So I don’t really go here anymore but I figured I’d make some of y’all have to live with the knowledge I realized a couple weeks ago

The first batch of young royals s3 episodes is releasing on the fifth anniversary of the beanie boy is ger!Even, Heaven slow-mo Druck clip.

ALSO- due to leap year, all 5th skam anniversaries happening this year after leap day happen on the same day of the week as they did in 2019. so if you were considering say- an experience bot Druck s3/4 rewatch, take this as your sign to do it. because I’m doing it

Being a Behavior technician requires a certain amount of dedication to the job — the rigorous type, bordeline rigid. That’s what is expected to be at peak efficiency regarding analysis protocols and diagnostics for host service and calibration.

For that, Vivian thinks she might be the worst tech in her department. 

— masterlist, AO3

Chapter 1 on 12

Chapter wordcount: 2,486 Story status: Complete Rating: General Warning: people swear a lot, technobabble counts as swearing as well (believe me)…

Author’s notes: This is the first time I post a fanfic online. A real big one I mean. Not just crackfics... I’m emotional. I don’t know what the schedule will be yet because my queue is acting up, but everything should be out regularly, or something that looks like it. This first chapter is an intro to the main character and what she does, and I hope you’ll enjoy this story and its characters all the way!  Also, I really want to thank @pheedraws​ and @something-tofightfor​ for their heartwarming feedback on the whole story. Thank you SO much!!

Have a good time reading, and my askbox/messages are open! 💙

— Chapter 1

Now wasn’t a good time to yawn…

And yet, Vivian had nothing else to do but wait right now, wait while the progress bars slowly filled up on her tablet screen.

Now wasn’t the time, simply because some of her colleagues were passing through the hallway, behind the glass panels of her cubicle, and among them was the head of Behavior department — incidentally, her superior.

No doubt they were all about to grab a bite at the restaurant and Vivian held back an almost envious mumble; she was starving! But before she could go eat anything, she had to finish with her last subject on her morning schedule; host ID#DH410829420391, named Mildred.

And Mildred was back at the lab on account of a negative report about her response time during interactions with other hosts but also with guests. A lag that only happened in character mode, not in analysis. So, Vivian started with refreshing her lexical base and improvisation engine. It took some time to check the entire tree but as of now, it was done.

"Can you confirm if the update’s complete?"

"Confirmed," Mildred answered right away, her voice flat and her look vacant.

"Back in character mode."

Mildred seemed to wake up and blinked once before focusing her attention  back on Vivian.

"Mildred?"

"Oh, I’m sorry," she answered with a hint of a shy smile. "I must have drifted off, I believe… The working hours at the farm are ungodly sometimes!"

The response time was more than good, now. The improvisation too.

"I was wondering if there’s a lot of clients at the farm these days," Vivian asked.

The answer was not long to come.

"Certainly! Our cattle sure gives the best milk there is. No matter what the competition says!"

"How many green bottles are standing on the wall?"

Questions and procedures were always more or less the same to determine which bits of code, settings or values could cause an issue or start to glitch like crazy!

But today, for Mildred — and Vivian — everything was back in order, and each/both of them could soon return to the the usual course of their scheduled day.

It was about time for Vivian to take a break, if she was reduced to that kind of wisecrack…

A glance at her wristwatch, even while her tablet displayed a more accurate time than the watch hands, and Vivian concluded her analysis. She folded the tablet, slid it back in her jacket pocket, and left the large glass room after one last embarrassed look at Mildred she was leaving there, naked in the dark. Vivian didn’t even fight down a shiver. It was actually freezing cold in there!

She comforted herself with the thought that Mildred didn’t feel anything in this state, disconnected, and that a team wouldn’t take too long to come get her, do her hair, dress her up and put her back in rotation in no time. Barely as much as Vivian had for her lunch break… and that was just enough to go all the way up to the hub restaurant. But the bosses here didn’t care much about how long the lunch breaks lasted, as long as the work was done in time.

So, Vivian didn’t hurry to get to the elevator she shared with two co-workers who only interrupted their chitchat about hockey results for a vague greeting.

At this hour, the restaurant was a bit more crowded but it still wasn’t too hard to find a seat in the large and relatively peaceful room. The whole vibe in it was corporate though, even in that staff only room; every dish were stamped with the park logo and name — from the bottom of the plates to the salt shakers — and a flat HD screen displayed a bunch of Delos branches ads that looked much weirder without sound.

After a while, one didn’t really pay attention to all this anymore… A few months was enough to make it all part of the landscape and for the mind to simply stop noticing it.

And Vivian had been working here for three years, now.

However, she was still bothered by a few details sometimes, such as the huge white walls that spanned all the way up a balcony floor and a domed ceiling or the fact that the stalls were lit with a pale light under which the food turned to a sickly colour.

Hopefully, under the less saturated lights of the main room, the Caesar salads and the turkey-tomato sandwiches were back to a more appetizing hue.

Her tray loaded with a potato-corn salad, a big glass of water and a piece of bread, Vivian walked towards the tables, eager for her potatoes to lose their blueish glint. Just shy of the screen, she recognised a familiar face, Margaret’s, another Behavior tech from her team. Both were on friendly basis now, where it was possible to enjoy some time together and to laugh a little, even if it took them a whole year to finally break the ice.

Margaret waved at Vivian when she saw her pick her way across the room, inviting her to join them — them being Margaret, and three other guys from their department.

"Did you hear the latest, Vivian!?" she blurted. "I’ve been told that Damon Dyers is in the park, at this very moment!"

"Damon… Dyers?"

Vivian didn’t even hide her puzzlement while sitting in front of her.

"The actor," one of the three guys — Luke — pointed out. "Marge was just exposing how she’ll mooch the control room techs for a footage…"

"Listen, if you were as thirsty as I am about this guy, you’d understand!" Margaret replied.

To that, he quipped:

"My husband would be pissed!"

All chuckled in approval before returning to their almost emptied plates, while Vivian had barely touched her own.

"Can you imagine," Margaret daydreamt, leaning back in her seat as in a comfy armchair, holding her Pyrex glass like a snifter of bourbon. "Damon hunting down Escaton in the hills…"

Vivian scoffed; she could imagine, indeed.

At the table, Charles, Thawal and Luke didn’t pay any more attention to them, carrying on with their chat about retro gaming. Vivian would probably have preferred to be part of that conversation; not that she didn’t know shit about movies and their actors, but more like aside from a few exceptions on which they got along swimmingly, she didn’t have much taste in common with Margaret. But she listened to her friend anyway as she kept going after a sip of sparkling water:

"How am I not supposed to be hot on the idea!? I’ll deadass find someone to bootleg me some footages!"

Vivian smiled out of politeness, not saying much, as always. Her mouth was full anyway.

"Oh, by the way!"

Margaret took another swip of her glass before putting it down on the table and leaning towards Vivian.

"Apparently, they’re going to burden us with a whole new bunch of hosts in two or three weeks," she said, with all the serious she could muster. "I heard that from Elsie. Narrative must be trying to compensate for something, if you know what I mean…"

Vivian knew very well.

"We barely have time to light a fag between two sessions already and they plan to add another hundred on our backs!?"

She snorted disdainfully.

"Don’t know what they’re spicing their coffee with but it isn’t doing them any good."

"No shit," admitted Vivian, a bit testy at the idea. "Unless they also plan to hire? Did Lowe say anything about it?"

Margaret shrugged.

"No idea, I haven’t talked to him in a while."

She patted her blazer pockets then sighed softly; Vivian understood her attitude as relief, and a craving, even a need to light a cigarette.

"You should ask," Margaret pointed out with a smile a tad clenched in the orbicularis muscles. "You like him, right?"

Vivian approved; she admired his thoroughness, his love for details… A lot could be learned while working under his care and Vivian found him both spirited and friendly.

Margaret didn’t quite share the feeling, however; in her own words, he was giving her the heebie-jeebies.

"Anyway, I’m off," Margaret stated with an even greater impatience in her voice. "I gotta light one before the crazy afternoon waiting for me!"

She gathered her cutlery on her tray, adding:

"Not giving up on the idea to come across Damon fucking Dyers, though! At least in video recs. Wish me luck!"

Vivian nodded and Margaret put her tray away on the sideboard before hurrying to the exit.

Her colleagues had changed topics next to her, and now they were talking about cars, motorcycles and mechanics. As she didn’t know much about that topic, not as much as in computers, she listened only a little without taking part.

Then, Vivian finished wolfing down her potato salad and her glass of water; she would soon return to her shift and examine a series of hosts, the characteristics of which she overviewed on her tablet from her timetable’s folders. It was simply routine checks, and Vivian liked that kind of sessions; it was like meeting with a friend, just to catch up with them.

But for now, she would take a few minutes to get some air and natural light on top of the hub before diving back into the high tech depths of the Mesa.

At seven in the evening, closer to eight, Vivian was glad to be back to her on-site apartments. Once again, she had grabbed a snack at the restaurant but the room was much more crowded than it was at lunch and came close to a headache before reaching "home". She could have dined here, cooked something on her induction hob but she was so tired — or lazy — that, tonight again, she still choose to eat at the restaurant over having to do the dishes!

Now, she was getting out of the shower in her bathrobe and throw herself on her bed.

Living like this, it was like being a teenager all over again, back at her parents’, or at the dorm… but once she closed her apartment’s door, Vivian was totally free to do whatever she wanted. As long as it didn’t involve wrecking the place!

But now, even if she wanted to, Vivian wouldn’t have had the strength to break any chair, nor even to make a mess of the bed… About that, she was actually planning on laying there, and falling asleep in her bathrobe while watching a movie or reading any book she had available on her personal tablet. A tablet that was nothing close to the one she was using every day in the Behavior department labs, but a tablet anyway.

She swiped the covers without any real interest; in all honesty, she was feeling too tired to read. Even something she had already read. And she cringed a little when the minimalistic cover with her automatically signed name appeared.

Yeah, even too tired to read her own words!

Besides, it wasn’t great literature at all — a fanfiction. Two, to be precise. Both about the hosts and their narratives as she could have written about a movie, book, or video game’s characters.

Vivian grumbled, letting her tablet fall flat on her stomach, and she stared at the white ceiling before closing her eyes while nibbling her lips. She had written this almost six months after she started working here, taken over by all the motivation, excitement and creativity around her!

She refocused on herself since but, in the meantime, she wrote these. And even though Vivian considered herself to have a fertile imagination, she still commended herself about how better for everyone it was she hadn’t applied for a job in Narrative…

Rising her tablet up again and tapping on the lit screen, she entered the file and skimmed through it, trying to ignore the grammar mistakes she stopped committing since; and mistakes aside, her stories had nothing exceptional, totally influenced as they were by her mood and the not-so-new-but-still-trendy storyline — Escaton’s and his bandits, essentially…

Over a very short time, when Vivian was still more or less trying to fit into the life of the facility and social circles of her co-workers whose names had yet to be caught, she had heard so many comments, appreciations and reviews for this narrative that she looked into it first.

After all, the park afforded Lee Sizemore, renowned author who made a big name for himself with a "hot and grimy" historical saga, a few years back before running out of puff under his editor’s pressure. And a juicy offer by a video game studio to adapt it. 

She understood; everybody, whether staff or guests, was more or less hyped by the brute force brought by Hector Escaton — virile and dark male figure — to the relative tranquility of the park’s starting point.

And Vivian had been no exception.

If her first story was only about made-up characters to explore the pleasing and well rounded context of Sweetwater, her second, on the other hand, was more audacious, altering shamelessly the story from what its authors had surely intended; victorious over the town after killing the sheriff and all opposition, Escaton and his gang enjoyed their plunder at the Mariposa where Hector fell for one of the saloon girls.

That being said, Vivian remained very proper — maybe totally prudish — in these sort of narrative fantasies of hers; nothing turned freaky or utterly violent…

All she did was throwing a few sentences on her writing app for some evenings, when inspiration struck or simply because she urged herself to follow through with what she started. All on her personal tablet. She knew better than to write that on anything system-tethered. Imagining that a bored somebody could just hack into the system all the way up to her personal data… and end up on that giddy nonsense, made her wants to puke!

Not to mention that it might also be forbidden. Even though she never planned to, she knew she couldn’t share it with anyone, nor anywhere. Not as a park employee. If the guests were writing critiques and other reviews online about their stay, herself couldn’t talk about it from the inside. Confidentiality and shit…

Her texts would remain secret, and her silly fantasies with them. In any case, it wasn’t as if she intended to try anything for herself, and even less with Hector Escaton, all the more since he wasn’t even part of the batch her team had in charge. And also, rumor has it that fantasies aren’t always good when act upon!

With a lazy tap, Vivian quitted the reading app and dropped the tablet on her sheets before burying her face in her soft pillow. She let out a deep sigh in it, relaxed, and in fact, she fell asleep almost right away.

Submission Time #8

Okay this is embarrassing because I already sent so many messages your way I feel like I'm spamming you. I'm really sorry about that. I got into this place where I just cannot leave it be if I don't try to figure it out, but I also feel like I cannot figure it out on my own so I'm trying to find help. If you don't have the resources or willingness to help me, I fully understand. And I will leave you be. And thank you for standing all this mess, please don't block me, I like your blog.

I was hoping you could help me with my primary. I'm really torn between Ravenclaw primary Vs maybe I'm modelling Ravenclaw and I'm actually a Burnt Gryffindor. I read some posts which already discussed it but everytime I think I got it, I find new things and just leave me confused. Or perhaps I just don't trust my observations enough and I feel like I have to revise them over and over and over again just to make sure. It's a bit painful, but mostly because it feels like I have no control over it.

Thing is, for years I've wanted to be a Ravenclaw. Like... Effing embarrassingly so, considering it's a fictional...basis of talking about people and it's not particularly the most accurate thing either. (And in recent light, with JKR being...the way she is, there's another layer of 'you're still thinking about that lol'). To the point where if I got anything else, I would panic a bit, I don't know why. There are people who would see me as a Hufflepuff, and I definitely see why, I think I also have a model of Hufflepuff. But I'd say it's a model, and not Primary, because while helping people and being there for them makes sense (From Fleabag: "People are all we've got."), there's clearly times when it's not good to have people a priority.

Anyway, coming back to it. I have realized last night that perhaps one of the reasons that I keep overthinking it is because I don't feel like a Ravenclaw. Which then made me wonder, do other Ravenclaws feel like Ravenclaws? Or is that just counterintuitive, of course they wouldn't. Point is, it's like being an imposter. Like, I'm not really a Ravenclaw, but I really want to be one because if the whole thing we're real, I'd definitely be excited to be around people and learn things by discussing/debating with them (and be around so many books). So my wanting just skewers the data, and it's not valid. And it makes me wonder if I'm perhaps a Burnt Gryffindor which doesn't trust their intuition and observations very much.

Why does it matter? I don't know, I've wondered often. If it's just me wanting to be truthful or simply accurate (not just that I want to be one). And even if I were to be a burnt Gryffindor, I don't think anyone would just steal my Ravenclaw hoodie and say "No! You can't hang out with us anymore!", it's just a system. And yet...

I suppose I don't want to be thought of as delusional. That there's things that others can see but I cannot. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, perhaps it matters less, but... this system still says something about us. And now I'm realizing that perhaps I'll never be a 100% sure and perhaps that's alright. There's few things we can be 100% sure of, and even things in science get updated every now and again. A small dose of skepticism is healthy.

Okay, I'll still send this in the hope that if you do post it, maybe there's another overthinking person whom my rambling might help. Thank you for reading, if you got this far.

-------

Paint:

Lol don't worry about the "spam," I don't mind (you haven't been sending duplicates) and I'm just glad you're excited and want to engage :)

Inky and Kat, the ladies behind @sortinghatchats, have always said that no matter where you land in *their* system, you can claim yourself as whatever House you want overall. Like, if asked in a non-SHC context, I'm almost as likely to claim Hufflepuff as Ravenclaw--I strongly fit both Houses and it kinda just depends what sort of mood I've been vibing with lately, lol.

What you're feeling isn't you tricking yourself. It's you wanting to belong. That's very human and very, very relatable. One of the biggest reasons the House system is appealing is this idea of arriving in a new and unfamiliar place and immediately being validated as part of a specific tribe of people with similar interests.

In fact, the canon HP characters feel the same way you are! Neville laments that he doesn't feel brave enough to belong in his House. Harry also has a crisis over his place in Gryffindor in book two. In Harry's case he's also sort of worried he might be secretly evil or something, but both characters are ultimately concerned that they don't belong and will end up being rejected by those they're close to (or unable to form new bonds with people they care about).

So, before you get any further into investigating your Sorting, I need you to know that you have a place in Ravenclaw no matter what your primary and secondary turn out to be.

(one of us one of us one of us ONE OF US)

But also, your essay and your confusion and your laser focus on finding which House you "truly" are reads very Ravenclaw primary xD

The major question to ask is...

Do you think you'd be happier fully trusting your intuition? Or does questioning things and trying to find consistent principles to live by feel satisfying, and you wouldn't want to give that up? If you felt your intuition was reliable, would that just be a huge relief or would you still want to poke at it to check its truth and analyze your own patterns?

In other words, how content are you in using Ravenclaw primary? Because if you like it, then you probably are one.

Gryffs modelling Ravenclaw have a specific... feeling to them. They can be healthy, perhaps just dutifully double-checking themselves with Claw as a precaution but ultimately trusting themselves. But often Gryff-modelling-Claw is a result of them Burning at least a little, and their relationship with it is at least slightly bitter.

Ravenclaws with Gryff models don't really have that problem. A Fallen Ravenclaw is more likely to model Hufflepuff than anything else, because it's a stable external system they can use as a scaffolding while they rebuild their own. Claws who model Gryff usually like and use both Houses.

I hate to make this more complicated for you, but have you considered that you might be modelling Stripped Gryff? If you like using Ravenclaw and you feel stable and okay and like you know what the right thing to do is, but maybe you wish you could lean on and trust your intuition a little more, this might be what's going on.

Hi, hope it's alright for me to drop a matchup request thru here because it's a bit long! I love the way you do your matchups, I can tell by the way you write that you really like writing! That's special :3

Name: Caitlin, sexuality: bi (more attracted to guys), pronouns: she/her

star sign: Virgo sun, cancer rising; mbti type: INFP; hogwarts house: hufflepuff

personailty description/qualities & flaws: i'm usually reserved at first, but once people get to know me, I'm actually a little chaotic. The words my friends always use to describe me are "nurturing, soft, sunshine". I'm pretty detail-oriented and I focused on a lot of org/club work during my time in school. I have anxiety disorder, made me develop habits like fidgeting and isolation, but I've learned to make both of these useful when trying to get out of an episode.

kins: not sure what this is but upon checking urban dictionary, is it a favorite character/character I associate myself with?? if it is, then Chihiro from Spirited Away and Sansa Stark from GoT :D

Hobbies you enjoy or want to do: I am very much involved with music! I come from a family of singers and composers. I am hoping for a career in this field some day

appearance description (only if you want to!!): I am 5'1", asian, dark brown hair with blond highlights, round features (some say I look like a cartoon character lmao)

music taste or favorite songs, fun facts about you, etc. - I'm really into dance-y electro indie or alternative stuff, but I know how to appreciate pop music when it's good. I also have a throwback playlist (60s-90s music) called The Greats lol

please add a couple traits you look for in a partner, it would really help! :) - someone to be silly with, who would take down their walls for me and will make me feel like i can tear down my walls as well

just add anything you think will give you the most accurate results! - i notice i'm attracted to imperfect/somewhat chaotic characters but not too much like a gremlin (basically if it were a scale to measure how chaotic a character is, the lowest being sakusa/kenma to kyoutani/noya, I need it to be somewhere in the middle AFHDSKF i hope this wasn't useless info)

Thank you so much I hope I'm not overwhelming you :((

Hiiii! And OMG THAT BEGINNING PART IS SO SWEET “that’s special :3” like that’s so adorable please 🥺 anyways I ship you withh...tendou!!

Tendou is very outgoing and extroverted so he’ll naturally be interested in your more reserved nature. He honestly loves the fact that your not necessarily flamboyant like him because it equals you two out. And he loves the challenge of seeing if he can make you sociable, it’s basically his goal to see if you can match his energy or open up, so when he found out you were secretly a little chaotic he was LIVING. Like its nice how youre able to slow him down when he’s going too fast because he definitely needs that sometimes, but it’s just as amazing when you two are just being two little beautifully chaotic messes together. Something about it is so hilarious yet comforting.

You literally make his heart melt every second of everyday, I’m not kidding. The way you’re so nurturing and comforting and just present such happy vibes/feelings makes him swoon over you 24/7. Honestly you said how people use “sunshine” to describe you and seriously that would be his nickname for you (either that or angel or paradise AHJXJA-) He’s never gotten attention nor affection growing up and to this day he’s very starved of both so your caring and soft personality just makes him feel SO loved. The way you care is literally foreign to him and he never knows what to even say because he’s not used to it. All this boy needs is some love and since you can provide that for him he’s gonna make sure you don’t regret it. He will be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, like seriously he’s 100% loyal, incredibly sweet and understanding, hilarious, loving, and just downright an angel. Your personalities fit like puzzle pieces and what one of you lacks the other can provide. Also, with your anxiety disorder he knows exactly how that feels. He has bad anxiety (from lots of events and just naturally) and has definitely picked up habits because of it, some the same or similar to yours. So he is vv understanding of what you’re going through and knows what to do in order to help you. Trust me, he’s amazing at helping you through, whether you’re having an anxiety attack or your just plain sad he’ll be right there comforting you with chocolate, anime, blankets, and dumb jokes.

I feel like the description of who you want fits tendou very well which is why I sealed the deal on matching you with him. I mean he’s incredibly silly and goofy and he’s always making jokes. He has a barrier blocking the real him but that’s only because he’s never had anyone he could trust with his authentic self before. Once he knows he can trust you he’s going to tear down his walls very quickly and is going to try extremely hard to get you to do the same. And I have a good feeling he’s gonna succeed in doing that, I mean it’s tendou we’re talking about here. And you’re attracted to imperfect and somewhat chaotic characters? You might as well have just said tendou out loud abhsbaajjs jkjk but seriously that’s basically the definition of tendous personality. All of that just added to my conclusion that you two would basically be a picture perfect match.

Scenarios with the two of you:

•one time you were telling him about how you wish to take on a singing career in the future so he asked if you could sing for him because he’s only heard a little bit before. When you sang for him I swear you could see literal hearts in his eyes, I’m not even joking, and you know how talkative he is? He was s i l e n t because he was so mesmerized by how beautiful you are in every aspect (definitely including your voice🥰)

•not rlly a scenario :( but literally he has SO many nicknames for you can’t even keep track of them. Normally it’s stuff like sunshine, paradise, angel, QUEEN (in all caps cus he usually shouts it like “HEY QUEEENNN” ahhsahdh), baby, that kinda stuff. But he also calls you things relating to YOU like “his little cartoon” or “ms anime character” because you have round features (which he find absolutely adorable), kit-Kat and capri sun because of your name, and even Linshinoya because of your name and your dark brown hair and blonde highlights being similar to nishinoyas HAHABDJ

•you two are SUCH music lovers especially of Alt music, you two are seriously always blasting music and people have to tell you to turn it down but do you? Nah (unless they’re nice about it😌🔨). But you two are constantly singing and dancing around with each other Twenty. Four. Seven. and it’s so cute🥰🥺

AHH HI IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG you’re literally so sweet and such an angel pls and don’t worry your definitely not overwhelming me honey I love doing these!! <33😌🥺

⊰ H E L L B O U N D ⊱

❥ (A/N): Hey guys, I wanted to apologize for taking so long, it’s just that I tried my best to keep the jokers in character which is rather difficult and time-consuming given that Heath is an unpredictable little fuck while Joaquin’s Joker, which I will refer to as Arthur throughout the story, is still unfamiliar territory to me. Anyways, this chapter will give a backstory in regards to how the reader met the Jokers; that being said, there won’t be much interaction between the reader and the jokers since, y’know, they’re barely meeting. Also, this is the first fic I’ve ever written so please don’t flame me too hard, although I am more than happy to receive constructive criticism! In any case, I hope y’all enjoy it :D

❥ Pairing: Heath Ledger Joker x Reader x Joaquin Phoenix Joker

❥ Summary: Don’t walk by yourself at night; you never know who or what you might come across. 

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀— ♡ —

Tonight was just like any other night — nothing out of the ordinary. Well, at least when it came to your daily “game plan,” which merely consisted of waking up, prepping for work, trying to maintain a straight appearance through your 12-hour shift, and coming home to attempt -and successfully fail- to get a decent amount of sleep. What kept gnawing your mind day and night, what kept you troubled throughout your workday and kept you up at night for continuous hours, was the constant reminder of how boring to life was. Devoid of any emotion that didn’t consist of the empty and dreary feeling of complete dissatisfaction. Every morning you’d wake up at 6:15, take 5 minutes to reflect if attending to your measly job as a waitress for Gotham’s oldest diner was worth it, and after accepting the fact that despite your job being utter shit you needed your weekly check to help pay for your rent and college tuition, you leave the warm comfort of your bed and head towards your closet to pick out your white long-sleeve shirt and black skirt of a uniform. Afterward, you make your way down to your restroom, and just before entering the shower; you take a good look at yourself in the mirror; you can’t help but notice how your dull eyes, once full of life and hope, reflect just how exhausted you are. The answer to your dilemma was simple, really, your life lacked inspiration. Excitement. Thrill. You didn’t have that little spark in you that everyone else seemed to have. After every completed day, when the sun would set, and darkness reigned the atmosphere, you reminded yourself that some desires are unattainable. Every night, rather than sleeping as an average person, would you’d lie awake, contemplating your day while staring at your ceiling. You fulfilled your daily requirements of serving ungrateful customers their once-canned meals because you needed to pay $442 per month for your college tuition alone; a degree in biological sciences? Yeah, right. Sure it’s what you aspired to receive, but you come home at 8 pm feeling wholly drained from energy, so you only study 4 hours, at best, per week. Life here in Gotham was fantastic, that is if you were Bruce Wayne. Maybe you should just marry Bruce Wayne and let him be your sugar daddy for the rest of your life. Sure. Besides, money can’t buy happiness. But it sure could buy you some more hours of sleep, right?

So here you are, walking towards Gotham’s subway to go to your apartment after a long day at work. Like a wish come true, the stairwell comes into view, just a block away. Just then, you distinctly heard what you made out to be a car burning rubber on these lonely streets, which was out-of-the-ordinary considering that Gotham wasn’t the criminal-infested, fast-paced and hectic place everyone claimed it to be. As you turn your head toward the source of the shrilling noise you saw what you considered to be a bomb get thrown out the front right window of a black vehicle which was now at least two blocks away; you couldn’t decipher what build or make the car was, but from the looks of it, it looked like a busted old-school Cadillac. While the classic car captivated your sights, the bomb detonated which scared the living shit out of you, to say the least; as if the reckless black Cady weren’t enough to alert you to get the fuck outta there and run towards safety, the massive explosion sure was. You start to run for the stairwell frantically, the harsh contact your black pumps makes with the concrete resonates within your eardrums; the staircase that ensured your safety was now just a crosswalk away. A step into the pitch-black street was all you were able to do before the black vehicle screeched to a stop at just an arm-length from you, blocking the entrance to your safe haven. 

The driver’s door was busted open as a tall man rapidly stepped out, and suddenly all attempts to escape from this gut-wrenching situation vanished; you stayed frozen in a mixture of awe and fear, gazing at the man like a deer caught in the headlights. The street lamp provided a streak of faint light, so you weren’t able to get a clear view of what the man was wearing other than a long, dark-purple trench coat, but that wasn’t what completely hypnotized you, no, it was his face. The stranger’s face was coated in poorly applied white makeup resulting in visible creases along his forehead, black smudges of paint framed his eyes up to his eyebrows, and a smear of contrasting blood-red lipstick forming a sinister smile; it was apparent he had worn this particular makeup for days. While lost in thoughts of the man before you, you failed to notice his accomplice stepping eloquently and unwavering out of the vehicle, it was until he vigorously slammed the door that you turned your attention to him. As he made his way around the front of the Cadillac, you noticed he had a stern look in his face, one that failed to project the light-hearted vibes that were usually associated with the classical clown makeup that decorated his face. The dim-yellow lighting provided by the street lamp prevented you from pinpointing the correct tone of the tuxedo this man was sporting, but there was no mistake in the coloring, it was red. Red like the devil himself. Your eyes wandered from his green locks downwards until you reached his hand, it was then you realized he was holding a bazooka. You practically felt the intense panic born from this observation ooze from every pore of your skin, your eyes never losing sight of the firearm in trepidation of what might occur next.  

“Well, hello beautiful” chirped the man before you in a playful tone, a tone that was unaccounted for, given the current circumstances. In any other situation, you would’ve welcomed the words with a warm smile, but that was an impossible task this time around; you slowly turned your head toward the source of the voice only to find the purple-clothed clown visually-inspecting you. He closed the short distance between the two of you all while lifting his hand and resting it upon your shoulder, giving him easy access to your ear; he wasted no time and whispered into your ear, “I’ll get back to you in a second, excuse me.” His hot breath made contact with your sensitive skin sending chills down your spine, your uncovered skin betraying you by exposing the goosebumps that rose all over your skin. There was something about this mysterious clown that aroused your senses, and even though you probably wouldn’t ever admit it, his brief contact left you desiring for more. Why did this menacing individual have such an effect on you? Immediately after, he spun to face his partner and pointed his index finger towards him, “y'know, for a man who loves to play with guns, you sure have terrible aim” he said teasingly only to radically change his tone into a relatively dour one within a matter of seconds, “try not to miss this time, will you?”, and just like that he began to march forward. Curiosity got the best of you as you turned in his direction, and it was then you noticed a caped-man riding a dark-colored opaque motorcycle towards the joker; the clown hunched his shoulders down as he came into an abrupt stop, clenching his fists as he daringly stared forward at the caped crusader. Then it hit you at once, the bomb previously thrown was used to create a divergence between the caped crusader and the jokers, which only meant that the bazooka was to be used for him as well. Your jaw dropped in horror, and your knees were seconds away from giving out until you heard a soft, tender voice utter, “you might wanna duck here, doll”; you flipped your head towards the formally dressed clown only to find him down on one knee, resting the bazooka on his shoulder as he tried to get an accurate hold of his target. Without a moment’s hesitation, you threw yourself onto the hard asphalt and quickly shielded your head with your arms allowing your forearms to cover your ears as you tightly shut your eyelids. 

All was quiet for a couple of seconds until a loud, monstrous blast resonated within the lonely streets of Gotham; your eardrums produced an eerie ring that made your skin crawl. You gently rose onto you knees and slowly opened your eyes taking notice how your knees were scrapped due to the savage manner in which you threw yourself on the road; realization hit you like a train, and you hastily turned towards the raging flames produced from the explosion, your eyes desperately looking for the joker and the motorcyclist. You registered how the motorcycle was bursting in uncontrollable flames, and in that instant, you felt a sharp pain in your stomach, causing you to clench the bottom of your dirt-stained shirt. You then turned your head downwards in shock and defeat, taking notice of your lightly bleeding palms; as you faintly began to message them to prevent yourself from crying, you heard a fit of hysterical laughter. In alert, you frantically searched for the source of the sinister guffawing, but a particular silhouette interrupted your plans as it captured your complete attention; Just like a soldier valiantly rising to face their opponent once again after receiving a severe beat down, the masked individual arose with great exhaustion from the pavement, having to use his right knee to leverage himself upwards. Your eyes widened in sudden realization of who this masked man was; he was none other than the infamous crime-fighting vigilante known as the Batman, the dark knight willing to sacrifice just about anything to provide security and restore hope to the citizens of Gotham. You couldn’t control yourself any longer and finally permitted your eyes to release tears full of joy and relief, relief that your hero, the man capable of helping you escape this horrible situation, was still alive; the moment truly felt like a divine experience until a low, diabolical growl made itself present within the corner of your eye. 

You cautiously faced the clown as he strode towards the Batman. 

“Y’know, I would’ve thought that after the death of your little boy-scout buddy, Robin was it?, you would’ve learned your lesson,” he said viciously as he reached for a crowbar hidden within the inner pockets of his coat, “but no, you just have to have things your way, don’t you? Guess history really does repeat itself, huh?”

“You’re an immoral scum with no respect for anyone or anything, not even for human life”

“that makes two of us, doesn’t it? You’re no different than me, you broke your one, golden rule with Harvey. In fact, I think you and I are so similar that we deserve to share something more than just a flawed moral status, don’t we? How ‘bout some scars, huh? Here I’ll help get you started,” and with that, he grasped the crowbar and charged at Batman with full force, directly striking his forehead, which sent him crashing right into the dark asphalt. 

The Joker swung at him repeatedly, his strength increasing exponentially after each impact when suddenly the Batman caught the head of the crowbar and jerked the metal backward sending the opposite end crashing down onto the Joker’s lower rib causing the clown to curse and bend in pain; he remained in that position for a fraction of a second only to straighten back and expel a wicked laughter from his throat that caused your heart to halt for a second. There was no doubt in mind that The Joker was like no other man, and you knew things were only going to take a turn for the worst; you wanted to help Batman, you truly did, but what exactly were you going to do? What could you do? Run up there and scream at the Joker to stop? Put your non-existent strength to the test and take a few jabs at the clown? As the Batman said, The Joker was a man that had no rules, that lived to put every belief into question, that took pleasure in demonstrating how any moral code was ill-founded; a man that had no real purpose in life other than to create absolute chaos. Just his mannerisms alone reflected how mentally unstable he was, the way in which he would roughly clench his fists that he would crack his knuckles, how he repeatedly licked his cherry-red lips in anticipation for havoc, how he snarled so ferally his whole body vibrated. Your head fell sideways in defeat, you felt as if you could cry once again but instead of releasing tears of joy, they’d be salty tears of incompetence. 

“Oh, you…you really are a stubborn person y'know that? Let’s play for a while longer. Then we’ll be able to see just how tough your little act of courage really is,” the Joker barked bitterly.

“You can entertain yourself with me all you want Joker, just let the girl go. That’s beneath you,” Batman said in genuine fear of what a low-life criminal like the Joker could do to a defenseless woman like yourself, the pain of his previous beating evident in his strained voice. Your ears perked up at the mention of your presence, a feeling of disgrace washing over you as you cognized how willing the Batman was to save you despite his helpless state. 

“Oh, you mean the little poodle? No, no, we got plans for her. But don’t worry, Arthur here will take good care of her,” the joker replied in a mischievous voice as he turned to face someone behind you, tucking his bottom lip below his upper lip.

It was then you realized that you had been so absorbed within the Batman-Joker ordeal that you completely disregarded the menacing clown behind you. And you really had failed to notice the way he observed you with lustful eyes, how he quietly took notice of every breath you exhaled, of the lock of hair you hid behind your ear, of the thin-layer of eyeliner that framed your eyes and the lip balm that moisturized your lips; he visually measured your breast size, picturing his hands softly caressing your breasts. Arthur didn’t fail to overlook how your tight, black skirt slowly rose from your knees up to your thighs, secretly worshipping your newly exposed skin. 

You whipped your head to face the clown, your pupils dilating in fear as you make direct eye contact with Arthur, who sported a wide grin across his face. Like a rabbit after spotting it’s stalking predator, you desperately tried to create a distance between the two of you, your plan being to rush to the Batman for safety despite knowing his current condition. Unfortunately, Arthur caught you from behind, imprisoning your arms and waist with his left arm all while covering your nasal and oral airways with a damp cloth using his right hand. 

After writhing under his unforgiving hold for what felt like hours, you fell limp under his firm clasp, feeling yourself slowly descent into a state of light-headedness due to the suffocation. As your body started to slump back onto Arthur, you were able to appreciate how comforting it felt to be under his hold, how warm his arms felt around your body. It was rather alarming, to say the least, how this man was able to put your mind in ease; it was as though something about him was able to fulfill that empty feeling in your chest. No longer in a state of panic, your muscles relaxed as you started to slip into an unconscious state, the last thing your mind was able to register was how the Joker ferociously thrashed Batman with his crowbar, which was now dripping in blood. 

A wave of sorrow washed over your body, and then that was it; everything just stopped. 

Everything simply got dark and quiet…

➳ Tag List: @aethersghoulette @tsukiakarinobara @lasquadrahoe @geronimosanna @clownboi24601 @justahyena @the-fanficcer  @khasoa @mimas749 

seek out gold and sit on it

pairing: bakudeku (bakugou x midoriya) 

genre: fluff | abo au, fantasy au, courting au 

word count: 1340 

summary: It’s tradition by this point that Bakugou will enter his tent, bearing a gift of some kind, then drag him out to eat somewhere.

day one of @bnhaomegaverseweek​ (hoping my love will keep you up tonight) 

The scale in his hands is bright red and glimmers pleasantly in the firelight. Izuku almost doesn’t know what to do with it.

Almost.

He looks up from his hand to the blonde omega standing in front of him and smiles as gently as possible. “Thank you. Which species of dragon is this from?”

Bakugou grunts and Izuku gets a face full of his nervous scent. “The Crimson Crushers. One of the whelps shed it’s first scale yesterday. Thought you might find a use for it.”

Izuku’s smile grows. “Oh, thank you! I’ve been meaning to gather more data on the Crimsons.”

Bakugou frowns, his face twisting with dull distaste. Izuku tilts his head to the side and tries to rely on his alpha instincts to parse the situation.

“Did I say something bad?” Izuku asks when his instincts wield no results.

“Yes,” Bakugou answers tersely. “They're called the Crushers for short. No one refers to them as the Crimsons anymore.”

Izuku grimaces. “Ah, yes. I apologize. I’ve been buried in the old texts all day, I guess my brain-to-mouth filter just isn’t in tip-top shape at the moment.”

Bakugou mutters something that makes Izuku flush pink. He decides to act like he didn’t hear it though and tries his luck.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Nothing,” Bakugou bites out. “Let’s go eat.”

Izuku brightens. “Okay! Just let me put a few things away. I’ll be right out.”

Bakugou huffs and storms out of the tent but Izuku knows he’ll be standing by the entrance with his arms crossed over his chest and a sour expression on his face. It’s tradition by this point that Bakugou will enter his tent, bearing a gift of some kind, then drag him out to eat somewhere.

When Izuku first arrived at the dragon enclosure, Bakugou glared at him like he meant to kill Izuku right there and then. Of course, he hadn’t but that did nothing to diminish Izuku’s need to be careful around the blonde man and his explosive personality. Izuku was only here to gather more research on dragon scales and their healing properties anyway, not to get murdered by a pretty blonde omega who couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Except, that isn’t quite true anymore.

Two weeks after Izuku had joined them, one of the Emerald Emerger whelps went on a rampage and stomped hard enough to make multiple holes and flatten tents into the dust in the enclosure. Izuku had watched it all unfold with a quiet sense of horror until the whelp came face-to-face with him and Izuku reached out to it without thinking.

Maybe it was because their eyes were the same shade of green or because even as an alpha, Izuku couldn’t for the life of him emit any kind of threatening vibes, but the result shook up most of the camp. The whelp allowed him to curve his hand across its face and settled down, huffing and puffing like this was the last thing on earth it wanted to do. It curled itself around Izuku and growled at anyone who came close before it eventually fell asleep and Izuku was able to step away as the handlers rushed forward.

Kirishima was the only handler to turn back to him and check that was he was unharmed, but Izuku could feel Bakugou’s eyes on him nonetheless.

The day after, Bakugou barged into his tent while Izuku was in the middle of healing the food poisoning Sero had fallen ill with. He waited until Izuku was done before he presented him with a scale and explained that it came from the whelp Izuku had helped calm down and then left.

He came back later with dinner and sat with Izuku at the back table, grunting and humming as Izuku buzzed with conversation.

Now a month later, it is pretty normal to find Bakugou in his tent whether he needs to be healed or not. Izuku doesn’t mind it, he likes having company as he reads over his research and conducts experiments. Plus, having a dragon tamer and pseudo-expert present means he can ask almost any kind of question that may come to mind and get an accurate answer in response. He cross-references Bakugou’s answer with texts and known dragon facts, but even if he didn’t it wouldn't be so bad since Bakugou is always right.

If he knew any better he would probably say that Bakugou likes him but really, he sees it more as the omega grudgingly accepting him into their midsts after he had proven himself worthy to be there. He doesn’t mind it though, he can only guess how hard it is for Bakugou to make any kind of acquaintances since people would easily be scared off by his grumpy demeanor. Not Izuku, he has dealt with worse people, so Bakugou’s prickly exterior only pales in comparison.

Izuku finishes tidying up his journals and makes sure his equipment has been put away in the correct places before he exits the tent. Bakugou is standing by the entrance exactly how Izuku predicted him to be. He smiles at the omega and blinks in confusion when Bakugou flushes light pink in response.

He pushes that image out of his head as he follows Bakugou through the camp. They leave the grounds through one of Bakugou’s many secret passageways and walk quietly side by side. Izuku almost startles when Bakugou’s fingers suddenly interlace with his own, but one look at his blushing face keeps him from asking any questions.

Instead, Izuku swings their hands between them and grins when Bakugou doesn’t comment on it like he usually would. 

They come upon the main path to the nearby village and Izuku hesitates, glancing over at Bakugou again to examine his reaction. The blonde omega is tense and stiff, but his grip does not loosen.

It loosens something in Izuku's chest though, wiping a certain thought he had been having earlier away with a sense of realization. Was he wrong before? Is he denser than he thought? That would be pretty pathetic if he is. However, the best way to figure anything out is to ask and see what response Bakugou gives him.

So with that, Izuku stops swinging their hands and steps to the side, pressing himself closer to Bakugou. “Hey, I’m curious about something.”

Bakugou glances down at him, a blank expression on his face. “What.”

Izuku bites his lip, tilting his head up to meet the red, fiery gaze. He has always known that the omega is pretty attractive with his broad shoulders, tiny waist, and muscled arms. Izuku would have to be blind to not know that honestly, but with their faces so close together, he realizes that Bakugou is ultimately a lot more attractive than he initially thought. Startingly attractive.

He pushes that away though, not wanting to be distracted and returns to his earlier train of thought.

“Have you been courting me?” Izuku asks, amping up the amusement in his grin when Bakugou raises a brow at him. “It seems like you have been, but I don’t know you well enough to guess if you have been or not. So, are you?”

A tense silence follows. Izuku half wonders if Bakugou has ever courted anyone before and is surprised when the alpha in him roars at the mere implication.

“Yes.”

Bakugou glances away after another moment, jaw tight and shoulders stiff. Izuku frowns and steps even further into Bakugou’s space, guaranteeing the omega’s attention on him again.

Izuku nods his head once Bakugou has met his gaze once more and continues to walk forward. “Good. Should I court you in return?”

Bakugou huffs, but there’s the barest hint of a smile on his lips too. “Fuck no.”

“Okay!” Izuku replies, smiling once more as he leans his head on Bakugou’s shoulder. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” Bakugou mutters. “S’fine.”

Izuku hums. “Good.”

They walk in silence the rest of the way, the sun shining above them and the roar of dragons fading away behind them.

a/n: thanks for reading! please remember that my requests are open (:

Jessica Jones - ‘A.K.A. I Have No Spleen’ Review

"My name on your case file does not make me a victim."

Jessica Jones is forced to confront her own vulnerability.

You can imagine how well that goes.

There's something interesting going on this season with Jessica Jones and the way they're layering the plot across episodes, and I'm really grooving on it.

'The Perfect Burger' and 'You're Welcome' pulled the time honored conceit of telling more or less the same story from two different perspectives for the sake of making some interesting character contrasts and burying a couple of reveals. That's usually a good trick, structurally speaking, since not only does it allow you to do some character exploration, it also has the bonus effect of making your season feel more tightly focused. 'I Have No Spleen' pulls another variation on this trick by essentially having Jessica spend the entire episode pursuing a false assumption that is ultimately revealed to be a mare's nest before it circles back to the exact same ending point that the previous two episodes shared and giving us some new and unexpected information.

So, that's essentially an entire episode's run time devoted to a side quest that turns out to be irrelevant and mostly serves to mark time until Jessica can be in the right place under the right circumstances to finally pick up the real scent. I say that pretty baldly, which makes it sound like a criticism, but it absolutely is not. It allows a lot of space for character work without feeling like the plot is treading water, and like the technique used in the first two episodes results in the storyline maintaining a lean and focused feel, which is a really good look for the show. If there was a specific complaint I had about season two, it was that it often felt more sprawling and unfocused than it was intending to be. These first three episodes feel like a very specifically designed course correction to that.

There's a clever use of audience assumptions here, since we're all more or less on the same incorrect page. We and Jessica are assuming that she was the target of the attack, and that therefore the attacker must be someone who has a beef with Jessica. This naturally leads both Costa and Jessica to assume that it's one of her clients, since the quickest way to get irritated with Jessica is to have met her. Jessica takes it one step further and assumes that it must be the work of Andrew Brandt, her most recent investigatee. Brandt is of course the ever-so-charming gentleman who had his sister beaten up in order to acquire a statue, and the resident of the apartment that Trish and Jessica both ended up in. See both previous episodes for that complete story.

Of course, that turns out to be not at all what's going on, and we'll talk about that in just a moment, but let's dig into what this episode really had on its mind when it wasn't pretending to be hot on the trail of Jessica's attacker. This episode was about two women who see themselves almost entirely in terms of eliminating all trace of vulnerability from their lives, and what happens when they have the illusion of invulnerability stripped away.

Speaking of invulnerability for just a moment, I can't have been the only one who'd forgotten that Jessica wasn't technically invulnerable, right? When she was stabbed I was genuinely surprised and had a very clear moment of, 'Wait, she can't be hurt, can she?' We get so used to heroes with super strength and the power of jumping really high that we subconsciously just assume that freedom from being hurt is part of the standard package.  And of course, it isn't. If it was, Luke Cage wouldn't be so special. Well, sure, his abs would still be pretty special, but that's beside the point I'm making at the moment.

One of the goals for Jessica this season is an attempt to live as a hero. She's genuinely trying to be a better person and to use her powers in a heroic way, as a result of the events of last season. But in her mind, in order to be a hero you have to be invulnerable and she has just had it proved that she is not. That's an incorrect assumption on her part, of course, but it really makes sense for her as a character that she would see things that way. This was actually a really nice way for the show to pick back up the most successful aspect of season one, the way it addressed the sexual assault survivor metaphor. In Jessica's situation, with what Jessica has been through, nothing can be as important to her as her sense of self protection. No burger is perfect enough to protect Erik Gelden if he was in any way responsible for taking that away from her.

Jessica's plan for regaining the sense of control that she needs just to get through her day to day life is to solve the mystery of her attack on her own and not let the police handle it, which is entirely on brand for her. It's touching that Costa kind of gets that and lets her do it. Her plan gets a bit of a setback when she finds out she's been on entirely the wrong track, however, and it's here where the episode shows what I was talking about earlier in regard to a 'treading water' plot not being without value. This is the story of Jessica Jones needing a win in order to regain her sense of security, and not getting it, and that's a story worth telling. Particularly as the thing that ultimately allows her to stay in the hospital and thereby metaphorically accept temporary vulnerability, is the text of help from Jeri Hogarth.

Jeri is Jessica's mirror at this point. She's starting to be unable to ignore the impending acceleration of her ALS symptoms and is desperate to find ways to regain the sense that she's in control of her own life. Unfortunately, for Jeri that seems to involve deliberately seducing her ex-lover in an attempt to break up that ex-lover's current happy marriage, which is... I mean, where do you even begin to unpack that? The look of disappointment on Jeri's face when she finds out that Kith and Peter have an open marriage, and therefore her successful seduction of Kith was entirely meaningless, is heartbreaking and complicated. And look at that, it occurs at exactly the same point in the plot as Jessica's lowest moment in the hospital.

What makes this all fascinating is the scene which is really the emotional core of the entire episode. Jeri comes to Jessica's office, and among other things they discuss one another's current weaknesses. What's fascinating is the fact that they're both constantly attempting to turn the conversation away from their own problem and instead express sympathy and support for the other's. Neither of them can bear to be the object of concern for even a moment, despite the fact that they both quite clearly do care about one another's troubles and the expressions of sympathy they're making are 100% genuine. They're just also a way to avoid receiving sympathy themselves. That's just a great scene.

As for the side characters, They carry on much the same. Malcolm continues his journey to the heart of 'pliable ethics.' Trish continues to embrace the life of a superhero with all the verve of a college freshman who just discovered environmentalism, and is just as intolerable while doing it. Although it was hard not to sympathize with her when her co-host told her she was born to sell crappy clothes on shopping TV. Trish and Jessica's relationship has always been my favorite thing about this show, and I have such grave concerns about where this final season is going to leave them.

And while I'm sharing concerns and hopes, could Malcolm's new girlfriend Zaya maybe not turn out to be evil? Please? Because I'm getting a serious 'I'm going to turn out to be evil' vibe from her. Similarly, I'm really hoping that Erik the burger guy doesn't turn out to be evil, although I find him kind of attractive and everything in my personal dating history guarantees that that means he's evil.

Of course, the real winner of this episode is clearly Doctor 'I Love to Make Spleen Puns.' Totally loved that guy.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I really enjoyed the detail that the hospital totally understands about superhumans and factors that into patient care. That was just a really nice bit of world building.

-- Does Jessica's superpower set involve having a better than average immune response? Because what the show said was accurate; the duties of the spleen are also taken on by the liver and, to a lesser extent, the lymph nodes, but maybe Jessica doesn't want to put too much reliance on her liver handling the job. I'm just saying.

-- Did Jeri have any reason other than trying to break up Kith's marriage to have Malcolm spy on Peter? I think I might have missed something significant regarding that.

-- Minor quibble, but the hospital would have discussed her spleen situation with her before getting Jessica a medic alert bracelet. For one thing, insurance tends to not cover them, and for another they take a bit to get made. There's no way that she would have found out she'd lost her spleen that way. I get that it's 'show don't tell' narrative shorthand, but I felt obligated to put the real information out there.

-- While we're talking sound medical advice from your considerate television review website, blood in your urine (for males) is absolutely typical after blunt force trauma to the torso, and typically will be released before the flow of urine, not after. It's most often nothing to be concerned about, but check with your doctor if it persists or worsens. DouxReviews is not a medical practitioner, and should not be viewed as a source of diagnostic feedback.

-- I was just thinking that Jessica shouldn't be able to walk around as casually as she was doing when she collapsed and passed out. Thank you, show.

-- I suppose that, technically, what happened to Wendy in season one might be described as a tragic accident. But that feels like underselling it.

-- Reading between the lines, Jeri cheated on Kith with Wendy and then left Kith for her.

-- My favorite moment of kindness that I've seen on television for ages: Malcolm, knowing that Jessica would resent any help he gave her as pity, prepared a bill for his time in advance so that she had an out to protect her dignity. That actually made me go 'Awwww' out loud.

-- I adore Gillian, Jessica's new assistant, and have a million questions about her backstory.

Quotes:

Doctor: "That's what I'm trying to ex-spleen to you." It's hard not to love the doctor.

Jessica: "Where would a liter of bourbon a day fall on the reckless scale?"

Jeri: "The Cale Caesar is quite filling." Kith: "Talk about faint praise."

Kith: "See? All of the wine."

Jessica: "A hero is strong. A hero is invulnerable. A hero has a goddamn spleen."

Jessica: "You've been a hero for five minutes. I've been one half my life." Trish: "You've been super, Jess. There's a difference."

Gillian: "It's 12:29. I'm taking lunch. And there's a client waiting in the office. Should I tell them you've recently been the victim of a violent crime and are currently indisposed?"

A really focused and well structured entry into a season that I feel is only just getting started. I mean that in the best possible way. I think the word I'm looking for here is 'disciplined.'

Eight out of ten cases of unabashed verve.

---

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

Oh What a Day (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt 14)

Song: Oh What a Day by Ingrid Michaelson

Word Count: 3496

Need to Catch Up? PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10 PART 11 PART 12 PART 13

Want More? PART 15 PART 16  PART 17 PART 18 PART 19

A/N: What even is a posting schedule at this point??? I have a Connor Murphy fic coming up soon so that anon can expect to see that by the 21st! I also have do some critique on it really fast and like, make things historically accurate. But anyways! I was asked to write fluff,,, so happy birthday @catatonic-kuragin!!! Yay!! 

Trigger Warnings: mentions of an abusive boyfriend...I think that’s it but IF I MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW

Taglist: @retrogarden @be-more-heidi-hansen @scarsonthecuffsofyourjeans @catatonic-kuragin @bluhimaweirdo if you want to be added, just ask or PM me!

Jeremy: Hope you have a great night! Let me know if you need anything 😊

The moment Jeremy’s phone went off, both boys immediately paused Apocalypse of the Damned. The ringer had been turned up just in case something happened, and both boys were glad that Jeremy was so precautious about this particular situation. Michael jumped up and started for his linen closet that sat at the back of his closet, grabbing sheets just in case you had to stay the night on his couch.

As soon as Michael’s hands grabbed the sheets he was looking for, his best friend stopped him, holding up a single hand as he read over the text over and over again. It wasn’t that Jeremy wanted to bring you over to his house instead of the Mells, actually it would be smart to change the location just in case your boyfriend had caught on, but the text was something that Jeremy never expected from you, especially given the interaction you’d had earlier that night at Red Robin.

You: Thank you! I hope your night is going well!

There was a beat as dust seemed to settle around the room. A blue glow came from the TV screen, almost making everything around them look like some scene out of Stranger Things. Weed had been left out of the night’s activities, just in case one of them would need to drive or just in case you needed help, so the air didn’t smell of the usual stuffy smoke, but rather the tropical air freshener that Mrs. and Mrs. Mell insisted on putting downstairs in the basement. Michael put the sheet set back into the closet before closing the door and walking back to his best friend.

“They just hoped our night went well,” Jeremy said, unsure of how exactly how to read that text. With anybody else, the text was one dimensional, easy to understand and read. But with you, this could be a cover up, you could be trying to see if he was home yet so you could make your getaway again. He had subtly hint that you could hand out with him and Michael, fuck he wanted you to hang out with him and Michael, but not make it so incredibly obvious that he was trying to pull you away. Because being too obvious might result in sacrificing your safety, which was never going to be a goal of Jeremy’s.

“Good. I’m glad they’re safe,” Michael responded, relief clearing his features.

Unfortunately, Jeremy wasn’t as convinced as his best friend. He continued to stare at the small grey message as he spoke up again, “But what if it’s like…code? What if they’re actually in danger?”

“Tell them you’re over here and they’re welcome to come over if they want.”

“That isn’t discreet enough.”

The two thought about it for a little bit longer before both of them crafted a part of a text that seemed acceptable to send to you. Sure, it took an army just to send a single text, but in this case there was no such thing as too careful.

Jeremy: It is! Michael and I decided to go back to his house and play some video games in his basement

Three little dots appeared almost immediately after the text was sent, and the lanky boy wiped his hands on his jeans. Michael’s hand met his shoulder, the soft touch giving reassurance that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. It was also a way to help Jeremy calm down, breathing already evening out.

You: That sounds like fun! I’m glad you guys had a nice night!

That seemed like the end of the conversation, nothing more to it.

Then again, this didn’t seem like you. It was too short, too minimal, too…something. Jeremy thought that maybe there was something going on behind the scenes that he just couldn’t place no matter how hard he tried. So, he decided to type out another message, even though his thoughts were screaming at him to not do so.  

Jeremy: Did you make it home safely?

It was a risk, but he decided that if you weren’t you’d let him know and he could help. Yeah, this was for the best. Plus, Michael was still with him, and he was sure that his moms would love to help in any way they could.

You: I did! You: Thanks for asking btw, I thought maybe you’d want to hear from me or something You: Just because I know you texted before and I didn’t want you to worry so uhh I just got back and yeah, everything this fine.

Okay, Jeremy had to smile at that. With all the time you’d spent with him, it was like you knew him like back of your hand. You’d texted him to ease his mind, which was something he wasn’t expecting, and it meant that you’d taken notice that sometimes Jeremy is nervous about his actions and, well, you. While in the back of his mind, he knew that some of this was your conditioned habits showing, he knew that you messaging him like this, checking in with him and picking up on his mannerisms, was something that hadn’t been ingrained into your head. This was genuine, and your triple texts reassured him of that as he read over each one again and again. The glow of the TV had now becoming comforting and Michael had completely switched vibes, from concerned best friend to scrolling through his phone and completely at ease with himself. He was almost waiting for the conversation with Jeremy and you to end.

But maybe Jeremy didn’t want it to end just yet.

“Michael?”

“Yeah dude, what’s up?” he locked his phone before making eye contact with the boy who sat beside him.

“Can we save this level for another time? I…I just uhh—”

“I get it, dude. You ‘just uhh’ want to text (Y/N) for a little bit because ‘they have to be the cutest thing in the entire universe’. It’s all good, no worries, man.” Jeremy rolled his eyes at his best friend’s mocking before Michael spoke up again, “Hey, I’m just using your words, Heere. It’s not like I pulled those out of thin air.”

He saved the game before turning off the console and switching over to Netflix. It was silent as Michael went through category after category before finally settling on That 70s Show. He settled further into his beanbag as the intro played, a deep breath exiting as he did so. Relaxation radiated off of Michael’s presence, slowly seeping into the room.

Jeremy couldn’t relax, though. Now that you were safe, he realized that there was a lot more he was worried about, like figuring out how to talk to you. Which was dumb; it was dumb, right? He’d talked to you so many times that Jeremy believed this small conversation should be easy. He kind of knew what to say, at least more than he did that first night that you’d shown up on his door step, and he had a general idea of what you like, but somehow this was more nerve-racking than ever before.

“Need help?” Michael asked, leaning towards his best friend.

Jeremy nodded, “I just don’t know what to say.”

The other boy let out a chuckle at Jeremy’s usual antics. He scooched closer to him, reading over the texts you’d sent again. “Say ‘Yeah’ and then ask them about what they’re up to. Easy as that.”

The lovesick boy shoved Michael playfully as a blush appeared on his face. “Easy for you to say dude.”

But maybe it was as easy as that. Jeremy didn’t have to try and get you to like him, at least not in a romantic sense. Plus, based off of the interactions you’d already had with one another, it seemed like you already liked him in a platonic way. So yeah, maybe this was as easy as Michael made it out to be. Maybe this time he could get away with gaining confidence by his best friend’s quips of encouragement. Maybe he didn’t need a battalion to win you over.

Jeremy: Yeah! Jeremy: What are you up to now that you have a night free to yourself?

It didn’t talk very long to respond to his texts, almost implying how excited you were to talk to someone that you knew was on your side.

You: Ooooo big night tonight. I’m just getting some ice cream and then going to play Life is Strange. You: What about you?

Your comment made Jeremy light up in excitement. Not only were you responding to him in a way that made it seem like you wanted to talk to him more often than you did, but you were also joking around with him and engaging in questions that were about simple mundane things like how his night was going. He never even imagined that you’d text him in better circumstances this summer, even if they were stemmed from something that could’ve gone horribly wrong. Something told him in his heart that this conversation was done with free will, nothing coercing you. It was genuine. It was perfect.  

Jeremy smiled to himself as he typed out another message.

Jeremy: Oh man speak of the devil, Michael’s sitting next to me giving me those pacific northwest vibes.

Michael gave his best friend a weird look. Jeremy hadn’t even realized that he’d just definitely laughed out loud at his own text before Michael had given him such a weird look. Mock hurt flashed across his face “Are you teasing me?”

“We’re just talk about Life is Strange.”

“Oh haha, very funny. ‘Michael is Chloe Price’.”

“Well…”

“Those two only had each other and you know it!”

Jeremy leaned forward and giggled as his best friend cried out. After a second, the mock hurt disappeared and both best friends were laughing with one another, just like they had so many years ago, before the mocking, before Rich’s SQUIPped antics. The laughing ceased after a good minute, only short chuckles entering the room along with Michael’s sitcom choice playing in the background. Jeremy’s phone vibrated again, and he glanced at it before smiling widely to himself.

You: Oh my god 😂😂😂

The lanky boy was over the moon at this point, stars in his eyes as he read over your response probably more times than could be counted. It was so nice to talk to you…the real you. Not the broken down version of you that came into his life over a month ago, but you who liked to joke and laugh, you who liked to make blushy and flirtatious eye contact, and you who was just so perfectly conventional in the right ways.

“What do I say next?” Jeremy consulted Michael, his brain only coming up with words that had romantic connotations.

“Hmmm” he began, the sitcom now long forgotten, “ask them if they like the game so far. I think they’d enjoy it.”

“Me too,” Jeremy smiled.

Jeremy: How do you like the game so far?

He only had to wait half a second before you replied.

You: I’ve actually played it a few times…but it’s my favorite so like I love it still. 😊 You: Like I don’t think that I could ever say I don’t like it, you know?

The boy blushed at his incorrectness before straight up almost apologizing for his mistake. He began to type out a message, but Michael stopped him. “I noticed you get nervous again, but dude, that’s an honest mistake. It’s fine, trust me.”

So that’s what Jeremy typed back (as Michael yelled to the boy who only sat beside him “Use an exclamation point! You like that game too!”)

Jeremy: I didn’t know that!

He decided to joke around again, keeping the mood light and happy instead of dragging you into a lengthy apology. Michael was right, it was an honest mistake and Jeremy knew you weren’t going to judge him for it.

Jeremy: No wonder you support “Michael Price” 😂

He giggled again as he sent that, blush becoming as deep as it was when you’d called him cute weeks ago. Jeremy couldn’t believe how well this was going; talking to you was better than he could’ve ever even imagined. And it wasn’t only that, but he could talk to you for hours, not saying a word himself, but just listening to you. Jeremey swore that he could listen to you for hours at a time, getting lost in you and your cute mannerisms hour after hour. He wanted to know everything; from your favorite socks to why you like to go to that diner than the one that was closer to your house. He wanted to talk about the world with you, and everything in it.

You: I totally do omg!!!

Text didn’t seem like the right place to do that, though. He debated what he was going to say next, words of wisdom that his friends had said before coming to him: Ask them out! Even if it’s just platonic! What’s the worst that could happen? With that, and Michael’s wordless support around him, Jeremy took a breath, took a step, and took a chance.

Jeremy: Can I ask you something?

You: Sure! What’s up?

Nerves set in as Jeremy began to sweat, swallowing hard as he wiped his hands on his jeans again. Michael took note of the change in demeanor and paused That 70s Show so Jeremy could have some quiet to focus on getting the bearing to talk to you. His hands shook a little bit, but his vision remained steady as he typed out a message. Before he could delete it all and ask you something dumb instead, Michael took the phone, read over the text, and then told Jeremy to hit send. He did, thinking that Michael had altered the text in some way, but was unfortunately met with the original text, already sent to you.

Jeremy: There’s this park by my house, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go there one night later this week and just talk and hang out? I thought you’d just want to enjoy a friend’s company for a little bit. And you can totally say no btw.

“Michael, what the fuck?!” Jeremy hissed, taking his phone back and throwing it onto his beanbag. He stood up and started circling the room, hands running through his hair a million miles a minute.

“You wouldn’t have sent it yourself!”

“That was the point!”

His phone vibrated, but Jeremy was too caught up in himself to even care. What the fuck was he even thinking? He couldn’t even explain to you at this point that he didn’t mean it like a date, it was just meant to be friends, and now you were going to reject him and never talk to him again, and it was Michael who was supposed to change it so it read something better than what had actually sent and now he’d have to answer to the mistakes that he’d made, which included his own trusting of Michael’s judgement, which was stupid to do because he was impulsive as fuck sometimes, and now the consequences were falling on him, and damn it he blew it, he really blew it, and now, now, it was going to be impossible to—

“They said yes!”

“Wha--?!”

“They said yes Jer!”

“You’re lying,” he noted bitterly.

Michael held up your response in all of its glory, smiling goofily the whole time.

You: That sounds great! I’d love to! You: I’ve always wanted to go stargazing, and you’re totally right, I do need a friend to just talk and hang out with.

A brief moment of silence took over before Jeremy and Michael started cheering and screaming into the other’s face. Jeremy swore he could run up the basement stairs and run around the block 50 million times, just screeching “THANK YOU MICHAEL!” into the night. Because now not only was he going to see you, he was going to see you in happy circumstances, ones that he himself were setting up! The real you, the happy you, was making a comeback steadily, and Jeremy was practically over the moon with his joy.

Jeremy: Sounds great! When are you free?

You: Hmm can we do Thursday?

Jeremy: That works for me!

You: Perfect!

Jeremy could feel his heart begin to pound against his chest, even though he knew that this emeting was to be platonic and strictly platonic. And maybe that’s why he didn’t feel as much pressure or nervousness in thinking about this new event you’d both set up with one another. Normally, with Christine, he’d get super nervous after planning a date—even though this wasn’t a date—getting more nervous with each minute ticking down. This uneasiness lasted from the moment she’d said yes until he got home after the date, his hands used to be so sweaty and almost always, he held his breath like no tomorrow.

But this felt different. It was different. While you were in the worst of it, Jeremy was more than happy to offer you comfort and a place of safety when the world felt like it was crashing down. This was just something a little extra that he had been wanting to do. You’d be out in public, but after almost everyone went home for the night, as it didn’t get dark until late. And with this time in the park with you, there was a safe bet that your boyfriend wouldn’t find the two of you. Thinking it over again, though, if both of you did get caught, you’d have an alibi and Jeremy would be there to protect you if things got bad. It would be easy; you two would go to Jeremy’s car and go over to Michael’s house to wait out your boyfriend’s anger for the night, laughing and talking while simply being what you were supposed to be: teenagers that were excited to start a new life away from home.

Just to be sure, though, Jeremy had to double check with you. It was the only way to ensure your safety in a public space for something that, to a single passerby, would look like you two were on a date.

Jeremy: I just want to make sure because I don’t want you to get hurt Jeremy: uhh is your boyfriend okay with us hanging out?

It took you a few seconds to respond, happiness still coming with each and every letter you’d typed out.

You: I don’t know why he wouldn’t be okay with it!

A sigh flushed through Jeremy, relief allowing him to breathe deeply as he typed a small message back.

Jeremy: Great! So I’ll see you on Thursday! Jeremy: We can meet there too, if you’d like. At maybe around 9:30ish? It gets dark pretty late right now

You: Sounds perfect! I’ll see you then!

He smiled to himself before locking his phone and refocusing on the sitcom that had been started back up. Jeremy didn’t even notice his best friend watching it again, his whole focus on you, the person of his dreams, agreeing to even just hang out with him for an extended amount of time. Then again, you’d done that many times before. But this wasn’t like those times, and he knew that.

Jeremy joined Michael, sitting on the bean bag next to him before the slushie-enthusiast spoke up. “Jer’s got a date.”

“It’s not a date, Michael.”

“Sure…uh huh…okay,” Michael said, unconvinced of what his best friend said.

“It’s not though. Seriously. I don’t want to intrude on that relationship, even if it’s—”

“Horrible, awful, the absolute worst, literal hell—”

“I get it, dude,” he paused for a second. “but still, cheating would be bad. I mean, look what it did to Brooke. Plus, with the SQUIP…I just don’t feel comfortable with it, you know?”

“Yeah, dude. I was just teasing.”

Jeremy’s phone went off again, another text from you making an appearance. He smiled at your text, reading the preview. Before he swore that you couldn’t get any cuter, but once again, he was completely wrong.

You: Hey I’m going to bed because I’m literally falling asleep on my couch. You: But thank you so much for inviting me to do something, it’s nice to be able to have some times to relax with a friend.

He could just imagine you, half tired, falling asleep as Life is Strange played in the background. Jeremy could see your head resting, controller just out of your grip, mouth hung slightly open in the most delicate way, as heavy breaths sent you off to sleep. Yeah, he definitely wanted to see that one night.

Jeremy: No problem. Jeremy: Get some rest, okay? You deserve it. I’ll see you on Thursday.

You: See you on Thursday, Jeremy 😊 You: Have a wonderful rest of your night

alright, well today was pretty fun. my alarm went off at 9:30 and I got up and got ready, then walked over to the spot and met up with Jess, and headed over to the vegetarian place, where we got the same things we always get (with the same waitress we always have, we’re very predictable). Enjoyed our brunch, then once we finished we ran next door (like literally next door) to the UPS store where I paid $1.67 to mail the Illinois government my $10 check for the taxes I apparently owed them. The whole thing was fairly ridiculous IMO, but whatever, it’s done now and at some point I should be getting a federal refund around $600 so that will be nice (which I’ll surely spend on con plans almost immediately). but once we finished there we walked back to Jess’ place and down the street where she had parked and began our journey to get something figured out with her car because the lease was almost up. We had gone to dealerships in a suburb (there’s not really many actual dealerships in the city the way there are in suburbs) a few weeks back and they gave us some price estimates to consider, but they were kinda sketchy and giving off a weird vibe so we were gonna try the dealership in another suburb that’s up by the fancy movie theatre we go to sometimes. So we get to the Honda dealership, and the plan is to buy her current car that she had been leasing as that would result in the cheapest monthly payment. so we sat down with the salesman and start running numbers it turned out keeping the car was actually going to be a lot more expensive than initially thought, and at this point it would be a cheaper monthly payment to get into a new lease, so we opted to do that instead. The current model she had was doing fine so they went to see what they had on site, and asked for colors, Jess said she liked the red she currently has and I said blue, which she agreed with as well. So more paperwork, signing things and reading contracts (as the Lawyer Friend™ that’s my designated duty, even though my position on adhesion contracts is that they’ll never hold up in court anyway). So they pull the car up and it’s like, the coolest shade of blue, like fairly dark in tone but also pretty bright if that makes any sense (someone suggested it was Tardis blue, and that’s probably pretty accurate) which we very much liked. So we checked it out, it was nice, a lot of upgraded stuff, so we finalized some stuff which ended up getting dragged out and taking forever so when we finished we were like okay let’s go lol. So they kept the former car and we drove off with the new one, we need to run the second key up to them this week once Jess’ parents mail it to her, so we’ll be back. So from there we drove over to the mall/movie theatre complex we like and went to buffalo wild wings because I told Jess we could go there despite me not being able to eat the majority of the menu, lol. It was very clear they were severely understaffed, we had to wait for someone to come to the hostess booth to get seated for a solid 10 minutes or so, and then waitress checking in would be kind of sporadic. and like, this is a situation where a lot of people would think this is bad service and I’m not going to give them a good tip, but I’m very much of the opinion that a restaurant being understaffed is not at all the fault of the waitstaff, and it being understaffed is only making their job harder and they’re clearly trying their best, I’m not going to make their day worse by leaving them a crappy tip when they get paid shit money from the restaurant and rely on those tips. So I have strong feelings about that, lol. I rarely ever reduce a tip below 25%, I’m a strong believer in solid tipping lol (blame my affluent childhood). So we had gotten cheese curds to share because of course and I was trying to just get something light because at that point we were planning on going to the cheesecake factory for dinner so we didn't want to fill up, so I ordered something listed as “roasted garlic mushrooms” which ended up being deep fried mushrooms and they were just....not good. so I ate a lot of cheese curds lol. From there we went to the movie theatre that’s right there, it’s the super fancy one where they’ll do things like bring you a blanket for free if you’re cold in the theatre and have like a full dining menu available including like $40 steaks 😂 it’s wild. Since we had just eaten we opted to keep it lighter, Jess got a milkshake and I just got some skittles. We had decided on seeing “Isn’t It Romantic” which is the one with Rebel Wilson, we had initially been considering the second lego movie or how to train your dragon 3 but they weren’t playing at that theatre because they recently redid it so it’s all 21 and over since there’s a lot of alcohol available, so they wouldn’t be playing kids movies (even if there are adults who would like to see them). But yeah, the movie was pretty funny, got some good shots in at romantic comedies in general which was amusing, and the casting was pretty well done. By the time we got out we still weren’t very hungry and we had been debating how to do things because there was also a bubble tea place next door we wanted to hit up, so we decided to just do the bubble tea and head home, and do the cheesecake factory when we come back on Wednesday to drop off the key. So we got bubble tea which was like in smoothie form this time (meaning that they blended the ice into it instead of adding it afterwards) and it was very good, I enjoyed it. We headed back from there, a little cautiously since it’s still a new car to get used to, but we made it. Jess dropped me off, I got up to my apartment and ditched my uncomfortable jeans for the leggings I was wearing underneath them (they were ripped jeans and not suitable for wearing in the winter on their own), and then spent a while ripping the clutter in my room apart to make sure I had all the aspects of my cosplays for next weekend ready and good to go, so that took a bit of time. I’ll have to commit to actually clean up my room sometime this week, because it’s pretty messy at the moment. But once I had everything accounted for I moved to the couch and watched some more of The Americans until I decided to shower and start getting ready for bed, then I of course dawdled and wasted time, but then I did start writing and now I am here. Church in the morning, I’m not 100% sure which service I’m gonna be in the babies room for, I was initially signed up for the 11:30 but someone for the 10 am just cancelled and they’re generally busier, so it might be a good idea for me to switch to that one. Idk, we’ll see how things play out in the morning. And on that note it’s definitely time for me to go to bed, so I’m going to do that now. Goodnight babes. Hope you’ve had an awesome weekend so far.

2018 top albums

Okay, so hopefully you read (& enjoyed listening to) my top EPs list, this one is a little longer, and hopefully a little prettier. They’re ranked 10 -> 1, with my honourable mentions up front here. I hope you enjoy at least some of the music I loved this year, and don’t find my writing unbearable. Once again, I’ve included spotify links for each album if and youtube links for my favourite tracks of each album. 

honourable mentions:

alison wonderland - awake/remxies

standouts: good enough & no (umru & kid froopy remix)

This was really tough for me to place, it would have likely made it onto the top 10 list had it not been for how much I loved the remix album that accompanied this album, and including both felt like cheating. Despite her trap banger roots, Alison Wonderland manages to hit that dance/cry sweet spot over and over on this project, from the manic banger Good Enough, with her gorgeous cello backed by an anxiety inducing rising bassline, to the anxious "is it good enough!?" ringing out, to hip-hop influenced High, to the big room trap banger that is Happy Place. It's got all of that and more on the base album, and the collection of remixes that were done afterward by her contemporaries managed to even further diversify the track list, while still keeping enough of the original to be recognizable. Even if you don't like electronic music, listen to No (umru & Kid Froopy Remix) and tell me that xylophone lead isn't catchy as all hell.

ross from friends - family portrait

standout: pale blue dot

A mainstay in the lo-fi house scene, Ross From Friends released his first full length project this year, and it gave everything I had hoped. Lovely, danceable grooves, ace production, and the feeling of being transported, if momentarily, to another plane of existence. If you have even the slightest inclination towards electronic music, check out Pale Blue Dot.

joji - ballads 1

standout: rip

The transition George Miller aka Filthy Frank aka joji has made throughout his young career is pretty spectacular. From absurdist comedy to the angsty, low key R&B on this project is pretty amazing, and while he certainly exhibits a lot of similar traits to the S A D B O Y aesthetic that has taken over mainstream hip-hop the last few years, he does it with enough of his own flavour that it's hard to discount that it is his. RIP and Attention are two of the most overtly sad songs I've heard in a long time, both in lyrical content, as well as production and the slurring and gravely vocal delivery. While tracks like Can't Get Over You throw in some needed dancey beats, while still maintaining that raw emotional delivery and content that defines this project so much.

top 10: 

10

jizue - room

standout: grass

I can't explain this album, I've spent the last 30 minutes attempting it, and I just can't. It's an instrumental album from Japanese group jizue that blends elements of jazz, math-rock and hardcore into...whatever this project is. I love it, but it's just the right side of complex and listenable to serve as the perfect background music, and still manage to stand on it's own. Check it out, maybe someone can explain it to me.

9

anderson .paak - oxnard

standout: brother's keeper

It took a while for Anderson .Paak to hit it big, but even back when I first heard his stuff, it was pretty apparent that it was only a matter of time before he hit it. Not only are his producer chops on display in full effect here, from rattling kicks and afro-soul influenced melodic leads, to the heavy jazz influences, all layered with a touch of 90s hip-hop. Dr. Dre helped with production and executive produced, and the influences of that era shine through heavily. Speaking of, .Paak's vocal performance is entirely different from what I had come to expect, and covers a wide array of topics, from the politically charged 6 Summers, to the sensual The Chase, that feels a lot it needs to be halfway an action scene in an 80s movie, to the savage Pusha-T feature Brother's Keeper. While .Paak himself is more a singer than rapper, his voice and flow fits the aesthetic of this project, and the brilliance of the production variety while still maintaining the feel of a cohesive project. From the all star feature list, to the frequent use of beat change-ups midway through tracks, back to front this project demands your attention.

8

rl grime - nova

standout: ucla

My first listen of this album resulted in me thinking "eh, this is just a bunch of electronic tracks", they weren't bad, but I didn't really feel it until my 3rd or 4th listen. RL Grime's ability as a producer has never been in question, and his live shows the stuff of legends. Throw into that with his yearly, highly anticipated Halloween 7 mixtape, featuring a vocal open by Shaq, he didn't need to come through with a project as diverse as this, and yet here we are. He manages to flow easily from big room trap Feel Free and Pressure, to the more housey Shrine and the emotional Atoms and the manic instrumental Rainer. It was really hard for me to pick just one favourite because of how cohesive this album has ended up feeling for me, like being taken on someone else's emotional roller coaster ride. But I've settled on the trashy, trappy R&B UCLA, where the lyrics manage to come across a little insecure, while the beat makes up for it with astounding bravado, and massive trap drops.

7

chvrches - love is dead

standout: deliverance

I've written before how vital live music events are to my enjoyment of certain genres & music acts, and if I'm being honest,  this album wouldn't be on here if I hadn't had the chance to see CHVRCHES live this year at the Commodore. It's a good album, don't get me wrong, it's got all polish of their previous two albums, and even more varied song selection with the more typical synth-pop bops with Miracle and Heaven/Hell, there's a huge change up with the moodier God's Plan and the incredibly sad and moving instrumental ii. Even Get Out, one of the lead singles from this project is laced with a lot darker subject matter and musical elements. Seeing Lauren Mayberry dance under neon lights to the intro rift of Graffiti will stick in my mind for years to come, and that feeling is what this kind of music is all about.

6

soccer mommy - clean

standout: cool

My musical tastes have been diverse for as long as I can remember, but this style of grungy, lo-fi bedroom pop-rock has never really been on my radar before. That being said, Nashville native Soccer Mommy has a lot of what I look for in music, catchy hooks, lyrics brimming with emotion and someone willing to take risks. While it's undeniable that this is far from a production masterpiece, which I don't understand in 2018 honestly, the great song writing and Sophie Allison's distinctive voice and nonchalant delivery gives me that summer feeling no matter what time of the year it is. Cool is one of my most listened to songs of the year by a long shot, with it's upbeat music and sad lyrics, it sounds like what teenage regret felt like. Scorpio Rising on the other hand, covers a lot of the same topics, but it manages to do to it in a very different way, sort of in a Slow Dance On The Inside by Taking Back Sunday kinda feel.

5

rezz - certain kind of magic

standout: teleportal

Even with my list this year being highly varied, I think this might be the least approachable album on either this or my EP list. Rezz has managed to create a cult of personality around herself in a way very few electronic musicians ever manage through her phenomenal set construction, heavy emphasis on showmanship with lights and video during her live sets, and brilliant production. Add on top of that very few artists are making this style of music anywhere close to this caliber, and you end up with a dominant force of heavy basslines and dark aesthetics. If you have ever had any interest in dubstep, be it the traditional UK variant or the trashy late 2000s-era bedroom-produced bangers, you will likely love this album. It's no surprise that deadmau5 signed her in 2016 given that her style of building up layers and layers of effects and sonic elements, only to cut them all out to isolate a heavy drop or gorgeous orchestral melody is very reminiscent of the house legend himself.

4

hinds - i dont run

standout: tester

Spanish all girl quartet came out of no where for me, but once I was into their vibe, I didn't look back. They sing in English (mostly), but their accents taint all their lyrics with just a little touch exotic flavour, giving their cacophonous musical style one more element to throw into the mix. They sort of sound like a mix of The Velvet Underground, and the Strokes, with a modern pop twist, and the fact they're women making, or more accurately, fighting the transition from care free 20s, to the reality of their 30s comes through in spades. The variety of their voices, and their writing styles gives this album a distinctly personal touch, but not so much it's impossible to relate to. This album is perfect for sitting in the sun on a lazy afternoon and letting the entire project wash over you, if I had to pick just one track though I'd go with Tester, a track about navigating complex, undefined personal relationships, and coping with it however possible.

3

let's eat grandma - im all ears

standout: it's not just me

I knew that PC Music wouldn't stay off my list entirely this year, the entire label seem to be steering pop music on the whole, and the production influences from SOPHIE fly in pretty fast on the glitchy-noisey delicious mess that is Hot Pink, the opening track. They follow that up with my favourite track of the year in It's Not Just Me, with the angsty lyrics, the way they seem to just float over the top of the beat that manages to be both groovy (dig the dance moves in the music video) and still challenge the listener with complexity and a touch of cacophony. While these two 17 year old girls from some random town in the UK might only be releasing their second project, and the lyrical content is for sure written by 17 year old girls, they show a capacity for having a vision for a track and getting it across in a truly astonishing way. They manage to blend genres, topics and feelings seemingly effortlessly, and I can't get enough of it!

2

the midnight - kids

standout: america 2

The nostalgic, synth-pop, retro-wave duo The Midnight came through with an ode to the 80s and 90s, laced with modern sensibilities. Stick these tracks over some 90s action movies, and they won't feel out of place, nor will they as your cruise into the sunset of 2018. With lyrics that are wistful for the past, and aware of the fact it will never come back, they manage to make you want to groove along, while slightly pricking that part of your brain that says "hey, is there where you thought you'd be when you were 12?". The whole project is laced with news clips from the 80s and 90s, talking about how exciting, and how terrifying the future looked. It's easy to forget even in those less connected times, sometimes all you could do was blast the stereo, drive into the night, and hold onto the best parts of your past, and try and be optimistic about the future.

1

brockhampton - iridescence

standout: tonya

Brockhampton is one of those music groups that is such a cultural phenomenon, it'll inspire kids making music in their bedrooms for a long time. No hip-hop group has made such a massive impact since Wu-Tang, and we all know they ain't nuthin' to fuck with. Both the group and each member manages to display astonishing range as they move from emotional ballads like the brilliant Tonya to bangers like New Orleans, they manage to make you want to dance to the driving basslines and clever lyrics, only to snap change to the slow and deeply emotional tracks like San Marcos. From Kevin Abstract's masterminding, to Dom's undeniably amazing bars, to the dreamy Matt Champion and the angst filled bearface, it's easy to see why this album is so diverse. What's harder to understand is how cohesive they manage to blend it all together, trappy vocal effects on top of acoustic guitar, the gospel influences, it's all mashed together into perfection. Tonya was on heavy rotation this year, with it's haunting vocals, brilliant piano melodies, and the change up it's so hard not to feel the heart that went into this project.

annnnnnnnd we’re done! I hope you listened to a shit load of good music this year, and I hope some of this resonates with you. Happy Holidays, have a good New Year, roll on 2019.

NIGHT & DAY REACTION/REVIEW

i know i said saturday but i couldn’t wait (and my iTunes download came early 🙃). plus, i’m actually writing this as a first full listen, instead of a couple listens later, so welcome to how my mind plays out during the first full listen of this album!!!

TRACK 1: MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (FEAT. MARTIN JENSEN) FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: i remember switching iTunes stores when this single first came out just to listen to the snippet and i was sHOOK by the lyrics FIRST LISTEN FULL: lyrics: YES, melody: YES, vocals: YES  FAVE LYRIC: “so when i call you in the middle of the night and i’m choking on the words cause i miss you, baby don’t tell me i’m out of time i got so much of my lovin to give you”

TRACK 2: ALL NIGHT (FEAT. MATOMA) FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET:  this song came out so long ago that i don’t even remember how i felt with the snippet FIRST LISTEN FULL: it was the first introduction to EDM VAMPS, and i was into it. i remember when it came out, i was on my way to a full study day, and it was all i listened to. the live versions with the puffs of smoke at the beat drops?? YES FAVE LYRIC: “you showed me how to find myself when i needed it the most”

TRACK 3: HANDS (FEAT. MIKE PERRY & SABRINA CARPENTER) FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: i think the first listen i got was a live video, and i was like um yes???? sing this at big ticket for me in front of all the underage children???? FIRST LISTEN FULL: honestly such a bop, i had it on replay for days. this collab is one of the ones i completely approve of because, even though sabrina was a “disney girl”, her music is a totally different vibe from what you would expect, and this is one of the songs that prove that lyrically.  FAVE LYRIC: “can you just drop that dress to the floor? we can talk until sunrise”

TRACK 4: SAME TO YOU FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: when they said the album was “moody” this is the song i think of because of the snippet from the album sampler. i understand why they all want this to be the next single. FIRST LISTEN FULL: this song definitely shows their growth musically and lyrically. no wonder they’re so proud of this song, i’m so proud of them. FAVE LYRIC: “i’m checking in to see if you’re ready to love again”

TRACK 5: PAPER HEARTS FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: my heart was full of warmth when they asked fans to help out with the tour lyric video, and seeing the end result was beautiful. the chorus? help me FIRST LISTEN FULL: THE GUITAR INTRO, INTO IT!! this song is really hitting me in the feelz. fuck it’s beautiful. FAVE LYRIC: “there’s a lot of things that i may not know, but missing you baby is the only thing i know”

TRACK 6: SHADES ON FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: i actually never bothered watching tour vids of this but THE SAMPLER: A FULL ON BOP GET THIS ON MAINSTREAM RADIO WORLDWIDE FIRST LISTEN FULL: A TOTAL OUT OF THIS WORLD BOP!!!!!!!!!! this after paper hearts tho, total uplift. how can the day version of the album get even more upbeat than this???? BRAD’S RAPPING???!??!?!?!?!?!??! WHAT?!??!?!?!??!???!??!!??!? GET THIS ON THE RADIO ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need a moment after this song; this should’ve gone before paper hearts tbh FAVE LYRIC: “starting up a party on the pavement like i just got paid” (#relatable)

TRACK 7: IT’S A LIE (FEAT. TINI) FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: super fun song in a super bitchy way. i appreciate them trying to reach multicultural audiences by using a multicultural artist. FIRST LISTEN FULL: the guitar kinda reminds me of bibia be ye ye. this song is so damn sassy i’M INTO IT!! FAVE LYRIC: “could we live ever after? seems like a good idea to me”

TRACK 8: STAY FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET:  i was kinda disappointed that they over-produced the song and changed some of the lyrics because i got so used to the acoustic version they sang at the shows BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DEPRIVE US WITH NEW MUSIC FOR TOO LONG FIRST LISTEN FULL: ok intro givin me the feelz, but then it just picks up and I JUST WANTED THIS SONG TO BE FULL ACOUSTIC, also not used to the lyric changes :( the keyboard’s a nice touch. it’s like a song to play while you’re at the beach during sunset. IMAGINE BEING WITH THE BOYS AT THE BEACH DURING SUNSET AND THEY’RE SINGING THIS SONG. i like the bridge. i feel it just kinda ends abruptly??? but still one of my all time faves. FAVE LYRIC: “you can wear my favourite t-shirt, and we can waste away the days, but only if you stay”

TRACK 9: MY PLACE FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET:  i think this is my fave on the whole album??? FIRST LISTEN FULL: the chorus!!!!!!! the guitar riff reminds me of a song, but i can’t seem to think of it??? a good end of summer song tbh! can u believe they just had to add the “bluesman” STAY THE SAME BOYS, NEVER CHANGE FAVE LYRIC: “look at that face, i don’t ever wanna let you down”

TRACK 10: SAD SONG FIRST LISTEN SNIPPET: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT I WAS STARVING TIL I TASTED YOU DONT NEED NO BUTTERFLIES WHEN YOU GIVE ME THE WHOLE DAMN ZOO anyways, this song got stuck in my head at work after listening to the album sampler, so that’s a good sign FIRST LISTEN FULL: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT I WAS STARVING TIL I TASTED YOU!!!! honestly same chords as starving, collab with hailee steinfeld pls! (someone also mashup staving with this asap) it’s a mature breakup song??? they ended with a really catchy bop. INTO IT.  FAVE LYRIC: “and i know, you know, i know i can’t let it end this way”

~BONUS TRACKS~

JAMES EDITION: I LOVE LOVING YOU this song very much screams JAMES MCVEY: pop/rock but still a hint of country. it’s a cutesie love song, i love it.  FAVE LYRIC: i’m certain there’s a sunrise and the night falls just like they do

JAMES EDITION: HIGHER i’m not gonna lie to you, i’m not a complete fan of james’ vocals as a solo artist,  BUT, nevertheless, i can respect his abilities, along with his strong song writing. this is one of those songs that showcase those abilities really well. these songs are for kirstie right??? ;)))) FAVE LYRIC: if everything’s changing, i need you to know, the hardest decision was letting you go

CONNOR EDITION: ON MY WAY i really enjoy connor’s type of music; lyrically and musically. this is so catchy, and would be a great song for a road trip. can't wait to blast it in my car. FAVE LYRIC: the footprints that i left yesterday are the ones that should be kept as memories

CONNOR EDITION: MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THE ROCK VERSIONS OF THEIR SONGS!!!! (I.E., TRISTAN’S ANIMAL REMIX OF WILDHEART????) THIS GETS ME SO AMPED TO HEAR THIS LIVE I CAN’T WAIT! the collab, i approve. idk who u are, but u got a great voice.

TRISTAN EDITION: ALL AROUND THE WORLD FIRST OF ALL, WHY DOESN’T TRIS SING MORE?? HE HAS SUCH A NICE VOICE????? LIKE REMEMBER HIS VERSION OF CAN WE DANCE? MY FAVE. this song is for ana right??? ;)))))) FAVE LYRIC: i only met her once, and straight away i knew that i loved her

TRISTAN EDITION: COME GRIND WITH ME THIS SONG IS STRAIGHT FIRE!!!!! sayin tris isn’t doing anymore mash-ups for tour and this is all he’s gonna perform, I’M ALL FOR IT!! THIS IS SUCH A TUNE LIKE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT TRIS WANTED FOR HIS ALBUM VERSION FAVE LYRIC: this love’s a game, come on & let’s play, you don’t have to remember my name

VERDICT: tbh, i had kinda low expectations for this album bc i didn’t really know how to feel about the boys going a more EDM direction, BUT all the songs are total bops??? they’re all different; no songs sound alike in any way (other than sad song and starving, i’m never getting over that), and they all just kinda flow well with one another. i’m glad they took their time with this album, and released something that they’re truly proud of, instead of releasing an album that was half-assed. i appreciate the different editions based on each member; the songs included are very much an accurate representation of them, and something they are individually proud of. i hope somehow, someway they get this album to break into the north american market, bc SHADES ON DESERVES RADIO PLAY!!! this album exceeded my expectations, and did not disappoint at all. 5 STARS!!!!!