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rosei-tinted-glasses · 21 days

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Autism and Potential

Hi it's me, your local sleep-deprived in-a-slump writer here to ramble about autism and feeling like you're not living up to your full potential.

Idk about any other autistic people but I feel like I'm never reaching everything that I could be, that I have the potential to be, that I could and should be doing more. Fundamentally flawed. Or something.

And yes, I know "no one's perfect" but the bar feels like it's set so high, and it's impossible to reach it. Constant guilt, constant anxiety, constant impostor syndrome, slipping grades and executive dysfunction that I can't help.

Overthinking everything, spiralling and unable to get out of it, stuck doomscrolling on instagram or tumblr or twitter or tiktok, unable to make yourself get up and start the task.

I'm either "lazy" (psychically can't make myself do the task) or a "gifted kid" (overworked and burnt out).

Procrastination or perfectionism. Right and perfect or completely wrong. Brilliant with perfect grades or failing.

Pick your poison.

BUT

I think I'm going to give myself permission to be average. Mediocre. I try, I do my best each day, and that level of "best" varies, so to some it may look lazy, or unstable, but, at least for me, it's what works.

My aim this year and next is to pass. I honestly, genuinely do not care what score I get, my aim is to get through school and graduate at the end of it. It will not kill me.

Fuck the education system. It wasn't made for any of us.

Alright, I'm gonna cap off this post here and go to bed before I get too off topic and start rambling about the education system and the government. I'm just stressed and exhausted and not even halfway through Term 2.

But I hope this is...at least coherent, I'm very tired...and maybe resonates with someone, or a few someones out there.

We aren't alone, I promise.

Thank you and goodnight.

#actually autistic #writing #writers on tumblr #spilled words #autistic struggles #autism #potential #writeblr #yapping #just yappin #fuck the education system #spilled writing #stop yappin eddie go to sleep #goodnight

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