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tanoraqui · 4 years

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tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

#mdzs #the untamed #ficlet #my fic #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #(not actually here much; rip)#wen ning #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang yanli #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wen qing

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drop-of-infinity · 3 years

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Back at it again with the weirdly formatted Destiel fic! This part is canon compliant with season 7, and it’s kinda short bc Cas is dead for most of that season.

Chapter one is here

Chapter two is here

Chapter three is here

<><><><><><><><>

Chapter 4: season 7

Meet The New Boss

{“I need help.” Even though Cas is clearly not okay, even though they had just been trying to kill each other, even though Dean is so worried about him his throat is closing up, his relief is immense. Cas still cares, which means he’s still Cas which means there’s still hope.

{“I’m sorry Dean.” Cas was ready to accept that this was it. His last words would be trying to fix the harm he had done to the person who meant the most to him. This was it. Cas hoped Dean could understand everything that he still couldn’t say.

{“He’s gone Dean.”

“Cas, you child. Why didn’t you listen to me?” Dean tried to actually get angry, but he didn’t have nearly enough rage to cover the bottomless pit of grief opening in his stomach. But then- Cas opens his eyes with a gasp. The relief almost made Dean’s knees give out, but of course it didn’t last.

{“Dumb son of a bitch.” Again, the rage wasn’t strong enough to cover the grief. As Dean folded Cas’s trench coat over his arm, he realized he was resisting the urge to bury his face in it. Turning around quickly, he headed away from the leviathan infested waters. These feelings... they were stupid. Pointless.

{But Dean kept the coat. He ferried it from stolen car to stolen car, folded carefully in the trunk. Sam saw it once, and gave Dean a look that held more understanding then he had of his own actions. It made him both uncomfortable and strangely relieved. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but it didn’t matter. Dean kept the coat. Part of him stil believed that Cas would come back.

The Born Again Identity

{“Who was that?” Dean stared at the man in front of him. At Cas, somehow, miraculously, alive. He wondered what expression he was making, because he was experiencing so many emotions he thought he might explode. Under the cacophony of deeply repressed feelings, one clear thought managed to form. He’s not wearing the coat. Because I have it. Part of me always believed he would come back... and here he is.

{“Thank you for protecting my wife”

“Your wife?” Dean felt like there was a monster in his chest, squeezing his heart and trying to claw its way out. Trying to kill Daphne, Cas- no Emmanuel’s... wife. That was a perfectly normal thing to feel about your best friend who had just returned from the dead with amnesia right? Well, there was no normal for that. So Dean could feel whatever he wanted, it didn’t mean anything.

{“I don’t remember you, I’m sorry.” It felt like a stab to the chest, even though Dean already knew. To see Cas look him in the eyes and say that... it was a lot.

{“I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.”

“I don’t know how to do that either.” It was such a Cas thing to say, Dean almost collapsed. He had missed him.

{As the demon screamed, memories rushed in. Castiel remembered who he was, except- who he was wasn’t Castiel anymore. It was Cas. Remembering who he was was just remembering his time with Dean. He could feel that he was thousands of years old, but the memories that built him, the things that made him who he was... he saw himself walking into a barn, lights flashing. The righteous man stabbed him, and he smiled down at the knife. He saw himself rebelling against heaven, against everything he knew... for Dean. Dean, Dean, Dean. After going without his name for so long, his heart seemed to be singing it. He had done... bad things. Cas couldn’t make himself turn back to Dean for a moment. How could this beautiful man with his beautiful soul ever forgive him? He had to leave.

{“Wait.” Dean took something out of the trunk of the car. A folded trench coat. He handed it to Cas slowly, and Cas felt the weight of the gesture. He tried not to obsess over the implications. Why did he want to obsess over the implications? It didn’t matter. There was work to be done.

Reading is Fundamental

{“Pull my finger.”

“Why?”

“My finger. Pull it.” Dean did, and the lights exploded. So Cas was insane. He giggled at his own prank, and Dean ignored the tiny voice in the back of his head that whispered cute.

{“I followed a honeybee!” Cas seemed so excited. So calm. Dean had never seen a smile even half this big on his face. It made his chest ache. If he couldn’t even make his best friend as happy as he was when he had lost his mind, he didn’t deserve Cas in the first place.

{“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in heaven he was lost!” Suddenly, Dean is back at his 17th birthday, his first solo hunt. His dad is explaining what they’re dealing with. Two nuns, who... who fell in love. “They were... corrupted, in life and now in death. Take care of it.” John had said. Dean had burned the bones, trying not to think about the pretty boy in his class with the bright blue eyes. He returns to the present, and tries to remember to breathe.

Survival of the Fittest

{“Sorry, but I’d rather have you. Cursed or not.” And it was true. No matter what crap Cas would get them in to, he was all they had. More then that, he was Cas. I’d rather have you, Dean thinks again, but the meaning is slightly different.

{“Do I seem like good luck to you?” Castiel knew on some level that he was staring but he didn’t care. Dean was good luck in a way. No, he was better, because Dean had had to claw his way to every good thing in his life. Cas felt his heart speed up slightly-human bodies are so strange aren’t they?-as he looked at Dean. He had things to say to this man, things he no longer saw the point of holding back. You are my religion, he thinks simply, and it is not earth-shattering, it is not a revelation. It is a long time coming and his Lucifer-ridden head has somehow broken through to it. He doesn’t say it though, at least not in so many words. “Well I’ll go with you,” he says instead.

{Cas is standing nose to nose with Dean inside Dick Roman enterprises. He counts the freckles on the hunter’s face, making swirly constellations. He’s beautiful, he thinks vaguely. This thought is not new, in fact it is so old it has worn tracks and grooves into his brain. Tracks like the little lines next to Dean’s eyes. Dean, who is looking at him with a silent question, and Cas remembers he is here to be useful, and he needs to get on that.

{“I’m afraid we’re much more likely to get ripped to shreds.” Cas realizes it in a second. They are in purgatory, and he has to leave if he wants to keep Dean safe. He so badly wants to stay with him, help him, protect him, but he knows the best way to keep Dean alive is to get as far away from him as possible.

{Cas feels himself falling into his own head as he goes away. His restored mind is trying to find a way this ends where Dean forgives him. It can’t. He makes himself stop.

{Dean is running so fast it feels like flying, and he doesn’t know where Cas is but he has to find him. He wishes he could keep running, but the only way out of this is through. He makes himself stop.

In that moment, they are united across purgatory, joined by the common goal of keeping each other safe. Neither of them have time to consider what each other-or themselves-want.

#destiel #supernatural #spn #deancas #castiel #supernatural thoughts #spn thoughts #destiel fic #deancas fic #deancas fanfic #destiel fanfic #spn season 7 #supernatural season 7

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blobbyclouds · 4 years

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Hiiiiii... How about Soren meeting his future daughter with his s/o bc of a spell that went wrong while Callum was practicing. They are all just staring at the five year old child in front of them who is completely terrified until she sees Soren. Maybe they are still in the sky temple?? Before the final battle. Just imagine Soren walking around with a mini you in his arms while he's just vibin with his daughter like this is totally normal.

I love this idea😂! Thank you so much!

Warnings: none!

—

“We’ve got a situation!” Rayla called, her voice a mixture of confusion and concern unusual for her. The peace of your quiet spot in the sky temple was shattered, and you jumped to your feet with a racing heart. Rayla’s steps were rushing closer, but not fast enough. Awful possibilities swarmed through your head. Had Soren been hurt? Had something happened to the princes? Was the egg alright?

Rayla rounded the corner, relief filling her face as her eyes landed on you. “There you are!” she gasped.

You rushed to her without thinking. “What happened?”

Rayla shook her head, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Don’t ask me how, but Callum summoned a little girl while practicing his magic.” You froze, replaying her words and trying, mostly failing, to make sense of them. “Oh don’t look so worried, it’ll only last an hour. But still, we could use an extra brain on the situation.”

“Of course,” you said, pushing aside the strangeness of the situation. Weird was becoming more and more common for you anyway.

Rayla jerked her head down the stairs and began leading the way. “The girl’s only been here a few minutes,” Rayla explained as you followed her. “She was terrified at first, wouldn’t let me or Callum near her. You’ll never guess who actually calmed her down.”

You paused as you considered it. “Claudia? She’s full of surprises.”

“Nope, it was your boyfriend!” Rayla burst. “The girl, Naomi apparently, just ran right into his arms. Said he looked like her dad, even had the same name.”

“That’s strange.”

Rayla nodded. “Weirdest part is she and Soren even have the same eyes,” she said. “That’s the only similarity though. The rest of her looks… familiar, but none of us could figure out who she reminds of us. You’ll see it right away.”

You nodded, still trying to process the fact that on top of everything else already going on, there was now a little girl thrown into the mix for an hour. “Hope we don’t scare her too much.”

Rayla waved away your concern as you went down another stair case. “When I came to get you, she was playing one of those human games… I spy, I think,” she said.

As you rounded another corner, you heard a distant giggle intermingled with Soren and Callum’s voices. “Well, lets just hope we can keep her safe for however long we have her.”

You and Rayla came around the last bend in the path, and in the temple’s clearing you laid eyes on Naomi for the first time.

And it took your breath away.

The girl scooped up in Soren’s arms was a smaller version of you, just with Soren’s eyes. It was like someone had made a clone of you when you were about four, gave you Soren’s eyes, and then plopped you down in a different time. Naomi had your complexion, your nose, your smile, your hair, everything. Even if she hadn’t been a result of Callum’s magic gone awry, you would’ve been shocked by the jarring similarities.

“She looks just like me!” you blurted, because how else were you supposed to be reacting to this?

Instantly everyone in the clearing was looking between you and Naomi. The confusion in their gaze slowly shifted from shocked wonder and silence fell over the clearing. Even Soren, usually always ready with a quick remark, was silent as he hurriedly looked between you and Naomi.

Claudia, sitting on a bench with Ezran, was the first to recover. “That’s why Naomi looked so familiar,” she said, smacking her own forehead. “She’s the spitting image of them! ”

“No kidding,” Soren said, also recovering. He was grinning ear to ear as he glanced between you and Naomi. “So this is the other really nice person I was talking about,” he said, gesturing to you. “You’ll love them, they’re lots of fun.” He walked over to you, Naomi nearly leaning out of his arms to get a good look at you.

Her features shifted as she looked you up and down, her expression a combination of your and Soren’s confused look. Then she smiled, a big, beautiful one just like yours. “I like them,” she said. “They look really familiar, kinda like…” Your heart leapt into your throat. Did Naomi think you looked like her other parent? Or a distant relative? It wasn’t a logicless assumption given your similarities, but nonetheless, you prayed she would be silent. This situation was strange enough as it was, and the last thing anyone needed was a girl who looked like your and Soren’s...

Nope, don’t think it, you quickly told yourself.

Luckily, Naomi only shook her head and smiled. “It’s really nice to meet you,” she said.

“You too,” you managed.

“We’re all gonna play hide and seek,” Naomi said. “Will you play too?”

“Of course,” you said. “How about you and I count first while everyone else goes and hides?”

Naomi nodded eagerly and Soren shifted her into your arms in an easy movement, one strangely natural. “There you go. She’s adorable, isn’t she?” he said, ruffling her hair — just like he would ruffle your identical hair sometimes.

“Yeah,” you said, shocked that no one, Soren especially, had realized Naomi was the spitting image of what….

Well…

What your and Sidon’s kid would look like.

Hypothetically.

Not that you had thought about it or anything.

Anyway.

Soren grinned at you and Naomi. “I’m glad you two are already getting along,” he said. “Not that I was doubting it. You get along with basically everyone.”

You laughed and shook your head, relieved no one was pointing out Naomi’s joint likeness to you and Soren. “Alright, but you need to get to hiding mister.”

“Yeah, you gotta get a really good hiding spot!” Naomi added. “Cause we’re gonna be the best seekers!”

“Oh, I’ll make sure of it,” Soren said, smirking. He stole a quick kiss on your cheek and winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you two.” With that, he dashed down the path into a different part of the sky temple. Claudia and Ezran were already gone, leaving Callum and Rayla with the egg.

“Naomi, you start counting to one hundred by that rock, okay?” you said, putting her on the ground and watching her sit down on the rock and begin counting. Then you turned your attention to Callum and Rayla. “Are you two playing?”

“No, I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong with the spell,” Callum said, immersed in the pages of his spell book. “I have no idea how Naomi got here, or even where she’s from.”

“What was the spell supposed to do?” you asked, squinting at the strange symbols scrawled on Callum’s book.

Callum took a deep breath, but Rayla spoke before him. “I’ll save you from the long explanation,” she said. “The spell allows you to have a glance into the future.”

Heat rushed to your face. “So Naomi is probably from the future?”

Callum and Rayla perked up at that.

“You’re probably right…” Callum muttered, flicking through the pages with renewed energy.

Your heart leapt into your mouth and more color rushed to your face.

Rayla looked up at your blushing face then Naomi, then at the spell book and the direction Soren had run off in. “Wait, you don’t think...” she breathed.

You did nothing but stare blankly back at her, face red and mind empty with how real this had all become.

And Rayla promptly burst out laughing. “I don’t know how I didn’t realize it!” she burst, shaking her head. She smirked at you. “I bet this has been quite the experience for you then.”

“Shut up!” you whined.

Callum looked between you two. “I don’t get it.”

“Don’t tell him!”

“A little girl from the future,” Rayla said slowly, delighting in every word, “that looks like a perfect combination of them and Soren.”

Understanding dawned in Callum’s eyes. “Ooohhh,” he said, laughing lightly.

“Shush!”

“Oh don’t let us distract you,” Rayla said, smirk growing wider. “Naomi is almost done counting, so you should go spend time with your and Soren’s daughter.”

#the dragon prince #tdp soren #soren x reader scenario #tdp soren/reader imagines #soren fanfic #soren scenario #tdp x reader fanfic #x reader scenario #the dragon prince fanfic #tdp x reader imagines #tdp imagines #soren x you #tdp scenario #soren x reader imagines

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virghogh · 3 years

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unfortunately, not an astrology expert but deff interested. i jst wanna talk abt how jaemin in the camp thingy jst answered 3 for everything and the hosts said “he probably doesnt want to reveal himself” aaand now i wanna further psychoanalyse jaemin bc...like why? does he refuse to reveal any personal details of himself bc he wants to divide his work and personal life? understandable. or is it bc in the industry where they practically manufacture their artists, jaemin feels as if he doesnt rlly know himself and maybe feels insecure tht his real personality isn’t interesting enough for his fans?? OR EVEN he jst doesn’t gaf abt personality tests all together?? na jaemin wld fit a psychopathic role in movies well if u ask me

OMG RIGHT!! I'm writing about him and haechan in part 3 and I left them for last because they're going to be a puzzle to write about. Haechan is just an overwhelming person lol but Jaemin is soooo..,,,, odd. I haven't figured him out yet and that's kind of his point? When I was watching the episode when it came out and he admitted that, i was like hE ASDHK I was surprised but also not cuz I feel like that's such a jaemin thing to do😭 you have some good theories i've also been tihnking about it a lot because I know that the personality some idols show is from their company or some parts of it are fabricated or under/over exaggerated, some of them i feel are really genuine, but Jaemin.,, I really don't know what to believe lol It's clear he's a very private person so we can say that is for sure. Your thoughts about him not knowing himself that well either is interesting I've often thought that with all his leo placements the house they're in must be having a big effect. I've thought maybe the 11th because he's so weird and does it intentionally too. But I also thought the 12th which would create mega identity issues.

Another thought I had is regardless of the house, maybe this is what can happen when you take someone with multiple leo placements, and and put them where they want to be (in the spot light), and let them do what they do best which is perform and entertain. It could all be some fun performance to him. It's also clear that he quite enjoys it when he acts like that.

There are times where I think we see glimpses of one true side to him. Not the actual him but just one side. Is when he's quiet and just kind of being laid back and reserved. i think that is a big part of his personality. He does have an earth moon and venus so he probably doesn't open up unless he's with close and trusted people.

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minsugapie · 4 years

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The Eve: part 2 (2032 words) - Tom was right

• • • • • •

Lumi is down on her luck. After graduating university with a business degree, she has yet to secure a career in that path, reluctantly working and living at an old motel instead.

Kim Jongin is on the run. He’s been framed for embezzlement, and someone faked his death while he was out of town. With only a handful of bills and a false identity, he had been only able to survive for so long until breaking down in front of an old motel, hoping that whoever found him wouldn’t report him to the authorities.

• • • • • •

prev // current // next

masterlist

• • • • • •

YAY! the day has finally arrived then i feel like writing again! i honestly don’t even know what got over me, but i hope this feeling sticks around bc it’s wonderful. Anyways, please enjoy...

• • • • • •

Before heading out to do the laundry, Lumi knew she should at least clean up some of the cuts on his skin. Jongin’s face held less harsh lines, even though his fists were holding the blankets up to his neck to keep himself warm. She should have realized that her leaving the covers would have taken away some of the heat that he’d needed. It was one thing to make him warm…the other was to make sure he stayed warm.

She felt awful as she took the blankets off of him, so she turned the heat up a little more, leaving herself in only a t-shirt. It was too hot for her, but this wasn’t about her right then. His hands didn’t want to let go of the blankets, and she only managed to listen the grip when she softly pried his fingers away from them. His body flinched initially when her fingers touched his, but what was actually surprised her was how his fingers had instantly gone from clutching the blanket to wrapping around her own. She didn’t want to let go of them, but she needed both her inexperienced hands to feign being a nurse.

Taking out the medical kit from the paper grocery bag, she assessed what needed attention then and what was fine for now. Goosebumps arose all over his chest and those when she stated cleaning a particularly nasty cut stretching across his collarbone to his pec.

“I know it stings and it’s cold,” she gently whispered, quickly putting her hand up to his forehead to check his temperature out of reflex, “but it’ll be over soon and you can go back to being warm.”

It took her a little over half an hour to successfully clean the wounds he had received from whatever fight he had gotten into, with the occasional whimper or flinch from Jongin, but she was relieved when she realized that nothing was bad enough to need legitimate medical attention.

When she finally put the covers back, she leaned over him to make sure that everything was tucked in and warm, her hair fell over her shoulder and onto his face without he realizing. She backed away, after swearing that she had seen his eye flicker open. She must have been dreaming because he was unconscious and could barely move.

Whispering to him once again as she fixed a strand of his hair that fell into his eyes, she said, “I’ll be back soon, okay? I can’t have you dying on my watch.”

• • • • • •

Lumi felt guilty leaving him there all by himself again, especially when it was her day off, but she needed to do her own laundry and clean his clothes, too. Who knew when the last time he cleaned them was?

Judging by ‘byun’ on his phone, he was down on his luck. Lumi checked to see if there were previous messages from the person, but there were none. There was also no password on the phone, nor were there any other apps besides messages and the default apps that weren’t able to be deleted.

He was a man on the run, so she guessed it made sense that he kept himself as low-key as physically possible.

She was thankful that the laundromat was empty today, save two people that were always there when she was. One of them was the worker and the other was Jamie, a man that unfortunately had the same work schedule as her. If anyone in this town was suitable for Lumi, it might have been Jamie, at least Tom thought so.

“Morning, Jamie,” Lumi smiled, taking over her usual washing machine. She began to throw the clothes into the machine when she felt his presence beside her.

“You dropped this,” he said, picking up a large men’s flannel. Lumi knew he was going to say something, so she thought of what to say before he was even able to ask it. “Why are you washing a bunch of men’s clothes?”

“Um, they’re mine,” she ended up blurting, grabbing it from his hand and stuffing it into the machine. All her clothes were thrown on top of it. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Actually, it’s the style nowadays to wear baggy men’s clothes.”

“But I’ve never seen you wear it, and it looks worn,” he pushed. She knew that Jamie didn’t mean anything by it, but she was nervous. Obviously, since she was balancing on the tight rope of the law at this point.

Byun had told Lumi to be careful and that it was dangerous, so she absolutely had to keep Jongin a secret.

“They were left behind by someone at the motel, and I was going to take them. It’s winter now, so the more layers, the better, you know?” She smiled, trying to show off the little charm she had. She did know that Jamie thought she was pretty. It seemed to work on him as he nodded his head and backed away.

“I guess that makes sense,” he concluded, going to put his own clothes into the dryer. Because she’d already done a few things this morning, she was later than usual. Actually, it was almost a blessing because he’d be out of there faster than usual, deceasing the amount of time they’d actually have to spend together.

Lumi breathed a sigh of relief before putting in her headphones and pretending that she didn’t know Jamie as she waited for the laundry to be done.

Something finally worked out in her favour because Jamie didn’t talk to her again, and she was able to finish the laundry in peace. When she was finally able to head back to the motel, she began to get nervous. What if he’d left?

But then she remembered that she left him there in his underwear, and she had all his clothes. The very thought made her smile. The situation was kind of funny. Never did she think she’d see a shirtless Jongin that close, let alone have him unknowingly trust her with his life. Yet she remembered that he might have died last night if it hadn’t been for her.

She ran to her room when it came into sight, being as quiet as she could when she closed the door. Jongin was still sleeping, so she set to work putting her clothes away and made sure to fold his for him. When she picked up a few pairs of underwear, she couldn’t help but blush. He’d worn them. The man of every one of her fantasies had worn those pairs of underwear, and here she was in the same room as him.

Her life was just beginning to get interesting.

She noticed the note was in his hand, so he must have woken up, at least for a moment. She stood up and went to him to check if he was still warm enough. She lightly touched his face with her fingers and then felt his chest to see how cold it was. He was warm, colour back in his face and lips.

All of a sudden, a hand roughly grabbed her throat, surprising her.

Jongin’s eyes shot open, and he looked at her, sitting up. Lumi was speechless, not only because his hand was choking her, but also because she’d never heard of him having an aggressive side like this.

Her brow was furrowed as she hastily grabbed and clawed at his arm to let her go. It was no use, however, because he was so much stronger than she was.

She shook her head as much as possible, pleading mentally for him to let her go. She was going to pass out any second from lack of oxygen. “I didn’t…call…the police,” she struggled so much that she wasn’t sure he was even able to understand.

When he let go, she fell to the floor, clutching at her throat. There were surely going to be bruises.

He stared at her few a few moments, probably trying to figure her out as she coughed, obviously struggling to regain her breath. He scratched his chest and then realized that there weren’t any clothes there. He pulled the blanket up to his neck and narrowed his eyes at her. He quickly looked under the blanket to check if he had on any underwear.

She coughed again, still trying to clear her throat after what he’d done to her. She slowly started shuffling backward and away from him. Never once did she think he would do something like that to someone who had saved him.

Then again, he was probably just as scared as she was in this situation. She realized too that he had been completely out of it when she brought him in. He couldn’t have known who she was.

She shook her head crazily as she tried to get her voice to work again. He couldn’t think that she took advantage of him. “I cleaned them!” She pointed at the pile of folded clothes at the end of the bed. He looked at them before looking back at her.

There was an expression of curiosity on his face as he took her in more. His stare bore into hers like nothing she’d ever felt before.

“Please, just drink some water and eat something,” she pleaded, getting a piece of bread and putting it in front of him with a banana. “I’ll explain when you’re healthy again.”

He stared at the items in front of him before picking them up and eating them hungrily. She read that it was important not to feed someone too much to begin with otherwise they could get sick.

When he was done eating, he took another full water bottle and laid back on the bed. He stared at her as she sat on the chair across the room, watching him. He was different from what she’d imagined. He was calmer and spoke a lot less. He actually seemed reserved –unlike most businessmen that she’d met.

• • • • • •

Jongin was curious about her. She hadn’t called the police on him. She washed his clothes. She even fed him. And he’d almost killed her.

He hadn’t meant to be so aggressive, but he was scared. The last thing he remembered was wandering along the highway, looking for a place to take refuge.

There was one other thing he remembered. He didn’t know if it was a memory or if it was just conjured up in his mind.

It was a woman, platinum blonde hair and pale skin, telling him to drink and again leaning over his frame. It was definitely a memory because as he thought of it now, the person that had pleaded with him to get better was the woman sitting in the chair across the room from him.

She looked and acted like an angel, and he nearly killed her, most likely bruising the pale skin of her throat. She was a literal saviour.

But why would she want to save him? It might have been better for everyone if he had he simply died.

• • • • • •

When Jongin finally fell asleep again, Lumi went to the bathroom to look at her reflection. She was right, her neck was bruising. There were purple fingerprints on her skin, reminding her of how stupid this situation was. Tom was right.

How could she have just trusted him? He really could have killed those people and embezzled all that money. She had no idea who he really was.

Taking a deep breath, she vowed that she would learn his side of the story.

As she continued to stare at the bruises on her neck, her mind wandered back to the text messages. Byun had said that he was sure it was a guy named D.O. Could they have been talking about the crimes? It couldn’t have been anything else; it was too much of a coincidence.

Throwing on a scarf to cover her neck, she locked the door once again and made her way to the diner to have some dinner. She’d have to bring a lot of leftovers home, so it wouldn’t be just salad for her tonight.

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redandfranticfeelings · 5 years

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okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique.

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!

#be more chill #bmc #actuallyautistic #autistic headcanons #long post #be more neurodivergent #queue are so busted

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propshophannah · 7 years

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Can you do me the biggest favour ever and summarise the Cas/Az/Mor "triangle" for me because I must be forgetting shit. I though Cas and Mor went at it bc Mor's background/defiance and then Cassian was annoyed bc she never went and never wanted to go back but Cas still loves Azriel and wants to see him happy with Mor? Or is he jealous? I also get really confused about the "he didn't want to tell Mor about Nesta" bc I thought they were done? Or does he tell her those things to make her jealous?

Woof. This scenario is intense and tangled and there is A LOT of missing context that hopefully we will learn about in the next book(s). But I’ll do my best. @sparkleywonderful Help me out if I missed something big!

A brief summary of what I call the not-a-love-triangle-love-triangle between Mor, Cassian, and Azriel.

It all started when Mor was 17 and went to visit Rhys in the Illyrian camps. At that time Rhys lived with his mom, Azriel, and Cassian. Mom took Rhys and Az to the Night Court on business, and left Mor with Cassian.

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS COMPLICATED.

Mor tells us in ACOMAF that she wanted her first time to be with a legendary Illyrian Warrior. And that she’d taken one look at Cassian and had known he was the best. So she slept with him. She tells Feyre that she never slept with Cassian again and that he’s always wanted what he can’t have.

That 100% sounds like Cassian still pines for Mor. But it’s going to become clear by the end of this summary, that it’s not 100% the truth.

In the extra ACOMAF chapter “Wings and Embers” (find it here in @bookofademigod profile), Cassian tells us that 500 years ago, Mor spent a few weeks with them at the Illyrian camp, and that he was jealous that Azriel was looking at Mor. I would argue that Cassian might be bi, but also, at that point in time, Cassian was getting his first taste of family. He’d grown up on the streets. So when Azriel and Mor exchanged glances and Azriel changed ever so slightly–Cassian admits that he got jealous and that when Mor asked him to have sex with her, he didn’t even think about it.

He was likely around the same age as Mor, too. And being a jealous, horny teenager–he did not think about what the repercussions might be.

Now here is where it gets sticky, and where Mor potentially becomes the Aelin of the ACOTAR series: It’s not 100% clear whether or not Cassian knew Mor was a virgin when he slept with her. On top of that, it is not 100% clear whether or not Cassian would have known anything about court life and that Mor’s virginity was a prized object, and that she’d be beaten for losing it.

In the ACOMAF extra chapter, Cassian says, “So when Mor has asked him to bed her … He’d done it. A jealous, stupid prick, he’d done it, and regretted it at that very first thrust, when he’d felt her maidenhead yield to him, and realized the enormity of what she’d done.”

So this can be read multiple ways, here are a few:

Mor chose not to tell Cassian she was a virgin because had he known, he’d have said no.

Mor chose not to tell Cassian she was a virgin, and it wouldn’t have made a difference because he doesn’t know anything about court life and that she is to remain a virgin.

Cassian knew Mor was a virgin, but was so jealous that he didn’t care. And only when he felt her maidenhead yield to him did he have a moment of clarity and go “oh shit.”

It’s unclear. But regardless, the context that we do have is important. Both Mor and Cassian were at an age in which emotions tend to interfere with, or get in front of, decision making. Cassian was at a time in his life when we know Illyrian males only want to “fuck and fight,” and he told us he was motivated to have sex with her out of jealousy. Mor was at a time in her life when her family was going to sell her body to the highest bidder (state-sanctioned rape), and she took control over her own body and rebelled by deciding who she was going to have sex with.

So let’s take a moment and agree to be careful of how we label, or choose to talk about both Cassian and Mor after these facts are all laid bare. And I say that because we have a tendency to fall back on stereotypes and archetypes that are so engrained within our culture and within human societies that we don’t know that we’re even doing it. (A lot of times when we talk about how women can be misogynists too, and not even know it, it’s because these stereotypes and labels are acting on us and we are unable to see it because they’re so ingrained within our culture)

For example: It would be easy to fill in the gaps of what we don’t know and to fall back on the over simplification of Mor’s sexual identity and experiences. Meaning we would apply labels to her–and the accompanying characteristics and personality traits–such as: snake, temptress, seductress, bitch, slut, vixen etc. The list could go on.

Movin on.

One thing we do get from Cassian’s POV on the matter, is that he says, “…the enormity of what she’d done.” Notice that he doesn’t say “he” here. And this is big. Because it implies that Cassian is aware of the agency Mor has. That having sex with him–whether she told him she was a virgin or not–was a decision he would have respected.

And I believe that this holds true regardless of how the sex happened and if there was lying. Because the one thing we know about Cassian, is that he is 100% the hollow, self-deprecating man inside who would give you the shirt off his back, but who hides behind the mask of the Macho Man/the Ladies Man.

So when Mor tells Feyre that Cassian has been pining after her since they had sex, it’s a facade. And it’s one that we can deduce from Cassian’s actions–he’s 100% aware of.

That’s how I feel about it. Some may disagree. But as it stands, I think what happened, may have gone something like this:

Whether Cassian knew Mor was a virgin was irrelevant to me. Because Cassian would have had sex with her because he is THAT guy. He is the nice guy who would want his friend who was facing a lifetime of rape and breeding to have her first time be with someone of her choosing.

But I think in that moment, Cassian was also fueled by his jealousy. And had he been in a more “sober” moment, he’d have started a conversation like “you know what will happen to us if we do this, right?” as a way to double check that we’re all on the same page and that we know what we’re asking and agreeing to.

That could have happened. But we don’t know. What we do know is this:

Cassian allowed/allows Mor to act as if she were innocent, and as if he were the one to initiate sex. We know this because that’s the “myth” that Mor is perpetuating when she tells Feyre that Cassian still wants her. It’s the “myth” that Rhys still believes because he tells Feyre at one point that Cassian would probably try to have sex with her.

It’s the “myth” that Cassian himself set into motion when he allowed himself to take the beating for Mor’s “defilement.” It’s the “myth” that he continues to perpetuate when he actively puts himself in the position of the shameless ladies man who still wants what he can’t have.

Knowing what we know about Cassian–he deeply loves and cares for his friends, he has little thought of himself/his own well being, he’s good at being who the people around him need him to be (ect.)–he was and still is protecting Mor. Just as he is protecting Az.

He feels guilty for what he did to Azriel, and for the beating Mor incurred. So he plays buffer between them. He puts himself in the middle to protect Az and to say sorry to him, as much as he does it to protect Mor from looking as if she had more to do with them having sex than they both let on. Again this goes back to the line, “…the enormity of what she’d done.” He doesn’t think about it as what “he’d” done, the agency lies with Mor. Yet Cassian takes the fall as if it were something “he’d” done.

To end this not-a-love-triangle-love-triangle summary and to try and answer your questions, I’ll end with this:

I do not think Cassian is jealous. I think he pretends to be to some degree to keep Mor safe, and to protect Az from not being the one who was chosen by Mor. Cassian loves both Az and Mor. And they both love him.

We don’t 100% know why he “didn’t want to tell Mor about Nesta.” That is something that will definitely get cleared up in the next book. If I had to hazard a guess, it’s because Mor and Cassian are both aware of the game they play. The game that is the “Cassian seduced Mor/took Mor’s virginity and is the reason she got hurt” myth they both actively perpetuate.

I think he does that to protect Mor and by telling her about Nesta, he would be leaving/deviating from the not-a-love-triangle-love-triangle that he, Mor and Az are all in. But in ACOMAF we see him deviate from that cycle in the “Protect this House” scene when he openly vows to Nesta Archeron to “protect this house” and her and her people. The scene where she actively allows him to make that promise by then allowing him to wipe the tears from her face in a room full of strangers and people she’s just laid herself bare too. #CassianHasAThingForWomenInNeedOfHelp

I also think that Cassian loves Mor (as a friend), and that there are those moments in life when you know things are changing, and once they change, we can’t go back. So I think part of him not wanting to tell Mor is this feeling like he is abandoning her or their friendship/how he has protected her and how she has allowed him to feel good about something. Mor let Cassian play the hero by taking the fall for her actions. And I think she feels indebted to him, but it’s private.

Because if she felt indebted openly, then she would have to face the facts that she came from a family that was going to sell her body for alliance, that she had sex for the first time for (what she probably feels are) the wrong reasons, that the people who raised her cared so little for her that they would use her body as a bargaining chip. And I think Cassian is aware of this. So it hurts him to know that by leaving the triangle, he is in a way leaving Mor. He can no longer be the handsome, shameless ladies man who distracts everyone from looking or thinking to closely about what happened to Mor. Or about what happened between he and Mor.

The idea of nostalgia (the longing for a real or imagined past) plays into his feelings for Mor. The familial love he has for her. The love he has because she let him play the hero and save her. That she continues to let him be that hero without public recognition because it makes him feel less hollow inside. And all the other stuff, like trust, that does along with this. Loving Nesta is the beginning of the end of that and I’d argue that Maas foreshadowed the end to their non-a-love-triangle-love-triangle aka their “unit” already.

Ugh. Gosh I hope that answered your question! This is a real quick rundown of this whole triangle thing, and I left out how this info and the themes here could effect the ships: Nessian, Moriel, Elriel. But I hope this helps!

#Cassian #Moriel #Mor x Azriel #Elain archeron #Elriel #ACOMAF #ACOTAR #ACOWAR #maas trash #not a love triangle love triangle #nessian

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pa-awesome · 5 years

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Small Lies That Escalated Into “This Is My Life Now”

• Found out a coworker was from the same city I grew up in. He asked what my "old man's" last name was. Being an unmarried woman, I assumed he was asking about my father to determine if he knew my family back home. Apparently he was asking about my non existent husband, so until he quit I carried on the facade that I had a husband from back home.

• My mom gave my sister a chocolate orange about 15 years ago and she kind of embarrassed the family by saying it was gross. I didn't want to make my parents feel bad so I said that I'd eat it. It was gross but I pretended to like it. Now every year for Christmas I get a chocolate orange.

• Pretended to be a girl on World of Warcraft for a solid two years. I didn't actually set out to do it, just never corrected anyone when they assumed I was and by the time I thought to come clean it seemed too awkward.

• I convinced pretty much everyone in my life that I was allergic to coconut at a young age. I simply just didn't like it at all and it was a good way to avoid eating it (logic of a pre-teen mind). My mom played along. It wasn't until about 3 years ago when my mother in law had a surprise birthday party for her husband and she made a german chocolate cake. The kicker here: she did HALF of it coconut and half without so I could enjoy the cake and not have an allergic reaction to it. I broke down. Laughed. Told them it wasn't true and I actually am not allergic. Her face melted. I hadn't realized how long I had kept up the lie until that very moment.

• When I was 12 years old, I lied about my age and made myself older for about 3 years, so I could still be somewhat cool in WoW. Now some of my WoW friends settled over with me to other games, and whenever I meet someone new, they're likely connected to them. At this point it's too awkward to explain that I'm not the oldest, but in fact the youngest in our friendgroup.

• Told one guy i was canadian bc they asked why i apologized so much. That was in 1st grade, im now a junior in highschool and people are shocked when they find out im not canadian

• I dated a guy who's father was a minister. I liked this guy a lot. I knew their church was one of those loud, dancing talking in tongues churches and his parents asked me to come to church with them. The dad did this whole long ass sermon about premarital sex and being saved. The guy I was dating kept nudging me and his family kept smirking so when they asked who felt the Holy Spirit and wanted to be saved I walked up to the front, everyone was jumping around and people were getting popped in the forehead and going into convulsions on the floor. I pretended to feel it. They smacked my forehead, I fell back, I just laid there with a few other people on the floor with my eyes closed wondering if I should twitch or something. Afterwards everyone was hugging me and his parents were crying.....

• I was working at a small company about 10 years ago, around the holidays. It was approaching Thanksgiving, and the ladies in my department had organized a pot luck luncheon. I was adding my contribution to the sign-up sheet when I noticed that one particular co-worker had signed up to bring brownies. She was a nice, single, older woman who had many pets at home (2-3 cats and as many dogs) and was regularly covered in a layer of pet fur. The day of the party had arrived, and everyone was going around filling their plates. There they were on the dessert table - the brownies. I didn't want to eat any of them, but I also didn't want to be impolite - so I told her I couldn't have any because I was allergic to nuts. Fast forward 9 years, and I am out with a friend (who had also been a co-worker at this company) I had kept since that job. After a few drinks, I tell her, tearfully, that I have a confession to make - I'm not really allergic to nuts. She burst out laughing, thinking it was going to be something much more serious than that. She is the only person I have made this confession to.

• A dude I knew was giving this girl some shit and she kicked him in the nuts. Ok, extreme reaction, but such is life. He doubled over in pain, but since he was kind of a douche anyway, no one cared much. The next day (a Friday) his dad took him out of school for some reason. Then when he returned on Monday he learned that the big rumor was that his balls ruptured from the kick, and he had to get emergency surgery. Rather than correcting anyone, he went along with it. This went on for years. People made fun of him, and he just joked about it. There were idiotic songs people sung about him. He laughed about it. Never denied it once, in fact participated in some of the joking at times. Finally, one day about 3 years later he comes clean. She didn't even actually kick him in the balls, just in the gut and it really knocked the wind out of him. After all this time, the dude who got kicked in the balls was basically his identity. Strange turn of events.

• When I was 16, I humored some Mormon missionaries to make my best friend and his family happy (they were Mormon). So after a few home "lessons" about the LDS church I had already showed a lot of fake support and interest. Being awkward, I didn't want to admit to not being interested. When they asked if I wanted to be baptised weeks later, I said yes, imagining I'd eventually back out. I didn't. Became an athiest Mormon. After months of living this double life, attending church, etc, my mom decided to show support by becoming Mormon. I was mortified. My recovering Catholic dad pulls me aside and asks me if I really believe this stuff. I explained everything to him and he thought it was hilarious. I also made him promise not to tell Mom because, again, awkward and too far deep. She asked me to baptise her and I refused. This insulted her. Fast forward a year or so and I distanced myself from church people while still maintaining the close relationship with my friend and his family. It's been 12 years now, and we still hang out weekly and nobody considers me Mormon. I never explained this to him.

• The second or third week of college my freshman year I stumbled into a room where a newly acquired friend and his roommate were playing kingdom hearts. We briefly talked about how much they loved the game, etc. Eventually, I fall asleep on their futon from general college induced exhaustion. An indeterminable amount of time later, I wake up to them quietly talking about what to do with the person napping on the couch. Not wanting to be rude, I tell them "Oh sorry - I wasn't really napping" They call me out on my buffoonery, and I decide to double down that I WAS NOT NAPPING. We get into a pretty heated argument about what constitutes a nap and the specific things that I was doing if it were not napping. I do not back down and start essentially yelling at them that I was not napping. This grew into an uncontrollable inside joke where whenever I would go anywhere with these guys they would say something like "man, its a good thing bendernas doesn't take naps", he'll be the life of the party. Or some shit. This slowly spreads to basically everything we did (small school of ~ 3000 students, where most people had some sort of obscure connection to most other people) and I eventually became known as the person who didn't take naps. (edit: i love naps) A few years later we became roommates and the proceed to wake me up basically every single day whenever I took a nap.

• When I got out of college, I got accepted in an internship. After that internship, they hired me. When they asked about my diploma, I said the truth, that I needed a few more general classes(French and PE) to finish and get my diploma. They said: No problem, but you have to get your diploma. I said(the beginning of the lie): It's alright, I'm already registered for the classes next semester. They said: Ok but make sure you get it soon! Then never asked about it again, even after changing HR management twice since then. I've been working here for 10 years now, never went back for my diploma. I know it's stupid, but let's hope I end my career here or something.

• Living in a College Town, every year around spring graduation there's one or two "I'm here to see my kid graduate, but I haven't been able to locate them" families. Usually kids that stopped going, pocketed their parents money, and/or just gave up and couldn't handle telling the family. It ends sadly sometimes. That's a big lie/deception to deal with and maintain. It almost always comes to a head.

• My first relationship. A few days in, then-girlfriend tells me she isn't ready to go public just yet and if we could just pretend we weren't together for a few days then she would be ready. Six months later, I had lied to so many people for her I can't tell whats real anymore and any time I asked her if we could stop because it was messing with me she refused and argued her way out of it. Looking back on this fucks with my head to this day. Amazing how much things like that can snowball.

• One time someone who I wanted to be better friends with showed me a metal gear solid meme and me being me I pretended to understand it. I then was forced to research all the games and their plots, Easter eggs, quotable characters, and other memes to better fake understanding. I still have never played a metal gear solid game.

• My fiance has a great one. She's a picky eater, and rather than tell her best friend that she doesn't like bananas, she told her "I'm allergic to bananas." For YEARS, her best friend would make sure everything was banana-free. From cakes, to desserts, to even clearing her house of anything banana related. After close to 15 years, my fiance finally told her "Hey, I just don't like bananas." Nervous, thinly veiled hatred in the form of laughter ensued.

• One teacher at school said my name wrong and I was too anxious to correct him. Long story short it’s almost been a year and I’m in too deep to say anything else.

• I live in Cambridge, UK and my go to answer to those "interesting-facts-about-you" moments (you know, corporate icebreakers or interview stuff) is that I got knocked over by Stephen Hawking whilst on the pavement near my house. Partly true as in he lives in the city, travels out and about on said streets. Truth is I just saw him on a path once. I was driving. People love that it's a bit different so imma keep using it.

• A buddy of mine's dad had a funny ongoing joke of sometimes referring to his son's friends by similar, but incorrect names. Trent became Trevor, Scott became Sam, Ethan became Eric. Just silly stuff like that. So in that vein he starts calling me 'Donald' (jesse is my middle name, my first one starts with 'D'). At first I thought he was joking, but he just. Didn't. Stop. Its been years, and now that we're all moved out and on our own I rarely ever see him. But he still calls me Donald whenever I do, and at this point its way too late to correct him.

• This is a small thing, I don't go by my full name but when I sign up for classes at my gym, it's done through an app and shows up on the roster as my full name. I never thought that anyone there would eventually know me by name, so when the instructor would take attendance I just never corrected in. But now I'm a year in and I'm casually friendly with most people there and I'm in way too deep to correct them now. It's not that I mind my full name that much, I have just never really gone by it.

#repost #liar #lies #story

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