that were further removed from humans, this thing they called Polyamory could and did work. She'd seen it here and there when it wasn't simply on a modern earth with humans. The humans she came across just weren't really made to be able to emotionally handle the strain of such a relationship.

It strained their psyche's and human history often showed the reflection of what having multiple women to one man or multiple men to one woman did. The nations it toppled from the inside because there was a constant fight to be at the top of the man or woman in the middle that was the narcissist holding the power. The devastation it wrought on the confidence of those that found themselves at the bottom of every list of priorities to the one they adored. It's why she saw her experiences of it as a blight.

Every personal encounter Charlotte had with this polyamory in the worlds where there was someone who wanted her to join their growing collection revealed only selfish narcissists. People driven to have their egos fed by people throwing themselves down to give them love they don't return because they want to be in control. They want to receive unconditional love from people they can use.

Any world she saw where Polyamory functioned in that reality the way people believed it would in theory in the worlds where it didn't, she didn't want to disrupt too much. Those places had something working that she saw broken everywhere else, and she didn't dare want to ruin that for those places. Upsetting those realities balances would ripple to the ones that were the mirror to them, destroying them both. Something she'd already seen once and didn't want to have repeat.

Waving her hand apologetically for the elderly woman when she noticed she left a long silence between them, she watched the woman give her a smile. With a little nod, she gave a smile back, "Sorry, my mind went a million miles away there for a moment. Would you like me to bring you anything else? It is getting late, and as much as I'd love to talk until dawn, that wouldn't be healthy."

She wanted to make sure she got this lovely woman on her way before it was too late. The conversation they shared was somewhat releasing for Charlotte. Something she needed to share and hear.

#|💫Shooting Star💫|#| ✧✨✩Constellation Maiden✩✨✧ |#| ✧✩Undetermined✩✧ |#|❅☽Musings☾❅|#\||✪Character Drabbles✪||/#\ \|✢Headcanons✢|/ /#\||☽Trigger Warning☾||/#[[The story to why Lottie will not polyship]]#[[ VERY LONG POST]]#[[I don't know what to trigger tag this with so I'm putting on my general warning tag on this]]#[[If you don't want to read a drabble about Lottie's strong opinions on romance and polyshipping then do ignore this post]]#tw;negative

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