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moontheoretist · 3 years

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I am watching What IF...?

Episode 1: What if... Captain Carter were the First Avenger?

You know... when I saw that it started from the breach in Captain America timeline and saw Peggy become a super soldier, I was pretty sure that Steve will resent her for what she did, because his portrayal in the First Avenger movie even before the serum indicated that he would be, just like he was of Bucky for being drafted while he was left behind. It’s canon behavior for him as far as I noticed.

What If..?’s Steve however is a better man. I dunno when exactly he changed, but he did. He doesn’t act as if he resented Peggy, and he seems quite ok with how everything turned out. Which is like, wow, I didn’t expect that. Also, Peggy has a far better story as Captain.

Like, she isn’t put into USO, she is denied being a soldier even, because she is a woman, the only thing she seems to share with Captain America is murdering punching bags and throwing stuff when angry, which is kinda a bad sign, but ok, everybody needs coping mechanisms. ANYWAY, when she learns where Hydra went, she quickly figured out what they were after, but the guy in charge (John Flynn), the same one who told her that she is a woman not a soldier, doesn’t want to send her there even though they still have a chance to get it back in time. So Howard steps in and her whole rebellion against the military is about not endangering everybody with a stupid ass decision made by a general who doesn’t get how important the cube is, instead of about saving just one man and accidentally saving 400 others by extension by literally going AWOL and endangering his friends like MCU Steve did. Everything about the mission which makes her recognized is about retrieving the Tesseract. And Howard gives her a uniform and a shield to do just that. All in British colors, because American military sucks.

(I love their “she just reaped the bars out, holy shit” faces xD)

AND THEN they go SAVE BUCKY. That makes much more sense story wise. And also Howard is showing Steve that technology can aid him when the serum now can’t, because Peggy is the super soldier instead, literally building better foundations for Steve’s attitude towards technology and the future. He will not be stuck in ice and come back for the Avengers, but at least he is getting better development not only in relation to this topic, but also to his hatred towards his body and his masculinity. Peggy still wanting him despite him being small and frail and now also disabled even more after he was shot and has to walk with a cane, literally builds in Steve the idea that his masculinity is not weak or bad, because he is not a macho muscly type and that his body isn’t something which he should hate or which makes him less than others. AND he is literally Tony now! I did suspect that the technology he got was a suit, but damn, is Steve in this universe fated to be the first Iron Man and then Tony second?

Lol, they named him “Hydra Stomper”.

And now Peggy teaches Steve the most important lesson “the Suit is nothing without the man inside”, which he as much as Tony needed to learn to finally feel free and not less than the others, because they rely on something. The only difference between Steve and Tony here is that Iron Man without Tony is truly nothing, because he made it, while Steve's suit was given to him, so anybody can technically pilot it. Anyway, I like this Steve so much more than MCU one.

(Which when I think about it now creates a pothole in the later part of the episode. Like why Hydra and Red Scull let the suit hanging instead of use it against Peggy? Why put Steve in chains next to it? It kinda looks like damseling him for literally no reason. I wonder why they didn’t kill him right away? Because what? Because he had blonde hair and blue eyes? Or what? Scull liked him? And we cannot even say it was done for the sake of Peggy saving him, because Peggy never sees Steve in chains. She went the other way, so why is he there? To save for whom? Bucky? It would be more logical if Red Scull just killed Steve and put the suit himself and fought Peggy in it to hurt her. Then at least space squid wouldn’t kill him, lol... ah wait. OH, yeah, Tesseract was inside the suit, so he just took it out. Still, he could power up the suit with something else and put one of his people inside to fight Peggy anyway, just in case she came for him).

AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO TRAGICALLY DIE WHEN I FINALLY STARTED LIKING THE WEASEL! LOL, we know what will happen next. He will become the new Winter Soldier, I suppose? If he survived the explosion.

Oh, they brought the original castle storyline back! It never appeared in the Captain America: The First Avenger, even though I personally remember a castle being a main stage for the whole “Steve sacrificed himself prelude” thing, so it’s nice to have a castle and an interdimensional portal back, instead of a plane battle.

“I am up for anything, but this is crazy”.

“And so is Steve Rogers”

Me: *wheezing*

Anyway, he survived. There is no Winter Soldier in this universe and Peggy gets lost in the portal, and she is brought back to 2012 by I suspect Project Pegasus as it is the “Loki’s arrival” scene.

I think that now, if we assume that everybody else is still present in this universe, meaning that Tony became Iron Man and all, Steve becoming a Hydra Stomper and working with Peggy gave Captain Carter an experience in fighting alongside someone in a metal suit. Plus her friendship with Howard means that she won’t have any bad disposition towards Tony and hence Avengers team will actually work better, and if there is Civil War it would be different and about something else, because Captain Carter knows her way around learning political related stuff, so she wouldn’t really kick Accords in the ass unless it was a Hydra plot. I also suppose that without her making Project Paperclip, Hydra would not infiltrate SHIELD, or someone else does that, and Captain Carter would notice something is not right with SHIELD, and she would root the Hydra out herself.

Also, I wanna point out that the scene in which Peggy is shown to be “smarter than Howard” is there only to establish the difference between her and MCU Steve Rogers, who doesn’t know shit about technology. It’s not that Howard isn’t smart anymore. He is a civilian, who is not a brawling type, in a room with a huge octopus which crushed Red Scull like a wooden stick. It stands to reason that he would be panicked enough to not be able to articulate properly. It also establishes that no “it runs on some kind of electricity” will happen in this universe during the Avengers storyline, where she ends by the end of the episode. It comes out a little out of the blue, that’s true, but this is not a line which only “genius” or “science type” can say. It’s just a typical sci-fi approach to the problem with anything, which also sounds smart at the same time. She could even take it out from a sci-fi novel. But I agree that they didn’t establish where that knowledge comes from in any of the previous scenes.

Episode 2: What if... T’Challa became a Star-Lord?

Lol, a vastly different reaction xD

And this was the moment when young T’Challa thought, “who needs to tell their baba that they’re going into space, anyway?” and just went and disappeared. I don’t even wanna know what Wakanda did after the prince vanished. Though it means that Shuri can become a queen and the Black Panther now, HELL YEAH!

And this is the proof that anybody who says that we have to murder someone else to “save the planet” from overpopulation is wrong. (Because they are wrong, just go and check studies about that). T’Challa just showed Thanos the benefits of equal share of the resources and saved the universe with logic and diplomacy.

And my hopes for Queen Shuri just went out the window. BTW, why Nebula turned into a living example of “blue space babe” (from feminist studies which pointed out that alien women are just human women painted colors and shown in sexy clothes or portrayed as dancers and prostitutes for the benefit of the male gaze). She got sexy hair, sexy dress, and she is later shown to be some kind of spy by the clothes she wears and her general attitude. She reminds me so much of Natasha that I am tempted to say she is a sexy spy cliché.

It’s kind of degrading after the whole episode which centered around a woman being denied being a soldier, which in the whole militaristic and male dominated setting was pretty much conveying feminist messages, while here in another male dominated setting we have only two women shown with any lines and one of them is Nebula sexy spy. It just comes across weird after the previous episode, tbh.

She even speaks like Natasha from the MCU... and she betrays just like our dear russian friend, Natasha. Anyway, it looks like Queen Shuri is still on the table! Wakanda prevails! It was not destroyed!

Ok, nevermind. She is a space Black Widow, but in this way that she plays every side just like Natasha does. Apparently... betrayal was part of the plan, lol. What is with this idea that women named with a name starting with N are good spies in this universe?

Carina the badass! GO CARINA! SHOW THEM!

At least in this universe, she doesn’t foolishly die for “drama”. Or, in MCU’s case, for exposition to show “what happens to those who touch the infinity stone”. I gotta say, her revenge was sweet.

#what if...?#what if...? spoilers #peggy carter #bucky barnes #nebula #t'challa #thanos #mcu steve rogers critical #what if...? steve rogers rulez #mcu critical #feminism #why did you have to sexualize Nebula to make her second Natasha?

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secret-time-is-here · 4 years

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Double stitched - Rewrite

Chapter 10

Previous - First - Next

He felt himself shiver as he reluctantly woke up. It was so warm and comfortable when he fell asleep, arms wrapped around him, blankets over them. His head on his human’s chest, the best pillow in any multiverse in his opinion. Now he felt so cold, shivering heavily.

He couldn’t feel the soft fabric of the shirt nor the shorts he had borrowed. He couldn’t feel the weight of all the blankets that they had cuddled underneath. Couldn’t feel the give of Strings’ old mattress. He couldn’t even feel where Strings was, no limbs wrapped around him or a head over his own. He couldn’t smell the comforting aroma of chocolate and chicken.

It felt like he slept wrong, his spine sore as if sleeping on hard rock. His legs were curled close, and his own arms wrapped around his midsection. The uncomfortable scratch of his old worn clothes rubbing harshly across all the scars on his bones.

Slowly, his sockets opened, and he was greeted with blinding white light.

He was back in the Antivoid… his Antivoid.

Looking up, he hoped with all his unstable soul to not see anything, but, in the white sky blue threads crossed infinitely, dolls and souls of all kinds forever trapped in the nearly unbreakable thread.

No… no! It wasn’t fair, he finally got his happy end- for fuck’s sake, he finally got better, he finally broke away from being a living war machine.

Slowly, the voices began to talk again, none of them helping. He pushed all the noise away, ignoring them.

Quietly, he sat up, and let his skull fall into his hands, wishing Strings was here with him. The stupid little human always knew how to make him feel better. Glitch pushed his head into his scarf, pulling it up all the way to hide from the world.

He finally let go of all his rage at his multiverse, his morals changed.

“Error?” A finger poked, along with an annoyingly familiar voice, “Wow, never thought I’d see you again! Where’ve ya been?! Pretty sure I would’ve notice ya sitting here all mopily before.”

“...Go away, paInT spLaTTER. ‘M nOT In tHE mOOd foR yOuR buLL.” Glitch sighed, taking a moment to remember his own name.

“Stars, you’ve changed, for a second I thought Fresh was here too! You never censor yourself- I think that’s the least threatening thing you’ve ever said to me!” Ink laughed, a soft thud accompanying his words, the stupid ink stain probably sitting down near Glitch, “Actually, where have ya been?”

Error paused for a moment. He had been gone? Physically gone if what Ink said was right?

“...jusT a LItTLe gETaway pLacE, HOw LOng?” Glitch pulled down his scarf, seeing that Ink’s outfit had changed, but nothing else had.

“How long what?”

“yOu… uGH,” Glitch dragged his hand down his skull, “HOw LOng HavE I bEEn gOnE?”

Ink almost spoke without hesitation, surprisingly, but then he searched through his scarf and then pulled a bunch of small notepads out of nowhere.

He’d been in the other multiverse for nearly two years… there’s no way he could’ve slept that long, but, why would he dream of a world so different? Yes, his multiverse and the other multiverse shared some commons, but for the most part, everyone was so different. While it seemed like Ink and Cross switched, Cross still acted somewhat like himself, and at the same time acted like his own person- sadly he couldn’t say much on how the other Ink acted…

Nightmare and Dream were supposedly switched, but Nightmare was way more relaxed then Glitch’s Dream, and somehow way crazier. Yes, the other Nightmare was similar to the corrupted piece of tar in his drama and style, but they were still different. Nightmare was still his own person. Once again, he couldn’t say anything for the other Dream, but, he seemed like a much tamer version of his Glitch’s Nightmare from the glimpse he got when he first arrived.

Then, he and Blue were supposed to be swapped… he just couldn’t match that up well. Strings is so drastically different from Glitch, it was crazy to think they were both Errors in one sense or another. Then, the Blue’s in his multiverse are so different from the Blue he had dated. Even the weird yandere Swaps weren’t close to the Blue he was with, similar, yes, but still off by a long shot. It makes Glitch think about what happened to make that Blue such a manipulating narcissist.

“You’ve been gone for… about a year and a half, maybe two? My notes aren’t giving me anything specific. Give or take since it looks like I forgot for a few weeks then remembered again and started searching again.” Ink explained, laughing a bit, “You kinda scared the multiverse there, Glitchy-”

“DOn’T-On-On’T caLL-aLL me T-TH-THaT!” Glitch snarled, glitching heavily. That was Strings’ nickname for him, only for Strings to use, no one else. He doesn’t care if it was a dream or not, that was only his human’s nickname.

“Alright, alright- no nicknames. Uh, what was I saying?” The squid brain started to search through his notes again as if that would give him an answer, “Right! You scared the multiverse for a while there, first few months everyone thought you were gonna tear up what was left of the multiverse. At least ya didn’t!” Ink gave a wide soulless smile, still slightly creeping out Glitch.

“I nEEd tO TaLk tO DREam… oR NigHTmaRE.” Ink cocked his head in silent confusion, “dO yOu knOw wHeRE tHEy aRE?”

“Hmmm...” Ink seemed to think for a second, “Nope! Gotta go though!”

He forgot how utterly un-helpful Ink was. Sighing, he thought of a way to find them. He wasn’t that smart, but maybe he could think of something? Nightmare and Dream were guardians or something of positivity and negativity, right? They can go to any place that has their area of emotions.

He already felt bad at it was, nothing to comfort him. His clothing didn’t even feel like his anymore. It wasn’t stained with the smell of chicken or had small bits of dye from pranks that Cross and Nightmare had pulled on him or even a stain from when he tried eating normal food for the first time.

What were some more happy AUs that he had access to and or wouldn’t get found immediately? Haventale… but maybe not, Undertale was probably neutral, Candytale could be pretty happy if you got sugar high, then again. Maybe not. Underswap really was the best place, but there shouldn’t be many timelines left after he destroyed things, or maybe the creators made more after his absence? It was hard to say.

Walking through a glitching portal, he kept reminding himself that even if he ran into a swap sans, they should be and would be nothing like the Blue he was with. Yet, once he caught sight of the universe’s Blue, he just couldn’t do it. There were too many memories, to much pain tied to the person. He couldn’t even think of the name Blue as innocent anymore.

Pitifully, he scurried back to his Antivoid and curled back into his ball. Let Nightmare come find him for all he cared.

“You decided to finally show your face again? Can’t say I wanted to see your atrocious face again, but I would like to know where in the multiverse you’ve been.” An oily voice asked, ranting for a moment, before getting to the point.

“HeLLo tO yOu ToO, OcTOpus.” Glitch sarcastically replied, he really didn’t need any of Nightmare’s help right now, “YOu’vE saId yOuR spEEcH, can I gO back tO bEIng a sad sack Of cRap nOw?” Glitch uncurled a little, just in case he needed to fight.

The self-proclaimed King of negativity looked around for a moment as if trying to find someone then gave the most questioning look he could with his single eye. “YEaH, yEaH, I knOw I’m nOT gIvIng as many InsuLTs oR cuRsIng as much, yada yada, LEavE mE aLOnE.”

“At least you kept your sarcasm, now, once more, where in the multiverse have you been?” The living oil spill asked, walking in circles around the errored skeleton. Like he was going to find something telling of where he’s been.

“A gETaway pLacE, nOw LEavE mE aLOnE.”

“That’s hard to believe,” Nightmare scoffed, finally giving it a rest and using his tendrils to make a miniature throne across from Glitch, “If that were the case, which it is not from what I can tell, I would’ve felt you negativity lessen.” Glitch just shrugged his shoulder’s, “You’re a living ball of hate, so much so I can feel it across the mutliverse, or at least used to be that way... If you went somewhere to relax, that hatred would’ve slowly diminished.”

Nightmare’s single eye dug into his soul, too familiar and too much like Blue to be comfortable, and he seemed to be calculating everything as he talked. “I wouldn’t have felt your entire negative presence disappear in an instant. Unless your getaway is spending time with Dream and you’ve been affected by his aura for two fucking years, I sincerely doubt your story.”

“YOu wOuLdn’T bELIEvE mE If I TrIEd,” Glitch shook his head, “EvEn I dOn’T bELIEvE mE.”

“Please, I deal with idiots for a team that find more entertainment in chopping off their limbs than reading a book, I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” The negative guardian rolled his pupil dramatically while the errored skeleton cringed at the mental image.

“I was In a dIffEREnT muLTIvERsE, whERE mOsT Of us OuTcOdEs sTiLL ExIsTEd, buT as humans and swappEd arOund.”

“...For a moment I thought you finally regained your sanity, but, instead you managed to surprise me and somehow became even more demented and deranged.” Glitch gave no comment “…You seriously expect me to believe the bullshit you’re spewing?”

“ThE OthER NigHTmaRE was jusT as dRamaTIc as yOu, samE sTyLE, way LEss EducaTEd, buT basIcaLLy tHE samE.” Glitch shrugged, just continuing to talk to help time go by until the dark King inevitably leaves.

“You really are off your rocker, Glitch.” The destroyer sat and took it, just quietly waiting for the dark King to finally leave.

“Do yOu knOw whERE DREam Is?”

“Why would you think I know about his whereabouts?” Nightmare snarled, getting up from his makeshift throne and preparing to leave.

“ ‘CausE I LEaRnEd fROm tHE OthER yOu THaT yOu’RE tHE kInd Of pERsOn tO sTaLk sOmEOnE and LEaRn THeiR scHEduLE jusT tO avOId THEm.”

“...You think I’d lend you that information without a deal?” The negative guardian turned to face Glitch, arms crossed.

“Do yOu wanT tHE muLTIvERsE tO knOw THaT yOu and DREam OncE LOOkEd LIkE IdEnTIcaL TwIns? Ink cOuld sET a new gOssIp REcORd wiTH HOw fasT hE’d spREad THaT-” Nightmare actually growled at that statement, quickly turning back around.

“He doesn’t keep as much of a set schedule anymore, your best bet is Haventale... Rumor is that he’s settled there with that traitor Cross as his personal guard.” Then the dark King disappeared.

Chapter notes:

Rewatched Underverse 0.4 to make sure I got some details right, and I love how Nightmare and Killer just sit back while Ink has his speech completely untouched by everything and looking like they wished they had popcorn.

Dreamswap belongs to @onebizarrekai

Cross and Underverse belong to @jakei95

Error belongs to @loverofpiggies

Dream and Nightmare belong to @jokublog

Ink belongs to @comyet

haventale belongs to @deoxyrebornicleic

candytale belongs to @candy-undertale

Blue belongs to the community

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razieltwelve · 5 years

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Dia-Farron Effect (Final Effect AU)

The arrival of the Arendelle Empire and the Schnee Mercantile Alliance during the Reaper assault on the Milky Way had a profound effect. With their overwhelming military might and the industrial and commercial strength of an entire galaxy behind them, they swiftly became the dominant powers in the Milky Way. A key figure in the eventually absorption of the races of the Milky Way into the Empire was Her Imperial Majesty Averia VII. Renowned for her composure, insight, and ability to steer events to the Empire’s advantage, her rule laid the foundations for the Empire’s expansion. It was her policies that established the Empire’s cultural, economic, and military hegemony, an approach that eventually led to the collapse of the Citadel system and the rise of an Empire that incorporated races from the Milky Way.

But what if things had gone a bit differently… what if first contact had occurred earlier during the reign of a different empress?

Well, things would be different. Very different. After all, as the first half-Dia-Farron empress, Her Imperial Majesty Vanille I had a slightly different approach to diplomacy, one that involved way more lasers and death rays.

Here is how that alternate timeline might look.

X X X

2148 CE. Humanity discover the Prothean ruins on Mars and begin developing mass effect technology.

In the Arendelle Empire, Her Imperial Majesty Vanille I ascends to the throne. After careful study of the Empire’s military position, she concludes that they have sufficient forces in reserve to begin exploring another galaxy for resources while still fending off the Grimm.

2149 CE. Humanity discovers the Charon relay and establishes the Systems Alliance to lead human exploration of the stars. Explorers from humanity realise the purpose of the relay system as a vast transport network throughout the Milky Way.

The Arendelle Empire constructs a massive hyperspace gateway capable of reaching the Milky Way. Vanille I dispatches an expeditionary force of one hundred ships to explore the Milky Way and secure resources. After thorough exploration reveals the existence of a transport network (the relays) and the absence of Grimm, Vanille I orders the expeditionary force to begin colonisation in an area far from any relay. Without Grimm to hinder their efforts in the Milky Way, Vanille I intends to establish vast production facilities that can bolster the Empire’s military without begin exposed to harm.

2152 CE. Humanity begins settling its first extra-solar world. Massive efforts are underway to build the Arcturus space station, which will serve as a key defensive stronghold should any threats arise to humanity’s continued expansion.

The Arendelle Empire finishes construction of four forge systems, entire star systems devoted to the production of essential military and industrial technology. Each forge system is centred around a Dyson sphere and has output exceeding the entire Systems Alliance by several orders of magnitude. Colonisation begins on more than a dozen other star systems, and the expeditionary fleet is renamed to the Extra-Galactic Fleet and increased to two hundred ships.

Exploratory drones from a Dia-Farron science vessel encounter the Systems Alliance and begin monitoring them.

2153 CE. Humanity makes contact with the Arendelle Empire. Thankfully, the officers in charge of the Systems Alliance vessels prove to be eminently sensible. After encountering an Imperial dreadnought with firepower exceeding the entire Systems Alliance navy combined, they wisely choose to establish peaceful contact.

Negotiations between the two factions proceed well. Vanille I takes personal interest in the Systems Alliance and arrives in person (much to the horror of the Imperial Guard), proudly proclaiming that in exchange for becoming her minions, the Empire will aid the Systems Alliance in its effort to expand while offering them military assistance.

The Systems Alliance is initially hesitant to accept the alliance since the vast majority of their psych profiles suggest the empress is at least partially insane. However, the vast difference in technology and military strength makes the benefits of such an alliance obvious. Despite some misgivings, the Systems Alliance makes an alliance with the Empire.

2154 CE. Jane Shepard is born. Cooperation between the Systems Alliance and the Empire has already proven to be fruitful with the Systems Alliance experience rapid acceleration in terms of both scientific advancement and colonisation. It is not uncommon to see Imperial citizens on Systems Alliance worlds. Gary the Gregarious Gorgonopsid becomes popular amongst children in the Systems Alliance.

2157 CE. Turian vessels stumble across Systems Alliance forces hoping to reactivate Relay 314. The Turians open fire, and the Systems Alliance forces are destroyed, with only a single ship escape. However, due to damage to its communications, it is unable to provide warning.

The Turians marshal additional forces and pass through Relay 314 in force. They immediately lay siege to Shanxi, destroying the meagre forces around the colony while taking higher than expected losses. With their communications cut off, the defenders of Shanxi are forced into a protracted siege until lack of contact leads to the arrival of a secondary Systems Alliance force. Thanks to technology developed at least partially with the help of the Empire, the defenders of Shanxi managed to hold the planet, albeit with heavy casualties.

This secondary force engages the Turians, driving them off and liberating the planet. Unfortunately, the Turians soon return with a far larger force, committed to breaking Systems Alliance resistance. Thanks to the efforts of the Turian counter-intelligence, the Turians are able to conceal their actions from the Council.

Faced with a far larger force and spread thin through their efforts to expand, the Systems Alliance is forced to concede that even with the rapid advancements their technology has made since contact with the Empire, they lack the ships to confront a full Turian suppression force. After careful consideration, the Systems Alliance makes the decision to formally request aid from the Empire.

After hearing about the attack on her newest minions, Vanille I is enraged. She orders the immediate deployment of one hundred Imperial warships led by the dreadnought, Fury of Cuddles, the flagship of the Extra-Galactic Fleet.

The Imperial Force arrives shortly after hostilities begin between the Turian suppression fleet and the Systems Alliance. Within ten minutes of their arrival, every Turian ship is either destroyed or disabled. It takes Vanille I’s hedgehog fifteen minutes to convince her that simply executing all of the ‘space pirates’ who had attacked Shanxi would be a bad idea. She eventually settles on having the captured Turians interrogate as Imperial and Systems Alliance scientists begin examining Turian technology.

2158 CE. With the loss of their suppression fleet, the Turians begin amassing an even larger force. The Systems Alliance and Empire fortify the system and the Empire takes control of Relay 314, using their technology to control traffic to and from the Relay. Not satisfied with waiting for a resolution to emerge, Vanille I orders that Imperial special forces infiltrate Turian space and determine the strength of the enemy.

After obtaining a conclusive measure of Turian fleet strength, as well as the strengths of the other Citadel races, Vanille I takes the offensive. Thanks to its growing industrial efforts and the construction of even more production facilities in the Milky Way, the Extra-Galactic Fleet now numbers more than five thousand in strength with the Empire establishing colonies across dozens of star systems. Key to the fleet’s burgeoning strength is the construction of an absolutely colossal shipyard fed by several forge systems.

Vanille I orders a force of two thousand ships to arrive at the citadel to deliver her terms. The Citadel races are, naturally, shocked as information of the Turians’ actions has only just been discovered. Her terms are fairly simple, and the Citadel are forced to agree due to the overwhelming disparity in firepower.

Vanille I’s terms are:

Stay out of her way.

Or else.

Any attempts to enter Imperial space unauthorised is grounds to declare war. The Systems Alliance, however, adopts a more… measured approaching, playing the good cop to the Empire’s bad cop. Relieved to be dealing with the ‘saner’ of the two groups, the Citadel swiftly opens diplomatic relations with the Systems Alliance. Using the Empire as both carrot and stick, Systems Alliance diplomats are able to secure favourable treatment and reparations.

2170 CE. After the Batarians attempt to attack a joint Systems Alliance-Imperial world named Mindoir, the Empire responds by first crushing the Batarian force and then declaring war on the Batarian hegemony.

The war is swift, and Batarian casualties are horrific. The Empire has no love of slavers. Within three months, the Batarian Hegemony has collapsed. Vanille I installs a new government, the Batarian Federation of Free Peoples, to replace the hegemony. Its members are specifically chosen for their anti-slavery views.

The remainders of the hegemony flee to Citadel space and beg the Citadel for help. Vanille I states bluntly that anyone who helps the hegemony will meet the same end they did. Citadel psychological specialists again question the empress’s sanity.

The Systems Alliance begins a period of rapid expansion into formerly unsafe territory.

2173 CE. The Reapers attack. Due to the deployment of super weapons against the Batarians (Vanille I wanted to run some field tests), the Reapers have awakened early. They arrive in force, assaulting the Citadel and laying siege to as many worlds as possible.

Enraged that a bunch of overgrown metal squids is invading ‘her’ galaxy and putting her minions at risk, Vanille I formally declares war on the Reapers. She orders the deployment of the entire Extra-Galactic Fleet, which now numbers in the tens of thousands, as well as the Extra-Galactic Army, which is also immense due to the Empire having colonised thousands of world over the past two decades. Without the Grimm to restrain their expansion and growth, the Empire in the Milky Way has grown at an incredibly rate.

The Reaper War is brutal, and the decisive moment arrives when the empress herself takes the field in the battle station (a space station built for combat) Sigrid. The pivotal battle involves the combined might of the Reapers, more than a million ships, against the Empire’s Extra-Galactic Fleet, as well as the Empire’s 1st, 7th, 21st, and 30th fleets, in addition to three more battle stations, for a total Imperial force of more than one hundred thousand, along with additional forces from the Systems Alliance and the Citadel races.

The result is a crushing victory, with the Reapers completely destroyed.

Private Jane Shepard is award several medals for valour in the conflict.

Her Imperial Majesty Vanille I steps down, ceding the throne to her son, Peter V. She retires to the Milky Way, devoting her efforts to expanding the Empire’s presence there and preparing it for the eventual arrival of the Grimm, which Imperial scientists suggest is increasingly likely.

2183-2188 CE. The first Grimm swarm to attack the Milky Way galaxy arrives. Vanille I leads the Empire’s forces to repel it, and their forces are supplemented by the Systems Alliance and other Milky Way races. It is followed by several more swarms in rapid succession, all of which are repelled but not without significant losses.

By now the Empire controls more than twenty thousand worlds in the Milky Way, and there is talk amongst the Systems Alliance of formally joining it. Commander Jane Shepard serves with distinction during the conflict, earning more medals (she has a shelf of them), including the coveted Star of Cuddles, one of the highest medals the Dia-Farron can give.

#final effect #fanfiction

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askblueberrymuffin · 5 years

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REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! good luck !

TAGGED. @vertebralheights sorta? TAGGING. I dunno, do what u want

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Sans Gaster

NICKNAME: Blueberry, Muffin, Blue

AGE: 23

BIRTHDAY: July 1st, 20XX

ETHNIC GROUP: Skeleton/Shadow Monster

NATIONALITY: Underground??

LANGUAGE(S): English, Wingdings(?)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Asexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Forever alone Single

CLASS: Middle class? Maybe upper middle when their mom was around?

HOMETOWN / AREA: Snowdin

CURRENT HOME: Still Snowdin, same house and everything

PROFESSION: Sentry, but he’ll likely pursue higher education soon

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Skeleton?

EYES: Usually cerulean blue.

NOSE: Nope

FACE: Boney (har har)

LIPS: Still skeleton

COMPLEXION: Guess what? Skeleton

WEIGHT: Like, 9 lbs.

BUILD: Bony boi

FEATURES: Solid shadow? In skull and ribcage? Also tiny nubby tail

ALLERGIES: Straight up a magic skeleton

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: No?

USUAL FACE LOOK: A bright smile

USUAL CLOTHING: So many sweaters. Too many sweaters. And baggy pants. And cerulean boots. Of course all topped off with his scarf, tied as a bandana.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): His brothers dying, Cake killing himself(again), Cake self harming(more), being abandoned, hurting others, using others, being alone, fire, being burned, the kitchen, ice picks, chisels, sledge hammers, lighters, people getting hurt because of him, people dying because of him-- *SLAPS ROOF OF SANS* THIS BAD BOI CAN FIT SO MANY FEARS and he hides them all so they never get any better, someone help him oh my god--

ASPIRATION(S) : He wants to help others however he can. He also would really like to be come a scientist, but he puts that aside for the former

POSITIVE TRAITS: Excitable, loving, affectionate, intelligent, optimistic, resourceful, adaptable, perseverance, determination, overwhelming kindness and forgiveness

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Depressed, fakes many emotions, fakes many situations, fakes his persona, shoves his own feelings aside constantly, takes all the blame, always takes the fall, forgives instantly, never blames anyone, too trusting, can be absent minded, easily distracted, never honest about his own feelings to other or to himself, won’t tell people when they’re hurting him, will do almost anything you tell him, he’s entirely too codependent, his entire life revolves around his brothers, if you take that away he doesn’t know who he is anymore, he’s content now but if he were to ever not be, that is a very, very steep slope with no coming back. Get this baby a therapist, someone.

ZODIAC: A hecking crab Cancer

TEMPERAMENT: He only gets upset when bad stuff happens to others or they talk bad about themselves. Otherwise you could literally stab him and-- WAIT people literally did torture him and he was not at all upset! Ahhh--

SOUL TYPE(S): Monster Soul?

ANIMALS: Probably some kind of dog. He’d be the goodest good boy.

VICE HABIT(S): He stress bakes and stress cleans. Don’t take that for innocence as he’s tried other things. A lot of other things. But he has 1 HP, hates the choking feel of smoke and can’t get drunk if his life depended on it. ...Perhaps it isn’t so innocent though, looking at all he does.

FAITH: Who needs gods when you’re a massive science nerd

GHOSTS?: Yes?

AFTERLIFE?: He believes there is none. A part of him hopes he is wrong.

REINCARNATION?: He’s a science nerd, he hasn’t put much thought into this stuff.

ALIENS?: He believes with the vastness of the universe, likely? He wants to meet one.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Heavy shrugging? He only wishes the Queen were more open.

ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: None in particular

SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: He’s content where things are.

EDUCATION LEVEL: High school. He hopes to change this now that they actually have money--

FAMILY.

FATHER: Wingdings Gaster

MOTHER: D̵̀́͟͜r̶̶̶̛̕.̴̀ ̷̡̨̢P̶̧e̢̡̕n̷̷̨̧u̴̶m̡̛͘͠͠b̧͞͠r̴̷̨͞ą̧̛͘ ̸̨G̴̡͜͜͠a̵͜s̢̀͜t̢e͠҉̕͟r̷͏̢̢̀

SIBLINGS: Papyrus ‘Cake’ Gaster (younger), Papyrus ‘Rex’ (older)

EXTENDED FAMILY: Sakura Shalie (niece), Martin Magnus (nephew)

NAME MEANING(S): I dunno, ask their mom OH WAIT-- (imsorry)

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: His mom was the royal scientist, while his dad killed the human who possessed the soul of integrity. Perhaps in certain timelines caused by a certain human, he may have been more historically important (winkwinknudgenudge)

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Pffff-- Textbooks, old scientific studies, non-fiction, history texts, books on space, really just picture anything nerdy. He loves it. Oh yeah, and sci-fi.

MOVIE: The first Star Wars film, he will fight

5 SONGS: Dollhouse, Sleeping Powder, More Than Words, Squid Melody [Blue Version], Cut My Hair

DEITY: Can I just put Phil Swift here? I’m doing it.

HOLIDAY: Christmas

MONTH: July. Birthday time!

SEASON: Indifferent. They all seem the same to him.

PLACE: Quiet places no one else can reach

WEATHER: Storms. Rain storms on the surface.

SOUND: Laughter

SCENT(S): Laundry, baking, cooking

TASTE(S): He loves tomatoes? In juice, sandwiches, food in general? Yeah.

FEEL(S): Warm, soft, physical contact with other living beings.

ANIMAL(S): He loves dogs? All dogs. So many dogs. He wants to pet them all. All dogs.

NUMBER: 9 now. XD

COLORS: He likes orange and blue. He says his favourite colours are his dad’s eyes. Which sounds adorable tbh--

EXTRA.

TALENTS: He’s a little smarty pants with a good memory. Helpful for science, helpful for reloads. He’s decent at cooking and is much, much to physically strong for his 1 HP?? He also has quite the great handle on his magic. Fighting him isn’t fun, at all. He’s only been fairly beaten once. He’s empathetic, great at reading people and a masterful deceiver. He could be a super villain with his manipulation abilities tbh, but he just hates the idea of using people.

BAD AT: He acts before he thinks. He switches from topic to topic and overpowers conversation. He’s quick to defend others and gets himself hurt like this more often than not, and mentally he’s an absolute wreck. He can be overbearing and clingy though, especially to those close to him. The more paranoid he becomes, the more annoying he seems in these ways.

HOBBIES: Reading, cooking, cleaning. He’s starting to get back into actual hobbies like reading with Rex around. He used to just not have them.

TROPES: He is about the best supporting ally and mom friend one can be. His best quality is being able to lift people up high. He however, cannot do this to himself.

AESTHETIC TAGS: #space , #baking

GPOY QUOTES: ((I don’t know what this is--))

FC INFO.

MAIN FC(S): No

ALT FC(S): Nope

OLDER FC(S): Nuh-uh

YOUNGER FC(S): Nadda

VOICE CLAIM(S): ((I have no idea?? The closest would be Cryaotic but I honestly have no idea the specifics))

GENDERBENT FC(S): Nah

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?: If I were to write it??? It would turn into something psychological or horror related. Blue would fit wonderfully in a deconstruction of the human(or i guess skeleton??) mind. Hopefully it’d be about him seeming alright but being an absolute mess and managing to realize there is indeed a problem and work through his issues with friends, family and some professional help. That’d be lovely.

Q2: what would their soundtrack / score sound like?: He listens to anything catchy, though likes chiptune and electronica. He’d probably make his own soundtrack out of other video game soundtracks though, he’s a doofus.

Q3: why did you start writing this character?: I... Don’t know?? Huh. Guess I did a little bit about... Three years back? I didn’t do a whole lot with him, but that’s around when he met his niece and nephew. Hm.

Q4: what first attracted you to this character?: Papyrus is my favourite undertale character. Sans is my second favourite. Mash them together and what do you get? A cool science boy! A sad cool science boy that covers his pain with laughter and smiles. Someone help him.

Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse: He won’t let anyone in, in any way that matters. He’s affectionate to everyone and it would be so easy to use and abuse him. He so strong in some areas and so weak in others. His whole life is his brothers and I’m often lost as to what I should make him do as he doesn’t keep hobbies really due to being busy. He never sleeps, works himself to exhaustion and picks everyone up despite being hurt himself. He thinks he knows what he is but he’s wrong. He thinks he’s fine but he’s not. He denies these problems in himself so hard that even he’s deceived by his act. It’s frustrating in a way even if it is interesting? As a writer I want to break him apart and crush him but as a person I want someone, anyone to finally see through this and HELP him. But no matter the hints I give or things I mention, no one has tried. I suppose he just hides it too well. Ahh...

Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?: Super depressed! Uh-- Ha, put up a mask. Hide pain with jokes. Try to see the silver lining in situations. Loooove space. And science. Psychology’s a huge yes.

Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?: Citrus is always neat. Rex and him also have an extremely interesting dynamic. Fluff and him are adorable and fun, and I want so much more of them. Sakura’s is hilarious because she’s literally a god in her multiverse and she’s just accepted him as being able to break all laws of space and time

Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?: The interactions and dynamics he creates with other characters as well as the unique story and plot aspects that can be created!

Q10: how long did this take you to complete?: At least two hours. Maybe longer. Oh jeez--

#meme #blueberry #ooc #maybe #too long #so long #ahhhh #tag #kill me

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zora-moyashi · 4 years

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she hops up the building and stands next to her. "hi i'm back"

Core

“I see that, though you have been a brat

"maybe so, maybe so but you shouldn't deny that you started all that." she looks back at the kids for a second who were almost caught up.

Core

Shade climbed up faster than Shine. “Kits you bring oh what a treat, oh yes a treat Horror loves to eat.”

"funny you mention that. she's actually following us. to my knowledge you're not a star eater?"

Core

“I lack the teeth to do such a thing, like a bird lacking a Wing.”

"that's cause you're a human, am i wrong? do you wanna eat stars? cause that's kinda disgusting."

Core

“I eat what I want. Even with taunts.”

"except stars. oh yeah by the way sorry about going into your town again, i know i said i wouldn't but this is an exception." she takes the kids and putshes them to LJ a little.

Core

Shine seemed super nervous about LJ, hiding behind Chara

"LJ meet shine and shade, come to think of it you may already know them, seeing how close you are to night."

Core

“Know then I did not, but one of them; the real me they spot.”

she pauses thinking about that."that's a little to cryptic for me haha. what do you mean?"

Core

Shade noticed Shines nervousness, before looking back at LJ, seemingly catching on.

noticing shade she comes to the conclusion. "I'm completely left in the dark, someone care to explain?" she says irritated.

Core

“She’s really really bad.” Shine whimpered.

"how so hon?"

Core

“Shadow.......” shine mumbled. LJ put a finger over her lips before laughing

chara is just baffled at how she doesn't understand a word of this. "what the f*ck are you talking about" she waves her hands around. "this meas nothing to me!"

Core

Shine grabbed Chaya’s arm as her eyes glowed letting Chara see what she saw. There was a shadow looming over LJ, with long fingers resting on her shoulders. Two beady red eyes was the only features on its face

(like that?)

Core

(Fran bow?)

(Then yes, exactly like that)

chara goes up while holding shine's hand and tries to touch the shadow.

Core

Shine planted her feet in the ground, not wanting to go any closer.

chara tries to drag her over

Core

Shine whimpers which was enough for Shade to get involved, freeing his sister from Chara’s grasp

she sighs angrily "shine i won't let it hurt you i just wanna take a better look!"

Core

Shine went fully behind Chara, touching her back so she could see the shadow.

she cocks her head and talks to LJ "so what is it exactly?"

Core

The shadow spoke. “See me, see me, yes you can. Looks to me like you’re part of a plan.”

"sounds to me like you're speaking nonsense, i've heard about these gods some of you talk about but they don't care about us, certainly not enough to have an actual plain made for us."

Core

“God She is not, but close enough to be given thought.”

"mmhm, and this plan is??/"

Core

“A game she makes, to see if you have what it takes.” Horror caught up, “you talking about the squid? Her games are so boring.”

"ah, ink? yeah she seems pretty boring to me too" she nods to horror

Core

LJ shrugged. “Boring it may seem, that is until you reach the final scene.”

"but how do you know this stuff? and what's gonna happen? what about ink is she like really bad i get the creeps from her, why are you attached to LJ why does shine hate it somuch?" she keeps rattling off questions. "if i know how it ends i can make it end my way instead."

Core

The shadow looked to the forest. “Said to much I have, but your actions are worth some laughs.”

"rude"

Core

LJ hopped down the tower, going her own way

chara follows, not letting her get off this easy. "hey, the kits are still going to help you weather you like it or not"

Core

“Help I need none, without help is much more fun.”

"i get that, but you need help."

Core

“No.”

"you don't have a choice."

"we should get night to join"

Core

LJ looked at Chara with a glare as Shine ran past, Horror chasing her and Shade chasing Horror

chara's sure they'll be fine and doesn't pay any mind. "it'll be fun!"

Core

LJ shook her head.”

"don't be a stick in the mud, i thought you were the fun one"

Core

“It is not wise to go against the squid. Even if you’re just a kid.”

"if we die we die, no need to prolong the enviable, live a little. isn't it depressing being in this town that's just as broken as you?" she looks over to the kids

Core

“No.” Shade hit Horror who slashed at him

"no it's not depressing or no you won't come?" she yells over "yo horror! stop harassing the kits!"

Core

“Both.” LJ said. Horror looked over. “What? I’m hungry.”

"we went over this," she pouts to horror than asks, "yo do you know how to teleport?"

Core

“No I don’t.” She said, grabbing Shade

chara shoots a yellow bullet through horror's arm shattering the bone and letting shade free. "a shame. it's going to be a lot harder to get her to cooperate without that..." she thinks and slides her view to LJ. "guess if you're gonna be like that, we'll just have to fight until night gets over her to save you."

Core

“Nightmare has to rest, starving herself again unlike the rest.”

"than it'd be a shame to wake her~"

Core

“She would eat you, but then again you have no clue.”

"she got beat by that error gal, i'm not as scared as i was before."

Core

LJ rolled her eyes.

"sassy today hm?" "tell you what, we go talk to night, see what she says about your mental state and we'll go from there. if she says you're fine then i'll leave ya alone" (doesn't mean i'll let the kids leave her alone)

Core

(XD Shine does not wanna stay with LJ)

(too bad haha >:P )

she turns away from her "okay y'all new game, get LJ to nightmare. shine can ride on my back if she's to chicken to be around LJ."

Core

Shine nodded, going to Chara

chara picks her up and they all make there way to the forest? i guess? "horror, you know where exadctly she is?"

Core

“Night? Yeah I do.” Horror said, leading the way

"sweet" when they get around the area chara scouts out to find her first even though shine's getting a bit heavy.

Core

She spots Nightmare resting in a tree. Shine got nervous

"hey nighttt~ member me?" she hops over disregarding shine's hesitance.

Core

Nightmare was fast asleep, her tentacles were wrapped around the branches to keep her from falling, one was buried slightly under the ground.

"okay well don't acknowledge me than! we're here to help out LJ, we were wondering if you approve or if you would like to help?"

Core

When Chara stepped where to tentacle was, it shot up and snapped her neck immediately, waking Nightmare up to eat, not caring who or what she killed

chara wakes up at her save shaking her head and rubbing her neck. "that was fun..." she gets up and goes back to where the others are.

Core

(Yeah, Nightmare is an ambush hunter, using as little energy as she can, she honestly hates having to kill others to eat, but has too, so she’ll starve herself to the point where she can’t do too much. So she hunts once a week or so) She was back at the castle when she reloaded. Shine had hidden as Nightmare ate, ripping off limbs to swallow the larger pieces whole.

(confusing lol, okay so in this world chara regenerates a whole body, got ya) she goes up to night again crouching by her, "enjoying your meal?" she says flatly. she also looks around for shade

Core

Shade was with Shine. Nightmare finished eating before answering. “No, never do.”

"well you're depressing haha!"

"did you hear what i said before or did you push that all out of your mind?"

Core

“What else is new? And no Iwas asleep.”

"great well, we want to help LJ." she waves a hand "and by 'we' i mean the kits"

Core

“What ki-“ Nightmare looked over and saw the two. Shade immediately arching his back slightly to make himself look tougher.

"your niece and nephew"

Core

Nightmare looked at Chara, “I don’t have any living relatives.” She said

"umm,?" she's just confused. "you know, like dream? her kits?"

Core

“Dream has been dead for five years now.” Nightmare glared slightly

"either i'm way behind on resent events or your confused. i met dream just about a week ago. she attacked me with her arrows and she was corrupted so ?"

Core

“That is Shattered, she’s from a different timeline.” Nightmare sighed

chara sighs with her. "you guys and your 'she's from a different dimensions/timelines so i don't care about her' like damn. i'm ninety percent sure any asreil i come across i would still care for like a brother. but whatev. i'm not here to talk about ethics."

Core

“But they wouldn’t be the same, they wouldn’t be the person you knew.” Nightmare said

"you're right, but you have to appreciate the ones that are here, make new memories. they're not your version of your family but it's still them. ah and shattered's dead too btws. " she holds a laugh under her breath.

Core

“See, I shouldn’t try that because they get killed too.”

"think what you want, i still want to help your little LJ and i'd love your assistance in doing so, so is it a deal or nah?"

Core

“LJ normally doesn’t need help, she does fine with her own, though sometimes if she’s too unstable I have to use some shadows.” Nightmare replied

"oh sh*t! you gave her that creepy thing?!"

Core

“Yeah, you saw it?”

"only because of shine"

Core

“Am I to assume that is one of the kits?”

"yes you are, it's that one" she points her out as shine hides more from being pointed out.

Core

“She’s awfully shy for a genocide star.”

"well that's news to me, i haven't seen them eat i suppose..." she squints. "are you sure about that?"

Core

“Her mother is Shattered, do you know the father?”

"nope, i'm clueless."

Core

“So either Neutral or Genocide?”

"i guess? i don't know how star genes work" she shrugs

"hey shine, come over here will you?" she calls

Core

Shine slowly can over.

"hey kid, did you know who your dad was at all?"

Core

Shine shook her head

"helpful as always shine," "know what, how about you go fight horror for a while, see how many times you two can kill her, cause it's free exp." she turns to night "so you really don't want us to help LJ?"

Core

“She doesn’t need help”

Chara shakes her head not pleased. "Fine. Fine." She walks away with shine over to horror and shade. "That went well." She sighs. "Suppose we'll have to move on to killer."

Core

Shade didn’t say anything. “It’s actually harder to find her sometimes than it is to find the squid.”

"she was just here like an hour ago, why is she so hard to find??"

Core

“Because She has places she goes to.”

"hmmmm? well you're her friend, where are these places?"

Core

“That’s the thing, she doesn’t tell anyone.”

"alright but doesn't night keep tabs on her?"

Core

“Can’t.” Nightmare yawned. “I can only do that if I have made eye contact with them, but Killer tore out her eyes.”

"that's weird." chara folds her arms thinking of what to do next. she goes up to shade and kinda just looks at him

Core

Shade growls and sticks his tongue out

she snickers. "i haven't even been that mean to you kid, what's your deal?"

Core

“‘Haven’t been that mean?’ You killed me!!” He growled crossing his arms. Horror chuckled. “You act a lot like Night.”

"*snort* yep i've killed most of my friends. don't worry about it. you're alive so stop being a baby about it."

Core

Shade growled at her answer. Meanwhile Killer made sure no one was following her as she passed an abandoned house, the siding falling off as vines climbed up the sides. She went to the backyard, where two makeshift graves were. “Hey Jazz, Mom.... I know I’m late but.... happy birthday little brother.” She said with a sad smile

"you're going to stay salty about this aren't you? what do you expect me to do to fix it?"

Core

“Stop being a bully.” Shade said.

Killer sat on the ground, telling her deceased sibling and mother about events that had pasted

"pfff" she shakes her head "that's vague. i just wantta keep you two safe, you have a problem with that?"

Core

Shade pointed to Horror. “I don’t think that is safe.” Horror chuckled. “Man you really are a little punk, huh?”

"he sure is." she looks to shade "you're missing the point. i want to keep you safe in the long term. you need to be strong to be able to survive."

Core

Shade crossed his arms and looked away from Chara. Shine was still behind Chara

chara grabs shine's hand and pulls her a bit forward. "now that i think you understand are you going to stop moping or are we going to have to butt-heads more shade? sense LJ isn't willing to be helped it's time to find killer again. i'd expect shatter to know where she might be." she walks back to the rift expecting shade to fallow.

Core

Shade’s glare softened slightly when he saw his sister. He sighed and followed Chara and Shine. Shatter had reformed, and was talking to Tonic. “You know, today is a special day.”

chara's happy at shade's obedience. tonic's tail wags. "yes? how so?" she asks shatter.

Core

“Well, remember how I told you I had a little brother?” Shatter said.

Tonic nods solemnly

Core

“It’s his birthday today.” Shatter said with a sad smile

"do you plan on visiting his grave?" she asks

Core

(So my version of Ink can actually hear us, like when we talk in () )

(got ya, that's kinda creepy haha)

Core

“I don’t think he would’ve wanted me to, he always wanted us to keep moving on,” Shatter replied, looking over at Tonic. “But you already know that I suck at that.”

tonic looks down unsurely. "that's alright. i haven't been able to move on quickly as well. either way i'm sure your brother would want you to feel better. however you spend the day i'm sure he wouldn't mind." chara, shine and shade get back to where tonic and shatter are.

Core

Shatter smiled at pat Tonic’s head. “You would have gotten along with him.” She then looked over at Chara. “Now, the only reason I can come up with as to why you would come to me is that you either need me to babysit, or you need help.”

"well gee, nice welcome shatter. is it so wrong to want to see my friend." she snickers. "but yeah, you are right. i want to know if you'd know where killer is.

Core

(Ink can not touch water, or hydrogen in general, it ‘burns’ her) “Killer? Oh you mean Yuma....” Shatter stood up. “Well I have a pretty good idea.”

tonic watches shatter and chara asks "yeah? were's that? she seemed mad at me for saying that horror and i are her friends. she all blew up on us so...? " she shrugs.

(i'm unsure why people do the water hurts ink or nightmare thing. i don't know where that came from.)

Core

(as for with my Ink it is science, see hydrogen cuts through carbon bonds, and my Ink is made of pure carbon, so hydrogen harms her.) “Well, I honestly don’t blame her, but come on.” Shatter said, making a portal

(ah, makes sense! ) tonic follows and chara looks at shatter questioningly before joining.

Core

The portal went to an old house, the siding was falling off as vines climbed up

chara went up to look around and finds yuma on the ground in the backyard

Core

Killer turned to Chara. “What are you doing here?”

"mmmm, mostly saying 'hi'" she looks at the graves "your brother?" she tilts her head?

Core

“None of your business.” Killer glared, as she spoke with a hiss.

"i mean maybe not, but you know me. i like to be in everyone's business." she goes up closer slowly.

Core

Shatter stayed still, floating slightly above the ground, meaning Killer couldn’t sense her. “Yeah and it’s bloody annoying.” Killer hissed.

chara just laughs. "come on, you know you love me." she goes to sit by yuma

Core

“I tolerate you, maybe not even that.” Killer hissed.

chara shrugs sitting cross legged after a second she asks "is there a reason you're here today?"

Core

Killer picked Chara up by the back of her sweater. “It’s none of your concern.” She hissed, going over to where Tonic and the kits were. (Fun fact: Nightmare’s coating is poisonous)

(ooo) chara hangs from killer's grip lazily. tonic perks up at the sight of yuma, sitting up a bit straighter.

Core

Killer dropped Chara. Before ‘looking’ at Tonic. “And who are you supposed to be?” She hissed

"oh, I'm just. I'm just a friend of chara's." chara swipes the dirt off of her sweater. "that's putting it generously..." with a scowl.

Core

Killer turned to Chara. “So you don’t like them?”

"no, not at all."

Core

“See how you feel about them, I feel for you.” Killer said harshly, as she started to walk away

"pffff!" she hops up and stands in front of killer, blocking her way. "damn, you don't have to be so mean! we're just here to help ya know? the kits wanta help you out of this little pit you've dug for yourself. dont tell me you're pleased with were your life is right now cause i know you'd be lying.

Core

“My life is none of your concern. And I don’t need any of your help.” Killer said. ‘Hey, you might wanna use act and check.....’ Shatter told Chara via telepathy

chara with a shrug does as she's told and checks killer.

Core

Killer lv 57 hp 122/730 ‘something seems very wrong with this star’s soul’

chara pauses and looks at tonic who stares back at her blankly. "tonic heal up killer, she's hurt." she orders. tonic looks to killer unsurely. chara brings up her act menu and sees what's available.

Core

Killer turned back to Chara. “I’m fine.” She growled. -insult -ask -challenge

"sure you are" she says condescendingly. and chooses the ask option.

Core

-you ask Killer why she is hiding- Killer didn’t respond, but still wouldn’t let Tonic close

chara asks what's wrong with killer's soul

Core

“Look, I don’t pester you about your past, don’t pester me on mine.” Killer said, her tone more calm than before

"friends pester each other, just shows we care. if you're so fine and won't even let yourself be healed how about we fight and when i knock you out i'll get my answers the hard way."

Core

“Fine, you wanna fight? Then let’s fight.” Killer replied, grabbing her knife from her pocket

chara makes a slingshot. tonic panics a little. "do y-you really need to fight? i don't mean to be rude but you simply don't seem well..." they shuffles their feet

Core

“I told you already, I’m fine.” Killer responded as she started to circle

tonic looks up at shatter worried while chara shoots a few yellow bullets at killer's legs and goes in with her knife at her torso.

Core

Killer teleported behind Chara slashing at her back

chara swerves around slashing behind her as quickly as she can hoping to hit her before she moves again.

Core

She cut Killer’s hoody

chara goes up to tackle killer after giving a glance to the kits clearly ordering them to help her take down killer.

Core

Shine threw a explosive, making Killer jump out of the way, where Shade tripped her

after shade trips her chara goes up to cut killer's neck.

Core

Killer teleported out of the way

chara turns to killer as fast as she could but gets hit in the back of the head, stumbling forward.

Core

Killer then pinned Chara to the ground

chara squirms to get her hand free

Core

Killer kept her pinned, “Just give up.”

"Not happening! Do ya even know me?" She kicks at her, not getting much of anywhere. "Kittttts come on!"

Core

Shade tried to slash only to get slashed at

while killer was distracted chara managed to roll away and get a small hit to killers back.

Core

Killer took 2 damage. She turned quickly to counter before her health cut by 50, forcing her to wince and teleport back to get some distance

chara checks her again and sees how much damage she did. and whistles to herself. "wow, you're worse off than i thought." she sets up a checkpoint and circles around killer as quickly she could and sets a few more. trying to put her in a cage of checkpoints.

Core

Killer hp 25 / 730 Her soul seems unstable. Killer glared as she watched Chara do this, as if planning something.

chara laughs. "you just going to let this happen?" with a shrugs she lets off a couple of rounds checkpoint shooting to another checkpoint and leaving a blue bar behind. one checkpoint lazer thing goes straight for killer to the checkpoint on the other side of her.

Core

Killer teleported multiple times in a row, getting the lazer to bend in a grid like pattern.

"well isn't that just pretty~ you making us some art killz?" she can't keep up with her teleportion so she tries to find a pattern in her movements instead

Core

Killer did have a pattern, it was as if she was trying to do something with the lazer, 2 feet left, 4 feet up, 2 side, 4 down.

she followed the pattern going about 2 steps ahead and set a purple web on the ground where she should land while readying her knife as well.

Core

Killer teleported once before breaking her pattern as a wormhole appeared in the grid

"ooo~" chara takes a step back observing but getting ready to get out of there with the kits. "this reminds me of digimon haha, do you have dementional powers? i don't know why but i wouldn't peg you as that."

Core

“No, just escape.” She said hopping through before the wormhole closed

".... pff. didn't take you for a coward either." she calls back the checkpoints and replenishes her magic. "shaaaater, whereee'd she go?" she goes up to where she was.

Core

“Probably skakarr....” Shatter answered. “Since she needed to heal, but there is no way I am going back there.”

chara makes a sad face. "hmph..." she turns to tonic knowing their the only hope she seems to have to get there. "take us there." she orders and tonic glances around surprised "uhhh" they say

Core

“Look, skakarr is not a place to just ‘go and visit’ ok? It’s more like an active war zone 24/7.”

"i can take care of myself." she shrugs and she goes closer to tonic. "so like how does this work? you know how to teleport right? not much of a health aid if you can't get there in time hmm?"

"well... umm. i'd need some blue magic." tonic says quietly.

Core

“Not there you can’t, ok? Whatever kind of place you think it is, I can assure you it is much much worse.” Shatter said

she looks back at shatter. "... well fine but killer's there. and at 25 hp. it feels like an obligation for me to help or at least see what's wrong so i can prevent it happening to the kits or somthin" "besides. war is war and i can always reset. it ain't no thing." she thinks for a second where she'd get blue magic cause she'd assume her replicate blue magic wouldn't work.

Core

Shatter sighed, “Killer is like me, remember? We’ve been there, and one tends to know where to hide there after 7 years.”

"well gee shatter! you know i'm gonna go anyway! should probably stop trying to talk me out of it hmmm? it'll be fun! you're strong! if you wanna keep us safe you can always tag along~" she goes a little closer to the kits. "you have purple magic right? can you like. cry blue magic or something cool like that? if stars even cry i guess haha."

Core

Shatter sighed.”If I take you, it should just be us two, and you need to listen to me.” She said.

"eeyyy!" she goes up and hugs shatter quickly. "thank you!" she has the biggest grin on.

#arc 4 #rp chain

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sirenssonnet · 7 years

Text

About Patty!

Simple Facts:

Patty Fleur is Physically 14 years old, however Chronologically far older than she appears.

Her weapons are a dagger and pistol, both of which she can use with great skill

“Nano ja” is a verbal tic that loosely translates into “Ya/You know"

Her favorite food is Oden, it is a Japanese seafood treat 🍢 🍢 🍢 🍢 🍢 🍢 <- this. It can be made with any sort of the following ingredients potatoes, boiled eggs, thick slabs of daikon, atsuage (thick fried tofu), kombu, and fish cakes such as hanpen and chikuwa and squid

Patty is an amazing chef

Her blastia is her binoculars

she likes battle just as much as Judith, Yuri, and Flynn.

Her artes are based on luck

Patty likes to be carried and hugged

She likes climbing onto high things and standing on railings

Patty likes making dolls and is rather talented with a needle.

Food:

Favorite- Oden, Skewers, Sashimi, Seafood Bowl, Fisherman’s Hot Pot, Sushi, Clam Chowder, Japanese Stew, Sorbet, Pudding, Cake, Crepe, Fruit Parfait, Seafood Stew

Least- Udon Noodles Hot Pot, Kebab Sandwich, Sukiyaki Salad

Can cook well- Fisherman’s Hot Pot

All in all, Patty isn’t too picky about what she eats. She has a preference for seafood and sweets and very much dislikes eating her vegetables, mainly lettuce and napa cabbages. She hates the taste of napa cabbage, is alright with normal cabbage, and refuses to eat anything that contains it. She also dislikes tomatoes. Patty also dislikes bitter tasting food.

As a cook, Patty is very well rounded. She can cook whatever she wants if she has the ingredients, however, she refuses to cook foods she dislikes or no body will eat because she dislikes wasting food. She cooks seafood dishes better than others due to love for it. Patty loves cooking for others and as long as they are hungry she doesn’t care who she’s feeding.

Appearance :

Patty is a short 14-year-old pirate, only 4'4 in height. Coupled with her round face, she appears even younger than 14. She has light aqua colored eyes. She wears her hair in two twin braids that are tied up in purple bows. Her clothes consist of a sailor styled coat and a pirates hat with golden trim, pink ruffles, and a white anchor on the center. She wears an orange ascot tie. Her boots are the same dark blue of her coat and hat and reach just below her knees.

Personality:

Patty has two sides to her. Her first side is the side that is shown most often—

There is this bright, chirpy, confident, peppy girl. She is very frank and outspoken with a strong sense of justice, despite being a pirate. She enjoys teasing members of the party and rushes off on her on numerous occasions. Her tendency to underestimate the danger she’s in. When caught in a trap, nope, just enjoying the view. Attacked by monsters, nope, they were just playing. Being a very boastful and confident girl, she willingly enters situations she may not always be able to handle.

Then there is the more serious side of Patty. Which only shows when something is truly bothering her. However, when something does bother her, she doesn’t speak up about it. She carries it around and bottles it up till it all comes pouring out in a violent manner. Her conflict gets hidden by excuses because as outspoken as she usually is, she just can’t bring herself to reveal the truth to her friends.

Battle:

She has four different fight styles (Normal, advance, brainel and critical) and depending on which you get, Patty’s speed, power and combo abilities will change. Some of Patty’s gamble artes, such as Random Fall, Trick Trick, and Risky Bet can cause a lot of damage. Meanwhile, artes like Little Big Chef and Star of Dream have the ability to raise stats and regain health for the party. Aside from that, Patty can also cast magic artes through her random cast moves such as Risky Cast, Gamble Cast and Wide Risk, which can have several different results. It ranges from attack spells like Stone Blast and Holy Lance to support spells like First Aid and Sharpness.

Normal- is default

Advance- best for physical artes

Brainel- better for magical artes

Critical-has advantages of both Advanced and Brainel

Patty’s fighting style depends on luck. Some of her artes, such as Clunky Bomb, can even fail and backfire on her, causing her damage. If Little Big Chef fails, it will cut Patty’s HP and TP in half. Most of her artes have a chance of causing negative side effects, even K'Oing her.

History!

Side note.. The history of this is mostly my take on the information I gathered from the game. Take it with a grain of salt, but for my Role-playing on patty, this will be her past

Patty Fleur (aka Aifread) was born into nobility. As a child, her father gave her a set of pirate’s clothes, seeing his daughter’s love for pirates. One day Patty left behind her nobility and headed off to fulfill her dream and become a pirate. Patty made friends with Don Whitehorse and she joined the pirate’s guild Serpent’s Dream.

Sometime during Patty’s time as a member of Serpent’s Dream she meet her friend and eventual right hand man Seifer and learned to wield the invention of Serpent’s dream, Guns. Legend has it that Gran Carei discovered a paradise known as the Garden of the Waning Moon. The Maris Stella and Maris Gemma are said to be the keys to reach that paradise. Sometime after the battle of Mount Tezma (I don’t really know, the timeline is painful, I just know Yeager was in the guild at this point) the leader of the guild Serpent’s Dream, The great pirate Gran Carei, passed away. When Serpent’s Dream’s leader Gran Carai died, the guild split. Half stayed at sea and went on to become Siren’s Fang. The other half came ashore and became Leviathan’s Claw.

Siren’s Fang was hired as protection for the Black Hope. Alexei, even at this time wishing to gain the power locked in Zaude, was doing research into how to create an artificial moon child.

He used the people on the boat as guinea pigs and put a magic incantation on it so that the boat would become saturated with aer. Everybody on the boat became a monster because of this. In order to end the suffering of his comrades and the others on board, Seifer decided to kill them all to put them out of their obviously painful state.

Patty, heavily injured at the time, didn’t participate in the fight. Her injuries were so bad that in order to save her, he had her ingest the Amrita, something he may have been given from Gran Carai and was passed down the guild Siren’s Fang. Amrita-The nectar of immortality, Amrita, is made from pure aer, and as such, has various side effects upon those who are not children of the full moon. In Patty’s case, a childlike form and lose of memories.

Lost and without memories, Patty wandered aimlessly around until she was taken in by the family that lives in the light house in Capua Torim. Due to her supposed relations (Thinking Seifer was Aifread and also her Grandfather) she was told to never speak of her identity to others people. The guilds treat her poorly because without knowing the events of the Black Hope incident, they see Aifread as the man who trampled upon their beliefs. Despite what she was told, Patty still asked around about Aifread, trying to gain a lead on where to find him and her memories. This is turn caused guilds to mistreating her and often denying to help her.

#Patty Fleur #Info about Muse

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hadrongospeltranscripts · 6 years

Text

Ep. 2- Fright N’ Roll Night Rock

[Short upbeat tune]

Electronic Voice: Hadron Gospel Hour

[Rift sound effect]

Mike: Good morni— good evenin— uh, good whatever it is, folks.

A.S.H. Le: Good times, Mike.

Mike: I guess that’ll work. Let me just say that my latest adventure in the rift has spawned a bounty of candy wealth [wrapper crinkling] unseen since the Halloweens of my youth. Oh, and I got Esmeralda’s fragment, here.

A.S.H. Le: That brings the total fragments retrieved to two hundred and thirty.

Oppenheimer: Not bad for two months work, well done Michael.

Mike: Thank you, thank you. So, A.S.H. Le, how many fragments are left?

A.S.H. Le: Approximately 2.5 trillion.

Mike: [sighs] ‘Kay, well, um, perhaps you’d like to sample the spoils of my Halloween haul, doctor.

[crinkling]

Oppenheimer: What’s this then? Some corporate branded, bite sized conglomeration of guar gum and red number five, I gather? I’m going to put these through the particle scanner.

[crinkling]

Mike: I beat my personal best of ten pounds of candy. This last rift jumped proved to be very trick or treat friendly, no one around. Just empty neighbourhoods full of unoccupied houses with bags of candy on every porch. I also found this cool eighties van with the keys still in it [three beeps], hopped in, and just went to town.

A.S.H. Le: Congratulations Mike.

Mike: Thanks, A.S.H. Le

Oppenheimer: Hm. No doubt the jubilant rush immediately following the arrival of your most recent personal triumph muffled the most obvious of questions.

Mike: Wh-What d’you mean? Where the people were? Long gone, most likely. But the candy, I knew I could save the candy.

Oppenheimer: Care to share the results of the scan, A.S.H. Le?

A.S.H. Le: A compressed oxygen and carbon based substance consisting of water, proteins, lipids, appetite, complex carbohydrates, and a hearty mixture of dissolved inorganic ions.

Mike: Well I could have told you that.

Oppenheimer: People, Michael. You were about to eat people.

Mike: Gah! What? Are they alive?

A.S.H. Le: Negative. It would appear the hadron affect in that particular location had somewhat different resulting set of quantum mutations.

Mike: Moral dilemma averted, then. Jeez, I think I would have preferred razor blades, or pins in my mounds bars.

A.S.H. Le: Don’t be silly, Mike, everyone knows that was just mass hysteria, like the Salem Witch Trials and the Segway.

Mike: What’s on the agenda professor?

Oppenheimer: Precisely nothing, it would seem. 57 million timelines and nothing’s on. I would have previously thought this statistically impossible, but here I sit...

Mike: That can’t be true.

Oppenheimer: Broken hearted.

Mike: You should give your eyes a rest. And you potential poetry debut, maybe let that one cook for a while. Uh, what’re hoping to find anyway with this?

Oppenheimer: This marvellous device is a rift diactualator, a sort of decoder for the multifaceted nature of the rift that has torn countless realities asunder. Not unlike chat roulette. You see Michael, to the untrained eye this densely complicated visual code most likely appears to be nothing more than just that, random code written in a long forgotten language of probable alien origin.

[brief static]

Mike: That sort of looks like the Eiffel Tower to me...

Oppenheimer: Over the years I have stared endlessly into the static, interpreting, translating...

[brief static]

Mike: That’s probably the moon on fire...

Oppenheimer: And eventually seeing it for what it really was.

[brief static]

Mike: And that is definitely a heard of cattle with baseball caps on their heads.

Oppenheimer: Hm, well, it would seem that you, too are gifted with the sight. Although, I more recently see it as somewhat of a curse.

Mike: Can I browse through for a while?

Oppenheimer: By all means.

Mike: [brief static] There’s some sort of acrobat marathon, [brief static] this looks like a bunch of zombies in a supermarket… [brief static]

Oppenheimer: Yes, yes, typical rift fare.

Mike: Volcano eruption, [brief static] rioting, [brief static] oh there’s a cat with glasses… [brief static]

Oppenheimer: Far to much of that.

Mike: Woah, what have here?

[A weird noise starts, not unlike rushing water, but more threatening and gargle-y. It continues as the guys talk]

Oppenheimer: The horror! Quickly Michael, do not gaze upon such an abomination, my eyes be damned!

Mike: Well that reaction was unexpected. Are we both looking at the same thing?

Oppenheimer: I fear that should you continue on this fools course that only madness lie ahead for you! This creature is an indescribable monstrosity!

Mike: I wouldn’t say that is was… indescribable.

Oppenheimer: Of course it is. The focus of all that is pure evil in unbound space and time, how could one describe such a thing? A thing that should not be!

[Oppenheimer makes scared yelps and exclamations as Mike talks]

Mike: Well, I guess I’d start by saying that he’s like a three hundred foot headless, winged, humanoid creature, with a squid-like head, hundreds of tentacles protruding from where the mouth would normally be, it looks like he’s got a bunch of tentacles on his back… he’s covered in ooze… I would say there’s definitely an ocean theme going on.

Oppenheimer: Spare yourself, Michael, your mind must be moments from death!

[More noises from Oppenheimer]

Mike: Massive clawed hands… He got a tunic, or remnants of a tunic, which really isn’t— well, it’s not doing anything for the ooze. [Oppenheimer falls silent] It’s okay, relax, it’s just a code right, just a viewer? This things best attribute, it can’t see us at all. [Mike pauses and the creature’s noises get louder] Okay, he’s looking at us. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

[Theme song starts]

Intro: In the year 2008, in a secret underground lab beneath the large hadron collider, Dr. Oppenheimer Valdini was experimenting with a way to weaponize the so-called “hadron effect” and create the most destructive force ever known to mankind. A freak accident caused the hadron weapon to misfire, tearing a rift in the fabric of space-time, remaking our world and the parallel timelines of the multiverse into an infinite succession of horrors. Mike Wilkinson, I.T. guy by day and indie filmmaker by night was snatched from his world, and thrust into a terrifying dimension of madness and pseudoscience. Now, Oppenheimer and Mike roam the multiverse, chronicling the end of all that is, desperately trying to find a way to heal the rift and restore order to the timeline the only way they know how: by hosting a podcast.

[Theme music intsteifies]

Hadron Gospel Hour! Written by Michael McQuilkin and Richard Wentworth. Starring Richard Wentworth, Michael McQuilkin, Lisa McQuilkin, Michael Atkinson, and Wendy MacLean. With special guest star, John Mikl Thor.

And now, the hour has arrived! Hadron Gospel Hour!

[Theme song ends]

[Faint alarm sounds in background throughout scene]

A.S.H. Le: Imminent structural damage. The bunker will be compromised shortly.

Mike: So this is like a panic room, right? The safest part of the ship— uh, base— uh, what is this thing we’re in again?

Oppenheimer: No, no, nothing like that, I just needed a chance to gather my thoughts. Figure out the best course of action and preserve the integrity of the bunker.

Mike: Let me see if I can find the light… Okay, this is a closet.

Oppenheimer: Well, it’s more of a storage alcove, actually. With a door.

Mike: Let’s see… Shoes, tie rack, hanging jackets here next to my face. Yeah, I’m sticking with closet.

Oppenheimer: Michael, please! I need to think.

Mike: Well doesn’t this… vessel have any sort of defence mechanisms? Electrify the hull or something?

Oppenheimer: Of course! Defence mechanisms! Brilliant Michael.

Mike: Hey, that’s what I’m here for apparently.

Oppenheimer: A.S.H. Le! A.S.H. Le!

A.S.H. Le: Yes, professor?

Oppenheimer: Engage any and all bunker defence mechanisms immediately. [pause] A.S.H. Le?

Mike: This building-house has defence mechanisms, right?

Oppenheimer: Of course it does, though I’ve never had the need to use them prior. A.S.H. Le is an advanced A.I. bunker control entity, capable of handling billions of commands simultaneously. A.S.H. Le!

A.S.H. Le: Thank you for using the light edition of Automated Servitor Heuristics. To unlock advanced features such as exporting Automated Servitor Heuristic to popular formats, defence capabilities, and being able to listen to Automated Servitor Heuristic on your portable devices, please visit the Umbra Digital website at h-t-t-p-colon… [A.S.H. Le fades out as Mike and Oppenheimer talk]

Mike: You still haven’t updated? How many months has it been since Crystalos? Or that kerfuffle on Meatlantis, didn’t we talk about this?

Oppenheimer: Well Michael, let’s not argue on the merits of frugality at a time like—

Mike: Merits of frugality?!

Oppenheimer: Do you have any idea how much a custom artificial intelligence like A.S.H. Le costs, Michael? I could barely afford the lite edition!

Mike: Oh.

Oppenheimer: And furthermore, I certainly wasn’t going to start with an experimental A.I. prototype without some intense bench testing!

Mike: Well, I look forward to reading that report. Oh, no, wait. Wait a minute, I won’t be able to read anything, I’m about to die!

Oppenheimer: Now now, let’s rectify this immediately. They’ve provided a link to their website, we can upgrade right now and be done with it. To the server room!

[Rift sound effect]

[There’s still a constant alarm in the background, but it’s less faint now]

Mike: Jesus, I’ve never seen it so red-lit and smoke-filled in here.

Cyrus: Oh hey guys! Kinda noisy all of a sudden. Anything I can help with?

Oppenheimer: Yes, excellent. [muttering] “Anything I can help with”… Seriously.

Mike: Hi Cyrus, uh, we’ve got a bit of a problem that we need to rectify at the server room so…

Cyrus: Mike, Mike, I understand. you’ve got your priorities right now, I get it. You don’t need tot make time out of your busy schedule to set my mind at ease, that’s on me. I shouldn’t be putting that on you—

Mike: Uh, good, good. That’s great, Cyrus, I appreciate it.

Cyrus: Stuck in a wall or not, I understand how difficult it can be dealing with what life throws at you.

Mike: Great.

Cyrus: I used to fret about being late for things, the hustle and bustle of life in the city. I’d ask myself, I’m I doing enough? Have I maximized my potential? Did I tell everyone that needed to hear it that I loved them?

A.S.H. Le: Hull breached. Alien entity has morphed its shape and entered the bunker.

Mike: Cyrus—

Cyrus: I’d be in the supermarket, just doing a thing everyone has to do, but I’d be think about the fifty places I should be at the same moment. Multitask, multitask! Never appreciate—

Mike: I know exactly what you’re saying, let’s continue this at a later—

Cyrus: Of course, I don’t have any of those conflicts now. Fused to the wall, hopelessly immobile.

Mike: Okay, that’s my cue!

Cyrus: Look, trust me, I get it, godspeed. I envy you in a way!

[Alarm gets faint again]

Oppenheimer: Took you long enough, Michael. I told you about that man in the hall, quite the talker. Can’t give him a minute or you’ll be there all day. Anyway, come here. This terminal should do the job. Here’s the link, [typing sounds] and here we are loading and… Hm. Strange minimalistic design on their homepage, I can’t seem to locate the purchase.

Mike: That says “404 page not found”. Is there even such a thing as the internet out here?

Oppenheimer: Damn. Apparently not. Interesting, it’s been said the internet could survive a nuclear war what with all its redundant routes— mesh digital and analog conduits— but a single blast from the hadron canon seems to have put it on ice. Looks like the multiverse wasn’t the only casualty of the grim flame of my genius.

Mike: [clears throat] Professor, I’m as big a fan of irony and hubris as the next guy, but uh…

Oppenheimer: I’m going to try to reset A.S.H. Le and get her back online at least. Let’s see, um… Ah! There we go. A.S.H. Le? [typing sounds]

A.S.H. Le: I am here, professor. Would you like me to further research the merits of frugality for you?

Oppenheimer: I see, your programmers hobbled the defensive capabilities in their lite edition but had the foresight to make sure the sarcastic humour component was fully functional? What I wouldn’t give to shake their sweaty little hands right at this—

[pause]

Cyrus: Hey fellas?

Mike & Oppenheimer: Yeah?

Cyrus: There’s a guy here. In the hallway. With me.

Mike & Oppenheimer: Oh yeah?

Cyrus: Yeah. He’s just sort of… glaring at me.

Oppenheimer: Cyrus, try not to make eye contact.

Mike: Yeah, you don’t wanna be rude. [Cyrus’ muffled voice speaks in the background] We need to get out of here and, I don’t know, escape to the rift.

Oppenheimer: Every cell in my body seems to burn with the knowledge that we cannot escape this entity’s whim.

[Cyrus continues to have a muffled conversation with the creature]

Cyrus: Hey guys?

Mike & Oppenheimer: Yeah?

Cyrus: He’s done talking.

Oppenheimer: A.S.H. Le! Activate all bunker screens and play the tapes!

A.S.H. Le: [sighs] Rewinding.

Mike: No way.

Oppenheimer: To hell with hat A.S.H. Le, play it now!

A.S.H. Le: Tape rewound. Playing.

[Rift sound effect]

[Instrumental music plays]

Narrator: Tepid Fall to Derbiton Gallow.

[music fades out. Sounds of raindrops and a crackling fire play under the conversation]

Unnamed British Guy: Everything in order then?

Clancy Havenpush: It would appear so.

Unnamed British Guy: I trust Mrs. Sharpshire was helpful in getting your arrangements completed this morning?

Clancy Havenpush: That she was.

Unnamed British Guy: Splendid.

Clancy Havenpush: Her uncanny heart and candid nature are somewhat unexpected in these ghastly times, though no less appreciated.

Unnamed British Guy: [sighs] I long for the halcyon days…

Clancy Havenpush: As do I.

Unnamed British Guy: I’ll be sure to deliver your kind words.

Clancy Havenpush: See to it that you do.

Unnamed British Guy: Of course, my word is as good as my bond.

Clancy Havenpush: Lovely.

[pause]

Unnamed British Guy: And so… it has come to pass.

Clancy Havenpush: Victoria?

Unnamed British Guy: I’m afraid so.

Clancy Havenpush: Damn.

Unnamed British Guy: Indeed.

Clancy Havenpush: And… Emma as well, I presume.

Unnamed British Guy: Alas. [pause] I hear tell of delays on the roads to Derbiton, you’d do well to seek an alternate route.

Clancy Havenpush: One might suggest you do the same, perhaps… less Derbiton and more so the geography of the human soul.

Unnamed British Guy: A penny for your thoughts.

Clancy Havenpush: You can keep your beleaguered charity.

Unnamed British Guy: Monstrous cad!

[pause]

Clancy Havenpush: Well then, I suppose I’ll be off.

Unnamed British Guy: Will you?

Clancy Havenpush: Won’t I?

Unnamed British Guy: Would it surprise you were I to say you were?

Clancy Havenpush: My word is as good as—

Unnamed British Guy: I hear tell of candlelit whispers in the night to the contrary.

Clancy Havenpush: Feind!

Unnamed British Guy: Listen hear, old boy, I dare say—

Clancy Havenpush: You daren’t!

Unnamed British Guy: Now look here, look here now! Do I detect a hint of resentment in your tone?

Clancy Havenpush: Your senses do not fail you.

Unnamed British Guy: You are Percy Clavenook of Torpenville Hallow, are you not?

Clancy Havenpush: Heavens no, the name is Clancy Havenpush of Hyperpudding Vale.

Unnamed British Guy: Sir, you must forgive me for this, my most grievous of errors. How thoughtless of me. Never have I known the depths of such shame. Were I in the possession of a sword I would surely fall upon it with quickness.

Clancy Havenpush: Uh, think nothing of it, noble innskeep.

Unnamed British Guy: Oh, I-I don’t work here.

[Instrumental music plays again]

Narrator: On the next Tepid Fall to Derbiton Gallows

[Poor piano playing while a woman sings the word “la” a lot]

Posh Woman: You frightful cow.

[The singing woman cries]

[Rift sound effect]

[Ambient crowd noise in the background]

Gary's Friend: Hey Gary, you see that game last night?

Gary: Uh, which one?

Gary's Friend: Seriously, the big one, World Series.

Gary: Oh, that. What I don’t understand is, how can they call it The World Series if only one county is in it.

Gary's Friend: Hmmmm, never really thought of that, hell of a game though.

Gary: How come? Did they use something besides bats this time?

Gary's Friend: No, but— Hey, that reminds me of a joke! This guy goes to the doctor, he says—

Gary: The doctor! Is he okay?

Gary’s Friend: Well, he’s… Lemme just—

Gary: Recent trauma or some ongoing issue?

Gary’s Friend: It’s ongoing, I guess. So he says, doctor I think my wife’s cheating on me!

Gary: He’s telling this to a general practitioner? Bad move. He should really be seeing a licensed therapist.

Gary’s Friend: Sure, but he’s just—

Gary: Preferably one with a focus on couple’s counselling and/or marriage therapy.

Gary’s Friend: Anyways, the doctor says, what makes you say that? So the guy—

Gary: Woah, woah. “What makes you say that?” What kind of professional response is that? This doctor is suspect.

Gary’s Friend: Suspect? Of what, he just walked in.

Gary: No bedside manner, no “hello sir or madam”, right to the deflective question of the obviously sensitive subject. That’s grounds for a complaint to the board.

Gary’s Friend: Yeah, but—

Gary: Or at least, throw something up on Yelp.

Gary’s Friend: Okay, let’s switch gears. How about… Okay, knock knock.

Gary: Uh… Who’s there?

Gary’s Friend: Your parole officer. [sound of Gary’s running footsteps] Gary, Wait!

[Soft instrumental music plays]

Hume Vanguard: Do you often find yourself the only one at a table not laughing at a joke or humorous anecdote? Do you often find yourself using the phrases “I don’t get it” or “it’s just not my thing”? Are you compelled to type these statements in online comments sections? Have you ever lost a friendship by uttering the phrase “look I get it, I just don’t think it’s funny”? Hello, I’m Hume Vanguard and I’d like to talk to you about the Literal Institute. Everyday, millions of Americans slog through their day with an acute non-awareness of sarcasm, satire, and dry wit. Some severe cases live their lives with no concept of irony whatsoever. The Literal Institute can help. We’ll start you off with an intense introduction to the foundations of humour, trained by a team of professional instructors, all currently active college comics.

[music stops]

College Comic 1: So my boss chews me out for being fifteen minutes late last week. I could tell he was having a bad day, so I didn’t tell him I was sleeping with his wife. [pause] Just kiddin’.

[crowd laughs]

College Comic 2: Oh man, I hate waiting in lines, anyone know what I’m talking about? Lines are the worst. Sometimes I just wanna get to the back of the line and scream, “he’s got a gun!” at the top of my lungs and watch the cattle disperse. [pause] I would of course, never actually do such a thing, I’m just entertaining the fantasy of it to illustrate the level of disconnectedness and frustration I’ve endured. [crowd laughs] Also I don’t think people are the same as cows.

[music returns]

Hume Vanguard: It doesn’t matter if you don’t know your coward from your Howard, after our program you’ll be out there trading barbs with the best of them.

[music stops]

Gary’s Friend: So the doctor says, “I’m sorry Mr. Falcon, you have cancer AND Alzheimers”. After a long pause Mr. Falcon replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer”.

Gary: Jesus, what a terrible affliction…

Gary’s Friend: What’s that?

Gary: I mean, ah ha ha! Hilarious! That was a hilarious joke!

Gary’s Friend: Told ya.

Gary: Knock knock.

Gary’s Friend: Who’s there?

Gary: Comic lucidity. Thanks, Literal Institute.

Hume Vanguard: Call today. Literally.

[Rift sound effect]

[Faint alarm in background]

Mike: Good call on those tapes.

Oppenheimer: Yes, it certainly afforded us the opportunity to abscond from the server room undetected.

Mike: I feel much safer in this… doored storage alcove.

Oppenheimer: Yes, but I feel like the word safe can be no longer used to describe our collective futures, or lack thereof. We may have run out of options, Michael. I’ve been running calculations and possible scenarios for the past hour and I feel like I’m just staring at a blank chalkboard, dark and foreboding to the psyche. Maybe with just the teacher’s name, toward the right… Mr. Oppenheimer. A small suggested summer reading list below.

Mike: Just try to relax, professor, we’ve bought some time. You may get an eraser or two chucked at your head yet. It’s funny you mentioned school though. If I were the person I was as a kid I would probably be praying my ass off right now.

Oppenheimer: Michael, as you know, I am a man of science, however, I am unwilling to leave any stone unturned in our quest for survival. Tell me more of this… praying.

Mike: You’ve never heard of it?

Oppenheimer: No, but colour me curious as a cat. Lay it on me my formerly God fearing friend.

Mike: Okay… well. First I suppose you’d have to kinda pick a god to pray to?

Oppenheimer: Interesting. There’s more than one then?

Mike: Well, uh, it depends on… Well, there’s different pantheons…

Oppenheimer: Which is the most… powerful I suppose would be the next obvious query.

Mike: Well, uh, they’re all supposed to be, you know, sort of all powerful in a way.

Oppenheimer: Come now. There must there some sort of data collected on these gods that would allow us to logically rate them on a power scale. A.S.H. Le, search your databases for all references to the various pantheons of history.

A.S.H. Le: Should I filter out those that exist only in fiction?

Mike: That’s a loaded question.

Oppenheimer: No, gather all the data please.

A.S.H. Le: Computing. Completed.

Oppenheimer: Now, parse and arrange the data, ranking them based on direct involvement with he mortal worlds and conflict resolution.

A.S.H. Le: Completed.

Mike: That was fast.

A.S.H. Le: Thank you, Mike.

Oppenheimer: Which pantheons are at the top?

A.S.H. Le: There is one clear frontrunner.

Oppenheimer: Really? Which one?

A.S.H. Le: The Norse mythology.

Mike: That makes sense.

Oppenheimer: Okay, what’s next? What would the pure, naïve, child-like Michael do?

Mike: Well, after pissing himself, he’d as humbly as possible invoke the favour of the gods through a heartfelt plea.

Oppenheimer: Curious. Not exactly my strong suit, but well— here goes nothing.

Mike: Not a good start.

[Oppenheimer starts to make muttering singing noises. It does not resemble prayer.]

Mike: And not sure what that’s all about.

Oppenheimer: Lord of the Norse sky, hear me, your most humble and notably gifted skeptic. I call upon thee to aid us, if able and existent, in this our most dire hour of need. I am a man of science, previously the idea of direct communication with you would be met with scoff and distain, but today, before you is a desperate man. A man defeated, a man who see a universe without him in it. And I weep, for not only that incredible man, but for that universe. Such potential for change and advancement squandered on the whimsical mechanics of chaos. An agent of that chaos threatens that potential and I ask, I pray, that you in your probable but not verified wisdom— and grace— send a capable agent of hope in this, our darkest hour. Sincerely, Dr. Francis “Oppenheimer” Valdini.

Mike: Well that was something.

[long pause]

Oppenheimer: Well, clearly a failed experiment. We’re doomed.

Mike: Professor, we-we’ve only just started, there’s gotta be something. W— There’s so many things we were gonna do, to see.

Oppenheimer: Yes. Yes, there were. My beloved Esmerelda only 2.5 trillion fragments away from reconstitution, the rift so close to being healed, but alas. Michael, I know it to be the foolish notion of a hopeless man to ask, but I would… I would ask that you… To please forgive…

[Thunder clap]

Thor: We meet again, bub.

Cthulhu: You. How did you find me?

Thor: Let’s just say that a bad penny by any other name is still a bad penny, old scratch. Or, shall I refer to thee as The Deceiver. Oh, heh, how about Beleisle, Panzuzu, Araman, Apollyon, Beelzebub, Shy-tan, Abadan!

Cthulhu: Ah! And your name hangs on my tongue like a bolus of foul sputum that can never be expelled. Thor, God of Thunder, Asabrag, Dorin, The Intercessor, The Archangel Triton, The Metal Avenger, Vethor, Superpresident, The Rock Warrior.

Thor: Your many names mask the same snake, Asmodius! Or perhaps better known in these realms as Bathamut, Leviathan, Cthulhu, The Indescribable One.

Mike: Ehn, pretty describable.

Oppenheimer: Shh.

Mike: Hey, how long do you think this part with go on?

Oppenheimer: Hard to say, clearly these two have a history.

Mike: I’m going to go see if I can hurry this along.

Oppenheimer: Do you think that wise, Michael?

Mike: Nope. [clears throat] Hey guys, sorry to interrupt.

Oppenheimer: Yes, forgive our intrusion.

Cthulhu: Who dares?

Mike: I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that, uh, and I think I can speak for both of us…

Oppenheimer: Of course.

Mike: I just wanted to say that we are… impressed beyond believe and the number of monikers you’ve both managed to amassed over the years.

Oppenheimer: Most impressive. Most impressive.

Mike: And well, just as a personal aside and only because you folk may not know this, but I’ve slogged through life so far with just one name. A fairly common one at that, and the professor here—

Oppenheimer: Well, truth be told, I have quite a few myself, but that list pales in comparison to the inordinate amount of influence you both must possess in order to receive such a cornucopia of titles.

Thor: Your reverence is well received, mortals! It warms the heart of Thor. A heart buried deep beneath the eldritch armour and layers upon layers of equally impenetrable muscle.

Mike: Well, we couldn’t just stay in the next room with all this going on an remain silent.

Oppenheimer: We were compelled to say something.

Thor: And what say you, Serpent of Old? Wordless in the face of such exalted praise, Foul Betrayer? ’Tis rude of you.

Cthulhu: Insolence!

Oppenheimer: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. Although most appreciated, we are not fishing for reciprocal compliments here.

Mike: And we’re certainly not interested in complicating what is clearly an extend period of unresolved conflict between the two of you, it’s been a while hasn’t it?

Cthulhu: Eons.

Oppenheimer: Eons! That’s barely even a measurement of recognized time. Both Michael and I have had a rough road over these past few years, but eons! That cannot be easy.

Cthulhu: Yes.

Thor: Aye, perhaps before time itself. Battle after battle. So much lost in the fog of it.

Mike: Okay, well, we’ve said our piece. Uh, hopefully we’ve established ourselves as a safe place for you to, you know, unload some of that burden, even for a little while.

Oppenheimer: Perhaps even shed some light on some past transgressions to let the steam out a bit.

Thor: There you go, old scratch, you relish the destructive display of evaporation.

Cthulhu: This is true.

Mike: See? We understand you.

Oppenheimer: We understand.

Thor: What brought you here to this… this…

Oppenheimer: Interdimensional bunker.

Mike: It’s a lot like a spaceship building.

Thor: Yes, what brought you to this spaceship building?

Cthulhu: This mindless prattle has clouded you minds, fools! Is it not obvious?

Mike: Hey, we wouldn’t have asked if we didn’t want to hear what you have to say.

Thor: Aye, what is your purpose here, my oldest of adversaries?

Cthulhu: I am here to consume the souls of these mortals, these two Chatty Cathys. And I intended to do so regardless of the temporary sympathy plateau we’ve cultivated, but now I can see that you have duped me again, that these two are but shadows. No humans could be so vapid, so touchy-feely. Well played, God of Thunder.

Thor: Actually, Foul One, they’re real.

Cthulhu: Really?

Oppenheimer: Full disclosure, our intervention hear this evening is dual-purposed. The first has already been accomplished.

Mike: And thanks for sharing your honesty with us, i-it goes a long way. Even if it doesn’t seem so right at this moment.

Cthulhu: And what is the second purpose of your pitiful intentions?

Oppenheimer: Distraction. A.S.H. Le!

A.S.H. Le: Deploying liquid nitrogen jets.

[Whoosh sound. Cthulhu screams]

Thor: Nicely done, mortals, now it’s time for me to do what I do best. Let’s tune our weapons!

[Rock music starts, Cthulhu makes the occasional guttural noise]

Oppenheimer: Mother of invention, this is quite a sight! It appears that Thor has transformed into a shirtless titan. A radically different appearance, but no less imposing.

Mike: No doubt about that, professor. And look, the creature has transformed as well.

Oppenheimer: Yes, what a hideous sight. A curious design to choose in this particular instance.

Mike: Yeah, sort of a stick-thin nightmare with elongated proportions.

Oppenheimer: Almost insectoid in form and structure, pained movement, limited articulation.

Mike: Not sure if he even has legs, just kinda bobbing back and forth.

Cthulhu: Minions, attend me!

Oppenheimer: Curious choice indeed. And what’s this?

Mike: He’s summoned a bunch of small starfish looking things, they kind of look like hand puppets.

Oppenheimer: Now, Michael. why would a creature possessed with this kind of immense power conjure a series of benign children’s toys? For the sake of comic relief? Trust me, these are dangerous entities. Even though we can’t see their legs either.

Mike: Yeah, they seem ambulatory— Oh, look out! One of them has a switch blade.

Oppenheimer: My God, and that one is smoking!

Mike: Oh crap, these non-puppet things just flew through the air and stuck to Thor’s chest.

Oppenheimer: He’s having quite a struggle with them, it almost looks as though he’s intentionally holding them against himself.

Mike: That’s just crazy talk, professor. Should we help?

Thor: Stay back, mortals. I will prevail! These minions of the underworld are as deadly as they appear.

A.S.H. Le: So… not that deadly?

Oppenheimer: Look, he’s destroyed the minions! Now he’s locked in combat with the creature itself!

Mike: Like a strange, in-air, double arm wrestling competition.

Oppenheimer: Awesome indeed, Michael. Perhaps, awesome incarnate.

[Music crescendos, then stops. Faint dying wail from Cthulhu]

Thor: It it done. The fiend is gone… for now.

Oppenheimer: Sir, I-I don’t know how to thank— You saved my bunker… You— You saved us…

Thor: Ah, don’t mention it pal. Just a typical Thursday night for me.

Oppenheimer: Oh, uh, typical you say?

Thor: Yeah, get it? Thursday, Thor’s day, the name’s Thor!

Oppenheimer: Oh I see, heh, a bit of comedic wordplay, yes. I’m afraid I’m a bit myopic when it comes to any form of humour that doesn’t involve sarcasm.

Mike: Just checked on Cyrus, he’s fine. Woah, wait a minute! I know who this is.

Oppenheimer: Of course, Michael, just because he changed back into his earthly garb does mean—

Mike: This is Jon Mikl Thor.

Thor: In the flesh, bub.

Oppenheimer: Ah, yes, of course. I must have been a little woozy from all the sulphur. The legendary Jon Mikl Thor is here!

[pause]

Mike, Oppenheimer, & A.S.H. Le: Welcome!

Thor: Happy to be here. And to pull your butts out of the fire. Literally.

Oppenheimer: Please, have a seat on the couch. I think we’re out of chairs.

[Rift sound effect]

Oppenheimer: Thank you so much for being here, Thor. What is your preferred method of destroying your enemies.

Thor: I use mind-control. Everyone thinks that I just use my muscularity and strength, but actually I have a superior brain.

Oppenheimer: So you’re able to get inside their heads?

Thor: Yes, I have a special vision where I can inspect the brain and see what they are thinking, and I can be one step ahead.

Oppenheimer: Ah, mental manipulation and mind control, wonderful!

Thor: Yes, manipulate them and then give ‘em a judo chop in the neck, and then I grab their arm, twist it to their behind— not in their behind, but to the behind of the back— and they’re on their knees. That’s how I deal with them.

Oppenheimer: Jon, what was the first moment that you identified with the thunder god? What was the first moment onstage as Thor like

Thor: The very first moment onstage was a… very thunderous moment. I could hear the thunder and I could see the lightening. And I was being electrocuted at the time, as I stepped on a live wire and on a live flash pod. So, uh, that was my first, uh… uh, feeling of the god of thunder. [Oppenheimer chuckles] However, to get— seriously, I had just a, uh, incredible moment of… I was trying to develop the character of Thor and it was one of my favourite mythological gods— and, uh, also I’m a big fan of Superman— and I wanted to put both together and come up onstage and play heavy rock music. ‘Cause I used to train to Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, and all the heavy metal bands. Did you know that “Helter Skelter” was the very first metal song? By the Beatles. I used to train to that as well. And, uh, and then I got pumped up and I wanted to do it all onstage. Meld muscle and music together.

Oppenheimer: What was your favourite TV show as a child?

Thor: Besides The Adventures of Superman, it was the Lone Ranger!

Oppenheimer: Ah, yes.

Thor: Yeah, with Clayton Moore. Remember Clayton Moore?

Oppenheimer: I can see that in John Triton— a-a man who comes into town to clean things up.

Thor: That’s right, that’s right. You know all my influences and secrets.

Oppenheimer: And now we can watch Rock and Roll Nightmare with new eyes.

Thor: [chuckles] Yes.

Oppenheimer: Speaking of Rock and Roll Nightmare, why-why do you think that Rock and Roll Nightmare has become such a huge cult phenomenon with so many fans?

Thor: I absolutely have no idea. Seriously, I [laughs] I, uh, i-it leaves me scratching my head at times. Um, I-I just think that it’s one of those things where y’know, John Fasano and I were two young guys… You know, we just, uh— well he was younger than I was [laughs], I was rockin’ and rollin’ for a while at that time, an-and touring all over the world. And we had done Zombie Nightmare together and I did the soundtrack as well. And, you know, that was with Tia Carrere and Adam West— the original Batman. Uh, and the-then we wanted to do this movie together, an-and do some other ones as well, an-and our idea was “hey, can we just make a movie that could get distributed”. Y’know, we didn’t want just a movie that our— that we’d have in the basement where, you know, your mom and dad would watch and have the friends over, that sort of thing. We wanted a movie that could get distributed. And so that’s all our plan was. We had no idea that it would continue on, over the years and have this cult following and new generations of fans, for that matter. That was unfathomable. That… that… Well, that’d be amazing. So here we are, in 2013, I have just, you know, appeared on a tour, and I can’t believe the fans of… of, uh you know, this— this movie and, uh, if I look at it, I just think it’s… it’s that story, right? Of, y’know, why is The Man of Steel— well, of course, bigger budget and everything— why is the Man of Steel so popular, or why are superheroes popular? You know, Triton was a superhero, really, he was like Hercules, uh, you know, he was, y’know, sent from above to do a job on Earth, y’know? Let’s clean up, y’know? Do a job and— And I think there were some… some cool twists, and I think also, the music speaks for itself. I believe the music that was written—[coughs] Excuse me, but I have to take a little, uh… [Oppenheimer laughs] kudos here. [laughs] But the… [laughs] I thought the music was… It’s good music, right? It’s good rockin’ music, you know, for that time…

Oppenheimer: Totally.

Thor: And people still like it today. They— they keep going on about energy… and “we live to rock” and all these, uh… “We Accept the Challenge”… They stand up today.

Oppenheimer: And if I could add, one of the things that we find most compelling about your work— Rock and Roll Nightmare and all of your projects, really— is the amount of energy that you bring to it, uh, the… the fun you seem to be having and the passion with which you apply yourself. You are an entertainer, and it’s obvious that with you, entertainment comes first.

Thor: Well, that’s why I say to the crowd, uh, yeah, “you give me energy” because the energy I get from the crowd is… is… is beyond any kind of high I could get from anything else. it really is a high and and you can really feel it up there and… and i-it’s something that’s, uh, one of the most amazing feelings a human being could anger have. An-and it’s— That’s— Hey, why is Paul McCartney out there, you know, at 71 years old, entertaining the crowds? He loves it, I mean, there— He’s on bigger scale, of course, but you have to admire, uh, you know the-the guy… Hey, you know, most of the guys touring right now are over sixty. Y’know, they’re all touring out there, KISS loves it… I mean, y-you can’t escape it. Uh, y’know, “we live to rock”.

Oppenheimer: Yes! So what have the crowds been like?

Thor: Oh, uh, we… we had five thousand in, uh, in Florida. Um… In, um, in Europe we had, uh, a crowd of twenty thousand, um… S-so, y’know, i-it varies in the different regions we go to, y’know. But, uh, y’know, we, uh, we played— I have played in front of a hundred thousand and that was, uh, at a large festival in Europe. Back in… in the eighties, but, you know, most of the stuff, like, twenty thousand, you know, is recently.

Oppenheimer: It seems like there’s a lot more younger fans now who seem to be getting into that classic, uh… hard rock, power metal sort of sound. Uh, many more than perhaps even as recently as twenty years ago. Have you noticed that?

Thor: I absolutely— Yeah, I feel that, and, you know, with the social network., uh, and the internet, everything… it’s made the world smaller and everybody joins together an-and we have so many fans that contact us from Brazil, from Japan… Places, you know, that we’ve never been to a-at all, uh, before. But, you know, we ha— We’ve found out there’s so many legions of fans, um, you know, like in Germany and of course, you know, we’ve played in Sweden and Finland and all those places— and England. But there’s such a big world out there, a big universe. We are warriors of the universe and, uh, were ready t-to get out there at some point animate all these people. Uh, next year we do have plans to do some shows in New York, Boston, Washington, and, uh, uh, you know, we have a new album that will be coming out. Uh, there’s some, uh… uh… Well, special secrets, I guess, uh, that have not been revealed yet, but they will be unfurled to the world, uh… very, very soon. About I will say, maybe possibly a box set that’ll be coming out on, uh, on a major label, uh next year, that’s one. And, uh, also we got, uh, out of Europe, a single that’s coming out and another album. So we got plenty of products, are you confused already? But uh, you know, heh, I’m confused at times.

Oppenheimer: It’s a good kind of confusion. Where can the denizens of the various timelines go to find out more about your current projects and…

Thor: Yeah, yeah, thorcentral.com, metalavengers, uh, dot com, which is out of Europe. So, uh, you got the North American, uh, headquarters, and the European headquarters. And of course, uh, Facebook, Jon Mikl Thor on Facebook, y’know you can get, uh, updates, uh on there.

Oppenheimer: I have two more questions for you, Jon. Uh, you’ve been a champion bodybuilder, a rockstar, a filmmaker, actor, writer, and an entrepreneur with your throwback classic NHL jerseys. You’ve even been in comic books, uh, including that new Retro Tales comic. Is there anything that you’ve not yet attempted or accomplished, but would like to?

Thor: Oh, uh, I’d like to have a great golf game or an under three hundred bowling… y’know… [Oppenheimer laughs] There’s a few things there.

Oppenheimer: We need to bowl next time you come to the bunker, right Michael?

Thor: Yeah, absolutely.

Oppenheimer: Excellant.

Thor: I, uh… I’d like to… Like I said, I like to get a pretty good— I like to get the perfect game.

Oppenheimer: Yes, of course as do we.

Thor: That would be great.

Oppenheimer: One more question for you, Jon. What would you consider to be the most important lesson that you’ve learned in your time here amongst us mortals.

Thor: I would say, to… to be humble, you know? To appreciate what you have, appreciate life, appreciate the scenery. Do not be an egomaniac. I’ve dealt with many egomaniacs out there, and at times I may portray one here and there, but really, I’m a pretty humble guy because I’ve learned to be humble. You know, it’s like, uh, you gotta, you know, enjoy life to its max and, uh, appreciate nature, etc., etc. There’s, uh, you know, you can work yourself to death pretty much and just be focused on one thing, uh, for example music. You know, some guys are just “hey, I just wanna write the next one, the next big record” or, “I just wanna”— But, you know what? There’s other things out there that are wonderful, like bowling.

Oppenheimer: [laughs] Right, of course.

Thor: So enjoy!

Oppenheimer: Jon Mikl Thor, you are the best, thank you so much for talking with us.

Thor: Hey man, I appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me on the show, I really appreciate that. Look forward to seeing you guys again soon.

[Rift sound effect]

Thor: Well guys, it’s time I got out of here. Lots of other worlds to save. And I must have a ton of dishes to wash by now.

Mike: We can’t thank you enough, man, thanks for everything.

Oppenheimer: Yes, you truly saved the day, I imagine, on of many days saved.

Thor: Don’t mention it.

A.S.H. Le: Now, professor?

Oppenheimer: Absolutely not.

Mike: What’s up?

Oppenheimer: Oh, nothing, she just wanted to play some ending credits music for a silly video game.

A.S.H. Le: He just doesn’t get it.

Thor: Which game? Portal?

A.S.H. Le: Why… yes, actually.

Thor: Great idea, that would have really fit well.

A.S.H Le: Swoon.

Thor: Okay, so, uh… I guess I’m leaving now. [coughs] Hey, guy, don’t you have something for me?

Mike: Wha… Who, me?

Thor: Yeah, man. Keys?

Mike: Wha— Oh! Oh…

Oppenheimer: The van you found on the People Candy World, that’s—

Thor: My van, man. [sound of keys being handed over] Rock and roll! [van beeps] Gentlemen.

Song: Energy takes me where I want to be And you’re where I wanna be Girl you give me

[Van tyres screech]

Mike: Don’t call it people candy.

Oppenheimer: People candy, Michael. You were almost eating people candy.

[“Energy” by Jon Mikl Tho starts playing]

Credits: Hadron Gospel Hour is produced by Richard Wentworth and Michael McQuilkin, production assistance from Katy Falvey and Rebekah White. Special thanks to Jon Mikl Thor, Tim Conway, Bob Wilson, Scott Woolard and Barrelhouse Sound, Kris Paukstys, Tim Gleason, and Don and Eric Schulze. Download, rate, and review episodes of Hadron Gospel Hour at iTunes and Stitcher. And Listen to episodes any time at hadrongospelhour.com.

[“Energy” plays the episode out]

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