#that’s a swimsuit and it’s sturdy enough so I can go tubing with my friends and it has spaghetti straps so I can tan
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#just feeling very. emotional about a swimsuit#this is all about body image etc so if that’s not your cup of tea just scroll along <3#so#I bought a new swimsuit today and it’s in a larger size than I’ve ever needed bc ya girl is going through some weird stuff#that’s been making me gain weight again#after I lost a ton in 2020#but anyways#I haven’t needed a new swimsuit in a while so I went conservative/practical and got a one piece#and usually. trying on anything over a women’s XL and realizing it fits#would start me panicking. a lot#but I…..didn’t???#it’s not the best#it’s kind of cheap and the chesticle area is a bit saggy and it definitely highlights things i didn’t want it to#but my reaction to the mirror wasn’t anything negative#it was just like. oh. okay#that’s a swimsuit and it’s sturdy enough so I can go tubing with my friends and it has spaghetti straps so I can tan#because honestly. who cares???#I’ve been so perceptive of the way I process how other people look that it spilled over into how I view myself#because if a girl shows up at the beach with belly rolls my first thought is. NOTHING#I don’t think about it#I don’t think hurray I don’t think yuck I just. she exists#and so do i#and I want to be healthy for my own purposes so that I’m not winded by walking a couple miles#so that I can run and enjoy it#not to look skinny#and when I tell you this is REVOLUTIONARY for me#aka it’s only changed in the last 2-3 MONTHS#idk.#I just am happy finally and it’s not gonna be easy but I think I feel better than I ever have about my appearance#call it body neutrality if you will
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