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messrmoonyy · 10 months

Text

Pretty little thing

Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader

Prompt- based on a dark tess request that I lost the original prompt of but was along the lines of older Ellie and reader being friends and reader getting a crush on Tess, trying to make Tess reciprocate things until she finally gives in and fucks the reader including Dacryphilia , overstimulation, overall a more mean Tess. This also includes various other small requests that a mashed into this including face sitting and more Jackson Tess.

A/N- will say this isn’t very ‘dark!tess ‘ but you guys also requests a meaner/ rougher smut scene with Tess. So. You got it. I think. Prawn with plot. Enjoy

Warnings- 18+ || reader is a littlleeee obsessed, Tess is kinda mean. And patronising, canon compliment violence and discussions of infected, implied age gap, smut: fingering ( reader receiving ), overstimulation, degradation, dacryphillia, dumbification, choking, face sitting/ oral ( reader receiving), orgasm denial

Word count- 12.7k ( I am so sorry💀 my next one will be shorter I promise 😭)

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Reblogs and comments appreciated and encouraged! <3

You were woken up to the sound of knocking. At first you weren’t entirely sure if you were hearing it or if it was something in your dream. That kind of far off, echoey sound to it where you were only half awake and still coming to terms with being back in the real world again. But it was real. When you fully opened your eyes the sound continued.

As your eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room you first noticed you weren’t at home, your sleep disorientated brain failing to tell you exactly where you were right away. But you knew it wasn’t your home.

The knocking continued and you remembered that was why you had woken up in the first place.

“ I’m not going anywhere so open up or I’ll just come in and Joel will be pissed if he has to fix this lock again “ came a muffled voice from behind the door, an incredibly bored tone to their words. You sat up and winced as your neck ached from the funny angle you’d fallen asleep in, tired eyes adjusting to your surroundings “ I know you’re both in there one of you better open this door in the next ten seconds “

You were at Ellie’s. Sat on the floor, clearly having fallen asleep with your head lolled backwards onto the couch. The knocking continued, making you realise just how much your head was hurting. Your tired mind attempted to piece together the night before.

Drinks with Ellie. Then Dina, then Jesse.

Jesse and Dina were no longer there but Ellie was sprawled face down on the couch, snoring quite contently, clearly not even shifting at the sound of whoever was at the door. You groaned again and got to your feet as the knocking continued “ 5. 4- “

“ alright. I’m coming. Fuck “ you rubbed at your tired eyes and sighed. You didn’t even know why you felt so shitty. You’d barely even drank that much. Maybe it was lack of sleep and the absolute neck breaking angle you had somehow passed out in.

You crossed the room and cracked the door open, wincing away from the early morning light and squinting to adjust your eyes and focus on the blurry figure in front of you.

“ well hello sleeping fuckin beauty “ you were suddenly wide awake as you realised who was stood there. Arms folded and eyebrow raised as she eyed your post sleep look. You must have looked a mess. Bedraggled hair and eyes barely open, still wearing the clothes you’d been wearing the day before, but now with an odd stain on the front of your shirt that you weren’t entirely sure of the origin of.

“ oh. Tess “ she craned her head to look inside and rolled her eyes at the sight of Ellie passed out still, now mouth agape and drooling onto the cushions.

“ it’s your lucky day. You’ve been moved to pairs patrols. Get dressed. Meet me at the stables in 10. And tell Ellie she’s due out in a couple of hours too. So wake her ass up “ you tried your best to process the information as she turned and started to walk away

“ I- huh? I only do group patrols “

“ don’t make me come back and get you! “ she called as she continued to walk, not even answering your question. You closed the door and started to wake up fully, internally screaming at yourself for having stood there in front of her looking like… well. That.

Though you’d guessed she’d probably seen you worse. She’d been there the day Jesse had decided making his own moonshine was a good idea. In fact she’d been the one holding your hair back as you’d puked up said moonshine in her bathroom, rubbing soft circles into your back as you begged her not to tell Maria about it. She never had to your surprise.

You walked over to where Ellie was still dead to the world, not even having moved an inch at the sound of Tess and her knocking.

“ El. Ellie. Elliieeee. Dude come on “ you sighed, nudging at her with your knee “ Ellie. Ellie! “ she startled so suddenly she rolled off the couch, face first onto the floor.

“ what the fuck man! “ she grabbed a cushion and tossed it at you, missing completely and knocking over something on her desk instead.

“ Tess was here. I’m on patrol in 10. You’re out soon too she told me to wake you up. So. Now you’re up “ she muttered something under her breath and slowly pushed her way back up onto the couch, tipping her head back and closing her eyes again

“ my head hurts “ she groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes “ were Jesse and Dina here last night or did I make that up? “

“ no. They were here. In fact it was Jesses idea to play that stupid drinking game “ you still weren’t entirely sure on the rules and you’d damn played it. Though you did get the idea that Jesse seemed to be making them up on the spot anyway “ can I borrow a shirt? I won’t make it back to mine and to the stables in 10. And I don’t want Tess to be angry with me “

You didn’t wait for her to answer you, knowing she’d say yes anyway, and rummaged through her drawers for something clean to wear. You figured your jeans from yesterday would be fine and even though Tess had already seen you in the questionable stain shirt. You did not want her to see you in it again.

“ Tess? “

“ yeah. I just told you she was here. She said I’m on pairs patrols now “

“ that’s good. Isn’t that what you wanted? Maybe they paired you with her. That’s why she came to get you “ you could only hope. The entire reason you’d asked to be on pairs patrols in the first place was so that you could possible be partnered up with her. Though the chances were a little slim. She almost always went out with Joel.

“ she goes out with Joel “

“ Tommys back on patrols now. I bet he’s going with Joel. Ease him back into it “ Tommy had been out of rotation for a few months, taking time to help out Maria with the new baby. It couldn’t of been easy they already had one young kid, Maria definitely needed his help. You helped her out from time to time, but she had entrusted you with other things around town in her absence. Not entirely important things, you did get the feeling she was trying to make you feel needed. But it was whatever. You were happy to help.

It would make sense to pair Tommy up with Joel if he was back in rotation now. Pair him with someone he knew well, who was strong and capable, just in case he was a little rusty after a few months out.

So maybe Tess was missing a partner now. And pairing a newbie to pairs up with someone like her, someone who knew what they were doing and could do the trails with their eyes closed, would make a lot of sense.

You finished getting changed and grabbed your backpack from by the door, eager to leave even with your post sleep grogginess still clouding your head. You didn’t want to keep Tess waiting.

Ellie had flopped herself into bed now instead of the couch and you left her to it, your goodbye falling on deaf ears as she fell back into sleep again.

As you walked towards the stables the early morning air cleared your head a little and you finally were able to process what the day had in store for you. You’d been asking to be moved to pairs patrols for a while. You’d been on patrols since the day you’d hit 16 and been allowed out in the groups. You knew the regular group routes like the back of your hand, could take down infected better than some of the others could. So you had years of experience behind you now. You had truly solidified your spot on the roster.

But to your dismay. Tess was never on groups. She was always on pairs.

So you’d started talking to Maria and asking for pairs patrols. With the soul intention of being paired with Tess. Not that you’d thought it would happen. But it was always worth a shot, right? Maria was like a second mother to you, she’d taken you under her wing when your mother had taken ill and died a few years back. They’d been close since they were kids so you guessed Maria felt obliged.

So you knew in the end you’d bring her round to make her put you on pairs. And you did have the slightest of suspicions she knew why you wanted to be on pairs.

She gave you looks from time to time when she saw you both together. You did guess you weren’t exactly subtle with it.

How on earth you were supposed to survive a few hours completely alone with her? Even if that was what you’d been hoping for ever since you’d first met her. When that silly schoolgirl crush had first reared it’s head when she, Joel and Ellie had turned up in Jackson. It had only gotten stronger as you got closer to Ellie, spent more time with the three of them. You were a couple years older than Ellie but she’d stuck to you like glue almost immediately. She didn’t really seem to want to talk to anyone when she first arrived but you clearly had something going for you, cause she’d wanted to talk to you.

And you weren’t apposed to that. You loved Ellie. And it meant you got the added benefit of spending time with Tess. So what was there to dislike?

You’d gotten a little braver as you’d spent more time with Ellie over the years, finding excuses to sit close to Tess whenever you’d hang out with the family. Convincing her to dance with you at the parties Maria and Tommy threw in the tipsy bison from time to time, letting your hands wander a little too much but blaming it on the alcohol. When half of the time you hadn’t even drank a drop.

You’d practically thrown yourself at her multiple times over the years but she never quite reciprocated. But there was… something. The way she never actively stopped you immediately, would simply give you a look. Or tell you to be careful in a low tone that made butterflies swarm in your stomach.

You still thought about the last party Maria threw, when you’d made her dance with you and her face had been so incredibly close to your own. The tension between you had been so thick it was like no one else was even in the room with you, she swarmed every single one of your senses.

You’d thought she was going to kiss you that night. If only you’d had the guts to close the minuscule gap maybe she would’ve. But instead she’d dropped a light kiss to your cheek, dropped her mouth close to your ear and murmured ‘ be careful ‘ before leaving.

It had sounded almost like a warning. Like a woman on edge that was so close to snapping, a warning that you wouldn’t like what would come your way if she did snap. But you knew you would. It’s all you could think about. And knowing she was so incredibly close to giving in… maybe today might be your lucky day after all.

You didn’t know why she was holding back. At first you had thought it was because of Joel. When they first arrived in town to anyone with a working set of eyes they looked like a couple. The way they were so ridiculously in tune with the other, so much so that you’d often watched them have entire conversations without even opening their mouths. They worked and moved as one, were fiercely defensive and protective of the other.

It had been quite the surprise when you’d found out that they weren’t a thing. You’d gone over to their place to hang out with Ellie and she’d shown you around, shown you how Joel had his own room. And so did Tess.

From that point on you’d had less shame about swooning over her. Knowing she wasn’t actually with Joel. And that stupid little crush had stayed with you right though to the current day. Where it was now as strong as ever.

And seemingly finally ready to burst.

You had tried everything in your power. Even getting with occasional other person with the simple motivation of making her jealous. Nothing was working.

But you were persistent.

Tess was waiting for you by the stables leant back against the wall with her arms folded, as they always were, rolling a stone under the toe of her boot absentmindedly. It felt like an almost childlike thing from her, something innocent. A side to her that you only ever saw in those family nights at Ellie’s.

She looked up when she heard you approaching, a smile pulling at her lips.

“ right on time. I was beginning to think spending so much time with Ellie would rub off on you “ you rolled your eyes but smiled too. Ellie would be late to her own damn funeral it was true. She had zero concept of time keeping “ do you have a horse? “ she asked with a nod towards the stables behind her.

“ I usually just ride with Ellie when we go out on the group patrols “

“ are you confident enough to ride on your own? “ you were. But you stopped before you spoke, a lightbulb suddenly burning brightly in your mind. If you said you weren’t confident would she let you ride with her? Or would she just send you right back to group patrols. Was it worth the risk of saying no? Just for the chance of getting to sit close against her for a while? “ you can just ride with me if- “

“ yeah. I’ll ride with you “ you said it far too quickly. And you prayed it would just come across as you having some fear of riding alone and not that you were desperate to have some kind of physical contact with her. Of literally any kind.

The small smirk that pulled at her lips didn’t tell you which one she thought it was. If she was laughing at you for being afraid. Or was simply smirking because she knew you too well now and she knew exactly why you’d said it. Either way you didn’t really care, because the outcome was still the same.

“ alright. Let’s go “ you followed her into the stables as she checked out her horse, following closely at her side as she walked it by the reigns down towards the main gates out of town.

All of the morning patrols were waiting, Jesse up front looking far too put together for someone who had downed enough whiskey the previous night to absolutely obliterate his liver. He was reeling off the patrols and the routes they were taking, making sure everyone was present and correct.

“ we’re on a good route “ she said quietly, still looking at Jesse and feigning interest in his words “ easy as fuck. It’s why me and Joel always pick it “ she said with a small laugh “ unless you’re in the mood to fuck some shit up, then it’s not so great “

“ blowing the head off of some infected. Tried and tested stress reliever “

“ exactly “

“ so. Which route are we on? “

“ ski lodge. Nice and quiet. And the lodge is nice too, spend most of your time there because the patrol doesn’t take long. Definitely the best route to be on. Told you. It’s why Joel and I always request it. And I convinced Jesse it was a good route for a newbie so. Joel’s on the creek trails with Tommy “ she seemed quite smug with herself at the fact she’d gotten the better route.

It did sound nice though. And spending some time alone with her in the lodge? You really were winning today.

When Jesse finished giving out his orders, you mounted Tess’ horse behind her, scooching as close as humanly possible and holding onto her. You wanted to move your hands under her jacket, feel the warmth of her through the soft plaid shirt she had on. But you resisted, convinced that if you thought about it hard enough you’d feel it through the canvas material of her jacket.

You watched as the large gates out of town were opened, the wood creaking loudly.

Your family had been one of the founding members of Jackson, helping Maria and her father build it up into what it was currently. So all you’d ever really known was the town. So every time those gates opened you felt some rush of adrenaline. Excitement mixed with anxiety at leaving the safety of those walls.

Even though it was exactly the same, you always felt like the air was fresher the second you left. A cooler breeze, a warmer sun. It was nice. Summer was creeping up fast. The days were getting longer, warmer, brighter. It made you feel more awake.

Horse rides in the spring were much nicer than the winter too, the warm sun on your skin and the light speckling through the leaves of the trees. Jackson was unbelievably pretty.

Tess was quiet for a while as she rode, taking you in the opposite direction you were used to. The woods were a little denser than the routes you were usually assigned. It made the ride a little bumpy but you didn’t mind, it gave you another excuse to hold tighter to Tess. Able to use the excuse of some fear of falling off if she questioned it.

“ scared of riding or something? “ she eventually asked, a slight teasing tone to her words as she spoke.

“ not really. I’ve rode alone before but. I don’t know. I feel better with someone else. I fell off when I was younger and broke wrist. Freaked me out I guess “

“ they freaked me out at first “ she confessed “ before Jackson i’d never rode before. Joel taught me “ you wouldn’t have guessed that. She seemed a pretty confident rider right from the start. She seemed pretty confident with everything. You didn’t think you’d ever actually seen her afraid.

“ I didn’t think you were scared of anything “ she scoffed at that

“ i didn’t say scared “ she went quiet again then as you continued on. She didn’t speak again until you reached the lodge “ we’ll tie the horse here. The patrol route is just along the ridge up there, loops back around. Then down into the town down there, there’s a lookout log in one of the houses at the end of the street. Loop back up. Easy as fuck “ you nodded, squinting in the early morning sun as it cut through the gaps in the trees. Some birds were tweeting away on the branches and it felt almost peaceful.

She jumped down from the horse then turned to you

“ c’mon “ she grabbed at your waist to hoist you down, your hands falling onto her shoulders to support yourself. Your mind blanked for a moment at the feel of her hands on you, feeling as though they were burning through the material of your shirt. Something passed over her face as she looked at you, as if noticing the silent reaction you were having. But she said nothing.

She let you go and grabbed her rifle, nodding to something behind you

“ that’s the way. Follow me “ you grabbed your own gun out of your backpack as she started walking, running to catch up to her.

You trailed a little behind her as she walked, simply so you could get a better look at her. Even there when there was no one else around, no one she needed to look tough for. She still oozed confidence. The way she walked. The way she kept her head held high. No attempts to shrink away. To hide. To walk in the way Ellie had done when you first met her, like she was too afraid to take up space.

Tess wanted to take up space. She wanted people to know who she was and what she was about. She wasn’t afraid… of anything it seemed.

In fact. You knew she wasn’t.

You’d heard the stories. The rumours. The things that Ellie had told you. That Tess and Joel weren’t… good. They didn’t do good things. They hadn’t. But a twisted part of you liked that. Wanted to know more. Details. Wanted to hear about what she had done and all she was willing to do to stay and alive and to protect the people she loved.

You wanted to be one of those people. Wanted her to do sick things to protect you, to prove all she was willing to do to keep you safe.

You craved a love like that. A desperate and all consuming kind. A kind you knew she could give you.

If she would just stop holding herself back.

“ got some runners “ she said looking over the ridge to one of the towns in the distance. They were pretty far out, looking almost like little ants dashing around the place from so far away.

You watched as her hands moved into a comfortable and familiar position with her gun, pulling the trigger and taking down the strays with ease. You were fixated. On her face, the way her eyes narrowed as she aligned her shot through the scope, the way her lips parted slightly as she steadied her breath. Ammo was precious and she made every shot worth it. You watched her fingers, how long and slender they were. You wanted to melt between them. Wanted to feel what it was like to turn to mush beneath her finger tips.

You had spent many nights dreaming of how they felt. How they’d feel in your hair, trailing across your back, wrapped around your throat, curled up inside of you.

You felt your cheeks flush with heat.

“ alright. Let’s keep moving “ she snapped you out of your daydreaming as she lowered the gun, one look over now showing the little ant like runners were motionless on the ground.

“ that was impressive “ you said, clearing your throat lightly in some attempt to distract your thoughts.

“ it’s practice “ is all she said, carrying on along the track. You wondered if this was some old hiking trail or something. If people had come through there years ago, walking that same path for fun. Not to shoot infected. Though you weren’t entirely sure how anyone could find trekking through the woods fun. But maybe that was because your idea of it was so tainted.

It was pretty. You couldn’t deny that. The morning sun in the mountains and the flowers in full bloom. But you had a much better view.

As you watched her you wondered if she ever thought things like that about you. You had caught her watching you before. Many times. And she wasn’t sheepish about it either. She didn’t immediately look away if she saw you had caught her, would hold it another second or two and then look away.

It did make you think.

She came to a stop again looking out at a town slightly futher out than the last. She pulled some binoculars from her pack and looked though them for a moment.

“ wanna take ‘em? “ she asked, lowering her binoculars and looking over at you. The sun was catching her just right, enveloping her in golden light like the goddess you so often heralded her as. You were very obviously staring but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. Maybe it was because she could clearly see that you were. And were certain you saw her lips quirk into a smile. Just a subtle one. But a smile “ hello? Are you suddenly mute? “

She waved a hand in front of your face and you shrugged, not even a sliver of embarrassment in your face. You wanted her to see you. Wanted her to know you were looking.

“ my gun doesn’t have a scope “ she held out her own gun to you, swapping it with your own

“ have at em “

“ alright “ you moved to stand closer to her, looking through the scope at the small group of runners aimlessly wandering around across the way.

You were a pretty decent shot. Better than others in town for sure. But you were no one if not an opportunist. So you missed your first two shots. And then your third. Repressing your smile when you heard her slightly frustrated sigh.

“ I’m getting there im getting there “ you said, missing a fourth shot.

“ you’re wasting all my fuckin ammo that’s what you’re doing. Come here “ she moved to stand behind you, her hands falling over yours to readjust your hold, her chest pressed firmly against your back. You didn’t hold back your smile that time, unable to hold onto the giant grin that spread across your face at her closeness “ now try “ she said, stepping back but holding her hands to your shoulders.

You made the shot. Of course you did. Even if it did take a second longer than normal to steady your aim, Tess’ hands on you throwing you off.

“ that’s it “ she praised “ good girl keep that up “ that threw you again, freezing a little at the term of endearment. The praise. From her. God you were fucked.

You cleared the ridge of infected and turned your head to look at her with a beaming smile.

“ pretty good huh? “ she was much closer than you’d thought, so close you could see the individual lashes on her eyelids, the freckles that sprinkled across her nose.

“ pretty good “ she confirmed, she had a slightly quizzical look on her face as she looked at you. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed.

Then she reached for her gun and stepped back.

“ sometimes some down by the ski lift too. Then we’ll grab the horse and head into the town “ you gave a nod and followed her.

She made quick work of the couple stragglers by the ski lift before you headed back down the track towards the lodge.

“ you like watching me “ she noted as you walked, catching you slightly off guard “ you’re not subtle about it so don’t bother saying you don’t “ you wouldn’t lie to her anyway. You weren’t ashamed. And if you were as un subtle as she said? Then what was the point anyway.

“ I do “ you confirmed with a shrug “ you’re nice to look at “ she scoffed at that, her face giving nothing away on what she really thought “ you watch me too “

“ you’re nice to look at “ she echoed, teasing tones to her words and a glance in your direction. She looked you up and down for a moment before looking back at the trail in front of her.

She had looked you up and down for barely a second, but it had made your cheeks burn. One simple look from her made you crazy. That paired with the ‘good girl’ from earlier was sending you into a spin.

She had said it to you once before whilst round at Ellie’s and Ellie had teased you for days about how flustered it had made you. It often made you wonder if Ellie knew of your ever growing desire for her pseudo mom. But probably not. Ellie was incredibly clever but oblivious as all hell when it came to things like that.

She had still questioned if Dina even liked her after the first time they had kissed, still asked you from time to time if you were ‘ sure she doesn’t have a thing for Jesse? ‘ as if Dina and her weren’t practically attached at the hip.

You wondered how she’d react if she knew. How Joel would react. How anyone would. It wasn’t like the gap in your ages was huge. You weren’t some doey eyed teenage running after a grown ass adult. You were an adult. Albeit a younger adult than her. But. Still. You wondered if it would raise eyebrows.

Though a part of you kind of liked that. In fact you really liked that. You could already picture how unbelievably smug you’d feel walking around with her, how much you’d love to shove it right into the faces of the other people in town who had tried it with her- and failed quite miserably from what you had seen and heard.

It was actually quite frustrating how she batted people away and yet still managed to make you jealous when you weren’t the full centre of her attention.

You made it back down to the lodge and Tess helped you back up onto the horse, happy to have your arms back around her again as you headed down into the small town.

“ is there usually infected down here? “

“ no. They tend to stay higher up. Don’t ask why cause I don’t fuckin know “ you smiled at that, immediately knowing that Ellie and her one million and one questions about everything were probably the reason behind her immediate request for no questions “ hold tight it’s bumpy down here “ you didn’t need to be told twice for that.

“ it’s nice out here isn’t it? “ you said as you crossed a small stream “ almost romantic right? “ Tess scoffed at that

“ you don’t strike me as the romantic type sweetheart “

“ oh? And what’s that supposed to mean”

“ you know “

“ I don’t “ you feigned innocence, knowing exactly what she did mean but wanting to make her say it. That she knew about you trying to her attention. That she paid enough attention to hear about the occasional fling with townsfolk with the soul purpose of making her jealous. You needed your delusions confirmed.

“ oh. Then I guess it’s not you that’s seducing anyone that comes within ten feet of me? Funny. Could’ve sworn it was you “ she knew. She’d noticed. It had worked.

“ I think you’re a little confused Tess “ you said close to her ear, trying to suppress your smile “ now why would I do that? “ you pushed the most innocent tone you could, a picture of pure demure innocence that was as far from the truth as could be.

No sweet innocent girl would spend her time fantasising about fucking her best friends mom.

“ I told you to be careful sweetheart. Do as you’re told “ her voice had taken on that low, almost threatening sultry tone it had done in the Bison. The one warning you to stop because she would eventually break and you didn’t want her to break.

But god did you want her to.

You reached the town with the air so thick between you you felt like you could cut it with a knife but you tried to ignore it and do your job.

“ we check in the buildings? “ you asked

“ just patrol the street. House down the end there? There’s a lookout log, we mark it off and head back. Then kill time until it’s time to change. Told you this route is easy “ you nodded and jumped down from the horse, grabbing your gun again just in case.

You made your way quietly down the street, your eyes looking at every single house you passed. Anytime you came across old buildings it made you wonder who had been there before. What the towns and houses looked like before they were derelict. Where were the people now? How many of them were still alive?

“ you ever live in a place like this? “ you asked. You didn’t know a whole lot about Tess and her past. In fact you knew nothing about her before the apocalypse. Ellie had never told you anything. You knew about some of the things she got up to in the 20 years before she’d found Ellie. Tommy had told you. Ellie had mentioned things. But pre apocalyptic Tess? You knew nothing

You wondered what she had been like and how much she had changed.

“ no “ was all she said.

“ where did you live? “

“ Detroit “ she said again, simple and matter of fact “ you? “ she was deflecting the topic away from her.

“ Jackson. Jackson. And er. Jackson. I’ve never seen anywhere else. What’s Detroit like? “ she shrugged

“ fine. I don’t like cities “

“ why? “

“ you ask a whole lot of questions sweetheart “ maybe spending so much time with Ellie really was rubbing off on you.

“ I’m just interested in you “ Tess scoffed again, glancing over at you for a moment

“ really? Never would’ve fuckin guessed that “

You both went quiet again as you walked. She looked like she wanted to say something else but was too distracted. Stopping in her tracks outside one of the houses in the street.

“ you hear that? “ she whispered.

You did. The shuffling and quiet sobs and groans that could only be infected. Tess slowly reloaded her gun and nodded in the direction she wanted you to follow her. You held your gun firmly, crouching below the window ledge next to Tess.

“ we’re gonna do this nice and quietly “ she said, her voice steady and low “ knife? “ you withdrew it from where you kept it tucked in your boot and she nodded “ okay. Nice. And quiet “ you had taken down infected more times than you could count, but it didn’t make it any less terrifying each time.

One bite and you’d be a goner. That’s all it took.

Tess carefully climbed though the window, you close on her heels. Once inside the house you spotted two. Thankfully. Easy. Tess made light work of the one furthest away and you took down the other just as swiftly, quiet in your approach before plunging your knife into its skull, angling it’s head backwards so it’s teeth couldn’t grab at you.

Tess snuck through into the next room, clearly hearing something else as you carefully lay the body on the ground, wiping the blood from your knife on the remaining upholstery of the couch. She was dropping the body of another infected to the floor as you joined her.

“ I don’t hear anymore “

“ should we check upstairs? “ Tess nodded and you led the way, careful on the stairs that looked ready to collapse at any moment. Upstairs you found a dead body, one that clearly hadn’t been as strong when the infection had taken over. You were just thankful for the fact that roof was half collapsed, fresh air spilling into the room so that the spores had dispersed.

“ this one’s done “ Tess said, looking over the body. You wondered how long it had been there. You guessed a while, the floor surrounding it was covered in dried out tendrils, the legs of the person practically melting into the hardwood. It made you sad to think about anyone ending up that way “ let’s go. We need to mark this down in the log “

She left the room before you, mildly fixated on the body on the floor. You’d never want to end up that way. The second you got bit you’d shove a gun in your mouth and end it before the fungus could control your mind. No way would you end up like that.

You left the room to find Tess had already gone back downstairs. But before you could make the precarious trip back down, you heard something. You assumed it was probably another runner that you had both somehow missed and decided to take it out too. Last thing you needed was it getting out into the street.

So you snuck into the room on the opposite side of the hall, pushing open the door slowly.

But what you found was not a runner. It was far worse.

It happened too fast for you to even process exactly what was happening at first. One second you were looking at the rotting wood of the door, the next the split open face of a clicker was bearing down on you.

You were too shell shocked to even scream, simply pushing and kicking to keep the gnashing teeth of the clicker away from you. The screeches it made made your ears ring, deafening you as it desperately tried to bite. To spread.

“ Tess! “ you frantically fumbled around for your knife, not sure where it had slid off to and unable to reach down for your gun.

The screeching was only drowned out by the sound of a gunshot. Blood splattering over your face as Tess shot it in the back of the head, it still screeching and wriggling to bite you. To fill your blood with fungus and control your mind.

She appeared above you, kicking it off and shooting a further two bullets into its face until it stopped squirming. It lay twitching on the ground for a few moments before going still. You pushed yourself onto your elbows trying to catch your breath.

“ well shit “ you gasped, looking up at Tess who was watching you intently, her eyes wide in concern. And maybe shock at how that was your reaction. But what else were you supposed to say?

You felt something twisting deep in your belly, the way she had thrown herself in harms way to protect you. How she looked stood there with her stern face looking down at you. Powerful. Strong.

You’d never wanted her so badly. Which was funny to think about. You’d just nearly died. But there you were simply thinking about your knight in shining armour.

“ you okay? You gotta be more fucking careful “ she held her hand out to you, pulling you up to your feet again. She ran her hands over your arms and turned your face in her hands “ clean? “ you were lost for words and simply nodded.

You didn’t entirely know what it was. Maybe it was the fact she had protected you without a second thought, had put herself in harms way. Killed for you. Maybe it was just the adrenaline cursing through your bloodstream.

“ well, could at least say thank you sweetheart “

You couldn’t help yourself.

You dove forward, kissing her without a second thought, wrapping your fingers around her wrists that were still holding your face.

It was like she had expected it. Kissing you back in an instant, her grip on your face tightening to move you how she wanted. You had initiated it but she had the control. She took your breath away. Your lungs burning with the lack of air but you didn’t want to stop. It was a little desperate, pure adrenaline and lust and nothing more. But you didn’t mind.

You were too focussed on her. Her taste. Her lips. They were as soft as they looked, pillowy against your own. She kissed you like you were her source of air, as equally desperate as you. Which was an interesting revelation for saying how long she had been rejecting your advances.

She broke away first, leaving you gasping for air as she scanned your face with her eyes. She held you for a second longer before stepping back.

“ I think that was all of them I don’t hear anything else “ she said in a steady tone “ let’s go fill in the log. And head back “ she turned before you could answer her, question whether or not she was angry or as happy as you were. You could never tell with Tess. She was too difficult to read and it was annoying. Because she was so incredibly good at reading everyone else.

You followed on her heels as she went back downstairs and walked in purposeful strides towards the house at the end of the street, from the outside it looked like all the other abandoned ones in the town. But she lead you up the half collapsed stairs and into the bedroom at the front of the house. The log was hidden under a box in the closet, months and months worth of patrol logs written down.

You glanced over as she filled it in, noticing most of the patrols were marked by her or Joel.

You didn’t know if you should talk about what had happened. The infected or the kiss. Or both. So you decided to just say nothing, watching as she noted down the infected in the house and up on the ridge, marking it as now all clear. Though it did sting ever so slightly that she wasn’t acknowledging it. Acting as though it simply hadn’t happened.

“ okay. Let’s go “

The house was on the edge of the town, a stream running along the back. You wondered if it was the same one you’d seen earlier. Tess stopped beside it, kneeling down to cup some of the water in her hands and wash the blood that had gotten on her face. You joined her, washing away the blood from the clicker and rinsing your hands in the cool water.

“ thank you “ you said suddenly. Realising you still hadn’t said it. Tess looked up at you with a small look of confusion, drying her hands off on her jeans “ for the clicker. Saving me “ she shrugged and stood up again, nodding back up the street.

“ it’s nothing. Let’s go “ you sighed, a little frustrated that that was all she had to say about it

“ it’s not nothing “ you said as you hurried to keep up with her “ you saved my life “

“ let’s not be dramatic now sweetheart “ dramatic. You huffed in mild annoyance and followed her back to the horse. How was she so blasé about it? Yes clickers weren’t exactly a new thing. And she had killed hundreds of them before. But she had still saved you. Had still stopped one turning you into a mushrooms little puppet.

“ I don’t think me saying thank you for killing a clicker for me is being dramatic Tess “ the glance she gave you was almost amused. Like she found it funny. Like what you were saying was stupid or funny. It was annoying “ don’t look at me like that “

“ like what? “ you didn’t even bother to answer her as you both headed back up the street. You mind began drifting back to the image of her standing above you, to how concerned she had looked as she frantically checked you for bites. You’d not seen her switch up so fast before. From looking so sinister and stern to looking almost soft.

Soft Tess was rare. You saw it so very little. Only in glimpses in those nights spent at Ellies, possible cracks in her strong facade. Light leaking through the gaps and showing what she might have been like before.

Had she had a family? Spent nights frequently like those with you, Ellie and Joel? But with her husband. Or wife. Did she have kids? Had she been alone? There was so much you wanted to know but quite certain you never actually would. She was too closed off. Those parts of her buried deep deep down so that maybe even she couldn’t reach them anymore.

You had seen it in others before. Seen how much the infected world had changed them, left them a shell of who they used to be. You couldn’t help but wonder how broken Tess was. You couldn’t imagine her as someone who was happy and joyful and that was sad. Because you knew at some point she had been.

A small, cocky part of you liked to think you’d get through that hard shell eventually. You’d pick away at her until she showed you some glimpse of the past her.

No time soon though. That shell was there to stay for now. But you didn’t mind. You liked her now. You liked her tough exterior and her intimidating gaze. You liked the adrenaline she sent cursing through you blood. You thought that maybe the nice and caring type wasn’t really the person for you.

Tess was.

The ride back to the lodge was quiet, your arms wrapped back around her again with your hands resting on her stomach. You could feel the heat seeping through her shirt now. From the adrenaline of the infected no doubt, you wanted to untuck the fabric from her jeans or carefully undo the buttons. Feel how hot her skin was, how it feel against your fingertips.

You almost laughed at yourself. How quickly your mind could dart back to the ever underlying lust that constantly bubbled in your veins.

She didn’t help you off the horse this time, dismounting herself and heading into the lodge. You got the idea that the ride to the lodge had given her time to think. A tension settling in the air now.

Was she annoyed? Angry?

You guessed the only way to tackle it was head on.

“ are we gonna talk about it? “ you asked as she dropped her bag down on the table, placing her gun down beside it. She didn’t look up at you, shedding her jacket too “ Tess “

“ what do you want me to say? “

“ anything “ she scoffed and looked over at you. She had that look again. That warning. That look that was almost dangerous.

“ anything “ she echoed, mocking.

“ even if you want to pretend I didn’t- we. Didn’t. At least tell me that for fucks sake “ you said, throwing your hands up in annoyance before leaning back against the bar with a sigh. She was so frustrating at times.

“ is that what you think? Is that what you want? “

“ no of course it’s not “ she was watching with a deep intensity, focussed and determined. It made you squirm “ I’ve wanted to kiss you for months “ you confessed with some new confidence “ and I know you did too “

“ oh? You know? “ she said with a small laugh, mocking again. She’d been doing that a lot. If it had been anyone else it would have pissed you off.

“ yes. I see how close you are to cracking “ you said, eyebrow raised and some cockiness dug up from god knows where. You knew it would push her buttons deliciously. She didn’t like being challenged. She didn’t like anyone attempting to one up her, get in her head and know what she was thinking. What she did enjoy was crushing that person like an ant under her boot, kicking them two pegs back where they belonged.

“ you think you know me now? Huh? “

“ I do “ she scoffed. Again.

“ you know nothing sweetheart “ her tone was growing lower. Darker. It made butterflies burst in your stomach. It was working. You were so close you could taste it. So close to kicking down those final bricks of the wall she’d built between you both.

“ I know you want me as badly as I want you “ you pushed yourself off the bar and took a few steps forward. The air was suffocating. So thick it was almost making you feel too warm “ so what’s stopping you Tess? I’m right here “ her gaze was piercing. Burning into you so intensely that you had to fight to keep up your confident facade.

“ you never listen. Do you? “ she said calmly “ I told you to be careful “ she had. A lot. But you knew there was something else below that. Something you were so close to finally reaching “ I don’t think this is you being careful “

“ I know “ she moved towards you then, slow but purposeful. Stalking. A predator hunting prey. A fox waiting to dive onto a rabbit and tear it to pieces. Backing you up until your back hit the bar again.

“ what do you want from me? Huh? “ her voice was low, gravely. It made your heart beat fast and something twist deep in your stomach. You wondered if anyone else would be scared. Intimated. If anyone else would back down and walk away. You wouldn’t. You refused.

“ you already know “ it wasnt as confident as you wanted, lower and softer. She was in your space now. She only had an inch or so on you in height, yet you felt tiny. Small. Your breath stuttered.

She nudged her fingers under your chin, tilting your face upwards so you’d look her in the eyes.

“ everyone back in town… they think you’re so good don’t they? “ she said, her eyes burning into yours. It made your knees weak “ but look at you. Listen to you “ her words were teasing. Mocking. Like she was making fun of you but you didn’t even care. You couldn’t think straight. Not with her that close, touching you, looking at you like that “ you’re not good “

“ you’re not good “

“ no “ she confirmed without missing a beat “ I’m not good. But you like that don’t you? “ did you like that she wasn’t good? That she had done bad things and had no ounce of shame about. That she would go to those lengths for the people she loved

Yes.

You did like it.

You wanted her to do those things for you. To go to those lengths.

“ I asked you a question “

“ yes “ you answered immediately, the most confident sounding thing you’d said so far “ yes I like it “

“ does Maria know you behave like this? Think like this? Does Ellie? What would they say huh? “ her other hand came up and brushed your hair away from your face, tucking it softly behind your ear. It felt too gentle in comparison to how she was talking to you “ what would they say if they knew what went on in this pretty little head of yours, hmm? “

“ I don’t know… I don’t think they know. But I’m not subtle am I? “ you tried to joke but her intensity made your breath stutter again.

“ you’re not subtle “ she confirmed “ you’re desperate “ you nodded almost instantly. What was the point in denying it when it was so clearly obvious to her?

“ and I keep pushing you away yet… you keep coming back “

“ you don’t scare me. You can tell me to be careful as much as you like. I don’t care “ that made her smile, huffing a small laugh through her nose.

“ you know the things I’ve done? “ you nodded again “ and you like them “ another nod. She was quiet again for a few moments, eyes slowly scanning down your face and to where she had her body pressed against yours “ does it make you wet? “ she asked with a smirk, your cheeks flooding with warmth at the question “ it does “ you couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Finally “ what do you want from me? “ she asked again, her thumb brushing over your bottom lip lightly. You had to fight the urge to pull her into your mouth and trap it between your teeth.

“ you “ you said simply “ I want you. I need you “ her eyes narrowed a little, the smirk still on her face. She seemed to be thinking, milling it over in her mind and you knew it would only take one more simple thing to finally make her crack completely “ don’t you want me too? “ you asked, voice full of innocence.

She spun you around, trapping you between her and the bar, her hand gripping tightly to your chin to pull you back tightly against her and brushing her lips against the shell of your ear.

“ do you know how much I do? How much I think about this? About you? “ she murmured, her lips pressing against your exposed neck “ do you know how hard it’s been for me trying to restrain myself? With you throwing yourself at me like a bitch in fuckin heat? “ you pushed your ass back against her as an answer, pushing her to finally give in. She was so close.

Her other hand slid down over your ass, unashamedly groping at you through the worn, soft denim of your jeans.

“ then stop restraining yourself. No one’s stopping you “ you wanted to sound confident and cocky, but it came out breathy and quiet.

“ you don’t know what you’re asking me for “

“ I’m asking you to fuck me. Show me how badly you’ve wanted me “ she seemed to hesitate for a moment and you pushed yourself back against her again “ you think I should be scared of you. I’m not “

“ then maybe you’re stupid “

“ maybe I am “ it seemed to be enough persuasion, as her hand moved around to the front and unbuttoned your jeans with ease.

You pushed them down as far as you could reach before she could, too desperate to get them all the way off. But your confidence seemed to vanish the moment she cupped her hand over your covered cunt, palm pressing against you in a way that made you sigh softly.

“ sensitive “ she murmured seemingly to herself, tracing her finger over the outline of your pussy lips and the small wet patch that was already forming on the cotton of your underwear “ already wet for me sweetheart? “ your brain short circuited at that. All your cockiness and confidence melting away.

“ yes. Just for you “ you could feel your underwear flooding as the words left your mouth, as silky and seductive as you could muster. And it clearly worked. She hooked her fingers into your underwear and pushed them down so you could wiggle out of them. Your cheeks burned at being exposed to her. It was what you had wanted for so long. And now it was finally happening.

You pushed yourself back against her again, urging her to touch you properly. You were desperate for it.

“ such a desperate, pathetic little thing “ she said, mocking in her words. The degrading words made you squeeze your thighs together, your cheeks flushing “ ah ah. Legs apart. Be a good girl. You’ve been throwing yourself at me for months and now you try hide from me? “ you did as you were told immediately, moving your legs apart as she slipped her hand down. Her fingers ghosted over you, barely touching at first as she wrapped her fingers around your throat to keep you held back against her.

“ you feel so good “ she murmured, her fingers simply sliding between your folds, spreading you open and gathering your arousal on the pads of her fingers “ so fuckin wet for me “ you whimpered pathetically as some kind of answer, nerves buzzing at finally being touched by her “ where’s that fuckin attitude now huh? “ she teased, still avoiding your clit “ not so brave now? No? “ you were slightly embarrassed to admit the mocking tone she kept using was simply making you wetter.

You’d be lucky if you lasted ten fucking seconds.

“ please stop teasing “ you whined like some spoilt brat, you knew it would have absolutely zero effect on her but you had no shame.

“ you think you get to make demands? Hmm? That’s not how this works “ she squeezed at your throat, sending you light headed and fuzzy, effectively rendering you speechless “ so stupid you can’t even speak “ she sighed, a mock disappointment in her words that made you whimper.

Your previous confidence was obsolete. But that was what you’d expected. What you’d wanted. You knew she’d break you.

“ you don’t get to make demands do you understand? “ she said in that sultry, stern voice as she released her grip on your neck and turned you around so she could look at you.

“ yes “ you whispered

“ you’re gonna do as you’re told “ her fingers dipped between your folds again, pressing lightly at your entrance. You clenched around nothing, like some silent request for her to just push that little bit further. You needed to know what those fingers felt like inside of you, you’d spent so long staring at them. Imagining. You couldn’t wait any longer it was torture “ and I’m gonna fuck you how I want to “ you nodded frantically, no shame in your desperation for her now. You were quite sure in that moment you’d do literally anything she asked “ and you don’t come until I tell you to okay? “

The moan that escaped your parted lips was pathetic as she finally pushed past the tight muscles at your entrance, pushing as deep as she could get.

“ there we go. That’s what you wanted isn’t it? “ you couldn’t speak, eyes falling closed as you attempted to try and figure out whether or not this was all just some incredibly vivid dream.

You were certain any second you’d wake up in your bed, having dreamt the entire goddamn thing. But the way your skin was prickling with heat, the way her fingers felt as she set herself into a steady rhythm thrusting in and out of you… it had to be real.

She was speaking to you but you couldn’t focus enough. She wasn’t even really doing much. Her rhythm was steady. Her hand not even touching your clit. Yet you were on cloud nine. Pleasure trickling through every single drop of blood in your veins, the simple fact that it was actually happening making you want to explode with joy.

You had waited so long. Worked so hard. And now it was finally in action.

When she realised you weren’t exactly listening to her, she pressed the heel of her hand against your clit so hard it made you see stars.

“ silly little girl thought she could handle it “ Tess said, sucking her teeth and sighing “ barely fuckin touching you and look at the state of you “ you almost wished you could see. Wished you had a mirror to see how much she was ruining you with such little effort.

“ I can handle it “ you mumbled, forcing yourself to focus harder “ I can “

“ you can? “

“ mhm “ she took it as a challenge. Angling her fingers at a spot inside of you you could so rarely find yourself, hitting it over and over again at a relentless pace. Her palm brushing against your throbbing clit with every single movement. Your fingers wrapped around her wrist and she removed the hand still loosely holding your neck to pull your hand away instantly.

“ hands to yourself. Did I tell you could touch me? I don’t think I did “ you resorted to gripping at the worn wood of the bar as she continued back to her previous actions.

The way she was looking at you was too intense, the way she was smiling as she fucked you. Watching every little detail of your face.

You had thought about it too long and dreamt of it for too long, that you were quite sure you were gonna come any second. It had hardly been a couple minutes and you were done already? It was quite embarrassing

“ you need to come already sweetheart? Already? “ you closed your eyes, whines and moans tumbling last your lips as you gave her a small nod. She could read you so well it was scary. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment and anticipating the inevitable mocking that was coming your way “ I thought you were better than that. Do you remember what I told you? Hmm? “

“ don’t. Don’t come until you say “ you gasped, nails scratching at the hardwood as she started circling your clit “ fuck. Tess “

“ not yet. You can take some more can’t you? This is what you wanted “ your legs began to shake as she added a third finger, stretching you out around her digits. It was almost too much at first, the surprise and the overwhelming feeling of the initial burn that quickly slipped into pleasure as she squeezed at your neck again.

You could hear your pulse hammering in your ears, throbbing in your temples. The pressure back on your clit again was the final straw. You couldn’t hold on much longer

“ Tess i need to- fuck “

“ what do you say? “ she said in a calm tone, almost bored. As if what she was doing was completely normal, like you watching a movie or something else completely mundane. Not that she was fucking you in the middle of the lodge.

“ please “ you gasped “ please Tess “ you fought to stave it off, trying to angle your hips away from her in some hopes it would move her off the spot that was making you see stars. But she had you trapped and you were stuck there “ Tess “

She milled it over for a few more moments before sighing.

“ okay. Show me what you look like when you come “ you didn’t need telling twice, letting go and gripping painfully hard to the bar as your orgasm washed over you. Your legs shook as she kept up her movements, not stopping even when you went slack. You wiggled to get out of her grasp as she kept thrusting her fingers against your sensitive walls, a squeal of a moan as she pushed against your clit.

“ Tess “ she finally let you go, withdrawing her hand and making you wince “ fuck “ she gripped at your face as you tried to catch your breath, breathing heavily as she scanned your face.

“ do you come that hard for the others? “ she asked, eyes narrowing slightly as she waited for your response.

“ no “ you whispered. She looked incredibly put together still, barely breaking a sweat, her shirt still tucked in, hair still tied up. You knew it was a stark comparison to how you looked.

You wanted to make her look messy. To make her sweat. Make her moan. Wreck that stoney facade.

But she grabbed your wrist as you reached out for the buttons of her jeans.

“ no. You don’t deserve that yet “ you whined in protest but she simply sighed and gave you that mock look of pity as she pushed your hair from your face softly “ you told me you could handle this. So you’re gonna prove it. You think you get to come once and then you’re done? No “

“ I don’t know if I can “ you said with a small laugh. Not exactly wanting to tap out but your legs were jelly. You wanted to touch her even if just to give you time to regroup. To recover. To prepare for what was next.

“ yes you can “ she said without missing a beat “ you’re not done until I say you are. I thought you said you could handle it? “ she repeated her earlier statement

“ I can “ she pulled a face of mock pity, tucking her fingers under your chin so you’d look at her

“ poor baby thought she could take it “ her voice was dripping in sarcasm and you huffed in annoyance. You could “ I thought you were better than this. once and you’re done? That’s pathetic “

“ I. Can. just- fuck can we sit?” Tess grinned at your defiance, grabbing your hand and pulling you over to one of the large couches. She sat down, pulling you onto her lap so your back pressed against her chest

“ better? “ you nodded. It actually was. Your legs had felt like utter jelly “ spread your legs “ you took a moment to comply, getting your energy back. She tapped your thigh with the back of her hand “ do as you’re told “ you complied immediately with that, letting her grab at you and move you how she wanted you “ you gonna be a good girl for me? “

“ yes “ you whispered as her arm looped around your neck, her other hand groping at your chest through the thin material of your shirt. She pressed kisses to your cheek, such gentle gestures in comparison to how she was holding you.

“ gonna be such a good girl hmm? “ she cooed, still peppering your face in kisses as she groped at you “ my pretty girl huh? “ you felt like you were floating, eyes falling closed at the blissful feeling of being called hers ‘my pretty girl’. Hers. Hers. It was softer than how she had been a few moments ago“ you’re all mine now hmm? “

“ yes “ you breathed out, her hand skimming down across your stomach towards the already sticky mess between your legs “ yes im yours. That’s all I want “ you whimpered as her fingers brushed over your sensitive clit lightly

“ of course you do. You’d do anything for me wouldn’t you? So desperate for my approval. My attention “ you nodded immediately, never more certain on anything. You’d do anything and everything she asked of you. You felt her smile against your skin at your fast answer, her teeth nipping at your ear as she slipped her fingers back into you again.

A drawn out moan left your throat at the feeling of her inside of you again. You needed it constantly. Needed her that close, apart of you. You hadn’t realised just how empty you had felt once she was back inside of you again. She loosened her hold on you slightly, replacing her arm around your neck with her hand on your throat again, barely squeezing but enough to remind you she was there. That she had that power. That she was in control. As if you’d ever think any different.

You wondered if you should be concerned by it. She had your life quite literally in her hand. But you liked it. You liked how small it made you feel. Liked the power she had over you. The dizzy feeling she gave you when she squeezed. You knew Tess liked it because she liked the power. She liked the control she had over you.

Your walls were still sensitive from before, squirming in her lap as she moved her fingers inside of you expertly. It made you wonder how she was so good. How many people had she had before you? Did she call those people hers too? Or were you different? It made jealousy rise in your chest, pushing your hips down and grinding on the hand that was fucking you. Desperate to come again in some attempt to prove to yourself that you were different.

Because you were certain it wasn’t possible for anyone to feel as good as you did in that moment. She could never have made anyone else feel like that. Never.

“ oh? Greedy girl “ she said with a small laugh, pressing the heel of her hand hard against your clit the same as she had done before in a way that made your vision flash white, your fingers digging into her skin in a way that must be painful. But she said nothing.

“ I’m yours “ you whimpered, mostly to console yourself more than ask her to confirm it “ I’m yours “

“ yes. You’re all mine “ she confirmed as you rutted against her hand, chasing your next orgasm “ my girl. My special girl that I can use however I want to, isn’t that right? “ the words were almost soft. Loving. But the tone of her voice was so different to that “ keep going. Like that. Show me how desperate you are, keep fucking yourself on my fingers. That’s a good girl “

She urged you on as you continued rutting against her hand. A few minutes ago you hadn’t been sure you could take anymore. And yet now you were chasing another orgasm.

She dropped her hand from around your throat, hand slipping under your shirt to grab at your chest. You took the opportunity to look down at where you were grinding down on her hand. You were mesmerised by the way her fingers disappeared inside of you, taking her down to the knuckles.

She had nice hands, you’d always thought that. But they looked far prettier thrusting in and out of your cunt, shiny and sticky with your arousal. You liked that. You liked the possessive feeling that swelled in your chest. She was covered in you. She was holding you. Fucking you.

“ you like watching? “ Tess said lowly in your ear, nudging her lips against your burning skin “ look at that pretty cunt. All wet for me “ she grazed her teeth over the skin of your neck and you closed your eyes, focusing on the sound of her voice. The sound of the moans spilling past your lips, the lewd wet sounds of your cunt gripping to her fingers as you rolled your hips “ how long have you been thinking about this? “ she asked in a low voice, her lips brushing your ear as she spoke “ tell me”

“ ever since- ever since you arrived in Jackson “ you confessed, trying and failing to steady your breathing “ so long “

“ how many times did you touch yourself thinking about me? Hmm? How many times did you play with this pretty pussy and wish it was me? “ her crude words made you flush and you tried to focus your thoughts

“ so many times “ you whined “ so many”

“ such a pretty head with such disgusting thoughts “ You nodded frantically in agreement, orgasm so close you could practically taste it.

“ can I come? Please. Please “

“ not yet. A little longer “ you whined in response “ you held it before. Hold it again “ you focussed all your energy on ignoring how badly you wanted to come again, ignored the throbbing of your clit and the way your walls involuntarily fluttered around her fingers “ ah. Keep watching. Eyes open, watch “ she said, noticing your eyes had fallen closed.

“ please Tess “ she ignored your plea, sucking and nipping at your neck instead. There’s no way you’d be able to hide those when you went back. She was purposefully going to make it difficult for you. Of course she was “ Tess”

“ no “ it was becoming impossible to hold it off. Was she really going to make you wait until she said?

“ Tess I can’t- “

“ do. As you’re told “ she said sternly, you could feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes and you tried to focus on anything other than her. Of all the people you had been with, no one had ever made you feel like that. That desperate. That hungry to climax.

The mixture of her fingers curling inside of you and her lips and tongue soothing the tender skin on your neck, it was pure heaven. Like one of your dreams plucked right from your head and brought to life.

The only thing that would make it better was if she’d just fucking let you come.

She worked at your neck for another minute or so, even taking a moment to admire her work. It felt like an eternity before she finally sighed and hummed in appreciation at the bruises blossoming on your skin, before finally giving you the permission you were craving.

“ you can come now “ you felt her smile at the animalistic sound that left your throat, body shaking as you came for the second time. You tried to close your legs, trap her hand where it was but she slapped your thigh and pushed your legs apart again “ I didn’t say you could move did I “ she let her grasp on you loosen when you squirmed away from her touch, shifting onto the couch beside her and running a hand through your hair. Needing to escape the overstimulation she was trying to give.

“ oh man “ you sighed as you steadied your breathing again, dropping your head backwards and closing your eyes. You were exhausted.

You wondered how long you’d been there. How long did you have to run over your return time before someone came looking? What would they say if they saw you like that? Completely fucked out, with Tess of all people. What would Ellie say if she found out you were basically fucking her mom.

Tess’ hands gentle grabbed at your face, making you look at her again.

“ don’t go falling asleep on me now sweetheart “ you couldnt even focus on her properly. Your body ached. There was a dull throb between your legs. You wanted to go home and sleep for the rest of the day. Maybe with her. Cuddled up in her bed, in sheets that smelt like her, in her clothes.

She wouldn’t let you do such a thing though.

“ is there something more interesting to you? “ she tapped your cheek with the back of her hand, pulling your full focus back onto her again “ look at you “ she mused, a smug smile pulling at her lips and her eyes dragging over you in a way that was almost mocking “ nothing going on in that pretty little head is there? No. Dumb little thing “

“ not dumb “ you mumbled “ not “ she scoffed

“ then give me one more? “ everything was too much, your entire body buzzing and frazzled and unable to pinpoint exactly where pleasure was seeping into pain “ one more. And we can stop “ a sick, sadistic part of you didn’t even want her to stop. You wanted her to keep going on and on and on until your body gave out on you, wanted her to fuck you until you passed out. You wondered for a moment if she would. No.

You knew she would.

She was getting off on breaking you, on snapping every support you had keeping you standing, squashing you into a helpless heap on the floor. And you loved it. Craved it.

“ one more” you whispered and she smiled, shifting your legs off of where you’d draped them over her lap.

“ let me taste that pretty little pussy “ the words made you whimper, but you were more than happy to oblige to her wishes. Who were you to decline her? It might be your one and only chance.

You let her position you how she wanted , like some rag doll with no control of her limbs. Pulling you by the hips over her face and guiding you down.

You should’ve known her tongue would be just as skilful as her fingers. Strong and wet on the sensitive skin of your cunt, flicking over your clit in a way that made your veins feel as though they were filled with pure electricity. Sharp sparks running through your limbs and making your legs twitch at the overstimulating feeling.

It was almost painful. You’d never been kept going that long. You were achy. Sore. But you also didn’t want her to stop.

She was more gentle now, easing you over the bump in the road so that it simply morphed into pleasure again.

You let her hold your hips, move you how she wanted, dragging the flat of her tongue over every inch she could reach. It felt so good. So unbelievably good that tears sprung in your eyes again.

Tess noticed.

“ fuck you look so pretty when you cry. Are those tears for me sweetheart? You wanted this didn’t you? This is what you wanted “ you couldn’t give her an answer, your brain was mush. Your legs were shaking. You weren’t entirely sure how much longer you could keep yourself upright. She pulled you back down, brain fuzzy as she fucked your practically abused hole with her tongue. Her fingers still digging into your hips to urge you to move, rocking you lightly against her face.

She lapped at you like she was starved. Humming her appreciation against you, making you gasp and groan at the vibrations it sent through you.

You didn’t ask for her permission to come. Didn’t have the energy. It hit you as blindingly hard as the others, your body shaking and pathetic squealing moans leaving your throat as she held you in place. She didn’t let up in her movements, her tongue still frantic and nose brushing your clit every time you squirmed. She held you there even when you tried to move away, vision blurring as she dragged her tongue over your oversensitive cunt until you were certain you were going to fall.

And at the last moment she let you go, letting you move away as you attempted to catch your breath. You were cautious that you might be slightly crushing her and attempted to stand and move only to give up and slump in a heap on the floor, head lolling back onto the couch.

You felt broken. Completely and utterly ruined. Your bones were liquid, muscles as useful as a newborn baby’s. A smile crept its way onto your face though. You had gotten exactly what you’d wanted. You heard Tess moving around behind you before her hands grabbed at you, tugging at you so you were cradled in her arms as she sat next to you on the floor.

“ you did so well “ she cooed “ I’m impressed “ you nudged your face against her neck and smiled again, she smelt like sweat and the pine soap from the store in town. It was soothing.

“ was i worth the waiting? “ you whispered, your cockiness returning. It made her chuckle

“ what do you think? “ you wondered how this would change things. You hadn’t exactly thought that far ahead. Would this just be a one time thing? Would she go back to avoiding you now? You didn’t know. But you guessed even if she did, at least you’d had this.

#tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #the last of us #tlou #Anna torv #Tess servopoulos smut #tlou tess #Ellie Williams #maria miller #she’s in it for like. 10 seconds but she’s there #joel miller is mentioned lmao #smut #x you #x reader

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tightjeansjavi · 11 months

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Burning in a Hopeless Dream

**ON HIATUS**

Summary: Joel Miller has been a mystery in your eyes since the first time you met one stormy fall morning. Your life after meeting Joel, and his partner Tess, will forever be changed. Do flowers blossom, where thorns once grew tall? Or are you forever burning in a hopeless dream of living a life at peace.

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!oc Gwen Brooks

Fic Warnings: age gap (Gwen is in her late 20’s early 30’s Joel is in his 50’s) canon typical violence, angst, trauma, PTSD, Joel is an asshole for the first few chapters, protective! Joel, unrequited love, guilt, resentment, arguments, pining, smut, PTSD, alcohol, drugs, graphic depictions of violence/wounds caused by violence, death, suicide (Bill and Frank) fighting for survival, mean! Joel, darkish! Joel, panic attacks, flashbacks, this is a post-outbreak fic. There are dark themes that may be triggering, please read with caution.

Joel Miller × Reader Playlist

Gwen & Joel Artwork

Gwen’s F/C

The Prologue -

Endings Create New Beginnings: BIAHD, the prologue part 1

Endings Create New Beginnings: part 2 (final part)

Part 1 | 16 chapters

Boston QZ part 1

Boston QZ part 2

Boston QZ part 3

Boston QZ part 4

Boston QZ part 5 - Long Long Time

Boston QZ part 6 - hoax

Boston QZ part 7 - illicit affairs

Boston QZ part 8 - Dust to Dust

Boston QZ part 9 - Rescue

Boston QZ part 10 - Safe & Sound

Boston QZ part 11 - NFWMB

Boston QZ part 12 - Hearts Don’t Break Around Here

Boston QZ part 13 - I can’t breathe

Boston QZ part 14 - Chest infect me waste my days

Boston QZ part 15 - They See Right Through Me

Part 16 - Four Hands Bloodied

Gwen’s letter to Joel : The Skeletons I Wanted to Bury

Part 2: In the Warmth of Your Love

part 1 - can’t quit you, baby

Part 3: Drowning in an Endless Sea

Part 4: In the Strength of Your Arms

Part 5: Dog Days Are Over

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mariasabanahabanabana · 1 year

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Wait... what?

Pairing: Joel Miller x Tess Servopoulos x Adopted!Daughter!Reader x Ellie Williams.

Summary: Your innocence and naivety almost ended up getting you and Ellie into serious trouble.

A/N: I know I've said it before, but, not all of my fics will follow the chronological order of the story, nor will they be as faithful to their origins, I mean, in certain aspects, but not all of them.

Warnings: Slight mention of topics such as stalking, farting, and kidnapping… (Don't worry, I won't go into them too much).

Spanish version available here

If there was something that kept surprising and at the same time disappointing (in an ironic way) both you and Ellie, it was the fact that despite being at the end of the hell of the world, schools still existed, it was mandatory to attend them, homework was still as or worse complicated and of course, taking classes that probably wouldn't help you at all, well, this would depend on what you would do in the future if there was one, to begin with.

A thought that deep inside Joel, as well as Tess, Tommy, Maria, or Marlene supported, but that none of them dared to admit out loud so as not to discourage you. With the exception of Tommy, who once when you called him for help with your trigonometry homework scoffed at the usefulness of the assignment. "I'll tell you something kiddo, in all this time I've been surviving the damn apocalypse I have never used tangents or anything like that and if I'm honest, I don't know how knowing that could help me defend myself against a clicker, anyway, where were we at?"

Yeah, maybe after that Joel "forbade" you girls from asking his younger brother for help with Homework.

Anyway, today was their first day of classes and both you and Ellie couldn't find yourselves more terrified and at the same time fascinated by the subjects to be studied in the following months.

Luckily for you, your classes were over, and possibly Ellie's too, you didn't have too much homework, and with the minimal homework that came to you or became complicated, you could help each other, although, thinking better of it, you couldn't. Since you and Ellie were not good at the practical part of the science, the best thing to do would be to go to Marlene or Tess.

Bored of waiting alone and standing in the middle of the hallway for Ellie, your friend and non-biology sister, you decided to go out to distract yourself for a while, a situation that would not be a problem given your extreme curiosity, naivety, which sometimes led you to peculiar situations, not to say problematic, just like right now.

When Ellie finally got out of her last class, the first thing she did was to look for you, not finding you in the library or in the cafeteria, she assumed you would be in the garden at the entrance, and so it was. There you were, standing there talking with a couple that clearly was twice your age, something that Ellie found strange at the time since the social circle of both was similar, simply put, and judging by how well she had known you, she knew that you were an orphan of parents and probably of a family as well. For all these reasons Ellie was surprised to see you talking so animatedly with those strangers.

As she got closer, something inside her told her that they were in danger and that they should get away from there and them now.

"Hey (Y/N), 'til I find you, Joel just called me and said not to be late, as we're on patrol today and making dinner." In a subtle and casual manner, she puts her arm around your arm in an attempt to get you to walk.

"What? Again? But we had to cook at this weekend… That old grumpy bastard".

"Yeah well, you know how old man is… we'd better hurry up." As Ellie said this, she could see the way that old couple was staring at you. It was a bit awkward and uncomfortable.

"'Kay…" You turned to your "new friends." "It was nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Weinsptein… I hope you manage to find your puppy…"

Before you could even take the first step, suddenly your hand was grabbed by The Husband, stopping you abruptly. "Don't you girls like us to take you home?

"Oh really? that would be fantastic…" Before you could even respond Ellie interrupted you.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine, besides our father is coming for us…"

Confused by your friend's recent attitude and words, you looked at her with a raised eyebrow, since Joel wasn't the kind of person who usually picked you up or dropped you off at school.

"Actually, I think he just got here… but thanks…" Without looking back, Ellie pulled you towards her, causing the old man's grip on your hands to loosen.

Even though you were far away from that couple and probably halfway back home, Ellie never let go of your hand, it was not a grip like the previous one that the man had given you, this was a soft, delicate touch, one that gave you a sense of confidence and security.

"So… How was your first day? Joel asked.

Again, Joel was not the kind of person who used to take too much interest in the lives of others, but as time went by his heart softened and opened up to the two of you.

"Oh it was definitely a day we won't forget" you replied with a smile as you took a bite of your food.

"And that? That bad was it?" Now it was Tess who was interested in the course of the conversation and your day.

"Not at all…or well, not as such since we're almost adopted."

"What." A dismayed Joel and Tees asked in unison, to which Ellie immediately corrected you.

"Actually we're almost kidnapped."

"Oh, okay…and how about the homew…? Wait, how?" For the second time in record time, Joel and Tess's reaction was once again simultaneous, the only difference being that Tess was half a mouthful of meat.

Spanish version available

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be-an-echo · 7 months

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watch the world burn

@seethesunny this is for you

#something old something new something borrowed and something blue #their wedding wouldn't look different #ellie helped maria embroider the dress so she adds a little something #raiders attacked Jackson and they couldn't care less about their attire #the dress survived tho #afterwards they returned to tipsy bison and finally had their dance #someone played “i don't want to set the world on fire” as a joke but it was actually very romantic #at least for Tess and Joel #of course everyone got drunk #it was a good day #i would say very memorable #now i realised it gives Dawn of the Wolf poster vibes #vane you are the greatest!!!#tessjoel #tess servopoulos #joel miller #joel x tess

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hypnotisedfireflies · 4 months

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Six More Summer Fics for Tessjoels

Follow-up to this post! There I just posted some of my favourite in-progress Tess x Joel fics for summer reading - now here are some of my favourite completed tales from the last year. (Why did I limit myself to six? Whose dumb idea was that?)

I can't fuck it up if it's not there, by @seethesunny I mean, in the title alone Vane pretty much encapsulates the subtle foundation the very relationship rests. Vane is wonderfully prolific in fandom but this was the first recent story of hers I thought of for this post. It's gritty QZ life and a terrific character study of them separately, and their budding relationship.

gun-shy, by myhomeistheshire A few writers have explored this premise but I particularly loved the way this author handled the story (especially as it's Tess Lives!) Tess, Joel and Ellie are so in character, it's unreal, you can just hear them as you read. Essentially, sassy street kid Ellie finds her Tessjoel parents.

part of something good, by @two-birds-alone-together I only read this one today! Shame on me, because it's Tess Lives and that's my core drive. I love the nuance between Tess and Joel as they deal with their Ellie problem (lol) and the growing relationship between the three. I can be really picky about Tess joining the Ellie & Joel journey but this is really well-rendered. The chapter 1 cliffhanger is diabolical.

shine bright, by @tessaservopoulos Particularly partial to this one (check the dedication!) but that just made it easier to choose the right fic for this post! This is a sweet bite-sized story that crams so much atmosphere, subtlety and fun into one story. A little real light (figurative and literal, ha) in the darkness during the QZ years. I love me some QZ gritty, but this is irresistible.

Getaway, by @ameerawrites Comedy is really hard to put on paper, especially in fic where you have to both be funny to your reader and have the situation play out in the character's voices. Ameera does both in this cosy little AU fic. It doesn't just feel like an isolated story, though. Tess and Joel feel really authentic and you get cute glimpses of their wider life beyond their failed Colorado ski trip.

mist, by sillylily07 Choosing just one fic by this author for the list was a bit of a chore, because there are so many and separating just one out to include was really hard. This is a wonderful example of this author's understanding of the characters, combining the rough-edges of their relationship and situation with the tenderness they have for one another. Bite-sized flirty fun.

Fear of Heights, by @mariatesstruther Sike, a bonus story: Tommy/Maria! Look, this is the meet cute of the century for Tommy and Maria. At random times of the day I just find myself thinking of - oh, you'll have to read it, but I'm grinning as I type just thinking about it. The characterisation is on point and it feels canon to me. I love how Tommy connects with Jackson before the commencement of the story because it feels so realistic and you can feel his desperation, but he's still so fucking ... Tommy.

I tried to keep these lists kind of succinct so I didn't lose days of my life in compiling them, but they are not the extent of wonderful Tessjoel fic out there. I know I have left off terrific authors and stories but I tried to get a little sampling of some of the talent actively writing at present. Please leave more recs in the comments so I can smack my hand against my head and go OF COURSE and be angry at myself for making these lists so brief.

#fic recs #tlou fic recs #tess lives #joel loves tess #the last of us #tlou #joel miller #tess servopoulos #tess x joel #joel x tess #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tommy x maria

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theeoriginals · 1 year

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CHAPTER 1:

MISS BLUE

“you smile over your burger, chattering brightly. so often, at our sunny kitchen table, hearing the mantra of the refrigerator i’ve thought there was nothing i could do but feed you; and i’ve always love the way you eat” - food poem, brenda hillman

summary: joel is smitten with the new neighbor.

warnings: literally none this is pure, tooth-rotting fluff.

baby blue series masterlist

JANUARY 21, 2000

“Dad, someone’s moving in across the street,”

“Stop being nosy, Sarah.”

“She’s pretty, Dad! Come on, let's go say hi!”

Joel heaves a sigh, looking up from the newspaper as his daughter practically vibrates out of her skin. “She’s probably busy unpacking, baby, we shouldn’t bother her.”

Sarah sinks into the couch with a sigh, rolling her eyes in the dramatic fashion she’s come to adapt. Eyeing her pitiful state, Joel huffs and sighs quietly to himself before he folds his newspaper back up and turns towards her.

“Five minutes– that’s it, alright? She’s got stuff to do, and it’s cold.”

Sarah leaps up from the couch like she’s been electrocuted, a grin on her face that makes him shake his head at himself, because he’s oh so weak for his daughter. “Let’s go, come on– get your coat on!”

“You’re gonna have a heart attack before we even get over there at this rate,” He huffs as she pulls him up from the recliner, dragging him towards the front door where their coats and boots reside, untouched in the laziness over the cold weekend they’d spent indoors.

With a quiet groan, Joel bent over and helped Sarah slide her feet into her boots before getting his own on, and they zipped up their coats before stepping out into the gray Texas winter.

Sarah wasted no time in running across the street, barely sparing a glance down their otherwise quiet street before approaching the moving truck and the woman walking boxes in and out of it, stacking them for a younger looking boy to take inside.

“Sarah!”

“Hi!”

“Oh, my lord!” The woman startles, jumping slightly as she spins around to find the young girl standing a few feet away, her father approaching with an apologetic look on his features. She recovers quickly, a smile growing on her features as she crouches down to meet Sarah at eye level. “Hi, little lady, what’s your name?”

Sarah rocks on her heels, suddenly sheepish under the woman’s full attention despite being the one to demand it in the first place. “I’m Sarah. That’s my dad,”

The woman’s eyes shift to Joel, narrowing in acknowledgement as he ducks his head in a polite nod.

“I’m real sorry about her, ma’am, she, uh, she saw your truck in the window and asked if we could come say hi. It’s hard tellin’ her no,”

Sarah grins, and the woman nods in agreement.

“With a smile as pretty as that, I wouldn’t ever tell you no,” She huffs a laugh, pushing hair off her face. She tells them her name, a pretty thing that she quickly mows over. “But I go by Blue. Probably won’t know you’re talkin’ to me if you call me anything but,”

“Blue? Like the color?”

“Sarah, manners,” Joel intones quickly, shooting the woman another apologetic look that she obviously waves off.

Blue shakes her head, tucking her scarf further into her jacket as a gust of wind blows around them. “You’re a curious little thing, aren’t you, Sarah?”

The girl nods, ducking her chin as Blue chuckles fondly.

“Well, if you really wanna know, my daddy gave me the nickname. I had a teddy bear when I was young that was blue, and I carried the darn thing around so much he started tellin’ me I’d turn blue, and that turned into him calling me Blue. Now here I am, tellin’ my nice new neighbors to call me it,”

Sarah’s eyes are wide in apparent wonder, and it’s a testament to how new the world is to kids, and how much it takes to grasp the concept that there’s a billion other people in the world with lives that happen beyond our reach, that we’ll never know about.

Making a noise of excitement, Sarah shifts, wiggling uncontrollably in that childish manner that says she’s just got too much emotion for her tiny body to handle. “That’s so cool, I have a teddy bear, too, but he’s a baby teddy bear. Dad got him when I was a baby,”

“Oh, really? I bet your baby teddy bear is way cooler than my blue one.”

“I’ll show you it one day, and then you can show me yours,” Sarah quickly supplies. “Wouldn’t that be cool? They could play together!”

Joel steps in, clearing his throat at his daughter’s tenacity. “Sarah, honey, Miss Blue’s probably real busy, I don’t know if she’ll have time to play with you.”

“Oh,” Sarah looks downtrodden at the reminder, and her wide puppy eyes make both of the adults’ hearts just melt.

“Don’t worry about it, Sarah, I promise I’ll play with you as soon as I can, alright?” Blue looks up, shooting a sheepish look in the older man’s way. “As long as it’s alright with your daddy. What he says goes,”

Joel shakes his head slowly, the smile pulling at his lips turning from the generic polite one to one of genuine kindness. “This one likes to make me think I’m the boss, but she’s the one that gets stuff done around here. Whatever works for you is what Sarah will tell me,”

“Blue, stop your blabbering and help me carry your sh–stuff in! You can’t make me work for free, I’m a child,”

The woman huffs, rolling her eyes at the voice that calls out from the front porch, and they all turn to look at the young boy standing there with a grumpy frown on his face. Sighing, Blue stands upright again, wincing at the creak of her knees as she does so.

“Oh, lord,” She mutters the words, looking towards the boy. “Stop whining, Jimmy, or I’m tellin’ Mama you skipped school today!”

The boy’s frown quickly turns into a scandalized gasp and Joel huffs a quiet laugh at the familiarity of the bickering as Blue turns to face them again. “That your little brother?”

“Good guess,” She grins, tilting her head. “He’s a pain in the butt on a good day. Now, uh, about that playdate, little lady,”

Her attention falls to Sarah again, and Joel finds himself content to let her pour over Sarah, knowing the little girl loves the attention. “Unfortunately, your daddy is right, I’m super busy right now– but how about y’all come over next weekend and I’ll cook us some dinner and we’ll play until we pass out. That sound good to you?”

“That sounds awesome!”

Joel hums, nudging his daughter. “What do you say, Sarah?”

“Oh– thank you, Miss Blue,”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, sweetie,” She smiles, flicking her gaze back up to Joel. “You got a name, or am I just referring to you as Sarah’s dad?”

“Believe it or not, that’s what’s on my license,” He teases, earning a giggle from Sarah and a laugh from Blue that sounds like wind chimes on a porch, singing in the wind. “I’m Joel Miller.”

“Joel,” She repeats, nodding firmly. “I like it. Almost as pretty as Sarah.”

“Well, thank you, Miss Blue,”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever called me Miss Blue ‘til you two,” She shakes her head, looking at the father and daughter duo. “You’re trouble, I can smell it.”

The Millers’ looked at her with matching grins, feigning innocence that was nowhere to be found.

It was the start of something beautiful, but that is the way most tragedies begin. Beautiful and sweet.

─────

JANUARY 27, 2000

A firm knock echoes from the front door, quickly followed by a less-powerful rap of knuckles that abruptly stops, and Blue laughs under her breath as she walks to the door, swinging it open to find her neighbors standing before her; Joel with a sheepish look on his face, and Sarah sporting a grin.

“Hi, Miss Blue!”

“Hi, Sarah,” Her eyes flick up from the little girl to her father. “Joel.”

Joel dips his head in a nod, smiling softly. “Sorry we’re early, I could hardly keep her in the house all morning.”

Blue waves his apologies off with a smile, gesturing for them to come in. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with being excited for a playdate, I have to say I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”

Sarah bounds in the house excitedly, clutching onto the teddy bear in her arms that wears a small onesie around its fluffy body, and has a tiny pacifier sewn into its mouth.

“Is that your teddy?”

Sarah nods, holding it up for Blue to see as Joel shuts the door behind him, shucking his coat off and reaching for Sarah’s despite her complete dismissal of his existence. “His name is Babydoll.”

“That’s an awful sweet name, Sarah,” Blue smiles, brushing a finger along the teddy bear’s cheek. “You could be like me, named after your teddy bear. You look like a babydoll to me,”

The little girl laughs, the sound girlish and endeared, and Joel resigns himself to the fact that his daughter has attached herself to their new neighbor in just 6 short days. “Daddy, I want to be called babydoll now, like Miss Blue said!”

Joel sighed, sharing a knowing smile with said woman. “Whatever you want, babydoll,”

“I’ll go get Blue, and you and Babydoll can get acquainted with him while your daddy helps me start dinner, alright?”

Sarah nodded in excitement, and Blue gestured towards the living room just off the kitchen, letting them help themselves to her cozy house. “Daddy, do you think Miss Blue wants to be my friend?”

Joel smiles, letting his daughter hand her coat off to him as she sits herself on the couch. “I think she wants to be your best friend, baby.”

Sarah smiles happily, her nerves soothed at his words as Blue walks back in the room, the famed teddy bear in her hand. Joel looks at it as she hands it off to Sarah, noting the faded hue to its fur, showing just how long she’s had it and how well-loved it is.

“He’s a little old, but he’s still real pretty,” Blue smiles fondly at the bear, letting Sarah fawn over it and begin her self-appointed playdate. She turns then, fixing her gaze on Joel, who suddenly gets why his daughter is so infatuated. “You wanna help me out in the kitchen, Joel?”

“Put me to work, Miss Blue.”

She huffs a laugh, shaking her head as he lays Sarah’s coat down over the back of the couch and follows her into the kitchen, eyeing the few boxes left lying around, half-unpacked. “I’m sorry about the mess, I’ve been working all week so I haven’t been able to get all the unpacking done,”

Joel shrugs her off, smiling softly. “I’ve got a little hurricane in my house, this is hardly anything,”

“That precious little girl is no hurricane,” She points an accusing finger at him, tone full of teasing that warms him from head to toe. She’s got every bit of the southern charm his mother used to tell him about, the kind that was dangerous to a man like him. She always told him that one day, a sweet southern belle would sweep him off his feet one day and he thinks maybe his denial of it is coming back to bite him in the ass.

“She’s got everyone fooled, but she’s a menace, I tell you,” He laughs through his words, thinking of how accurate they are, and how his home is always full of Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, running about, singing songs he thinks are made up half the time, and telling him all about her friends from school, and which teachers she likes more. “Are you settling in alright, though? We’re a pretty quiet neighborhood, but the Adlers next door will talk you right into your grave.”

Blue’s face scrunches up, a short laugh leaving her lips as she grabs a pan from the fridge with uncooked burgers sitting on it. “Burgers good with y’all?”

Joel nods, and she points to a box behind him on what he assumes is the kitchen table. “There’s a skillet in there, if you’ll grab that for me– thank you, good sir. To answer your question, though, I think I’m doin’ alright. I have already had a run-in with the Adlers, though, it’s funny you mention them, considering they ‘bout made me late to work Wednesday morning,”

Joel grimaces in sympathy, nodding as he runs a hand over his slightly scruffy face, suddenly wishing he had shaved that morning. “That is… that’s rough.”

“They mean well, I know they do,” She shakes her head, laughing pitifully as he nods in agreement. “I just can’t stand the small talk, it drives me nuts.”

“No, I get it,” He eyes her as she grabs a few scattered bottles of seasonings, her fingers struggling to reach one further back on the shelf above the stove. Joel steps forward, reaching over her to grab it and set it down beside the rest of them on the counter. “Sarah usually throws me under the bus in the mornings, I always get stuck talkin’ to ‘em,”

“She knows how to work the system, I can appreciate that,”

He chuckles, stepping back out of her space as she throws him a grateful smile. “Between her and my brother, I can’t win.”

“Oh, so that’s how you could tell Jimmy was my brother the other day. I wondered if you had any siblings,”

“Got a little brother– Tommy. He’s a pain in the ass.”

She snorts, laying the burgers into the skillet carefully. “Aren’t they always? I damn near had to lock Jimmy out the other day ‘cause he just wouldn’t leave.”

“This your first move out of the house?”

She nods, pressing her lips together. “It seems a little late, I know, but I was staying in the guest house for the past few years. I stuck around after college to help my daddy out with the farm, cause he’s too stubborn to hire any help.”

Joel makes a noise of recognition, nodding understandingly. “Stubborn old men and their animals,”

“Oh, it’s ridiculous,” She shakes her head. “But Jimmy’s the only one left at home now, I think he’s goin’ a little crazy being there with Mama all the time.”

“I get it. Tommy practically lived with me after I moved out– hell, I can hardly get rid of him these days,” They share a look of understanding, perpetually exasperated as the eldest siblings. “What are you doin’ for work?”

“I run a rehabilitation center in the city,” She speaks over the sizzling of the burgers, shaking out some frozen french fries onto a cookie sheet before sliding them into the oven. “Went to vet school and decided to come back home to do what I’ve always done, just with a little extra thrown in, you know? Lots of people ‘round here don’t wanna admit they need therapy, but if you let ‘em talk to a horse for a few hours, they’ll spill their guts.”

Joel smiles, another impossible wave of admiration hitting him. “You’re just a sweet thing, aren’t you, Miss Blue?”

The woman ducks her head, smiling somewhat shyly. “I think you’re a little more charming than you let on, Mr. Miller.”

He shrugs a shoulder, playing coy as she grabs two beers out of her fridge and pops the tops off on the edge of her counter before sliding one to him.

“You’ll have to bring Sarah in one day, we’ve got lots of horses I’m sure she’ll love. One of our mares just had a baby, I’m sure she’d love to meet him.”

“I think she might try to convince me to put a horse in our backyard if that happens,” Joel takes a sip of his beer, smiling when his words make her laugh as she flips the burgers in the skillet. “And you can’t tell that face no, it’s impossible.”

“You have raised an evil mastermind in the shape of a ten year old girl,”

He sighs regretfully, shaking his head. “I don’t know where she gets it from,”

Blue chuckles again, giving him another one of those looks that says she sees right through his bullshit. He feels a little exposed, a little raw, beneath her gaze, but it’s like a livewire when she reaches out and touches his arm. “I knew I smelled trouble on you, Joel Miller.”

─────

FEBRUARY 14, 2000

“I swear he’s got it out for me– no, why are you laughin’, Blue? It’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry,” The woman snorts through her words, hiding her face in her hands as Joel pushes her arm playfully. “I just think it’s the funniest thing that a big, strong man like yourself is shakin’ in his boots over a sweet old man,”

Joel waves his finger in her face, making an indignant noise. “That man is tryin’ to bring harm to me!”

She throws her head back, shoulders shaking as her laugh echoes through her living room. “Mr. Carden is a sweetheart, he has been nothin’ but kind to me!”

“Well, yeah, I’m not nearly as pretty as you– he doesn’t have any reason to be nice to me!”

“Alright, charmer, I know you’re just being dramatic. Mr. Carden doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.”

Joel huffs, shaking his head as Blue calms, catching her breath as he turns his attention to where Sarah’s reading quietly on the floor before them, occasionally looking up between them trying to decipher their conversation.

A knock sounds from the door suddenly and Blue sits up with a confused look, making Joel raise his brows at her. “You expecting someone?”

“Not unless I’ve got a secret date I didn’t know about,” She shakes her head, walking past him on the couch to head to the front door. Joel turns slightly, watching her open the door. “Can I help you, sir?”

“Yeah, do you know the people that live across the street in that house?”

“You mean the Millers?”

“Yeah, yeah, you, uh, you got any idea where they might be? I’m–”

“Tommy?” Joel stands up, sudden realization dawning on him at the sound of his brother’s voice. He stalks over to the front door, swinging it the rest of the way open as he stands behind Blue with a frown on his face. “The hell are you doin’ here?”

Tommy scoffs, looking between Blue and Joel with growing suspicion. “What am I doing here– Joel, I was supposed to take Sarah out for dinner tonight. Valentines Day, courtesy of her favorite Uncle. I didn’t realize you made plans of your own,”

Joel rolls his eyes, but shrugs apologetically. “I lost track of time, I guess. She’s ready to go, though– Sarah!”

Her fast footsteps come down the hall quickly, and she lights up at the sight of her uncle. “Uncle Tommy! Are we still getting milkshakes?”

Tommy shoots a wide-eyed look at Joel, feigning innocence. “Of course, but only after we eat dinner. Can’t have ice cream before real food.”

“I’m gonna pretend I believe that, for my own sake,” Joel deadpans, his words earning a snort of laughter from Blue, who Tommy suddenly has his eyes on her, a wild smirk growing on his face.

“Lost track of time, huh, Joel? I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, ma’am, but it must have just slipped my brother’s mind to introduce me to his nice new neighbor. I’m Tommy Miller,”

Blue shakes his hand, a knowing grin on her face. “I have heard plenty about you, Tommy Miller,” She tells him her name, and Joel plays it on repeat in his head, intertwining it with the twist of her lips as she says it. “Call me Blue.”

“A real pretty name for a real pretty gal,” Tommy grins, shooting a wink at his brother, who glares over the top of Blue’s head. “I’ll get out of y’all’s hair– you’re obviously busy, and my favorite niece and I have big, big plans.”

“Do not bring my daughter home covered in ice cream, riding a sugar high, Tommy, I’ll lock you out of the house.”

“I would do no such thing, Joel, I’m a responsible young man,”

“And a liar to boot,” Joel grunts, giving Sarah a tight hug as she grabs her coat off the rack Joel had hung for Blue a few days ago. “Be good for Uncle Tommy, alright? I’ll see you at home later, baby.”

Sarah nods dutifully and lets him zip her jacket up to her chin, even though she immediately pulls it back down to her stomach. “Love you, Dad! Bye, Miss Blue!”

“Bye, babydoll! Have fun with your uncle!”

Sarah waves as Tommy hoists her up to his hip, walking her to his truck across the street, the two already whispering conspiratorially. Blue shuts the door slowly, turning to face Joel with a soft, but no less wicked smile. “So, since you are apparently kid free for a few hours… would you care to share a beer with me on this lovely day of love?”

Joel nods, smiling down at her. “You askin’ me to be your Valentine, Miss Blue?”

She shrugs a shoulder, confident as ever. “One of us had to make the first move.”

"Right you are, Miss Blue. Lead the way."

─────

#joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us hbo #tlou fanfiction #sarah miller #tommy miller #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller smut #tess servopoulos #ellie williams #maria miller #baby blue: series

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dreamonseems · 1 year

Text

The man I am

Part 1

Joel Miller x Female Reader

Summary: Pre outbreak Joel and Tommy, move to a small town in Canada. After Joel's daughter Sarah dies from a tragic accident. Joel meets the reader and falls in love. She helps him move on from his grief. And he starts a new life with the reader.

Notes

◇ There is an age gap between the reader and Joel, the reader is 19 and Joel is 35.

◇ There will be an outbreak in this story but first I'll start pre-outbreak. Tess will also come in later in the story.

◇ HI, this is my first Joel fanfic. I feel like this will be bad, but I'm going to try to write this anyway. I had a dream about it so I kinda want to make it true lol. I'm also Canadian so that's why they are in Canada lol. But they will make their way back to the USA.

"Sarah, where are you?" I found myself back in my old house.

Sarah was giggling as she hid behind the curtains, and I could hear her tiny breaths as she tried to keep quiet.

"Are you here?" I asked looking behind the couch as I searched the room, pretending not to see her, but I knew exactly where she was hiding. Suddenly, Sarah jumped out from behind the curtains and yelled, "Boo!"

I jumped "Oh my you scared me!" I pretend to look terrified. "I'm sorry daddy!" She giggles. I laughed and scooped her up in my arms, spinning her around in the air. Her laughter filled the air I felt a deep sense of happiness and contentment. I had forgotten what it felt like to be so carefree and happy. I wanted the moment to last forever.

But then, everything starts to take a dark turn. Suddenly, there is blood everywhere I hear the sound of bullets whizzing past my head, and I knew I had to get my daughter to safety. But as I look down Sarah is laying in my arms dead. Her once happy eyes were full of life and were no longer. The emptiness was left in its place. I cry for help but there is no one just her and I.

"Joel."

"Joel?"

"Joel!"

I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding in my chest.

"You ok there? you dozed off, you were mumbling in your sleep." Tommy says as he pulls the truck over.

"I'm... I'm... OK." I say turning my head toward my brother. I start to feel a deep sadness wash over me as I remembered that Sarah was gone.

"Well, we are here brother, ready to start new beginnings," Tommy announced as put pats my arm. "Yeah," I mumble as I look out the window. Wishing I could go back to that moment in my dream where I was playing with Sarah and stay there forever, but I knew that it was just a dream and that I had to face the reality of the world I was living in now.

I had lost everything that mattered to me. My daughter Sarah had been taken from me in a tragic accident, and I had been left with nothing but grief and guilt. I became a mass, a monster. All the darkness was melting off me. I didn't work, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. All I did was drink, fight, and fuck to get all my aggression out. But one day I woke up and decided I couldn't take it anymore and it would be my last day on this unfair earth. That's what I thought at least but that plan didn't work out so here I am. Still alive in this small town in God knows where Canada.

Tommy met a girl, Maria. He thought it would be a good idea to move to where she was living and he took me with him. He said he had a good feeling that I would find something worth living for again. I can't trust that would happen I'm just buying time for when the time comes for me to try again to be with my daughter once more.

"You are here finally!" A woman's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I see Maria run and jump in Tommy's arms.

"It was a long drive." Tommy laughs as he pulls back from the hug. Maria turns to me and extends her hand out for me to shake. "Joel it's finally nice to meet you in person." I shake her hand. "Likewise."

"Well let me show you guys your new home." She turns and smiles back at Tommy. We walk to this historic-looking building. Maria tells us her family owns the little apartment building it's been in her family for many years. "There are 10 complexes and everyone is very friendly and respectful. It's an amazing space for two people." She shows us around the home.

It was beautiful, with high ceilings and large windows that let in the sunlight. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, and a living just enough space for the two of us. I could see Tommy was also amazed by the architecture and the history of the building.

"This is perfect trust me and Joel have lived in worse places." He says hugging her once more.

"Well, it's good for the time being after you meet my family and the house gets done being built I can steal you away." She kisses him.

And I take that as my cue to leave. "I'm going to take a look around town." I excuse myself to let them have some alone time. There is also a part of me that is stinging seeing them happy. As happy as I am for my brother I can't help but think back to my grief.

I walk out and I spot a dinner down the street I decided I could go for a cup of coffee. As I'm walking towards the dinner I feel myself accidentally bump into someone I quickly reach out to grab the much smaller person in front of me.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention!" A female's voice rings out. "It's fine, are you ok are you hurt?" I ask as our eyes meet. "Not hurt I'm sorry again it was my fault I'm too clumsy." She says. But I could not focus. I feel like all the air left my body the minute I looked into her eyes. I was struck by her beauty and her warm smile.

Part 2

#fanfiction #fanfic #the last of us #joel miller #tommy miller #maria miller #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #sarah miller #joel x sarah #joel x you #joel x tess #the last of us show #pedro pascal #tess servopoulos #tess x joel

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mariatesstruther · 7 months

Text

maria and tess linedancing like this 🤩 miller boys would stand no chance

#tess x maria #tommy x maria #tess x joel #idk who is with who in this universe #all i know is tess and maria are taking it 🤩

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cloveroctobers · 1 year

Text

bloodwar — JOEL MILLER

A/N: Y’all voted and so shall you receive! Im nervous writing for such a loved character but here goes nothing! If you’re not familiar with my work…I always provide the angst. You’ve been warned.

GIF BELONGS TO: @pedrohub

WARNINGS: I’m always writing my characters with black or POC in mind yet you’re somewhat welcome to imagine whomever as the character/reader is not fully described, fem! Reader, language, lightly paraphrased sexual themes, trauma/lost, & hints of a toxic!relationship the deeper I went into writing this thing. I do believe Joel can find some healthy love romantically but there’s things within himself that needs to be worked through. I am no therapist, I’m simply a girl who likes to make people feel some things with writing so I’ll stfu! Again this is my first time ever writing for this man so I was trying to get into the mind of his character as I wrote so don’t slander me too much if you feel this isn’t right. Lastly this focuses more on uncertainties? That’s it!

˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗

The bruises and Lambrusco weren’t enough for her to forget or to catch her off guard. She noticed him way off, through the fence and across what once would have been pretty pale blue water, turned murky and brown. Getting around that lake would take some time and that time was granted as she left the watch tower with her bow and arrow. The only reason she came down from the watch spot was to retrieve the mischievous lamb that loved to escape the barn.

“Got you, you little shit.” She scolded as the animal kept up the banter; while she scooped it up from underneath the belly.

Her senses then allowed her to hear footsteps before he spoke, “Do you?”

Tension filled her shoulders as she took a sharp inhale before she spun on her heels, revealing the lamb and her new weapon of choice.

“Joel Miller,” the name pushed through her lips, “can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you.”

The man scoffed, “that’s no way to treat the man of your dreams.”

A roll of her eyes was immediate, “you and I both know you weren’t serious.”

This much was true and if it were any other time and circumstance, the words probably would have stung as they left her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” Joel muttered as he began to stare, which always irritated the woman.

“Can I help you with something or are you just gonna stand there being a creep with your beady owl-like eyes?”

Joel laughed to himself, almost liking that his presence was getting underneath her skin but also at the fact that she wanted to get right to the point.

“What? I can’t enjoy the view and the luxurious secluded home you’ve got for yourself here?” Joel attempted to tease but the woman didn’t appear to be in a joking mood.

Which the man didn’t bother to take offense to—even if he wanted to, he received the emotionless expression that remained on her oval face and assumed his own features showcased the same, although the little twinkle in inky eyes felt like he attempted to make the mood lighter.

It was her turn to trail her eyes over him and she could tell how much life passed him by. It had been years since she last saw Joel. Their history was shifty and rough from the beginning, since everyone was trying to get adjusted to the downfall of society—being thrown towards a new virus and death filled life it was safe to say, they got into some shit together to survive. They both were not as alone at the start since Joel had his brother Tommy, where they ventured from Austin to the east coast and on their way, they met a woman with no filter and her kind but no nonsense having father in Memphis. It was war from the very moment the Millers stepped onto the Lemelle’s riverboat but a truce between the families brought an unlikely path in their relationship. Eventually she, her father, Joel, and Tommy made it to Boston.

After the death of Kendy’s father, the realization that the QZ was not all it cracked up to be, she made the decision to leave first back in the year of 2010; in search of a place with no restrictions. Yet sharing that news with Joel that summer the sun burned down in almost a red hue and instead of just simply disappearing into the night without a word…was something she wished she would have done instead.

“Tommy or Maria sent you?” Her chin lifted in curiosity.

Joel exhaled, “I’m sure you know the answer to that already. I get the sense Maria and I are not gonna be the best of friends.”

“Whaaat? Don’t tell me you never wanted a sister?”

Joel just blinked at her, “fuck off, Kendy.”

“Hey you came to me,” her face held mock innocence, “what you see is what you damn get. Also mind you, I’m the one with the weapon.”

“Yet I’d probably get to that thing before you can even aim to shoot. Lamb chops sounds pretty darn good to me.” Joel warned but Kendy looked more offended than horrified.

The lamb seemed to tilt its head at Joel’s statement as well, floppy ears almost appearing alert.

Which was weird to witness…

“you sure about that grandpa?” Kendy cooed as she pulled her knee up to balance the weapon before adding, “what’s the matter, they’re not feeding you well out in Jackson?”

Joel scoffed and folded his arms as he peered out into the distance of Driggs, pretending to think about it. Of course the food was good, real good considering back in Boston the lbs for food were mostly scraps and back out into the destructive world with Ellie was way worse. Sure he stuffed his belly until it became bloated and uncomfortable but he didn’t want to get used to it, regardless of settling—staying—stationing? in Jackson.

There was no use in complaining about the way things are.

Joel was always about action.

“Why here?” Joel steered the conversation elsewhere, “You’re a great distance away from Wyoming.”

Kendy hummed, “forty-four minutes by car. Longer by foot, which is just fine by me.” Before carrying on, “Did you really expect me to be there too, waitin’ around?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Joel exasperated, “it’s a sense of community, belonging or whatever they’re trying to go for. Something that would have been good for you and—

Kendy almost stopped breathing, the gears turning in her head, thinking Joel was first hinting at some sort of relationship that wasn’t platonic with his brother, taking into consideration that the pair got along well, however the way he rubbed at his mouth in frustration told her his words were aiming at another topic.

“Ah, now I see why you felt obligated to be here. Trust me, I don’t need this.” Kendy hissed, turning back around to head to the barn.

Joel hesitated because part of him didn’t want to do this either…yet it’s been a long time coming. Thirteen years to be exact. He’s in a whole other state and he didn’t travel all this way, by himself (persuading Ellie to stay back with Tommy for at least a couple of days, was hard work and he expected the freckled face girl to find a way to keep close. However Joel didn’t miss how Ellie was starting to spend some time with a certain girl named, Dina.) to not get the answers he deserved.

“Trust?” Joel stomped after her, “I dunno how you want me to do that darlin’ when you’re the one who ran from me, knowing you were carrying a child. My child.”

She whipped back around, making Joel almost bump into her but she shoved him back with a fist pressed to his chest. Her eyes were heated as she met his stare, “it didn’t matter! I wasn’t your problem anymore, ‘good riddance,’ remember? You really think a child would have fixed what we were? We couldn’t get along if we weren’t on top of each other.”

“You still should have had the decency to tell me something. It’s not right how you did it. How I have to find this shit out from my baby brother but even still…he didn’t tell much. So you better start talking.” Joel glared, pointing a finger in Kendy’s face.

Kendy slapped his finger away, “I don’t know who you think you are, Joel Miller but you don’t get to show up here and make demands. This time, I won’t hesitate to put one right in your chest if you keep pushin’ me.”

“Will you put the damn lamb and arrow down, Robin Hood, so we can have a decent conversation?” Joel snorted, finding this image almost humorous, if his blood wasn’t simmering, “I can’t take you seriously.”

Kenny scoffed, “well you better! Seeing you again and talking to me crazy is making me want to go back to old Kendy.”

Joel deeply inhaled and pinched at the bridge of his straight but hooked nose. He was aware what that means, the whole shoot and ask questions later was what life was like at the start of the outbreak and it only increased once they crossed paths.

He still had a bald spot, that no form of nioxin would cure! thanks to the woman throwing an axe at the top of his head (it happened sometime in January of 2004, Joel remembered Tommy slipping on the ice on the boat floor, surprised the younger man didn’t catch that in their stealth—although it seemed he didn’t get much sleep before their arrival to the water. Which caused quite the commotion before the real physical events transpired) , temporarily trapping him against the door the minute he got close to where she was located on the boat. Joel recalled the burning sensation of his hair being ripped from his scalp as he yanked himself from the wall, axe still having a hold on his thick hair, as he struggled to pull the axe from the wooden door.

“And here I thought Jackson was all for redemption, guess Maria isn’t as convincing as she seems.” Joel mumbled.

Kendy gave him a blank stare for a moment before she replied, “not too much on Maria now. Yes she’s opinionated and we don’t always see eye to eye either but shes a great asset to that community and she makes your brother happy. So accept that or talk that shit out when you get back because I won’t continue to listen to anymore jabs you want to toss out while you’re here.”

Joel raised his brows, “you’re gonna let me stay?”

“It’s getting dark out and I’m guessing you left your car across the lake so…you can stay in the barn or the tower. Your choice.” Kendy decided while she entered the said barn.

Joel shook his head, “I’m not sleeping with the damn farm animals.”

“We’ve all slept in much worse places, don’t get uppity on me now, Miller.”

Joel crossed his arms, “You get a one star for hospitality, Ken’.”

“Which is exactly why I put my two weeks in after three days of working at this hotel during my college years so thanks, sugar.” Kendy clapped back, making Joel shake his head in disapproval but not surprised.

Joel watched as Kendy showed almost this nurturing demeanor with the lamb and sheep, silently wondering what she was like with their own child…that was still bizarre to process and Joel was unsure if he even processed this although he was standing face to face with the woman he created another being with! It had been days since he found out this piece of information and now he was trying to do something about it. When they were intimate with each other, Joel foolishly never thought of the possibility of Kendy becoming a mother. He never brought it up because he obviously had no intentions on being that ever again, or spoke much of their past lives once their bodies fell into each other’s hands. It was a after thought when she sat down on him, so warm and sturdy. He was cold, this he knew but falling in love was never in the cards for him, especially with the world crumbling with the little pieces it had left.

What he had left.

He’s seen Kendy and how she was tender to her father once he got sick, he knew Kendy still had soft parts inside of her despite the jagged scar that trailed from the corner of her left eye and down the apple of her cheek, the delicate was still there—just don’t tell her that.

Part of her found something to care for to keep going, even if it were deemed as little things or “nothing” at all in her eyes. Did that also include a child?

Which is why Joel battled with himself on seeking answers. He didn’t speak to Tommy for days after the curly haired man blurted out the secret Kendy withheld from the older Miller. Joel was the one who brought Kendy up, at the saloon one late night, after everything failed at the hospital with Ellie. It was hypocritical of him—sure—but this secret was way before Ellie had been a thought of being the cure.

Joel still wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting to get out of Kendy. The idea of becoming a father again, scared him shitless but he wouldn’t show it. Kendy didn’t create this child all by herself and they had to be grown now, however fatherhood was never a easy task and life after the outbreak was just as stressful; throw a fourteen year old into the mix and it was constant worry from there. He initially wanted to warn Tommy about this and actually deemed him a, “dummy,” for bringing a kid into this fucked up time, until tommy let the news slip from his lips when it really wasn’t his place.

Drops of rain were cool against the Idahoan spring before they started to pelt. Joel shielded the top of his head, standing at the entrance of the shelter as Kendy made her way through the barn, locking and boarding it up just in case she got any other visitors tonight.

“Come on,” Kendy waved the man to follow her to the back entrance of the craftsmanship home, just as the wind began to pick up.

Yanking the blinds down over the glass door, she made sure to lock it and set her bow down by the rest of the archery kit. Joel took the invitation as he scanned the home, straight ahead held an ajar door, he then walked through the small entry way on his left, noticing a set of stairs to the right and headed into the next area which held the kitchen and living room with two other window-framed doors that lead outside, suddenly peaking around for any other source of life.

“Where’s—

“Joel,” Kendy clipped, “take off your damp shoes, you’re tracking mud. Do you want some wine or coffee first before we tackle this, since you’re so adamant to talk?”

Joel peeled off his jacket and bag, before using the couch arm to kick off his shoes with his feet. He then held them up silently asking where he should put them and Kendy pointed at the front entrance door.

He then replied, “Coffee.”

“Black, no sugar and no cream.” Kendy whispered to herself as she went to the kitchen, fighting with her intrusive thoughts to tell him to make it his damn self.

Joel silently watched her for a moment before he headed over to the wood stove which seemed to be going already. His eyes still searched the walls for any pictures or sculptures just like Tommy and Maria had in their own home but the walls were empty besides it’s horrible aqua color.

His attention was brought back to Kendy, walking by him, reaching for the handle on the stove, opening it to reveal the fire behind. She squatted down, mitten reaching for the tray to place the mug right on top, before shoving it back over the center of the fire. She counted sixty seconds before pulling back out, closing the stove and moving back to the side table to place the black coffee down.

“Give it a few minutes,” Kendy told the man who dipped his head as he moved back to the spot he claimed on the sofa.

Kendy soon made her way around, taking a seat on the opposite couch, bottle of Lambrusco and wrapped herself in some fur blanket that probably belonged to one of her many sheep.

Sorry animal lovers, desperate times call for desperate measures and you’re supposed to help the sheep shed their fur from time to time!

Taking a swing from the bottle, Kendy deeply inhaled after swallowing before her eyes set back on Joel, “okay. Ask away but don’t ask to respond. Listen, or else we won’t get far tonight.”

Joel rubbed at his pants legs, hearing Kendy and decided to not pick that response apart.

“…when did you know?”

“Not long after you and Tess.”

Which happened once after they both had too much to drink and Kendy wasn’t in the mood.

Believe me, Joel’s knows how shitty that was, he was the one who lived it.

“There was no Tess and I.” Joel uttered, not getting the chance to further explain that relationship but they were friends who spent time together as smugglers.

There was chemistry there regardless.

“So just like us, got it.” Kendy snapped her fingers, breezing over that as she ordered, “Next question.”

Joel scratched at his salt and pepper beard, “was the…baby also the reason why you wanted to leave? Did you think I’d ever find out?”

“A small part of it yes. We already know what the main reason was: Boston’s QZ was becoming dangerous and suffocating just staying there, I needed to get out whether you knew i was carrying or not.” Kendy answered, taking another sip from the bottle.

Joel could understand that but he figured it wasn’t any easier being out there on your own especially with a life growing inside of you, her elderly father was deceased and Tommy was debating on another trip out (with the damn fireflies and Joel wasn’t sure which pissed him off more!) ; although they shared hushed conversations about their exit…part of Joel still didn’t understand why she put herself through that on her own.

“Well how did that work out for you?”

Kendy let out a humorless laugh at the sarcasm that radiated off Joel, pulling one leg up onto the couch, “just dandy. I’m living the dream with my sheep and this eye-blinding house.”

Alone.

He breathed out a laugh through his nose, mind fuzzy, heart not feeling as steady as it should as he fidgeted with his hands. Before he got the next question out, he turned to grip the mug by the handle and brought it to his lips. The steam mists his nostrils as he took a sip of the coffee, the heat not bothering him in the slightest while the dark liquid slid straight to his stomach, igniting the impulse to see some action.

“Was Idaho the place you envisioned to raise the kid?”

Kendy closed her eyes briefly as she said, “No. I didn’t see myself as a mother because I didn’t have much of one in my life. It wasn’t really a goal of mine. I stayed in Pennsylvania for awhile, three months maybe? made a friend that was once in the medical field and thankfully she helped me through it all.”

“She helped you deliver and then what?” He pried.

Joel rested his elbows on his knees, eyes set on the woman not so far from him this time. He felt the shift in the room rising as he continued to ask whatever popped into his head. He noticed the woman rack her nails against the black bottle, plump bottom lip with a beauty mark on it moving to the right as she bit down on it out of habit.

This was something she commonly did, Joel remembered that.

“Joel…it’s been thirteen years.” Kendy averred, “I couldn’t do it.”

Joel tried to keep his breathing steady, “meaning what? You got rid of it? Let this friend take care of them…what Kendy?”

He was never a man with patience.

And Kendy had time to cope with this.

So instead she got to her feet, holding the neck of the bottle to place on the coffee table before she set her eyes back on Joel. He leg began to bounce as it seemed Kendy was almost playing a game with his mind right now. A frown of his brows appeared in between them while she began to unbutton her jeans, pulling them down some and yanking up her shirt to reveal a scar underneath her navel.

“It was a ectopic pregnancy. I needed surgery, I was bleeding out and Kristi did what she had to do. I almost died and I kinda wished I did, along with that baby. And finally away from all this shit.” Kendy vented.

Joel felt a smidge of bile rising in this throat but taking another swing of coffee pushed it back down. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel, or if there was a right way to feel.

“So…this was for nothing then.”

Kendy blinked, “what?”

“Coming out here, seeing you, and almost having wishful thinking when you killed the baby that you originally didn’t want and I wasn’t sure I even wanted.” Joel told, placing the mug back on the table.

Kendy couldn’t help the cackle that escaped her lips. She had to press her fingertips to her lips as she pointed her pointer finger up and down at the man.

“Nothing’s really changed with you and this is the exact reason why I should have put an arrow right through your chest where your heart is supposed to be,” Kendy seethed, “you’re a very broken person with no ounce of mercy. I saw it in your eyes the day I met you and I should have believed that then.”

“If that was true then you’d already be dead, back in Memphis, on that boat. So don’t stand there and try and tell me who you think I am.” Joel lowly stated.

Kendy huffed, pulling her jeans back up her wide hips and buttoning them before raising her hands, “why not when you’ve already shown me exactly that? You’ve never given a damn about me and certainly wouldn’t give a damn if the baby lived! Nobody compares to—

“Shut up! You don’t get to speak her name!” Joel was also on his feet now, absolutely aware what wanted to leave her lips.

The room was quiet for a mere second, besides the crackle of fire in the wood stove and the dash of rain outside.

Kendy tilted her head to the side, framed piece of hair sliding to cling to her eyelash, “Sarah.”

And that set Joel off, a forearm going to Kendy’s throat and his hand slapping against her mouth. He harshly breathed into Kendy’s face as he glared down at her. The rings of bags underneath her eyes showed just how tired he felt. He’s never spoken to Kendy about Sarah but it didn’t take her long to figure it out with his nightmares when they slept in the same space, going city to city.

Tommy only implied that he and Joel lost someone prior to their role of survival and Joel’s said her name a few times in his sleep.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Joel gritted, “you think I haven’t changed when it’s you who hasn’t. You’re a know it all without actually knowing anything. You run any chance you get, always thinking about what’s best solely for you and nobody else. What a lonely life, don’t you think?”

A fist went to the side of his neck first, catching the man off guard, followed by a knee going up into his abdomen, leaving Joel fighting to catch his breath. He let go of Kendy who circled around and crouched to get into Joel’s face.

“Why would I stay? Imagine me having a normal pregnancy in my forties and having a child with a screwed up man that can’t love? Or doesn’t even like me enough? I’d say I dodged a bullet here and I thank god.” She rested a hand on his shoulder, using her other to bring the cross around her neck to kiss with a wicked smile.

Once Joel got his breath back, with the quickness, he swooped his arm underneath Kendy’s, locking her in his hold as he yanked her side to his chest by the shoulder. Kendy winced as she tried to spin her body out of his hold and when he wouldn’t let go, she tried to ram her shoulder into him but with his grip, he merely stumbled.

“Get off me!” Kendy yelled, ready to jam her foot right into Joel’s.

He kept hold of her shoulder, knowing it wasn’t at its strongest, even after all these years, hearing it click from scar tissue as he freed one hand to grip the side of her head, bringing her ear to his lips.

“If I didn’t like you…I wouldn’t have followed you that night to make sure you made it to Connecticut’s state line back then, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have accidentally called Tess your name once while looking at her but not really seeing her, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t picture you when I touch myself, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have numbed myself out of missing you since you left, I wouldn’t have asked Tommy about you, and I damn sure wouldn’t have thought about you and I with Ellie, the kid, and Sar—on the ride here. like I said, you don’t know.” He then shoved Kendy away from him.

Kendy felt a lump in her throat at Joel saying this. Sure these were his words and it sounded nice, although she didn’t know who this Ellie person was but that didn’t mean he never hurt her and with his back to her now, she tugged on his belt loops, getting him to face her again. She wasted no time, moving her hands to grip the collar of his long-sleeve shirt to bring his lips right to her’s.

Joel hesitated feeling Kendy’s lips against his after all this time. It wasn’t unfamiliar so he was only shook for a second before the desperation settled in. His hands rested on her cheek, then down to her backside, then back up to her cheek, the pad of his thumb touching where her jagged scar ended and the other on the back of her coarse hair.

He tasted the Lambrusco, she tasted his precariousness, his left ear rung as the tip of her tongue traces his bottom lip, and he lets out a groan as a form of a unsaid apology. Until Kendy nipped his bottom lip—hard to the point she drew blood and Joel had to pull back to test his theory.

“Did you just—

Kendy deeply inhaled and exhaled with her lips raw and puffed from the pressure, “I want you gone by the fucking morning, Joel.”

He wiped the blood with his thumb as he watched the woman move around him, snatching up the wine before she made her exit.

Snorting he shook his head at her retreating form and moved to take a seat back on the couch with a exhale. This is what it used to feel like with Kendy leaving his sight after whatever interaction they had but this time felt a little different. There was no way in hell he could say this was a new beginning. He stared up at the ceiling in thought, quite conscious how this all played out and that this was a trial and error—when wasn’t it with the two? However this battle was not something he wanted to entirely give up on just yet.

Not anymore.

He had the time to get it right and part of him wanted to with Kendy.

And if they couldn’t…it’ll be a fair one this time.

No it didn’t make any sense and no this probably wasn’t the healthiest of relationships but Joel was never perfect, the flaws: scars, the bruises that were black, blue and sore, and the blood were okay with him as long as he was doing it with Kendy, he never wanted perfect.

Perhaps fighting, getting it all out into the open field was the answer and you can ask anybody: when has Joel Miller ever been afraid of getting his hands dirty?

And so he sat in the quiet with Kendy upstairs in her bedroom lost in her own thoughts, her back against the door when a crooked grin appeared on his own lips.

Here’s to additionally another round with Kendy Lemelle!

But…Who’s counting?

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Continue along with my spring anthology series here.

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