Buzzkill

“I don’t want to go out for dinner, can’t we just order takeout?” I whined as I felt the warm air surround me. This was way better than the parking lot here. “Stop nagging, Sasuke, it is good to be outside the house now and again” Shisui said as he sat down. “In Sasuke’s defence, he did warn us that he was going to complain the entire way” Izuna said as he took his jacket off. I glared at Izuna from the corner of my eyes before rolling them. It was unfair how Izuna managed to look good every day of the week. “I heard this place has great pasta” Shisui said as he looked over the menu. “Like pasta is so hard to make yourself” I muttered. “Why don’t you go ahead and cook?” Shisui put the menu down. “Last time I made something edible, Madara threw it in the trash” I reminded him as I finally took my coat off.   “Hey, is that Naruto?” Izuna bumped my arm with his elbow. I looked up at the bar, seeing Naruto sat there, talking to some guy. “Yes, that is him” I said. “Why don’t we go say hello?!” Izuna leaned towards me, “See if he gets us something to drink” “He is not even allowed to drink” I noted. “Well, that gin and tonic in his hand says something else” Izuna pointed out before getting up. I guess if he felt obligated to go to the bar, so should I. “Would you like anything, Shi?” Izuna asked, but Shisui shook his head. “Hey, cutie!” Izuna shouted across the restaurant and if my eyes had the ability to set people on fire...Izuna would have been in flames by now. “Hey Zuna! Sasuke!” Naruto waved at us, putting his glass down. “Owh, right! It has been a while! How have you been?” I would have expected Izuna to just give a handshake like normal people, maybe a small nod, but instead of that he hugged Naruto tightly. “Aaah, let’s talk about...anything else but my crappy days” Naruto looked at me with a small smile. “Naru, aren’t you going to introduce us to them?” The guy next to him asked, looking at Izuna while I legit got ignored. “You are not important enough to introduce” Naruto joked. “I am sure this beauty is worthy of knowing his name” The guy said. “Aw, you are flattering me, the name is Izuna” Zuzu said, “And this is my little, cute, moody, brother, Sasuke”   “Eh, isn’t that like...uhm...the Samurai from the cigarette ad back in the 80’s?” The guy said as he snapped his fingers like he won a game of charades. “Yes, that the Samurai from the famous stories, he really existed…” It seemed the guy was an uncultured swine, “The famous novels...movies...it must’ve been mentioned in your primary history book...no?...nothing?...really?” I rolled my eyes. He was stupid as fuck. “Remember that famous book about the guy with the sword on the horse, wandering around the world?” Naruto asked and the guy nodded. “Oooaah that one!” He exclaimed, nodding too eagerly, “Hey, if you two have nothing to do tonight, maybe you would like to hang out with us?” It seemed ‘two’ turned into ‘one’ since the guy was looking at Izuna as if he was the only person in the entire restaurant. “Nah, I am already meeting with some friends” “Maybe I could tag along with you?” The guy offered, but Naruto punched his arm. “What about you?” He asked and suddenly it seemed I existed again. “No, Sasuke isn’t into that kind of stuff you do” “Me? Thought we were a team here, Uzumaki” The guy said, punching Naruto’s shoulder. “Right! He isn’t into the stuff we are in, better?” “Pfff, acting like you grew up, but you are the same piece of trash as you have always been, Naru” The guy joked, “Are you just gonna let that blond idiot call you a buzzkill?” “Don’t challenge him, Sasuke, really, this fucker only causes trouble” “That blondie takes you straight to jail, I swear” The guy suddenly remained quiet as it appeared if he was thinking deeply “Or to bed, it is either jail or bed, there is no inbetween” “I am not!” Naruto seems slightly embarrassed as he tried punching the guy with some weak ass punch, the guy easily dodged. “Oh right, there is also the backseat of the car and the toilet stalls” He laughed. I saw Naruto’s cheek turn slightly red, but for all I knew it was the alcohol. “Well, seems like you two know each other pretty well” Izuna grabbed the drink he ordered from the bartender, handing me the bottle of coke. “Speak to ya soon” Izuna said as he walked back towards our table. “Owh, he doesn’t even drink, you are right, Naruto, he ain’t no fun” The guy said, patting Naruto’s shoulder. I opened my mouth to say something, but I decided it wasn’t worth it after all. “I guess I will see you at school” I stated as I turned around to head back towards our table. “So what is the deal with that guy? You wanna bang him or what?” “No! Shut up!” I heard Naruto say with an anxious tone in his voice. “Why are you even being nice to such a weirdo?” “Do you have any idea how scary he can be? I saw him take down four adults...not to mention he has one brother that...is worst than my mother” Oxoxoxxoxo “Hey, Sasuke” Itachi opened the door to my room, naturally he never knocks when it comes to my room. I stood there in my boxer shorts, holding a tube of lotion. “What is it?” I asked, putting the lotion down. Don’t get the wrong ideas, I just got out of the shower. “I am going to bed, don’t stay up too late, alright?” Itachi said as he walked towards me and placed a kiss on my forehead. I gave him a rather pathetic smile. “Right” I said seeing Itachi leave the door open behind him. Why does he always do this to me? I put my shirt on before grabbing some sweat pants. I headed downstairs to watch a movie before heading to bed. I grabbed a bag of crisps from the kitchen and opened it, almost getting a heart attacking seeing Naruto standing in front of the window, waving while having his usual innocent smile on his face. He pointed at the direction of the door and I rolled my eyes putting the crisps on the table before opening the door. “It is midnight, why are you even here?” I asked, examining him from top to bottom. He didn’t seem drunk. “Say do you always leave the curtains of your room open?” He asked. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him confused. His face was red, probably from the cold, I guess I should invite him in. It seemed like the right thing to do. I opened the door wider. “Ah, actually I am here to apologise, I realised that what I said didn’t sound so nice” “It sounded like you find me a buzzkill, but….it is not like it bothers me”  Well, that was a lie. I have been thinking of it every 10 seconds to the minute. “It’s actually really cool how you aren’t bothered by little things, I admire that, oh, quick side note, the light to your room is on” “It is?” I took a step outside. It was almost amazing how I could even see the books and lotion on my desk from here. “You want to…come in?” I asked. “No, it is fine, I am going...well...yeah...I am going” “You can’t possibly have come all this way to just talk” I frowned. “Actually...I got a lot more than talk” He has this stupid grin on his face before rubbing his neck, looking awkwardly away. “Actually, I stopped by on my way to the casino” “Ah, right” I muttered. “See, I would’ve invited you to come with me, but…I just don’t think you would like it very much, y’know being an ex-cop and all, dattebayo” “What has me tagging along with my dad to do with this?” “Aah...how do I say this? Sometimes we do stupid things and...well, you are not stupid” “It really depends on the definition of stupid” I said. “Well...it is not like you would-” Naruto looked around him, “Steal a car, I don’t know” He said pointing at Itachi’s car. “True...I wouldn’t…” I said and reached for the drawer, “Because I would be borrowing the car” I said, spinning the keys around my fingers. I saw Naruto’s expression turn to an amused one . “The little princess of the Uchiha family is actually a bad boy” Naruto joked as he looked at the keys. “Who’s car is it anyway?” Naruto asked. He looked very tempted, as if he was holding back. “Itachi-nii’s” “Let’s get going then” He said as his eyes suddenly started to sparkle. I quickly put my sneakers on and grabbed my coat. “Let’s get going then” I threw the keys towards him and he caught it with both hands, almost dropping them, but he managed to hold it. I closed the door behind me. He gave me one last look to be absolutely sure if this wasn’t some trick or test. “What are you waiting for? You aren’t a buzzkill, are you?” I cocked my head a little, seeing a smirk appear on his face. “Like hell I am” Oxoxox “Dude, dude, you have all the space to parallel park here, what the hell are you driving up and down for?” I looked at the mirror to the back. “It is really more of an art-” “Art?!” My tone couldn’t be more ironic. Naruto suddenly hit the break and I turned my head towards him. “Alright, I don’t have my licence, so, if you can do a better job at it then I would be happy to let you take the wheel” He sounded annoyed, but in his defence, I was giving him shit about his parking skills so far. “Hey, my daddy wasn’t around to teach me” “Boo fucking ho, my mom taught me-” “Well...I don’t have a mother either” I interrupted him. “You are making it sound like an argument, dattebayo” He had another shot, and even though the car stood partly on the pavement. I guess it was the best that could do. “Don’t I get, like, a kiss for this great achievement?!” Naruto slammed the door behind him. I got out of the car. “Is it really an achievement?” I asked him. “It can count as one” Naruto walked towards me, “In my defence, my mother’s car is smaller” He wrapped his arm around me. “Hey, so what will you do if they ask for identification?” I asked as we approached the door, I could see two guys standing there in black. “You are gonna use those beautiful, blue eyes” I frowned. “I don’t have blue-” I stopped talking when I saw Naruto smile. “They won’t ask you” “What makes you so sure?” I wasn’t so engaged in the conversation that we were already walking inside. “Hey, Naruto” Both said and gave him a nod. “Because I am here” Naruto said and I had to admit...that was pretty cool and yet there were so many questions appearing in my head. “If it ain’t our fox!” I could see the guy from the restaurant and I wasn’t surprised seeing him with beer. “You remember Sasuke” Naruto indicated to me and I didn’t say anything. I don’t give two shits about that dude. “Nice meeting you” The girl said and winked at me. “Hey, hey~” The guy almost screamed, he was probably tipsy. He grabbed twenty bucks from his wallet and put it on the table before grabbing the empty beer bottle and putting it upside down the twenty bucks, “Whoever managed to get the money from under the bottle, without touching the bottle, gets the keep the money” “That doesn’t seem that hard” The girl said. “I tried it, it is impossible”  Naruto added. “That is what you said when you tried to put together an Ikea desk chair” I said. The girl leaned in pulled the money away, but the bottle fell. “Damn it, it harder than it looks” She commented. “Let me try” Naruto asked when the girl put the bottle upside down on the money. “It can’t be done” The guy said, leaning back in the chair. “Can I try?” I leaned in the table. “It can’t be done” The guy repeated, “But if you can do it, go ahead, if it works I’ll buy you beer” “I am more of a scotch guy” “I ain’t going to buy you any overpriced scotch, you prick” The guy said. I looked at the bottle and suddenly I had this moment...this...epiphany. I leaned in the tabled and started rolling up the money, making me able to get the twenty from under the bottle without dropping it. “Somebody is getting me a beer” I said, holding the twenty. There was a moment of silence at the bat table. “Here, get yourself a snack” I leaned over the table and put the twenty in the guy’s shirt as if he was a stripper. “I feel...pretty dumb…” The guy groaned and tried to catch the attention of the bar tender. “New challenge!” The girl said, grabbing the guy’s empty beer bottle and a card from the table, she put the card on one bottle before putting the other upside down on the first one. “Remove the card without making the bottle fall” I extended my hand, my first instinct was to pull, but I couldn’t reach so I just flicked my fingers and the card flew on the table. “You owe me a beer” I said, seeing the girl and Naruto both look at the card with their mouths open. “New challenge!” Naruto grabbing a nickel from his pocket. “Put the card on the glass and balance the coin on it” “If I do it...I want scotch this time” I said grabbing the beer from the guy taking a sip. “Two?” The guy asked, as he looked at girl, putting the second beer on the table. “There is no way you can balance a coin on card...on a glass...” The guy frowned slightly. I wasn’t good in physics, but...I knew that was impossible. I leaned back and looked at the card and coin, taking another sip before looking at the beer. I poured the beer in the glass, filling it up all the way to the top. I put the card on it so half of it was on the liquid. I then put the coin on the other side of the card and I swear I never knew I would ever in my life use school knowledge outside of school...but here I was. “I am so done, doonneee~” Naruto didn’t believe his eyes, it is like he saw a brand new colour he had never seen before. “Done!” He shouted walking away. I chuckled. “Fuck me, that is smart!” I heard somebody suddenly shout behind me. “New challenge!” Some random person walked up to me; and so the evening which was supposed to be spent with my bae was filled with challenges involving mostly beer bottles and every challenge was rewarded with another alcoholic beverage and at a certain point...I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore, but everything I heard “OOOOOOHHHH” I knew I would get another drink. “Last challenge!” Some person shouted. “I think I drank enough” I couldn’t count the bottles in front of me anymore. I was seeing double so I poked my own eyes to see if my lenses were still in my eyes or not. “I bet you fifty bucks!” “Fuck yeah!” I was pretty eager trying to get up that I almost fell backwards if it weren’t for Naruto grabbing my arms. “Dude, I was gone for thirty minutes, dattebayo!” His voice was so loud, it almost appeared to me he was scolding me. “Who that?” I wasn’t indicating to Naruto, but to the chick standing next to him. So, that is where he went? Was...he banging the chick in the bathroom? Who needs thirty entire minutes for that?! Wait, has it been thirty minutes? No, it has been one and a half hour! Was this some new youth slang I haven’t come across on the internet? “What the hell?! Did you drink all of that?! You were the same guy that got drunk from two light beers!” Naruto suddenly tightened his grip around my arms, “Stop trying to climb over me” Oh right...I was trying to win another bet. “I am providing for our kids!” I shouted, pulling myself away from him. “I am sure they aren’t very happy with you being drunk off your ass, dattebayo!” “Are we having this fight again!?” I grabbed Naruto’s collar, “Fight me, mate!” His eyes widened in surprise and I smiled leaning my head on his shoulder. “Fucking asshole…” I muttered before kissing his cheek. “Whatever you did in the bathroom, I can do it twice as good” “What?!” Naruto pulled me away, “Did you guys gave him any drugs?” “Stop being a buzzkill” I pushed him, so he was forced to take a step back. I needed a few seconds to get my head to stop spinning. I almost tripped forwards, but I regained my balance. I cupped Naruto’s cheek. “Why don’t you go and wait in the backseat of the car? Be pretty and I will be there to do you in like five minutes, alright? Daddy is slaying these bets right now” I heard some whistling in the back. I was grabbing some cash that I won and put it in his shirt, “Buy yourself something pre-” I yelped and it took longer than I am proud of to realise Naruto threw me over his shoulder.   “Baby, no! I wanna make more money, we can fuck later! Why are you so eager?! This is making me nauseous, Narutoooo!” I gave up and just hung there while he walked towards the car. “I am so disappointed in you, dattebayo!” Naruto finally let me go. He opened the car door and I looked at the car door before looking at him. “So...your place, my place, motel?” I asked. “Step in!” He hissed. I didn’t realise how hot he could be when he is being all protective. I smirked and looked ahead of me while he sat down. “Seatbelt” he said, but I folded my arms. “Are we really going to do this?” Naruto asked. “Make me, hottie” I dared him. He rolled his eyes before reaching for my seatbelt. I protested. I suddenly get why Naruto could be so annoying from time to time...it was fun. “Sasuke!” He said with a warning voice after a good 3 minutes of trying. I remained still and he leaned over me and reached for my seatbelt. I suddenly grabbed his face between my hand and leaned into whisper in his ear,“I kinda like how you say my name so pissed off” “Then you are going to love the drive home” Naruto pulled away. “Buzzkill” I whispered. I allowed him the fasten the seatbelt. I turned my head to him trying to find the keys. “Naruto” I repeated his name several times, but he only reacted annoyed after 5 good minutes. “Wanna fuck?” “Not when there is chance of you puking on me” He answered. “I won’t!” I immediately said, “I am like...a very...very good boy” I pouted and I saw him look at me from the corner of his eye. “No, you are not” Naruto said, “I took my eyes off you once and you got wasted” “In that case, I am a very bad boy” I whispered and he laughed. I frowned before taking the seatbelt off. “Oi!” Naruto sounded frustrated. I crawled to the back seat. “What? Did I piss you off?” I smirked, “Maybe I need to get punished” “I knew you were a horny drunk, but...where is the are the kinks coming from?” “You know I have parent issues” I was struggling taking my pants off. “Sasuke, what are you doing?” Naruto shook his head, looking at me through the mirror. “I am getting naked” I stated. “Why?” “Because…fuck?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “At least during Halloween you were making an effort, trying to make it sexy-” He stopped talking the moment he opened his eyes and turned his head towards me, “So those clothes were off fast, dattebayo!” “Wanna take my boxer briefs off with your teeth?” I winked. “Is that even a ques-” He suddenly shook his head and turned his head away from me, “Sasuke, wear your clothes you are going to catch a cold!” “Heat me up then!” I opened my arms like he was about to come here and hug me anytime. “...You are really…” Naruto sighed. “Want me to sit on your lap? Naruto~” I sat up and pouted not getting a response from him. “You know what, Sasuke? If you can sit still for twenty minutes while I drive, I am sure I will reward you” “Rewards me?” I scratched my cheek, but gave in. “Want me to get busy in the back-” “NO, SIT STILL AND DO NOTHING!” Naruto shouted. There was definitely something wrong with me because I felt more excited now. He grabbed the keys and a silence emerged in the car “That is, like...uhm...an order” He added. “I am so horny, Naruto” I sat up and crawled back in the front seat. “If I give you my jacket, will you wear that?” He asked. “Baby, if you give me that sweater that will be the only thing I am wearing” I whispered, leaning towards him. “Take it” He took his jacket off and gave it to me. I put it on and while he was driving off I took the liberty of taking my underwear off. “Catch” “Dattebayo!” Apparently the sudden flying pair of boxers on the wheel scared him. I laughed. “No, bad Sasuke! Put it on, or put your pants on, put something on-” “I said I would wear your jacket” I whispered in his ear, biting his earlobe softly. “Sasuke, I am driving” He swallowed. “Stop” I said, kissing his jawline, “Let’s do it in the car” I whispered, my hand on his lap, moving towards his crotch. I could hear a loud siren and I frowned. “Shit!” Naruto hissed and I sat down, sticking my head out of the window to see a police car while Naruto stopped the car. “Hey, daddy is home!” “NO!” Naruto pulled me back in my chair. “Just...behave!” He was way too serious, but I guess if he could see the connections I had he will have to fuck me. The officer tapped on his window and Naruto rolled it down, smiling kindly. That bitch was stealing my man! “Licence and registration please” The cop said. “Uhm...Of course” Naruto turned his head to me, giving me some sort of look. Maybe he was trying to tell me something...but I didn’t know what he was trying to say? “Oooh!” I nodded before looking at Naruto, winked at him before looking at the cop. “Officer...Officer” I said leaned over Naruto’s lap so I got closer to the officer. I slapped his face, causing him to back off and give me a shocked look. I rolled the window back up. “They see me roolliinnggg~ they’re haatttinnnggg~” I sang hearing Naruto sigh loudly. “Fucking put me in prison already, dattebayo” He whispered. “Sir, get out of the car, now!” The office shouted, ramming his fist on the door. “Sasuke...just work with him” Naruto said. “Oh no, sweetie” I cupped his cheeks, “You stay here and let me handle this” I pushed the door open and it almost hit the officer. “Owh damn” The officer looked away, “You are not fully dressed” “Sir, identification” the cop I slapped walked towards his partner. “Listen...I know like...your bo-” I felt like I had to burp, but it wasn’t air...I had to vomit. I leaned forward and let it out, not able to hold it in. I heard one officer laugh while the other was cursing. I leaned against the car. “Okay...I might be drunk” I looked up at the cop. “Fuck me…” Ooxoxoxo “A stolen car, driving without licence and underage drinking!” The officer hissed, closing the door behind us. “And public urination” The other said. “What?” Naruto looked at me. “I really needed to go…” I pulled the jacket slightly down, where was my underwear…Oh right…in the car. “Can we at least get some water or coffee so he can sober up, dattebayo?” Naruto looked at the officer. “Sleep is the best way to sober up” “My brother is a lawyer and he said that you can’t strip us from basic human needs, that included toilets and water-” “Well, the lawyer ain’t here!” “I know your boss!” I shouted, wrapping my hand around the bars, “And I will file for 204 civilian complain and you will have like a serious long talk in 2 months!” “How do you know about civilian complain 204?” “Yo mama told me-” “Sasuke, enough!” Naruto pulled me away, “We just sit here until we can use the phone, I will call my cousin, he owes me big time, he will bail us out” He pushed me on the couch. “My butt is cold” I whispered. “Nobody told you to take your boxer briefs off, dattebayo!” Naruto slightly pulled his hair. “Kid, I don’t wanna crush your dreams...but we have to notify the car owner” “That is my brother!” I looked up at the cop, “Fuck...we are gonna die, Naruto” I added. “One time, Madara and I were hungry and we took his car and we accidently dropped the food like...dude...it was everywhere, anyway...no...that was my dad! That was my dad’s car!” I laughed. “And that wasn’t Madara...that was my mom” I gasped dramatically. “Sasuke, why don’t you go sleep a bit while I try figuring out...what I’m going to tell Itachi” “He won’t press charges, no worries”I leaned my head on his shoulder, “I make sure he doesn’t because that means he will press charges against me...it was my idea, you did nothing wrong” “I shouldn’t have called you a buzzkill, dattebayo” I felt Naruto’s hand pat my cheek, “Try to sober up, alright?” “How did the gays got in jail? I thought it was legal now or something” A woman suddenly spoke up. That was the moment I realised we were not alone. “We stole his brother’s car, drove around, he got drunk, I tried to bring him home, police came...he slapped the cop…” “I slapped him and his mother!” I shouted. “Sssh...” Naruto pressed his finger against my lips. “And then I peed…I peed against my brother’s car…it is mine now” “Sasuke, this is not national geographic, dattebayo” Naruto sighed. “He is moody because we haven’t fucked in the car yet” I whispered. The woman nodded understanding. “Car sex is the best” She winked. “What are you in for?” I asked. “Possession of heroin” She said. “What?! No, you are the story of your own life, you are a heroine” “Wrong heroin...Sasuke, dattebayo” Naruto sighed. “An anti-heroine?” I looked confused at Naruto who shook his head and set back. He opened his arm and I took it and rested my head on his chest. I could feel his hand pull the jacket slightly down. “What are you in for?” I asked the man next to the woman. “I sell crack to teens” “We are teens” I grabbed Naruto’s shirt. “I guess I am a total asshole now?” The man said and I shook my head. “No, no!” I let go of Naruto and pointed my finger at the man like I was scolding him. “Good people do bad things, that doesn’t make them bad people! Am I a bad person?” I asked the four other people in the jail. They remained quiet. “Exactly! And I…” I looked at Naruto before leaning in and whispering, “I killed a man” I pushed my finger against my lips so they knew it was a secret. “But it doesn’t make me a bad son of a bitch...because my mom wasn’t a bitch, she was a psychopath, totally different things, she was a good mother! But...she did try to kill me” I sighed and sat back, “But fuck that! You are a good man! You go sell that crack to those teens!” “Sasuke, no!” “Sasuke, yes! I will buy some from you even!” I shouted and stood up. “We might be lost in society’s eyes, but fuck them! We are awesome! And not fucking buzzkills!” “I will never ever insult you in my life again knowing this is the result…” Naruto remained quiet before frowning, “You are very bad at sex” He suddenly spoke up. “Oh, hold up!” I looked at Naruto, “Hoe, you don’t know the half of the shit I am actually willing to do!” I sat back down and lean in to whisper in his ear, “I have like...A very...very wet mouth” “I know...I kissed you...remember?” Naruto wrapped his arm around me, trying to keep me seated. “You know what we should do...we should escape-” “No!” Naruto immediately protested. “Then we should party in here and show them jail has nothing on us! It is time for an-” I jumped up, “EPIC RAP BATTLE!” “Sasuke, stop jumping!” Naruto grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him before lowering the jacket. “Don’t worry, don’t worry” I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips, “I won’t lose, I am really good! I can take any of you!” I said and started beatboxing. “Kid is not bad” The man stood up,”What the hell? I have nothing to do anyway” The man said and started rapping. “Owh Sasuke, you wanna back out?” Naruto asked. “Bitch, I have watched 8 Miles twice! Gimme a beat!” I pointed at Naruto who chuckled before starting beatboxing. “You call that a rap? Bitch, you sounding like a sap; It ain't shocking that you're so slow, Cause yours lines got no flow; Your nasty breath and balding head, No wonder no one goes in your bed; Who'd fuck a sad little slob? No hooker is gonna do that job; You wanna hear the truth right now? Ya mama is a big fat cow; Oh? And how do I know? Cuz I bend her over and give her a show; Now imma give you some advice, Consider this me being nice; Next time you in Konoha? Don't mess with the motherfucking Uchiha” I pretended to hold a mic and drop it. “Oooohh he got you!” The others shouted. “UCHIHA WAITFORIT SASUKE!” “There is only one person in the world that called me by my full name” I turned my head to the bars seeing Itachi stand there with Shisui. “Nailed it, princess!” Shisui said, but Itachi punched his arm causing Shisui to clear his throat, “I am deeply disappointed” “I knew it, whenever there is trouble, you are involved” Itachi pointed at Naruto. “I am deeply disappointed” Shisui added. Itachi looked at Shisui. “You got nothing else?” Itachi asked. “It is four in the morning...I got nothing…” Shisui sighed. “Lucky for you two, they paid your bail...and no charges pressed” The officer said. “He slapped me in the face, puked on me shoes and peed on a car” The officer looked at Itachi. “Uzumaki Naruto, wait till your father hears about this” Shisui said. “Ohw, that is fine” Naruto said. “And your mother!” Itachi hissed “I am going to die” Naruto let his head hang. “Actually...guys...I am the one who did this” I said, biting my lower lip. “You reek of alcohol, did he make you drink!?” Itachi quickly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Actually...I drank and he is...he is sober” I said. “Where are your clothes?” Shisui took his coat off, wrapping it around me. I hissed. “Well…they are in Itachi’s car, I..I got warm” I lied. “But Naruto was the one who like...insisted on going home after finding out I had some drinks, so...it was all me” I admitted. “This isn’t like you at all” Itachi grip tightened around my arm. “I didn’t want to be a buzzkill” I sighed, “I just wanted some fun” I looked up, putting up a pouting and innocent face. “You stole my car, got drunk, got naked, slapped an officer, puked on an officer, peed on my car and went to jail...in one night! You...you wish you had died when I am done with you” Itachi pulled me by the arm. Well, fun was over. “Come with us, we are going to drive you home” Shisui said, giving Naruto a small push in the right direction. “Are you really going to tell my mom, dattebayo?” Naruto asked. Shisui didn’t answer and just sighed. “Hey, I appreciate you took care of him, it must have been really-” “Hard? Oh, it was terribly hard and it was so hard I swear it would rip out of my pants” Shisui frowned and looked confused. Naruto swallowed, “We…we were talking different kinds of hard…dattebayo…” Oxoxoxoxox *next morning* “Fucking kill me already!I I can’t...I can’t!” I laid on the rug, hugging my knees and trying to hide my face. “No...you did this...you have to suffer and learn from the pain” Itachi said, rewinding the video his dashcam recorded last night. I could see myself on the screen again, drunk as I could possible be, trying to seduce Naruto. I looked like a fucking idiot, I am a fucking idiot. “Don’t you have to go to work or something!” I shouted. “Nope...we are going to do this all day” he said, crossing his legs. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” Madara entered the living room. “Shaming Sasuke” Itachi said it with a smirk spread across his face. Oxoxox special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing and for the awesome rap they wrote for this one shot oxoxoxo

The Amazing Uchiha bruhs

Story list!

Beginning!

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6 chapter 7 chapter 8 chapter 9 chapter 10 chapter 11 chapter 12 chapter 13 chapter 14 chapter 15 chapter 16 chapter 17 chapter 18

Episodes! (Start from bottom and then go up)

Pancakes

Buzzkill

In the closet

MockTrail

sick

AA

Family Therapy 1

The criminal

Madara’s dare

Body shot

Childhood story 3

Childhood story 2

Childhood story 1

Black Eye

Bang Crush 

Stripper Sasuke

Fuck buddies

Glory hole

Itachi’s Booty

Loving Madara

Dinner (New Years)

Confession(New Years)

Dirty Talk (New Years)

Re-enactment Lion-king

Madara’s birthday part1

Madara’s birthday part 2

Pokemon love(dream)

The Broken Flute

Halloween part 2

Halloween part 1

Naruto’s seventeenth Birthday part 2

Naruto’s seventeenth Birthday part 1

Banana bread

Brats

The mug

Itachi VS Naruto

Locked outside

ItaSuké

Pokemon Go

Seventeenth birthday part 6 (final)

Seventeenth birthday part 5

Seventeenth birthday part 4

Seventeenth birthday part 3

Seventeenth birthday part 2

Seventeenth birthday part 1

Showing Madara affection

The truth behind Itachi’s forehead poke

Shameful sins

Utakata

Sumo’s death

Future plans

Sleep over

Aniki

Brother fight 1

The cinema story

16th birthday  part 2

16th birthday part1

Niisan, help me study

Setting a date up

Wearing a cute onesie

My sunflower

Animal story

Uchiha hair

Showing Itachi affection

Deidara burned the kitchen

Naruto’s new hairstyle

The switch

When I was 14

Kiss

Drugs

Xmas 2016

Rain TV and movies

Therapist part 2

Losing Pride

Shisui’s Birthday

48 hours

Halloween

P.E

The video chat

Naruto’s birthday

The lost baby

Nah

Gangsta Tobirama

Frog licking

The dentist

Bad panic attack

Uchiha Obito part 1

Itachi cooking

Law Firm Party

First Aid lesson

Bathroom

Forgiving Karin

Mall+ Izuna

Kissing Madara

Pranking Zuna

Long drive

Madara being nice

School project with Shino

Wanting to watch a movie

Take the Chicken out of the freezer

Fucking school

Water guns

Grocery shopping

My parents’ love story

Show me your snake

Baby sitting Senjus

Blood donation

Filler

Sakura’s dare

Closet 

Dating Naruto?!

Itachi beating Orochimaru

Feeling neglected

P.E showers

Gaara + Ice cream

Kiba’s dog

Bring your pet to school

Trampoline

Bitch flirting with BAE

Deep conversations

Sakura-chan’s stalker

Madara’s boner

Kakashi for dinner

House party

Secret lover

Naruto meeting the brothers

Trip to Suna with Naruto

Obito’s show

Caught Naruto with someone who isn’t me

Naruto asked me out

Sick niisan

Puppy?

My little Pony

Painters competition

Kicking Neji’s ass

Drunk Itachi

Sugar

Disney world

Making out with Naruto

Naruto’s old crush

Kissing Tobirama

Shisui marriage

A little sister

Cousin in town

Going to work with Shisui

NaruGaa

Getting drunk with Zuna

Obito humming Barbie Girl

Hinata asking Naruto out!

Brothers discovering my crush

Bored with Zuna

Killing Obito

flirting co-workers

Interrogating Naruto

Hashimada

Caught masturbating

First period

First of all, love your blog. Second, what does Madara do for living? Better question, what is the profession of everyone in the Uchiha family?

Thank you for liking my blog.

Ah well every Uchiha. I will give u the main fam and not the side family like aunts and uncles that they don't interact with a lot.

Fugaku Uchiha -Chief of police in Konoha city.

Madara Uchiha - CEO of Uchiha Cooperation. His (now) ex wife also runs a big company.

Itachi Uchiha is a doctor in the emergency room. His wife, Izumi, is a homemaker.

Shisui Uchiha is is corporate law attorney. His wife, Kurenai, is a banker.

Izuna Uchiha works as a kindergarten teacher, but he just does it to make rent and support his 'artist' career for the past decade. He switches jobs a lot too. He really thinks of himself as a guy that lives in the moment.

Sasuke Uchiha is a homicide detective and his husband, Naruto, is a middle school art teacher.

Yeah tbh this should probs look familiar given I used to run the AmazingUchihaBruhs blog and never really changed their jobs.

Mock Trail

Nothing was better than a quiet Saturday afternoon wasted by watching  Netflix with freshly made popcorn on your lap. My head was leaning on Itachi’s chest and damn was I glad he was wasting his Saturday the same way as I did. I snuggled closer to him. Damn, I wished time could stop for a second.

“Bye guys, see ya tonight-”

“Hold up” I felt Itachi push me away. Damn it, I jinxed the moment!

“Where are you going?”

Izuna looked at me before looking back at Itachi.

“Tennis court…” He said.

“And you are taking my car?” Itachi stated, seeing his car keys in Izuna’s hand.

“Yes, but you said as long as mine is in the garage, I could use yours” Izuna looked a bit annoyed by whatever Itachi was trying to get to.

“I did, but I expect you to be respectful towards my stuff and careful” Itachi stood up from the couch and I felt like I needed to keep my guard up and jump in when they would rip each other’s clothes off, but thinking of that idea actually sounded more interesting than watching Orange is the New Black for the fourth time.

“Wow, wow, wow…I am” Izuna said, resting one hand on his hip. OOOH, the bitch mode was turned on.

“Somebody who would have been careful wouldn’t have scratched my car”

“Scratched?!” Izuna scoffed, “It had nothing wrong with it when I drove it home from the mall” Itachi grabbed Izuna’s face and looked him right in the eye, even going so far as to point a small light at each eye.

“You want me to send you to an eye doctor?” He cocked his head and damn did he sound like a first class bitch.

“My eyes are fine! Unlike your split ends” Izuna pointed at Itachi’s hair.

“Ooohh, no, he, didn’t” I threw a piece of popcorn up, catching it in my mouth while the argument got more and more heated.

“Hey…hey!” Shisui came in between them and I rolled my eyes. I guess the show was over.

“What’s up?” Madara asked leaning against the door frame. Both of them started explaining the situation. “Shut up!” Madara regretted ever asking.

“Izuna scratched niisan’s…Niisan-” I lost my shit to that joke. I laughed so hard for a minute before the living room was dead quiet.

“I didn’t scratch it!” Izuna frowned at Itachi.

“So the car grew some nails and scratched itself!”

“SCIENCE!” Izuna threw his hands in the air.

“It is really isn’t…” I was the only one to speak up, “Just admit you caused the scratch and get it over with”

“Hey, what if he really didn’t?” Madara suggested

“This calls for one thing” Shisui smiled when he looked at Madara.

“Fight to the death!” Madara suddenly seemed excited

“No! We agreed we don’t do that because it will give Sasuke an unfair advantage” Shisui said, “I was going to say a mock trial!”

“Fine!” Izuna said.

“Fine!” Itachi said, “I will take first pick, Sasuke!”

“You choose me to represent you?! Do you finally trust me that much?!” I felt honoured.

“No, I know you have seen 5 seasons of Suits, so I am trusting your Netflix abilities on this” Itachi was brutally honest.

“…I’ll take it” I said.

“Then I will call my lawyer!” Izuna grabbed his phone.

“You have an hour to prepare your cases” Shisui stated.

Oxoxoxxo

“Izuna, where is your lawyer? Will you be representing yourself?” Shisui asked, sitting on a stool behind a cupboard…yes…my family is weird. We take mock trials very seriously.

“He will be here any minute now, said lawyer had a game around noon” Izuna explained, giving me glare.

“If your lawyer isn’t here in five minutes then-”  The doorbell rung and I shared a look with Itachi.

“Your hair looks nice” Itachi ran his fingers through my hair.

“Niisan! I am a lawyer now” I pouted slightly.

“My lawyer arrived!” My eyes widened seeing Izuna drag Naruto through the door.

“Son of a bitch” I hissed.

“If Itachi is gonna put Sasuke against me, then I am gonna put Naruto against Sasuke!” Izuna sat down on the couch and pulled Naruto with him. “Why are you wet?”

“Because I took a shower after my game”

“Did you win?” Shisui asked genuinely interested.

“Yeah, dattebayo!” Shisui high fived him, “Next week, semi-finals”

“Of all of the idiots to choose…” Itachi shook his head by the sight of Naruto. “You can win this, right?”

“I didn’t watch five seasons of Suits for nothing” I said, “I did it for entertainment”

“So, this is the trial about the scratched car; Itachi claims Izuna had scratched his car and Izuna denies, whomever is on the stand is under oath” Shisui grabbed the album of embarrassment. AKA the photo album with all our baby nudes in them. “I am the judge, Madara is typing everything down, Naruto is Izuna’s lawyer, Sasuke is Itachi’s, who wants to begin with their opening statement?”

“I wil!” I stood up from behind the coffee table.

“You dressed up for this?!” Naruto looked surprised.

“Naruto, shut the fuck up” Shisui said from behind the cupboard.

“We take mock trials very seriously” Izuna whispered.

“I should have known this is one of the Uchiha things you guys do…I gotta get used to this-”

“You don’t, you can leave, Izuna, I will pay a real lawyer if you just let that blondie leave”

“Never, he bugs you and that is why he is my lawyer!” Izuna wrapped both arms around Naruto and damn did I want to break his arms.

“Order in the court!” Shisui’s plastic hammer made a squeaky noise when he hit it on the cupboard.

“Sasuke” Shisui made a sign with his hand for me to begin.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-”

“Sasuke there is no jury, there is only me” Shisui interrupted me.

“Your honour” I quickly changed my words, “Are we really going to waste our Saturday giving a guilty man a chance to abuse our justice system? We have come to know Izuna as a rather big imbecile, there is even a big change he scratched the car himself and forgot about it, what I am trying to say is that…Izuna is guilty, if he wasn’t…why would he be trying to piss my client off by making Naruto his lawyer? Someone we all know is not on my client’s best side, Izuna, I speak for all of us when I say…just tell the truth and don’t make it worse on yourself”

“Powerful statement” Shisui said before looking at Naruto, “Naruto?”

“Your honour, my client is young, but he is not reckless, unlike the opposing counsel-”

“Objection, he is jumping to conclusions” I said, standing up.

“He is right” Shisui said looking at Naruto.

“Owh Sasuke, I was getting to that” Naruto walked towards his bag and grabbed a file. “My client has his driver’s license since he was nineteen. He is twenty-one now and has never once broken a traffic law or claimed money from the insurance company. As for Itachi… “He opened the file, “Parking tickets, driving through red lights, you hit your car three times on the same pole and you bumped against a parked car not once, not twice, but six times” he closed it before throwing it on the coffee table.  “It appears to me Itachi scratched the car and is trying to push the blame to my client, now, I am not saying that Mr Uchiha is doing this out of embarrassment or out of mere hatred for his only two years younger brother…but I know…my client is willing to settle…for 90”

“90 bucks?” I looked at Izuna.

“90 thousand, dattebayo” Naruto said.

“What?!” Both Itachi and I said. I looked through the file Naruto had put on our table.

“Hey…law school is very expensive”  Naruto had a cocky smile before sitting down.

“Objection!” I stood up, “There are legitimate police records here, he can’t possibly have required this information in a legal way and therefore counts as invalid”

“Who says I got them illegally? A little birdy dropped them on my doorstep” Naruto said.

“I’ll allow it” Shisui said.

“Son of a bitch…” I heard Itachi hiss. He grabbed his phone.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Calling a real lawyer!” He shouted, I slapped the phone out of his hands.

“Oh, it is war!” I shouted.

“I call to the stand! Uchiha Izuna!” I said. Izuna stood up and sat on the ground next to the stool. “Yeah, yeah I swear on my naked baby pics I will tell the truth and nothing but the truth” Izuna put one hand on the album.

“Izuna, did you borrow my client’s car while yours was in the garage?”

“Yes” Izuna said.

“And is it true that your car got in the garage because there was something wrong with the battery?”

“Yes”

“Then tell me…what exactly happened to the battery?”

“It broke”

“How? And let me remind you…you are under oath”  Izuna glared at me before rolling his eyes.

“Because it was drained, dude, I am not a technician” Izuna hissed.

“The battery drained, how? Did you keep the lights of the car on for the entire weekend even though Itachi told you the lights of your car were on, but you…forgot about it?”

“…Yes…”

“You are quite chaotic, Izuna, your room is, your car is…your head is, what makes you think that you didn’t do it? Are you afraid to get in trouble? After everything Itachi has done for you don’t you think…deep inside…you know…it was you-”

“Objection, he is trying to guilt trip my client” Naruto stood up.

“I was merely questioning his mental state”

“You weren’t questioning, you were accusing, his mental state can only be evaluated by a profession AKA my dad!”

“He is right” Shisui said. I sighed.

“Last question, do you think Itachi scratched his own car just to scold you?”

“No, but-”

“It was a yes or no question, I don’t need anything else, no more questions” I sat down. Now it was Naruto’s turn.

“Izuna, when was the last time you borrowed the car?” Naruto asked.

“Yesterday, to go to the mall” Izuna answered.

“When you parked the car, did you see a scratch?”

“No”

“After?”

“I don’t recall…”

“Objection-”

“On what ground?!” Naruto turned around to look at me

“I don’t recall is the answer of a guilty person!” I sat back down.

“Denied, continue Naruto” Shisui said.

“When the car was in the garage, did you…or did you not…scratch it?” Naruto asked.

“I didn’t” Izuna said.

“See…he is innocent, let’s stop blaming the little man for our own mistakes” He looked at Itachi, “No further questions”

“Alright…nice ass-essment of the case,” I clear my throat, “My client is a penny” I stated, getting up from behind the coffee table.

“Why is that?” Shisui asked.

“Because he is…in a cent” I said and I swear I heard a grasshopper in the room. I cleared my throat .”I like to call Itachi on the stand” Niisan got up and sat next to the cupboard, doing the same oath as Izuna.

“Niisan, when was the last time you drove your nisan?” I chuckled at my joke again.

“A few days ago” Itachi said.

“Was there a scratch?” I asked.

“No”

“So, if that scratch came between yesterday and today, and you didn’t drive the car…that means somebody else has, meaning the scratch was not made by my client, no further questions, your honour” I sat back down when Naruto got up.

“Itachi…Itachi…” Naruto walked around the living room, “Is is true you never really liked Izuna-”

“Objection, that is personal” I said.

“Sasuke is right” Shisui said.

“Let me rephrase, Itachi, have you ever tried pushing the blame to somebody else before? And I want you to think deeply…let me remind you…you are under oath”

“Probably, I am not sure-”

“You are not sure, like you are not sure about scratching the car-”

“Objection, he is personally attacking my client” I said.

“I was merely suggesting…” Naruto said.

“Be nicer” Shisui said.

“Itachi, you might not have been driving the car…but what is stopping you from scratching it with a key…or…another car? Say there is an emergency at the hospital…whose car did you take?”

“Madara’s”

“Owh, the other car in the garage, that garage…it is pretty small to fit two cars, one being yours…the other being Madara’s” Naruto remained quiet, “For somebody who can’t park for shit, that could have some troubles…maybe…scratching a car?”

“Objection, if nii-san would even have driven Madara’s car, it would mean Madara’s car was scratched too”

“It would be…but Madara’s car is pretty new…and you know what new cars have? Self-healing car paint uses sunlight to repair scrapes”

“I call bullshit!” I said

“The self-healing coating uses chitosan which is derived from chitin, the main component of the exoskeleton of creatures such as  shrimp, crab, lobster, the chitosan is chemically incorporated into traditional polymer materials, such as the ones used in the outer coatings to protect the paint on cars-”

“WHATEVER! Magical car paint, however, if Madara’s car was parked in the garage there ain’t no uv-light!”

“Which brings me to my last question, where is Madara’s car now?”

“I don’t know, it was in the garage when I came back from work in the morning” Itachi said.

“I parked it outside after doing shopping with Shisui” Madara answered.

“Let the record know it is 25 degrees celcius outside…full sunshine”

“These are just assumptions, my client is not agreeing to any of this!”  I said.

“Which is why I call to the stand…Sasuke”

“I am the lawyer!” I protested.

“I’ll allow it” Shisui said, leaning his elbows on the cupboard. I sighed sitting on the place Itachi sat a second ago. I did the same oath before folding my arms.

“Sasuke, is it true you find me not only cute but…hella cute?”

“Objection, this is off topic” I said.

“I’ll allow it” Shisui looked down at me with a smile on his face, I rolled my eyes.

“You are…hella…cute” I muttered.

“Aww thank you~” Naruto smiled, “Sasuke, was I your first real kiss? Who is not related to you” I looked at Shisui, who didn’t say anything.

“Yes…” I sighed.

“Is it true I am the best kiss you ever had?”

“False, Izuna is a good kisser” Naruto pouted by my words.

“Is it true you have no plans on Sunday?”

“I have plans-”

“Let the record know, watching netflix all day is not considered as plans”

“Alright…I don’t have plans” I said.

“Is there a possibility you would like to go to the lake with me?”

“Objection!” Itachi got up.

“You don’t get to say that” Shisui said, indicating Itachi to sit back down.

“Maybe…” I answered.

“Did you really want to get in professor Sunrays pants or was it just a joke?”  Naruto asked.

“I really wanted to get in his pants” I sighed.

“Would you consider Utakata still as an option?”

“Clarify option?” I asked

“Marriage candidate” Naruto stated.

“I don’t believe in marriage, so no” I said.

“Hm…no further questions”

“Fine, I call Naruto on the stand!” I grabbed Naruto by his arm, pulling him to the ground before I got up. He was about to reach for the album, but I kicked him away.

“You lie, I cut your balls, that is your oath” I gave him a dead serious look.

“Naruto, is it true that at some point in your life…you had a sex dream about me?” The room was dead quiet.

“Yes” Naruto admitted, “But I also once dreamt a tiger ate my foot while a half human half dolphin made love to me, dattebayo”

“So would you consider the sex dream I was in hot?”  I asked, “I will remind you, you are under oath”

“…Objection-” Naruto bit his lip as he looked at Shisui.

“I’ll allow it” Shisui said.

“Well?” I asked him

“It was pretty hot” Naruto answered.

“How was I? Was I riding you, doing you, were you doing me?-”

“You were dressed in a Donkey Kong costume and you said I should call you Donkey DingDong”

“And that was hot?!” Madara bursted out laughing.

“…Don’t judge me…” Naruto hid his face behind his hands.

“Next question” I put my fingers together, “Stop me when I am about right” I said separating my fingers, indicating how big his dick is. “No…no way…really?…Oh my God” I looked at Naruto and back at my fingers before nodding.

“Impressive…last question” I cleared my throat ,”Will you pick me up on Sunday?”

“Yeah, dattebayo”

“No further questions” I said, sitting back down behind the coffee table.

“Hey guys…if my car is parked outside…where is Shisui’s car parked?” Madara asked, looking at the typed up conversation.  

“I parked it…in the…garage…” Shisui said, causing everybody to freeze.

“When?” I was the only one to ask.

“….After we came back from shopping…”  Shisui seemed to realize the same thing we all realized.

“Right before Itachi woke up and saw the scratch on the car…”I narrowed my eyes.

“There small chance…it might have been me…” Shisui muttered.

“GOD DAMN IT, SHISUI!” Everybody yelled.

( SPECIAL THANKS TO @failureoftheyear)

Kushina

“I’m sorry for making you work on a Saturday” I looked at my hands that were placed on my lap. “No, don’t be, I am sorry for canceling Tuesday, I feel bad for making you come all the way here” “I don’t mind, it’s one bus” I chuckled out of awkwardness before getting up, “Besides family comes first” Minato frowned slightly by my words. I wondered if I said anything wrong. “Naruto mentioned why I was absent?” He asked, knitting his eyebrows slightly “He said that it was due some family circumstances, something to do with a cousin” I answered honestly. “Alright, I thought you had some mind reading power” He stood up to see me out. His level of sarcasm sometimes were off the chart. “Dad!” Naruto wrapped his arms around his father’s arm the moment Minato opened his door. The baby blue eyes sparkled as they looked up at Minato’s.   “I’d appreciate it if you just get straight to the point and not try to butter me up first” Minato seemed to be onto Naruto’s game. “Will you drive me to the mall~” He asked with a childish tone to his voice. “Didn’t you promise a certain godfather to help him with gardening?” “I did! But I texted him because it turn out Gaara is in town because of a wedding bla bla bla~anyway! We were going to have fun day today; play tennis, watch a movie, have milkshakes-” “Wait, are you leaving?” Kushina stood in the hallway. “Dattebayo~!” Naruto had this annoyed teenage look in his eyes. “But what about our baking time?” Kushina’s eyes turned in the one look I knew all too well...disappointed mother eyes. “Next week, I promise, come on, I haven’t seen Gaara in months” He put on the puppy eyes. “Fine, dattebane!”  Kushina pouted slightly, though she tried hard not to let anybody notice it. “Sasuke, come too!” He said excitedly. I shook my head. “I pass” I said. How was I gently going to say that I was awkward and so was Gaara and that would lead to lots of awkward silences. “I can drive you home if you like?” Minato offered. “I will take the bus, I was planning on getting some lunch on my way, but thanks anyway” “I have some left-over onigiri, if you want I can wrap them up for you” Kushina offered and my eyes widened. Hell yeah, I would love some onigiri right now. “Yes~” I answered. I could even tell how pathetic my voice sounded at the mention of food. ‘You could literally see his face start glowing, dattebayo” Naruto muttered. “Then we will be going” Minato said and smiled at his wife. I guess he too was on to the fact Kushina was slightly hurt by Naruto not wanting to spend time with her, though it was part of growing up. She sighed as the door closed behind her husband. “One day they call you in the middle of the night because they are scared and then they throw you around like dirty underwear, dattebane” Kushina walked towards the kitchen and I followed her. I wasn’t sure I had to comment on it or not. “How did your mother do it with 6 boys?” She asked while she opened the fridge. “Hnn...hand them off to the next in line” I commented. “Ah...I only have one son, say Sasuke do you know how to make cookies?” She turned her head to me. “I can google it, I guess” “I have a special recipe for delicious cookies, my grandmother passed it down to my mother who passed down to me, it is an Uzumaki secret, dattebane!” She pressed her finger against her lips. “Last time I baked...I almost killed your son” I let my head hang. How was I supposed to know he was allergic to walnuts?! “You didn’t know he was allergic, this is different” She suddenly stood up and wrapped her arm around my neck, “It will be great! We will make it our day! Dattebane!” She was so excited, I couldn't help but to smile. Naruto really took after her. “Yeah, let’s do that” I said. “I will grab you an apron!” She said and quickly reached for a drawer and grabbed another green apron out of it. I put it on and tied it around me before washing my hands. ---------------------------------------- “So, Sasuke, you are seventeen now, right?” She asked while I was preheating the oven. “Aha” I confirmed. Getting up and grabbing my glass of juice from the counter to take a sip. “So are you in a relationship yet?” She suddenly asked, I spit my drink out and coughed a couple of times. “No, nooooo~” I said turning my head to her. She had this smirk on her face while her eyes were narrowed. “Aha, what is your type anyway? Come on, I am a mother who has connections with other mothers and can hook you up with their sons” She was so direct...just...like her son. “I don’t really have a type, I am just in that period of...uhm...loving yourself before loving someone else” “Naruto mentioned you tried to have sex with professor Sunray” “Why does he mention that to his mother?!” I couldn’t keep my voice steady. She laughed. “So you do have a type?” Damn...married to Minato really gave her some good interrogation skills. “Maybe...I do have a type” I swallowed. She turned around and held a spoon in her hand.   “Want to lick the spoon?” She asked with that motherly smile on her face. “I...I kinda wanna do that...yeah...” She handed me the spoon and I leaned against the counter. “What shape shall we make these cookies?” She asked, my first thought was ‘dick-shaped’ but then I realized I was practically talking to my imaginary mother-in-law. “Well?’ “Dinosaurs!” I said because I felt pressured. “That is a little too hard” “Heart…?” I said. She seemed to think deeply before looking back at me. “I sort of wanted to make dick-shaped ones, but then I thought it would be inappropriate to do that with a friend of my son’s” She looked at the dough. “Really? Because I was about to suggest dicks, but I thought it would be inappropriate” I said, “Dicks it is” “Great minds think alike” Kushina said. I nodded and took another sip from my drink. “Can I ask you something?” I put my glass down. “Birth feels nothing like constipation” She said. “I wasn’t going to ask that” I said, “I was wondering...how you met...Mr.Namikaze?” I cleared my throat, “Okay, let rephrase that...what made you fall in love with him?” “Sasuke, you want to hear my love story?” She smiled kindly when she looked at me. “I guess...I do…” I had no way to escape her look...her eyes had mine trapped. “Why do you want to know? I never took you for somebody who’s into romance” I wanted to laugh so hard. She totally had to read all my fanfictions. “When I was younger, I asked my mother how she met my father, she said I should ask him, I totally forgot about it...and before I could remember he was gone” I tried to guilt talk my way out. I was not going to tell Kushina that I am in love with her son; so them having a similar mind would mean that what Minato did to get her, I could do something alike with Naruto. “Aw, you poor little boy” She walked towards me and hugged me, then she suddenly pushed my head against her chest and stroked my cheek, “Precious must be protected” She would definitely fit well with my weird family. “Uhm...” I coughed slightly. She let go and apologised, scratching the back of her head. “I can get weird sometimes, I am sorry” She said going back to the dough. “I met Minato in high school” She began her story and I think I have never listened to any story more eagerly than I did this one. Before I even knew it I was sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea, eating dick shaped cookies and listening to her story. “Oh, look at the time, I must be boring you with all my jabbering-” “No, please go on” I said and I almost choked in the dick cookie, I was way too eager to hear the rest. “We are talking here about my love life, but what about yours?” “I am going to make this very fast, I am single and I am a virgin, now continue” I said and her expression changed before she chuckled. “You’re adorable, dattebane!” she said, “So what are you waiting on?” She had this smug look on her face. Was I just being questioned about my sex live by my future mother in law who doesn’t even know she is my future mom in law? I looked down at my cup of tea. “Honestly, I haven’t gotten...quite...around it” “You haven’t gotten around the dick, dattebane”  She laughed and I looked away feeling my cheeks heat up quite the bit. “I am sorry, was I too direct?” “I guess I am still waiting for the right person” I said. “Naruto told me what happened during Halloween” She sipped her tea like she was the Kermit the Frog meme. I looked Kushina dead in the eye. “I was hungry, tired and it was very late…” I bit down my lip, now this got embarrassing. “Ooh, don’t be like that, Sasuke, how many times do you think I got that wasted?” “You? I always imagine Mr Namikaze to be the light weight” I commented, she looked around her before nodding. “How many times do you think I carried my husband to bed, dattebane?” She said. “I found out that I am the horny drunk...I am not proud of it either” I sighed. “Maybe you are just more perverted than you think and it builds up until you lose control of it, with alcohol” She said. “I thought your husband was the therapist?” I asked. “What the difference between a mother and a therapist anyway, dattebane” She said and it was hard to take her words seriously when she was holding a dick shaped cookie. “For starters, therapy is a lot more expensive, ss for my mother...she did try to kill me...several times” I looked up at Kushina to try and read her expression. “Speaking of bad relationships” She whispered, “Dattebane” “But she also ended up in a mental facility and killed herself...so...she was clearly suffering” I sat back, looking at the mug that had “I hate Mondays”  written on it. “Before that, I was pretty invisible to her”  I sighed. “I guess that is one of the reasons why I was more of a daddy’s boy...that was until he got shot through the head and I saw pieces of his brain on the wall” “I am so sorry” She said and I waved her off. “It has been a long time ago, hey, what is that behind you? An album?” I asked. She looked behind her and smiled, grabbing what seemed like a photo album. “Ooh, these are just some of Naruto’s baby photos, dattebane” She put the album down, opening it to the first pictures. I swear it felt like golden light came from that album the moment my eyes were met the cutest image of my entire life, Naruto’s baby butt. I grabbed my chest, this was too adorable. I just wanted to bite him. “He is adorable” My voice was soft because I was holding up so much excitement. He was so adorable, just those chubby cheeks. “From those pictures you wouldn’t believe I almost died giving birth to him” Kushina said and I looked up. “Now you are the one ruining the mood” I said, “Can I please have a copy of this one?” I asked holding up a picture of Naruto’s first time on the potty. “His butt hasn’t changed a bit” I commented. “Ooohh somebody has been staring~”Kushina’s voice caused me to I gasp like I was caught doing something illegal. “It is not what you think!” “I always did wonder why your boxer briefs were in my son’s room, dattebane” Her words confused me. “What?” I asked  confused, but before she could even hear me there was something else that interrupted us. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~”  I swear Naruto was like one big yellow flash when he grabbed the album from the table and pressed it against his chest, “Mom! How could you betray me like that, dattebayo!” “Oh honey, we were just talking about your butt” Kushina waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal. Naruto gasped dramatically. “I can’t believe you are eating dick cookies with Sasuke! That is our thing!” “Don’t change the subject, maybe somebody just has to go to the potty” I turned the picture in my hand around and Naruto’s face turned pale. He reached for the picture, but I moved it away from him. “Don’t be so embarrassed, look how adorable you were” I pressed the picture against my chest, “I am keeping it” I smirked, seeing him narrow his eyes. “Don’t make me sneak in your house and steal the album of embarrassment, dattebayo!” He seemed slightly pissed. “Didn’t you say the lock in my house couldn’t be cracked open?” I asked, cocking my head slightly in confusion. “Uhm…right...I forgot…” He scratched the back of his head, “Just give the picture back, alright!” “Fight me” I said and I couldn’t surpass the enjoyment in my eyes seeing him actually consider it. “Ooee, Sasuke, destroy him” Kushina said way too eager for somebody talking about her son. “Mom!” Naruto shouted, “You should be on my side” “Why don’t you ask Gaara?” Kushina folded her arms. “Damn, mom! You salty witch”   “Cookies are a tiny bit salty” She said, examining the dick cookie with a serious expression. “Stop eating small dick cookies!” Naruto said, stealing his mother’s cookie. “Sorry, my dick cookies are so small, if you wanted to see a big dick then why don’t you look in the mirror, you’ll see the biggest of all” “I know you are just calling me dick, but I can’t help...thinking you are referring to something else-” “I am not” I turned the picture, my finger right under his baby dick. “HEY! IT GREW A LOT SINCE THEN, DATTEBAYO!” I never heard him raise his voice that loud. His face was red and I just lost it. I laughed so hard, he managed to quickly grab the picture. “Mom! I swear to God, I am burning them!” He grabbed the album and walked off. “Ooh, honey, don’t” “Don’t over-react, Naruto”  We could hear the door of his room shut loudly and I looked at Kushina. “Maybe he is having a bad day?” I suggested. “He is never like this” Kushina looked at me, “Maybe he is mad his cool image is gone” “Like he ever had to impress me” The moment I said those words, I wish I could take them back. I looked at Kushina who had a smug smile. “I had a gut feeling” She said. “I am going to check up on him!” I got up. “Give him your dick-” “What?! No! Perverted! Waaa!” I panicked. Kushina just shoved the plate with our dick shaped cookies towards me. “Your dick shaped cookies” She finished her sentence. I awkwardly lifted the plate. “...you have heard...nothing…” I whispered walking up the stairs and to Naruto’s room. I knocked out of courtesy. “No!” He shouted. Pfff...as if I was going to listen. I shoved the door open, feeling something heavy on the other side. “Naru-” I stuck my head in his room and I felt a imaginary brick fall on my head seeing a blanket fort with a sign saying “no adults allowed”. “I hate to break it to you...but you are sort of an adult in a few months” “Adult in training!” Naruto said from inside his pillow fort. I sighed and pushed the blanket away so I could see him sit in his fort. “How you holding up, champ?” I asked, holding the cookies in my other hand. “Pissed off, dattebayo” He said while I crawled next to him. “They are bit salty, but that matches you” I said, putting the plate of cookies on his lap, “You can’t really be mad at some stupid baby pictures?”   “I am” he said, “I am mad at more things” “Soo~ you are playing with a fidget spinner in a blanket fort? I am not a therapist...but doesn’t seem like a healthy way to deal with this” I said. “You are teaching me about healthy ways?” He looked up from the fidget spinner in his hand, “I am sorry if I am not taking mental health advice from you” “Fair enough” I said, “Guess you can choke on my dick” I grabbed a dick cookie and pushed it in his mouth. “Okay, I am sorry, dattebayo” Naruto chewed his cookie, “Salty” He muttered. “I fucked up, alright? Kushina said next time I will do better” I sighed. “Next time?” Naruto asked, he had this confused look in his eyes and it suddenly hit me. Naruto is a lone child...he was jealous when he saw his mom spend time with me instead of him. Just like a four years old not wanting to share his toy with his younger sibling. “Are you jealous?” I asked. “No, why would I be jealous? Pffff, of you? Why? No”  That was one “no’s” too many to sound convincing. I guess he caught on to that one too. He looked at me. “She is my mom…she is like my best friend and...I am just mommy’s little boy” He said that with such a cute look on his face. “I thought you were daddy’s little boy?” I questioned teasingly. “I can be both, dattebayo!” He said. I envied how loved he was. By his father, his mother...me. “Naruto, did I ever talk about my mother with you?” I asked him seriously. “She went to a mental facility and committed suicide” He said, taking another bite of the cookie while staring at the fidget spinner in his hand. “Well, before that” I said, my hand reached for his hair, tucking it behind his hair. It caused him to look up from the spinner in his hand to me. “I remember...one time I was so angry at Shisui...it was something silly, but I was young, and my mother...she gave me one of those juice packages and some animal biscuits, and she told me…Sasuke, swallow it up” “That doesn’t sound like good advice, dattebayo” “Well…I never said she was a good mother” I whispered, “But that next morning she made me a tomato sandwich and I went to school with a smile on my face...so yeah” “I am not sure what you are trying to say with this story, you are telling me to swallow everything?” I smiled at his words. “I am saying that my mother sucked and your mother is actually the closest I have felt to a good mother in a while...and I am sorry if you and your lonely child glory got a bit jelly” “Now you are making me sound like a four years old” Naruto said. “Well, you are hiding in a blanket fort” I commented. “I can call it the sexy bunk, hang some xmas lights, it will really create a mood” “Pff, somebody who has a sign saying ‘no adults allowed’, you really talk adult stuff here” I said. “I am just saying! Dattebayo” He put the plate of cookies down. “Say, uhm...how many pictures...have you seen?” His cheeks had a shade of pink. “A lot” I said with a proud smile on my face, “But...we can call it a tie” I grabbed my phone, opening to my gallery before turning it to Naruto. “This is me baby me” I said, swiping through some pictures,”This is baby me sucking on my dad’s expensive watch while being butt naked, oh, and this is me running around naked as a toddler, this is me in my scout uniform” Naruto grabbed my phone. “You were a scout!?” “No wait, Naruto-” He swiped the picture and he looked up to meet my eyes. “To whom do you even send these?” “It was really a prank to Itachi’s  “what are you wearing” …”   “Where did you even got tha-” I grabbed my phone back and put it back in my pocket, “Stop nosing around!” “You saw my baby pictures, dattebayo” “I showed you some of mine!” I pinched his cheek, “Stop being an ungrateful brat”  I pushed a cookie in his mouth ,”Eat dick, yours might grow from it” “I swear to God, I am going to prove to ya-” “Sorry, can’t hear you, you got too much dick in your mouth” I said, crawling out of the blanket fort. “Hnnff” He stopped talking and shoved the album towards me. “Really, it is an honour to look at your baby butt” I grabbed the album and I could see the regret on his face, but I already took off. “I hope Burrito has your butt!” He shouted after me. “I got the album” I said, sitting back down with Kushina. “Who is Burrito?” Kushina asked. “It is our imaginary future son” I said, “It is a long story” “I changed my mind!” Naruto ran back downstairs and tried to grab the album from me, but I kept him an arm length away.   “Uzumaki, I will fight you for it!” I threatened. “Mom!” “So, is Burrito’s name debatable for my future grandson?” She asked, Naruto stopped reaching for the album and looked at his mother with a “wtf”  look. “I am saying Sasuke is quite the guy and you will regret-” “MOM! YOU AREN’T CUPID!” Naruto shouted his face turning red “Bitch, I am Venus” Kushina snapped her finger. “Makes you Cupid, sort of” I looked at Naruto, who pushed me on my seat and grabbed the photo album, I put my leg behind his and he tripped and fell backwards, but I quickly grabbed him by his collar before he hit the ground.   “Thanks, cupid” I said, grabbing the album from him. Oxoxoxo special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing oxooxx

#DRAWTHESQUAD AmazingUchihaBruhs style

Brothers be like....

Itachi:"Are there any questions?"

Sasuke:"Yes, how do you sleep at night?"

Itachi:"I take double doses of sleep medication."

Sasuke:"....."

Sasuke:"That was waaayy~ too serious and depressing answer for somebody I was about to accuse for stealing my sandwich...."

The Criminal

“You won’t believe the day I have had!” Itachi threw his keys on the coffee table before sitting right next to Shisui, immediately wrapping his arms around the older Uchiha’s torso. “It was terrible and humiliating and ugh!”

“I haven’t heard the ‘ugh’ for a while now, did you get scolded by somebody at work?”

“No, it is worse…” Itachi sighed exhaustively.

“Tell me about it, I locked myself outside the car with the car keys in the fucking car” Shisui shook his head.

“Did you guys have such an awful day too? The idiot assistant changed the code of the safe...and forgot what it was”

“Wow, the save with all those private papers? That is terrible” Shisui said as Madara nodded and sat down.

“Did you manage to open it?” Itachi asked.

“Actually...it is a funny story, I came across that blond brat and he...he cracked the safe open” both Shisui’s and Itachi’s eyes widened.

“Naruto?” Shisui asked.

“Yeah, that guy, I said I owed him one”  Madara waved it off, but wasn’t aware of the coincidence.

“He cracked open my car when I locked myself out” Shisui said.

“He cracked the lock of Suké’s apartment” Itachi said, both Shisui and Madara turned their heads at Itachi with a strange look, “I left my...stethoscope at his place, I don’t have a key...because he...never gave me...a key” Itachi looked away.

“Why don’t you begin with your story…?”

Oxoxoxox

*The apartment*

“Come on, come on” Itachi tapped his foot on the ground, “Pick up, pick up…”

“This is the voicemail of-”

“Fuck!” Itachi kicked the tire of his car before turning his head towards the apartment block. He put the phone against his ear. “Suké, it is me again...I need you to pick up alright? This is important, it is...about...that...thing...I left...in your apartment, anyway, call me back” Itachi sighed, looking at the screen of his phone for two whole minutes.

“If it isn’t Uchiha Itachi, are you here for your boyfriend?” Itachi immediately felt a vein pop in his head.

“I don’t have time to beat you up, Uzumaki” Itachi stated as he angrily turned around.

“I was going to ask how you were doing, but I already know the answer; moody” Naruto sat down on a pole. “I wish I could help cheer you up...”

“Unless you can magically make a masterkey appear in your hands, I don’t know what use you are to me” Itachi scoffed.

“I don’t have a masterkey” Naruto lowered his head, “But...you do”  Itachi frowned by Naruto’s words “Your hairpin, dattebayo”

“Tch, that stupid shit that only works in movies”

“Fifty bucks says I can help you sneak in your boyfriend’s apartment by just using that hairpin”

“I am not going to give you fifty bucks so you can buy pot”

“Hey, I am clean, as for you...you are trying to sneak inside your boyfriend’s apartment, well, I am not going to question-”

“I left...my...stethoscope, a very good one! I need it back...for work” Itachi folded his arms, “I tried contacting him, but he isn’t picking up”

“You guys have been together for about a year, no house key exchange?” Naruto asked.

“My relationship is none of your business” Itachi tone sounded harsh. He looked away, “He has only one spare key, I think his sister has it”

“Don’t worry Itachi, I will help you” Naruto stood up.

“What do you want for it in return? I mean...If you really can get me in”

“No worries, we are practically family, dattebayo” Naruto had this smirk face and Itachi gave him the most confused look his face could possible make.  “Let’s say you owe me one” Naruto said.

“...Fine” Itachi sighed, getting the hairpin out of his hair and handing it to Naruto.  “Fourth floor room 483, and no I am not giving any painkillers as rewards”  Itachi walked inside the apartment block while Naruto followed.

“It won’t be some medical issue, I can tell you that upfront, it will probably be something...precious” Naruto scoffed when he reached the door. “This is too easy, it is like shooting a baby through the head”

“Why is every brat using that expression? That’s not how it goes” Itachi threw his hands in the air. First Sasuke, now this idiot. What is wrong with this generation?

“I am sure Sasuke says that all the time, you know he can’t say piece of cake because last time he baked something I ended up in the hospital” Naruto knelt down and took the hairpin from Itachi.

“Actually, Sasuke mentioned your mom said to put walnuts in it, so actually the real mastermind behind your almost death is your own mother”

“Ha, in that case you two have a lot in common” Naruto stood up and pushed the door, opening the room. “Told you I could do it”

“I am too relieved to question why you are able to pick locks”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” Naruto said.

“You...stay here!” Itachi rushed inside, immediately going to the bathroom and picking up what appeared to be a set of clothes, he tried to push it in his bag before hearing a cough behind him. “I told you stay in front of the door…” Itachi said, closing his eyes as if he was busted by police with the possession of drugs.

“So...Sasuke’s clothes?” Naruto leaned against the door frame, recognising the black hoodie all too well. It was the item of clothing Sasuke wore the most.

“...I...borrowed it and it is really none of your concern” Itachi said, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, I know I am blond, but if those clothes are here and you went home that night...it means you had...clothes on...which means...you had some nasty use for those clothes-”

“I am not confirming...anything, I simply...borrowed…some clothes, now...fuck off...before I kill you” Itachi put the clothes in his bag before turning around and walked out of the room, stopping right next to Naruto to whisper: “And we will never...never...talk about it again”

“One last thing, don’t you want to pick up Sasuke’s glasses on the night stand or are you just going to leave them?”

“...I am just…yeah...” Itachi walked back inside the room to fetch the glasses. “Not a word” Itachi repeated as he walked out of the apartment. Naruto followed him all the way to the elevator.

“There is just one thing bothering me, dattebayo”

“No questions!” Itachi hissed.

“I just...can’t imagine...Sasuke’s clothes actually fitting Suké…” Naruto looked confused at the elevator door closing. The ride down was silent and Itachi didn’t walk out right away when the doors opened.

“It is because...he is not the one wearing them” Itachi answered, causing Naruto to gasp.

“I am awkwardly turned on, dattebayo” Naruto stated as Itachi shook his head and walked out of the elevator, leaving the blond there. “Remember, you owe me one”

Oooxoxoxo

“Yeah, that was basically the whole story” Itachi sighed.

“Do you have it back?” Shisui asked

“What?” Itachi asked

“The stethoscope…” Madara reminded him.

“Was it lost? I mean...yes, yes of course!” Itachi folded his arms and looked away. “Anyway...what about your story?”

“Mine?” Madara asked, “Well, there is not much to it...really…”

Oxoxoxxox

*the safe*  

“You did what?!” Madara flipped his desk, causing the men in the chair to scream like little girls. “The fuck am I supposed to do now?! I gave you one fucking job!”

“You assigned him exactly 6 tasks” The assistant muttered, holding the clipboard against his chest.

“It is an honest mistake!” The man said.

“No, it is not! I could tell a baby to memorise four fucking digits, why can’t you!?”

“Babies, can’t even talk” The assistant cleared his throat.

“You know how a safe works? It has 10 digits and do you know how many possibilities it will leave me with? 9 TIMES 9 TIMES 9 TIMES 9! Yes, my loser idiot, dyscalculia, little brother can even do that kind of math!”

“I am deeply sorry!” The man said, looking at the ground. Madara sighed and sat back down.

“What done is done…” He said, rolling his chair towards the window and opening it.

“Boss...couldn’t you have had that reaction of acceptance before you flipped the table?” The assistant asked.

“It is called the stages of grief, anger is one of them!” Madara said.

“Hey Madara!” The Uchiha looked surprised at the pavement, seeing a little blond dot.

“Oh, that idiot...” Madara commented.  “Hey!”

“I couldn’t help hearing you scream! Everything alright?!” Naruto shouted.

“Some idiot forgot the combination of the new safe!”

“Oh! That sucks...! What type is it?!”

“Like I know!” Madara shouted back.

“Hey! I think I might be able to crack it! Dattebayo!” The blond shouted.

“What are you?! A criminal?!” Madara asked.

“I am not answer those questions without my attorney present!”  Naruto shouted, causing Madara to laugh. He indicated for Naruto to come up before turning his chair.

“I like that brat, he has guts, my sense of humour” Madara said, leaning back in the chair, “Why was I mad again?”

“The safe”

“Right!” Madara said, but then got distracted after seeing the door of the office open.

“How did that even happen?” Naruto asked as he walked inside. “Hey, I am Naruto” Naruto introduced himself to the two strangers in the room.

“Nice meeting you” The assistant says, shaking his hand before leaning towards Madara, “How do you know him?”

“He is like a friend of my youngest brother...I am not sure what they are…”

“Let me see the safe, maybe I can crack it!” Naruto said and then followed the other guy, followed by Madara and his assistant. “Oooh, that is hella easy!” Naruto put his backpack down and grabbed a stethoscope.

“Do you just walk around with that?” Madara asked.

“Nah, I came across Itachi…I...borrowed it from him” Naruto turned his head to Madara and smirked. “Sort of” He knelt down and within 20 minutes, Naruto opened the safe.

“0308, that is your code, but you might wanna get changed now” Naruto stood up.

“You are amazing!” Madara said, looking impressed.

“...Isn’t it questionable why a teenager...know how to crack a safe?” The assistant asked. Madara frowned and looked at Naruto.

“If  you are involved in some criminal organisation...I am not telling you to stop, I am telling you to stay the fuck away from Sasuke”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” Naruto chuckled.

“Is there anything I can do for...for kinda...saving my ass~” The man tapped Naruto’s arm with his elbow.

“You can take a mint, dattebayo” Naruto commented, making the other chuckle.

“But he is right, if there anything-”

“Aaah stop it, Madara, we are practically family, let’s say you owe me one, dattebayo!”

‘Sure, but as a bonus, I will let you take this notebook for five minutes with all the dirt on…”

Oxoxoxoxox

Madara cleared his throat.

“Dirt on...the...President!” He looked at Itachi, who just kept staring ahead of him.

“Little bitch stole my stethoscope…” He stated.

“Yeah, you lied to us about it” Shisui said.

“It is weird...how does he know how to break a lock, crack a safe…dude...that kid is bad news” Madara said.

“Look at you, caring about your youngest brother”

“Owh, Sasuke will be fine...I am not worried about him” Madara stated.

“Maybe he was like one of those criminals...maybe he changed” Shisui said.

“At least he is nice enough to help us” Madara said.

“Yeah, I guess my story is up next”

Oxoxox

“Fuck, why did I stop for coffee on the way?! Why didn’t I wait in line for ten minutes to get the damn coffee...I couldn’t walk away once I stood in line...the time waited would have been for nothing!” Shisui hissed to himself as he grabbed the latte and opened the door of the car, slamming it behind him. He stood still for a moment before slowly turning his head around, seeing his bag with the important papers in it, still in the passenger seat.

“...No...no...” He pulled the handle several times, but the door was locked and the keys were still inside. “No, no! Damn the garage and their stupid replacement car!” Shisui kicked the tire, but in the process dropped his latte. He started at the disposable cup with utterly displeasure in his eyes.

“Why.Am.I.Fucking.Alive” Shisui sulked.

“Shisui?”

“Naruto, hey! What...what are you doing here?” Shisui asked.

“I was walking by...you seem in distress, dattebayo”

“I am late for a meeting and...the papers are in my car...that’s locked...”Shisui stared at the window, “And I dropped my latte”

“That is worse than the important papers in the car” Naruto walked towards Shisui, looking at the car. “That is an old car”

“The garage lent it to me until they fix mine”

“I might be able….To open it” Naruto said cracking his fingers.

“You can?”

“I can give it a try, you are look out, make sure no cop sees me-”

“Naruto, it is my car-”

“Owh...they won’t believe you when you are with me...dattebayo” Naruto muttered grabbing something from his bag. Shisui swallowed, looking around the parking lot.

“Done!” Naruto stood up and opened the door to grab the keys and bag. He handed them to Shisui.

“Thank you so much! Ah Uzumaki, I owe you one” Shisui embraced Naruto,dropping his bag in the process.  Naruto laughed and picked it up, but he remained quiet when holding a book. He looked back up at Shisui who cleared his throat.

“That...that is...from a friend” Shisui stated.

“Yeah…I choose to believe that, dattebayo…”

Oxoxoxoxox

“He is a born criminal” Itachi said.

“Am I the only one imagining Sasuke as Britney Spears singing Criminal?” Shisui asked.

“No, now I do too!” Madara said. Both shared a look before the door of the living room opened.

“Hey, you are all home early” Sasuke walked to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of juice.

“Where are you going?” Itachi asked.

“Oh, Naruto is here, we are just going to my room”  

“...To do...what?” Shisui asked.

“I am going to grab some of my stuff...wait, I am going to stay over at his place, you know that, right?”

“NO!” Both Shisui and Itachi shouted.

“He said he asked each of you” Sasuke stated, causing all three to widened their eyes.

“Hey guys! You guys don’t mind if I steal him? Dattebayo” Naruto asked, smiling kindly...at first...that smiled turned into a smirk. “I did ask each of you” He wrapped an arm around Sasuke’s waist, pulling him a little closer, “I wouldn't have asked if it wasn’t for my parents leaving tonight-”

“Absolutely not!” Itachi shouted.

“Is this what you mean with something precious!?” Shisui added, “Itachi was right about you!”

“What are they talking about?” Sasuke looked at Naruto.

“Ooh, you guys came clean to one another? Oh, I guess Itachi stealing Sasuke’s clothes for the roleplay with his boyfriend had to come into discussion, and Madara’s notebook filled with dirt on each of your siblings, not to mention the book Shisui was reading  “Fifty shades of grey” and “Laws regarding incest”, I figured it was only for the best to talk about it openly...instead of keeping...secrets...dattebayo”

“Look at him” Madara shook his head, but there was a proud smirk spread across his lips, “We cock block him and he stabs us all in the back…you have balls, Uzumaki”

“You guys…” Sasuke’s voice sounded dangerously low, catching all attention in the room. He cracked his fingers. “Let’s talk in an old fashioned way about what is morally good...and bad”

“Well, guess I have to go then! Seems you have to work stuff out! But I will see you guys...you all...do owe one” He winked before leaving the room.

“That son of a bitch” Shisui shook his head, “He set us up...like a real lawyer, I gotta admit...he did get us”

“I still fucking hate him” Itachi sounded pissed.

special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing~

Childhood story #3

Sasuke the explorer

“Say backpack”

“Backpack”

“Say backpack”

“Backpack!” Shisui rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner, he looked over his math book to his youngest brother who was sitting right in front of the TV.

“Turn it down” Shisui ordered, only to be ignored. “Princess” He put his book down and was ignored again. “Princess!”

Sasuke finally turned his head and Shisui wished he could scold his 5 years old brother for being so oblivious, but those innocent, doll-like eyes just screamed innocence. Besides, Shisui had noted before that Sasuke had the talent of completely blocking his surroundings and put 100% of his focus on one thing, which was mostly the TV.

“Turn it down” Shisui repeated.

“I am watching it”

“The volume, princess, the volume, I could not have been clearer!” Shisui leaned his head on his hands.

“Alright” He grabbed the remote control and turned the volume down, looking back at Shisui to see some sort of approval.

“That is good” Shisui said, looking back at the equation.

“Heeyy, little dinosaur!” Fugaku grabbed Sasuke from under his armpits and threw him in the air, immediately getting his youngest son’s attention.

“Rawr!” Sasuke roared loudly.

“Last time I checked, t-rexes were one of the biggest dinosaurs” Shisui sighed. Why wasn’t the library open on Sundays? It would have gotten him through his homework so much faster.

“Hey, listen buddy” He put Sasuke on the couch and squatted in front of him. “I have to go to work”

“I wanna come! I wanna come!” Sasuke got on his knees and bounced on the couch. Fugaku put both his hands on Sasuke’s shoulder and forced him to sit still.

“Sure…you wanna cum” Shisui sniggered. “You can’t, you have to be at least this tall” Fugaku put his hand up a random height and Sasuke stared at it.

“Can I stand on my toes?” He asked dead serious.

“No” Fugaku said bluntly. He stood up.

“But your brother will be babysitting you”

“I did not sign up for this” Shisui immediately responded.

“Five bucks” Fugaku negotiated.

“Pfff, no way, unless it is five bucks an hour”

“How about five bucks and you are not in a youth hostel?”

“You’re a bad dad, you know that?” Shisui cocked his head. Fugaku lifted his shoulders in a non-caring way.

“You will take care of him, don’t let him watch too much TV, oh…and if anything happens to him, it is on you”

“Why is it on me?”

“Should I blame a 5 years old or a 13 years old?” Fugaku raised a questionable eyebrow.

“Why not blame the dad who left the 13 years old in charge?” Shisui put his pen down.

“Damn boy, the more you grow up to more you start to sound like those attorney lawyers, annoying”

“The more I see this kind of injustice, the more I want to become a lawyer” Shisui leaned back in his chair and looked at his dad who was shaking his head.

“I will be back before dark” Fugaku stated, leaving his two sons alone.

Sasuke crawled off the couch and sat back in front of the TV. Shisui grabbed the remote control and turned it off, causing his younger brother to turn his head to Shisui.

“The TV. broke” He stated.

“Then you just have to do something else”

“Like?” The younger one stood up.

“Pff, go play with the ball in the backyard” Shisui suggested.

“Would you play with me?” Sasuke asked, it made Shisui chuckle again.

“Fuck no” Shisui shook his head before realizing what he just said. He looked back up.

“That is a no-no word” The younger one stated.

“Yes, it is…I was…testing you!” Shisui said.

“…Did I pass?” Sasuke asked, awkwardly looking around him.

“Yes, you did, go play in the backyard” Shisui picked his pen up and read the question over again. He turned the page on his notebook and started on a blank page.

Finally, some silence and alone time. Now the 13-years old could finally finish his darn math homework. Half an hour passed and Shisui looked up from the math problem. It was really quiet…maybe even…too quiet.

“Princess?!” Shisui called out, but didn’t get a response. He called again, but then decided to stand up and take a look himself.

“Sasuke?” Shisui muttered under his breath, seeing an empty backyard and…a back door that was swung open. “Sasuke!” He clenched a fist, “That annoying little brat!”

Shisui grabbed his shoes and the house keys before running out the back door and closing it behind him.

“Sasuke!” He shouted, walking through the allies and looking at the small parks nearby. Though the kid seemed to be gone. The anger turned into worry. What if the kid got grabbed by some weird perv?! Was math homework really worth his life?! For fuck’s sake, the kid was five, he must be scared and hungry…okay probably not hungry, but scared for sure!

“Say backpack, backpack, backpack!”

Shisui’s eyes widened and he turned his head to the left, seeing a familiar ninja turtle backpack and a dinosaur plushie. Sasuke sat on his knees in the grass and grabbed his backpack and grabbing what seemed like a bandaid. He unwrapped it and put it on the dinosaur plushie.

“We did it!” He threw his hands in the air and made a mini victorious trumpet sound.

He was playing…Dora the Explorer…no…more like..Sasuke the explorer…

Shisui wanted to smack the brat at least four times, but dealing with a crying kid wouldn’t really make his day easier. He wanted to walk towards him and just take him back home, but seeing him unroll a A4 paper with some stupid map drawn on it was too adorable to stop.

“So we slipped passed the ugly curly sheep-”

A imaginary brick fell on Shisui’s head…yeah…take a wild guess to who the ugly curly sheep was…

“Then we passed the forest of doom, now we have to go pass the rocky path and to the big red chicken!” Sasuke said to the plushie before putting his backpack back on and grabbing Mr.Roary.

In short, he was going to the petting zoo. Shisui sighed, but decided to follow his little brother from the background. Let him have this little adventure of his, it will make him tired and force him to take a nap. It would only be less trouble for the older Uchiha.

He silently walked behind Sasuke until he heard somebody call his name. He turned his head and saw the neighbour.

“How have you been?” She asked in a friendly way.

“Ah! Hey! Yea, I am doing fine”

“Good kid” She smiled kindly, “So…what are you doing behind a tree?”

“Uhm…I am watching my little brother, the youngest.” Shisui said and scratched the back of his head nervously. He looked from behind the tree and frowned seeing a man kneeling next to him, holding a lollipop.

“You want the candy?”

“I am not supposed to talk to strangers” Sasuke answered, looking at his map.

“I am no stranger, I am uncle Bob”

“What is a stranger?”

“A stranger is somebody you don’t know, but I am uncle Bob” The stranger said, moving the lollypop a little to catch Sasuke’s attention again.

“But do I know uncle Bob? No…so…you are a stranger to me” Sasuke said, folding his maps.

“You are such a smart kid, I have more candy for you…”

“Hold on…no…no..wait a minute!” Shisui ran towards them and swept Sasuke up, holding him close.

“Yeaaahh~ Shisui!” Sasuke laughed, thinking it was some sort of game.

“Get the fuck away from him!” Shisui shouted, “With your stupid candy! You know schools warn kids for people like you! You…you-”

“Poopie head!”

“Yeah! Poopie head!” Shisui said, pointing an accusing finger. “You should be in jail! Your mother should have had an abortion!”

“Shisui, it is me, uncle Bob! I’ve known you since you were 3 years old”

“Yeah right! I am going to call the police! Child molester! Child molester!”Shisui shouted, catching the attention of some adult that suddenly grabbed the man by his arm.

“Is this man bothering you, son?” One man asked.

“Yes! He tried to lure my baby brother!” Shisui said.

“We will handle him, kiddo” Another man said, folding his arm and narrowing his eyes to this Bob guy.

“Thank you” Shisui said, turning around.

“No, the red big chicken in the other way” Sasuke said, struggling against Shisui’s grip.

“No, we are going home, that is final!” Shisui stated, but got kicked in the stomach, forcing him to let go.

“You are mean!” Sasuke shouted as he landed on the ground and ran away.

“Sasuke! Goddamnit!” Shisui hissed, running after him. Sasuke jumped and climbed in a tree.

“Come immediately down!” Shisui demanded.

“No!” Sasuke said, climbing higher in the tree.

“Sasuke, you will fall!” Shisui shouted, Sasuke ignored him, but just as Shisui predicted, he set his foot on a weak branch and fell down.

“What did I tell you?!” Shisui knelt in front of his younger brother, examining him from top to bottom. Sasuke hugged his knees and started sobbing silently.

“You made yourself cry” Shisui stated, “I told you not to climb it, I told you to play in the backyard, what do you do? THE OPPOSITE!”

“I…I…wanted to…play…” Sasuke sulked, “You never want to play”

“Don’t put this on me, brat!”

“Madara doesn’t play with me, Obito doesn’t…you don’t…mommy keeps niisan away from me and…Izuna is playing with somebody else” Shisui sighed.

“That is not it, Sasuke, see, when you grow up…you have other responsibilities and sometimes…It takes over, look at me, I go to middle school, I have homework which does take priority, but…I am still here chasing you all the way…just to make sure you are safe”

Sasuke looked up, wiping his big tears away.

“Can you walk?” Shisui asked.

“Yes” Sasuke said, “But I still want you to carry me”

Shisui smiled, “Yes, princess” he carried Sasuke on his back.

“Can we still go and see the big red chicken?” Sasuke asked.

“Sure…Dora the Explorer” Shisui responded. It was not far anyway.

“Will you be Boots?”

“Uhm…yeah, whatever”

“You have to wear boots to be Boots”

“Well, I am not wearing boots”

“Then how are you Boots?” Sasuke asked.

“One more comment about boots and I will show you some place where I can shove a boot up”

“…You don’t have to go bananas”

“I will drop you” Shisui commented already annoyed.

OOXOXOXO

“Look, look nissan” Sasuke sat on Itachi’s lap and showed the map he had drawn. “We passed the ugly black curly sheep, then passed the forest of doom and then went on the rocky path to the big red chicken!”

“Ooh, and you drew that yourself?”

“Yes, yes!” Sasuke smiled when Itachi patted his head.

“It must have been quite the adventure, are you now Sasuke the explorer?”

“Yeah!” Sasuke smiled.

“More like Sasuke the troublesome” Shisui muttered, his head leaning on the armrest of the couch. It seemed he was the only one exhausted. The doorbell rang and the three looked at each other.

“I got it, I got it!” Izuna ran towards the door, but was picked up by Fugaku with one arm and thrown over his shoulder. They were goofing around before Fugaku opened the door, there was some talking in the hallway before Fugaku walked back in the living room with a man that seemed very familiar to Shisui.

“Kids, you remember uncle Bob, right?”

“…Fuck no…”

-special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing-

Childhood Stories #1

Admin:  So I am going to focus the next couple of one-shots on the AUB childhood.

The Broken Bike

“Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah!” The 15-years old screamed as the wheels of the bicycle rolled fast down the hill!

“Zuna! Slow down!” A young 12-years old boy exhaled exhaustively as he followed his brothers down the hill. He hit the breaks somewhere in the end and turned the wheel, so his bike slid around and ended right in front of the, now still-standing, brother.

“Wasn’t that fun, Sasuke!” Izuna asked as he ran his hand down his hair and turned around to look at the hill.

“You haven’t jumped off a driving car, have you? That is fun.” Sasuke smirked cockily before pointing north to a shop. “Let’s get some ice-cream.”

“Sure thing!” Izuna got off the bicycle and pushed it forward. He frowned before looking at his tire.

“What’s wrong, you are falling behind.” Sasuke turned his head to look at his brother.

“The tire…” Izuna swallowed, “it is losing air.” The teenager squatted down and his face panicked. ”A flat tire!” He exclaimed. Sasuke put his bike down and walked towards Izuna only to hear the air escape the tire.

“Yup...You are dead.” He simply stated.

“Shisui will kill me! This is the third time! It is his bike. I am..I am burned like a cookie in the oven!”

“Ha, more like a cookie baked by Itachi-nii!” Sasuke laughed, but Izuna was stressing out.

“He will kill me...He will get away with it too! Sasuke you got to take the blame for me!”

“No way!” Sasuke stood up, “You borrowed it. It is your fault.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Izuna said.

“That’s what I know. That’s what you know...But not what Shisui will know.”

“You have to help me!”

“What do you want me to do?” Sasuke asked.

“Something! I will do all your chores for the rest of the year!”

“Deal..Deal...I need you to go to the store grab a plastic container and two jars of sulfuric acid.’

“What?!”

“Meet me at the park, the spot near the lake. 17:00, don’t be late...Don’t be followed. “

“What are you planning on doing?” Izuna asked.

“The less you know the better.”

-----------------------------------------------

Izuna was panting as he arrived at the meeting spot.

“Were you followed?” Sasuke suddenly jumped off a tree, wearing a hoodie and sunglasses.

“No! What are you doing!?” Izuna had a mini heart attack.

“We are getting rid of the body.” Sasuke opened his backpack and revealed several items. New clothes, a saw, a lighter, a shovel.

“What are we going to do?”

“Shush! Follow my instructions.” Sasuke handed Izuna the saw, “Take it apart but get the rubber from the tires out. We will burn those.”

“What! I thought we were going to fix the tire!?” Izuna raised his voice.

“No, fuck that, too much trouble.” Izuna looked shocked, his little brother already started swearing. “Just do as I say. I have found dead bodies taped under boats.”

Izuna swallowed and did as Sasuke told him. He threw the bike in the container filled with acid. They closed the lit and wrapped duct tape around it.

“This is what we are going to do. We go in the water, we dig a hole, three meters. We put this container in it. Put some rocks on it so it won’t float. Then we put this dead dog-”

“OH DEAR BLOOM OF WINX CLUB!” Izuna covered his eyes seeing the body of a dead dog.

“Hey! It was on the side of the street!..This will cover the container. We put a meter of dirt on the rocks, then put the dog there, then we throw rocks on it...So it won’t float and then we shut the hole. Done. nobody will ever find it.”

“What will I tell Shisui?!”

“We say it got stolen. While you were out getting the supplies. I made sure a security camera catches an unknown man stealing the bike. We say the bike got stolen, the police confirms and nobody can get mad at you. Solved.”

“....Uhm….Okay…” Izuna swallowed.

“Here, I made these long straws so we can breathe while digging.”

“Uhmmm…..Uhu…”

---------------------------------

“Why did we have to burn our clothes?” Izuna buttoned his pants that Sasuke had brought from home.

“Because people won’t recognize us,” Sasuke answered. Izuna looked at the fire, before looking down at his phone. “7 PM...Mom called twice.”

“When we get home, say you didn’t have service down at the ice cream shop. Don’t worry I know to key, he promised to be our alibi.”

“What else have u made ‘disappear’?” Izuna asked as he was about to call his mother back.

“Don’t!” Sasuke smacked the phone out of his hands, ”they can trace that! Will you listen to me?! I’m a professional in this!” Izuna was trembling. The walk back home, he was trembling.

“Where have you two been!” Mikoto was angry, “you missed dinner!”

“We didn’t have a reception...At the ice cream store.” Izuna bit down his lip.

“Why are you two wet?”

“It is raining, didn’t you see?” Sasuke pointed at the window, even the weather was in his favor.

“Hey, aren’t they home yet? I only see one bike in the front.” Obito entered the room. Throwing his jacket on the couch, “you two, mom was worried about you.” His voice was strict.

“We made it home safe and sound,” Sasuke smiled. He seemed to be a natural liar.

“Where is the other bike?” Fugaku asked.

“Shisui’s bike got stolen.” Sasuke said, “that is why it took so long to get home. We were searching everywhere. The guy at the ice cream store showed us the security tape. Some kid just cracked the lock and ran.” Izuna just nodded.

“Y-yes.” He added. Fugaku frowned.

“During daylight, nobody who saw that kid.” He stood up and narrowed his eyes looking at Izuna. Sasuke pushed his elbow into the older brother’s side.

“There was no one there, except for the couple in the shop,” Sasuke answered.

“When did it happen?” Fugaku asked.

“Around four thirty. When we got in the ice cream shop, we got out at five because Izuna wanted seconds. I told him not to fill up, but he didn’t listen. Around 5 we got out and saw the bike was gone”

“What flavor ice cream did you have?”

“I had cherry Izuna had banana.”

“Only one banana?” Fugaku asked.

“Yes,” Sasuke answered directly.

“But you just said he had seconds,” Fugaku smirked, believing he had his son cornered.

“True, he had one banana and one chocolate chip,” Sasuke smirked.

“Well, perhaps I should drive by the ice-cream shop and ask for the security tape.”

“I already did.” Sasuke grabbed the tape from his back pocket, “But sure...He can give you another copy.”

“Hey, where have you two been?” Shisui entered the living room, wearing his pajamas.

“Your bike got stolen,” Fugaku said.

“No! Did you lock it?” Shisui looked at Izuna who nodded slowly. “Owh damn that sucks...But nothing to do with a criminal. At least you two are safe.”

“We sure are-”

“I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” Izuna shouted, falling on his knees. “Your bike wasn’t stolen! It had a flat tire!”

“Again? Well, that is better than stolen. We can fix a flat tire.” Obito said, but the pale look in Izuna’s face didn’t seem to be good.

“Where is the bike?” Fugaku folded his arms.

“Izuna, shut up!” Sasuke hissed.

“I can’t, I can’t. You might be fine with all this lying, but I wasn’t raised like that!” Izuna sobbed.

“If you say one word...I will snap your neck.” Sasuke leaned in,” and you know I will get away with it.”

“Sasuke.” Obito and Shisui both grabbed one shoulder and pushed him on the couch. Fugaku stood in the middle, glaring down at his youngest son.

“Where.Is.The.Bike?” Fugaku said. Sasuke remained quiet.

“We can also make it hard on you,” Obito said and pulled one hair out of Sasuke’s head.

“Dude. Obito, I got all my children teeth knocked out of the mouth. You think pulling one hair will hurt me?”

“I will ban you from eating a tomato again,” Shisui said. Sasuke gasped.

“I will get my hands on it anyway.”

“I will kill your brother,”  Fugaku said, causing both Shisui and Obito to gasp in shock.

“Dad! That went too far!”

“Yes, he is just 12!” Obito added.

“You go ahead. He is still your son. You can’t hurt him, or break me.” Sasuke seemed confident.

“I will have to grab the harsh material.” Fugaku walked up to a drawer and came back holding up a naked baby picture. “I will put this on the internet.”

“Nobody will think it is me. I will say it is Izuna, nobody likes a snitch anyway.”

“Hey, I am home. Otouto what did I tell you about putting your stuff everywhere? Sooner or later you will lose your backpack.” Itachi held it in his hands, before letting it fall to the ground. The sound of tools was heard and Shisui looked at Obito who looked at Fugaku.

“Itachi...Open the backpack.” Shisui demanded.

“Why...What happened?”

“Just do it!” Shisui snapped. Itachi rolled his eyes and opened it before his eyes turned shocked.

“A saw, a lighter, an empty box of gasoline!” Itachi looked shocked,” Uchiha waitforit Sasuke! What have you done!” Sasuke swallowed. “I will smack you if you don’t talk.”

“FINE!” Sasuke shouted, “I sawed the bike in pieces. I put it in a container filled with sulfuric acid. I wrapped duck tape around it. I buried it in the lake. Three meters. In the third meter is the container, followed by some rocks, then there is a dead body of a dog which I found on the side of a road, followed by more rocks then I just filled in the remained two meters with sand. I burned our clothes and tires and all other evidence. I threw it in the lake...Then I came here.”

“You could have just fixed the flat tire, Tom Sawyer!” Shisui hissed.

“Who is that? It would still make a better partner in crime than Izuna! Little bitch cracked right up-”

‘What did you say?!” Obito held his heart.

“Who are you calling ‘just 12’.” Fugaku looked at Shisui who remained quiet, “If that was a dead body he would have gotten away with it!”

“But it is a bike...I would have worked harder on my alibi..I would have also gotten rid of Izuna if that bike was a real person.” Sasuke glared at Izuna, ”You have to do all my chores for the rest of my life now!”

“Dad!” Obito, Itachi and Shisui shouted.

“I will handle this!” Fugaku said as he leaned in, “You are in big trouble young man!”

“I only did this because Izuna begged for my help!” Sasuke argued.

“You are grounded.” Fugaku stood up and folded his arms.

“For a month?” Itachi asked.

“A year?” Obito suggested.

“The rest of his life?” Shisui looked pissed.

“For tonight.” Fugaku patted Sasuke’s head.

“WHAT?!” Everybody in the room shouted.

“Owh son, grab yourself a snack from the kitchen. Have a good night!” Sasuke smiled hearing his father’s words as he ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of crisps before heading upstairs.

“This is favoritism, I don’t stand by this!” Shisui said.

“He was just helping his brother.” Fugaku said, “Go complain in court if you don’t like it.”

“I will! Shisui folded his arms.

------------------------------------------

*NOW*

“Shisui, your home!” Sasuke ran towards his brother and jumped up, embracing him tightly.

“Hey, heeyy~” Shisui let go of his briefcase, wrapping his arms around Sasuke.

“How was your day? Did you convinced the jury?”

“It was an easy case. Do I smell cake?”

“I made a cake! I want you to taste it!” He pulled Shisui by his arm towards the kitchen.

“You are very excited,” Shisui commented, allowing his younger brother to drag him to the kitchen.

“Hey….where is the cake I baked…” Sasuke looked at Madara who left the kitchen.

“Poisoned. I saved your life, Shisui.” Madara said as he passed the lawyer. Sasuke narrowed his eyes before opening the trashcan and seeing his cake in there.

“Madara, asshole,” Shisui commented before putting his hand on Sasuke’s shoulder.

“Hey don’t get sad. We will bake one together!”

“I am not sad...I am calculating something.” Sasuke tapped his index finger against his chin. “Nah Shisui. Say I have a plastic container that is about 1 meter by 30 centimeters and 50 centimeters high. Say I have a...Block..that is around 179 centimeter and weight about 70 kilos. And I am able to saw the block in more pieces. How many containers will I need? Quick follow up questions.It takes two jars of a certain liquid will I need. Say, the containers cost 7 bucks each and the jars of liquid 20. How much money will I spend?”

Shisui remained quiet before shaking his head.

“Madara isn’t my bicycle from six years ago. What have you learned back then?”

“Hnnn….Kill the partner in crime.” Sasuke hissed.

“No! It is cheaper to fix a flat tire than to hide the body of a bike. So in this case..It is cheaper to buy ingredients for a cake than to...Hide a body.”

Sasuke sighed and wrapped his arms around Shisui.

“Good boy.” Shisui smiled, patting Sasuke’s head.

-special thanks to @emeneska-chan for editing -

In The Closet

“Mom, Moommmm~” Naruto slipped, but just managed to regain his balance when he ran inside the living room. “My jacket, the black and orange one, where is it?”

“Honey, you have to be way more specific than that” Kushina responded, her eyes glued on the TV. Naruto pouted as he ran his hand through his hair, “My lucky one!”.

“Hnn...I haven’t seen that one in the laundry basket, perhaps you forgot it in your locker-?” Naruto stopped listening as he thought back to the last time he had worn his favourite jacket. His eyes narrowed as he hit his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“Sasuke!” he exclaimed.

“Is that the new ‘damn it’?“ Kushina asked in a state of confusion.

“No...wait...could be...anyway! I remember!” Naruto grabbed his phone from his pocket, “I totally forgot I borrowed it to him”

“When did that happen?”

“About a week ago, yeah, the fire alarm went off and we all had to stand in the cold…don’t give me those eyes, dattebayo!”

“I am not saying anything, dattebane...” Kushina hummed, though her suspicious eyebrows really did all the talking.

“He was shaking and his teeth were clattering, he looked very pale...but that could have been just his skin tone...anyway-” Naruto stopped talking after seeing the expression on his mother’s face. Completely unconvinced.  “Alright, the truth is that he wore a white shirt and his nipples were hard and very noticeable, I was being nice!”

“Right...” Kushina replied, shaking her head as the small smile remained on her lips. Naruto ignored her and since his friend wasn’t reacting on any messages; he decided to try and call him, but as there was no answer he put his phone in his pocket.

“I am going to go and get it” he stated.

“Are you going to be home before midnight or are you going to spend the night there?”

“It would make sense to spend the night with him, the fields are closer to his house than…NO NOT THAT WAY, MOM YOU PERVERT!” Naruto pointed an accusing finger at his mother before grabbing his keys, “Don’t wait up!” And with those words, Naruto shut the front door behind him, but not before hearing his mother respond with “Be safe..in bed”

His mother was known for being quite the tease towards him, it was also one of the things Naruto liked about his mother, but embarrassed him on occasion.

Oxoxoxoxoxoxox

“Really? a family of 6 and nobody is home?” Naruto questioned to himself, looking through the window and seeing all the lights turned off. He sighed and reached for his pocket to see if he still had some sort of hair pin he could use to open the door, but unfortunately, for the moment his days of breaking locks was over. The blond rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner, taking a couple of steps back while he put his hands behind his neck. He looked at the front of the house and narrowed his eyes upon seeing Sasuke’s window open, as usual.

“Dattebayo” Naruto looked at the rain pipe and back towards Sasuke’s window. It was worth a shot. He jumped up and wrapped his arms around the pipe, pulling himself up until he was right next to the window. He stretched his arm up, maybe if he was able to just reach it...but his fingers barely touched it. “Guy has to do what a guy has to do” Naruto muttered as he jumped, worse case scenario he would break a leg or an arm. Speaking of paying an arm and a leg...

The blond managed to grab onto the veranda before pulling himself up, going through the window and land right on the Uchiha’s desk. He heard something fall and he looked at the plastic vase with a sunflower on it.

“The wind did that!” Naruto justified to himself. He looked around the room, it was tidy except for the clothes piled onto the chair.

“So, this place hasn’t changed a bit” Naruto chuckled to himself, Naruto saw the laptop on the bed and at that very moment he swore a devil and an angel appeared on each of his shoulders.

“Owh! One small peak in his laptop won’t do nobody any harm!”

“But it is his privacy and we practically snuck in his room, it is wrong”

Naruto looked around the room and remained quiet; the house was deserted, he was alone, nobody would ever know. Drawn to the itching temptation, Naruto sat on Sasuke’s bed and pulled the laptop closer. He opened it and frowned seeing there was a password needed to access it

“Uhm...his birthday? No...too obvious” Naruto muttered; Naruto tried Sasuke’s surname, name of all his brothers and even his cat, but all were denied. The blond sighed in almost-defeat before running his hand through his hair. He looked at the desk, there was some water spilled there and on the floor was the plastic vase with the sunflower in it.

“Sun...flower...sunflower…” Naruto typed the word but the password got denied, he made a frustrated sound. Maybe Sasuke was one of those people who left a clue somewhere. He pressed at the ‘help me remember’ option only seeing there an “S N” written in capitals.

“Perhaps it is...‘SuNflower’ Naruto wrote, this time using a capital S and N. He put his hands in the air as he finally got access in Sasuke’s laptop. He had even all these tabs open.

“I am a genius, I should be a professional hacker, dattebayo!” Naruto laughed before he suddenly realised the nature of the passwords. “Wait a second….sunflower...S and N in capital...damn it! I thought the crush on professor Sunray was gone! Damn it, Sasuke, you bastard” Naruto muttered and pressed on the word document.

“Why is he writing an essay? I thought he had already handed in his-” Naruto stopped talking as his eyes directly caught on to some words that were so not ‘essay’ appropriate. His scrolled more up, his cheeks turning blood red.

“How dare he judge me on watching porn, he could write scripts” Naruto scoffed, his eyes looked surprised. He swallowed loudly. “For a certain genre I guess…” Naruto took his eyes from the screen and stared at the wall next to the bed. “He still has that body pillow, huh…” He looked back at the screen and opened chrome. A few tabs were left open. Such as youtube on a paused video on ‘Five awesome magic tricks’.

“Look at that, he is one of those Tumblr hipsters...no, he is probably in some fandom” Naruto was about to click on it, but he suddenly heard a door shut. He closed the laptop and put it back in place before sitting quietly on the bed. The moment he heard footsteps walking up the stairs, the panic arose. If it was either Izuna and Shisui, Naruto could have explained himself, but if it was anyone else...This was going to end badly. He didn’t take the risk and hid under the bed as fast as he cold, covering his mouth and nose due the dust. He couldn’t complain, God knows how many dead things were under his own bed.

The door opened and closed right away. It was odd, but how many people could identify their friend by their feet? Not that it was hard...Sasuke’s cat socks were quite...recognisable.

“That too? You gotta be kidding me” Naruto saw the cat socks wearing feet walk towards the plastic vase, picking it up and putting it back on the desk. “At last gravity works, that is more than I can say about this piece of shit” Sasuke grabbed the charger and plugged his phone while he sat on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair, but it resulted into pulling his hair thanks to the clips on the left that kept his left bangs away. He pulled them out and threw them on the ground. He laid down and Naruto couldn’t believe how bad his luck was. If Sasuke turned his head to him, then his life was not guaranteed at all.

“97 messages from three people...right...ignore” Sasuke said out loud, but the moment he stated that, the phone slipped passed his fingers right on his face. The Uchiha cursed, holding his face with two hands before moving to his side. Naruto looked relieved now that Sasuke’s back was facing him, and yet he had a hard time keeping his laughter to himself. After what seemed like minutes, Sasuke rolled back on his back and just stared at the ceiling.

“God...did I fuck your waifu in a previous life? Why are you doing this to me?” The words sounded too sincere to just be considered ‘sarcastic’. He grabbed his phone again, but decided to keep it an arm length away from him.

“Call Itachi.” Sasuke said.

“I'm sorry, I couldn't find 'bitchy' in your phonebook” The female voice responded.

“I’m sure that is a synonym to his name” Sasuke muttered as he sat up and put the phone on speaker. It ringed a few times before going to voicemail.

“Aniki, hey...it's me again, so, uhm…I have waited for two hours at the restaurant and I texted you, and left two other voicemails, but...uhm...I didn’t hear anything from you, plus my mobile battery died from all the games I was playing on it...so...I just went home and...y’know...guess we can grab dinner another time“ Sasuke turned the phone off and turned his face to the mirror and rolled his eyes.

“Otouto, wear something appropriate, you can’t appear in sweatpants” Sasuke mimicked Itachi’s voice, “At least I appear” He moved his bangs away before shaking his head. “I get less judgemental eyes eating alone at the fastfood restaurant than there, tch” Sasuke unbuttoned his waistcoat and threw it on the chair before loosening the tie and opening the first buttons of his blouse. The phone on the desk vibrated and Sasuke rolled his eyes before he reached for it.

“So you are not lying in a ditch somewhere in an ally, I am so relieved.” Well, that was his sarcastic voice. He left the phone on speaker again.

“Princess, I know you love me” The person on the other line chuckled and Naruto had a rough time recognising the person over the phone. “So why did you call, need some saving?”

“Called, you mean the one of three hours ago or the one five hours ago?” Sasuke looked at the mirror at the red spots on his neck, he let his finger slide over them. Naruto looked confused, where did that come from! Who was this guy on the phone? Could it be Nardo! Or Utakata!?

“Point being?” The voice asked.

“The one five hours ago, I wondered if you went passed the pharmacy and the one three hours ago was me hoping you could indeed save me from internal boredom and judgement-”

“You did say yes to Itachi?” The man on the other end did not seem surprised.

“How could I have said no? He tried so hard getting the reservations and…I figured he would really make it this time”

“I am not sure if I should say this...but...Itachi got those reservations from a shareholder, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t sincere into making it-”

“Owh shut up, Shisui!” Sasuke hissed, “I really thought he...he...owh, fuck it!”

“I am sorry, princess. Should I come home?”

“No stay at your lame party, I know you are drunk” Sasuke hung up and laid down on the bed making an annoyed sound. There was a small moment of silence, small, because soon the vase with the sunflower got thrown against the wall.

“Fuck you, aniki...fuuccckk yoouuu~” Sasuke stood up from the bed and walked out of the room. He could see Sasuke walk towards the bathroom and not even a minute or two later the shower was on.

The blond took his chance and got up to search for his jacket. He opened the closet, looking through it before turning his head to the chair. He looked through it, throwing the waistcoat, shirt, tie on the ground. He looked slightly surprised holding up a pair of boxers with the big red words ‘Naughty’ spelled on the bag. He looked at the chair and saw his orange jacket. He grabbed it, causing the others pile of cloths to fall. There was dead silence for a second, not even the sound of the shower was hearable.

“The shower!” Naruto thought and looked around him. He quickly pulled the closet open and hid inside it just in time. Sasuke entered the room and towel wrapped around his waist. Naruto swallowed being able to see Sasuke from the small gaps. He could see the Uchiha walk in his room, completely naked, except the towel wrapped around his shoulders. Naruto had to wrap his hand around his mouth as he wanted to look away, but yet his eyes were glued on the Uchiha. It should be a crime to wear baggy clothes with a body like that.

“It was ought to fall” Sasuke muttered, bending over to pick the clothes up and throw them in the laundry basket. He cocked his head and turned his head to the mirror before raising an eyebrow. He reached somewhere, though Naruto couldn’t tell since the Uchiha’s ass was getting 88% of the Uzumaki’s attention. He threw a shoe box on the bed and opened it, he held up a black lingerie and held it in front of him, examining it thoroughly. He then raised his shoulder in a ‘what the heck’ manner, causing the blond -that was doomed inside the closet-  to cursed loudly in his head. If he was capable of punching anything, he would have done so. He bit down his lip and looked through the gap to see Sasuke look at this direction. Naruto froze…

Sasuke got up and took a few steps towards the closet. Naruto’s heart was pounding, until Sasuke turned his head towards the window and closed the curtains.

“Well, about fucking time he learnt how to close the curtains” Naruto thought as he exhaled softly. All this adrenaline and stress, it really made miss being able to just walk to the loo without fearing for his life. He closed his eyes, trying to get his heart rate down. He turned his head and his heart rate went right up seeing Sasuke wearing the lingerie and looking at the mirror with a frown on his face.  

“Ugh!” Sasuke made an annoyed noise as he dropped himself in his bed. “Being ugly is cruel!”

“This is cruel…” Naruto whispered under his breath. He saw Sasuke sit up and throw a few items from the box on the ground. Some pretty tempting items were getting thrown around. He stopped a few times, changed in another one of these sexy outfits, before dropping himself on the bed and cursing. That happened about three times.

“Mwah...this is alright...” Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the mirror. He ran his hand through his hair that was half dry.  “Who am I kidding…?” He sighed and wanted to pick up the clothes he threw on the ground, but then the door opened and there was this moment of mere silence that lasted at the very least 12 seconds. “O..Touto…” Itachi was the first to talk, but before he could even finish Sasuke threw the underwear he wanted to pick up to the door and shouted for Itachi to “fucking knock”. Itachi took a step back, which gave Sasuke the opportunity to shut the door and lean his back against it. His face was as red as a tomato. The blond had a hard time keeping his laughter to himself.

“Owh come on, otouto~” Itachi knocked twice, “It is normal what you are undergoing, it is all part of growing up-”

“SHUT UP!” Sasuke shouted, covering his face with both his hands.

“Otoutooo~” The mocking was pretty obvious in Itachi’s voice.

“Do what you are best at, and get lost!” Sasuke shouted and a short silence followed. The door got shoved opened, shoving Sasuke with it (not that it seemed he was trying to push back). Itachi stuck his head in the room and looked at Sasuke who looked at his brother from the corner of his eyes.

“Want to talk about it?” Itachi asked.

“I am thinking white is more my colour.” Sasuke joked, referring to his lingerie.

“When Obito bought that...I thought you threw it out”  Itachi walked in the room and sat down on the bed.

“It’s rude to throw presents out” Sasuke argued. He picked the clothings items up and put them back in the box before taking the one off he had on and throwing in the box.

“The rash is gone.” Itachi noted, pointing at Sasuke’s crotch.

“The dermatologist is good” Sasuke as he reaching in the basket and grabbing a big grey shirt out of it. He smelled it before making a not caring gesture. He crawled in his bed and laid down, right behind Itachi.

“I am sorry about tonight” Itachi said as he allowed his hand to stroke Sasuke’s side.

“What is your excuse this time? Was there another emergency?”

“To be honest, I forgot our plans, I had no sense of time, I knew I was late, but I thought..half an hour or so...but ...turns several hours had passed” Itachi was honest.

“You smell like sweat and fatigue” Sasuke commented as he placed his head on Itachi’s lap.

“I will take a shower-”

“No stay.” Sasuke quickly interrupted Itachi, pulling him closer.

“I take that as you aren’t mad anymore?” Itachi allowed his body to get dragged in a lying position.

“I am used to it” Sasuke said, his head on Itachi’s chest.

“You make me sound like a bad person” Itachi sighed.

“I am not making sound like one, you are one” Sasuke smiled as Itachi lifted his head to look at Sasuke. “I have to admit, I did feel abandoned”

“It was stupid of me and it is my fault, but you know what? Tomorrow I am off, it is saturday, we will do whatever you want” Itachi turned to his side. “Promise” he placed a kiss on Sasuke’s forehead.

“I did feel like going to Seaworld, but if you are going to lecture me about sharks...I am going to throw you in their tank”

“You may, they won’t do-”

“It has already started” Sasuke yawned. The two talked for a while, though their responses become slower and soon both were quiet. They probably fell asleep.

Naruto took a deep breath, this was his chance. He slowly opened the closet door before crawling out. He looked at the bed before he stood up. His stepped on a creaking part of the floor, causing Itachi to turn his head. He looked right into Naruto’s eyes and the blond’s eyes widened. He was dead...he was so dead.

Itachi remained quiet, his eyes were half lid, it appeared he was half-asleep.

“Are you the dead body coming alive for vengeance or the ghost?” Itachi asked, his voice barely a whisper.  Naruto pressed his finger on Itachi’s lips, indicating him to be quiet.

“I am the dead body…” Naruto whispered. “Whatever reason you killed me, I am OK with it”

“Good...now stay the fuck away from my little brother” Itachi turned his back at Naruto and the blond felt an imaginary brick fall on his head.

“You are a crappy brother…” Naruto whispered before pulling the blanket over the both of them.

“Still better than you” Itachi whispered, hugging Sasuke sightly.

“Savage…” Naruto slowly tiptoes towards the window and crawled  through the rainpipe back down. He sighed in relieved once his feet hit the ground.  

“Gosh, that was close!” Naruto stretched his body, “I sure am sore, dattebayo” He turned around to walk to the bus stop, but the yelped seeing Obito standing right in front of him.

“What...are you...?” Obito looked up from Sasuke’s window to Naruto.

“Uhm...I was...uhm...doing homework?” Naruto scratched his cheek.

“I am not an idiot...it is okay...you both are old enough...you two had some chemistry going on for a while, it is all part of life.” Obito said, “But I have to ask you one thing...you did...use...protection?” He asked. Naruto froze...Did Obito really though he snug in Sasuke’s room to fuck him and sneak back out? ...Whatever made him shut up!

“Yes! Yes, of course!” Naruto said.

“So...is this a relationship...or-”

“It is” Naruto said, slowly backing away, “But uhm..don’t talk about it with Sasuke..he is shy…”  The blond smiled, then turned around and ran for it.

Oxoxoxoxox

*the next morning*

“So you made it very late” Kushina entered her son’s room as she picked up the dirty laundry. Naruto yawned, turning his back towards his mother.

“Yeah, yeah, dattebayo” Naruto yawned, but kept his head in his pillow.

“You got your lucky sweater” Kushina said and picked it up from the ground so she could put it on the desk chair. Something black fell from it on the ground. Kushina frowned and picked it up, holding it in front of her.

“This is not yours.” She commented with a teasing tone in her voice. Naruto turned his head around confused before seeing the black boxers with ‘naughty’ written on it.

“W-What?! It is mine!” Naruto quickly said as he got up and grabbed it. “Yes, yes mine!”

“I wash your dirty underwear, I know which ones you own” Kushina had a small, smug smile on her face as she titled her shoulders before leaving the room. “Ask Sasuke if I should wash it for him or if he is going to put it in the laundry at home”

“It is mine, not Sasuke’s at all-”

“Check the label, sweetie” Naruto froze by his mother words as he did was she told. He looked at the label: For: Sasuke From:U BRU Mesg: H. 17th B-day

Under it was a name of a site mentioned where it was probably ordered or maybe even designed. Naruto looked up and looked at the door, seeing his mother look at him.

“I...borrowed...it” Well, what he said wasn’t a complete lie.

Oxoxoxoxox

Sasuke yawned loudly as he walked towards the kitchen. He saw Obito on the table, eating cereal while Madara and Shisui were watching the news.

“Good morning” Obito said, looking up to see his youngest brother stretch his arms.

“Tch, there is nothing good about the morning, I am sore all over” Obito coughed, causing everybody to look at him.

“Are you alright?” Sasuke asked.

“Yes,yess~” Obito said, drinking his orange juice.

“I swear to God Sasuke, if you are not wearing any underwear-”

“Sush Shisui, you are only going to be more disappointed-”  Obito swallowed loudly.

“There is something odd going on with him” Shisui said, pointing at Obito.

“Nah it is normal, he has always been an idiot” Madara commented.

“Hey, where did you guys leave the grapefruit?”

“Why? I thought you didn’t like grapefruit as breakfast” Shisui commented.

“It is for niisan, he slept in my room, poor niisan was so tired-”

Obito spit out the orange juice.

“ITACHI IS INVOLVED IN THIS TOO?!” He shouted shocked.

“Uhm...yeah...it is fucking seaworld?” Sasuke looked confused.

“SO THIS IS A REGULAR THING!?” Obito looked shocked,”I need to get going! “ he stood up and grabbed his jacket while muttering, “I knew this family had thin boundaries, this shouldn’t be surprising at all, I am freaking out, this is weird, what happened to this generation…”

“You think he is alright?” Sasuke asked.

“I am afraid his idiot syndrome is getting worse” Madara muttered, “Also, can I tag along to seaworld?”

“Sure, didn’t know you-”

“I want to point at every ugly fish I see and name it ‘Sasuke’.” Madara pointed at Sasuke, “ Look, I will name it Sasuke”

“Fucking funny” Sasuke grabbed his phone and raised an eyebrow reading the messages Naruto had send him last night.

“Hey...wasn’t Naruto’s jacket on my desk chair…?”

“Yes, yesterday it was there, you told me not to throw it in the laundry” Shisui said.

“Stalker alert, what did you wanna do? Smell it?” Madara got ignored by Sasuke.

“It was on the chair last night...so why is he texting me if I have his jacket and then after midnight he texts me that he already has it...do I have alzheimer?”

“I doubt he snuck in the house to grab one jacket back” Shisui said.

“Then it would be a perfect relationship, two weirdos”  Madara commented.

“Strange…”  Sasuke muttered.  

oxoxox special thanks to @failureoftheyear xoxoxox

Heyyyy you write fanfic right? Do you post on ao3? And if you do, what is your username?

Yes, I write on AO3 it is called QueenOfSasukeFanfcitions and here is a link if you're interested

https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSasukeFanfictions

I used to write on Fanfiction. Net( I have a bunch of stories there, some even from way way back, which is now kinda embarrassing but yeah whatever I am not gonna delete them just because they are from 2014) but I often got homofobian hate, especially from the NH fandom, and I don't enjoy the format it comes in. So when I got aquinted with AO3 I enjoyed there were better rules, warnings and format to wrok with.

One of my user names is CursedMadScientist and it only has 1 story which is also available on AO3

There is QueenUchiha

There are 2 stories (one in Naruto verse the other is in a AU fantasy world) and 1 one-shot on. They are from 2014 so.. I wouldn't give them ur time, but if you wanna laugh. Sure.

Then there is YaoiKingUchiha

WHICH IS JUST PORN SOME HORNY TEENAGER WROTE 😂😂😂😂

And one crack story

Other than this there is the old AmazingUchihaBruhs blog on Tumblr with a bunch of one shot stories and Domestic SNS which is also a side blog.

And if you wanna go way way waaaaaaayyy back there are some Dutch stories on some other platform I don't know if that exists anymore, I hope it doesn't because those stories were garbage, but I think it is funny to read back on what u did 9+ years ago.

Bang Crush Part 4

also read:  part 1 , part 2, part 3

oxoxox

"I think it is a mistake worth making," I said. I could see him turn his head, his eyes looking at the ground as he left the lab.

“So it turned out there was a dryer, like..Right next to the lab.” Nardo scratched his cheek nervously, “Pretty convenient place since the lab coats get washed and dried there.”                                                                                 “Was finding it what took you so long?” I asked, kicking my legs out of pure boredom.

“I was kinda watching the dryer...I don’t know why I did that...I wasted ten minutes of my life watching the thing turn.” Nardo shook his head as if he was reflecting upon life and all his bad decisions. “I don’t regret anything.” He put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat before approaching me. “And these were in your pockets.” He handed me a frozen yogurt gift card. Of course, the pants originally belonged to Izuna. It was his gift card, I can’t even remember the last time I ate frozen yogurt.

“Thanks,” I said examining the gift card.

“And this.” I looked up from the card and I could feel an imaginary brick fall on my head seeing him hold a strawberry flavored condom. It almost felt like Izuna was a seer and predicted all of this. My hand reached for the condom, but he suddenly pulled it away. I looked up and I could see an amused look.

“It is a little odd, don’t you think?” He looked at the condom he was holding between two fingers, “Because I recall you telling me you are a virgin.” His eyes met mine again.

“Owh you caught me,” my voice couldn’t have been more sarcastic, “I planned this all out. Y’know that girl that spilled the chemicals on me. Yeah, I paid her to do that, and the rest just fell into place. I was actually trying to bang you.” I leaned in so I could reach for the condom, “And I can say it is going pretty well.”

Nardo looked slightly confused, his eyes were narrowed as if he was trying to figure me out.

“Really?” He asked, there was no surprise in his voice what so ever. Somehow, that felt like a good thing.

“I am joking,” I said as I chuckled slightly.

“You are a pretty good liar.” His suspicious look faded slightly, “That is not a good thing.”

“Owwhh~” I placed my palm on my cheek, “Do I get punished now?” I saw Nardo stiffen and his head turning slightly red..Well I had made him uncomfortable now. I shouldn’t have said that. Now he must think I am weird as fuck.

“I was joking. Don’t take it literally.” He exhaled relieved.

“For a moment I thought I was in a bad porn and I was tested by fate.” “When you say bad porn ..What..Do you mean? As in naughty bad? Or actor is fucking ugly kind of bad?” I heard Nardo laugh at my question, but I guess it didn’t come through him that I was actually being serious. “Well?”

“I guess the one where the storyline is good but the grammar is bad.”

“Wait…What porn has grammar?” I narrowed my eyes.

“I read a lot of-” he suddenly waved it off, “I am not discussing porn with you.”

“Alright fair enough.” I got off the desk, “You think my pants are dry by now?”

“They should..Probably any minute. I will fetch them.”

“I will come. I want to see what kind of manipulative powers that dryer has. Y’know catching your eyes for ten entire minutes. I must learn its secret.” He opened the door and I saw this small smirk on his face as I walked out of the lab.

“Right? Or left?”

“Left,” Nardo said and I took a total of two steps before feeling his hand on my shoulder, he pulled me towards the other side. “Left.” He repeated.

“Uhm..Right!” I said, feeling embarrassed.

“No left.” He laughed at his own joke.

“Y’know, the reason why I mess up left and right is not because I am stupid...Well partly.” I rubbed the back of my head.

“Nobody thinks you are stupid.” He said.

“I beg to differ.” I muttered, looking at the ground before meeting his eyes, “It is actually because I am.. Someone that is known as Ambidexterous.”

“You have to enlighten me with that term.” He opened the door of a small room and allowed me in. “There is not light. I think the lightbulb is burned out,” he held the door open behind him as he looked at the dryer that was set for another 5 minutes. I stopped over the little vacuum machine. “So what is Ambi..Something. Not an illness I hope.”

“No,” I looked at the timer of the dryer, “It is basically when you can..Use both your hands as the dominant one.”

“Like Tesla?!” He snapped his finger, “That is cool. Were you born that way or…”

“No, when I was younger I came to the conclusion that I was not very strong to beat my opponent. I relied on the element of surprise and technique…. Well, it is a long story, but in short, it was good to throw a knife from the left hand to the right, instead of just being left.”

“God, what have you been through as a kid?” I suddenly felt a hand wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me closer. “I scolded my boy for running around the house with sharp pencils. I can’t imagine him fighting with knives.” As he was talking I turned my head to his hand around my shoulder, seeing the bandage wrapped around it. I noted it before, but...I wonder why.

“What happened to your arm?” I asked. I put my hand over his bandaged one.

“Owh, it is a funny story, I burned it as chemicals fell on it and it is sunlight sensitive so I must avoid light at all cost. That is why I bandage it.”

“Your surname becomes more and more ironic.” I turned my head and chuckled. I heard a loud “Bang” sound and the room was suddenly pitch black. I turned my head around to the closed door. Followed by hearing two familiar voices shouting: “For the sake of the Bang Crush!” I didn’t have to walk up to the door to know it was locked from the outside. However, Nardo did not put two and two together...Which made me question who was bad at maths.

“Did students just lock us up?” Nardo tried to open the door.

“Save the trouble...They will unlock it soon enough.” I said.

“How do you know?” He asked. Well...How was I going to explain the “Bang Crush” thing to him?

“Uhm...Five older brothers...Remember?” I coughed...Might not have been the best lie to come up with. I turned towards the dryer to see how much time there was left.

“You think there is a torch here somewhere?” I could hear Nardo move his hands over the shelves I tilted myself on the dryer so I had some platform to sit on. I wondered how the man could even make anything out of the dark. It seemed there was no light except for the timer. I suddenly felt a hand right on my crotch. My throat was numb and I couldn’t make any kind of noise, not even a stupid squeal or yelp.

“I am so sorry!” He removed his hand and I pulled my leg towards my chest. I guess my face could have become a red lamp at that moment. I swallowed, what was I supposed to say? It is alright? Of course, it is alright! He is my Bang Crush. Wouldn’t it only be fair for me to touch his? I opened my mouth to say something, but I could hear his foot hit the vacuum machine that was on the ground. He fell forwards, but lucky for him he didn’t hit his head on the dryer. Instead, his face fell on my lap and I managed to hold him and help him back up. “What is wrong with me!?”

“It is alright, shit happens.” I couldn’t surpass my smirk. My cold hands were right on his naked chest and I could feel his nipples getting hard. I needed all my willpower to not just pull him towards me and kiss him. I lowered my hands and my fingers felt his abs just before they were forced to get back towards me.

“Alright, so you are on the dryer.” I could feel his hand trying to find my exact position. His hands ended up on thighs, and he probably just wanted to make sure to avoid any awkward touching, but I must say ..I loved his grip.

“Yes, and you are right in front of me.” I guess my joy was hearable from my voice, I couldn’t hide it. “Isn’t this funny.” I laughed. I swear I will make sure to thank Izuna later. I heard Nardo exhale deeply.

“So Hime, was it?” He asked and I made a confirming sound, “How long have u been in the closet?” He laughed at his own play on words and I just chuckled. This is how aniki must feel when he laughs at his boyfriend’s puns.

“When we are out of the closet, we should get coffee,” I said.

“Definitely!” He said, “With apple pie.���

“Or donuts that are filled with jam.” I put my hand on my stomach, “Yes, I am hungry.” I sighed.

“You should keep your mind off it,” Nardo said, “How about a game, to make the time pass?”

“Do I look like your eight years old son?”

“No, my son is blond.” He said, “And he can count.”

“See how much shit I give,” I commented.

“I can’t see anything in this dark.” He stated.

“Exactly,” I smirked when he remained quiet.

“You really enjoy love-hate relationships, eh?”

“Love-hate? I thought there was only love here.” I used this as an excuse to wrap my arms around his torso, “Right now you are my favorite teacher.”

“Aren’t you suddenly a sweetheart?” I could feel his hand go through my hair. “Truth or dare?” I asked. I figured since we were in a closet anyway. I could use it to my advantage.

“Truth.” He said and I let go of him.

“So how big is your dick?” I heard him scoff.

“What is wrong with kids these days.” “So?” I asked.

“Tch...Dare..” He muttered.

“Fine, show me your dick.”

“I could do that, but-”

“You are scared?”

“No, it would be a waste of your dare. Since you won’t be able to see it anyway.”

“Hnnnn….You are right.” Well, it was the idea that counted anyway, “Kiss me?” I suggested. I heard him chuckle. I wondered if he was mocking me or if he found my request cute? I looked up, and I suddenly felt his lips on the corner of my mouth. It wasn’t anything near sexy or hot, but it was a kiss. A kiss near my mouth.

“Owh.” He pulled back, I figured he wanted to kiss my forehead, but I moved without him knowing. “There you go.” He said, patting my cheek. “Satisfied?”

“Yes~!” I said, “your turn.”

“Truth or dare?” He asked.

“Truth.”

“What is your backstory.” I swallowed.

“Dare.” I changed my words fast.

“Hnn..Tell me your backstory.” He used my trick!

“Pfff…Well, I guess you are  referring to the moment I fucked up.” I sighed and was thinking deeply, “Basically I fucked up ever since I was zygote!” I laughed, but he wasn’t laughing...That made me nervous.

“You know, I am actually concerned about you.” I felt his hands on my face, making me look up. Perhaps it was the idea of eye contact that matter or perhaps he had good night vision.

“Are you this concerned with all your students?” I tried to laugh it off, “You must have your hands full then.”

“Not all are this fucked-up.”

“Itai~” Those words hit the heart, but well I was used getting hurt. I suddenly heard a beeping sound and I looked under me at the dryer. “Pants,” I said out loud. Nardo knelt down and grabbed the jeans before handing them to me. I put them on, pulling them over my thighs. Izuna had great taste in pants, but damn did I hope he would get bigger thighs in his life so I wouldn’t have to wrestle so much.

An eye blinding light caused me to shut my eyes. I was forced to open them and get used to it. My eyes were burning, but I managed to make out a silhouette. The silhouette of the cleaning woman. She narrowed her eyes.

“Ooh, thank God, you have opened the door-”

“No, honey, you don’t get to thank no God.” She moved her finger while she spoke. I quickly pulled my pants up.

“W-what…” Nardo looked confused at the cleaning lady before looking at me.

“I have to ask-” Nardo was about to say something, but the woman shushed him, she turned her head to me. “Are you here against your will?” She rested her hand on her hip.

“No!..Wait..Yes..”

“What!?” Nardo looked at me slightly panicked.

“No! No! I mean..I am in this closet against my will. The real closet, not..Like..Sexuality...Sexuality wise it is just confusing as fuck, y’know, but that aside! It is not that I am against my will with Nardo! I totally like this guy. Not that we are together..No..He has a wife and kids, but-” I suddenly felt Nardo’s hand pressed against my mouth.

“Just stop, you are making me sound bad in front of the cleaning lady.” He whispered. I put his hand off my mouth.

“Sorry…” I said. He turned his head around.

“So~ Uhm….Thanks for opening the door…” I could see a sweatdrop appear on Nardo’s forehead the moment the cleaning lady narrowed her eyes and indicated she was keeping her eyes on him. I got off the dryer and followed Nardo out of the closet.

“You are making this really hard for me, Sasuke..” He sighed as he walked a few steps ahead of me.

“I can make more things hard.” He suddenly turned around. “Your job, your life, your relationship.” I coughed, “Your penis.”

“You talk so big-”

“I can show you big.” I fingerbanged him. He covered his eyes with one hand, but I could see his cheeks getting flustered. “Isn’t this sexual harassment?” He muttered, but I could still hear him.

“I can show you sexual. You can judge if it is harassment later. Y’know, when you recover.”  He removed his hand from his eyes.

“You seem to be on fire with your remarks. But, kiddo, first button up your pants.” I looked at my crotch with my open button and zipper. I then looked back at Nardo and raised an eyebrow.

“So~ what are you looking at, hah?” I cocked my head and I saw him open his mouth to say something, only to be left speechless. I buttoned and zipped my pants up, “Well, now coffee date should really happen. You should know I am still classy.”

“It would only be fair, right?” He smiled, “And it would actually be even better to get to know each other more now.”

“If you want to unlock my sad background story and get access to my mentally ill head. You will need at least three dates.”

“Fair enough. I drink a lot of coffee anyway.” He extended his arm and I couldn’t surpass a small victorious look. This was really happening! I was about to wrap my arms around his, but before I could even touch him.

“Professor!” I glared at the unknown student running towards us, “The lab, there’s a smoke everywhere!” She was panting.

“What happened?” Nardo looked concerned.

“I left my project for only one minute for a pee break and suddenly..There was this white smoke, everywhere.”

“What is wrong with this school.” Nardo shook his head and jogged after the student towards some other lab in this university. I narrowed my eyes…I was so close. I heard some small chuckling and I recognized that chuckle all too well. I kicked the boy’s restroom door open and saw Naruto right next to the door.

“You said you would leave me alone.” I hissed.

“I didn’t do nothing.”

“We both know you did.” I narrowed my eyes, “What did you do?”

“I could try explaining it to you, but we both know chemistry is not your subject and you won’t understand.”

“Naruto, I will strangle you.” I threatened.

“Damn Sasuke,” He smiled, “You need to get laid.”

“I am trying!” I hissed.

“Why all the effort? There is a bathroom stall here, and I am free.” He had this stupid smile on his face. I wondered how he managed to find a way to punch me in the heart. It wasn’t fair I was the only one getting hurt. I pushed his head against the wall and he hissed in pain. Now we were even.

“Don’t play with me.” I turned myself around to walk away.

“Sasuke, how about a kiss for the pain? Dattebayo.” I turned my head to look at him. He was making fun of me…I could see him rub the back of his head that hit the wall and give me that smile...Was that supposed to be an innocent smile? It didn’t seem like one. It was more devilish.

“Naruto,” I turned myself around, “You know what my biggest mistake in life has been?”

Naruto’s eyes turned serious and the stupid smile was gone. He lowered his arm.

“Letting you in my life. Itachi is right, you don’t belong there.”

“That hurt, Sasuke.” Naruto inhaled deeply and I could see him bite his lip.

“Good. Makes the both of us.” I stared at the sinks, “Just stop making fun of me.”

“I wasn’t making fun of you.” He stated.

“Yeah right.”

“But I wasn’t! It is completely in your head!”

“Is this my fault too now?” I looked him directly in the eyes, “Am I delirious? Is it my anxiety? Or some other stupid mental illness. That;s good right, cuz your dad won’t go out of business as long as I am mentally fucked-up. You made that clear.”

“I am not trying to go off-topic, but aren’t you the one trying to fuck the professor?”

“Don’t you have a pill to take? Cuz you are really jumping to a lot of conclusions.”

“Hey, I ain’t trying to get in the pants of a married man.”

“But you shoplifted an expensive bottle of liquor and I got accused for it! And you dare to question me! How about you look at yourself!? You ain’t a goody two shoes, so stop pretending!” 

Naruto remained quiet and his eyes lowered themselves to the ground. “Why do you have to be like this.” He sounded frustrated and mad.

“It is called honesty.” I folded my arms.

“It is called ‘pushing people away’. I suddenly get why your brothers want to stay away from you.”

“Why don’t you do one smart thing in your life,” I had to take a deep breath. My hands were itching to punch him in the face at this very moment. I felt the pressure in my chest and this lump in my throat. His words hurt. Perhaps because it came from him, or maybe because he was telling the truth. Either way, I wanted to hurt him..It wasn’t fair I was the only one feeling like this. “-and follow their example.”

With those words, I left.

oxooxoxSpecial thanks to @emeneska-chan

Ask Game

(insert character name),  would you rather (option A) or (option B)?

Bang Crush part 3

Also read-> part 1 , part 2

"Hey, I am home," I said as I put my bag down in the corner of the room. I looked up seeing Izuna point at the tablet that Itachi was holding and looking at as if it was some new discovery. Whatever they were watching ended, both Shisui and Itachi looked up at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you flirting with your chemistry professor?” Shisui was the one to speak up. My eyes widened.

"What? Why are you asking?!" I grabbed the tablet from their hands and tapped my finger on the play button. "Uzumaki fucking Naruto…" I hissed seeing a video of how I fell on Nardo's lap and remained sitting there. I guess it was obvious to them that I had a bang crush. I was actually looking decent for once.

"Is it true?" Itachi asked the clueless expression remained in his eyes.

“I am not in love with him.” I wasn’t lying...I was not in love with Nardo.

“We are asking if you had a crush.” Damn it, I should have known I couldn’t get around it.

“Uhm..It is called a..A bang crush.” I looked at Itachi.

"Bang cruuussshh~" Izuna raised his cup of tea.

“You knew about this?” Itachi asked.

“Yes, I was the first one who knew.” Izuna bragged.

"I told Sakura, she told...Izuna." I sighed, "Listen, it is really nothing. I am not going to act on it. I just...Flirted a little." Itachi stood up and walked towards the bookshelf.

“What are you doing?” Shisui asked.

"I am not prepared for this," Itachi said and grabbed a book before sitting down.

“You have...A parenting book?” I questioned.

"Bought it the moment mother went to the mental institute," he said, going through the pages. "There is nothing about it." He turned his head to Shisui.

"Maybe Google what to do?" Shisui grabbed his phone, "What am I supposed to type in the search bar. What to do when your little brother has a crush on the professor?"

“Try daughter instead of little brother. I bet it has more results." I was getting ignored like I was a hard question on a test and got skipped.

“What is going on?” Obito looked confused as he got downstairs. I let my head hang the moment Shisui and Itachi both started telling him everything.

"Eeey~ Bang crush!" Obito said, causing Izuna to repeat after him, "But really both of you get off the internet. We will just talk this through."

“Please go back on the internet,” I said.

“Don’t be shy Sasuke, we all have our weird crushes. You are just a teenager experiencing-”

"Ennoouuugggghhhh~" I wanted to shelter my ears from his misery talk.

“What is our plan? Send him to boarding school?” Itachi asked.

“No!” Izuna and Obito both shouted.

"Come on, we all had our fair share of crushes. I mean, did you guys not see me wink at the ice cream man every time he gave me a free scoop." Izuna said, crossing his leg and leaning against the armrest. "It will pass….Through sex." He muttered the last part and I rolled my eyes. I swear this half an hour that they kept talking about my crush and about my ‘teenage hormones' made me cover my ears.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” I shouted.

“Come on, Sasuke. You got to tell us,” Obito tried to pull my hand away.

"Maybe we should call Namikaze, he seems like one of those good dads. He surely knows what to do." Shisui said.

“If he was such a wonderful dad, explain Naruto.” Itachi sounded salty.

"Wonderful dad, wonderful kid. For crying out loud Itachi, he sent us that video because he cares."

“Enough! You guys really want to hear about my sex dream!? Fine! Hear it! Listen to it! Alll theee waaayyy~!!” I was so pissed right now.

“Sex? Are we talking about sex?” Madara took his coat off once he entered the room and suddenly got a long explanation about how I was sexually attracted to my chemistry professor.

“So you are not asexual?” Madara asked and then raised his shoulder, “Eh.”

“You don’t care?” Both Itachi and Shisui said at the same time.

“Dude, look at Sasuke..No way that guy is even considering it. He probably thinks the kid is pathetic and slow with learning. That is why he is babying him around...Aren’t we all?” Madara said before sitting down.

“Thanks...I guess.” I frowned, “I mean...What do you mean he is not even considering it…I mean...I can be ..Sexy? Right?” I suddenly heard all my brothers laughing loudly. “Can I be cute?” I asked and saw them look at one another rather...Awkwardly. “Hashirama said I am cute.”

"He was just being nice," Izuna said looking at his nails in an arrogant way.

"You are the guy people think about when they choke themselves while masturbating. Y'know when there is no wifi or magazines laying around...Or commercials….Actually, let me rephrase that. A guy that is stuck in the woods, that would choke himself while masturbating..In wolf shit." Madara said, "Either way..We don't have to worry at all."

"I guess you are right. A professor won't risk his career just to be Sasuke's bang crush."

“Bang crush.” Izuna raised his glass again.

“What if he does?” I asked.

"You didn't mention your teacher being blind and paralyzed." Madara got up from the couch. "Nothing to worry about."

“I swear to God if I managed to bang him I will film it...And you guys will watch.” I hissed before realizing what I said,”Ugh no..Poor you guys, you will judge me on my lousy performance. Nevermind the tape!” I got up. “But since you guys don’t think I can do it anyway...I won’t stop trying!”

"I am not adult enough to handle this," Itachi whispered in Shisui's ear.

"Yeah, I have no idea either," Shisui added.

"Officially we will blame Obito and Madara if something happens," Itachi said.

“I will make sure they sign the legal papers.” Shisui got up and walked towards the dining table to grab his laptop.

That night I was staring at the ceiling, thinking of every ‘ugly' joke I had heard so far. I sighed before allowing my hand to go through my hair, I grabbed my bangs and looked at it.  How could it be possible all my brothers were so good looking and here I was..Being the ugly duckling. I sighed and grabbed my phone from under my pillow. I was going to write an email to Nardo, explaining to him that the next lesson I would be in a little late because of a doctor's appointment, but after that Naruto mentioned the rash I had..I figured to be straight forward and tell him I would come in late because of my "monthly blood donation" and if I would need a doctor's note or not. I better ask Itachi now before I would have to go around the entire hospital to find him. Honestly, I didn't want to miss more than the first ten minutes of Nardo's class. I was learning too much and yes...I just want to enjoy every second I could get with the man.

“Hey,” I heard Izuna say as he opened the door to my room.

“What do you need?” I asked and put my phone on the nightstand.

“Hmm..I thought what Madara said was sort of mean.” He went to sit on the edge of the bed. I let go of my hair, allowing it to fall on my face.

“I wish I could say shit like, I don’t care about beauty, it is the brains that count..But I don’t have that either.” I sighed and sat up, “What I have is the ability to shoot people and beat them...to death.”

“You are a wonderful author. We have read your fanfiction,” Izuna chuckled.

"It is not good...Nothing is." I laid back down, putting my hands behind my head. "What if legit..Nobody is able to love me?"

“I will fuck you, don’t worry.”

“I appreciate that.” I sighed.

“Come on, you are very good looking,” Izuna climbed on top of me.

"You don't have to lie to me. I have eyes and a mirror to look in."

“You are just not embracing your beauty..And seven years of combat training.” He pulled my sweater up, all the way to my chest, “Behold! Sasuke’s inner beauty!”

“Knock it off,” I tried to get him off me, but he refused.

“One picture, come on!” Izuna reached for my phone before lowering my sweatpants so they hung dangerously low, “For reference!” he shouted. I laid my head back down and held my pillow.

"Why won't you just use google!" I closed my eyes annoyed. I felt Izuna's hand ruffling my hair up.

“Just making it look like you had a rough night.” He smiled and I opened my eyes, looking at him with half lidded eyes.

"Wha-" I couldn't even finish what I said before I saw a flash. "My eyes!" I hissed, shutting my eyes.  

“Perfect! See you can be sexy as hell!” Izuna turned his phone.

"Eeeiik!!" I got up staring at his phone screen. "TOO ECCHI! DELETE IT, DELETE IT!" I tried to grab his phone, but he pulled it back. "You played me!"

“I am just going to send it to Madara! So he can take his words back!”

“You said reference! Don’t send it! He insulted me enough for a day!” I tried to get the phone back.

"He will take his words back! I will send it to Tobirama, sure he will fap to it!" Izuna laughed and I managed to grab my phone back, wanting to delete the picture if it wasn't for the loading sign.

“Sent" My heart stopped beating seeing the animation on the screen of an envelope reaching a mailbox. "Sent…" I repeated and quickly pressed on the "sent emails" seeing the last email I sent was to "Professor Sunray!" I shouted pressing on it and seeing both ecchi pictures Izuna took.

“What? What?” Izuna asked. I looked up.

"I can never show my face to him again...I have to kill myself." I was being rather serious. Izuna grabbed my phone and gasped before chuckling.

“Oooh! Guy has no idea what is coming to him!” Izuna laughed.

“Izuna!” I shouted, hiding my face in my hands.

"Don't worry! Don't worry!" Izuna repeated, typing something. "We just tell him not to open the first email. That it is was a misunderstanding and it contains some private documents you would appreciate him not looking at."

“What will stop him from looking at it!” I shouted.

"Hey...If he is interested in you. He will look at it, probably fap to it." I smacked his head when he mentioned "fapping" again. "Listen, you go tomorrow. If he blushes when he sees you. It means he opened it and I can't blame him for saving the images. In other words,"

"I have a shot..With my bang crush." I gasped, "What if he is straight and is disgusted by the picture?"

"Then he turns gay," Izuna smiled, "The guy wears an orange tie, you have nothing to worry about!"

“Okay...I need to relax...I will just go there and the worst case scenario he asks me what the fuck is wrong in my head and I can lie it was meant for...My girlfriend or some shit.” I looked at Izuna typing.

"Told you Tobirama would fap to it." He turned the screen of my phone, apparently, now I had sent that picture to Tobirama now and he hadn't responded for two minutes..Even though he was online.

"He is questioning me…He is probably showing Hashirama and they're laughing their asses out. Why did you do this!" I shouted.

‘He responded!” Izuna turned the screen again.

"Is this the same hobo we know?" He asked. Of course, he knew it was Izuna that sent him the pictures. I would never. Izuna texted back: "I KNOW RIGHT!"

"Give me my phone back!" I demanded.

Oxoxoxo

I knocked and opened the door of the lab, seeing everyone looking at me. I turned my head to the blackboard seeing Nardo putting the chalk down. My heart started beating faster and this awkward silence took over.

“Overslept?” Sakura asked.

"I..Uhm..Was at the hospital." I said holding up the note Itachi wrote for me.

"Right.." Nardo wiped his hands off on his pants before reaching for the note. His hands awkwardly stopped halfway, he extracted his hand, then reached for the note again and grabbed it. "Uhm yeah…" He scratched his cheek, looking down at the sheet of paper. I wasn't sure if he was being dorky or… If he was being nervous. I bit down on my lip and stared at the sink.

"What is written here?" He turned the sheet of paper, but my eyes could not read from so far. I leaned in and grabbed the note. Reading Itachi's handwriting was a skill not many possessed.

“One brain for this sucker…” I read and I felt an imaginary brick fall on my head, hearing the class laugh behind me. Of course...Niisan...You piece of shit.

“I never said my brother was a good doctor.” I scratched my cheek.

"Wasn't he the chief of medicine?" Nardo asked.

"Look at you paying attention to what I say. He is a real tease," He put the note down and leaned in.

“Why did you have to go to the hospital.”

"Eh? No! No! I am as healthy as they come." I said putting my hands up in an innocent way.

"Physically...Mentally is questionable." I heard Sakura shout.

"Physically? I am concerned where all the food goes he eats." Neji commented and I turned my head and glared at Neji. Why the fuck was he paying attention to what I eat, though..It wasn't that weird hearing me say every minute of the day "I am hungry, let's go grab food from the KFC," though Sakura thought I was glaring at her.

"Come on, you go to a therapist so often the therapist gets his monthly living just from you," Sakura said.

“Sakura,” Naruto said and for a moment I thought he was going to tell her to shut up, “Don’t tell him. My dad will go out of business without him.” Everybody laughed again and I turned my head back at Nardo.

"I donate blood, every month," I said before turning to my spot next to Suigetsu.

“Noble.” He smiled kindly before continuing his explanation.  I turned to the blackboard and I couldn’t help having my eyes on his butt.

Time seemed to fly by when you are focused on something. He turned around and put the chalk down.

"Go on," he said. My eyes widened seeing the board filled with words, I looked at my notebook and well..The blank page was probably not going to help me a lot. Everybody else was already grabbing their supplies and getting started while I didn't even get what I was supposed to do.

"Did you pay attention?" Suigetsu asked.

"Give me a minute," I said as I grabbed the assignment sheet and skimmed it before reading it thoroughly.

“Were you sleeping? I thought you were always the eager one with making notes.” Suigetsu commented as he looked at my notebook.

"Forgot your colored pens?" Naruto walked behind me and chuckled slightly. I turned my head around and shook it. His comment was unnecessary. "It always looks like a unicorn took a dump on his notebook."

"Usuratonkachi, it is a scientifically proven fact that people memorize better when using colors!" I stood up and pushed my palm on the table just when Hinata walked by. Apparently, she got startled by the loud sound. She threw the Erlenmeyer and yelped, taking a step back as the liquid fell on my shirt and the bottle shattered on the ground.

“Fuck,” I took a step back, and this thick chemical smell was now hanging all around me.

“I-I am s-sorry!” I looked up and saw tears appear in her eyes. Either she was pretty fucking scared of me, or she didn’t like everyone’s attention on her right now.

“What was that?” Nardo asked and maybe it was the urgency of his voice or the fact that he was frowning.

"I-I don't k-know-" That was a silly response, surely she must have known what chemicals she has put in there. However, she probably was too nervous to think straight.

“Everybody out, now!” Nardo raised his voice to the class before grabbed me by my upper arm. I could see some tears escape Hinata’s eyes. I bet she taught professor Sunray was mad at her. Naruto quickly wrapped an arm around her and I could see her hug him tightly as he guided her out of the lab.

“I didn’t do anything!” I guess it was my natural instinct to claim my innocence, but can you blame me for always getting blamed for the tiniest stupid things.

I could see Hinata hiding her head in Naruto's chest as my sunflower tried to calm her down by stroking her hair. I never felt such hating feeling boil inside me before. I was the victim! Not her! The door closed and I suddenly realized the situation I was in. Nardo gave me a weird look, perhaps my comment appeared concerning to him. He pulled something and I yelped from the sudden cold water. Yet again my natural instincts were kicking in when I wanted to get out of this cold zone, but I got pulled back and I wanted to struggle to get out.

"Sasuke!" I looked up seeing Nardo look annoyed, "Didn't they teach you about the safety shower?!" I shook my head innocently. Honestly, we didn't really do experiments at school, I am not even sure if our small little school lab has a safety shower. "Strip." My eyes widened in shock and I wrapped my arms around me.

“How about some dinner first?” I raised my voice. The sound of the water sounded so loud. I saw him crack a smile. I took my shirt off where the chemicals were spilled.

"Everything." He said pulling his now wet sleeves up.

"Why is this happening to me!" I hissed as I kicked my shoes off and took my pants off, standing in my boxer shorts with my hands crossed in front of my chest. I was shaking from the cold. "My underwear too?"

“What do you prefer?” He raised an eyebrow.

"On...It is cold…" I said and looked around the lab. It was deserted. Nobody to be seen except Nardo. "How long..Do I have to stay under this thing?" I asked.

“Fifteen minutes.” Nardo leaned against the cupboard not far from me.

“How many minutes have passed?” This was getting uncomfortable.

“Three minutes.”

"I can't survive fifteen!" I shouted my hand clenching in a fist as I unwrapped my hands from my chest. I could suddenly see a small smirk on Nardo's face before he looked away. I looked down at my chest before I wrapped my arms around my torso again.

"Are you laughing about my nipples…" I bit my bottom lip before looking at the tiles under my feet, "This is so embarrassing."

“It is not like there is anything that I haven’t seen from the picture-” The words escaped his lips and I could see regret in his face right away.

"You..You...Saw...The picture…" suddenly it wasn't so cold in the shower anymore. My head felt like it was burning.

“It wasn’t my intention!” He put his hands up.

"I had sent you an email two minutes later asking you not to open the first one!" I looked up with desperation clearly shown in my eyes. "Why would you still open it!"

“Hey! Why would you have even sent it?”

“It wasn’t meant for you!” I protested.

"Really, because the email started with: Dear Mr. Sunray." It was as if he had practiced his excuse in his head.

"There is...There is a real big story going before that-" My nails dug into my skin. I was so embarrassed now. "I have nothing to explain to you! Besides! Why would you bother to open the first email when the second one clearly stated that you must delete it! You obviously read the second one before the first one. Why would you still open the first one!"

"Because!" He remained quiet. I guess he didn't expect he would have to defend himself like that. "I was checking my email the moment you sent it. So, when you sent the other, two minutes later, it was too late."

"What a coincidence. 24 hours a day, sixty minutes in an hour and checking your emails takes about ten minutes. What are the odds that within those ten minutes you checked your email when I emailed you."

"For somebody who can't draw lewis structures, you sure suddenly got your math straight." Nardo ran his hand through his hair. "Well, odds remain odds. The odds can be in my favor."

He suddenly remained quiet, "What wait..No..That sounded wrong. Aaaa!" He quickly walked away. I couldn't help but to chuckle. He was so adorable. He grabbed a few supplies and cleaned the broken glass from the ground before putting something on the ground, possibly to absorb the chemicals from the floor. I looked up and saw the water finally stop. I could only assume the fifteen minutes were over. A few drops of water fell down and I was reminded by the cold again. I was shaking and I had goosebumps all over my body.

"Here," I turned my head to look at Nardo who wrapped a big towel around my shoulders.

“Thanks.” He had his hands on my arms as he looked at my stomach where the liquid was spilled. “How do you feel?” He asked me.

"I don't think the chemicals did any damage to my skin. I could always go to my brother if something pops up." I used the towel to dry myself off. "Ugh..Soaked." I looked at my clothes that littered the floor. Was I supposed to wear my wet clothes again? I would turn to ice before I even got outside!

"Well, I wouldn't risk putting on the shirt, but I could put your pants on the heater." He said picking it up, wringing the water out.

“I never felt this clean in my life...” I used the towel to dry my hair.

"Ha, it is still standing up." I felt Nardo's hand go through the back of my hair, "cool." I held a lock of my hair between my thumb and index finger, examining it thoroughly. My hair was a disaster and I just don't understand: Starting from Itachi's straight hair all the way to Shisui's curly one, why I was stuck with the "duck butt". There was such variety in genes and I was stuck with the weird one.

"Something's up?" Nardo asked from next to the heater. I assumed it was a pun because my hair was always standing up in the back.

"I feel so exposed," I said as I wrapped the towel around me.

"Would you want my shirt? Would that make you feel more comfortable?" I wasn't sure if he meant it as some sort of joke, but I eagerly nodded my head. He loosened the orange tie and unbuttoned his shirt before handing it to me. I couldn't look away from his torso, I had to admit….He looked like prince charming. I had to rip my eyes off him to not be so notable, but I was sure from that point my bang crush went from ‘an attempt' to ‘a must'. I put the shirt on. It smelled a little sweaty, but I didn't mind that. In fact, I quite enjoyed it. I let my fingers go stroke the tie.

“You like orange?” I asked.

"Yes, yes I do." He seems a bit distracted as he kicked this big yellow bin towards those sacks that absorbed whatever liquid Hinata spilled. He put them in the yellow bin. "A friend of mine always buys me orange tie for my birthday."

“Sweet of him.”

"Actually, it's his way of telling me to fuck off." Nardo scratched his cheek before kicking the bin in the corner. "So, Sasuke. That is quite an old fashioned name. How did your parents come up with it?"

“Well...My parents didn’t. Have you ever heard of the book: “The adventures of samurai Sarutobi?” I asked, “Yeah, samurai Sarutobi’s name is Sasuke.”

“That is a book that was already considered old when I was a kid.” Nardo grabbed his lab coat from his chair.

“My brother is weird, but it was either Sasuke or Hime and believe me I think this was one of the few right choices of my parents.” I laughed.

“Hime?” he questioned.

"Yes because the doctors couldn't see what gender I was and my parents assumed I was a girl. So, they decided to call me Hime."

“And then you were born and you ended up being a boy. Ironic.”

"Yeah, and then they were left with yet another boy. Sixth try." I said.

"So, actually your name would have been Hime if it wasn't for the weird brother. You owe him."

"I already give him my blood, what more could he want. A kidney, one-eighth of my liver? Bonemarrow? A lung?" I rolled my eyes.

“Sperm?” Nardo gave me a questionable look.

“You may have that.” I didn’t mean for my words to be said out loud and yet...I did. He laughed and I was relieved he took it as a joke.

A knock was heard from behind the door. Nardo and I shared a look before he walked towards it and opened it.

"Hey, is everything alright?" Naruto asked as he entered the lab and gave me the most arrogant look I had yet to see him give. "These lab coats must be hanging here for decoration purposes, dattebayo!"

I returned the arrogant look, but the difference between his and mine was that I was more advanced in it and overpowered his.

"Is Hinata alright?" I asked, crossing my legs, causing this shirt to move slightly more up, revealing more leg. Hey, I was allowed to show my shaved legs off! I saw Naruto turn his head away, rolling his eyes.

"She is fine, she feels very guilty, but it seems you are just fine." He leaned his hand on his hip.

"I am. So you can do what you are good at." I leaned in, "fuck off."

“What is your problem, dattebayo!” Naruto snapped.

"Jeez, I don't know, why don't you make a video and send it to my siblings!" I raised my voice. I saw Naruto narrow his eyes, probably cursing Itachi for leaking the "source".

"I sent it by...accident?" Naruto gave it a shot.

"Oh, just like Sasuke send me that pic-"

"Naaaaahhh professor! I think there is actually a dryer. Perhaps you can put my pants there?"

“Hey! Good thinking!” Nardo said as he grabbed my pants from the heater and walked out of the lab.

"You sent an ecchi picture, to the professor!" Naruto frowned, "What is wrong with you!" Wow...I never saw his idiotic brain work so fast in figuring something out.

"Apparently a lot! If you haven't noticed, I am constantly in sessions with your father! Besides, why would it even concern you what I do? Perhaps I have sent him a rather erotic picture, what is it to you!? If I remember clearly it is my body and I can do whatever I want with it."

"Yes! But!....But…" He remained quiet and lowered his eyes, "I don't think this is what your parents had in mind when they created you." He scratched his cheek.

"Really?" I got off the table I was sitting on, "You are playing that card with me?" I grabbed him by his collar. For a moment I wanted to snap. Tell him how hard it was to grow up like I did. Forgotten, not cared about, hated. I was just a fighting machine and a punching bag at the same time, but my throat numbed. It is just the way how I was...Not able to express my feelings and just turn everything to anger. "Don't talk like you knew them. You know nothing about how fucked up life can be. How could you? You have a perfect understanding father and amazing mother that both love you so much even if you end up as a failure." I pushed him. "So, don't give me that crap!" I hissed.

“I am sorry...That was a low blow.” Naruto rubbed his neck, “but I just care about you, Sasuke. I am your friend.”

"And that is all you are. You can go back to Hinata and just tell her that everything is alright and she has nothing to worry about."

“What is that supposed to mean?” He frowned and suddenly he was back at being his dumb self.

"Get the fuck out. That is what I mean." I tilted myself on the desk. "If you haven't noticed, I am half naked and wet and frankly I am not enjoying it nor am I feeling comfortable at this very moment."

"I should have known that bitch attitude was an Uchiha thing." he shook his head, "You are telling me you feel perfectly comfortable around Sunray but not me? Hell to the no! That is such bullshit, dattebayo!"

“Yeah, I think I am who decides that.”

“You know what, bastard. I hope you get what you want. I really hope you achieve boning that guy. “

“Thank you?” What was I supposed to say…

"And then when he leaves and you lose your virginity to a married man. You will feel like scum-"

“And that is the key to your satisfaction?”

“No… I will still be here...I won’t even rub it in your face.” He said.

“I am...Losing the point of your dramatic speech.”

"Deep inside you will always know. I was right. And fuck, will you live full of regrets."

“So you are going to back off and let me bone him?”

"I warned you." he walked towards the door looking back to meet my eyes one more time.

"I think it is a mistake worth making," I said. I could see him turn his head, his eyes looking at the ground as he left the lab.

oxoxox Special thanks to @emeneska-chan

Bang Crush part 2

Also read-> part 1

“Nardo Sunray? Professor Sunray?!” Sakura laughed loudly, causing me to sigh by the sight of her hitting the table with her fist. “He is such a dork!”

“Why did I even tell you this.” I wrapped my hands around the disposable coffee mug. I was cold and it kept my hands warm.

“Because nothing is worse than the sex dream you had about Kakashi-sensei. I mean Kakashi is kinda sexy I can understand that, but Nardo? He is so dorky. Come on, he handed out a sheet of paper and turned to his desk to search for the sheet of paper he just handed out!” She burst out laughing again.

“It was adorable,” I muttered.

“Could it be that you have a little bit of a crush on…Older guys?” She lowered her voice slightly. “Firs that instructor in the military camp and now..Professor Sunray?”

“Utakata and I have a history…Innocent history, but history, but Nardo…I know nothing about him, I don’t know what it is about him but …There is something.”

“Like..You want to marry him?” Sakura looked confused.

“No…I don’t want to marry him…Or be in a relationship with him.”

“But you did have a sex dream about him.” Sakura sipped her coffee.

“Shush!” I hissed, she really had to keep her loud voice down. “I told you this in confidentiality!” I hissed.

“My little brother had a sex dream about someone!” My eyes widened as somebody suddenly sat next to me in the booth.

“Izuna!?” I wasn’t surprised to see him getting something to drink in the coffee shop that was legit adjacent to the university, but why at this particular moment.

“I’m here too.” Tobirama threw Sakura’s bag on the ground and sat down.

“Yeah, where Izuna is, you seem to be.” I hoped to be able to change the topic.

“Who was in you sex dream? Were on you on top? Bottom? Or you didn’t go all the way?” Izuna came closer with every single question. I pushed him back.

“I am not going to tell you!” I stated.

“Why not!? I told you about the time I dreamt about Shisui giving me a blowjob. We don’t control our dreams! Let’s at least enjoy the fantasies right!?”

“Why dreaming about Shisui when you can have Itachi?” Tobirama asked.

“What more did happen in that dream?” Sakura grabbed her notebook.

“Sakura!” I grabbed her pen so she wasn’t able to write anything down.

“Sasuke dreamt about professor Nardo.” Sakura raised the cup to her mouth, ”Hey you took away my pen. I take away your dignity.” I narrowed my eyes and pushed the disposable cup from her hands. She raised an eyebrow before extending her hand to me. “Now I am taking away your money.”

“Here, sorry for the asshole.” Izuna grabbed five bucks from his wallet and gave it to Sakura, “Grab me a slice of cake alright. If I go myself I end up wanting it all.”

“Why can’t you be more like your brother.” Sakura stood up.

“Didn’t hurt me when my mom said it! Doesn’t hurt me when you say it.” I turned my head back to Izuna.

“A professor? Is it the chemistry teacher for the experiments?” Izuna asked.

“Yes, that is professor Sunray,” I admitted.

“Is it just a dream tough?” Tobirama asked. I remained quiet.

“Aaaww, does my little brother have a crush?” He asked, pinching my cheek. I smacked his hand away. He could annoy me so badly.

“I am not crushing on him.” I said, fixating my eyes on the mug, “It is just that….I get nervous around him…That is all.”

“Could it be you just want to bang him?” Tobirama asked.

“Yes, a bang crush,” Izuna added.

“A ..Bang what?” I asked.

“A bang crush,” Izuna repeated the phrase.

“A person you crush on until you fuck them and then they are out of your system. Bang Crush.” Tobirama clarified.

“Person you only feel turned on around and hot. Bang crush.” Izuna added.

“You just want to seduce them and jump their bones. Bang crush.”  Tobirama said. The way they talked after each other annoyed the shit out of me.

“How do you get rid of this..Bang crush?” I asked.

“You bang the bang crush,” Both said at the same time.

“What if you don’t?” I asked. They shared a look.

“If you don’t act upon it. Chances are big your mind will keep drifting towards your bang crush every time you have sex and in your case..Masturbate.” Tobirama said.

“What?” For a mere moment, I could imagine myself making love to Naruto and suddenly thinking of Professor Sunray. “I can’t have that happen to me!” I said shocked and shook my head. “But I am virgin…I can’t lose my virginity to someone who I don’t even love.”

“Are you judging me?” Izuna raised an eyebrow and suddenly I see he had the same bitch face as Itachi has.

“Are you?” Tobirama mimicked the same expression.

“I can guarantee you. The first person..It’s not gonna last, you better just get it over with,” Izuna said, “Besides the teasing will finally stop.”

“I am back.” Sakura placed the piece of cake in front of Izuna before sitting down. “What did I miss?”

“Bang crush,” I said. She looked confused and got the exact same explanation as I got from Tobirama and Izuna.

“I don’t know Sasuke. Would you really want to lose your virginity to just a bang crush?” She asked, “I know I wouldn’t.”

“Pff, there is not really much of a would or wouldn’t. I am not attractive enough to ever make a guy like him interested in me. Look at me. Really look at me. I am hideous. I am not even sugarcoating it.”

“No, noooooo~”  Izuna’s second no was way too long to be even slightly believable.

“It’s just your entire face, honey.” Tobirama laughed at his own comment, “kidding!” He added. “Honestly, what could you have ever seen in him?”

“You told him I had a crush on you?” Sakura asked.

“You are the only fucker to have ever had a crush on me. Let me remind people how stupid you were,” I said.

“I don’t know…I think it was more attracted to this entire ‘silent’, ‘mysterious’ attitude.” She took a sip from her tea.

“Maybe stop dressing like a hobo,” Izuna suggested. I let go of my mug and turned to look at Izuna.

“Switch clothes with me.”

“…What…” Izuna swallowed loudly, “I don’t want to wear that garbage bag you call a sweater. Why would I even go to the gym if I can’t show it off?”

“Do it for my bang crush!” I said and I saw Tobirama and Sakura both raise their cup.

“Bang crush,” They repeated.

“But…But…I will look so ugly.” Izuna said.

“Come on! I look like this every day!” I said.

“Exactly…God knows how bad that sweater smells.”

“Help a brother out!” I grabbed his ponytail.

“Fine! This once!” He stood up, “You owe me.”

“Actually, remember that time-”

“Okay, okay, we are even!” Izuna said.

“And that time you-”

“You want my clothes or not?” He turned around and his ponytail hit my face.

“Fine, fine…We are even. Do you happen to carry…Any…Deodorant with you…Cologne and perhaps that cherry lipstick you put on sometimes?”

“It is lip balm!”

“Whatever you may call it.”

“Will you ask me for mint too? The thing you really need.” He asked annoyed and I blew in my hand.

“If you have any…”  

Oxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxo

“Sasuke?” Naruto looked confused as I entered the lab. I turned my head to the love of my life and however weird it may sound. For today..I had little to no interest in him. Of course, the feelings were still there, but they were suppressed by me.

“Hey,” I said, I wanted to run my hand down my hair, but I remembered the hairpins that were holding my bangs from my left side. I don’t think Izuna appreciated I stole some of his hair pins too, but my hair looked at least decent and even showed my so called “good side” as Izuna referred to it.

“Are you,” Naruto narrowed his eyes, “Are you wearing cologne, dattebayo?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah I am,” I said and nodded slightly.

“Alright…Any particular…Reason?” He asked.

“Nothing really..Why..Is it that odd?” I tucked my right bangs behind my ear.

“No! It is just that..I know you for three years now and..I have only seen you dress up for something…I think twice, in which one was your Ciel cosplay during Christmas.”

“I felt like it,” I said. It was better than explaining the bang crush.

“Don’t be too humble now!” I felt instant annoyance by Sakura smacking my butt, ”he is doing it for the bang crush.”

“Bang crush!” I turned my head to the door seeing Tobirama and Izuna raised their disposable cups. I indicated with my hand that they had to get away.

“A bang crush?” Naruto frowned slightly.

“That is when-”

“I think the words speak for themselves, dattebayo,” Naruto interrupted Sakura. “Who?” He questioned. I remained quiet and looked at Sakura, who also kept her mouth and just give this arrogant look.

“Oh..I expected that to speak for itself too.” She said, looking at her nails. I could see Naruto regret his words.

“I am sorry,” Naruto told Sakura, “I am just curious. Is it somebody from our class, a student in this university, is it Tobirama?” Naruto asked.

“Fuck no,” I said and had to push the image out of my head. I made a puking sound.

“Who is it then?”

“Why are you so eager to know?” Sakura wiggled her eyebrows, “Would you secretly want to be the bang crush?”

“No…Nooooo~”  He rubbed the back of his neck, “I am curious. We are friends after all.”

“We are not that good of friends that I’d tell you my bang crush.”

“Bang crush!” I didn’t turn my head to look at Tobirama and Izuna that were still in front of the door. Though the fact that Sakura joined them was annoying. I raised my coffee mug and took a sip.

“No drinking or eating in the lab,” The mug was taken from me by the passing professor that entered through the back door. He sat down and took a sip of my coffee. “Ugh, you like it strong.” He stated while examining the mug that had my name on it…Spelled completely wrong, but well..The poor lady tried.

“I do,” I answered.

“Hey, hey.” he laughed, “Why was the coffee mug empty?” professor Sunray asked. I raised my shoulders.

“Uhm, you drank it? And you do owe me a coffee now.”

“Granted, after class.” He said before looking at Naruto and then at Sakura. They shook their heads.

“Because he got mugged.” He laughed at his own joke and for a moment I realized Suké’s puns were not the worst in this world. Though seeing the professor getting all excited and laughing like a little kid made me chuckle. I was certainly going to hold him to his coffee promise. Suddenly I felt Naruto grab my arm and pull me towards him.

“Hey!” I protested.

“Really him? The professor?” He hissed, giving me the most judging look his face could make. I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing was really coming out. I was just making these funny faces trying to find the word to start my reasoning with. I shut my mouth before exhaling deeply.

“There is really no good explanation,” I admitted.

“Bang crush,” Sakura whispered.

“Bang crush,” I nodded confirming.

“This is a joke?” he wanted to turn around, but he didn’t, “Are you going to act on it?” He said it with a rather pitiful look in his eyes. I raised my shoulders again. I wasn’t planning to…But I wanted to give flirting a shot.

“I don’t know…” I admitted, “I kinda want to give it a shot.”

“Are you mentally stable? He could be your father!”

“He is not that old,” I stated.

“Sir, how old are you?” Naruto let go of my arm. I rubbed it slightly. His grip hurt.

“Twenty-five.” He had this innocent smile on, “Okay…Twenty-seven.” A small silence filled the lab. “Fine, I am twenty-nine, but that is my honest age.” He put his hands up in an innocent way. “How old are you teens actually.”

“I am eighteen,” I answered.

“He is seventeen.” Naruto turned his head towards me, giving me the ‘what the fuck’ look.

“I am turning eighteen, soon,” I said, glaring at the idiot that was cockblocking me right now.

“In July!” He shouted.

“Which makes me right now seventeen and a half, which I can round off to eighteen.”

“July is the seventh month, that is over half. That doesn’t make you seventeen and a half-” I grabbed Naruto by the collar and glared at him.

“Stop arguing with me, usuratonkachi,” I hissed before letting him go.

“We are all seventeen,” Sakura answered

“Yeah, I don’t know what sexual tension is here but,” Nardo pointed at Naruto and me, “Get along or break it up. I already have two fighting kids home-”

“Owh, you have children, dattebayo. How old are they?” Naruto asked.

“Well my son turned nine and daughter just turned four.”

“And they are now with…Your…Wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend-”

“Wife,” Nardo said, looking slightly creeped out by Naruto’s sudden interest.

“How nice, he is a married man.” Naruto turned his head to me, “We will get along, don’t worry.”

Oxoxox

The experiment was over and just like the previous time, Nardo had given us a sheet filled with questions, of course..Including calculations..My weak point. Though, I didn’t mind this time. I was actually looking forward to being alone with professor Sunray. I looked up from my paper seeing Shikamaru stand up and hand in his papers. Nardo gave it a quick look and nodded, wishing him a nice day. He was checking some papers that were on his lap. His legs were resting on the desk and he bit on the back side of his red pen. I guess it was him and me….And Naruto. I turned my head to look at Naruto sitting on the right side of the table. I could clearly see him doodling. I glared at him and he finally looked up.

“What?” He asked and I saw him smirk amused.

“Why are you doing this?” I hissed.

“The assignment? Well, the professor gave it to us, dattebayo.” He said out loud, causing the professor to look up from his grading work.

“Stop playing dumb!” I raised my voice,” You are drawing instant ramen noodle cups on your sheet of paper! Just leave already!”

“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I find these calculations hard.” He put up a pouting face.

“Stop lying!” I got up, “because I actually find them hard to do! And you are just making fun of me!”

“Sasuke, accept that I find some questions hard.”

“Stop mocking me. I can see your doodles!” I said pointing at his sheet of paper.

“…I need a distraction…From the…The..” He looked around searching for some excuse, “From the headache these numbers cause me.” He looked at me and gave a smile. Was he making fun of me?

“Uzumaki watch it. I will punch your pretty face!” I clenched a fist.

“Eeeeyyyy~” Naruto put his hands up in an innocent way, “Don’t hurt me! We both know you carry the strength of five soldiers! It would be unfair towards me.”  I heard the professor cough, catching our attention. I forgot he was here.

“You know,” He pointed at us, and removed his legs from the desk, sitting up straight, “If this would be a TV show, I am sure you guys will beat the Kardashians in ratings.” I looked at Naruto from the corner of my eye. He was holding his hands behind his neck, grinning. “Sasuke, sit your ass back down. Naruto, was it? You come here, show me your work so far.”  I sat down on the stool and sighed. My brains hurt. I looked at the professor, looking at Naruto’s work. The professor shook his head and gave Naruto another sheet of paper. “No doodling.” Naruto nodded and sat back down.

“Yeah really, like you had every one of these six questions wrong,” I whispered.

“It is like Suké says. Blond and dumb.” He had his eyes fixated on his paper.

“Just admit you are here to annoy me,” I whispered.

“I am just having a hard time with these questions.” He repeated himself, “what is bad about me being here anyway? Were you planning on making a move here?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, ”What are you thinking of doing when I am gone. To have lab sex.” He made a dramatic gasp sound,” How about desk sex?”

“Shut up,” I got up and grabbed my sheet of paper before heading towards Nardo. “Is this good?” I asked. I honestly just wanted to go home now. He grabbed the sheet of paper and looked at all calculations. “Sit.” He said pointing at his desk. I sat down and turned my head to give Naruto a quick look. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“You are doing really well. I think you did here is very logical.” He pointed a few things out but then referred back to the question reminding me that it was not what was asked.

“Aah, yes of course,” I said moving my butt so I was right in front of his chair. I leaned in to look at him writing. The numbers were upside down and it only made it harder for me to see everything close.

“Here,” he pointed at a part he circled with his red pen. He raised his leg up, probably wanting them elevated on the desk again, but his knee hit my fingers and I automatically let go, causing me to lose balance and fall forward. Professor Sunray managed to grab my torso so I fell on his lap instead.

“I am so sorry!” He said it seemed he felt his knee hitting my fingers.

“It is alright,” I said shaking my hand to ease the pain, “They are fine,” I said. He held my hand in his.

“I am so sorry! Will a kiss make it feel better?” He asked, looking from my red fingers to me. I chuckled.

“If it makes you feel less guilty,” I said, feeling my heartbeat going faster as his lips touched my fingers in a fast, innocent kiss.

“Better?” He asked and I nodded, pulling the kissed hand against my chest.

“So, now that I see the numbers straight… I have an idea what I am supposed to do.” I said, making myself comfortable on his lap before pointing at the sheet of paper in his hand. I never understood calculations so right as I did at that particular moment.  He nodded and smiled as he looked up.

“You are doing so much better already.” He said and due to his compliment, I tucked my right bangs behind my ear. He made me feel so nervous. “Also,” he made this check mark by the second last question. “You have this one right.”

“Really?” I asked amazed and he nodded.

“Your handwriting is beautiful,” He noted. I couldn’t believe I was receiving so many compliments from this teacher. I smiled.

“Thank you,” I suddenly felt something hit my head and I moaned from pain.

“Ooops,” I turned my head to look at Naruto putting our chemistry book back in his bag. “Seems you finished,” Naruto noted. I rubbed my head glaring at him. He was getting on my nerves.

“Are you alright?” professor Sunray reached for my head.

“Of course, he is!” Naruto wrapped his arms around me and leaned his chin on my head. “He might not look like it but he has like seven years of official combat training!” I bit my bottom lip. Was he trying to make me sound scary? “Didn’t your dad make you fight until you either won or were knocked out, dattebayo. I bet he hardly feels pain anymore!” I wanted to snap at him to back off, but I was also pretty impressed he remembered the shit I mentioned. Not even to him, but…Well near him.

“You remember that but not to return my favorite shirt that you borrowed last month?” I asked.

“What shirt..That hideous gym shirt? You should be glad I haven’t given it back to you yet.” I pushed my elbow in Naruto’s ribs, causing him to let go of me.

“Your father does that?” Nardo looked concerned. I waved it off.

“No..I mean..I used to. But I was very young. I mean…Uhm-” Whatever appeared in my head made my dad still sound pretty bad, even though he was awesome. “Don’t get me wrong he was the good parent!”

“What is your mother doing to you?” I felt Nardo suddenly wrap his arms around me and pull me closer. “And you still made it so far!”

“Eeey??” I slightly panicked feeling Nardo’s head on my chest. I didn’t want him to hear my heartbeat going so fast. “It is really not that bad!” I said and turned my head to Naruto who moved his lips: “Cockblock.” He smiled, giving me a peace sign. I narrowed my eyes.

“I am fine, honestly,” I said, wrapping my arms around him, allowing my left hand to go through Nardo’s hair. It indeed felt very soft. I turned my head, seeing Naruto’s victorious expression change. “My dad was really awesome. He taught me tons of things which I will never forget.” I closed my eyes, controlling my breathing so my heart won’t give away my bang crush.

“Like?” Naruto asked.

“Y’know shoot, smoke cigars and drink sco-” I stopped talking and turned my head once again towards Naruto. “You annoying little shit.”

“You are not even of age to do all of that! Who teaches a kid to shoot!” Nardo looked shocked..Perhaps because he was a father himself. “Should I call child protective services? ”

“No~”

“I mean I know foster care is not the greatest, but let’s talk about this! I am sure we can find a solution suiting for you. You can come and stay with me, I can adopt you-”

“Listen to me!” I grabbed him by his tie, “I don’t want you to be my daddy!”

“You want to be the daddy,” Naruto whispered in my ear.

“I want to be the da- “I looked at Naruto once I realized I was about to say, “Son of a bitch.” I inhaled deeply before letting go of Nardo’s tie.  “My parents are dead,” I admitted.

“I am not sure if I should say I am sorry or not,” Nardo wondered.

“They had their good sides, I live with my brothers. It is nice. They nag a lot, but they are amazing. They are my amazing brothers.”

“Did I mention he has five overprotective older brothers, they can all kill you in their own way. Pretty scary, right?” Naruto smiled a creepy smile.

“You have a big family, how nice,” the professor smiled. “Yes, there is Izuna. He goes to university here. Third-year art student. Then there is my brother Itachi, he’s just 22 and he is the chief of medicine-”

“Ah, the brain runs in the family,” he said with a smile. I felt my head feel warmer.

“Then there is Shisui, he is a lawyer. So, if you ever need legal advice, he likes to help out.” I said, “Madara is…Well…A hot-headed one, but he has like…A lot of connections. And Obito is my oldest brother you might know him as Tobi, the comedian with the stupid pumpkin mask.”

“I love that guy!” Nardo said.

“And those were my five amazing brothers. I also like have “brother in laws”. Hashirama, he owes the hot Sushi place downtown. His little brother is in this uni too. Then there is-”

“Hey, why is Historia not included in the “in-laws”?” Naruto asked.

“Because she is a selfish bitch.” I rolled my eyes. “Anyway as you might know now. I am surrounded by amazing people.”

“It’s actually very nice to hear,” Nardo said.

“What about your family?” I asked.

“Well, I am orphan-”

“Aaaahh~,” Both Naruto and I said. Explained his sudden reaction to the shitty parents.

“I have a son, Boruto.  He is nine. He is not so bright at school, but well..He probably got that from me. He is very energetic, loves video games and is a bit bratty. Then there is Himawari. She is four, very nice kid, looks a lot like her mother..Yeah, my wife, Hina. Hina is very kind, right now staying at home mom, but she used to work as an assistant by her father’s company. We have been married for nine years now.”

“Nine years? Just as old as your son?” I asked.

“Yeah,” He answered. I nodded, putting two and two together.

“Now it makes sense,” I said. Nardo looked at me confused and so did Naruto.

“Well,” I wasn’t sure if I should say it out loud, “Hook up, oops, girl pregnant.”

“That’s harsh to assume,” Naruto said.

“Well as an orphan he would naturally be in love with the thought of a family. So, he gave it a shot. Married her, kept the kid. Though you can’t really fake the happy family. So, on the edge of a divorce, you two decided upon another child to make things lovely again. But judging that you don’t mind being separated from your wife for months. I can only assume your marriage is not going too well even after kid two.”

“Sasuke, that is just rude to assume! The guy made the chemical discovery and giving worldwide readings about it. Who wouldn’t let their husband go-”

“He is right.” Nardo leaned back in his chair. I smirked and looked at Naruto as I stroked Nardo’s hair. “How ironic, you suck at math but it seems you can add shit up when it is convenient to you?”

“I’m a good listener,” I said.

“Did I mention he was in the police force? His father was chief of police.”

“What was wrong with your father?!” Nardo threw his hands in the air.

“He was very awesome,” I laughed before looking in his eyes. Damn he was fucking hot.

“Sasuke, how is the rash on your dick!” Naruto suddenly said. My eyes widened and I looked at him, that son of a bitch. “It has been there for a while now. Maybe it is an STD.”

“Fuck off!” I shouted as I got off Nardo’s lap and couldn’t hold back my anger. I grabbed his arm and with an easy move I threw him against the wall.

“You know damn well I am a virgin!” I shouted, clenching a fist. I suddenly heard coughing behind me.  I felt all the colour in my skin disappear as I turned my head around.

“No fighting..In the lab.” Nardo said carefully. Aaaahh!! Was he afraid of me! Damn it, this is all Naruto’s fault!

Special thanks to @emeneska-chan