#these guys are everywhere where i live
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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anyway. the only thing i will say is that it is harmful and hurtful to say that gender nonconformity is only valid and praiseworthy if you find it attractive and that all other presentations of gender nonconformity should be mocked or ridiculed.
#maybe i’m being sensitive. but also i live in a state where a trans teen was killed THIS WEEK. anti trans laws are on the rise everywhere.#it’s not about me thinking youre making fun of my guy. it’s about the mindset behind it that there are right and wrong ways to be gnc#i have blocked we are moving on i am DONE.#transphobia cw
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babes I have been MIA for the past few days but that's because life has been a shipwreck lately I will get back to you (those whom I have not messaged back) as soon as I can but I have been up to some unexpected wild things and am still unfortunately up to my ears in it
#like. reporting a guy from dance class who knows where I LIVE (???) (I am no longer in swing dancing class)#trying to sort out my godson's relationship issues because MAN that has been a WHOLE WRECK#sorting out the whole unrequited thing (i know who he loves by the way so that has been an adventure)#family health issues#dorm events everywhere all the time#and MIDTERMS. MIDTERMS BY THE BUSHEL
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I know I haven't posted here in forver but mp100 moots PLEASE tell me you know who wrote the fanfic "Sadness Accident" and if it still exist I can't find it anywhere and it is literally my fav fic of all time I'm going crazy😭😭😭😭.
#mp100#mp100 fanfic#serirei#ant talks#spoilers for the fic but#basically reigen gets depressed as hell and drinks a lot#passes out. when he wakes up he is in an alternate world where he has everything he ever wanted#married to serizawa. has a child. money. ya know the joke thing#then he finds out that he gained it all via corrupt methods (causing more haunting s everywhere so there is more to exercise)#and it bites him in the ass and his daughter dies his husband dies everyone he loves dies#then OH SHIT it was a dream (kind of?) and in reality reigen is basically almost dead due to alcohol poisoning#and the whole thing was like his consciousness being like do you want to live? and stuff#and there was guilt and self loathing and an intense need for love and confrontation wit himself and all the things he loved and it was#SO GOOD#and after all the confrontation he decides he wants to live and he fights#and while that's happening serizawa and dimple and trying their damn hardest to keep this man from dying since they found his body#reigen survives. every is like WHAT THE HELL?? and he is like guys. it was a sadness accident#but it's written a lot better then that#and serizawa and Reigen kind of?? get together I mean they do but serizawa is pissed about the whole reigen almost dying thing#and it ends with serizawa asking reigen who that young girl he saw in reigens dream was and reigen is like uh#and ITS SLOOO GOOD I CANT DESCRIBE IT IT IS SO GOOD. I NEED TO FIND IT PLEASEEE#the author also had other serirei fics that were like the most beutiful things ever#there was one that was a spin-off of sadness accident where it was about the serirei child but she was real and her whole life#THAT ONE HAD ME SOBBING#if the author wants their fics to be forgotten and stuff I'll delete this but I need to know if anyone has any of that authors fics#or know what happened#insanity is taking over#this is typos in the tags btw sorry I lt was a spur of the moment thing
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screenshotting bc i hear he name searches but ABSOLUTELY!
#i rarely bring him up bc i live in a blissful world where i rarely see his shit anymorebut yeah dont like him and yet hes fucking EVERYWHERE#anon#asks#im p sure alt text doesnt show up in search so i think we're good#and i mean. i blocked him so this probably doesnt even matter#but yeah. not starting a Discourse rn but fuck that guy
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i think i’ve figured out why wet paper bag fanon tim bothers me so much
it’s often so clearly written by people with the fantasy of someone who never expresses Any needs Ever getting magically rescued by the people around him who can somehow intuit he needs to be Saved. and he never is proactive about it at all—but that doesn’t matter!
like. this guy? tim drake? mr “actually i’m going to be robin and you don’t have a choice” is your self-pitying damsel in distress blorbo? whats going on
#and the ones where he just lets ppl walk all over him & is like ‘guess i deserve it😔’ what r u guys TALKING ABOUT#truly i think its just depressed anxious bitches projecting on tim everywhere. which is fine! live and let live!#but like THAT IS NOT TIM DRAKE. THAT IS UR NEUROSES WEARING A TRENCH COAT#dc#tim drake#mine#batfam
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curious, as I was looking at cars today and an 'upgrade' option for one included faux leather on the seats and I don't think I managed not to pull a face. the dealer was super surprised at my dislike of this option (I did say 'ah, I don't really like that'), but my dad reassured me afterwards that he hates them so much too, as does his gf
but the fact that the guy who sells cars to lossa people seemed to think *not* liking the leather option was weird... I wonder...
#polls#tumblr polls#i mean the dealer was also horrified by the colour i wanted but we were all laughing#he was a sound guy#super genuine dude#BUT he seems to think i'm weird for not wanting the leather option?#i was like 'what's the dif between the models/what are the 'added extras'?' and i stopped caring after this detail#i do NOT need a fancy car just a reliable one#THERE ARE WHOLE ASS COMPUTERS IN CARS THESE DAYS#like a touch screen thing sitting right there and i'm like wow why#where's the cd player/?#again there was laughter#what can i say i'm retro#what's a car without cds scattered everywhere and falling out of every crevice#along with all the petrol receipts you said 'yes' to for reasons you don't understand#plus ice scrapers even though it's june#it's just gonna live there until winter#OH NO MY LOVELY CAR WON'T SEE ANOTHER WINTER????#unless there's an issue with the adaptations for this newfangled techogizmo on wheels and i need to start again#talking in tags again oops
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sometimes you read something in a fic and just immediately go "oh the author's definitely from the us"
#i was reading a fic. set in japan#and two characters wanted to go from a cafe to a bakery#and what immediately alerted me to the author being from the us was that instead of walking/taking public transport#they drove there#like?? i really can't imagine living in a place where you have to just drive everywhere#OH ANOTHER THING#it didn't happen in this particular fic but i've seen it somewhere before#is characters handing over their cards to the waiter/barman to pay#like???? why can't americans use the little machine that is used literally everywhere in europe#also for a long time i was wondering how that even works like do u tell the waitwr your pin code too or what#until my brother told me that american cards don't have pin codes??? apparently???? fucked up if true#how r u guys not afraid of the waiter stealing your card#.....aaaaand this post turned into me just being confounded by the us as a whole. lol#hananans
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i hate you spring break.
#why cant a guy plan a casual weekend trip in her own state...#also independently i still havent been to [redacted] and will have to wait til summer at least and then we have summer travelers.....#hashtag we live where you vacation (derogatory)#this isnt revealing any information because its literally fucking everywhere.
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💭 Teruteru!!
Beloved!!! Guy of all time!!!
Teruteru's all about physical affection until he's cooking. You can hug and kiss and even pick him up everywhere anytime except for in the kitchen. Maybe a little arms wrapped around him from behind and a little kiss but that's the extent of it.
The kitchen is his zen, his space, the one place he prefers the alone time. So even if you see him struggling to reach something on a high shelf on his own while cooking; Do Not Help. He has a stool for a reason.
This all goes out the window though if it's someone else cooking. Can't keep him hands to himself. Keeps bothering to help. Kind of a buzz around backseater type.
#Thankyou for asking#Teruteru#I don't know WHERE this headcanon came from but it's been a stuck in my head thought for a WHILE#He's just a little bit of a control freak in the Kitchen#Everywhere else he's the chillest guy to ever live#His Kitchen His Rules#I just think he'd be very cutely annoying when not the one cooking#Hovering over and constantly asking if he can help or correcting their like knife handling or something#He's just REALLY annoying about it I think fgkfjkdgjkdf#I love him kissu him cheek#He can still be talked too and such while cooking it's JUST physical touch#Unless he initiates it which is usually when he's done/almost done cooking#'Come here try this' request followed by a kiss you feel me#Him space
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You have. honestly got to be fucking kidding me right now.
#i was out on my jog ok#wasnt doing anything but jogging with music in my ears#this truck kept passing by me everywhere i went#literally no matter where i turned it was there passing by me and there were 3 guys in it#dont know them. they kept calling out to me and waving#and staring whenever i tried to ignore them.#i even cut my jog short and turned to go back home and they passed by me AGAIN.#literally no matter where i went they were THERE.#theres multiple paths back to where i live and most of them are roads that connect so i tried to go a long way to cut through a nearby park#and they passed by me again. so i turned around when they were out of sight and i ran back home#as fast as i could despite my lungs and legs burning#that was. legitimately fucking terrifying.#all i wanted to do was enjoy the weather and go out on a fucking jog. thats. fucking. it.
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The "For You" page is just a third way split between your own mutuals with stuff you've already seen, some pretty decent stuff you haven't seen anywhere else, and just the worst posts that makes you feel slightly insane (derogatory)
#Sunny Life#petty rant in the tags incoming lmao#it has for some reason shown me like 3 posts in 5 minutes about how Ast*rion isn't all that popular actually#you mean the guy who has the most content of all the companions and 10x the fics of everyone else on AO3#and gets the most attention in fan works in general and is clearly favored by the devs and fandom as a whole?#look I love the guy but I'd also love to live in your version of fandom where he's not 90% of the content everywhere#and no Reddit doesn't count everyone sucks on reddit
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I still want to write a fic about Makoto set after 0 where she goes off the rails because she is a traumatized 21 year old with not a single living connection in the world and now she has 10 billion yen to her name which just spells trouble to me
#when I say she has no living connection I mean bc Majima isn't ever known by her#like I hope she gets comfort at the idea he is out there even if she can't find him#but essentially her brother and Lee and her mum and her grandfather are all dead#She's literally got no one#And I'm supposed to believe she just copes fine with that?#I always had this Makoto Everywhere Idea#where she doesn't leave Kamurocho and Majima keeps seeing her around#and she's driving him insane because shes actively looking for him and he's trying to escape her#he's threatened every yakuza in the city never to say a word unless they want him to go mad dog like he did on the dojima family#even Sera agrees#so Makoto's left smacking random dudes and wandering around doing her investigation#She hassles Nishiki and Kiryu about it- but they're all Oh Um we didn't know the guy#It's just Majima going to get ciggies in the poppo and oh fuck heres Makoto eating a fuckin pork bun#quickly turn around and run away#Oh he feels a bit snackish- why not go grab some takoyaki Oh fuck me it's Makoto Makimura at the takoyaki cart /again/#He wants to go have some fun- have a drink and a little karaoke#in an Okama bar- Jesus fucking christ Makoto's here and she'd singing HIS song and she's too drunk so now he's worried#But it's none of his buisness... Hmm maybe he can pay one of the nice young guys in there to keep an eye... No thats suspect#You get my vibe?#that's a different story to the one in the body of the post though.#Or Is It 🤨#Makoto looking for him but being destructive and its driving Majima insane#anyway :)
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perhaps if i were to swallow a shotgun
#i have my history IA draft due in 9h and i havent started but i decided im not gonna start lmao like idgaf#i also have a 2min german presentation NO SCRIPT so im going to effectively kms#i saw insta stories of my friends in ecuador and theyre getting ready for senior pics like#makeup is out girls are doing makeup on guys like fixing eyebrows covering redness#this guy was straightening this gal's hair#one has like curls and her bf was helping her curl treatment like all while in uniforms like how hard is it#also im not sure what i want to do#honestly no place in canada looks good to live in#like god prices are so high everywhere and where its affordable its just so boxy#like i could stay in stoon but id kill myself#there snothign left to explore nowhere to go
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...
#christ. i feel like this is gonna b where i end up for school#it just seems like a really good place and i think it could help me be less intense lmao#more close access to the wilderness and all that. the ice driving is gonna stress me the fuck out but maybe not more than city driving woul#and i mean who wouldn't wanna live in a place with with moose and bears and mountains and snow#assuming they give me an offer. but the guy said it would prob b an easy conversation so im hopeful#sigh. ive done so much interacting this weekend. i fucking hate house parties. im so awkward#i mean most ppl r a bit but i tend to b the person sitting alone in the corner not quite knowing what to do. like we were xc skiining and#after the group was all huddled up talking and i was climbing around in the snow by myself trying to decide if it would b super weird for#me to roll around in it. i didnt bc i was abt to get in thr car but i shoudl have. whatever. i hopefully didnt leave too terrible an#impression. also everyone i meet with adhd @ me: ur problems sound like adhd. me: ok i hear u but also i refuse to listen until i have a#diagnosis lol. i think im just gonna white knuckle it until i start my program so i can use uni counseling bc im abt to get off my parents#insurance 😭 so just a few more miserable months. or like idk the timeline. hhhh let me leave the southwest. lol there were 3 fucking ohio#ppl on this recruitment weekend. were everywhere. everywhere but ohio rip#unrelated
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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and#then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
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