#sort of? i guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

warriorteam1924 · 2 years

Text

Shooting star - Part 3

John x Veronica

Author note : Hello my beauties. I’m quite proud to be able to be posting this one. At last lol. At first, I thought I could include it in the Johnica week, but it clearly cannot fit in there. This story took time to get figured out, for the plot to mature, for the writing itself to be done. I’m not sure it’s something anyone expects, but this is what I wanted to do. I hope some of you will enjoy it anyways. Thanks in advance to anyone who will be giving honest feedback, it’s always very appreciated. Also, I remind you English isn’t my mother tongue, apologies in advance for the mistakes.

Warnings : Mentions of a sad past, a bit of depression. Intense feelings, good and bad. Please be aware this is a mature writing, not only because of sex intercourse, but also regarding the matters it’s dealing with.

Summary : A man and a woman, named John and Veronica. Feelings, love. Ups and downs. Real and raw.

Words count : 3,355 words

Permanent taglist : @reavenedges-lies @thosequeenboys @born-to-lose @orionis8689 @queenlover05 (i think you know now you need to communicate about your desire to remain or not tagged, thank you)

Part 1 Part 2 are here

Packages and carton boxes everywhere and a messy house. John looks around him, not knowing where and how to start. His wife is taking care of the kids and here he is, once again, on his own. He is aware his lifestyle in the past made him be away often. Far from his family, terribly alone, with no other company but his own thoughts. And they were not always happy ones.

Even when he came back home, he was used to this loneliness. As a result, he almost instinctively kept himself for himself. They were all in the same house, but it didn’t feel like home to him. All in the same place, yet, he didn’t really feel connected to them, to their reality.

At some point, he became aware of this and really tried his best to change his behavior. To be a good father, to be a good husband. He really made efforts to find again this intimacy he was truly craving. But maybe he was merely fooling himself. Perhaps this closeness never existed, and he was only chasing a ghost.

It was possible his family, and more particularly his wife, didn’t even notice his efforts. His attempts for spontaneous hugs, or unprompted romantic dinners were always a failure. His spouse was continually cold and distant.

There was a time when she actually became closer to him. That was when he felt like he had reached the bottom. It seemed to him that he had lost everything. His whole life falling apart, and it was as if there was nothing and no one to convince him to carry on living. Even if he never actually considered taking his own life, he sometimes becomes aware again he truly was at the end of his tether. But as soon as he could see light again at the end of the tunnel, things were back to the way they were between the two of them.

John deeply sighs as he realizes he had let his thoughts wander once again. And he was again on the verge of blaming someone, anyone, for all that happened in his life. He cannot say he is mad at his wife or that he hates her. He just wishes things were different between the two of them.

He has a very specific idea of what husband and wife should be. His concept of marriage might be wrong, he is not sure about it. But after all he’s been through, he thinks this is how love in his life should be.

A man and a woman, both ready to understand the other, both ready to listen, both ready to compromise, that’s what he would like his marriage to be. He is aware it would be ludicrous, but he is craving for long conversations, for a quick eye glance followed by a genuine smirk. He loves to be romantic and also likes when he’s not always the one putting effort into doing things. It took him quite some time to admit it, but he needs balance in his life.

John picks a carton box and heads upstairs, willing to put some order in this house. Moving in is always a big step and he knows their new residence will be a bit chaotic for some time. He quickly glances at the label on the box and walks towards his wife’s bedroom.

Apparently, John snores too much now, and it’s impossible to sleep in the same room. He tried different cures, but nothing worked. As a result, his wife now has her bedroom and he has his.

John puts the box down and sits on the bed. It’s very unlikely he will spend some time in this bed. He is not sure he is welcomed. And if he is being honest, the last moments of intimacy he had with his wife were less than satisfying. Of course, given the stimulation, he got an erection and eventually got to reach climax. But there were no loving cuddles, no signs of affection whatsoever. John recalls he really tried to pleasure his wife as well, but she seemed a bit shocked when he tried different things on her. The horrified look on her face quickly made him stop his attempts and they eventually had a boring and almost automatic love making session. She even woke him up in the middle of the night to ask him to go and sleep on the sofa, since he was snoring.

He sighs and stands up. It’s close to his kids’ bedtime now. If all hope seems lost regarding any affectionate relation with his wife, John wants to be a good father all the same, the best he can be. And it’s important to kiss them goodnight when he is home.

He is now in his own bedroom and the house is very quiet. The rest of his family must be sleeping now. But he cannot sleep. Every time John closes his eyes, he only sees Veronica. He is tempted to take his phone and send her a message. But he knows it’s too late now. It’s been weeks now since their last exchange. He didn’t read her last message. He is aware he was wrong. He is aware he messed it all up.

It's not her fault of course. All the blame lies on his shoulders. He still doesn’t know what happened, what made him feel like it was okay to ask her out, to sleep with her, to let her fall for him, so easily. And he shouldn’t have let this happen to him either. He is not sure this is love, he is so confused. All he knows is that he wants to be with her no matter what, whether times are good or bad, whether they are happy or sad. He feels he could face it all with her by his sides. And he feels like he could help her face anything she could be going through.

But he can’t.

He really messed it all up.

He simply fell for her arms when he needed it the most. He is aware he is weak and needy. It would have been so much easier if it was only about sex. For the two of them. But it’s not all about two bodies becoming one and reaching ecstasy. He doesn’t even feel their first night together was only about an exciting intercourse. Right from the beginning, there was more than this, an actual connection between the two of them, that none of them could explain with proper words. The sensation that the two of them were meant to be, despite the obstacles, despite their age difference, with John old enough to be her father, despite it all.

John feels like Veronica gave him the whole world and it felt so exquisite. And now, he’s let her down. He’s got the impression that he is acting like a coward, both towards his family and towards Veronica. He found himself drawn to his mistress emotionally and that leads to heart rending pain. Tears are silently running on his cheeks. He would like to close his eyes and sleep, then wake up to a new world, where things would be simple again. A world where he wouldn’t have to take such hard decisions, a world without so many responsibilities and where he could be totally free. At this very moment, he is not the person he would like to be. He’s letting everyone down, including himself.

He is emotionally conflicted and it seems like his head is ready to explode. Too many thoughts rushing at the same time, all those questions. He hopes no one heard the loud sob he just let out.

Tears still wetting his reddened face, John eventually falls asleep. And even if he doesn’t recall it when waking up, his dreams are all about Veronica.

Time flies and summer is already all around. The sun shines more, the temperatures are higher, the Dorset beaches are more peopley with this fine weather. It is a beautiful day and some local schools are having a special celebration day to end the year. Some even invite new students to these festivities, it is a nice way to welcome them in this new environment before the actual start of the new school year.

And this is why John and his family are getting ready this day. They are attending this school celebration, since his youngest son will be one of their students after the summer holidays. This is an excellent institute and guests are welcomed in the rather large school theater, where the students will be giving a few performances. John and his family are seated in the crowd, waiting for the show to begin.

This year, the students and the teachers agreed to make a special theme for this celebration and it’s all about Hawaii. The stage is very well decorated, with flowers and frames, apparently created by the learners themselves. It’s not perfect, but no one would dare to criticize anything.

There are a few dance performances, where the students are recreating some typical dances. The teachers are always around, ready to help them in case one of them needs anything.

Veronica is backstage with a small group of learners. Their performance will start soon and she makes sure to soothe them before going on stage. They practiced it all together, all will be fine. And even if this is not perfect, this means they will learn another lesson, understanding and knowing where they could improve.

Trying to forget everything about her disastrous personal life and trying to heal her broken heart, Veronica put all her heart and soul into her work. Teaching the students, being by their sides, no matter what. Facing the days, entirely focusing on their future, leaving hers behind. She cannot let them down. She knows too well how it feels.

The small group she is with is ready and they all get on stage. The lights are almost blinding and they cannot really see the audience. It’s probably for the best, this way, there will be less stress. Veronica is supposed to be on stage with them, but she’s not the star of the show, she is just there to assist them.

The group will be performing a song. They wanted to perform a traditional Hawaiian song, but eventually realized it would be way too hard. As a result, they chose a song from a concert Elvis Presley had given in Hawaii. They picked ‘I will remember you’, as a goodbye to the school year and a farewell to those who would carry on studying in another school.

Veronica sits in the corner of the stage. Her role will be to sign the song for the deaf and partially deaf persons. This Institute is for students with special needs and she is the sign language teacher.

The music is starting and the students quickly start to sing and Veronica naturally signs, her hands and lips moving in sync. She knows the song by heart now, she’s practiced it a lot with the group of students she was in charge of. This is a beautiful melody and such great lyrics, she’s glad to be able to sign them for those who cannot actually hear it.

It’s going fine, the little singers are doing very well. The audience seems to be liking this performance as well, as far as she can see.

Yet, suddenly, it seems again to Veronica the world is falling apart around her. All of a sudden, the lyrics are all about her and John.

She knows she mustn’t fail her students so she keeps her head up, even if she cannot see the audience given how the lighting is set up. The show must go on, so she carries on signing, but her lips are trembling.

Veronica heard and signed this song so many times, why is she cracking at this very moment, right in front of everyone? She feels weak and vulnerable, and yet, tears are slowly and silently running on her cheeks. Suddenly, this song is too much for her, her feelings come back to the surface again, despite the fact that she thought she had buried them properly, deep inside her, leaving an ugly scar on the top of it.

It’s all about John and the love she has for him, all about them and her loneliness without him. Maybe to him, it was just an affair, maybe he never felt this way and deeply fooled her. But as the song is coming to an end, Veronica realizes she’ll never forget him, always keeping a special space in her heart for him.

The song eventually ends, with the students proudly bowing to the audience, who is applauding. This was the last little show and Veronica rushes to hide backstage, as the learners gather on stage for the last burst of applause. Just like the rest of the crowd, John is clapping his hands. He’s not really paying attention to anything right now. All he knows is that Veronica was crying and he wanted to literally jump from his chair to take her in his arms.

But he couldn’t.

The students, their parents, the teachers and the rest of the audience start to stand up and gather in small groups. John’s wife and his kids are talking with a group of teachers. He is aware he should stay with them, even if he is just listening. But he wants to see Veronica. He needs to.

John casually steps out, as if he was a fugitive trying to escape his prison guards. He wanders for a moment in the corridors of the school, looking through the classes’ windows, attentive to any clues that could lead him to her.

At the corner of one corridor leading to the stairs, John bumps into someone, apologizing at once. The person looks at him and he feels his heart skip a bit.

Veronica is standing right before him, staring at him directly in the eyes. Hers are swollen, wet and red. She surely cried a lot.

“Veronica….”, John starts to mumble.

“John? What the hell are you doing here?”, she asks, visibly surprised he is standing right in front of her at this very moment.

“Well, my youngest is going to be a student here next year, so we were invited to the end of year celebration.”, he explains.

“Ah, good, good.”, she nods. “This is an excellent institute. The teachers are just amazing.”, she carries on.

“Yes. Yes they are. It took us some time to find the right school, so we are quite happy about it.”

Veronica doesn’t know what to answer and carries on nodding, avoiding to look at him in the eyes. She quickly figured out he was in the audience when she started to cry in the middle of a song, while the students were performing. There is a moment of silence and none of them dares to speak. Yet, none of them is moving either. John loudly swallows and breaks the heavy silence.

“How are you?”, he gently asks.

“Good. Good. Perfect even.”, Veronica lets out a bit abruptly. “I’m relieved to see you’re alive and that your fingers are working properly….”, she says with an annoyed sigh.

John doesn’t reply. He only lowers his head.

“Fuck. I promised myself I wouldn’t get mad, no matter what….”, she says, rolling her eyes at her own reaction.

“No, no. You’ve got all the right in the world to be mad, and I deserve all your fury.”

“Damnit, John. You could at least have said goodbye….”, she says, this time looking at him in the eyes, tears watering them already.

“I know. I’m a deplorable man.”, he replies, lowering his head.

“That’s not what I said either….”

“I left because you deserve much better than me. And the heartache of telling you that was more than I could bear thinking about….”, he confesses.

“I. Didn’t. Want. Anything. Or anyone. Else.”, she says as her jaws are clenched.

“You came into my world and provided love and care and intimacy and kindness…. And much more….”, he carries on, taking her hand.

“Ah of course. I’m the one to blame. I’m sorry, John. I didn’t mean to be myself.”, she sharply replies.

“I think I have been clear about where the blame lies. It’s all on my shoulders.”, John quietly says.

“I don’t agree.”, she retorts. “Once you told me about your life, I got into this as well. I agreed to be your…. Mistress.”, she carries on, almost in a whisper.

“Well, that’s through my glasses. In my perspective, I'm not the person I would like to be. You, on the other hand, are amazing.”, he states.

“And from my perspective you have flaws but that makes you human. That made me fall for you. Even if I didn't mean to. Even if I didn't want to. Despite it all.”

“It was the same for me….”, John sighs, still holding her hand.

A door slams in the distance and he suddenly lets her hand go. And he actually can hear her heart breaking again.

“You know we cannot carry on this way.”, she says, very calmly this time.

John doesn’t reply. He only lets out a loud sigh, mixed with a sort of grunt.

“I moved in recently. I even saw you in the street the other day.”, he eventually speaks again.

“Well, I hope you and your family will feel great here. I’m sure you will. It’s a very nice place.”, Veronica nods. “I think I’ll miss not being around.”, she says.

“What?”, John suddenly looks up, feeling agitated.

“You’ve just unpacked and I’m going to go. I’m moving away.”, she explains.

“What?”, he says again, stunned. “Why?”, he asks.

“Well, since I’ve been an excellent teacher here, they offered me a job in London, to be head of a whole department in another school.”, she explains.

“Why did you decide to go?”, he demands, thoughts rushing in his head.

“Because it’s an excellent opportunity for me.”, she quietly replies.

John nods, on the verge of tears. He felt like he had let her down when he stopped sending her messages, and now, he feels exactly the same way. He is emotionally unarticulated.

“I’m sorry, John.”, she says and pauses. “But this doesn’t change anything. I love you.”, she shrugs, trying to make him look at her in the eyes.

“You are beyond the capacity of my heart, no love is enough.”, he says with the heaviest heart in the world.

There is another long silence between the two of them. The two of them being in love, yet, facing a dilemma.

“I refuse to believe fate made us meet to end it this way.”, John affirms, saying no with his face.

“Who says this is the end?”, Veronica asks, a bit rhetorically.

John looks at her frowning. Yet, his train of thoughts is interrupted by the sound of people who seem to be coming upstairs. Veronica looks down, sighing.

She comes closer to him, takes his hand and places it on her heart.

“As long as it will be beating, it will be for you John. I will love you always. No matter where I am. No matter what I am doing. And I know our hearts will be reunited at some point. If it’s not in this life, then it will be in the next one. Our hearts are soulmates. They will always find each other.”, she says in a whisper.

She tip-toes a bit to be higher and gently places a last kiss on his lips, trying not to cry again. They part and she reaches out to caress his cheek. Her lips are trembling again so she turns around and starts walking away.

John stands there. He has to let her go. He believes what she said is right. And he feels the same. His heart will only beat for her.

John and Veronica. They know this is not the end.

Seen a shooting star tonight Slip away….

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m also adding the lyrics from Elvis Presley’s ‘I’ll Remember You’, and you can find the concert song here (X)

I'll remember you Long after this endless summer is gone I'll be lonely, oh so lonely Living only to remember you

I'll remember too Your voice as soft As the warm summer breeze Your sweet laughter, mornings after Ever after, I'll remember you

To your arms someday I'll return to stay till then I will remember too Every bright star we made wishes upon Love me always, promise always Oh, you'll remember too

I'll remember you

#warriorteam1924 writes #shooting star #shooting star part 3 #queen #john deacon #veronica tetzlaff #john & veronica #johnica #sort of? i guess #queen imagine #queen fiction #queen fanfic #queen fanfiction #gosh this post was programmed

9 notes · View notes

heritageposts · 8 days

Text

What does life in North Korea look like outside of Pyongyang? 🇰🇵

Hey, I'm back again with a very scary "tankie" post that asks you to think of North Koreans as people, and to consider their country not as a cartoonish dystopia, but as a nation that, like any other place on earth, has culture, traditions, and history.

Below is a collection of pictures from various cities and places in North Korea, along with a brief dive into some of the historical events that informs life in the so-called "hermit kingdom."

Warning: very long post

Kaesong, the historic city

Beginning this post with Kaesong, one of the oldest cities in Korea. It's also one of the few major cities in the DPRK (i.e. "North Korea") that was not completely destroyed during the Korean war.

Every single city you'll see from this point on were victims of intense aerial bombardments from the U.S. and its allies, and had to be either partially or completely rebuilt after the war.

From 1951 to 1953, during what has now become known as the "forgotten war" in the West, the U.S. dropped 635,000 tons of bombs over Korea — most of it in the North, and on civilian population centers. An additional 32,000 tons of napalm was also deployed, engulfing whole cities in fire and inflicting people with horrific burns:

For such a simple thing to make, napalm had horrific human consequences. A bit of liquid fire, a sort of jellied gasoline, napalm clung to human skin on contact and melted off the flesh. Witnesses to napalm's impact described eyelids so burned they could not be shut and flesh that looked like "swollen, raw meat." - PBS

Ever wondered why North Koreans seem to hate the U.S so much? Well...

Keep in mind that only a few years prior to this, the U.S. had, as the first and only country in the world, used the atomic bomb as a weapon of war. Consider, too, the proximity between Japan and Korea — both geographically and as an "Other" in the Western imagination.

As the war dragged on, and it became clear the U.S. and its allies would not "win" in any conventional sense, the fear that the U.S. would resort to nuclear weapons again loomed large, adding another frightening dimension to the war that can probably go a long way in explaining the DPRK's later obsession with acquiring their own nuclear bomb.

But even without the use of nuclear weapons, the indiscriminate attack on civilians, particularly from U.S. saturation bombings, was still horrific:

"The number of Korean dead, injured or missing by war’s end approached three million, ten percent of the overall population. The majority of those killed were in the North, which had half of the population of the South; although the DPRK does not have official figures, possibly twelve to fifteen percent of the population was killed in the war, a figure close to or surpassing the proportion of Soviet citizens killed in World War II" - Charles K. Armstrong

On top of the loss of life, there's also the material damage. By the end of the war, the U.S. Air Force had, by its own estimations, destroyed somewhere around 85% of all buildings in the DPRK, leaving most cities in complete ruin. There are even stories of U.S. bombers dropping their loads into the ocean because they couldn't find any visible targets to bomb.

What you'll see below of Kaesong, then, provides both a rare glimpse of what life in North Korea looked like before the war, and a reminder of what was destroyed.

Kaesong's main street, pictured below.

Due the stifling sanctions imposed on the DPRK—which has, in various forms and intensities, been in effect since the 1950s—car ownership is still low throughout the country, with most people getting around either by walking or biking, or by bus or train for longer distances.

Kaesong, which is regarded as an educational center, is also notable for its many Koryŏ-era monuments. A group of twelve such sites were granted UNESCO world heritage status in 2013.

Included is the Hyonjongnung Royal Tomb, a 14th-century mausoleum located just outside the city of Kaesong.

One of the statues guarding the tomb.

Before moving on the other cities, I also wanted to showcase one more of the DPRK's historical sites: Pohyonsa, a thousand-year-old Buddhist temple complex located in the Myohyang Mountains.

Like many of DPRK's historic sites, the temple complex suffered extensive damage during the Korean war, with the U.S. led bombings destroying over half of its 24 pre-war buildings.

The complex has since been restored and is in use today both as a residence for Buddhist monks, and as a historic site open to visitors.

Hamhung, the second largest city in the DPRK.

A coastal city located in the South Hamgyŏng Province. It has long served as a major industrial hub in the DPRK, and has one of the largest and busiest ports in the country.

Hamhung, like most of the coastal cities in the DPRK, was hit particularly hard during the war. Through relentless aerial bombardments, the US and its allies destroyed somewhere around 80-90% percent of all buildings, roads, and other infrastructure in the city.

Now, more than seventy years later, unexploded bombs, mortars and pieces of live ammunition are still being unearthed by the thousands in the area. As recently as 2016, one of North Korea's bomb squads—there's one in every province, faced with the same cleanup task—retrieved 370 unexploded mortar rounds... from an elementary school playground.

Experts in the DPRK estimate it will probably take over a hundred years to clean up all the unexploded ordnance—and that's just in and around Hamhung.

Hamhung's fertilizer plant, the biggest in North Korea.

When the war broke out, Hamhung was home to the largest nitrogen fertilizer plant in Asia. Since its product could be used in the creation of explosives, the existence of the plant is considered to have made Hamhung a target for U.S. aggression (though it's worth repeating that the U.S. carried out saturation bombings of most population centers in the country, irrespective of any so-called 'military value').

The plant was immediately rebuilt after the war, and—beyond its practical use—serves now as a monument of resistance to U.S. imperialism, and as a functional and symbolic site of self-reliance.

Chongjin, the third largest city in the DPRK.

Another coastal city and industrial hub. It underwent a massive development prior to the Korean war, housing around 300,000 people by the time the war broke out.

By 1953, the U.S. had destroyed most of Chongjin's industry, bombed its harbors, and killed one third of the population.

Wonsan, a rebuilt seaside city.

The city of Wonsan is a vital link between the DPRK's east and west coasts, and acts today as both a popular holiday destination for North Koreans, and as a central location for the country's growing tourism industry.

Considered a strategically important location during the war, Wonsan is notable for having endured one of the longest naval blockades in modern history, lasting a total of 861 days.

By the end of the war, the U.S. estimated that they had destroyed around 80% of the city.

Masikryong Ski Resort, located close to Wonsan. It opened to the public in 2014 and is the first, I believe, that was built with foreign tourists in mind.

Sariwon, another rebuilt city

One of the worst hit cities during the Korean War, with an estimated destruction level of 95%.

I've written about its Wikipedia page here before, which used to mockingly describe its 'folk customs street'—a project built to preserve old Korean traditions and customs—as an "inaccurate romanticized recreation of an ancient Korean street."

No mention, of course, of the destruction caused by the US-led aerial bombings, or any historical context at all that could possibly even hint at why the preservation of old traditions might be particularly important for the city.

Life outside of the towns and cities

In the rural parts of the DPRK, life primarily revolves around agriculture. As the sanctions they're under make it difficult to acquire fuel, farming in the DPRK relies heavily on manual labour, which again, to avoid food shortages, requires that a large portion of the labour force resides in the countryside.

Unlike what many may think, the reliance on manual labour in farming is a relatively "new" development. Up until the crisis of the 1990s, the DPRK was a highly industrialized nation, with a modernized agricultural system and a high urbanization rate. But, as the access to cheap fuel from the USSR and China disappeared, and the sanctions placed upon them by Western nations heavily restricted their ability to import fuel from other sources, having a fuel-dependent agricultural industry became a recipe for disaster, and required an immediate and brutal restructuring.

For a more detailed breakdown of what lead to the crisis in the 90s, and how it reshaped the DPRKs approach to agriculture, check out this article by Zhun Xu.