THE CONTINUING DISASTROUS PR STRATEGY REGARDING CHRIS AND ABBA’S “RELATIONSHIP”

The PR strategy regarding Chris and Abba has been a disaster, even before they even debuted their “relationship” officially with their first papwalk in NY. It has failed on almost every level. Maybe not for the brands that have been sponsoring their relationship, we would need their numbers to know for sure. But this PR strategy has been a disaster and utter failure for them either as a “couple” or for them as individuals. 

The discrepancy between a product and the marketing strategy…

Let’s say you want to sell junk food from a fast food chain. You do need to find a positive angle to sell your product. You can say you have diversified and created healthier options. What you can’t do is to sell your product by saying it’s the most nourishing and healthiest food on the planet. The disconnect between what you are presenting and reality is so great that you lose all credibility to the point of absolute ridicule. You need to know your product, you need to know your brand identity and then look for every possible ways to present it in a positive light. This is what a PR spin is set out to do. And this explains why this “RS” has been such a failure for both Chris and Abba from a PR perspective. This RS hasn’t been on brand for either of them, and the way it has been marketed differs way too much from reality…

Not on brand for Chris…

During an interview with costar ADA, Chris once got very irritated with a journalist who mentioned his brand. But there is little doubt he was being disingenuous about it because he is very well aware of his brand. He is someone who is “shrewd” according to costar RDJ and who lurks around on SM to see what is being written about him. He knows his brand consisted of being Captain America, the perfect internet boyfriend and the loving dog dad. And it’s no coincidence that every single time he was being called out for something questionable he did, he posted his dog Dodger as damage control. 

It has been discussed enough as it is so I won’t go into the various reasons why his “relationship” with Abba is not on brand for him. 

But we can wonder whether this unlikely pairing for him was done on purpose in an effort to rebrand him. And indeed since Endgame, he has expressed his interest in playing bad guys in an apparent effort to show his range. And he seems to have specialized in more villainous parts:  Ransom in Knives out, Lloyd in the Gray Man, shady Pete in Pain Hustlers. He was also supposed to play the evil dentist in Little Shop of Horrors. 

But his team has sent mixed signals in this strategy to distance himself from his famous alter ego, as he keeps mentioning Captain America every chance he gets. It’s difficult to know why. Did this strategy fail in getting him the opportunities he wanted or expected? Did their strategy of rebranding him work a little too well? What we do know is that he keeps referring to the part he is most recognizable for, how precious his sendoff is to him, if he plans on coming back and so forth…

Not on brand for Abba…

Some mods have discussed Abba’s latest interview, called on her obvious bullshit and how her words and actions don’t match. Personally I am not interested in promoting her or even discussing her more than I have to. Especially since I am not too keen on giving her or her team ideas on how to better market herself. So I won’t…

Chris and Abba Baptiste are not a private and/or popular couple…

The narrative they are selling that they are such a private and famous couple just doesn’t fly. Their latest stunt with the alleged dinner with two other famous couples was ridiculous at best. They didn’t sell the “happy loving couple” part with their staged and awkward PDA, and the “private and popular” part was even less believable. The intervention of Chris’ bodyguard Guillermo was hilarious as if they were rock stars who needed protection from the frenzy of their many fans. Please… It seemed that there was no one out there, except the paps they called themselves (Backgrid) and I guess the valet who parked their borrowed car.

Again what they are selling is so far from the actual truth that it has done nothing but bring shame and ridicule upon them.

Private couples don’t breadcrumb their RS on SM, they don’t debut their RS via a staged and bad papwalk on the day of their show debut, they don’t have articles about their valentines’ cringy pics and videos before they are even posted and I could go on and on and on…

Chris and Abba are not private individuals either…

I think it has been well established that Abba is neither private nor shy. Someone who posts a shower porn on their Insta just isn’t. 

But neither is Chris. I am not even talking about the fact that he leaked his own privates. One could argue he did it accidentally. But even if that’s true, he leaked his own nudes because he was trying to share a private video of game night. Chris is someone who has used his family, his friends, his beloved dog and charities he works with in his PR games for the longest of times, he has called the paps on himself, he has shared the most intimate details about himself such as when he lost his virginity and so on… The truth is that he has been more than willing to use his private life to advertise himself. Saying you are private and being private are two very different things. 

And that’s part of the reason why Chris has faced such a strong backlash from his very devoted and loyal fans since the beginning of this shitshow. The disconnect between his brand and what he is currently presenting to the public is just far too great. And this disconnect has created a lot of anger and resentment in his fandom. That’s why we can safely assume that this PR strategy hasn’t served his best interest… 

This PR shitshow has failed Abba as well big time and will continue to do so…

Of course, Abba is not blameless in the fact she hasn’t benefited from these PR games. She and her entourage have trolled Chris’ fandom who in return exposed her. 

Also her whole attitude, her lack of professionalism/work ethic and her very problematic personality were hurdles that would have been impossible to overcome for anyone. 

But she was unlikely to benefit from the charade anyway because Chris isn’t the household name he once was. Especially outside of Marvel. If people have any doubt about this, they should watch the show Billy Eichner did with Chris. It was telling. 

Abba Baptiste… Alba Baptista sorry is still a no-name despite having had trillion articles written about her (about her being this great humanitarian, about her being almost abducted, about her eyebrows and so on). Because being the “wife” of an actor known for having been Captain America was never going to be her golden ticket to Hollywood. She had to put in the work. 

They haven’t gotten any real focus yet and John Strider hasn’t even appeared in a fic yet but it’s notable how you write the prospit kids as being more resistant to Strider bullshit. Like, they come off as normal almost? Is that a good thing or not? Only time (and new fic updates) will tell

:3c indeed!!! is being resistant a good thing or a bad thing? is it better to adapt to your surroundings or try and resist and fight every inch of the way in the hopes of finally gaining something suitable for yourself? is there a 'better' tactic to cope with abuse or neglect?

it's so super fun to explore that give and take. rose strider ending up (debatably) the most mentally unhealthy of the strider kids but also becoming (debatably) the strongest of them all as a result. does this make her more successful than dave, since she can absolutely fight better than he is and thus is better 'suited' to play the hero? or is dave, who manages to regain his individuality and break through his (co)dependency on his brother faster, better than her? can they even be compared??? oh the traumalympics of it all...

or, another example, using a different set of messed up kids: rose lalonde vs jade lalonde.

the latter doesn't immerse herself completely in her mother's antics, which has actually heightened the sense of competition between them, even if there is no active 'war' between them like rose and her mom. rose and mom create a 'loving' '''rivalry''' of their dynamic, which gives rose an outlet and gives her a way to express her frustration towards her guardian, even if it's not translating right. jade does not. she makes a habit of venting to her friend(s) but she otherwise does not feel heard when trying to confront mom on her terms and she doesn't feel like she can do much to retaliate otherwise, because she doesn't want to play the same game her mom does. and since she isn't playing along, she's actually formed twice as many insecurities linked to her that rose has.

another really fun aspect of all this is the fact that... MAN!! i have so many thoughts just always about the way homestuck is told mostly through dialogue and pictures, so you're only able to infer so much about characters. there's a characterization tip i learned in college that everything people say (or at least most of it) is twice removed from their actual thoughts, at the very least. like, people say things that perhaps they've been thinking for days, weeks, years before the fact. and that's if they're even willing to be honest with themselves and their emotions to the people around them. something that is so great about homestuck is that people lie, they deflect, they manipulate the perspectives around them so successfully that readers don't even catch on unless it gets spelled out for them... if it gets spelled out

(jake is such a great example of this i could talk about jake forever)

switching from a comic book medium to one that uses narrative prose is so interesting because of that, because we suddenly get a window into the direct thoughts of the characters, we suddenly get the full picture that all of their dialogue leaves out.

i say this because it is a very very deliberate choice that certain killswitch characters and their arcs are only implied in dialogue vs others who have their entire psyches written out. we know rose is batshit because we spend 9+ chapters of prose in her head, reading her thoughts. we don't actually get to see how messed up dave is inside until way later when he expresses it. the jades are all jumbled up inside, but we keep missing out on it because they have such a good handle on their personalities and making themselves sound stable even when they aren't, and who knows when we'll actually get a peek inside of their heads. and like... DAMN it's so fun to think of what kym would have been liked if it started off like the other killswitch fics, where you're just subjected to dialogue that gets parsed out later. like rose strider talks like a 4channer and it's fun to imagine a world where that was in the forefront and she got a chance to seem just as normal as jade and dave strider get to at the beginning of their journeys. alas i need everyone to know she's insane... 😌���

Why Deku's ultimatum to Overhaul is bad and he should feel bad

This is a bit outside my normal character wheelhouse, but I really need to get a rant about it off my chest, so here goes:

The Deku and Overhaul scene in Chapter 316 is terrible. It is fucking terrible.

I took a whirl around Overhaul's tag up through when the leaks first started dropping, but didn't immediately see anyone talking about why it's so fucking terrible, only concerns about letting Overhaul see Eri (understandable, but baseless, I think), some empathy towards Overhaul's current state (totally warranted!), some snark about Deku being So Done with Overhaul (haha because who cares about Deku's stated goal of trying to understand villains, right?), and, worst of all, some cooing about how Deku was being so compassionate and noble by offering Overhaul that olive branch.

Deku was not being compassionate and noble there. Deku was being arrogant, small-minded, and so shockingly cruel that it leaves me speechless that anyone could think his stunted and hard-hearted "offer" reflects well on him.

Deku's entire motivation in this arc has been wrestling with the realization that he might have been able to avoid some of the desperate battles of his past if he'd understood more about the villains he fought. He thought of three very specific people--Stain, Muscular, and Overhaul--as he reflected, "Maybe it wouldn't have had to go that way if I'd understood them better." He then thought of Gentle Criminal and La Brava, people who he’d come to some understanding of, who he’d been able to soften the conclusion of his battle with by going along with Gentle's fiction downplaying what had happened between them. The whole line of thought was intended to contextualize his newfound desire to save Shigaraki.

It soon became apparent that Stain, Muscular and Overhaul were, in fact, encounters that he would be revisiting, as a chance to see how he'd grown since he faced them, and as a dry-run on reaching out to villains that would give him a chance to practice ways he might reach out to Shigaraki when the time comes.

Well, based on his performance so far, the idea that Deku might be able to reach Shigaraki is laughable.

Firstly, his tentative questions to Muscular were ill-timed, all wrong for the middle of a battle. Muscular laughed him off, and I don’t think there’s any version of that scenario in which he would have done otherwise. Muscular was a huge threat, gleefully violent, disinterested in conversation about his history. Obviously, right in the middle of a fight was no kind of time to try to figure out what made the man tick! But Deku didn’t get the luxury of choosing the circumstances of that encounter, so yes, that battle probably was unavoidable, certainly if Deku wanted to stop him from doing further damage. But the idea that because Deku couldn't reach him right then and there, it's impossible for Deku--or, indeed, for anyone--to reach him at all is fallacious. Not every person has to be able to like or understand every other person. If Deku couldn't reach Muscular, so what? That doesn't mean it's impossible that someone might. And that means an obligation to treat Muscular like a human being, to afford him human rights, to not stop trying to find a way to rehabilitate him, even as you safeguard other people against him.

Deku's battle with Muscular being unavoidable was not some great triumph, for all that the narrative used it as an opportunity to let him show off how far he’d come in mastering One For All. In the way that matters, the way that Deku himself is currently trying to better, he hasn't advanced at all. Imasuji Goto represented his first test in the lead-up to saving Shigaraki, and Deku failed it.

His next trial was Overhaul.* Here, again, was someone who Deku was explicitly trying to understand. So what was the one thing that was most key to understanding Overhaul's current motivation? What was the one thing that Overhaul was ranting about out loud, incessantly? And what did Deku conspicuously fail to ask about? Overhaul's relationship with Pops.

This was so easy. So obvious. And Deku didn’t even try. All he could think about in the moment he was faced with that broken man was the little girl that man hurt--all thoughts of trying to understand where the man himself was coming from went right out the window, flown away in an instant. Instead of asking about why Overhaul feels the way he does, he demanded that Overhaul feel the way Deku wanted. He was essentially holding the only person Overhaul cared about hostage for the remorse he wanted Overhaul to feel.

I'm not going to try to armchair diagnose Overhaul with mental conditions. I don't have the educational background, and I'm positive Horikoshi doesn't. But it seems pretty clear that asking Overhaul to feel guilt about Eri was asking for something that he might not be capable of feeling, at least not without years of therapy that he was plainly not getting in Tartarus. And if Overhaul is not capable of feeling that guilt, then what does denying Overhaul his meeting actually solve? Who does it help? It doesn’t help Eri. Doesn’t help the old man. It certainly doesn’t help Overhaul himself. The only person who gets any satisfaction out of demanding remorse from Overhaul is Deku. And even Deku didn’t look like he found it very satisfying!

Another failure. A meaninglessly cruel, petty failure. A failure that served only to hurt a man who was already a live wire of agony, to sentence an old man to a coma he might never wake from without Overhaul's expertise, and to deprive Eri of the only actual family she had left.

And look, Pops might very well not be the ideal guardian for Eri, and I'm not saying he should get to "keep" her just because of the blood connection, but it's not like he cheerfully handed her over to Overhaul and walked out the door! He turned to Overhaul because he trusted Overhaul, because he wanted someone to help Eri and thought that maybe Overhaul could. And when Overhaul's thoughts about Eri took a very dark turn, Pops first denied his request about using her to further his research and then, when Overhaul kept pushing it, chose Eri over the kid he personally took in from the streets by telling Overhaul that he needed to leave the Shie Hassaikai if he couldn't muster any more respect for human life than that.

But, you know, Eri is so cute with Aizawa and stuff. And Pops was a criminal. Probably. Maybe? I mean, he was yakuza, anyway, so he obviously must have been a criminal even if the police never actually arrested him. Apparently, this means it's okay to just leave him in a coma forever! Even though Overhaul absolutely has enough medical expertise that letting him talk to a neurologist about what he did to Pops might enable them to figure out how to wake Pops up even without Overhaul being able to use his quirk to undo the damage. Hell, Overhaul is also the person alive who has the best handle on how Eri's quirk works. He might even know what her accumulation condition is. Maybe a better thing to ransom his access to Pops with would be Overhaul telling Aizawa everything he knows about Eri's quirk so Aizawa can use the knowledge to help her get a better handle on it.

But no. Obviously undoing some small part of the concrete harm Overhaul did was less important than how Deku felt about that harm.

And there's more! Oh, is there ever. I called Deku arrogant before; let me circle back to that.

Deku said that if Chisaki would feel the way Deku wanted him to feel, then Deku would uphold the promise to let Overhaul see Pops. But where in hell did Deku get off making that claim? Deku is a student. He's not a pro. He has no authority, medical, legal, carceral or otherwise. He has no say in where Overhaul goes or who he's allowed to see.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What kind of strings did Deku think he could pull that he could just casually make that claim without so much as going into a huddle with Hawks and Endeavor about it first? How inflated has this kid's sense of importance gotten that he made Overhaul that promise without even stopping to think about whether it was something he was in any position to ensure? It was such a bullshit ultimatum, not only because of how needlessly obstructive it was, but because it was so formless.

"If only you would feel a wish to apologize to Eri…" Okay, so what if Overhaul goes back to prison and, three days later, calls out to say, "Okay, I thought about it and I really feel like I want to apologize, now can I see Pops already?" Who gets to make that judgment call? Deku? Is he going to drop his faux-vigilante act and come visit Overhaul in prison just so he can squint at the man really hard to see if he's lying? Is Deku going to delegate the call to someone else? All Might? Hawks? A prison warden? A psychologist? Who? Who gets to be the one to say, "Okay, I think his remorse is genuine."

Then, once that call has been made, how many people have to arrange for Overhaul to be escorted out of prison and to whatever hospital Pops is in? Will Deku get to oversee that visit? Does he think he can overturn a warden declaring, "The scum doesn't deserve a visit, and the old man probably doesn't either," or a doctor protesting, "I'm not letting that man anywhere near my patient!"

The hell of it is, I think Deku could do all of that. He's got a close personal connection to All Might, who was basically a demi-god to this society for decades; he has the ear of the current top three heroes. Everyone is apparently convinced that the power to save this society rests solely in Deku's hands; I'm sure he could ask for anything he wanted. But the fact that that is the case suggests that this society is not even slightly turning away from its dependence on heroes dictating its morality. A hero having the sole right to dictate, out of hand, based on his personal feelings, the fate of people designated "villains" while the rest of society turns away is exactly what Shigaraki is angry about.

The only thing worse than Deku perpetuating the worst problems of hero society in an arc that's supposed to be about him finding a better way is that he didn’t even stop to think about it. It never even occurred to him that that was what he was doing. He thought that what he was asking of Chisaki was just and fair, and thus, he didn’t need to ask for any second opinions or permissions; he didn’t need to think about what would actually be feasible, about what was best for the people involved. He'd made his judgment call about a villain, and that's all there was to it. The villain could fall in line or--nothing. There isn't actually another choice. Hero's way or nothing

I hate it. I hate it. I don't care about whether Overhaul "deserves" to suffer; heroes making the cold decision that they will make him suffer is antithetical to everything a carceral system intended to rehabilitate prisoners stands for. And yes, Japan does at least claim on paper that the goal of incarceration in state hands is rehabilitation.

Restorative justice is superior to retributive justice. It's better for society and it's better for individuals. It is kinder, it is more compassionate. Retributive justice poisons people. It perpetuates suffering for no reason but moral grandstanding. Individuals are allowed to forgive or not forgive anyone they want, but a society should conduct itself with an eye to the long-term welfare of all of its people. That means that even the worst kinds of criminals still have human rights. It means not inflicting pain that serves no purpose.

I've gotten off-track here. Yes, I think that if Overhaul could feel regret about Eri, that would obviously be a positive development for his character. It'd hurt like hell, but it would be a hurt that indicated he was becoming a better person, a person who wanted to do more good, less ill, with his life and efforts. But you can't mandate that someone become a better person. No ultimatum handed down from on high is going to change Overhaul's heart. Telling someone, "I'll help you, but only if you only feel the way I want you to feel. Otherwise, you can just stay there and suffer," is not reaching out to help people who are suffering in the dark, which is, again, what Deku claimed he wanted to do, what he begged for Nagant's help in doing, the way he insisted to the vestiges that OFA should be used.

Deku writing people off because they don't conform to his expectations, because they can't be "good" the way he wants them to be, nor even "bad" in ways he can understand, is him failing to live up to his own expressed ideals. "I wish you'd feel bad about hurting people," wasn't enough to reach Muscular or Overhaul, and it damn well shouldn't be enough to reach Shigaraki.

Cruelty does not beget kindness. You cannot treat people with only callousness and severity, then condemn them for not taking the opportunity to grow. You have to give them opportunities to better themselves. For Overhaul, giving him an opportunity would be letting him help the man he wronged and then moving forward from there. Telling him to feel regret about Eri or else? That's doing nothing but sweeping his pain back under the rug.

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*I have more or less exhausted my outrage over Lady Nagant in chats with friends, so I'll spare the rant on how disjointed, contradictory and ludicrous her turn was; the gist is "very, on all counts."

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P.S. Anyone who says that Overhaul "has nothing left to live for" is being a level of ableist that defies description. Prosthetics exist. Assistive devices exist. Speech-to-text software exists. Overhaul is intelligent, driven and highly educated. Even if he never got prosthetics at all, there would still be things he could contribute to the world if he were motivated to do so. The better thing to do, though, would be to get the man some damn prosthetics, hook him up with the neurologist consulting on Pops' case, and let the two of them get on with the matter of waking up the old man.

P.P.S. Overhaul spent six months in solitary confinement. The United Nations considers solitary confinement exceeding 15 days to be a form of torture. Solitary confinement creates severe mental health issues and exacerbates existing ones. It frequently leads to a deadening of empathy, something Overhaul has in little enough amounts as it is. It is absurd to ask a man who's just come out of these conditions to "feel sorry for what you did to Eri," especially if you're planning to turn around and send him right back to solitary. Tartarus is inhuman, and the only reason more of the escapees aren't total wrecks like Overhaul is because Horikoshi clearly didn't bother to do the reading on the wide array of problems that those characters should be experiencing physically, mentally and socially.

Wonder Egg Priority Episode 4: Boys’ and Girls’ Suicides Do Mean Different Things (But Not in the Way the Mannequins Want You to Think!)

So, let’s talk about this for a second. After I got over my initial knee-jerk reaction, I realized I wasn’t sure how to make sense of exactly what the mannequins were arguing for here. So let me rephrase their statements to make the argumentative structure more explicit: Because men are goal-oriented and women are not, because women are emotion-oriented and men are not, and because women are impulsive and easily influenced by others’ voices and men are not, boys’ and girls’ suicides mean different things – girls are more easily “tempted” by death, and therefore, more likely to require saving when they inevitably regret their suicide. While Wonder Egg Priority, so far, seems to agree with the vague version of the mannequins’ conclusion, namely that boys’ and girl’s suicides mean different things, it refutes the gender-essentialist logic through which that conclusion was derived.

The mannequins choose a decidedly gender essentialist approach in explaining the difference between girls’ and boy’s suicides; they argue that the suicides are different because of some immutable characteristic of their mental hard wiring (in this case, impulsivity, emotionality, and influenceability). Obviously, this is a load of bull, and Wonder Egg Priority knows it. The mannequins are not exactly characters we’re supposed to trust, seeing that they’re running a business that is literally based on letting these kids put themselves in mortal danger. As faceless adult men, they parrot and possibly represent the systems that force these girls to continue to be subjected to physical and emotional trauma (it’s probably more complicated than this, but four episodes in, it’s hard to say more). So, we’re probably supposed to take what they say with great skepticism. Also, the director, Shin Wakabayashi, has recently said that in response to these lines, Neiru was originally going to object, “When it comes to their brains, boys and girls are also the same,” (which unfortunately is not exactly true and is somewhat of an oversimplification, but the sentiment is there). While that line ultimately did not make it in, Neiru does reply with a confused and somewhat indignant, “What?!”, a reaction that gets the message across.  Neiru is not a fan of gender essentialism, and as a (more) sympathetic character, we’re supposed to agree with her.

That is, the differences between boys and girls is not something inherent to their biology or character, but something constructed by culture and experience. This rejection of gender-essentialism is apparent in Wonder Egg Priority’s narrative, which takes a more sociocultural perspective on the difference between boys’ and girls’ suicides. It says, well of course boys’ and and girl’s suicides don’t mean the same thing, that’s the whole reason why we’re delving into the experiences specific to being a girl (cis or trans) or AFAB in this world – to show you how girls’ suicides are influenced by systems of oppression perpetuated by those in power (ie. the adult, in this specific anime).

And all the suicides we’ve seen up until now tie into that somehow. For instance, Koito is bullied by her female classmates who think that Sawaki is giving her special treatment. This is a narrative that comes up over and over again, in real life as well: that if a young girl is being given attention from an older man, then it’s her fault – that she must want it, or at least enjoy it somehow, and that it signifies a virtue (eg. maturity or beauty) on her part. And if Koito is actually being given such treatment by Sawaki, an adult man in a position of power over her, that is incredibly predatory. 

And we all know that child sexual abuse is something that overwhelmingly affects girls, with one out of nine experiencing it before the age of 18, as opposed to one out of 53 boys (Finkelhor et al., 2014). Regardless of whether Sawaki was actually abusing Koito or if the students only thought that he was, Koito’s trauma is ultimately the result of this romanticized “love between a young girl and adult man, but not because the man is predatory, but because the girl has some enviable virtue that makes her desirable” narrative. Similarly, in episode 2, Minami’s suicide is driven by ideas related to discipline and body image in sports, which while not necessarily specific to female and AFAB athletes, is framed in an AFAB-specific way. For instance, take the pressure on Minami to “maintain her figure”. Certainly, male athletes also face a similar pressure, but we know that AFAB and (cis and trans) female bodies are subject to closer scrutiny and criticism. We know that young girls are more likely to suffer from eating disorders. And Wonder Egg Priority situates Minami’s experience as decidedly “about” AFAB experience when her coach accuses her change of figure due to her period as a character failing on her part.

 Likewise, episode 3 delves into suicides related to “stan” culture, this fervent dedication to celebrities that is overwhelmingly associated to teenage girls. And Miwa’s story, in episode 4, explicitly shows how society responds to sexual assault. When Miwa does have the courage to speak up about her assault, she’s instantly reprimanded by basically everyone around her. Her father is fired because her abuser was an executive of his company. Her mother asks her why she couldn’t just bear with it, telling her that her abuser chose her because she was cute, as if that’s supposed to make her feel better about it. Wonder Egg Priority shows that this sort of abuse is a systemic problem, a set of rules and norms deeply engrained in a society and upheld by all adults, regardless of gender, social status, or closeness (to the victim). Wonder Egg Priority says that, yes, girls’ and boys’ suicides have different meanings, but it’s not due to some inherent difference between the two, but the hostile environment in which these girls grow up. Girls are not more easily “tempted” by death, they just have more societal bullshit to deal with.

But Wonder Egg Priority goes further than just showcasing how girls’ (and AFAB) experiences are shaped by sociocultural factors. The story also disproves the supposedly dichotomous characteristics that the mannequins use to differentiate girls and boys (i.e. influenceability/independence, impulsivity/deliberation, emotion-orientation/goal-orientation). If the mannequins are indeed correct, and that girls are just influenceable, impulsive, and emotional, you’d expect the girls in the story to be to be like such too. Except, they aren’t. Rather, they’re a mix of both/all characteristics. This show says that, certainly, girls can be suggestible, but they’re also capable of thinking for themselves. For instance, when Momoe asserts her own identity as a girl at the end of episode four, she rejects the words of those around her who insisted that she isn’t a girl. If she were as suggestible as the mannequins believe her to be, that would never have happened – she would have just continued believing that she wasn’t girl “enough”. But, she doesn’t because she is equally capable of making her own judgements. Likewise, Wonder Egg Priority shows that girls can be impulsive, but they can also be deliberate and pre-mediating. When Miwa tricks her Wonder Killer into groping her to create an opening for Momoe to defeat it, she’s not doing it out of impulse – it’s a pre-mediated and deliberate choice unto a goal. And Wonder Egg Priority continues, girls can be equally emotion oriented and goal oriented. Sure, the main girls are fighting because they have the goal of bringing their loved ones back to life, but those goals are motivated by a large range of emotions, from guilt to anger, grief, compassion, and love. 

Being emotion-driven doesn’t mean you’re not goal-driven, and vice versa. In fact, in this case, being emotional drives these girls toward their goals. In other words, none of these traits that the mannequins listed are either “girl traits” or “boy traits”. Being one does not mean you can’t be the other, even if they seem dichotomous at first. Wonder Egg Priority’s diverse cast of multi-dimensional female characters allows it to undermine the mannequins’ conceptualization of gendered roles, refuting the idea that these (or any) character traits should be consider gendered at all.

As an underdeveloped side thought, I think Wonder Egg Priority’s blurring of gendered roles is also well-reflected in its style. There’s been a lot of talk about whether Wonder Egg Priority constitutes a magical girl series, and I think that’s an interesting question deserving of its own essay. Certainly, it does follow the basic formula of the magical girl story: a teenage heroine ensemble wielding magical weapons saves the day. But it also throws out a lot of the conventions you’d expect of a magical girl story – both aesthetically and narratively. Aesthetically, it’s probably missing the component that most would consider the thing that makes an anime a magical girl anime: the full body transformation sequence, complete with the sparkles and the costume and all that. Narratively, the girls are also not really magical girl protagonist material – they’ve got a fair share of flaws, have done some pretty awful things (looking at Kawai in particular; I still love you though), and aren’t exactly the endlessly self-sacrificing heroines you’d expect from a typical magical girl story. On the other hand, the anime also borrows a lot from shonen battle anime. We get these dynamic, well choreographed action sequences full of horror and gore, the focus on the importance of camaraderie between allies (or “nakama”, as shonen anime would call it) exemplified through all the bonding between the main girls during their downtime, and in the necessary co-operation to bring down the Wonder Killers. That said, this anime is not a shonen; the characters, types of conflicts, and themes are quite different from those that you’d find in a typical shonen. The bleeding together of the shonen genre and the magical girl genre, at the very least (and I say this because I think it does way more than just that), reflects Wonder Egg Priority’s interest in rebelling against conventional narratives about girlhood and gender.

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel and the Great Tree Part 2

Continuing on with the midseason finale of season two.

Part 1 is here  https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/628826170657570816/tangled-salt-marathon-rapunzel-and-the-great

Summary: After Adira saves Rapunzel and the group from the hurt incarnation, Cassandra makes her suspicions of Adira known which causes a falling out between her and Rapunzel. Meanwhile Hector uses the dormant power of the tree to try and attack everyone. 

Cassandra’s Motivation Doesn’t Aline With Her Later Actions 

If you’re going to have a character do a complete 180 from her original goal, than you need a better reason than just mommy issues; or validation issues, or career problems, or just simply having a falling out, or jealousy, or a ghost girl whispering in your ear, or whatever the fuck they’re trying to do with Cassandra.  

Going from ‘protect’ to ‘murder’ is a huge moral alignment shift that needed clear and reasonable justification. Cassandra is never given that. Instead they just throw everything at the wall that they can think of in the hope that something sticks. 

Only it never does because her original story was re-written at the last minute.   

Well That Was Pointless

Max and Pascal wind up saving Eugene and Lance from the man eating plant. Which adds nothing to the story. It happens and is then never brought up again. It’s just an excuse to write Eugene out of the Cass and Raps conflict and not an extension of either his or Lance’s own narratives. 

That’s a problem, because Eugene should be a main character and Lance an important supporting side character. Instead Eugene is regulated to side character status while Lance is unimportant comic relief. Not only does this ignore that fact that Eugene was the protagonist of the movie same as Rapunzel, but it also ignores the basic writing rule of ‘don’t add in characters who don’t serve a purpose in the story’. 

Adira Just Saved All of Your Asses, Cass

Boy does Adira put up with a lot of bullshit in this show, and 90% of it comes from Cass being a little bitch. 

She has no biases for this argument. Adira hasn’t done anything to warrant this accusation. In fact she’s proven herself time and time again only for Cass to lash out like a spoilt teenager with an inferiority complex. 

And Cassandra is 23!!!    

The young adults on this show are constantly written like pre-teens while the only actual teenager is constantly forced to be the most mature person in the show. 

It’s mind boggling. 

Rapunzel is In the Right Here, But the Show Wants Us to Sympathize with Cass Instead?

Oh No! Raps raised her voice at Cassandra and made her feel bad, you guys. Feel sorry for the poor paranoid baby who who’s acting like a jealous brat for no reason. 

Bull Shit. 

Cassandra not only has nothing to back up her accusation but the narrative never goes on to prove her right either. Adria is on the up and up, and always had been according to Destinies Collide. For all the show’s efforts to make Cass seem reasonable by having Adira mysteriously pop in and out, it all falls flat once you know where everything is heading. 

Plus, even if she were magically right about Adira that wouldn’t excuse her bossing Rapunzel around and insulting her intelligence. Had she done that to me I’d be telling her something a lot harsher than just to knock it off. 

Oh, But I Thought You Said Flashbacks to Corona Would Be Too Confusing?

So one of the writers, Ricky, has gone on record stating that they did originally have plans to show flashbacks to Corona to show what was going on with Rapunzel’s parents, Varian, and the Saporians. He then said they dropped them because they feared that it would be too confusing for the audience. 

Yet we get this pointless scene thrown into the middle of the mid-season finale. 

And by the looks of it it’s before even Beginnings, or maybe after Beginnings, who knows; so it’s not just a change of scene, it’s also a change in time as well. A point in the timeline that’s not been firmly established enough. So it not only has less reasons to exist then a Varian flashback would, but it’s also potentially more confusing than what a simple single episode set in Corona would have been. 

I don’t know who to blame for this poor decision making, if it’s just Chris, Chris and Ben, or a shared blame with all of the writers, but while the buck does stop with Chris, much of what Ricky has said online doesn’t reflect very well on his writing skills. Cause that’s a huge and utter bullshit excuse. 

So What Does This Add, Exactly?

Cass gives Rapunzel this purse as a gift. A purse that’s not been shown to be all that important before and isn’t made significant again. Then Raps launches into this speech about how good a friend Cass is and how lost she’d be without her. 

I understand what the thought process for this was; it’s to show how far Raps and Cass have grown apart recently and what Cassandra herself liked about being friends with Rapunzel to being with, which was the validation boost of being useful and needed; but there’s a lot of problems with including it here. 

For starters, lack of validation isn’t enough to suddenly switch into ‘kill mode’ which is where all of this is eventually leading.  

Validation shouldn’t be the foundation of any long term relationship and so rather than proving how good of a friend they are to each other, you’ve only given futher reason for why they’re toxic together. 

You needed to be building them up all throughout season one before launching into this break up plot. This scene is too little too late because we’ve spent too many episodes tearing Raps and Cass down for this plot to have the effect that they wanted it to. 

Cassandra is just doing her job. She’s suppose to show Rapunzel around and help her with shit, that’s what a lady in waiting does. Cassandra’s friendship with Rapunzel shouldn’t be so tied to her career trajectory to begin with. Not only is it unhealthy but it then is used to victim-blame Rapunzel for all of Cassandra’s problems. Even though the only thing actually holding Cass back is herself, as proven in season three. 

Timeline Confirmed

So it is indeed six months since Secret of the Sun Drop, give or take a few days to organize stuff before the trip. Meaning we’re now a year out from Before Happily Ever After. I point this out now, in order to prove something later on. 

This Logically Should Have Been the End of the Argument, But the Writers are Dragging Things Out Needlessly 

You know what I hate more than a ‘lack of communication causes drama' trope? Characters taking the time to communicate and still missing the bloody point and not resolving anything. 

Technically, Rapunzel is still in the right. She is an autonomous person capable of making decisions for herself, and Cass does need to get over herself and treat Rapunzel as such and stop getting butt hurt over not being the one in charge. 

But then we have to ruin that message by throwing in this line. 

Like, yes you’re technically in charge here Raps, but making decisions shouldn’t mean walking all over someone's feelings either. Being a leader is just as much about listening as it is about taking charge and neither of these characters understand that yet. 

And they never will, cause the writing for them is shit. 

When I first saw season two I honestly believe that this would tie into Rapunzel’s previous conflicts regarding responsibility and hypocrisy. I thought they had an arc here about learning to balance assertiveness and personal boundaries, with genuine compassion and respect for others. Had they went through with that then this could have been something truly special, but they go and throw it all away come season three. Now its just heartbreak and frustrating to watch. 

Also Stupid ‘Sisters’ Plot Foreshadowing 

More on this later, but just know if you hate the idea of calling Raps and Cass sisters then blame Chris. 

This Song Underlines The Core Problem With Cassandra's Arc

There’s no stakes.

I’ve already discussed at length now about how Cassandra’s goals and motivations are inconsistent, and how her actions don’t line up. But the reason the writers are struggling so hard to find something that fits her, is because the story has grown past her. 

We’ve already seen characters who struggle with poverty, homelessness, neglect/abuse, and oppression. There are now tons of people in the story who are fighting just for survival, and they’re all regulated to either supporting roles, one off appearances, or are background characters. 

So with that in mind what is there to justify Cassandra getting focus over them? What is she struggling with here that deserves more screen time and attention than, Eugene, Varian, Lady Caine, or even Adira? 

Cassandra isn’t poor. She lives well off in the castle and has high ranking connections. She’s not even struggling with a job she hates anymore because we’ve already seen her promoted to the one she wanted by this point.  

Cassandra isn’t homeless, she once again lives in the castle and if she chooses to leave she has plenty of opportunities waiting for her, as evidenced by Goodbye and Goodwill and Beginnings. Plus she’s shown to be capable of supporting herself both in this season and the next.  

Cassandra isn’t oppressed. She can leave anytime she wants to. She can defy the king's orders in SotSD because she’s the princesses’s bestie. She doesn’t face jail or hanging just because she and Raps has a fight now and then. 

The only thing going for her is possibly neglect/abuse, but that’s not been introduced into the story yet and isn’t what she’s discussing here. It also contradicts what was previously established between her and Cap in season one when it does come into play. 

Validation Alone is Not Enough to Connect With Most of the Audience 

Even the stanchest of Cassandra supporter often has to heavily project onto her in order to connect with her. Which isn’t a bad thing in of itself. Everyone projects to some degree or other when exploring media, that’s part of being human. But the problem is that because she’s so thinly written you’re left with little else but projection. And so you’ll hear excuses like, well she’s fighting the class system, she’s an abuse survivor, or she deserves to lash out over not getting what she wants when she’s worked so hard for it. But none of those excuses are actually presented on screen. 

Cassandra doesn’t fight against the class system. If she did she would be fighting for everyone. She’d be singing about everyone’s problems not just her own. 

Cassandra’s past abuse is just slapped on at the last minute and then disregarded when convenient. It doesn’t actually factor into the decisions she makes later on.  

Also, you don’t deserve anything just because you ‘work hard’ nor because you just really, really want it. 

It’s that point that I really take issue with. 

On the surface Cassandra should be the most relatable person in the show. I mean what young adult or teen living in this post apocalyptic nightmare of a capitalist dystopia not ever felt disappointed over not getting the job they wanted or not being given enough positive validation while crushed underneath mounting unrealistic expectations. It’s the main reason why so many of her supporters are teenagers and LGBT+. 

But all of those worries stem from something deeper than just a lack of positive reinforcement. 

You know why I had to give up on my career as an animator?

It didn’t pay benefits. 

I had medical issues and needed health insurance, but since most animation is commissioned and/or contract based, particularly if you live/work on the east coast, then you’re not going to get that most of the time. And this is after spending the majority of my time in college homeless, living out of my car, crashing on friends and families couches. I did this for three fucking years because I didn’t want to wind up in a textile mill or a carpet factory like everyone I else knew growing up, and I was told my whole life that if I went to school and worked hard enough I could have a well paying job that I enjoyed and got me away from my abusive home life. 

People like me, we’re bitter over not getting the jobs we wanted or the support we needed, not because we believe we’re special and therefore deserve it or some such bullshit, but because our very lives are dependent upon it! We’re victims of a class system that lets you starve if you don't find work. Where you’ll be trapped in abusive situations cause you can’t afford a home on your own. Where simply being yourself can be dangerous as there are people who vocally want to deny us rights and even kill us. 

Cass is an entitled whiny brat in canon because she doesn’t have any of those underlying issues. She doesn’t face real discrimination, oppression, poverty, or the looming threat of death hanging over her. She’s just throwing a temper tantrum. 

Once Again Adira is Saving Your Butt Cass

Adira is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in the marathon. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate her more when I first watched the show. 

Also, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Recognize the Awesomeness That Is Hector Until Now Either.

Like this is a good conflict. They both have legitimate reasons for what they do. They’re both in the right here. That’s what makes them interesting. 

They’re both fighting for something. They’re home and the belief that they can fix things, vs the fate of the world and their loyalty to both the cause and their family. All on top of having their own relationship issues. 

Hector so should have been the main villain of season two, because he just has the most reason to be opposed to the mains’ goal. 

That’s more than whatever Cass and Raps are fighting about. The only thing at stake there is their friendship, which isn’t that big of deal when you compare it to the lives and safety of billions of people. 

Plus Hector’s just flat out entertaining. 

Why is Everybody Just Standing Around Doing Nothing Here?

Fucking do something you lugnuts!!!

You’re all capable fighters. You’ve all taken down much harder enemies than one lone guy and two bearcats. Why aren’t you helping Cass fight back? Or heck, if you wanted Cass to face Hector alone then have her be a distraction so that the others can escape. Anything but having them just stand there and be useless!

Yet Again I Have to Ask Why Should Cass Care? 

Or rather why should the audience care? 

Cass isn’t a lady in waiting just because some random jerk who's already taunting her and trying to kick her ass calls her such. Hector’s not from Corona and has no knowledge of Cassandra’s life beyond what he may have heard repeated by Adiria (who is also not from Corona) or what Cass herself said in her very metaphorical song.  Nor does either them have a say in how Cass’s career goes. 

If you want to push the narrative that Cass is still a lady-in-waiting and a maid, despite having earned Cap’s approval and being appointed by the king to guard Rapunzel, then you damn well need to establish that among the mains. 

Or you know, stop trying to go back on what you’ve set up in season one. 

So How Is This Suppose To Work?

So from the backstory that we get on both the Tree and Zhan Tiri herself, this shouldn’t happen. Like Zhan Tiri is currently trapped in another dimension and according to season three she has no possession powers herself. 

Now the tree itself is said to be sentient and that Zhan Tiri took control of it, but how? How is a tree sentient? Why is it sentient? How did Zhan Tiri bend it to her will? Why is it still under her control while she’s been trapped in another dimension for hundreds of years? Why and how does the spear keep it dormant? Why does the tree itself have possession powers when Zhan Tiri has none? Is there any connection between this Great Tree and the cursed tree that was suppose to free Zhan Tiri back in Painter’s Block? If so then why are these things never brought back into play during season three? 

Give me answers damn it! 

Now This is a Good Conflit, Shame It’s Never Resolved 

Both have valid reasons to do what they do. Both are neither right nor wrong. Both however wind up getting in the way of each other because neither will listen or trust the other. 

Rapunzel thinks that this will stop Hector, and she is right it does, but more importantly she chooses this route because it gives everyone else a chance to run away. The problem is that she can’t control it, but from her point of view that’ll only put her and Hector at risk if everyone else will just do as she says and leaves. 

Cassandra thinks the spear will stop it because it’s done so before, and that’s a logical assumption. It also means that Rapunzel herself won’t be in any danger, though the others might. Cass can’t free everyone at once like Rapunzel can. It’ll also be a threat to herself, and there’s the risk that tree will stop her before she can deal the final blow.  

So what’s happening on a personal level is that Rapunzel thinks taking charge means that everyone needs to follow her say without question. Cassandra thinks Rapunzel should listen to her more, not because Rapunzel needs to listen better in general, but because she doesn’t feel Rapunzel is mature enough to make big decisions and that she herself should be in charge of the group. Both girls feel superior to the other and above other people as well, because they’re convinced they’re always right. 

Had this been the actual conflict that they went with in season three, had they actually had both characters held accountable for their actions and learn something, and hadn’t dragged innocent people into their bullshit with so much as a ‘by your leave’ or ‘I’m sorry’; then this might have been a decent story. Perhaps not as impactful as Varian’s, but still meaningful, thoughtful, and well, coherent. 

But that’s not what they did, and we’ll see no real resolution to this disagreement. 

So Why Is No One Affected By the Hurt Incantation This Time?

Eugene here was injured by the tree earlier, that’s why he’s past out, but everyone else remains unharmed by Rapunzel’s singing. Even though just last episode everyone around her were dying from it, and again in the season finale everyone dies from said incantation. But here and in Rapunzel’s Return, Rapunzel can use the incantation without harming anyone nearby so, how does that work? 

Some people have suggested that when Rapunzel focuses her hair on a target like the tree here or the amber later, that it doesn’t spread to other people, but that’s never stated on screen so it’s still a flaw. 

 Well This Goes Nowhere 

I think the writers just like throwing in shocking ‘twists’ and moments like this just for the sake of looking edgy and ‘deep’ but then they never actually follow through on the impact of such moments on the characters nor consider the more troubling implications of including them. 

I grew up on Gargoyles, Batman the Animated Series, the 90s X-Men Cartoon, and The Pirates of Dark Water. I’ve seen far more shocking and edgy stuff than this when I was six years old. In many ways the american animated tv landscape has regressed since the early 2000s when it comes to more mature cartoons, and no that’s not a complaint about modern cartoons being bad; some are good some are bad, just like its always been; but that culturally we’ve shied away more from darker moments like this and we’ve having to push for them all over again in media.   

But the difference between Tangled and those 90s cartoons I’ve mentioned is that Tangled’s darker moments are misplaced. It clashes horribly with the more comedic route that the series usually takes and as such they don’t get the focus that they need too. 

After season two is done, Cass’s hand will never be mentioned again. It does not tie into her later motivations at all nor influences her actions. Throughout the series she’ll be able to use it easily without consequence. We don't even get any on screen confirmation if it’s healed by grabbing the moonstone, by the sundrop incarnation in the finale, or if she just forever has a burnt arm. That’s how little importance it is to the story. 

This Also Goes Nowhere

Hector calls out this warning but it’s then never followed up on. Adira is proven not to be a liar at all and nobody in the group is actually doomed. Yes the wider world is put in jeopardy, but that’s Cass’s fault not Adira’s. 

The writers were too focused on making Adira the red herring for Cassandra that they forgot to make her an actual person, with wants, feelings, desires, goals, and a life beyond her mission. She’s never shown helping her family and barely interacts with them, she’s never given a reason for why she keeps disappearing, and the idea that she’s doing this to save her home is just supposition on my part because otherwise she has no reason. The series never gives us one. 

And ‘Destiny’ Is Not A Fucking Reason!!!

Oh, So Adira Will Help Hector But Not Quirin or Varian?

If Hector and Adira consider each other siblings because they’re both in the Brotherhood, than logically Adira would consider Quirin her brother as well, and Varian would be her nephew. 

She was around long enough to see the final battle in SotSD. That’s why she appears at the end of that episode, how she knows Rapunzel is the sundrop and has ‘seen her power’, and how she knows that the group has met both Quirin and Varian before now. 

She knows that Quirin is trapped in amber. She knows her nephew has been arrested by a kingdom with a poor track record of punishing orphaned teens and poor people with overly harsh sentences. So why didn't she do anything there? 

We find out during season three that the black rocks can cut through the amber, and its established that Adira’s sword can cut through the rocks, so clearly she didn’t even try to save Quirin has just given him up for dead. But there’s no reason why she couldn’t have broken Varian out of the prison and taken her with him. 

In fact Adira hiding Varian from the rest of the group during season two would have been an actual reason for her disappearance and an actual reason not to trust her. That would have upped the stakes and given Cass reasons for what she does. Plus more time for Varian’s redemption, more chances to call out Rapunzel and Fredric on their BS, and ties seasons one and two together better. 

Seriously leaving Varian out of season two was the dumbest decision in television. Putting Varian back in actually fixes everything in the show. 

The Real Reason for the Burnt Hand is a Costume Change for Cass

I don’t know if she even got merchandise for this costume.   

Conclusion 

Much like season one’s arc episodes, The Great Tree held a lot of promise that was then completely wasted by season three. It’s also one of the very few episodes in the season to have actual stakes and conflict so it easily jumps to the top of the pile. But what it sets up is then never resolved or expounded upon, making it a waste. 

Next up we’ll have the mid season recap. 

A random prompt for you: "It was a dark and stormy night"

I was at the party ranting about catabasis narratives, wine glass in hand, and somebody walked up to me and handed me a pomegranate. “Fuck you,” I said. But it did its job. I put down the wine glass, or handed it vaguely to someone, and headed to the kitchen. There I began abusing the pomegranate, to make it give up its secrets. “Nature’s treasure box,” I said happily. “Leave me to die in hell.”

Someone stirred: a man, washing his hands at the kitchen sink. I blinked. I was too drunk and not drunk enough to make small talk. “You okay?” he asked. I presented the pomegranate. “Ah, catabasis,” he said understandingly. “I’ll leave you to it.” A rush of love for humanity swept me as he left. The friend hosting the party was a recovered classicist and repentant Maoist. They had the most interesting friends. I took a handful of pomegranate seeds and stuffed them in my mouth. The juice ran red and a few missed my mouth, but still I chewed. Tangy-sweet: like all of life, all emotion is wrapped up in a mouthful of flavor. I knew that this didn't quite make sense but I was pleased with the wave of sentiment that swept me. “Catabasis,” I said, and wiped at my eyes. I surveyed the bloody juice staining the counter. “Iphigenia,” I pronounced, and left. Someone handed me a wad of clean toilet paper as I stumbled through the hallway towards another room; it clung to my hands. “Bruh, you’re super fucked up,” a kindly stranger said. “Drink this.” They pulled me into a circle, where a fervent discussion over the rights and wrongs of 1921 was being hashed out. “Iphigenia,” I added helpfully. “A sacrifice knowingly met.” I drank the water and passed the blunt and settled happily into the scene. Three members of the cadre sat around me. The kindly stranger had the classic bisexual haircut and the classic bisexual septum piercing, but was otherwise remarkable. They were the only one close to sober, and kept an eye on their phone. The others were arguing. One wore a moustache and goatee similar to Comrade Trotsky, and was dressed in all black--black t-shirt, black jeans, black Nikes. I wanted to ask where the rest of black bloc was, but only mumbles came out, which was good because the joke probably wouldn’t have gone over well. The other wore a green cap with a red star and was chewing the end of the blunt. “Tell me one example of an actually existing socialist government led by Trotskyists,” Red Star said. “Come on. I’ll wait.” “The USSR would not have survived World War Two without Trotsky heading up the Red Army,” Comrade said instead. Even I was aware this did not actually answer Red Star’s question. “You can say that any existing socialist government exists due to his contribution to the USSR--and with no thanks to fucking Stalin.” “Yooooooo,” I intoned. I was ignored. The Kindly Bisexual handed me a bowl of popcorn. I took a fistful and began to lap the popcorn up. They shifted away from me slightly. I really needed to sober up. “That doesn’t make any sense,” Red Star said. “So Trotsky made some military contributions--sure. We can’t deny that.” “Some?” Comrade said incredulously. “He fought a war on five fronts!” He put his hand in front of Red Star’s face. Clearly I was not the only one who needed to sober up. “One: the White Army. Two: the--” “Don’t you ever get tired of relitigating twentieth century debates?” Red Star asked. “And get your hand out of my fucking face.” “Comrades!” the Kindly Bisexual hurriedly interrupted. “Look, it’s raining!” We all turned to the window, and I smiled. I loved the rain, especially when I was crossfaded. Indeed, not only was it raining--it was pouring, beginning with a low rumble and rising into a lash against the glass. Lightning cracked suddenly across the sky, flashing us blue. Red Star jumped. “A dark and stormy night,” I exclaimed happily. I clasped my hands together joyously, crunching kernels between my palms. “Who even are you?” Comrade said. “Good fucking question,” I said. “I’m not sure.” I looked at the Kindly Bisexual, who I decided was responsible for my welfare tonight, because clearly they were the voice of reason in this room. “Let me ask my handler.” “Yo, what?” Red Star said. I giggled. “Nice try, FBI.” I made finger guns at them, pushed myself up to my feet unsteadily, and wandered off to the living room. The Catabasis Man was sitting on the couch, eating pomegranate seeds out of a bowl. A group of anonymous leftists sat at his feet, facing the television. They were watching The L Word. I slid next to him. “Out of the earth?” I asked. “I have been reborn,” he agreed. “You good?” “I don’t know who I am,” I said. “But the rain is a good sign.” “Right,” he said. “I think you should eat something.” He got up and headed towards the kitchen, leaving me morose. I wrapped my arms around my legs. “These are not my lesbians,” I said sadly. “Shut up,” said someone on the floor, so I did and walked off again, this time in search of more food. The pomegranates and the popcorn were sitting unsteadily in my stomach, and I needed a less buttery carb. I returned to the bedroom with the Kindly Bisexual and the twentieth-century Marxists. “Fuck you,” the Comrade was saying. “You think I’m a plant? This is clear revisionism.” “Yo,” the Kindly Bisexual said. “What?” Comrade pointed at Red Star. “This is clearly COINTELPRO tactics, with cheap talking points too. Try to sound a little less like an alt-right troll account, Comrade Stalin.” “I’m a Maoist,” Red Star snarled. Thunder rolled. I giggled nervously, and was ignored. “Fuck this shit, man! Stop this copjacketing bullshit.” Red Star turned to the Kindly Bisexual. “You see this shit? You see this shit? Callin’ me a plant? That’s cop shit.” “Uh,” the Kindly Bisexual said. “I think yall need to chill.” “Spiderman points at Spiderman,” I exclaimed happily. I could envision it so easily: just the Spiderman meme, but with one of them with a goatee photoshopped onto the mask, and the other wearing Mao’s red star. It was great. It was great to look at a real-life meme. Comrade crossed his arms. “I’m just saying, it’s not copjacketing when you’re actually a cop. How do we know you’re real? You probably got that hat off Amazon.” “There’s no ethical consumption under late capitalism,” Red Star growled. “Fuck off. You Trots are all the same. Trying to split the party--that’s the real reason why you crazies have never had a successful revolutionary front since 1917, you start the wild accusations and then there’s what! A cult of just two, handing out newspapers at Union Square. Then charging you a dollar when they shove it into your hand.” “Oof,” I said. “Yeah, yeah,” Comrade said. “How’s fundraising for the People’s War of Williamsburg going? I heard you got good turnout for your membership drive at the New School. Soon enough, you’ll have enough people to build yet another base in some swamp. And leave pig heads in front of libraries and some shit.” “We are not affiliated with Red Guard,” Red Star said testily. “And the pig head, well, things are different in Texas.” “Yeah yeah,” Comrade said. “We know all the pig heads were some cop shit. Like who else can end up that much of a parody of themselves?” “You grew the goatee on purpose?” Red Star asked. “Or just to fit in?” The Kindly Bisexual claimed their hands. “Right, okay. I think we’ve all demonstrated enough insider knowledge of the blessed disaster we call the US Left. No more calling each other cops, okay? Because yall are too fucked up, and when I told the SC that I’d be a community steward, this is not what I thought my first case would be.” I thought that sounded vaguely carceral, but at this point sobriety was creeping cold and clear, and kept my tongue fuzzily still. “Urgh,” I said instead. “Anyone got a cigarette?” We all went outside for a smoke. The rain stilled to a mild drizzle. Streetlights made the dirty pavements shine, and I scuffed my shoe against a patch of old gum that had probably been there since all these people moved to Brooklyn. The Kindly Bisexual had the cigarettes, but nobody else had a light, so I found an old lighter I had picked up the last time I was driving home to Tennessee, in a Waffle House outside Murfreesboro. I had forgotten it had a Confederate flag on it. “What the fuck,” the Kindly Bisexual said flatly. “No!” I protested. “Shit. No. I-I just, I’m from Tennessee. Stole it from some guy in a Waffle House.” I hadn’t, I had just swiped it from the counter after I paid, but they didn’t need to know that. “I ain’t--no. No.” “You’re faking that accent,” Comrade accused. Red Star nodded next to him. Was this truly how the New York Left would be united? I was vaguely proud of myself. “No, I just codeswitch around middle class leftists from the North,” I said, annoyed. Comrade made a considering face: fair point. “On account of yall think my accent means I’m stupid. But let me show you the truth. I stole this from a Waffle House, and now it shall be destroyed!” Everyone watched as I threw it on the pavement, hoping it would shatter. It bounced instead. Red Star started to laugh. “Nah, that’s just stupid. Smash it! Smash it!” I slammed my foot down and then howled, because I was wearing flipflops and that hurt. “Motherfucker!” I wept. “Shit.” “Aight, I’m gonna try,” Comrade said. He jumped on it and slipped on the slick pavement, busting his ass. We all howled with laughter, even the Kindly Bisexual, who wiped their eyes--carefully, so as not to smudge their eyeliner--before offering him a hand up. “We have to be strategic about this,” Red Star said. “Let’s use that tree branch.” She grabbed a sizeable bow that must have fallen in the storm. She wielded it, lamppost casting a mad glow to her eyes. “Solidarity, yall!” “Solidarity!” we all echoed. She smashed it down, and we screamed in drunken glee as the plastic went flying. Red Star brandished the branch, grinning. Then we heard the sirens. Up the block, we saw the cop car on the corner, whirling its sirens. Some pig said something incomprehensible but threatening over the loudspeaker. “Shit,” I said. “I’m out.” We ran for it, laughing but anxious, all the way to the train station. We split up after the turnstiles. The others all lived deeper in Brooklyn, but I needed to head to Queens. I climbed up the stairs to the platform and sat down on the wooden bench, pushing anxiety about bed bugs out of my head. I saw the three of them across the tracks and waved. They were all laughing. Red Star was mimicking how she had dealt the killing blow. I waved, and the Kindly Bisexual saw me and waved back. They all looked my way. Their train pulled in and I saw them, brilliantly fluorescent, pile into the Coney Island-bound train. Red Star and the Kindly Bisexual spread out on the empty seats; Comrade grabbed a pole. I waved again, feeling lonely now. Comrade glanced over his shoulder and saw me, and they all waved again. The train pulled away, leaving me in the deserted station, and I thought: well, shit. Back to catabasis again.

he is first seen alone among pieces of figures representing the root of his trauma. the broken house bits, the hands & the buildings.

the home is ruined and its broken parts scatter. its symbolism quite clear; the home that pushed tomura to break. bearing his father's abuse in a home that despite understanding how wrongful that is, did nothing to stop it. by not stopping the abuse, by nobody reaching a hand to hold kotaro accountable for his misdeeds, by nobody reaching a hand to help the one in suffering, it had built an environment that continually drove tenko to the edge. he can endure such cruelty only for so long before he breaks apart.

just as the hero society. sidelined abuse and eyes turned blind in neglect, mindfulness yet no act to put an end. allowing atrocities to occur, marginalizing people not fitting their agendas and standards. ironically abominating people for things they cannot control. conditions that in time slowly forced its people to crack.

the barbarism tomura is meet with, for which his father, as well as the other adult family members, are responsible for, ultimately provoke his mental collapse and quirk outbreak. he violently kills them all, pronouncing to have found a release in the act- though after the adrenaline rush withers away grief settles in its place.

he is extremely disturbed by it later. as it's worthy to note how he was able to destroy the entire bodies - save for the hands - in mere seconds, by one touch alone, a thing he can only accomplish once his repression starts slowly decreasing through the MVA arc. by repressing his memories and sorrow, he had been pressing back the capability of his quirk.

the same guilt that made him think not being extended a hand when he most needed was a punishment for what he had done. what tomura did was fight back his abuser. he is 'punished' for having opposed his abuser. if it sounds familiar look no further because it is indeed a connection with the hero society.

striving to oppose and overcome the abuser makes the victims evil. tomura successfully resisted his abuser so there was no help for him. deku, on the other hand, never tries to fight his injustice. eri never harms chisaki. shinsou never starts a revolution against the hypocrisy amid the favorable 'good' hazardous quirks and 'evil' hazardous quirks. and the narrative rewards them; giving them caring mentors, places to achieve their dreams, saving them from their monsters. it sends a simple message.

bnha depicts victims fighting their abusers remarkably poorly. originating from hrksh consciously choosing who represents the victims and the means they fight back, painting it in a negative, inhumane light. the 'good' victims are awarded, the 'bad' victims are punished. determining that if you take the permission to punish your abusers yourself, even if they undoubtedly deserve it, you are ultimately a monster. one should quietly await aid from the heroes, even if it may never come, which in lots and lots of circumstances occurs. by all existent means, that sounds like bullshit but regrettably, both bnha society and our today's society operate based on that.

in the recent chapters, deku reacted to the violence he was meet with. wearing an expression often held by the villains, he showed himself fitted of just the same vehement as tomura. the same grimace tomura faced his abuser and the heroes this arc with. they're not responsible for their circumstances. circumstances push for reactions. they wouldn't have needed for reactions if not for the cruel circumstances which could have been prevented. such conditions are not a part of some destiny; they are not ineluctable. reactions cannot be avoided, but if there is no such situation to react to, there is no reaction.

how many could have easily been avoided if not for their inept system? how many lives were lost due to their deliberate disregard and narrow criteria? that begs for questions related to the future shimura encounter.

it's noteworthy how the last time had tomura be approached by two of his beloved after having shown him amidst torn fragments. both of who note of his pain. hana expresses her regret at taking a part in the last conflict. nao asks a question linked to the origin of the conflict, then observes his scars. this is what tomura deeply wishes for; to have his pain seen and understood. the reason he still insists on pouring his heart out for heroes who will nonetheless march away the same way.

tomura grips on AFO because AFO showed up on time to stretch a hand. the AFO who had never belittled tomura's suffering in tomura's eyes. the AFO who understands. of course, we know that is not the whole truth and i believe tomura himself is not so blind. it's sad how the only person willing to acknowledge his pain is the man who wants tomura to suffer. AFO makes himself be what tomura deep down needs while he is still prosecuting his aim and molding tomura to fit through it.

kotaro swiftly makes his arrival, resulting in tomura's entire demeanor shifting, a reminder of his responses to varying conditions. again, once he destroys the image of his father he drastically changes. if in the beginning, the care of his mother warmed his heart into a depiction of small tenko, the presence of his father stirs the violent instinct in response to the abuse. his hair, too, gains more details; the lines being placed at great lengths, the space between white, a representation of what was to be. kotaro being decayed to pieces brings the rather dismayed white-haired tomura. and with that, comes AFO.

nana's line directed to tomura is something very ironic. he had not forgotten them, as his pain simply would not allow him to. even when his memories were in a blur, the lasting reminder of them never wilted. how could tomura deny the existence of nana shimura when his entire life is intensely entangled with her. his whole existence had not once been able of denying her.

i have said it again and again, for deku nana is a blessing, for tomura she is all but that. will nana manifest as a help to tomura for once in his life? should the act of her sympathy be portrayed as wrong, if it is to happen? tomura walked away last time into the hands of AFO, will it be so again?

the untamed is on netflix, right? i think i've seen it. i'm enjoying your posts about it and my mom would love if i watched a chinese show (it looks chinese, i might be wrong though) but i'm kinda short on time so please pitch to me why i should watch it so i will be convinced and look past the lack fo time

Anonymous asked:

ok the untamed looks cool af how doesone watch it 

A L L R I G H T I’m finally going to make a rec post, I’ve put this off long enough.  You’ve definitely already started to watch it, clever, so please forgive me for using this as an excuse to pitch this show.

So, for starters, Anon, The Untamed is indeed on Netflix!  It is in Chinese!  If you (like me) do not understand Mandarin Chinese, the Netflix English subbing is…fine, it’s fine, but I recommend poking around in the fandom because every single form of address is changed to the character’s full name.  And maybe I just spent too much time doing translations for my old Spanish and Chinese and especially Latin classes, but I think there are some things that, A, shouldn’t be translated or, B, should be translated awkwardly over being translated incoherently.  

I digress.  My thoughts about maintaining forms of address in their native language for the sake of clarifying levels of respect/etc are not relevant here.  Chuck a note in my inbox if/when you get confused about everyone’s three names and I’ll write/link you a guide.

POINT IS.  The Untamed is an adaptation of the novel Mo Dao Zu Shi, which is generally translated as “The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation,” and my quick pitch for it is: There’s a plot, sure sure, it’s the story of Wei Wuxian (his fall from grace to Most Hated Person In Magic!China, and then his resurrection and efforts to solve a murder), and if you like character-driven fantasy narratives you Will Like This

B U T

You know that post “but is he…you know…your narrative foil?”  That’s this show.  If what you crave is “one character committedly pines over another for twenty years even when the entire world hates that person,” please let me interest you in Lan Wangji, the love interest.  They have a kid together.  It’s a great romance.  Literally what else do you want from me.  I love a narrative foil, I love a tragedy, I love an epic love story, I love a found family.  And good GOD do I love a character who self-destructs in an effort to do the right thing.

Wei Wuxian isn’t evil.  He’s not even especially malicious.  But when the chips were down and he needed to survive, and to save people, and to figure something out, he took the only avenue left to him, and it was—it was inevitable, really, that it make him the villain of the piece.  He saved a lot of lives.  Everyone except Lan Wangji hates him for it.  He’s already thoroughly despised by the time he starts actually doing things that are objectively bad.  Talk to me about it forever.

My usual list of free-form associative Things I Like That You Will Probably Also Like under the cut:

Wei Wuxian!  I know he’s the main character but I love him so much that he gets a bullet point!  He’s the kind of lighthearted goofball who’s perfected the “I Would Honestly Die Before Showing Emotion To Anyone, How Dare You Imply That I Am Not Sincere In My Perpetual Good Humor” mask, and it hits like a sledgehammer when that mask cracks.  I would watch this actor flip between smiles and homicidal rage all day.  He gets a hug from Son Boy in the last episode and I almost cried.  50000/10.

Lan Wangji!  A great love interest!  Noble to the core!  Incredibly bitchy!  I want five more just like him!

This is where I mention that China has strict censorship laws, so, despite the fact that they kiss and have sex and get married and the whole nine in the book, the show is all Intense Staring And Love Declarations Where They Never Say The L-Word.  But like.  Please trust me, it’s actually So Romance.  If anything I think I like the  romance in the show better.

Wen Ning!

I don’t have anything else to say about him, I just love him so goddamn much.  He and his sister Wen Qing are stars and the rest of these sinners don’t deserve them.

COMPETENT. VILLAINS.  I’ve spilled a lot of ink on this one lately, but I love competent villainy, I love villains who have Goals and plan to Achieve Them and actually pull it off.  Jin Guangyao, the big bad of the “present”(the part where Wei Wuxian is resurrected and kicking around trying to solve a murder), is actually phenomenally good at his job and I support him even though I enjoyed watching him go down in flames.  There are enough villains in this show for everyone to have their preferred type of villain, from Devoted Right Hand Man to Megalomaniacal Overlord to Freewheeling Engine Of Death.  GREAT villains in this show.  Which brings me to…

YI! CITY! ARC!  I’m not going to tell you that much about it, but it’s dark and tragic and features my very favorite villain in the entire show, Xue Yang, who is just.  *chef kiss*  A horrible monster of a man.  An unapologetic, cold-eyed shriek of a villain.  The very best at what he does, and what he does is absolutely horrible, and I would watch an entire series about this five-ish episode arc.  Also, I’ve adopted Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen from the Tragic Ships Shelter and someone should toss me a headcanon ask for them.  Any AU your little heart desires.  I love them.

THE MAGIC!  I know it took me a long time to get here, but it’s a very character driven show and I am a very character driven person and I just wanted to yell about characters for a minute.  But anyway, I’m told that the Untamed is a great onboarding point for this genre of Chinese fantasy novel, because they do a really good job of making the necessary points accessible.  I had no familiarity with wuxia/xianxia/etc when I started watching this and everything about cultivation made sense to me, or at least enough sense to be going on with.  It’s very lovely and fascinating and it’s where they put their Entire Non-Clothing Budget.

This is where I mention that their effects department clearly used their entire funding for, like, cool sword stunts and beautiful clothing.  The wolf puppet in particular is just.  Almost adorably terrible.  If that’s going to severely impact your enjoyment, Idk what to tell you, man.

Related to the above, I love plotlines about characters losing control of their magic.  That’s all I’m going to say about it.

Unreliable narrators, baby! They set up a lot of concrete facts about Wei Wuxian in the first two episodes that become obvious as complete bullshit as you go on, and it’s very satisfying to watch!  See also, Nie Huaisang, the most unreliable narrator of them all, whom I adore.

Beyond all those things…it’s just got a lot of great relationships in it.  It’s hugely driven by the affection people have for each other, or the places they feel they’vebeen deprived of that affection.  It has a lot of iterations of the same relationship in wildly distinct ways, if that makes sense—offhand, there are maybe four major sets of siblings, five if you count the Jins, and they are all radically different and insanely compelling.  The basic structure of Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji, the “black cultivator/white cultivator on a crusade to change the world” thing, appears a lot of times, and goes horribly awry in a slightly different way for all of them.  That kind of in-universe repetition of themes, doing the same thing over and over again looking for the Right Path, is one of my favorite things to appear in a story—see also, the Kencyrath (twins, Dreamweavers, Knorth lords, loyal Kendar, etc), the Animorphs (warrior teams, deaths on the field, etc), any number of other things I yell about.

TL;DR: The story is great and the cultivation is fascinatingand the schemes are elaborate, but

IDK where else to put this indulgent nonsense so, as one does, I’m putting it on my Tumblr.

Hey do you like my fic where I have an OC who is a gremlin girl and do you also like the Prince!Prompto AU trope and do you want to read a few loose little narrative bits about those two things coming together? 

No?

Here it is anyway!

The clock in Prompto’s room sounded out to anyone who listened that the time was now eleven in the morning. Since it was a Thursday, this meant the start to the worst hour of his week, every week, for his whole life. 

Every Thursday at eleven in the morning, Dr. Besithia would come by for his weekly check up. The Prince would spend the time trying not to show too much emotion as the doctor used a variety of needles to inject and extract numerous fluids, all while chastising him for being a waste of his and everyone else’s time.

It didn’t matter how strictly Prompto followed the doctor’s orders, or how much control Prompto had over following them in the first place. He never got any better, and he was always made well aware that it was his own fault. The prince of Niflheim was a sickly recluse, so sheltered from the public that many would even doubt his existence. And at fifteen years old, he was lonely and listless and so very tired of living like this. 

The door to his bedroom began to open, and Prompto mentally steeled himself for another hour of angry commands, needles, and insults. 

“Dr. Besithia to see you, your highness.” The attendant said with a bow. Prompto nodded in return, sitting upright on the edge of his well cushioned bed. The least little rebellion he could maintain was forcing that unpleasant old man to come to him.

But the person who stepped through, all dressed in well ironed white, was not Dr. Besithia. Not at all. This doctor was a woman, and much younger. She bowed slightly upon crossing the threshold before making her way over to him. Prompto, in spite of himself, felt compelled to stand and greet her like the well mannered young man he was supposed to be.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, highness.” She said with a small smile. She looked sad, but gentle, and seemed to be staring at something right behind his own eyes. 

“I...I was expecting, I apologize…” Prompto was used to being ogled and visually picked apart by people. Something about her green eyes felt softer. Less invasive and judgemental. Perhaps it was all wishful thinking but her gaze seemed almost kind.

“You were expecting Dr. Besithia?” She asked.

Prompto nodded.

“You’re looking at her.” She smirked. “Doctor Delphia Besithia. Verstael is my father. I understand he was completing your weekly heath assessments, but business for his Imperial Majesty has become...pressing.” The doctor crossed the room over to the little seating area where the work was usually conducted. A clear table, two chairs, plenty of places to hook up Verstael’s array of electrical instruments. “Luckily I’m now officially a licensed medical professional myself, so I’ll be taking over for him.” 

Prompto almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “So...Dr. Bes-...Verstael won’t be…?”

“You know, why don’t we call my father Dr. Besithia, and you can refer to me as Dr. Delphia. Does that work, your highness?” She asked, setting the large case she was carrying on the table and opening it.

“Yes. I mean, I think that would work fine. Doctor.” Prompto joined her at the table, removing his coat to reveal his bare arms and taking a seat on his usual side of the table.

“So I went over your medical record on the way over, it seems like my old man kept to the same routine every week for a long time. Not all that surprising, except he usually at least tries to change things up whenever he doesn’t get results…”

Prompto cringed. “Yeah, it’s my fault. I just wasn’t trying hard enough.” He sighed, casting his eyes to the floor. He could feel her gaze staring into him once again.

“Your fault?” She asked. “Did my father tell you that?”

He felt himself beginning to sweat. Soon she’d understand just how awful of a patient he really was, and all the gentle niceness would end. She’d grow to hate and resent him just like Dr. Besithia did, he was sure.

“Dude. That’s bullshit.”

Prompto snapped his face up to hers, the bluntness of her assertion shocking him. The doctor had such a look of concern on her face.

“He was your doctor. Treating you was his job. If you weren’t getting better, that’s his fault. Not yours.”

Prompto blinked in confusion. 

“If it makes you feel any better, and I doubt it does,” she started retrieving the same instruments he was always used to, “he’s like that with everyone. Everything is always someone else’s fault. No way his genius could be to blame!”

By her tone, Prompto inferred she’d suffered at his words just as much.

“So, let’s start with the easy part. How are you feeling today, your highness?” She asked, taking the other seat and smiling at him.

“How...um, well I’m…” Prompto was not prepared for this question. Easy part, indeed. “Tired, I guess. Like usual. I get dizzy if I stand too long.” And now his heart was pounding in fear. Did he answer wrong? Was that something he could do?

She was typing on a tablet resting in her lap. “Hmm, how about sleep? Do you think you get enough?”

Dr. Besithia never gave Prompto so much time to talk like this. It felt...strange. “I sleep a lot.”

“Do you feel well rested after? Or still tired?” She asked, still typing.

“Oh, uh...I guess I haven’t really thought of that? I’m sorry...guess still tired.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize for anything, highness. Okay, if it’s alright with you I’d like to start taking your vitals now.”

...did she just ask him permission? She did. And she was waiting for his answer. 

He nodded. And the next thing to strike him was just how gentle she actually was. She never grabbed, but waited for him to offer his arm or hand as needed. She didn’t yell or snipe or speak critically of him. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. It was oddly terrifying, somehow.

“Alright, your blood pressure is a little low, so we can start with that. There’s a few simple things we can change to try and get it stabilized. Hopefully that will help with the dizziness too!” 

Prompto sat in stunned silence as she prescribed such basic things like drinking more water and adding salt to his meals. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It felt...too easy. After years of living like this, there was no way it could actually be so simple.

“Unfortunately I am going to need to get some blood for lab work, if that’s ok, highness.”

He felt like he might cry. She actually listened to him, and asked him to talk to her. If she really was replacing Besithia going forward, maybe things would actually get better. Maybe... He hoped she never got sick of him, and he’d do everything he could to prevent that.

“You can call me Prompto, um, Doctor. Please.”

She looked at him strangely, like he’d just told her there was a behemoth on her shoulder. But then she smiled again. “Why don’t you call me Del then, Prompto? Has anyone ever told you you have great veins? This is going to be so fast.” And surprisingly, it was. The whole ordeal was over so quickly he couldn’t believe she’d actually done it.

“Alright, unless there’s anything else you’d like to discuss, I think that ends our appointment today.” She began packing everything back up. “And if anything comes up at all, I’m only one floor away!”

“Wait, really?” Dr. Besithia always made a point of reminding him he had to travel a long way for these appointments.

“Yeah, I’m here at the palace full time. Another perk of the job. If you need anything at all, just ask your attendant. I’m here for you Prompto, any time.”

It took everything in him to maintain some amount of regal composure and not start crying. Somehow, for the first time, he had hope. And if nothing else, there was someone here who might actually listen to him.

---

Delphia bowed to the prince before turning and walking to the elevator. She held herself together perfectly until the elevator doors closed behind her and she was granted ten seconds of complete isolation. An hour’s worth of suppressed, extreme emotion bubbled out all at once in a large gasp for air. Her chest felt tight and her eyes burned with the threat of tears.

You have to do this. You have to do this. You have to be here for him, because no one else will.

Delphia composed herself just as the doors opened again. It was another two minutes before she made it to her office which she thankfully had to herself. She opened the door and flipped on the light.

And really, she should have expected that she wouldn’t actually get to be alone just yet.

“Doctor Besithia, how is our young charge on this day?” Chancellor Izunia, hat in hand, bowed to her.

“Terrible, but you already knew that didn’t you Ardyn?” She didn’t have time for his fanciful speech patterns and flowery prose right now. She had samples to run.

“Looking a bit red eyed yourself, Delphia. Hard first day on the job?” He tailed her to the workstation, watching carefully as she washed and gloved her hands.

“Why do you always ask questions you already know the answer to?” She asked, getting the little centrifuge ready to go.

“The same could be asked of yourself, Doctor.”

She sighed. “My father’s been purposefully keeping him ill. Or at least below a functional baseline.”

“You’re certain?” Ardyn asked like a child giddy about knowing the punchline to an old joke.

“Verstael did the same tests, same treatments, same everything over and over again despite no improvement. There’s only one reason you don’t change up the treatment plan.”

“Because it is working as intended.” Ardyn smiled in that wicked way that made her feel like a small rabbit being eyed by a wolf.

But this rabbit had an understanding with the wolf. 

“Exactly. But here’s what I find really interesting.” She looked up from the samples currently shaking at a dizzying rate in the machine. “Whatever was going on, you wanted it to end.”

“Oh do walk me through your process of deduction, Delphia. Your brain is always so intriguing to pick.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cut the shit. You knew I’d see these numbers and figure out what was happening immediately.” She pointed at him accusingly. “When the Emperor gave Father his orders, you made damn sure I was the one who took his place.”

“Who better to take over the father’s work, than the daughter?”

“My graduating class had 44 other young doctors who would have been eager and willing to take up his job and do it unquestioningly. Exactly at his direction, no critical thought or deviation. And you insisted on the one singular doctor who, you knew for a fact, wouldn’t. And that, Ardyn, is the most suspicious thing of all.”

“You do wound me, young one. But all the same please go on, I am on the edge of my seat.”

She considered not continuing, just to piss him off. But she couldn’t resist any opportunity to show off. It was a problem. So on she went. 

“Verstael takes pride in his projects, particularly the ones he...made from scratch.” She felt sick, thinking of the thousands of lives just like Prompto. His life was anything but easy, but it was worlds above that of his many, many brothers. “If he was interfering with the prince’s health on purpose, it must be because someone above him told him to. And there’s only one person who could tell him to do anything.”

Ardyn smiled, somehow even wider.

 She began the process of sterilizing her instruments, taking her time with each.

“The Emperor wants the Prince to waste away in poor health, hidden from the public and with zero sense of self worth to boot. Which is curious, since the Emperor was the one who commissioned a prince in the first place! Which leads me to believe Iedolas wanted this from the start. So. Why create an heir and then sabotage him?”

“Perhaps because the heir is meant only to act as a symbol.”

“Mmmhmm.” Del had considered as much. Hearing it from the chancellor cemented it. “A means of reminding the people the monarchy is here to stay. But Project Deathless is right around the corner, or so Father claims. And if it comes to fruition, then Iedolas is the monarchy. Forever.”

“Who needs an heir when you never plan to retire?”

“Who needs an heir beloved by the people, capable of leading and inspiring a coupe before you have a chance to gain immortality?”

“In the meantime, the chain of succession is decided by blood.”

“And the snakes in the cabinet can’t finagle their way into increasing power, at least not as easily.”

“Delphia I do love our conversations, not many can keep up quite like you.”

“Like father, like daughter.” She sighed. “So where do you come in, Ardyn? What do you get out of Prompto getting better?”

“Is it not enough to see a poor child suffering, and wishing to see him well again?”

“No, it’s not.” She replied, despite the unsaid implication hanging above them. Once, she was that suffering little child. And he healed her bruises and did what was needed to get her out of that hell hole. But that was a long time ago. And they were both very different now.

Ardyn hummed in response. “I would like to hear the good doctor’s hypothesis before the big reveal.”

She sighed. This man was so exhausting. But he was the only person worth talking to, somehow. “I think it's suspicious because you have no interest in the throne. Well, not this one at least.”

“And…” He smirked, telling her she was on the right track.

“And what a coincidence that our little prince is the same age as Lucis’ little prince.”

“What a coincidence indeed!”

The centrifuge stopped, the samples were ready for testing.

“I think you have a use for him in your little tirade against the Astrals and your brother’s descendants.” She snarled.

“And what use would that be?”

“I don’t know.” Delphia leaned over the workstation, looking Ardyn in the eyes. “But whatever it is you’ve got planned, if it ends with Prompto hurt or dead, I’m putting a stop to it. Now.”

Ardyn clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Now now, Delphia, you wound me.” He clutched his hand over his chest in mock insult. “Such accusations. I know you too well, little finch. The guilt you feel, unable to end your little brothers’ suffering. It tears at your weak, mortal heart. I have brought you to one who may live, and perhaps even prosper, with your guiding hand and sharp mind. I have no intentions of causing the boy further harm.”

Del didn’t believe that for a moment. Not because he was a liar, though he was certainly lying. She knew what lurked through the chancellor’s veins. What was eating him from the inside out, slowly, with every breath he took. It was getting worse, warping him. He was not the same man who befriended her fifteen years ago. Though bits of that man were still in there. And she knew if she just continued to play along, did what she could to keep those bits floating around alive, she’d get that friend back.

She just needed some more time.

---

“Commodore! Fucking finally. I have a request.” Delphia shouted across the courtyard, having finally found the woman after an hour of chasing down lead after lead.

“Interesting way of approaching someone. Mind an introduction first?”

Delphia tempered her knee jerk instinct to say something rude. “My name is Doctor Besithia, I assume you’re familiar with my father?”

“You mean the quack keeping the prince weak and at his mercy?”

Oh, she liked this woman. “Yep. Well, used to. I’m the prince’s personal physician now.”

“You planning on keeping up daddy’s work, Doc?” The Commodore crossed over to her, looking down with suspicion.

“Not quite. I’ve been going over his notes and I think there might be some...room for improvement. But I might need your assistance.”

Aranea shrugged her shoulders. “I’m a bodyguard, not a nurse. When the prince can leave his bedroom then I’ll have a job to do. Until then-”

“That’s exactly why I’m asking for your help, Commodore.” Delphia smiled. “The prince needs to leave his bedroom.”

“Uh huh. But can he?”

“Yes.” Delphia smirked up at the taller woman. “We’ve been working on it for three weeks, but he’s more than ready now. Of course, he’s not supposed to go anywhere without his retainers. Specifically the one that knows how to hit things with a stick.”

Aranea crossed her arms and frowned. “You’re telling me, after less than a month, Prince Shortcake is already improving?”

And this is where Delphia wanted the conversation to be. She needed to know who could be trusted, and who was in on the whole charade. Where did the true loyalties of the prince’s shield lie?

“Yeah. And if he’s going to keep getting better, he needs fresh air and sunlight. Vitamin D doesn’t make itself, you know. So, you ready to get to work, Commodore?”

Aranea studied Del’s face, obviously searching for answers to the same questions.

“Alright, Doc. Show me a miracle, and we’ll have ourselves a casual little stroll.”

Fantastic.

---

“Fifteen minutes.” Del reassured the two of them. “That’s all you need. Fifteen minutes in direct sunlight with bare arms, that’s more than enough time to get your daily dose of Vitamin D.”

Prompto felt like his heart could beat right out of his chest. It’d been so long since he’d left the palace walls. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. The doctor was on his left, keeping a close eye on him. Most likely observing his physical state while he walked around. 

On his right was Aranea, keeping an eye on everyone else in the courtyard. He hadn’t seen her in so long, he almost ran over to hug her before remembering his manners. She’d been like a sister to him when he was younger. But the weariness of the past seven years took just as much of a toll on her as it had on him.

Behind them, a guard was pushing a wheelchair. It was Del’s idea and insistence. “Just in case.” She said gently. “And there’s no shame in needing to use it.”

He might need it sooner than later, as everything around him was becoming overwhelming. The smell of fresh growing flowers, the sun on his face warming his skin, the light chatter of palace staff meandering around, their shoes clicking on the stone below.

It was making him dizzy.

“Yep, alright dude, easy now.” Del took his hand and helped guide him to the waiting wheelchair. “Take a few breaths, let me know what you need.”

Aranea did not look happy. “Is he alright?”

“I’m fine.” Prompto yelped, sitting up straighter. “I’m fine I’m just, it’s...a lot.”

“I bet.” Aranea smirked down at him.

“Are you okay to stay outside a little longer?” Del asked, voice filled with concern. 

All of this positive attention was going to make him just about pass out. 

“Yes. I’d like to, at least.”

Del smiled and put a hand on his forehead, wiping the hair from his eyes. “Alright, we’ll keep on. Just give me a heads up when you need to go back inside.”

He nodded. Prompto let the guard push him forward, watching little birds flicker through the sky and listening to his doctor and his shield have a not so private conversation between them.

“Well, credit where it’s due, Doc. Guess the Hippocratic oath still means something.”

“So then, about my proposal…”

“Count me in. Shortcake’s long overdue for some combat training.”

“Gradual, structured, short session combat training.”

“Yeah, I got it the first time.”

“With a lot of padded mats and-”

“Doc, you worry about his bone marrow count or whatever it is you do. Let me do my job.”

If he wasn’t already light headed, that would’ve sent him right over. He’d dreamed about getting to swing a sword around or hold a shield just like one of his father’s soldiers. In fact when he was still little and full of energy, he and Aranea would pretend spar with sticks or paper tubes for hours on end.

He’d all but abandoned being able to do that ever again. And now.

Del stopped and turned to look at him, smiling, her green eyes radiating warmth. “How you doing, Prompto?”

Aranea turned, crossing her arms, awaiting his response. And for the first time in forever she wasn’t looking down at him with pity. He hadn’t seen her look so content since they were kids.

Prompto nodded, smiling even wider. “I’m great.”

---

Cor was in complete disbelief. Not for the reason everyone else in the situation room was, oh no. While everyone else was staring mouth agape at the first recorded proof the prince of Niflheim actually existed, he was focused on the young woman walking next to him. The image wasn’t the closest, or clearest, but there was no mistaking.

That was Del Besithia, the six year old shit head daughter of Verstael, who treated an Imperial military research facility like her personal gymnasium. The little girl who called Cor a ‘dumbass’ in many colorful different ways. The kid who was so lonely and so deluded that she truly believed an army of clone babies were her brothers.

He’d tried so hard to get her to trust him, to get one of those babies to him so they could figure out what exactly was going on. In the end, she bailed on him, and Cor went home empty handed save a few photos of babies sleeping suspended in large cylinders.

From the looks of things, one baby did manage to get out though.

Incredible, really. Seeing the two of them standing next to each other, it was so obvious to anyone who knew what to look for. It was so obvious to Cor; the prince was one of those clones. And his ‘sister’ was his personal physician.

She looked happy. And sure, one still photograph couldn’t fill in a 14 year gap. But she was smiling, and with one of them, and she was walking freely outside. She’d told Cor with zero hesitation she knew she was going to die in that facility.

The look on her face when she made that statement had haunted him since. Maybe this one could replace it. She was fine. She was alive and okay.

There wasn't anything else he could’ve done for that kid.

“To be fair, hardly anyone ever saw Iedolas before he took the throne. And by that point he was already greying.”

“And we have no leads on who the mother could be. The lack of resemblance means nothing; the boy wears the Imperial regalia. That’s all the confirmation required.”

“Yes, but what if-?”

“That’s their prince.” Cor finally spoke up, hoping to end the back and forth guessing games. “Looks to be Noctis’ age as well. Prompto Aldercapt. Keep our eyes on him, I want to know his political and moral leanings before he has a chance to use them.”

The meeting adjourned, and his agents filed out. Cor had more business to get to. Training Gladio, overseeing the new recruits orientation, a briefing on the status of the wall, another briefing on the growing demon population…

He took another look at that photograph. Looking at Del smiling down at the prince, both of them looking happy and peaceful. There was something...pulling at him. Like a fist gripping his heart and trying to rip it from his chest. Something felt very wrong, a lingering threat aimed directly at them. Cor couldn’t tell why, but he knew they were in danger, and in spite of his loyalties he felt like he needed to protect those two. 

It was a strange impulse, maybe even something of an instinct. He couldn’t place its origin but he had a feeling a cigarette and some sleep would help dispel it.

Or...

---

“So...guns, huh?” Del frowned, watching as the prince shot off another round down the firing range.

“Your prescription of sunshine and lollipops-”

“I didn’t prescribe lollipops-”

“-can only do so much. He’s lacking the coordination for hand to hand combat, and swords wear out his stamina too quickly. A gun is lighter, easier to handle, and keeps him out of reach of more conventional weapons.” Aranea looked very pleased with herself.

“Well...at least he’s wearing ear protection.” He was also standing with a more determined posture than when they’d first met. And his skin was starting to show a little color, freckles not unlike her own dotting his cheeks and shoulders. 

“Emperor dropped in yesterday.” Aranea sighed.

Del felt her stomach drop. If the hypothesis she’d shared with Ardyn was anywhere close to correct, this was bad.

“Prince Shortcake shrank in his shadow, like the past few months never even happened.” The shield began chewing on her thumb, furrowing her brow. “Iedolas just grunted, looking as pissy as ever, and walked away. Poor kid. He’s still got a long way to go on that confidence.”

“You’d think the guy would be even a little bit happy his son was getting better.” Del shrugged her shoulders, hoping the anxiety wasn’t evident in her voice.

Aranea narrowed her eyes, studying Del for a moment. “You know, I really don’t get who you think you’re fooling.” She said before turning back around, walking to the prince to continue coaching his form.

Del blinked. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

---

“Like, seriously, what the fuck was that supposed to mean?” She asked, several hours later, pacing in her office while flipping through her notes.

“The mind of the Commodore is a mysterious one.” Ardyn had once again invited himself in, leaning back in her chair, boots resting on her desk. “But little finch, you have not been the most subtle in your intentions. There are whispers, you know…”

“Intentions?” She snapped. “Oh how terrible, I want the prince to not wither away and die in his bedroom at the age of sixteen. What fucking whispers, Ardyn?”

“The daughter of Verstael schemes to make the prince completely reliant upon her, such that when he overthrows his father and takes the throne he will do so at her own whims.”

Del pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache rising up. “I’m getting real fucking sick of politics. It’s like no one can do a single nice thing without having some wicked ulterior motive! It’s bullshit.”

“You have seemingly worked miracles, Delphia, in the eyes of the court.” Ardyn flicked at the brim of his hat to get a better view of her. “That is always suspicious.”

“Miracles. Intentions. All I did was treat my patient. I’m...I just want my brother to be healthy! Any sister would want that, much less one with a medical license. Is that so fucking terrible?!” Del was going to snap. Nothing about anything was ever easy in this godsforsaken hellscape of a country.

Ardyn lifted his eyebrows, eyes flickering to the door, before lifting a finger to his lips.

Del got the message. Someone was listening. And they heard...that. Slowly, quietly, she started to step towards the door. She gestured at Ardyn, asking him to talk so it wasn’t obvious they knew.

“Your heart is pure as always, little finch. But when one is steeped in their own darkness for so long, well…”

Del wrenched the door open and shot her head out, seeing no one but hearing fast paced foot steps.

“Darkness tends to be all one can see.”

She took off, down the long hallway, turning the corner. Nothing, not even a sound of a door. Whoever just heard her stupid ramblings, they got away. 

“I did warn you to be careful.” Ardyn said from behind her shoulder.

“Yeah.” Del swallowed hard, catching her breath. “You did.”

---

Pirate Material: Still Original

Saw some discussion of The Streets’s early work, and went to see if this article was still online - it’s not because the Vice brand partnership vertical (I’m sorry) that it was originally written for is gone. So here you go again!

I don't hold with the insidious theory that making brilliant art is a young man's game – or, in the words of Sickboy in Trainspotting, that “you have it, then you lose it”. It's a trope that's been with us since the beginning of rock'n'roll, dammit since the romantic poets, that idea that inspiration is intrinsically tied up with the energy of youth, that great works come like a bolt from the blue and artists are best off dying young1 rather than chasing round in ever-decreasing circles trying to relight your creative fire the rest of your sorry life. But it's clearly rubbish, a denial of craft and labour, put about by fantasists and advertisers and used as justification by those with a vested interest in keeping us emotionally immature and by the worst kind of poseurs for their ghastly Peter Pan antics.

Every so often, though, something I see or hear will make me think again – will make me have a flickering moment of belief in the essential white light of youthful creativity. And 'Original Pirate Material' is one of those things. I mean, have you heard it recently? Really heard it? Played it loud from the beginning, given it your full attention, let that utterly insane opening salvo of 'Turn the Page', 'Has it Come to This' and 'Let's Push Things Forward' work their magic on you? It's arm-hair raising stuff, it really is. The false hierarchies and dreary consensus of best-ever lists is another of those things I don't hold with, but yeah this really, really deserved to be on all those best-of-the-2000s lists, and I will gladly fight its corner against the Arctic Monkeys, Dizzee, Radiohead, Outkast, whatever you care to bring in fact.

Like almost all the best music, I didn't really get it at first. It was tinny-sounding and clattery, where I was used to dance music's oomph; I couldn't work out what Skinner's roaming accent was getting at as he slipped and slid across the rhythms, in and out of ordinary conversational cadence, lurching from sublime to ridiculous within single phrases. It was intriguing right enough, but it was impossible to shake the idea that it was all a bit contrived, an indie-weakened version of soundsystem/MC culture, or even more naggingly the idea that it was a wind-up, that this music was taking the piss out of all of us. Lines nicked from 'Gladiator' and talk about his Reeboks? Be serious. And then I had the epiphany.

The scene couldn't have been set better, really. I was out in Amsterdam for eight days on my first ever magazine feature assignment – to cover a conference on Amazon shamanic practice AND a High Times convention. I'd been hanging out with psychonauts, ravers, witch doctors2 and Dutch farmers, and experienced the best that ancient cultures and modern science had to offer; I was in a terrific mood as I was finally doing the job I'd always wanted to, and had been able to utter the immortal phrase “can I claim my ritual on expenses3, please?” on the phone to the Face magazine office. So when someone mentioned “that new band The Streets are playing the Melkweg” I was pretty much up for it.

The DJ beforehand, a Dutchman called Big Head, was playing what was generally known as “breakstep”, a kind of funky uncle to dubstep, and I liked it so much I bought his mix CD4. The Streets were very late coming on, but the crowd were raving and so was I, so who cared? When they did crash onto the stage, though, Skinner immediately and repeatedly asking the crowd if anyone had any cocaine, it was a glorious disruption of the groove, their sound spiky and awkward, and from the beginning I loved it. I don't remember a lot about the band except there was an ex-member of the Senseless Things5 on bass, and that Skinner and his co-vocalist spent a lot of the set pushing, shoving and trying to trip one another up.

And that's when it clicked into place: yes, this was a piss-take, but it was a deadly serious piss-take. This child-like 24-year-old was not just meandering between voices, themes and levels of seriousness, he was embodying every single one of them. He was a shaman too6. What was chaos and what was control became impossible to discern7. The only time I could remember seeing elemental clowning like this before on a stage was the Happy Mondays back in 1990, but I also recognised the spirit of so many loony rave urchins I'd been bamboozled and bantered at and had lighters stolen by over the years8, the never-ending babble of these Shakespearean monkeys, possessed by the endless power of the English language to spin out shaggy dog stories, to make jokes of the most serious matters and suddenly turn jokes deathly serious. The films that were projected as back stories to each of the tracks matched the quotidian urban subject matter of those songs – but they, like the lyrics and the music, revealed something so much more primal beneath. And still you could dance, laugh, drink and carouse to it.

Which is why, when I listen to 'Original Pirate Material' now, I don't hear “bloke poetry” or grittiness or mundanity or social realism any of those other things that are inevitably reeled out. I hear constant windows in to the most profound and abstracted of human instincts and experiences: vertigo, jealousy, transition, glory, loss, innocence and so much more. Just listen to the sudden swerves from domestic detail to dizzying generality in 'It's Too Late' or the affirmation and melancholy in 'Weak Become Heroes': these are about so, so much more than losing a girl or doing a pill9. They're about being human. Only years later did I start realising that Skinner was writing in a great English language tradition going a millennium back to Beowulf and taking in Sterne, Carroll, Lear, Pound, Spike Milligan, Ivor Cutler, Mark E Smith and Roots Manuva10, gibbering gobshites and bullshit artists, holy fools who could skip wildly into parts of our psyches where angels fear to tread.

He could never top this, could he? None of this is to dismiss Skinner's later work – he has on occasion made some glorious music and told some great tales since, and especially on 'Computers and Blues' when he turned full circle back to some of his early themes and freeform lyricism he showed he was tapped into the same wellspring – but 'Original Pirate Material' had it all. Everything afterwards, whether it's his narratives of modern life and celebrity, or his more philosophical turns, couldn't help but be self-conscious, trying to impose more structure onto what he had already expressed so perfectly in its rants, sketches, jokes and asides. This isn't about drugs, it's not about  “authenticity”11, and it's not really about youth as such – others have tapped into this very British, very mongrel method of accessing the ways of the human mind from very different places and perspectives – but for Skinner it was all tied into a particular openness to everything that comes with being a hungry young man with his eyes (very) wide open.

--

1 See the infamous “27 Club”, much discussed when Amy Winehouse carked it, and so called because it's the number of times anyone who takes it seriously deserves to have their face walloped with a cricket bat.

2 To be precise, a shaman from the Shuar tribe of Ecuador who played the Jew's harp.

3 Yes, bloggers, these were the days when journalists got paid expenses. They were decadent times, the early 00s.

4 In fact it is sitting on my desk right now, and it still sounds good.

5 You think nonsense genre names like “Post Dubstep” or indeed “Breakstep” are silly? Back in the 90s, The Senseless things were lumped, along with Mega City 4 and Silverfish into a genre called Fraggle Rock. Seriously.

6 No Jew's harp though, just a microphone.

7 You want to know how giddy with the brilliance of it all I was feeling at that moment? My brain flashed up the image of Stockard Channing going “chaos... control... chaos... control... you like?” to Will Smith as Donald Sutherland spun a double-sided Kandinsky in 'Six Degress of Separation'. And what? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjwiachXkjc

8 One routine about fake vs real Nike caps that managed to weave in and out of between-song patter for almost the entire set was such archetypal rave bollocks that you'd swear you'd heard it before from someone who was about to do you out of a tenner at some party on a hillside.

9 They're about those things too, though.

10 Peter Ackroyd's 'Albion: the Origins of the English Imagination' is the book you need on this topic, although admittedly he doesn't get right the way through to Roots Manuva.

11 There's no such thing.

In...”honor” of the official unveiling of Kingdom Hearts: Dark Road, I’ve decided I might as well make a meta that actually looks at the question posed by this game’s tagline, but in the sensible way. 

See, the character who was originally given the name of Xehanort and the title of “the Seeker of Darkness” was Xehanort, Ansem’s Apprentice in the original KH Trinity, the guy who stole his mentor’s name for himself, appropriated his research, caused the major conflict of the story through his twisted experiments with the heart and Darkness, and who came in Heartless and Nobody editions for KH1 and KH2 respectively. The character we now know as Terra-Xehanort, post amnesia and Ansem’s apprenticeship. So when looking at that character in the vacuum of those original three games of the PS2 Era, we have a Point 1 and Point 2 to use in charting out his backstory and pinpointing the originally canonical, truest reason why he became the Seeker of Darkness, prior to Nomura making up a whole bunch of other cluttered up bullshit in the franchise’s second decade that’s still going on even into its third with the coming game.

Point 1: Secret Origin Story

The original vision of Terra-Xehanort from the KH Trinity is the only Xehanort who's got a well written backstory, an exceptionally played out core story, and a character that you can actually get a really firm grasp on in terms of what he's all about, what led him to where he is now and what he is now, and what invaluable function he serves in the narrative and to the personal arcs of all the characters, his own included. But the one aspect of him that was left a deliberate mystery hanging over the narrative all the way to the end were his secret origins, forgotten by the man himself but used in Ansem’s Secret Reports to entice us with the mystique of who/what he truly was.

The young man has served me ever since I nursed him back from death's door some years ago. He has lost all his memories at the time, but later showed remarkable intellectual curiosity and readily absorbed my teachings, gaining deep wisdom. Any mental immaturity is surely due to his young age.  If I explore Xehanort's heart with psychological tests, I may be able to recall the past locked away within. My apprentice Even has also shown great interest in Xehanort's memories.  But is he really the right subject? Xehanort does indeed exhibit extra-ordinary talents... Too extraordinary... Perhaps they are even superhuman.

- Ansem the Wise, Secret Ansem Report 1

The only thing strongly implied about who Xehanort was prior to being “nursed back from death’s door” and taken in by Ansem the Wise as his foremost apprentice is that he was a Keyblade Wielder, and that like Riku at the door of his home world, he subconsciously summoned the Keyblade and used it to open the door to Radiant Garden, which ultimately drew the Heartless to the world’s heart and spelled doom for that world. However, Ansem flat out states in his last report that it ultimately doesn't matter to the story being told.

Only one mystery remains. How did Xehanort manage to open the door that appeared in the basement of my castle...? No... any theory posited now, when everything is nearing completion, would be meaningless.

- Ansem the Wise, Secret Ansem Report 13

Obviously, the reason Nomura had this be said was because he himself hadn’t actually thought through the details of Xehanort’s secret origin aside from the fact that he was a Keyblade Wielder who succumbed completely to Darkness. Being a Star Wars fan, Nomura likely had figured that Xehanort’s forgotten Keyblader past would’ve gone the Anakin Skywaker route - a would-be “Chosen One” steered down the wrong path and being consumed by Darkness, and unlike Anakin, there was no going back for this guy - he was far gone and had to be completely eradicated by the next generation of Keyblade wielding heroes. So the seeds planted in Xehanort’s given backstory in KH2, plus the game’s secret ending, alludes to a prequel story centered around the Keyblade legend, features “Memory of Xehanort”, and that’s clearly meant to be Xehanort approaching the three armored Keyblade Wielders from the distance at the end there.

Origin #1: There used to be more Keyblade Masters, but they were a dying breed after a Keyblade War that wiped most of them out and left several Keyblades powerless without their hearts to connect to. Xehanort was a young man who was the Keyblade’s newest Chosen One, expected to do great good for the worlds and the Light that keeps them stable. But for some reason - possibly due to the corrupting influence of a Chancellor Palpatine-esque figure who gets Xehanort to open himself completely to Darkness and take from it all the power he could ever need, much like how Xehanort himself would do with Riku years later (what becomes of this Palpatine knock-off is unknown; maybe Xehanort offs him, maybe he returns as the KH3 Big Bad, who knows?) - Xehanort goes rogue and his crimes across many worlds inspires the legend of the Keyblade that wrought chaos and ruin upon the World. It ultimately comes down to three Keyblade Masters (”the others” that Xigbar was referring to in his final stand-off with Sora) with Keyblades of Light, Dark, and In-Between realms to stand against Xehanort and save the World from his madness. In the final clash, the warriors perish and fail to vanquish Xehanort - he barely clings to life but his chain of memories has been severed from his heart and mind, rendering him amnesiac. He’s found in Radiant Garden by that world’s king, Ansem the Wise, who takes him in, nurses him back to health, and makes him his apprentice who becomes the KH Trinity’s overarching antagonist.

Derivative of the fall of Anakin Skywalker as this might be, this is the backstory that the KH Trinity had organically set up in its narrative. However, in 2005, the final year of KH2′s production, something changed that gave Nomura some new ideas of past Xehanort’s trajectory and how it shaped him into the KH Trinity villain we all knew, loved/hated, and feared. That something was Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Xehanort was the KH Trinity’s Darth Vader in more than one way, so after seeing RotS, Nomura took a look back at his base idea for Xehanort’s fall to darkness in the prequel and decided “Nah, not dramatic or surprising enough for the players!”, and decided to drastically re-work it. This is why by the time of production on KH2′s Final Mix edition, the finalized, definitive edition of the story, Nomura worked in clues that pointed towards a somewhat different backstory with two consecutive (and totally misplaced!) cutscenes centering around Xemnas and some secrets he’s been keeping that only Xigbar seems to know details about, a secret boss battle with one of the armored figures from KH2′s secret ending who holds a grudge against Xehanort and mentions his two comrades by name - Aqua and Ventus, and finally, a new secret ending that picks up from where the last left off.

Suddenly, there’s talk of “truth yet to be told”, “destiny” that is “never left to chance” and “inevitable”, and how “a new tale” is awakened by destinies gathering together in one place. And Xehanort is now inexplicably replaced by this creepy old man, this prequel story’s Palpatine knock-off...named Master Xehanort. ....Wait. WHAT?

Origin #2: There used to be a literal Jedi Order of Keyblade Masters called the True Keyblade Masters who safeguarded the worlds and the Light that keeps it stable, which was established in the aftermath of the Keyblade War that wiped most Keyblade Wielders out and left several Keyblades powerless without their hearts to connect to, and also is what caused the World to be consumed by Darkness and then recreated by the surviving Light in the hearts of Children like the old fairy tale says. Xehanort was a young man who grew up to be an old man and had long ago succumbed to Darkness because the World as it was disinterested him, so he now desired to recreate the Keyblade War and its end result so that the World could die in Darkness again and then, when Kingdom Hearts appeared, he could step through its door and unlock all its secrets in order to decide the course of the Next World, which would also get Xehanort all the answers to his heart’s questions and attain immortality for him in the process. So he devised a scheme to do this by something-something X-Blade but since he was so old and frail, he feared he may not survive long enough to see this to its completion. So he acts as a corrupting influence to the young Keyblade Wielder named Terra, manipulating him into opening himself completely to Darkness and drawing strength from it so that ultimately, Xehanort could release his own inner heart, his essence, from his body and send it into Terra’s Darkness-filled heart so that he could take possession of a younger, stronger vessel. He achieves this, but then Terra’s own will fights back and defeats him, thwarting his plans to take over Kingdom Hearts and fracturing his heart in the process. In a following battle with Aqua at Radiant Garden, Terra-Xehanort locks his own heart in a bout of madness, nearly condemning himself to drown in Darkness. Though he gets foolishly rescued by Aqua giving herself up in his place, his chain of memories has been severed from his heart and mind, rendering him amnesiac. He’s found by Ansem the Wise, who takes him in, nurses him back to health, and makes him his apprentice who becomes the KH Trinity’s overarching antagonist.

Holy shit, that origin story is BONKERS. It shouldn’t work. Like, at all. So then...why does it? Well, I kind of said it here. Not only is it, in its own bizarre way, a sensible origin for the man we knew as Xehanort in how it gives him a past that informs much detail about him and his story that we saw unfold in the original KH Trinity and adds new angles and context to specific facets of his role and characterization that weren’t there before, but because it’s his forgotten past, it ultimately has no real bearing on the KH Trinity’s story and doesn’t have much in it to contradict it. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that it keeps remarkably consistent with it. Ansem stated that he found Xehanort in his world one day and nursed him back from death’s door, implying Xehanort had been in some battle that nearly cost him his life - we see this happen. He said Xehanort had lost all memory of who he was aside from his name - we see this happen. He said Xehanort was quick to show remarkable intellectual curiosity, easily gained deep wisdom through absorbing his mentor’s teachings, and still had the mental immaturity of a young man - we learn this is because of qualities carried over from both Master Xehanort and Terra. He said Xehanort’s past was “locked away within his heart” - we see that is quite literally the case. He said Xehanort exhibited talents extraordinary enough to be considered superhuman - that’s because Terra-Xehanort IS a superhuman. It was implied that Xehanort could use the Keyblade - that’s because in the past, BOTH of him could do so. And there was nothing that even concretely suggested that “Xehanort” WAS this person’s original name - it was just A name that was the only detail of his past that he could recall.

What really makes the whole thing click neatly into place is how it makes the turn of events that was Apprentice Xehanort’s backstory deliciously karmic for Master Xehanort and painfully tragic for Terra, and how it gives a legitimately intriguing true identity/true nature to this character; his curious, inquisitive, knowledge-hungry, answer seeking nature was a carryover of Master Xehanort. His troubled relationship with his father figure whom he resented and disagreed with but also wanted to make proud of him were he to only recognize his dedication and achievements was a carryover of Terra. His natural draw to the powers of Darkness was a carryover of both men. His eventual desire to claim Kingdom Hearts itself and become a greater being from the untold power and wisdom it held within was Master Xehanort’s legacy, as since the Master’s inner heart had supplanted Terra’s within Terra’s own heart (which, thanks to his skillfully done and sensible manipulation of Terra, was filled up with Darkness that could “sustain him”), it was Master Xehanort’s cold, cruel, sociopathic villainous essence that guided Apprentice Terra-Xehanort in his unethical actions even when Terra-Xehanort’s mind did not know this and could not recall his lost past. And the only remnant of said lost past he was conscious of was his name itself, a name he came to resent due to the unknown past and insignificant present and future that he felt it tethered him to. So he abandoned that name and chose to steal Ansem’s name for himself instead.

Master Xehanort himself, though a very different beast from the Xehanort we’d come to know in the KH Trinity, still came off remarkably strong as a villainous character in Birth By Sleep (key words there: in Birth By Sleep) ‘cause as that crossoverheaven post so accurately states, a large part of his appeal was in his sheer ridiculousness and how fun it was to watch him in all his hammy villainous bombast while following where his overly intricate and multi-purposed machinations would take him. Something about the combination of factors at play - his design, his voice acting, his animation, his lines, his shared history with Eraqus and Yen Sid, the role he was playing, the connections he had to other characters, even the hilariously nebulous motivations for his villainy - just really sold the character, and more so than the previous two Xehanort incarnations (a Disneyfied Final Fantasy villain and a Disneyfied Final Fantasy villain re-Final Fantasified respectively), BBS!Master Xehanort feels very vintage Disney Cartoon Villain. In the finalized version of BBS we were given, the most major missteps taken with him are the glimpses into his boyhood (a lazy rip-off of Riku, totally gratuitous, and sabotaging to Xehanort as a character in the long run), the lack of integration of the background and motivations given in his secret reports with his actual on-screen portrayal, and a really, really dumb, hard to grasp plan. Otherwise, he worked, but ONLY provided where they took him was the birth of Terra-Xehanort, the Xehanort of the earlier games, which should effectively mean the ceasing to be of Master Xehanort since that character is neither the Master nor Terra but is, by virtue of amnesia, a new individual whose self was shaped by the lingering darkness from those individuals within him. On his own, Master Xehanort is not that interesting.)

So overall, the canon prequel origin story of Xehanort, so out there in theory, ended up working better in practice than it had any right to, and we owe this almost entirely NOT to Tetsuya Nomura, but to Daisuke Watanabe, who wrote the scenario treatment for BBS and thus snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in how he managed to salvage Xehanort’s origin and keep his character integrity in-tact. This is why I say that THIS vision of Xehanort’s character in a narrative that conclusively ends at KH2 is the ideal full realization of Xehanort as a villain and the best place to leave him. It also exemplifies the distinct “honor” BBS holds of having story and character content that enhances one’s reading of the KH Trinity story and enriches the experience AND being, through its own story and character content, the start of the series narrative’s unraveling and the decline of Xehanort as an actually good character that followed.

That’s all the long passed origins of how Xehanort became the Seeker of Darkness. When looking at the old, best KH series canon, the character’s core story is what ultimately matters more than the story of how he came to be. Which brings us to our second point:

Point 2: Core Story Arc and Evolution

Pictured above is the shape Xehanort’s character and life story should’ve taken and been kept as. Master Xehanort wrote in his secret reports in BBS that the first major change in his previously mundane, unexceptional life on an insignificant world that’s only one small part of the much vaster, larger World (and I’d like to pretend it was NOT Destiny Islands, thanks) was when he was chosen by the Keyblade and was taken from his home world to Land of Departure in order to undergo training to become a Keyblade Master. We can thus assume Xehanort was at least over 17 years old when this happened, so his Keyblade training helped shaped him as he entered adulthood. Therefore, teenage Xehanort is the 0 point in his story, with armor-wearing adult Xehanort being the point 1 in the story of the man who would become the Big Bad. Master Xehanort in his old age is point 2, who transitions into point 3 when he possesses the heart and body of Terra, becoming Terra-Xehanort, and this transitions into point 4 after Terra-Xehanort loses his memory and is taken in by Ansem, becoming Apprentice Terra-Xehanort. Apprentice Terra-Xehanort becomes a Heartless - Ansem, Seeker of Darkness - making that Heartless the point 5, and even after he perishes at the Door to Darkness thanks to the light of Kingdom Hearts, his story still has a point 6 left to go because the recomposed body and soul of Apprentice Terra-Xehanort, given life of its own by the will of the residual Master Xehanort, becomes the Nobody known as Xemnas, Superior of the In-Between, who carries on Xehanort’s legacy even after the original Xehanort has passed on. With the death of Xemnas, this could either be the very definitvely final end of Xehanort as an existence, OR, should Xehanort be deemed too valuable to lose just yet, this could transition into the 7th and final point, which is a Xehanort made from the accumulated darkness of the heart, soul, mind and will of Xehanort in all three of his past existences - Master Xehanort, Terra-Xehanort/Ansem, and Xemnas - transferred into a vessel that replicates the original Xehanort in his late teens, created by the dark eldritch deity known as Darxomnious to serve him. It’s my own original concept for a superior KH3 that I’ve proposed before. 

If Xehanort goes this route (regardless of whether or not the Darxomnious option for KH3 is taken), it keeps his core story as it is displayed below, simpler and cleaner without the gratuitous wholesale resurrection of Master Xehanort and overwrought excess “plans within plans within plans to forge the X-Blade, start a new Keyblade War, and unlock Kingdom Hearts” saga lore that Nomura opted to bring about with his bogus Reconnect narrative.

But that’s all the hows of Xehanort’s core story. What about the why’s? As in “why did he become the Seeker of Darkness?” Well, I’ve given simple summations of the Nort Goals before, but to cut to the heart of the matter? Xehanort, in all forms, was motivated by a curious yearning for answers to all of his heart’s questions crossed with severe hubris, megalomania, and feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, and overall smallness in the shadow of anything larger and greater than he was. He lived in a tiny, constraining world that he knew in his heart was but a small blip on the radar in the larger, vaster World’s cosmology, so he desired more. When he got that “more”, he felt restricted by the mission statement of a Keyblade Master and that the World everyone lived in now was just the reconstructed ruins of the old World, which had fallen into Darkness and that gave way to the powers of Light and Darkness in the World falling out of balance, so he sought better. As he sought better, he became dissatisfied with his mortal, aging corporal human existence, so he set his sights on gaining immortality and becoming something greater than human. When living as Ansem’s amnesiac apprentice, he was troubled by his lack of memory and feared living in the shadow of his esteemed mentor for the remainder of his existence, so he desired to surpass his mentor and eventually opted to supplant him outright, stealing his name, his research, his home, his followers, everything away from him. When he became a Heartless, his further research guided him to the conclusion his heart had already reached in order to justify his unwavering addiction to Darkness and the desire to overtake Kingdom Hearts in order to plunge all hearts of all worlds and individuals in existence into everlasting Darkness. And even his Nobody, being a discarded shell with emptiness where his heart, thus his feelings and sense of self, should be, had a new perspective on the person he used to be and on his own unique nonexistence, and sought to substitute completeness with greater, more empowered incompleteness - to gain a heart of his own for the power it could grant him, overtake Kingdom Hearts with his power so that all in existence could be unmade into Nothing and then remade from that Nothing, and reign over all hearts born into the new empty World (hearts that he’d make into offshoots/extensions of his own) as a deified being whose power is forever bonded with Kingdom Hearts. Every iteration of Xehanort clings to some self-justified rationale for his actions (”Bring balance to Light and Darkness!” “Fulfill the ancient legends and bring about a greater new World!”, “Help Master Ansem by seeing through the research he began!”, “Return all to Darkness to achieve true universal stability because Darkness is the heart’s true essence!”, or “Share the heart’s power with all Nobodies so that we may no longer be empty beings and may truly, fully exist!”) but the underlining motivation is always the same - to gain empowerment, expansion, immortality, and greatness as the ultimate gratification and compensation for having been born into the World a small, less than significant, always overshadowed regular human existence. And the means of appeasing that motivation was always DARKNESS. THAT is why Xehanort became the Seeker of Darkness - because Light casts shadows, and he didn’t want to be stuck in any such shadows, but that’s not a problem when Light has faded and all is shadow, so therefore, embracing Darkness was the way for him.

And this, above all else, is why Nomura’s revisions of Xehanort’s character following BBS does not service that character AT ALL. Because that Xehanort is NOT a small, less than significant, always overshadowed regular human existence. The sentence “Xehanort had feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, and overall smallness in the shadow of anything larger and greater than he was” becomes positively laughable if applied to the Xehanort of post-BBS, who is all powerful, omniscient, omnipresent, and crucial to the grand designs of the entire KH Universe enough to be considered a virtual god. By the logic that KH canon was originally operating under, a Xehanort who was always a Big Deal key to the entire KH universe since boyhood and cast a freakishly large shadow over everyone and everything else should NEVER have become the Seeker of Darkness - he lacks a proper reason for ever embarking down that "dark road." That exemplifies perfectly what makes the Nomura-Oka vision of Xehanort so irreconcilable with the original character.

Bottom Line

Strike these Xehanorts from personalized headcanon in order to keep the integrity and legacy of the true character well preserved.

Only these Norts are canon to the original, true Kingdom Hearts epic:

Because if you’re to accept anything more, then you find yourself back at the original Seeker of Darkness’ famous words:

[Fic] All due respect here... (there's no respect due)

Let’s try one last time... I truly apologise if the cut doesn’t work on mobile, I am posting from my laptop.

Enough is enough, they're right. There’s only so much that can be forgiven, before one’s indulgence becomes a red flag. Loneliness is not an excuse, Martino.

“You need to put your foot down” they keep saying. “You need to draw a line and say: this is unacceptable. If you step over the line once you get a warning, but do it twice and we’re done.”

It's just that… you know… He feels so stupid, now? He has been so blind, so naïve and nearly let himself be played like a fiddle. Hurting those who really care about him, and for what? Approval?

The more he thinks about it, the worse it gets. The signals were all there, for fuck’s sake!

Lulling him into a sense of comradery, that he had been missing ever since his friends from high school had all chosen different paths… Yeah, that’s how it had all started. With him, trying so desperately to fill that void. It hadn’t been as difficult as had imagined to bond over incomprehensible lectures, disgusting coffee and eclectic lifestyles. Francesco had been the first to approach him, complimenting his Apparat-inspired T-shirt and asking where he bought it. It hadn’t seen anything quite like it on the Internet, or he would have remembered! Deciding it was best to weed out the homophobes straight away, Martino told him the truth: it was a gift from his boyfriend. Not quite his usual style, but since it made Nico happy to see him wear it…

“Oh man, you’re so whipped.” Francesco had commented, instead, laughing. “But hey, who am I to judge? I’m actually a bit jealous, you know. No one ever made me something that cool. Do you think I could commission him one?”

Marti did, but he had been wrong. Niccolò wasn’t interested in designing clothes for anyone else, and while he was flattered by Fra’s proposal he would have to turn it down. Not exactly a great start, but Martino didn’t think much of it. This wasn’t kindergarten and surely Francesco wouldn’t hold that refusal against Nico.

Marina had literally saved his life, when he crossed the street and didn’t look as he was in the middle of some lovely banter with Niccolò. In return for her heroic deed, he was bound to treat her to lunch. Or a coffee, at least. The way she delivered that ridiculous request, wiggling her head and biting her lips – like a mischievous child, amused by their own audacity – reminded him so much of a certain someone… that he found himself discussing the top 10 TV shows betrayals of the decade (no! they were never going to forgive D&D for what he had done to Daenerys!) over a cappuccino. She might have been side-eyeing him for checking his phone a little too much, but he didn’t really care.

And then came Lorenzo. Well, it was actually Martino who had reached out to him. Who found him sitting on the floor of a dingy bathroom, crying his eyes out. Years ago, he would have stepped out and let someone else comfort a stranger. But then… Then he though ‘what I was the one sitting there? what if it was Nico? I don’t want to think everyone would just walk away and pretend they didn’t see him…’ and sat down next to him. He didn’t ask if he was okay, when he clearly wasn’t. He didn’t ask why he was so distraught. It wasn’t any of his business, and the question alone would have made this guy feel worse. It was a lesson he had learnt the hard way, through his own experience and Nico’s.

“Oi, you got 2 tens or 4 fives? Some spare coins? I’ve only 20€ in my wallet, and that fucking machine never gives you the right change if you put in more than a 10€ note.”   He had asked, when Lori looked up.

“I… I…” He had said, sniffling. Frantically, he had started looking for the money and seemed truly sorry he couldn’t help Martino out.

“Hey, that’s okay. I’ll manage. So, what can I get you? You look like you could use some hot chocolate, though I’m afraid I can only find vaguely chocolatey-flavored water, around here.”

He didn’t think he would get to meet any of them ever again, and then one day he spotted them all sitting at the same table. It wasn’t like Martino had ever believed in fate, but that did seem like a coincidence straight out from a Norwegian teen drama. A French romance. Not that he had ever watched either of them, of course. An occurrence meant to show him that the universe had plans, for the four of them.

In hindsight, he should have told the universe where he could shove its plans…

For a while, however, Martino thought there could hardly be anybody on Earth who got luckier than him in when it came to friendship. They always knew where to find the next best party but didn’t mind spending a night in, binge-watching the latest trashy show that had been uploaded on Netflix. Playing FIFA. Discussing politics, and even ethics and philosophy when they were more than a little drunk.

Everything changed, however, when things started to get a bit more personal. When they started dispensing details about their crushes, their heartbreaks, and Martino foolishly felt comfortable enough to share more of his life with Nico. Painting quite an idyllic picture, as complaints and rants about his inability to tidy up a room and tendency to zone out when they were discussing financial matters would only ever be disclosed to Giovanni. Nevertheless, to say that they weren’t his biggest fans would be an understatement.

  “Let me guess, it’s Nico. Again.”

 “Okay… So, he can leave on read for hours, but starts panicking if you don’t answer straight away?”

 “He put salt in your coffee because you weren’t paying attention? Is he… like, five or something? But well, if you find that endearing… You do you, man.”

 And it only got worse after they met him, and began spinning a whole other narrative in which Martino was either a hero or a martyr, for ‘putting up’ with Nico.

 “Oh, you're such a great guy not giving up on that.”

 “You sure must love him a lot to endure all of his up and downs.”

He reassured them all, told them that he appreciated the concern but that they barely knew Niccolò so he wouldn’t stand for any further slandering of his boyfriend.

So they laid low, and stayed quiet, for a while. It hurt them to see Martino trapped in what clearly was an abusive relationship, but there was nothing more that could be said or done about it. Whenever Nico was mentioned, they changed the subject.

Until tonight. Asking them both to join them at a party, and then corner him and attempted to stage an ‘intervention’.

Couldn’t he see how possessive and controlling Niccolò was, manipulating Marti into thinking his new friends were out to get him?

 “The two of you, against the world? Doesn’t it sound disturbing to you?”

 “Marti, come on, you have to admit that he has controlling tendencies. He shouldn’t need to know where you are at all times, doing what, with whom. He shouldn’t come up and snatch you away, whenever he notices you spend time talking to the same person for more than 2 minutes.”

 “It’s like he can’t stand not being at the center of your attention 100% of the time.”

How… How dare they? Who the fuck do they think they are?

“Get out of my face, you fuckers. If I hear you badmouthing Nico ever again, you’re gonna regret it.”

Thankfully, they don’t try to stop him when he storms out the room. The last thing he wants is to end up in a fight, and having Niccolò find out it was because of him. It had already happened once, with Malik and his friends, and… No revival of that was needed, thanks.

Little do they know about their late conversations, when Martino had indeed noticed was off with Niccolò and tried to find out how he could help. Because Marti couldn’t relate to the magnitude of Niccolò feelings, sure, but he had been there the year before. When everyone in Uni had seemed far more interesting that a boy who still attended high school…

Niccolò has a jealous streak, sure. That had been clear ever since he put in his pasta. But it wasn’t the ugly side of jealousy, stemming from a warped sense of ownership over him. It was more like… Feeling like he didn’t matter, of maybe being interest enough to catch someone’s attention but lacking in keep them entertained. Which in turn made him petty, vindictive, clingy. It was only a matter of time before Martino would agree with those guys, and leave him for good.

Marti tapped Nico's skull, then, and said to his brain "Stop with this bullshit. Stop making my boyfriend suffer, you asshole. You know nothing, zero, zilch, nil, nada. You're worse than Jon Snow.” He bent down to kiss his heart, and went on with "You, on the other hand… You know Nico's the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I'd be a fool not to cherish it. So what if he’s got some flaws? Who cares? Not me. One thing matters and it’s this: no else compares. So yeah, tell him he shouldn't worry: I'm not going anywhere."

"Ever?" He mumbled, not quite ready to believe Martino.

"Kim Jong-un, Nico. Remember?"  Marti reminded him, smiling as he stroked his cheek.

"Right. How could I forget King-Kong-Là…" That made them both laugh, and they decided not to discuss the matter any further. They were far more pleasurable ways to spend their night together…

So yeah, screw them. Screw everyone who overanalyzes every little thing Niccolò does, who is always ready to point the finger at him and say that Martino deserves better.

Of course he does, duh. Better friends, for a start.

*********************** All due respect here... There's no respect due. So fuck you and you, and you and you. You're cool, but fuck you... And I'm out of here. (Swear Jar, Illy)

In which we close a narrative loop and dave is a tsun

Dave: Get the damn beta and save your friend's life!

Let’s get a move on!!

Finally the betas are easily accesible when we want them to be, instead of spending 40 pages finding them by doing things like throwing cakes out the window

This notion strikes you as nonsensical. You can't imagine how a video game could save someone's life, and in any case, you're quite sure no one you know is in any danger.

.... fucking what

Is this before the other things? Have we gone slightly back in time in terms of the general story? Is this while John was fucking around in his room?

....Does this mean that we will lose these betas somehow in the inmediate future because nothing can ever be easy? Oh no

Anyway, these are your copies of the beta you received in the mail recently. You've labeled them with your name in BOLD RED PRINT to distinguish them from your BRO's copies, who labeled his in kind. Neither of you really gives a shit about this game or has any intention of playing it, but you'll be damned if you'll let that get in the way of your campaign of one-upmanship.

What is it with these kids and weird family relationships?

I predict we will lose our copies and we will have to get Bro’s copies, based on that each kid so far has had their parent/authority figure as an antagonistic force.

Dave: Bleat like a goat and piss on your turntable.

Oh god this is indeed a pattern we are going to be following!

We had the “wrong name” bit, the “find your arms” bit, the “idiotic command” bit....Are we going to do them again for GG when they are introduced? I wonder what this command will be then.

You would never consider allowing any fluid even remotely resembling urine to touch your beloved TURNTABLES. That would risk breaking them, and a world without the gift of your godly science just doesn't sound like a place you want any part of. While you're at it, you might as well wipe out human civilization with a meteor or something ridiculous like that which will probably never happen.

I like that the “on your turntable” part is the outrageous part of “bleat like a goat and piss on your turntable” for Dave. Kid values his raps more than his life. Although it’s probably true that the world would be lesser without those wonderful, wonderful things.

And yeah, nothing to worry about with meteors and such, Dave. I’m sure nothing bad will happen, ever. Just like how those game copies you have are going to be safe and accesible forever.

That sort of thing only happens in stupid idiot movies for stupid idiots.

Oh come on, I’m sure you can find a bit of value in them, even if it’s in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.

==>

...wait, are you really considering it?

You will however contemplate bleating like a goat for IRONICALLY HUMOROUS purposes at a later date.

...I will keep that in mind in case it comes up later.

If PS has taught me anything is that these comics are Chekhov’s armories

Dave: Examine closet.

So inside the closet there is yet another package (probably a gift from John, judging by the pattern we seem to be having. Seriously, do all these kids send each other presents in the same manner? ) and some sort of drink?

This is your closet. This is where you keep a lot of your crap.

Most accurate description of a closet ever

Like that BOX. And that bottle of... what is that? Is that...?

.....

Is that seriously a jar of piss? I would say “wtf” loudly, but your room is such a weird combination of things (including those weird fetus/ dissecated animals/ weeeeird shit) that I wouldn’t even be suprised

Dave: Check the blue box.

.....WHAT?

W-Why is there the BLACK OILY SUBSTANCE THAT STAINED THE KITCHEN WHERE JOHN IS STRANDED IN THE VOID HERE, ON THE PACKAGE??

Does the oil have multiversal properties? If it stains one’s house it also retroactively stains his possesions?? Or is this package from after those events?? Has it gone back in time??

WHAT??

But first let’s stop for a moment to appreciate the fact that Dave has a signed Stiller poster

This is the package that your friend John Egbert sent you for your 13th birthday a little while ago. It now contains nothing except a NOTE and a CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY vouching for the genuine Hollywood memorabilia which the box originally contained, and which you are now wearing to be IRONIC but also to be INCREDIBLY COOL IN A WAY SOMEHOW INTANGIBLY RELATED TO THE IRONIC NATURE OF THE ACCESSORY. You find it sort of exasperating to explain these subtleties to people.

John gave him the shades!! And they are apparently the real shades Ben Stiller wore in the movie!! That means that they are not *the* universal shades of PS, unless the shades in the Stiller bust were these ones and they somehow ended up there. But isn’t PS a videogame in this universe? But these shades had the universal glow?

Let’s not think too hard about that. It’s probably just an easter egg.

Also Dave please write a thesis on irony, the world needs it please.

The BOX also included a signed photo of BEN STILLER which now proudly hangs above your closet. Proudly and IRONICALLY.

I really like this totally (un)cool hipster kid.

Dave: Take box.

ohwahtthefuck

WHY ARE THE SYLLADEXES GETTING WORSE???

So it classifies things based on the balance of consonants and vocals in the name of the object and assigning an index value like in a hash map.

Oh boy this is a completely useless one in terms of getting shit done quickly, unless you have a godly grasp on words and their composition.

You captchalogue the BOX through your HASH MAP FETCH MODUS. Your modus's current HASH FUNCTION resolves the index by valuing each consonant at 2, and each vowel at 1. The total is divided by your number of cards, and the remainder is the index. BOX = 2 + 1 + 2 = 5 5 % 10 = 5 The BOX is captchalogued in card 5.

Just...LOOK at this

Look at this madness.

Dave: Examine jar of unknown yellow substance in the closet.

I don’t know why, but the combination of the quick turnaround, the fanfare and the fucking apple’s face makes this way more funny than it should be.

So it WAS apple juice after all.

Oh hell yes. It is an unopened container of APPLE JUICE. You thought you were all out. It is like fucking christmas up in here. This is so great. You've got to tell John about this immediately. He'll be so excited.

Oh wait, is this before the first conversation, when Dave and John talked about Little Monsters and Apple Juices? Is this why that conversation was as out of left field as it was?

I see how it all fits together now

Dave: Take juice.

You captchalogue the JUICE into card 7. 2+1+1+2+1 %10 = 7.

Dear god is this system nightmarish

Dave: Access Pesterchum and pester John.

Oh I can see the loop closing!

In addition to letting your buddy know about this outstanding juice windfall, you figure you'll wish him a happy birthday while you're at it. In your own cool, sort of roundabout way of course. Good thing you looked at that box he sent you, or you might have forgotten. You also might as well ask him about that beta. The kid's been harping about it for weeks. It would be cool if it came on his birthday. He'd be one happy camper.

Dave is such a tsundere in his friendships holy shit. You care about your friends a lot you dork

That background is rad

Wtf is “Complete Bullshit” as an app. (Probably some complete bullshit)

Ill beats because the laws of this universe demand it

Hephaestus, isn’t that the god of the blacksmiths and craftsmen? Cool icon. Reminds me of those flash games where the icons all fought each other.

Of course his emote in Pesterchum is  S m o o t h

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:13 -- TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright.

And they DID indeed have the exact same conversation!!!

We are indeed back in time!!

We are sooooo gonna lose those Betas!!!! : D

BnHA Chapter 234: Tomura Flashbacks and Giganto ex Machia

Previously on BnHA: Re-Destro lost his temper and hulked the fuck out and started breaking off Tomura’s fingers like a goddamn Kit-Kat bar. Elsewhere, (1) Twice cloned Toga in order to give her a blood transfusion, unaware that Skeptic was heading their way; (2) Spinner’s quirk of being a Gecko Man was revealed and he attempted to wall-crawl his way over to Hanabata only to be assailed by a bunch of redshirts fired up by Hanabata’s Trumpet quirk; (3) Dabi continued to battle Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine offscreen (I assume); (4) Compress was also probably doing something but who can be sure; (5) Giran was running off to safety with one of the clone Twices, and finally, (6) Gigantomachia Goron-rolled his way towards the action while Slidin’ Go stood there nervously, probably sensing that his number is coming up on the great cosmic roulette wheel. All of this happened two whole weeks ago because the manga was on break last week! But it’s finally back now, so leeeEET’S geeet ready to rrrruuuuUUUUUUUUMMMMMBLE.

Today on BnHA: RD continues to get handsy with Tomura until Tomura starts to disintegrate one of RD’s own fingers to see how he likes it. He does not, in fact, like it, so he flings Tomura away and starts thinking all of these shocked antagonist thoughts about how Tomura is stronger than he expected and his powers are ~awakening~ and blah blah blah. Meanwhile Tomura hops back onto the Flashback Train to Feels City and recalls how AFO gave him his family’s severed hands to make sure he stayed good and pissed!! And he also remembers more about his sister and how much she loved him! And his mom and grandparents who were also super nice and are now fucking dead and it’s a lot! Horikoshi is pretty fucking ruthless! Anyway so RD decides he’d better go all out and wrap this up, but before he can deliver a killing blow, Gigantomachia finally makes his entrance. At the same moment, Tomura finally remembers “everything” (?? ???!?!?), which, holy fucking shit you guys.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

okay so let’s see what gruesome things are in store for our intrepid villains this week

“destroyed memories” oh? come again? you don’t say?? fancy that?? goodness me???

so is this referring to Tomura? or Dabi? if it’s referring to Re-Destro or one of his gang, I swear to god...! nobody cares about your memories RD. you’re a jerk and you suck

lol what the

aww. is this a “real” in-universe children’s book, is that what this is. did all the lil U.A. dumplings read this when they were small. and was there also a similar book called “don’t judge people by their lack of quirks” and if so why did no one read it to lil baby Kacchan hmm

anyway now we’re cutting right back to this unpleasant image! and not only that, but in the two weeks we’ve been gone things have even escalated!

we’re up to two hands being grabbed now! um. he’s really going to need at least one of those? probably?? please don’t Overhaul my deranged villain son fffff

reminder that Tomura needs to touch something with all five fingers in order for his quirk to activate (or he did before at least), so even though he still has... two...? fingers remaining on his left hand, that hand is still effectively useless as far as quirking goes. so if he suffers even the smallest amount of damage to his right hand as well, it’s basically all over for him. unless he actually was using his quirk with his feet in the previous chapter. I’m assuming not because he presumably would have decayed his way all the way down to the center of the earth if that was the case. I think @khorale mentioned this in a comment on my last recap, but yeah, seeing as the ground’s not disintegrating underneath him, it’s safe to say it’s Hands Only here

anyway I got so caught up in being calmly horrified over the current situation that I didn’t even read the dialogue. so RD’s saying that superpowers are linked to personality, and so that “don’t judge people by their quirks” stuff is in fact bullshit

um, source? are you a psychologist? in general I try to take things with a grain of salt when they’re said by pieces of shit, so yeah

fffffffff noooooo Tomura’s face sob Horikoshi you bastard

he looks so freaking young here. okay, shit. I’m starting to think I need to make plans to unwind after I finish reading this chapter. maybe get an Enya playlist in the works. diffuse some essential oils. find some cute baby animal videos

but on the plus side, it’s looking ever more likely that his are indeed the Destroyed Memories in question omg. so I will continue to get hype while also feeling very guilty and stressed

you guys I’m actually really glad RD is feeling like he has the upper hand now, because he’s starting to waste some valuable time monologuing, and with every second he babbles on, Machia is getting closer and closer to whooping some ass

so he’s asking Tomura what he’s trying to create

and well, actually, he’s not really that far off

I mean. does it count as nothing if he wants to destroy the whole world? one could argue that would be “creating” a new world in which everyone is fucking dead. idk. I might have to give RD this one; his whole point of “quirks are linked to personality and you have a quirk that destroys everything you touch so you probably just want to destroy shit” is holding up surprisingly well to scrutiny thus far

yeah so now he’s yelling “YOU ONLY LUST FOR DESTRUCTION! AM I WRONG?!” and nope. but even a broken clock, twice a day, etc.

oh shit OH FUCKING --

um, okay, (1) NO IT’S NOT, SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, NONE OF YOUR HANDS BELONGED TO A CHILD YOU GULLIBLE RUBE

and (2) MY FUCKING FEELS. why am I even surprised. what the fuck. I knew more angst was coming and yet it still...

just, god. okay fine Horikoshi I’m a glutton for punishment, please continue then

HAHA SOB IT’S A WHOLE FUCKING FLASHBACK OKAY SURE LAY IT ON ME!!

this really is the wildest shit though you guys. I still can’t get over it. “hello little boy I’m sorry your family is dead but don’t worry I’m adopting you and here are all of their severed hands. with little plugs on the end too or some shit. just, you know. souvenir”

I can’t fucking believe AFO played this so straight. maybe that’s why it worked. it was just so fucking out there that Tenko wound up buying it hook line and sinker. “hmm, seems a bit shady, but then again why else would a strange man I met only yesterday just randomly up and give me a dozen severed hands”

I don’t know if any of this shit is important, but it’s probably good practice to just post every mysterious thing that AFO says

yes you really did a great job healing this guy’s wounded fucking heart, Dr. Phil

oh wow, never fucking mind, even

I see, so that wasn’t meant to be a reassuring “in time you’ll get over it” speech; it was meant to be a cautionary “you’d better surround yourself with reminders of your terrible pain at all times or else you might actually stop feeling fucking miserable and WE CAN’T FUCKING HAVE THAT” speech. holy shit

I’m seriously having trouble wrapping my mind around just how terrible this is. like, it’s nearly impossible to fathom that level of cruelty. this is a four(?)-year-old child. he tracked him down, gave him a quirk that would kill his family*, sat back and watched it happen, and then let him stew in the horror of it all alone until he finally swooped in and claimed him and then raised him with the express purpose of keeping him sad and scared and angry and depressed at all times, all so he would eventually grow up and, with any luck, murder the man that his grandmother thought of as a son!

(*this is just conjecture right now, admittedly, but until I’m proven wrong I’m basically operating under the assumption that it’s true)

just. “fucked up” doesn’t even begin to describe it. god

anyways, let’s continue to read more about young Tenko’s extreme emotional abuse at the hands of the final villain I guess

OMG HANA

okay so I can’t remember where we left off on this last time, but a bunch of people said they suspected that the young Tenko wanted to be a hero when he was a little boy, and that’s why he was always clashing with his dad, because his dad’s own experience with heroes was pretty sour on account of the whole his-mom-gave-him-up-when-he-was-little-and-then-later-died-horribly thing

so yeah, I assume that’s what Hana is referring to here with the whole “I just tell Dad...” bit. so they both wanted to be heroes! how perfectly fucking tragic! great!

Tomuraaaaaa

KEEP IT UP TOMURA YOU CAN DO IT!! YOU CAN REMEMBER! YOU’RE DOING GREAT. aside from the whole “this really big man is killing you slowly” thing

yeah, this whole deal

but aside from that. doing great

!!

OOOOOOOOOH SHIT, THIS MUMMIFIED LITTLE PUNK’S STILL GOT SOME FIGHT LEFT IN HIM YOU GUYS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

he got him to fling him away! YESSSS TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE. FOOL HIM ONCE, FUCKING OUCH, BUT FOOL HIM TWICE, AND LET’S SEE HOW YOU FUCKING LIKE IT YOU BIG WAD

so now Re-Destro is belatedly realizing that Tomura is going through a very weird leveling-up process and taking advantage of the fact that he’s temporarily become the main character of the series and thus possesses all of the narrative powers that come with that venerable distinction

...that he’s the main character? yes

anyways lol there’s some real good crazyface action going on here guys

did Horikoshi take the extra time just so he could devote a little longer to nailing down panels like this because if yes, A+++

SDSKJSODIFHOIESJ

it’s mom!! wow!!

DSLKFAJSLDK ARE WE GETTING BACKSTORY ON THE FUCKING SCARS OMFG I CAN’T THIS IS TOO MUCH

SOB YOU GUYS I’M CAUGHT UP IN THIS WEIRD CROSS BETWEEN BEING HYPED AF AND ALSO CRACKING THE FUCK UP NOW THOUGH, BECAUSE:

ALL OF THIS WAS SO FUCKING BADASS, AND THEN THAT LAST FUCKING PANEL, THOUGH. LMAO WELL HE’S ON THE BRINK OF SOMETHING, BUT WHO CAN EVEN FUCKING SAY WHAT

ANYWAY HE’S ZOOMING TOWARDS RD AND RD’S THINKING “HE’S FAST!” AND YEAH, BITCH, YOU SCARED??

WHAT ARE YOU THE PRESIDENT OF HIS FANCLUB NOW OR WHAT

you guys this is the most I’ve ever liked Re-Destro. there’s something about evil nemesis characters being begrudgingly impressed by their enemies that just pleases me, idk

LJSDFIJWEOF

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIS FACE HE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THE SCARY TREES FROM SNOW WHITE

OH SHIT YOU GUYS WE’RE BREAKING OUT THE TROPES

so do we get 100% when he goes up against Machia, then? smdh, fucking power levels. well I guess Deku technically uses them too. but still, it’s not something we see in this series too often aside from that

holy shit you guys

honestly, I guess this should be really intimidating or whatever, but all I can think is that it’s about time this guy finally started taking this “pitiable gang of thugs” seriously. even if that does mean Tomura is probably about to fucking die, barring some Giganto ex Machia. that guy really needs to get a move on

oh hey

[RAISES EYEBROW AT GIGANTOMACHIA AND JABS FINGER TOWARDS WRISTWATCH] cut it a little closer next time why don’t you??

(ETA: also I didn’t notice all of Tomura’s other hands being flung away from him by the impact, but whoa. so now he’s just got the Papa Hand left in his pocket, along with whichever hand is grabbing the back of his head. and that’s it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that his dad is the only remaining family member whose face we still haven’t seen yet. some big reveal coming up with that soon, I bet.)

oh and also guys here’s some more flashbacks. this time with loving grandparents. because Horikoshi just really wants to make sure our emotions are good and churned about

okay guys, Tenko’s very dead flashback!grandma and grandpa telling him not to cry and giving him yummy food so he won’t be sad is pretty much close to the limits of what I can take, angst-wise. I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard! this is hardly my first anime flashback! I should be a pro at this by this point, the fuck is wrong with me

but on the other hand, I think a big part of it is that I’m not just sad about Tomura’s past, but also angry. because none of this is just coincidence; all of it is actually stuff that was done to him very deliberately, and the worst part is he doesn’t even realize it. and so in addition to the usual rush of protective feelings, there’s also this sense of outrage about it all too. and I think that’s the harder part to deal with. here I am, a grown adult, getting really mad over the staggering cruelty of what was done to this fictional character when he was a child. it’s possible there’s some real-life anger and frustration over certain real-life horrific cruelties and injustices that may be bleeding over into this, idk. just, the world is a fucked up place, and my emotional support manga is currently being less than supportive and it’s a struggle sob

anyways sorry about that. meanwhile while I was having a mini breakdown, possibly the most pivotal character development in Tomura’s history was happening and HOLY SHIT THOUGH WAIT UP GUYS

sdfkdsfjwoilkkj BOY!!!!!!!

SOB HOW ARE THERE ONLY TWO PAGES LEFT I’M GONNA CRY THIS CHAPTER WENT BY SO FAST

-- HORIKOSHI WHY ARE YOU CUTTING AWAY FROM THE FLASHBACK OH MY GOD I’M GONNA!!!

FUCK ME, THIS IS WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR SO IMPATIENTLY, SO OF COURSE HORIKOSHI JUST HAD TO FINALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN I WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING TO NOT CUT AWAY FROM THAT SCENE WE WERE JUST ON. THIS SADISTIC SON OF A...

...hee. but it’s hard to stay mad, though

... :)

:D :D :D

lol what. recall, if you may, that you guys are the ones who basically forced them to come down to your mountain city and kick your asses you dickasaurs

HAHAHAHAHAAA

SDLFKJLSDKFJ AND ALSO OH NOOOOOOOO

OH MY FUCKING GOD. AND THAT’S IT. THAT’S THE FUCKING CHAPTER. WHYYYYY

EAT IT YOU PRICKS, I HOPE GIGANTOMACHIA FLATTENS YOU ALL INTO NEXT WEEK

Tomura looks so freaking sad, you guys. he’s just standing there completely still and he looks like he’s just completely destroyed emotionally

and he said he remembered everything!?! so what the shit am I supposed to do, Horikoshi?? my boy is just standing there with seven fucking fingers and one shoe and so caught up in his sad reverie that he’s seemingly oblivious to the fact that the long-awaited cavalry has finally arrived. kid is maybe 2-3 chapters away from finally triumphing over this bald Disney tree man who talks too much. and not only that, but he’s more than likely going to finally win Gigantomachia’s loyalty in the process. which in turn means he’ll have access to Ujiko and all of his resources

so in short, this boy is minutes away from becoming one of the deadliest and most powerful forces on earth... and I’m pretty sure that right now, at this moment, none of that matters to him one iota

you guys. so what does this mean for future developments?? I’m really going to need him to define “everything” ASAP, for starters. that’s a very vague statement, and its implications could mean the difference between us just having a sadder-than-usual Tomura from this point out, or a Tomura that’s sad but also realizing for the first time that there’s a lot about his past that doesn’t quite add up, or hell, even a Tomura that’s actually out for fucking vengeance against AFO. that last one seems like too big of a jump to happen right away, but dare I at least hope for the second option though? god that would just be the icing on the cake for this fucking perfect arc

now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go do some yoga or chant some mantras or something holy shit. this fucking manga

Any chance you could explain to this non-Brit how Boris Johnson went from Emily’s secret Tory crush and Draco’s genial uncle in blythely’s fic to actual Voldemort?

I will give it a red-hot go, with the caveats that it is very late in Sydney, I have managed to live on the other side of the planet for his entire political career and only crossed paths with media Boris and I am so enraged I have no interest in any notions of balance for balance’s sake.

Boris occupies a very particular place in British public life. He is a charming man, as even I will admit, and he is well read and gifted at Latin. That is the extent of the good I can say. When he is not doing anything important, that is enough: as a dinner guest, he would be entertaining. As an MC at a retirement function for a Classics professor, ideal. Cosplaying a mediaeval monk in a well-constructed LARP, utter perfection.

However, when it comes to actually doing useful things, the man is an incompetent buffoon whose only genuine talent is self-promotion. He was president of the Oxford Union, but widely considered useless in the role. He was sacked from his first media job for making up a quotation. He should have been sacked from his second media job for making up endless Euromyths (one of the few times I have agreed with John Major was on how much bullshit Boris wrote in his columns) and delivering nothing but blather in his political commentary. He not only flirted with Nationalist arses, he emboldened them and created a narrative for them. He was involved in a friend’s plan to beat up a journalist who had exposed said friend’s corruption, shagged far too many people he wasn’t married to (I’m all for shagging, but not for extended cheating on spouses) and was far more about celebrity than anything else, adding TV to his growing media gigs (NB editorial staff considered him over-rated, over-paid, and possibly an even bigger wanker than Giles Coren, which, when you consider Giles’s form (beautifully summed up in the linked blog), is damning).

In the early 2000s he finally succeeded in being elected as an MP. While nowhere near as good as cosplaying a mediaeval monk, MP was a fine position for him. He could be entertaining, he was kept ‘busy’ most of the time, he felt as though he was important without anyone taking anything he did the least bit seriously and his utter uselessness was covered up by the usefulness of other MPs, Peers and public servants. This is the Boris that appears in my For the Public Good and Blythely’s Corridors of Power, the affable uncle, who you might consider shagging if you were a particular type of girl and very, very drunk indeed.

Coralled in Westminster, the charm was highlighted and the damaging narcissism controlled. This was Boris’s Finest Hour. Alas, rather than doing the sensible thing and devoting his career to staunch backbenchering, a minor shadow ministry and then possibly ministry or two, and excellent late-career memoirs a la Alan Clark, he decided that he was The Great Man of our time and decided to set himself on a Churchillian pathway, which later included one of the worst biographies of recent decades on Winston himself (though, and here I will be fair, nothing like as lacking in all merit as Rees-Mogg’s The Victorians).

He won election as Mayor of London, where he came through on buses but nothing else, ran through at least one more marriage of his own, and reinvented himself as a major Eurosceptic, having previously treated the idea as good fodder for magazine columns (hastily cobbled together, often fictional, up to £5000 a pop columns, I remind you). He shouted a lot, but was, as my favourite Australianism has it, as useful as tits on a bull. This is the Boris that appears very thinly disguised as Draco’s boss in Little Red Courgette. He returned to being an MP before he finished his term as mayor, with a target on David Cameron, then Prime Minister.

Cameron himself won Prat of the Century when he basically announced a vote on Brexit rather than have an argument with Boris and co, Boris followed this up with more of what he does best: lies and self-promotion. Ironically, there was a bus involved: his one actual accomplishment bastardised with the lie that leaving the EU would return £350 million (I accidentally left of the million when I first published this, coincidentally making his lie something closer to the real figure) a week to the struggling NHS (struggling, like the police, thanks to Tory underfunding and gutting of support).

When the Brexiteers actually won, Cameron walked rather than deal with the mess he had created, and Boris balked at the prospect of running for leader, given the amount of thankless work on the horizon. He left Theresa May to struggle through three years of hopeless negotiations (not forgetting his hapless stint as Foreign Minister where he was most notable for getting a British charity worker convicted of spying in Iran) before feeling his time had come and destabilising her utterly to sweep the prize of the leadership from her hand. In his head, he may consider this having played a good long game. In actuality, he is about to take the country so far backwards so fast that it is possible he may actually end up meeting his hero Churchill in some sort of weird Doctor Who-ish time slip.

In a best-case scenario, his months as PM end so ignominiously that even his lack of shame is bested and he slinks off into a quiet retirement in Sardinia, reappearing in the headlines only as the victim of an exasperated girlfriend, who receives a lenient sentence given the circumstances. I would also accept crushed in a tragic wooden-box bus accident.

People draw parallels between Johnson and Trump and there is good reason for some of them. I will say that Boris is cleverer; I will also say that from his track record, this is almost impossible to tell.