Audrey Tindall Playlist

Masterlist

With Audrey’s playlist a lot of this is based on vibes, so I’m just going to put a little excerpt from the song :)

Playlist link

“Biggest Fan” by Voxtrot

I've never had much hope for my insecurities, but I love that you do. And everything that I lack and could never be, The other half is you, it's always been you. So hold on, hold on this means a lot to me. Cause I know, I know that you will always be. The one, the one, the one that I can count on for anything, anything. And I'll always be your biggest fan, and I'll always be your biggest fan.

“I Think We Danced (But I Can’t Be Sure)” by Ran’d

Go put your best dress on I'll meet you at your door And maybe tonight's just the night to take chances I've waited this whole week To sweep you off your feet And I swear I won't let you go 'til we're dancin'

“Pretty Girl” by Clairo

I could be a pretty girl Won't ever make you blue And I could be a pretty girl I'll lose myself in you 

“Falling for U” by Peacy!, mxmtoon

But I can't help it I'm falling for you And I can't quit it 'Cause I'm stuck on you And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical But I just want to be with you 

“Cleopatra (Acoustic Demo)” by The Lumineers

I was Cleopatra, I was young and an actress And you knelt by my matress And asked for my hand And I was sad that you asked it, as I laid in a black dress, with my father in a cascette, I had no plans, And I left the foot prints, the mud stained on the carpet, and it hardened like my heart did when you left town But I must admit it, that I would marry you in an instant, damn your wife I'd be your mistress just to have you around

“Fool” by Cavetown

Call me on the phone at three, I talk to you while half asleep Complaining 'bout your mother so I take you to the cemetery Rant to me I like the sound, I like your voice, I like your mouth

“Astronaut Kids” by Hotel Fiction

Cause I don't need to be an astronaut who sails the sea As long as I can just hold you forever And I know I'm too old to dream and I should try to be something real And I don't need to be the man inside of the TV As long as I can just hold you forever, And I know I'm too old to dream and I should try to be something real

“Mona Lisa” by Valntn, Peter Fenn, Tray Haggerty

She's a Mona Lisa Everyone's lining up to see her There must be something 'bout her features You'll find her beauty goes much deeper Once you get to meet her

You see her walking down the boulevard She got the posture of a superstar She looks so fly in those Gucci Slides I wonder what she hides, under her disguise

“All My Loving” by The Stairwells

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you; Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away, I'll write home ev'ry day, And I'll send all my lovin' to you.

“Silly Girl” by chloe moriondo

'Cause I'm just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world I'm just a silly girl in my stupid dumb old world And he was perfect He was supposed to be

I made him perfect 'Cause I wanted him to be

“Crush” Tessa Violet

You make it difficult to not overthink And when I'm with you I turn all shades of pink, I wanna touch you but don't wanna be weird It's such a rush, I'm thinking wish you were here

“Crush Culture” by Conan Gray

Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out I know what you're doing, tryna get me to pursue ya Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out Spill my guts out, spill my guts out

“Classy Girls” by The Lumineers

She spoke of places I had never been That she had traveled to And we slow danced along to faster tunes

And I made her laugh, I made a pass I showed her my half-dollar ring She said, "That's pretty cool But classy girls don't kiss in bars, you fool"

“Build Me Up Buttercup” by Lara Anderson

Why do you build me up buttercup, baby Just to let me down and mess me around? And then worst of all you never call, baby When you say you will but I love you still I need you more than anyone, darlin' You know that I have from the start So build me up buttercup, don't break my heart

“Girlfriends” by The Academic

She's only 20 and she's driving a Bentley She's only 20 and she's driving me crazy I'm coming up, she's coming down I let your feet touch the ground She's my girlfriend

“as good as it gets” by sophie meiers

I remember the way the light fell On your shoulders that day I remember the face you made When you got the call Just throw your hope away

I type out too many messages A million things I wish that I could fix I wonder if this is as good as it gets As good as it gets

“Channel Orange In Your Living Room” by Charlie Burg

But now I can't stop thinking about you Each moment passes and my thoughts return to you And the memory of us too As we listen to Channel Orange in your living room

Even when you're away That album makes me feel like you stayed To listen now would make me a fool again for you

“Sea Sick” by binki

Sunken overboarding, I'm so sick of floating At least I'm sinking right beside you See there's no one like you It's not an obsession I just need to find you 'Cause

You could be my sunshine even when it's grey

“7PM” by Lilacs, Lizzy McAlpine

I don't usually do this But baby tell me that you love me and prove it I'm just so far away it's easy to lose it So tell me you're mine, oh I'm so stuck and I need you to pull me back out Say you love me and maybe I'll stop having doubts

“PlantedInMyMind.Memo” by Charlie Burg

You're stuck in my head But I only think of you Will we be together soon? I'm thrown on the wayside You're planted in my mind But I don't wanna be ok without you

“24 / 7 / 365″ by Surfaces

Met, this girl down by the vine Had long tan legs and big brown eyes Seemed the type I would wanna make mine

She said, I can tell you're not my type You're Mr. Wrong, I'm Mrs. Right This could never be what you wanna be tonight

“She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5

I don't mind spendin' everyday Out on your corner in the pourin' rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved, and she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I Want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore

“Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s

Hey there, Delilah Don't you worry about the distance I'm right there if you get lonely Give this song another listen Close your eyes Listen to my voice, it's my disguise I'm by your side

“If I Die Young” by The Band Perry

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger I've never known the lovin' of a man But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

“Be My Mistake” by The 1975

I shouldn't have called 'Cause we shouldn't speak You do make me hard But she makes me weak

And don't wait outside my hotel room Just wait 'til I give you a sign 'Cause I get lonesome sometimes

“Letter From Last Summer” by Charlie Burg

I can't remember the name of the place Where I bought this backpack But I know it was somewhere with you in a city Where memories live of our love

Don't be a nuisance Just kiss me for longer 'Cause we have been crying as much as we've laughed Read aloud the letter from last summer So I can recall why I wrote it to you

“INC.” by Dori Valentine

My lady don't care 'bout no money She love me 'cause I'm cute She think I'm pretty funny now And all of the times we going broke It mean nothing to me now 'Cause she say that she want me She loves, loves me She loves me

“Burn Slowly/ I Love You” by The Brazen Youth

I love you like the forest loves the rain Like the water loves the drain, I love you

I love you like the wind, it loves to scream Like the child loves to dream, I love you

“Pretty Face” by PUBLIC

Do you know her? The girl that looks to you And would you love her The way that she loved you?

Such a pretty face You see her walking around It's the middle of the night And nobody makes a sound Says that she can do it but is she lying?

“Electric Love” by Mikaela Astel

Candy She's sweet like candy in my veins And baby, I'm dying for another taste

And every night my mind is running around her Thunder's getting louder and louder Baby you're like lightning in a bottle I can't let you go now that I got it

“Alignments” by Paige

I'm a liar if I told you I was coping To be honest its hard I'm a child if I cry over the small things Slowly breaking apart

And I won't blame the alignments for this one Eventually the bad days come And we run don't we?

“Just Like A Movie” by Wallows

Sneaking out, I'll try to meet you there White lights, now we're running down the stairs Everybody's wasted, throwing away their lives It's all the same 'cause no one ever tries

Through all the sounds that we're laying on the ground Don't ever care and the rest is hidden now How can it be that we are just the same? Or can it be that, can it be that?

“Million Bucks” by Smallpools

I used to be a skeptic non-believer But now it's changed, you're worth your weight in gold The richest love ain't growing on the trees out here But confidently, I can say I'm sold

Stay all-in right now Salt drips from her brow No more days without Makes me feel so right I can do no wrong We'll keep going strong

“So Far Away” by Carole King

So far away Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore? It would be so fine to see your face at my door And it doesn't help to know that you're just time away

Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood Holding you again could only do me good Oh, how I wish I could But you're so far away

“Beautiful” by Jessie Mueller, Beautiful Ensemble

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face And show the world all the love in your heart Then people gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes, you will That you're beautiful as you feel 

“Explain It at the Coffee Shop” by Ashton Edminster

Take my hand And hold it tight Look at the paintings I'll be your guide Don't stop looking in my eyes Are you cold Do you want to sit down I've been here a million times So I know my way around Don't stop looking at me now

“My Dude” by Litany

I hope you don't think I'm being cruel Only I'm a better match for you Oh what I'd give to be in her shoes Don't you know that

I really like you And if you liked me too I could be your girlfriend You could be my dude

“Runaway Man” by Olivia Willhite

So, baby, glide Right through the sky 'Cause you didn't look back when I said I loved you Baby, goodbye And leave me with a sigh You'll eventually hit the ground, and even then I'll be waiting for you

“Calvaire” by spill tab

Chiant tu m’exaspères Quand tu pars et tu me déserte Pres de toi chui jamais fière On finit toujours en guerre

-

You might like:  Sally McKenna Playlist or  Sarah’s AHS Characters (+Alice and a Ship) as Songs I’m Vibing With

“What would you do if I didn’t come back?”“Can’t you see how fucked up this is?”“When did you stop loving me?”“Do you understand what you’ve done?”“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”“How do I make you love me again?”“How do we fix this?” With Angel pretty please?

“If I don’t Come Back”

Y/N had stumbled into the house, for the 5th night in a row. Smelling like the floor of a distillery, her best friends, Ella and Ramona, carrying her drunk body to the small leather couch in her living room. Ella grunted as she laid her heavy body down, while Ramona went to take off Y/N's high heeled shoes. Sam, her other best friend, laid the keys to her truck by the front door.

"Should we call him?" Sam asked the two girls.

"Yes," "No," Ella and Ramona said.

"He left her because of this. He said it was too hard to see her like this, so no, don't call him, Sam." Ramona said, tying Y/N's hair up the best she could while laying down on the couch, "I'll stay with her, and make sure she doesn't drown in her own vomit."

"She needs help Mona, it's the 5th night that we've picked her up from a bar. We could call her dad." Ella said and Ramona sighed. She knew that Y/N probably didn't tell her dad anything that was going on. They had never been close, Y/N just figured out he was her dad about 2 years ago.

"Yeah, call him." Ramona said and Sam nodded, stepping outside so he could call Y/N's dad.

Ramona and Ella struggled, but changed Y/N into some more comfortable clothes. Occasionally she would drunkly babble words out of her mouth. Ramona would sush her and continue to take the makeup off of her tan skin.

"Does he still love me? Is he still going to want me?" Y/N asked, her eyes half open, and her body like a limp noodle.

"I am sure he does love you, your dad will be here soon." Ramona said, and laid Y/N's head down in her lap. She ran her fingers through Y/N's jet black died hair, something she had done recently. Ella sat down a glass of water in front of the girls as they waited for Y/N's father to arrive.

The girls both perked up hearing a rumbling of a motorcycle pulling into the driveway. Ella stood up and sighed, before going to open the door. Sam was already talking to Y/N's dad, no doubt trying to tell him everything that had happened in the past 6 weeks. Y/N's dad opened the door and sighed, seeing his daughter passed out on the couch, her friend holding her head up.

"I got it from here, guys, I can take care of her." Her dad said.

"Are you sure Mr. Loza?" Sam asked him.

"Yeah, I've helped clean up a few drunks in my life. She'll be just fine, thank you guys for getting her here safely. But I got this." Hank said to the group of young adults. They all nodded and Ramona kissed Y/N's forehead before leaving her house, "Mija, what are you doing?"

The next day, Y/N woke up in her bed, confused on how she got there. She rubbed her head, trying to remember all that happened. She remembers getting a text from Angel at work, and then leaving early to go to the bar. By the clothes she was in, and her makeup free face, she guessed that she called Ramona and Ella too.

"Oh you're up, good. Get dressed, you're with me today." Hank said to his daughter.

"What? When did you get here?" Y/N asked, as he handed her a plate with toast, eggs, and bacon on it.

"Last night, Sam called me." Hank said sitting down next to his daughter.

Y/N nodded, taking a bite of her food. Of course Sam was here too, he always looked out for Y/N as much as Ella and Ramona do. Angel had always had a jealousy of how close Sam and Y/N were, but Y/N always assured him that Sam was not a threat to their relationship.

"What happened, mija? You have not talked to me or come by the clubhouse in weeks. Your partners in crime look sad, and I have never seen Coco get upset over a girl. And Angel-"

"We broke up." Y/N mumbled, taking a bite of her food.

"What? Why? You broke off the engagement?" Hank asked.

"Yeah, I gave him back his mom's ring. He said he- he couldn't-t love me anymore." Y/N said, her voice breaking.

"Is this about your mom's death?"

Y/N nodded, tears clouding her eyes. Hank pulled his daughter into his chest, and caressed her head gently. He hated to see her cry, and his heart broke knowing it was over a boy. A boy who he trusted with his life. Y/N tried to silence her sobs, but they shook through her whole body, as she let them out.

For as long as Hank as known Y/N, before he knew that she was his daughter, he had seen how the anniversary of her mother's death affected her. Hank watched his first wife, Y/N's mother, drink herself into drunken states every night. Her mother tragically died when Y/N was 18, in a drunk driving accident. Losing her mother so long, had left a lasting scar on Y/N, to wear every week leading up to the anniversary, she drank. And like her mother, Y/N also had addictive personalities, and could drink way past her limit.

"So why did Angel leave? What happened?" Hank asked, wanting to know what actually happened.

"I-I went to a check up, a couple months ago. . . they told me I was pregnant. But I ended up losing the child." Y/N sniffled, "I didn't know how t-to deal with it, my body hurt, and my mind hurt, and everything hurt. Seeing Angel walk around sad, and hear him cry at night. I needed to not hear it, so I started having a glass of wine a night, but that turned into a bottle, which turned into several bottles. Angel said he was tired of having to pick me up and take care of me."

Hanks sighed, unsure of what to say. Hank had felt the same way that Angel is feeling now. Tired of cleaning up his first wife's actions. But no matter how many nights he picked his wife up from bars, and office parties, Hank never said that he couldn't love his wife anymore.

"I'll talk to Angel, okay, mija." Hank said and Y/N nodded, "But get cleaned up, you're with me."

Y/N loved riding on her dad's bike, or any bike for that moment. She loved the feeling of her hair flowing behind her, and the freedom she felt while being on the bike. She could stretch her arms out and not feel the hard metal sides of being in a cage.

But she missed the feeling of Angel's heartbeat under her hands as she held on to him. Or how he would weave in and out of cars just to hear the excited sequel leave Y/N's lips. She also missed the smell of leather, tobacco, and pine that he had.

When the Lozas pulled up the club house, everybody was surprised to see Y/N pull the helmet off her head. It had been weeks since they've seen her. Bishop had a smile on his face, seeing the girl he considered a daughter walk up towards him. His smile faltered seeing her hungover. Bishop looked over Y/N's shoulder and saw Hank shrug.

"Why don't you go inside and have Chucky make you some coffee." Hank said to his daughter.

Y/N moved like a zombie and made her way to the inside of the clubhouse. Other members welcomed her the same way Bishop did, with bright smiles, that faltered when seeing the dark circles and smelling the alcohol that seemed to leak from her pores. Her face did seem to brighten seeing Coco, and Gilly walk through the door, but it fell as soon as EZ and his brother walked in behind the two men.

She excused herself from the table she sat at and moved quickly to the bathroom, feelings her throat tighten and her eyes felt hot with tears. Y/N slammed the bathroom door shut, and locked it behind her. She paced the small bathroom, tilting her head back and looking at the ceiling. She balled her fists, and released them several times trying to control the tears that were coming down her face. She held her fist to her mouth as loud sobs escaped her mouth.

Angel sighed, watching Y/N leave the room so quick. He was happy to see her, but sad to see her in the disheveled state she was in. Y/N always cleaned up nicely, and loved having her hair, makeup and nails done. It hurt him to see how much pain she was in, but he wasn't sorry for leaving her. He prayed that she was getting help, and maybe she had finally hit rock bottom.

After a couple of minutes, and Y/N still not coming back from the bathroom, Angel downed his drink and headed to find her. His heart broke hearing her broken cries and mumbled words she spoke to herself on the other side of the bathroom. Angel knocked quietly on the door and waited for her to open.

"It's me, amor. Open the door." Angel said and heard her sniff. Y/N unlocked the door, which was enough of an invite for Angel to walk in the tiny bathroom. Y/N sat on the floor against the opposite wall away from the door. Angel sighed and leaned against the sink.

"What would you do if I don't come back?" Y/N asked Angel. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked at her confused.

"Why? Where are you going?" Angel asked her.

"Away..."

"Like... rehab? or...?"

Y/N just shrugged and Angel ran his hand down his face. He didn't know what she was talking about. He wasn't even sure if she was sober at the moment.

"Y/N, where are you going? Maybe you should go to rehab, or somewhere to get help? Can't you see how fucked up this is? It's 11 o'clock in the morning and you smell like you just woke up on the bar floor."

"I don't need fucking help Angel. I am just fine. I can survive with out you!"

"Clearly you can't. Look at yourself. You're a mess. You don't even look the same, Y/N. It's been two weeks and you look like you've gotten a combine 9 hours of sleep and lost 20 pounds."

"When did you stop loving me?" Y/N asked. Her head was clouded, and she couldn't think straight. Her broken heart was talking, and Angel knew it. It broke him to hear her speak like this. Like she had run out of options and didn't know which was right and wrong.

Angel sighed and sat down on the floor next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her shaking frame into his strong sturdy one. Y/N inhaled the familiar scent of leather.

"Don't you understand what you've done, mi dulce." Angel said running his hand through her tangled hair, "This is not the girl I fell in love with. I don't even know this version anymore."

"You did this to me. Angel, I needed you to help me. I-I can't stand on my own anymore. I just wake up in the morning to see that you're gone and there's an open bottle on my bedside table."

"Don't you think you've done enough? You look sick, and that's not who I want you to be."

"How do I make you love me again? How do we fix this?" Y/N pleaded, looking up at Angel with big watery eyes. Angel sighed and kissed her forehead.

"I have never stopped loving you, Y/N and probably never will. But I want you to get better. And I will do whatever it takes to be right by your side the whole way."

A/N: i am super super sorry for the late post. I struggled writing this a lot, and I hope you like it:)

How you & Dr. Cox get together

Dr. Cox x reader small jd x reader

A/n: Sorry this is so long loll 😅 credit to @mona-stay for helping me with this and being my beta!!! 💕💕💕

It sucks when you like someone but it especially sucks when it's someone you're working with. it can be hard to get their attention especially in a hospital. 

Of course you first thought Perry Cox was arrogant and full of himself. But it was all an act and he started growing on you the more the days went on. You guys didn't talk much but just seeing him around was enough to make your heart Start pumping out of its chest. He was so hot. 

You heard a rumour that 

"Cox has feelings for Carla" and they seemed pretty close so you didn't interfere. You got confused when Carla started dating Turk Jd's best friend. You and Jd talked only a little here & there, but when he broke up with Elliot you guys starting talking more and helplessly flirted. So you guys agreed to be friends with benefits. 

Your feelings grew more for Perry when you saw his true colors on this one specific day:

Flashback

You were not having the best day. You lost two people. You lost a kid in the morning that was born premature and a girl who had terminal cancer. The rest of the day was going to torturous.

Crying in the medicine room for awhile, you heard someone come in. Perry Cox. You quickly wiped the tears away, picked up some random bottle to make it seem like that's why you were in there and started walking out. 

"Hey, I was looking for you." He says with something in his voice you couldn't quite place. 

"Look I don't need one of your world famous Dr. Cox lectures or rants right now. I know I could have done better I don't need you telling me too." You said. 

"I wasn't gonna say that actually. I was going to tell you that I think you did a good job."

"Really?" 

"Yeah ever since you started working here you haven't needed me half as much as the others. You're independent, smart, and there was nothing you could have done differently to save those lives." You were now on the verge of tears. "it would have happened no matter who was their doctor. Don't doubt yourself for a second." 

"Wow... thank you. That means a lot coming from you." You let a tear shed, turning to walk away you heard: "Hey.. uh my shifts up in a few minutes wanna grab a cup of coffee?" 

"Yeah sure, I'd love that."

~~~ 

You guys sat down after being in line getting your coffees.  "Hey how are you feeling?" 

"awful." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. 

"Well... we knew it was terminal and the day would come, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's not fair, she was so Young." He must have seen you were about to cry again so he put his hand over yours. 

"It doesn't get easier but that just means you can't let it tear you down. It means you have feelings. I remember my first time losing someone, 20 years later I still react the same." 

"What do you do with the pain?" 

"I drink my pain away. Always will always have. Also every now and then I talk it out with someone. Maybe your boyfriend Abby can help you with that." 

"Jd? Oh no we're not dating. I told him it would be better if we were just friends." 

"Oh." 

"What about you? Who's your special someone." 

"No one at the moment." 

You guys lost track of the time and stayed in the cafe over an hour just talking. He truly did make you feel better. 

Jd came in the Lunchroom and started heading over to you guys: 

"oh hey you guys are still here. Are you ready to carpool?." 

"Yeah sure. By the way (you looked back at Cox) you were right it was nice talking with someone." You smiled at him. 

"Of course I'm always right." He said teasing, which you laughed too.

"I really appreciated this. See you tomorrow." 

"Yeah, see ya." 

End of flashback

~~

Since yesterday you couldn't stop thinking of him even more. You had to walk past him so you nodded saying "doctor Cox." 

"Doctor (y/l/n)." He was smiling too much, but you didn't get to see since you were walking away. When you left he did a little "ugh" but the good one. 

"Ooo looks like someone has a crush." Carla said. 

"Oh no I don't." 

"No? what do you call it when you smile like that?" 

"I am not smiling -  (he stops the smiling) no I'm not and I call it one of the only people in this hospital that doesn't drive me crazy? Ding ding ding ding ding we have a winner and it's not you anymore." 

"Oh please you know I'm right!" She says while he walks away. 

~~The next week~~

You had just finished up your shift and wanted to change from your scrubs. It had been a long day so you were ready for a drink. You had on a nice top that was a little revealing but hey Friday night was the night to let your hair down right?! 

You were walking towards the front of the hospital where you seen Todd, Cox and Carla. Of course Todd was drooling. "Boobies. Oh… I mean you look hot."  Todd blurted out before he could stop himself. 

"Todd give It a rest." Cox said hitting him on the head.

Todd shrugs looking towards Carla "but she does look hot" he said low so cox wouldn't hear. 

"You look nice." Perry says, taking a step closer. OMG HE THINKS I LOOK HOT. His tone sounded slightly sarcastic but the cheek wink and flirty smirk, definitely made it clear to you alone he really meant it. "going anywhere special?" he asked.

You could feel the blush on your cheeks burn, "erm only the local with these two" you pointed at Carla and Todd "the others are meeting us there, you should come"

"Ah no i don't want to Intrude." 

"Oh no you won't be. Plus I'll need someone cool to talk to." 

"I'll think about it." he winks.

"Hopefully I'll see you there."

~~

The whole time you kept checking the door to see who was coming in and every time you got disappointed. He never showed up. 

JD walked over to you and asked: "Hey why do you keep checking the door? who are you waiting for?"

You shrugged "no one." Carla gave you a sad smile.

You may have thought you had someones attention but maybe it wasn't enough to pull them in.

~~~

Fear is something we're constantly fighting. Weather its a new relationship or a new job it always seems to be there.

Carla walks in the hospital and sees Dr. Cox

"Why say your gonna be somewhere and not show up?''

"ahh don't let the bf hear you say that but I'm flattered you missed me."

Fear can make you do a lot of things like, not show up to something even though you really wanted to go.

"it's not me who missed you but if your gonna play y/n like you do all the interns I'm not gonna stand around and watch." 

"y/n only wanted me there because I was there for her when she lost those people."

Carla soften up "maybe but that girl had eyes for you since day one and if weren't so full of it you would have seen that."

Cox is quiet for a moment and rubs his head.

 "see you do like her too!" 

"I don't and even if I did it can't happen."

"why?"

"Well it's unethical we work together" 

"yeah right like that ever stopped you. Next excuse."

"so what? even if it's possible to date each other why would she want me, I'm sure she'll find herself some younger nicer boyfriend."

"Sure you are ignorant most of the time but we know that you are no Bob kelso. You are a good man and that's what she sees." 

"Ehh yeah i don't know." 

"I think you're just scared to commit." He stands quiet again. Carla was looking at something behind him. 

"...But if you don't believe me you can ask her yourself."  Perry turned and saw you standing there. 

Maybe after all you did have their attention..

"is that really how you feel?" You asked him.

"look I like you but I'm older and I have a lot of baggage."

"we all have our baggage. And as long as the age I don't care. We don't have to get serious or jump right in, we can go out and have fun and just see where the feelings lead us. "

"that sounds good. Wanna go grab a drink after work? I promise I'll show up this time."

"i would love that." You giggle.

In the end it just takes talking it out with a friend to get over- well anything. In some cases it might help you realize that you shouldn't let fear hold you back.  

Thanks for always writing amazing stuff! For the request, maybe Panther casting tentarafoo and accidentally hitting Joker?

taking requests here! (be prepared for a wait tho orz)

read on ao3

(just in case you forgot, this is Awakened God and this is Scathach)

Panther really, really, really doesn’t have any excuse, but she never realized just how much of their abilities were controlled by their emotions.

Revulsion and fear were usually the emotions she felt for Shadows and she never had any trouble hitting them, but apparently resentment worked too, because that was what she felt about Joker eating their last sweet right in front of her while she had none.

So when she cast Tentarafoo in the following battle, that clicky tug of magic felt like one too many—and the swirling ill-will caught Joker dead on as he slashed down the Shadow he’d been whittling down.

She, Queen, and Skull wrapped up the battle as quick as they could while dodging Joker’s drunken attempts at ‘help’, but they were all distinctly more battered than they should have been as they dashed to the nearest safe room.

Joker was still staggering as they slammed the door shut, swaying over to the nearest chair with Queen’s help and immediately faceplanting on the table, a far cry from his usual casual pace as he checked on them all.

“Man, is he still supposed to be this… out of it?” Skull muttered out of side of his mouth as they all watched Queen try to get him to drink some water. “Usually this stuff is over as soon as the last Shadow goes down.”

“Well, Panther’s still standing and we’re all a lot stronger than most of the Shadows,” Oracle pointed out in a whisper, though she looked equally concerned, “so… who knows. I didn’t even know we could get each other with these spells.”

“Neither did I,” Panther said. The guilt was unbearable. “H-he will be okay… right?”

Oracle shrugged, tapping the side of her goggles and focusing their many lenses on their incapacitated leader. “Should be. If it lasts more than twenty minutes, we should probably get out of here, though. Real air’ll probably fix it.”

Panther let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Right.”

“Until then…” Oracle’s lips took on a worrying curve as she singsonged, “Oh, Joker!”

Joker blinked fuzzily at the room, searchingly, before ending somewhere to the left of Oracle. “Haa…?”

“That’s a super cool coat you got there,” Oracle purred. Panther got the distinct impression of a kitten waggling its butt before going in for the pounce.

And Joker… smiled.

Proud and smug and disjointed and sleepy and oh no.

Oh no.

Panther didn’t even catch what Oracle was doing to butter him up before messing with him—that smile had a few of Cupid’s arrows poking out of her chest and butterflies in her stomach and an itchy warmth in her veins and hands. The world shrunk down to a terribly open and vulnerable and suggestible Joker—Akira—and the irresistible temptation that brought on.

(Gnah. To think that it took a magical roofie to finally break down that composed, regal reserve…

This was so cheating, but that knowledge didn’t keep her heart from beating hard in her chest and her mouth from watering as she considered the possibilities.)

Happiness, confusion, befuddled irritation, awe, disconcerted puzzling—each and every one of those emotions were written clear as crystal across his beautiful face as Oracle talked, slate gray eyes hazy.

His eyes found her at the back of the crowd, dopey smile flitting across his countenance for a second before it was replaced by a sad pout as he pointedly avoided looking at her.

Gurk.

(So much guilt, so much, and yet… he was just so cute she wanted to eat him up!)

To Panther’s profound relief, it didn’t look like anyone else had noticed the interaction; Queen was shooing Oracle away from him while Skull took her place as main instigator, Fox watching the scene with fascination and Mona and Noir hovered nearby.

“We need to let him rest,” Queen was sighing as Ryuji quizzed Joker about what he really thought about their popularity as Phantom Thieves and whether or not Risette was really the queen of idols. “Go. Let him lie down.”

The puppyish look Joker fixed her with proved to be Panther’s undoing; that weird little lurch of what may have been jealousy mixed with a keening longing.

“Oh! I can— I can help,” she blurted, winded. Her chest was just too tight. Her face felt hot as she added, “H-here, he can take the bench! I can look after him.”

“Uh,” said Oracle, shooting Panther an odd look as she approached. “Sure? Just… don’t do anything weird, okay?”

“Wha—?!” Panther squeaked—really squeaked. It wasn’t just her chest that felt tight. “Why would I do anything weird?!”

“Panther…” said Skull on a sigh, “you’re droolin’.”

She clamped a hand to her mouth with a strangled meep, absolutely mortified to find that he was right.

She made a concentrated effort to calm herself down and… mostly succeeded by the time Joker was laid on the bench with his head on her lap.

With all those gloriously messy and silky-soft-looking pitch black curls right there. Under her hands, literally under her hands—!

Just a little petting wouldn’t be ‘something weird’, would it? She’d be gentle! Just… one… little… touch…

She was breathing hard again, saliva pooling in her mouth as she thought about it.

…It would totally be weird.

Ughhhh…

She kept her hands to herself as she studied his face, all flawless alabaster skin and finely cut features, long eyelashes fluttering and a single dark eye glancing up at her before shutting again with a soft hmph.

Panther swallowed down the squeak in her throat. Her heart couldn’t take this much cute!

“Are you mad at me?” she asked. With great effort, her voice came out sounding almost normal.

Joker—oh gosh—Joker pouted. The corners of his mouth turned down, lower lip jutting as he stared at the far wall. “Why’d you hit me?” he wondered piteously.

Mmmgyangh—!

Panther gripped the edge of the bench so she wouldn’t completely lose it. How was she supposed to resist this?! “…I’m sorry.”

“Hmph.”

The childish sulk demanded her full and entire honesty or she would die. Compelled by forces being her comprehension, she confessed, “I didn’t mean to. I was just mad because you ate the last sweet bun and you didn’t offer me any. I didn’t know that the spell would get you too. I should have been more careful.”

The sulk melted into sheepishness, guileless guilt on his end too. “Oh.”

Her whole and entire being was tied up in that expression, and it was taking her for one wild ride. “What?”

“Sorry.”

Now, the usual Joker would have left it at that, or maybe reassured her that he’d check next time, but this one—this one—went on to explain.

“I was jus’ mad,” he slurred, looking adorably ashamed. “‘Cuz you were flirting w’ s’meone elsh.” He rolled over and buried his face in her stomach, clumsily wrapping his long, powerful arms around her waist. “Don’ do that. Only me.”

Panther felt like she’d stuck her head in her own Agidyne spell.

Around the room, their teammates were in varying degrees of shock and/or distress—from Oracle’s uncomplicated gape to Skull’s silent ‘holy shiiiit…’ to Queen’s borderline horror. Noir’s face was buried in her hands, her ears and neck bright red, while Fox seemed somewhere between surprised and fascinated and Mona’s already cartoonish visage had become a caricature of heartbreak.

The shattering of Joker’s eternal deadpan was the shot heard ‘round the world.

“O-okay,” Panther promised faintly. It would be easier to wrack her brain for what he was talking about if only said brain wasn’t completely taken over by that hazy pink of omigod cuuuuuute!

(She just wanted to touch his hair. He was being a horrible tease by just leaving it all there with that face in her lap.)

“Good,” Joker mumbled against her abdomen. His arms held her a little tighter. “You’re so pretty, ‘n’ so good, ‘n’ ev’ryone wants you. I don’ wanna share. Jus’… want you.”

“Oh,” said Panther, her voice cracking. Fire resistance or no, she must have just stepped into a firing kiln. She was dizzy with the force of her blush. “You’re… pretty amazing yourself.”

He looked up at her, gaze soft and open and awed, and then he smiled, and… was that…

Was that a…

A blush?

A bullet to the heart would have been kinder.

Then his eyes fluttered shut, smile and blush fading down to glowing content, and he nuzzled into her stomach and settled into his new ‘pillow’.

He was asleep before she could gather her wits or words.

Absolute silence.

It was a long time they all spent trying to absorb the interaction, and then Skull said, “Uhh… what the hell was he talkin’ about?”

Panther shrugged helplessly. She wasn’t in the habit of flirting with anyone to her knowledge—she’d remember it if she’d done it recently, right?

Another silence stretched out as they all contemplated this, and then Oracle spoke up.

“Was he… was he talking about that Awakened God Shadow back there?”

Now that she mentioned it, Panther had pouted up at the golem-type creature after Joker had accidentally offended it. She’d thought they would turn the tide, but then Joker had pissed it off so bad that no one could save the conversation and hit it with a barrage of nuclear spells before anyone else could get a word in edgewise.

…Seriously?

“But he didn’t mind when I helped out with Scathach!” she protested weakly.

Oracle frowned. “I mean, he absorbed her right after that. Maybe he just remembered you flirting with him instead.”

A pressurized whine of sheer mortification escaped Panther’s throat. The thought of intentionally flirting with Joker was already embarrassing enough!

“Yeah,” said Skull, about as obliviously unhelpful as he could get. “Besides, girl-on-girl is—”

“Hey-you-know-what-we-should-let-him-sleep,” Queen blurted out desperately, flushed around the edges of her mask, “so let’s just stop talking here, okay?!”

Noir had dragged her hat over her face, wrecking the brim with her white-knuckled grip and cringing so hard her head almost rested on the table. Mona had been lost to despondency. Fox was poking one of Joker’s shoes with the handle of his brush. Oracle had delicately placed her fingertips over her open mouth, almost tittering.

Panther was getting the profound feeling that she was at the epicenter of a spectacle that she’d only seen the iceberg-tip of.

She decided she didn’t want to know. What she already knew was humiliating enough.

However, no conversation meant nothing to distract her from the head of fluffy curls right in front of her.

About a minute and a half of that, and she gave into temptation.

—|—|—|—|—

Joker didn’t remember too much about how he’d ended up unconscious when he woke up—woke up to Panther practically in his arms while she finger combed his hair, no less—but obviously something had happened.

Mona was no longer acknowledging his existence. Oracle was the only one of the girls who would still look him in the eye, and when she did, she did it with a leer that was about as disgusting as Skull’s was. Fox was the only one acting even slightly normal, which wasn’t saying much, seeing as it was Fox.

He didn’t know if he wanted to know.

He probably didn’t.

Curiosity killed the cat and all.

(Fuck was he curious, though. What the hell had happened?)

Apparently he’d been out for about twenty five minutes, which left them with enough time to discover the next safe room and reconvene before they really had to get back to the real world.

It was right before they left Okumura’s Palace that Panther gestured him to fall to the back of the group of the group with her, and swung her arms shyly for a second before asking if he wanted to go see a movie with her next weekend.

She accepted his immediate (if confused) agreement with a blushing smile (he still didn’t know what the hell could have happened in those twenty minutes, but god she was cute), and then stepped up really, really close and pulled him down just enough to steal a kiss.

Hand clamped over his tingling mouth and blood pounding a racket in his ears as he watched her follow the others, he decided that he really needed to ask.

Later.

Maybe on that oh-shit-it’s-actually-a-date-isn’t-it he had next Saturday.

Roller Coaster Ride - MonaxMC Fanfiction

Pairing: MonaxMC (Ride Or Die)

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff/Romance

Notes: As I mentioned before, I sadly had to skip @choicesseptemberchallenge​, but as I was cleaning my drafts I found this fic that applies perfectly for today’s theme (Proposal). I wrote this a little while ago, inspired by a scene between Vanessa Helsing and MC in Lovestruck.

@kennaxval: I’m still working on their wedding fic, as you requested. I’m sorry for taking so long!!

MonaxMC Tag List: @zoe6111​, @simsvetements​, @whoinvitedalx​, @abunchofbadchoices​, @kamilahmademedoit​, @talkinlikeateen​, @eagle-one-1​, @andreear17​, @monagf​, @nighthunterss​, @fal-carrington​, @crazzyplays​, @honorablebicycle​, @averyswilshere​, @iam-the-fuckin-queen​, @choicesseptemberchallenge​

A few days passed since they decided to run away together. They didn’t know where they were headed or when they’d stop. Somewhere in East Coast, or even Canada, in case you they found more complications than planned.

While Allison sometimes felt sad for the life she was leaving behind, all she had to do was to look at the driver’s seat to change her mind. Despite Mona’s aloof and distant personality, she was trying her best to keep the moods up and make the trip enjoyable.

When they spotted an amusement park in the middle of their way, it brought memories of Allison's past, sweet moments she spent in the company of her parents back in California. When Mona noticed her sad expression, she turned back and stopped.

"Let's go," she said. "I don't wanna see you crying again. It makes me feel bad."

----------

"Howdy, cowgirl," Mona wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Having a good time?"

"It's actually more fun than I thought it would be," she answered. "Thank you."

She kissed Mona's cheek and they followed to a bench to eat the food she bought them, corn dogs and soda.

"What about you?" Allison asked. "Are you having fun?"

"Well, it's not that bad. Even decent, I’d say. But we certainly had better in New York."

"Ohhhh... New York?!"

Mona rarely mentioned her past, the life she had before her move to Los Angeles. Allison had the impression she got too caught up in the moment, mentioning by accident.

"Yeah, a long time ago," she blushed and looked away, trying to avoid the subject. "Another life."

"Before you were... Mona."

"Exactly."

Allison silenced, glancing at her occasionally while she nervously sipped her soda can. Mona rolled her eyes.

"Oh stop," she whined. "You have that look on your face."

"What look?" Allison laughed.

"That look you give me when you're about to ask a million questions and then make a psychological analysis about my answers?"

"I only got curious. That's all."

Mona sighed defeated, knowing her girlfriend wasn’t the type that would give up so easily.

"My nine years old birthday, my mom took me to Coney Island. Best day ever," the corners of her mouth curled up for a second. "This is all you're getting."

"Okay," Allison lowered her eyes, thinking of her own memories. "I went with my parents multiple times, mostly during Summer. I still remember the last time my mom was around. I was twelve."

Mona silenced for a second, replying with only a supportive nod. Then she stood up.

"This conversation is getting depressing. Let's do something else."

"Of course," Allison accepted, taking her hand.

They walked together around the park, wondering what to do next. Allison stopped at a stand, a shooting game to earn prizes.

She positioned herself, holding the false shotgun and aimed for the targets.

"Show me what you've got, hotshot," Mona cheered by her side.

For her disappointment, she only hit one single target. Her prize was a small plastic ring. Noticing the frustration in her eyes, Mona went for her turn.

"So which one do you want?" She pointed to the prizes.

"Hmmm," Allison thought for a moment, considering her options. "That cute teddy bear."

"You'll need to earn a perfect score," the stand employee told.

Mona shrugged and then smirked, preparing to shoot. Everytime she hit a target, Allison giggled beside her.

"Only one to go."

"You can do this," Allison kissed her cheek.

"Of course I can," Mona bragged. "I'm gonna do it with my eyes closed. Just watch."

Mona closed her eyes and prepared herself to shoot. Allison bit her lower lip, anxious. The sound of the last target being hit break all the tension of the moment.

"For you, gorgeous," Mona handed her the teddy bear.

"You're the best," Allison smiled, pressing her lips on hers. "Well... would you like to have this?" She showed the ring in the palm of her hand.

"Sure."

Mona took the plastic ring, then slipped it back on Allison's fourth finger.

"Allison Wheeler, will you marry me?"

"Mona, I..." Allison was speechless, unsure if Mona was serious or not, and what her answer should be.

"Hey, I'm joking," Mona spoke, with some disappointment. "You didn't have to say ‘no’, jeez..."

“I-I didn’t say ‘no’! It’s just that we’re still so young and we haven’t been together for more than a couple weeks. It doesn’t mean that someday, in the future, I wouldn’t accept it.”

“That’s what I meant,” Mona fixed the situation. “In the future, in a few years... if we’re still together, if I’m not in prison...”

“In this case,” Allison kissed her softly, “I’d definitely say ‘yes’.”

----------

After a few hours, they stopped at a motel nearby to spend the night. They had been driving non-stop for days and both were feeling exhausted. While cuddling in bed, Mona noticed Allison couldn’t sleep. She was staring motionless at the ceiling for hours.

"What's up, babe?" She pressed a kiss on the back of her neck. "You look worried."

"I was thinking about your 'proposal'."

"No need to mope about that. I was only joking, I didn't expect you to take it seriously."

Allison turned around to face her.

"I know but it got me thinking..." she had a sad expression on her face, "what the future hold for us? Will we find a safe place to live? Will we be able to lose the police? Will you still love me in a few years from now?"

"Allison," Mona smiled, trying to give her some comfort. "We have a long way ahead, so, who knows? Life is like roller coaster ride, let's just live the moment."

Allison gazed deeply into her eyes, as if she could read all the fear and insecurity she was fighting so hard to hide. At any minute, the police could find them and all of that, all their dreams and plans, would be over.

"I don't wanna lose you."

"Then don't. I don’t plan to go anywhere without you."

Mona pulled Allison closer to her chest, where she stroked her hair and tried to get her to relax.

"Just so you know," Allison spoke before falling asleep. "In the future, in a few years from now, if you still love me... you already have my ‘yes’."

"I'll keep that in mind."

The Road to Langston

Pairing: Colt Kaneko x MC (Ellie)

Word Count: 1870

A/N: So. When I posted my first fic called Outlaws there was some demand for a Bonnie and Clyde AU. After the finale of ROD, this idea came to me. This will be a series. I’m not sure how long it will be yet, but I have lots of plans for it. Part two is already written and will probably be posted next week. The plan is to post a new part each week, but things happen. So I’ll do my best. Anyway. Please don’t hate me, but this one is angsty as hell. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I promise it will get better as the story progresses.

Summary: Ellie is on her way to college, but will she make it there?

Part Two

Ellie’s grip on the steering wheel was so tight her knuckles turned white and the leather creaked under her hands. Tears threatened to fall down her cheeks and she tried to force them back by breathing deeply. Colt’s words still rang in her ears, even over the blasting of her stereo. Suddenly, she’s on the street outside Jason’s house again, filled with a sense of bittersweet satisfaction knowing he can’t hurt her or anyone she cares about ever again. “I’m not ready for this to end…” She hears herself whisper. Colt’s response breaks her heart all over again as the memory consumes her, feeling his arms around her, smelling the leather of his jacket as if he really was here. “Every time you get behind the wheel, you’ll think about the crew. About me. About this part of your life. About this exact moment.” A sob rips free from her chest and the tears finally spill out onto her cheeks that jerks her back to reality. Frustrated with herself, she quickly wipes them away with one hand. He was right, as he usually was when it came to her. Ellie was grateful her father had paid to have her car repaired but the memories of Colt, Logan, Mona, Toby, and Ximena were everywhere in this car. Colt’s cactus bobblehead was stuck on her dash and a pair of pink fuzzy dice hung from the rearview along with Logan’s spark plug necklace. Each of them had created a memory with her in this car. She couldn’t escape them, and she didn’t want to. 

Ellie’s dad had told her to leave her past behind her before she left that morning. Things had been better between them, but they would never go back to normal. They couldn’t, because Ellie wasn’t the same anymore. He still hadn’t accepted that. He thought she should be able to leave L.A and never think about any of the crew again. But he was wrong. They’d become important to her, as important to her as he or Riya. Saying goodbye to Logan and Mona had felt like she was losing pieces of herself, but saying goodbye to Colt left her feeling completely empty. That feeling had faded some in the days since, but she still found herself jumping every time her phone buzzed, looking for him when she went out knowing she wouldn’t see him or hear from him, but hoping anyway. Ellie tried to force herself to think about anything, anyone else, reaching out and changing the radio station.

Ellie remembered Colt’s promise when she kissed him goodbye, her feet and hands controlling the car with her muscle memory while her mind wandered once more back to that street. “That’ll tide you over until next time. If there is a next time.” Her voice had wavered saying that. She remembered trying to be brave for him, trying to keep things light so she didn’t fall apart in the middle of the street. “There will be.” He’d said to her, and the certainty in his eyes had given her hope, in that moment, but she couldn’t help but feel more unsure with every mile she put between herself and L.A. She also thought, with a small and watery smile, of their plan to run the city. Of all the naive things she had believed in the last few months, that one was her favorite. It was a nice dream, while it lasted. But now he was going to do it alone. She still didn’t know that going to Langston what was she wanted anymore, even as she signaled onto the interstate and merged with the fast paced traffic.

After a full day of driving, Ellie pulled to a stop at a motel in Flagstaff, Arizona and put the car in park with a heavy sigh. This would be the first stop of many on the road to Langston, but she didn’t mind. The long drive gave her time to think which was both helpful and painful. After checking in and paying with the credit card her dad had given her, she went to her room and fell on the bed immediately. It was sparsely decorated with a few generic paintings and a bouquet of artificial flowers sat in a vase on a desk in the corner of the room. They were light pink and blue, the colors sparked a memory in her almost against her will. Prom seemed like it had been a lifetime ago now, even though it had only been a few weeks. Ellie can almost hear the music in her ears. Riya’s laugh as she and Darius danced together next to Ellie and Colt. The memory caused her chest to tighten and she struggled to breathe for a moment. It took every bit of strength she had in her to push away the memory. Unfortunately, her mind wasn’t finished with the torturous trip down memory lane. Colt’s voice flooded her mind, the subtle scent of his cologne invaded her senses as she was pulled back onto the balcony of a familiar hotel room. “It’s hard to tell. Because every plan I make, I want you there with me.”

“I’m back in school, Colt. I’m going off to college soon.” She’d hated saying those words. They felt false, even then.

“A regular path, a regular life? Ellie, you’re too good for that. You’re too bad for it too.” Ellie closed her eyes and she could see Colt’s cocky grin as he said that. She didn’t have the willpower to force this memory away, so she allowed herself to be swallowed up by it. The way Colt’s eyes had shined as he looked at her and not the city below them. His voice, rushed and nervous as he’d told her he loved her. She still remembered how he seemed to hold his breath as he waited for her to say it back. The way his soft lips captured hers as soon as she’d said the words. It was always surprising to her, how soft his lips were in comparison to all of his hard edges. Her heart twisted painfully as she pictured the way he’d looked at her as she led him back inside to the bed in the center of the room. Ellie could practically feel him now, where his hands had traced blazing trails along every bare inch he could find. She felt the hard planes of his abs as if she was straddling him in that bed again, his lips against hers as they shared a heated kiss. In the present, she whimpered involuntarily but her mind still raced, the memory not leaving her. Ellie remembered the pleasurable burn of his lips as they trailed from her neck and down her back as he slowly unzipped her dress. Perhaps the most painful, she remembered how his skin had felt beneath her own hands, or pressed up against her own. He drove her crazy in ways she never imagined possible. His hands were sliding down her waist to her hips when, suddenly, her phone buzzed in her pocket, jerking her from the memory.

Ellie slowly sat up and tossed her legs over the edge of the bed, pulling out her phone to check it. The screen was blurry, and she realized she’d been crying without noticing. Frustrated, she reached for a tissue from the box on the nightstand and wiped her eyes before looking back at the phone. It was only a text from her dad, asking if she’d made it to her first stop. She quickly replied that she had and shoved her phone back in her pocket. Before she could lose herself to another memory, she got up and strode out of the room. Ellie’s feet took her back out to her car, where she sat on the trunk, looking up at the stars and briefly hoping that Logan was safe. The stars always made her think of him. Oddly, it comforted her to think of him. His memories were less painful than Colt’s. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but by the time she hopped down, the moon was high in the sky. With a sigh, she popped the trunk and reached for her duffle bag, slinging it over her shoulder. Just as she was about to shut the trunk, her eyes caught a familiar black sleeve poking out from a side compartment. Ellie froze in place, just staring at it. Then slowly, carefully, she pulled it out. Her hands trembled as she gathered the familiar leather in her hands, slowly and carefully, as if she was afraid if she held it too tightly, it would disappear. Colt’s jacket. How had it gotten in here? Had he put it there before she left for Langston? If so, when? Without thinking, she whirled around, thinking she’d see him watching her from somewhere in the parking lot. She desperately searched, thinking she’d see him leaned against his motorcycle, arms crossed. But she was alone, of course. The jacket though, now she had that. It would have to be enough.

Ellie finally shut the trunk and headed back to her room, clutching the jacket to her chest. A small, sad smile on her face, she brought it to her nose and breathed in the scent of sea salt mixed with grease, gasoline, and something woodsy that was distinctly….Colt. Back in her room, she shut the door softly. After showering and changing into her pyjamas, she reached for the jacket, which she’d carefully laid out on the bed, and slipped it on. For the first time since leaving L.A, Ellie almost felt at peace as she started to drift off. When she closed her eyes, she felt him there as if he were holding her and she was able to fool herself she was in her arms just before she fell asleep.

Sunrise found Ellie already awake. She packed her things, changed into a fresh outfit, and left the hotel with Colt’s jacket draped across her shoulders. Her sleep had been deep and blessedly dreamless, but when she woke up that morning, she’d reached out for Colt in her sleepy haze. That had hurt, but she did her best to shrug it off as she slid behind the wheel of her car once more. There was an urge to keep moving that had taken over Ellie, but this morning she wasn’t sure if it was to put more distance between her and L.A or less. Shaking her head to clear it, Ellie started the car and pulled out of the motel parking lot.

When she got to the entrance ramp to the freeway, Ellie hesitated for the first time since leaving home. The memories she’d relived the previous evening nagged at her mind. Colt was rebuilding the garage, the crew, from the ground up. On his own. She should be there. She had to be there. With that thought, Ellie quickly merged into the U-Turn lane and spun around, heading back for L.A. “I’m coming home, Colt. Please don’t kill me for it.” She whispered to herself, tugging the jacket tighter around her with her free hand. 

Tags: @courtesan-of-garage @poeticscolt @zig-nazario @lovehugsandcandy @maxwellsquidsuit @brightpinkpeppercorn

Recent Reads -- May 12, 2019

It turns out that I start to feel itchy if I don’t do a round-up of my various one-off recs every few months or so? Though there are some new recs on this list too (helloooo, Lix Storm). As usual, it’s a multifandom mix--DGHDA, Harry Potter, The Hour, and just a bit of Sherlock and The History Boys. Recs under the cut, so you don’t have to scroll unless you want to :)  Enjoy!

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency I'm So Queer I Can't Even Think Straight (But To Be Fair, You're Not Helping) - @dont-offend-the-bees - 2.2k, T, Dirk/Todd "'His mind was buzzing, his heart pounding, his lips tingling, even now five, ten, however many minutes later. But if nothing else, he’d got past the phase of the whole holy shit Dirk just kissed me thing going round and round in his head, stuck in there like a bad song. But holy shit Dirk just kissed him.' In which Todd shows his hand, and Dirk takes a leap." So funny and charming that I’m almost mad about it? The Comic happened, we all lost our minds, and Bees was there with fic on the SAME DAY.

A Thousand Butterflies Can't Be Wrong, (But I Think I Might Be.) - electricteatime | @kieren-fucking-walker - 6.2k, G, Dirk/Todd "It’s a lot, he knows it’s a lot, and he almost wishes he’d stopped to think about his answer before just blurting his feelings all over the place. But then he supposes he’s always been a little like that, and it hardly makes sense to change that now. If Todd feels the same he already knows what he’s signing up for. If. For two small letters, it really is a big word." OF COURSE post-s2 Dirk thinks that Todd and Farah will be together and leave him, because historically, that's how things go for him...bless his heart and his inability to cope with Todd's eyebrows.

Leave What's Heavy Behind - electricteatime - 5k, G, Dirk/Todd "A semi-poetic semi-character study of one Todd Brotzman, the lies he tells himself, and the truths Dirk Gently knows." So beautifully, painfully REAL?!? I may never stop having feelings about this fic.

song for the heartsick (better days are near) - embraidery - WIP, T, Bart & Suzie Boreton "Suzie Boreton, rescued from death at the hands of the Mage's goons by the dirtiest woman she's ever seen in her life, faces a question: would she like to go on a road trip with her savior? No, Suzie thinks, but when she opens her mouth, Yes comes out. And so begins the weirdest road trip ever." This is such a fascinating premise, I can't wait to see where it goes.

To sleep, perchance to dream - @flightinflame - 2.4k, G, Mona & friends "Mona is sick, and loses control of her abilities. She tries to hide it, but it becomes too much to ignore." This is? So soft?! And also quirky, and playful, and just plain heartwarming.

the intricacies of triangulation - reptilianraven | @actualbird - WIP, T, Farah/Dirk/Todd "'Todd. Us. Us and Todd. We need a plan for this,' Farah says. Or the one where Dirk and Farah get together (they’re surprised about it as well) and try their best to get Todd to date the both of them in the most roundabout ways possible." In just one chapter this fic had me HOWLING with laughter.

or make a home - reptilianraven - 6.6k, T, Dirk/Todd "Or Todd’s adventures in dating Dirk Gently, the mundanities of which unsurprisingly turning out to not be very mundane at all (featuring, among other things: intergalactic wormholes, regular periods of lying down on the floor, and several annoying habits that concern toothpaste and toothbrushes.)" With a combination of absurd humor and honest emotion, this fic absolutely nails the joys (and annoyances) of loving/supporting/living with another person.

put that baby back where it came from, or so help me - reptilianraven - 7.6k, T, Dirk/Todd "A case drops a telekinetic baby into the agency’s care and Dirk feels...overwhelmed whenever he sees Todd competently, wonderfully, lovingly taking care of a child." Tropey and ridiculous, but in the BEST WAY. My favorite line in this fic is ALL of them.

Though Your Breath Racks Your Ribs and You Throb with Pain; There's a Juice on My Lips for Each Purple Stain - @sexycoinkidicks - 7.4k, E, Dirk/Todd "In which Dirk shows Todd where it hurts. Angsty emotional smut, based loosely on a scene from the play Kiss of the Spider Woman (VERY loosely- no prior knowledge needed!)" Claustrophobic sadness and Extreme Emotional Intensity, with a slight edge of hope.

An Interlude; or, Compulsory Heterosexuality Made Me Do It - @teacupsandcyanide & @gallantrejoinder, - 1.6k, G, Farah & Todd "Farah and Todd did, in fact, make out while on the run. They also both realised some very important things about themselves. But not the things you might expect." Todd and Farah are glorious disasters, and I love them <3 This fic made me giggle from start to finish.

The Situation - teacupsandcyanide - 8.5k, M, Dirk/Todd "Todd raises his eyebrows at him. 'You gotta admit. We would get into this … situation.' 'What, the situation where we flee from the weekly hired goons into a badly aging knock-off of the Ritz, get shut in an empty room with no escape, and find ourselves compelled to make loud, gratuitous sex noises in order to put the aforementioned lackeys off the scent?'" In which Dirk and Todd have wildly different interpretations of Dirk's "coming out," and the only thing preventing them from getting together was their inability to have an honest damn conversation. Sensual and full of Big Emotions, as is only fitting for these two.

The Butterfly Effect (Love Is Love Is Love Is Love) - teacupsandcyanide - 7.2k, T, Dirk/Todd "Dirk kisses his best friend on their balcony in front of the Pride Parade. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Things escalate wildly into identity issues, old hang-ups, anguished declarations of love, and inopportune sabotage of the situation by their tiny bastard cat." This fic left me an incoherent, keysmashing mess. I might have actually clutched at my own heart after reading it.

Harry Potter Midday, Midnight - @aryastark-valarmorghulis - 8.5k, T, Remus/Sirius "During the summer of 1976, between fifth and sixth year at Hogwarts (and after The Prank), Remus goes outside the Lupin's cottage and he finds a big, black dog in his garden..." The character voice in this fic is so authentically teenager-y; Remus is so deep in his own head. I also enjoyed all of the sensory details, which create such a vivid image of the Lupin home, and the feel of a summer's day (and night).

Aural Gratification - birdsofshore - 10.9k, E, Harry/Draco "Harry's not gay – he just likes listening to exciting stories about Aurors. It's not his fault that the narrator's voice is so smooth, so expressive... and really rather hot." I know I’m waaaaay late to the party on this one (as I often am with Drarry fics), but worth it. As a person who listens to audiobooks for both fun and profit, I could not resist it :)

Letting Go - LuminousGloom - 6.1k, E, Remus/Sirius, Remus/Kingsley, Remus/OMC "A number of lusty, intimate encounters. Although for Remus, it's really only ever been about one person. And it's never quite right, until it's right." I love that each of Remus’ encounters is not only distinct and sexy, but also that each highlights different facets of him: forthright, secretive, curious, ashamed, conflicted, joyful, soft, rough, broken, and (eventually) unbroken.

like tea and knitwear - @songofwizardry - 2.4k, G, Remus/Sirius "There are probably easier and faster ways of showing one's affection than learning how to knit so one can make the object of said affections a jumper. Fortunately, Sirius has never been fond of picking the easy route." As soft and warm as a hand-knit jumper, but with just enough snarky humor that it still feels Marauders-y.

Sky Full of Song - @writcraft, read by semperfiona - 2k, 13min, T, Harry/Draco "Draco turns up at Harry's birthday party unexpectedly and Harry takes a leap of faith."  A wonderful blend of angst and humor and realistically messy emotions.

The History Boys Don't you know you're life itself? - Philipa_Moss - 5.5k, M, Scripps/Posner “Dakin thinks you’ll get bored of me,” Posner says, out of the blue, and Scripps says, automatic and habitual, “He doesn’t.” This fic feels so perfectly lived-in--all of the relationships (partnerships, friendships, whatever) are well-worn, complex, and shaped by choices in a way that rings true to life, and to the characters.

The Hour (Guess who watched all of The Hour this winter and was left wishing that there was another series entirely about Lix Storm?)

The Small Hours - deathorthetoypiano - 1k, T, Lix/Bel "Lix stayed at Freddie's funeral, despite her instincts - and old habits - telling her to leave. She stayed for Bel, because she might need rescuing or a shoulder to cry on, someone to make sure she was alright, or at least as alright as she could be, given the situation." A quiet, bittersweet coda.

My thought is not changeable - @lbmisscharlie - 1.5k, E, Lix/Bel "Freddie will return – sometime – he must – and Bel is never aimless when Freddie’s around, not like she is now, eyes intent on Lix’s mouth and one stockinged foot rubbing uncertainly against her calf and their smallest fingers just touching where their palms are braced on the floor." Sharp poignancy and tons of sensory--a perfect stolen moment.

Light gathered in you - lbmisscharlie - 1.4k, E, Lix/Bel "Bel looks at her, sidelong. Her lashes are long, mascaraed dark, and her mouth coral pink. “I did wonder,” she says. “If you were – a Sapphist.” She says the archaic word so delicately that Lix has to laugh, which makes Bel pink up and drop her gaze. “I’m – not fussy,” Lix says. She shifts her weight just so, her forearm brushing Bel’s elbow. Bel doesn’t look up, but takes a breath, lifts her glass to her mouth, and swallows her wine down." Everything about this--tone, dialogue, dynamics--feels spot-on.

The Most Marvellous Place to Get Lost - peninsulam - 8.5k, E, Lix/Bel "It is late spring in Tangier, and Bel feels as far from home as she has been in her life." Gorgeous, poignant, evocative. You know, just generally breathtaking.

Immoral Support - @thisbluespirit - 420 words, T, Lix/Bel "Bel winds up where she always does after a bad day; in the safest place she knows..." This is lovely, and manages to nail their dynamic in fewer than 500 words.

I'd like to explore you - rainbowsuomi - 604 words, unrated, Lix & Bel "Lix’s mind is already somewhere else when Bel tells her to think about it and exits the office, picturing herself in front of the camera, describing bars where girls had their hair cropped and styled with grease, smoking cigars and slipping their hands, elegant, long and white, under flowing, frilly skirts, caressing stockings and corrupting young ladies." A beautifully characterized slice of life (and Lix’s history).

Sherlock Roads, Not Shrouds - verdant_fire | @viridiandecisions - 3.4k, T, John/Sherlock "He's perfectly happy to live out the rest of his life in monastic devotion, feeding John and loving John and provoking John just enough to distract him from what Sherlock did to their kitchen table." Lovely and lyrical and heartfelt (without getting treacly).

Further fic recs | Fic bookmarks

little do you know, chapter 16; do you know? (part ii)

Fact: “You blame a person’s behavior on their personality, unless the person is you.”

previous chapters + drabbles

Mona watched her hands warily.

Her mehndi stain was a beautiful and rich dark brown. Pari created an intricate yet simple design that suited Mona to the bone, but her words constantly rung in Mona’s head whenever she looked down at the stain.

Niall’s name looked as if it was mocking her, all tiny and nestled into the tip of a flower petal. She sighed.

She wasn’t having the best of days. She woke up with a dull ache in her chest, acutely aware of how cold her bed was, how alone she was. The memory of Niall’s lips on hers burned, which she knew would happen. She knew if she slipped up and finally got close to him again that it would hurt too much when she woke up in her bed alone. And yet, something came over her last night that she couldn’t control, something she could only describe as an overwhelming want.

She wasn’t really sure if she regretted anything yet.

“Mo, what are you waiting for?” Jyoti’s voice cut right through her thoughts, and when Mona looked up, she was watching her quizzically from the door. “Aren’t you gonna come down? They’re gonna start in a few.”

She was in Pari’s room, sitting on her bed. Pari had all but dragged her in here as soon as she’d come by this morning, yammering on and on about how she just had to help Mona get ready because they weren’t allowing her to do much with Deepa, who had hired a hair and makeup artist. As soon as she laid eyes on Mona’s mehndi stain, though, she grew quiet, and Mona looked up only to find her grinning deviously at her. She didn’t need to say anything. Mona already knew what she was thinking.

Now, Mona sighed, sending Jyoti a small smile. “Yeah, I’ll be down in a second.”

Jyoti smiled too, but she seemed a bit more unconvinced. “You okay?”

Mona looked down at her fingers. She’d been restless since she woke up this morning and no attempts of calming herself down had worked. She shrugged. “Nervous,” she muttered, huffing out an anxious laugh. A lump of emotion lodged itself into her throat and she had to fight to swallow it down.

“Oh, Mona darling,” Jyoti sighed, crossing the room in a few strides to take a seat next to her on the bed. She placed a hand over Mona’s trembling ones. “I know this is probably not what you wanna hear right now…” Mona held her breath, looking over to meet Jyoti’s eyes, only to find hers glazed over in seriousness. “But, I think you need this. I think you’ll feel so much better once you get through it.”

Mona heaved out a deep breath. She’d been trying to give herself that same pep talk all morning but she’d been spiraling. She couldn’t help it. It had been so long since she even spoke to him, and, for some reason, despite that one phone call on the night of her birthday, she didn’t feel comfortable with this situation at all.

“Come on,” Jyoti drawled, giving her shoulder a nudge with hers. “You’ll be fine. We’re all here for you.” Mona looked up only to find her smiling at her. “Now put on your happy face. We have a wedding to show up to and god knows Deepa will throw a fit at the mandap if she spots you looking sad.”

At that, Mona cracked a smile, much to Jyoti’s delight. She sighed as she took Jyoti’s hand and let her lead them out of the room. As soon as they made their way through the hall and down the stairs, the atmosphere, and Mona’s mood, had shifted. The festivities were in full swing, and the excitement and happiness in the air was so palpable that it felt as if it were seeping into Mona’s skin.

Jyoti left her side when someone called her name from the crowd and Mona went off to go find Harlow. She grabbed a glass of water from someone with a tray nearby and gulped it down in one go. She couldn’t help but feel a little jittery, and everyone she interacted with definitely noticed. Harlow’s aunt even went as far as blatantly asking if she was okay.

Mona sighed to herself when that conversation was over. She started walking around again in search of Harlow, who was nowhere to be found. Mona figured she must have been upstairs helping Deepa get ready. She scanned the crowd again only for her eyes to land on a familiar pair of blue ones. Niall smiled at her from across the room and, again, she sighed to herself. He shouldn’t be allowed to look that good.

She smiled back at him, heat flooding her skin as the memory of his lips on hers from last night came back. Her fingers tingled and she glanced down to take a look at her mehndi stain again, which seemed to be getting darker by the minute. Niall started to walk towards her, and she found her legs moving to head towards him as well.

Until someone stepped right into her view of him.

Mona froze. It felt as if her blood had iced over in her veins, and whatever sense of calmness she had started to feel quickly evaporated into thin air. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even think. The moment she’d been dreading was finally here and now she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Hey, Mo,” Nick said to her. He smiled easily, and it seemed earnest and a bit nervous. Despite it, Mona couldn’t find anything in her to send him a smile of her own. “It’s been a while, huh.”

Mona wished the ground would just swallow her whole. This was her brother, for crying out loud, and she couldn’t even say a word to him.

It turned out, she didn’t have to. Niall was stepping in beside her, and even without looking at him she could tell he was in protective mode. His shoulders were squared, standing up to his tallest height, despite Nick having a couple inches over him. When she looked up at him, he was already sending her a concerned look, brows raised in a silent question: Is everything okay?

Mona sighed. He could always see right through her.

Niall was getting ready to say something—probably scathing—to Nick but she stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Niall,” she mumbled, “this is Nick. My brother.” At that, Niall’s demeanor had softened significantly, but his shoulders were still tense. Mona turned to look at her brother. He was watching them carefully, but even she couldn’t ignore the hope in his eyes. “Nick, this is my friend Niall.”

“Hi, Niall.” Nick immediately held out his hand, his megawatt smile taking over his entire face. Mona had forgotten how charming her brother is. “Nice to meet you.”

At that, Niall’s icy exterior completely melted, and he sent Nick a smile of his own. “Likewise, mate.” Mona didn’t miss the way Niall inched closer towards her, a silent reminder that he noticed her internal panic. “Sorry for being a little defensive back there. Mo just looked a little spooked when she saw you is all.”

“Yeah, no, I totally understand,” Nick laughed, his eyes on Mona. “It’s just, uh.” His voice softened. “It’s been a minute since we’ve civilly interacted.”  He inched the slightest bit closer to her, and Mona was beginning to lose her nerve. Nick held his arms out for her, an easy smile on his face, but even she could see from his eyes that he was nervous. "For old time's sake?" 

Mona tried to swallow through the very large lump that had grown in her throat and was failing. Memories of the last time she spoke to her brother flooded her mind and she could feel her fingers starting to shake again. It was the oddest thing, how someone who had once meant the world to her, who was supposed to protect her from everything, now made her feel the most on edge.  

Her silence, and stillness, had him faltering, but before he could fully put his arms down, she took a deep breath and stepped towards him, timidly walking into his open embrace and loosely wrapping her arms around his middle. When he tightened his arms around her shoulders, her heart gave a harsh twist. She and Nick may not have had the closest relationship, but she had always looked up to him.  

He was always better than her—the perfect son, the perfect brother, the perfect friend. It was a rare moment that she envied it, and the one time that she both envied it and let it show, it caused what seemed like an irreparable rift between them. She didn't know if things could ever be like they were.  

"We miss you, Mobear," he murmured into her hair, and it felt like her heart stopped at his old nickname for her. He pulled away, hands on her shoulders, eyes looking into hers imploringly. “Mom misses you. What would it take for you to come and visit her, just once—” 

"Nick," she sighed, moving to shift away from him, but he wouldn't let her go. He looked desperate, enough so that it was difficult for her to put her walls all the way up and walk away from him. "Please don't do this. Not right now."  

"She needs you, Mo." His voice had softened significantly. Mona looked away only to catch Harlow's eyes at the other end of the room. She was standing with Jyoti and Pari, all of them looking both concerned and hopeful at the same time. Harlow sent her a look that Mona understood all too well, one that was always sent before she came over to rescue Mona from whatever situation she seemed to be stuck in. Mona nodded reassuringly at her though. She could get through this on her own. When she met Nick's eyes again, he looked sad and defeated, an expression she rarely saw on him. "She's not doing so well. And she just—she just wants to see you again. Or even just speak to you. Anything, just please—please let her back in." 

She shook her head at him, that lump in her throat returning, and she willed the stinging in her eyes to go away. "I can't. I won't—I mean," she huffed, "I can't just pretend like everything is okay or like we left off on the greatest terms—" 

"I'm not asking you to pretend, but she really just wants to talk. Or you don't even have to talk just let her see your face so she knows—" 

"No, Nick." Mona's voice was the firmest she'd heard it in a while, and at the sound of it, Nick's hands dropped from her shoulders. She instantly felt bad when he took a step back, and she wondered if he still thought of her as cold and heartless. "I'm sorry," she blurted, sighing. She looked down at her fingers, trailing a finger over Niall's tiny name on her palm. She could still feel his presence beside her, and it made her feel much calmer than she actually expected to be. "It's still hard," she mumbled. "It's been years and it's still hard." 

At that, Nick sighed too. "Yeah. I know."  

He was much paler than she was, so the flush on his cheeks was visible. If it was from frustration or uncertainty, she wasn't sure, but she was feeling soft towards him at the moment. "Let's not talk about this now. Let's just put on our happy faces for Deepa and pretend like everything is fine, like we always do."  

Nick looked up at her, eyes glazed over in an emotion she couldn't quite read. It looked like sadness, but it appeared so strange on him, on someone who was always so sure of himself and his place in the world. "I'm sorry," he whispered, cheeks reddening even more. Mona nearly wondered if he was about to cry, but the thought was so ridiculous that all she could do was stare at him in disbelief. "For everything. For things happening the way they did.” Mona didn’t want to believe him but there was an honesty in his eyes that was indisputable. “There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret letting you run away and not going after you when you did.”

Mona gulped. She didn’t know what to say. All she knew was that she couldn’t go there with him right now. She didn’t want to think of that night. And she sure as hell didn’t want to talk about it either. “It was nice seeing you, Nick,” she murmured. He looked disappointed at her words, but he nodded nonetheless. Mona took his silence as an opportunity to turn around and walk away. She headed straight towards Harlow, who was standing in the same spot she’d seen her last.

Harlow reached for her immediately, throwing an arm over her shoulders and leading her through a corridor towards where Mona knew the guest bedroom was. When Harlow opened the door, a few of the younger children were inside playing a game, and she quickly ushered them out, much to their irritation. Harlow pulled Mona inside and closed the door behind her, and Mona quickly headed towards the only open space on the overcrowded bed. The whole room was filled with luggage, and she’d nearly tripped over a particularly large one.

“You okay?” Harlow breathed out, eyeing her in concern. When Mona nodded, Harlow hummed, moving around some things so she could take a seat next to her. “That conversation looked interesting.”

Mona shrugged. She was feeling strange. There were so many emotions swirling within her that she wasn’t sure which one she was feeling the most. “It was weird.”

Harlow nudged her shoulder with hers. “How so?”

“I dunno.” She noticed that her fingers were still shaking. “Still processing.”

Harlow huffed out a laugh just as someone started to knock at the door. “Well my little robot,” she joked, getting up and moving towards the sound, “that actually went better than I was expecting.”

Mona nodded. She felt the exact same way. “I guess that’s why it was weird.”

Harlow opened the door to reveal none other than Niall behind it. She ushered him in quickly and closed the door again. Mona understood her urgency. If anyone spotted them, word would spread like wildfire that they were in here, and knowing Indian families—or the Kotecha family, rather—their nosiness would get the best of them and Harlow might as well find them with their ears pressed to the door.  

"Everything alright?" There was a soft smile on Niall's pretty face, but even Mona could see the concern in those bright blue eyes.  

She nodded at him. Her emotions were catching up with her and she was beginning to feel a sort of numbness crawling up her bones. She knew it would only be a matter of time before she crashed and felt all of them in overdrive.  

Harlow huffed, and when Mona looked up, she was looking out the window. The groom must be arriving. "I'm gonna have to go. Niall, please stay here with her and make sure she doesn't have a breakdown on us."  

Niall snorted. "Aye, aye, cap'n."  

This time, Mona was the one huffing at the two of them. When had she become so easy to read? Most of all, when had Harlow and Niall become partners in ensuring her mental health? These past couple of months have been so strange.  

Harlow quickly scurried out while Niall took the seat beside her on the bed. He nudged her with his shoulder, and when she looked up at him, he was giving her a soft smile. She didn't have to think twice about leaning her head on his shoulder, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her. The numbness was beginning to melt into anxiousness, and she found herself curling into him, trying to breathe through her heart beating a million miles a minute.  

Niall reacted quickly. "Hey," he murmured softly, lips brushing over her hairline. "You did great, love. That was a conversation you needed to have and you handled it like a champ."  

But Mona didn't feel like one. Instead, she felt like she lost even more of herself. Waves of the memories she had tried so hard to suppress were coming back in droves, the most painful being those resurfacing from the day she left.  

"Mo." Niall's voice pierced through the clouds in her mind and it sounded very concerned. She realized, as she came to, that she was gasping for air. "Talk to me, darlin', you're scaring me." 

Her last gasp ended in a whimper, and she tried to breathe calmly through the twisting in her chest. It was too much. She should have never come. "I'm sorry."  

At last, a breathy sob left her lips, and as a lone tear began to roll down her cheeks, Niall shifted to kneel in front of her, hands clutching both of hers on her lap, that soft smile never wavering from his face. "Not what I meant by 'talk to me'."  

She huffed out a laugh, shaking her head at herself and glancing down at their intertwined hands. The mehndi flower on her palm, where his name lay nestled into the tip of a petal, tingled on her skin. She met his eyes when he reached out to swipe away the tear from her cheek. "This is why I didn't wanna come back," she whispered hoarsely. "Because revisiting everything about why I left—it's just too painful." 

Niall's smile faltered, but he put it back into place quickly. "But holding everything in all the time is not the healthiest option either." Mona looked away from him. She sniffled, feeling her lips start to wobble again. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need this. You need the closure. You'll feel so much better once you get through this." 

She huffed. "Niall, I don't--" 

"Stop." He squeezed her hands firmer. "You're just trying to talk yourself out of it but you know it's true. I mean, just look at the way you were yesterday." A traitorous tear rolled down her cheek again but he quickly swiped it away. "Being with Harlow's family again made you happy in a way we haven't seen you in a long, long time." This time, when she met his eyes, they were a reflection of his words: honest and determined. "I missed that Mona," he said very quietly, like it was a secret meant only for her ears. "That Mona taught me that I didn't need to be angry at the world just because I was broken. She taught me how to let people in, how it was okay to feel my emotions and not shut them away, how to love."  

Something about his words had gears clicking into place in her head. Mona looked at him now and saw a very different Niall than the one she'd first gotten to know at the cabin. That Niall had anger issues and wore a perpetual impassive expression on his face. The Niall sitting in front of her had an easygoing personality and a smile that could light up entire streets and houses and cities. The Niall in front of her is the one she fell in love with.

She didn’t realize how much she grew over the past year, and how much all her friends grew with her. None of them were the same people they were a year ago.

But now, she felt stuck, in her head, in her relationships, in her past. She didn’t know how to pull herself out of it.

“My dad died because he was in his car and got hit by a drunk driver,” she blurted out. She clenched her eyes shut, unable to believe that the words just came out of her mouth. She swore she’d never talk about it, never think about it, like if she did that she could pretend it never happened. But Niall was right. She needed closure. And maybe this was the way to get it. “It was an 18-year-old guy who’d just gotten his license and a new car. He had gone to a party and decided he was okay to drive. His blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit.”

Niall’s hands slackened around hers. She didn’t dare look at his face. She knew it must have been a mixture of shock and sympathy, neither of which she wanted to see right now.

“He had an argument with my mom that night. I’m not sure what exactly it was about, but she mentioned the word divorce and he exploded.” Goosebumps rippled across her skin at the memory. It still felt fresh, and talking about it for the first time in years felt like rubbing salt into the wound. “I was about to sneak out…I always did when they started to fight. But, I dunno, something stopped me that night. I ended up just sitting at the top of the stairs, listening. This argument just seemed…different…more serious in a way they’d never been.”

Mona sniffled as Niall started to dab away her tears with a tissue. He was careful around her eyes, presumably not to mess up the careful makeup Pari had applied there. When she glanced at him, his lips were pulled down into a frown.

She huffed out a breath. She could feel the emotions welling up inside her and it was only a matter of time before it burst. “He just stormed out. But before he left, he caught me sitting on the stairs. He smiled at me and mouthed to me that he loved me.” Her voice cracked. The memories felt as if they were carving her heart out of her chest. “That was the last time I ever saw him.” A harsh sob left her throat. “I could have stopped him. Or I could have gone with him. But I just sat there, on the stairs, waiting for him to come back home. But he never did.”

Mona didn’t realize when it had happened but her body had sort of melted into Niall’s without her knowing and suddenly she was crying into the curve of his neck. He held her tightly, rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back and swaying with her gently. He didn’t say a word, which only meant Mona felt the need to propel on in order to fill the silence.

“I can’t go back there. I can’t look at her.” At the door, someone was rattling with the doorknob. But because it was locked, they gave up and moved on. Mona would have to pull herself together soon, but she didn’t know how that was possible if all she was doing was falling apart. “It’s all her fault. If she hadn’t fought with him that night, if she hadn’t made him upset, he would have never left.”

“Mo.” Niall pulled back to look at her. He held her face between his hands, thumbs swiping away her tears. “You don’t really believe that.”

Mona whimpered, pushing his hands away and covering her face with her own. She wasn’t sure what she believed anymore. It was just easier not to think of any of it.

Niall’s fingers found her wrists, tugging gently. “Remember when you convinced me to call my mum back? You said that at least she was reaching out to me because your own mum just accepted you leaving.” He managed to pry her hands away from her face. “What if she never reached out because you thought of her like this? I mean, your brother said she’s not doing well. Shouldn’t you be the one reaching out to her?”

Mona snatched her hands away from his. Frustration was beginning to course through her veins. “You’re supposed to be on my side, Niall!”

Niall sighed. “I am on your side,” he said quietly. He shifted so he was sitting next to her on the bed again. “That just means that I have to be honest with you when you’re not being honest with yourself.”

She huffed. Just as it came, her irritation quickly melted out of her and her mind was starting to feel clear. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and willing herself to calm down. When she opened them again, she felt determined to pull herself together and attend Deepa’s wedding with a smile. She placed a hand over Niall’s. “C’mon. We have a wedding to go to.”

Niall simply smiled at her, and the sight of it had her insides warming up.

She knew she could get through this wedding if he stayed by her side.

~

Mona was too comfortable to move.

She was extremely warm. Her face was pressed into the curve of his neck and her fingers were curled around the fabric of his t-shirt. He was sleeping soundly, but holding her close nonetheless, lips pressed to her forehead like he was giving her a kiss just as he was falling asleep.

Something tugged in her chest when she glanced up at him. Niall always looked so much younger when he was asleep, all boyish and precious. She didn’t catch him like this often because he normally woke way before she did, so whenever she did she couldn’t help but savor it for a few moments. She fell more and more for him every single day. Especially after the events of this weekend.

Which were, needless to say, pretty eventful.

Niall had tried to help her salvage her makeup after her meltdown, but he had to give up after a few attempts because, “this isn’t something I know how to fix, Mo.” Eventually, he told her to stay put for a few moments while he left the room. In the time it took him to get back, Mona stared at her reflection in the mirror and noted that she found herself looking like this way too often, all puffy eyes and dull, blotchy skin.

When Niall got back, he entered the room with Pari, who took one look at her face and already started to shake her head. She chattered on and on as she redid Mona’s makeup, and when she was done, Mona had to admit that it actually looked better than before. “Oh!” she had exclaimed once she caught sight of Mona’s hands. “It got even darker!” She then proceeded to show Mona’s hands to Niall, yammering on about her expertise while Mona quietly suffered through her uneasiness because she didn’t want Pari to flip her hands over so Niall could see his name on her palms.

Thankfully, Pari decided to spare her, and they made their way out of the room as discreetly as they could. They were just beginning to bring Deepa down as they got to the mandap area, so Pari quickly scurried away to join her sisters while Mona and Niall found seats next to Harry, Zayn, and Liam.

Mona and Zayn spent a majority of the ceremony elaborating on what was happening to Harry, Liam, and Niall. The three of them laughed in amusement when Harlow and her sisters stole the groom’s shoes and watched in interest as Deepa and Aditya took rounds around the fire seven times, then reciting the seven sacred vows to each other. Mona nearly teared up when Aditya applied sindoor to Deepa’s head and then placed the mangalsutra around her neck. She couldn’t believe that Deepa was now married. It seemed like only yesterday that they were children, running around the yard and driving the adults crazy.

After the customary ceremonies took place, the newly-married couple took the blessings of their parents and other adults. A reception took place where people ate more food and gave gifts to the couple, and the Kotecha girls returned the groom’s shoes in exchange for gifts and money. Mona had stuck around for a while before deciding that she didn’t want to run into Nick again. It wasn’t long until Niall was ordering an Uber and Mona told Harlow that she was going to call it a night, to which she understood.

When they got back to the hotel, Mona went to her room to strip of all her clothes and makeup and quickly slipped into comfy clothes. She found herself making her way to Niall’s room, who welcomed her in with a soft smile. They sat around in his bed watching TV for a while before Mona started to doze off, the events of the day catching up with her. Niall pressed a slow and sweet kiss to her lips before she completely settled in, and she had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

Now, as she watched him, she couldn’t help but feel her heart twist in her chest. His words from earlier were echoing in her head, and the more awake she became, the more restless she felt. What if he was right? What if it was Mona who should have been reaching out to her mom instead of the other way around? Her family knew her more than anyone else. They knew more than anyone that she just needed space to gather her thoughts and then she’d be fine. Space was what they must have been giving her. Until things must have gotten bad with Mom and Nick got desperate.

Mona mulled through all the feelings she’d suppressed for so long and realized she was wrong. Taking her anger out on her mom was wrong and unfair. After all, she couldn’t imagine the guilt her mom must have been feeling after Mona unnecessarily blamed her for what was actually just a tragic accident. And while it didn’t dull the pain of losing her dad any less, it came with a wave of clarity that Mona had been searching for all along. For the first time in months, she felt calm, her pulse a steady thrum in her skin, and she knew what she had to do.

She shifted away from Niall, being sure not to jostle him too much. She didn’t want to leave him, but she also couldn’t stay there and let her thoughts consume her. His breath hitched for a moment but then he sighed in his sleep, nuzzling into the pillow Mona placed between his arms. Mona contented herself with watching him for a few moments, reaching out to lightly brush back his hair before pressing her lips to his forehead.

Then, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and moved about gathering her things as quickly and quietly as possible. She made her way to her room to slip on a sweater and grabbed her phone. It was nearly midnight, which probably wasn’t the best time. But everyone was right, she needed closure, and she wouldn’t be able to relax until she got it.

She ordered an Uber and made her way outside, wondering if the others made it back yet or if they were still at the Kotecha’s. After a quick scroll through social media, it was clear that Harry, Liam, and Zayn were still having fun with Harlow and her family. She wondered if, because the festivities were still going on, it meant that Nick might still be there too.

It wasn’t long until the driver was pulling up in front of a yard she knew all too well. The sight of it nearly had her throat closing up. It didn’t feel like that long ago when she was vowing to herself that she would never come back—and now here she was.

She walked to the front door as if in a trance. All the lights in the house appeared to be off, and the darkness had goosebumps rising all across her skin. There was no car in the driveway, which meant Nick still wasn’t home. As she got up the porch, she nudged away a loose stone under a window to reveal a spare key. She rolled it over in her hands for a few moments before working up the nerve to insert it into the door knob and twist the lock open.

She took a deep breath as she pushed open the door and stepped inside. It was completely silent and dark in the house, save for a light coming from where she knew her mom’s room was upstairs. As soon as she closed the door behind her, the scent of sandalwood overwhelmed her, reminding her increasingly of her dad, and she was surprised her heart didn’t just stop at the slew of memories that came back.

Picture frames of family photos were still in the same place as when she left. There was a line of them leading up the wall of the staircase, and she took her time looking at each of them as she made her way up. There were photos of family vacations, of past birthdays, of school portraits. In all the ones she found herself in, she couldn’t help but think of how different she was now.

When she got to the top step, the floor creaked, and she cringed because she’d forgotten that it did that. “Nick?” called her mom from her bedroom, and Mona completely froze. She realized, now that she was here, that she had no idea what she was even going to say. The thoughts didn’t keep her feet from moving though, and she found herself approaching the open door, the only room where there was light. As she got to the door frame, the floor creaked again. Inside, her mom was rifling through the drawers for something, presumably her socks. Mona’s heart twisted. Her mom liked wearing socks to bed. “Did you have fun? I hope you took lots of pictures because—”

Her mom froze as she turned around only to find that it was not Nick standing there, but just Mona. Her eyes widened, face frozen in shock, and Mona found herself shrugging sheepishly. “Hi, Mom.”

Her mom gasped, her hands going over her mouth as she approached her slowly. Nick was right; she didn’t look well. Her eyes appeared sunken in and Mona could see all the veins in her hands, which still trembled over her face. “Namona?” she asked, as if Mona wasn’t really there, like she was simply a figment of her imagination. Mona stepped into the bedroom, gulping away all her anxieties and holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. She nodded at her mom, who now rushed towards her, arms open and eyes filled with tears. “Oh, my Mona.” Her hands reached for Mona’s shoulders and trailed down her arms, as if she needed to make sure she was real and not a ghost. “You’re home! My Mona is home.”

She pulled Mona into a tight embrace, and Mona pressed her face into the curve of her neck, hugging her back just as close. Her mom seemed frail in her arms, and the realization had her clenching her eyes shut to keep her own tears at bay. “I’m home,” she murmured into the soft material of her mom’s cardigan.

For once, her heart wasn’t beating a million miles a minute. But it was calm. And it was home.

~

Mona’s mom had fallen asleep in her lap.

She had cried and cried until Mona had to beg her to stop. Her skin was sullen and dull, void of all color and life, and Mona led her to her bed to sit down. She gave her some water from the glass lying on her dresser, and her heart dropped at all the bottles of medication lined up behind it.

Mona apologized for everything, and her mom simply smiled, trailing her hands over Mona’s face and apologizing too. “You’re here with me now,” she had murmured, a spark returning in her eyes, “that is enough for now.”

Mona held her as she fell asleep, a smile on her face, and she couldn’t help but wonder how long her mom had been ill. As Mona trailed her hands over her hair and across the fine lines on her forehead, she wondered if this was all her fault.

Nick got back about an hour later. Mona listened as he bounded up the stairs. He was shocked at first when he looked into the room, but a huge smile then overtook his face. He made his way inside and sat at the edge of the bed, smoothing back their mom’s hair before meeting Mona’s eyes and sending her a smile. “Welcome home,” he whispered, and Mona smiled at him in return.

He helped her in moving their mom’s head from Mona’s lap and onto her own pillow, and Mona quietly followed him out. They made their way downstairs and to the kitchen, where Nick filled up a tiny pot with water and placed it on the stove. He retrieved two mugs from the cupboards overhead and placed a tea bag in each. Mona simply took a seat on one of the stools next to the island, scrubbing her hands over her face as she processed the day’s events.

“She’ll be fine,” Nick said, breaking the silence. When Mona looked at him, he was carding his fingers through his hair, leaning on the countertop. “Doctors say it’s just weakness and stress. But for a while it seemed as if it was more than that.” The water on the stove came to a boil and Mona watched as he poured some in each mug, preparing her tea just the way she liked it. She nodded in thanks as he passed the mug to her, eyes fixated on the steam that rose from the top. “But I knew it was just because she missed you. She started to talk about you an awful lot, and then she started to talk to herself.” When Mona glanced up at him, he was staring at his tea too. “Guess I was right, though. Because for the first time in a long time, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.”

Mona sighed. “I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged, sending her a soft smile. “You came tonight. I think that’s enough for now.”

She took a sip from her mug just to have something to do. “I’ll come back,” she murmured. “Don’t know when, but. I’ll try. And I’ll call more. I’ll...do my part again. Whatever she needs, I’m here.”

Nick reached over to place his hand over hers. “Thanks, Mobear.”

Just then, Mona’s phone started to buzz, and when she pulled it out of her pocket, she found Niall’s face smiling at her from the screen, his name flashing over top. She excused herself to go answer it, feet taking her in the direction of her old room. “Hello?” she said just as she opened the door, surprised to find that everything was exactly as she’d left it.

“Darlin’, hey.” He sounded sleepy, like he just woke up and found that she wasn’t next to him anymore. “Where are you?”

Concern was etched into his voice. She held her breath. “I, uh. I came back home. To see my mom.”

There was a stretch of silence for a moment. Then, she heard sheets rustling, and imagined him sitting up in his bed. “Yeah?”

She sighed. “Yeah.” She fell back onto her old bed, staring at the ceiling. A lone tear slipped from her eyes. She realized that Niall was the only person she was comfortable being vulnerable with. “She was very happy to see me.”

“Oh, darlin’,” he breathed, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m so proud of you.”

Mona pressed her hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t cry, and instead took a deep breath. “Thanks, Ni.”

They stayed on the line, listening to each other breathe for a while. The silence was comfortable, and that, more than anything, felt like home. “You alright?” he asked after a long moment.

Mona turned her head over to where she knew her dresser was. On top of it was a photo of a much younger her on the back of her dad. They were at some amusement park, and she looked so happy. “Yeah,” she murmured into the phone, wiping away the moisture from her face. “I am.”

And for once, it was honest.

A Different Mask

Hi this is bad but I'm posting it anyway -- The world of the Phantom Thieves was a hilly one. There were challenges and calm, dangers and warm moments. But all the Phantom Thieves had one thing in common: they went through their pain together. They had been there for each other when nobody else possibly could be. When one Thief couldn't be there, there was always another to help with whatever pain one had. They were, as they say, thick as thieves. All the Phantom Thieves had reached one unconscious conclusion, as well: none of them had been through as much as their leader. They all agreed on it, even if they didn't know it. Akira Kurusu deserved the world. -- The group would always be there for each other. Akira knew that fully well. Yet he never leaned on them when things got rough in his head. They all relied on each other, but Akira couldn't bring himself to put his problems on their shoulders. Whenever his confidence wavered in a Palace, the team was always hyping him up. But that's all they saw. They didn't see his emotions outside the Metaverse. Those were his only secret. They didn't know about his nightmares. They didn't know the reason he listened to all of their problems was so they didn't end up like him. He wanted them to have someone to turn to. So he locked his feelings away to be the cool and collected leader he was. Supposedly. He kept his trauma inside. He kept the anger he felt when his friends were taunted and teased contained. He tried to make the comments from the kids at Shujin go in one ear and out the other. Whenever someone looked at him with that look of disapproval, he oh so tried to shake it off. But it all made him have days where everything just felt... numb. Like nothing he did mattered. These days were the days he thought about betrayal. Where he thought about his friends leaving him behind. Abandoning him. Akira Kurusu was scared. Today was a day where his feelings slipped themselves into every crack of his thoughts they could find. They partially distracted him at school, made his comments to his friends sound half-hearted when he truly meant them, kept his responses to Sojiro short, and made him reluctantly obey Morgana when he told him to sleep. "Hey, Akira, what'd you get on the third question of the test? I put B, but I'm not very confident in my answers," Ann sighed, resting her head on her hand. She had her mouth in a pout with her genuine look of unconfidence. "I got B, too," Akira responded. He sounded uninterested, but he really wanted to boost Ann's spirits. "Oh, great!" Ann said with a smile. "That makes me feel better." She spun back around when the next teacher walked in the room. He didn't miss her look of slight concern while she turned. "Welcome back. How was school?" Sojiro asked when the bell rang above the door to LeBlanc. "Good, as always," Akira responded, it didn't come out as he intended it to. Sojiro just laughed softly, "An answer I'd expect from you." He frowned as Akira moved towards the stairs, absentmindedly wiping away at a glass. "So, you ready to go to bed?" Morgana asked later. "Yep," Akira replied, sliding under the covers. "I'm tired." "For once," Morgana said sarcastically. "Goodnight." "Goodnight," Akira turned on his side and shut his eyes. He didn't see Morgana jump on the bed and give him a worried look. He just felt him curl up next to him and release a sigh. -- Akira had a nightmare. He was back in Okumura's Palace. A crowd of worker robots surrounded him and his friends. They had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They fought and they fought to no avail. Akira had to watch as his friends fell around him, one by one. Ann was bleeding from a wound on her head. Makoto's arm was broken at the elbow, told by it's odd angle. Yusuke was so beaten he couldn't stand. Futaba was trapped outside the circle, not hurt but in danger. Morgana was struggling to stay conscious. Ryuji's leg had given out on him due to the stress. Haru was standing mostly uninjured, but her father's shadow was pestering her with "Okumura Daughter" duties. Akira was helpless he couldn't do anything. He was exhausted. He fell to his knees. "This is what brats like you get for meddling in the wrong business," Okumura walked to Akira. "You get beat." There was a gun shot, but Akira missed it. He woke with a start. He was shaking. He felt lightheaded. He couldn't focus. He pulled his knees to his chest and squeezed them tight. He didn't notice Morgana stir next to him. Morgana didn't move. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to risk Akira's panic getting worse. Instead he just pretended to shift in his sleep. Akira's shaky hand reached for the windowsill. He grabbed his phone and checked the group chat. Nobody had said anything since their final goodnights. He wanted to talk with someone, anyone. But who would be awake at this time of night? He gave in. Akira: Is anyone awake? Ryuji: yeah Ann: yep Futaba: mhm Yusuke: Yes. Haru: I am. Makoto: So we're all awake at this ungodly hour? Ryuji: i couldnt sleep Ann: Me neither Ann: I keep falling asleep and waking up again Haru: I get how you feel, I was just thinking of texting you all myself. Yusuke: I am only awake because Futaba is keeping me up with her constant messaging. Futaba: this is important stuff im sending you! Yusuke: You are sending me pictures of foxes in costumes. Futaba: EXACTLY Makoto: So in one way or another... We all are having a struggle with sleeping. Ryuji: thats what it looks like Ryuji: aww man i wish we could meet up Ryuji: im not even sure if i feel tired anymore Ann: I mean, it's almost 5, we could meet up anyways? Makoto: When did everyone go to bed? Ryuji: 10 Ann: 9:45 Haru: Nine 'o clock. Yusuke: Eleven Akira: 10:30 Futaba: ive taken naps throughout the day so im not really tired Makoto: I see. Makoto: Well, I guess we all got reasonable hours of sleep. Makoto: I will permit this once, and only because we are all in the same boat here. Ryuji: all right! Ann: Yes! I've always dreamed of doing something like this! Yusuke: Where should we meet? Ryuji: how about Akira's place? is that ok? the place doesn't open until 8, right? Akira: Yeah, it should be fine. Haru: What about Mona? Is he awake? Akira poked the cat with his finger. His hand still felt slightly shaky, but he was calming. Morgana meowed in reply, but rolled onto his side to look up at Akira. Akira: He's up. Futaba: Great! See you all there! Akira sat his phone screen down on his bed. Morgana now laid on his stomach, his tail swishing around. "What's up?" he asked drowsily. "Everyone's coming over. No one could sleep except you," Akira replied, semi-sarcastic. "Ok, might wanna fix that bedhead of yours a bit, though," Morgana replied. -- Futaba was quick to hop onto Akira's bed, sitting criss-cross for once. Ryuji sat on one end of the couch and Ann on the other, stretching her legs out across Ryuji's lap. Makoto and Haru sat on the floor by the sofa. Yusuke simply took a chair. "Man, I'm glad to be outta my house. There was no chance of me sleepin' anymore," Ryuji groaned. "Every time I shut my eyes, they just wanted to open again," Ann complained through a partial yawn. "I would fall asleep for an hour at a time. It's rare I sleep like that," Haru shook her head. "Do we all have something on our mind that's keeping us up?" Makoto questioned why this was happening. "Umm... not that I can think of," Ann answered. "There's nothing that would keep me up at night except Futaba," Yusuke commented. "Shut it, Inari," Futaba responded. Akira fumbled for words. He ran a hand through his hair in thought. While the others maintained a steady conversation on sleep habits, Akira was lost in his thoughts. He wanted to tell them. He didn't want to keep his emotions a secret anymore, they deserved to know. They cared about him and should know when he's feeling down. But how could he start? He didn't have to. "Akira? You ok?" Morgana asked, tail swishing. "You look kind of out of it." "Now that he mentions it, ya do, dude. What's up?" Ryuji is quick to follow up. Akira hesitates, "There... There's something I need to tell you all." Akira talked the most he had ever talked at once then. He told them about his nightmares of losing them and everything he's ever known. He told them about his emotions building up and how he felt like crap on those certain days. He poured his heart out in a matter of minutes because he wanted to stop hiding this. He wanted to stop being scared. He talked about the trial and being sent to Tokyo by his parents and how it made him feel so... abandoned. Betrayed. "Akira... You know you can talk to us, man," Ryuji was frowning though he was definitely concerned. "Yes, you will always be one of us," Yusuke spoke, sitting on the edge of his seat. "Mhm, text me whenever and I'll be sure to respond!" Futaba nodded encouragingly. "We will always be there for you, Akira," Makoto had slid closer and placed a hand on his knee. "Wherever we may be, we will always be willing to talk." Akira felt his hands get shaky again. But there was no fear or panic this time, just relief. They still saw him as Joker, their leader. Their tactician. Their friend. "I never would have known this affected you so much if you hadn't told us," Ann frowned guiltily. "Yeah, I feel bad," Ryuji looked sad. He faced Akira seriously. "Just worry about yourself, man, before you worry about what others say." "They don't know you like we do, anyways," Futaba added. Akira nodded. His face was hot. He was struggling to keep his shaky hands under control. He felt tears welling behind his eyes. Why was he still trying to keep his emotions in? "I'm glad you told us about this," Haru smiled at him warmly. "You can surely rely on us as much as we have relied on you, leader," Yusuke says assuringly. Futaba quickly hugged Akira's arm when he began to cry. It ended up with all of the Phantom Thieves on or around his bed. Ann was on his other side, head on his shoulder. Ryuji sat on the other side of Futaba, his hand lingering close to Akira. Makoto was kneeling in front of him, clasping a hand in both of hers. Yusuke and Haru sat in chairs on either side of her, leaning in close to fill the circle. Akira's free hand was on his face, wiping away tears that kept being replaced. Morgana squeezed in and curled up in his lap, nudging him with his nose. "We're a team, Akira. Teammates never leave another behind," he said, closing his eyes. The Phantom Thieves of Hearts had always had one thing in common: they shared their pain together. And they all awakened to one more thing; Akira Kurusu deserved the world.

The Welcome Ball

Hello, hello! So this is my fic for the first challenge. I am sorry, but I couldn’t fit all the RPs in this thing or it would be more like a book haha! With mentions of @ingrid-liljedahl @debbieker @domschreave @ariciaeast @calistapledger @madelynknightoftheselection @emmalynatwood @aikoellis and @theiahuntley Sorry for any typos, some might have slipped through.

I look around the room. 10 girls have just heard that they are eliminated. I am in shock. This whole elimination round is only based on the introduction interviews. Had they done this badly? Did they make a poor impression on the prince? Or did he just not like them?

Don’t get me wrong, I am so relieved that I am still here. Now there is only 20 something of us left. Less competition, if you look at it from one side. But it is hard to see friends leaving.

Some girls stay in the women’s room, but I don’t. There is only one place where I want to be right now.

I knock on Ingrid’s door. “Come in!” hearing her voice makes me sad already.

There she is, sitting on the floor and packing up her stuff.

“I am so sad you’re leaving.” I try to keep my voice stable. “You are such a sweet person, don’t forget that!”

I walk towards her, I can see that she is sad as well.

“I’m really going to miss you Isabella, hopefully we will be able to write each other often!” Ingrid says.

I nod my head, “Yes I will write you lots of letters! And please come visit me in Bankston if you want!”

“Of course! I’ll come visit you in the palace when you win!”

I laugh a little, “I gotta up my game to win this thing! I will miss you so much though!” Tears start forming in my eyes, “and I know we only just met a couple of days ago but you already felt like one of my closest friends!”

Now I am legit crying.

“Same with you.” Tears stream down Ingrid’s face, “Don’t forget about me alright?”

I wipe Ingrid’s tears away, “I won’t forget about you! I will write you! And I will visit you!”

“Thank you Isabella!” is all she can say.

I give her a big and long hug. I tell her how amazing and wonderful and fantastic she is. Then we say our goodbyes. I will miss Ingrid a lot, the palace will be a little emptier without her. But I am sure she will find everything she is looking for!

I decide to go to the library, where it is peaceful and quiet like always.

I start reading one of the books Aricia recommended me, All the Light We cannot See. Which is a historical fiction book according to Aricia. I read a few chapters, but I keep losing my attention. It’s not because I don’t like the book, I like it very much. It is so intriguing and interesting.

The eliminations keep blocking my mind. Of course I knew this is a competition, but these girls all mean so much to me. I feel like I have already made lifelong friends. Debbie, Aricia and Ingrid, just to name a few. One of them is already send home. In a mass elimination. We don’t know what goes on in Dom’s mind, perhaps the next elimination will happen sooner than expected.

I try not to think of it too much, but that is harder than I thought. I flip my book open again and read some lines. However I am not really reading, I am just scanning.

This is not good. I close the book again and place it on the table I was sitting at. I sigh and look around.

This library keeps on blowing my mind. It is so gorgeous and immensely big. I wonder if there is anyone who has read all the books.

I realize that reading won’t be a success today, so I grab the book and get up.

I stop when I stand in front of the big doors of the library. “I will enjoy this whole experience more.” I promise myself. I could be eliminated next, after all.

I return to my bedroom, where my maids are busy sketching some more dresses. I could watch them all day, they are so passionate and creative. Once they have finishes, they proudly show their new sketches.

I spend the rest of my day in my bedroom. I write some letters to Erika and my grandparents. After that I take a long bath. When I get out, I feel like a new person. Relaxed and ready to take on the world.

***

The breakfast has been delicious as usual. All these different kinds of food. So many choices. The smell of fresh baked breads is hanging in the air. This is going to be a good day.

I am on my way back to my bedroom when I spot Debbie in the hall. “Hi Debs!” I say as I walk over to her, “How are you today?” Debbie turns around, smiling as always “Morning Bella! I’m doing great thanks. I’m going for a run at the beach as every morning.”

That’s when I notice that she is wearing her running outfit. “Wanna join me?” Debbie asks. I nod my head, “Yes that seems lovely! I’d love to get out of the palace!”

“Yaay!” Debbie exclaims, her face lighting up as she smiles “I will wait for you to get ready for it.” “Great!” I clap my hands in excitement, “Be right back!”

I hurry back to my room. One of my maids, Mona, is just making the bed. “Lady Isabella, is there anything I can do for you?” she asks, blowing a piece of hair out of her face. I make my way over to the closet, “Do we happen to have any clothes for sporting?”

“Yes! On the shelf, to your left.”  I quickly spot the outfit and grab it with my hands, “Thanks! Got it!”

I am happy to get out of the dress I had been wearing and change into the sports leggings. It is great to wear some sort of pants again. I throw the tank top on and put my hair in a high pony tail. “What kind of sports are you going to do?” Mona asks, she looks at me with curious eyes. “I am going for a run on the beach with Debbie,” I say as I tie my shoes.

“Don’t forget to put some sun block on then!” Mona walks over to the bathroom, grabs the bottle and hands it to me. “Thank you so much! What would I do without you, Mona?” I smile as I open the bottle.

Mona is so motherly, despite her being only a few years older than me. She always thinks about the little things that I would easily forget.

Debbie is still standing on her spot, looking out of the window that is overlooking the garden. “Ready!” I exclaim and smile. Debbie turns to face me, “Nice! How do you always look so well?” she asks as we both start walking towards the stairs.

I blush, “Awh Debbie, you are way too nice!” I spot a smear of sun block on my arm and rub it out, “You always look on fleek!”

“Liar!” Debbie chuckles, “but thanks.”

The doors towards the beach are open, the fresh sea wind blows in my face. It feels so refreshing. Debbie looks at me, “Hey, how was your interview with Dom?”

I smile at the thought, “It was okay. He is so handsome!” I blush at the thought of Dom. “But I think I kinda ruined it, have I ever told you about my mom?”

Debbie shakes her head. “In short she doesn’t like the royals and is very much against them. And I told Dom, since it is better to be honest.”I pull the rubber band out of my hair to redo my ponytail, “But I feel like he now thinks I share my mom’s opinion, which I don’t.” I pull my ponytail a little tighter. “I guess we will see, if he eliminates me then we know he is not convinced.”

Debbie’s eyes are wide open, “No you hadn’t told me about it before. Why does your mom hate the royals?”

“I don’t know what my mom has against them to be honest. When she found out I got selected, she forbid me from going and then locked me inside my bedroom.” I bet my face is showing my feelings, “I am sad that she doesn’t support me in my life decisions, she just forces her opinion on everyone.”

“A similar thing happened to me, my dad has become a very reserved man since my mom died, but he had never been strict or anything.” Debbie starts, “ He used to let us make our life decisions. But when I mentioned the selection to him, he went mad! That was so weird, he doesn’t even give me a logical reason.” she sighs.

I look at Debbie, “Hmm that is a bit weird if you ask me! Does the rest of your family support you?”

“My family is just me, my dad and my brother Keelan,” her face lightens up, “he’s the most supportive idiot ever! I love him.” Debbie’s face speaks more than a thousand words. A warm glow has fallen over her face and that is not the sweat from running.

“Oh yes, you have told me about your brother! He sounds so sweet! And very protective!” I face Debbie, who is smiling. “I am sure he must be very proud of you! And your father will be proud of you as well!” I give her a reassuring nod.

The mention of her father makes the warm glow disappear, “I don’t know about my father, all that happened with him before I got selected made me realize that I don’t even know him! I was going to work things out with him but…” Debbie stops and exhales exasperated.

I stop running as well. “Perhaps something else is happening in his life. I don’t know.” I place a hand on her shoulder, “Everything you are doing here, you can be so proud of yourself! I am sure your dad is also very proud, you’re his daughter!”

“Thanks… I’m sorry if I’m not good with advices… But I am sure your mom loves you a lot!” Debbie pulls a thoughtful face, “Now that I think about it… Parents have weird ways to show their love.” she starts laughs.

I join her, “Yes that must be true! I have never seen a parent express love to their children in a normal way.”

We start running again, “Anyway, how did your interview go?” Debbie smiles, “Surprisingly good, I felt really comfortable talking to him, we could have more in common than I thought!”

I clap my hands. “Yaay! I am rooting for you! Did you flirt with him?” I smile and wink at her. That makes Debbie laugh, “What are you talking about? I don’t know how to… flirt…” she grins. I role my eyes sarcastically, “Liar!” I start laughing. “I think you and Dom would make the most beautiful couple!”

“Hmm… maybe, but I want you to be my next queen!” she says, emphasizing on ‘you’. I laugh at her statement, “Me? Then you will have to convince Dom that he likes me!”I giggle at the thought of Debbie forcing Dom to like me.

Debbie faces me, “I’m sure Dom likes you! Even before we arrived here I read somewhere that you were one of his favourites!”

I can’t seem to stop laughing. This girl is so convinced! “Yeah but that also means he has high expectations! And you know what they say, the higher the expectations the more they can disappoint!”

“I’m sure you didn’t disappoint him… I would have loved to see his face when he saw you!” Debbie exclaims.

“Well he did call me gorgeous and said I was a beautiful view.” I admit. My cheeks are turning red, I can feel it. “But personality is also important!” I say in the midst of my giggling.

“Wooo! I knew it! Look at your face!” Debbie points at me, my cheeks turn even more red. “Don’t worry about that! Enjoy all this experience! You are a great girl, why do you think you are my favourite?” Debbie winks as she says it.

I tell her that she is my favourite too. Then we finally arrive at the beach. I look around and let the fresh sea breeze cool me down a little. “This beach is gorgeous!” I spot some seagulls flying over us.

“Oh look! There are the guards!” I point towards their direction. Debbie turns around to see what I am looking at. Her eyes open wide with excitement, “Oh my God! The view wasn’t this good yesterday. Nature really can surprise us sometimes! She giggles. I look at Debbie, “Are you sure you are talking about the nature, huh?” I wink at her, “Let’s get a little closer!”

“Wait!” Debbie grabs my arm, “Act natural, we are just here running.” She starts jogging away from me. I follow her quickly. “Wait, are we gonna run past them? Or go watch them? We need a plan!” I say, while laughing.

“The plan is admire the view without losing our heads,” Debbie puts a hand on her neck, “If you know what I mean.” I nod, I want to keep my head. “Stay calm and cool! And don’t be too obvious!”

“Ok, let’s go!” Debbie says as she jogs away. I take a little sprint to catch up on her. We are coming closer and closer to the training guards.

“Look at them! They are so muscular!” I try to whisper, but that is quite difficult whilst running.  “Move over Dom, give me one of them!” I laugh, but quickly add that I am only kidding.

Debbie does a better job at whispering, “It’s like I had never seen real men before. I mean, compared to them…” I laugh, “True though! Which one do you think is the hottest?” This question gives us both the opportunity to have a proper look at the guards.

“I don’t know, it’s hard to see them properly and be discreet at the same time!” Debbie looks at me, “But I like gorgeous black haired men, so anyone with those characteristics will do!” she chuckles. I point to a guy with dark brownish hair and a little tan, “What do you think of that one?”

As we pass the training guards, Debbie says “You have a good eye, Bella! He’s cute! Don’t turn around now, but I think he’s looking at you,” to which she grins.

I turn around very obvious, “What are you saying?” I turn back to Debbie, “He is totally looking at you!” Debbie laughs. I turn around again to be sure he is looking at Debbie. “Wait don’t… What did I just say!!?” she is half whispering and half shouting.

I turn back to Debbie, laughing. She wanted to be discreet, yet here she is shouting. “Girl believe me, he is checking you out! And I totally planned to be this obvious,” I laugh, “I’m sorry, I just can’t be discreet.”

Debbie turns around as well, “Nope he wasn’t… And now all of them are looking at us!” she laughs, “let’s get out of here before I lose my beautiful head!”

“Or we could stay,” I wink and laugh at the same time, “I am only kidding, this is a little awkward!”

I turn around for one final look, before we head back to the palace. “The guards look hot though, they don’t have to wear their shirts at the palace. I will be totally fine with them walking around shirtless.”

“I wouldn’t complain either!” Debbie admits, “maybe when you are queen, you can make a law or something.” she starts giggling again.

“Debbie!” I exclaim, but I can’t control my laughing, “I will make sure you have your own bunch of shirtless guards!” Debbie smiles, “Fair enough!”

“Or you just come living at the palace!” I laugh, “What am I saying? I have to win first!”

Debbie looks at me and winks, “You’re almost there!” I blush, “The competition is hard though!”

On our way back to the palace we talk about our favourite food. Turns out Debbie loves anything that involves coffee. We also talk about my grandparents’ restaurant and Debbie’s farm.

Once I get back to my bedroom, I am exhausted. From the running and the laughing.

***

The Welcome ball had been announced a couple of days ago. It is so nice of the royal family to organize a ball for all us girls to feel welcome. I have never been to such an event before. Yes, I have done runway shows and I have been to premier parties and stuff. But a ball? No! This is something different!

Today is the day. The Welcome ball is tonight. I am so nervous. I don’t even know why. Nothing can go wrong. Okay that is a lie, a lot of things can go wrong. I can rip my dress, spill food or drinks on myself, or I can fall on my face.

“Okay. Isabella. Calm down!” I say to myself.

My maids have been working on the ball dress for days. They had shown me a sketch of the dress and it was already so gorgeous. They are the most talented group of girls I have ever met. They know exactly which colours and which shapes look good on me.

The bright red dress is hanging on the upper side of the closet. In this way it doesn’t touch the floor. It has some sparkles on the waistline area.  It already looks incredible. I can’t wait to put it on!

Today is going to be a day of relaxing. I have taken a bath and I have already painted my nails in a lovely soft pink colour.

I get orders from my maids to sit on a chair and move as less as possible.

They are doing my hair and makeup right now. I am used to people touching my hair from all the modelling I have done. But these girls work so softly and refined, which is great because that takes away my nerves.

“Would you like a bold eye or a bold lip?” Cindy, one of my maids, asks. I think about it for a second and look at my dress again, “I’d say bold lip.” Cindy nods in agreement, “Good choice, Lady Isabella.”

Once they give me the signal that I am done, I move over to the mirror and have a look at myself. My maids have done an outstanding job. I couldn’t look any better!

My hair is straightened, but they added some volume to the top part. This makes it look very natural, yet elegant. I love it!

My eye makeup is simple, just natural colours and some mascara. My maids have put a bright red lipstick on my lips. I love this, it is the perfect shade for my skin colour. And last but definitely not least, they put some highlighter on my cheeks. Highlighter has always been my favourite part about makeup. It adds some brightness to one’s face. The whole makeup fits my dress perfectly.

My maids help me get into my dress. It fits just like a glove.

I admire the dress in the mirror. The colour is even brighter when I have the dress on. But it doesn’t drown me. No. It makes me stand out.

I notice that the sparkles are all over the upper body part. The little one-shoulder detail. It is just perfect! I couldn’t have wished for a prettier dress.

“You’ll be the centre of attention!” Cindy says, to which my two other maids nod in agreement.

I keep saying thank you to my maids, which makes them blush. They wish me a lot of fun at the ball. Cindy quickly and quietly adds, “Please tell us everything when you return.” I smile at their curious faces, “Yes of course!”

***

I arrive in the ball room. It is so gorgeous. I see tables with all sorts of drinks and foods lined up. People are dancing on the dance floor. All of the royals are there and they all look amazing.

They are playing classical music. I recognize Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. I smile at the tunes, it is one of Vivaldi’s best works.

I make my way over to the girls of my hall. Calista, Aricia, Debbie, Aiko, Emmalyn, Madelyn and Theia. They are all lovely girls. Thankfully, I had the chance to meet them at breakfast the other day.

They all look so gorgeous. It is amazing to see that everyone has their own style.

The dress is wearing Calista makes her look like she is going to take down a man. Aricia is wearing a soft pink dress which looks amazing on her. Madelyn’s dress has some golden details which makes her shine bright like a diamond. Emmalyn is wearing a beautiful black dress, it accentuates her body very well. Theia’s dress is so gorgeous, very elegant but also playful and flirty. Aiko also looks stunning in her beautiful dress. And lastly there is Debbie in her big, pink and red dress. It looks very pretty with her hair and skin colour.

We talk some more about our interviews. Followed by some small talk about food and hobbies. I just love it when people talk passionately about the things they like. Just like Emmalyn and Madelyn talk about photography. The excitement lightens up their faces.

After the little catch up, everyone goes their own way.

I grab Debbie’s hand and drag her towards the dance floor. We start moving to the rhythm of the music. Debbie looks around the room, “Have you talked to any of the royals yet?”

My eyes open wide, “No I haven’t. Is that bad?”

Debbie giggles at the look on my face, “No I guess not, but I’m curious to know them all. I want to greet the King and Queen but they are kind of intimidating.” she presses her lips together.

I look around and find the King and Queen dancing together. “I know right! But they are just normal people after all.” I realize what I am saying and start laughing, “That’s me saying that, while I am so nervous about talking to the Prince.”

Debbie faces me, she looks very serious “What are you scared of? He likes you, everything will be alright.”

“Perhaps the fact that all these girls are competing for his heart as well.” I say, fidgeting my dress between my fingers.

“Well, yeah, you have a point there… But don’t be scared, the fear is going to stop you from enjoying all this!” Debbie spins me around, “Relaaaaax and have fun!”

A little dizzy from the spin, I giggle “I will try to enjoy this more!”

After a while I ask, “Are you going to ask Prince Dom for a dance?”

Debbie looks at him, “I would love to but he has danced with everyone already, I wonder if he’s feeling dizzy already.” she scoffs, “He looks very handsome tonight, doesn’t he?”

I smile and turn so I can look at him as well. “Yes he does! He always looks handsome!”

“I know right?!” Debbie chuckles, “How annoying!” she winks at me.

I decide to play along with it so I sarcastically say, “The one who ends up with him is going to suffer a lot!” Debbie sighs, “That’s why I’m willing to sacrifice myself.” She pretends to be annoyed, but I detect a sign of fun across her face “But only because I love all of you.”

“How generous of you,” I start laugh, “I bet your children will be just as handsome.” Debbie laughs at my statement.

“Girl, I’d say you go ask him for a dance! I think he would love that!” I give her a reassuring smile.

“I will go talk to him… Wish me luck!” Debbie stops dancing, so I stop as well. “You can do this, girl! I have faith in you!” I smile at her.

Debbie returns my smile “But first let’s go back to the snack’s table. I won’t leave you here dancing alone!”

“So you would rather leave me at the food table, where I can stuff myself?” I laugh at the thought of it.

Debbie grins, “I just want you to save me some of those mini cupcakes!”

“I can’t promise there will be any left when you return!”

Debbie pulls a sad face, “Ok…” She grabs two glasses of red wine, “Here I go!”

I laugh “I was only kidding! I will protect them with my life! Now go to him! Be flirty!” I wink at her as she faces me one more time.

“I’m serious Bella, our friendship depends on this!” she points to me with her finger. A little smile forms around her lips, she winks at me and then walks away.

I watch Debbie make her way over to Dom. She places one of her hands over his eyes. I can’t help but smile, this girl is trying her hardest.

I do what I promised Debbie and protect the cupcakes. But they look so delicious. There are so many different flavours. Debbie wouldn’t notice if one of them is missing, would she?

I look back at Debbie and Dom and from what I can see things are going great. I look back at all the cupcakes on the table. I decide to go for the safe choice and pick up a vanilla cupcake. I always love vanilla. I take a little bite. This tastes amazing! Quickly but elegantly I eat the rest of the cupcake.

Then I notice that someone is walking towards me. I try to recognize his face, but I can’t recall that I have seen this person before. However, I do recognize his outfit. Well, I recognize that is from a guard.

“Lady Isabella,” he says as he bows, “Would you care for a dance?”

I drop in a little curtsy, whilst trying to detect any cupcake crumbs on my face. I can see that Dom and Debbie are still talking. “I’m sorry,” I focus back on the guard again, “but I can’t.”

He looks at me with curious eyes, “Why not? Let me guess, you’re not the dancer-type of girl.” I give him a confused look, “That is not it. Just for your information, I love dancing.” He returns the same confused look, “Then why can’t you dance?”

I sigh. Why is this guard still here talking to me, there are tons of other girls in this room who would love to be asked for a dance. “You see that girl talking to Prince Dom?” I say as I move my head in Debbie’s direction, “She asked me to protect these cupcakes.”

At first the guard looks at me like I have gone crazy, but then his face softens and he starts laughing. “That’s the reason you can’t dance?” I nod. “I will be right back, don’t go anywhere.” I give him a I have to protect these cupcakes look before he walks away.

I face the dance floor again. A lot of people are dancing. They all seem so carefree and happy. I really want to dance as well, I just wish it was with Prince Dom. All night girls have been asking him for a dance and he hasn’t refused any of them. He had moved so elegantly across the dance floor, swaying the girl with him. I can only imagine how it would feel to dance with him.

However I won’t ask him for a dance. No. Every single girl has asked him for a dance. I don’t want to be a dime in a dozen. No. I want him to remember me. And not just as one of his many dances.

I snap out of my daydream just in time, to see the guard approaching from the corner of my eye. However he is not alone this time. Another guard is walking right behind him. He extends his arm to me, “Come on! Let’s go have a dance.” his eyes smile at me.

For a second I am in doubt. But then grab his arm anyway. He guides me towards the dance floor. I look back at the cupcake table, where the other guard is standing like he is on the night’s watch. “He will protect those cupcakes with his life,” the guard whispers in my ear.

Turns out this guard is an incredible dancer. He sure has a feeling for rhythm. He guides me across the dance floor and makes me spin around.

After a few songs, I thank him for the dance. He smiles and takes a bow, “Thank you, Lady Isabella.”

I smile at him. But before I can say anything else, he is already walking away.

Okay then.

I look around to see Dom standing on his own.

This is my chance to talk to Prince Dom, I won’t let this opportunity pass. I quickly walk over to him.

I smile and drop in a deep curtsy, “Hello Your Highness. Would you like to go grab some air outside?”

Dom looks around the room, “Yeah, I guess I could use a breather.”

“Okay great!” I smile at his answer, “It won’t take very long, just a little bit of refreshing.”

“Exactly.” he says as he walks outside.

I follow him, trying to make large steps and catch up with him. “How are you?” I ask once we are outside.

“Pretty exhausted. Twenty girls all trying to dance with me at once.” He chuckles, “It’s partly a dream come true and partly a nightmare.”

I think back at how the girls were circling around him. They remind me of predators, waiting for their opportunity to attack their prey.

“I can imagine yes.” I smile up at him, “You are doing a great job, by giving all of us some time with you!”

He smiles back at me, “Thanks. It’s so difficult spending time with so many beautiful women.”

“And we are all here for one handsome men.” my face is still in a smile.

“Right.” He is still smiling as well.

Okay Isabella, it’s time to step up your game.

I decide to end this cycle of exchanging smiles and look up at the sky. “You can see all the stars tonight, so beautiful!”

Dom follows my example and looks up as well, “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t normally pay much attention to the stars…”

I look at Dom again, “How come?”

I feel immediately stupid for asking. He is the Prince, soon to be King. Of course he doesn’t have time to look at the stars.

He shrugs at my question “Don’t have time, don’t go outside much, take your pick.”

I bite on my bottom lip, “Oh yes. I am sorry, I forgot. You must be busy all the time.” I can’t face him now, I feel like an idiot. So I look up at the sky again.

“Pretty much. It’s nice to have peaceful moments like these.”

“I am glad I can be a part of this one,” I smile, “if you want some alone time, please tell, then I will just go back inside!”

“No, it’s fine. I’m enjoying the company.” he admits.

I am glad it is dark outside, so Dom can’t see my blushing cheeks. “Thank you! I am enjoying your company as well!”

We stay outside for some more minutes before I ask, “Shall we head back inside? I don’t want to ruin the girls’ opportunities to dance with you.” I laugh a little, thinking about the predator-prey thing again.

“That’s true, I should get back. Is that alright with you?”

I nod, “Yes it is fine!” I smile again, “I had fun though, you are great to talk to. Even if it was just a little conversation.”

We walk back inside. “Thanks,” Dom starts, “So I’ll… see you later?”

“Yes of course.” I am still smiling. “Have fun with the dances,” I say and wink at him.

Geez Isabella, a wink?

“I will.” Dom winks back.

I chuckle, he looks adorable when he is winking. “See you later!” I wave at him and walk away.

Back in the ball room, I notice that some girls have left already. To be honest I am pretty tired myself. So I decide to go back to my bedroom.

I quickly get out of my dress and put on my nightgown.

I lay down in my bed and fall asleep immediately.

The top two photos were of Mona's first day here. She was only 7 weeks old, and still very tiny. Hard to believe when you look at her 3 years later haha! She ended up a bit bigger than Roger and overweight (we tried everything but it was impossible to get her to lose weight). I decided not to include photos of her last few days, as it's just too heartbreaking for me, and it's more fun to remember her in her good days. It's been three years (yesterday in fact) and it still hurts me to see how she wasted away; barely a scrap of flesh on her bones. The pun would be funny (she had a flesh eating bacteria at the end in 3 of her paws) if it wasn't so sad. For the 3,5 years she was with us she could never catch a break. She had epileptic seizures which quite often led to her teeth breaking/falling out, and there was nothing we could do about it. She was always happy, though, ate things that should have killed her way before (chocolate peanuts for instance- the nutter. Dad had to put the bag away, she would not give up in trying to steal a second one), loved Roger with every cell of her being, almost as much as she loved food. She fought until the very end, never giving up. She even tried to jump out the window of the car on our way to the vet (it was closed no worries, I only let her out of the carrier because she seemed to want to be close to me. She cuddled up against me and looking back I'm glad I did that as it must have been her way of saying goodbye to me; she hardly ever initiated cuddles) and when we got there the vet was like "that's impossible. The muscle and sinews and all are eaten through, she is physically no longer able to jump". If that doesn't tell you about her character and determination, I don't know what would. Roger's goodbye, his realization Mona was not waking up to come play, cuddle, or eat with him, was devastating to watch. I had only seen my dad break down like that at his mother's funeral. We lost an important part of our family that day. I love how Roger is looking all creepylike in the first pic in his cage, though 😂 (This was to get them used to each other's scents. I was incredibly lucky they took to each other so well and so fast (the day after they were already unseperable), as at the time I didn't know you should NEVER couple a bunny this young, especially not when the other is over a year older.) I am crying again now, the love I have for this little ray of sunshine is insane, and I still miss her every day. So let's move on to Roger, who luckily pulled through and is doing really well! This June he's already turning 8 years old! The photos aren't very recent, but he hasn't changed much. His nose/chin is getting a bit more gray, but that's all. He's acting like his age alright though; he's always grumpy and never satisfied. His food is always 'late'. Always. No matter if you're an hour early 😂 He's happy, though, and that's all that matters ❤ ( @littlespacemanadam in case you are even remotely interested 😉)

The Bodyguard Ch. 2

Thank you so so much for all the enthusiasm and feedback on the first installment of this fic! It pushed @contrivedcoincidences6​ and I to post chapter two tonight! Hope you all like it. :)

@sunflowerseedsandscience​ @kateyes224​ @2moms-0fucks​ @how-i-met-your-mulder​ @whatfallsaway​ @edierone​ @scully-loves-ruthie​ @blackcoffeeandteardrops​

“Like what you see?” she asks, making him blush. Apologizing he looks down, suddenly fascinated with his coaster. “It’s alright”, she absolves, suppressing a smile. “I can tell you’re pretty loaded.” “I’m pretty sure one more will land me on the floor,” Mulder scoffs as a small smile forms on her face. “Then I guess I’d better catch up.”

Mulder swivels towards her in surprise, watches her take her drink off the bar and down it. The liquor burns her throat but she manages a smile and sets the glass down, speaks after a beat.

“I’m in security.”

“Sec...security,” he nods, mystified. She certainly knows how to keep him on his toes.

“What do you secure? Servers, palaces?”

“No,” she laughs. “People.”

Nodding, marveling at the coincidence, Mulder looks across the room at his hired goon. Peter was standing across the room in a suit and sunglasses. Looking very formal and very out of place. People were staring as they passed him, but Mulder hoped they thought he was a bouncer.

“So you’re a bodyguard then?”

“Well, yeah. I haven’t been put on a detail yet though. The last year I’ve just spent training.” “That explains your kicking ass earlier,” he smiles, making her blush. Not wanting to embarrass her he downshifts into asking questions.

“When do you think you’ll be assigned a detail?”

“Soon, I think,” she shrugs, biting her lip. “Some of that work shit I was talking about has to do with the possibility of an assignment. We’ll see.”

“So, do you have a gun?” he asks cheekily as she nods, arches a brow.

“I know how to use it, too.”

“Oh trust me, I’m no threat. You could take me down faster than you did those other guys.”

“Oh yeah?” she smirks.

“Tonight you could anyway. I mean, I am drunk.”

“I could still kick your ass when you’re sober,” she grins.

“Wow!” Mulder scoffs. “Way to wound a man’s pride.”

“It’s not my job to make men feel coddled.”

The smile remains on her lips and Mulder doubts it’s just the beer getting him thinking that he could fall in love with her. This is why he never goes to bars to meet women. As per usual he’s sitting here feeling smitten and attached. This time though he doesn’t even care.

The music from the jukebox changes over to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston and he can’t help but laugh.

“Speaking of bodyguards, this must be your song.” To his surprise her smile stays in place, is followed by an eye roll.  “Yeah, I relate so well to the story,” she scoffs.

“What, forbidden love and loss? Doesn’t everybody?” he teases, then goes serious when her smile goes sad.

“Wanna dance?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he mentally kicks himself. He’d been doing so well. Now he’s ready to study the coaster again.

“Sure,”

His eyes shoot up, he didn’t hear her correctly. He couldn’t have, but then she smiles, slides off her stool and takes hold of his hand.

The second verse is starting as she leads him to the small open area that had turned into a makeshift dance floor. Bittersweet memories  That is all I'm taking with me. So good-bye. Please don't cry We both know I'm not what you, you need “Did you see this movie?” Mulder asks, moving his left hand to her waist before taking hold of her’s in his right. Her right arm slides up to rest on his shoulder as they slowly sway in the dim light.

“Of course I did. Like I said, I relate so well to Kevin Costner,” she smirks. Her voice is low and melodic and all that he wants to hear.

“So that makes me Whitney Houston?”

“I doubt you wear leather as well as she can, Fox.” And I... will always love you I... will always love you You, ooh Between the liquor, Whitney’s angelic voice and the soft lull of Katherine’s, Mulder starts relaxing only to lose his concentration and his footing. Laughing lightly, she manages to holds him up, prompting him to hold her a little closer.

Hand still at her waist he feels a holster at her side and backs up. Prompting her to smile up at him.

“You don’t need to do that. The safety’s on.”

“You carry that on you all the time?” he asks.

“I’m trying to get in the habit of it. Do you have one? You said you help the police out now and then.” Her clear, sapphire eyes lock onto his and momentarily throw him off.

“No, I don’t. But I’ve shot one before and have a license and all that.”

“Doesn’t ‘all that’ usually include a gun?” Now the sapphires were sparkling at him.

Lightly laughing he shrugs. “I guess so.” I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of And I wish you joy and happiness But above all this I wish you love Once again he’s caught off guard when she rests her head on his chest. He chalks it up to a combination of the romantic music and the alcohol but doesn’t want to overthink. He’s tired of thinking. About his father, about the shadow business. His only thoughts right now are on the petite redhead he’s holding in his arms. She shifts then, loops her arms up around his neck while his hands slide to her hips. Their bodies are pressed close together and with every breath Mulder feels her breasts pressing into his chest. 

And I... will always love you I will always love you I will always love you I will always love you They don’t speak for the rest of the song, content to just sway together. He’s overcome by the citrusy scent of her hair, the way it’s tickling at his nose. Her hands are stroking the short hairs on the back of his neck and he’s hot all over, forced to shift so she won’t feel the evidence against her. But she follows his movement, presses into him even more. As the song finishes she pulls away, peers up at him through her lashes. Her eyes are deep cobalt blue and if he’s not careful he’s going to drown in them on the spot.

“Wanna get out of here?” Mulder nods furiously, feeling dizzy at the the sight of her lips, now curved up in a Mona Lisa smile. Taking her cheeks in his hands he kisses her. There’s tenderness but want as she responds in turn, nips at his lower lip. Reluctantly Mulder pulls back, swallows hard.

“My place is down the street.”

Nodding, she fixes his collar, steps back. “Give me a minute.”

He turns to watch her walk towards the bathroom, fully appreciating the fit of her pantsuit before remembering his pal Peter standing guard in his suit.

Crossing the room Mulder guides him to a quiet corner. “So her and I are going back to my place, Peter. I know you’ve got a job to do but if you could give us a little space, I’d really-”

Nodding in understanding, Peter smirked, “Sure, man. Have fun.”

Thanking him, Mulder turns to see Katherine exit the bathroom. Grabbing her blazer from the barstool she locks eyes with him. Smiles before approaching.

“Shall we?” she asks as he grins, takes her by the hand.