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forpiratereasons · 2 years

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“he doesn’t kiss, nobody likes him” consider that stede’s scary story says just as much about stede as ed’s kraken story says about him.

consider that stede was the odd boy out growing up. consider that his relationship with mary was perfunctory and very likely passionless - an expectation. it’s clear that they don’t have any kind of affection in their relationship.

he doesn’t kiss. nobody likes him.

maybe he’d done it once or twice. once on his wedding night, grimacing through a duty-bound and anxious consummation with someone who doesn’t want to be there either, because that’s how he always imagined it, that’s how it is in the stories - falling in love, spending the first night of the rest of your lives together.

this isn’t that story.

so there it is, really. stede grows up and he grows older and he learns that the only dreams he can have are the ones he can create for himself.

he builds a ship to captain because he knows no one would take him otherwise. he hires a crew with regular pay in case he can’t inspire loyalty. he brings his stories because he knows that’s all he’s ever going to know about love or romance.

he doesn’t kiss. nobody likes him.

when you believe something about yourself so deeply and for so long, it becomes part of you. it becomes true. you forget the possibilities of anything else. the scariest thing ed teach can think of is the kraken. the scariest thing stede can think of is a man who doesn’t kiss, who nobody likes.

is it any wonder then that stede is surprised when ed kisses him? that it’s a little awkward and a little clumsy, a little uncertain? that stede can lose himself in the moment, but that he begins to panic so shortly thereafter? he knows himself, after all. he’s a failure of a father and a husband and a pirate captain and he’s a murderer besides. a defiler of beautiful things.

he doesn’t kiss for a reason. nobody should like him.

it’s not a very big step then, is it, to go back to what he should be. things have changed, though, and he’s very aware of how he doesn’t fit, but he’s used to that. that’s how it should be. he only becomes a little bitchy about it when he catches mary with doug - the reminder of what he cannot have. he doesn’t kiss. nobody likes him.

but then mary tells him about love, and stede’s realization isn’t just that he’s in love with ed. he also realizes that ed is in love with him.

it feels easy. it’s just like breathing. they understand each other’s idiosyncrasies, finds them charming even. they expose each other to new things, and they laugh a lot. they pass the time so well together.

he hasn’t kissed. not really. but ed loves him. and that’s not the scary story it was that night sitting alone on the beach, watching ed run headlong into a future stede didn’t think he could ever have.

he knows that future is real, though. it’s possible. he’s going to fight for it.

#and then u know #they gotta fix that mess #BUT THAT'S THE THOUGHT #AND IT STANDS #ofmd #stede u baby #blackbonnet #gentlebeard

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1989edteach · 2 months

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will never forgive max for taking away a stede makeover scene and unbearable sexual tension between stede and ed and everything they’ve taken from me you’ll be hearing from my lawyers and my therapist

#ofmd #saveofmd #I HATE YOU MAX #stede don’t worry baby when u get picked up by apple tv u will get what u deserve

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caps-clever-girl · 1 year

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ofmd au where ed is a vampire and izzy is his familiar, desperate to be turned by him. ed's been holding out, telling him how horrible it is because he gets so bored and telling him imortality isnt the gift he thinks it is. but izzy is convinced that if he gets turned too then they can't possibly be bored because they'll have each other, so he sticks at it, hoping to prove that to ed so he'll turn him.

enter: stede. whether he's attacked and ed saves him or he's just a meal gone wrong - ed turns him and izzy is FURIOUS.

so new vamp stede veing shown the ropes and LOVING IT, and ed having the most fun he's had in the past decade, and izzy seething and trying to stake stede at every oppertunity only for stede to somehow avoid all harm in ridiculous, miraculous escapes that he doesnt realise are happening.

#ed u are bored bc of the adhd baby #ofmd #edward teach #stede bonnet #izzy hands #blackbeard #ofmd wwdits au #gentlebeard #blackstede #ofmd stede #ofmd ed #ofmd izzy #vampire au #blackhands #txt #squeak.txt

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lambskel · 2 years

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one thing about stede is that he is a silly little man who gets flustered and embarrassed and squeamish but he also is fully capable of waking up and choosing violence. be nice to him and you’re fine but otherwise he might commit arson

#maisy.txt #ofmd #like yeah he’s baby but not that baby #u know?#stede bonnet #im in love with him btw

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pocket-dust-starr · 6 months

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aggressive stede got me kicking my feet and curling my fingers through my hair

#stede bonnet #ofmd #ofmd s2 #stede baby what have u done

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 2 years

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throwback to when someone got mad and blocked me for ranting in the tags of their post abt how making stede nice to izzy for the sake of steddyhands or stizzy content is ooc (which is totally fair, i didnt have to go off on their post, i probably shoud've just left them alone) but like

this is the HARMLESS thing i get mad abt. this is literally me being annoyed and petty over something stupid. i rant abt it bc it's nice to rant abt something the fandom does that annoys me but isn't like, actually a big deal. i dont ship stizzy or steddyhands or anything so it's not like i'm looking for in-character fics abt those ships and getting mad i cant find them. i'm not dying on this hill, i'm just standing on it yelling for a while until i get bored

#txt #mine #og #ofmd fandom crit #stede bonnet #izzy hands #steddyhands #stizzy #the real problem i have with stizzy content is i just dont care about it at all.#if ur gonna do it tho i feel like u should do stede justice??#like a GENUINE enemies to lovers not ''stede decides to pamper izzy for no reason even tho he hates izzy so fucking much''#however. my real problem with steddyhands content is the fics that make ed more violent/abusive than he is in canon #and also all the fics that brush off ed's trauma for the sake of coddling and babying izzy #like oh we're ignoring the protagonist of color to focus on the feelings of the white antagonist?? lmao alright. i see you.#and i DO talk abt these things. ive talked abt them a LOT #but it's nice sometimes to just. focus on and be mad abt something stupid #stede bonnet is a bITCH and he HATES IZZY HANDS #if u make him nice to izzy right off the bat im like Who The Fuck Are You And What Have You Done To Stede Bonnet #this is a personal pet peeve i dont think this is problematic or anything it just mildly annoys me. which is FINE!!!#ppl like different things it does not actually matter if i think u have bad taste. u probably think i have bad taste! it's Literally Fine.

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thesplingee · 2 years

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we talk about how stede changed ed a lot but I really think the difference between stede making olu, frenchie, and roach pretend to be enslaved during the fake dinner they have on board with the navy and him having frenchie and olu come to the party and wear his fancy clothes so they can pretend to be royalty is in no small part due to the fact that he met a person of color he understands as an equal and then put in personal effort to democratize that belief.

#like ed could have easily unleashed hell at the party but stede specifically doing it shows him putting aside his buthurt #to put down a bunch of racist aristocrat assholes for treating his friend badly bc he doesn’t think spoons are ducking important #like everyone says ‘omg stede just had fancy costumes for the guys usu’ like that doesn’t imply him making them servants was premeditated #anyways I think the real part of s2 I wanna see is stede doing the work to become anti racist #bc his whole thing is feeling like hyper masculinity doesn’t come naturally to him and loving a nice soft boy moment #but izzy will never stop understanding Blackbeard as a superior masculine ideal bc that’s how he views moc #ofmd meta #our flag means death #just for the record this shouldn’t have had to happen and I don’t say this to Romantacize teaching yr white partner to respect you #but like I don’t think ed even did that consciously I think being in stede’s life made him do it on his own #and THATS the part that’s love baby the part that makes u a better person a better ally and a better friend

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beastpyrate · 2 years

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@gentlemnpirate // 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃𝐄

"I don't feel so good..."

" Yeah, you don't look - " Ed's head is cocked to the side, brow furrowed for a second as he realizes just how pale Stede looks in this moment. His instincts take over before his brain kicks in and by the time he's realizes that Stede almost fell straight over the side, he's already got his arms wrapped about his waist, holding his weight steady against himself.

" Shit. Come sit, away from the - yeah. " Pulling Stede over to set on a crate isn't that hard - he's walked with drunkards and injured far less put together, but he's never been particularly worried about them like he suddenly is about Stede.

" What's up, baby? Talk to me. " Ed's knelt on the deck between Stede’s thighs, tearing one of his gloves off with his teeth so he can feel Stede's forehead, trying to figure out what's wrong, if he has a fever or if he's overheated. " You been drinking water? Staying out of the sun? "

#he is a concern 👉👈#let him take care of him stede #i was gonna make them friends but then ed informed me he would call stede baby if they were dating and i made a u turn #i am not immune to ed saying ' whats up baby ' in a worried tone to stede #ic.#gentlemnpirate

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izzystinyhands · 2 years

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The wiki: this character has shitty parents

My brain: Excellent another blorbo to add to my collection *puts him on the shelf labelled "blorbos for projecting my own issues onto"*

#weirdly it is not eddie u wld think it was eddie #its steve :))))#his wiki was like hey his parents kinda suck actually and i went great excellent he will do nicely #stede and steve are my two current emotional beanie babies to soak in milk and throw at the wall

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gentlepyrate · 2 years

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so who's gonna lay directly on top of stede

#*slaps stede's roof* this baby needs some weight stims #if u like this you are at risk for cuddles #ooc.

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zombieella · 2 years

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.

#girl... NOT stede coming back to his happily widowed wife #baby you are gay and she is getting money AND dick stop being jealous bc u gave urs up #mary's eyepatched murder friend is killing me #Edit: LUCIUS NO GOD NO FUCK

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adamarks · 6 months

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Realizing that yesterday I was a bit triggered by the calling them fucking a mistake and then immediately breaking up with him stuff. How embarrassing nbdhsjshssbshx

#what an interesting array of trauma I bring to the table.#I cant rewatch the episode bc that followed by Stede immediately picking fights and shit is too much for this old bird #aaaaaa god what a stupid brain problem to have #anyway Stede baby I know how u feel but you are actually loved #and unlike my situation he doesn’t regret the action or u he regrets the timing he loves u Stede #ofmd s2 spoilers

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ourfag · 15 days

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conversation topic: dogs in the city. tiny dogs that scamper and gallop bc their legs are so short. big dogs that can't possibly fit in an apartment. purse dogs. dogs in outfits. also babies in hats. actually just what's the convo when they r browsing a lovely farmers market. 💐 happy sunday hope the weather's nice where u r

ed: oh fuck me, look at that one

stede: which

ed: there. that. i’m—pointing with my fucking elbow, look—

stede: d’you want me to take something? i can carry—

ed: just—shut up and look at that fat little baby, look

stede: oh. oh my lord

ed: with the pom poms

stede: i see what you mean

ed: little fuckin—

stede: on his booties

ed, a full octave up: on his little booties look

stede: i love when they’ve got the hats that make them look like starfish

ed: is he supposed to look like a starfish?

stede: little points on his hat. starfish arms

ed: that doesn’t look like a starfish, it looks like a jester

stede: what? no it doesn’t. the points are sticking straight up, that’s a starfish

ed: how many starfish have you seen whose arms end in jingle bells

stede: i—

stede: the world is vast, edward.

ed: see i just think—

stede: must i be accountable for every species of starfish?

ed: —if there’s a starfish with jingle bells then you’re the kind of person who’s gonna know it off the top of your head

stede: i’m sure there’s one out there

edward: ok. is this like when i floated the idea of horse with wheels

stede: ……well, not—

ed: it’s practical, save the horse a lot of effort

stede: —it’s unlikely. it’s unlikely

ed: see that’s a useful feature. what’s a starfish gonna do with a jingle bell

stede: i don’t know! celebrate??

ed: doesn’t even work underwater

stede: maybe it just wants to feel fancy once in a while, you don’t think a starfish ever wants to feel fancy?

ed: spaghetti dog

stede: that’s—now you’re just hybridising

ed, pointing in an altogether different direction: no, look, there’s one of those spaghetti dogs, look

stede, following ed’s elbow to an italian greyhound: ooh spaghetti dog

ed: spaghetti dog

stede: that one’s got a jacket on. stylish

ed: didn’t you say starfish were carnivores?

stede: it’s houndstooth though. is that a bit too on the nose? sorry—

ed: no you have a point

stede: —what about starfish and carnivores?

ed: oh, just—if the starfish’s got bells, won’t its prey hear it sneaking up

stede: well you said it yourself, bells don’t really work underwater

ed: huh

ed: now you think about it that’s actually—that’s kind of depressing

stede: oh no

ed: sorry i didn’t mean to—

stede: no, starfish baby dropped one of his little pom pom booties, look

ed: oh shit—aw look at his little toes he’s gonna get cold

stede: should we go over? is that—would that be weird?

ed: i dunno, maybe, but like, also kind of badass?

stede: …badass?

ed: yeah like we’re starfish baby’s bodyguards or something. like we’re not gonna smother him but we’re just—

stede: on the outskirts, right? to make sure he won’t be mobbed for autographs

ed: right cuz he’s a celebrity baby

stede: but then when he needs assistance, we’re—

ed: “you dropped this, sir”

stede: and then he takes it, very businesslike, because he’s a professional

ed: and he understands what we’re saying because he’s a genius baby as well

stede: yes

stede: well—normal babies can do that too

ed: what, understand you?

stede: yeah. i believe so

stede: what? what’s wrong?

ed, in quiet horror: i have said so much stupid shit in front of other people’s babies

#this took a while bc my brains been moving around a little and now its two sundays later sorry 😭#thank you though! the weather HAS been nice it’s been raining a lot and the wetlands near where i walk is full of moss and skunk cabbage #i hope your day is wonderful too 🌸💕🧄#this whole farmers market convo is taking place while ed’s arms are full of alpaca yarn btw. he’s in the middle of a crochet era

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saltpepperbeard · 8 months

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losing my mind losing my whole ass mind-

leaked tv spot 2: electric boogaloo. i have thoughts of course. yes i know the proper trailer is coming out in like 16 hours. no i absolutely CANNOT HELP MYSELF AFTER THIS (x)-

"I think I hurt him pretty bad." FUCK. FUCK. HE IS INDEED GOING TO PUT THE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE TOGETHER, HUH. LIKE HE'S NOT JUST GOING TO BE BLINDLY OPTIMISTIC. HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO REALIZE THAT ED WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM TO THE POINT OF LEGITIMATELY BEING AGONIZED BY HIS ABSENCE HUH.

HIIIIIII BABY HELLO ED BABY HELLO MY DARLING HI HELLO <333

seeing him with his hair back and with the pearls and like,,, idk, hearing HIS VOICE??? HEARING HIM TALK IN A WAY THAT'S MORE LIKE,,, THAT'S CLOSER TO JUST...ED????

WHAT ON EARTH.

ANGEL NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND THE FUCKING WEDDING TOPPERS SHDJKSHDJKLS

i mean i knew full and damn well he was going to cry/sob/have a hard time but like

DAVID I ALSO DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS THANKS </3

THIS HOWEVER,,,

THIS I SIGNED UP FOR. BUT DIDN'T AT ALL EXPECT. BECAUSE HSDJKDKS WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD,,,

HUSBANDS??? DOING ERRANDS?????? VIBING????????????????

W H A T??????????????

"jodi this is a rom-com and the show is their relationship" H U H LMAO???????

LMAO THE WAY I'VE SEEN ED HEADBUTTING STEDE IN ART BEFORE SO THIS IS JUST INSANELY WILD TO ACTUALLY SEE

BUT ALSO STEDE'S HAND ON ED'S CHEST DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME GO AWAY GO AWAY DON'T LOOK AT ME EITHER HSJKDKLS

holy hell us stiddies girlies (gn) STAY winning SDHSJKDS

BUT ALSO STEDE HONEY WHAT HAS YOU LOOKING THAT DISTRAUGHT. ARE THEY HURTING YOUR MAN. FUCK THEM UP BABE I'LL HOLD YOUR FLOWER

oh cool

cool

that's fine

i'll just

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OUCH @ THAT WOUND ON STEDE'S CHEST?????

izzy and stede interacting more shdjksdkls holy shit. ENEMIES TO,,, TOLERANCE HSDJKLSDKLS????

season 2 i'm too weak for all of this

season 2 i Cannot Go On,,,

#OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #OFMD S2 Trailer #SORT OF #OFMD S2 Spoilers #Gentlebeard #Blackbonnet #Edward Teach #Stede Bonnet #Revenge Rambles #Izzy Hands #Oluwande Boodhari #Jim Jimenez #i feel like i'm on laughing gas shdjkkl LIKE #I FEEL JUST #BONKERS

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chuplayswithfire · 6 months

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(genuinely curious what u think) for the most part I have no issue with Izzy dying for plot or whatnot (in fact, it makes me happy that a certain subset of fans didn't get what they wanted), but i was wondering if it was the right tonal end? I don't know if bittersweetness is the right move.

Also, I really think Stede needed to have at least a conversation or something where he displayed that he'd rather go with Ed than pirate. But that's probs a HBO cuts reason

Oh I think it was the perfect tone to leave with. This season was melancholy and bitter and loving and forgiving all wrapped into one and pure sweetness would have been a jarring tone to leave off, when so much of the season was decidedly not simple and sweet.

Izzy dies (moment of silence for all those in mourning/in glee) to further cement the end of the kind of piracy he represented. Izzy is even older than Ed, far more steeped in worries about being a proper pirate than Ed, got to have a narrative journey of facing the greatest consequences of his actions and being offered grace and forgiveness instead, and goes off getting to be the only father figure in Edward Teach's life who decided to stop kicking him while he was down.

We get a moment of acknowledgement, which I know some feel wasn't enough, but honestly? I organized my baby brother's funeral this year. It was hard and awful and the mourning rises up like a tide to crush against my throat and choke my lungs and burn my eyes with tears. I loved him. He was troubled and as Ed put it, often a fucking nightmare. Death doesn't change those messy feelings. Mourning isn't some uncomplicated thing, where the hurts and disappointments and wounds of the past melt away because someone's died.

Stede didn't know Izzy well and didn't like him for most of the time he did know him. They were starting a more amiable relationship. He doesn't know how to compliment Izzy or address the complex feelings Ed surely has about him, so he goes for intense, very intense - and let's be honest, that's incredibly true, but also because it's Stede's awkward social interaction voice, funny.

So Ed is able to acknowledge his feelings - grief, earlier, in all the weeping, and now, complicated relief and acknowledgement - he was a fucking nightmare.

And then they return to the ship, their ship, the ship that enabled them all to grow as people, especially Izzy, and they have a wedding.

A funeral and a wedding - genuinely all they were missing was a birth, to hit the trifecta of human emotional experiences.

I thought the bittersweet tone was perfect. The golden age of piracy is over. That time in their lives when they could imagine piracy going on forever is over. They know their time in the lifestyle they have now is limited, and many of them are setting out to enjoy the rest of it.

And Ed and Stede are staying behind, in solid ground, to build something new in a place where that old way is buried.

That said I definitely wish we had gotten the do-over conversation where Ed explained why he was leaving in last ep (he wanted a domestic life) and Stede is able to express that it was never about piracy, but finding a life where he could be happy, and he wants to find that with Ed.

We deserved that.

(HBO Max, you will fear my unending wrath.)

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #edward teach #izzy hands #stede bonnet

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maddytheintrovert · 6 months

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Ok so OFMD S2 Ep8 spoilers, you’ve been warned.

☠️

So…

What the everloving fuck was that. I just. I am devastated. Ok well I’m happy for Ed and Stede because of course I fucking am. But. What THE EVERLOVING FUCK.

Thoughts:

1- I refuse to let it sink in that a certain someone was gut stabbed and is now buried under a lovely cross (the unicorn leg, the scarf with the ring, get out stop). I will be anxiously awaiting the fanfic writers to fix this. Plz. I’m going to go on Ao3 immediately after I post this.

2- is that dream sequence of Stede’s actually foreshadowing? Because while Izzy does not die at his hand, Izzy dies due to Stede’s plan. Idk.

3- if Izzy doesn’t fucking haunt someone on the crew I’m done. He better show up like the Badmintons to call everyone cocksuckers or I sue.

4-Lucius and Pete got married and that brings me joy (in this pit of despair)

5- aw Ed. ED. I was cackling when he sucked at fishing and Pop pop was ready to fucking beat the shit out of him. Iconic. Also him just staring at the burning ships and being like “stede”. Stop. Also the I love you and the like I saw u do all that “cool” pirate stuff. And BABE. And THE LETTER.

6- Ed pt.2 IZZY AND ED. THAT SCENE STOP. While I don’t feel like Izzy should have died I think he was awesome this episode and definitely like came full character arc this season (the talk with our least favourite pirate wannabe and final words with Ed - I.e., Ed has so much family now. He can just be Ed)

7- Spanish Jackie being awesome and the bit about poison tolerance amongst the hubbies. I love her and the Swede and the Swede is finally getting some fucking respect and love and aw.

8- the seagull on Izzy’s grave. Hey buttons, love u

9- and the quad lives (shoutout to my lovely 4 Jim, Archie, Oluwande and Zheng Yi Sao). Also that moment between Zheng Yi and Auntie. Also Jim patching Auntie up.

10- ok gotta circle back to Izzy and the pirate wannabes chat and how much I love Izzy

11- how are we feeling about ep 8 Bonnet. I personally think he still needs some humbling. Idk because I’m happy about the progress he’s made re being made out to be a failure his whole life and coming to terms with that and becoming this more confident version of himself (I mean he had confidence from Day 1 but he was mighty plagued by all the Shit he went through in his youth). I enjoyed him “trying to protect” Zheng Yi when she wouldn’t run away when the navy because she was mighty fucked over losing Auntie and her crew (which my poor baby). Also I like Zheng Yi calling him out on his bullshit 24/7. But also idk I wanted him to like apologize or smtg because he was being a right dickhead the previous night. Also idk so happy Ed told Stede he loves him but like life’s a dick but so were u Stede… basically I love that Stede is unapologetically himself this season but also sometimes u do need to say ur sorry for being a dickhead.

12- the crew when Izzy died. The look on Jim’s face. Stop. I need to rewatch and look at Al their reactions but Jim’s caught my eye of the pain and sorrow because WE ALL LOVE IZZY NOW.

13- once again, Izzy better haunt someone or I sue

Ok I’m going to go try to not thing about the fact they killed Izzy now. What I don’t believe can’t hurt me or some shit.

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