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corazondebeskar-reads · 6 months

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you know you never stood a chance - chapter five

you know you never stood a chance series

five: steal from yourselves

series masterlist | prev chapter | next chapter

qz!Joel Miller x f!reader

Words: 2.2k

Summary: You and Joel fight while taking Ellie to Lincoln.

Warnings: dub-con due to power imbalance, free use, sex as payment, vaginal sex, oral sex (m&f receiving), cum play, Joel is mean/bad with feelings, this is not canon compliant, no use of y/n, degradation, canon-typical violence and danger, mention of Tess, description of injury

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He’s worse than a field of landmines.

You never know where you stand with him. One moment, he’s eating you out on the floor of a convenience store, his jacket under your hips to keep away the broken glass.

The next, he’s bitching about your eternal uselessness.

You get it. Sort of. The only purpose you ever served him was a set of warm, wet holes. Never mind the fact that he used to fuss over you. So now, out here, what good are you?

It’s that kind of thinking that makes you keep your mouth shut when you twist your ankle.

He’s there in a heartbeat when you fall, pulling you back up with one arm. You brush the leaves off your clothes and mumble your thanks.

“Dunno how you made it this long,” he grumbles. It’s a harken back to when you were sat at his kitchen table, broken wrist cradled in his gentle hands. It’s sickening, actually, to hear the venom in his voice this time around.

So you press on, ignoring the way your body is screaming in protest. Alarms blare, but you ignore them, keeping pace with Joel so he can’t find another thing to hate you for.

But Joel is Joel, and so when you stop for the night, he spies the swelling.

“Stubborn brat,” he says. “Coulda said something.”

“Oh yeah? What good would that have done?”

“How am I supposed to take care of ya if you don’t tell me when you’re hurt?”

You don’t look at him. You know it won’t last. He’s angrier more than he’s not these days, at least with you.

“What if we had to run? What if I counted on you to do something, and you got us all killed?”

Yep, there it is. You pull yourself up, sneering at him when your ankle protests. “I’ll save you the fucking trouble.” You grab your bag, and even though you know it’s stupid, you walk away.

You don’t make it far. The swelling has made it so much harder to walk, so you get around the curve of the street, about five houses down from the one Joel cleared, and slump on the porch. It has solid half walls, thankfully, so you’re concealed, and you don’t hear any noise or see any lights inside.

“That was fuckin’ rude,” Ellie says.

Joel’s head snaps to her from where he was still watching the road, the inky darkness of the moonless night having swallowed you up.

“Shut up,” he grunts.

“You’re just gonna let her go off and get fungified?”

“Ain’t my business what she does.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “I’m just sayin’, it’s kind of fucked up.” But she settles down in her sleeping bag, too tired from the long trek to keep arguing.

You had just gotten home from work, still in your regular clothes, when Joel and Tess burst in. He was angry; she was loud.

They’d been bickering about some kind of pills, some kind of trade. You didn’t pay attention; they’d been very clear it was none of your business. Instead, you made a second cup of coffee with extra milk for Tess.

They were still arguing when you went to your room and shut the door. Your hands couldn't seem to unbutton your shirt, fumbling with each, until you gave up after the third and flopped on the bed. Fuck it. You were tired. And as much as you liked Tess, you were pretty sure this meant you weren’t getting fucked, and you felt a little petulant about it.

The door slammed. Your bedroom door flew open moments later. There was something in his eyes that scared you just a little bit. It also made you wet, so there was that.

“Why’re you still dressed?” he asked, already moving to rectify the situation.

“Dunno, didn’t seem like you were in a rush,” you said.

He had you peeled out of your shirt and pants and laid out flat on the bed in record time. He loomed over you, one hand grasping at your waist and the other wrapping around your neck as he bent to capture a nipple between his teeth.

You took a deep, shaking breath, a little dizzy from the barrage of sensations. He bit and licked your breasts, your neck, your chin. You moaned and squirmed under him until he squeezed your throat a little tighter, nipping at your ear.

He pulled away abruptly. “Need your mouth,” he said, tugging at you with the hand on your throat.

You scrambled up onto all fours and held your mouth wide while he stroked his cock a few times in front of your face. When his hand was out of the way, you replaced it with your lips, wasting no time in burying him deep in your throat.

You gagged, but held on, gut telling you he’d be more appreciative of your enthusiasm than anything else that day. You choked yourself on him, tears streaming down your face, but you were right. He rewarded you with a gentle hand cradling your head.

“Fuck, that’s it, good girl. Look at you, takin’ my whole cock.”

You moaned around him, warmth from his praise seeping down your limbs. It made it easier, somehow, for the head of his cock to batter your throat. He fucked up into you, grunting while you struggled to keep breathing.

When he pulled out, he didn’t bother to give you orders. He just shoved you back on the bed and parted your legs with his thighs. Grinning, he rubbed the head over your clit to watch the way you writhed for him.

“You want it, sweetheart?”

“Please,” you groaned, trying to spread your legs wider, be more accommodating. “Please, Joel.” You looked up at him with tears weighing down your lashes, lips turned in a pout.

He was too impatient to string you along, so he just smirked and pushed into your waiting cunt. You cried out from the stretch. Sometimes, it still burned and stung, like the first time, when he didn’t work you open first. Not that you could have waited that night..

There was something in the air you couldn’t quite identify. He fucked you open with vigor, but he was quieter than usual. He mumbled the occasional “good girl” when your moans betrayed a little pain, and his thrusts were smoother, deeper, like he was trying to hide something in your body for no one else to find.

He’d kill them if they tried.

He took you apart over and over, his thumb on your clit demanding your obedience. You gave him everything you had to give, sobbing when it became too much. He kissed the tears from your face.

“Poor thing,” he murmured, though it was not as cruel as he usually got. It was almost tender. He made up for it by returning a hand to your throat to coax another orgasm from your wrung-out body, biting at your breasts until you clamped down on him. He pulled out and covered your tits in his thick, milky cum.

He stayed over you, caging you in with his body. You were exhausted, eyes fluttering shut as you gasped for air. He took two fingers and smeared the cum all over your breasts, tweaking your nipples with slick-coated pads. When he was satisfied with his artwork, he stuck the fingers in your mouth.

You cleaned them off, humming softly at the buzz between your ears. He got up and tucked his cock away, looking down at you.

You forced your eyes open to see him. His forehead was creased, and his lips tugged down at the corners.

“Leave that there,” he said when he finally looked away, leaving the room without another word.

You lay panting on your bed, shivering a little as the cum dries on your breasts. He always cleaned you up after. Always.

You dozed off a little, startling awake when he entered a while later. You weren't sure how long it had been, but the sun had almost set. In the orange glow across your bedspread, he dumped an armful of… well, something. You couldn’t quite tell.

“Put these in your bag,” he said, rifling around in your closet and tossing the backpack at you. Clothes followed it, one of his long-sleeve shirts and a pair of sweats that unfolded in the air, smacking you in the face.

Your brain hadn’t caught up with him, still in the pleasant hallows of your dream, but your body knew what to do. When all else failed, it obeyed Joel Miller. You were dressed and standing before you were fully acclimated.

“Why?” you finally said, shoving handfuls of what turns out to be protein bars and batteries, bandages and clothing, and a flashlight into your backpack.

“Ya can’t stay here anymore,” he said, and you froze, a wounded sound slipping out.

“No,” he shook his head, “I mean when I’m gone.”

“Lead with that, asshole,” you grumbled. “But wait, then what—”

“You’re gonna have to come with me,” he said. He handed you a rolled-up sleeping bag, which you attached to the bottom of your backpack with the never-before-used straps.

“But why?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” He didn’t want to tell you what one of Robert’s men had said, how he had known that you were naive and alone in Joel’s apartment twice a month.

The man was dead, but if he knew, then you probably weren’t safe there anymore.

“How am I going to be safer out there? That’s where you go, right, outside the walls?” You’d never asked before. Better not to know.

He grunted, which, based on the tone and volume, was Joel for “yes.”

“I haven’t been outside in fifteen years.” You didn’t need to tell him how little you knew, even then.

“You’ll be safer because you’ll be with me.”

You were scared. You couldn’t hide it; you knew he could see it carved into your face. It didn’t make sense; he wasn't some superhuman; he was not repellant to Infected or the horrors beyond. But you were soothed by the thought nonetheless.

You had the bag slung over your shoulder and were toeing on your boots when he stopped filling his bag from the kitchen and came back out to look at you.

“Look,” he sighed and shook his head. “You don’t have to. I won’t drag ya by your hair or anything. I just can’t protect you if you stay.”

“I’ll go wherever you tell me, Joel.” You didn’t mean to say it; your stupid, anxious mouth ran twice as fast as your idiot brain. But you found that you meant it.

“Don’t come cryin’ to me if you regret that.”

Well, you regret it now, but you’d die before crying to him about it, you think. You’re still buried in your sleeping bag on the porch, sun just barely cresting the horizon. You’re slumped down, saved from the damp, plastic carpet by the mostly intact cocoon. The porch is uneven, tilting to the right with decades of shifting foundation coming to haunt its shoddy construction.

It’s quiet. Birds chirp from somewhere as the dim light filters between the dilapidated carbon copy houses. You haven’t slept at all—too afraid.

A voice rumbles in the distance. Undeniably human, possibly male. For one second, your heart jumps, thinking maybe it’s Joel, and you won’t have to try to drag your ass back to him and grovel or find your way home.

And then you remember the reality of the situation. Chances are good that they moved on, and chances are even stronger that you’re not alone in this little subdivision. You don’t have time to wait and see what direction they’re coming from, let alone what they look like. You scuttle to the other side of the porch and jump from the top of the rail over the chainlink fence. You land hard on your side, trying to avoid actually breaking your ankle. It knocks the wind out of you, and there’s sure to be a bruise tomorrow, but you’re able to stand up and creep around into the yard.

There’s a back porch, raised high, with broken trellises along the bottom. At the far end is a garage, the sliding door hanging at an angle, and the regular door missing. Around the corner is an overgrown, dead garden, a doghouse, and the rusty frame of a trampoline.

They’re all shit options for shelter. But you’re not sure you could clear the fence from the ground without rattling it. You can hear boots scraping on the road, low murmurs spilling in their wake. Whoever it is clearly doesn’t want to attract clickers, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t looking for trouble.

You don’t have time to clear any of the hiding places. The garage and the porch are the highest risk for lurking Infected, but you don’t think you can fit quickly into the doghouse. You hear the sound of feet on the creaky front porch and dive for the garage, tucking yourself in around the corner from the regular door.

There are no Infected. There is a corpse, but it’s long gone to rot, skeletal and sickening, in a beach chair in the corner. The skull is shattered and jagged, and a revolver is on the ground. You sneak over and grab it. There are two bullets loaded and no more in sight. Hands wrapped around the grip, you press yourself back against the wall where you shouldn’t be able to be spotted from the house.

And you wait.

next chapter

*title from "Jars" by Chevelle

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #joel miller fic #tlou fic #tlou smut #joel miller smut #you know you never stood a chance series

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thetriumphantpanda · 1 year

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The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Six)

You take Joel and Ellie to the lake so she can finally learn how to swim. It's domestic and fun, but all good things have to come to an end and how can Joel ever thank you for what you did for him when everything goes wrong on the walk back to Jackson?

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count | 4.5K (I got carried away, I can't help it with these two)

Warnings | Canon-typical violence, mentions of knives and guns, mentions of blood, alcohol consumption, smoking, some allusions to body dysmorphia and changing with age act, and finally SOME FLUFF. SOME FLUFF FOR THESE TWO.

Authors Note | I'm honestly obsessed with these two. This chapter flew out of my fingers and I really hope you like it! Please let me know what you think, either through comments, asks or reblogs, and if you like what you read here, consider following - I'd love to have you along for the ride.

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

It had been a few weeks since Joel and Ellie’s arrival back in Jackson. Since the night at the bar, you’d tried to keep your distance from Joel, realizing that if anything was ever to happen between you again it would have to be on his terms, you couldn’t force his hand like you had been planning to before. He’d become a little more relaxed, not quite like the feral cat on high alert all the time, and the two of them had taken to sitting with you and your father at the Tipsy Bison when they dropped in, usually with Tommy in tow. It had been nice, you could almost convince yourself you were right back in Austin, apart from the fact that Joel’s eyes didn’t trail up and down your body like they used to, begging to get you somewhere private.

Part of you wondered if it was to do with the fact that you weren’t the bright eyed 25-year-old anymore. You had fine lines and the beginning of wrinkles on your forehead and some of your hair was greying. After years of scavenging for food and getting by on the bare minimum, the abundance of food in Jackson, the freshly made stews and fresh bread, was filling your figure out – you’d even had to trade for a bigger pair of jeans a few days ago. Maybe it was simply that he didn’t find you attractive anymore and had nothing to do with whatever had happened before he found his way here.

“It’s getting warmer,” Tommy had commented one evening, “Won’t be long until we can take trips to the lake for swimming.”

“Swimming?” Ellie had perked up, taking her eyes off the glass of juice she was drinking, “Joel you have to teach me!”

He smiled then and it was something you’d realized you’d missed, his face always so dark and brooding, “I will kiddo, I promise.”

“But we have to do it before everyone starts going,” She said, “I need to be able to swim with everyone else.”

“It’s probably not so cold anymore,” You offered, “I went out on the trail a week ago and it was warm enough to dip my feet into.”

Joel looked to you and then back at Ellie, “I don’t have patrol tomorrow, maybe I can take you out.”

“Make sure you take someone with you,” Tommy insisted, “We haven’t had a chance to properly scope it out for infected or raiders yet.”

“I’ll go,” You offered, “Like I said I went last week so I can keep an eye out and maybe take a dip myself.”

“That’s awful nice of you but you…” Joel started but Tommy interrupted.

“This’ll be good for you Sunshine,” He smiled, clearly referencing that you’d struggled to find your role here so far, “Maybe get a taste of patrols and we can get you on the rota.”

You smiled back, not wanting to give away that if you never held another gun in your life, it wouldn’t be too soon, but you really did feel the need to start pulling your weight, “How about you both meet me at the front gate tomorrow morning after breakfast and we’ll get going?” You smiled at Ellie mostly, “It’ll take a few hours hike so by lunchtime the water might have warmed up a bit more.”

With an agreement to meet at the front gates once the breakfast service was over, you all bid each other goodnight, Ellie and Joel disappearing first as you said goodnight to Tommy, him telling you to come to him in the morning so he could make sure you had the right weapons and then you helping your father to walk home.

The trail was relatively calm, the sun was shaded through the trees which made the heat manageable, and it was always a small joy for you to be able to hear the birds through the silence. Ellie and Joel were a few steps ahead of you, his arms were moving as he was speaking to her although you couldn’t quite make out what they were talking about. It was the most animated you’d seen him since… before.

You were trying to keep your distance, realizing you were only there as an extra pair of hands, not wanting to disturb what was obviously precious bonding time. Joel had always loved hikes like this, you’d been on a few with him and Sarah on the odd weekend when your dad had been tied up with work, it had been nice, but now, with a rifle strapped to your back and your handgun at your thigh, there was no denying this was different.

You hung back as much as possible as Joel and Ellie headed down the hill to the lake. It was a beautiful area and you smiled as you watched Ellie see if for the first time and lose her mind, Joel letting out a little chuckle at her excitement.

“This place is fucking awesome!” She exclaimed as you joined them at the bottom of the hill.

“Ellie, what’d I tell you about your language.” Joel chastised, looking in your direction.

“You don’t gotta worry about me,” You shrugged, “You know every other word outta my mouth used to be a curse word.”

You set your pack and your rifle against one of the larger stones along the shore, unstrapping your handgun from your thigh, and then resting against the stone, “You guys hop in, it’s shallow right here but gets deeper the further out you go,” You advised, “I’ll keep an eye here.”

You sat on the shore for a few hours, letting the sun warm your face as you watched Joel take Ellie through the basics of swimming. She was a fast learner form the glances you were taking, first came the lesson in letting yourself float, then he taught her to tread water. Once you were sure the sounds of her laughter and the splashing weren’t attracting any infected or people to the shore and you were confident she wasn’t going to drown, you stood and shucked off your clothes behind the rock. Maria had handed you the one-piece in an old box a few months back, laughing that one day you might be able to make use of it.

Peering out from behind the rock, Joel’s back was turned, focusing on teaching Ellie the beginnings of a breaststroke. You dashed as quickly as you could into the water, trying to keep the slight shriek of surprise at the cold water against your skin to yourself and then fully submerged yourself in the water. You came up and slicked the hair back from your face, letting yourself float on the top of the water for a moment before settling your feet back down to the bottom.

When you stood, with just the top of your shoulders out of the water, you could see Ellie taking little breaststrokes away from Joel and then around back to him. The look on his face was full on proud dad and you couldn’t help but let the swell of happiness in your tummy for him. You hate to imagine what those years were like after Sarah, from the information you’d gleaned from Tommy it had been messy and dark, but looking at these two in their little found family made your emotions tighten in your chest.

“Why don’t you try swimming over there?” Joel asked, pointing towards you.

You smiled and reached your hands out towards her, you weren’t far away, just enough to challenge her. Ellie looked to Joel, who simply nodded his head towards you. You kept your eyes on her the whole time she swam towards you, shouting words of encouragement as she went and before you know it, she was clasping onto your outstretched hands, laughing in delight as you pulled her upwards. She turned around and kept her hands on yours to keep her head up out of the water, legs kicking, sometimes against your own, to continue treading water.

“Holy shit, Joel did you see?!” She called back, “I fucking swam!”

“Well done kiddo,” He called, “Proud of you.”

If anyone was looking in on this, you would swear they’d thought you were family and, in this moment, you felt something blooming in your chest. The little girl in front of you was obviously Joel’s world, pulling him out from the darkness that had taken hold of him in the years previous and he��d actively invited you into this moment with them, whether he knew it or not. You realized then, without knowing her all that well, that you would protect this little girl with your life if it meant keeping Joel as happy as he was in this moment.

“You wanna swim back?” You asked quietly to her, giving a reassuring squeeze to both hands.

“I’m kinda cold,” She replied, “But I’ll swim to shore?”

“Off you go then.” You smiled, letting her hands go as she did her slow swim back to dry land.

Once you’d made sure she was out of the water and drying herself off, you dunked yourself under the water again, emerging to Joel who had swum over. Popping up from the water you almost crashed into his chest he was so close. Realising how close you both were to each other, you both stepped back, like you’d been burned by each other.

“Sorry,” He spoke sheepishly, “I couldn’t see where you were.”

“It’s alright,” You smiled, “My own fault for closing my eyes.

“Thanks for that,” He offered, “It’s was real nice of you, it’s still takin’ some time for her to settle so thank you for always bein’ so nice to her.”

You shrugged, “It’s alright Joel, I can see how much she means to you, I’m just glad she’s finally getting a chance at some kind of normal life.”

“Are you two coming?” Ellie shouted from the shore, already dried and dressed.

You shot Joel a quick smile before swimming back to shore. The air was cold on your wet skin as you dashed behind the rock, fishing your towel out of your pack to wrap it around your body. Once you were dry, dressed and had your weapons strapped back where they needed to be, you came out from behind the rock to find Joel and Ellie in a similar state. You pushed down the flood of arousal that pooled in your stomach at Joel’s slicked back wet hair and the sight of his forearms which were on show from his pushed-up shirt sleeves.

“There’s a shortcut back to Jackson if we go this way,” You pointed down the shore in the opposite direction that you’d arrived in, “Less hills for my old knees, if that’s okay?”

“Between your knees and his back I’m starting to wonder if I’m in good hands or not.” Ellie chuckled, but

The walk back was pleasant. The breeze was picking up and every time it touched the wet hair on your head you would shiver, goosebumps appearing over your arms. Ellie had taken to walking next to you, Joel just a beat behind.

“What did you do before all this?” She asked.

“I was at school, I’d just started studying for my master’s degree in history when this all went down,” You smiled at her, “All seems pretty useless now, all that money on an education that’s no use to anyone.”

“At least you got to choose what you wanted to learn, FEDRA school was the worst,” She moaned, “So go on, best historical nugget of information you got?”

You chuckled, thinking for a moment, “My favourite is probably Wojtek the bear,” You smirked, looking down at her, “He was bought as a cub by Polish soldiers in Iran during World War Two and they made him an army Corporal in order for him to get rations so they could feed him, apparently he liked to drink beer and walk on his hind legs just like the soldiers did.”

“You’re fucking with me.” Ellie laughed.

“I’m being dead serious,” You matched her laugh, noticing Joel was chuckling a little behind you, “I’m going to trawl the books in the library to prove it to you.”

You all continued the trail in silence for a while. You were soaking up the feeling of the sun on your face when a branch snapping off to the side of you stopped you dead in your tracks. Ellie continued walking as did Joel, passing you, but turned around when he realized you weren’t following.

He went to open his mouth to ask something, but you pressed a finger to your lips to hush him, listening out for any other sounds. You were just about to carry on down the trail when the telltale clicking hit your ears.

It was almost like everything happened in slow motion. A single clicker emerged from the forest, ambling aimlessly until Joel moved and snapped another twig under his boot. The clicker turned and let out the horrible screeching sound before he was rushing towards Joel. The screech it let out then revealed two more who came running and clicking from the trees. Thankfully Joel was quick enough to stick a knife into the clickers neck, throwing it to the ground where it let out a pathetic sound as it died.

The other two were rushing towards you. You whipped your handgun from its strap on your thigh, firing two shots into the one closer to you, buying you enough time to grab the knife from your boot to give the second one a similar end to Joel’s. You almost relaxed until a scream hit your ears.

You whipped your head around. Ellie was on the ground, fighting a clicker of her own. It had her pinned the floor and she was struggling with her hands around its neck to keep it from tearing the flesh of her face or neck, whichever it reached first.

“Ellie no!” You screamed, rushing forward without thinking.

You managed to kick the clicker off her, booting it with so much force it almost flew before landing on its back. You didn’t give it enough time to get back up. Without thinking, you were straddling it, shoving your knife right into the center of its face repeatedly until you were sure it was dead.

Once it had stopped moving and making sounds you pulled your knife out, wiping it on your shirt before standing from its body. You sheathed the knife back to where it lived and put your hands on your knees to catch your breath.

When you stood up and turned around, you saw Ellie, pushed up on her elbows looking at you with wild eyes, “Are you okay?” You asked her, putting out your hand for her to take so you could drag her to her feet.

“I’m fine.” Was all she managed to get out.

“No bites?” You asked.

“No bites.” She confirmed.

Then you turned to Joel. He was still stood by the body of the first click, hand trained on the gun like he’d be poised to shoot at the one that had pinned Ellie to the ground. His eyes matched Ellie’s but there was an added depth to them that you’d seen before in various people who had joined you and your father on your journey to get to where you were. Failure.

“We need to get a move on,” You spoke simply, “Shouldn’t have fired the fucking gun, any others out there won’t be fair behind.”

The three of you practically sprinted back to Jackson. You could feel blood drying on your face and the smell of whatever those things smelt like was seeping into you. You needed a fucking shower and a drink. That had been too close for you.

Tommy was working the gate that afternoon and signaled for them to open the gate as he saw you coming. He could obviously sense something was wrong at the way you were all barreling towards the gate and rushed down to meet you as you crossed the threshold to safety.

“What is God’s name happened to you?!” Tommy exclaimed, pointing towards your blood-soaked clothes.

“Fucking clickers.” You replied simple, “Bunch of them jumped us on the way down from the lake.”

“Jesus Christ, is everyone okay?” He looked to Joel and Ellie who both nodded.

“I need a fucking drink and a shower.” You spat, thrusting the rifle into Tommy’s hands before turning on your heel.

The water was scalding. You almost cried with relief as the water flowed over you. You watched as the blood washed down the plughole and felt as your hands shook as you raked them through your hair to wash the soap suds from your head. Panic was rising in your chest as your mind replayed the image of Ellie on the floor and the look in Joel’s eyes. If you’d been a few seconds slower things could be much different, Joel had already lost one daughter and although Ellie wasn’t blood you knew that losing her would be the same pain for him. You couldn’t stand to let him go through that again.

Despite the slightly warmer climate, you dressed yourself in the biggest jumper you owned, hoping it would act as a comfort to stop your body from shivering.

“I’m going to head to the Bison,” You father stated when you walked back down the stairs, he hadn’t asked questions when you’d barreled through the door covered in blood and guts, just pulled you into a hug and told you everything would be okay, “Would you like to join me?”

You shook your head, “I think I’d like to be alone for a while.”

He nodded in understanding, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he shuffled out of the door, leaving you alone once more, with nothing but a bottle of the good whiskey Tommy had given you as a moving in gift. Your poured yourself a generous double and lit a cigarette in the house, something you’d never normally do.

The light had faded fast, darkness now enveloping your home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn on the light, it would illuminate too much. The rage you’d felt as you plunged the knife into that clickers face was the same rage you’d felt when you’d stabbed the girl who had tried to steal your supplies three years ago. You’d pushed her up against a wall and she’d begged for forgiveness, she didn’t see the light of the fire or hear the slow chatter between you and your father and thought the box had been abandoned. You’d sunk the knife into her stomach and watched as the life drained from her eyes. She couldn’t have been more than twenty, but what did that matter anymore?

The fear you’d felt was the same as the fear you’d felt when you’d come back from hunting, rabbits strung to your backpack and found your father tied up in the house and a group of raiders beating him. You couldn’t lose him; you couldn’t face this world on your own. What would be the point of carrying on if the one man who had stayed constant in your life was gone? You’d shot one point blank in the head, the other two received a similar end. Once he was untied and you knew his injuries would heal, you’d cried in his lap from fear of the person you’d become.

There was a knock at your door as you shot back your fourth glass. Maybe if you sat still for long enough whoever it was on the other side would get the hint, but they knocked again. Standing up on shaky legs, you walked to the door and tore it open, about to give whoever it was a piece of your mind. It was Joel. All thought of telling him off was gone and immediately you felt the tension drop a notch from your body.

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing he asked.

“I’m fine Joel,” You stated, “Are you okay?”

He shook his head to say no, and you could already see the glassy overlay in his eyes, “I don’t know how to thank you.” He choked out.

You tried to find the words in your mind to comfort him, but nothing came to you. Instead, you stepped over the threshold and put your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. It was the closest you’d been to him since before and all of a sudden, when you closed your eyes and breathed in his scent, you could almost convince yourself you were 25 and back in Austin. You felt his own arms wrap around your back and squeeze you to him, silencing your mind from asking him whether this was okay. You stayed wrapped up together for what felt like hours before his arms dropped and he was pulling away from you.

“That girl,” He started, “Means more to me than anyone will ever know, after everything she’s been through, everything I’ve done to keep her safe, to lose her like that would have killed me,” You’d never heard Joel speak so honestly before, “I could see it, in my head, the way it was going to tear her neck open and the way she would’a looked at me as she bled out,” He was crying now, “I was too slow, I had that gun ready and pointed but it was all too slow.”

“Joel,” You cooed at him, placing a reassuring hand on his arm, “She’s fine. She’ll be okay.”

“But she wasn’t!” He exclaimed, “If you hadn’t been there, we’d both be dead.”

“You don’t know that,” You tried to comfort him, “You don’t know what would have happened if I wasn’t there, things could have been different, maybe they wouldn’t have appeared, you just can’t put the blame on yourself like that.”

There was silence between you for a while, “This place is safe Joel, sure the world outside of it is fucked beyond all recognition, but this place is safe and this community has your back, it was dumb of us to go without a full scouting party, but they’ll find the rest of the infected and they’ll get rid of them,” You gave his arm another squeeze, “You have to stop surviving and start living.”

“I’m sorry I put you in that position.” He speaks softly, looking at you through the haze in his eyes.

“That’s the whole reason I went with you Joel, to keep an eye out and keep you safe, it was a close call I’ll admit but I managed it,” You reassured him, “I’ve done much worse than stab a clicker in the face a few times.”

“And I hate that,” He admits, “I hate that this world has done that to you, made you do things you didn’t want to, you of all people have never deserved that.”

“I hate it too,” You shrug, leaning against the doorframe, “But there’s something about this that makes it all worth it, sure I’ve killed my fair share of people but the fact that I can sit on an actual couch, take a warm shower and wait out my days with the people I’ve loved the most in life, the death and the blood and the hatred has all been worth it.”

You didn’t really register what was happening next. Joel took a step forward, cupping your face in his palms, you looked up into his brown eyes, still bloodshot from his tears, as his face inched closer to yours. His lips pressed against yours softly and it was like your whole world had ignited in flames. You’d waiting twenty years to kiss him again, to feel his hands on your face and have his scent overwhelming you. It was over far too quickly for your liking.

“I thought you said we couldn’t do this?” You murmured softly.

“That was before you saved my girl,” He breathed back, “Now I wanna give you the world darlin’ girl.”

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes at his words. It was all so overwhelming. The man who you’d loved all those years ago, the man that you knew you loved now. A kiss that you thought would never happen and that damned fucking nickname that had arousal pooling in your stomach.

You pushed yourself up on your toes to press your lips back to his, wrapping your arms around his neck as his tongue ran over your lower lip. You opened your mouth for him and then your tongues were tangled, the memories of the last time you’d been like this causing a quiet moan to erupt from your throat.

A cough from behind Joel had him tearing away from you and stepping back to reveal your father, stood at the bottom of the steps to the porch.

“If you could let my daughter go long enough for me to get into the house, I’d be very grateful.” There was cheeky smirk on his face that made the words a joke, but you couldn’t help the burn of the blush on your cheeks as you stepped out of the doorway to help him into the house, closing the door behind him.

“I should really get back,” Joel spoke softly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Ellie was takin’ a nap and I don’t want her to wake up on her own.”

You smiled, “Of course, I better go in and get a telling off.”

“At least he’s not likely to kill me now.”

“I wouldn’t let him,” You laughed, stepping forward to press a kiss to his cheek, “Goodnight Joel.”

“Goodnight, darlin’ girl.”

You watched as he walked away, a smile creeping across your face like a teenager who just got asked to prom by their crush. You softly closed the door behind you, leaning against the door with the smile permanently plastered to your mouth.

“I knew the whole time, you know?” Your eyes shot to your father, stood in the middle of the room.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not,” He chuckled, “I saw the way you looked at him, all those times where it would take you forever to come out to the car after babysitting, not to mention the fact that you were hopeless at closing the front door quietly.”

“I thought you’d kill us if you knew.”

Another chuckle, “He was a good man, he is a good man, after all the idiots you’d dated he brought out the best in you, even if you didn’t realise it, I wasn’t going to get in the way of that, I was waiting for the awkward conversation with the two of you, was gonna make it real uncomfortable for both of you, kinda sad I can’t do that now.”

“Well, I mean you still could?” You offered.

“Honey, you are forty-five years old now, we’re far beyond that,” He shuffled slowly over to you, pulling you into a hug, “If he makes you happy then I’m happy.”

You sat down on the sofa, pouring one last glass of the good whiskey, “I’m heading to bed, don’t stay up too late.” Your father called as he started to walk up the stairs.

“I’m forty-five years old dad, we’re far beyond that.”

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us HBO #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller Fic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #tlou fic #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #TWYMM

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littlelou22 · 1 year

Text

just a dream | joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you have a nightmare and joel comforts you after it

warnings: soft!joel, canon tlou violence, fluff, no use of y/n, violent nightmare, let me know if i missed any

divider credit: @saradika

word count: 1.6k

author’s note: thank u to my sweet @northernbluess for requesting this. i hope i did it justice for u🫶🏻

You awoke, alone in a room. One firefly guard stationed in the hallway. No Joel or Ellie in sight. Panic creeped up your throat, feeling as though it would suffocate you. Especially if you didn’t find the two people you called your family.

The gunshot that rings through the air does nothing to ease your panic.

You slide out of the bed before tip-toeing to the door, pressing your ear against it to try to hear what is happening on the other side. Listening as the firefly on the other side of the door receives word of an attack on the hospital by a lone male, for all units to respond immediately. The guard swears before stomping away, towards the sound of the gunshots.

You know it’s Joel, it has to be.

Frantically looking around the room for anything to serve as a weapon, you find a lone scalpel. It’ll have to do, you think to yourself as you take a deep breath, steeling yourself before opening the door as quietly as possible.

You slowly creep out of the room, looking both ways down the hallways before sneaking towards what once was a nurses station. You circle around it, finding the firefly that was previously outside of your room crouched in front of you, facing the opposite direction.

Without hesitation, you throw yourself forward, covering their mouth with one hand as the other sweeps the scalpel across the front of their throat. You silently wrestle with the firefly until they go limp, dropping the body to the ground before you strip them of all weapons and ammunition.

After arming yourself, you begin to sweep each hallway, inching your way closer and closer to the echoes of gunshots. You pray silently that it is Joel as you take down any guard that crosses your path.

You round another corner and come face to face with the barrel of a gun. A shocked gasp escapes your lips as you are tugged into a side room. The light flickers on and reveals Joel’s blood splattered face.

“They got her on the top floor,” he grunts. “They’re going to kill her for the cure.”

Your stomach drops at his words. “What’s the plan?”

“Kill them all.”

The two of you work in sync as you continue towards the top floor, bodies left behind in your wake. The door to the operating room comes into view at the end of the hallway, Joel breaks out into a sprint. You quicken your pace, following him as he barrels the door down.

Your stomach turns at the sight of a body with a sheet covering them, blood staining the sheet at the head. Your eyes widen at the sight of a doctor, blood soaking the front of his scrubs. A sob escapes you as you realize you were too late.

Ellie was dead.

Joel surges forward at the doctor. A gunshot rings through the air and he topples to the floor, groaning as blood pours from the wound. You watch as the blood pools around him, growing larger with each moment.

A group of fireflies rush in the room, swarming you with their guns drawn.

You scream but there’s no use.

Ellie is dead. Joel is dead.

You scream as a guard grabs you from behind, pulling your thrashing body away from the sight. You fight as hard as you can, kicking your feet and screaming.

But it’s no use.

Ellie is dead.

Joel is dead.

Joel was awoke by whimpers. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glanced over at your anything but calm frame. You were shaking and crying, clearly disturbed by whatever you were dreaming about.

Joel’s hands gently grasping your shoulders. He was delivering soft shakes in an attempt to wake you up without scaring you. A scream involuntarily leaves you and you push back against the feeling of hands on you.

“Get the fuck off of me,” you rasp, half asleep and still thrashing. As your mind is still clouded with the nightmare, you did not take kindly to the seemingly unfamiliar hands gripping onto you.

Before Joel is able to wake you fully, your survival instincts kick in. Your own hands reach up to his shoulders, using as much force as you can to throw him back in your slumber state. He tumbles backwards, back meeting the mattress as he didn’t expect a reaction like this from you. Your knees settle on each side of him, straddling his hips before latching your hands onto his neck, pushing your body weight into them.

You’re about to start squeezing when the ringing in your ears subsides and Joel’s voice replaces it.

“Baby, it’s me,” Joel whispers, hands wrapped around your wrist. He’s gently thumbing the top of your hand, eyes searching your frantic face. His own face calm, even with your hands pressing into his throat. “It’s okay, was just a dream.”

Blinking once, twice, three times before his words sink in. Immediately removing your hands from around his neck, your eyes flit around the room rapidly, chest heaving as you begin to come out of the fog of your previous nightmare.

“I…I,” you stutter, shaking your head as your eyes settle back on Joel. The sight of him on his back, neck slightly pink from supporting your weight for a few moments, clouds your vision with tears.

“Ellie…” you sob before frantically trying to remove yourself from Joel’s hips. Images of her, or what was left of her, on the operating table from your dream flash in your mind. “I…couldn’t save her.”

“Sh, baby, she’s okay.” His hands wrap around your hips, Joel immediately sits up. One hand reaches for your cheek, thumbing away the tears that flooded your cheeks. “It was just a dream, she’s asleep in her shed.”

You shake your head, attempting to shake away the images swirling in your mind.

Ellie on the operating table, the doctor’s surgical gloves stained red. You were too late.

Joel on the ground by your feet, the pool of his blood seeping into your shoes. His hands stained red from clutching at his stomach. You were too slow.

“Y…you.”

“M’right here,” Joel reaches for you hand, moving it to rest on his chest. You feel the steady thumping of his heart as he laces his fingers with yours, his opposite hand still resting on your cheek. “It was just a dream, sweetheart.”

Between the steady beating of his heart against your palm and the thumbing on your cheek, your gasping breaths turn to gentle pants. The images in your mind fade more with each thump thump and the man in front of you becomes clearer.

“Just breathe,” Joel whispers, inhaling deeply to match your own. “Ellie is alive, I am alive, you are alive. We’re all safe, okay? Just breathe.”

You again mimic his breathing, not yet trusting your voice as you turn your face to press a kiss to Joel’s palm. He smiles softly at your action, leaning forward to gently ghost his lips against your forehead.

“Do you want to lay back down?” He asks softly, replacing his lips by leaning his own forehead against yours.

After you nod, Joel gently maneuvers the two of you until your backs are resting against the mattress. He adjusts you, hands as soft as ever, so that you are pressed against his side. You burrow yourself into him, wrapping your arm around his waist as you rest your head on his chest.

Joel begins to run his fingers through your hair and you continue to focus on his heart beat, listening to the thumps rather than feeling it with your hand. Just as before, you feel yourself continue to relax with each passing thump, sinking further into the man you love.

“Do you want to talk ‘bout it?” The man in questions asks, voice laced with sleep. His fingers continue to brush through your hair.

In the dark, you smile at his gentle touches. If only Tommy could see him now, you think.

“Y’don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Joel assures you, tucking you in closer with the arm that is wrapped around you.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, relaxing against him. “I want to.”

You press a kiss to his chest, taking a deep breath as you replay the memories from your nightmare.

“It was at the hospital, in Salt Lake,” you start with a deep, shuddering breath. “It felt so real, like we were actually there. It started the same, Ellie reading her puns and then the smoke, then nothing.”

Recounting the tales of your nightmare, you close your eyes as the memories of it sneak back into your mind.

“I woke up alone, in the hospital. I heard gunshots and I followed them. It was you, just like how it happened. We got to the operating room but,” your voice cracks. “W…we were too late. They had already cut into her. She was gone.”

Fresh tears spill down your cheeks as you continue to tell Joel what had happened in your dream.

“You lunged at them but a group of fireflies came in and shot you. I watched you bleed out,” you sob. “They tried to drag me out of the room but I wouldn’t let them. I tried so hard, but then I woke up.”

Joel’s motions in your hair cease before both of his arms are wrapped around you, dragging you closer and squeezing you to him. He whispers gently into your ear as you sob into him, reliving what was easily the worst dream of your life.

Once your sobs turn to silently streaming tears, Joel speaks. “I’m right here, baby. I know it felt s’real but it was just’a dream. Ellie is safe here with us. Nothing happened to me, we’re right here with you.”

You sniffle, nodding.

“Nothing will happen to us, okay?” Joel tilts your head up, gently grasping your chin. “We’re safe here and nothing is going to happen to you, to Ellie, or to me. Okay, sweetheart?”

“Okay,” you squeak. “Promise?”

Joel leans forward, pressing his lips softly with yours for a moment before leaning back. You tuck your head into his neck and breathe him in deeply.

“I promise.”

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