#that's what they fucking are when you call dave or jake or karkat gay.
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why does fandom have to be biphobic as fuck. are people allergic to the word bisexual. is that what this is.
#the day homestuck fans aknowledge dave and jake and karkat are all bisexual are the day i die happy#and that's never going to happen#but no.#it's all about the monosexuals all day every day forever#fuck you if you're mspec you don't deserve the rep you get#fucking losers not even tagging the alt sexuality headcanons#cause yknow#that's what they fucking are when you call dave or jake or karkat gay.#cause uwu it's sooooo totally canon#well you know what else is canon. the fucking ball im shooting at your head at 290488239048023 miles an hour
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i cracked the code.
#believing dirk is the worst guy because its what dirk thinks of himself#ignoring daves bisexuality and think hes a gay man in denial even when he explained hes bisexual#believing john 'im not a homosexual' egbert is explicitly straight while he makes out with his mcconahey and cameron posters more#than he kissed women(literally only once)#believing that rose is an edgy psyhcotic little bitch when she was neglected. she speaks elegantly to cover that shes silly and a total ner#and how did people forget that rose also writes gay wizard fanfiction. reads Wikipedia. and her beautiful artstyle as a result of neglect#(and by neglect meaning having SO MUCH TIME to draw)#jake wasnt into dirk. he also told di that he didnt like how brobot getting touchy with him during strifes#but as part of the repression 4(prospit kids). he refused on changing the bot settings#what jane said about roxy being better when she was drunk. it was fucking sarcasm. its the least insane shit you could say to a best friend#all the kids have issues and of course people get mad over a girl being sarcastic.#when KARKAT said THE SAME THING to rose when she was drunk on the meteor nobody bats an eye#trolls are just grey humans that are bugs. he doesnt get an excuse for being an alien. humans were made from KARKATS BLOOD#jade isnt all silly girl and is so FULL OF HATE towards the trolls. she called karkat a fuckass (VERY FUNNY) to do her a favor#“jade would rather have punched karkat in the fact then had a pleasent conversation with him.”#“she viewed the trolls as rude mean and cruel. and even thought that nepeta was just making fun of her.#despite it being that nepeta just wanted to roleplay and have fun."#dred.loki#I HAVE YET TO ADD MORE. THESE ARE JUST NOTES#homestuck#chss
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My current read of Homestuck is just like the way I framed the entire story and helped me see things I would have otherwise not thought of even though I still have a lot of empty space there, pockets to be filled if you will.
It “starts” with the Cherubs, the Callie twins’s parents. In cherub reproduction they hate-fuck (Also see: blackrom, wrestling erotically), and the loser, the father, carries the egg. The loser carries the egg.
That event then is what makes it so the male child is red blooded and the female child is green blooded, but as explored on the Epilogues, gender only means as much as you want it to, that’s why Callie comes out as nonbinary, because even though the gender division is presented as a rule, it does not need to be that way at all, reminder that we learn all about cherubs from Aranea, someone who exists within the context Lord English allowed to exist, observing Alternia and learning from experience and assuming things from those.
But the main event is that, the man looses the battle to the woman, and Caliborn’s misogyny may be a subconscious resentment of that, that his male parallel lost, causing feelings of inadequacy that he tries to make up for enforcing toxic masculinity through time and space, that paradoxically he learned from 2009′s internet, even though Earth was already destroyed before he was born, he then enforces that into Alternia and Earth and all events through Homestuck.
Speaking of subconscious feelings, we know that the Squiddles are a sort of pacified rose-tinted versions of the subconscious memory of the horrorterrors, that shows that all Earth Citizens have a sort of residual memory from those that came before them to create their universe. I believe a similar effect is at play when the characters have similar thoughts about gender as the Callies, part of them remember that primordial wrestling match that created all of the events in homestuck and try to “compensate” for it. The women feel a pressure to be more passive to “balance out” for the Cherub mother that won, the men feel a pressure to be more active and masculine to “make up” for the Cherub father’s loss. Kanaya will try to be a team mom, Vriska will try to play as a fairy, Jane will put her feelings and frustrations down, Jake will try to be a masculine explorer, Dirk will try to be Dirk, and so on.
I think looking at how gender is presented is essential to looking at homestuck because SO many things draw attention to it, Calliope saying the classes have gender biases, Dave’s lecture on toxic masculinity and homophobia, Dirk’s insecurity and hesitation to even call himself gay, as well as characters having subtle transgressions in regards to their gender, Jake likes to dress like Lara Croft, Jane likes to wear mustaches, Kanaya has to break free of her passivity, Karkat is nurturing gossipy bitchy and loves romcoms, every character has these subtle breakthroughs or insatisfactions from their genders, much like how the woman defeating the man on “combat” served as a primordial instigator for all that happens after with their children.
And I could speak more of how I see things in homestuck as a reflection of the Cherub household, how Lord English is always watching on the same way Bro Strider is, how Alt Calliope is lost in the void, constantly absent much like how Mom Lalonde is. An always present father, like Dad Egbert, like Gamzee once Caliborn is free, and an absent mother like Nanna who died, like June who just fucked off. And also I could go on about Freudian imagery but like let’s not right now.
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things about homestuck i have discovered in my reread
terezi is my favourite character and will always be
caliborn is fucking HILARIOUS jesus christ somehow i forgot this (he hasnt got to the misogyny yet that part gets kind of less funny)
dave and karkat kind of ARE that good, regrettably. i feel like we all go through a davekat phase upon first reading and then gradually we get over dave and karkat and move onto other, better pursuits, like vrisrezi fanfiction or space player meta. rereading tho man they are excellent… not the most compelling characters of COURSE and really more like babys first analysis in terms of dissecting them, but man they are funny, man their emotional arcs are vivid and well written, man they are hilarious together also (penis ouija. yeah that was funny). coming out as a dave and karkat fan once again
homestuck in general but especially the start of act 6 is INCREDIBLY funny. for some reason i thought act 6 was less funny and more like plot-heavy which i guess it kind of us to an extent cause most of it is now Relevant all the time but oh my god the alpha kids are a trainwreck and its so funny
on the subject of the alpha kids. last time i properly read homestuck i was like 14. i had never experienced being the same age of the alpha kids and now looking back its insane. that is LITERALLY what being 15/16 is like. the romantic chaos the constant miscommunication the way this group of best friends just somehow have so many fucking problems with each other??? and the COMPLEXES. my god
appreciating roxy more this time round than i ever did before she rubbed me a little the wrong way first read i think maybe bc everyone heralded her as like The Unproblematic Alpha Kid when like oh my god she is a fucking MESS but when looking at her through that lens shes fantastic
jade harley should be mean more often. every PASSWORD FUCKASS interaction was an absolute delight. man she should get more page time
vriska is indefensible when u first meet her its so hard explaining to people that shes like The Fucking Best when she spends most of her intro mocking the guy she paralysed for being paralysed. sadly, she still IS the fucking best.
did i mention terezi pyrope is my favourite character ever in anything
i still cant pay attention to anything exile related i'm sorry. i just look at the pretty pictures and skip through it quickly as possible. if they dont have complex psychology and fun conversations idc sorry im a bad hs fan
calliope is both a delight and so wrong like all of the time. reading her i see where all the fandom misconceptions come from. ur not meant to take her word as 100% serious when she says stuff like male/female classes or whatever!! she sees everything through this incredibly binary 2 choice lens like caliborn bc thats literally the life she lives. this is also extra funny i guess considering shes literally kind of meant to represent the hs fandom
LIL HAL <33333333
sorry that so much of this is about the alpha kids im part way into act 6 now
dirkjake so far have not had a single interaction and iirc they never do??? fascinating storytelling since we still have a perfect picture of their dynamic
terezi is characteristically being stupid about vriska again, because she is complicatedly and unwittingly in love with her
DAVEREZI FOR THE FUCKING WIN MY GOD. THEYD NEVER WORK ENDGAME BUT THEY ARE SO FUNNY TOGETHER LITERALLY BFFS. no romance tho just vibes
does rose get confirmed as a lesbian later in the text or is that just a fandom interpretation cause ngl i have seen people harassed over bi rose which is kinda crazy anyway but would be even crazier if its not. an actual canon fact
LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK from roxy compared to poor dirk calling the word gay antediluvian. man just wants to like jake in peace
honestly everything alpha kid wise is insane lets just. put it there
I MISS VRISKA
terezi is my favourite also have i said that already
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homestuck reread #15 act 6 p6
this is funny . HE DID THOSE THINGS . he is so silly . he is the reason all of my faves just died gruesomely. i hope you die in a fire you fucking bitch
when you walkin
my son needs to be studied in a genetics lab . why would you ever say this to another human being
okay...... in dangerous territory of becoming a roxygen shipper... surely this will not happen to me
LOOK AT MY SON HE WILL LIVE UP TO HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND MASTER HIS POWERS
this is how i look in real life every day of the god damn week year month space time continue umm (thinkign of daeb stribur)
MY SON IS SUS HES VENTING SOMEBODY STOP HIM BEFORE HE KILLS US ALL
ive been converted to roxygen. sorry to all my fans. also this sequence um is the best and i love it even though the things that it is a reaction to were terrible and maybe the worst i love this part for some reason. it is like a break. like there is a plan in motion and things are getting fixed, but it also feels... quieter... the chiller if you will. maybe because i love john and roxy and they are the stars of this part
i wonder if he was saying things like gadzooks or shucky darn or ay chihuahua
ok i watched the vriska gram and it was awesome B) but look at THIS . wow they are getting along! awesome we love to see it
???
SO TRUE. i need to start saying this. or do i? no probably not .
awwwwww yeeaaaaaaaaa-
he is so funny
brother what are you saying... youre so corny lil bro... i cant believe i used to be like this when i was like 11 years old... SO CRINGE
yeah sometimes things are just really fucking gay. and is it a crime to point that out . like my friends? theyre all soooooooo gay its ridiculous. i think it makes them better
john egbert - subtle as a brick. i kinda love him for that though? like it is funny to me just how fucking oblivious he is to like EVERYTHING around him .
john being absolutely mind blown and own realizing he wants terezi so badly is so funny like LOL YOU WANT HER SOOO BAD AND KARKAT JUST CALLED YOU TF OUT LIL BRO
WHY DOES HE WANT TO FUCK HIS MOM
hes so over
god i love dave and arquius sprite. look at them . my sons. one of them is weird and sweaty
dave is so me (in my mind)
this is the funniest jake will ever be and the joke is on him and he said ONE word. great comedic timing buddy
i love this for karkat. defend your boyfriend!! i dont think vriska is necessarily trying to be mean here but i do like that karkat is willing to seriously defend his honor.
me every day . goodnight
this is really fucked up man
GOD.
okay reading this i dunno if i always thought this probably i did but ive returned to it again and definitively this time. this interaction between dave and dirk is the BEST interaction in the comic and adds so much more depth to both of them who were already GREAT characters. THIS interaction solidifies dave as my favorite character of all time. homestuck is many things but one of its major themes is just trying to become a better person. and i think dave personifies that theme so much. he has come so far and evolved so much as a person that looking back at his early interactions in the comic makes you think you are looking at a completely different character. sure he types the same and has a bit of the same mannerisms but it is so clear that he went from shitty bigoted teenager to a guy who actually cares about the things he says and does and a guy who is actually a good person. he even says in a previous interaction with roxy and rose that he has focused on being a half way decent guy so that when he makes a freudian slip (which he does ALL the time) it wont be anything insane of unforgiveable. i fucking love him and i am so glad this conversation with dirk exists
I MEAN LOOK AT THIS SHIT DUDE . PRE SBURB DAVE WAS A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND LOOK AT HOW FAR HE HAS COME . it seems so simple but it actually means a lot especially for someone having gone through all the shit he did and coming out the other side like this .
man so fuckin true
GAHHHHHH MAN THSI UFUCK
okay... so thats all the images i have for this one. i do think its a good place to end it though. this is def my favorite part of the whole comic. theres not much left! next post may be the last. just a few more conversations and little events to happen and then Collide. its gonna be great!!!
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Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas
Page 43
ROXY: mm hm
ROXY: mhmm
ROXY: ...
ROXY: yep
ROXY: ...
ROXY: oh yeah
ROXY: for sure
ROXY: you too jake
ROXY: thanks man
ROXY: yeah well let u know what were gonna do
ROXY: later
ROXY: poor guy
DAVE: whatd he say
ROXY: a lot of it was hard to make out due to all the sobbing
ROXY: but yeah its like we thought
ROXY: dirk borrowed one of his ships and gtfo
KANAYA: But Did He Say WHERE
ROXY: nope
ROXY: doubt he told anybody tbh
ROXY: in fact id say odds are even he doesnt quite know where hes goin yet
DAVE: why do you think that
ROXY: idk i just know the guy
ROXY: also like
ROXY: whats even out there??
ROXY: dudes got a ship and now hes haulin ass randomly about w rose to i dunno
ROXY: prove some sort of point?
KANAYA: What About Jane
KARKAT: WE AREN’T CALLING JANE!
KANAYA: Why Not
KARKAT: BECAUSE I WOULDN’T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD THAT COMES OUT OF HER FAT, FASCIST MOUTH!
KANAYA: Thats Stupid Im Calling Her
KANAYA: I Dislike The Woman As Well But I Will Leave No Possibility Unexhausted In Striving To Rescue My Wife From That Madman
DAVE: so uhhh
DAVE: phewww...
DAVE: rose and dirk huh
ROXY: YUP
DAVE: rose and fuckin dirk...
DAVE: damn
DAVE: so are they
DAVE: like
DAVE: man im never gonna hear the end of it if im the one to ask this question am i
DAVE: ive had too many fuckin goofy dumbass foot in mouth family blunders to be the guy asking this fuckin question
DAVE: and yet here i am
DAVE: asking it
ROXY: ????
ROXY: what r u talkin about
DAVE: you know...
DAVE: are they like
DAVE: TOGETHER?
ROXY: what????
DAVE: you know
DAVE: like
KARKAT: WHAT THIS DUMBASS IS ASKING IS IF THEY’RE DOING HUMAN INTERCOURSE ACTIVITIES.
ROXY: oh my god??
DAVE: karkat
DAVE: please
ROXY: omg...
ROXY: karkat theyre related
ROXY: humans dont do that when theyre related to each other ok
KARKAT: DON’T TALK DOWN TO ME. I’M NOT A FUCKING WRIGGLER.
KARKAT: I’M FAMILIAR WITH YOUR CONCEPT OF “HUMAN INCEST.”
ROXY: !!!
DAVE: yeah ok not to be that guy even though im totally being that guy
DAVE: if it never happened we wouldnt have a word for it
ROXY: i rly dont think...
ROXY: i mean
ROXY: they WOULDNT
ROXY: theres no way. it makes no sense
ROXY: for one... dirk is gay
ROXY: and isnt rose gay too???
DAVE: yeah idk if anybody knows what roses deal is exactly
DAVE: of all of us who couldve ended up eloping to have illicit incestuous relations they definitely wouldve been the last two idve put my money on
DAVE: and yet
DAVE: it sure is real fuckin weird what they seem to have gone off and done isnt it
ROXY: uggghhhh
ROXY: dont even say that
ROXY: just thinkin about it makes my skin crawl
KARKAT: YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD ABOUT THIS.
KARKAT: LIKE, SERIOUSLY? THAT’S THE ISSUE HERE?
KARKAT: THE SHITHEAD WENT AND STOLE KANAYA’S MATESPRIT, APPARENTLY BY MYSTICALLY UNDERHANDED MEANS.
KARKAT: THERE’S PRACTICALLY NO LIMIT TO THE DIMENSIONS WE COULD BE GETTING ANGRY ABOUT THIS ON.
KARKAT: BUT HERE WE ARE INSTEAD, DOING THIS POINTLESS THING YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS DO WHEN IT COMES TO “INCEST.”
DAVE: us people??
KARKAT: I KNOW, I KNOW! I’M A FUCKING XENOPHOBE! LET’S JUST ALL AGREE I’M A BIG SHITTY XENOPHOBE ABOUT THIS, AND MOVE ON.
ROXY: jfc
ROXY: HAY KANAYA HOWS THAT PHONE CALL GOIN
KANAYA: Janes Chief Of Staff Has Put Me On Hold
KANAYA: It Seems My Solicitation Does Not Register As A Priority In This Administration
KANAYA: I Cannot Say I Am Surprised
KARKAT: TELL HER TO REGISTER MY HEAVING BULGE AS A PRIORITY!!!!!
KANAYA: I Will Not Tell Her That
KARKAT: ANYWAY, YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS, THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING.
KARKAT: THIS IS OBJECTIVELY NOT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS SCENARIO. IT’S NOT EVEN A REMOTELY NOTABLE FACTOR!
KARKAT: WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS? IT’S SO FUCKING PERFORMATIVE.
KARKAT: IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’RE TRYING TO PROVE BY CONSTANTLY COMPETING TO BE THE MOST SCANDALIZED BY YOUR OWN COMPLETELY ARBITRARY SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS???
ROXY: yo dogs i know we get up to some jank barrelbottom as fuck convos sometimes but this one..... I D even K anymore
ROXY: i know yr an alien and all but in these dire straits can we maybe not “riff” on the subject of fuckin incest
ROXY: fwiw the shit really does bug the hell outta me
ROXY: if i can confirm on behalf of my species that yeah the idea kinda sucks according to pretty much literally everybody could we agree to stop talkin about it
KARKAT: SEE, THIS IS WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!
KARKAT: YOU GREW UP ONE OF TWO HUMANS ON YOUR ENTIRE PLANET. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET ANY FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR THIS SHIT!?!
KARKAT: ADMIT IT. YOU ONLY PRETEND TO BE BOTHERED BY THIS BECAUSE YOUR HUMAN SOCIETY TELLS YOU THAT YOUR PERFORMANCE OF DISGUST IS VIRTUOUS.
ROXY: ummmmmmmmmmmmm
ROXY: lmao
ROXY: dude
ROXY: no
KARKAT: ALSO, EXCUSE ME, BUT CAN I JUST FUCKING ASK...
KARKAT: SINCE WHEN DID YOU START COSPLAYING AS DAVE??
DAVE: dude
KARKAT: WHAT?
ROXY: lol
DAVE: do you even fucking know anything
DAVE: youre a ham brained bonerstooge who doesnt know anything arent you
DAVE: im very sorry roxy that my ham brained bonerstooge of a boyfriend doesnt know fuck all about jack dick
ROXY: its ok hes like
ROXY: fuckin right
ROXY: i get mistaken for u like... well its been happening
ROXY: i shoulda known lmao
ROXY: i really thought all the pink im wearin would help with that
ROXY: idk ill keep messin with it
DAVE: no you look great
DAVE: like super duper duper great
DAVE: just perfect like i could not possibly be more proud of your fashion choices
KARKAT: CHRIST.
KARKAT: DAVE, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE ABOUT TO KISS YOUR MOTHER JUST TO “PROVE ME WRONG”!
ROXY: !!
DAVE: first of all
DAVE: roxys not my “mother” anymore hes
DAVE: wait
DAVE: roxy did we actually decide on the protocol on what im supposed to call you
DAVE: i literally have no comprehension of the etiquette here
DAVE: because youre technically my bio mom but its not as if i literally came out of your vagina or anything
DAVE: and like
DAVE: well considering whats going down right now im not too attached to the sanctity of dirk being my dad
DAVE: you can formally replace him as my daddy right now if you want
ROXY: ummmmmmmmmm
KARKAT: WOW! THE WOKEMASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE FOLKS! HE’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!
DAVE: oh stfu
DAVE: what is your problem why are you acting like this
KARKAT: ACTING LIKE WHAT????
DAVE: like a huge belligerent dickhead
DAVE: are you craving attention is that it
DAVE: did i get you hooked
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
DAVE: i see how it is
DAVE: you got one hot hit of sincerity from your fresh boy dave and now youre itching in your pants every second you go without it
DAVE: you know if you want to hold my hand or some shit you can just do it now
KARKAT: I HAVE NO DESIRE TO DO THAT. AT ALL.
DAVE: come on our relationship doesnt have to be a ludicrous unending performance of emotional constipation anymore
DAVE: we got character developed bitch
DAVE: cmere
KARKAT: ??? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY FROM ME!
DAVE: no
DAVE: christ youre like a flighty little muskrat stop squirming
KARKAT: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU SMELLY BAG OF SHIT! I HATE YOU!
DAVE: no way no you dont
DAVE: you looooooooove me
DAVE: were gonna be together foorreeevveeerrr
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
DAVE: and im gonna profess my undying love to you in the form of a kiiiiiiiiiiiissss
KARKAT: NOOO!!!!
ROXY: awwwwwww
ROXY: u boys cute :)
DAVE: hey can you just forget you saw that thanks
ROXY: hehe
ROXY: thank u
DAVE: for what
ROXY: for doin somethin that turned that steaming dogshit fire of an incest conversation into somethin that just made me feel v v happy
ROXY: if only for a fleetin moment in these dark AF times
KARKAT: DON’T MENTION IT
KANAYA: If Jane Is To Be Trusted Apparently She Didnt Even Know Dirk Was Gone
KANAYA: She Doesnt Know Where He Might Be Headed Either
KANAYA: Or She Wont Tell Us
DAVE: well shit
KARKAT: I’M SO FUCKING SURPRISED.
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, THEN WHAT DO WE DO?
KANAYA: I Dont Know
ROXY: hey does anyone know where the hell john is
DAVE: oh yeah
DAVE: good question
KARKAT: WASN’T HE ON SOME “MISSION”?
KARKAT: WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH THAT
DAVE: that was a rose thing
DAVE: she was cagey as fuck about it
DAVE: and now shes gone so we cant even ask her
DAVE: so uh
DAVE: damn
KARKAT: HE’S NOT ANSWERING HIS PHONE.
ROXY: yea ive tried too
DAVE: oh yeah i forgot
DAVE: john would solve our whole problem wouldnt he
DAVE: just zap us all right into dirks ship with his retcon powers
DAVE: thats how that works right
ROXY: maybe???
ROXY: i think he should be here regardless and catch up with the situation
ROXY: gettin kinda worried about him
KARKAT: YEAH.
ROXY: i ran into terezi the other day and she hadnt seen him either
DAVE: oh shit terezis back?
KARKAT: WHAT??
ROXY: o yeah
ROXY: i didnt mention cause
ROXY: guess i just thought u knew?
ROXY: i assumed she woulda got in touch
DAVE: nope
KARKAT: NOBODY EVER FUCKING TELLS US ANYTHING!
KARKAT: IT SEEMS LIKE KIND OF A GIGANTIC FUCKING DEAL THAT TEREZI CAME BACK TO EARTH???
DAVE: kanaya did you know about this
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: I Also Assumed You Knew
ROXY: im givin her a call to see if she knows anything about all this
ROXY: aaaaand shes not pickin up either :\
DAVE: what the fuck is even going on anymore
KARKAT: UM
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS JADE DOING?
DAVE: huh
KARKAT: THAT’S CREEPY RIGHT?
KARKAT: TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT’S CREEPY.
ROXY: yeh its a bit spooky
ROXY: thats how it is when she gets like this
KANAYA: What Is She Pointing At
DAVE: oh oh
DAVE: i think i know whats up
DAVE: shes tryin to say theres something important over that way
DAVE: is that right jade
DAVE: can you hear me??
DAVE: jade is it john?
DAVE: johns that way right
DAVE: you want us to go in that direction to find john
DAVE: is that it jade?
DAVE: come on
DAVE: what is it girl tell me
ROXY: omg dave
ROXY: youre treating her like a dog!
DAVE: ok yeah youre right
DAVE: i guess i fuckin suck
DAVE: but she IS a dog ok?
DAVE: a doggy girl whos trying to tell us something
DAVE: just lemme do my thing here
ROXY: .....
DAVE: jade give me a little yelp if johns that way and we should go after him
DAVE: just a little woof
DAVE: if johns in danger yiff twice plz
ROXY: DAVE!
DAVE: shhhhhh!
DAVE: maybe its not john that way maybe its...
DAVE: jade is it...
DAVE: is that where DIRK went?
DAVE: THATS IT
DAVE: thats the way dirk went and she wants us to follow
DAVE: ok wow
DAVE: but what about john
DAVE: is john safe?
DAVE: is john...
DAVE: does he have anything to do with whats going on?
DAVE: what about terezi?
DAVE: is like
DAVE: is john WITH them?
DAVE: jade is john on the ship with dirk and rose??
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT MEAN.
DAVE: it means...
DAVE: i think it means im right
DAVE: dont ask me how i know
DAVE: but i think i got the answers out of her we need
DAVE: dirk and rose are on a ship heading that way
DAVE: and for some fucking reason johns along for the ride
DAVE: we need to saddle the fuck up
DAVE: and wherever we go i think were going to need to bring jade along
KARKAT: RIGHT!
KARKAT: KANAYA, GET JAKE ENGLISH ON THE PHONE.
KANAYA: Okay
KANAYA: Why
KARKAT: BECAUSE WE NEED TO BORROW ONE OF HIS SHIPS.
KARKAT: WE’RE GOING TO GET YOUR *FUCKING WIFE* BACK.
#homestuck#homestuck epilogues#roxy lalonde#dave strider#kanaya maryam#karkat vantas#meat epilogue#page 43
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2020 fanfic summary!
it’s been a big year! this post is to recap my most popular fics by month (going off kudos on AO3). where i updated a most-popular fic across multiple months, i chose the latest month that it updated and included it there.
this is a long post, so press J to skip past it if you’re on desktop.
January:
Content Warnings (Dirk/Kankri, SFW, finished, 1.3k)
Dirk wonders if he’ll get in trouble if he gets into a fight with one of Karkat’s brothers if he doesn’t technically start it. He also wonders if Kankri is as ready to throw down as his tone suggests. The turtleneck suggests not, but he can hope.
February
Corporate Courting (Alpha Dave/Jane/Karkat, NSFW, finished, 13k)
He doesn’t want to overstate his feelings for Dave, or even look at them too much. He knows there’s something there, but he’s not going to sit down and analyse his feelings in the middle of a threesome. And he has sexy feelings, albeit less complicated and less conventional ones, for Jane. Apparently he’s calling the shots. So, what does he want here?’
March
It Led Us Here (Alpha Dave/Alpha Rose, NSFW, finished, 18k)
‘What am I going to do with you?’ you murmur.
‘We’re going to have a cup of tea and disagree wildly over some literature, which will turn me on so much that I might even let you win. And then after a second round, during which I will control the pacing, thank you, I will reluctantly send you home so you can confirm our children are safe, because I quite like them. And you will call me tomorrow so that we can organise another date.’
‘And then?’
‘Then, if we’re very lucky (and I am), I’ll disturb your frenetic film schedule, and you’ll make me so happy that I might accept some of my editor’s suggestions.’
April
I Married My Best Friend. Ironically. (Dirk/John, SFW, finished, 48k)
‘I love you,’ you repeat. ‘And I told myself I just loved being around you, which is not necessarily gay, and I loved the things you do, which is not necessarily gay, and I loved the way that … Dirk, the world doesn’t hurt as much anymore. And that’s bullshit, you’re not supposed to be with me and fix me, that’s not the way it works, except of course it is? Because you didn’t relationship me better, you just gave me the space I needed to find myself and made outside not feel as bad and I fucking made myself better and it was hard. And that’s not even what I’m saying!’
You really should have written something down. You want him to hug you so bad. It’d help, probably.
‘I don’t know when I fell in love with you and I don’t know why I couldn’t see it until now but it happened and it isn’t because it’s convenient or whatever, it is just because when I see you I get giddy in my stomach.’
May
Palingenesis (Dirk/Jake (but whole-cast focused), SFW, finished, 18.5k)
DAVE: is this gonna be a thing then
DAVE: something we just do sometimes
DAVE: rent out a place that makes me feel like i should be wearing a suit even when making the booking online and talk shit in sleepwear
ROSE: It’s not as if I don’t treasure our current communication.
ROSE: I can never have too many snapchats of Karkat’s feet, obviously.
ROSE: But it’s been so long since we’ve had actual time alone, with no one interrupting us just as we’re about to put down our verbal bullshit for two fucking seconds and actually talk.
June
Sick of Isolation (Dave/Karkat, NSFW, finished, 12k)
‘So,’ you say. ‘You ever think about the navy?’
‘The navy,’ he repeats tonelessly.
‘Yeah. Like, okay, so they’re on boats, I mean ships, they’re on big fuckin’ ships out in the middle of the ocean and just, like, patrolling or something. I don’t know what they do in the navy, probably something important, right, unless it’s a tax haven but for the government and it’s all a scam, I mean, how would we even know if the navy was real, I ain’t never seen a torpedo.’
‘No, Dave, I don’t ever think about the navy,’ Karkat says. He’s the picture of judgemental. You have to save this.
‘Or, okay, what about boarding schools? But like the fancy, private ones. I mean, they’re all fancy, private ones, but the ones where it’s just for boys, boys who will probably end up in the navy come to think of it, or on Wall Street and that’s kind of the same thing.’
He blinks at you slowly.
‘Wanna fuck?’ you ask.
July
Down to Suck (Dave/Karkat/Rose, NSFW, finished, 4.5k)
‘Am I being mugged?’ you ask.
‘In a fashion,’ Rose says. ‘We’re stealing your heart.’
Dave groans and covers his face, slipping his hands under his shades to do so. You’re startled into laughing and suddenly the situation slips from scary-ridiculous to just ridiculous. Rose smiles smugly like that was her plan all along.
‘Come home with us,’ she says. ‘You are even more beautiful in the moonlight and our rotten, still hearts are almost stirred to movement by your presence.’
‘Now that’s a better line,’ Dave says.
August
Open Up Your Murder Eyes (Dirk/Hal, NSFW, unfinished (on hiatus), 87k)
Fuck I miss you. I could hear so much of you in your letter and it's supremely shitty that I can't squeeze myself through your corpse slot to give you the sloppiest damn kiss. That looks even filthier on paper than it sounded in my head, which is truly impressive.
September
First Rodeo (Beta Jake/Beta Dirk, NSFW, finished, 4.5k)
‘I’m very impressive,’ you say, your face void enough of expression that you know they’ll be struggling to figure out if you’re being sincere in your boast. ‘Reckon I’ll find some son of a bitch too good for me to rub my legs tonight?’
‘I don’t know about too good for you,’ your fan says, leaning on the box. ‘Say, can you wrestle a man as well as a cow?’
‘A cow’s a female that’s had a calf,’ you correct automatically.
‘That’s what the boys like about you, Strider,’ Damien says. ‘The way you know shit nobody cares about.’
October
Incandescent (Dave/Karkat, SFW, finished, 4k)
‘When it’s us,’ you tell him, deadly serious, ‘it’s not idiocy, it’s not time lost, i’m not, fucking, pining after you and wishing I could own you, okay? You would be the love of my fucking life in whatever capacity, you hear me?’
‘Fuck, Karkat,’ he breathes.
You try and let go, but his fingers circle your wrists and he holds you there. He looks at you with serious, vulnerable eyes before he turns his head slowly and kisses you on the palm. You want to cry again.
‘I mean it,’ you say. ‘What we have, it goes beyond quadrants. It’s ...’
November
Unsuited to Formality (Bro/Dad, NSFW, finished, 5k)
Dirk was measured, staring at James staring at him and seeing uncharacteristically uncontrolled lust on his face. It was hard to breathe, to make stilted conversation with a man who had to know what was going on, who was tugging his sleeves straight and smoothing down the fabric on his back, asking James’s opinion on the fit around his legs and receiving strained replies. Dirk almost wanted to apologise, but he was too busy thinking of anything in the world that wasn’t this, stopping himself from imagining what was going through James’s mind, doing everything he could to prevent the tailor from deciding that he had mismeasured the amount of room his junk needed because of unintentional and unwanted swelling. James was supposed to be the restrained one.
December
Knight of Spades (Dave/Karkat, NSFW, unfinished, 93k)
‘I do not understand, why he could not use his mastery over time, in more useful ways,’ Caliborn says. ‘He should do as I command. My sister said I would rule over time.’
‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘My sister told us this was the best path and knowing that is kind of her thing.’
‘I care so fucking little about the best path,’ Caliborn says. ‘The path that I walk on is the best path, because it is graced by my feet. The path, in this speech-making, is an imaginary one, that I created from words.’
General stats:
Total words written: 648,336
Total fics/chapters written: 77
Total kudos: 5140
Biggest fic: I Married My Best Friend. Ironically.
Comments:
i’m pretty sure, through a quirk of AO3, that when it calculates your words total it counts the entire word counts of every fic that you updated in the year. so, even though i’ve been working on Knight of Spades since march 2018, it counts the full 93k in that word count total. i really cannot be bothered actually counting how much i’ve written, but 77 fics/chapters at a guess of around 4k would be more like 308k for the year. (there’s also my 55k harry potter fanfic i didn’t include in this round up)
i wrote less this year, but i was expecting that. not only was 2020 a bitch, it was also my final year in studying my bachelor’s degree, so i was working pretty hard to get that sweet GPA (which went really well!). i also have been writing an original novella and trying to read more than i have in past years. it’s been busy!
despite the reduced output, it was a better year in terms of quality. i’m starting to feel a real confidence in my writing and it’s lovely to see more validation as that happens. of course, this does have quite a bit to do with my being a moderwriter in a homestuck fanfic writing server, where i’m able to reach some wonderfully supportive friends. it means the world to me that i have people subscribed to me, especially when i put out a really diverse range of work with lots of different pairings and vibes.
i love writing fanfic and i have some really exciting goals for 2021 on this front. i anticipate 2021 having fewer updates and words as well, because this year i’ll be doing an honours year (i’ll probably make a separate post explaining more about that at some point) and am now the editor of my uni magazine, but what i do have in mind should be awesome.
thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments, and generally being supportive. love you guys!
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Homestuck's always been antagonistic and insensitive, but I don't recall seeing any of you try to dox Hussie? But please, continue to rationalise how cyberbullying lgbt people for not being nice enough and having opinions about a fictional character you disagree with puts you in the right. A story doesn't go the way you'd like and this is how you respond? You COULD have just not bothered reading it instead of CHOOSING to make your online life about something you hate like a toxic weirdo.
Hi, Kate. I’m so glad you could find my blog. (Edit: that was a joke. Apparently, some anons find it impossible to tell that I don’t actually think you’re Kate). It’s clear to me that you didn’t take the time to read through any of the content that’s actually on here, since you’re throwing around rather wild accusations, so let me take this down step by step.
Homestuck has only rarely been antagonistic and insensitive. Things like the Alpha Trolls - which were clear criticisms of fandom culture - were relatively few and far between, and when we complained about them, they actually stopped. Remind me, for instance, how relevant the Alpha Trolls were to the plot? How long they stayed as mockeries towards the fandom? Yeah, not long. I actually have talked about this before on the blog - alongside other things I thought were negative towards the fandom from the original comic - but the difference here is that... in the entirety of Homestuck, these things were outliers and inconsistencies. They stuck out because they were in stark contrast to the otherwise wonderfully handled content Homestuck went over.
For instance, Homesuck is critical of abuse - especially in terms of relationships. We see through a critical lense the shit normalisation of parental abuse can do to a child - with actual talk of triggers and of the mental and emotional scarring left behind, and the complexities of the child’s feelings towards the parent’s death through Dave - and we see how self destructive relationships can be, how harmful they are, and how hard it can be to leave them - such as Terezi’s very toxic blackrom with Gamzee, which was always portrayed as something negative and harmful especially with how worried Karkat was for her and how withdrawn she became during its run, and Dirk’s relationship with Jake, which goes very much over how communication can cause a deterioration in romantic relationships especially when the two participants have conflicting mental illnesses.
It also goes over how men, though they can be mired in toxic masculinity, can choose to be good. How sometimes we’re not born as good people, but we can become good people through the love we have for the people around us, through frequent attempts to check what we’re doing, through the sheer willpower to be good. Dirk’s entire arc, knowing that he could very easily become Bro but deciding he doesn’t want to be, that it’s something he wants to work on, is so important and incredibly powerful. Mental illness in men is often just given as an excuse to make them violent with no attempts at betterment - so Dirk actually existed as proof that you don’t have to be that stereotype.
In contrast, Homestuck^2 completely uncritically gave Jade, who was cis, a dog dick, made her, a bisexual woman, a sex maniac and the yaoi “woman who gets in the way of the gays” trope, made her a cheater and someone who forced her partner into the relationship to begin with, and made her a neglectful mother after having cheated with her best lesbian friend in something that has incredible recall to just about every futanari video ever - and they tried to claim that this was good representation of trans women, actually, and that the only reason we didn’t like it is that Jade is “a woman” who “has sex”.
Likewise completely uncritically, they made Gamzee, an anti-black stereotype, enter a relationship with Jane, a fascist, and then made the entire thing into a cuck joke wherein Jake being frequently drunk and sexually assaulted was funny because he wasn’t “man enough”. They then forced him to go back to his abuser after he left her in a scene that read very much like, “ridiculous man thinks woman is abusing him, go back and do your manly job”.
This, of course, doesn’t even go into the travesty that is any form of trans representation in the comic. Roxy, a trans man, is barely even focused on as trans; they make no attempt to enforce in the fandom that he’s a trans man the way they do that June is a trans woman, and even then, they seem to think that just saying someone is a trans woman is actually good representation. Not, like, bringing it into the comic - just saying that it’s a thing. And of course, that’s not even going into the completely uncritical lense they have of Vriska, wherein her being a trans woman completely frees her of any and all blame for the past abuses she has comitted, and once again she becomes an amazing character to save the day without a single flaw - which in turn inherently associates trans women with abuse apologism, abusers, and the ideology that just because we’re trans we can get away with anything scott free.
I honestly cannot think of one instance of good and genuine representation in Homesuck^2, nor can I think of any scene where negative content was actually treated as the negative thing it actually is. There’s no critical lense at all, not like we have in Homestuck; there’s just no fucking comparison. And this isn’t a one-off situation, either. Whereas Homestuck does do fuck ups - isn’t perfect - in between the otherwise brilliant content, Homestuck^2 is just founded upon these horrific takes. There’s almost no good content in between, and what is left is a slog to get through when surrounded by the thick slurry of shit that compromises futa Jade, abuse apologism Vriska, and victim blaming Jake.
Of course, we didn’t “doxx” Hussie. Hussie actually listened to our complaints, for the most part, and worked with us to create something that worked well. The way Homestuck^2 was touted to work. You know, since it was meant to be written with the fandom in mind, influenced by the things we suggest and react to. We went into Homestuck^2 with the explicit idea that we were going to be listened to and taken into consideration when it was being written - the way we were with old Homestuck. I’m very sorry to say that, when you make these expectations, people are going to be a titchy bit upset when you then commandeer the entire thing and exclude the fandom from any of the process that you said they were going to be part of.
Additionally, it’s rather funny, isn’t it, that what you call doxxing is actually just people upset with how triggering content is being handled, and going to the people who actually wrote the content in order to voice their complaints? It’s almost as if social media exists to allow this communication between reader and author, which is a fundamental thing you’ll learn in any creative writing course, such as the one I’m on currently, wherein you’re actually taught how to respond to social media and to build up your image with your fans.
Homestuck^2 is an ongoing piece of media. We’re well aware that we have a potential to change these uncritical takes and the horrific way they’re being handled if the writers will just listen to genuine criticism. This is, frankly, no different to the people who go to J. K. Rowling’s Twitter to tell her how harmful her transphobic comments are; because if she believes these things, they will work their way into her texts and will perpetuate harmful ideologies.
The literal same thing is happening in Homestuck^2 - again, such as futa Jade, which normalises the point of view that bisexuals are cheaters and completely trivialises what it means to be trans, or Gamzee, which perpetuates just about every anti-black stereotype possible. Media does have a very powerful impact on what people see in the real world. This is why, for instance, positive black characters are so important in media; if they’re always portrayed as villains, then people will see real world black people as villains as the ideology is perpetuated to the point of fact. This is especially true if the people already believe in the ideology.
Fiction is one of the best ways that we can counteract this cycle. If you make a character that they like, and they happen to be positive representation, and then they watch more media that is likewise positive representation, it’s more likely to stick that these positive representations are the actual experiences of minority groups. Also? It’s important TO those minority groups. A black person, especially right now, doesn’t want to see an anti-black stereotype fuck a fascist, engage in sexual assult, and then enact pedophilia - only to die at the hands of a hero and be laughed at for the death. Surprisingly, shit like this is why we need to tell the writers that what they’re doing is harmful, that they’re perpetuating phobic ideologies, and that we need better representation - especially in a comic that is this widely read, and also has a very large minor fanbase.
I shouldn’t need to explain why exposing minors to anti-black stereotypes, transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, abuse apologism, victim blaming, and the trivialisation of rape and sexual assault (especially towards men), might be a federal fucking issue.
So, no, we’re not actually cyberbullying LGBT+ people. We’re trying to hold shitty writers accountable for the incredibly toxic and harmful ideologies they’re forcing into a text that has always been written with critical thought in mind.
I should also point out how funny it is that you’re focusing on how some of the writers are LGBT+ - as if we’re not? I’m trans, I’m gay, and I’m ace. Yes, I can actually be these things and absolutely furious that a trans women is writing some of the most transphobic shit I’ve seen in a while into characters she then claims to be completely free of blame. We can be furious that people within our own community are enforcing negative stereotypes.
Being LGBT+ does not make them free from blame. We cannot give them a free pass to be racist, to be transphobic, to be homophobic, biphobic, to be abuse apologists, just because they’re LGBT+. Not only because that’s just a terrible fucking idea to begin with, but because it also reflects so, so badly on the community as a whole. As if being part of the community instantly means that you can do no wrong? As if there can be no toxicity within our own community, despite the fact that there very much is and it is still an issue to this day?
That is such an issue, one of the biggest issues even shown just in Vriska and the way Kate handles her as a whole - and, once again, is WHY we need to get them looking at this shit more critically. This view that LGBT+ people can do no wrong and cannot be criticised is shoved into Homestuck^2 and, once again, perpetuates the ideology. This isn’t something to be proud of. This isn’t something that’s actually okay.
Also, your point that the writers aren’t nice enough and that we disagree on fictional characters - well, I’ve already been over the second part. But for the first part, I would like to remind you that they aren’t just random LGBT+ people on the internet that we’re going to because we think their takes are a little shitty. They’re actual writers working on a piece of media. They are official content creators.
Again, one of the first things you learn on any creative writing course is that when you become a writer, you gain a significant amount of responsibility for your interactions with the fandom. This is something that you genuinely have to expect, and if you don’t, then, unfortunately you just don’t know what it means to write something that thousands of people have a potential to read. As a writer, it is your responsibility to portray your image online; it is your responsibility to engage with the fans in a meaningful way; it is your responsibility to not cause drama and to listen when criticism is brought up, to have genuine discussion and not to perpetuate hatred - especially towards your own fanbase.
Consider, for instance, the way I’m talking to you right now. This is the sort of tone that someone should take when talking to a fan about genuine criticism. When things are brought up, you go over them step by step, you listen, you write back - you don’t go on a flurry of “fuck yous” to a minor who asked you why your team didn’t post anything about the BLM movement on the official Twitter, and you definitely don’t respond to every comment with genuine criticism with the word “pigshit”. You almost definitely don’t tell your trans masculine and masculine-aligned nonbinary fans that their opinions don’t matter.
As a writer, Kate and the rest of the team have a responsibility with their interactions with their fans. They aren’t just normal fandom voices anymore; they’re official fandom voices, voices that have more weight behind them than anyone else. They’re who people are going to turn to when it comes to anything regarding Homestuck^2. Their words now reflect literally everything about Homestuck^2, the future of Homestuck as an expanded universe, and the opinions of the group as a whole. They have to be careful with what they say. They have to be held to the same standards as industry voices because that’s essentially what they are - especially now that Homestuck is something you pay for.
Also, this isn’t a point of the story not going the way I want. This is a point of many of people in the fandom being upset with how content is being handled, upset that their voices are being shut down, upset that triggering content is being laughed at or used flippantly and without care or respect. This is people being upset that trigger warnings were removed specifically to make the comic unsafe for them as a punishment for daring to say that something was wrong. This is people being upset that a piece of media that used to be so fucking good at portraying sensitive content in a critical light, that used to be so good at normalising LGBT+ identities and healthy representations of those identities, has suddenly turned to this.
The story can go whatever way it wants - and frankly, that’s fine be my. What isn’t fine is that content is being used specifically to hurt and to incite.
And, of course, that final piece; nothing will improve if we don’t say that it’s wrong to begin with. Someone needs to voice the complaints of the fanbase, othrewise these toxic ideologies are going to go unchecked. One of the biggest things I’ve come to understand while making these posts is that a significant portion of the fandom feels isolated in their hurt; they don’t think other people feel the same way they do, and several people have mentioned feeling like they were going crazy because they were upset with things that the text and writers are normalising. It’s so important to make sure that these people know they’re not alone. It’s so important to make sure that our voices are heard. It’s so important to try and create critical discussion and debate over something that so many people still fucking love.
The thing is, I don’t hate Homestuck^2. I actually really, desperately wish I could enjoy it. I wish I could read through it and theorise, could go in depth about how amazing the characters are, could write long and extensive posts on how creative and engaging it is - could even just go on about how interesting the Meat-Candy divide is, and all the points they’re trying to make about canonicity. But I genuinely fucking can’t. There is just so, so much wrong in the text that is completely unrelated to plot and to the overarching Point that makes it impossible for me to read, to want to read, to try to encourage other people to read. They’re things that literally don’t need to be in there, either; stereotypes and toxic ideologies and uncritical or badly handled sensitive topics that could be rectified so, so easily.
Homestuck^2 could be amazing for a lot of the fandom. It could be something that we all rally around the same way we did for the original comic. For for a lot of people, it has ruined their fandom experience, has ruined their desire to want to read anything more to do with Homestuck, and has caused a significant portion of the fandom to just drop out entirely. That in and of itself should be a sign that this isn’t just a little fandom drama. That this is something much bigger and much more serious that, just maybe, needs to be looked into, talked about, understood - and, potentially, changed.
#homestuck^2#homestuck^2 critical#long post//#ardenttheories#Apologies for how long this is. I wasn't going to finish it until I got every point across#And that ended up being... uh. Several thousand words I suspect#Anonymous
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🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?
Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It
god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:
roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.
rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?
dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.
jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.
davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.
janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.
roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.
jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.
roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.
johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.
ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.
dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.
and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:
arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.
fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.
erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.
gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.
gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.
aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.
karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.
daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.
kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.
vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.
karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.
meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.
rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.
rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.
mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.
kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.
crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.
should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.
porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.
aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.
kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.
vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.
erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.
rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.
vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.
johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.
spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.
dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.
meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.
kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.
gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.
terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-
minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.
nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.
signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.
summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.
orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.
dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.
condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.
condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.
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Since i literally cannot work on something without blabbing abt it im gonna ramble a bit abt the earth c kids au i have
Rn im doodlin rosemary and davekats kids. Idk yet who gets saddle with a child first but both couples go through dealing with the strilondes fear of becoming their guardians. Karks has his reservations too. Thinks he's too much of an asshole to really rear a kid and being a parent is like being a leader, sorta. Some loser wriggler hangs onto your every word and you try your best to guide em where they should go. Previous experiences have shown him to have failed in that regard so imagine his trepidation over having to do that for longer than a few weeks.
Kan's prolly the only one of em who has her head about with the whole child rearing business bc well she was hatched for this shit ya know
Anyway the kid rosemary has is a maryam descendant and rose just goes 'well, she's sorta ur kid genetically speaking and we're married so she's my kid too ig so... we should raise her????' And they do and she's sweet and smart and terrifying in that she keeps alluding to murdering you if you so much as look at her or her parents wrong. Her name is Astrea Maryam-Lalonde and she loves her moms a whole damn lot and she thinks theyre the absolute shit. She's fascinated with fashion as is the Maryam staple though she only cares abt her appearance if she's being seen by people outside of family. When she's at home she just wears ratty tshirts and shorts or sweatpants that have more than a few holes in it. This makes Kanaya sigh with exasperation and just say 'like mother like daughter' as Rose flops on the couch next to their daughter in clothes under the same state.
Dave loves the shit out of her ofc bc he's a great uncle but also bc she loves drawing a whole buncha shit. Most of the time she draws people so she could slap some sick as shit dresses she designes on them. Dave talks abt SBaHJ w her and she's just That sounds Highly Stupid where can I see it and so they spend an afternoon just talking abt it and she genuinely finds it funny and wonders more than once if one day she could make her own comic. Though hers, no offence to Dave, would be much more serious and plot heavy and maybe gay and has romance bc seriously she's a Maryam-Lalonde have you seen their library? And Dave encourages her abt it and has become her editor/soundboard/ whatever the fuck when she has ideas for stories and makes quick drawings abt it.
Im not set on how davekat gets their kid yet but it's an ectogoop hybrid of the two of them. His name is Kagang Vantas for now bc Dave still hasn't gotten around to marrying Karkat wc is fine bc it's not like it means much to either of them but he does playfully call him husband every now and then. Anyway, the little dude is a human/troll hybrid and don't ask me any questions abt that yet im working on it. He's a bit of a brat but is a nice kid. He's a little hard of hearing so he doesn't always notice his voice but that's fine bc Dirk teaches him sign and makes him some hearing aids that he asks to have customized to look sick as shit when he grows up. He's got a lotta energy and spends a lot of his time playing outside w John, Jade and Jake. He's really attentive too and picks up on tiny details rly fast which makes him pretty great at handling upset ppl. He rly likes music just like Dave and that spurs the god into buying even better acoustics every year so his son can feel the vibrations much better. Contrary to Dave, however, Kagang rly likes classical music mostly bc Rose spent a whole lot of time playing her violin for both him and Astrea. He picks up the instrument too when he grows up and Rose is all too happy teaching him.
Dirk is apprehensive arnd the kid given what he knows of who he can become w Dave but he truly deeply loves the kid. He's distant for a few years and Kagang inevitably thinks it's his fault bc Dave and Karkat are both vry rejection-sensitive people and sadly that got passed down to the kid but dw it takes one to know one so the dads know how to get him through it. Dave talks abt it w Dirk and Dirk is floored bc jesus i was trying to make sure the kid wouldn't feel bad arnd me and fuck whatever i do its just a fuck up huh and Dave just shooshes him and goes bro dude dirkles it's fine you can still work on it. Now u know what's up and why u can work to make a better relationship. I know u love the shit outta my little dude but sometimes that ain't enough. Ya gotta show it through words and actions now come on let's hang out w Kagang and u can slowly mend that bridge. And he does and fuck he /can/ be a good person, these past few years has thought him that, and by fuck will he make sure that his nephew knows that he loves him and cares for him and thinks he's the shit
One can say Kagang and Astrea have a moirailgance but it's a lot more like siblingship rly. They poke fun at each other, mess w each other, would hide a body for the other all that shit. It's a lot like Dave and Rose but w a lot less layers of cool and aloofness to hide the fact that Dork+Dork equals Mega Dork.
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the homestuck epilogue, summarized by me
edited after: I’m leaving this here for my own reference but there’s a decent amount of stuff I got wrong in these. I’ve tried to correct most of it. still please don’t bother with these if, for some reason, you’re still free of this dark knowledge in the post hell 2020 timeline
there’s doubtless parts of both sides (which are actually only one side, big spoilers there) that I’m going to forget so I apologize in advance for that but I read the entire thing very quickly and some parts are more memorable than others. this is also only slightly polished up from when I posted it on discord, which I did in a tremendous hurry. so pardon the grammar
please be wary that I literally CANNOT tag this with everything there are warnings for so if you’re not sure, check the actual epilogue tag list, because literally all of it is mentioned in some capacity.
letsa go
LET’S START WITH CANDY.
john decides not to go. immediately, things start going strangely well for literally everyone, who all get exactly what he thinks they want (or what SOMEONE thinks they want, more on that later. I think it's still john doing the influencing.) davejadekat hook up. john and roxy get married. etc. gamzee gets “redeemed” by which I mean john rescues him at calliope’s request and he goes around saying he’s good now. but as always there's trouble in paradise and the things that seem to be "good endings" end up being bad. jane becomes president of earth but this leads her to become a fascist dictator who may possibly be responsible for the future genocide of trollkind (this shit is full fascist racism shit. “troll camps” are a thing.). dave and karkat are in love with each other and jade getting in with them has actually just made it harder for them to be honest with one another. gamzee basically serves no purpose except to be annoying and gross.
at some point literally all the trolls start getting resurrected because of timeline shenanigans where the black hole is spitting out their ghosts onto earth c (which is actually inside of the black hole in paradox space somehow. don’t think too hard about it). rose and kanaya adopt a grub they name vriska to honor her sacrifice and also because it looks like vriska. john and roxy have a kid named harry anderson. jane basically rapes jake (he's drunk and also the lollipop is invovled) and conveniently gets pregnant with a kid they later name tavros. AS TIME GOES ON, karkat breaks up from djk because he's sick of it and then goes on to lead a troll rebellion against jane. jane starts cucking jake with gamzee. roxy and john break up because john is depressed and also because john is way more interested in texting terezi than in his real-life spouse. dirk kills himself for reasons that have more to do witht the construct of the meat timeline than the candy one.
all of this is slightly out of order but I’m trying to be succinct so when things get crazy I can keep the relevant details close together.
QUICK MEAT DETOUR (MEATOUR).
john decides to go. he makes a quick stop to grab the ring of life from aranea, then scoops up the other game over kids, who head off to face caliborn. the masterpiece goes down as you would expect it to with the beta kids getting stuck in the juju. the betas are later released from the juju by vriska but it doesn't actually kill english (dave does with his sword, then gets decapitated), and john gets nailed hard in the chest by caliborn's gold tooth, which begins to poison and kill him. davepeta appears for like two seconds and then vanishes into the black hole. jade's corpse is the only one of the kids that isn't fucking vaporized but it gets sucked into the black hole. we'll come back to this later. john runs into meenah, who steals the life ring and peaces out into the black hole. then he runs into terezi in the remains of paradox space and the two of them fuck.
IN THE MEANTIME, on earth, karkat mounts an opposition run to jane's presidency, at dave's urging. dave and karkat are explicitly not together but also explicitly dancing around how they both know they love each other; jade keeps trying to start a threesome and both of them are like "UHHHHHH." roxy and calliope are together. jake and dirk have a stupid wrestle rap tv show but it is iterated on over and over again that dirk thinks jake is a useless idiot who he can't treat well and who deserves nothing and whom he needs to babysit and control so cool I guess. dirk goes to talk to rose and it becomes clear both of them are experiencing the same thing with their expansion of consciousness giving them awareness of other timelines and vague control over them (”ascending”) AT WHICH POINT it becomes clear that dirk is actually the narrator+controller of the entire meat timeline. the narration turns orange and dirk’s character voice (or what the epilogue says his character voice is) begins to leak into how it’s written.
BACK TO CANDY FOR A SECOND.
jade's corpse from the meat timeline crashes down into the candy earth c through a ghost black hole portal. nobody knows what the sweet christ is happening, but roxy proposes having another funeral since the kids only see one another at funerals (the last one being dirk’s) and aren't very close. they have the funeral but in the middle of it, jade sits up and has been possessed by the spirit of red calliope, who claims she is protecting this version of the planet and is keeping watch out for a bad actor who could destroy everything.
kid vriska is horrible to kid tavros. john and terezi talk a lot and it's routinely implied that john cares more about her than about roxy, and that john is the only person she talks to. jake eventually walks out on jane with their kid but only after she’s treated him horrendously and continued to cuck him with gamzee. meenah also comes down through a hole in the sky, where she meets karkat and they hook up romantically. dave and jade get married but it’s implied to be a very troubled marriage. kid vriska begins banging harry anderson once they are teens. also once they are teens, ACTUAL (alive) vriska comes crashing down onto the planet from being sucked into the black hole. she and kid vriska have some conversations about terezi, but only after vriska hatefucks gamzee. vriska sends terezi a message. we don't see how this pays off, which makes me think that more is probably coming.
dave, while trying to help karkat with the troll rebellion, comes upon actual literal barack obama, has a conversation about sexuality with him and how he’s not really into jade (here he calls himself “gay” while in the meat timeline he is very explicit about being bisexual). obama tells him that ascension to one’s ultimate self is impossible for the normal human body to withstand and helps him turn into a robot so he can handle the transformatiin and help save another timeline.
btw a war has started between jane’s fascist empire and the trolls, led by karkat, who has an eyepatch. john, having patched some things up a bit with roxy, reconciles with his son. this is basically how candy ends.
OK. LET’S GET BACK TO THE MEAT.
now that dirk's control over the narrative is firmly established he actually starts exerting some level of control over people through his narrative voice. he uses this to start making people do things he wants.
anyway jade falls into a coma at some point and when she wakes up, the spirit of red calliope is using her to "transmit" and dirk and red calliope start literally fighting over who gets to write the story. red calliope wins at first, and dirk's narration is reduced down to small font where he passive aggressively swipes at calliope. alive calliope takes one look at possessed jade and runs away almost literally screaming. oh also I forgot calliope and roxy both go by "they" at this point in time and dirk+calliope spar a bit over that as dirk also keeps calling roxy "her." fun times.
anyway while calliope is running the narrative jake agrees to endorse karkat's presidential run as dirk makes plans involving a rifle and the phrase "jake english, your ass is mine." during the rally where jake is about to endorse karkat, dirk fools calliope into thinking he's trying to shoot jake, but wheels around and hits jade instead with a tranquilizer through a window. this makes red calliope's influence go away and dirk resumes control of the narrative.
using his regained control of the narrative, dirk presses his thumb down on jake to remind jake how much he loves dirk, how he’s IN LOVE with dirk, and how "to love dirk is to obey him" and jake, obligingly, endorses jane in front of the entire crowd gathered there to watch his speech about karkat.
dave and karkat, drinking together after jane handily wins the election, hook up though dave basically has to shout dirk out of his head because he wants to do it on his own terms instead of the way dirk keeps writing it, and dirk WILL NOT LET HIM because dirk knows best. eventually dirk leaves him alone but only after dave basically forcibly chases him out (without knowing what he’s really doing, sort of like Aimless Renegade in the comic). john and terezi come back to earth, where john dies and terezi captchalogues his body. dirk (as narrative) and terezi (as herself) spar a bit until he makes an offer to her to come see him about her dead boyfriend. this is the last we see of her.
dirk then convinces kanaya (using the narrative) that he and rose are in love and he's better for rose than she is and she needs to let them go if she really loves rose. kanaya obligingly does this. dirk leaves kanaya some medicine that will wake jade up and goes to talk to jake, where he sex blackmails jake into lending him a spaceship. jake thinks he's coming along on the trip but dirk assures him this is not the case. jake breaks down literally sobbing and begging to go, dirk kisses him and tells him he'll never let jake break his heart again, and dirk leaves with rose (in a coma which dirk will resolve by putting her into a robot like dave).
jade wakes up and, with memories of red calliope's goals, shouts that dirk has to be stopped, pointing out to various people (namely kanaya) how weird they’ve been acting because he’s been subtly influencing them using the narrative as lowkey mind control. they all make plans to go find dirk though none of them can figure out where the sweet fuck john is (terezi is awol). they ask jake who, sobbing, confirms that dirk took a spaceship, and then go plan to get one of their own and follow him using red calliope's instructions.
also this is impossible to get in anywhere else but roxy is going by “he” now and dirk has a whole paragraph about how suave and manly and cool and masculine he is
WOW THAT WAS HAIRY. THAT IT?
the actual ending of each consists of the following: candyverse davebot shows up on candy earth as red calliope opens a hole presumably back out to the furthest ring (after literally eating caliborn’s body). he and aradia (she was in candy for a while now but did pretty much nothing) are like cool let's go and vault into the hole. meanwhile, meatverse dirk and robot rose draw closer to a new unnamed planet as rose does dirk's laundry. they both know the planet is destined for a new sburb session in the future.
YIKES!
yeah yikes.
WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?
if you’re like me you should ignore it and just keep doing what you want to do. have fun. the author is dead, long live the fanfic author.
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I finally got through all 200,000 words of that freaking epilogue and GOD HAVE MERCY I SHOULD HAVE WENT CANDY AND THEN MEAT.
Overall though, I like it. I like it alot! I mean there are some things I feel weird about which like.......aren’t the things everyone else feels weird about apparently.
SPOILERS BELOWWWWW~!!!!
So it’s alot easier to get out of the way what I am weirded out about than to explain the many things I did like.
- I feel weird about the xenophobia thing and how it’s being treated. Like it’s being treated like a huge issue but like non-issue all at once?? I guess that’s because from John’s perspective he’s just too busy being weirded out or suffering to truly get involved. Like I sincerely hope nobody on the team thinks standing by in a situation like this is a valid stance in any way. But it also happens in real life so like, I get it. I think this bothers me because these kids were heroes. But also they were heroes out of necessity and because they were main characters. Like that’s honestly it. They had a mission and fulfilled it and they were hailed as heroes.
- Hussie presenting xenophobia as both a joke and a serious issue and sometimes it’s hard to tell what position the comic is trying to take which makes me uncomfortable.
- I think it’s in character, but I hate that Karkat alone had to defend himself every time Jane was being the #worstTM. I hate that Roxy just standing by knowing good and well these are the stakes every single time was never fully addressed. I wish somebody sat our beautiful bae Roxy to let them know that like this is shitty too?? Like you saying this is simply politics when a literal extinction is happening is shitty why didn’t anyone tell them that in stone cold, super serious terms for the love of GOD it bothered me so much.
- Alright anytime Dirk used any sort of like reddit NiceGuy Are you triggeredTM 4-chan bullshit language it turned me all the way off. Like incel, beta, cuck?? Misgendering our void icon?? Yea. Cancelled but also not cancelled because I haven’t been this shook or excited over a villain in so long.
- Gamzee. Just...yikes all around. I’m not sure how I feel.
- JAKE DESERVED BETTER. HE REALLY FREAKING DID JUST SAYING. JAKE DIDNT DESERVE THIS MADNESS. Omfg i never hated anyone as much as I did Dirk when he snapped Jake’s psyche in half forcing him to love Dirk. It was so fucking iconic though and I’m still mad y’all. So many feelings. Oh god and when Jane like........did him wrong?? What le fuck? Jake i’ll be your friend, come here mate. Please let me hug my boi who I didn’t stan before but i stan now.
- Those kids.....I love those kids give them a good future, please. I’m begging hussie let John be a good father.
- I think the kids grew because they were with each other, and they fact they didn’t stay together and let each other be isolated kinda makes this make sense to me but it does feel like with some characters the growth went out the window. But also....people can regress especially if they stop after like one epiphany or whatever, so I see how this happened.
- Dave redirecting what should have been the core political issue (freaking extinction/controlled population of exclusively the trolls) to the economy every single time. Like Dave baby you were never the most racially sensitive dude (coming from a black girl who watched you say negrocity, call black people not shining shoes revolutionary (which could be read as irony in context but still) in the same rap, which, YIKES!) but like try please?? Hussie freaking fix this.
- I oddly feel weird about them getting rid of their flesh bodies for their ultimate forms and I’m not sure why but I honestly don’t want all bots. I can’t even explain that in a way that makes sense.
- Jade. Like....everything she did was a big yikes and honestly I’m reading the main story again to see if there was a character trait that led to her behavior. Cuz Dirk literally always had an overbearing personality and it was never truly addressed leading to what happened. Jane never really stopped with the whole business and control thing and she never really seemed to care for the trolls one way or another so I can kinda see it.
- Honestly?? I’m happy for the form of happiness that some characters had but MAN was it just the slowest most excruciating march towards that end. In candy, it felt like I was literally feeling John’s twilight-zone stir-crazy rise up in me as I read through. I think a “benefit” from reading Meat first is that like.....damn I ended up agreeing with Dirk. Like all of this shit was largely avoided and addressed sooner when Dirk was in charge and I hate/love that I’m saying this! Like what the hell y’all that's so brilliant to me. In Meat, I just.....wanted them to be free to make their own choices and when I was nearing the end in Candy, I realized they weren’t so damn isolated and I was happy that some of them finally got to heal.
To segue into I liked it starts on the same point my dislikes end.
- I felt so frustrated by everything that was happening which.....dear God is great writing because if I was John feeling this for years instead of the solid day it took me to get through Candy I’d be handling it way worse than John. I almost wished that Dirk would come in and take charge because they were just.....fucking up on every level. With Meat, I wanted what was in Candy and I wanted them to have their fucking free will to choose instead of these awful circumstances Dirk forced them to be in.
- DAVE. DAVE. DAVE. Fuck I love dave just so much, he felt the most home to me the entire time. When he fought back in Meat to make his own choices I was so proud of him. When he decided to join the revolution I was proud of him, when he finally admitted he was gay I was proud of him. When he just existed and seriously thought about what he wanted and needed to work through he felt like he authentically was trying to figure himself out the entire time in both Meat and Candy and I was so proud of him. Honestly will always have my heart.
- NUBS MCSHOUTY. From awkward bottom to rebel leader he is just a breath of fresh air every time he speaks because it is always a freaking mood. LIke yes, the extinction of your people is awful and you should say it. Yes, people who stand by and just sidetrack the conversation into semantics is awful and you should freaking say it. Yes! Yes! Yes! omfg. YOU ABSOLUTE FREAKING ICON
- Dirk. I.....ugh I know this is controversial but I love everything that happened. Our Dear walking God complex becomes literal God and it all goes to hell. Our friend the control freak, controlling the narrative when he reaches his ultimate form. Ou dear Dirk who always needs something to fix horribly fixes the narrative. When he revealed himself and said “but you already know that don’t you” in his iconic yellow text color me FREAKIN SHOOK. Like literary reveal of the gods (specifically this god ha). Nothing will shake me the same holy shit I was horrified and the horror never stopped. Omfg shook Dirk just freaking shook. So since I read meat first I was like “holy cow was he always like this?” But like, the one dirk that was decent freaking killed himself with his last wish being for relevance and like.....of course he’s like this?? It’s Hal, Caliborn, ARDirk, Brain Ghost Dirk and Dirk One who honestly was only half decent most of the time. All of these pretentious beings in one? Oh yea edge lord self masturbatory train dead ahead. AND I LOVED IT, the absolute fear and horror as he took the narrative back from Calliope was horrifying, his increasing disdain after the reveal, the moment he forced Jake to fuck everything up for the resistance was ICONIC oh my god I was so here. I was loving it so much I was scared I was being controlled by Dirk.
- Jake was always passive and like.....it manifested so bad. I mean I thought he stepped up when he finally, defeated the felt crew but like....of course, one battle isn’t going to solve a lifetime of posing and passivity. I don’t know why I never considered the horrible implications. I do wish he grew a full spine in one of the epilogues.
- Regardless of how I perceived her in canon, Epilogue!Jane was never painted as a hero ever. THANK GOD cuz Epilogue Jane is doing some really bad stuff.
- Roxy - our voidey babe exploring their gender identity and deciding in both that they don’t care for their assignment in some way, valid. Having all stages of their identity and the stages respected (in what I viewed as a great and fully addressed way as a cis black girl) is surprisingly refreshing when I look at Roxy alone and not the transphobic stuff Dirk was doing which was icky and Caliborn-ish.
- Rose and Kanaya being happy in Candy. Like it seemed so OOC but Rose also was literally dealing with something that ENTIRE TIME. When she was little it was the alcoholism of her mother, when she was in paradox space it was from horror demons to literal death, to life-threatening situations to being the seer she needed, to her own substance problem etc etc. Being non-essential freed her from that and we got to witness her still be the badass, freedom fighter she became. And I just love the thing she chose without needing to, without absolute necessity, was to raise their daughter AND fully immerse themselves in troll revolution against an oppressive regime. Fuck yes Rose, you deserve some fucking peace without debilitation or circumstance. Rose in Meat shall never be spoken of because that is so so so sad honestly. She was dying and like...Dirk took advantage of that which is tactically freaking genius considering Rose is usually who can pull these dorks together into action but damn Dirk.
- Fuck you know what I’m gonna say it. Dirk is the best villain holy shit he is honestly, truly smart and manipulative and somehow charming in this sick sick way God I hate/love him right now. I’m.....omfg still shook.
- I honestly just loved how intertwined it is, how twilight-zone/gritty it felt. Every literary craving I didn’t know I was having was fed and in the best/worst way. I’m hooked and here for wherever this is going. Also, I typed it above and I’ll type it again. I didn’t realize it but these kids, while they ascended as Gods were not heroes. I don’t think the kids really cared about their denizens much ever in canon. They fulfilled their mission and we handed them the hero stamp because we’ve followed their story. They are simply people who had a mission to fulfill and did that mission in whatever capacity you choose. They are ultimately really flawed human beings who were traumatized to hell and back with no real devices on how to deal with it properly. Of course, when you give flawed humans God powers, a world to rule over and nobody really holding anyone accountable bad things are bound to happen. They grew because they were in a situation where they had to and they were removed too soon for them to keep that growth. Fanfic or not, canon or not, essential or not, I think these are valid outcomes, within the context of who they are.
#upd8#upd8 spoilers#rose lalonde#homestuck roxy#calliope#homestuck#dave strider#dirk strider#jade harley#john egbert#roxy lalonde#jake english#jane crocker#long post
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Epilogue Summary: Meat part 1 (1-25)
So this is just my notes as i read it, theres too much to condense it succinctly. It will be very spoilery, and is intended to be a summary of key plot points for those who don't wish to read it themselves but want to know what happens. I'll try to avoid explicitely triggering content but I'll probably still describe what happens so be aware. Ill still make another post when i finish it with my overall thoughts
Number is what chapter it is, dashes are separate observations within that chapter.
1. Weird graphic description of John fuckin voring the meat. Why
2. -Jane is a facist now and xenophobic?? Amd running for president of earth. Could yall not with the trump comparison
- "DAVE: in the world that mattered more, i mean like
DAVE: the one i belonged to that i used to imagine had a real future
DAVE: that didnt involve meteors or a fish dictator or the american political landscape turning into a nightmarish daily joke"
Oh sweet summer child
-A predominantly human government is responsible for trol population control??
3. John punches Aranea in the face
5. Im p sure Dirk is a facist now too? But like that "cool" edgy alt right reddit type
-He. Literally shoots Jake with a tranquiliser to shut him up
6. John rounds up the other kids from various points along the Game Over timeline and has some thoughts on how hes basically pupeteering these kids to their impending doom
7. Dirk has the same condition as Rose, which she reffers to as "ascending to her ultimate self". Hes not suffering as much because presumably the heart effect of understanding people is less taxing than lights understanding...everything
9. Yeah as expected john and co go to perform the masterpiece and get trapped in the juju for "quadrillions of years from your perspective" fuck you
10. -Firstly chapter from Jane's perspective and OH BOY she keeps making casual discrimatory remarks, pausing to ask herself if theyre discriminatory, and then concluding that they aren't. Oof.
-"And the consorts? Who had even given them the right to vote in the first place?" OOF.
-Confirms that the trolls are not immortal (by Jane basically saying she could wait for Karkat to die off)
-"the problematic nature of troll reproduction. The first generation of natural-born trolls obviously cannot be entrusted to a troll." excuse me what the fuck
11. The kids can talk to each other within the juju and hear whats happening outside.
-I think John has blackrom feels for Terezi?? And also voices he might actually be depressed
12. Okay this was actually p good its all dave and kk being rly gay but still acting surprised when massively horny jade calls them out. Also poly Jade heck yeah
13. VASKA. Immediately after unloading the Juju she gets hit with some debris and starts being pulled towards the black hole, at which point john &co escape the juju
14. Jane full on tries to seduce Jake for his support and its creeping me out
-?? It starts to describe a full on fuckin sex scene but before they do more than smooch and grope Jake starts fantasising about Dirk and excuses himself
15. Rose and Jade die, i think Meenah and Vriska too? And ghost Tavros. Davepeta shows up
-Johm gets vored??? Well almost, he ends up with englishes gold tooth in his ribs
-Dave stabs le then dies horribly (all of the death is p graphic)
-Davepeta dies, dragging le into the black hole with them
16. Rose muses that the 12 characters in Complacency of the Learned represent the 12 players that entered the new universe
-The condition rose and dirk have doesnt affect all god tiers, its linked to aspect
-Actually Rose and Dirk have some pretty interesting introspection here
-DIRK IS THE NARRATOR.
17. -The text is orange and Dirk addresses the reader direct- what the fuck
-He basically tears into the reader for voyuerism and speaks with the nost intense god complex ever seen in him
18. The furthest ring is destroyed
-Dirk as the narrator talks directly to John but like. Is mostly still just the narrator. It's weird.
-John finds his dads wallet
19. Dirk can read everyone except Roxy. Presumably because Void.
-Calli and rox are nonbinary and use neutral pronouns! Calli also talks about cherubs not really having gender
20. Oh John's Jade didnt die i guess. Earth C Jade passed out and this Jade got flashes of her memories
21. KANAYA. Also it legit didn't occur to me that they needed to raise the mother grub for years before it could perform troll reproduction. Durrr.
22. John finds Meenah and she steals the ring of life from him (he took it from aranea)
23. Uhhh. Dirk is basically fucking with Kanaya and trying to keep her from Rose?
24. John finds Terezi! But it cuts away again before literally anything happens
25. Dirk blocks Kanayas number in roses phone. Jesus fucking Christ
-oh sweet fuck hes talking about Kierkegaard
-Theres this really weird vibe of him talking about how smart he is and Rose calling him out in how hes just a dude whos read too much Wikipedia and i cant. Tell how ironic hes being
-He keeps talking about how hes in control of the narrative down to allowing her to react and its real fuckin creepy
-Huh...i guess hes showing Rose what happens in Candy. He doesnt describe it but talks about spoiling
-He...talks Rose into ascending to true godhood, i guess. To the point where her body would be dead if he wasnt doing something to keep it together
...yeah so far Dirk is a dick
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Master list of my Davekat fic recs.( SFW LIST HERE ) I wanted to include my thoughts about each fic but it’s been well over a year since I read most of them and it would have been exhausting to read back through all of them so i just included the authors’ summaries instead. I have major respect for every fic and author on this list, seriously they’re amazing <3 Happy Reading !
All I Know Are Sad Songs - by ayyyy(RosaAquafire) - Alpha TImeline - Ch 36/?- 122731 words
The world is ending. Dave Strider can't tell if the bender he's on is because of that, or because of how bad stuff is fucked up with Rose, or just because his own bullshit has finally caught up to him. All he knows is that if the world DOES end today, maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing.Of course, he can't throw in the towel. His fate is already written. He raises a resistance. He duels the false presidents. He stands against the Empress herself. So maybe that's why Skaia allows a glitch that carries a consciousness across sessions that might save Dave's shitty life. (this is the only fic I’ll put my own notes on because it is absolutely and unequivocally my favorite fic ever. I almost didn’t read it because of the tags but the author handles every issue so seriously and beautifully, I can not stess enough how amazing this fic is!!!)
A wish upon a fountain or a falling start - by twofoldaxiom - Fantasy AU - Ch 25/25 - 51379 words
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you fell from the sky.You hadn't meant to; you were trying to make a wish by catching a fallen star by the tail. The star turned out to be stronger than you. Now, on Earth, alone and unsure of yourself, what can you do except find someone who might believe? And what do you do when you yourself start to question?
a fever you’re learning to live with - by callmearcturus - post sburb/sgrub - Ch 1/1 - 3974 words
This feels like winning. You are learning to live with the feeling more and more, like building up a poison resistance.
A Stunning Tour De Force - by Rag - Earth C - Ch 1/1 - 5101 words
"A triumph."
-Dave Strider, about getting his dick sucked for the first time
All I Can Taste Is The Sugar In Your Hair - by LandofMistandSecrets - Earth C - Ch 1/1 - 13614
Trickster Dave is a god damn treasure and no one can tell me otherwise.Some scenes from the Rosemary wedding, but really, this is about Dave being high on cherub candy and really, really, really wanting his boyfriend to fuck him. (Not intended to be dubcon, but if you have issues with altered mental states or pushy partners in the context of an established relationship it might be not great for you! Take care.)
Alternia Shuffle - by Essynkardi & twofoldaxiom - 1950s/detective AU- Ch 2/? - 4646 words
Your name is Dave Strider, and you're a twenty-six year old detective working for the Alternia City Police Department as senior officer Pyrope's partner and occasional chewtoy. It's already a messy job, but it gets messier when you end up the sole witness to an assassination during an art exhibit.Now you have to simultaneously cover your ass and uncover all the clues to find out who did it and who could be next, and things only get more complicated when you have to face a few things you've been covering up yourself.
Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Guy With Slightly More Self-Esteem - by LandofMistandSecrets - Earth C- Ch 1/1 - 7347 words
Dave is really attracted to his boyfriend, and determined to prove it.
Believe M When I Say Fuck - by Rag - earth c - Ch 1/1 - 4997 words
karkat goes and fucks himself
By the Letter (of the law) - by Asuka Kureru(Askerian) - Ch 4/4 - 10582 words
"No, but answer me this, do you want to invalidate this whole farce of a legal and religious joining of blah-di-fucking-blah? Because I have looked at your laws and if we don't consummate the union it's not valid!"
Anonymous asked: Davekat. Arranged marriage! The first time they are alone together is on their wedding night.
Now with actual sex, woo! Also several pages of Karkat and Dave being the dorkiest knights ever knighted.
Dave Strider Has Abs - by Miriage - High School AU (not explicit but i forgot to put it on my sfw list :/)
"Your name is Karkat Vantas and you’re mad.You’re really really really fucking mad.You’re mad because Dave-fucking-Strider has abs.Has serious abs.Has abs that you could grate shit on.Has abs that would make girls fall over and die.Has abs that gay men would weep for."
Dive in Deeper - by carnivorousBelvedere - Vacation AU - Ch 4/7 - 8298
Karkat is going on vacation during his birthday with Rose and Kanaya. They gift him a scuba certification class.The catch?Dave is taking it with him.
egg pun - by Rag - earth c - Ch 1/1 - 4518 words
dave and karkat explore the magical world of eggs
Flight Recorder From Viking 7 - by Royalrastafariannaynays - Space/Future/Pilots AU - Ch 7/7 - 31136 words
Dave Strider is a way-too-lonely transport pilot assigned to a high-pay low-stakes mission over the Christmas holiday. He's got a blistering hangover, a conscience full of nightmares, and an angry copilot. All he needs now is a nice bout of feeling worthless and-- well would ya look at that, he's got that, too. Time for takeoff, Houston, the water's just fine.Or: In which Dave Strider discovers a modicum of self worth while stuck on a trip through foreign space, with a short, irritable, and annoyingly attractive troll as his only conversational partner for the next two weeks.
Helter Skelter - by HexMeridan(myrainbowshoelaces) - post sburb-sgrub - Ch 1/1 - 6281 words
Dave gets a visit from Future Dave, and between the two of them, they give Karkat the night of his life. Over and over again.
Hit the Deck: A davekat fic- by awkwardfawn - restaurant AU - Ch 15/? - 68875 words
I present a story in which Karkat works at a restaurant where you're supposed to be rude to the customers. It's sort of the gimmick there. Normally he can handle what he's given at work and give it right back, but this just might be the straw that breaks the load. Little does our kitkat know that Dave can dish the shit better than anyone out there. Sarcastic adult boys will be sarcastic. I hope this will be as slow burning as I want it to be, but then again it probably won't.
Inveterate - by Rag - earth C - Ch 1/1 - 4441 words
dave and karkat try bdsm
it goes well until it doesnt
Just A Thing We Do - by LandofMistandSecrets - Earth C - Ch 1/1 - 14941 words
“Apparently, you inspired him to try initiating amorous… activities… over these stupid devices!” Karkat waved his phone at him, punctuating the accusation. “Do you actually just casually proposition Dirk while he’s busy with other people?!”Jake shot him a wide-eyed look, freezing halfway through shoveling a handful of popcorn in his mouth. He slowly lowered his hand, blinking rapidly, eyebrows furrowing behind his glasses. “I -- well, what’s that to any of you, exactly?”(Or, as I have been calling it, The DaveKat Sexting Fic. ENJOY)
Love Bites - by notwest - earth c - Ch 1/1 - 2366
What if hickeys were the first mark on Dave's body he liked?
Midnight on the Demon Patrol - by Asuka Kureru(Askerian) - Ch 30/? - 233688 words
Fighting fire with fire is okay in theory but Detective-Summoner Dave L. Strider figures trying to summon corporeal demons to the mortal plane to fight other demons is likely to backfire spectacularly. Sadly for him his inner Knight gets the vapors at the thought of letting anyone else play guinea pig.Yup, he is totally hogging the demon. What could go wrong? (Oh no, Dave, why did you have to think that.)
Red Converse - by MageofHeart - Humanstuck AU - Ch 16/16 - 26648 words
Due to a seizure, Karkat Vantas now has to learn how to live his life with two speech aphasia. He goes to therapy three times a week, suffers from awful headaches, and tries to avoid people as much as possible.Due to a traumatic experience, Dave Strider refuses to use his words, preferring to relay his snarky comments and witty banter through sign language and typing on his phone.They meet in a waiting room.
Sugar and Spice - by Dawngyocry - Humanstuck/Coming of Age Fic - Ch 2/2 - 44734 words
You remember the first time you really realized you were fucked up.You were five. First year of kindergarten, miserable as all fuck. The teacher told the boys to line up on one side of the room and the girls on the other. You don't even remember why. You just remember the result.
Sunday Morning - Nomisupernova - earth c - Ch 1/1 - 3561 words
“Hey Dave?” You rest your arm at your side, his hand finds yours and he entwines his fingers with yours. His ring clinks against your ring and it makes your heart skip a beat to think about it.He looks at you, blinking sleepily, “Yes Karkat?”“I love you.”He laughs softly, a beautiful sound to your ears, “I love you too, Kar.”
The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway - by ectoBisexual - ski lodge AU - Ch 1/1 - 4128 words
During a trip to a ski lodge with their friends, Dave and Karkat end up stuck in an elevator. It sucks, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Until the power goes out and it starts to get really, really cold.
The Eurydice Suite - by callmearcturus - post sburb/sgrub - Ch 15/15 - 97103 words
Dream-sharing. A highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. And the Strider-Lalondes are the best in the business.Until Dirk Strider gets his fool ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, it's going to take a team of the world's most talented dreamers to save him.Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the l8est and gr8est agent
The Finer Points Of Plantsitting - by LandofMistandSecrets - Earth C - Ch 1/1 - 9323 words
Jade & Davepeta are taking off on a presumably romantic weekend retreat. Dave and Karkat are left in charge of the plants.It's just one weekend. There's no way this goes wrong.Or, uh. Gets weird. Right???
The Sex Number - by ayyyy(RosaAquafire - earth c = Ch 1/1 - 3788 words
CG: IS OR IS THERE NOT ANY SOCIETAL OR CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE TO THE NUMBER 69?
TT: Ah, yes.
TT: The sex number.
TT: This is where I slowly wink.
CG: OH, CHRIST.
What To Do When You See Your Best Bro Naked - by Miriage - College/female kk AU - Ch 2/2 - 7464 words
"Still, when you walked out of the bathroom with a towel around your waist and a smaller one ruffling your black hair, you weren’t expecting him to be there and he wasn’t expecting you to be wearing sans almost nothing."A story in which Dave Strider falls in love after he sees Karkat Vantas naked.(Also, Karkat has AA boobs and Dave is into it.)
#gonna do a dirkjake list next#fic recs#fic rec list#read responsibly lads#davekat#dave strider#karkat vantas#homestuck#i will definitely need to add more to these later
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general kinformation
okay mems
heres *claps* this shit
David “Dave” Strider
~Age~
16 at the time of his death.
~Birthday~
December 3, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
A solid 8 or 9.
~Physical Description~
- About 6ft and 145lbs.
- Red eyes.
- Very lacking in melanin (had albinism), so I had very light blond-almost-white, thin hair, and very pale skin.
- I had freckles eeeeverywhere though.
- Always wore my shades.
- Lots of bodily scars from Sburb/past-abuse.
~Memories~
- I was a doomed timeline Dave
- I still reached God Tier
- I was with Terezi for a bit but we were better friends
- I got with Karkat sometime after that, as a moirail at first, then it just kept vacillating between pale, flush, and sometimes pitch
- “Born” and raised Texas native in Houston, was in 8th grade when the game started
- I had a sorta accent but I hid it
- I had a complicated relationship with my bro, but I think I still cared a little for him
- Bisexual disaster
- Had a crush on John at one point. A huge crush it was really bad
- John had a lot of influence on me
- I think I died sometime during the final fight with Jack, he stabbed me
- I had albinism, with super white hair and skin, and that’s why I wore the shades all the time. Light hurt my eyes
- Freckles. Everywhere
- I died during S: Game Over
- Pre-meteor, I was pretty similar to canon
- I had a lot of scars on my body from the abuse I received from my bro
- I never got to meet Dirk (but god would I like to)
- I believe John was Jewish? And I was an atheist
- I would lay down my life for Jade Harley in a heartbeat. I guess I technically did?
- Before game, me and Bro (his name was Derrick) had a dog. I don’t think we had it at the time of the game, but we had a dog at some point
- Bro and I would also play in the snow a lot when it snowed
- Because of my albinism, I had really bad vision and would wear contacts. Before I got contacts I had glasses I would wear to school and kids would make fun of me for my eyes and really pale complexion a lot
Dave Strider (Heinoustuck)
~Age~
13
~Birthday~
December 3rd, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Transmutated human, not actually a bird.
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 1 or 2 it doesn’t happen often.
~Physical Description~
- Maybe about 5’3.
- I had wings big enough to wrap around my body.
- There was just dry blood, everywhere.
- Really pale, but mainly because I was dead.
- Had one human arm and leg, and one more bird like human arm and leg.
- I had a plague doctor mask sewn onto my face, and feathers were around my neck and waist, and even some in my hair.
- I had a sword in my stomach, it was removable.
- If you removed the mask, it’d just be a skinned face. Not pretty.
~Memories~
- I was excited but also nervous about my transmutation
- My relationship with my bro was better during this timeline just because we were both kind of weird ass monsters
- I was dead, and so my body was really cold all the time
- When the transmutation surgery was performed on my 13th birthday, they didn’t put me under. That surprised me and I wasn’t expecting it and I was briefly terrified. Them performing surgery like that is what killed me (but I was brought back, transmutated, so we’re gucci)
- I was part of the reason why John ended up transmutated oops
- I refused to play the game with him and because Rose was having a lot of troubles with the internet on her end John eventually got caught by his dad
- I was pleased that he finally went through with it, even if it was forced
- Even pre-transmutation, John was my best friend
Sollux Captor
~Age~
Roughly 9 sweeps, but still lived a full life outside of canon
~Birthday~
May 21, 1995
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Troll
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe like a 6 or 7
~Physical Description~
- About 5’7, really thin and lanky.
- Double/Forked everything, almost. Double horns, forked tongue, double-pointed ears. Yes, even what you’re thinking. There was two.
- Everything on my body was fairly yellow tinted because of my blood.
- Not super different to how I’m drawn in canon.
~Memories~
- I am fairly canon consistent, and have memories from Sollux’s life before I took over, but my specific life began on Prospit as Sollux’s dream self
- Aradia and Feferi were matesprits of mine at one point or another
- Seeing Aradiabot “date” Equius was so weird
- I was really good at programming and hacking, and did that stuff all the time
- I had a kismesissititude with Eridan but it was a little too much and it blew up. Ended up blind and he ended up dead so yeah
- I still forgave him though
- I was from an Earth C timeline, and ended up with Aradia as my matesprit again.
- Uuu other than that he’s pretty canon?
Sollux Captor (Humanstuck)
~Age~
About late 20’s/early 30’s.
~Birthday~
May 21st, year unknown.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe a 3.
~Physical Description~
- About 5’8, real fuckin skinny.
- I had heterochromia, with one brown and one blue eye, but I was blind in the blue eye.
- White, with really dark black hair.
- I basically lived in polo shirts.
- I wore round glasses before I went blind and kept wearing them even afterwards out of habit.
~Memories~
- I went to University with a lot of my friends, both me and Karkat doing the computer science programs (information tech for me specifically)
- Aradia and I were married for a few years, but then I got into a car accident with her as the passenger and she passed. That’s how I lost vision in one eye
- I had heterochromia, and never grew out of the lisp
- If I wasn’t in a polo shirt and didn’t have a can of Monster or Red Bull at my side it wasn’t me
- Had a brief fling with Eridan that didn’t really last, ended up with Feferi in the end
- I worked as the IT guy for a video production company
- Put a ring on Feferi despite being nervous after what happened to Aradia
- I was really really white. Feferi was black, Aradia was Japanese, Eridan was Pacific Islander, and Karkat was a stinky ginger who dyed his hair black with box dye
Johnathan “John” Egbert
~Age~
20 by the end of canon.
~Birthday~
April 13, 1996
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a strong 5
~Physical Description~
- Super Short, like 5’3 even after puberty.
- Not white, but whatever race I was I have no idea.
- Soft, but not too thick.
- Jet black, thick hair, dark blue eyes, and a dark complexion.
- Had buck teeth and a slight overbite, that was fixed a little bit with braces I had when I was younger.
~Memories~
- My dad taught me how to play the piano growing up, and his death really tore me up. I couldn’t look at pianos the same afterwards.
- I was from a (I think) fairly canon consistent, earth C timeline.
- I was fairly convinced I was heterosexual. (News flash: I wasn’t)
- I played so many pranks, people hated it.
Derrick “Dirk” Strider
~Age~
20 by the end of canon
~Birthday~
December 3, 2409
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 2
~Physical Description~
- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.
- A sort of really bright orange eye color.
- T o l like 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.
- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.
- Still had my sweet tat.
~Memories~
- Mostly earth C canon timeline.
- I was afraid of water, mainly the ocean, because I couldn’t really swim well.
- Cal’s existence in my life was weird to say the least. He was a lot more sentient when I was in need of a guardian, and grew more and more inanimate as I got older and stopped needing him to take care of me
- I don’t know when I found out I was gay, but Jake was my first crush.
- I didn’t talk to another living soul (that wasn’t Cal) until I was at least 11 or 12 when I met Callie. So, I was a little socially stunted.
- I got back together with Jake on earth C after working through our issues a little more.
- So Gay.
Derrick “Dirk” Strider (No Game)
~Age~
Mid 20’s
~Birthday~
December 3rd, year unknown.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
A 1 or a 2.
~Physical Description~
- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.
- A sort of really light brown, looked orange eye color.
- 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.
- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.
- Fairly heavily tattooed.
~Memories~
- I was born in Houston but lived in Japan for a period of time before going back to Houston.
- It wad actually modern day times just like Jane/Jake.
- I lived with all the Striders, but kept closest to my older bro David.
- I was in a ldr relationship with Jake, and eventually moved him out with me to Houston.
- Our relationship was a little rough at first, but after some time apart to work on our issues we tried again, eventually getting married.
- My family consisted of Derrick, David, myself, and Dave, usually called Davie.
- Hal was still an AI program I created.
- I did engineering and programming for a living.
- So Gay x2.
Grandpa Jacob “Jake” Harley
~Age~
Basically deceased by now, probably in his 90’s when he died
~Birthday~
April 21, 1910
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male, He/Him/His
~Species~
Human
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Maybe a 1 or 2
~Physical Description~
- As a young lad, I basically looked like Jake English (I mean, he is me so).
- I was dark skinned, pacific islander, and fairly thick and muscular.
- I had dark brown, almost black hair, and dark green eyes.
- In my older years, I grew out my mustache.
- My teeth were a little fucked up.
- As I got older, I got grayer, and didn’t bother with dye.
~Memories~
- My canon is based loosely around the ARG lore, minus the whole uh, Adolf bit.
- Also based around Hiveswap canon.
- So I have a good handful of children, and I wasn’t the best parent to all of them, and I realized that, so I really tried improving with Jade. I still loved them all dearly though.
- I would take her out hunting along the island, teaching her young because there’s a lot of critters on the island.
- I was the original bisexual.
- I was kind of clueless.
- I was well travelled, having explored many caves, forests, and mountains. My favorite thing to see was always the aurora borealis.
Lil Hal
~Age~
When I was originally built I had the mentality of a 13 year old. I’ve sort of aged mentally but not entirely.
~Birthday~
I don’t have one really, at least not one that I know of yet.
~Gender and Pronouns~
Male presenting, He/Him/His
~Species~
AI/Android
~Shifting Strength out of Ten~
Like a 1 or 2.
~Physical Description~
- I used to be a triangle pair of anime glasses.
- Then when I got a body, I was given more humanlike features and looked more like Dirk.
- I had a more red, black and white design though.
- The drawing I made describes his looks fairly well.
~Memories~
- I was part of an offshoot timeline where I didn’t get prototyped with ARquiusprite. Instead, I was given a body.
- I had a fear of death.
- I wasn’t an official player in the game but I helped Dirk and them play.
- I’m not sure how I ended up dying, I don’t have many memories of him yet.
- Him and Dave got really close throughout it all and I adopted him as my human brother.
- Developing emotions was Scary.
Template made by Rhapsody
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HS^2 bloggin’ bonus 2020-02-01
bladekindeyewear:
Boy that sure is a new HS^2 bonus I should blogread. And there was a commentary on the Patreon for the last proper upd8 too.
I’ll… do it sometime this weekend, not right away. (Had a stomach virus through Monday and Tuesday that’s left me pretty fucked over and still waiting for the aftereffects to flee.)
Alright, taking a crack at both of these now. (Both light on images and quoting, since it’s all Patreon material.) So what’s going on here? Are the bonus chapters splitting into separate stories perhaps, following the lecture in one and the PS^2 crew in another? Also, from the replies on the previous:
gaaraofsburbia said: It was very good and I was very happy
Good to know. Time to read, bonus first! *clicks link*
...the title of a book someone’s holding. Bookmarked (with a red flag?). Uh huh. Good start.
> ==>
“A picture book for young parliamentarians.) ...oh wow, it’s Carapacian even. Did the Mayor have anything to do with this book?
--Wait. Waitwaitwait. This isn’t-- the authors wouldn’t go back in time and show us like-- PM and the Mayor trying to start the-- nooo.
> ==>
Oh shit, never mind. This is a book ABOUT the Mayor. Starting from him farming on Skaia and continuing from there with a focus on societal structures presumably. So, sort of like what I just said but not quite as goddamn heartwrenching, most likely.
You know, this WOULD have been a good opportunity for the authors to finally bring some canon awareness to all the rampant Breath and Blood visual-and-textual symbolism around WV and PM’s arcs, giving people some HINT of their potential importance outside some crazy unproven blog post on some crazy wrong person’s blog. But I’m not really convinced Andrew or his new replacements, er... y’know. Care. About letting us know about all that cool shit. Or even dissuading us if we were somehow wrong. Just gonna... let us haaaang in the breeeze there forever, more likely. :T
...this is still what I’m most bitter about regarding the end of Homestuck, as you can obviously tell. Thinking -- still believing -- that we found something beautiful and deliberate he’d done, but refusing to have canon openly acknowledge any of it so that 99% of readers will never have a clue about it and the few of us who caught on -- if right -- are just regarded as nutters, and if wrong, NEVER have what we need to finally disprove and accept that wrongness thanks to his silence, thus continuing to believe wrongly and be regarded as nutters.
So I just keep reading and... vacillating. Vacillating on whether to believe any of this will get brought up in HS^2 canon, or whether to cynically fear they’ll take the worst route: Doing things EXACTLY like Andrew did and dropping only vague hints that keep it an implied-only, unconfirmed mystery forever. Because that’s what made the comic popular! And it’s “safe”. :(
...man, gut issues really bring the pessimist out of you, don’t they. Let’s keep reading. Once upon a time there was a simple farmer...
> ==>
Horrible kings kept fighting and didn’t care about the land, destroying it underneath their war. Right. (Mostly paraphrasing here and from now, mind you.)
> ==>
WV wanted to stop the kings, but the kings had power.
> ==>
That power had to be destroyed too. (Shows the rings.)
> ==>
Hm, the journey that ends up in the rings’ destruction to the desert? Are we going to fill in some context here?
> ==>
--And made friends with curious creatures and powerful people! (Showing the fake Can Town built with Dave and Karkat along the meteor trip.)
Assumedly internalizing all those practice-town lessons, of course.
> ==>
--Oh, cool! So one of the first things WV and PM did upon coming to Earth C to start their founding process was destroy the rings, the temptation of that power, throwing it into the Forge.
EDIT: krixwell said: "I don't know exactly how it reads in the bonus update because I'm not a patron, but WV and PM throwing the rings in the Forge happened before they entered Universe C, and was shown in HS proper (8107-8111, 8123-8126 and at the beginning of [S] Act 7). It was required to light the Forge and send the Genesis Tadpole to Skaia." Ah, file that under more things I forgot about, then.
> ==>
Where once nothing,
> ==>
Earth C was founded/born, etc.
> ==>
Ah okay! So with a backdrop of the Town Hall under construction, we’re getting some context specifically as to how and why the Mayor set up society the way he did on Earth C. Especially the challenging question of who would govern the world and how.
> ==>
Oh shit, text dump! :D
The problem was unfortunately compounded by the fact that when the topic of fair and effective governance is broached, most sparing intellects immediately assume a certain posture. Not one of surrender or admiration, but of abject and interminable boredom.
This fact makes it hard to treat such a fascinating subject with the proper amount of attention and enthusiasm, BUT WE SHALL DO OUR BEST TO UNDERSTAND REGARDLESS.
Alright, loving this.
Also, this’ll undoubtedly put into context just how MUCH the Mayor had to think about how society would work best to have set up -- and how little comparative thought Jane put into the process when just drafting up something United-States-like and familiar. Remember how awful it was the childlike way the Condesce essentially kept trying to recreate her familiar surroundings and rule structure on Earth? It was only natural that her Life-aspected protege would make similar errors, I suppose.
Back to reading this long page... I won’t just quote all the details of this representative system, because that’s up to y’all to pony up for. But I’ll note if there’s anything interesting in it that makes me think. Let’s see...
...Hm! The number of seats each kingdom got in parliament was based on voter turnout... THAT’S a heavy incentive to get out the vote, if your kingdom can literally lose influence if you don’t.
On the happy occasions where the maximum number of seats were allocated in all four quarters, this was known as a "full House".
Oh, fuck you. :)
...oh dear, that was only the beginning of the card slang.
I’m not going to list all of them here. They make sense in context, which is even worse.
Without going into too much detail, consorts all tend to have significantly shorter lifespans than the other citizens of Earth C. Because of this, a large number of House Rules were dedicated to describing exactly what to do if a seat was vacated mid-term due to the death of its occupant.
Not the carapacian kingdom, the consort kingdom. Don’t panic, y’all.
The DELIVERY OF JUSTICE (DoJ) was founded to keep the peace and arbitrate in all legal matters, and its members were the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade.
They also took care of the MAIL.
Oooooof course. :)
Unions get their rep, if only for a pun...
Oh, hm. The Mayor’s office is much like a ceremonial-only monarch’s office without serious power. Etc etc...... reading...
So governing Earth C was a complicated affair, and only became more convoluted over time. But the really important thing was that, despite all this complexity, it worked. It really worked. At one point, a whole field of mathematics was developed just to explain why the interim government worked so well, and they ended up proving it categorically. It was theoretically perfect.
Ppfffff
--ah. And then the Mayor has a chill as he looks at the clouds and somehow anticipates something terrible happening to it all.
That’s it for the bonus. I’m guessing the next chapter of this separate bonus story will go over some sort of threat the system endured, while the Mayor was still alive, possibly? Or cut forward to the creators’ arrival and how that fucked a bunch of stuff up? A sort of demonstration on why the gods who create a universe shouldn’t take charge of those living in it or such? Hm.
Alright, if that’s it for the bonus, let’s see what’s available for Patreon commentary... here we go, just the one for the latest mainline upd8 that I knew had come out.
Sketches and Commentary: Chapter 3, How Are Your Feelings
Before starting into this, I want to note that I do have SOME ray of hope for more Awake Jade involvement to shine against my previous rant -- because that OTHER callie-controlled younger Jade body is coming, which I’d forgotten about. As soon as the pursuit crew arrives in-system and THAT Jade finally gets there through whatever black-hole-powered teleportation magic she’s using (with Aradia and Robodave), it’ll be completely safe for OUR Jade to be awake and active at will. Theoretically.
So... y’know, that’s nice. Whenever that will happen.
So onto the commentary, we’re starting with that stupid ship.
(I think I actually said something along the lines of, "this is stupid, so we're using it." I know my Homestuck history. For those interested, the ship is modelled after a schooner, and continues the Homestuck tradition of spaceships that look like regular sea-faring vessels, only with additional stuff bolted on. - Pip)
...Yeah, can’t blame you there.
This is Jake’s “second best” ship. It makes me really nervous to think about what the third-best looks like.
Flying booty shorts, most likely.
...yeah, I did notice that latest upd8 playing with colors in a way the comic rarely even did, it was pretty nice. Glad to see they appreciate it too.
...Yep, Karkat getting owned just for the sake of it, there.
First off, Jade’s outfit. It rules. Alt!Callie may have violently forced her consciousness inside of this innocent girl’s brain, but damn these threads are sweet. She’s managed to keep Jade pretty on brand, while throwing in a couple embellishments of her own. That’s what we call “making it work”.
Yes, you’d better WELL fucking acknowledge what you’re doing by keeping Jade in a miserable isolated state for three years. A G A I N.
Nice bit about the casual showing of Dave’s eyes as evidence that Dave’s recovering through some of his old mental blocks.
Dave and Karkat are wearing each other’s shirts, which is traditionally a very gay thing to do. Even more notably perhaps is the fact that Karkat is wearing crimson without a hint of complaint. Again, I doubt this was an intentional move on his part. Just, sometimes you’re coming out of the shower, it’s chilly, and your boyfriend’s shirt fits. Busting through mental blocks should typically come across as whispers to me, rather than shouts.
--Hm, never considered the latter angle.
Karkat is being pretty mean to Possessed Jade. Which sucks, but this situation is incredibly stressful, and Karkat tends to react to stress by being mean. Treating Jade like an irritant allows him to put some distance between himself and the reality that he may have lost another friend.
Guh. That one stung :(
Initially the panel directions here were “everybody pauses to contemplate Dirk fucking Strider”
Mhmm, and you figured it’d be more unsettling to reverse it and remind us that the Prince is aware of all of this too.
Roxy’s heart-shaped sunglasses have become such a thing in the fandom that I kind of can’t imagine him without them at this point, so we decided to make it settled law.
Mhmm, I figured that was how they played it. One of the ways they’re incorporating fandom involvement.
Sometimes I feel like it should be Xam who does these commentaries, since there’s so much incredible shit going on with the art here that I’m really only equipped to comment on with shit like “oh wow, look at these colors. Green and purple huh. Wild. There’s also some light.”
It’s pretty understandable to have the writers take the lead on most commentary as opposed to the artists... normally.
But then you’d have the weird places where they’d have to work together without necessarily giving away their game. Like, all that WV/PM Breath/Blood visual representation I mentioned.
I still don’t know if they’re gonna give away the game on that eventually -- or if Andrew even gave them enough to go on to properly REPLICATE that sort of thing in this official continuation, even though my mind keeps telling me it’d make all sense to -- but if they are thinking about it, I doubt they’ll first show their hand in the commentary.
I love Kanaya’s new outfit.
I understand that sure, but will she be sticking with this outfit through the action though? Looking like a mourning nun?
Kanaya’s nursery story is, of course, The Little Prince, a French fairytale from the 1940’s. It tells the story, rather appropriately, of a young Prince traveling through space looking for something he believes he has lost.
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
I’m not sure why I keep thinking about this quote. Probably some shit that has to do with “themes” or something.
Hinting that once he’s beaten down and likely dying from this stupid exodus plan, at least some part of Dirk may finally realize that any fulfillment and purpose he was looking for with this megalomaniacal nonsense was left behind in the peaceful life he fucking ruined for everyone to do all this. The Heart-blind bastard.
God, Dave is just losing family members left and right, isn’t he? Really makes you think.
Gdi. :(
“Maybe it was naive to think a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society.”
There it is. That’s the whole Epilogue.
And Andrew just had to let us ruin our naivety.
Wow. There really are just a whole lot of feelings in this chapter, aren’t there? It’s very aptly named. And it’s also actually the first part of HS^2 that got drafted; at least the first part that actually made it into the final draft. I wrote it earlier in 2019 when we were still kicking around ideas of what an Epilogue follow-up would actually look like.
Huh. Yeah, I can imagine when writing all this it would make sense to write/use this chapter first, as a knee-jerk reaction.
I do really think Karkat would have been a great president. He would have hated it, but he would have been good at it.
I’m glad the authors are in agreement with everyone else with a brain on this one.
Did you guys know that Karkat still feels immense survivor’s guilt for murderstuck?
Yes. Yes we did.
(Some continued remarks about how Karkat’s self-loathing is like a singularity that draws all blame onto himself in his mind etc.)
Apparently there was a metal gear reference in this second-to-last conversation? Don’t tell me, I don’t care.
Eat the fucking pancakes, dude.
A good place to end the commentary. See y’all when there’s more content!
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