Just some sleepy (and hungover) babies

I may have just drunk way too much wine and spent way too much time analysing hozier’s lyrics in reference to andreil

dean & john // william shakespeare - sonnet 35

i have this silly little image in my head of lila going back to the captain’s quarters after a night with the crew, all drunk and giggly like she was in acol, and climbing into kell’s lap and attempting to kiss every single one of his freckles. kell just accepts his fate and let’s her kiss his face 983838 times.

Thought about Lila's trauma and drinking as her copying mechanism to deal with her emotions (in relation to her relationship with Kell but also with Alucard) so I wrote a post because I had so much to say :)

Special mention to @bluecichlid because your comment under my Lila meets her father again fanfic inspired part of this post so thank you lol

tw: alcohol mention, tw: trauma mention, tw: anxiety mention

We know from bits here and there that Lila's father was an alcoholic and she often ran away from home and he didn't even notice. This forced Lila grow up fast and her needs were never met. Lila using her father's copying mechanism to avoid dealing with things (mostly emotionally related) is not surprising. No one taught her what in psychology is defined as "emotional literacy", which is the skill to understand/deal with emotions related to oneself and the outside world. She learned that by herself by trial and error and observation, but of course this human skill is also sharpened by interactions a person has with their caregiver(s) and with their peers, which help us regulate our emotions and act according to what society expects us to do. From the look of it, Lila doesn't seem to have had any meaningful relationships after she left her father for good. Barron was a fatherly figure to her but she never truly let him in. Then she met Kell, and her life began to change because he was the first person with whom she was able to make a deeper connection. Then came Alucard, with whom she equally shares a deep connection which is different from the one she has with Kell, and many many more. I only mention them because they are important for the discourse I'm making in this post.

Lila likes to drink as a way not to process her emotions and numb them, because she is avoidant and dismissive just like her caregiver used to be. Drinking is her response to trauma. It's Lila's favorite copying mechanism along with fighting (both physical and magical) to blow off steam. It's the quickest way to kick her emotions to the curb because they are too much and she isn't sure she can control them. She doesn't want to be crushed by them, which scares her (hence avoidant but she also wants to feel). But canon hints that Lila prefers to drink alone rather than with someone. She doesn't feel safe drinking with others because she doesn't want to lose control, so she tries not to exaggerate.

Lila's drinking in relation to Kell: trying not to think about him hurting in tftop + Kell rewiring Lila's past trauma into a good one

Her drinking is often emphasized after she goes or someone is going through something. For example in tftop, she goes with the crew to drink after the fight on the vessel where Kell gets hurt by his magic and she knows he needs to be alone. She tries to divert her feelings (being worried about Kell and wanting to comfort him but being unable to do so) by celebrating the mission the crew accomplished, but she ends up thinking about him anyway while she drinks by herself.

I mentioned this moment specifically because this is one of the moments in the series where Lila has a positive outcome linked to her drinking, and it rewires her past traumatic experience. When she returns to the ship after drinking, Kell is waiting for her. He pretends to be sleeping because he doesn't want to appear anxious when she's out at night, since she prides of her independence and knows how to take care of herself. But Lila knows that he is waiting and she has an ambivalent reaction to it. She is glad but she also thinks he doesn't need to do that because she doesn't need to be looked after. So Kell tries to meet her in between by pretending to sleep, knowing that he needs to trust her or his anxiety will eat him. Kell fears abandonment as much as Lila does, and by doing what her father never did, he gives her the safety she needs and whom she doesn't dare to ask for from him. She equally gives him the safety he needs when she returns safely into his arms at night.

The same happens in acol while they are on the Ghost. Lila drinks while she plays and loses her boots to Jasta, and Kell gives her his so she can have her boots back. They have a moment before the ship is attacked and Kell asks how much did she drink. Liquid courage makes her honest and she confesses she rarely drinks in company because she doesn't want to be caught unawares.

Drinking and having fun is a way to deal with everything happening (risking to die because of Osaron, Lila finally accepting her feelings for Kell/his feelings for her, dealing with her new identity as an antari). But she instantly sobers up once she realizes that they are all in danger and we see how quickly the adrenaline makes her react to the new situation.

Kell tries to help Lila relax after a bad drinking experience

Another moment I want to point out in relation to Lila, Kell and drinking is when Hastra gives Lila the tonic to make her sleep. Kell gets mad at Hastra for spiking her drink because he knows how much she would hate that because it was done against her consent. When they are in Verose in tftop, in fact, Lila doesn't seem to want to drink at first, but Kell encourages her by saying: "not everything is a trap," and she decides to trust him and tries to relax. It tugs at her heartstrings that he sees her and is learning and trying to silently support her when she doesn't even know she needs support. This is love.

Lila's drinking in relation to Alucard: he wants to get information out of her + he's also a sort of confidante to her

There are other moments where she drinks while she is with Alucard in agos and he's trying to find things about her while teaching her magic. However, when she drinks with him and the crew she is guarded, and she never drinks enough to lose control and never does things she would regret. Her drinking is calculated.

Lila also drinks with Alucard in tftop. Alucard jokes and says "I'm far more fun than Kell," when he asks Lila why she's there to drink. She agrees, but her mask slips because it's easier to show Alucard (who I consider Lila's bff) how she really feels. Lila doesn't openly say that she's worried about Kell but Alucard understands because he is good at observing people just like Lila. She also lets him in her plans to catch the Hand. Alucard was the only one who knew about Kosika, about the Hand meeting and more - things Lila didn't tell Kell. That's not casual. Lila confides in Alucard because he is a friend and because it's easier to talk to him than to confide in Kell, with whom she's romantically involved and was in a difficult moment at that point of the story. She precisely avoids to talk to him about this because she loves him too much and she doesn't want to burden him. She knows he would worry too much if she did, and she doesn't want to add that burden to the emotional baggage he's been carrying for years. It's Lila's way to protect Kell from potential harm.

I wanted to say more things but I said enough lmao. Thank you if you read so far and if you have thoughts, feel free to interact <3

i am so sorry

whenever i need a laugh or a smile i go back and watch the early bells hells episodes. like pre-bassuras was such an insane vibe for an adventuring party and the shit they got into? unparalleled. truly just a collection of guys doing shit and sometimes experiencing consequences. and then bassuras came down on them like the fucking sword of damocles. i hope that one day, when this is all over, bells hells will still travel, doing dumb shit and fucking around like they once did for lord ariks eshteross. i hope they find that peace once their questions are answered, but i don’t know if a quiet life is for them. i think they’d just continue on, continue to scheme, do incredibly chaotic shit for forever. just let them throw parties, root out government corruption and little shade creepers every once in a while, and pretend to be ghosts, that’s the proper bells hells post-campaign enrichment plan

Throughout Sweet Child, Hunter tries (and fails) to concentrate on his home life and impending parenthood as everything breaks around him.

He totally stumbles into the limelight all the time and becomes an unwilling fashion icon.

But the worst consequences might be that a recording of Hunter drunkenly singing Bitch by Meredith Brooks is now the most downloaded song in the entire Boiling Isles.

imagine being drunk

Imagine being drunk in at in the angels share

Imagine undr pulling up your shirt and whining it's too warm

Imagine being being lying in ventis arms in on a chair in the angels share

And he put his cape around you because you- pulled up your shirt you're basically hal'f naked

Imagine trying to pu pull the cape over your head violently becaus it's warm

Imagine venti desperately trying to pull the cape back down BECAUSE YOUR N HALF NAKED

Imagine looking at venti u angrily but then start smiling and mumble n "no i can't be mad at you: and lying back down only to repeat pulling upthe capr rinse repaet

Imagine going home drunk but venti is soberwith you

Happy birthday to our favorite bard 🎵 

This is also Venti the bard looking at the horrors in Venti the clown’s gallery

drugs?

actual photo of drunk lila ‼️

Venti: People in Mondstadt are the freest people in all of Teyvat! They don’t need their Archon to be happy, confident and strong.

Venti: They don’t need me, ehe C:

Traveler:

Venti:

Traveler: Do you.. Do you want to talk about it?

Venti: Yes, please C,:

RESULTS ARE IN!!!

The Genshin's Most Impactant 5⭐Competition Winner Is...

Venti!!!

In second place we have Wanderer and in third place Xiao!

Congrats anemo boys!!! And thanks for everyone who participated!

Tiefling Shin'ya doodles that I thought looked particularly good :3

teef

bonus scene from my campaign's last session:

In other news, my criminology professor spent the first twenty minutes of class today talking about toe sucking so that's fun (10% of my class admitted to sucking toes)

I needed to draw something personal for once so have a hot elf bard losely based off of @the-cytherean