lost in the fire - kendall roy x f!reader
| masterlist | succession sideblog: @kendollroyco | my kendall playlist
chapter summary: your boyfriend works too much. a oneshot, but if we're being real, i was thinking about kendall and the reader from thinking of a place, because i miss them.
pairing: kendall roy x f!reader
words: 4.6k
warnings: SMUT (18+ only). soft dom Kendall. Somewhat unhealthy/jealous/co-dependent relationship but this is a Succession fic so like…what do we expect? Alcohol consumption - I don't know what Kendall's definition of sobriety is but he drinks a cocktail in this.
a/n: i'll get back to tlou but i've had this partially written for like a year at this point. It started out as more of a manic Ken on a power trip type of fic but then it got really soft and fluffy because I am feeling touch-deprived lately so I’m sorry if I didn’t deliver enough evil ken for ya’ll. :/ OOPS!
**ALSO! I got rid of my taglist. Please follow @ftcwriting and turn on notifs if you would like to be notified when I update my works :) **
"We're like the Lewis and Clark of fucking." - Kendall Roy
Teetering down the hallway, you attempt to quell the outrageously loud click, click, click of your stilettos against the marble floor by shifting most of your weight into the ball of your feet and shuffling forward. It only makes it harder for you to balance while you attempt to put on the flashy gold hoop earrings your friend had insisted you’d wear. Of course, being quiet didn’t really matter, because you were the only person inhabiting the Hudson Yards penthouse.
As usual, you are running late. Famously, you always underestimate how long it will take to get ready for social events – your friends could attest to that. It is a bad habit that, despite years of trying to correct, you can never quite shake.
Beelining for the double doors of the multi-million dollar home, you are interrupted by your name being called out in a sing-songy voice. There is a blur of movement out of the corner of your eye, and you turn towards the familiar sound to find your boyfriend rounding the corner, a drink in hand.
The sight of him at home is rare these days, that for a second, you aren’t even sure if it’s really him. Maybe the place is being haunted by an eerily similar lookalike, or it could be some new ridiculous billionaire technology that he’d invested in– holographic messaging, or something similarly dystopian that you’d roll your eyes at when he tries to explain it to you. It’s fuckin’ next level, I’m telling you. I’m a fucking tech pioneer. You can practically hear him trying to sell you on it despite your distaste.
“Ken?” you cling to the clutch under your arm, unable to stop the shit-eating grin that works its way onto your face. “Hey. When did you get home?”
“Hey yourself,” he answers, poorly hiding a bemused smirk behind Baccarat crystal. “I just got in.”
That much was clear, even though his briefcase and coat had already been cleared away from the table in the entranceway, and his suit jacket draped over the back of a barstool. “Are you going out?” He lowers the tumbler and leans against the counter, but still keeps it close, one finger sliding along the rim.
“Yeah,” you approach Kendall cautiously. “...did you get my text? I thought I’d get ready here, we’re going to that place around the corner.”
He’d given you a key to his flat, even though the relationship was still pretty new – but decidedly not that new, given your history. Things were still moving quickly though, if you compare him to your past flings.
Kendall’s eyes close briefly in recognition, his brows pulling together as though he is scolding himself. “Oh, uh-huh, yeah….right.” It’s then, and in closing the space between you, that his haggard appearance becomes clear. You’re one of few who would probably even notice it. To the untrained eye his white dress shirt is impeccable, crisp and stark as usual – save for the lack of cufflinks, which you notice he’s discarded on the counter alongside his drink. His tie is still fastened tightly around his neck in a perfect half-Windsor. But salt and pepper stubble is sprinkled across his jawline, faint red hazy in the whites of his amber eyes.
Work has consumed him in the last few weeks. It’s been nonstop. And he is still home earlier than you have expected, even though the sun had gone down long ago.
Kendall’s hand wraps around your waist and you lean against him, accepting his affectionate peck on the cheek. “Hey, honey.” The cedar notes of his cologne, the acidity of the vodka on his breath, and the weight of his arm around you makes your stomach flip, even as he draws back, releasing you so he can sit on a barstool. It’s probably for the better, as the impulse to throw yourself into his arms and abandon your plans will become impossible to resist if you don’t leave soon.
It would be a lie to say his career hasn’t put a strain on things lately. Business trips, dinner meetings, weekend conventions all seem determined to keep him away from you. For the past few weeks, you’ve been deprived of him, forced to accept only minutes of his time – mostly sweet nothings and apologies whispered as falls into bed beside you, then presses of his lips on your cheek, still half-asleep in the early hours of the morning as he leaves the next day. You have been forced to savor those moments, even though they are hardly substantial. But you know yourself, you aren’t better off with someone else. He has always been what you wanted.
Still, lately you have been thinking about all his failed past relationships. There is certainly a…pattern. You’ve seen enough, and sometimes it feels like you are purposely ignoring the signs – Watch Your Step!, before falling into a pit of daggers.
He needed a break or he’d burn out, but you’ve learned when to bite your tongue and save those suggestions for when you are sure they won’t erupt. And you both aren’t always good at keeping arguments good-natured.
Kendall shifts in his chair so he can look you up and down – this time up close. “Is this what you’re wearing out?”
“Uhhhh, yeah,” you answer hesitantly, feeling your face heat up.
“Turn around,” his resting facial expression is already kind of indignant, but you can tell right now that he’s definitely frowning.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he says. “I want to see.”
You shrug, but obey, unable to hide the way your lips quirk when you are back facing him again, hands on your hips. All you have to do is read the look on Kendall’s face to know that he doesn’t approve. And even though there is no way in hell you are going to change, the slight blaze in his narrowed eyes makes you think this is about to become a controversy.
“Do you have a problem?” you ask, feigning innocence, glancing down at the getup. The red dress barely covers your ass – is far more revealing than anything you’d normally wear, accompanied by stiletto heels that lace up your calves. Sure, it’s a lot, but you look good, and you’re going out.
“You’ll definitely be getting a lot of attention,” he conveniently doesn’t answer your question.
If you weren’t wearing lipstick, you would’ve bit your lower lip to keep your composure. Instead, you tilt your head and give him a coy smile. “You should come with me.”
Kendall glances down at the countertop and shakes his head, the comment causing him to drop the subject of your attire entirely. “I can’t. I’ve got a meeting first thing.” To be fair, he avoids the club scene most of the time, so it’s not a well-thought-out offer. Too much temptation. “But you look good,” he concedes.
“A work meeting on a Saturday?” you ask, ignoring the compliment. “Fuck,” you reach to take a sip from his tumbler. The vodka he keeps here is always chilled to perfection, so smooth it tastes like it’s melting off a glacier. “It’s that bad?”
He takes the beverage from your hand when you return it, shrugging before throwing the rest back, then standing to pour another. “Just the usual, la-dee-fuckin-dah….corporate bullshit.”
You frown and stare at your shoes, flexing your foot and inspecting its soles.
“Those heels don’t look very comfortable,” he remarks as he passes you.
“They aren’t.”
“Well then I’ll guess I’ll have to take you shopping to replace them.”
You feel yourself flush. “Let me know when you can fit me in your schedule.”
“Uh-huh,” Kendall ignores your jab, changes the subject. “How’s your job?”
“Same as yours. La-dee-fuckin’-dah corporate bullshit,” you repeat his words from earlier, lowering your voice slightly to mimic his cadence of speaking.
The sound of his warm chuckle makes your stomach flip again. “You want me to, uh, pour you one?”
“No, I should probably get going.” You sigh, pulling out your phone to text your friends that you are running behind, and you hear the clink of ice against crystal.
Then, his voice, deep and husky, directly against your ear. “Who’re you texting?”
You jolt in surprise at his sudden proximity. “Fuck! Sorry,” you clear your throat. “Uh….the group chat.”
Kendall’s arm reaches past you to place his drink on the counter, and you feel his fingertips brush the hair away from the nape of your neck. Then, his lips follow, pressing there gently, his thumb trailing down your arm and then back up again. You shiver at the contact, and it dawns on you how touch-deprived you are.
“Pretty girl,” he murmurs against sensitive skin. His hands land on your shoulders and begin to knead at the taut muscles there. You try to keep yourself tense, even as you feel your phone slipping out of your hands, the drafted text all-but forgotten.
But instinctually, you shift backwards to feel the weight of his chest pressed against you.“You’re all wound up,” Almost chastising. Every part of your body below your bellybutton clenches. It’s those hands, his hands. Hands that used to wrap around your throat, thread into your hair, hold your wrists in place. Pin you down, spread you open…. While you think about them, you let him work at the tension that he is partially responsible for, nodding and letting out a long exhale.
“Just a little.”
“When are you gonna quit that job?” he asks you.
You first, you want to say, but let the retort die before it could leave your mouth. “Hmmmmm,” you pretend to mull it over, but you’re only half-aware of things he’s saying to you. “I don’t know.”
“What kind of uh, feminist would I be if I let a girl as hot as fucking you have to worry about a job?”
You can’t help but snort, turning your head so his forehead bumps against your own. “Is that how feminism works?”
“Uh-huh,” he chides, breath tickling the shell of your ear. “Fucking whatever. I wish you’d just let me look after you.”
You are unable to find your voice to answer, because you remember through your needy haze that you are running late, and when he says things like that, it certainly doesn’t help you regain composure. It’s only after you straighten, trying to pull yourself out of the trance he’s worked you into, that you discover how close he has pinned you to the countertop.
“Ken-” you try to protest, but the way it comes out sounds more like you’re pleading.
“What is it?” Kendall asks, returning his lips once more to your neck, beginning to work them tenderly up the column of your throat, which makes it impossible for you to finish the rest of the objection. “I’ve missed you so much,” he pulls you back against him by your waist.
“Me too,” you sigh. “But I-,” you’re cut off when he grinds against you, already half-hard, and your pelvis hits the granite lip of the countertop. It hurts, just for a second, but the pain is quickly replaced by warmth. Kendall pulls his hands away and you’re only held in place by his hips, the metal of his belt buckle cool against your sacrum. The dress you’re wearing is so thin it feels like there’s nothing separating him from your bare skin.
“You what?” he prompts when you remain silent. You know him well enough to hear the self-satisfied smirk on his face, and his nails rake up and down your arms.
It’s a little petty, but you are hesitant to give yourself over so easily to him. To abandon your evening, just because he’s finally decided to see you at a reasonable hour. Of course, if your friends knew you were late because you were with him, they wouldn’t care. Kendall had been a well-kept secret until it was impossible to deny his existence in your life. But they were all a little too supportive of the relationship, since it meant they suddenly had guaranteed access to any club VIP section - and you perpetually pick up the bill. Not to mention the first-class, luxury accommodations they get on girls trips.
There was more to it than just being late, though. You had always been willing to do anything for him, even before you were dating. He told you to jump, you asked how far? He gave you one pleading look from underneath those thick lashes – and you folded. And Kendall is very aware that he’s your weakness. So you constantly try to convince him otherwise, lest he get too comfortable. And really, after his neglectful behavior, did he really deserve you without any opposition?
“Kendall,” you manage to turn slightly. “I’m going to be late.” Wriggling some more in his grip, but it’s only enough to bring you face-to-face, looking up into his stormy eyes.
He studies you carefully, like he might let you leave if he senses enough conviction. “I don’t care.”
You might’ve laughed, if it weren’t for how stern he sounds. It almost scares you. Almost. Hoping to soften him, you fit your thumb into the dimpled fabric of his tie, and use it to drag him forward, offering a tender kiss on his cheek. Returning the embrace, his stubble scratches your face as he smiles against you. He reaches behind you for another sip of his drink and his unoccupied hand slides down your back, squeezing your ass through the silky fabric.
You are burning, fire licking up your arms, your neck, your face. It’s too much, to have him so close and not be able to have him. All the tension building with nowhere for it to go. When he pulls back, you lean forward.
It’s a little rough at first, because you are so desperate, tasting the vodka, drawing his bottom lip between your teeth. Kendall is the one who softens you, cradles your jaw to draw you closer, opens his mouth and deepens the kiss, so deliberate and practiced that you’re unable to speak when he pulls away.
“Tell me something,” full lips so close to yours that they brush your own when he speaks, your eyes fluttering shut. His touch coasts up your sides, up your arms, landing on your shoulders. “Who are you showing off for in this?” Kendall hooks his pointed finger around a spaghetti strap of your dress, and lets the elastic snap back against your skin. You savor the sting it leaves behind.
Admittedly, there’s a third reason why you’re being so withholding. He’s so spoiled, so used to getting what he wants, whenever he wants it. Not just from you. And when he doesn’t get it, he becomes petulant, fiery. You’ve learned that if you piss him off just enough, you don’t have to ask him to fuck you within an inch of your life. He just does.
So, you decide to poke the sleeping bear, shrugging and crossing your arms like it’s nothing, giving him a demure smile. “You wouldn’t know him.”
Kendall’s nostrils flare as his hand rises to grip your jaw – tightly. “Uh-huh.” Even if you’re only joking, the very idea of you dressing up at all – let alone like that – for anyone except himself, pisses him off. “Fuck you.”
“You’d like to, wouldn’t you?” you try to keep your voice even, but it sort of loses the steadiness you were hoping for when he hooks a finger behind your knee, dragging it up across the expensive, soft wool of his slacks to peg around his hip.
The bruising kiss that answers is clearly intended to erase the smug look on your face, and it works – your breath hitching, the hand on his tie tugging him closer. Kendall seems to speak without saying anything at all, grabbing your opposite thigh and lifting until you are perched on the edge of the countertop.
It’s getting real, but you still haven’t decided if you are actually going to stick around. The way he looks right now, however, swings the pendulum farther into the side of staying in – red lipstick left behind on his cheek, shirt wrinkled, tie hanging loosely around his neck. You wanted to make him look even more wrecked.
Kissing him again, his hands begin to roam, tugging the dress off your shoulders and freeing your tits. “Shit,” He dips his head to sloppily mouthing at the newly exposed skin. “Knew you weren’t wearing a fuckin’ bra.”
“Ken,” you squirm when he latches onto one of your nipples, pinching the other between two fingers. “I really need to get going.”
“Not yet,” he hums, the vibration of his voice against your skin makes the space between your legs ache. “If you’re going to go out in this fucking dress, I don’t want you to forget who you belong to.”
You squirm in his grip – not because you want to get away from him – but because you want to see if he’ll pin you in place, be even rougher. He does. He is. “Stop that. This isn’t a fucking negotiation.”
Well, okay.
He kneads into your thighs now, one of his hands dipping beneath the skirt of your dress that’s already so short he’s only an inch or so away from your already-soaked panties.
“Fuck,” You tilt your head back to look at the ceiling, like you might find some self-control there, some will to resist him, but it’s about as cold and uninspiring as the rest of the apartment. “Please.”
Kendall lets out a dark chuckle, pushing aside your thong and brushing his knuckles against your damp cunt. He loves to tease, and right now is no exception. His touch isn’t enough to satisfy, so you press yourself forward to seek it out yourself. You don’t dare meet his eyes, which you can feel are watching you intently, admiring how you keen and arch and whimper in frustration. Still, you aren’t quite ready to beg.
Thankfully, you don’t have to. Without warning, he pushes two fingers inside you, groaning as he does, his thumb finding your clit.
“Yes, Kendall, that’s–” you don’t finish the thought because you aren’t entirely sure what you actually have to say. His digits curl, attentive, practiced – tuned in to exactly what you like, what you need. You grip at the fabric of his shirt that’s bunched around his elbows. Despite how intense meeting his gaze right now will be, you turn to look at him anyway, surprised by the affection and warmth you find in his eyes.
“You try so hard not to be,” he says while he continues to stare you down. “But you’re always so fucking good for me.”
Your stomach flips, partly in shame, partly because of how good it’s always felt to be seen by him. Throbbing around him, feeling your pleasure build, but he withdraws his fingers from you before it can crest. An embarrassing noise leaves you, squeezing your eyes shut.
The clink of his belt unbuckling immediately snaps you back to reality, and you hike your dress further up your hips, shimmying out of your thong. It’s pitiful, the way you don’t want to delay any longer the feeling of him inside you.
He strokes himself in his hand, lines his cock up, and pushes a piece of hair off your face.
“You want me?” he asks, and you bob your head enthusiastically. “Tell me, then.”
“I want you, Kendall. Please, I want you so bad.”
“Yeah you do,” he mutters, and wastes no time jerking forward to enter you.
Though you’d had him plenty of times you never could quite get used to the feeling – he’s big, of course, and it’s always electric, the blood in your veins buzzing, your hands tightening on his shoulders.
“Relax, honey,” Kendall says, feeling the way your body tenses at the intrusion, placing a hand on your sacrum, one between your shoulder blades to steady you.
He presses his hips forward until they are flush against your own, bottoming out inside you, pausing. It’s welcome at first, a chance to catch your breath, to let out a shuddery exhale - temporarily appeased by the way your cunt stretches to accommodate him, and he’s so close to you after so much time spent away. You’re embarrassed at how badly you’ve needed this, how reliant on him you’ve become, but he always feels so good.
Kendall stays still for long enough that you grow frustrated, and you use his tie to pull him closer, loosening the knot and rutting against him until he presses his thumb into the crease of your hip and thigh so hard you are forced to stop. Once you do, he starts to move, thrusts slow but deep, lips pressing hastily between panting breaths.
“Fuck, it’s been too long,” he laments.
Despite everything, you can’t help but talk back. “You don’t say?”
Kendall doesn’t like that at all, his hips snapping at a punishing pace, which seems more like a reward than anything else, his hand clasping your jaw roughly, forcing you to look at him.
“Don’t speak to me like that,’ he warns.
An involuntary, low moan leaves you. It’s overwhelming – always is. You aren’t used to sex with someone you feel so connected to, or with a lover who is so attentive to your needs, who effortlessly strikes a perfect balance between rough, passionate, and tender.
You wrap your legs around his waist, fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, anxious to run your hands through the smattering of hair on his chest, feel the warmth of his skin under your palms. Even if it’s not possible, you want to be closer to him. Needy. So needy. You’ve heard it from him before, and would probably hear it again. He is right, and in moments like this, you can never bring yourself to care. You like it.
He’s watching you so intently, and the rest of the city might as well be too. He basically lives in a fishbowl, you’re surrounded by windows that offer panoramic views of the glittering lights of the city. The only reason you have any privacy at all is because of just how high up you are, no one else can actually see you right now. Even if they did, what could possibly happen? Kendall loves to take advantage of this – he’s taken you up against the cold glass windows, has let you sink to your knees in front of him out on his balcony.
“What are you gonna tell your friends when they ask why you were so late tonight?” he asks. “Gonna tell them you were letting me spread you open on the fucking counter?”
“God,” you stutter out, always shocked by the things that come out of his mouth when takes you like this, voice deep and firm, enunciating each syllable like he’s giving a speech – frustratingly collected. It makes you ache that much more. “I missed you,” you whimper, pulling his shirt off his shoulders. As much as you want it fully off, not just hanging loose around his elbows, you don’t want him to release you from the bruising hold he’s got you in. This would have to do.
“Uh-huh,” Kendall answers by fucking into you even harder, his pelvic bone kissing your clit with every thrust, and your nails etching crescents into his biceps. “I know. I’m sorry.”
His head falls to your shoulder in a brief moment of humility, lips working on your neck, and you feel your release fast approaching. In moments like these, you don’t doubt how he really feels. He gives it all away, tries his best to make it up to you, and it’s so easy to forgive him. Kendall’s fist wraps around one of the stiletto heels of your shoes, lifting your leg to hook over his shoulder and drive his cock deeper into you. He’s perfect, feels perfect, there’s no one else who makes you feel the way he does. When his thumb begins to rub delicate circles around your clit, you’re gone.
Your body tenses up for so long, you actually think you might’ve psyched yourself out. And then everything releases. Kendall coaxes you through your orgasm, deep voice muttering things that are either unintelligible or that you wouldn’t dare to repeat out loud, and you cling to him while your cunt pulses in waves. It lasts for a long time, or at least it feels like it does, he slows just to fuck you through it, so you can both savor how good it feels. That’s it. That’s my good fucking girl. When he tries to kiss you, you oblige, but it’s open-mouthed and sloppy since you’re struggling to breathe and can’t stop whispering his name.
“Ken, you’re so good, it’s so good–”
You know he likes to be praised just as much as you do. He cuts you off with a deep kiss, moaning into your mouth and vibrating every nerve in your body as he follows you over the edge, spurred on by your own release. He buries his cock inside you as deep as he can, you feel warm and full and complete.
For what feels like a few minutes, you remain tangled with one another, his face buried in the crook of your neck. You can feel the soft puffs of his breathing against your skin, which is now damp.
Eventually, he draws back, kisses your cheek and tucks himself back into his underwear. You pull the straps of your dress back into place and when you push yourself off the counter, realize your legs are trembling and you wobble.
Kendall reaches to steady you. “Go sit down,” he squeezes your arm and you barely manage to stumble to his couch before you’re slumping against the cushions and struggling to unlace the strappy heels you’ve still got on.
He joins you a moment later, placing a glass of cold water on the coffee table and kneeling to help you out of your shoes. You can only imagine what you must look like, because he looks disheveled, shirt still hanging open, pants unbuttoned, your lipstick still smudged on his cheek. Exhausted as you are, it makes you want him all over again.
He settles next to you, pulls you to his chest, and you wrap your arms around his waist, leaning up to whisper softly in his ear. “Ken,” he turns his head slightly, cheek pressed against your forehead. “I love you.”
From this angle you can only see the corner of his eyes, the way they crinkle as he looks down bashfully, eyelashes nearly touching his cheeks at your admission, words he so rarely has heard before. Words you have vowed to repeat until he believes you – because sometimes you think he doesn’t. Still, he answers. “I love you, too.” You close your eyes a moment, your heart rate returning to normal, and take in one final deep breath. Content.
“I don’t want to keep you from your friends,” Kendall says eventually, hands in your hair, tugging gently so you’ll look up at him.
“Right,” you nod. “Honestly, I don’t know if I even want to go out anymore.”
“But you got all dressed up,” he smirks.
“Look where it got me.”
He laughs. “Uh-huh. You knew what you were doing what you fucking put that shit on.”
You don’t deny it, feeling your cheeks grow warm. It’d be too easy to stay with him, to slide across his lap and kiss him until he takes you again. But your phone dings on the counter, and you know you can’t abandon your friends entirely. You sigh, pulling away from Kendall and looking him in the eyes.
“Don’t worry,” he encourages. “I’ll wait up for you.”
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How Far Down
Pairing: Mickey Henry x Female Reader
Summary: Mickey is bad for you, but you just can't stay away.
Word Count: Over 2.1k
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, semi-public fingering, implied public sex, unhealthy relationship, codependency, bittersweet, spooky vibes, Mickey Henry (he's a warning, okay?).
A/N: Fic #3 for Navy's Trick or Treat Nonsense! @tavners , thank you for suggesting Mickey and semi-public sex! I hope I did it justice. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics and Mickey edit by @rainbowkisses31 . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
Mickey was like a drug to you. His touch sent dopamine through your body, the pleasurable sensation bringing you to new heights again and again. You needed more of him to satisfy your craving. He delivered every single time.
But being addicted to a man as free spirited as him was like trying to catch the wind in your hand. He slipped through your fingers quicker than sand. When the inevitable comedown happened, it left you disappointed with the harsh reality that he would never truly be yours. So you walked away.
Until he called you back to him.
"It's the Halloween bash. C'mon. We'll have fun."
You should’ve had the strength to ignore him or say “no”, but you were helpless to resist his call. You asked for the address when you messaged him back and hoped you didn’t sound too eager. One night wouldn’t hurt. You’d only stay long enough to make an appearance and you’d be on your way. Besides, it was a party and Mickey had a job to do.
He wouldn’t notice if you left early.
“Better not bail on me or you’ll hurt my feelings. And I’ll hunt you down.”
You wouldn’t dream of bailing on him. The thought of hurting his feelings produced a pain in your chest so great that you thought your heart would give out. That was one of the things that scared you about Mickey. You gave so much of yourself away and did you get enough in return?
It would be fun if he hunted me down.
The day leading up to the party was a blur, your stomach twisted in knots as you got ready. You had no reason to be nervous. It was a night of fun to be had and nothing more. As long as you didn’t let Mickey suck you back in, you’d be fine.
There was a line out the door of the club as you arrived and you wondered just how long people were waiting to get in. Mickey instructed you to give your name to the bouncer, which you did. For a second, you didn’t expect your name to be on the list. He could’ve done it as a prank to get back at you for walking away. It was a silly thought. He was many things, but he wasn’t cruel.
Still, you let out a sigh of relief as the bouncer let you go right in. If that wouldn’t have worked, you would’ve tried to flirt with him. Your slutty angel costume left little to the imagination, which was both sexy and ironic. You never felt angelic or innocent around Mickey, but it was fun to be in his presence.
The halo fell from my head a long time ago.
Orange and purple strobe lights flashed in time with the music, giving the club a perfect Halloween glow as the bodies moved along the dance floor. The array of costumes brought a smile to your face. Everyone was having fun, uncaring of what happened tonight. Problems would still be there tomorrow, so why not let loose?
“There you are.”
You heard Mickey over the music and blinked a few times, not remembering walking through the crowd to get to his booth. Your throat constricted as the two of you locked eyes. While you were some form of an angel, he had demon horns and an open red shirt. The light around him accentuated his muscles and gave him an ominous glow as he walked around the table, grinning as held out a hand for you.
It only took you a second to take it.
“Knew you couldn’t resist my invitation,” he said, jumping down to join you on the floor instead of pulling you up to the booth. “Though a small part of me wants to punish you for staying away for so long. Why did you run away from me?”
Part of the charm of Mickey was that he didn’t come across as arrogant. Playful, the life of the party, and someone who encouraged you to make the best out of bad situations, but never full of himself. You admired that. He was also unreliable, too spontaneous. A distorted dream of a man that you could never have.
“You know why I left,” you reminded him, putting your arms around his shoulders. “But we could both use some fun, so why not take you up on your offer?”
“And that’s just what I am, aren’t I? A good time,” Mickey smiled, slipping an arm around your waist to drag you against him. “Everyone’s having a good time tonight.”
Even if you didn't leave at the end of the night with Mickey, you knew it wouldn't be a boring evening. Watching him in his element was hotter than you cared to admit, the gorgeous man making everyone get lost in the music and atmosphere. It was like he encouraged people to lose their inhibitions. No one cared about the consequences.
They lived like there was no tomorrow.
The flashing lights reflected off his blue eyes as you gazed at him, but they almost looked black. “We can’t have too much fun,” you teased as he began to grind his hips against yours.
“Why not?”
You sighed and wondered if he was trying to goad you or if he really didn't get it. “Because we both know how this’ll end and I'm a little tired of it.”
Mickey would happily go on his way while you were left with a void in your soul. The worst part was you were certain he didn’t do it on purpose. The bond between the two of you wasn’t pure enough to be love, so why would you expect him to treat you like you were his other half?
“Why does it have to end at all? C'mon. You and I always have fun together,” he argued, grabbing your chin with a firm hand so he could lick you from your chin to your forehead. “Besides. Your aura is so delicious. I've missed it.”
A lustful sigh left your lungs before you attempted to step back. The smile on his face looked strange. “My aura? What the fuck are you talking about?”
Mickey threw his head back as he laughed, his chest shaking as his fingers dug into your hip. He sometimes struck you as a man more intelligent and deeper than he let on, but always swayed you from those thoughts with a slip of his tongue or the slide of his cock. He was lust in human form. But he led you down a path with no end.
So why did you follow him?
“You know what I mean. Your whole glow screams lust. And lust is a sin that feeds itself and grows,” he said as he pushed your costume up your thigh. It didn’t matter that there were others close by where anyone could see. And you didn’t put up a fight. It wouldn't be the first time you fooled around with people mere feet away. That was part of the fun. “But I don't need to feed myself with you around. You feed me plenty.”
At that moment, you almost wondered if Mickey’s costume was real as he hooked a finger in your panties and moved them aside. He could easily lure people in under the guise of a good time. Lost in his hypnotic gaze, you moaned as his finger circled your hole. “It's like you really are a demon,” you breathed as one finger pushed inside you, making you clamp around him.
His teeth flashed in a wicked smile as the digit moved in shallow thrusts. “Demons come in all forms. All shapes and sizes,” he said as you frowned. He had to be kidding. “This city is my playground with plenty of people to play with.”
You smiled after a second, playing along. “Is that what you're doing? Playing with me?”
“You make it easy to play with, even when I have to chase you. Though I didn't exactly chase you, did I? All it took was a text,” he said, though you didn't feel insulted at the implication of how easy it was to get you there. “And dressing up like an angel? You’re far from being immune to temptation.”
It wasn't fear that moved through you, but your smile slipped all the same even as he dragged a finger in and out of you. “I, oh, was kidding about the whole demon thing.”
The gorgeous grin was back on his face. “So was I.”
He sealed his lips against yours as he pushed another finger in, the feeling making your head spin as you rocked your hips. Wantonly, you practically humped his hand as he took what he wanted from you. It was pathetic that you allowed him in so easily, but didn’t he always make you feel good?
“You’re bad for me,” you whined, gasping when he bit down on your bottom lip.
“The worst,” he agreed, pressing his palm hard against your clit. “But you’re so good for me, aren’t you? Such a good girl.”
The praise warmed you as your moans got louder.
“I could fuck anyone here tonight, but it’s you I want,” he went on, curling his fingers just the way you needed him to. “My filthy, desperate angel. You’ll let me do whatever I want to you and you won’t stop me. Do you know how good that makes me feel that you want me so badly?”
You wanted to argue that he was wrong, but how could you deny his words when you were so close? And he was right. He could fuck anyone he wanted, but his fingers were deep inside you because you were special. You meant something to him.
Right?
“You want me, too,” you stated, but the words came out like a whimper, lost in the music.
“Of course, I do. You’re my favorite. That’s why I wanted you here with me tonight,” he smirked, the words as empty as how you felt when the sun came up. But you believed him because you wanted to believe him. That it didn’t matter if he took other lovers because they didn’t mean anything to him. He was still your addiction and you wanted to get high. “Now come on my fingers. I know you can do it.”
With a shudder, you did as he said and soaked his fingers with your juices. He licked into your mouth as it went slack from pleasure, an almost smug hum reverbirating as the digits continued to glide along your walls. The familiar haze washed over you as he guided you through your orgasm. If anyone around you noticed, they didn’t care.
Neither did you.
“Delicious,” he purred as he drew his fingers out and shoved them into your mouth. “How do you feel?”
Licking your taste from his fingers, you swallowed with a heavy heart. “Empty,” you admitted, the high crashing even sooner than usual. You hated it. You wanted it to go away.
You needed to go, but your feet wouldn't allow you to move.
He didn’t look at all offended by your answer. Instead, a pleased smile spread across his face. “That’s because my fingers are never enough. You need my cock.”
You both knew you weren't going anywhere. Why argue? “I need your cock,” you agreed. All he had to do was fill you up and it would make it better.
“Bend over my table and I’ll give it to you,” he promised with a glint in his eye. It was like staring into an abyss and you wondered how deep it went. Would you ever reach the bottom if you fell?
“But the crowd-”
“They won’t even notice. They'll just think we're grinding to the music,” he said, gracefully hopping on the stage as you followed with shaky limbs. “And even if they did, who gives a fuck? They’ll wish they were in your place, but they never will be. You know why?”
“Because I’m special?”
“Yeah, you are. My favorite angel who feeds me well,” he assured you, the void in your chest slowly starting to grow smaller as he brought your back to his chest. “But don’t ever walk away from me again, okay? It'll only hurt us both.”
There was no sarcasm in his tone. Only truth.
“I won't walk away,” you said, letting him pull your dress up again as he pressed his clothed cock against your ass.
You'd always come back if he called.
“That's my girl” he praised, lightly biting your earlobe. “Now hold onto the table so we can have some real fun.”
With a nod and a smile, you fell into the abyss.
Why is he so pretty? Love and thanks for reading! 🧡
Masterlist ⚓ Misc Sebastian Stan Characters ⚓ Ko-Fi
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on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.
I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.
I think it breaks down like this.
Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state
Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse.
And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.
Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool.
Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.
Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.
We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.
The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face.
When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.
That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.
Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.
But no art form is free of the horrors.
And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.
The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.
And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.
It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.
Side note.
For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.
The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to...
I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.
G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.
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