#this hyperfixation isn’t fun anymore i’m trapped | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

space-hair · 1 year

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don’t read this even though it’s on me for putting my cringey thoughts in public u_u

i am trapped in this never ending loop with art and more and more i just wonder what’s the point anymore. if 9/10 times i’m not having fun and am actively hating every moment what am i even doing. i know exactly everything that i’m struggling with and yet unable to get out of it. i really struggle with change and hyperfixations and all or nothing and so i have a few small things i let myself watch/read/get into because i’m terrified of losing my few hyperfixations and if i leave it’s gone hard and the fear of change keeps me desperately clinging onto my little safety blanket of medias i let myself watch/etc . on top of it because of my memory issues i am losing more and more of the little content i do even have, so i end up rewatching/reading/etc just to remember it all . and i’m trying really hard to branch out and watch/read new things but i’m constantly overwhelmed and just feel so stupid over it but at the end of the day i’m just such a repetitive creature mostly cause of mental uwuness and it’s killing me every art way. i know that if i just let myself consume anything outside of the 5 things i do it could open me up creatively so much but it’s also so terrifying. and the unknown is just horrific in any media, so i get too scared about not knowing cause i just always need to be prepared for things and you can’t when you’re getting into new things and all that. and then it’s like. i have been trying really really hard to get into a bunch of new things, and nothing. like there’s no creative spark or new incentive to draw new things there’s no inspiration at all. and whenever i do try to make something new i get so attached only for there to be nowhere that i can talk about my things and innevitabely they just die a few days and it just feels like all this lost potential. cause i’m just alone and there’s nothing that can really be done about it. i always feel like going back to when i only let myself have one oc because the inevitable death of creation just haunts me. i have horrific projection of life onto inanimate objects and knowing i created something and it’s just gone sucks. also my artstyle sucks. like it doesn’t suck conceptually i’m a fine artist but i can’t let myself go anywhere because of repetition and fear of change. like i have it in me to improve but no motivation or inspiration and the scariness of difference and change is too much to bear so i draw the same shit over and over and cannot escape it and how can i wonder why i feel so disasstifisifsifeied with art. i don’t know if it’s even truly lack of consumption that leads to lack of newness and inspiration , if its that i’m really struggling mentally and it all spills out into art, or if like the hard reality is maybe i’m just dragging a dead horse trying to always draw. although i don’t think art will ever leave me it’s like . i spent my whoel life learning about art and constantly drawing and improving and it’s like. is that it? did i just spend all this time and it’s just done? the sparks of wanting to draw become fewer and fewer and more i have to draw out of obligation or whatever. because i’m an artist. so i have to. and i want to, it’s just that i don’t want to. there isn’t an hour in a day that goes by that i don’t think about art or drawing or feeling guilty if i don’t and feeling shitty if i do and i guess like that’s not mentally healthy but it’s like all i have in life. love other things like knitting and violin and all that but it’s just a hobby that i like and it doesn’t give me the same happiness art is supposed to but doesn’t anymore. it’s all so dumb anyways. i am trying to read dungeon meshi and i’m like... i’m terrified to do it because i don’t want my previous hyperfixation to leave me because i just shape my life around certain things cause it’s just what is keeping me going or whatever. also i am so stupidely dumb even just sound effects of noises or whatever is killing me. i don’t wanna see drool even in a comic because i’ll puke. and it’s like idk i’m too uncomfortable to be a good artist anymore. i can’t get over myself enough to create art.

my biggest love and hate with art is design. i love to design characters and ideas and whatever else but i can’t help but get sucked in and too attached but then after a few days there is nowhere else for it to go so it fades away which just sends me into such a depressive panic every time. i want to design but every time i end up crying because i just can’t . do anything with my designs. i don’t even want to in theory, i just want to design and create . but cause i made oc’s now everything has to be something and hwen it’s not i just get so upset. its’ embarrassing but sometimes i just can’t do anything for months because of attachment struggles.. i have a pencil or a package container that is on my room floor and i feel like it’s just a part of the room now, the pencil likes being on the floor and it would feel sad if i picked it up so i cna’t. i know it’s stupid it’s just not something i can easily break out of . i draw full things in not even 5 minutes, fully lineart/colour/sahde etc pics can take me no more than an hour. so designing something where a lot can be built onto it is great because i try but can’t draw slower even when i’m realy trying. but then i get too attached and eventually nothing more can happen and i hate it all.

i just wanna draw and be happy :( rant over cause i’m going to have a panic attack over having to change my tissue box because i have severe mental issues

#kyle speaks #delete later

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miintsprigz · 2 years

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Bullet Through The Heart

(Nick Valentine x Sole!Reader)

Hey, decided to try my hand at a Valentine x Reader ship fic because I’m hyperfixating on him and he doesn’t have a lot of fics. Feel free to tell me how I did and let me know if there’s anything you’d wanna see.

SFW

TW: gun violence, blood, discussion of death.

The silence of the desert greeted you as you woke up. Sun warmed your face from a nearby window.

How’d I get here again?

You and Valentine had stumbled upon another abandoned complex, and from what you could see of it walking along the balcony with him, the place seemed teeming with equipment, still in great shape, not a soul in sight. Nick pointed out that you were running low on supplies, and seemed confident that it would be an easy refill. You’d worked with him nearly a year, so you trusted him. The two of you dropped down and started gathering the stuff, all while messing around as you two often did.

And then a loud bang interrupted you. Immediately, a burning pain throbbed in your side. You’d been trapped…and shot. The pain blinded you.

His arm wrapped around your back and clutched you under your arms. You insisted you could walk. Another bullet struck your leg, as if they heard you. You gritted your teeth and whimpered in pain, only spared from sinking to the ground by Nick scooping you up.

If any bullets hit him, he made no indication. Nick had always joked he wasn’t built for speed, but apparently he could manage.

In no time, found yourself laid out across a table in an abandoned building.

Your vision got blurrier by the moment.

“We gotta get that lead outta you. This isn’t gonna be fun…I don’t think I have any more stimpacks.”

“Nick, I can-“

“Nope, you’re in no condition to play doctor.”

“But-“

“Here. Hold tight as you want.”

He offered you his good hand and quickly fished around in a kit, cutting away the fabric from the area around the injury.

Thankfully they didn’t go that deep.

You couldn’t help but scream, it hurt so much. Nick’s thumb stroked the back of your hand as he worked, and you noticed how hard his jaw was set. He grimaced, almost looking on the verge of tears…if synths could cry.

He got one out, then went for the other.

Trying your best to stay quiet, you practically clung to his arm, crying in pain.

“Nick, this…this really hurts…”

“I know, doll…I know.”

That was what he always called you, but right now it sounded different. You started to notice you couldn’t keep track of what he was doing anymore. It was taking every ounce of strength you had to stay awake.

The detective, keen-eyed as ever, noticed this. He managed to take out the second bullet, then looked at you, before the pain robbed you of your sight again.

“Kid? You okay?”

“I’m…”

You hated how your hearing always cut out last. All you heard before blacking out was:

“Kid?…Kid!!! Say something…please…!!!”

Then, nothing.

You now found yourself on a bed, instead of the table you’d been frantically thrown onto.

You still felt weak, and the wounds in your side and leg still throbbed as soon as you even thought about sitting up, but you were alive and awake. Valentine’s coat had been thrown over you, and you quickly noticed half a dozen bullet holes fraying the fabric.

The soft crackle of burning paper caught your attention nearby. He was on the other side of the room finishing a cigarette, a few faint wisps of smoke seeping through the holes in his face. You heard him take a deep, slow breath…sounded really tired.

You tried to stand up, and he heard you.

“Sorry, Nick; I—“

Anything you had planned to say vanished from your mind. Nick had run over and wrapped his arms around you, holding you up.

“Nick?”

“Oh thank God. Don’t you scare me like that, kid.”

“Wha—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone down there.”

“No no, that was my bright idea, you got nothin’ to apologize for.”

His head sort of rested over your shoulder, strangely heavy.

“…you okay, partner?”

“Yeah…I’m alright, Nick.”

“I said I thought we could handle it.…must be going dull.“

“You couldn’t have known. And hey, you think I haven’t been shot before? I could take—“

“You coulda died!”

“I hate to break it to ya, but that happens a lot arou—“

“It was bad enough with Jenny—“

You felt the color drain from your face. No wonder he had gotten so upset just now.

“…oh…oh, Nick…”

It took a moment for Nick’s brain to catch up with his mouth, but once it did, he sighed shakily, sitting down on the bed next to you with his head in his hands.

You took a seat beside him, looking right at him. The implications of that statement weren’t lost on you.

“Nick…what—“

“…guess I’ve grown a little too fond of you, doll.”

You both knew your banter verged heavily on flirting, but that was all you’d thought it was to him. For you, well, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t wish it was real, but…he’d told you about Jenny.

You’d figured if he ever healed from that, and coincidentally happened to take an interest in you…well, you could bide your time. But you never thought it would actually happen.

You sat in the silence for a moment. He looked up at you. You’d never seen him look so…sad.

“I know…you’re human, I’m not. They say this stuff’s just like gravity sometimes…and lemme tell you, you’ve got some gravity.”

“I could say the same…”

“No kidding?”

“Nope.”

Nick laughed, and the sound was worn down and weathered. You somehow weren’t scared to come out with it, perhaps you were too tired for anxiety.

“It’s a shame you had to get shot for me to spit it out.”

“I’ll walk it off. I mean, remember that time a few months ago, we thought I was gonna walk with a limp forever?”

“Heh, yeah. Sorry for my outburst. It’s just that…seeing you, with those bullets in ya…I just thought, ‘I can’t lose this one.‘“

He laughed again, but you could see through it as a last-ditch effort to keep it casual. His voice faintly shook.

“I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone again, with the memories of Jenny. You broke through all of that…but every time you get hurt, I remember…I’m inorganic. You’re not.”

You couldn’t stand hearing this. Within a moment, you’d pulled him close, nearly knocking both of you backwards onto the bed. With your head against his chest, you could feel a tinny sort of buzzing in the metal—he really was upset. You’d had a feeling for awhile that he’d kept something under wraps, but you never would have guessed this.

“You think I don’t know that? I wouldn’t travel with you if I didn’t think it was worth it. I could get by with plenty of people, but I wanna do it with you. You’re kinder than almost any flesh-and-blood people I’ve met. I…I love you, Nick.”

He went eerily still when you said that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. However long I’m around, I don’t wanna go anywhere if it isn’t with my Valentine by my side.”

Nick had gone dead silent.

“…you okay?”

“Just fine.”

His voice was oddly weak.

As you pulled back to look up at him, you caught a glimpse of something leaking from one eye. With the deeply touched look on his face, it really did look as though he was crying.

“Nick, you’re leaking!”

“…whoops. This doesn’t happen often. I don’t have tear ducts, but sometimes this happens instead.”

He chuckled and quickly wiped that away.

“Don’t wanna start cryin’ on ya.”

You teased him, trying not to get worked up yourself.

“Going soft now?”

“Maybe…hey, did ya really mean that, just now?”

“Wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

Nick drew you in again, quickly giving you a peck on the forehead. It tickled a bit, and you laughed softly. Despite his best efforts, the “tears” from his eyes kept falling.

“Wow.”

“Hey, don’t cry, Val.”

“Could ya say it again?”

You looked up at him, smiling, your own throat tight.

“I love you, Nick.”

“I never thought I’d hear those words again…or say ‘em myself and mean it. But I really do love you too, doll.”

You leaned up to peck him on the cheek, which was met with loud whirring from his internal mechanisms again, leaving both of you trying not to crack up.

“Hey, Nick? Could we just…stay here for a bit?”

“Sure, sure. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to my old self in a minute.”

“Oh, I don’t mind that. Just as long as it’s cuz you’re happy.”

“I am. More than I have been in a while. And whaddaya know? Things just started looking up.”

The two of you leaned back on the bed and just held each other close. He felt cold to the touch, but to finally be able to be close to him and just…be. That was worth the two bullets it took to get you here.

#nick valentine #nick valentine x reader #fallout #fallout 4 #canon x reader #nick valentine x sole survivor #ship fanfic #mint writes

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kirinda-ondo · 3 years

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You know him, you either love or hate him (or are moderately confused by my sudden dive into this hyperfixation); we're talking about Orko because I have a lot of feelings.

As a disclaimer, I am not gonna claim to be some kind of superfan. I am not aware of every single iteration of the lore and all of its secrets. I don't know anything about the DC comics. I'm only halfway through the 2002 series as of me writing this. I am not someone you want to have discussions on the wider Masters of the Universe.... universe with. However, after watching Revelation, the entire Filmation He-Man (and some of She-Ra, cause he was there too), and going on a deep dive of storybooks, annuals, and minicomics courtesy of He-Man.org and the lovely people who submitted their scans there, I do feel pretty qualified to at least talk about Orko.

So, with all that being said, I'd like to get into a little bit of backstory, if only for my followers who came to this blog for completely different things and are wondering where the hell my love for this funky little wizard dude came from all of a sudden. Truth is, Orko is actually one of my earliest faves! Mind you, I only had limited access to Masters of the Universe as a kid, only seeing a couple of rented VHS tapes and later getting my hands on a small pile of the Golden Books from Goodwill, but apparently it was enough for Orko to imprint himself into my brain. However, also due to my limited exposure, he kind of got shifted to the back of my head as I got deeper into other things. I still knew for a fact I liked Orko a lot though, even if I couldn't quite remember why anymore.

And then Masters of the Universe: Revelation dropped on Netflix. I'm not gonna get into my opinions of that show lest I open a flood of irrelevant discourse (for those uninitiated, it is a bit... divisive, to say the least). However my feelings on the matter did encourage me to go and watch the original and well, holy shit I love Orko more now than I could have ever comprehended as a kid. He is THE quintessential underappreciated comic relief character I tend to gravitate towards, and then some.

But before I get into that, let me back up a bit and explain. Orko is a Trollan, a race of magical little dudes that are basically floating sweaters with hats and covered up faces. Out of these Trollans, Orko is an incredibly fucking OP archmage. Like, they straight up call him Orko the Great, he's so powerful. But then, he gets caught in a freak storm that whisks him away from his home dimension and into Eternia. Immediately, he runs into a young Prince Adam, who is trapped in a swamp/tar pit and needs rescuing. Orko, being the upstanding lad that he is, uses his magic to save him but in the process loses the item that allows him to focus his magic to the swamp (in the 80s version, it's a medallion, but in the 2002 series, it's a wand). Worse yet, the magic (and dare I say the very laws of physics) in Eternia works pretty much the opposite as it does in Trolla, so he's been incredibly nerfed.

So basically, Orko is trapped in a topsy-turvy world away from friends and family, a world with magic he is fundamentally incompatible with. Ouch. He's not completely screwed, however, as he is rewarded by the king and queen for his heroism and appointed... the court jester. Double ouch. He surprisingly doesn't seem to mind though. He genuinely does enjoy entertaining people, even when his tricks only ever work like half the time because he's basically a Mac program trying to run on a Windows computer.

It's not all horrible though, as he does quite literally get adopted by the royal family and thus sort of become the entire palace's weird son/little brother (despite being older than many of them. He's very, very child-coded largely for the purposes of being a stand-in and example lesson to the actual children watching). But also, more importantly, he becomes one of the very select few to know that Adam and He-Man are one and the same.

But outside of secret-keeping, he is actually a pretty valuable ally to have against Skeletor and his dudes because even though his magic is kind of screwed up, when it does work, he's still one of the most powerful mages on Eternia. In various materials, he's created floods, a second winter, and hell, he can literally explode himself and still be perfectly fine. He's also really clever and can weasel his way out of a number of situations. In one episode, for instance, he manages to convince someone that he's He-Man and Adam is his "assistant" in order to free him from captivity so the day has a better chance of actually being saved. He's also got the ability to just be really frustrating and incomprehensible to the point that villains who capture him sometimes either don't want him or don't know what to do with him anymore, which is honestly really funny. In an episode of She-Ra, the villains tried to scan his brain but because the inner machinations of his mind are that much of an enigma, he got diagnosed a weirdo and broke the entire machine. Absolutely delightful.

However, there's a lot more to Orko than just comedy and bungled magic. He's actually surprisingly complex!

See, going into this, I expected Orko's whole situation be played entirely for laughs while the sadder implications of his existence go entirely unaddressed. Coming off the heels of characters like Cobalt and others I enjoy, I'm used to this sort of treatment by writers. But they actually don't do that. The depressing subtext is for once, actually TEXT, which was INCREDIBLY surprising to me. We actually get to see another side of him, a side that hates that he can't be taken seriously no matter what he does, a side that is well aware of all the trouble he causes and feels like a burden to those around him. He actually runs away on multiple occasions, fully believing that he's unloved and everyone would be better off without him, even if that couldn't be further from the truth (a point which the Sorceress hammers home with multiple straight up magical video presentations, and in the 2002 series, a literary adaptation, of why he is loved and important).

Underneath all the hyping himself up that he does, there's a lot of insecurity. He's someone who desperately wants to be loved and respected and feels that without funny magic tricks to entertain people, he has no inherent value (which is incredibly relatable if you are also known by people as The Funny One). At one point he agrees with the notion that he doesn't feel like much more than a pet, which is absolutely heartbreaking. Even when he gets the ability to go back and forth between Eternia and Trolla, his feelings of inadequacy now extend toward his family, worrying that his own uncle, the one who taught him everything he knows and greatly contributed to him being Orko the Great back home in the first place, wouldn't be proud of him. Being on Eternia highkey wrecked his shit, man.

However, even when given the opportunity to go back home for good, he always chooses to stay because he's loyal as hell. Even if he needs some reminders, he does know he's needed not just in the fight against evil, but just because his friends and newfound family genuinely love him. It's heartbreaking, but also incredibly wholesome. I did not even remotely expect a comic relief character like this to get this much depth and respect from the writers, especially not from the incredibly campy and cheaply animated 80s series. I am genuinely so unused to this.

But I think that's also what separates him a bit from his fellow Silly Kid Appeal Characters That Kids Fucking Hate ala Snarf Thundercats or Scrappy Doo. He not only makes a concerted effort to be an actually useful ally, but he's also in fact very self-aware of his status as one of these characters. He knows he screws up a lot but he actually tries to accept responsibility and fix it. It makes me wanna root for the lil dude. Now I understand if someone isn't a fan of the brand of humor he brings to the table, or feel like he's simply a distraction from the Cool Buff Dudes Fighting Each Other, but I hope you can see why he might also be a really appealing character to other people, both kids and adults alike. I mean, he was popular enough to be embedded into the canon despite originating from the cartoon and not the toyline for a reason, after all.

Orko is a fun, entertaining, but also complex, heartwarming, and relatable character. I know there is a faction of people that would disagree with me, but I don't think you need to change him all that much or make him a super serious character to be more appealing. He's already got a lot going on that a writer could easily work with. It all just depends on where you decide to focus. Take a lesson from the show and accept that he's fine just the way he is.

#kateh rambles #a defense of orko (aka 'i can't believe the subtext is actually TEXT this time')#i feel like there's more i could say but i can't get my thoughts organized let alone enough to have it flow with the rest of this #so there could be a part 2 at some point? maybe? i don't know #orkoposting

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literaphobe · 3 years

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WAIT WAIT I was scrolling through your blog and you said you watch running man?? oh my goood question! who is your favourite member? thought on kwang soo leaving running man? (also maybe gary and joong ki if you are there when they leave) thought on the new members? fav ep? i'm sorry but it been so long i found people who watch running man

unless you talking about a different running man then...I'm sorry please delete this post and sorry for bothering you

MY FAVE MEMBER. is. no surprise. SONG JIHYO. aka goddess and best at everything. i think i’m very drawn to personalities that always dominate n come out on top. jihyo isn’t really known for being the ace of running man anymore but in my heart she always is :( i also am a HUGE fan of her goddess of luck image like she isn’t as crazily lucky these days bc kwangsoo (icon of misfortune) is gone but if anything makes me believe in supernatural like. the concept of LUCK being a real force in the universe it would be because of her. the way she overcomes odds n comes out on top despite being a bit of an underdog in many situations is SO hot to me. here’s some pictures of her

she’s like. u know how george is like effortlessly pretty despite being just so idc about it? yeah thats HER like she doesn’t give a shit she just wakes up rolls out of bed n goes to work. she falls asleep everywhere too. one time they played giant jenga and one of them had to be on top of the jenga as a ‘risk’ for the jenga tower dying n at the time running man was 6 men 1 woman (her) and they asked her to do it bc they were all scared n she’s the bravest member (she once bungee jumped off a 233m tall building to HELP one of them she literally didnt have to either she just went WEEEEE they all worship the ground she walks on out of respect shes just so cool)

anyway here’s her sleeping on the jenga tower

like???? shes so funny. my second favorite member is kim jongkook n my fave pair on the show is them both :) jongkook is the super jacked guy whos also really smart n good at everything. like u know how whenever george/sapnap/anyone dying screams for dream to help them when they need saving in minecraft? thats like every running man member w jongkook

ANYWAY FAVE EP…. there are so many. i swear to god. but if i were to recommend episodes to start w i’d say the superpowers episode? when they all had superpowers n had to fight to the death (ep74) and the second yoomes bond ep (ep91, i LOVE yoo jaesuk my beloved nation’s mc), the princess race ep (ep103), n park jisung soccer eps (95, 96, 97) OH FUCK THE ZOMBIE EP WHEN THEY WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL WAS FUCKING SICK TOO (ep98) and like uhhhh the baseball ep!! (ep119) and i’ll stop here bc the second people realize i have many episode numbers memorized i’ll look like a crazy person

BUT TO BE FAIR running man is the most popular korean variety show ever these mfs are straight up like A KPOP GROUP. they’ve held fan meetings which r straight up CONCERTS they sing dance etc etc they’re CRAZY u don’t GET IT they are a PHENOMENON,,, jackie chan was on this show RYAN REYNOLDS N TOM CRUISE WERE ON THIS SHOW

running man is literally what happens if u put a bunch of singers, actors, and comedians together n made them do crazy shit (literally everything under the sun has happened on running man. name anything PG. they prob did it on running man) AND THEY BECAME A FOUND FAMILYYYY and its so funny

i think joongki is so sweet n my beloved but i think ultimately him leaving helped the RM dynamic tighten up?? n it improved bc of it?? idk tho maybe itd be just as good if he stayed. i also was a tiny bit upset when gary left n it hurt the show for a while :( gary was so funny but also I HATE MONDAY COUPLE. FUCK MONDAY COUPLE IT TRAPPED JIHYO FOR SO LONG I HATED THAT SHIT. like its so crazy too bc imo they should never have had a loveline but if anything… do it w jongkook the one guy whos actually hot n has enough chemistry w her? they literally were called a ‘power duo’ all the time like brooooo i was so oppressed for liking their dynamic :( BUT HAHAHAHAHAH NOW JONGKOOK N JIHYO R FLIRTING ON THE SHOW ITS SO FUNNYYYY like yaaaassss straightbaiting 😍 its so funny too like there were times when monday couple was a Thing so the other members couldn’t “ship” other pairings but sometimes jongkook n jihyo would be so sus that they couldn’t help BUT say something u know but NOW ALL THE MEMBERS ARE FREE. yoo jaesuk risks his life every week to ship them and the others LOVE to fucking tease them

also kwangsoo leaving made me really sad but his injuries were too bad for him to risk his body every week like that :( all the members have slipped disks n severe back problems because of all the ways they hurt themselves making the show :( i hope kwangsoo comes back to guest soon tho like hes not Permanently gone the way gary is like gary straight up refuses to ever be on running man ever again LOL

also i like somin and sechan :D i admit i do prefer old running man dynamics but the current family is v cozy!! i think their loveline is sweet but i also think its HILARIOUS how the members mostly jaesuk don’t “care” as much about it like in that well get together sure but what we’re REALLY here to do is make fun of jongkook n jihyo ^_^ like they r cute its sweet ALSO somin being added is SO good bc YAY more than one woman also THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE like anyone remember that time they sabotaged each other in the game where they were competing by kissing each other?? good times

sorry for talking so much running man is literally one of my fave shows EVER n it hasn’t ended despite being a weekly show thats been running since 2010 (theres like over 500 episodes i KNOW im INSANE) like bro at the peak of my hyperfixation on this show I LEARNED THE FUCKING KOREAN LANGUAGE SO I COULD WATCH IT LIVE WHEN IT AIREDDDDD IM CRAZY FR

#ask #like not even my kpop phase at 11-13 was enough to make me learn korean #running man #DO TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS MORE ANON

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bestworstcase · 3 years

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Considering how much you love the saporian au, I have a I guess alternative pitch to ask about. In Rapunzel's Return, if it was revealed that Cass was Saporian instead and still goes through with crossing the line in canon. So when Rapunzel and the gang gets home, do you think the Saporian invasion fight would've gone differently with this new information brought to light for her, especially since Varian is working with them now? Do you have any input on this?

why yes i do

so to start. let’s skip back to like august/september of 2019, which is when the tts hyperfixation kicked in but before s3 started to air. at this point in time my thinking was:

the separatists are definitely coming back in some capacity because the series made a point of putting their symbol on the book in RDO, signaling that andrew was not a one time deal.

there’s a press release that says raps will encounter an old enemy when she returns to corona and while it might be varian, my money is on the separatists.

cassandra encountered zhan tiri behind the door in the shell house and learned or saw something that soured her pretty hard on corona

i have been theorizing that cass is saporian since the first time i watched under raps, like, a year ago

i have also been theorizing that zhan tiri is saporian since she was introduced, mainly because it’s fun and it ties two great antagonists together

if cass IS saporian, and the separatists ARE the threat awaiting rapunzel in corona, these two things are probably going to end up intertwining down the line in s3.

sigh. [puts on my clown shoes]

a big part of the appeal of saporian!cass to my mind is that it gives cassandra an excellent reason, completely unrelated to rapunzel, to return to corona after she takes the moonstone. right? in my head, before s3 aired, my theory was kinda: zhan tiri got into her head and drew a connection between cassandra’s individual feelings of being neglected/overlooked/treated unfairly, and the systemic problem of saporians being oppressed/cast aside/treated unfairly.

and cass wants so badly to be a hero. she wants to be admired. she wants to be a protagonist, basically, and if cass is saporian that positions her perfectly to become the hero of the saporian separatist movement after she takes the moonstone. it fits so well!

so if, beyond just cass being saporian, this were the direction the series had gone with cass being saporian—and taking into account that this is a disney princess show and it is going to be pro-monarchy at the end of the day, and trying to stay within those bounds—i kind of imagine it playing out like this:

1) cass takes the moonstone and angrily lashes out at rapunzel, telling her about what zhan tiri told her in the HOYT (which boils down to ranting about how saporians in general and cass in particular are treated badly and she’s not going to take it anymore and this is my destiny, rapunzel). then she leaves, with CtL going exactly as it does in canon.

2) reeling, rapunzel returns home—only to find that it has been taken over by saporian separatists. talk about a punch in the gut! and then to make matters worse, varian is working with them. i think “rapunzel’s return” can still end with victory over the separatists in this version, but the separatists aren’t imprisoned at the end—they escape, swearing that it isn’t over. [the conflict itself plays out similarly, except for preference the separatists aren’t trying to glass corona, they’re just trying to stay in charge / drive team corona out. this allows for escalation later with zhan tiri and also doesn’t paint. people fighting back against their oppressors as pure evil,]

2a) varian and rapunzel still have their emotional conversation and sort-of apologies, but! varian doesn’t turn against the separatists yet, and when they escape, he goes with them. however, fundamentally their cause isn’t personal to him, and he’s now all conflicted because rapunzel doesn’t hate his guts like he’s been telling himself she must.

3) rapunzel frees quirin from the amber despite varian’s continuing betrayal, because it’s the right thing to do and also because she’s desperate for SOME sort of victory after all this. varian doesn’t find out about this until after his redemption.

4) the separatists continue to cause problems in B-plots throughout the first half of the season. someone (probably eugene?) tries to broach the subject of cass with rapunzel in the context of cass potentially joining the separatists and throwing the power of the moonstone behind their cause. rapunzel brushes this off on the grounds that no matter what cass is still her best friend. meanwhile we keep getting cass stingers, with cass struggling to control the rocks and zhan tiri helping her, except instead of driving her into rages at rapunzel, she’s focused on radicalizing cass to the separatist cause (although she does not spell this out at first).

5) BVA kicks off with zhan tiri dropping the bomb that she wants cass to join the separatists. cass is shocked (she knows how extreme and violent they are—and she’s not like that, is she? she hasn’t hurt anyone!), which triggers the burst of red rocks.

5a) in corona, the red rocks cause varian to have horrific visions of his father/all of corona trapped in amber, confronting him with his own guilt. he’s been sticking with the separatists mostly out of fear of being rejected if he tries to return to corona now—after all, rapunzel gave him another chance, and he threw it back in her face. but the visions are too much for him, and after he sees that they’re capable of petrifying people, he rushes straight to corona, sneaking in through the tunnels to warn rapunzel. she decides to trust him again, and they set off to the demanitus chamber to stop the red rocks a la canon.

5b) as varian and rapunzel emerge and see that their efforts paid off, rapunzel assures him that she’ll make sure everyone hears how he put himself in danger to warn them, and how he saved the day... and as varian is thanking her, he hears a very quiet “...son?” from behind them. he turns around, unable to believe his ears. it’s his dad. his dad is free. for a second he’s terrified this is some sort of lingering effect of the rocks but rapunzel explains that she found an incantation that she used to free quirin, and there is a BIG EMOTIONAL MOMENT as he reunites with his dad. because varian realizes quirin must know everything he did after his dad was trapped in the amber, and he’s so afraid his dad will be ashamed of him, but quirin is just like. no, son, you may have gone to a very dark place but you found your way back all by yourself, and you did the right thing, and i’m so proud of you. tears, and so on.

5c) BVA ends with cassandra and zhan tiri, rather than eugene and rapunzel, debriefing. cass reveals that she felt rapunzel’s fear of her during their moment of connection, and she is upset because even though cass hasn’t done anything, rapunzel seems to see cass as just as violent and dangerous as the separatists are, perhaps even moreso. and zhan tiri comes in with “they’ve already written you off as a monster” and “what do you think forced the separatists to such extremes? they tried to be reasonable, and they were persecuted just as you have been” and “really, what do you have to lose?”

6) and that is how cass gets on board with zhan tiri’s joining the separatists plan. [if cass doesn’t already know at this point, i think this would be the part where zhan tiri mentions that she’s saporian, too]

7) then we hit pascal’s dragon, and this is the episode where rapunzel starts really considering what cass being saporian means, basically using LBB as a proxy for working out her feelings about cass and ultimately coming to a sort of hopeful conclusion that maybe... cass being saporian is important to her and maybe—just like the enraged dragons that destroyed nigel’s village—the separatists have valid reasons for their anger... but also that a peaceful resolution can be reached if rapunzel doesn’t let fear consume her.

8) islands apart, then, becomes a little more focused on rapunzel trying to get the whole story out of the captain; how did he end up with a saporian kid, what do the separatists want beyond blowing corona up [he’s the captain of the guard, he must have dossiers on these people], and most importantly, what options are there for compromise? fresh off her own commitment to meet cass halfway, the conflict between rapunzel and the captain vis a vis fountain cass can also be nice and sharp.

9) in cassandra’s revenge!!! we just scrap the entire eugene surprise birthday proposal subplot. the first half of the episode is cass cruising into the separatist camp in the woods with the moonstone and ghost!ziti. she and andrew are immediately at each others throats because both of them want to be in charge but cass ends up winning by dint of a) having a magical rock with enormous destructive power at her disposal, and b) having a clear plan. she steals the scroll to distract everyone while the separatists in to steal [insert magical saporian artifact macguffin here] from the palace vaults, with the intention of using it to free zhan tiri.

10) cass’s part of CR goes very similarly to how it does in canon: team corona turns up to rescue varian, rapunzel tries to talk to cass about finding a viable compromise on the saporian issue, and cass, not wanting to hear it, goes berserk and attacks her. partly this is venting her very real personal anger at rapunzel (i like the idea of rapunzel reaching for her burnt hand being the thing that sets her off) and partly she’s just furious because rapunzel still doesn’t really get it. “nobody has to get hurt? saporians have already gotten hurt! i have already gotten hurt!” <- that kind of thing

10a) also!!! a “nothing left to lose” where varian is saying “i worked with the separatists and it wasn’t worth it!” and cass is saying “don’t you get it? i’m not like you, i don’t have other options, i’m saporian” would be sooooo goooood

11) in any case cass gets yeeted off the tower and injured, as in canon. team corona leaves. the separatists come back, find the tower in ruins and cassandra crawling back up from her ledge. they help her up, treat her injuries, and then reveal the bad news: the macguffin they were after, the one they need to free zhan tiri? it’s gone. corona sent it to the keeper of the spire for safe keeping.

12) race to the spire! is about cass and the separatists trying to retrieve the macguffin from the spire. and it is also about an extremely shaken rapunzel talking to xavier about all of this, realizing what the separatists were probably after when they broke in, freaking out (cass joining the separatists is one thing, but bringing zhan tiri back?!) and reluctantly turning to edmund and adira for help... because she thinks she knows where cass is going to go next.

12a) cue crazy cass + separatists + ghost ziti vs team corona + brotherhood battle at the spire. with all the canon insanity of the weird ass artifacts getting thrown into the mix. cass and the separatists win, possibly because ghost ziti advices cass to grab and threaten calliope to force rapunzel to cooperate and cass does it.

13) TOTS is now the freeing zhan tiri episode. and the gothel disciple backstory episode. because turns out! none of them really know how to do the actual jailbreak with the macguffin, so... they need gothel’s old research, from when she and the other disciples used the same artifact to free zhan tiri last time. rapunzel is in the cottage with a similar idea: she’s trying to learn more about the sundrop and its connection to the moonstone. loredumps, idk. maybe all this takes place in the ruins of the tower instead; i like the idea of gothel having a creepy little laboratory in the cellar or something.

14) rapunzel pleads with cass to think about what she’s doing. the separatists have a point—does zhan tiri? what is zhan tiri after, what’s her agenda, what is she, even? and it nearly works, she nearly gets through to cassandra, but then... cap shows up, and cass does not react well. cap is there to try to apologize for their last altercation, but she does NOT want to hear it and the whole situation escalates. team corona gets driven out of the valley, cass and the separatists do the ritual to release zhan tiri and wow things are really bad now aren’t they!!!

15) flynnposter... idk. cap recuses himself from the whole fighting cassandra thing because he cannot handle it and because everyone agrees he’ll be more effective at getting through to cass if he’s not showing up in the captain’s uniform, eugene gets put in charge... and zhan tiri is out to cause problems. i just think she should get an episode of zany hijinks all to herself. she deserves it. to keep the plot relevancy going let’s say she’s impersonating eugene-as-flynn because a) it’s funny and b) it masks her real agenda, which is, let’s say, wiping corona off the map, stealing the sundrop, and using it to plant/grow a new great tree on the ruins of the city. seems like a fitting vengeance against both demanitus (for banishing her) and rapunzel (for destroying the great tree), yes?

16) once a handmaiden. with zhan tiri now fully out and about cass has been sort of demoted to second in command and she is struggling with that, because it’s making the inferiority complex bubble up and bringing with it doubts that this is really the right thing to do, or even really what she wants. she slips away to clear her head, perhaps even using the cloak to disguise herself so she can wander around corona... and finds the nasty little magical traps zhan tiri planted earlier. she realizes that whatever zhan tiri has planned for the eclipse, it’s a lot worse than she’s letting on. (maybe some of this is connected to gothel’s research: gothel wanted to retrieve the sundrop from rapunzel, and cass recognizes ritual prep for that from gothel’s notes and is like. oh no.)

17) so... at a loss for what to do, she impulsively goes to rapunzel to try to... warn her? apologize? take her up on that offer to negotiate? cass is really not sure, and seeing herself in wanted posters and of course demonized in feldspar’s play does not. help. this part of the episode can go pretty similarly to canon, except that when cass is confronted by zhan tiri it’s a lot more cutting, with zhan tiri focusing how even now she feels like she needs to serve rapunzel at cost to herself, needling her about her lack of conviction etc etc, in addition to goading her with the news about project obsidian. cass angrily rejects her and goes to talk to rapunzel, publicly reveals herself on purpose because a) sometimes she’s not smart and b) striding onto the stage in the second act of feldspar’s terrible play to tell everyone in the audience that corona is in grave danger really seems like a good idea at the time and ziti is lying about project obsidian so everything will be fine right!!!!

18) everything is not fine

19) cass gets shot in the back with project obsidian courtesy of panicking guards and a teeny tiny bit of help from zhan tiri and, crushed by the realization that rapunzel must have authorized this, cass does the “no you know what? fuck you, i see all that talk about negotiation was just pretty words after all” thing and wrecks the place, while zhan tiri stands by watching like >:)

20) PLUS EST EN VOUS. im sorry anon this has gotten way longer than i thought it would. but i am Passionate About Saporian Cass. the situation is now dire! everyone in corona is hunkered down in old corona, frantically trying to draw up battle plans or like, any plans at all. corona itself is in ruins. it really looks like cass/the separatists have won... but rapunzel keeps thinking about how cass tried to warn them of some greater danger. she can’t give up on cass just yet.

21) so, desperate, rapunzel turns to the separatists. she takes... varian, because he knows them, and lance because he’s good at talking to people, and eugene, because she needs him with her. and she walks into the separatist camp and says look, i know that ultimately what you want is for saporia to be free to be its own country. that you only took over corona and tried to destroy it because you thought you had no other choice. and maybe under my dad’s rule, that was true. but i’m the queen now, and i can accept a declaration of saporian independence if i want to. so i’m going to do that right now, no strings attached. saporia is free.

22) and the saporians are like holy fucking shit

23) what brought this on???

24) rapunzel is like cassandra is my best friend. and i didn’t treat her well, and i made her feel like she couldn’t talk to me about how she was hurting, so she did all this. she’s angry and she’s right to be angry, but more importantly, she’s hurting and scared. and i want to make it right. and also i’m terrified that zhan tiri is going to hurt her, because she said something about zhan tiri going after the drops?

25) and like the best she’s hoping for here is for the separatists to drop out of the conflict and go build their kingdom back up again, but they huddle up and decide that a) cassandra is their friend / one of theirs, and if she’s in danger they’re gonna side with her over zhan tiri, and b) if they team up with rapunzel now and it turns out rapunzel was lying and this was all some elaborate set up to attack cass while she’s without allies, then they will be there to help cass hold the line

26) there are ABSOLUTELY NO MONKEY SHENANIGANS

27) cass sort of miserably is going along with zhan tiri’s plans but she’s also just kinda hoping rapunzel doesn’t show up for the eclipse.

28) rapunzel shows up for the eclipse with a bunch of separatists and cass is like rapunzel what the fuck

29) there is...an attempt by rapunzel/cass/the separatists to get everyone’s story straight which is interrupted by zhan tiri doing the “traitors to saporia pay with their lives” thing and just. going ballistic on the separatists and cass. and also rapunzel, except she needs rapunzel to not be smushed like a bug until after she retrieves the sundrop so she’s a little gentler.

30) cass and rapunzel team up to protect the separatists: with both of them using the full power of the drops, they can hold their own against zhan tiri (she is VERY POWERFUL and she PROVES IT during this fight by going toe to toe with both of them without breaking a sweat)... but things go from bad to worse when the eclipse hits, because the sundrop goes dormant, and zhan tiri pounces. gets the sundrop, and now it’s just cass trying to solo this demonic sorceress lady before the eclipse ends and zhan tiri gains the power of the sundrop. It Is Not Looking Great For Our Heroes.

31) zhan tiri stomps cass into the curb and is about to land the killing blow when the rest of the coronans + the brotherhood charge in (they were waiting on the mainland on rapunzel’s orders, not wanting to escalate the situation if it could be solved via talking, but it is now very obvious that rapunzel needs back up). zhan tiri deals with them pretty handily too, but her distraction is enough for rapunzel to shake off her depowered exhaustion/pain and help cass back to her feet.

32) raps, cass says, i’m so sorry. i never meant for any of this to happen, i just—

33) and rapunzel says, i know, it’s okay. i’m sorry too, for taking you for granted. i love you.

34) cass, tearing up, is like, i love you too. and i’m gonna stop this.

35) rapunzel is like ??? but there’s no more time because zhan tiri has finished smashing/immobilizing everyone else and cass is already charging at her, no longer trying to attack or defend, just get close enough.

36) as the eclipse comes to an end and the sundrop wakes up again, cass latches onto ziti, grabs the sundrop. and slams it against the moonstone still embedded in her chest. there’s a huge explosion, and when the dust clears... cass is in the epicenter, very dead, and there’s really nothing left of zhan tiri but a bunch of spasming vines and shadowy magic, burning slowly away in the brilliant light of the unified power. everyone else is pretty damn battered too.

37) horrified, rapunzel crawls out of the wreckage, grabs the unified drop. revives/heals everybody (except zhan tiri, rip), ending pretty much goes as it does in canon. except i like the idea of the epilogue / ending sequence of life after happily ever after (reprise) also being a montage of both corona and saporia being rebuilt, the countries now equals and allies... and also cass, when she leaves, is explicitly going out in search of saporians whose ancestors were displaced by the conquest, both to invite them to return to their ancestral home if they so choose and also to reconnect with her own heritage.

38) THE END!!!

#rta #W H E W ANON i got. i got carried away lKFLJKSDFJKLSDKJLF #anyway this is basically 'how i'd do s3 but saporian cass while trying to #color in the lines canon gave us and staying within the bounds of what feels plausible for a disney show'#Anonymous

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nikxation · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @endae <3 I throw this under a Read More since it's a little long.

How many works do you have on AO3?

23 (wow that's so much more than I had thought)

What’s your total word count on AO3

215,893 jesus fucking c-

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Marvel, Miraculous Ladybug, Gravity Falls, Danny Phantom, Star Wars So 5. 5 fandoms

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Top to Bottom: Premiere Night With a Large Popcorn and a Side of Eye-Rolling (Miraculous Ladybug), Tactility (Star Wars/Mandalorian), Tell Him (Gravity Falls), A Matter of Time (Gravity Falls), Catharsis (Gravity Falls).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I think I've only ever not responded to a couple comments, and that's because they either 1) came from a non-registered user, so I knew they wouldn't see my response, or 2) it was just a "Kudos" comment or something along those lines that I appreciated but maybe didn't have the time or drive to respond to. But all comments are appreciated, and I do respond to the majority of them. I like engaging with my readers and letting them know I appreciate them sharing their thoughts about my work.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I mean I straight-up kill Stan in Their End, so that'd probably be up there for that reason. But I still think Tell Him had a certain level of foreboding to it that made it pretty angsty (and as popular as it apparently was).

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

I don't write crossovers, haven't really found a plot for one that's excited me yet.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I... don't think so... Not that I can think of right off the bat.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have not, but I am... not as opposed to it as I used to be. I still don't think I ever will, but I blame my current affinity for pretty helmeted Star Wars men for the fact that I'm not vehemently opposed anymore. But again, not sure I ever would, but will clarify that if I ever wrote it, it would not be posted through this blog/account because this blog is non-explicit, I would make a side account for it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! DaraDjinn (don't know why Tumblr isn't letting me tag her) translated a couple of my GF fics to French a while back! Catharsis, Scars, and I Dreamt of Fire! Was super psyched when she asked me if she could do it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm not very big on ships at the moment (aside from reader insert stuff, obviously, haha), but way back in the day, I really liked FrostIron (Loki x Tony Stark). It was one hell of a dynamic and really popular. Stucky (Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes) was a close second.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I'm not gonna say A Matter of Time, I'm not gonna say it and put those words out into the ether because I want to finish it I'm just trapped in Star Wars hell right now, but I'm also well aware of what happens when I latch onto a new hyperfixation, I can't maintain two of them, and I hate that because I really wanna finish AMoT and I know there are a lot of you out there that want me to finish it tooooooooo.

What are your writing strengths?

The two things people compliment me on all the time are the flow of my writing and my characterization. I personally love my writing flow, so I'm super glad when other people seem to like it too. When it comes to writing in-character, it's always a big fear of mine, but then I get comments of people gushing over how in-character things are, so that's reassuring and validating af.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have one hell of a time with anything action-y (which is why... I don't write it a lot, haha). Fast-paced motion is really hard for me to nail down, especially when I like to hammer down details, so the necessity to get through things fast while still maintaining a clear picture of what's happening??? Difficult af.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it completely depends on the situation, both in the fic and in real life. With respect to the fic, if you're writing dialogue in another language, it better be 100% in-character and not awkward. Like, too often you see people dropping in other languages either to use as petnames or to have a "oh oops sorry I accidentally switched languages" which gets... very near that unrealistic trope and can sometimes even come across as fetishizing??? So, like, it better be in-character and within reason. Bear in mind that if you're writing in another language, you better have a translation readily accessible, probably in notes (which, is still annoying because either you have to scroll down to see what they said, or you have to just keep reading not knowing... which, if you're not supposed to know, then alright I guess, but if it's a full conversation that you're supposed to be in-the-know on, it's annoying). With respect to your real-life situation, if it's a language you are personally not fluent in, you better be finding someone who is to run things by them. You can really ostracize your readers and take them out of your story if they speak the language and you say something taboo or blatantly incorrect because you just used Google translate. So, have someone who knows the language double-check your stuff, make sure it all reads correctly. TL;DR: Be tasteful and smart if you really feel the need to do it. Remember you're putting more work on the readers, so it better be worth it. And make sure you have someone check your work if you're not fluent in the language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon, back in like 3rd or 4th grade.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I'm still proud of Catharsis, it was my first real delve into very introspective writing and flow, and it's a way of writing that I really enjoy slipping into every once in a while now. Also a lot of really nice descriptions and metaphors and motifs that I'm still very happy with to this day. More recently, I'm proud of Tactility, more for what it did for me rather than the fic itself. Well, I mean, I'm proud of the fic, it was my first delve into the Mando fandom and it got a lot of positive reception, it was exactly what I wanted it to be and came out exactly how I wanted it, especially in the short timeframe that I wrote it. But I'm just... very happy that I did it because writing reader inserts always felt very taboo for me. I've actually written a few before, all of them PG and very tame for different fandoms, but I've always just been... too nervous to post them? And this was the first one I actually felt comfortable posting and wanted to put out there, and it sort-of let me feel more comfortable with it and encouraged me to keep doing it, which I'm happy about because writing reader insert fics is so fun and I'm glad I feel comfortable enough to enjoy it openly now.

Uhhh I'll tag @bunniesofsteel @anistarrose @3hobbitsinatrenchcoat and anyone else who wants to do it, you can say I tagged you :)

#thanks for the tag rin #this one kinda made me think a little bit not gonna lie #tag games

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friendofhayley · 4 years

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ship history meme

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

Tagged by the most gorgeous, smartest, sweetest, and kindest person in my life @sightetsound <3 Sorry y’all, I have a lot of hyperfixations and I’m on NyQuil!

1. Katsuki Bakugo and Eijiro Kirishima, My Hero Academia - I literally can’t watch Season 4 until it’s finished because my heart will Explode if I’m left on a cliffhanger involving these too!!! (Unbreakable T.T <3) I don’t usually like animes but I fell in love with his trash bastard and his soft rock boyfriend by the villain’s attack in S1. It all started when I got a TikTok because a Very Hot Bakugo cosplayer was on there. (Literally, their rendition of Bakugo is just, umph. They have appeared in my dream.). As she got more popular he started cosplaying more of Class 1-A of MHA, and I kept wondering?? What the fuck is this anime about?? Why is there an alien girl?? I soon gave in and watched the show to gain context to this thirst trap. I have so many feels for these boys, even though I don’t post on them much here, and T.T

2. Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane, Shadowhunters - I literally almost wrote my thesis because of this ship. I got into Shadowhunters because I was depressed in a foreign, racist country where I couldn’t go outside alone because old white men would corner me on the street, and everyone was talking about how Mike from Glee was kissing a guy at a wedding? Instead of partying during my study abroad trip, I gobbled down Malec content. And like who wouldn’t?? Harry Shum Jr. was playing a bisexual warlock?? And he had lines and a main character role??? An interracial couple where the characters are both POC?? Sign me up! But then I quickly fell in love with awkward gayby Alec and immediately knew how it felt to be in his shoes. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t finished the show because I don’t want their story to end, but just seeing their wedding scene????? Tears!!!!!!!!!! Both wedding scenes! I-) I just love how soft they look at each as they realize how lucky they are to be able to fall in love against the odds. T.T They deserve the world and all the warlock and shadowhunter babies and T.T This is just going to devolve into me crying so-

3. Stiles Stilinski and Derek Hale, Teen Wolf - I got into Teen Wolf to escape the hellfire that had become the Glee fandom around S3-S4. (Tbh it might have been Dereklei’s constant Sterek content on my dash that led me to give in.) Stiles was bi (through subtext) and definitely turned on by an older werewolf. What more could a depressed Gleek ask for? And listen - now looking back, Sterek is definitely gay Twilight - if Bella was snarkier, had a mental illness, and also a personality. Sterek was the ship to get me back into writing fanfiction and where I could read paranormal characters working through PTSD, ADHD, and other mental illnesses while fighting monsters and having unrealistic sex! I also love those future fics where Beacon Hills isn’t a Hellmouth anymore, and everyone’s alive and just living as one big found family. Truly, Derek deserves the world and I love him so much, and Stiles definitely agrees.

4. Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, One Direction - If it’s a surprise that I’m a dark larrie, please read my bio. HL made me believe that love is real and exists and can last for years. I got into One Direction in 2011 through a Lilo fanfic, but as soon as I watched the Video Diaries,,,we knew. Louis has saved my life in ways I can’t describe and the songs that they’ve written for each other through their tough times are so inspiring to listen and dance to. Seeing how they’ve been dragged apart by management, Sony Entertainment, and the whole music industry as a whole even though they exist in glass closets is very disheartening to see. But their resilience that they show through their art (Only the Brave, Sweet Creature, If I Could Fly, and like so many others) is always there. If you want to fall in this rabbit hole, look at freddieismyqueen on YT and come inside lol. Larry is real.

5. Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, Glee - the ship that got me on Tumblr! I didn’t start watching Glee until the summer before S2 came out. My whole choir was into it and I didn’t want to be “mainstream”, but Kurt was the first openly gay teen character that I saw on TV. When I heard a character played by Darren Criss, a musical theater YT legend from AVPM, I had to watch it. I ended up binging the first season with those Netflix DVDs during summer break (yeah remember when Netflix wasn’t streaming? lol). I watched every episode of that god-forsaken show the night of (or night after illegally, hidden from my parents) for that ship, and then me and my best friend would rant about it for the whole week: rinse and repeat. The episode they got together made me scream and I definitely put those Glee Rewind songs in my iPhone. (Fun fact: I used to cry at night because I wished someone like Kurt could love me like that because I heavily related to Blaine and his whole situation). I naturally stopped watching Glee the moment they broke them up and I’m still mad at their hasty attempt to marry them out of nowhere with no well-written getting together / make-up arc other than Jigsaw?? and a barn wedding?? As if Hummel would. What a trash fire. But dang, Glee fanfics have some of the dirtiest, kinkiest, forbidden fics out there. If you were ever on Glee_Kink_Meme on LJ, you know.

6. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter - the ship that started it all, the big kahuna, the ultimate enemies to lovers for 90s kids. Drarry got me into the fandom world in middle school, where I basically lived on FFN and LJ while pretending to do my homework. I used to get ready every day by watching the same playlist of “The best Harry Potter videos on Youtube!” (curated by Ariel333Lindt, who was the only queer person I knew but lived in Eastern Europe, where I could see two gay people kiss and fall in love in the safety of my room through badly photoshopped videos. Please check out that playlist). I just love how each fic is a microcosm where they have to construct how magical systems work, the backstories of pureblood families, creatures, or just wizarding culture for the end goal of having Drarry fuck and fall in love! I love redemption arcs that take 200k to achieve, I love dark!Harry takes, and every single different damn take on Narcissa, Pansy, and Millicent - because deep down that’s the writer trying to come to turns on whether or not Draco should be redeemed to get together with Harry. (I mean we all know they’re obsessed with each other, book 6 anyone?) I feel like Drarry fics have the best worldbuilding and characterizations of these characters, and I just love those moments when Draco and Harry take a moment to take a breath together and realize how far they’ve come. No one else can understand how it felt to be the pariah or the chosen one, they both interacted with Voldemort the most, and they have the most history together. They should have gotten together! But I mean the author’s dead, am I right?

So that was a lot! Those are all the ships that impacted me that I still participate with. They have shaped me for better or worse, and have made me learn more about who I am and what I want (or don’t want) in a relationship. This was the most fun essay I’ve ever written on NyQuil!

I’m tagging @homosociallyyours because I really want to know your fandom story! Also @stozierbrak because I love you and must hear you gush about your boys. I’m also tagging @iamaqualady because you’re literally the most intriguing person I know and I’m glad we’re friends even though we haven’t interacted that much? ish?

#tag #me #kiribaku #drarry #sterek

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