𝗪𝗘𝗟𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗦𝗞𝗬𝗘’𝗦 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗨𝗠 𝗛𝗢𝗢𝗗 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧!

* = NEWEST | ☀︎︎ = FLUFF | ☽ = ANGST

UPDATED: JULY 10, 2022

SKYE’S NAV. | REQUESTS

SERIES.

☽☀︎︎ something about her ii iii - calum hates everyone, except her (college!calum hood x blackwoman!oc)

ONE SHOTS.

☀︎︎ a little dizzy - in a world where being in the presence of your soulmate for a period of time makes you pass out, the two of them find each other through ashton (soulmate!calum hood x blackwoman!oc)

☀︎︎☽ my girls - cleo catches calum talking to his daughter about how he feels about her (bestfriend!stepdad!calum x blackwoman!oc)

BLURBS.

☀︎ the exception - the media doesn’t fully know about your relationship with calum until you sing an unreleased song on live (instagram - boyfriend!calum hood x reader)

☀︎ in love - you and calum announce your relationship and pregnancy to the world (boyfriend!dad!calum hood x blackwoman!oc)

TROPES.

COMING SOON!

HEAD CANNONS.

COMING SOON!

eddiesblklvr © 2022. DO NOT REPOST, MODIFY, PLAGIARIZE OR CLAIM ANY OF MY WORKS. DO NOT SHARE MY WRITING ON ANY EXTERNAL PLATFORM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

Sad Ending Masterlist

Deathbeds (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton NR, 9k

Summary: Luke runs away from his abusive dad and meets Ashton. Ashton is just a sad kid who can't say no to the incredibly attractive blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. Luke is very depressed and homophobic and he starts to fall for Ashton, but he goes into denial and both boys are led down a very dark path upon meeting the other.

I'll Always Love You (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton T, 1k

Summary: "I want you forever, forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly. We'll grow old together, forever and always."

Or that one really sad fic where Ashton gets in a car accident, and Luke remembers what was supposed to happen.

I Like You Better When I'm Wasted (ao3) - HPFangirl71 Luke/Calum E, 5k

Summary: If you're drunk when you have sex with your best friend it doesn't make you gay does it?

But maybe the exchange of sober kisses the next morning are a telltale sign…

i've been cold since you left (ao3) - youranimalside Michael/Luke T, 1k

Summary: “Here’s what we’re going to do. We are going to go to Universal Studios; we are going to get sorted. If I am not a Gryffindor, I will fight the Sorting Hat. Then we will get wands, and be nerdy little shits, and then we are going to get smashed, watch a movie of your choice, Mean Girls will be vetoed, and tomorrow, we are going to get on a plane back to Los Angeles because you are better than this. Screw Luke, okay?”

Or Michael's heartbroken and Calum's trying to fix it.

Last Night (ao3) - orphan_account Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton M, 5k

Summary: On July 16th, 2011, Life as everyone knew it, changed. Luke Hemmings birthday became an accursed day for him. Surviving as a 15 year old teenager wasn't easy, especially when you are trying not to be killed. Life has its upsides and downfalls, the apocalypse is definitely a downfall in Luke's book. At least there is no school.

Remembering the summer, it takes me back (ao3) - zephyrusnico Luke/Ashton NR, 995

Summary: 'Luke looks at the picture of them and he remembers the day it was taken, remembers the days and the memories before and after that day. He thinks about how he remembers the day that has long since been erased from Ashton's mind, never to be remembered by him again.'

Room 93 (ao3) - princessmikey Michael/Luke NR, 5k

Summary: Luke and Michael are dating, but Michael's not ready to come out of the closet, so the only times they can be together are behind the walls of room 93.

What I see is heaven on Earth (ao3) - beendreaminglikeafool Michael/Luke M, 11k

Summary: Luke was too innocent for this world. Too naïve to handle the harshness of the outside. He’s never dealt with being one of the most famous singers of his generation, no experience dealing with the press, so Michael couldn’t imagine him in a similar situation that wouldn’t leave him mentally or physically damaged.

Wired Love (ao3) - gloomywilbur Luke/Ashton T, 20k

Summary: Ashton's stepdad has a strange occupation. He's a mad scientist to be specific, though he kept it secret, making sure to lock his lab all the time. Ashton couldn't help but get curious, and his curiosity only grew when he found the extremely realistic looking cyborg in his lab, its blue eyes and blonde hair had him breatheless. The robot glanced at him, "Hi, I'm Luke."

Woman (ao3) - mtvluke Michael/Luke NR, 861

Summary: The morning sun began to rise, shining through the window that had allowed an orange toned light to saturate the room and light the skin of the duo reminding them that they didn’t have much longer before their night together ended finally.

Summer Days

Part of the 5SOS writer collab headed up by @h0tsos​ and @maluminspace​

Based on the prompt “I don’t know if you noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.”

Camp Counselors Malum

Writing Collab Masterlist

Warnings: None! All Fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

After a semester of student teaching for one of their college courses, it was time for summer, and Calum and Michael had decided to stay in town and hold down the apartment for their other two roommates who were electing to go home. Once finals had wrapped up and they said goodbye to the classes they’d been working with they began looking for jobs. They were both sitting in bed together when Michael found an available job working a summer day camp. The pair talked about it for a few minutes before applying, assuming playing games and mainly supervising kids would be easier than lesson planning and having to actually teach things. Plus they were excited by the possibility of seeing some of their kids again, so Calum pulled out his laptop and they sat side by side as they applied.

After about two weeks it was clear that this was different. For one thing, due to low staffing, the kids were all split up into three groups instead of one group per grade level. So now, even though Michael and Calum recognized some of the kids in their group, some of those kids who were bearable during the school year now had some slight sibling drama. Then there were the parents, something Michael and Calum had yet to deal with. Half of them were fine, nice people who cared about their kids and were happy to hear about their day during pick up. The other half, however, was a mix of Karens and Beckys, some of them stay at home moms who were just getting the kids out of the house so that they could go have margs with their girl friends and have a spa day to wash away the stress of the thought of them actually being parents. Some of them even had Michael wondering if he should go to the pharmacy and get a second flu shot for that year. 

However, despite some of the parents they had to deal with and the occasional drama, both sibling spats and between groups of friends, Michael and Calum were really enjoying their summer job. They kept up their school year tradition of every other payday one taking the other out for a date night, whether it was as simple as going out to dinner and a movie, or a sunset picnic, or a nice night in the bowling alley. 

It was five weeks in, and even with kids coming and going with the weeks, some just disappearing for a one week vacation, others having other camps to go to, things had steadied. It was a rainy Friday at the start of the Fourth of July weekend, so attendance was low to begin with, some kids leaving early. A few of the kids who were there were upset over swim time being cancelled on account of the thunder, but Calum had run down to the gym, claiming it for their group as a replacement for the hour of swimming. 

Calum gone to set up the games and the crafts set up on the counter to dry until parents came, Michael and the other leader started a round of Heads Up Seven Up to keep things quiet and calm until Calum said he was ready. Finally, Calum radioed down that everything was ready and Michael got all the kids lined up, hovering to the back of the line as they made their way through the rec center to the gym. Once in the gym, the kids all gathered around Calum and he smiled saying, “Ok, since it’s a small group today, we’re doing stations. We’ve got two boxes of four square, two spots for basketball games, and then some jump ropes and hula hoops. I’m gonna put on some music and whenever it stops you have to move to a new station, alright?” The kids all cheered and Calum smiled continuing, “Alright, I’m going to give you each a number and that’s going to be the station you’re starting at, ok?”

Once the kids were all split up into groups and ready to start, Calum made his way over to the radio, pulling up a Kidz Bop only playlist on his phone that was already connected to the AUX jack and hitting play. The two men hovered around each other, eyes on the playing kids. After a few songs Michael hummed, “Can’t wait to go home and make dinner with legitimately any other playlist on.”

Calum smirked, hand coyly reaching up to rub Michael’s back, “Bold of you to assume that I won’t overtake the speaker and put this right back on.”

Michael shot his boyfriend a sharp look, filled with a threat that he couldn’t voice at work. Calum just bit his lip in response, pausing the music before a fifth song could play and calling out “Time to switch!”

They made it through three station changes before one of the kids from Michael’s class earlier that year came running over, “Mr. Michael!!! Come play HORSE with us!!”

Michael gave Calum a wide eyed stare as the other kids in the group came running over, grabbing him by his hands and dragging him over to their half of the basketball court.  He ended up making the first few easy shots, but then one of the kids made a shot from beyond the foul line. Calum could read the anxiety in his boyfriend’s face when it was his turn, silently begging the younger man to change stations early to rescue him. 

Calum, however, remained strong, knowing an army of upset kids was worse than Michael missing the shot. At least, until he watched the blonde’s feet slip out from under him as he shot, toppling backwards onto the floor as the basketball fell to the ground halfway between him and the hoop. 

Calum quickly jogged over, phone left on top of the radio. He helped Michael to his feet, the pair holding on maybe a second or two longer than necessary before Calum pulled away, “Need an ice pack?” he teased lightly as Michael rubbed the back of his head.

“Nah, I think I’ll live,” the blonde returned, smiling as the kids checked on him too. “Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do, but especially with sports stuff.”

The kids all giggled at Michael’s response and Calum hummed. “Fine, I guess we can swap, then. Mike, you run the music and I’ll play HORSE. We’ve got until the end of this song before they need to switch again.”

Michael gave his boyfriend a teasing salute before going over to the music, tapping the screen to see how long until the song was over. He hummed as he saw texts from their group chat with Luke and Ashton. As soon as the song was over he paused the new one and made the switch stations call. Once the kids were all moving in the same direction, Calum getting pulled into four square, Michael opened the texts, using Calum’s passcode. He skimmed the latest line from Ashton, something about one of his plants. Michael just opened Calum’s camera, pulling the phone super close to his face for a picture. 

Can’t talk, working right now. Plant update t-minus 3 hours. 

As soon as the message sent Michael put the phone back down, watching on as Calum tried to take it easy on the kids, even if none of them returned the favor.  Calum ended up trapped at four square for the rest of the time in the gym, Michael jumping when he realized it was ten minutes past when they were supposed to be having afternoon snack. Calum gathered a kid from each group to help him get everything back in the equipment room, everything going away much quicker than it had come out, and soon enough they were back in the classroom.

Two hours later and there were three kids left out of all the groups, other leaders leaving Calum and Michael to wait with the kids in the game room while they cleaned the classrooms before clocking out. Calum was sitting in one of the chairs in front of a tv, a kid next to him in another chair as they played minecraft. Michael was sitting at the table with the other two kids, signout book by his elbow as he colored with them. Soon enough the two kids with Michael were going home with their stepdad and Michael picked up the crayons and extra sheets of paper. Once they were back in the closet he picked up the binder and meandered over to the xbox station.

Calum let out an exasperated sigh as Michael leaned up against the back of his chair, knocking down a stair block again. “Julien how do you get the stairs to go upside down like that dude?”

“You jus gotta fly over and like, plop a block and then aim for the top.” Julien explained.

“Oh gosh, I keep forgetting that we can fly right now...how do I do that again?”

Michael snorted and Calum spun around, giving him his best puppy eyes as he pouted, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.” 

Michael chuckled softly as Calum repeated his earlier statement back to him. He shoved down the temptation to kiss the pout off of Calum’s lips, instead turning to look at Julien, “Are you enjoying explaining how to play Minecraft to Mr. Calum, Julien, or would you like some actual help with your treehouse?”

Julien’s face lit up as he looked up at Michael, “Please??”

Calum just shook his head in defeat, handing the controller over as Michael pulled up another chair, setting the binder in Calum’s lap as he leaned forward, listening as Julien explained his vision for the treehouse project.

Right as Calum was about to call the main office to let them know that there was still one kid at their site, Julien’s mom came running in. They chatted for a minute, Julien excitedly telling his mom about beating Michael at HORSE “because he fell down and Mr. Calum had to take over.”

Once Julien was sure he had all his stuff and they’d cleaned up, Michael and Calum went into the office, signing onto the tablet to log their hours for the day before making their way to the car. As they sat in their seats, Michael queuing up music for the drive home, Calum turned in his seat asking, “Does your head still hurt from knocking against the floor, Mikey?”

Michael hummed, glancing towards his boyfriend and then the ceiling as he pretended to think, “Maybe a little…”

Calum grinned, leaning over, gently pushing Michael’s head so he could smooch the back of it. “Better?” 

Michael smiled, shaking his head no and tapping his cheek next, then his nose, and then his lips, each one following a new kiss from Calum in the previously tapped place. Michael sighed when Calum broke the kiss to his lips too soon for his liking. “More kisses when we get home, I promise.” Calum teased easily, finally pulling his seatbelt over his shoulder.

“I can live with that. Want me to teach you Minecraft after dinner, or were you enjoying Julien telling you what to do?”

“Maybe if you can properly motivate me I’ll learn it.” Calum said, wiggling his dark eyebrows at Michael.

“So long as you don’t forget afterwards,” Michael said, grin spreading his cheeks as he put the car in drive and began the route home.

Writer Discord: @cashtonasfuck​ @kingcals​ @koalacal @loveroflrh​ @goth5sos​ @irwinkitten​ @5-secondsofcolor​ @5sosnsfw​ @punkrockpreferences​ @gigglyirwin​ @fallinluke​ @calumcest​ @catearscliffo​ @mermaidcashton​ @spicycal​ @sublimehood​ @shal-pal​ @queer-5sos​ @mysticalhood​ @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @castaway-cashton​ @jae-writes-fanfiction​ @sexgodashton​ @vipclifford​ @adoringlrh​

Tag List: @calpops​ @wildflowergrae​ @empathycth​ @talkfastromance4​ @thesubtweeter​ @allier59​ @afihemmings​ @treatallwithkindness​ @theyorthemrecords​

Slash!Tag List: @tigerteeff 

okay so for the Greaser!Cal fic i’m thinking of instead of making the OC the cop’s daughter, she’ll be his step daughter just to further complicate the family dynamic a bit more. she’ll also have, like, a 17 year old step sister who she gets along with really well & the more the OC hangs with Cal or whatever, the stepdad can accuse her of “corrupting” his daughter just for some ~drama~. im thinking of keeping the OC and Cal the age he is now, like 23-24 bc i feel weird writing Calum younger than he is, and i’m not tryna make the OC that much younger than him bc that’s weird.

still tryna come up with a plot, tho, other than just the OC being the cop’s step daughter and him having beef with Greaser!Cal

Choices

Summary: Ashton Irwin thought he had everything he needed in life in the form of his daughter. Funny the difference a choice can make.

A/N: I have 7 completed chapters of this baby to share with y’all. Two chapters today because I probably won’t post fic stuff tomorrow. Y’all ready for more Nashton?! Of course you are! What a silly question, Bri, we’re always ready.

Content: Nothing too crazy/out of the norm.

Word Count: 2.7K

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 2

“Oh, c’mon Cal. It’s Sunday night,” I said into the phone.

“Just come out with me, Ash. I met this girl. She has friends. It’s just a small hang. Nothing major.”

“A small hang actually makes it worse, Cal. That means I’d have to interact with people.”

“Good! Less chance of you moping in the corner all night. Get dressed. We’re doing this.”

“I don’t mope…”

“Yes, you do. Look, can’t Lauren watch Cass for the night? She watched her last week.”

I rolled my eyes. “Alright,” I caved. “If Lauren’s free to watch Cass I’ll go. But only for a bit.”

“Wait, for real? Alright!”

About an hour later, we pulled up in front of a house. Music poured out from the back yard and I could hear noise of conversations, laughter, and the splashing of the pool. “You ready?” Calum asked me as we walked up.

I adjusted my hat on my head and let out my breath. “I guess.”

He turned to go towards a girl who was waving at us and smiling. “Have some fun for once, yeah?”

I looked around, watching him go off with some girl. I spotted where the drinks were and made my way over to see what they had: cheap beer, tequila, and water. I groaned and settled for a water. It was probably best if I didn’t drink anyhow.

I maneuvered through the crowd, trying not to spill my drink or theirs as people brushed past me without a care in the world. I took a deep drink from the water. “Mmm, shit! Sorry,” I quickly said as I almost collided with a girl.

“Ash?” Nic asked, clearly surprised to see me.

“Hey,” I said, trying to hide my own surprise. “Wanna drink?”

“I’m good,” she said, holding up her own water.

I half-smiled, “Cool.” I rocked back and forth on the heels of my feet trying to figure out what to say. I’d been avoiding her in the halls at home, trying to push her from my mind as best I could. But, every time I tried to sleep I just remembered the way her lips had brushed my cheek, and how badly I wanted to feel her lips on my skin again. Nic didn’t need to become attached to someone like me. I knew I was too busy to give her the kind of attention a girl like her deserved. And she was building a life for herself. She needed someone who was building a life for himself too, not some guy raising a kid. That didn’t stop me from wanting her though.

“Hey… um… you left your jacket,” she told me.

“Oh, is that where it is? Cool.”

“Yeah… um… is everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh… cuz you seem a little…”

“Nah, just busy. Sorry.”

“Okay… Well, it was good seeing you, Ash.” She smiled and walked off to find her friends.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, cursing myself. “Whoa, who was that?” Calum asked, appearing by my side.

“Just some girl.”

“Some girl… isn’t that the girl from the bar?”

“Yeah.”

“Go talk to her! Make something happen!”

“Cal… she’s… I’m… it’s…”

“What?”

“She deserves someone better than me, okay?”

“So?”

“So, I can’t do that to her. I’m not gonna waste her time when I have literally nothing to give her.”

“Ash. For once in your life, stop doubting yourself. You have more to offer her than anyone else here. And more than that, you’re actually a damned good guy. Go. Go!”

I sighed, took another drink, and walked over to Nic. “Hey,” I said, interjecting myself in their conversation. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, sure,” she smiled and followed me to a quieter part of the house. I was acutely aware of the eyes on us and the jealousy. “So, what’s up?”

“I… uh… I was wondering if you… uh…. wantedtogooutsometime?” I rushed.

“Go out? With you?”

“Yeah…”

“Sure. I’d love to.”

“Great. How’s Friday? Or whichever day works best for you.”

“How about now?” she asked coyly.

I nodded my head fast. “That works.” Then, “Did you want to get out of here? Maybe get some real drinks?”

“Yeah, sure. Are we walking?”

 I laughed at the joke, “I actually drove this time, so we can take my truck if you want.”

“Awesome. Let me just tell the girls I’m leaving.”

Yeah, I gotta tell my friend, too. Meet you out front in five?” She nodded then walked back to her friends while I scanned the crowd for Calum. “Hey, Cal. I’m leaving.”

“What? Ash…”

“It’s not like that. I got a date.”

“What? Ash!”

“Yeah, so you're good?”

“Yeah, I’ll find a way home. Have fun on your date!”

I laughed as I made my way out of the house and found Nic on the porch. “Ready?” I asked, offering her my arm.

She wrapped her arm around mine, our fingers brushing together as we interlaced them. “Yeah,” she smiled. “You know, you had me worried there for a minute. I thought I had scared you away.”

“Nah, I don’t scare easy,” I told her as I opened the door for her. We let go of each other as she got in the front seat. I gently closed the door before making my way into the driver’s seat, saying a silent prayer that I had left Cassidy’s car seat with Lauren.

“Can I ask what happened then? I mean, it’s okay if you don’t like me. Or aren’t interested in me that way or whatever.”

“No. I like you, Nic. It has nothing to do with you. I’m just…”

“Just what?”

“Alright… I’ll just put this out here and you can make your choice. I’m not good enough for you. You’re a girl who clearly has a bright future ahead of you. And I… well… I’m just… I have a five year old.”

“What?”

“I’m a single dad. I have sole custody over my daughter. So, if you’re looking for something serious, I’m probably not the guy to get serious with. That’s all.”

“And are you looking for something serious?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure what I want. But I know that I like you. And I’m willing to see where that goes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I’m also willing to see where this goes.”

I smiled and started driving. “So, tell me about yourself. I don’t know much about you besides your name and that you moved here for grad school.”

She let out a small laugh. “Well, I’m Nic. It’s short for Nicole. I grew up in Atlanta. I went to college there. Moved here for grad school. I needed a chance of pace.”

“Nicole… Pretty. What are you going to school for?”

“Rehabilitation medicine.”

“Wow… so like sports injuries and stuff?”

“Hopefully.”

“So, do you like sports?”

“Sort of. My dad’s more of a fan than I am. But I know enough, I guess.”

“So are you more into baseball or football?”

“Both, I guess. Football is easier to follow for me, but baseball’s more exciting.”

“Well, yeah, it’s easy to follow a team that only plays 1 game a week.”

She laughed, “That’s why I like it.”

I laughed too. “That’s cool though. So, you’re an Atlanta fan?”

“Yep,” she nodded. “And you’re a…” she looked at my hat which was my Seattle Mariners cap. “Seattle fan. Go figure.”

“I could say the same, Miss Atlanta,” I teased.

In a swift motion, she took my hat off my head, flipped it frontwards and placed it on her own. She flipped down the visor and stared at her reflection, posing here and there. “Hmm… the blue’s kinda nice.”

I looked over at her, my hat low on her head. “Looks good on you,” I told her.

“Oh, now you ruined it! I can’t look good in a Seattle hat!” She laughed loudly as she handed me back my hat. I quickly flipped it backwards and slid it on. “There, much better. Although, you look good without the hat, too.”

“Yeah?” I looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror. I looked like I always did. I took off my hat and ran my hand through my hair, giving it a ruffled, “rolled out of bed” look. I shrugged. To me, hat or no hat, I looked like I always had.

“So are you just one of those guys that always looks good?”

I laughed, “I guess. Going from a high school athlete to the police academy to keeping up with a five year old will do that to a guy.”

“Well, you look amazing.”

I laughed again, feeling my cheeks turn red. “Thanks. You look amazing too. Stunning, really.”

“Well, it’s hard to help with rehab if I’m not in shape myself. Plus I was a dancer.”

“Dancer?”

“Yeah, I was on my high school and college dance teams. Did cheer and gymnastics too.”

“Wow… that’s actually really hot,” I admitted. “So what do you do for fun? Like in your downtime?”

She shrugged. “Typical stuff. Read, watch TV, listen to music. Nothing weird or super cool I guess. Why? Do you have a cool or weird hobby?”

“Kinda? I play music.”

“Like instruments? What kind?”

“Little bit of everything. Mostly guitar and drums though.”

“That’s cooler than what I do.”

“Oh, c’mon. There’s gotta be something cool you do.”

“I mean, I draw.”

“See? That’s cool! Just doodles or…?”

“Doodles mostly.”

“Very cool,” I said as I pulled my truck onto a gravel road and stopped. I shut off my engine, but left the radio playing. “This is my favorite place,” I admitted, not really sure why I was telling her that or why I took her here.

“It’s beautiful,” she admired, staring out the windshield towards Puget Sound, the sun starting to sink into the horizon.

“I like to come here when the world gets a little too fast for me. I come here and time seems to slow down.” Again, I had no idea why I was telling her these things.

“I can see why you would. I mean, yeah Atlanta is a city, but it’s still a southern town. So there’s stillness to it. Here? Well, everything seems so busy.”

I shrugged. “It’s home. Well, actually my mom and I moved here from Australia. But I was two, so I consider here home.”

“Australia?!”

I laughed. “Yup. But, like I said. I consider here to be home. Well, Monroe’s home.”

“Is Monroe far from here?”

I shook my head. “Bout a half hour drive.”

“And your mom’s still in Monroe?”

I nodded. “Yep. She’s still in the same house with my stepdad and little brother. Harry’s still in high school.”

“And your sister?”

“Lauren’s in Tacoma for college. So, she’s close too.”

“Are you close with your family?”

I nodded again, “Yeah, they help me a lot with raising Cass. My sister’s babysitting her now.”

“And Cass is your daughter? What’s that like? Being a single dad?”

“Hard,” I laughed. “Very hard. Her mom’s not in the picture, so it was hard both losing her and dealing with that on top of trying to raise a newborn. It was like hitting the jackpot on the worst possible luck.”

“That sounds rough, I’m sorry.” Her hand reached out to gently squeeze mine.

I shrugged, “It’s alright. I love being a dad. Just gets lonely sometimes.”

“You’re telling me you haven’t used the hot single dad thing to your advantage?”

I shook my head, “Not that girls haven’t shown interest, or that I haven’t been interested. It’s just hard to maintain anything real when I have to balance being a dad. And I’m not a one-night-stand kind of guy.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right girl.”

I shrugged. “It’s possible. But, from my experience, girls dig the hot single dad vibe until the phone rings and I have to break our dates because Cass got sick or had a nightmare. As if I could choose when and when not to be a dad. But Cass is priority number one; and they all think it’s cute until it’s not. It’s cute to be the devoted father until it ruins date night. Then it’s an inconvenience.”

“Well that’s their loss. Like you’re an adult. It’s both stupid and selfish to think that the world doesn’t exist outside the two people sharing the relationship. Outside priorities being what they are, I just want the guy to be loyal.” In the fading light, I could see her face blush red, as she ducked her head and bit her lip.

I felt my heart pick up a little speed in my chest and my own face flush. My next few choices were either going to be the best choices of my life or the worst mistake of my life. I took a breath and bet on it being the former. I gently cupped her chin in my hand, lifting her face to look at mine. “I can be loyal,” I breathed.

“Can you?” came the small murmured question as she looked deep in my eyes.

“Mhm,” I told her before kissing her. It was one of those kisses that started out soft, but turned fierce. With one hand still holding her chin, my other hand wrapped around her back, pulling her into my lap. With her straddling me, I reach for my shirt, tugging it over my head and tossing it to the side with my hat. Her fingers went up to run themselves through my hair before they traced paths across my shoulders and back. I shuddered at her touch, a touch so familiar and that made me hungry for more. It made me painfully aware of how long it had been since I had been with a woman, and how much I had missed this. One of my hands reached up her shirt to undo her bra and the other hand fiddled with the button on her jeans.

“Mmm… Ash… wait…” she said, pulling back, breathing hard.

“Everything okay?” I asked, pulling her back to me.

“I’m… I’m not ready,” she blurted, pushing herself off my lap. She bit her lip while she waited for my mind to catch up.

“Oh…” I looked at her face, half-scared that she had ruined whatever we were building, and probably half-scared she had almost hooked up with me in my truck. “It’s fine,” I told her.

“Really? It’s not because I’m a virgin or anything. Like I’ve had sex. I just… we… I’m not ready to do this with someone I barely know. Sex means something to me.”

“That’s fine,” I told her, pulling her towards me. “I like you for you, Nic. We don’t have to do anything we don’t both feel 100 percent comfortable with.”

“Really?” This time, there wasn’t as much fear in her voice as there was surprise.

“Yes,” I told her again, kissing her. “Honest. I’m fine.”

“Sorry…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” In truth, I was a little glad she had stopped us. I was clearly more willing to put myself out there than I had been until today. But, I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for what came with having sex with someone, especially since the last time had left me with a broken heart and a daughter. I reached for my shirt and pulled it back on before fiddling with the radio. The music pumping through my speakers was the only sound as we watched the sun fade into the night. She scooted over the bench seat and rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head, breathing in her smell. “So, you dance, right?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she answered.

“Dance with me,” I told her, opening my door and getting out. “C’mon,” I coaxed, holding my hand out for her.

She giggled and got out of the truck, taking my hand. I spun her in a circle before pulling her close and started swaying us side to side. She let out another giggle, “You’re ridiculous, y’know that? And you can’t dance.”

“All I have to do is spin you in circles,” I pointed out.

“There’s more to it than that,” she laughed.

“You’re the dancer,” I conceded. Then, “Just dance with me,” I begged, pulling her close. In the headlights of my truck, underneath the stars, we danced and sang along with the radio.

~~~

@goeatsomelife​ @flameraine @cashtonasff5sos @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @baldcalum @sparkling-chaos @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession

SG1

Season 2 episode 9

🚨trigger warning: mentions of rape in my notes🚨

"SECRETS"

Notes by me

- the chief from abydos! Also daniels father in law :)

- no glasses!Daniel in this scene

- I love how dedicated Daniel is to his space family and their culture😌 like this random Egyptian planet was like I'm gonna keep you! And he said okie dokie

- "I couldnt possibly be safer than in the company of tealc" AKDEOSNDJSJSSKA

- Jack wants to go back too lol

- Daniel back in his robes 💕

- back home for daniel! To abydos!

- Bodyguard!tealc

- apologizing to sha'res dad for not being able to find her yet 😟 its not your fault babe!

- SHA'RE??? YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

- tealc:

- shes pregnant and that is....really bad. If its one of the goaulds that raped her. This got dark real quick

- "husband!" "My daniel" I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ALREADY GOING INSANE

- he doesnt want to bring his hopes up that its actually her 😭

- hes shocked but like.....i would be too

- I was right its apophis kid :\ this so fucked up

- Host Baby??? Big Yikes

- okay I'm gonna say this right fucking now before i watch any more. If Daniel blames her and gets mad at her for being raped and getting pregnant WITHOUT her consent than i will personally come thru this screen and slap the fuck out of him

- meanwhile! Jack and Sam bonding time!

- SAMS DAD

- sha're thinking Daniel wont love her anymore :( she better be wrong or I'm throwing hands

- she said the goauld is Amunet? Is that the dog goddess? Or the crocodile? I'm getting my Egyptian gods mixed up

- Daniel sitting outside to Process™

- "hasnt she gone thru enough?" My brain stopped working I'm so happy hes not not blaming her. Writers for once youre doing something right

- man hes really emotional about this

- tealcs right they need to take her anyway for her own safety.

- do u think he sympathizes with her bc hes been raped too? Its not said but I feel like thats what it is. He knows it wasnt her fault. And that also means they can comfort each other about what happened to them😟bc they understand

- okay why is sams dad being a total dill hole

- "Ive heard nothing about you, sir." Jack youre not off to a great first impression

- Jack making sam smile with sly jokes

- her dad knows she be lyin about her job

- he wants her to go to space HAHA if only he knew. His tiny brain would explode

- Daniel said he loves her no matter what and then gave her a big hug im LOSING MY MIND

- are we keeping the baby??? Am I gonna see Dad!Daniel and mom!sha're ??? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

- micheal shanks eyes are super blue in this episode for my viewing pleasure only

- protective!Daniel 😍

- I'm just remembering how they met and when she showed him the forbidden drawings in the caves and they spent days together just sharing knowledge. When he found out they were married(in her culture) and just completely accepted it. When he saved her bc he realised he was in love. When he stayed on abydos so that he could live a full life with her and her people because he felt like he belonged. I'm fine

- parents need to ask before they set up things like job interviews. I have personal experience with this and im full of rage

- this reporter literally having a recording of Jack talking about the stargate and Jack flatly denying it. Zero fucks given

- Daniel saying he wont force sha're into anything. Bc up to this point shes been forced into so much!! He knows he needs to let her make her own choices!!! He gets it!!!

- im sorry both Daniel and sha're are so pretty in his episode. My bisexual brain is just having a real good time looking👀

- I REALLY really love it when she calls him "my dan-yel" ❤❤❤

- the SGC has a mole???

- LABOR somebody boil water

- oh its my goauld mans with the sick earrings

- Daniel helping her give birth. Sitting behind her and helping her breathe. I'm love

- "this is where we hid from Ra remember?" Ajdjsisnana thats such a cool detail

- he'll never leave her again there goes my heart

- "It's O'Neill. With two L's. Theres another colonel O'Neil, but he has no sense of humor at all."

- dont you hate when youre about to uncover a huge government secret and then immediately get hit by a car

- shooting the zat gun into the camera was a cool directing choice 🔥

- sam: so I'm getting a medal for my service this week! Cool right?

Jacob Carter: I have cancer

- he could not have been any more blunt

- ok dude cant you just accept the fact that she cant tell you what her job? Dont you know what top secret means? Cant you just be proud of her for what she does already???? Dick

- "I will always love you!!"

- she is scared she will lose Daniel and the baby :(

- its a boy! 💙💙

- the goauld is back in control oh god Daniel run

- shes actually pretty scary as a goauld

- yeah ok shoot the woman who just gave birth tealc YEESH

- that was a good idea to frame Heru'hur tho

- Daniel hesitating to leave her again. My heart is breaking 😢

- they saved the baby at least

- poor sha're didnt even get to see her son 😔

- bringing the baby back to the grandfather was a good idea😊

- this baby is SO SO cute

- is Daniel a stepdad now. Is he gonna come back and play catch with the kid when hes older. Is he gonna fully adopt him. I want him to fully adopt him

- Jack blaming himself for the reporters death. You gotta stop doing this to yourself man

- black shirt Daniel 👀👀👀👀

- HAHA tealc shoving the jaffa into the vortex lmaooo

- "you dare challenge me?"

"I was thinking about it"

- WHEN JACK GRABS HIS KNIFE REAL QUICK AND SPEARS IT INTO APPOPHIS HAND

- she definitely saw them and didnt say anything

- "are you alright?"

"No. No im not.........but I will be."

"She looked directly at us, Daniel jackson. And yet she did not reveal our position." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LADS. Theres still hope for my girl. She can fight this I believe in her ✊😤

- I will say it again tho. This storyline for her is very fucked up. No excuses, its just a bit over used in sci fi for the women characters to have surprise pregnancies.

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: fought with jaffa

Daniel jackson whump: shocked, emotional, crying, forced kneeling, back handed

Sam carter whump: emotional , crying

🎶listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis 🎶 in honor of Daniel and sha're making me lose my collective mind

No glasses!Daniel for most of the episode

GET TO KNOW ME

TAGGED BY @magnasimblr (thank you! I think haha)

Traits: Cat Lover, Creative, Non-Committal 

1. What is your full name? Sara 2. What is your nickname? Don’t really have a nickname, well people tend to use my last name for that but not going to spill that here 3. Birthday? June 21 4. What is your favorite book series? Game of Thrones 5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens yes, ghosts nah. 6. Who is your favorite author? Jack Kerouac 7. What is your favorite radio station? Radio? Radio? What? Gimme Spotify 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Salty things 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Cool 10. What is your current favorite song? Sometimes I have no music periods for a short while, currently going through one of them 11. What is your favorite word? Bishdafaken, courtesy of @lordkiribatisims and yaaassss 12. What was the last song you listened to? 6Lack - Switch 13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Bojack Horseman, Fargo, How to make a murderer, Love, Idunno I watch a lot of different things 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind 15. Do you play video games? yaaaassss 16. What is your biggest fear? my place being burned down with my cats in it 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m an empath 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I can be lazy 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? obvi cats, but I like doggos too 20. What is your favorite season? Summer 21. Are you in a relationship? to quote @magnasimblr​ *runs away* 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? having no responsibilities  23. Who is your best friend? Matthias 24. What is your eye color? Blue/grey 25. What is your hair color? Pink 26. Who is someone you love? my cats Lowie, Lucky and Arya, my mom and stepdad and my best friends 27. Who is someone you trust? my mom, my best friends 28. Who is someone you think about often? my cats​​​, yeah I’m that crazy cat lady 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? not easily excitable anymore, I guess seeing the end of my depression 30. What is your biggest obsession? my cats I guess, seeing as they keep returning in my answers 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Buffy 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? my bff Matthias 33. Are you superstitious? Nope 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? being in large crowds. 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? def behind 36. What is your favorite hobby? my cats (duh), traveling, the sims 37. What was the last book you read? don’t remember, it’s been a while 38. What was the last movie you watched? I think that was Doctor Strange, it’s been a long time, been more into series 39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? unfortunately none 40. What is your favorite animal? do I still have to say? CATS 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? so many, but I guess, @budgie2budgie @whiisker @a-kind-red @mellocakes @simmerberlin​ Don’t be offended if I didn’t name you you’re prolly in my top 10 42. What superpower do you wish you had? flying 43. When and where do you feel most at peace? at home, in my trusted couch  44. What makes you smile? my friends, my cats, reddit discord bs, the sims, animal gifs 45. What sports do you play, if any? none at the moment. 46. What is your favorite drink? Orange juice 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? this summer 48. Are you afraid of heights? no I managed to overcome that 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? people smacking while eating 50. Have you ever been to a concert? oh boy have I 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? vegetarian 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I never figured it out 53. What fictional world would you like to live in? San Myshuno with Calum and Pandora 54. What is something you worry about? The future and climate change 55. Are you scared of the dark? Nope 56. Do you like to sing? yes but you don’t want me too 57. Have you ever skipped school? once 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? hmmmm hard one, San Francisco I think 59. Where would you like to live? where I live iz good 60. Do you have any pets? I think that’s pretty clear by now 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl fo sho 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets 63. Do you know how to drive? even tho I have my license, I haven’t driven in 12 years so I don’t think I can anymore, also I hate it 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? Yes 66. What is your favorite genre of music? I’ve gone through so many styles and I still like em all but atm feeling hiphop. 67. Who is your hero? Hunter S Thompson 68. Do you read comic books? not anymore 69. What makes you the most angry? inhumanity 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real books for the win 71. What is your favorite subject in school? psychology 72. Do you have any siblings? I have an adopted sister. 73. What was the last thing you bought? food 74. How tall are you? 177 cm 75. Can you cook? Yesss 76. What are three things that you love? lol you gonna make me repeat it, my cats! And since I have 3 that will do for this answer 77. What are three things that you hate? ignorance, sexism, racism 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? more male friends, one of the homies 79. What is your sexual orientation? straight, altho probs bordering to asexual  80. Where do you currently live? Belgium  81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend Chloé 82. When was the last time you cried? last Thursday 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Safiya Nygaard atm 84. Do you like to take selfies? no thanks 85. What is your favorite app? Spotify and Tumblr 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? love my mom and stepdad, my bio dad is a big nope 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? a Frenchman speaking English 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Australia  89. What is your favorite number? 4 90. Can you juggle? no 91. Are you religious? o no 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space! 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? definitely but not atm due to my depression  94. Are you allergic to anything? only to a certain lip balm that sets my lips on fire 95. Can you curl your tongue? yes 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? if I’m wrong, I’m wrong 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?  beach 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? believe in yourself 100. Are you a good liar? yes but only white lies 101. What is your Hogwarts House?  I’m going to offend someone but I never got into Harry Potter sorry 102. Do you talk to yourself? best convo ever. 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? normally an extrovert, ENFJ 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? nah 105. Do you believe in second chances? yes, but strike three and you’re out 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? I have before and left it at the front desk of the place I was at 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes and no 108. Are you ticklish? no emotions 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes, I lost count 110. Do you have any piercings? no, the ones in my ears grew close a long time ago 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Bojack Horseman 112. Do you have any tattoos? yes, 4 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? just go with the flow and do 114. Do you believe in karma? hmmm undecided 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, but only when I need to see far 116. Do you want children? o no no no 117. Who is the smartest person you know? Idunno, I think most of my friends are pretty smart 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? let’s not go there 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? too many times 120. What color are most of you clothes? black 121. Do you like adventures? yes altho I have calmed down quite a bit 122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah 123. How old are you? 35 looking like 27 and never growing up 124. What is your favorite quote?  "the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”  - Jack Kerouac  125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory

I tag @artemisa02 @mangostefan @lovearound5am @simsontherope @toffeetip @lordkiribatisims (if you’ve already done this I’m sorry I’ve seen so many pass by I don’t remember) Also don’t feel like you have to cus it’s a lot.

💜 Get to Know Me Tag 💜

tagged by: @bluemoonamjoon

Name: Des (Despina)

Nicknames: Des, Desi, Giggles, Da Penis (an anagram of my name), The Brat (by my mum and stepdad when I’m being annoying), Babycakes (my mum), Sweetie (my dad) Choupa/Choupitsa (my Greek grandparents).

Gender: Cisgender (she/her)

Zodiac: Gemini (June 5th)

Height: 5′5″??? (I think)

Time: 8:15 pm

Favorite Musicians: Quinn XCII, Panic! At The Disco, Vance Joy, The Lumineers, Dua Lipa and Grace Vanderwaal. (I’ve also been more readily digging Shawn Mendes  and Ariana Grande since the summer)

Song Stuck in My Head: Frank Ocean by Call Me Karizma, Tough by Quinn XCII and God is a Woman - Ariana Grande

Last Thing I Googled: What time the discount textbook store close to campus was open until today.

Last Movie I Saw: Room.

Last Song I Listened to: In the Light - The Lumineers

Other Blogs: Nope.

Do I get Asks: Rarely but Nina has been sending me them every now and then and honestly, I’m here for it.

Why did I Choose My Username: I was going through a lot of changes in my life at the time; I had just broken up with my partner of four years, was in between changing my major, got a promotion, was changing my diet and fitness lifestyle and wanted to do some self-discovery. I was beginning to reinvent myself and rediscover my confidence and what was important in my life. I felt like I was evolving into something greater than I had ever been. I’m also partially Greek and Greek mythology is something I’ve grown up interested in (I often joke that I’m the daughter of Poseidon). So I kinda mushed that all together; I was starting a new journey (reborn) and I was becoming a more powerful woman (goddess).

Following: 93 blogs and I have 110 followers 

Amount of Sleep I Got: 9 hrs from 11:00pm - 8:00 am (I’m trying to get back into a proper sleeping schedule it hasn’t been this way for a long time lol)

Lucky Number: 23

What I’m Wearing: I WAS wearing olive green skinny pants, light brown boots and a pink and white knit wool turtleneck to go to class. I am NOW wearing comfy “around-the-house clothes” which today is black joggers, a black Panic! At The Disco crew neck and pink, grey and white fuzzy socks.

Dream Job: Actor, Psychologist, Baker, Interior Designer. 

Dream Trips: Ireland😍, New York City (again), Greece, England, Scotland, Italy, Japan. 

Favorite Foods: Sushi, eggs Benedict, fettuccine Alfredo, margherita pizza, sautéed asparagus, avocados, grapefruit, smoothies, brie cheese.

Instruments: I played the clarinet in grade 5 and 6 and then from 9-12 and I also occasionally played the bass clarinet in high school. I also used to play the piano, but almost definitely not as well as I used to. And does my voice count? I still do that. 

Favorite Songs: (I honestly have too many, and they change all the time, but I’ll list my current top five).

Tough - Quinn XCII 

Dancing On My Own - Calum Scott (This one is a pretty stable fave)

Sleeping Sickness - City and Colour (Same with this one)

IDGAF - Dua Lipa

thank u, next - Ariana Grande (also I forgot to add this to my last asks and honestly, I’m disappointed in myself)

Talk Good - Grace VanderWaal (Bonus, cause honestly I couldn’t just list 5 and this should have also been in the previous ask if I didn’t put it there)

Relationship Status: Single and open to getting back out there.

Favorite Colors: Mint/sea foam green, navy blue, grey, mauve.

Three Books: (Not sure exactly what this means and I don’t particularly have favourites so I’m going to list three on my “To Read” roster).

Karamo: My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing, and Hope - Karamo Brown

So Sad Today - Melissa Broder

Becoming - Michelle Obama

Three TV Shows:

Queer Eye

Friends

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Book I’m Reading Now: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and May We Be Forgiven. (I did not intentionally start reading two books at once. I have like 40 pgs left in MWBF and didn’t want to lug it with me over my winter break if I would literally finish it on the train ride to my mum’s).

How Many Blankets do You Sleep in: My duvet and then currently because it’s winter, I do occasionally sleep with a throw either on top of the duvet or in between the sheet and duvet. 

Anything I Want: I could use a sushi burrito right now. And what I truly want at this time in my life is to stick to a daily routine.

I Tag: @consult-the-moon-phantom (when you find time, lol), @onedaymaybe-someday, @rookshaisbi and @oh8four (if they’re up for it)

!! | before you read

I'm really glad you gave this short book a chance. I've had fun writing it and in general I can keep up with those short books better than my original long works. Of course there are things you need to know, before you actually start »cool, baby blue« So I made a little list for you and I hope you'll read it, before you skip to the next and first official chapter.

# 1, Luke will be the reader's stepdad and if you think that's disgusting or weird or it triggers you in any way I do not recommend reading this. If you do, but you think it's cringe or disgusting, I would kindly advice you to leave the comments to yourself.

# 2, Michael, Calum and Ashton won't be announced that often. It's only Michael and Calum. Basically Malum.

# 3, I would love to see feedback, not as in hate. Not everyone likes to fuck their stepdad lmao, but like you know what I mean. Pouring your heart and soul into a back, just to receive hate? No.

# 4, I don't think that this book will contain hardcore kinks, just smut, strong language and age gap (!!)

# 5, I do not pay for your therapy afterwards, just saying lol :')

# 6, I absolutely am not sexualizing Luke Hemmings in real life. We all know he's a human fluffball and you could cuddle him to death. Remember this is just fiction and I made this all up!

I think this is everything you need to to know so far. I'll be an open ear, if you aren't feeling good in any way, not because of this book, because I don't want to trigger you because of that, lol! You can also text me, I'm very open with making new friends, here are my socials:

twitter, saraloves5sos instagram, saraaasinem wattpad, kinklrh

After my mom died, my stepdad subscribed to women's world magazine and would go to bed at 9pm and set his alarm for 2 am so he could wake up, watch TMZ, and then go back to sleep and then he would talk to me over breakfast about Kardashian gossip and whatever else.

I can imagine Ashton doing the magazine thing and Calum doing something like watching dance shows online and then sending her links or texting her about them just to try and keep connected when he's away.

My story...

@exposing-the-fakes Okay so I started cutting when I was 10. I had started to wear black long sleeves so no one was able to see the marks on my arms. Now I'm 13 and I stopped in October. *October* so I went into the school bathroom and pulled out a piece of glass I kept in my book bag and I went into one of the stalls. I cut until blood was on the floor. So I cleaned it up and the bell rang so I left. On the bus I decided to kill myself so when I got home my mom and stepdad weren't there because they were at work. I felt like I was going to throw up and I was shaking. I didn't want my sisters or nieces and nephew to go on without me and I couldn't fathom the pain my parents were going to be in. But I made up my mind. I got off the bus at around 3:30 and for about ten minutes I listened to music on YouTube. At 3:47 pm I put the knife to my wrist and JBH came on. The melody of the song caught my attention to the point where I dropped my knife and looked at my phone where I had already typed in my suicide note on my Notes. The song was JBH and I loved it. I realized at that point I was blessed to have these 4 dorks come into my life at that moment and I haven't picked up anything to self harm since then. This is the longest I have gone without self harming in 3 years. I wouldn't have been able to do it without 5SOS. They give me hope in the future. Ashton makes me smile when I wanna cry. They make me laugh when tears are about to fall out of my eyes. I couldn't be more blessed. I love you boys so much thank you for everything you have done.🖤🖤🖤 So please if there is a way that you could get this message to Ashton Calum Luke and Michael it would mean everything to me thanks🖤🖤 With much love, Tori 🖤🤘🏼✌🏼

My job is so stressing and so demanding I swear that calum used to post exactly at the times I wanted to tear my hair out. I miss him 😩

Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that! I have to deal with constant stress from Uni also. It didn't help that my mum and stepdad picked out one of America's most demanding Universities for me to attend either... I understand how you must feel with missing one of your idols. I went through a mini depression when Ed Sheeran took a hiatus from social media :(

According to Plan

A/N: Let’s see how that date goes!

And away, and away we go!

~~~

Chapter 4

Ashton

~~~

“Okay,” Calum said, exasperated as he paused the game after killing my character for the millionth time. “What is it now?”

“Huh?” I responded, shaking my head to clear it. The big date with Madison was soon. Our impending date had been at the forefront of my mind since I’d asked her. No regrets or second thoughts. Just raw nerves. I wanted her to enjoy herself, not push for anything she wasn’t comfortable with. But, it was going to be harder than any other date I’ve been on.

“Madison, stupid,” Riley retorted. “When we said to find a decent girl, we didn’t mean the next girl you see.”

“Crystal practically set us up and now you’re saying you guys don’t like her?”

“She didn’t say that,” Calum defended his girlfriend. “She’s saying don’t fuckin ruin it. Madison’s not like regular girls.”

“That’s what I like about her.”

“Dude. I’m serious. It sounds like she’s been through a lot.”

“Dude, I’m not an asshole. I actually really like her.”

“I know, and I’m just saying be careful.”

“I’m not making a mistake, am I? I mean, as far as girls go, Madison and Claire are on complete opposites.” I was starting to panic. Who asks out a girl they just met? Not just that, but a girl who had a clear communication barrier? I didn’t want to fuck this up, for either of us.

“Good job, Cal, he’s overthinking. You all are. It’s one date, you weirdos,” Sierra put in.

“She’s right,” Luke agreed. “It’s just a date to see how you guys like it. You both know that. Relax, you took Claire on plenty of dates.”

“Yeah, but this is… well…”

“Way fuckin different?” Crystal laughed.

“Yeah.” I looked at my watch. “Shit… I gotta start getting ready.”

An hour later I was pulling up in front of her house. I flipped down my visor and looked at myself in the little mirror one last time. My hair was unruly like it always was. My plaid shirt was unbuttoned, showing my dark blue shirt I had on underneath.

I shut my truck door with my hip, then bounded up to her porch. I took a deep breath to calm any last minute jitters before I knocked on the door.

Mike swung up open the door. “Hey, man. She’s just finishing up. Come on in,” he turned to me again, moving aside so I could step inside.

I followed Mike into the living room where the parents were. The mom looked up. “You must be Ashton,” she greeted, getting up to introduce herself. “I’m Karen, and this is my husband, Daryl.” She nudged her husband who just nodded.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” I said, shaking her hand. “Sir,” I turned to the husband to shake his hand as well.

“Mads will just be a minute,” Mrs. Clifford said, shooting a glance at Mike who took that as a cue to run upstairs real quick. “Please, have a seat.” She gestured to the couch and sat back down next to her husband.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting down.

“Are they being weird?” Mike asked me as he came back down the stairs. “They don’t really know what to do. It’s been a while since Mads has had friends. They did the same thing when the girls came over yesterday.” He sighed as he sat down next to me.

“Sweet girls,” the mom commented. “I liked them. It was nice of them to offer to help Madison.” She paused for a moment. “So, Ashton?” she started.

“No,” Mr. Clifford finally spoke. “We told Mads we wouldn’t do that. She made her choice.”

“I’m sorry?” I asked, confused.

“They want to interrogate you. Mads made them promise not to. It’s part of what we do to… uh... normalize her... I guess. Let her make her own decisions about things,” Mike explained.

“Normalize? Really, Mike?” Mrs. Clifford scolded.

Mike rolled his eyes, “Yeah, cause you can explain it so much better…”

“Just be patient,” Mr. Clifford started to tell me. “It might take her a little time for her to read your lips. Do you know sign language?”

“A little, yeah.”

“That’s good. Any bit really helps,” Mrs. Clifford smiled.

Are you interrogating him? Madison signed as she made her descent.

“Just making sure you have a good time on your date, Mads,” her dad said, sounding a little choked up.

Her brow furrowed and then she shrugged. She turned to me, You’re early.

“Were you expecting me to be late?” I asked, getting up off the couch.

I wasn’t expecting anything.

“Oh… You ready to go?”

Yes.

“Okay, well, it was nice meeting you all,” I told her family.

“Nice meeting you, Ashton,” the mom replied.

“Be safe,” her dad said.

“Good luck,” Mike grinned.

I’ll be back later, Madison told them.

“Okay, Mads. Just enjoy yourself, sweetie,” her mom told her.

As we walked out to my truck, I took in how amazing she looked. The dress that cut off at her knees looked great on her small frame. Her hair was down, the blonde locks blowing in the summer wind. “You look beautiful,” I told her as I opened the door for her.

Thanks, she said, then after a pause, Your shirt is nice. I like dark colors.

“Me too,” I answered, before closing her door. “All set?” I asked as I got in on the driver’s side.

She clicked her seatbelt, then nodded.

I turned on the ignition and my radio blasted music through the speakers. She pressed her hand against the speaker, smiling. “You like it?” I asked.

Yes. I like the way it feels. Is it loud?

“My parents think so. I think it’s just as loud as it needs to be.”

She nodded, taking in my words. How loud do like it?

“Loud enough to make me forget about the rest of the world. Helps me process while acting like a barrier. If my music’s loud enough, then it’s just me and the music. No other sounds required.”

She didn’t sign anything in response, but instead turned to look out the window, her hand resting on the speaker as I drove to my house.

Your house is big, she signed when we walked up my drive.

“A little, I guess.” I paused before the front door. “Ready?”

Yes.

I opened the door and led her into the living room where my little brother was on the floor watching television. I tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned and grinned at me. “Hey, Ash! Wanna play a game with me?”

“Later, okay? I got company.”

“Ooo!” he teased. “Mom! Ash and his girlfriend are here!” he hollered.

My cheeks flushed red, just as my sister’s voice called out behind me, “Ew, get a life, Harry. Hey, Ash. Who’s this?”

“Lauren, Harry, this is Madison. Madison, these are my younger siblings.”

Madison smiled and offered a small wave.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone else,” I told her, holding out my hand for her to take.

She took my hand for a second before pulling away to sign. Who is everyone else?

“Just my mom and my dad. Well, stepdad really. My biological father… well Jeff’s been around since I was 4, so he’s Dad.”

Oh, I’m so sorry…

“It’s fine,” I said, shaking my head. “My actual father’s a jerk, to put it mildly. The perfect example of what I don’t want to be.”

She squeezed my hand, lightly. 

“Ready to meet Mom and Dad?” I asked, pushing thoughts of my biological father as far away as possible. It had been years since I brought him up and to think of him left me sick to my stomach. Him and Jeff were the perfect example of what a father was and what a dad was. And I wanted to be a dad someday. 

She smiled. Let’s go.

“Okay, come on.” I led her through the hallway to the kitchen. “Hey, Mom,” I greeted.

“Ash, whatever it is, it’ll have to wait. I’m a lit-” my mom stopped mid-rambling to stare at Madison.

“Mom, this is Madison. Madison, this is my mom.”

My mom smiled at her, “It’s nice to meet you, Madison. I’m Anne. Did Ashton offer you anything to eat or drink?”

“Mom…”

“What? Ashton, you need to be a good host. Madison, dear, are you hungry or thirsty? Can I get you anything?”

Madison looked at me, uncertain.

“Mom, Madison’s deaf. You gotta slow down so she can read your lips.”

“Oh, sorry dear. Did you want anything to eat or drink?” she asked, enunciating her words carefully.

I’m okay, Madison told her, thank you.

“Dad in the office?” I asked Mom.

“Yes. More business as usual. Tell him to remember it’s the weekend for me, please.”

“Sure thing,” I sighed. “Come on, Madison. I’ll take you to meet my dad.”

Did you sigh? Are you okay? Madison asked as we walked towards the office.

“Yeah, I’m fine. My mom doesn’t like my dad working on weekends. She thinks that if he won’t listen to her, he might listen to me. Doesn’t always work out, though.” 

I could hear my dad’s voice through the office door. I opened it and walked in, Madison following me. He continued his phone conversation, not noticing us. Madison looked at me and I shrugged. I cleared my throat loudly to get his attention.

 His head snapped up towards us. “James, I’m gonna need to call you back,” he said, hanging up the phone. “Hi, I’m Jeff, Ash’s dad.”

She nodded politely and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you. Madison, right?” he asked.

Madison just continued to smile politely.

“Woman of few words, huh?” he joked.

“She’s completely deaf, Dad. But yeah, this is Madison,” I told him.

“Shit, sorry,” my dad said. “Ash told us he was bringing a girl over, but failed to mention... Sorry.”

Madison waved her hand dismissively, accepting his apology.

“She can read lips pretty well,” I explained.

He nodded, an embarrassed smile still on his lips. “Uh, Ash, tell your mom I’ll be another minute,” my dad told me. “James and I were going over the schedule for next week.”

“Oh, well if you need someone, I’m free.”

Ashton, we’ve been over this. Until you finish college, you only work part-time,” my dad said firmly.

I balled my hands into fists, turning to Madison. “Come on, we can go watch the movie, now.” I quickly led her out of the office and upstairs to my room. I needed to get away from him. His emphasis on my getting an education was always a sore spot for me. In my opinion, since I had the skills to work on cars, I should do that rather than waste time in college. I wasn’t going to let it ruin my day though. “Uh, I didn’t think to ask what movies you like. Sorry. I have a lot though, so just go ahead and pick. I’ll go get us some popcorn and drinks.” 

Your dad said that you needed to focus on an education, Madison said, putting down her purse, her eyes scanning the DVDs. But you said that you wanted to play soccer and work on cars.

“Yeah. I do. I’m good at school, but it’s not my thing. My dad thinks it should be, though.”

I don’t understand.

“I don’t really want to explain it,” I said.

Did I upset you? I can’t understand tone, sorry.

“It’s not you. My dad just frustrates me sometimes. We don’t always see eye to eye.”

Oh. Did you want to listen to your music?

“It’s fine. I can listen later. Did you find a movie?”

Music makes you feel better, right? I want you to feel better.

I sat down on my bed and stared at her. “You really want to listen to music with me?”

She just looked at me.

“Right,” I muttered. Then, “Are you sure?”

She nodded.

I plugged my phone into my stereo, cranked the volume up, then turned on a music app. “Thanks,” I told her. Claire never wanted to listen to music with me. We always had to do something. It was nice that Madison was more content with staying still.

She nodded and sat down next to me on the bed. She pointed at my stereo. Can you bring it closer so I can touch the speakers? I like the vibrations.

“Sure,” I smiled, setting it next to her. Damn, I thought to myself, I was really starting to like this girl.

I like this date, she signed, laying back on the bed.

“Good, I do too.” I laid back with her. I reached out to grab her hand that wasn’t resting against the speaker.

We stayed like that for so long, my music app stopped, silence crashing down around us. Is this what boyfriends and girlfriends normally do? she signed after a few moments, sitting up.

I sat up to look at her so she could see my lips while I signed. “I haven’t, but I imagine there are couples who do. Why?”

Is this what you would want to do if we were a couple?

“It would be one of the things. I’d also take you places, and we’d do things you like to do. There would be a lot more hand-holding. Kissing, too.”

I like doing this. I don’t think I’m ready for kissing, though. But, I do like the hand-holding. With you, anyway. I’m not sure about other people.

“Well, that’s the cool part of being a couple. You only date each other.”

You’re really nice to me.

“Well, yeah. I like you.”

Would you be nice if you didn’t like me?

“I would be nice to you regardless of how I felt. Nobody deserves to be treated badly. But, yeah, I do actually like you. 

Why?

“Some of it has to do with the fact that I find you attractive. But, more of it has to do with the fact that I just genuinely like you. You’re also a nice person. You were willing to do something that made me feel better, even though you didn’t have to.”

She took a moment to respond, no doubt thinking over my words. Processing them slowly. Okay, she finally signed. I like dating you. I would like to continue dating you. But, you have to promise to be honest with me. And patient because it takes me a while to process what you say. My lack of response doesn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention. I just need more time than hearing people. Also, I don’t know how to be anyone’s girlfriend, so I’ll probably be bad at it. But, I’m a fast learner.

I laughed and cupped both her hands in mine. “I can be honest as long as you’re honest back. And it takes just as much time for me to process your sign language as it takes for you to process reading my lips, so be patient with me too, okay? And I don’t know how to be your boyfriend anymore than you know how to be my girlfriend. We can learn together, okay?”

Yeah, I can do that.

“Okay. Then it’s official.”

Do we kiss now?

I laughed again. “Do you want to?”

Yes. Do you?

“A lot, actually,” I admitted. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I licked my lips and looked at hers. Kissing her had been pretty much the only thing on my mind for the past few days.

I’m not uncomfortable.

“You’re absolutely sure you want to kiss me?”

I would like to know what it’s like. But I’m probably not a good kisser.

“It’s easy, watch.” I took a deep breath and leaned in. My lips brushed softly against hers, briefly, before I pulled away. “Well?” I asked, my lips tingling. It felt nice to kiss a girl again. It felt even better knowing that it was Madison I was kissing. All I wanted was to kiss her again. If I only kissed her for the rest of my life, I would be more than content.

She brought a finger to her lips, gingerly touching were my lips had just been. Her cheeks were flushed and her green eyes were shining. I liked that.

“Me, too.”

Is the date over?

“It doesn’t have to be. Are you not having fun anymore?”

This is the most fun I had ever. But don’t dates end after the kiss? They do in the movies.

“It doesn’t have to be over. We can keep hanging out.”

Is there a difference between a date and hanging out?

“Uh… well anyone can hang out. It’s more casual. A date would be more like if we actually did something. Like if we went to see a movie or out to eat.”

I like to eat.

I laughed. “I like to eat, too. Are you hungry? We can go somewhere and eat. Actually have our date.”

Can we go get ice cream?

I laughed again. “Ice cream sounds perfect.” I rolled off the bed and grabbed my keys off my nightstand. I put my radio back on my nightstand, unhooking my phone and slipping it into my pocket. “Ready?”

She nodded.

I held my hand out for her, and when she grabbed it, I gave her hand a small, firm squeeze. We bounded down the stairs and I shouted a “Be back later,” to no one in particular as we headed out the door.

Haha we're both 22! I just want to dance with one of them before I get tied down lmao. My fiancé has actually given me a hall pass for calum 😂😂😂

Awesome! And I wish I could ask you to tell Calum I say hello, but I don’t want to risk mine or my stepdad’s identity! Make sure to tell me how Calum is doing though! Have fun!