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#sorry if hes problematic i literally know nothing about him except his beautiful face and voice and hair and body
polluteme · 2 years
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samnyangie · 3 years
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Personal reviews on RSL filmography
Rsl, iI thought it’d be a good idea to record my thought on each films rsl was in, it was something I always wanted to do...
Rsl in total, was starred in (excluding tv series etc) 27-ish films, to be honest, considering his years as an actor(approximately more than 30 years) he wasn’t starred in that many. We all know why lol
Just saying I’m not a film expert, therefore the list is very subjective.
The reviews with trigger warning (r*pe, g*re etc): Tape, Killer: Journal of Murder, A glimpse of hell. Tho in the writing I’ve censored them with * since I don’t feel comfortable saying them here
There isn’t particular spoilers except for dps, tape, and ground control
The favourites (literally my life time films)
Dead Poets Society
I assume many would agree, and as many would have, it was my first ever rsl film, like I was on the plane and it was one of the films they offered, and I was like, oh I think i heard of this, so I watched and instantly loved it. The message is very relevant to this day, the cinematography is very beautiful and somehow nostalgic. I was horrified with Neil’s death. Tbh now I’ve seen too many memes and all kind of things from the fandom (which I’m grateful for!) I thought the heartfelt I once had would deluded a bit, however when I watched it again last April with my family at the cinema and it still moved me very deeply.
The age of Innocence
Okay, unpopular opinion here, I love this so much. It’s my all time favourite rsl film. It even outruns dps tiny winy bit haha. Aside from how he had tiny winy screen time, appearing at the end but the fact that he played quite an important role and him being gorgeous in it just<33 I couldn’t help but smiling! It just the whole film was so much of my cup of tea? The melodrama and the hypocrisy hidden by elegance among the upper social classes in 19th century is just what I needed. The more I watch it, the more I understand the characters and their emotions, it’s one of those films you should keep visit to discover the things you weren’t aware of before. I watched it again this morning and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. However, I know some people find it boring and I understand why, my sister is one of them lol(except for a bit where rsl was in) but i think it’s more complex than what it appears to be at a first glance haha. In conclusion, it became one of my comfort film to watch time to time. 
The ones I like<33
Swing kids
At first viewing, I didn’t expected much because it had underwhelming reviews but when I actually saw it, I thought it was quite decent and more and more I watched it, I felt like it was underrated. Yes, I think some directing choices were bit old fashioned and cheesy especially the ending, I’m not saying it was a perfect masterpiece but it deserves more recognition than it has now. Also in spite that there’re some parts being too simplified, it touched on something other films about ww2 normally don’t. It was interesting to see the German perspective on it than Jewish or the allies perspective like many of them does, but of course the latter perspectives matter, it could be argued that they more valid than the former, which partly was where sk criticised for, however, the portrayal of the varied reactions of the German people (in this one particular the teenagers) has its value in their on way. Anyway along side with it, the music and the dance scenes were great, without exaggeration, though Swing kids isn’t my fav, peter’s solo dance scene is my favourite scene in any movies I’ve ever watched. I mean that scene had both visuals and meaning as it demonstrated Peter’s determination as well as resentment with a hitch of unsureness. Rsl acting in that scene was just phenomenal, it’s not about showing off the dancing skills but he portrayed every mixed emotions peter has from his expression and the moves, I just can’t talk about this enough especially this scene was the reason I started fallen for him. lol
Much ado about nothing
Much ado is something I never seen anything like so it was a refreshing exprience. I barely watched Shakespeare on screen kind of thing. Though I felt there were some bits too cheesy for me but they are also the charms in the same time, and the cinematography was pretty also Claudio aka rsl, it was like an official announcement of declaring my worship on this man. Especially it was after SWING KIDSSSS so I couldn’t help it now everyone knows how I fallen for him but no one can blame meeeeee Anyway, it’s a really good film to watch when you want be relaxed with cup of tea maybe hehe
In the gloaming
I heard about it before I watched it, that it’s a heart wrenching, tearful piece, though I didn’t managed to cry, it’s just.... painful and in a way heartfelt. I liked that story telling was calm and collected rather than forcing you to join the sob party, just showing the characters to carry on. And thanks to the great acting from the cast, the characters could be emphasised and understood, personally the older sister was the most relatable character for me, well, eldest complex lol. In short I liked it but it’s not something I would watch it often.
Last days of Disco
As a person who looks at aesthetic in films, I simply enjoyed this for that tbh. I don’t know, I just liked the feeling. But I don’t think it’d be everyone’s cup of tea. I love the day time clothes the girls wore in the film. Tbh I love the music too, I think I love all the films of rsl with music in it. Speaking about rsl, oh rsl, he’s.... His character might be bit unlikable but he was just.... This is why I can’t unlove his characters even the debatable ones<33
They were decent! (I would recommend it)
Married to it
This is the first and last ever attempt of rsl of romcomssss The film itself is cliche to be frank it’s like love actually but it’s about marriage life + it’s not christmas but I like heartfelt cliche stories like this, if anyone also loves this type of story, it’s really worth watching, it’s one of my comfort films, also, rsl is so pretty I mean he always is but to see him being a office man with a baby face made me go awww my baby grew up heheh I wish he did another romcom like this or more preferably, melodramatic romance, I’d have made a shrine of it and worship it every morning lol
The boys next door
I kind of smiled while watching it throughout, if you want something that is heartfelt and touch on some serious topic about social workers and the people with mental disorder, Rsl plays a character who has (I think it was) Schizophrenia and troubled relationship with his father(Deja vu I know) but general atmosphere tend to be quite humourous. I don’t get me wrong, though it’s light hearted, it doesn’t mean they treat the topic in the same way. There’s a scene where the protagonist imagining the one of the characters with the disorder talking eloquently and honourably at the court on the rights and the dignity of the people with mental disorders deserve to/should have and they’re just the same people as the people without mental disorders. It was a powerful scene.
My two loves
Rsl’s first ever screen debut film! Hehe it’s about a woman who is discovering her sexual identity and the conflicts within I personally thought it was fairly sensible depiction but I can’t say for sure whether it was accurate or else, since I don’t think it’s my place to say it:) But if you’re interested, it’s on YouTube, you can just search for it or go to this post I made. Fun fact: since it was his debut film, it credits him as he’s real name, Robert L. Leonard, I just find it amusing haha
Tape
It’s another type of film I don’t encounter that often, I enjoyed it, especially with Neil and Todd’s reunion lol. Rsl mentioned how he enjoyed it because it felt like doing a play, my first impression was that the structure is like a play, though the camera work made me quite dizzy haha. But the dialogues, the acting, I think it was quite spot on. Especially the human contradictions and hypocrisy side of it. The most people assume the baddie in the film is Jon the character rsl played and has a distaste for him. I mean how can anyone love a character who is accused of r*pe but to be honest, Vincent for me seemed just as problematic, both of them are hypocrites for sure in their own different ways but in the end we can’t be sure what’s really the truth or not. It’s about the vagueness, and phychology and the uncertainty from the audience on who to believe(well, myself included, most would trust on Amy’s claims since she’s the victim in the accusation, but by her denying the claims, making everything way unclear,) so I don’t know. I don’t really have an opinion haha tho I don’t believe nothing happened because Amy denied so, even Umma Thurman who played her, said that her interpretation was that Amy lied. I felt it’s endless rabbit hole this film. Sorry I couldn’t worded it better.
My best friend is a Vampire
It’s cringey and weird but there’re odd charm to it. Vampire rsl’s so cute as well.... and I think it’s the only film, he acted kind of flirty ? So for that itself I’d like to appreciate itttt And it’s so 80s/90s, like it has general odd nostalgia like all films from that age has. I saw a Korean blog about rsl films and this was mentioned, that- they said- it’s a bible of rsl’s adorableness and I think that sum up the film perfectly.
Mr&Mrs Bridge
Before this was in ‘I mean it was fine” category, but I watched it again and now I want to retract my statement lol Still isn’t my fav but I noticed how delicately depicted each characters are, Mr and Mrs Bridge in particular. This film is alternatively about the changes in the young generation regarding liberty, feminism, free expression especially on sex. It’s in the perspective of the bridges, the mother and father who is old fashioned and conservative (as it was normal in their previous generation) and the children who are the young generation, and the misunderstanding and conflicts between them. After all it all happened not only because of the difference but also the lack of communication, which rsl emphasised in his interviews. I found it interesting that they made it seems like the Bridges truly existed with the video footage and (with the ending) describing what happened to each family member in text with photos. When I watched it at first I was really confused if it was based on a real life. I think what they wanted to suggest was that the Bridges every typical American family at the time. It was something everyone was going through. I said previously I didn’t get why Rsl’s character (the youngest in the Bridges) treated his mother so coldly. Honestly I do get why, but I guess I felt so bad so the mother haha
I mean it was fine
The safe passage
It was okay but to be honest it didn’t stood out to me. It was okay. The story, the characters weren’t that interesting. I wish they extended it longer to go depth with their family relationship or something.
A painted house
I find it likeable, it has a chill, old folk story vibe, but same as previous one. it didn’t really stand out except for shirtless rsl, do close ups you cowards
Bluffing it
I was really fond of the premise of this film and I think it has great intention. It was specifically made to promote the awareness of illiteracy and how to get support. However, I don’t get the reason of Jack the protagonist’s illiteracy. Unless, it was common occurrence in America at the time, I feel like it’d have been more convincing if he was in poor family hood, so there was no time to learn at school due to working at young age...? I mean, just finding it hard to believe he passed the high school just like that, I mean the teachers or anyone should have noticed it, maybe I’m missing something here but it seemed unlikely to me.
Ground control
Again, I liked the message, as it depicted how frightening and difficult job the ground controller is, by one mistake could take away the lives of hundreds, especially as someone who goes on planes a lot... But it was quite cliche throughout, I just couldn’t get engaged to it. But I do admit at the end when the protagonist runs off to the landing zone see the pilot who he had just saved, they acknowledged each other and have eye contacts was truly wholesome. Rsl as cocky, bad boy was such a icing on the cake, I loved it so much. Chewing gum in every scene lol I hope he plays these sort of characters more often. I saw someone criticising him saying he has narrow spectrum of just playing nice boy roles like Neil but I really wanted to debunk the narrative and this could be one of the examples! 
Chelsea walls
I knew that this has split reviews but nonetheless I think worth to watch it, 1. Ethan and rsl re union, 2. Ethan is the directer of the film and rsl sing in it. But I have to say, it’s one of those hard to follow art indie film so I couldn’t finish it on one go. I feel like I have to devour it over and over again. Maybe later on I grow fond of it more lol But his character, I loved him so much. He’s just has everyone don’t touch me, I’m a cocky artist vibe, there’s a scene where his annoying friend annoying him and he looks up and says: ‘Fck off’. Absolute golddddd not to mention he sings and plays guitar so beautifully<333
Well... it’s not my cup of tea
The Manhattan project
I don’t think the film it self was that bad, it’s about high school boy who find out the existence of some nuclear energy research lab and stole the energy to make his own nuclear bomb. I just don’t get the thinking process of the protagonist. It really frustrated me. He seemed apathetic and unlikable I disliked him throughout and that’s why I didn’t really enjoyed it. I mean it has humour and ridiculous storyline might be humorous to some. But more importantly there was such little screen time for rsl!! LIKE WHY? WHY PEOPLE?? HE LOOKS LIKE A FRESH HUMAN MOCHI!!! It makes me soooo mad to think about it
Killer: Journal of Murder
Well, first of all, it had a lot of graphic things than I imagined, brutally murd*red bodies, execution, and r*pe scene, gosh I was strucken by it when I saw that, I had to skipped that scene. It’s based on a real event and a real criminal called Carl Panzram, so if you’re aware of it, it might be more intriguiging to see. But personally for me... meh, I don’t think directing was good as it failed to portray it enough for me to comprehend fully.
A Glimpse of Hell
This is also based on a true event of a tragic accident in the us battleship in Iowa in 1989. They shows tragedy lin a blunt, brutal way by showing horribly damaged bodies of the soldiers torn into pieces, all the horrid things directly so be warned about that. I was quite alarmed because i didn’t expect to see it haha there’s no much to say. The film quality was so so for me. I feel their approach wasn’t appropriate, they were clearly trying to make it dramatic which is fine but in a melodramatic emotional way. It didn’t work because first, there aren’t enough portrayal of the characters for me to get attached, secondly it added the unnecessary exaggeration it prevented me from being emotionally involved or even to think about it. In my opinion, I think it’d have been better if they made it more restrained, dry, focus on the accuracy. For example like 1987 or Zodiac, I mean both of them has dramatic elements since they’re not a documentary but they were not overdone, in a contrary added emphasis to their message/conclusion. I know it’s easier said than done but it was something I consistently felt during it.
Sir.... I’m sorry but-
Standoff
Haha... it’s very peculiar... the directing is off and it just weird. I knew it was bad already but I watched it because rsl as a cop with gunssssssss just... so rare and just.... something else. There’s no way of me missing that seriously. Tbh him doing an action stunt isn’t what I imagine when it comes to him and there’s really any actions scenes anyway but it really was something. Like the character he played here really became my soft spot Hehehehe he was pretty and plus, tbh it’s kind of film I’d make fun of while watching so everything was (alomst) forgivable. There is a recent thing I think about, since this is about a cult, I kind of hope he’d at some day play a role like Eli Sunday from There will be blood: a manipulative, deceitful and maddened priest with twisted faith. Though Paul Dano did a grand job, the idea was in my head the whole time. Well, it’s a shame he wasn’t any of those here lol
Driven
From what I seen, the majority of people seem to unanimously hate this film, and after watching it I became one of those ppl. At least Standoff could be make fun of and rsl held gunssss but this...... I want to say so many things... I feel like they should have chose either fancy, fast paced, thrilling racing film or detailed depiction of emotions/relationships with the racers and people involved in it, I know both can be done, but I think that was outside of their ability, but since they tried to do that at once, it became a mess that doesn’t go either way. And the characters, any of them, including rsl’s are narrow or impossible to understand. I mean rsl did great himself, it was not about acting, the problem lies on the script and editing in my opinion. Also there were so many unnecessary characters made me question of their existence. Luckily rsl’s character isn’t one of them, however because of them, he had to squeeze in and unable to elaborate, which is a shame as he was an interesting character and someone rsl rarely plays; a arrogant and opportunist agent/brother of the protagonist, who would do anything for success... ha.... whyyyyy
This is it. If I watch other stuff I might add to it in the future. Overall, I know I’m biased but I do like His filmography, I do have appreciations in every one of them in different way to the good ones to bad. He may have disagree, but I love his acting on screen, well, I barely seen him on stage (crying)
Edit: as some of you could see, I’ve edited this over and over again haha elaborating on thing or the contrary. I can say with a glimpse of hell I practically managed to watch every rsl films out there lol except for the i inside and the short film he did called a dog race in Alaska. But with the former I’m not interested and already know the storyline, and the latter is just impossible to find, trust me I did my best;; 
So to sum up: I HAVE MASTERED THE RSL FILMOGRAPHY!
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clairen45 · 5 years
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About that Dark Visions comic...
I think it’s fair to say that when Marvel’s Dark Visions miniseries about Vader as seen from a different perspective was announced, everybody was excited. We have been hammered on the head since ROTS that “there are heroes on both sides” , and with the expectations concerning the end of the saga as a massive redemption and hope plot, you were bound to be curious about what they would come up with. TBH, I was not expecting to see a softer side to Vader. It would be wrong to expect anything like that, and it would somehow diminish from what happens to him in the OT. He is supposed to be more machine than man. So, no, I definitely did not expect him, or wished him to be the kind of guy operating as the Death Star Secret Santa, knitting socks for the poor and needy, or rescuing people’s pets. It was not my understanding that he was much loved by his Imperial “colleagues” either. When we first see him in ANH; he is derided and dismissed both by a colleague (sorry, forgot the name but you all know whose faithless person I am thinking of) and Leia. Respected for sure, because of the fear he instills in people. So if awe is obviously the right word to use, in the most etymological sense of the term, that is to say “ a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder”, how many people found Vader awesome? Besides the audience. There had to be. And as a concept, it was pretty cool.
That being said, if you think of the title for the series, there were already many ways of interpreting it. Dark Visions... Visions of the power of the Dark Side? The way some people saw Vader? The way Vader thought people saw him? Did the stories happen for real or are they just what the title imply they are: visions. Images. Fantasies. Daydreams or nightmares? Possibly just the imagination of some deranged mind. There is something there that implies that we are not dealing with something too objective. But rather something unhinged and disturbing.
Now, I intend to keep this in mind about the issue that has been raising so much concern: “Tall, Dark, and Handsome”. I think malaise is really the word we should settle for. This issue is problematic in many ways.
For those who haven’t read it or just heard about it through social media and people complaining about it (possibly people on the other side of the spectrum fanning about it), this is how you can sum it up: this is the first person narrative of an unnamed nurse, working on the Death Star for Vader’s personal doctor. The nurse has developed an obsessive infatuation for Vader that has her snoop around him and collect bits and pieces about him (mostly gorish remains of his time at the medical bay) that she hides in her room. She keeps on daydreaming about him and the connection she thinks they have, until one day she musters up her courage and goes to talk to him in his private quarters in order to let him know of her love for him. He cuts her off in all the meanings of the word, both interrupting her speech of eternal devotion and undying love, and piercing her through with his saber. Last moment we see her is lying dead on the floor while he moves away and asking for the sanitation to rid him of the “garbage”.
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Ok, that’s a tall order. Here are points that I find entirely problematic.
1.The Question of Agency:
The authors decided to give a voice, a narrative agency to a character that is presented as inconsequential to the story. She is an anonymous nurse, a dot, in  the bigger picture of the Empire. Much, let’s say, like our current ST heroes: Rey, Finn, and Rose, who started as “nobody”, even more so in the case of Finn and Rey who have literally been deprived of their identities. You could think it’s cool to thus give a voice to this nurse. Even more so when you consider that throughout the comic, she is presented as downtrodden, poor, pushed over, abused physically and verbally, dismissed, and despised. Her employer disrespects her constantly, calling her “fool”, “idiot”, or “stupid”. He shoves her around, and also diminishes her job, calling it “not a real job” or insinuating that she does not do her job correctly. Cases in point:
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And what do we get in this story? A female nobody who starts asserting herself. Wow.
She tells her own story. First person narrative. She becomes an agent.
Look at the evolution of her daydream fantasies. She starts from damsel in distress who needs a man to protect her from her daily abuser
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From nurse whose job means something, to a solid professional, and equal partner to her fantasy Lord:
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And finally a powerful woman in her own rights, even overshadowing her partner, and who is able to defend herself.
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Which then matures into her mustering up the courage to speak for herself, and tell her feelings to the (unwilling) object of her affection.
Except that.... well...she is just presented as a massive psycho. And, ok, it’s fair, we all know that there are female stalkers, and that her obsession for Vader is totally crazy because she doesn’t know anything about him, and she actually fell for someone who was treating her as poorly as the others. But there is the malaise there... The mix of female empowerment and batshit craziness. That’s what put a lot of people ill-at-ease. I wouldn’t even call that subversion, because, dudes, what are we subverting there exactly. It’s not like women are not daily abused and treated poorly at work and in their relationships on a daily basis... And are we supposed to take that as a cautionary tale about fangirl craziness? Because, there again, why did they need to have that girl get such a shitty treatment all through the comic. It is like the comic says that she deserved it. In the end it’s not just Vader calling her trash. It’s also the doctor calling her trash for most of the comic, and even have her literally waddle in a trash compactor. Cause this was supposed to be subtle?
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Like, fine, if it were only Vader calling her garbage because the man is just dead inside, which, fairly, is represented in the comic. But it’s just not Vader, it is the way the character is presented through the eyes of the doctor AND even through the eyes of a cartoonist who keeps on representing her with the stupidest darned faces.
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And there is no other viewpoint. Family, friends, other nurses or colleagues who could give us another idea about her. Or explain why she is like that. Nope. Basically, this woman is given a voice just so she can be cut off mid-sentence and made... fun of... I guess? Was that the author’s goal? Is it what we are supposed to feel? About this pathetic character and her pathetic life, dreams, goals, feelings, and eventual demise?
The “Subversion” of Female Romantic Tropes
Like ... LOL... How is that “subverted” anyways? But, ok, let’s go through them. It has all the classic elements of female literature.
The Cinderella story: nobody falls for high lord and expects to be swooped off her feet. Complete with ball scene, because, yes, why not? I give them a point, though, for the cool reflection on the ground which has her in her regular scrubs... BTW, Beauty and the Beast in the mix as well.
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the nurse complex! Otherwise known as the Florence Nightingale effect. You know, woman is going to take care of the guy... They even made her a real nurse! Again, so subtle. Couldn’t make her any other profession and still be victim of this complex.
the reference to so-called “trashy” female lit, think bodice ripping, Harlequin, and their infamous covers. Even the title of the comic: “Tall, Dark, and Handsome”
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The effing Phantom of the Opera!
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and of course all the female discourse about love, because, yep, trashy: “kindred spirits” etc...
And again, how are we supposed to interpret it? Well, hang on, this woman, remember, is a bat-shit crazy deluded psycho, who has delusions about life and love. Oh, and the doctor says she is trash. And he throws all her stupid gory, disgusting trickets in the trash. Oh and also Vader says she is garbage. Well. Ok. So, I guess all of that which mattered to her, all her ideas, all that she loved, was just that. Trash. Garbage. Well, take that, you female reader!
But wait, it gets even better...
Star Wars is just trash!
Yep, because on closer look, most of the fantasies this woman has are very Star-Warsy. I am floored that they are actually trashing these:
Anakin and Padmé’s Naboo scenery, green, lush, terrace, nightgowns...
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The scene when Anakin learns about Padmé’s death:
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and of course, the one that you were not expecting... Reylo... “You are not alone”
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Again, why is this problematic? In itself, it is fine and fair to be making fun of trashy female literature and campy romance novels, it is also fine to make fun of crazy stalkers, and it is also fine to be making fun of Star Wars. So why does it feel so icky in this comic somehow?
You can’t help but feel disgusted when you consider how poorly this woman is represented. There is not one aspect of her life that is not ridiculed. And again, this is about a woman who has NOTHING. They could have the girl fall in love with Vader and being killed by him because he is a cold-hearted machine. He killed his wife, the love of his life, so yea, of course he will feel not a pang of remorse or hesitation at killing this nobody who thinks she is in love with him. But they did not need to make fun of the very little she had in her life: her dreams. Her effing dreams. Plus the crazy stalker psycho. And the crazy face. And the fact that again we are talking about a woman, who had NOTHING. No family, no connection, no friends, no respect at work, not many possessions except her sad little Vader treasure chest.
And again, context. Here we are, reading a Star Wars comic where a lot of fanboys have been using the EXACT same terms to ridicule women in the fandom. Especially in the Reylo context. Trash. Garbage. Crazy bitches. Ridiculing theories about ... well, well, ain’t it a sweet surprise... Phantom of the Opera, or Beauty and the Beast parallels with Reylo. I’ll be damned. It feels crazy awkward, if you ask me. I mean, again, it’s all fair, but you don’t do that when you are in the midst of a toxic fandom war.
So why do I give zero F...  about it in the end?
If some antis in the fandom saw that as validation, well, let them have their moment of happiness. It won’t last. We can give them that.
One, I don’t think for one second that it means anything about what will happen in the ST as far as Reylo is concerned. Again, they are even making fun of Anidala in the comic, and dude, that thing happened. As my good friends from @lordsofthesithpodcast would tell you after their glorious SWCC panel : Romance, these ships belong in Star Wars.
Two, as I highlighted in the introduction, this belongs in the Dark Visions series. It is meant, in my own opinion, to be disturbing and unhinged. Not sugar coated. So maybe the whole point was shock value. Mission accomplished. It was poor taste again given the context and the awful treatment THEY (and not just Vader) give their female character, but yea, dark visions. Not Star Wars Adventures. You have to look at the target audience and everything.
Three, if it were not for the in-your-face references to female tropes, I actually took most of it as a critique of fandom in general. The problem is not that she is a fangirl. There are some crazy obsessive fangirls, mind you. The problem is that they are making fun of all things female on top of that. But, remove the romantic aspects. Couldn’t that apply to fanboys as well? I could totally picture a cadet, or some other young imperial, developing the same crazed obsession over Vader. And it was just as toxic. And, tbh, it could very well be. Collecting trinkets is not just a girl thing, and after seeing with my own eyes the tons of merch purchased by fanboys at the recent SWCC convention, or the obsessive way some guy could talk to you about Vader and the minute trivial details in his life, or that they are the only ones understanding the guy, well yea... it works...
I’ll even go a step further. I wondered for a sec if the whole thing was not even a critical meta about the franchise as a whole. Let me explain. Some fanboys have complained about the femininization of the franchise, that is “polluting” the shades of Pemberley, I mean Star Wars. Claiming that what is happening right now is utter garbage. Also also, I have another possible reading which has the nurse representing the current state of the fandom and how crazy obsessed they can be over a franchise that some currently view as tired and dead inside (especially since it has fallen into the fold of Disney). Representing the unhealthy relationship between the two. And guess what, it doesn’t end well for the fandom. Who will never get what they want.
I will finally quote this from Chuck Wendig who was fired from the project and came up with that particular comment on Twitter, and which actually seems to go with how I tried to read it myself:
Apropos of absolutely nothing, my issue three of SHADOW OF VADER was about a toxic fanboy (a morgue attendant on the Death Star) who became obsessed with Vader. (And it didn’t end well for him. Er, obviously.) I thought it was good and I’m sorry you won’t see it! Onward we go. 
I think they kept some of the original idea from Wendig, but it took a turn for the worse. It would be great if the authors cared to explain about their intent for this piece if any. I am not saying they should. I actually totally respect and support full freedom of speech and authorial choices. It is our choice, then, as a reader to read or not the material we don’t care about. I am just curious to know their opinion I guess, and I was not able to find any comment online. If anyone has a reference, I am interested...
In any event, I think everyone should read the comic for themselves if they are curious about it. Better to make your own opinion about it.
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So. I met Benedict Cumberbatch the other night. 
I’m still processing, honestly, and the big thing that I need to write is another letter to him, one which I assume going in that he will never read (I can’t even imagine the volume of fanmail he must receive!), but I’ll still write it because I need to say it, even if it’s never read. In this post I want to talk about some of the stuff I want to say there, so I’m just kind of working through my thoughts here. 
This is going to be long, and a little emotional, so I’m putting it behind a cut to spare your dashes (among other things!). 
I have a few different things to say about the entire thing. First, let me just go through the evening as it unfolded: 
I managed to buy a ticket to the New York debut of Letters Live. I’ve adored the concept of this event since the first time they held it and when I found out they were doing one in New York right during the tiny window of when I was going to be there, I jumped at the opportunity, though the tickets were uncomfortably expensive for me. There is literally no other living person that I would have been more excited to see perform and potentially have a tiny chance to meet, though, and the timing seemed almost foreordained, so I did it. 
The event was phenomenal. A gigantic wall of a human was seated in front of me - an unpleasant man who was approximately 10 metres tall and 5 metres wide, and I’m 5′4, so... yeah. I waited until after the first act and managed to slip into a much better seat, hahaha! The performance was so well-planned, I thought. The selection of letters was specially curated for an American audience, with most of the content written by Americans. To hear Rose McGowan read her own letter to the Hollywood higher-ups was chillingly powerful, as was hearing Toni Morrison’s letter to Barack Obama. There were several letters funny enough to make me cry with laughter, and to my pleased surprise one of these was read by another well-loved actor of mine, Tom Hollander (who I keep feeling so sorry for these days - people must confuse him with Tom Holland all the time, and they’re not remotely similar, lol). Benedict’s first letter was an absolutely hilarious one that just went around facebook about a month ago, written by a Canadian man apologizing for having absolutely trashed, via a flock of seagulls, his hotel room in Victoria eighteen years ago. He also read one of the Chris Barker/Bessie Moore exchanges with Loo Brealey, and finished the evening with Stewart Stern’s incredibly stirring and moving letter to the family of James Dean following his death. 
Listen: seeing Benedict perform live, with my own two naked eyes, breathing the same air as him - it may sound ridiculous, but that alone was profoundly moving to me. Just seeing him, period. Then seeing him perform - breathtaking. And then hearing him read this particular letter was just - it’s hard to even put it into words. I felt a little as though I was hearing him read what could be his own epitaph. Listen to these words: 
A star goes wild in the places beyond air — a dark star born of coldness and invisible. It hits the upper edges of our atmosphere and look! It is seen! It flames and arcs and dazzles. It goes out in ash and memory. But its after-image remains in our eyes to be looked at again and again. For it was rare. And it was beautiful. And we thank God and nature for sending it in front of our eyes. So few things blaze. So little is beautiful. Our world doesn't seem equipped to contain its brilliance too long. Ecstasy is only recognizable when one has experienced pain. Beauty only exists when set against ugliness. Peace is not appreciated without war ahead of it. How we wish that life could support only the good. But it vanishes when its opposite no longer exists as a setting. It is a white marble on unmelting snow. And Jimmy stands clear and unique in a world where much is synthetic and dishonest and drab. He came and rearranged our molecules.
I mean, this is exactly how I already feel about the nature of Ben’s talent, the privilege I feel at being allowed to experience it in any way, in any medium. He has a talent that lights up the cosmos and I’m just so grateful to the universe that this talent exists and has been given a place to be seen and witnessed by the rest of us. His talent blazes, and my life is the richer for being able to experience it. 
I tried really, really, really hard not to hope too much to have a chance to meet him at the stage door after. It’s kind of impossible not to hope, but I told myself sternly that I already never thought I would have the chance to see him perform in person, and it really would have been enough. I’d joked to my friends before leaving for New York that if he so much as laid his own two beautiful eyes on me and actually saw me, heard my voice, any of that, that I could die in peace. I’ve never expected that, though, to have any sort of fleeting brush of contact like that. It’s not the nature of the way a person like him relates to a person like me. In fact, allow me a tangential paragraph here: 
Being a fan can feel one-sided. I know everything that a person can possibly know about a person whom I have never met. I can guarantee that I have seen, read, or listened to every interview he’s done, ever, with very, very few exceptions. ALL of the press junkets. I could have written his imdb page. Like many of us! I know every line on his beautiful face. I know the freckles on his skin, the tendons of his forearms and calves. I know every part of his physicality that’s ever been shown to the public, and with him, that’s a fair bit! His voice is my ringtone (it’s a clip of Sherlock saying “it’s a text alert; it means I’ve got a text”) and his voice is more dearly familiar to me than most of the people I know personally. I know his facial expressions, though he’s constantly reinventing the way the muscles of his face can move for every new role he plays. I’ve analyzed his accents from a phonetics standpoint. In short, I know everything that’s possible for someone like me to know about someone like him. And he knows nothing about me - not my name, not what I do, not what I eat, not my voice or my talents or my eyes or fingernails or passions or pet peeves - not of my existence, full stop. But that doesn’t mean that our relationship - and bear with me on that word - is one-sided. This is how it works: he gives. He gives and gives and gives. Benedict doesn’t phone it in. He BLAZES. He burned through so much energy playing Hamlet (any wonder, have you seen him in it???) in the summer of 2016 that one of the reasons Dr. Strange had to push back its filming schedule was to give him the chance to bulk up again after the play’s run. Benedict commits, and like the aforementioned star analogy, he radiates energy to every possible point of contact around him. THIS is his side of the relationship: he blazes out his talent/energy/love/passion/commitment, and we receive it, and the appreciation and love and passion we feel in return for it is something that we share with each other, not with him. That’s how fandom works: it’s not a direct thing. Not in the standard, interpersonal way. He shines; we turn to each other rather than to him, to talk about how it made us feel, how it moved us, how it excited us and made us laugh and inspired us. Somehow, this entire experience crystallized this for me perfectly. 
Now, back to the stage door: there was an absolute CRUSH of people at the barricades. I don’t want to talk about this part too much because it was extremely unpleasant. We had to wait for a long time. I would have stayed until he left the building, no matter how long it took, unless it would have made me look like a total creep, because that’s not something I ever want to do to someone I admire. He did come out eventually, and that’s when the pushing and screaming started. I once said that I would never scream at a celebrity, and I didn’t. The crowd, unfortunately, was a mix of three groups of people: 1. aggressive paparazzi 2. aggressive fanboys who had brought comic book shit for Ben to sign so that they could sell it on ebay 3. genuine fans. Guess which group was not at all problematic?? Turns out I was standing right in a knot of #2′s, and because they were hollering at him, like screaming at him to get over there and sign their shit, Ben went over to the other side of the barricade to sign stuff there. He told off one of the paps and said he was there to be with the “real people”, which I appreciated. He did come back near us, and I had the briefest of moments to talk to him. I thanked him for not having become a lawyer, and he laughed. Everyone was thrusting stuff in his face and yelling. I just had my little ticket from the show, and the comic book manchildren kept putting their stuff on top of mine. Ben finally said he was going back inside, that his wife was there waiting for him, but he turned back toward me and I managed to ask (possibly plead) if he would sign my ticket. He looked me in the eye then, smiled, and said, “Of course”. 
I stammered out a congratulations on Patrick Melrose and he smiled again and said thank you, while he was signing. But that one moment of eye contact is all I wanted. He looked at me, and he saw me. And I made him laugh. 
I was literally almost suffocated by the awful people around me, none of which were: a) female, or b) actual fans. I’ve thought sometimes, while watching videos of Benedict on the red carpet, with all of those media folk screaming at him to turn this way, smile into their camera, all of that, that it feels very much like harassment. I know that people in his position know that it comes with the job, that the fame and riches are supposed to be the offset of having no privacy, of being followed by media and fans alike, quite literally, of being shrieked and barked at like they’re trained performing animals (which I don’t like, either!). I know he knows that, but it doesn’t mean that it’s pleasant in any way. He handles it like a pro, because he is in every way a consummate professional. But it can’t be pleasant for him. He’s incredibly, extraordinarily generous with his time. As a performer myself, I know how I feel when I’ve just finished a solo concert or an opera - I feel like taking off my heels and fancy dress, putting on pyjama pants and relaxing every muscle I have on a couch somewhere, preferably with a tall drink in hand. Performing Hamlet is considered one of the most demanding male roles in the English theatrical repertoire, yet Benedict would not only perform it a stunning eight times per week, but then sometimes spend up to THREE HOURS signing autographs and taking selfies after. If he chooses to limit how long he gets screamed at by aggressive, even violent paps and shitheads who just want to use his signature for money, good for him! I respect that, even if I felt incredibly sorry for the people further back who didn’t get to have that, one brief moment of contact with this person we all admire so very, very deeply. And so, because of this, because of seeing firsthand how gross people are to him and just the sheer volume of what he puts up with for our sake, so that some of us, at least, can have that tiny moment, I don’t think I would do it again, if only to reduce that volume by one teeny tiny amount. I got my one, deeply, deeply hoped-for, fleeting, searing moment of contact. It’s all that I could have asked for. He saw me, and I had the chance to say some tiny part of my gratitude to him for what he gives of himself to all of us. That’s all I wanted. 
The wait, the near-suffocation, all of that, was worth it, to win that one precious moment. I clutched my precious ticket and fought my way out of the crowd and wandered dazedly off toward the subway, through late Friday night Times Square crowds, feeling so much that I didn’t even know how to process it. I felt like I was about to burst into tears and I couldn’t have even said why or whether I was happy or sad or possibly a cornucopia of every human emotion ever. I felt - and still feel - a bit like I just had a brush with an actual, blazing sun. It was shattering, and I will be forever changed by it. I am so grateful. 
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almaasi · 6 years
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reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x23 “Let The Good Times Roll”
idk what you guys thought but I LIKED IT and here’s why!!!! (EXCEPT THAT THING WITH THE KNIFE??? WHAT THE HELL???)
04:02pm
so it only took 45 minutes to an hour to find somewhere to watch this, my thanks to @trisscar368 for helping me out!!!
eventually found it streaming rather than downloading, would not recommend but HEY IT WORKS (for now) [http://gorillavid.in/zbtu97hfei65]
this feels like it’s 2008 all over again, trying to watch doctor who after school
OKAY LET’S GO
i’ve seen a bunch of major spoilers but i know cas doesn’t die so i’m good. apparently it’s A Boring Episode but also MICHEAL and LUCIFER so
idk idk let’s just watch the thing and find out what happens
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04:04
rowena: is there, i dunno, music? CARRY ON MYY WAYWAR---
fuck
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04:09pm
feels good having bobby there
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BOBBY’S REACTION TO TRUMP IS THE BEST EVER
“and you call where WE come from ‘apocalypse world’?”
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04:11
cas: “they’re talking about whether kylie jenner would make a good mother. consensus is no”
hey give her a chance
i mean i know nothing about her but she seems... teachable?
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dean: “yeah well, that’s why i’m a chloe man”
WHOOOOOP dean loves his girly trash tv i see
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brown werewolf: “now that is why i’m a chloe man”
dead brown person alert :|
how naive i was to think he might be left alive because he got a speaking line and made himself a dean parallel with that single line
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04:16
mary: “do you really like the rain?”
bobby: “when it’s this beautiful, i do”
lest anyone forget bobby is a gentle down to earth sweetheart
soft papa bear
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“rowena and charlie are road-tripping it through the south-west”
WOULD WATCH THAT SPINOFF
but #savewaywardsisters first
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04:19
dean: “can you imagine? you, me, cas, toes in the sand, couple of those little umbrella drinks, matching hawaiian shirts, obviously”
PLEASE
“....some hula girls“
mmmm *squints at how that part was said after a....... pause, off-screen with the camera on sam*
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04:24
dean to jack: “it’s not about being strong....... i don’t know what you went through over there... but i know you came out the other side. because you ARE strong”
good papa dean words
much love for him and his emotional avaliability
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04:26
dean: “whatever you’re dealing with, whatever comes at us, we’ll figure out a way to deal with it. together. we’re family, kid”
sam said it to dean, dean said it to jack
i guess the next step is ...jack saying it to cas?? SOMEONE’s gotta say it to cas
but also WOOOO DEAN’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT REGARDING JACK SINCE THE START OF THE SEASON
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04:32
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um
is it just me or is this a seriously unfortunate racist-looking coincidence
desperately hoping this wasn’t the guy who killed maggie
(i don’t think it is, which means maybe this is a “don’t jump to conclusions” kind of storyline which has a race-relations subtext??? i wish it meant nothing besides jack’s need to protect others, but given the lack of living characters of colour on this show, the minute a person of colour shows up, it BECOMES about the fact they’re not white, bECAUSE they always die, invariably)
anyway, my point is: this is problematic
also the red shirt. as in “red shirts always die” ??
edit: thank goodness....... RED HERRING
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“3 sheeps” poster in the background
i remember this symbolism from something earlier but can’t remember exactly what
i’m thinking lambs to the slaughter, or being part of a flock, or being herded into something they’re wrong about, being naive, following each other one by one into the unknown
wow reading tarot has improved my “make a list of all the obvious symbolism” skills
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04:39
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the fact cas is suffering with the angel language whistle is interesting?? i thought it hurts dean because he can’t understand it
which means.......cas isn’t understanding this noise?
or maybe he is understanding, it’s just real loud
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04:42
enjoying sam being protective of cas
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lucifer: ........”the three amigos.... sam, dean, and the other one”
that’s probably how a lot of people see team free will tbh
how sad
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lucifer: “you want a lightsaber?”
jack:
vroom
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we mAY HAVE LONG SAID HE’S TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD BUT WE NEVER MEANT FOR HIM TO LEAVE
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04:50
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that awkward moment when you’re trying to solve a murder and your adorable magic grandson comes home with the devil
:o
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the face you make when the devil makes an ableist joke about your son and then says “no offence”
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(the ”i would murder you but there’s enough dead bodies in here right now” face)
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04:56
maggie: “kinda seems like you have... you know, bigger.... satan-y... problems”
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bless this girl
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05:00
dean: “as shakespeare once said: eat me, dick-bag”
tbh shakespeare probably did say that at one point or another
add shakespeare to the list of dean’s bisexual heroes
(follow up thought: what if when cas could time-travel, he and dean and sam went to go explore shakespeare’s town and dean made.... Friends)
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05:04
lucifer’s talking to jack about their future space travels
i mean i think it’s fairly obvious, lucifer was the one who killed maggie, so he could bring her back and impress jack
maggie said “i didn’t see their face but i saw their eyes” and that means it was either lucifer or michael with the glowing eyes, and micheal said to dean “you’ll be the first life i take in this world” which leaves lucifer
stinking nasty manipulative trash angel
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05;07
micheal, while strangling dean: “could’ve done this quick, but i wanted to enjoy it, that moment when the soul leaves the body”
yeeeah okay sure, speak aloud your reasons you’re stalling for time while jack figures out how to get back
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05:10
jack to lucifer: “you’re not my father. you monster”
HUZZAH
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for the record i’m... reaLLY ENJOYING THIS episode so far
it’s all big and mighty and magical but the core of the story is a boy trying to find his family and figure out the truth behind his manipulative father
i’m so glad it led to this because i am HERE for this kind of story
the world hangs in the balance, but it’s not dean, cas and sam trying to save everyone, it’s jack trying to find his place among loved ones, and by following his desire to help people he’s learning what he needs to know
i fucking love this okay
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05:14
lucifer: i just need your power--
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OH NO I SPOKE TOO SOON
OH NO
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05:17
michael: “this is the end. of everything”
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I SEE DEAN’S COGS WHIRRING AND I WORRY
nine years of not saying yes to micheal and now it’s happening isn’t it
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05:20
jack’s pained little whimper :c :c :c
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05:21
dean: “i am your sword”
CHILLS
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05:22
dean: “CAS I DON’T HAVE A CHOICE”
cas: D:
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PERFECT MOMENT FOR AN AGGRESSIVE KISS but nope that would be too much like goodbye
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05:24
third option rather than sam or jack trying to kill each other: they pick up lucifer’s blade and kill lucifer with it
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05:26
WHAT 
NO
??????
BAD IDEA????
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JUST STAB LUCIFER????
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jack:  i love you
NOO ;;A;A;A;A;A;A;A;;A;A
DJSGJD
I’M NOT ENJOYING THIS 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND 
PLEASE STOP
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05:27
WELL FUCK
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hi there
WHHHOOOOOOO
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meanwhile back at the bunker: cas has the weirdest traumatic boner
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05:29
THE WINGS KEEP GETTING BIGGER
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05:31
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interesting angel flying physics here
dean flails while sailing slowly backwards
i mean i know he’s on a suspension wire but technically waving his arms about ought to affect his position
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05:33
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LITERALLY SAM COULD’VE DONE THAT TO BEGIN WITH
WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT OF THIS
HE COULD’VE ACTED LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO STAB JACK AND THEN GO WHOOSH AND STAB LUCIFER
SAM HAS FUCKING NOODLE ARMS HE COULD’VE DONE IT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED
JEEZ
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05:35
okay but i’m laughing right now
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are you telling me this is what happens if lucifer accidentally trips and falls on his knife
where did that golden blade come from anyway
has lucifer just been carrying it around this whole time?
COULD ANYONE HAVE PICKPOCKETED THAT KNIFE AND STABBY STABBY >>> EXPLODING FLYING FLAME DEVIL ??
WHAT BRAIN CELLS WAS LUCIFER MISSING TO HAND THAT BLADE TO SAM WINCHESTER IN THE FIRST PLACE
OR GO INTO BATTLE WITH MICHAEL WITHOUT THE KNIFE
OR TO HAVE THAT BLADE ON HAND IN THE FIRST PLACE ??????????
I’m sorry i just find this hilarious
i mean good fucking riddance to this trash angel but wow what a way to get there
all of this was so easily avoidable ?? i seriously don’t understand what possessed sam to think “aw yeah let’s pick up this magic devil blade to KILL MY OWN SON and/or HAND IT TO HIM SO HE CAN KILL ME” instead of “umMMM the devil just gave me a magic knife and is trying to tell us to kill each other maybe we should kill him with it”
I HOPE SOMEONE IN THE WRITER’S ROOM HAS A REALLY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS
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05:45
HAPPY RELIEVED SAMMY
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why do i feel like everything’s about to go terribly terribly wrong, worse than before
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05:48
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i mean micheal!dean looks good though
despite everything i think dean would approve of the outfit
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like he actually looks a little bit TOO attractive
definitely not to be trusted
you know when people just look TOO handsome and shiny and perfect and they’re TOO charming and you know something’s up
this guy’s got danger written all over him in sleek & elegant calligraphy
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05:50pm
mmmmmmmmm okay, it’s over
i liked it ?
felt old-school, kinda like a buffy episode or an x-files episode
things i’m happy about: everyone lived and lucifer died!! this is a pretty cool progression of events and i’m interested to see where it goes (not EXCITED, i’m not EAGER, but i am interested). that black dude was not the one who killed maggie. maggie survived!!!
things i’m not thrilled about: the fact sam didn’t just stab lucifer in the face when he was right next to him holding the magic knife?????? i don’t get it and i don’t think any kind of meta is actually gonna be able to explain how ~UM EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND~esque that moment was
no bechdel test pass
jack’s personal arc this season was great and i love him
as always, this show is riveting to me only because i care so much about the characters, and i cannot tELL YOu how fucking pleased i am that this show’s universe is now a universe where bobby, charlie, mary, rowena, dean, cas, sam, jack, jody, donna, claire, the other wayward girls, and billie ALL EXIST AND ARE ALIVE
seriously could’ve done with some kevin too, i’m still bummed that he’s died TWICE now and isn’t back permanently yet
but HOLY SHIT THE REST OF THEM ARE ALL ALIVE 
GIVE ME A TEAM-FREE-WILL-MAJOR SEASON WITH ALL THE SQUAD ALIVE AND KICKING ASS AS A GROUP
like... save dean as a group, then one by one discover that dean and cas have been locked in a room without clothes for three days, then save the world and retire forever as a happy, healthy hunter squad with their gay dads
FUCK YEAH
overall, this episode is maybe a 9/10 just because that FUCKING KNIFE man. i dunno what to think about that.
like .........why
i also want cas to have a season arc!!! a positive one!!! where he actually accepts love and expresses affection and receives AUDIBLE AND VISIBLE AND TANGIBLE affection from others!!!
and for fuck’s sakes stop killing people of colour, give us more women of colour who are good and don’t die, pass the bechdel test more often
AND ABOVE ALL GIVE US WAYWARD SISTERS I WANT THAT SHOW SO BADLY AND EVERYTHING IT REPRESENTS
IT WOULD FILL IN ALL THE GAPS THAT ARE MISSING FROM THIS SHOW
PLEASE
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crossedbeams · 6 years
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ROSE REVIEWS… THE X-FILES - S1.E11 Eve
<<1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>
I’m salty today and what better way than to transfer that into something positive than to finish this long overdue and almost certainly irrelevant recap of Eve. Read on for children who are almost as scary as their acting is bad, prison aesthetics and idiotic blithering by me.
THE PLOT
The fathers of creepy children are being exsanguinated on opposite coasts and Mulder wants to know the aliens have upgraded from cows. IVF suspicions run wild and with a little help from good old Deep Throat, the terrific two suspect genetic government experiments gone wrong may be responsible for the shenanigans. When the creepy kids go missing, things escalate and soda becomes a very dangerous refreshment...
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Let’s go...
MY STREAM OF SEMI-CONSCIOUSNESS
Ah. The X-Files, the show that is always a scenic autumnal bath for my eyes…. And where under the leaves there is probably a dead person eaten by a molewoman or an alien. Honey? I’m home.
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We find ourselves in an idyllic suburban neighbourhood, (always bad news on screen), where very concerned joggers approach an underdressed child and her stuffed animal. It’s hard at this stage to decipher whether the kid is creepy or just a really bad actor but the suspense synth hardly encourages us to give her the benefit of the doubt...
They head to the backyard, where peppy jogging neighbour fails to notice that the kid’s dad is dead coloured, posed like a corpse and basically, stereotypically and obviously dead... until he claps him jovially on the shoulder causing a tragicomic half slump of dead dad, and exposing vampiric looking marks. The kid screams, not sure why, she’s way too far away to see anything. This is the point at which I begin to suspect that she is both a bad actor AND entry #224 in the Vancouver local listing of Creepy Kids for Hire. Move over Conduit boy!
CREDITS!
This week we only wait 2.5 mins for our special baby Agents to materialise, Scully dressed as a Catholic grade schooler and Mulder wearing a tie designed, as far as I can tell, to look like mushroom soup with licorice allsorts floating in it.
Their poor fashion choices don’t seem to put them off them though, and we zigzag between lip biting (Mulder), making weird moany noises (Scully), and the level of inter office eye contact we’ve come to expect from these fluffy baby agents all set to a soundtrack of cattle mutilation chatter. And our series first (!) cow slideshow!
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Scully is still naive enough to ask why Mulder believes cattle mutilation is linked to aliens. Give it a few weeks and you’ll realise that aliens is pretty much always the answer to “Why….” on the X-Files and that eyebrow is the only appropriate response before you just go with it.
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I can’t wait :D
As Mulds and Sculls traverse some stairs, I realise that creepy kid #1 is called Teena. Spelled the same as Mulder’s mum. Because apparently the X-Files name bank isn’t only shallow in the male department. Also is Teena a normal spelling in the States? Here it’d only really be Tina….
I then get distracted by Scully in the biggest of purple coats. I’d love to see S1 Scully’s closet. A symphony of oversized pastels with overcoats to clash… don’t worry though hon. You’ll get some style later though for the bargain price of two (2) family members and also your ova. Poor Scully.
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Scully also looks incredibly young in this scene, speaking all soft to the kid. Moments like this I struggle to believe that Mulder “never saw her as a mom” until Home. She’s all melty round the edges even though the kid is weird and creepy.
When creepy Teena starts talking about red lightning, the massively coached and unnatural pauses in dialogue and the trouble pronouncing exsanguination are just so glaring you can’t believe that this kid’s innocent charade will hold up as long as it does. But it all adds to the creep, just in time for…
**bring bring ** Scully leans in to kiss her spoopy partner tell Mulder there has been another murder. Darn. Seriously though. Close talkin to the power on uuuungghhh right here. No wonder this fandom is so thirsty.
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We’re in Vancouver San Franciso, still in giant coats, for another exsanguination and what we now know is death by digitalis. Mulder says that the two estimated times of death were at the “exact same time” and I chuckle to myself like the pedant I am. Estimates cannot be exact dumdum. It also takes the edge off him mansplaining timezones to Scully. SHE IS A MEDICAL DOCTOR DAMMIT. 
This scene has very nice warm, sunsetty lighting which is nice as our Spooksters demonstrate why the X-Files department is always over budget; they’ve flown cross country to do two laps of a crime scene while reading a file aloud and the kid they wanna question isn’t even in town. Where is she? I’m glad you asked, coz remember that sunny warmness? Well it’s over.
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Back on the east coast, creepTeena is getting outcreeped by a thunderstorm and what appear to be disembodied footsteps at her door. We see nothing but a flash and then the door is open. It’s tense and I’m pretty sure this is never explained, raised as a concern beyond “she got abducted”?
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A new day means new suits, Mulder in a tie inspired by parquet flooring and Scully in eggshell and pinstripes and a brown trenchcoat named regret. It’s a lot to process and they still don’t seem overly concerned about Teena’s kidnapping. Despite his post Samantha abduction PTSD, Mulder’s only contribution is a dramatic sky point and the suggestion the cops need to look up, but then dun dun dduuuuunh - there’s another one.
Sinister Cindy in the house. Literally.
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She informs them she has lived there “since she was born eight years ago”. Zero inflection with that info and a sentence structure as unnatural as the phenomena Mulder wants to blame. Deffo a rent-a-creepykid. 100%. The woodenness only adds to it.
Commence super awkward kitchen convo where they Mulder and Scully try and fail to find a tactful way to imply Cindy might not be this grieving wife’s legitimate child. A birthing video is offered and declined. Thank god. Imagine is CHris Carter had to watch rushes of an actual woman’s vagina with a female child emerging. 
Mrs Reardon’s insistence that Cindy was daddy’s girl is pretty horrifying once you know how it ends. Damn creepy kids. Listening in while watching politics, Cindy is infinitely creepier than Teena and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not for this kid “actor”.
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Back in the car and Mulder is still pretty blase about Teena’s abduction/kidnap, though I forgive him because his flippant potato/potahto is adorable and he does hang out in the bushes to try and protect Cindy from getting nabbed sending Scully off to the IVF clinic alone. Ahh... the foreshadowing is out there.
At the Luther Stapes Medical Centre, a doctor mansplains IVF to Scully. She does not punch him. Another way that she is better than me.She does however, maintain super intense eye contact with him for the entire walk and truly it is a miracle she doesn’t fall over.
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The next scene is pretty uneventful except that I can honestly say that Sally Kendrick is the last human I would want toying with my cervix. She’s...robotic and it looks like she has to work out how to sit down like a human. She could give Theresa May lessons.
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Back at the hotel there’s some funky camera panning that I am here for and also I think there is some dialogue but let’s be honest.... this is more important 
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Yes Professor I would like some extra credit and may I also just smooth your poofy hair.
Even Scully knows it. Hence her confusion at being ushered out, for no obvious reason. She just wants to look at him and maybe get inside his shirt and ... and... Mulder’s “what’s a girl” is cute.... but this is cuter. (even more overanalysing of this scene here for ya glasses lovers). 
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Instead of meeting a girl, Mulder meets Deep Throat in an excessively aesthetically pleasing place. Honestly, Eve is a beautiful episode. Despite the creepy kids and imprisoned women. (Eve Aesthetic here). DT seems very concerned that Scully not be invited and while I’m sure that this has some link to the possibility of spy!Scully, it reads more as jealous older manfriend wants pretty Mulder to himself. And honestly I get it. God, fic has ruined me. Anyway, enough of that, enjoy this picture of pensive waterside Mulder and try to recall the specifics of the Deep Throat reveal. Project Blah. Boys called Adam. Girls called Eve. Clones. Bad. Disaster. EVE-il is at work. ¬¬ (sorry)
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Mulder has brought sunflower seeds because meeting an informant without snacks = rookie error. 
The important thing to note is that Deep Throat basically sets the stage for the Super Soldier Arc and everyone forgets about it when they actually get to the super soldier arc. God, for a continuity pedant, my fave is SO problematic!
Deep Throat finishes by telling Mulder he’s scored him front row seats to what’s left of the whole fucked up thing.
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Cut to the most aesthetic Institute for the criminally insane and after some hot DAMN camera angles we get panic buttons and a tromp into the deeps where they keep all the government created monsters, including Eve 6.
I just wanna take a moment away from my snark and give a huge shout out to Harriet Harris who is SO good and creepy in this episode. A lot of the Season 1 extras/bit parts are average to the extreme and honestly, Harris makes this episode. Without her eyeball biting, jerky, wild eyed delivery, this ep would be as mediocre as the creepy twin actresses.
Now we’ve got that out of the way - we find out that Eve 6 screams when the lights are on but is fine with  an industrial sized flashlight being shone all up in her face.  Nobody’s ever got a good look at her... except presumably the person who undoes her straitjacket so she can pee? And now Mulder and Scully.
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Eve 6 is my fave Eve tbh. She’s this perfect mix of terrifying and pitiful, alludes to the telekinetic connection that the younger Eve twins later reference, and is the kind of proof of government misdeed that and older Mulder and Scully despair of, delivered while they’re way too young in their partnership to do anything about it. She tells them that Eves are into suicide, psychosis and murder, and on exiting, our baby agents still don’t suspect the kids.
(Break for actual analysis) It struck me during this scene how this case tunes into both Mulder and Scully’s demons. For Mulder, it’s the missing girls and the incarcerated Eve represents a scenario that could explain Samantha’s absence in the most horrifying ways. What if she is a locked up experiment just like Eve 6? For Scully it’s a visceral representation of her struggle between scientific duty and Christian morality. The creation of Eve 6 is an aberration against both good scientific practice AND the divine right of Good to control life and death... and yet she is also a victim who did not choose too be engineered and while Scully tries to question her, maintaining composure, this face/stress swallow really says it all.
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Just to double the sucker punch we cut to Cindy asking the lord to take her soul, her mother looking on with a mournful doomladen stare before telling her daughter how special she is. Cindy is unmoved, because she is special(ly evil) and Mama Reardon leaves, bereft of her husband and unacknowledged by her kid. We get it Chris Carter. Genetic experimentation BAD, family GOOD, foreboding, CHECK.... now can we just-
Mulder Scully stakeout! There is no iced tea in the bag and when Mulder posits that the adult Eves 7 & 8 did done the murders, Scully pulls this face, and mutters without much conviction that she was beginning to suspect the girls. 
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GOOD CALL SCULLY
Except Mulder then says “no no and here is why” and Scully just goes with it. The whole delivery at set up of this scene feels very Season 1, by which I mean Scully vacillates wildly between submitting to Mulder’s experience and being done.with.his.shit, Mulder gets all the big lines/theories/feelings/hunches and Gillian especially (and David to a lesser degree) seem unsure how to play their nuances and dynamic. Essentially it all becomes irrelevant because CRISIS takes precedent but being the super-nerd I am, this stuff fascinates me as evidence of them still learning their characters. No way S5 Scully gives up on a plausible theory so easily, even if it makes 8-yos into suspects. If cats can be evil, these staring, soulless kids can be too.
Cue Mark Snow jangles and Cindy and her similar to Teena’s bunny rabbit run away from her terrifying wall dolls and many crucifixes towards the window where she makes terrifying eye contact with Scully’s binoculars before getting grabbed by someone who is considerate enough to announce themselves by turning on the lights?!.
Mulder will take the back! (any time Mulder. Any way ¬¬ ) and sets off with his almost convincingly held gun/torch combo while Scully takes the indoors. This is, invariably, only going to go one way.
DOWN GOES SCULLY!
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Sally Kendrick/Eve? leaps through the window where Mulder confronts her by asking her which Eve she is, allowing her a chance to pull a gun, shoot at him and escape and this is why you don’t want S1 Muldo and Sculls handling your home invasion. I mean who holds their gun like this, takes out a psychopath and ends the day without a hole in them?
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Fox “Thinks he can outrun a car” Mulder is who. 
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I love his idiot face though.
Despite the fact that Cindy didn’t struggle/scream/react to her apparent kidnap at all, Scully’s remaining focussed on the adult Eves in support of Mulder’s dismissal of her earlier theory... well I already said it but - *sigh*
After Scully briefs the police and Mulder tries to reassurea distraught Mrs Reardon that her increasingly abnormal daughter will be found we get the kind of side by side, meaningful  moment that I am here for all day long. Except that the height difference is so extreme that they never actually get Scully in focus!
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And Scully’s “and then what” brings us back to unsettling truth that even if the kid gets found, things aren’t looking good for her given how much murder is in her genes. Poor Mrs Reardon.
Very X-Files, through-the-motel-sign shot and we see Sally Kendrick taking Cindy into motel to meet Teena. The girls look... creepy... and Kendrick looks weirdly and simplistically happy given that she has multiple abductees, severe genetic issues and the FBI on her back. Maybe poor old Sal just wants a normal life? Unlucky girl, this is the X-Files, no happy ending for anyone EVERR. Except possibly a two-faced rapist who likes Cher but that’s for another time.
Back to Sally Kendrick who is rocking a poloneck and showing a remarkable lack of nutritional concern for someone supposedly a genius. Pretty sure 8 cartons of fries are no better for psychotic murder-kids than regular ones. She begins to explain that she was pretty hopeful that she’s evolved the murdering out of her second batch of Eves but turns out she actually made it worse! Let’s pop a check in the box for “playing into popular concerns about genetic testing” and “reasons you shouldn’t do it yourself”. She tells Cindy and Teena she’s “disappointed” that they’ve done murders ahead of the curve. They are not bothered which is unsurprising given they don’t know her/are psychopaths.
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Aesthetically this scene is very pleasing and the lack of stilted kid dialogue “we just knew” vs. long sentences definitely adds to tension. As does the total lack of background music. Hearing even these fairly limited actors candidly and remorselessly admit to murder is effective. And Kendrick’s slightly desperate plea that they not think that way, that they be “better” as she designed has the double effect of showing her own Eve-y instability and her very human desire to not have made a horrible mistake in creating this terrifying she-devils.
Sorry Sal.
Genetic destiny’s a bitch
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And the X-Files narrative demands that when you play god you get dead. unless you’re the CSM in which case you probably drink digitalis and kale for breakfast to aid skin regrowth. Bye bye Sally Kendrick. Thanks for the creepers.
On attending the crime scene, Mulder and Scully are midway through being told that the scene is undisturbed when they hear stuff breaking. This prompts some X-Files-Action-MagicTM and some truly outrageous faces by Gillian.
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Yup
What is most disturbing on rewatching is that with the scene secured, Scully confirms death and Mulder goes to gaze out the window while the Creeper twins cower and cry on the floor. Noe we know they’re guilty AF by this point, but in the narrative DumbScull and MulderingItOver haven’t quite got there because they’ve been too busy gazing at each other so we have two children just whimpering in the corner while Scully pokes a corpse and Mulder mulders about. 
Scully does eventually go and pat them. And again I say fuck you CC and anyone else who “didn’t see her as a mother”.
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Mulder volunteers to chaperone the creepsters to hospital and beyond and the guy in charge kinda just goes “meh”. Pretty sure some liberties have been taken with child service procedures but hey, at least this means we’re almost at the crescendo moment. Right?
Having loaded them into the car, where their spiffy red outfits match the velour upholstery and promised they’ll talk about “what happens next” (again, is this really FBI jurisdiction? Fox Mulder counselling bereaved kids seems like a HORRIBLE plan to me) , Scully and Mulder note the girls attachment and somehow miss the horrifying expressions of murder on their creepy little faces. 
Again though #aesthetic
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Cue some spangly night driving music, Mulder looking all pops over a red vinyl steering wheel, Scully playing mom and the creepsters plotting murder in the back. Ver ver X-Files. They pull up to a used car lot masquerading as a rest stop and go for a group wee,Mulder makes the rookie error of a) hyping evil kids with sugar and b) letting them order a murder weapon, and as soon as Scully’s distracted, one of the creepsters, possibly Sinister Cindy creeps out to spike the drinks. 
Now at this point, honestly, I’m questioning the kids narrative motives. Yes they’re murderous, but aren’t they also meant to be hyper intelligent? Amd getting marooned at a nowhere rest stop, with the corpses of two FBI agents seems SUPER dumb. Like they’re a bit small and loudly dressed to hitch a ride to Vegas and make it on the strip. What gives, creepsters?
The waitress tries to stop her plan by insisting she wait to take the soda until it’s paid for, but is way too easily placated by the kids excuse. Stick to your guns lady, you might just stop a murder.
Although apparently nobody is paying any attention because THIS ISN’T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL IS IT?
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Apparently Mulder doesn’t think so, even knowing digitalis is sweet and that there is something weird afoot, he doesn’t question his super sweet diet drink or the kids totally normal and not at all weirdly resistant to drinking sugar free soda and just does this. Seriously it’s like he wants to die in agony.
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Scully’s not much better, simply commenting on the “syrupy” taste. MMhmm. Bitch. You’re a medical doctor with a previously voiced suspicion. Quit sipping the murder juice.
Fortunately, after some suspenseful drawn out paying and a forgotten key excuse, Mulder FINALLY twigs when he finds some green goop on the table. Apparently murderTwin is cackhanded when she pours and Mulder, having licked the poison just to check it’s murdery enough (I just cant even) rushes outside to karate chop Scully’s drink away from her in a way so unsubtle that the creepers escape.
Which is actually great news because it gives us all the chance for a nice dark, X-Files bread and butter cat and mouse around a truckstop, cool lighting and tubey-arty stuff sequence. Which I’m here for. 
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Despite some pants ruining puddles, the twins are quickly apprehended except for some gun wielding truckers interfere because in this universe regular citizens can hold law enforcement at gunpoint and prevent them doing their job/identifying themselves and anyway everyone almost gets shot and the kids run off again. I should probably insert some pithy political point here about arming the kids too but I’ve been writing this review for 84 years and I don’t have the energy.
Fortunately, at this point Mulder and Scully rediscover some investigative nous and having flashed an ID and truckboy, they trick Sinister and Creepy into thinking they’ve sped off after a school bus. Mulder goes full on child catcher and nabs them with a “gotcha” and is finally deaf to their “we’re just little girls” plea.
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I’d like to take a second to flag up his response “that’s the last thing you are” because he’s wrong too. They are little girls, as well as psychopaths, and everyone’s insistence that they must be one thing or another is a device for narrative obfuscation as old as the bible. The appearance of beauty/youth/innocence is not mutually exclusive of the presence of malign intent or evil. Just ask Henry James/Oscar Wilde. Or me. I literally wrote a dissertation on this so. Yeah. They can be little girls and killers Mulder. Don’t be reductive.
But I guess we do need the simplicity of “this kid is evil” otherwise Mrs Reardon ripping her daughter out of a picture and burning it would be more conflicting and we’re only on season 1. 
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Likewise the disturbing concept of two eight year olds in a secure prison. I mean yes thy’re creepy but - duh duh dunnnnh - rescue is at hand! Eve 8 shows up for them and once again thy “just knew”. This is the kind of X-Files ending I love. This is the kidn of story I would have loved the revivals to pick up. Imagine (recast) grown Cindy and Teena, off doing murdery clone stuff. Yep. Okay. I’m done now. This is the end. 
Except the score. Which is...
A solid “C” Grade (26/50)
Plot 6/10 - It’s entertaining and a good idea but I penalised it because it depends on Mulder and Scully being super slow on the uptake. That said, they do actually solve the case.
Mulder  6/10 - Mulder is in charge (thanks S1) and presents a mess of grieving brother, heroic car catcher and good cop. Good, in character stuff but not exceptional.
Scully  4/10 - Scully seems to forget she’d an MD and a badass here. She lets Mulder talk her out of (correct) suspicions, gets taken down in the action scene and generally second fiddles. She’s a cute mom but not the Scully we want to see.
USP 3/5  - This was an ambitious idea, beautifully presented, and while it didn’t quite get the polish to make it iconic it is memorable, creepy and a good representation of S1 bread and butter eps. 
Other Characters  5/10 - These points are all for Harriet Harris. None for you creeper twins. None for you.
Bonus points 2/10 - One for being aesthetically pleasing. One for the dorky, cute, feeling out Mulder/Scully moments (motel urnghh) and also their mom and pop act at the rest stop.
That’s all for now folks. I’ll probably have the next one done this decade. Fire. Goodie.
<< 1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>
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sunyoonandstars · 6 years
Text
BTS scenario 4.2.: You having fallen victim to the Christmas / Holiday blues ... and them trying to cheer you up, one way or another ...
Sooooo lovely readers ... This is Episode 2 of my 4th BTS Scenario so far, and this one is actually quite personal ... Since my Christmas went down pretty much like the one you / the reader will experience in this story ... Except I didn’t have anyone, most of all no boyfriend, to comfort me lmao 😅 ... Okay, sorry. I really didn't mean to drag you down or spoil the mood. Just wanted to share this detail with you and say: 
Please, enjoy, and make sure to check out my other scenarios, if you like ^_^ And in case you, too, are having a hard time right now, just know that I am here and willing to listen. And never forget: The Night is darkest just before dawn. And you never walk alone. Stay strong! I’m sure you are being loved and understood, somehow, even though you might not be aware of it ... 
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Scenario
You spend Christmas with your BTS boyfriend and try your best to enjoy the quality time. However, you can’t help but feel blue. (I’m sure if you’re reading this you can relate …) This is how they handle the situation …
(In this scenario you are a foreigner, meaning not Korean by birth. I hope you don’t mind.)
fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, hints of smut
2. Min Yoongi / Suga
He would be most understanding and try his best to be there for you and of help, in his own way, without patronizing you …
For the first time since your relationship had become serious, Yoongi decided to accompany you and spend Christmas Eve with you and your family in your native country, even though you had insisted he didn’t have to, knowing that he has a busy schedule and is, very similar to you, not exactly a people person. However, he could not be talked out of it, and you are quite glad to have him by your side, after all ... This year, or rather every year anew, you are facing the holidays with mixed emotions. On one hand, you are looking forward to being reunited with your family once again, to seeing your baby brothers and sisters, to sharing good food and exchanging gifts, following long-lived traditions, playing games and such. On the other hand, however, you have a rather ... problematic history and relationship with your parents and aren't exactly known for being the mentally most stable and, most of all, most sociable member of your family, so, for you, the festivities usually have a bittersweet taste to them, being faced again and again with standards and expectations you just won’t be able to meet … Still, you try your best to enjoy the quality time with your loved ones and engage in all the activities, forcing a smile onto your lips, all the while being mentally distant, lost in thoughts, doubts and self-hatred, wishing to be a better daughter or rather just someplace else, alone -- or at least alone with Yoongi. You catch yourself looking over at Yoongi, trying to capture his gaze, even more often than usual, him being out of your reach, still surrounded and being questioned by your parents and grandparents, your younger siblings sticking to him like glue. Not to your surprise, actually, Yoongi is doing rather well. He must know how important it is to you that he gets along with your family and seems to really make an effort to be unusually friendly and open towards your folks. It’s obvious he enjoys himself much more than you do, or at least that appears be the case. However, he keeps avoiding your gaze most of the time, and even looks away whenever he catches you staring at him from a distance, only once throwing you a quick, reassuring smile. His behavior strikes you as odd, but you are sure he doesn't mean much by it. Yoongi is probably just too focused on being a good potential in-law to attend to you, too. And you can’t blame him. You know from experience that your family, especially with all the kids wanting and needing attention, can be a handful, and Yoongi is not even used to it. Soon after the seemingly never ending gift exchanging ceremony, the kids having retreated to their rooms in order to try out their new toys and your oh-so-perfect younger sister carefully watching over them, you dissociate yourself from the group of grownups still assembled in the living room, swarming around Yoongi like hyenas, and take a seat on the floor in front of the stereo, wanting to try out the new vinyl record of one of your favorite bands you found under the Christmas tree. Recently, ever since you moved to Korea, you hadn't been visiting your family’s home all that often, so you’re unsure how the electronics work, trying to at least shortly get your father’s attention, who has been helping one of your little brothers assemble a toy car for the past fifteen minutes already, cautiously asking him to explain how his turntable is to be connected to the speakers. At first your father merely ignores you, only to harshly inform you of his preoccupation with more pressing matters after repeated inquiries from your side, telling you your demands don't matter at the moment. You take his rejection without another word and try your best not to show any reaction, swallowing the treacherous tears creeping up your throat and already beginning to blur your vision. 
(Author’s note: I *strongly* advise you to listen to a few songs by ‘Cigarettes After Sex’, especially ‘Dreaming of You’, ‘K’, and ‘Apocalypse’, while reading the following part. Since that was the record I actually received as a present this year, and the music I had in mind while writing this. Also, it’s just plain beautiful. Give it a try...)
Carefully handling the equipment, you figure out by yourself how to play the record, falling completely silent and motionless as soon as the easy, melancholic music starts seeping out of the enormous, high-grade speakers, goosebumps instantly covering your whole body and tears welling up in your eyes again. This time, you don't fight them, even though you’re not even sure why exactly you are suddenly so … sad. Your face towards the wall, you let the tears freely stream down your cheeks, feeling their heat on your skin, the music completely taking you over. Frozen in place, entranced by the beautiful melody, while at the same time wanting to be literally any place but here, wanting to hide from the judgmental eyes of your less than understanding relatives, you slowly, unconsciously, begin to sway to the rhythm of the dark, romantic song currently playing, your lips silently singing along to the poetic lyrics. You are so absorbed by the music and the turmoil of your own emotions that you don't even notice Yoongi approaching. Startled, you look up at him as you feel his arms wrap around your shoulders from behind. When he sees your tears, Yoongi doesn't even seem to be surprised. With a hardly noticeable, yet warm and understanding, smile he pulls you up to your feet, cradling hour head in the crook of his neck so as to hide your face from your staring parents, pulling you into a tight hug and starting to slow dance, with you in his arms, across the living room, towards the door and out into the corridor. You can still hear the music as he takes your hand into his, your fingers naturally intertwining, and gently leads you towards your childhood bedroom which is now empty, except for a few book shelves and your antique wooden piano. Yoongi doesn't even bother to turn on the lights. He simply takes a seat on the piano stool, pulling you onto his lap. Your eyes closed, you lean into him, feeling his chest move against yours, his breath, his heartbeat, his mere presence comforting you like nothing else ever could and ever will. A pleasant shiver runs down your spine when you feel him brushing your hair aside and, soon after, his soft lips against your now exposed neck, slowly moving down towards your shoulder and collarbone, leaving a trail of hot kisses you can still feel after his lips have long left your skin. Having stayed like this for a while, sunken into each other in the darkness, breathing in sync, almost all tension slowly but surely having left your aching chest, Yoongi starts now playing a soft, slow melody on the piano, his beautiful hands reflecting the moon light falling through the high window to your right as they dance across the shimmering keys. „That was beautiful“, you whisper, almost soundlessly, as the last notes die away. „What’s it called?“ You can feel him shrug behind you. „No idea. Until about ten minutes ago I didn’t even know it existed…“, he says like it is nothing. „You just fucking improvised this!?“, you can’t help but exclaim in favorable disbelief, your voice echoing unnaturally loud in the high, almost empty room. „I guess so“, Yoongi chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. „You truly are a genius. Also in the way you acted with my family today … you were magnificent and surely a much better son, grandson and big brother than I’ll ever be a daughter, granddaughter or sister. They must love you already.” Without warning, Yoongi grabs you by your thighs and turns you around on his lap so you’re facing him now, the tips of your noses almost touching. „That’s not true, y/n, and you know it. You are a good daughter. You are an incredible person and you truly love them, in your own way. What more could they even wish for?“   „You don’t get it …“ You lower your head, embarrassed by your eyes starting to tear up once more. „I’m not what they want. I’m not as perfect as my sister, and I never will be. I mean, just look at me. I’m a fucking mess. It’s Christmas Eve and I was sitting by myself, crying for God’s sake … „And quite beautifully, I might add“, he smirks at you. „Oh, shut up, Min Yoongi! No one cries beautifully.“ „That’s not what I meant, y/n.“ He looks you deeply in the eye, pausing for a moment. „You are just so fucking beautiful. All the time. And your beauty was once again most evident when you sat there on the floor, so deeply touched by the music, completely engulfed in it, no longer being bothered by the world, only feeling yourself, feeling the art, being brought to tears by creation. I’m sure the Gods smiled with a tear in their eyes when they looked down at you right then and there, hating yourself for being the beautiful soul you are. To be honest, I sat and watched you for about three songs. I’m sorry I didn't get to you earlier, I was just too captivated by the sight of you …“ You don’t know what to say, you’re heart aching with all the love you feel for Yoongi this instant. So, without a word, you lean your forehead against his, feeling his hands buried in your long hair and his breath against your lips, inhaling his scent, taking in his existence with every fibre of your being. „I fucking love you more than anything in this miserable world, Min Yoongi“, you whisper, first softly but soon urgently kissing him. „I really want to say the same, but that would just sound terribly unoriginal …“, Yoongi whispers, smiling against your lips. „Then shut up and kiss me“, you demand, and Yoongi gladly complies.
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*****************************************************************************
I hope you enjoyed my little story and, if in need, were able to take a little comfort from it. 
And I hope you had lovely holidays! Take care!
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drunklander · 6 years
Text
Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander
Thoughts on Ep. 313
Ermagherd guys, Droughtlander. It’s here. But it’s here with Hamilton stuck in our heads, cheesetastic secksi times and the knowledge that the beginning of next season is probs the most like the oh-so-high-up-on-that-pedestal-S1A than anything else in the series. (In a strange new place! Trying to build a home! Except this time they’re doing it together! With the kiddos! Plus a doggo! *grabby hands*)
I know I’ve been on the *cough* less than positive *cough* side of things a lot this season. And last season, if we’re being honest. And I was going to apologize for that, but honestly, I’m not sorry. That’s just how I fan. I flail about what I love, I rant about what I don’t. I’m *very* aware that’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that I’m the sort of fan the cast and crew shit on in interviews and on twitter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But I enjoyed the finale for what it was. I squee’ed! I yelled things at the teevee! I side-eyed like whoa! So basically the same-ish reaction I’ve had to most of the episodes.
(I never bothered doing a full S2 rewatch, but I might do one for S3 just to see if it flows any better when watched all in one go, but I have a feeling it’ll still feel more like individual units than a cohesive whole.)
Anywho, beer-fueled nonsense that offers nothing of substance under the cut.
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Finding more and more that I miss the old-style title cards.
Hard pass on doing this VO twice, tbh. Like we know obvi she’s not going to die. Just have it be where it plays out in the story.
Ok but all I can think about when the carriage stops and the crowd of people walk by is the part in The Mummy when they’re all like zombified and chanting Im-Ho-Tep.
I was just about to snark on Claire apparently having a change of clothes in the damn carriage but alas, we didn’t have to headcanon that she went and changed somewhere. No snarking for me.
Although for fucking serious? She changed back into the same damn outfit?! Ffs. Let the damn woman wear a different dress.
Aw, Fergus lets his wife come with him and doesn’t leave her behind in the woods with Willie. (I heart Marsali.)
“I’ll gut you” is apparently Young Ian’s go-to threat. It’s cute he already has a signature murder-style. Now you just need a rad serial killer name, dude. Take the hiatus to think about it.
This whole thing with Claire and Geillis is like ♬ I know, you know that I’m not telling the truth. ♬
I love that the Army/Navy rivalry spans both time and country.
But for real. Lord John in this scene is my goddamn everything. Sorry, Captain Babyface. I like you, but I need my dude out of those handcuffs and LJG is fucking *bringing it* right now. Can Jamie keep the handcuffs though? They might come in handy once he’s back on the Artemis... ;)
Ok but the final lingering shot of the pining face. Why. It was such a great scene. Lord John helping his buddy. Jamie being like yep, I still get in trouble, thanks for the assist. A nice goodbye. And it could have just ended there and been perfect, but nah, gotta smack everyone over the head with 1000% commitment to my least favorite trope.
#GetJohnABoyfriend2k18
Ah a “why are you here” callback to ep. 111.
For real though, Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis has Young Ian. WHY ARE YOU LIKE HAVING CASUAL STORY TIME WITH HER, CLAIRE! DON’T TELL HER THINGS!
CLAIRE WHY ARE YOU TELLING GEILLIS ABOUT GOING BACK TO THE FUTURE! WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER ABOUT BREE! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! STOP SHARING THINGS WITH PSYCHOPATHS!
Also, we’re just casually talking about time travel in front of Hercules? I mean, I guess since he’s enslaved, no one gives a shit what he hears because it’s not like he can do anything?
“He was one of my favorites.” She’s fucking nuts but I still do love Geillis.
*zones out through discussions about the mechanics of time travel*
Did you really think you *weren’t* going to get locked in, Claire? YOU KNOW WHAT GEILLIS HAS DONE, YOU WERE CLEARLY GOING TO BE LOCKED IN. BREAK THE FUCKING WINDOW OR SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT.
I get that this is a parallel to the pilot when Claire’s watching the dancers at Craigh na Dun with Frank from the grass, but part of me is still wicked uncomfortable that they’re again using Black people as basically set dressing. I know it’s in the book, I wasn’t a fan of it there either.
How I think of Margaret during her Visions R Us office hours, basically.
Man, they really committed to this damn rabbit and bird thing. Maybe it’s some folks’ jam, but it never really struck a chord for me and the more they kept bringing it up, the more it makes me roll my eyes. Maybe because birds and rabbits were never a thing with Jamie and Claire? So it just seemed wicked random and kind of forced? Whatevs.
Hated Margaret channeling Bree in the book, hate it here.
This whole thing is so much weirder in the book, but just because they made it less weird for the show doesn’t make it good.
Like if we’re getting an exposition dump from Archibald about the prophecy, we really don’t need the weird Bree thing about someone coming to get her.
Yi Tien Cho channeling Inigo Montoya is kind of my everything. “I’m Yi Tien Cho. You are not worthy of this woman. Prepare to die.”
Petition for Rihanna’s “We Found Love” to be Yi Tien Cho and Margaret’s wedding song.
Omg so much explaining what we’ve already all figured out. We need to headcanon like 75% of Jamie and Claire’s reconciliation, but let’s spell out 2378235 different ways what Geillis’ plan is. (Maybe it wasn’t that many ways. But we’re doing a fuckton of exposition dumping in this episode.)
Ok seriously. The guy with the alligator head drinking chicken blood. Ugh. We got white savior stuff last week, but at least Temeraire had a part in the plot and got some agency at the end? Still problematic, but (maybe?) as minimally problematic as it could be if it was going to be included? This is literally just a backdrop for a conversation with Margaret. Blergh...
And then they have them carry off Archibald Campbell as Yi Tien Cho and Margaret look on in horror and omfg this is not good.
(ETA -- In which Roxane Gay says it better than I could: “It’s all very colonial fever dream, not so vaguely racist, and I honestly forced myself to let it go so I could continue with the episode.”)
“We lost Faith. We will not lose Brianna.” This line sure would have hit home a little harder had we actually seen Jamie give a crap about Bree at any point during the season. In the moment it works, but looking over the whole season *weakly gestures, tired of wishing things had been done differently*.
The goodbye kiss just in case though hits me in the feels. 
Well isn’t Geillis telling Claire “a life for a life” a nice perversion of Claire telling Jamie that he owed her a life in season two.
And then Jamie grabs her hand all gently and I have feelings about the two of them at the stones/pool, guys.
Why does dead!Geillis look super fake? I have questions.
Slash Young Ian is gathering up jewels or something, right? Before he runs out of the cave? He’s like picking shit up off the ground...
Still could have done without the bones in Joe’s office bit, tbh. But whatever.
I know she’s like a bit traumatized, but Claire holding a bloody machete is my aesthetic.
Awwww, lookit that lil family. *heart eyes*
Omg but the stuff on the ship is the eye of the storm. Like the episode is the storm. And the sex is the eye. Because in the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet. For just a moment. GET IT?! GET IT GUYS?! OK FINE I’LL JUST KEEP SINGING HAMILTON OVER HERE BY MYSELF.
I’m way too proud of myself for this tweet though:
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“Surprised I dinna have a full head of white hair, after all I’ve suffered these past few months.” ONE LAST WTF, JAMIE *SIDE-EYE* FOR THE ROAD! (I know Jamie has been through some shit. But literally ever since Claire showed back up, he’s managed to make almost everything about him so even though it’s a little joke, this line is just icing on the omfg, you’re killing me Smalls cake.)
#TeamClairesVeryFineSkin
I for real thought this wasn’t going to make it into the show. I didn’t think the quickie in ep. 309 was going to make it either. Glad they both did.
Claire being like yep, I can remedy the I’m still wearing clothes situation, stat, is my everything.
It’s so cheesy, guys. I love cheese.
Jamie’s bangs though, guys. Can we get the man a new wig haircut before next season?
Omg, that ass grab. That ass grab is my everything. Idk why. But omg. RIP me.
They def have made the sex a little less explicit this year. Except for the rape that they decided to shoot like a softcore porn, wtaf. But like, that doesn’t matter? It’s never been about the amount of skin showing? It’s about showing the two characters being wicked into each other, because if they weren’t then going through all the shit they go through wouldn’t be worth it? I’m *rull* glad that the show has finally realized that that’s an important thing to actually have on screen instead of condescendingly telling us that it doesn’t matter or we should headcanon it like they did all last year.
Ok, here for Claire going full mama bear at Young Ian, but girl. How much doctoring do you really thing you’re going to be able to do in this exact moment if you go up on deck.
Slash, what was she waiting for the whole time everyone else, including the two people she was with, was clearing the deck? I know, I need to just go with it, but this is silly.
Ok this is the only time we needed to see this/hear this VO. Beautifully shot. The Faith music is gorgeous, but like I’m not reading anything into it like she’s watching over them or anything. More just like Claire’s in a liminal state between alive and dead like she was when Faith died.
Dude, kiss your wife when you’re both on the surface and it’s been established she’s alive. (I mean, it’s super sweet, but SWIM, JAMMF, SWIM!)
All snark aside, there’s something a little beautiful about Claire spending half the season basically drowning, unable to really save herself and no one else around who cares enough to save her. And now here she is again, literally drowning and unable to save herself, but this time there’s a handy ginger around to lend a hand. Because she’s not alone anymore. And I have feelings. So many feelings. All the feelings. Feelings.
As they’re floating on their scrap of wood, let me take the obligatory detour into the 20 year old grumble that there was definitely enough room on the door for Jack too. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ROSE.
The thought of crawling around in the sand in wet clothes gives me hives.
“I told you I’d never leave you again.” ilu, claire bear.
Ok but they’re both so sad that the ship went down and everyone’s dead and stuff and it’s moving and yay for hugs, but like. You know nothing about where you are? Why jump to the worst case scenario? The beach is literally littered with stuff from the ship? You made it so other people might have too? Also, clearly all of the important people lived because otherwise this whole half of the season was pointless?
That being said, these two are really good at making their faces show feelings.
It’s really not a strange question to ask where you are, Jamie. You were in a shipwreck. GPS isn’t a thing. I’d say it’s a pretty normal question to have, bro.
OK BUT LOOK AT CLAIRE’S FACE WHEN SHE SAYS AMERICA HERE COMPARED TO HOW SHE WAS FEELING THE LAST TIME SHE ARRIVED THERE. EVERYTHING IS OK NOW, CLAIRE! I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THE FRASERS GETTING TO FINALLY START A LIFE TOGETHER, GUYS.
Literaloling over the rando family just walking away like yeah, uh, you guys do you.
fin.
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loveforhp · 7 years
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(1) I think it’s awesome that you don’t only defend the ones who have been obviously abused, but also the ones who have been abused in the shadows, the ones we don’t hear or talk about. It’s great to know someone is ready to go past the prejudices and the appearances to truly understand what others are going through. I’ve been through a phase during which I was not exactly the nicest person and I had to move to another city because I didn’t fit in. People over there just see me as this awful
((2) person, but I know that this is not who I truly am and that I can be better than this. I am actually better and my true friends know that. So I just wanted to tell you thank you for defending Draco, without dismissing his faults and responsibilities either. Don’t worry about haters, anti-draco and anti-dramiones. The one being mean to you right now doesn’t know what she is talking about and it is hilarious how she got mad at you for answering her own questions she literally tagged you in.(3) That’s pitiful and she’s just close-minded. I think haters have just never been on the other side and they don’t know how hard it can get. I don’t know all that you have been through either and I don’t know if you want to talk about it and why you relate to Draco, but I’m glad someone is on this website for love and not for hating on others.
Anon! You’re socute!!! I’m warning you, this is gonna be long lol (as usual) as I’ll answer to the whole :) haters, me, draco, etc. etc.
I actually do not care about haters. I just think they’re funny (I’m talking about haters of fictional stuff obviously; haters of real people are better not get in my way because I can literally kick them out of a room in two seconds despite the fact that I’m just 5′ tall lol, or find proofs against them and give them to authorities – and I talk by experience xd). I dounderstand their hate and all, but as you said they’re more often than not themost closed-minded people on this website. They think their views of thecharacters are the absolute truth, while millions of people have millionsvisions of them. It’s literature. Literature is, has been and will forever be interpreted invarious ways. As my Uni teacher would say, there’s no absolute truth and there’salways something new to find in every book. I truly get why and how people canview Draco as just a bully. I am perfectly alright with the fact that somepeople hate Draco because they have been bullied and because he reminds them oftheir bully or something. I truly get it and I feel sorry for these people. Butat the same time, everybody is different. Every background is different andthere are limits to what can be applied to something else. Literature is interesting in how youcan take a figure and think about a problematic surrounding it to understandreal life better. It doesn’t have to be applied at 100%; it just helps and makesyou think. Similarities, differences, correlations, etc. It is sane to do sowhen it actually helps you. If it makes you literally hate something, then itis not sane. And hating things that do not even exist is just downright crazy.If it helps you cope with your feelings and helps you stay calm and not throwchairs all over the room, then alright! But instead of canalizing hate andanger, think through it. I know it is hard, but it has to be done one way oranother, so it better be sooner than later. Also, if you’re using a figure tocope with your own problems, you should be mature enough to understand otherpeople can do it too, even if they have a completely different perspective onthe problem. People should really start respecting each other. Like seriously.
As you and Isaid, there are people who consider Draco as just a bully. Alright. I don’tview him just like that. Alright too. To me, Draco is a very resilient person. He’sa fighter. And he cares so much for his loved ones that he would be ready tosacrifice himself for them. And he would never abandon them no matter just howmuch it hurts him. Draco was totally destroyed by all the responsibilities heput on his own shoulders (in this sense, yes, it was his choices, butconsidering his values it was the best thing he could do at the time and I’m not sure I could have done better), for hismother and his father. Harry was stalking him, things wouldn’t always work out,problems occurred that made him doubt he could go through everything, but hekept fighting. He got attacked by the Sectumsempra curse and almost died andrealized dying would have meant not only his death, but also Lucius andNarcissa’s deaths. So he decided to really put his plan into action, which hehad failed to put real effort in earlier as he knew deep down that he wasn’t amurderer and was scared and wasn’t really realizing the clock was ticking.Dumbledore literally told him he was no assassin, and Draco agreed and blushedwhen he realized what he had said in front of the one he was supposed to kill.Dumbledore offered him help and he refused. He refused until Dumbledore also offered his help for Narcissa and Lucius; butit was too late as Bellatrix came in and he was thrown over the room as she literally barged in. Dracowouldn’t have abandoned his family at all costs, and that’s beautiful. There’snothing wrong in loving your family unconditionally. That’s where Draco andSirius are different. Sirius hated his family and his family hated him; Dracoloved his family and his family loved him. He couldn’t leave like Sirius, andeven less considering he had no real friends. And the ones he had were all sonsof death eaters and he knew them even before school started. Living at theirplace still meant living with death eaters, unlike Sirius who ended up in Gryffindor with people from good families, and where he felt truly accepted.
But Draco’s unconditionallove wasn’t only towards his family. Goyle, for example. He didn’t tell Crabbeand Goyle anything about what he had to do during their sixth year; first, itwould have meant they would have been proud of him and they would have liked tojoin. Draco felt so alone because he couldn’t talk about what he was goingthrough with anyone because none of his friends would have understand him asthey would, yes, have been proud. Draco wasn’t proud. He confided in amudblood, crying in the restrooms, and that girl who had been bullied all her life (and ‘dead life’ too) wasthe only one who seemed to be able to understand just how much he wassuffering. A bullied understanding a bully, trying to help him, already tellsa lot about the bully in question. To come back to Goyle, in the Room of Requirements,despite Goyle not being on his side and not listening to him – as of courseDraco was asking Crabbe and Goyle not to attack the trio – he still saved hislife. Goyle was unconscious and Draco took him and climbed very high withGoyle, who I repeat, was totally unconscious, over piles of desks and other stuff, which honestly is heroic initself, no matter how awful a character Goyle was (he’s still a human being).When Harry grabbed Draco’s hand, he didn’t succeed as they were too heavytogether, as Draco wouldn’t let go of Goyle. While Ron was very unwilling tohelp and went back begrudgingly telling Harry he’d kill him if they didn’tsurvive because they had to help other human fellows, Draco confided Goyle toHermione, trusting her enough with the life of his friend even though she was theone to stupefy him in the first place, even though she was a mudblood. Onlywhen Goyle was safe he accepted to save his own arse. Not before. First thing he did whenthey were outside the Room of Requirements was worrying about Crabbe who wasstill inside, probably already dead (that’s funny because the hater earlier today said draco had never lost anyone… which is obviously not true – and even less in TCC where he had already lost his wife and his parents, but oook. – we can also count bellatrix and other members of his family he never really had the chance to meet, but whatever) even though Crabbe had tried to kill them all and was clearlyanti-draco at that point as Draco was seen like a failure to the dark lord (andvoldemort was in the meantime telling Lucius that his son was probably on theother side now, fighting along with Harry and co., which tells a lot about Draco tooas except if you’re Snape, you can’t really fool Voldemort). Draco still cared.His (ex) friend was dead and you had Ron being rude to him about it (andpunching him in the face a few minutes later for no good reasons – as Draco wasnot being a dick, but just trying to survive as he had lost his, or rather hismother’s, wand in the Room of Requirements earlier, when his friend had tried to kill Hermione, which took Draco completely by surprise as he hadn’t expected his friend to be so dark inside (a bit like Peter Pettigrew, tbh). At this point, right before Ron punched him, Draco simply had had no way to defend himselfagainst a death eater attacking him, without a wand.)
I especiallylove Draco’s relation with Astoria. He didn’t care about his bloodline, didn’tcare about having a child if it meant it would hurt her. His love for her waspure and he would have defended her at all costs. Despite his huge love for hisfamily, he grew up and decided not to take any bullshit from them anymore, asthis time it wasn’t a matter of life and death. Draco wanted to finally behappy and did not care at all about blood ideals, raised his kid into thebelief that every human being is worth the same. And even if Astoria would havebeen the only one to raise their son into these beliefs, it would still meanDraco would have accepted them, and accepted that his lover was a blood traitor.He fell in love with a blood traitor (meaning she ISN’T the one who made him accept them – he related to her on this level as they had been through a similar conversion) and he defended her despite his family beingagainst them. He could have done that for any other girl he would have loved. Itcould have been Hermione, and Draco’s love would still have been unconditional,especially after the war when he was fucking tired of all this bullshit andjust wanted to have a normal life and contacts with humans, even if with justone human. Draco was way over these things after the war because he hadrealized these things did not matter atall. That it was just propaganda. And a form of nationalism that didn’thave its place anymore as despite not being home in their own country and beinginto hiding, they still had found a way to have their own place, their own independencein politics, etc. And maybe more important, the muggles did not even know abouttheir existence anymore and they could then hardly be blamed for the waywizards had been persecuted and forced to exile in their own country in thepast (and still today). 
The problem with muggles and wizards is a real one.There’s no big difference with the Malfoys and intellectual elites in cases ofcolonialisms and nationalisms to be honest. And I’ve read a lot on the subjectand even had an exam about these stuff just a few days ago lol (coincidence lol) as it is my field ofstudies and also a real problem around me. The real problem in the HP books isVoldemort, who’s the figure of the impostor, who uses the feelings and fears ofa group of people and promises them things like liberty, like ‘you’ll have yourcountry back, you’ll get your revenge’, etc. While he was actually raised bymuggles lol. Voldemort can easily be associated with Hitler, but the problem withpurebloods vs mudbloods is, oh my god, very different and far from a caprice.They were mostly being used by Voldemort (except some like Bellatrix, probably).If anything, Hermione is somewhat privileged herself as she exists in bothworlds and is entirely free in her own country. She’s even more free as she canswitch from one identity to the other, and understand what is going on. Shehas no problem with her identity and her history (of course she was scared of not being good enough, but Gryffindors -not slytherins and not draco- mocked her in her first year because of that). She received hate and all, but thenagain, what are people saying nowadays? That reverse racism doesn’t exist? (I don’t entirely agree with this common opinion as I’ve seen a lot of stuff against it in real life, and it’s even more complex in this situation because of the law on the secrecy, but it can help understand Draco’s standing point a bit more). Hermione first heard of Draco from Ron on her first ride to Hogwarts, and what Ron said was full of prejudices(it is understandable towards Lucius, but Draco wasn’t his father - but yeah, kids, right? Albus Severus, right? Draco actually seems to relate to him a bit in TCC, which I really like). The triowas already prejudiced against him before they even started Hogwarts. Hermioneeven insulted him, and it was really uncalled for, before he actually insultedher. Draco had been offering his friendship and Ron had laughed at his name, towhat 11-year-old Draco, like a typical 11-year-old, replied. Sure, stuff he said sometimes can beviewed like a form of racism when considering that muggles do not realize they’vebeen wrong in the past. But muggles have forgotten, not him, not his family. He was raised in the belief that this war wasn’t over. Not just Voldemort’s. Hermione is more intelligent than that though. She knewDraco was not evil, she didn’t believe he had it in him to be a death eater;she didn’t think he’d actually want to be one as it didn’t suit him. She didn’teven think it was his kind to make silly jokes with dungbombs lol (god, even 11-year-old Draco didn’t tell the teachers about the dragon while he had known for a whole week, and he only told Minerva because she caught him trying to go see the dragon too as he was curious to see it lol – he hadn’t even been trying to get them into trouble). In the end, Hermione was proud to be a mudblood, but she also defended Draco at his trial, despitenot having had the same opportunities as Harry, who for example saw Draco’sunwillingness to torture people under Voldemort’s orders through his visions.She didn’t have access to that and still defended him. And was totally againstHarry stalking Draco during their sixth year. No matter what Harry would tellher, with proofs or not, she was still always denying it. Oh and also, to be fair, wizardswould probably be lost in the muggle world and even more today with all thetechnology (even though Draco isn’t entirely ignorant on muggle technology – I mean,he talked about pursuing helicopters with his broomstick when he was elevenyears old hahaha). I find it cool that we see the muggle propaganda againstwizards in Fantastic Beasts and I truly hope it will be well done and explained. I’ve read so much on that, I’ve been to Salem and stuff before, etc. what happened in France, especially in the Basque Country, is completely awful (and really happened). The case ofDumbledore’s sister is very important too and a great example of what it could be like today without the law on the secrecy. Muggles are far from being thelittle innocent victims. What makes purebloods’ hate so unacceptable is thefact that muggles are left in ignorance. Some wizards have understood it andare happy to just have their own land in the end. That’s not how elites usually workhowever. Elites usually find comfort in traditional values, like family. Nowonder why they’re all keeping family trees. It really matters, because bybeing in exile, they literally cut themselves from their common history withmuggles, from the history of their own country. And they had to write somethingnew. And as you can see in History of Magic, it is still impossible to talkabout wizards without making mentions of muggles. Even years after the law onthe secrecy. Schools like Durmstrang still didn’t accept muggle-borns whenDraco was at Hogwarts. Years after the war, Hermione was working at theMinistry of Magic to amend pro-purebloods laws, which means they still existed.The problem isn’t all with Draco. The problem was mostly their time. They were in a time ofwar. It was not an isolated problem, at all. 
To come back toAstoria, I just really love the way Draco loves her. And The Cursed Child mademe love them even more, considering the fact that she was sick. I rememberwriting a text when I was in primary school, which has been later published ina book. The book was about ‘the person I admire the most’. I had written aboutmy grandparents. My grandfather was very sick and lived in a hospital for overtwenty years, if not thirty. He was in a wheelchair and couldn’t really takecare of himself alone; he wasn’t even able to eat by himself anymore. Mygrandmother stayed by his side for all these years. She went at thehospital every single day to help him, to take care of him, and she loved himso much, even if it was hard sometimes, even if she had to work hard to pay foreverything despite her age and all. despite that nothing would change. At the end of my text, I had said that Iadmire my grandparents as they always show just how much it is important toface the trials of life, etc. etc. Draco is seriously brave to have beenthrough that, to have stayed with Astoria despite her being very weak and sick.It really is hard to live. I’ve somehow been into this situation too as my exboyfriend got health problems and he even wrote to me a few weeks ago saying hehad had a heart attack and all, and seriously it is really hard to deal with.We were going to college and sometimes he just couldn’t continue and we had tostop going to class or stop in the middle of the sidewalk outside because hejust had to sit or lie down. It’s a lot of sacrifices and it requires a lot ofdetermination and love, a lot of patience. Draco didn’t want a child if it meanther pregnancy could be dangerous to her in the long term, and I totallyunderstand that too because I am fucking scared of being pregnant as well and Iwould actually feel bad to even go out with a man as chances are this means he wouldhave to sacrifice the idea of having children. These kinds of things reallyaren’t easy and it takes a lot of strength and growing up. I can also relate toDraco as to the reactions of his parents; they definitely weren’t for hisrelation with Astoria. When I got engaged, my Mother, instead of being happy,literally cried because in her prejudices my boyfriend wasn’t good enough. Family isextremely important to me just as much as it is for Draco, and I could doanything for my family, even though I ended up growing up on my way and developingmy own values (because my parents definitely do not understand who I am andjust like Draco I ended up in situations in which I literally feared for mylife (several times) and did things against my will because of them – and despite that I stilllove them. Even if it’s still hard acting like myself sometimes when I’m with them, even today as an adult, even after moving into another city to try to calm things and have better relations with them when I see them from times to times). I relate to Draco in so many ways. I’ve had a phase like you’re talking about too. People have been mean to me, and I’ve certainly been mean too. I’ve said things sometimes that were probably worse than what Draco told Hermione when I was the same age age and I definitely didn’t mean them, especially when I was like 9-13. There really is a huge gap between what you tell people at this age (directly, or to people you thought were actually your friends in the slytherin common room lol) and what you really think when it comes to actual consequences in the real world, and what you could actually do, for real. Not everything that comes out of a child’s mouth has to be taken as literal and definitive. I definitely do not define myself according to stuff I said when I was that age, because honestly I’d go crazy. Despite all that, people usually view me as extremely open-minded, always smiling, always ready to help and listen to other people’s problems, passionate, clever, cunning, intelligent, original, witty, energetic, determinated and ambitious, resourceful, resilient, etc. (of course I can also be seen as cold, proud, perfectionist, lost, and somewhat impulsive, among other stuff lol). Point is people can truly change. When they’re genuine about wanting to change and/or become a better person. Which is definitely Draco’s case. I wouldn’t say Draco is me; I rather see him as my bro. But like.. as a child I would already call him my bro – destiny! haha.
Draco truly is a role model for me, because he’s ready to overcomeeverything, he grew up (as an adult) knowing what he wants. He grew up being a man, withstill his pride, a lot of resilience, and he’s clever and I found it fun that he kinda became a bit philosophical in TCC haha, which is totally me too lol). Draco’s not whiny anymore, he doesn’t deny the fact he has made mistakes, he accepts the past and knows it can’t be changed. He gives himself absolutely noexcuses for his past behaviours and is ready to fight for his family, even ifit means sounding like an idiot in front of people who dislike him and who heused to dislike just as much. He’s ready to move forward, to take action when it matters, etc.I love him in the Cursed Child. I just wish I’ll be like him at 40 lol. I love how he goes on stage and defendsHermione! I love how he is such a great father to Scorpius and really tries hard to make sure Scorpius doesn’t have to go through what he had to go through. He’s really an amazing character. He’s still dealing with a lot, but he does it wonderfully.
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